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infiglo · 8 months

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Infiglo's FNAF AU Masterpost 😃

Making this in an attempt to be more organized with my AU and so that people can look at this before asking any questions I might have already answered before. It will include links to posts (explanations, references, important art), FAQ, and other details.

Brief Summary

My AU is basically just my interpretation of the FNAF story, with some changes from canon/what is largely agreed to be canon. (It does not always reflect what I actually think is canon.) I kind of think of it in 2 separate parts, one about the kids before and after they die, and another about Michael (and some other characters) after the murders, finding out what happens and dealing with the haunted animatronics of course. The first part is my main focus majority of the time, and usually follows Cassidy, Charlie, and Evan.

Important Posts

How Possession Works (About the Spirits & Agony Ghosts)

Golden Freddy Explanation

Relationship chart for the main + FNAF 4 kids (when all of them were alive)

2021 Cassidy and Evan Comic + Talking about why it's not longer accurate

Info about my Funtime animatronics

Designs/References

Humans:

Design reference for all the main kids

Cassidy's more detailed reference

Reference for Cassidy & Evan's agony ghosts merged together (Acid Van)

FNAF 4 kids designs & names (will get full body refs eventually)

Main 1985 Freddy's Employees (OCs)

WIP 1983 Michael Design

WIP Nightguard Mina design

Animatronics:

Baby and Ballora references (I'll replace it with a post of all the Funtimes when I finish them)

Nightmare and Nightmare Fredbear designs

All the versions of Chica together

As you can see, I don't currently have updated references for quite a few characters such as Michael, William, Henry, the FNAF 1 animatronics, etc. I am working on these and will have them eventually. I'll try to always keep this up to date with what I've posted.

FAQ

Are you planning on making a webcomic? - I gave a longer explanation about what I plant to do with my AU here, but the short answer is that I plan on making short comics about specific events/situations, but not one continuous comic telling the entire story.

How many games does your AU include?/Does your AU include Security Breach? - My AU only goes to UCN, so no it does not include Security Breach, Help Wanted, or Fazbear Frights if you believe those are canon. I will include some characters like Vanessa, Gregory, Cassie, Jake, and Andrew as background characters in my AU just for fun, but they are not really relevant to the story.

When did the kids die? - I'm still making sure I'm happy with the exact dates and death orders, but as of right now: Charlie dies in 1980, Elizabeth and Evan die in 1983, and the MCI is 1985.

What ages were the kids when they died? - I answered that here. Please note this is an updated version where I changed a few ages, and there might be an old inaccurate answer to this question up somewhere.

What are the FNAF 4 nightmares in the AU? - They are Evan and Cassidy's agony ghosts, or extensions of them since the only ones they themselves turn into are Nightmare Fredbear and Nightmare. Cassidy is helping Evan torment Michael because Evan agreed to help her with William. and she also thinks it's funny.

Is Andrew part of Golden Freddy in this AU? - No, I have a second, side AU where he is, but it has nothing to do with my main AU, where Andrew doesn't end up being killed.

Is Sammy in this AU? Yes, he is, and he's still Charlie's brother. I based him off of the spring bonnie kid from FNAF 4. He is also not super important though, because he moves away with his mother in 1983 after Evan dies.

What order do the events of the games happen? FNAF 4, FNAF 2, FNAF 1, Sister Location, FNAF 3, FNAF 6, UCN

Tags

I put everything relating to this au under the "main au" tag. Besides that I try to tag the names of the characters in the post, the game it relates to, and will tag "spirits" or "agony ghosts" for posts about either of those. When I make longer posts where I just explain things in detail I tag those "explanations".

I tag all the questions I respond to as "answered", although a lot of these aren't related specifically to my AU.

Other details I feel like I should mention

My FNAF 1 Nightguard is not Mike, it's actually Cassidy's cousin, Mina because I wanted them to have a bigger connection to the MCI. The events of FNAF 1 and Sister Location happen pretty close together, because Mina is at Freddy's and Michael is at Circus Baby's.

My version of the FNAF 4 Chica Bully (Raina) is Gabriel's older sister and is the nightguard that replaced Jeremy in FNAF 2.

Jeremy Fitzgerald is Susie's older brother. The two of them moved to Hurricane in 1983 (before Evan died).

The Toy animatronics are not possessed by seperate kids, although the MCI victims' agony might take control over them sometimes.

My Mrs. Afton is named Eleanora, or Nora for short.

Elizabeth and Michael were born in the UK so they do have British accents, but Evan was born in the US and doesn't really have one. (Nora is also American and was born in Hurricane.)

Charlie and her agony ghost self are much more connected than anyone else is with theirs, and her agony ghost acts a little more human because of this. They can also generally convey ideas to each other but cannot directly communicate. Usually if Charlie's agony ghost does something that doesn't relate to her goal of stopping William, it's because she's doing it for the real Charlie.

Time does not work the same for the spirits as it does in the real world.

Elizabeth is the only spirit who never has contact with any of the other spirits until she's set free.

The agony ghosts can change how people see other things, as extensions of themselves basically. This is how they make the animatronics eyes turn black, Charlie gives the puppet tears, and Elizbeth changes Baby's eye color. (What happens to William in UCN is different than this, since it's Cassidy's agony trapping him in one of his own memories and then changing it however she likes - so it all happens inside his head.)

................................................................................

I will try to update this regularly if I make anything new or change any details! Sometimes I post things on other social media but forget to post them on tumblr but I'll try to do better with that.

That being said, I also share stuff about my AU on Instagram and Twitter that might not necessarily get posted on here if it's not important enough for it's own post. I'm also just more active there, so feel free to follow those as well.

I also have a DeviantArt and Pinterest where I try to organize my FNAF art into categories, and it's also just easier to look through it all on there so I thought I'd link them.

#fnaf au #main au

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adobe-outdesign · 4 years

Video

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To quoth Se7en: WHAT'S IN THE BOX, SCOTT

Transcript under the cut.

So now that the angry mobs have left, let’s move on to Part 2: The Box. I know this sounds like a strange topic to switch to after we were just talking about the Brother, but we need to understand the box before we can answer that question. So to start, let’s go over:

[Everything We Know About the Box]

First, in FNAF 4 the Fredbear Plush tells Sammy that they will put him back together. In Scott’s post about the box, he said that the box contained all of the pieces put together. This links the box with Sammy.

Our next hint comes in Sister Location, when Michael says this:

And I found her. I put her back together, just like you asked me to. She’s free now.

People tend to misinterpret this as Michael referring to putting Ennard together, but that’s not the case. Rather, based on FNAF 4 and some things in TFC, it seems that being “broken” refers to the state of one’s soul - if you are broken, you are possessing something, and you can rest when you’re fixed. This both indicates Sammy is indeed possessing something, and creates a parallel between him and Ennard.

However, FFPS contains our biggest hint with Candy Cadet.

Candy. Candy. Candy.

I know, stay with me. Each of Candy Cadet’s stories relates to a different aspect of the lore. The story about the burglar probably refers to the original five kids and how their remnant is in Molten Freddy, or maybe just refers to Ennard. The second story about the woman and the keys likely refers to the Puppet - she gave life to the original five, but in the process let William find out about the remnant, which caused him to kill another five kids.

But then we get to the last story.

Now I will tell you a story about a little boy. He had a red snake that he kept in a metal cage, whose hunger could not be satisfied.

One day, the boy found five baby kittens outside his house. He brought them inside and kept them in a shoebox. He knew that the snake might kill them, but could not bring himself to get rid of the snake. He knew that if he chose one kitten to feed to the snake, it might be satisfied, but he could not choose. So, he went to bed, leaving the cage open. The snake went to the shoebox, chose a kitten at random, and ate it.

After five nights had gone by, the boy was full of regret, and cut the snake open. He pieced the remains together, and put the kitten back into the shoebox.

A young boy had five “kittens”, one of which was “eaten”. Filled with guilt, he took the pieces of the “kitten”, stitched them together into one, and put it into a box.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, the story is an analogy to FNAF 4. After Sammy was killed by the Brother’s negligence, he was wracked with guilt. He took the items that Sammy was possessing and stitched them together into one in an attempt to “fix” him. He then locked the final amalgamate into the box and tried to forget about the whole incident, which explains the “some things are best left forgotten” text that appears above it.

This means that Sammy is possessing multiple objects. These objects have to be something that a teenager could put together easily, and they must be small enough to fit into a box.

And if we go back to Sammy’s death, you might notice that as he’s dying, the plushies fade out around him, one by one.

It’s the plushies. Sammy is possessing his own plushies - IE his “friends”. The Brother realized this and stitched the plushies together into one, then locked it away and tried to forget about the entire incident.

But is that it? After all, this would mean he’s just possessing the plushies and has no further lore relevance. Well, we’re not quite done, which leads me to our next topic:

[The Nightmares]

So if you look at the SL Breaker Room map, there’s a dot for every Nightmare animatronic, which seems to confirm they’re real. However, there are two dots missing: Nightmare Fredbear and Nightmare are not listed.

One thing that’s been pointed out by many people regarding the Nightmares being real is that there are quite a few inexplicable things that occur during the games, such as Nightmare Fredbear’s head showing up on the bed and the hospital items that appear. A lot of theories have been tossed around regarding this, ranging from the Nightmares being dreams or even the disks from TTO.

However, I have a different theory. If you pay attention to the 6 AM screen, the numbers screw up before fixing themselves. People blame this on it being a dream… but if your alarm clock is going off, and you’re looking at your alarm clock, doesn’t that mean you’re awake? This indicates that the Brother is not asleep, and something is causing the protagonist to hallucinate.

There’s one other odd thing about FNAF 4 that you might have noticed. The gameplay has a weird obsession with plushies - Nightmare Foxy turns into one, and there’s one sitting on the bed where the Freddles spawn from. Why is there this weird connection between the plushies and the Nightmares?

Additionally, you’ll notice that the animatronics appear in a pattern that matches that of the minigame nights. Nights 1-4 are just the core four, representing the bullies. Night 5 is Fredbear, for the Bite. Night 6 is all four followed by Fredbear, showing the order in which the Bitten Child’s plushies fade away… and Night 7, with Nightmare, is after the Bitten Child has died.

Finally, the box appears at the end of Night 7, with the “some things are best left forgotten” text, and according to the code it was meant to be opened after an unprogrammed Night 8, thus meaning opening the box was supposed to somehow end FNAF 4′s story.

Putting all of that together, I believe that Nightmare Fredbear and his alternate form, Nightmare, are the Sammy’s ghost. He’s locked inside of the box, so he appears as a representation of the Bite and his own death as he attempts to kill his Brother. Ghosts have been shown to cause hallucinations in this series before - thus, it is safe to assume that he’s the one making you hallucinate all of the strange visuals in the game. This is why the Nightmares are connected to the plushies, and why the box was supposed to end the game - once you open the box, Sammy will stop haunting you.

While this explains everything nicely, we do have one potential issue: Scott’s post about the Box suggested that the answer was going to piss everyone off, and this explanation certainly wouldn’t.

Now, keep in mind that I’m less confident about this part of the theory than the first part. I do want to talk about it however, because it does have quite a bit of evidence going for it.

[Sammy, FNAF 1, and how they’re connected]

There’s actually one more hint about the Box that i kind of glossed over in the first part of this video. We do have another hint, and weirdly enough it comes from…

[FNAF World intro]

You see, at the beginning of the game, you’re told to leave breadcrumbs for someone, to help them find their way. After completing a series of minigames, you get a cutscene of the Fredbear Plush, which uses the same dialogue it says to Sammy with the addition of saying the pieces are in place. When you go back to the main screen, you’re rewarded with a statue of a not-crying child.

However, what’s weird about this is that the “pieces” you’re putting into place… are the hints leading to the hidden minigames in FNAF 3.

And what’s even weirder is that every minigame in FNAF 3 ties back into Sammy. We already went over Charlie’s toy Mangle in the last video. Stage 01 shows off Charlie’s kidnapping and involves Fredbear giving cake to the Foxy-mask kid, a reference to the Bite. BB’s Air Adventure shows 3 silhouettes under a tree, which seem to be a nod to the girl outside with her three toys.

Chica’s Party, meanwhile, shows us four cupcakes, one of which follows her around. Judging by the golden cupcake Easter egg, the one moving is gold - thus these represent Sammy’s plushies, as four remain static while the Fredbear plush follows him.

The glitch minigame shows RWQ giving cake to one of the kids. In FNAF 4, Sammy was terrified of the shadows of the animatronics. Scott later gave us this hint about “things in the shadows being misunderstood in the mind of a child”. And indeed, here we see RWQ helping the child rather than hurting them.

And finally, Happiest Day ties back into what the Fredbear Plush said in 4 - that the Puppet would put Sammy back together, IE help him pass on, which fits with her giving the final cake. The cake, meanwhile, could be the birthday cake Sammy never got to have because of the Bite.

But that’s… weird, isn’t it? We see the five kids pass on in this game, along with the now not-possessed FNAF 1 animatronics. Why are there so many connections to the Bitten Child in a game that seemingly has nothing to do with him?

Well, here’s the thing. There’s one thing that I see a lot of people get wrong with the FNAF timeline, and that’s the placement of William’s death. Most people place it after FNAF 1, due to it taking place in the FNAF 1 pizzeria.

However, this is not the case. William walks in and out of the saferoom freely in this minigame before dying there. Then, we hear this in Phone Guy’s message:

Uh, this is just to inform all employees that due to budget restrictions the previously mentioned safe rooms are being sealed at most locations. Including this one. Work crews will be here most of the day today constructing a false wall over the old door face. Nothing is being taken out beforehand, so if you left anything inside, then it’s your own fault. Management also requests that this room not be mentioned to family, friends, or insurance representatives.

Phone Guy says nothing is being taken out and not to mention it to insurance companies because William’s corpse is already in there. Note that he says they’re constructing a fake wall to hide the saferoom, and where does Phone Dude find Springtrap?

Uh, but you know, like I said, we’re trying to track down a good lead right now. Uh, some guy who helped design one of the buildings says there was like an extra room that got boarded up, or, uh, something like that.

William died in the saferoom, so management constructed the false wall over it to hide his body. He stayed there until Fazbear’s Fright found him behind said wall and removed him.

But that’s the issue - it’s Phone Guy who tells you about the sealing of the saferoom. Phone Guy was dead after FNAF 1, so this means William must have died before it.

While you might be wondering why the place looks like the FNAF 1 location, note this phone call from FNAF 2:

Uh, now, I want you to forget anything you may have heard about the old location. You know, uh, some people still have a somewhat negative impression of the company. Uh, that old restaurant was kind of left to rot for quite a while, but, I want to reassure you, Fazbear Entertainment is committed to family fun and above all, safety.

This sure looks like a location that was left to rot to me! It’s likely that after the FNAF 2 location shut down, Freddy’s was forced to move back into their earlier location where the murders took place due to budget reasons. William was the night guard before you in FNAF 2, so this was likely between 2 and 1 - they had already fixed up the Withereds at this point, but hadn’t finished cleaning up the pizzeria before Will died.

This creates an odd gap in the timeline, however. When incorrectly assumed the minigames take place after 1, the kids are put to rest after Will dies before passing on in FNAF 3. Easy. But in actually, the kids vanish before FNAF 1, which shouldn’t be the case as the animatronics are still possessed at that point. Shadow Freddy even shows up in 3 with his FNAF 2 appearance, which would be weird if the ghosts had changed to match the FNAF 1 models. Likewise, the endoskeletons of the animatronics don’t look the same, which lends credence that these aren’t the Withereds. So what is going on here?

Well, in UCN we get a couple anime cutscenes. Freddy talks about it being his birthday and how Foxy has killed someone, so this is obviously a parallel to the older Brother and Sammy. What’s important here is that Freddy tries to defeat Foxy for five days before Foxy leaves, Freddy swearing to follow him. If Freddy represents Sammy, then that means that he followed the Brother to at least one other location than the FNAF 4 house.

Basically, what seems to be implied here is that Sammy is possessing all of the animatronics in 1. William dismantled the original 5 between 2 and 1. The kids stopped actively haunting the place at this point, though they don’t fully pass on until FFPS, hence why the gravestones pop up at the end. This left an opening for Sammy to possess the Classics in an attempt to kill his Brother, as he never opened the box he’s trapped in. This is why the Classics behave like the Nightmares, and in turn draw parallels to FNAF 4, such as Foxy not moving when you look at him.

This is why there are so many parallels to FNAF 4 in the FNAF 3 minigames - it’s not the original five you’re freeing, but rather, the pieces of Sammy. Not that TFC claims that broken children show up as multiple copies of each other, which we can assume applies to canon. All of the sprites look like greyscale versions of Sammy’s sprite - except for the Puppet, as she’s the only different character here.

Note also that the fifth child or piece here is probably not Golden Freddy, as is commonly assumed, but rather Fredbear - the one with the purple accents - matching Sammy’s last plushie and Nightmare Fredbear. The final minigame is greyscale and it’s too dark to fully see the head in the back of the ending screen, meaning that you can’t see the color of the top hat.

While the idea of Sammy being all the kids in this minigame sounds crazy, think about what Scott said during Dawko’s interview:

Dawko: This game, um, was when things went a little bit crazy with, like, the minigames, and stuff, and the good ending and the bad ending. Um, if you can answer this, which ending really happened?

Scott: I’ve given it a lot of thought as to whether or not I should answer this question. And I went back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth. And, the answer is very interesting, you know?

The answer is very interesting. The answer is complex. However, I’m not gonna answer it, because it’ll only cause strife. I mean, you see the kinda trouble that erupts, especially several years ago. The flame wars that would go on over Mangle’s gender, something as simple as that, you know? You know, I mean, you know, people with torches and pitchforks, you know? Now, yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna answer this one, I’m afraid.

This… seems weird, doesn’t it? The answer is either that the bad ending is canon or the good ending is, and yet Scott claims that the answer is “complex”. On top of that, the game itself implies the good ending is canon, as it’s just labeled as “the end” while the bad ending is specifically labeled as “bad”, making Scott’s hesitation all the odder.

However, this makes sense when combined with this theory. The good ending is canon, as Sammy is freed at the end of 3. But that’s the thing - it’s Sammy who’s freed. Everyone believes that these minigames show the original 5 kids, but the original 5 aren’t freed until FFPS. In that sense, both the good ending and bad ending are canon. That is indeed a complex answer, and one that would cause a ton of confusion and fighting. And it’s also an answer that would piss people off if they found out about it, leading back into Scott’s “would people accept it that way” pondering from the post about the Box.

Of course, Scott’s also said the contents of the Box have changed over time, so it’s possible that this was canon at one point but isn’t anymore, or maybe I’m just overthinking things and none of this is correct. Still, it’s a good thing to keep in mind as we move into discussing what the actual plot of FNAF is.

[Continued in Part 3]

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf #fnaf 4 #five nights at freddy's 4 #bitten child #nightmare animatronics #outdesign posts things #outdesign analyzes things #the black box #this one is less controversial than the first one but I feel like an angry mob's gonna form anyway

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the1959project · 4 years

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December 31, 1959

Ahmad Jamal, 1959

New Year’s Eve 1959 was as fruitful as New Year’s Eve 1958 — the night with which this project began. In New York, you could see Sarah Vaughan at the Waldorf or Sammy Davis, Jr. at the Copa (if you were loaded), Count Basie and Joe Williams at Birdland, Dizzy Gillespie — “evoking, from his homemade speaking tube, the wondrous sounds of a world yet to come,” as the New Yorker described it — at the Metropole, Ornette Coleman in his revolutionary run at the Five Spot with Randy Weston as support, Horace Silver (“experimenting to see what will make the human nervous system dissolve,” another New Yorker-ism) at the Jazz Gallery, Earl Hines at the Embers, Ernestine Anderson at the Apollo and hundreds more musicians remembered and forgotten making up the soundtrack to the end of one heady decade.

The best summary of the decade written by its contemporaries, that I’ve found, came from Stanley Robertson of the Los Angeles Sentinel — a former editor at Ebony who returned to newspaper work while pursuing a pioneering career in TV.

60 years later, most of his assertions and observations are just as relevant. If I had been more organized (an evergreen caveat), I would have read them at the beginning of the year and not at the end — but the fact is, at the beginning of the year I had only a tenuous grasp of just how much information and insight I was about to uncover.

Throughout the course of this project, I’ve been asked — understandably — why. 1959 is only a cliche within a relatively intimate group of jazz heads; outside of their poo-poo-ing (anything but rehashing Kind of Blue and Dave Brubeck again, am I right?) and, of course, Fred Kaplan’s under-read tome, it’s mostly anonymous. Essentially, if you know about its significance in jazz you’re weary of it, and if you don’t it seems completely random.

But the idea of a 1959 jazz timeline was one that I couldn’t shake. Yes, great records; yes, jazz history. But around those pillars of the music was so much blank space. Blank space that I realized I had the tools to fill — books and archives and music and Google — even if only for myself. There was simply too much material waiting to be put in some sort of discernible order, too much incredible music that begged a different kind of context and background — one based less on how the music sounded and more on the environment in which it was made, and who was listening. I figured I may as well try, not anticipating in the slightest that I would actually make it to the end of the year — much less that anyone would care either way. But, crazily enough, here I am, and here you are.

What I’ve learned could (and hopefully will?) fill a book. The most surprising parts should have been the least surprising — the profound impact of racism, sexism and homophobia on what music got heard and how. Race in particular — again, duh — lies at the very core of American music history, and thus jazz history. To me, it goes both ways — jazz’s central role in American cultural history gets undersold precisely because it is Black music.

New York wasn’t technically segregated, but the kinds of jazz you might hear on 125th Street and below 14th Street might as well have been from different worlds. The stuff that white people listened to is the stuff that we still talk about; the stuff that Black people listened to is generally presented as secondary — a reality that is obviously perverse given the fact jazz is and has always been Black music. Miles existed somewhere in between, as he was wont to; the fact that he was beaten by the NYPD immediately after releasing the most enduring jazz album — perhaps the album that truly launched the LP era? — ever will never not make me tear up. This is the crux of the whole thing: Who gets to be important? Why is jazz niche — still more often understood as a lusty cliche than an actual artistic movement — and not at the center of our understanding of 20th Century American intellectual and creative life? Racism, obviously.

The jazz that was huge in 1959 tended towards two quite disparate poles: strange big band music made by white bands for white audiences that sounds flatly jarring to listen to today, and music by Black jazz artists who were uninterested in pleasing (mostly) white critics — music that was deemed by those critics to be redundant or sentimental or trite. Ahmad Jamal, sitting cheerily at the top of this post, is a case study of the latter phenomenon. Without actually having the numbers, I would hazard a guess that he was the top selling jazz artist (who anyone still listens to today) of 1959. “Poinciana” was running jukeboxes, and the success of At The Pershing inspired the rapidfire release of half a dozen more LPs.

But Jamal is not generally cited as one of the canonical artists of 1959, or of jazz. Neither are Dinah Washington or Sarah Vaughan, who had their biggest hits (”What a Diff’rence A Day Made,” “Unforgettable,” “Broken-Hearted Melody”) in 1959. Same story with Erroll Garner, who sold out Carnegie Hall in 1959. Same with Ramsey Lewis, who spent all year on the Billboard charts with his remarkable album Down To Earth, as well as Jimmy Smith, Eddie “Lockjaw” Davis, Shirley Scott, and many others. Ray Charles, in his completely idiosyncratic way, was plucking the friendliest parts from jazz and placing them into era-defining pop music.

The difference isn’t in the quality of the music, it’s in who was listening.

youtube

Some people have asked if I’m going to continue this project with 1960. The answer is no, because I have an actual job and about 500 other projects of similarly ambitious scale that I would like to tackle. But I hope that if you enjoyed it, you might use it as a way to look at the music you listen to differently. There is so much more to know about each of the records I posted here, and all the ones I didn’t post — we live in a time of literally unprecedented amounts of information, and this period was particularly well-documented. So listen to the albums, but then check the Wikipedia page to find the other albums, and look at the liner notes to see where the Wikipedia page is wrong, and read some old magazines and newspapers to see where the liner notes were wrong, and find some live performance that people even crazier than I am have dug up and posted. All it takes is a little curiosity, and the surprises are so worth it.

In any event, thank you so much for following along and happy hunting! I, for one, can’t wait to hear all the great new music coming in the next decade.

#1959 #the1959project #jazz

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fleurdelisgigi · 7 years

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Wine fueled rant about Shameless that spiraled out of control

Ok so it has been a long while since I’ve made a Gallavich post, I’m still salty and I don’t plan on watching this new season, though as it grows near I am looking forward to reading @koganphrancis ’s scathing episode reviews that gave me life through Season 7.

So here is the thing that really bothers me and I think it is one of the main reasons the writers think they can get away with their bull shit and it comes from the seasonal promotional posters. For the past, Imma say, 3 or 4 seasons the main posters for them only include 3 characters (the ones shown on everything), the three characters that the shows creators some how think are the most popular. Lip, Fiona and Frank.

Lip.

Fiona.

Frank.

And where they are fucking wrong is that these aren’t actually the most interesting characters in this fucking show.

Lip is an arrogant asshole, Fiona… to be honest I don’t even know who she is anymore but all of her plots are “I’m going to take care of myself for a change” and revolve around which ever hot dick shes fucking, then there’s Frank who hasn’t had an interesting or relevant plot since Season 4 (where I would argue they should have fucking KILLED him, but he’s William H. Macy…so, you know, they cant?)

* Also random side note, if they and him were locked into some kind of 7 season contract I would have fucking saved the whole LIVER FAILER plot for the seventh season! For real cuz if anyone knows anything about hospital politics a LIFE LONG ALCOHOLIC would not have gotten a new liver. Period. I mean just watch some House episodes and you can see how the whole fucking board of directors have to come together and debate about the god damn donor list, if a person shows signs of heavy alcohol/ drug abuse or suicidal tendencies they are not given a top spot. ALSO WHERE THE FUCK DID THE HOSPITAL BILLS GO????

SO anyways, I’ve been reading stuff, sleuthing in the fandom like a phantom and I have some opinions.

Firstly about how Mickey and Ian’s break up and how its totally and completely fucking out of left field. I think that the negotiations, like last year, were going on during filming/around the time editing and filming was being wrapped up. I’m not sure what went down but that scene is so disjointed and the aftermath and the Sammi thing, I think that was all thrown together last minute as a way to write Mickey/Noel off (in a terrible, poorly written, petty way).

In some previous interview, JW stated that Gallavich was endgame and that he thought they were going to be the sort of “Stable” couple on the show.

I think the original intention was going to be that Sammi was dead. Boom.

*That would have probably been either a main plot point in season 6 or it would have been sort of fleetingly mentioned as a thing then it would have gone away.

I think that Ian was supposed to come back from his field trip to insanity with Monica and have a sort of heart to heart with Mickey

*Ian shows up at Milkovich house

M: Where the hell you been?

I: with Monica…

M:…You ok?

I: ‘Nods with teary eye’

Gallavich hugs

then they would just have one of their nonverbal moments with the tone of “We’ll figure this shit out together” and that would have been that. Episode ends.

And then the train wreck that is 6, 7 and most likely 8 was spawned with Noel being gone. Cuz here is the THING. Fiona ISNT INTERESTING, her plots ARNT INTERESTING. In the UK version Fiona left with Jimmy/Steve Season 1 (not that I am saying the US version should stay true or that the UK version is better, to be honest I don’t really enjoy the UK version). I don’t think she should have but I feel like if you are going to keep this character you should at least have a FUCKING PLAN of where you want her to FUCKING end up. Cuz season 1 Fiona, she was fucking great, I liked her, she was on my list of people I liked. I stilled liked her in Season 2, then Season 3 she started to annoy me, then FUCK season 4 Fiona and now she is just…..terrible. Season 5 Fiona I could tell they were really loosing touch with who she was.

*Another side note tid bit – her opening scene in Season 5 told me all I needed to know, her plot was going to revolve around some new fucking dick. We get this random ass scene with some guy we don’t know as a way of introducing him and letting us know that Fiona’s plot this season was going to be her desire to date this guy. Then her plot was literally, Ooooo this foreign lead singer is hot, My boss is hot, The lead singer is an asshole but his friend and base player is hot, my boss thinks I’m a Chaos junky, let me marry this base player I don’t know etc. etc. etc. There is no growth of character, there is no resolution, its just….. bullshit, its BULLSHIT

Then there is Lip who they fucking lost touch with…. Man I don’t even know because I never really liked Lip, he’s an arrogant piece of shit and to me has never redeemed himself AT ALL. To be honest I rather enjoyed watching him spiral out of control but that’s not my point. My point is that Lip has the same character/ plot issues as FUCKING FIONA its just reversed. Lip’s plots revolve around what ever new fresh PUSSY he’s fucking. And it took me a little while to figure that out, figure out that that’s why he isn’t interesting, not just because I don’t like him, not just because he’s an entitled arrogant douche, but because he has no PERSONAL GROWTH PLOT ITS ALL ABOUT THE GIRL HES FUCKING.

I could argue that with Fiona maybe it was hard to find a plot for her, what is she doing if not caring for the kids or fucking some new guy? Do I agree with that notion? No, but I can see it. With Lip, though? No, I don’t fucking buy it, he could have just had a “Stuggling in college” plot…there was just, no need to make it about some girl, Now I… don’t hate Amanda but for real? S1 Lip -Karen, S2 Lip – Karen and Him being an idiot/Pregnancy, S3 Lip – Mandy, S4 Lip – Amanda, S5 Lip- Amanda/Helen, S6 Lip- Helen, S7 Lip- Sierra. Now I am not saying that there shouldn’t be any romance, I’m not advocating that Lip and Fiona should always be single. What I am saying is that Amanda and Helen and Sierra are totally unnecessary. Lip’s spiraling out of control plot could have just been him realizing he isn’t as much of a genius that he fucking thought he was, hes fucking failing in college BOOM that is an interesting fucking plot, the girls don’t think hes the shit anymore BOOM that is some build up to a persons fucking identity crisis. It just never made any SCENSE to me that Amanda would just suddenly be like… fuck my boyfriend I like his roommate cuz he has a little brother he takes care of. It just came out of left field for me and I didn’t get it. I really just…. didn’t get it, still don’t even with the weird plot with her wanting to piss off her dad, I NEVER GOT IT. Season 4 could have been the beginning of the end- it could have been him feeling lost, failing classes- no friends- no girls- shitty roommate, the struggle, then instead of him using Liam like a Chick Magnate they could have showed how FUCKING difficult it is to try and go to school and having a FUCKING child with you (a struggle that many women and men actually fucking face while trying to get a degree with out being able to afford child care). The whole Helen thing, ok maybe, that could have stayed as the catalyst that drives Lip to his rock bottom but…. Sierra? No, she just….. GOD, Season fucking 7 could have been about him attempting to GET SOBER WITH OUT ANY PUSSY.

Any-fucking-way, lets move on to Frank. Oh Franky-Franky-Frank. S1-4 Frank had something he did, and when they gave him Liver failure that should have been the end but no, they got him a liver and now his plots are just… comical stupidity? Season 5 Frank is… just making beer? Then meets Bianca who dies, Then Season 6 Frank is just a fucking asshole and that Queenie chick shows up, Season 7 Frank is…. making a new family of homeless people? Then Monica shows up? Its just random shit. I will be totally honest here, I stopped paying much attention to Franks shit Season 5, it was just so damn BORING. HE IS BORING. HIS PLOTS ARE ALWAYS BORING EVEN FROM THE BEGINGING. He is just this looming piece of shit in their lives and that’s all well and good, he sort of keeps them together in a way and I’m fine with his shitty boring plots because they were the sort of “comic relief to the show” and I’m not saying they need to kill him off or make him have better plots, whatever, my point is HE IS NOT INTERESTING, he should not be a MAIN that the show revolves around. As the random drunk father who comes in and out and is comic relief he is great but he is not the most interesting character in the show and he should not be who they focus all of their plot attention to.

So, with this in mind though. The writers act and think that these three are the show, the MAINS of the show and they for some reason think that LIP, FIONA, and FRANK are the reason people watch. So they put their energy into thinking of SHITTY plots for those three and then the other characters got tossed to the side and their plots are some how EVEN worse. Carl for example finally got a decent plot I guess with the whole military school thing (but he seems to be around for season 8 and this Meth bullshit sooooooooo, I guess he’s not doing that anymore????? I really only watched S7 for Mickey’s return and payed little to no attention to ANYONE else besides Ian, and I’ve not been all over the new promos and stuff, haven’t even watched the trailers or anything) but I hated his whole….drug lord thing is S6 HATED IT, I was SO PISSED WHEN THEY SENT HIM TO JUVIE OH MY GOHD.

Anyways, Debbie’s fucking baby plot…. I could see it, ok. I could. She has been one of those girls who wants to be older and that had been building for a while, the whole dad’s family wanting to take the baby thing I could have really lived without, though. But I’m….. not…… mad……….I………guess. I’m not happy with it…..but……I could see how it went that direction. Not a fan of so much of her plot though, it went really weird in S5. The whole Matty thing was just…… I hated that they decided to make Debbie into like…. what they did season 4. It really fucked her up and the direction they took her while believable I really wish they went a different route. Also I wish they hadn’t made her a fucking RAPIST. That would have been great.

Then poor fucking LIAM who they obviously have NO FUCKING CLUE what to do with. I mean…..he never fucking talks. Hes supposed to be like 7 now and he just says random cliché tocken black shit????? I just can’t even. Coming from a Biracial girl who grew up with her white mom mostly….um no. I’m not sure what I would have done with him, but I would hope the writers would put some kind of fucking effort into his character and plot, give him a quirk besides that fact that hes BLACK. Cuz that was his quirk when he was a baby, now he needs a fucking PERSONALITY. Like in the beginning when Carl and Debbie were young. Debbie was the sweet on and Carl was the kind of a sociopath weirdo. GIVE LIAM A PERSONALITY QUIRK THAT AS HE AGES YOU CAN GROW FROM. Like make him super good in school, or like the new Debbie in that he is really sweet ( I could really see that being a good direction to go in, in that, there are no 'sweet’ Gallagers anymore) and comforting. I don’t fucking know just give him something to fucking BE. I swear S1 Carl had no plot besides him being kind of weird and violet but they WORKED with it and made him one of my FAVS, fucking loved Carl’s development.

The Balls and the Thrupple was some bull shit. I’m not even going to break that down.

Now we move on to sweet sweet Ian and I have ranted about him before so I’ll try to keep this bit short and sweet. THERE IS SO MUCH FUCKING POTENTIAL WITH IAN. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD. But because they didn’t know how to write him with out Mickey anymore and how to write him dealing with his FUCKING BIPOLAR they decided to let him fall into the same fucking pit that Lip and Fiona are in where his fucking plot revolves around SOME NEW DICK. You see in S4 the fucking point of view shifted from Ian to Mickey and they had a fucking ROUGH time figuring out how to shift it the fuck back. Now Ian’s plots haven’t been all about him either, in Season 1 it was about him being gay and Kash and Mickey but, just like the rest of them, he actually had a personality that we were being introduced to, then S2 we didn’t see Mickey much but we knew they were together and we got more of just Ian and we got to know him more, same in S3 (this doesn’t just go for Ian btw, in S1-S3 we got a lot more growth and understanding of the characters beyond the dick/pussy they were fucking, there was just a lot more good meaty shit going on plot wise) Anyways, Ian got reduced to the “token gay” and just….. it just fucking sucked man. Everything sucked. I mean fuck, I can’t even explain how much I hate the jail scene. Or the fucking SHIFT OF GAY FIREFIGHTERS. UM FUCKING SERIOUSLY?????

*fucking side note tid bit! Fucking NO ok that isn’t a thing that exists in reality ok. I can totally buy the Gay baseball game thing, I can see that being a thing that happens (though making Tony gay….I really didn’t think that was super funny???? I don’t know, I can see him discovering that he was gay mainly because he had been a virgin for so long buuuuut his whole “Your sister made me gay” thing? I just wasn’t amused), you know, the gay firefighters and gay cops doing a thing like that, just like I can imagine female firefighters and female cops doing something like that. But the shift? WHO thought that was funny?WHO I WANT TO KNOW WHO

I think they had a whole plot lined up for Ian and Mickey. I think S6 was going to be them working on getting Ian medicated and on the right path and dealing with that.

THEY HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL WITH THESE CHARACTERS but they are ignoring it in favor of OTHERS. They make Fiona and Frank’s boring ass plots the main fucking focus along with Lip and there is so much potential in EVERYONE ELSE but they just…. don’t do anything good with them.

I’m drinking wine and this has gotten out of control, I don’t even know what the main point to this is supposed to be besides I think the writers focus too much on 3 boring characters and thus make ridiculous shitty plots for everyone else and they have totally lost touch with what the show is supposed to be about! It used to be about a family living SHAMELESSLY they were proud of their heritage and their life. They loved who they were! Fiona was a shameless hood girl taking care of the family and trying to keep them all afloat, Lip was the genius who would rather stay where he was then be the “golden goose”, Ian was the responsible middle child who wanted to go into the army- in love with the neighborhood thug and loved his life, Debbie was sweet and the shining beacon of goodness and innocence in their life, Carl was the wild one with sociopathic tendencies, Liam was the baby (haha), Frank was the shitty alcoholic father and Monica was the bipolar mother who abandoned them. But there was still family here, here was connection and strength and love. Loyalty and Shamelessness. SHAMELESSNESS. That was the fucking point.

Now whats the point? SHAME? They're all trying to become some kind of middle class bullshit? I just……. I don’t know what this show is anymore and it makes me sad.

#shameless us #shameless #ive had a lot of wine #this got out of control #demon show #i have no idea what i'm saying #this is super all over the place #gallavich #was there a point to this post?#maybe i don't fucking know #i just have opinions and feelings #mickey deserved better #i miss noel #i miss how good this show used to be

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deadcactuswalking · 4 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: SEASON THREE (29th December 2019)

There are ten songs in this top 40 that are not Christmas songs. There are 30 holiday singles in one chart, for the first time ever. That is one quarter of the chart left that isn’t festive in some capacity. I know I said last week was the Christmas episode, Christmas chart, Christmas special, or whatever, but the post-Christmas week, the first week of the next year, in this case 2020 (The end-of-year chart will soon be released in full), will always include Christmas tracking and hence have more songs. Therefore, you could argue that last week’s #1 isn’t the true Christmas #1. I’d disagree because out of the two #1s, it is the only one that made an evident campaign for the spot, although the campaign for the second #1 is only not evident out of sheer falsity, so it really is an open question. Despite that, I’ll say that for the sake of REVIEWING THE CHARTS, “I Love Sausage Rolls” by LadBaby is the Christmas #1 for 2019. In an awful twist of fate, however, that song is now at #57. Not even LadBaby’s last #1 dropped that far on its second week. I apologise for the third season’s first episode being complete shambles, but the events kind of called for a switch of the format. We have one non-Christmas song in the top 10. It would be unwise to talk about the rest of the top 10 as it’s overwhelmingly more relevant to the Christmas section, hence I present to you 2019’s final edition of:

IT’S CHRISTMAS INNIT

Top 10 (9?)

The #1 is Ellie Goulding’s “River”, up 10 spaces, with its only festive justification other than its vague Wintry content being the fact that it’s #1 on Christmas. It’s her third #1 and first since 2015, and the last #1 of the decade – or the first #1 of the 2020s decade. You decide. Goulding’s Joni Mitchell cover was an Amazon exclusive existing purely to push UK sales for a cheap #1, as Goulding’s increasingly irrelevant music would not get to #1 that easily, especially a fluke Christmas single that I have never heard, and don’t care to. I wouldn’t like to believe this is the true #1 but unfortunately it is, narrowly beating Mariah Carey, who has been steadily at the top of the Billboard Hot 100 for three weeks now, as her more deserving classic, “All I Want for Christmas is You”, is at #2 after a six-spot boost. Why isn’t it #1 in the UK, you ask? Greedy record labels vying for worthless chart spots that mean frankly nothing other than to boost the visibility of irrelevant acts that they want to cling onto for dear life so they can get a check, that’s why. Sorry, I’m way too passionate about this, I’ll just move on. Um, “Last Christmas” by WHAM! is up two to #5, “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl is up 10 to #4, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens is also up 10 to #6, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid is up 10 to #7, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John is up 10 to #8. Now for our second bloody Amazon exclusive, arguably the more egregious, “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” by John Legend, up 23 to #9. Seemingly this song was made for not only false chart points but also because of the novelty of John Legend covering a song by John Lennon. Well, I can’t find a reason to cover this song other than that, as making it an Amazon exclusive goes directly against Lennon’s thoughts on commercialism, and surely making a protest song about the Vietnam war meant to raise awareness about the destruction war causes to innocent civilians a cheap cash-grab would kind of soil the reputation of Mr. John Legend over here... and I don’t even like “Happy Xmas (War is Over)”. It’s a pretentious slog on its own and it certainly did not need a rendition from one of the duller R&B singers to come out of the 2000s. Curiously both Goulding and Legend have ties to Universal Music Group. Sigh, well at #10, we have “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard, up 19 spaces. That’s a better song.

Climbers

Let’s blast through this with no room for anger or dilly-dallying: “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé is up 13 to #11, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande is up 15 to #13, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis is up 10 to #15, “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia is up 19 to #17, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee is up 14 to #18, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade is up 12 to #19, “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson is up 12 to #21, and that’s all. That doesn’t sound like 30 Christmas songs at all, right? That’s just 16. Well...

Returning Entries & New Arrivals

These kind of blend together at Christmas; I’m never sure if the song already peaked years or decades ago, and I’m just none the wiser towards any of it, or it’s never gotten this high into the top 40 before. I had to check the Christmas specials for 2018-2019 to see what songs I’ve covered before. I actually found out I’ve already covered “Underneath the Tree”, so I didn’t actually need to talk about that one a week or two ago, but my opinion had changed so I think it’s time well spent. If I accidentally cover a song twice, I honestly don’t care, but here are the returning entries I’ve already talked about: “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney is back at #37, “Stay Another Day” by East 17 is at #35, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love is at #33, “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby is at #31, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon, Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Boys Choir or something to that effect is at #28, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber is at #27, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams is at #25, “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea is at #24 and “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry is at #22. I know I technically didn’t “review” that last song per se since it wasn’t on streaming services at the time but it’s utter plastic garbage so there’s no benefit in doing so. Here are the songs I do have to review.

#39 – “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” – Dean Martin

Produced by Lee Gillette – Peaked at #12 in Canada and #15 in the US

This really could have just been called “Let it Snow”, right? Regardless, this is actually one of my favourite more traditional Christmas songs, although this is still pretty recent, being a 1959 rendition of a song written by Sammy Cahn in 1945, simply because it was a heat wave in July that year so he teamed up with composer Jule Styne in Hollywood to make a song imagining, in fact almost begging, for colder weather. Despite how controversial Martin’s cover of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” has become, he really still is a talented singer who couldn’t get that song’s framing just right. Here, he seems more in his element and despite no reference to the holiday season, since it’s snow, people just kind of lump it in with more festive hits, especially on radio. I think I generally prefer this sweet, orchestral tint Martin’s producer gave to the composition, and the strings here sound really great, despite that vague drum beat not needing to be there, as it’s honestly quite stiff. I would have preferred this without much percussion at all actually. It’s less than two minutes, so it doesn’t overstay its welcome, which is one issue I have with Frank Sinatra’s decidedly un-Christmassy version, which just sounds really ugly to me today, with its squealing brass section and twee backing singers. The bridge is especially awkward. So, yeah, I prefer Martin’s version here, although I’d like to shout out Rod Stewart’s version as well while I’m on the topic. It was actually a pretty big adult contemporary hit in 2012. Go figure. It’s actually pretty sweet albeit simplistic and I don’t even like Rod Stewart, so check that one out too.

#34 – “Sleigh Ride” – The Ronettes

Produced by Phil Spector – Peaked at #17 in Hungary and #21 in the US

I swear I’ve covered this one before, but I couldn’t find it, so uh, I like the horse neighing. “Sleigh Ride” was also composed by Leroy Anderson during a heat wave in 1948, which is an interesting coincidence. The Ronettes sound okay, but the focus was never their voice. It was Phil Spector’s Wall of Sound production, as this appeared on his Christmas album. His production is maximalist and has a massive, vibrant, colourful sound to it... supposedly. I see it in some of his other work, but this song just sounds garbage. Everything feels concentrated to the centre of the mix and it renders as sludge to me, especially when the freaking strings come in. Does this have to be three minutes also? It’s just immensely boring and goes in one ear, out the other, unlike those second-degree murder convictions... you sick, sick man. Merry Christmas, everyone!

#32 – “Holly Jolly Christmas” – Michael Bublé

Nah, screw the production and chart info. I don’t care. It’s Michael Bublé, what do you expect me to say? It’s bland radio fluff white man capitalism whatever. Here are the lyrics to “Re-Rewind (The Crowd Say Bo Selecta)” by Artful Dodger and Craig David.

[Intro: Craig David]

Re-rewind

Enter, selecta

Ehh, yeah

Ehh, eh yeah

Ehh, yeah

Ehh

Enter, selecta

[Verse: Craig David]

Making moves, yeah, on the dance floor

Got our groove on dancing yeah, real hard core

From the front to the back that's where I was at

You know, you know, the Artful Dodger do it like that

With Craig David all over your (boing)

DJ it's all up to you

When the crowd go wild

Tell me, whatcha gonna do

[Chorus: Craig David]

Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta

Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Bo Bo

Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta

Re-rewind

This goes out to all the DJ's

[Interlude]

Ehh, yeah

Ehh, eh yeah

Ehh, yeah

Ehh

Ehh, yeah

[Verse: Craig David]

Making moves, yeah, on the dance floor

Got our groove on dancing yeah, real hard core

From the front to the back that's where I was at

You know, you know, the Artful Dodger do it like that

With Craig David all over your (boing)

DJ it's all up to you

When the crowd go wild

Tell me, whatcha gonna do

[Chorus: Craig David]

Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta

Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Bo Bo

Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta

Re-rewind

This goes out to all the DJ's

[Verse: Craig David]

Making moves, yeah, on the dance floor

Got our groove on dancing yeah, real hard core

From the front to the back that's where I was at

You know, you know, the Artful Dodger do it like that

With Craig David all over your (boing)

DJ it's all up to you

When the crowd go wild

Tell me, whatcha gonna do

Making moves, yeah, on the dance floor

Got our groove on dancing yeah, real hard core

From the front to the back that's where I was at

You know, you know, the Artful Dodger do it like that

With Craig David all over your (boing)

DJ it's all up to you

When the crowd go wild

Tell me, whatcha gonna do

[Chorus: Craig David]

Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta

Re-rewind (Ehh, eh yeah), Sel-lecta

Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta

Re-rewind (Ehh, eh yeah), Sel-lecta

Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta

Re-rewind (Ehh, eh yeah), Sel-lecta

Re-rewind, when the crowd say Bo Selecta

#30 –“Jingle Bell Rock” – Bobby Helms

Produced by Joe Beal and Jim Boothe – Peaked at #3 in the US and Latvia

I don’t know what to tell you guys, I really have next to nothing to say for these Christmas classics. They’re simple, catchy compositions with dated and/or cliché production but make up for it by just being infectious and jolly. This applies to nearly all of these Christmas songs. The whole genre is based on these fundamentals and it’s not like they often take a detour – well, that’s coming up. I’m just so excited to talk about the last song here, so I really have no patience for this or “Sleigh Ride” or “Holly Jolly Christmas”. I have no idea how the hell this peaked at #3 in Latvia. I guess that’s something vaguely interesting about this song. I mean, it’s tolerable but I feel no pressure to write an essay about it or anything.

#29 – “Christmas Lights” – Coldplay

Produced by Coldplay, Rik Simpson and Brian Eno – Peaked at #2 in Italy and the Netherlands, and #25 in the US

In December 2008, Chris Martin wrote “Christmas Lights”, and even performed a segment of the draft on live television. Little did he know, that in my opinion, he wrote the best Christmas song of all time! So what’s “Christmas Lights” about? Well, it paints a very vivid picture of an aggravated relationship that brutally shattered on Christmas Eve, mentioned to be one of many but the date making it especially saddening. You could see it as a family breaking up and having an argument on Christmas, which is an especially common happening; 68% of families have a row over the Christmas break. You could also see it as a simple break-up song that just happens to take place over late December, but really it can be construed as both; Chris Martin plays it vague enough to apply to different situations but doesn’t allow for any wishy-washy lyricism, with some poetic specifics that really resonate. The first verse has almost a semantic field of liquid, all of which are somewhat acidic and all of which are overwhelmingly dangerous: “flood”, “poison”, “blood”. The line “Got all kinds of poison in—poison in my blood” reveals the reliance on alcohol as well as the sheer vitriol our narrator has built up for this person during this break-up, although much like alcohol and much like poison, once you take it, it’s quick and you won’t feel anything the next morning, if you feel anything at all, but the long-term consequences will be dire. This is a lovely metaphor that is illustrated throughout the song, and our narrator’s drunken stupor is even represented in the stammering and messy, incorrect structure of his sentences. The second half of the first verse details our narrator’s solution: he can confound into the Christmas lights, which are artificial, neon decorations lacking any meaning but in his dazed and confused state, he will have to rely on the exceptional displays of Oxford Street, which is directly name-dropped in the song, to guide him to some kind of home, literally or figuratively. One narrative would be that he simply cannot see his way home, but the other would be that he finds warmth in the lights that register memories of nostalgia, so much so that he’s able to reminisce on perhaps better Christmas Eves of his youth. The refrain in the first half of the song isn’t exactly referring to global warming when Martin talks about the snow falling; rather, he could be referring to waiting for the lights to come on and the dust to settle, or for the tensions to rise or even fall. It doesn’t feel like Christmas without family, and those violent arguments are the snow. He’s waiting for them to either stop or just come to a climax as the pain leading up to it is unbearable.

In the second verse, our narrator mentions candles flickering and floating; it’s iconic Christian imagery that symbolises Jesus Christ finding light in darkness. It links our narrator’s story to religion but also stars and destiny, implying fate has led him to this dark path. He seems to disregard the candles, though, instead focusing on the chandelier of hope that he hangs onto, once again abandoning tradition for the artificial, commercialised “Christmas light”, which is fascinating but something I’ve never truly been able to piece together with the rest of the narrative here. Our narrator undermines his panicked cries for help as “like” a drunken Elvis impersonator singing out of tune about how he always loved a “darling”, but this story rings true – karaoke is a staple at Christmas, and he might have very well been an Elvis impersonator singing out of tune one Christmas evening, but he now finds himself yelling in a drunken state whilst desperately attempting to calm himself down by remembering a more fun, simple time. After one refrain, we have our song, and I figure I should talk about the actual music now. The instrumentation starts simple, with a piano melody that sounds sombre and flat, especially when Martin’s dejected delivery, full of despair and hopelessness, drowns out all remnants of the composition as he has a stronghold on the mix. The strings are still somewhat decipherable, amongst awkward, ticking percussion, but they’re barely audible at this point, so the nostalgia is gone... until that refrain, where the atmosphere rises with the strings picking up in intensity and we have our first drop, which still feels slightly restrained, until that second verse comes in, and the drums kick in to represent the stupor our narrator is in, as they’re almost hypnotising in their unchanging pattern. Martin sounds chaotic as well, with his uncontrolled falsetto singing what might quite literally be out of tune. In the second refrain, ugly, plastic guitar loops play and I would usually criticise this but if anything this shows the two sides of the “Christmas light” concept better than I can word it: sure, it’s perfect and convenient for mass audiences, but does it really mean anything? It’s also pushed back into the mix and sounds kind of like “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders, so I’m okay with it being there, especially since it assists the narrative. So we have our second drop and that’s the end; they swell gorgeously in a way I can only describe as perfect... perfect for a transition, as we are now entering the second half of “Christmas Lights”.

The “beat switch”, for lack of a better term, is mostly just an upbeat piano since the strings’ echo is slowly fading out, and it sounds like it’ll finish right there, but the moment when it doesn’t is pure catharsis. The second half of the song is much more anthemic in tone but the lyrics are even more desperate, reaching back to personal memories of the band, even mentioning where they formed: a mile away from Oxford Street, where the sea (River Thames) and city meet. This doesn’t take away from our narrative though, as the chorus is almost a prayer for these Christmas lights to strip him of all his worries, but it’s obvious from the start that his hope is dwindling, especially in the drunken panic state he’s still in. At this point, you can almost render our narrator delusional, especially due to the imagery being so mundane in modern British society. Everyone has Christmas lights, but his attachment is never fully explained, leaving an aura of mystery around our narrator, separating him from Chris Martin, and letting him become this figure that is relatable to most of the country over the Christmas break, which is supposed to be a time for joy, delight and most importantly, togetherness. That extra degree of separation isolates our narrator further, and in the second chorus, he says the oddest and least likely thing to happen: the Christmas lights bring her back to him. Who’s her? Well, we don’t know, but what we do know is that our narrator seems silly now, so we can’t take him seriously. The audience doesn’t exactly turn on the narrator, but we can take everything this drunken shell of a practically homeless man says with a pinch of salt now. He’s insane, or at least in a state that drains him of his mental capacity, and we’re forced to watch this man celebrate Christmas. It’s depressing, and he knows it’s depressing. In the final chorus, he takes a stance that is rather selfless, despite everything else we’ve come to believe about our narrator: he wishes “her” the same good will he wished the Christmas lights would bring him, and that his emotions are livened by the lights, in a great metaphor about bringing up the fireworks in him, almost as if he’s fit to burst... and he might have; “May all your troubles soon be gone” could represent the narrator, referred to here as her troubles, and our troubles at this point, being gone – dead, missing or just out of her life, whilst the lights just keep shining on, oblivious to this man’s delirious reliance on them for a guiding light. The composition here is just as sweet, with more actual rock instrumentation here that gives it a kick and a sense of stability, although the transitions between choruses are basically nonexistent, almost as if they’re another step towards his fate. The instrumental break is a short moment of realisation, and the chorus of “oh”’s, whilst acting as what is basically a millennial whoop, are the voices in his head coming to an agreement: to stop. The song ends abruptly after Chris Martin stops singing, with a dejected piano phrase stopping midway through and a loud, reverb-heavy thud. This is up to interpretation but I truly think that thud is the death of our narrator, falling to the floor, never to come back up.

This is a brilliantly-written song, and combined with the orchestration courtesy of freaking Brian Eno... This is Coldplay’s magnum opus, and an overall beautiful piece of music. It’s one of my favourite songs of all time, I’m so glad it charted, and Yellowcard’s cover misses the point entirely. Thank you for reading.

The Christmas Songs That Didn’t Make It

I am terrified by the creeping overflow of Christmas songs every year, and that I have to cover each and every one to some capacity, but since last year, there’s obviously been less to cover since I’ve talked about a lot of it already, and after 30 holiday songs, you’d think there’s no other songs that could possibly creep into the Top 40 and become part of the canon, right?

...

“Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End)” by the Darkness is at #42, “The Christmas Song (A Merry Christmas to You)” by Nat King Cole is at #51, “Somewhere Only We Know” by Lily Allen is at #52, “Like it’s Christmas” by the Jonas Brothers is at #53, “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano is at #54, “Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt is at #55, “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie is at #56, “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders is at #61, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Perry Como and the Fontaine Sisters with Mitchell Ayres and His Orchestra is at #63 (Thank God I don’t have to review that mouthful), “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by Frank Sinatra is at #65, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Sam Smith is at #67, “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley is at #68, “Man with the Bag” by Jessie J is at #70 (I’m assuming that’s a song about Santa), “Christmas Wrapping” by the Waitresses is at #71, “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” by Bruce Springsteen is at #72, “All I Want (for Christmas)” by Liam Payne is at #73, “Santa Baby” by Kylie Minogue is at #74 and that’s just all the songs in the top 75. There’s probably a bunch more in the other 25 spots. I’ll see these guys next year, I guess, although there is some hope as a couple more Christmas songs I covered last year (Or even just last month) couldn’t make it in 2020. These are “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by the Jackson 5 at #46, “Mary’s Boy Child / Oh My Lord” by Boney M. at #47, the aforementioned “I Love Sausage Rolls” by LadBaby at #57, “Into the Unknown” by Idina Menzel and AURORA at #62 and “Lonely this Christmas” by Mud is at #69. Yes, I’m counting the Frozen II song as a Christmas single because firstly, if that song isn’t, what’s “Stay Another Day”? And secondly, if we’re going to strictly limit our musical festivities, the only true Christmas song here is by Boney M... because it’s a literal re-telling of Jesus’ birth, even though he wasn’t actually born on Christmas apparently, or at least there’s no direct reference to such event happening on December 25th in the Bible. I don’t think I’m going to dig myself a hole with that one. I don’t know if there will be a chart rule stopping 30 Christmas songs from entering next year, and I’m not sure if I actually want that to happen, but it’ll be interesting to see how the Official Charts Company reacts to this, if at all.

Dropouts

Oh, it was a bloodbath. I’m not going to go in numerical order but I will start by saying that the album bombs from last week fared pretty okay, Harry Styles less so than Stormzy of course, but regardless, “Lessons” by Stormzy is out off of the debut at #9, “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles is out from #18 and “Falling” by Harry Styles is out off of the debut at #39. The rest of the songs from both albums mostly survived, in fact “Lights Up” returned to #48. Otherwise, “Bruises” by Lewis Capaldi is out from #15, “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd is out from #20, “hot girl summer” by blackbear is out from #21, “Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez is out from #22, “Falling” by Trevor Daniel is out from #26, “Lucid Dreams” by Juice WRLD is out off of the return from #27, “This is Real” by Jax Jones featuring Ella Henderson is out from #30, “Heartless” by the Weeknd is out from #35, “Don’t Rush” by Young T & Bugsey with Headie One is out from #37, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is out from #38, and “Netflix & Chill” by Fredo is out from #40. I might as well note whilst in this section that there are now at least two versions of each of these four songs within the UK top 75 right now: “Happy Xmas (War is Over)”, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” and “Santa Baby”, which is also sampled in “Santa Tell Me”. That factoid was pretty useless, but kind of interesting. I guess I get it now when rockists say they think all pop music sounds the same, because there are nine in the chart that literally are the same.

What Survived

What little of the UK Top 40 chart prior has remained is not exactly hard to guess. All of the biggest and most consistent songs streaming-wise have stayed, barely. “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi is down nine spots to #12, “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa is down 10 to #14, “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas is down nine to #16, “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I is down 10 to #20, “everything i wanted” by Billie Eilish also down 10 to #23 (I’m starting to notice a trend here), “Adore You” by Harry Styles is down 14 to #26, “Pump it Up” by Endor is down 13 to #36, and that’s all of the pop songs out of the way, because Stormzy has three songs on the chart still even in the true climax of Christmas music, which is kind of commendable. “Own It” featuring Ed Sheeran and Burna Boy is down three to number-five, making it the only non-holiday song in the top 10, “Audacity” featuring Headie One is down 22 off of the debut to #38 and finally “Vossi Bop” is returning at #40, for whatever reason. I’m not sure why or how but it’s here and it fills our quota for non-holiday songs. And now, I have mentioned all but two songs that are currently charting in the top 75, and for the sake of completion, “Memories” by Maroon 5 is at #60 and “My Oh My” by Camila Cabello featuring DaBaby is at #49. If you’re wondering how many total Christmas songs there are in the top 75, there are about 52. That’s 70%. I know that doesn’t seem too bad, but to put that into perspective, an album bomb is never allowed more than three songs at the same time. Surely Christmas songs are just as monotonous as an Ed Sheeran album, so why should they be under different regulation? I have a couple qualms relating to Christmas music, especially the charting of said music, but I’m nearly 2,300 words in and I haven’t even written the song reviews yet so I think I better shut up. I know this has been a long and somewhat messy episode, but I really had no option. Welcome to season three, everybody. Next week won’t be pretty, either, as all of those 52 songs will have completely and utterly disappeared.

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cover2covermom · 7 years

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Happy Sunday bookworms!

Did you miss me? You may have noticed that things have been fairly quiet around the blog these past two weeks. Maybe? Well if you did, thanks for noticing! For those of you who didn’t notice, are you wondering what I was up to? No? Well I am going to tell you anyways….

*Weekly Wrap-Up is a weekly post where I feature what posts were published on the blog for the past week, any bookish/blog happenings, noteworthy posts around the bookish blogosphere, what I recently finished reading, what I am currently reading, and what I will be reading next.

Personal Update:

The reason I’ve been MIA for the past 2 weeks is that my family and I were on vacation in Florida. Of course we visited my happy place, Disney World. If I could visit Disney World EVERY year, I totally would, but my husband won’t allow it. We compromised on every other year. And yes, I am already planning our 2019 Disney World trip :)

And for those of you who are fellow Disney World fans, I give you some pictures from the Disney Festival of Fantasy Parade…

On the blog:

Monday 2/13

Book Event: Brit Bennett, Author of The Mothers

Friday 2/24

Kids’ Corner: Buy, Borrow, or Pass – Children’s Picture Books (February 2017)

Bookish/Blog happenings:

» So Cover2CoverMom actually turned 1 this past Friday the 24th and I completely forgot about it. Who does that?! Pre-vacation I was really looking forward to celebrating my one year blogiversary, but I grossly underestimated the amount of prepping and recovering from our vacation, so I never got around to drafting a post to celebrate. I actually went back and re-read my post celebrating my 6 month blogiversary, and found that this post is still very relevant → 6 Month Blogiversary: Reflection + Future Goals. I did realize that a few of the goals that I listed are STILL not being met. I still am not posting regular discussion posts and am not active on bookstagram. I do believe I have accomplished diversifying my reading and stepping up my book photography game… now only if I would post them to Instagram… Some things never change apparently. Anyways! I would just like to say a huge THANK YOU to all my book blogger friends and followers. I truly appreciate you all more than you will ever know.

Around the blogosphere:

» Sammie @Bookshelves & Biros shares some alternate Valentine’s Day reads → Awesome alternative Valentine’s Day reads *Special appearance by yours truly*

» CW @Read Think Ponder shares some book recs of books by black authors → Book Recs: Books by Black Authors

» Casey @Adoptabookaus asks where all the hype is for YA books with disabled characters → Its 2017… Where is the hype for disabilities in young adult books

» Drew @The Tattooed Book Geek shares reasons to love fantasy → Reasons To Love Fantasy

» Gretcchen @ChicNerdReads reveals the cover for her poetry book. #SpoilerAlert It’s freaking amazing! → Cover Reveal of My Poetry Book “love, and you”

» Millie @MillieBot Reads shares why she loves Jane Austen’s works → 5 Reasons Why I love Jane Austen’s Work

» Megan @bookslayerReads discusses character lists & maps → Discussion || Character Lists & Maps

» Danielle @Books, Vertigo and Tea shares another pairing teas with reads feature → Pairing Teas & Reads

» Marie @drizzle & hurricane Books talks about blogging goals → Pageviews, Followers, the Community: Goals in Blogging

» Reg @SheLatitude gives us a book look (an outfit inspired by a book) for A Conjuring of Light by V.E. Schwab → Book Looks: A Conjuring of Light – V. E. Schwab

» Naz @Read Diverse Books features a book subscription box that focuses on Black Literature → Call Number: A Library-Inspired Book Box That Celebrates Black Literature!

What have I been reading?

*Book titles link to Goodreads

Recently finished reading:

» The Wolf Road by Beth Lewis

This book was way outside my comfort zone, but I am so glad I gave it a go! Despite the fact that this book made me very queasy at times (blood makes me faint), I am shocked at how addicting this book was. How can I describe this book to you? I would classify this one as a “post-apocalyptical psychological thriller wilderness survival story”… is that a genre? As you can tell, this book doesn’t fit into a specific genre, but has elements of multiple genres. Review to come!

» The Crystal Ribbon by Celeste Lim

I absolutely adored this middle grade book, though I think this book would appeal more to a older middle grade – YA audience. Since this book only just came out in January, and it is a debut novel, I have not seen anyone else talking about this book yet. I’m going to need SOMEONE to pick this one up soon. I would recommend this book to fans of Thanhha Lai and Grace Lin.

» Inside Out & Back Again by Thanhha Lai

My second Thanhha Lai book and I enjoyed this one just as much as Listen Slowly. I really enjoyed reading a refugee experience, especially since Thanhha Lai went through this herself and states that she shared many of the same experiences that our main character Hà experienced as an immigrant to the U.S. during the Vietnam War. This was my second book in verse that I read this month, the other one being Brown Girl Dreaming. Review to come!

» Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin

I picked this one up hoping to learn what exactly what gender fluid meant. You all know how much I sometimes struggle with the YA genre, but I am here to tell you that Symptoms of Being Human is YA done right! Not only was I educated about all kinds of LGBTQIA+ issues and terminology that I didn’t previously understand, but I was also highly entertained while I was learning. This book also goes into some deeper issues like suicide, hate crimes, bullying, etc etc, but also has some lighter moments with a touch of romance, friendships, and family relationships. Review to come!

Currently reading:

» Bel Canto by Ann Patchett

I am about 40% through this one. Much like State of Wonder, this book is interesting enough to keep me entertained, but I am not loving it yet. I hope that things will pick up in the second half.

» A Gathering of Shadows by V.E. Schwab

I began A Gathering of Shadows last night in order to prepare for the A Conjuring of Light book tour that I am attending next Saturday!!! I had been putting off reading this one until closer to the release date of A Conjuring of Light, but when I heard that V.E. Schwab was coming to Kentucky on her book tour, I knew I wanted to wait and read this one the week before the event to get myself psyched up. I literally cannot wait.

»Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman

Since discovering Neil Gaiman last year, I’ve been making my way through each of his books. Neverwhere was the next one up to bat. I am 40% through this one thus far and of course I’m loving it. Honestly I do not think NG could do any wrong in my eyes. I just love him so much.

On deck:

» The Demon King (Seven Realms #1) by Cinda Williams Chima

Moving right along with my SOKY Book Fest TBR, the next author on my list is Cinda Williams Chima. I’ve never read any of her work before, so I hope this is a good place to start. Anyone have any insight into this author/series? Let me know :)

What are you currently reading?

What will you read next?

Have a wonderful week, and happy reading

I explain where the hell I've been the past 2 weeks in my #WrapUp post! #BookBlogger #Bookworm Happy Sunday bookworms! Did you miss me? You may have noticed that things have been fairly quiet around the blog these past two weeks.

#Am Reading #Bibliophile #book blog #book blogger #Book Nerd #Book Talk #Book Worm #Bookish #Books #Bookworm #Currently Reading #Reading #TBR #Wrap Up

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