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starseneyes · 1 year

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Chenford REWIND- Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 2 Ep 10, 11, & 12

This feels like a lot to put into one Meta. But, since I'm chunking these out and taking requests, it makes sense to me. Yes, "Day of Death" is a defining Chenford episode. But I feel like you need the context of what lead up to it and the fallout on the other side to fully understand its impact and discuss it.

SPOILER ALERT: If you don't want to be spoiled, you don't want to read this. While I do write these as though I'm watching the episodes for the first time and try not to let fore-knowledge come into play, I will be spoiling these episodes in their entirety and everything that came before.

All squared away? Alright, lets dive in.

The Dark Side

"The single men in LA suck. Every time I go out on a date, and they find out that I'm a cop, they just get scared off." ... "Look, those aren't men. Those are boys, okay? Real men are not afraid of strong women."

Heck, yeah, they aren't! Lucy, honey, I get that it's tough out there for you, right now. But someday there will be a single man in LA who doesn't suck and isn't afraid of strong women. You'll see.

But right now, you're looking for anyone who isn't a total dud, and I get that.

"...dating a civilian is a bad idea." "I was told dating cops was a mistake. What am I supposed to do, join a nunnery? Sister Office Lucy Chen?"

I'm so glad I wasn't drinking anything the first time I heard this line because there would have been soda everywhere. My husband heard the line over my shoulder and cracked up, too.

And you might be thinking, "Why is she going into all this? Tim and Lucy are nowhere near ready for romance". Welp, I want to show Lucy's mentality in this episode and will explain once we get to 2x11 how it feeds into the situation and the mis-read from Tim.

"Look, no, I'm saying that right now end of shift means leaving the job behind when you go home. But in success, each one of you is gonna catch cases that kick your ass, that consume your every waking thought. And non-cops won't be able to identify. Worse, they're gonna resent you for caring more about the dead than the living."

It's an interesting thought, and for those of us in Season 5, there's a lot to consider, here. I mean, Lucy was cautioned against dating cops, but Isabel and Tim were Rookies and nobody gave him crap about it, from what we know.

Look, I'm not sorry Lucy and Nolan broke up. But, I do think Lucy should consider dating another cop down the line. *cough* Tim *cough*

"Caleb." "Lucy."

It's a chance meeting at the right time. Lucy is on the hunt for a non-mutant man in Los Angeles, and she ends up at the bar with someone who seems semi-safe.

After the conversation she just had with her friends, we can see she really wants to be with someone.

"I was in college when they found the first victims. It was all anyone talked about. That, and how could a woman be so barbaric." "I worked one of the scenes, fourth victim, Lisa Cruz. Homicide detectives warned me not to look at the body. Should've listened."

I love how they're speaking to one another so openly about the whole thing. There's an ease to how they're walking side-by-side that feels lived-in. Yes, he's still her TO, but this is a glimpse at the other side of him—the one that knows how to have a conversation without screaming or scheming.

"Caleb, from the bar last night... I hope this isn't weird, but you left with your perp before I had a chance to ask for your number."

Tim is giving this guy the side-eye. Look, we are nowhere near romance for this pair, but Tim has come to care about Lucy. He wouldn't call her a friend, yet, but they're definitely on their way.

And Lucy's picking up on Tim's hovering, but I don't think either of them could pick up on the why. My husband swooped in to offer his opinion that Tim picked up bad vibes, but wrote it off because it made him look jealous. I don't think he's far off.

I think Tim was being a little protective. Not necessarily because of romance (everything with Isabelle is very fresh at this point). But, while Lucy is still his "Boot", she is crossing that line more and more towards "friend". Tim cares about what happens with Lucy.

He's trying to watch out for her, but she doesn't want a chaperone. For goodness sake, she's a grown woman, right?

"We don't call them perps." "Right, sorry. Anyway, this is my number. If you ever feel like waiting in vain for a drink, give me a call."

Tim Bradford with the save!! He snatches that tiny piece of paper so fast the camera barely catches it. That's a super hero, my friends.

"You got a last name, Caleb?" "Yes sir. Wright with a W." "What do you do? If you say screenwriter, you're going in a cell."

Lucy's horrified. This might be the worst thing Tim has ever done, in her mind.

Remember, at this point everything with Tim is a test. Everything could be used as subterfuge, and she can't trust what's he's going to do with the information he's gathering.

"I manage a medical supply company downtown." "I'm sorry about him. Things are a little crazy right now." "No problem. It was nice meeting you. Officer."

Tim gives her a "can you believe that guy" look, but she has that same energy directed at him. Tim's surprised by that. He really thought she'd appreciate him looking out for her.

She holds out her hand for her piece of paper, and Tim hands it over as she mouths, "Oh my god".

"Ten bucks that isn't even his dog." "It's been an awful day. Can't I just enjoy a cute puppy?"

Tim's getting a look into how Lucy unwinds and relaxes. All day, she's been sneaking glimpses at Caleb's socials to get a feel for him, and it's helping distract her from the no-good day.

Tim of this era hasn't yet learned how to help Lucy talk through things. But he has learned that Lucy and distractions work well for moderating her panic.

Think of the episode with the nuclear bomb and how they spent the whole episode talking about how to sabotage her ex's wedding. Distraction helps her.

"If I can be wheels up in the next 10 minutes, I might beat the afternoon traffic which means I will be in bed in the next hour."

I love how conversational they're being here. You can already tell the lines of TO and friend are starting to blur.

"That's a mistake." "What? Why?" "Look, after working a hardcore assignment like this, you need to go blow off some steam after shift. You know, give your brain a different focus. It's the only way you have a fighting chance of actually sleeping."

This isn't a Tim Test. He's trying to give her advice. Keep this in mind, my friends. It'll come back.

"As my Training Officer, are you saying that I should go get a drink?" "A strong one. Maybe even with another human."

Tim is really trying to do the right thing, here. He snatched away Caleb's phone number earlier, but Lucy's been cyber-stalking him all day and she looks interested.

"Well, I am here to distract you."

I swear I didn't remember that line when I wrote the part above about Lucy needing a distraction.

And we all know that what started as a distracting night led to a nightmare for Lucy.

Before we move on, I want to talk a little bit about Season 2 Tim and Lucy. I know a lot of people love what DOD does for Chenford in terms of progression. But I argue it doesn't cause the shift, but only expedites it.

Look at Tim in this episode, for example. He's downright conversational and friendly with Lucy. Yes, he tells her to get her head in the game instead of looking at Caleb. Yes, he teases her about her first Decomp, but that's the extent of it.

He talks with her openly and honestly about Rosalind. He tries to protect her from Caleb when he thinks the guy's just an unworthy suitor. He tries to give her advice at the end that isn't attached to any "lesson" but simply sharing what he's learned.

Frankly, I think that's what Lucy expected in a TO—someone to talk her through and give her sage advice. And then she got Tim.

Tim doesn't hand out advice willy-nilly. He's a "show" guy, right? Same thing with how he teaches. He's not much of a "talker" with Lucy when it comes to her training. He's trying to get her to think for herself by putting her through her paces.

But this whole episode, he's talking to her. Heck, he's talking with her. Tim doesn't make friends with his Boots, but Lucy is becoming the exception. They aren't there, yet, but they're on their way.

If we look at this episode separated from DOD (if we can), you can see that Tim and Lucy are already moving towards friends. The events of DOD expedites it, I argue, but they would have eventually gotten there on their own. Tim and Lucy are inevitable.

Day of Death

"My day of death."

The pain of a tattoo. The hangover of whatever drugs he gave her. The inability to move her limbs or fight back. Trying to take note of her surroundings, of anything that might be helpful if she can get away.

And that horrible fear that she won't.

"Sergeant."

It takes Harper two seconds to clock the conversation between the men, and she's the first to jump on it. Why? We'll get to that next episode.

"Lucy did not come home last night. She's not responding to texts or calls." "Did she go out with that guy? The one she met at the bar. Caleb Wright with a W."

He remembers it clearly, but he's trying not to panic. After all, his first date with Rachel was *ahem* memorable. Maybe Lucy moves at that same pace?

"Lucy doesn't do one-night stands." "And she's never late."

Her friends know her well, and Grey's smart enough to run with it. Let's be real, there are scenarios where a Sergeant might not listen, might not take it seriously, might not actually do anything.

This is television, and we're not going to let Lucy Chen go quietly into that good night. But it hits me so hard that there are so many cases where alarm bells are rung and left unanswered.

"Why are you doing this?"

Lucy's trying to keep her head in the game. That's what Tim told her to do last episode, right? Keep your head in the game.

"It's for you. To force you to face the truth of your death. It's the gift of something we rarely get in life—clarity."

Fuck you. I'm sorry. Lucy's thinking it and it needed to be said.

"... we believe Caleb is Rosalind's protege, and he took Officer Chen."

The news slams into Tim. And nobody else in the room sees it or knows why. He doesn't even wait to be dismissed. He rushes out of the room, phone dialing before he makes it through the door.

Because this is too much for him to handle. Tim has tried to handle a lot of things on his own. He's famous for isolating himself and trying to pretend he's fine. But this time he calls his best friend. Because he can't do this alone.

"Lucy's been taken. I need you." "On my way."

"Lucy". Not "Chen". Because in his mind, Lucy is already becoming more than a Boot. No, we're not talking romance, here. We're talking friendship. Kinship. Someone he cares about.

Tim Bradford has a very short list, so the fact that his Rookie is close to making the list is significant. But I'm not one who thinks Tim's romantically interested in her all the way back in Season 2. This thing's grown organically over time, though I'd argue DOD gave it a push, as did certain other episodes covered in Future Metas.

"Look, I know I haven't known Lucy as long as the rest of you, but I do know that she's a fighter."

Hell, yeah, our queen is!

"She's gonna do everything she can to stay alive until we save her."

And she does. She fights like hell and does everything she can to survive. But she's weak. She's lethargic. She's drugged. And she's isolated. Utterly alone.

Imagine that moment of fighting your way out, hoping that there'll be someone to hear your voice, to come to your aid, to get the help you so desperately need... and there's no one.

How much of the fight can you keep alive when you realize how little chance you have of surviving?

"... I can't just sit here."

Here's more of a "show" guy. And there's nobody to show.

"I'm fine. Just blowing off steam."

What he told Lucy to do. What he thought would be safe. What he thought would be relaxing. What he thought would be distracting. What he thought would be fun.

He's not blowing off steam. He's a pressurized gasket ready to explode.

"I get it, but you gotta get your head in the game." "I don't need a pep talk." "Then why'd you call me? Clearly you need to get something off your chest."

Tim forgets the power of words, sometimes. We see it a lot through the season. Maybe it's because he never learned how to use them growing up.

FAST FORWARD: We're a ways away from Season 4 and Tim's backstory episodes that help illuminate just how bad it was for him. Tim's father didn't use words. He used his fists. His mother likely didn't use words, either. They didn't talk about what he went through. He never learned to express himself that way. It takes someone coaxing it out of him, and right now that's his best friend.

"She wanted to go home. Okay? Go to bed. I told her that she should focus on something else. She went out with Caleb because I told her to."

And he's carrying the weight of that guilt. It's too heavy for him to bear. Tim Bradford has carried too many weights, and this one is too much. Did he doom his Rookie to die?

"You couldn't have known."

Angela's whole attitude shifts (how could it not?) because Tim Bradford is expressing emotions with his best friend. And that is huge and this whole thing is horrible.

"But I should have. I'm a cop. I was standing this close to the guy, okay? Right across from him and I never saw him coming. But she did, though. She... Some part of her didn't feel right about this whole thing. She hesitated. And I pushed her right at him."

He's wrong. It has to be said that Lucy might not have gone out with Caleb that night, but it could have been another night. Tim only thinks this because of his own guilt, his own pain, his own frustrations with himself for not being Super Cop.

Lucy wanted to go out with this guy. Maybe she wouldn't have gone out that night without the push. But Caleb was a serial killer, and would've put her on his list sooner or later... and more women would have died in the meantime. It's not Tim's fault any more than it's Lucy's.

He thinks he failed Lucy, but this isn't a situation where you can predict every move. We're not going to victim-blame here. We're not going to point fingers.

Because minus the serial killer plot, this shit happens every day. Around the world, there are people whose drinks are spiked, people who are abducted, people who have their choice and consent ripped from them.

And it's not the victim's fault in any way. And it's not the fault of a friend who suggested they have a fun night out. It's no one's fault but the asshole who perpetrated the crime.

Getting off my soap box, here, now, to get back to the Meta. But watching Tim go through this reminds me of how I still struggle with blaming myself for a friend of mine OD'ing because I didn't reach out to them that night.

What if I'd reached out? What if I hadn't ignored their vague Facebook post thinking that I'd only be adding to their frustrations and that they needed the night to cool off? Would they still be here if I'd commented? Or sent them a message? I'm a state away, so I couldn't reasonably drive... but could I have done something that would have meant they'd still be here?

I know I can't blame myself. But there are some days I still struggle with it. Because she's gone. And I'll never ever know if I could have helped. Cognitively, I know it's not my fault. I couldn't have done anything, but there's that part of you that still thinks... you made the wrong call, and if you'd called it the other way, it might be different, now.

"If I get that away from you, it's going right in your brain."

She kept her head in the game. She's up against life and death, here, and she's at the disadvantage. But she's a fucking fighter. Look, we know that Lucy is tough. This is something else entirely. She's staring down the murderer who wants to hear her scream, who wants to soak up her agony, who wants to get her to crumble.

And Lucy Chen's standing up to that asshole with the ultimate, "Fuck You" by not giving in.

She must want to cry. She must want to scream. But Lucy Chen is a fighter, and she's not going down easy.

Lucy Leaves a Clue

It's a long shot. It's such a bloody long shot. But she has to try. Lucy truly believes that she will be found, long shot as it is.

And that hope can be a powerful thing. Caleb tried to wield it against her, but he's no match for her.

"Any last words?" "Yeah. You're gonna be dead long before I am."

Damn right, Lucy Chen. Damn right.

"Now, I am responsible for a life that is in jeopardy, and I will do whatever I have to to save her."

And he means it. Watch Jackson's surprise to see Tim Bradford slam a guy's head against the horn. Because Tim's unhinged, here. Someone he cares about has been taken, and he doesn't give a damn what happens to him or his career.

He'll let it all fall if it means Lucy survives.

FAST FORWARD: We talk a lot about how Tim makes sacrifices for Lucy where his career is concerned. And while in later seasons it becomes their thing, I think in this case he'd have done it for any of his few friends. We later see him risk it all for Angela when she's kidnapped, too. Tim has a separate code for his friends. And Lucy's falling more under it over time. Again not romantic... yet.

"There can be charges in here that lead us to Caleb."

Did you clock that brief smile? Before Jackson walks up, Tim thinks they're at a dead end. Lucy's lost. She's gone. And he'll never get to atone for his mistake.

Jackson brings a sliver of light and hope, and it's enough that Tim actually briefly grins. It's not over, yet.

"Stars shining bright above you..."

The song. Lucy's song to keep herself calm and regulate her breathing. Yes, not talking would have been better, but she needs this. She needs light and life and love. Something bright to pierce the darkness.

Her oxygen is running low, and she's having more trouble breathing, more trouble seeing a way out. The last thing she's going to give that bastard is the satisfaction of watching her scream.

And Melissa O'Neil is breaking my heart. Acting-wise, she is literally in a barrel. There's no one to react off of. There's no one feeding her lines.

It's just Lucy in a barrel, and it's up to the actress to make us feel. No cool camera angles. No sweeping score. Melissa O'Neil had to carry us through this and she did it masterfully.

Yes, the Writers decided to have her singing this song. The script, or a Director or Editor decided to strip the rest of the sound from the overlapping visuals (there's a lot of playing with sound and its impact in this episode that's jaw-droppingly beautiful).

But Melissa O'Neil is the one who has to make us believe it. And we do.

A Glint of Light

Tim's eyes scan the miles of land, looking for some sign of disturbance to clue him in on Lucy's location. But it's something that doesn't belong that grabs his attention—something that literally catches the light of the sun and draws Tim in. Her ring.

He picks it up, still uncertain, but following the clue. A few kicks and... a thunk.

"I've got her! I've got her!"

Tim starts digging in the ground with his bare hands, the grit getting under his fingernails, the dust getting into his lungs. He registers the others, but only barely. He has to get to Lucy.

The ground gives way enough to reach the lid. Tim's hands are all over it, Nyla on one side and Jackson on the other. When they can finally see her, Tim asks for help as they pull her out. But he hovers, staying close, being certain he is the one to make sure she's alive.

Because if she's dead, it's on him.

Look, we know Tim didn't do anything wrong. But Tim Bradford carries a lot of scars and blames himself for a lot of things he shouldn't. And if he can't get to her in time, if he pulls her out and she's truly gone... he can never atone for this.

She's not breathing. Tim blows into her mouth and starts pumping on her chest. The sound drains from the world... just the discordant notes sounding off and echoing like the dying hope of Lucy surviving.

Lucy gasps, and the sound returns to the world. Each person takes a breath of relief. But then the sound zeroes in only on two people—Lucy and Tim.

"You're so strong," he murmurs, soft enough for her to hear, but no one else. But she doesn't hear anything. It's too much. It's all too fucking much. The sobs she'd held in before finally spill out as Tim pulls her close, holding her tight.

He thought he'd lost her. And, again, there's no romance here. But she matters, damnit. She matters to Tim more than he thought she would when they first met. He presses a hand to her hair, pushing his face next to hers.

It screams "I'm here. I'm here." Because in his mind, he is the one who failed her and it had to be him to save her. He owed it to her. He was responsible for her. He fucked up.

And it almost cost her her life.

Again, I don't think that. But Tim does. He truly believes he's the one who failed her. And when you have very few people in your life who care about you (and Lucy has demonstrated many times that she does care about Tim), you don't want to do anything to lose that.

But Tim believes he almost lost Lucy because he wasn't good enough. It plays so much into his childhood trauma, his trauma with his ex-wife, and everything else. Tim thinks he failed.

She doesn't cling to him, no. Her hands shake and her body convulses from the pain. But she lets him hold her there, back in the air, out of her barrel.

Tim isn't her person, yet. But she cares about him, and she knows deep down that he cares about her. She even told Rachel about his good heart.

But her not holding him is completely appropriate to the moment. It's not about him. This is about her. Her trauma. Her survival. Lucy's breaking in this moment. She spent so much time keeping her head in the game, and now she's finally releasing all the anguish she refused to show Caleb.

And she is safe in Tim's arms to fall apart.

I knew from the Pilot that Eric Winter was a tour-de-force. But in this episode we see so many damn layers. And Tim's relief at holding her in his arms at the end instead of cradling her corpse is palpable.

The way this scene is shot and performed and the sound... it all puts us in the moment. We are right there with them, and it's one of my favorite scenes of the entire series.

Here in the barren waste of sand and silence... there's life.

"Hmm. What are you reading, Teen Rebel?"

She wakes up to see Tim there, waiting. He hasn't slept. He hasn't left. We know that. He's spent the past 24 hours feeling completely responsible for Lucy, and it's not easy to leave the side of the person who you pushed yourself to save.

And the first thing she says to him isn't about what she's survived, or even about him finding her. It's about the damn magazine. And it's perfect.

After what she's survived, Lucy needs something familiar. And Tim is pretty damn familiar in her life.

Before we get too much further... I want to call out the lengths Tim went to save Lucy.

FAST FORWARD: We haven't yet reached, "Some things matter more". But Tim's already showing that in action. He's a "show" guy, remember?

Tim was willing to do whatever it took to save her. He would put it all on the line, and that's because he cares about her. No, they're not ripping one another's clothes off. It's Season 2, she's his Boot, and he doesn't even acknowledge friendship with her, yet.

But she is becoming his friend. She's becoming one of the very few people that Tim Bradford will upend the world for.

"They actually have some really insightful political articles."

Watch how fast that man wheeled his little chair over to her side. It makes me giggle with glee.

"Oh, which BTS member is your soulmate. Gotta be Suga, right?" "Totally. What's a BTS?"

Lucy laughs. Probably her first good laugh in days. And it's with Tim. Hardass, Tim Test, never-lets-up Tim.

"Have you been here all night?" "No. Mmhm. No." "Mmhmm."

Because TO Tim can't show that he cares. Not yet. I mean, he's never felt this friendly toward a Boot, and he can't go soft on her when she still has so far to go before crossing the finish line.

Remember, Tim likes rules and staying within them—whether they're the rules set out for him by a superior or the ones he's created for himself. Counting Lucy a friend is outside the lines. But much as he might try to deny it, he's showing it.

He's used to giving his Rookies what he thinks they need, and with Lucy, it's most often tough love and some manipulative tests. For him to break through his own wall of separating personal life from professional life is too much. So, he lies.

But Lucy can see right through him. Strangely, she's always had that power.

"How did you find me?"

Nolan interrupts the moment. Damnit, Nolan! But we'll all get to that later... next episode.

There's a reason I wanted to do these three together. Look, this show is still basically a Procedural at its heart with some continuous story lines. But these three episodes feel more serial than a lot of the show, and because of that, I think the whole picture is required to ascertain its meaning.

"He is a she and she is going to sleep in my bed since I am clearly never going on a date, again."

We started this whole trilogy with Lucy considering a nunnery. And, again, I think this calls attention to what it's like to be a single woman in the world. Yes, assaults can happen to anyone.

But as a woman, I can tell you I never get anything to drink but water when I'm out with my friends. I never leave my drink unattended. And a male friend always walks me to my car. Theater kids go out a lot to bars (like, after every rehearsal), so there was a season in my life where this was a nightly ritual. Trying to stay safe out there.

So, if Lucy doesn't want to ever date again after her ordeal, I don't bloody blame her, and neither do her best friend, past fling, and future husband.

"You hungry?"

Sometimes I swear this man is part Jewish mother. If you Fast Forward in the series, you see he's always trying to feed this woman.

And, yes, I'm saying this from experience. There was an old saying that if you wanted a lot more food from my Great-Aunt Mary, you said you wanted a little. If you wanted a little, you said you wanted none. And if you wanted none, you hid your plate.

"Yeah. I'm starving. You know what I really wanna eat right now?" "Veggie burger and fries. Extra pickles."

Awwwww! Remember in 2x01 when she sent him food? "You shouldn't have done that." "Well, I wanted to. And eating well is crucial to a fast recovery."

He's using the lessons he learned from her as an act of love. Again, not romantic love. But love, nonetheless.

"You know me so well." "Too well."

Look at those smiles. Alright, y'all, I'll admit those smiles put butterflies in my stomach, too.

And the fact that the director chose to take us off of the wide shot so we only saw Tim and Lucy for these last few lines. Because this is about them.

Tim is caring about Lucy far more than he should. And he's growing aware of that. But the nature of this episode makes it impossible for him to shove it down entirely. He writes it off as concern and guilt, and doesn't realize he's been slowly letting Lucy into his circle of friends.

But if we talk about who really knows Lucy in this scene? It's Tim.

Jackson brought pretty flowers, which are nice, but will die. Nolan brought the most giant, pink bear. She's cute, but eventually she'll disappear from Lucy's life because her next boyfriend's not going to want to share the bed with a pink stuffy (unless he's into that... no judgment).

Tim. Brought. Her. Food. Yes, it'll be gone pretty quickly. But I can tell you after not being allowed to eat for both my deliveries of my three kids, I was famished. Lucy hasn't eaten in days, and she wants something filling and comforting. Tim brought her the exact order she wanted without her having to ask.

As much as he tries to separate professional and personal, Lucy's blurring those lines. To me, the Season 1 finale was really the start of that. And Tim bites back against that as much as he can in Season 2 (even treating Lucy like shit because she didn't report him for suicidal ideation).

But this trilogy of episodes breaks down that wall further. Yes, he's still her TO and he's still not going to think of her as a friend. But S2-3 is where that really comes together. They were already on their way, but with these events, he softens towards her in a way he never anticipated.

We get to see him soft throughout the series with "his people". But at this point, he's not yet ready to admit Lucy is one of them. It's outside his standard operating procedure for Rookies.

But, despite his protests, he's making a friend. The kind of friend that sticks. The kind of friend that doesn't leave. The kind of friend that loves with abandon.

And someday, someday, she might become more than that. But right now, he's not even ready to admit she's a friend... but, damn, our "show" guy really showed it.

I really want to call out the coloration and choices of this episode. When Lucy first wakes up on the table (with no establishing shot, so we're as clueless to how isolated she is, just as she is), everything i s tripped back. Melissa O'Neil's makeup is stripped down and we can see her pores.

The first time I watched that scene I thought, "Wow, they really stripped out all the color". There's something about the harshness of yellows, beiges, and browns on their own that evoke old Westerns. That sense of isolation, famine, and drought.

Lucy's world is often so vibrant that the stark shift helps us feel the anxiety with her. There's nothing bright or beautiful about this world. Only de-saturated hopelessness.

Now and Then

Lucy In The Mirror

Lucy's wounds have healed. Her wrists are free of the tie marks. Her face is free of the cuts and bruises. But the tattoo remains. She can hear the sound of the tattoo gun in her mind.

Yes, Lucy has many tattoos, but those were of her choosing. This was another violation—something inflicted upon her. Lucy tries covering up, but the foundation sticks to her shirt.

And, yes, there are makeups out there that can cover up tattoos. Being the daughter of a makeup artist, I know way too much about it and have seen mother in action covering an entire chest full of tattoos for a shoot. That's not the point.

The point of this scene is to remind us (and Lucy) that this can't be covered up. It's on her. It's permanent unless she has it burned off.

"When can she have it removed?" "Four weeks. Two days. Nine hours."

Her mind is on it all the time. She knows it down to the hour. Doesn't sound like someone who's healed to me. But, duh. That's the whole point of the episode.

"Hey, so what's your plan?" "For what?" "Officer Chen. I'm sure you've got some Alpha strategy to get her back on the horse, so, what is it?"

Let's be real. Tim would be Tim, but he wasn't going to be his harshest self on her first day back. He wouldn't be capable of it. But Nyla doesn't know that.

"So basically get her into as many fights as possible." "I'm gonna remind her that she's a cop, not a victim." "She knows that she's not a victim. Look, Chen doesn't need to fight. She needs to make peace with the voice inside of her head telling her she's never gonna be safe again."

I wish someone had asked Lucy. Looking at this situation, they're both coming at it from the wrong angle for Lucy. Tim's going for how he processes and Nyla's going for how she does. Neither of them asks Lucy what she needs.

Look, these are characters who are going to do what's in-character. For the scene and the arc, this has to go this way. But as a person who has had a lifetime of people thinking they know what I need and making it a thousand times worse, I have a personal response to this.

But in character? Both Tim and Nyla want what's best for Lucy and think they're the one to give it to her.

"Okay, I've been training Rookies a lot longer than you. I know what she needs." "That's ego talking. What happened to Chen is every woman's worst fear." "I'm aware of that." But you have never lived that fear."

That stops Tim. Because she's right. Part of Tim's arc in Season 1 and 2 with Lucy by his side is discovering his subconscious biases. She forces him to think beyond what he thinks he knows.

And here, he's facing that even without Lucy present. Because she's opening up his mind to seeing past his own limited perspective.

"It's clear that you have her best interests at heart. I am just asking you to consider whether she might be better served by someone who has been through what she has been through."

This is a lot for Nyla to offer. A woman's experiences are not owed to anyone. But she chooses to give him this insight into why she really believes she's the best person to help Lucy through.

And Tim's listening. He's really listening to what she's saying.

"And that someone's you." *nods* "Okay. I'll tell Grey to make the switch."

I love Eric Winter's choices on this. He's reacting not only to the information that Nyla just shared, knowing that she doesn't want apologies or empty words from him. He didn't do it. But he's sorry it happened. He's face to face with someone in uniform who, like Lucy, thought they were safe with someone when they weren't.

And he's thinking of Lucy. The last thing he wants to do is hurt her, to make this harder, to set her back.

Lucy At Roll Call

She pauses outside the room. Much as she wants to get back at it, this is a point-of-no-return morning. She doesn't want special treatment. She doesn't want weird glances. She doesn't want whispered words.

She doesn't want the damn applause.

"Congratulations you survived but you're branded by a serial killer and still processing the emotional trauma and we want you know that we are all talking about you, and looking at you, and thinking about you."

Damn it.

"Welcome back, Officer Chen. How're you feeling? Can't wait to get on the streets, sir, just get back to normal." "We're going to mix things up a bit. You're going to be riding with Harper this week."

What. The. Fuck!? Lucy just said that she wants to go back to normal. Riding with Nyla is not normal.

Lucy looks back to Tim for confirmation and he nods. But she's still confused. She's on-edge. She didn't expect to come back to work straight into a Tim Test, and that's what this feels like.

Everything that she wanted for transitioning back to work is going wrong.

"I'm not interested in chasing tame calls today."

Because Tim needs to process his way. Look, he in no way went through what Lucy did. Not at all. But he's still carrying his guilt and frustrating, and he needs to channel that into something he can do.

Tim is a man of action, and since he can't take action to help Lucy through her re-acclimation, he's going to do what he needs to do to distract him from worrying about her—his job.

"So why the switch?" "Tim felt you'd be better served riding with me." "Yeah, right. This has to be some kind of elaborate Tim Test that he roped you into." "Do I strike you as someone who could get roped into anything? Especially by Bradford?"

Note the switch from "Tim" to "Bradford". Nyla was trying to keep it conversational at the beginning, but the second Lucy calls out perceived pliability, Nyla snaps back to put Lucy in her place.

"Fair enough. So, I'll ask you again, why the switch?" "I convinced him that I would have more insight into what you were going through and could therefore be more helpful to your re-integration onto the streets."

Look how Lucy recoils. Much as Lucy loves talking things out, she doesn't want to talk about this. She doesn't want to have to think about what she's been through while she's out here. She wants normal.

"Did you go on a date with a serial killer, too?" "Uh, no." "Well, then I'm not sure how much help you'd be. But it's fine, 'cause I don't need any help. I've already worked through the trauma using both cognitive and exposure therapy combined with mindful breathing and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. So, it's, it's fine."

Of course, we know Lucy's far from fine. But this isn't what she wanted. She didn't want to have special treatment. She didn't want to be pulled from working with Tim. Frustrating as he is, he's familiar. That's normal.

And Lucy's gone through all the Psychological steps she thinks will help her be fine. It's her blind spot, truly. Because she seems to think there's a point where you're just "fine" and don't need to process anymore.

No, that trauma will come up, again, we know. But right now she doesn't want to face it. She's trying to pretend her way to being fine.

"Need backup for a felony car stop." "You sure?" "Hell, yeah."

Everyone's surprised to hear her voice. But she wants to get back at it. She doesn't want to feel different. It's bad enough what she has to deal with in her head. At the Station, she's a Rookie, yeah, but she's a cop.

And the more I look at this episode the more it feels like Lucy and Tim have traded spots for a day. Normally, Tim's the one who doesn't want to talk and would rather bury himself in the job. And Lucy's usually the one second-guessing.

But Tim second-guessed himself this morning and let Nyla have Lucy. And everyone wants Lucy to talk, but she'd rather get in the action.

"You want me to do the paperwork?" "Oh, nope."

Tim always has Lucy do the paperwork. She wants to do what's familiar, what's natural, what's practiced. "Please let me be normal".

"That was a nice job out there." "Thanks." "So you're just not gonna let me help you at all." "I don't need any help."

Look, we all know that she does, but not like this. Nyla wants so badly to help Lucy, but if Lucy isn't ready, trying to push her like this isn't going to change anything. It's going to push her further inward.

"Did you get the flowers we sent?" "And the basket. Thank you."

Lucy really has some lovely people in her life. And look at her genuine appreciation for Abigail, here. Baskets are one of Lucy's love languages, and she nailed it.

"What the hell is this? I let you run around with Harper for half the day and you start hugging people on duty?" "Don't listen to him. He's all bark."

Tim is being his grumpy-ass self and Lucy's smiling like the sunshine that she is. This is what she thought she'd have today. This rhythm to which she's already grown accustomed.

Yes, Tim gets under her skin and pisses her off. But she knows him. She's used to him. The Tim Tests come when she least expects it, but she knows to expect that.

While there are many mysteries left to this man, he's been her biggest constant during her Rookie year. And it's nice to get to talk to him.

"All bark? She is not buying what you're selling." "Because I don't hold her fate in my hands."

They're teasing. We're to the point in their relationship where they can tease one another, and you can see how comfortable Lucy is in this.

Apart from the action, this is the most comfortable we've seen her all episode.

"Heard you dodged some bullets." "Yeah, a few. What, are you keeping tabs on me?"

The discomfort is back. Because even Tim Fucking Bradford is acting different around her. There's a softness to him that she's never seen before directed at her. Yes, she's seen it... but not with those eyes directed her way.

"Look, if you need anything, you let me know."

Finally, someone asks what she needs. All day, people (including Tim) have been making assumptions about what she needs. But here Tim is truly putting her first and trying to see if there's anything he can really do.

"You got a time machine?" "I wish I did."

Because he'd go back and take back the decision that fed her to the lion. Yes, we all know it's not Tim's fault. But he still feels like it is. And this is what Lucy really wishes she had—not some remedy or quick fix... that it never happened.

"You're not gonna shower?" "Uh, I'm gonna do it a home."

Because she doesn't want the stares. She doesn't want the questions. She doesn't want the reminder.

She's wearing concealer under her shirt because she doesn't want to see the thing. And she's tired of the comments and special treatment. Lucy wants to go back to normal.

Now, we can already see from this episode that "normal" isn't really possible. Relationships have shifted. Lucy is not the same woman she was before. Yes, she'll open up parts of her that shut down over time, but she'll never be who she was before that night of carefree drinks gone wrong.

But that's what Lucy wants in this moment. Normalcy.

"Oh, but you're not going home."

The hell?! She was just abducted and now you won't let her go home? Sorry, but that was my gut reaction watching this.

"We have plans. Girls' Night." "Oh, I get it. You've seen that I'm find on the job, but you're still not convinced." "We just thought it would be fun." ... "It's... you guys have just never asked me out before."

Think of how happy Lucy was that she was getting invited to something normal!? And with these two bad-ass women!

Lucy spends so much of her time in the first two seasons with Jackson and Nolan that we rarely get to see her with the other women of the Station.

She was going to get to have a night out with two women she trusts—something safe. And she had just relaxed into that when they pulled this shit.

Look, I'm salty at these two. I love Nyla and Angela's my number three on the show. But this was a terrible idea. Nyla was critical of Tim throwing her into work, but she's throwing her into the dating pool.

And it's no wonder Lucy was triggered. She isn't ready to date, again. And that's fine. She should be able to get out there when she is ready.

But we all experience the world through out unique lenses and experiences. And a very real mistake we make is assuming because I need it this way, you do, too.

I have twin sons. When they were 9 months old, a friend handed down a toy to us. You throw a ball into the toy and it makes a noise. Ta-da! One child giggled uncontrollable. They other screamed and broke down in sobs.

Different people react differently. They need different coping mechanisms. They need different healing paths. When we try too hard to homogenize treatment, we miss the opportunity for true healing.

And part of the problem here is the utter lack of communication. Nyla has hinted to Tim what she went through, but she hasn't given Lucy any indication.

Now, Nyla doesn't owe Lucy her story. But she has chosen to help Lucy, and it would be a helluva lot easier to get through to Lucy if she communicated with her.

"Hey, Lucy had a bit of a moment last night when we were out."

Tim. Is. Pissed. Angela can tell that's all it took for him to be ready to go into Tim-Mode on someone's ass.

"It's not a big deal. She's fine." "What the hell is Harper doing?" "Helping. Don't get all 'Tim' on me. I just thought you should know." "Lucy's okay?" "She will be." "Alright. Thanks for letting me know."

Angela is the only one who knows about Tim's guilt. She's the only one who knows the weight he's been carrying, blaming himself for what happened to Lucy. She's the only one to know he has a growing soft spot for her.

So she does the right thing and gives him a heads-up.

And note how it's always "Lucy" when he's talking with Angela in these episodes. With Nolan, it's "Chen" because Nolan is not Tim's friend. But Angela's his best friend, and he can let his guard down a little when it comes to her.

Nyla Shares Her Tale

We already said that Nyla doesn't owe anyone her story. But by keeping it from Lucy, Lucy was pushing her away. She truly thought it was another outsider with outside opinions trying to force her to be okay.

Hearing Nyla's story, she is finally able to see her differently. There's a beat right after Lucy says, "I'm so sorry," where Melissa O'Neil shifts her gaze from cynical to sisterly—Lucy sees herself in Nyla.

For the first time since she's gotten out of that barrel, there's someone who isn't an outsider who truly wants to help.

"I shut down. I didn't even tell my husband. I kept telling myself that I would deal with it when I was ready." "But with every passing week it just got worse." "Maybe I pushed you too hard last night. But I know what it is like when you do not face things head-on."

Look how Lucy has shifted. Because Nyla can relate. Lucy was pushing so hard against her from the get-go that she missed the signs on this.

She was so focused on pushing everyone away and keeping everyone out that she missed that Nyla wasn't another outsider looking in with "expert" opinions on something they know nothing about. Nyla really does know.

"You and Chen are close, right?"

"I used to be inside her on the regular, so, yeah." I'm sorry. I had to. It was the first thing that popped into my head when I watched the scene.

"How's she doing? I mean, really doing?"

Because Tim is in his phase of needing to know how Lucy is, but not being the one "in the know". He's still her TO, and going directly to her for information is outside his code. But he can't help worrying. Lucy matters to him.

"She's good. Really. I think she'll be better once she gets that tattoo removed. Can you imagine that? Walking around every day branding by the worst thing that's ever happened to you? " "You think because it's physical, it's worse? Tragedies always leave scars. Only some of them you can see."

Again, this is about perspective. Some people are visual learners. Some are auditory. Some learn by doing.

I have a weird quirk of my brain that a memory is stronger for me if I can see a photo of it. Yes, I have other memories, but I can almost transport back to the moments in my photo albums since I've had decent memory. Visuals are important for me.

To Tim, it doesn't matter if it's visual or not. But Lucy might be different. Seeing that every day might mean more to her than it does to him. He's not considering that.

Seriously, as a former Communications student (two degrees in it), this episode is a masterclass in personal bias and intrapersonal vs interpersonal communication. In the moments of actual connection there's communication that's clear and concise.

Throughout the episode, everyone is making choices that are complicating matters. They're trying to do what's right, but they're doing it without clarity.

Nyla gets through to Lucy best when she talks to the woman in an open and honest manner. Same with Tim, later.

But, I'm skipping ahead...

A Punching Bag

Remember how I said Tim and Lucy have switched places this episode? In the same place where Lucy once offered Tim perspective (on his learning disability) and a gift (the book on tape), Tim will have his moment.

Lucy wipes her face without thinking, and Tim gets a glimpse of the tattoo. It flusters Lucy as she turns. She doesn't want to talk about it.

He's come down here for a reason. After spending all day asking others about her, he needs to see her for himself.

He wants to say something, too, but he's second-guessing. Ever since he pushed her toward a serial killer, he's been second-guessing where she's concerned.

"You got no quit in you, do you, Boot?" "No, sir. I get that from you." "I don't think so. You walked in the door this way. It's what makes you so aggravating."

He's teasing her. This is their rhythm. They've found it and they've earned it, and she's been stripped from it when she really wanted something familiar.

"I'm taking that as a compliment." "It was meant to be. You have a good night." "Yeah, you, too."

Tim turns to go, shoving his hands in his pockets. As he does, his fingers graze the ring... her ring. The ring he's been carrying around because it's tangible. It's something he can hold onto and remind himself that it's true—Lucy lived.

He turns around, no longer second-guessing. He has something to say, and he can only hope she hears him.

"You know, I got half a dozen scars. Bullet wounds, knife wounds, broken bottle. Then there's the ones you can't see, Isabel's addiction, a dad who would tune me up on the regular. And whether I like it or not, they're a part of me."

I can't remember him talking this openly about the trauma of Isabel's addiction before. But, he's in the Lucy role, today. He's talking things out while she's taking it out on a punching bag.

"I know what you're trying to do. And I appreciate it, but this is different. I was tattooed by a sadist who etched my day of death into my skin." "Okay, but you didn't die. Okay? You lived. And now he's the one in the ground."

Lucy sighs, because here's another outsider telling her what to do and how to feel.

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do with it. Okay? Burn it off, keep it, whatever gives you peace."

That's a little better. Lucy starts listening at that. Because, everyone's trying to push her in a direction, and he makes it clear that that's not his intention. He's not trying to push her to do or be anything.

"All I'm trying to do is give you some hard-won perspective."

If this was Pee Wee's Playhouse, we'd all have to scream because "Perspective" is the word of the day. Because each person's perspective has been an obstacle, today. Each person's perspective has been a roadblock.

But Tim's being very clear that he's offering only that—his Perspective. And, remember, Lucy cares very much what Tim thinks of her. She cares how he sees her. She doesn't want to let him down.

"You can choose to see that tattoo as your greatest failure. But I see it as proof that you're a survivor."

"You're so strong," he'd whispered when she started breathing, again. She might have been too overwhelmed at the moment to ever remember that, but we do. He recognized her strength and ability to survive right then.

This isn't lip-service. This is Tim Bradford being completely honest about how he sees Lucy.

"It wasn't your day of death, Officer Chen. It was the first day of the rest of your life. And no one can take that away from you."

There it is. No, this isn't going to "fix" the pain that Lucy's feeling. It's not going to make the trauma disappear. It's not going to erase the memories. But this mind-flip of that tattoo is powerful.

Because Caleb made her say aloud what that tattoo meant. He told her that it was for her, for her perspective, for her to own up to what he said it meant.

And here's Tim Bradford, a man who Lucy respects and trusts, helping her look at it from a different angle.

And isn't that what Tim does so well? Lucy even calls him out on it later in the show... He's the king at coming at things sideways and seeing another angle.

What he's saying is, "YOU, Lucy, get to decide how you look at that tattoo." She's spent so much time looking at it from Caleb's perspective that she didn't consider there was an alternative.

"Thanks." "Yeah. You're welcome."

Tim shoves his hands back in his pocket, and they both let the moment pass, easily. He said what he needed to say, and she heard him. Now, they can move forward.

"You riding with me tomorrow?" "Yes sir." "Good. Get in early. War bags need restocking." "Okay."

Tim pulls the ring from his pocket and tosses it to Lucy before she can register what it is. As she opens her hands, she sees it—her ring.

The ring she tossed off her hand in hopes that someone would find it. And Tim did. He found it. He found her.

"How did you find me?" Lucy asked from her hospital bed. Now, she has the answer.

Lucy looks up at Tim in awe and surprise. He smiles at the ring at her hand, and then back at her. He'd been carrying it around for a while because he didn't yet have Lucy back. Yes, she was at work, but not riding with him.

Tim once talked to Lucy about finding something tangible to focus on instead of the intangibility of nuclear disaster. Yes, he was being figurative, but I don't put it past him to take it literal. Lucy is back, but not back with him, yet.

Tomorrow, she'll be in his Shop. And now he doesn't need something tangible to hold onto to remind him that she is coming back, because she'll be there. By his side.

This is theirs. Tim told no one how he found her. She told no one that she'd dropped the ring. Only Tim and Lucy know this part of her story... of their story.

*phew* this one was emotionally exhausting. It took a week of work. But, I hope you enjoy it. It's heavier than most, but I think it's earned.

I would argue that Tim and Lucy are already on their way to friendship at the beginning of this trilogy, but the events that happen expedite it, and also solidify their trust of one another.

Tim respects the hell out of her. He knows what she's capable of, and now he's seen it for himself. Yes, he's going to be tough on her, again, when he's ready. And, yes, she's going to be pissed at him, when she's ready.

But only Tim and Lucy know who they are in the in-betweens. When the cameras aren't rolling on their chests and nobody else is listening in—like this ending scene. This is theirs.

And as they move forward in their relationship, there are all these touchstones, these pillars that shifted things that they can look back on as guide posts or stepping stones that at the time seemed small, but proved essential to their journey.

And, oh, I can't wait to see where it takes them next.

As always, thanks for reading.

#Chenford #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford #Melissa O'Neil #Eric Winter #The Rookie #Meta #tw abuse #tw assault #tw rape

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goodgirlssayiloveyoutoo · 2 years

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I have engaged far less this year in the chenford fandom for the exact reasons outlined by @itsoneofthemuses. But I literally and somewhat ironically just spent all day teaching middle schoolers how to be kind, and what to do when someone has a different opinion than you. It seems like, somehow, inadvertently my tweets, which have gotten onto tumblr through someone else (which I want to make very clear, I did not tag #chenford because I didn’t want to deal with this BS) have caused people to be angry enough that they need to post rants on tumblr, and harass me in my DM’s, all while preaching about being kind to people.

In none of my posts on my personal twitter or tumblr did I ever once tell people they were watching the show wrong, make snide remarks at other parts of the fandom or insult people’s intelligence for liking scenes/ episodes. It’s just me tweeting my own personal opinion about the show and the writing, if you don’t like it just mute me or move on, like I do when I don’t agree with the newest hot take on something.

It seems that the same positive people who take issue with anyone being even remotely negative, and are telling people to just be more positive and happy are the same people being incredible dismissive and rude in return, going so far as essentially calling people dumb or not as smart as them because they don’t agree. Apparently if you take issue with the writing of the show, or have a difference of opinion about a character you are a) watching the show wrong b) don’t understand character growth or c) the characterization of this ensemble procedural show is too complex for us negative people to understand.

There is a large group of fans that feel bullied and isolated by passive aggressive mean girl tactics on this tag and on twitter. Just today, because someone tagged my post chenford on twitter and then someone else reposted it here I have gotten over twenty anonymous messages that are bordering from rude to scary. Literally because I said I didn’t love how the show did something with a character. I like the show, I love chenford and I want the most from them, which is why I can simultaneously enjoy the show and also critique it, I guess I’m complex that way. I too have a dual english/history degree, and the skills I learned from that whole time was that I enjoy consuming media, understanding characterization, discussing it and being critical.

Don’t like it? Block or ignore it.

If you too are feeling blue over this silly drama over a fictional ship and want to chat, feel free to hit me up.

#chenford #not a short rant #the rookie

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maygrantgf · 7 months

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get to know me better!

tagged by @honestlydarkprincess aka my BABY

three ships: buddie, chenford, nick/charlie

first ever ship: it has to be bensler (svu)

last song: million dollar baby by ava max

last movie: they came together (i think??) very hilarious

currently reading: even in winter there is eranthis by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

currently watching: the endless smosh content or plant care videos on youtube

consuming: water

currently craving: money

tagging @jakeperalta @bymine @siremurai @crowleydiaz @dijkstraspath

#tag games

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kim-ruzek · 1 year

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My mind is absolutely mush rn because one half chenford has absolutely destroyed it and I just want to drown myself in Tim and Lucy and all the stellar scenes and lines we go ("it helps he was sleeping in my bed" just kill me it'll be easier adfghjky) and just the casual intimacy I could write meta and meta on and it's all consuming but the other half is just chanting burzek burzek burzek burzek burzek burzek over and over again and absolutely losing my mind in excitement and anticipation and I just think it's really unfair that these two things are happening right after each other how am I expected to function

#ree rambles #chenford #burzek #chicago pd #the rookie #the rookie spoilers #i need to write a post about chenford and also reblog a load of stuff #but i also need to freak out about it being burzek day #and as a result I'm just dying of So Much Stuff

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otp-armada · 1 year

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The 100 Rewatch 2023 Season 1, Episode 1 “Pilot“

Alrighty, live-blogging The 100. If only 2020!Me could see me now.

First off, let me gather myself.

I’ll preface this by saying I’ve recently gotten obsessed with The Rookie shortly before embarking on this rewatch. I’ve forgotten how thrilling it is to fall head over heels for a new ship. Chenford has made me so deliriously ecstatic and in such good spirits that it triggered a sort of informal revival tour of my favorite ships. When the Bellarke compilation on YouTube came up next in queue, I chickened out just as quickly as the first ad popped up. Knowing how their story ends, I was afraid that Bellarke wouldn’t feel the same. That the ending would taint my memory of them upon revisitation.

All of which is to say, this rewatch should be an interesting experiment.

Alright, best get a wriggle on.

Oh, baby!Clarke. And just like that, I’m transported seven years ago to my dining table, where I first pressed “play” on a little CW show that would consume me.

100 years until the Earth is survivable again, eh? Killed everyone, huh? In roughly a year’s time, she’ll be the one thought to have perished in radiation.

“Reality sucks.” Babe, you don’t know the half of it.

The wristbands feel like an ancient relic.

It really has been such a long time since I watched season 1. I’m lost in time. At this point, it really does feel like your typical CW teen drama, and it’s such a strange thought, considering how long I’ve been holding onto the bulk of the narrative where it departed into its unique footprint.

“The rules have changed.” Because *I* made them change, is what’s left unspoken by Abby.

“Your instincts will tell you to take care of everybody else first...” Yep, two minutes in, and I’m emotional.

Baby!Delinquents!!!!

A good bedside manner, Jaha does not possess. There’s blunt and there’s brash, and he is solidly in the latter. The thing about juvenile delinquents? They’re KIDS. Sure, you’ve got the odd murderer in the ranks, but they are few and far in between a sea of children with offenses probably befitting a slight slap on the wrist, if that.

“Your records wiped clean.” Assuming the lab rats don’t expire from radiation upon arrival. Way to incentivize them. Little wonder Bellamy will so easily corral them into removing the wristbands.

For once, the fluke in the plan works to their advantage. If those kids had landed at Mount Weather as intended...*shudder*

Shut up, Finn.

100 + 1 - 2 = A landing party of 99. Check. 👍

“The air could be toxic.”

There they are. The chance encounter of the loves of my life. And of each other’s life.

I want to say something here about the Blake siblings, but I’m too preoccupied with internally screaming at the sight of my bby boy on my screen again.

Have I mentioned that I’m adrift in time??

Little do these three know how entangled their fates will be. From here on out, they will be the trio comprising the foundation of this entire saga. The trifecta.

“Like being the first person on the ground in 100 years.” “First one to touch the ground loses.” My oh my.

I AM AWASH IN NOSTALGIA

I WILL BE BLASTING RADIOACTIVE AFTER THIS EPISODE AND YES IT WILL BE STUCK IN MY HEAD FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT

Oh, back when it was all so simple...

I’m conflicted. I want the perfect marriage of this simplicity before the wars with S6 Bellarke at the helm. Basically, what season 7 should have been. Don’t we all? *sigh*

Finn is such a chameleon, it’s infuriating. He is whatever fantasy version he thinks will earn him brownie points with the pretty girl. I can’t believe there was a time when I didn’t mind him. He was every bit the textbook teen heartthrob with floofy hair I thought wouldn’t be so bad. Basically, this dude, with a slightly deceptive edge.

By now, Clarke and Wells had ingrained themselves into my heart. Too soon, you say? Perhaps. But it was always the logical, pragmatic, responsible characters I found myself leaning to. Always the ones I felt should be in charge.

You’ve been on the ground for a minute, Murphy, how’d you put together a posse already?

Poor Wells. He’s so sensible here, and he’s ignored because of the tall shadow his father casts. I do wonder the man Wells would have become had he lived. I’m not under any impression that he would be stagnantly stalwart. The axiom of a show continually striving to push its characters to the brink is that no one is incorruptible, even those we approximate most to pure cinnamon rolls. There is no such animal in this narrative.

“Do you think we care who’s in charge? We need to get to Mount Weather not because the Chancellor said so, but because the longer we wait, the hungrier we’ll get and the harder this’ll be. How long do you think we’ll last without those supplies? We’re looking at a 20-mile trek, ok? So if we want to get there before dark, we need to leave now.”

Bellamy knew. I don’t mean it in a “he was in love with her at first sight” kind of way. He correctly assessed her right here and then as one who could seize control as the de facto leader of the camp. And where would it put him and Octavia then, if the princess got her way, if the Ark came down as planned? No, what appears as attitude toward Clarke and Wells is a well thought-out ploy to wrestle the camp in his favor in their absence. And it worked.

Oh, right. I remember. Here’s the faux-hero complex that ingratiated Finn to my good side.

“Rescue me next.” Icky.

“I need to just do something crazy just because I can, and no one, including you, is gonna stop me.” You will not lack opportunity for craziness. One might say you will not miss any chance, including, but not limited to, tyranny.

Oh, no. The evil black lightbulb is going off in Rebel!Bellamy’s head.

“Before you get any ideas, I don’t care.” You really should have stuck to these guns, Clarke.

“The Chancellor’s been shot.” *record scratch*

Jasper and Monty, precious, innocent beans. Before the world scarred them so badly. As close as brothers, who will one day branch off into diametrically oppositional philosophies about humanity and the meaning of life. One to nilihism, one to hope.

“Being born.” Cue the bunker flashbacks. As many mistakes as she will make in her pursuit of agency, Octavia’s initial resentment toward the Ark cannot be blamed. By the laws of the Ark, she was born a criminal by virtue of existing. Lost her mother, displaced from her brother and her home, what little there was, and lost a year of her life, during which she could presume she’d be killed the moment the illusion of civility peeled away when she turned of age.

Weird the mutant monsters swiftly disappeared, but these kids had enough problems on their plate.

Though Abby will catch a lot of flak later on from the fandom, I hardly think anyone wouldn’t cheer her on in the pilot. I know I always have been. She’s on the praiseworthy delineation of “rebel.”

“He’s no one. A janitor.”

Good one, Shumway.

“Her mother kept her hidden for 16 years. Nearly a record.” I’m sorry? Nearly a record? What is the record for “longest hidden kid,” then?

I still take it with a grain of salt that Bellamy and Octavia would be the only siblings in 97 years on this orbiting hunk of metal. Presumably, there would be plenty more in Aurora’s predicament. Poor women from the lower classes with limited, if not scarce access to medical resources. Women who didn’t want to abort their second child. Mixed families. Multiple spouses, what with the death toll of a justice system embroiled in capital punishment. Step-children, half-siblings. It makes you wonder what kind of medieval laws an unforgiving society like the Ark would enact to ensure its rigid population control.

I will say the power struggle between Abby, Jaha, and Kane, with the morality conflicts emerging from the Ark, was what first drew me in to this show. The kids were...the teens from your average CW show on your average stilted CW pilot. The Ark adults were intriguing and provocative. For me, at least.

I have to hand it to Bellamy. Both he and Clarke know how to make compelling arguments for their causes. It’s a shame how Clarke’s station is her albatross (for the time being) when she has everyone’s best interest in mind. For once, Bellamy’s origin from Factory Station is his advantage. He can connect to these errant kids seeking freedom like Clarke cannot. It’s a good metaphor for how subversive the worlds of the Ark and Earth appear to be. Visually, yes, between the muted grays of space versus the bright colors of Earth, but also, the visages of emancipation and carte blanche versus confinement and restraint between the adults and the kids.

And yet, while Bellamy offers the kids the allure of freedom, it’s really a facade as he cleverly maneuvers himself to the top just as the same as the leadership hierarchy he resents. Smart of him, until he runs afoul of a betrayed Murphy.

It’s funny how out-of-touch the adults are with the kids. Never does it occur to them that the kids they imprisoned are voluntarily removing the wristbands to escape the Ark’s reach until another kid clues Abby in.

“So that was the secret they locked you up to keep, why they kept you in solitary, floated your old man?” I know Finn’s laundry list of Clarke’s nightmares is for exposition, but it’s undermined when rattled off by this sleazebag with a poor attempt at compassion offered solely to charm her. In layman’s terms, shut up, Finn.

“My mother disagreed.” And it doesn’t occur to you that your mother may have been directly responsible for your father’s execution? It HAD to be Wells? I guess, had I been Clarke, it’s easier to blame him than to consider the horrifying reality of how Jake’s death came to be.

“We have to warn them.” “That’s what my father said.”

Once again, I am reminded of how little concerted effort Jason can put into a lot of these provisional relationships. Sometimes, the show skillfully communicates a layered storyline with very little footwork. Other times, it’s not so great.

Octavia had no way of knowing how deep the water was, monsters notwithstanding.

Our first foray into Jasper the Hero. It hurts already to think ahead to the hollow young man he’ll become when he can’t save the girl.

For a sea monster of that size, you’d think Octavia’s wounds would be larger. Like, a whole leg bitten off.

“Earth Day 2052″ I just noticed.

“Note to self: next time, save the girl.” Oh, you will, Monty.

Very evocative Lord of the Flies imagery.

“We can take care of ourselves, can’t we?” You are all a scrappy, resilient bunch, but you will soon find survival in this neck of the woods to be an uphill battle.

Love this exchange between Wells and Bellamy. Wells, of course, is right. Though Bellamy’s anger is not without reason. His argument is wrapped up in camp politics, but here we have a glimpse of the Bellamy who always tapped into his pain to persuade others to his side. The Bellamy who speaks from his heart, even when the message may be a little flawed in execution.

What about the kids whose loved ones remain on the Ark? How aren’t they hesitant about abandoning them?

Iconic.

Currently picturing Bob nursing a hangover for his Bellamy voice. Who knew alcohol could produce such beautiful results?

Do I detect a hint of wavering? I think I do. He knows Wells is right. Wise, even. He’s in too deep of this persona he thinks is crucial for his and Octavia’s protection to turn back now.

After years of watching the Bellamy we know and love, Baby!Bellamy is so jarring to revisit.

As is Kane.

“And I choose at every turn and at any cost to make sure that the human race stays alive.” “That’s the difference between us, Kane. I choose to make sure that we deserve to stay alive.” If nothing else the pilot did, it established our roadmap of the series in these three sentences. These two objectives have guided this story at each turn in equal measure. For Jason to claim at the very end that this story was only ever governed by cold and ruthless survival is a lie. Those of us who paid attention know it. It’s documented from the very first episode how these characters endeavor - strive - to aim for higher than the impossible decisions and questionable morality they are cornered into. The right ending of this narrative was to allow to finally achieve their second guiding principle. Let them use the hard-won lessons they’ve learned to build a golden age from out of the post-apocalypse. Let them LIVE.

Oh, what glory that bastard robbed from us.

Also, how the turntables with Kabby from now to their conclusions.

As pragmatic as Clarke is, she’s a dreamer. She’s always had such a wonderful vision of how beautiful the world could be. And I hate how often Jason stole her hope from her.

I forgot what unencumbered delight looked like on Clarke’s face.

Strictly speaking, I can’t say I shipped Finn and Clarke. I was very determined on my first viewing to not get sentimentally entangled with ships, knowing my penchant for walking away from shows when ships sink. (Oh, the irony.) I wanted to like this series. As I said, I was intrigued by the Ark arc. I was in it to see how things go. What I can say is I didn’t mind Finn and Clarke, as chosen apathy goes. Maybe a spark of ambivalence here and there before Raven shows up.

It’s disorienting to remember the Clarke so open to falling in love. Her primary directives are safety and obtaining the imperative amenities the kids need. But on a personal scale, after their immediate crises are solved, this Clarke wants to live.

“Now, you all think I’m a bad guy, but I’m the only one willing to do what it takes to save us.” Season 1 and Season 3 Bellamy will also believe the same, and time will humble both of these men.

“...and if I have to take us to a cosmic Adam and Eve, I will do it.” Serious nomon and nontu imagery whizzing through my brain of the various pairs symbolizing them. Kabby. Marper, paving the path for Book Two: “Everyone dies. Let’s show them how to live.” Bellarke, as nomon/nontu in its final form, representative of all the narrative’s themes. The story has always been, on some level, how their union saves the world.

Even Russell and Simone, as the versions that Bellamy and Clarke could have been if they were without a moral compass.

Nomon/Nontu is a legacy, spanning generations and centuries, intrinsically tied to the fate of humanity and the Earth. Add it to the extensive list of themes forgotten by the outlier nameless season.

I should have realized the first time around how there was more to Bellamy than meets the eye when he didn’t kill Wells. Certainly would have been easier for him in terms of divesting himself of a political rival.

Speaking of, Kane must know how valuable a resource Abby is to the Ark, especially now when their home is dying a slow death. Was civil obedience really more vital to the sustainability of this place than what Abby could provide? It’s a big, fat no. Then again, these are the people who killed the engineer to their life support systems.

Well, at least one of them has sense.

We’re in agreement that the pilot episode is cheesy as hell. Exactly in the wheelhouse of 2010s!Me. It was perfect. Oh, what? Did you think I wasn’t going to let the next episode play, right there on the dining table in 2015? Jasper’s just got speared through the chest!!! They’re not alone!!!

Tagging the brilliant @sometimesrosy for revitalizing this beloved show for me from the depths

#unsurprisingly this got away from me #the 100 rewatch 2023 #the100rewatch #my post

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sisterofficerlucychen · 1 year

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chenford + "look at me"

“Look at me.”

Hesitation lingers throughout her body as she fails to move. Every fiber in her being is aching to react, to meet his gaze and find the words that have been left unspoken. There’s so much to say, so much she wants to say to him except she can’t. Fear consumes her, an uncertainty that makes it easier to retreat than to move forward. He’s laid it all on the line, so clearly and simply that part of her wonders how it all became so entangled in the first place. He loves her. He loves her. So why isn’t it enough?

“Lucy.”

The pain behind his voice is evident, the way it’s threatening to crack and she doesn’t have to look up to know just how much she’s breaking his heart right now. She’s heard that desperation in his voice once before. Back when they meant nothing to each other, before she realized there so was much more to him than met the eye. When he was a husband pleading at his wife, when he ran into Isabel and so desperately still wanted to save her. It felt like a lifetime ago, like a memory that belonged to someone else because that Tim and the one before her did not feel like the same person.

“Tim.”

Somehow she’s able to say his name and that simple action surprises her enough to be able to meet his gaze. There’s a heaviness that weighs in her chest that pairs with the lump in her throat and stinging in her eyes as she fights back tears. He’s staring at her with the same expression, trying to remain composed though she can see right through it. The way he’s also holding back tears, the way his lip curls into a frown, how his shoulders drop in defeat. He looks so incredibly vulnerable and broken that she has to stop herself from wrapping her arms around him. She hates herself for doing this to him, for breaking them apart before they even had a chance to be a ‘them’.

“I’m sorry, I can’t, I—“

She can’t say she doesn’t love him back because it’s a lie. One that she thought she’d become convincingly good at denying but really was just Lucy lying to herself rather than the world around her. He knows she loves her, there’s no point in denying it because it’s become too big to ignore. She’s shown him time and time again just how much she loves him, actions and words that have held as much weight as an “I love you”. She’s seen him at his lowest, been beside him through the hardships and struggles. There has never been a doubt in her mind that that’s where she’s belonged every time.

Except that felt so much different than this. Helping him through Isabel’s addiction, being beside him as he confronted the trauma his father had put him in, staying by his bedside after his surgery — all of that she could easily akin to being a good friend, being a good person. The difference between then and now was that he hadn’t been in love with her. At least she thinks he wasn’t because of how unsure she is of when she fell in love with him.

It happened so seamlessly and without warning that it’s why she’s so damn scared because she doesn’t know when it happened. It’s what has her running, the reason why she’s breaking both their hearts because of how foreign the feeling is that she doesn’t know how to process it. It’s unlike anything she’s ever experienced and she knows she’s never felt this way for anyone else before. No one has mattered as much as Tim does.

The stakes are so high that it’s impossible for her to feel like she can jump and safely land. It’s so incredibly frustrating that this is when her mind and body decide to betray her, that instead of being able to say those three little words back, she’s suddenly emotionally stunted. It’s impossible for her to make sense of how she’s able to be such an open book and yet with this, she shut off. Even more so, that she knows why and isn’t able to vocalize it to help him understand because she can see it in his eyes, the way he’s forming one thought with another and concluding that she’s rejecting him.

Maybe not an accurate assumption but given Lucy’s reaction and reluctance to even respond, a fair one. Is she rejecting him? Truthfully, she’s unsure. The paralyzing fear that’s taken over has her thinking and acting irrationally. She’s trying to make sense that they in love and figure out why it’s so terrifying, that she can’t move past it. There’s so much to gain and yet her fear has her focused on what she could lose.

“I love you but I can’t."

It feels like an eternity later that she’s able to find words except they feel more like a goodbye than anything else because she doesn’t wait for him to respond before she turns to walk away. she’s letting him go much like he once did and it’s as she walks away that she realizes his was a selfless act, to set her free and let her grow; whereas she’s doing it for selfish reasons, to keep herself safe despite how much it physically hurts to walk away. somehow determining that it’s easier to suppress it all than to take a chance at something real.

#the rookie #tim bradford #lucy chen #chenford #fanfic #me to me: bitch wtf is wrong with you #i feel like i chose angst and violence and for what??#i had midnight rain (piano version) on repeat - the one on tiktok - and i fully blame that for this #i hope this makes sense aokdajfd

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dylanconrique · 5 months

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guys i had the craziest chenford dream last night, i'm gonna turn it into a wip.

#*and this is icarly!#okay so the dream was lucy going uc with noah #but seeing how he was in the beginning of 5x16 when she came to back him up #he seems like the kind of guy to me to let a case completely consume him #like he forgets that he is putting himself and sometimes others in extremely dangerous situations #all because HE wants to catch the bad guy... like he has a hero complex that just takes over him #so in the dream they were uc and at some point ended up in a high speed chase in pursuit of a suspect #but the situation becomes too dangerous and starts getting out of hand #to the point where lucy knows better and knows that they need to get out of there and come up with a new plan #but noah doesn't listen and continues to pursue the suspect anyway cause HE wants the arrest #driving like he's in fast and the furious and causes them to crash #i started to wake up a little bit but there was also this scene in my head of tim berating noah in the hospital #like 'she begged and pleaded for you to stop! and now she has [x/y/z injuries] because of you!'#he even whips out the recordings of lucy begging for him to stop... shows pictures of her bloodied and bruised in the very same hospital #idk this played out so cool in my dreams last night would anybody wanna read it??????#the rookie #tim bradford #lucy chen #noah foster #chenford #otp: you know me so well #there was even a part in my dream where tim speeds up next to their car #and lucy looks over at him absolutely terrified #idk idk let me know if i should write this #does it sound dumb? would you read it??

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saralayne · 9 months

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Chenford In A Song 🩵💜

Chapter 1 ~ Hold On

Based off 2x10

Chapter 1: Hold On ~ Chorus Overstreet

‘Hold On, I Still Want You’

‘Hold On, I Still Need You’

Tim and Lucy have been in a relationship for 6 months now. Basically living together. Rarely, spending a night apart. It had been no surprise, these two had been through a lot together over the years. Going back to Lucy being Tim’s boot. Even after she became a P2 and them building a strong friendship. During that time they had been through a lot of ups and downs. Probably the most pivotal moment was Lucy’s kidnapping and being trapped in that barrel. Tim even with no personal relationship had been established other than a professional one. From the outside that is the appearance that is portrayed. Tim had put up those walls, not allowing himself to really feel the feelings that he was truly feeling for his boot. That is where the guilt absolutely shattered Tim. For the reason to avoid what he was feeling, his decision to push Lucy to be social with another man. Selfishly feeling this would be a way to move on from having feelings for Lucy. Tim could of never foreseen what would transpire with Lucy going out for a innocent drink with Caleb Wright but the guilt absolutely consumed him. Tim has always wished he could turn back time.

As they are having a wonderful, relaxing night in bed. Tim rubbing Lucy’s thigh where his hands meet the DOD tattoo. Lucy can see the hurt brewing in Tim’s eyes. Knowing her boyfriend so well. Feeling a little confused, he had felt and seen her tattoo on many occasions during their many love making excursions. Lucy began wondering what was plaguing Tim.

“Tim. Babe. What’s going on in your head?”

“I’m OK, Luce. Just had some memories come into my head”

“Like what?”

Tears now pooling in the corner of Tim’s eyes.

“Tim. Talk to me”

“I still carry guilt over it. There is a couple things I never told you as we couldn’t explore any feelings we may of had for eachother.”

“Ohh Tim. How many times do I have to tell you, what happened to me WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, IN ANY WAY. And can I remind you, YOU SAVED ME”

“I know Luce. I do. But the real reason I pushed you to go out for a drink with a human was because I had these inappropriate feelings for you. I made it about having a hard day and wanting you to take a beat and decompress. My selfish feelings were the real reason.”

“Babe. WOW. I never would of thought you had those kind of feelings for me way back then.”

“I did”

“When I found you and was holding you in my arms. I thought between the guilt I had been feeling and the feeling of my heart literally exploding. You sobbing into my chest destroyed me. On one hand I was just so happy you were alive but also holding you in my arms never felt so natural to me. I never wanted to let you go. I knew I could never have you in that way back then. As I was pulling you out of the barrel. I kept saying HOLD ON LUCE, HOLD ON LUCE.”

“Lucy. This changed me. I know it changed you and you went through it and I can’t imagine what you endured. For me, this also changed me significantly. I would of never survived if I would of lost you. I thought losing Isabel would of been the end of me, now I know I would never survive losing you. You are without a doubt the love of my life.”

“Tim. My love. Thank you for telling me all of this. I didn’t think I could fall more in love with you. Just so you know, I had feelings for you back then too. I too, knew nothing could of happened. I remember opening my eyes and seeing your face. I was safe in your arms. Burying my head into your chest and sobbing. I was safe. You were my hero.”

“Just so you know. You are my hero for eternity.”

“I Love you so much, Lucy”

“And I Love you more, Tim”

Chapter 2 ~ Woke Up In Love

Based off 5x12

Chapter 2: Woke Up In Love ~ Calum Scott

‘You had me all messed up’

‘You found me down on my luck’

‘So lost’

‘But then I woke up in love’

‘When I was chasing highs’

‘You went and saved my life’

‘You picked me up’

‘Thank god I woke up in love’

‘With you’

The sun was shining through Lucy’s bedroom window. Illuminating on her shiny, chocolate brown hair. Tim was always a early riser. Opening his eyes to this beautiful vision. After years of imagining this moment, Tim had his dream girl in his arms. Last night was perfect, he thought. As nervous as they both were leading up to the big moment. It all felt natural and right. As Tim was staring at the love of his life. He couldn’t help but wonder why it took them this long to get here. They had wasted so much time with Ashley and Chris. Even with the professional complication. He knew they were right where they were meant to be. All Tim knew was he was never letting her go. This was forever for him. Those three magic words hadn’t been uttered. It was too soon. But, really was it? Tim had known he had loved her for so long. Burying his feelings for years. It didn’t feel too soon for him.

As Lucy opened her eyes. All she could do was smile. She had never been happier than she was in this very moment. Tim had always been a dream. The most important relationship in her life. She never imagined she would have it all with him. They had a night of passionate love making. Explored one another from head to toe. It was the best night of her life.

“Morning. Beautiful”

“Morning. Handsome”

“Luce. Last night was perfect”

“It sure was, baby”

“I wanna wake up feeling this way every morning”

“And what way is that, Bradford?”

“IN LOVE”

“Really?”

“Luce. Sweetheart. I have loved you for so long. Wasn’t willing to admit it earlier. Protecting our careers, especially yours. But that doesn’t change my feelings for you and how long I have had them. And it’s been a long, long time. Don’t get me wrong. The sex was unreal, mind blowing. Waking up with you in my arms is everything to me. I Love You, Lucy Chen”

“Well that’s good. Because I Love You, Timothy Bradford”

Chapter 3 ~ This Love

Based off 5x20

After Isabel comes back for help on a case. Lucy can’t help but feel insecure. Tim confesses how he’s really feeling.

Chapter 3: This Love ~ Taylor Swift

‘In silent screams’

‘In wildest dreams’

‘I never dreamed of this’

‘This love is good’

‘This love is bad’

‘This love is alive’

‘Back from the dead’

‘These hands had to let it go free’

‘And this love came back to me’

It had been quite a day. Isabel had blown into town. Needing help on a case where she not only enlisted Tim’s help but also Lucy’s. Lucy and Isabel had a real conversation about UC work. Tim’s ex wife and girlfriend were very different people but shared a love for UC. That is what had been plaguing Tim. He knew just how good Lucy was undercover. He had seen it first hand on many occasions. It was just gut wrenching feeling at the pit of his stomach remembering the darkness he experienced with Isabel. They were different people, which Lucy constantly reminded him of. Still, he couldn’t EVER lose Lucy. Now that he finally had a love he had never known, not even with his ex wife. He felt the worry and wanted to protect their relationship at all cost but he also wanted to be her support as she follows her dreams. Lucy would always choose Tim over any career. They were worth that.

As they returned home that night. Lucy was very quiet. Tim thought it had been her conversation she had with Isabel. UC work. Little did he know something else was plaguing her. Tim wasn’t prepared for what came next.

“Tim. Do you still have any left over feelings for Isabel? I wouldn’t blame you if you did. She was your wife. She’s looks great and is doing good. The reasons your marriage ended…Is she the woman you originally fell in love with before the UC work, the drugs?”

“WHAT!?! Luce. Are you serious?”

“Yea. I’m so happy for her that she’s doing good. At the same time left me feeling insecure. I can never compete with what you once had with her for 10 years”

“Baby. Stop right now. There is absolutely nothing to worry about there. NOTHING”

“I too am so happy for her that she has turned her life around. I will always care about her well being. But the love I once had for her is long gone. You, my love were the one who pulled me out of that darkness. I would be still be a shell of a man but you changed it for me, you changed my life”

“Really?”

“Yes. Really”

“ Luce. Listen to me. THIS LOVE I have with you is nothing I have ever experienced. Not even with Isabel. This love is best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You, Lucy Chen are the love of my life. My soulmate. Don’t ever doubt that. Isabel may have had a part of my past but you have my forever”

“I am crazy in love with you and I always will be”

“Tim. I love you so much. I have never been in love like this. Made me a little crazy. I’m sorry for my insecurities”

“Baby. Don’t apologize. I’m happy to reassure you everyday. Night or day. For the rest of our lives”

“I’m totally OK with that”

Both Lucy and Tim chuckling, while holding one another. This love was forever for both of them and there wasn’t a better feeling to have.

Chapter 4 ~ Could I Have This Dance?

Based on 4x18.

Lucy cashes in on a dance with Tim that is owed to her. She couldn’t anticipate what comes next.

Could I Have This Dance ~ Anne Murray

“I’ll always remember”

“That magic moment”

“When I held you close”

“To me”

“As we moved together”

“I knew forever”

“You’re all I’ll ever need”

“Could I have this dance”

“For the rest of my life?”

“Would you be my partner”

“Every night?”

“When we’re together, it feels so right”

“Could I have this dance”

“For the rest of my life?”

“You know technically I still owe you a dance”

“There is no technically, a debt is owed”

In that moment as Tim reached for her hand, it all became crystal clear as they made their way into the crowd dancing. As they swayed back and forth, sharing their witty Tim and Lucy banter. Tim confessed that he was going to list Lucy as the arresting officer on all future reports. Lucy was impressed and surprised by his dance moves. They both felt free, it all felt natural. That should have given Tim a sense of relief but it made what he was feeling all too real. He realized he couldn’t hold onto these feelings much longer. Needing to talk to Lucy. Tim knew that it wasn’t the right time with all their friends and colleagues surrounding them but he sure was going to find a good time and soon. They enjoyed the rest of the night celebrating Nyla and James. As the night winded down, Lucy leaving first had said her goodbyes and headed home. She was looking forward to slipping into her pajamas with some trashy reality TV and some good ol Ben and Jerry’s Rocky Road. She had a wonderful night and the dance she shared with her former TO and now friend was not far from her mind. What was this feeling she was having? If she was being honest, there had always been strong feelings for Tim. For years really. Knowing she could never act on those feelings had buried them deep down. She had moved on from those feelings or maybe she hadn’t. She settled in on the couch and turned on some Real Housewives for a much needed distraction.

Tim headed home from the wedding. Many feelings racing through his mind. He knew just going home with a previously taped Rams game and chilling with Kojo was all he needed and he could make a rational decision about what to say to Lucy tomorrow, with a clear mind. Without knowing, his Silverado truck was making its way down Lucy’s street and into her parking lot.

Lucy had settled into RHONY and had successfully distracted herself into the events of the night. All of a sudden, she heard a knock at her door. It was getting late. Tamara was staying at a friends house for the night but maybe she had decided to come home and forgot her key. That was the only logical explanation for who would be knocking at her door at this time. Lucy made her way to the front door, looking through the peephole. There he appeared. Tim. What was he doing at her front doorstep at this time of night?

“Tim..What are you doing here?”

“Lucy. I need to talk to you. For once I am going to talk and need you to listen”

“Ummm…OK. Proceed”

“Dancing with you tonight was not because I owed you a dance. Which I’m well aware a debt was owed. It wasn’t even about telling you I am listing you as the arresting officer on future reports, which I still am by the way. It was about so much more. All of a sudden, the feelings I have been harbouring for so long couldn’t be denied any longer”

“Tim…I…”

“Chen. Didn’t I just ask you just to listen? For once. Let me do the talking” chuckling Tim.

“Oh right. Sorry my bad, continue”

“As I was saying. Dancing with you made me realize once and for all. I want to dance with you forever. You and only you. Lucy, I can’t deny just how in love with you I am for a second longer. I know it’s messy and complicated but I just don’t care about all the risks anymore. I just wanna be with you. Have all the dances whenever we want”

“OK. That’s what I wanted to say. I know you probably don’t feel the same but I just needed to tell you finally how I truly feel, before it literally kills me”

“Tim, can you shut up and let me talk now?”

“You have the floor now, Chen”

“You’re an idiot, Bradford” Lucy placing her finger over his lips before Tim could interrupt. “It’s my turn now, as I was saying. You’re an idiot. Do you really think I wouldn’t have those same feelings for you, for years now. With everything we have been through together. Of course I feel the same”

“With that being said. Tim you are Mr. Rule follower. I’m not worth you derailing your career. You are an amazing TO and any rookie would be lucky to be trained by you. I know I am. You have shaped me into the cop I am and will continue to be. Future boots of yours deserve that chance. Being with me isn’t worth the risk of losing all of that”

“Screw that. Look at me Lucy, look at me please” Tim pleading. At this point Lucy had tears falling down her cheeks. Looking down, not able to make eye contact. As she finally looked into his sparkling blue eyes. “Have you not been listening to me? I don’t care about these so-called risks. I don’t consider it a risk at all. Because you are worth everything, you always have been. I may have been scared, but I’m not anymore. I’m done being scared. I just wanna be with you. It’s that simple. Dance with you. Now and forever”

Without realizing. Lucy crashed her lips into his. Tim got on board pretty damn fast.

“Are you sure, Tim?”

“I have never been so sure of anything, Lucy Chen”

“Take me to bed, Bradford”

#fanfic #chenford #the rookie #tim bradford #lucy chen #established relationship #love confessions #reflection #fluff #falling in love #love in songs

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