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#and I've fought teeth and nails to find myself again
omarfor-orchestra · 2 years
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thecoddaughter · 6 months
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Secret Life as Every The Crane Wives Song
(EXTREMELY LONG POST WARNING)
 
Etho: 
Nothing at All  “Do you ever feel nothing at all? I do, I do, I do. I would not wish that on you”
Counting Sheep “Feign contentment for a while, that's all you know how to do.”
Grian:
Sleeping Giant “I feel the mountains, I feel the mountains shifting under me. The sleeping giants are finally waking.”  (This man knows things about the sudden arrival of a ominous deity like entity)
Steady, Steady “I can take for better but for worse can't condone. Most of all for good just makes me ache to be alone.” (Not teaming up with people for so long because of fear of hurting them)
Ancient History “My dreams keep digging up the bones of memories. Discarded remnants of former times.” (Again, watchers…)
Pearl:
I Talk In My Sleep “I talk in my sleep when my demons won't let me be. They twist the things I say when you are far away.”
How to Rest  “Though you've convinced yourself, you're safe and sound within. The thing you fear the most never need get in.”
New Colors  “Old towns here are mean. Spit fire and gasoline. But all I want is solitude. I have half a mind to climb up in the sky and hide myself inside the moon”
The Crooked, The Cradle “I'm nobody's daughter. I'm nobody's daughter. My enemies crow. "We're alone with the kill"”  “I won't pretend my season won't end,  but I pray, when it's done, when it's through I'll have something left for you.”
Scar: 
The Garden  “The crows in the garden are laughing at my expense, drowning out all the lies that I might have told instead” (his scamming and scheming butt can't escape me)
New Discovery  “Sometimes I feel like I’m lost in the desert… I see my footprints in the sand so I know where I’ve been”  (desert... like the desert duo... i'm so clever!)
Can’t Have It All  “I won't bargain, I won't break. My mind's made up, though my head still aches and all my love you tried to take, but you can't have it all.”
Cleo:
Ribs “Brick and mortar between my bones. Built a kingdom fierce and fortified. My name fading from the yellow page. Stones are laid upon the mountainside.”
Tongues & Teeth “I will poison all your happy thoughts. I will love you like the ashes in my cigarette box and if you're fine with that you can be mine.”
Impulse:
Little Soldiers “I fought with tooth and nail before the flag had flown but you were already gone”
Strangler Fig “You built your kingdom around me. Now I'm trapped within your walls and all I want is to be free.” (That man died and joined the apocalypse willingly to be at Gem's side)
Scott:
Pretty Little Things “Cracked lips and hands, calloused hands. I still feel his touch against my skin. Past loves linger like phantom limbs.”  “Don't buy me flowers, it pains me to watch. Pretty little things wilt away.” (this man hold's onto past alliances in her heart, only second to Skizz)
Shallow River “Red sky morning, lovers' warning. Oh I know that the promise you wear, well it ain't for me.” (red sky and love refer to Jimmy’s death. The “You” is Gem though)
Bdubs:
Never Love an Anchor “It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest with this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful” (him not so subtly jumping between mounders and roomies, maybe? idk. its also just kinda his vibe.)
Naked, the Night Falls “Turn your ghosts into mine. All the years, all the years I'm alive.” (him finding Etho and Cleo again)
BigB:
Hard Sell “Hoping I can find a better me. A fresh new start buried under me.”
Metaphors “I've gotten good at leaning on metaphors. I've gotten good at living on someone else's page. I cut my teeth on second-hand sentiments. You can't trust a single thing I say.” (his cryptid butt is not escaping metaphors this go around)
Martyn:
Turn out the Lights “Sometimes all you can do is say goodnight and tuck your demons into bed cause they're not worth fighting.”
Rockslide “This wild weather's got the mountain shakin' weak. Oh I know you want to plant your feet but we best get a move on or the devil we will meet.” “That monster's comin' and it don't care for you or me. Don't look back now, honey” (This has been in my head since Martyn moved in with Jim at the top of the Mesa.)
Show Your Fangs “A ballad of a lonesome peak. I curse the ground, shed my old sins. For weight will only make me weak” “Bravely I will wield my weapon. I made from fangs of those that died.” (Big Dogs… RIP)
Skizz:
Know How “I keep my focus on what is safe. You drew a line. Made up your mind and now I'm struggling to realize.” (This song is Imp and Skizz’s relationship post Imp’s attack)
Easier “The only peace I have ever known is the peace I made with you. I won't move, but I can't stay here.” (Skizz and Tango’s relationship throughout the season)
October “Take my word but keep the upper hand. I know you, you're the daughter of a lonely man.” (My interpretation of SL!Skizz is this super caring guy who his haunted by this vague memory of bloodlust that comes out in empty threats to people he doesn’t really want to hurt.)
Gem (all of these are about session seven specifically!):
Allies or Enemies  “They spread like some awful damn disease” “Are we allies or enemies? This will be the death of me.”
The Glacier House “You cursed the Earth you settled under… Under… Understand I had to go.” “Bundle up darling, you're on your own now. Seasons change as they do. Maybe I'll see you when your shivering is through.”
I Ain’t Done “I am a pretty young thing. I am consumed by selfish wanting. Carelessly broke you down but I’m not done.” (this girl came in and told a winner and a runner up that they need to get their act together and that she was gonna be the one to get them to the end. I love her!)
Joel “Loves his wife” Smallishbeans:
Down the River “'Cause ain't it easier to just move on? One door closing means another one. Opens unto some unsuspecting fool. “Sure, you can forget about all the things you've done but what about the rest of us? High-tail it when it gets to be too much.” “Too many people with your name on top of their lists.” “You were never the one to suffer.” (All of Joel’s anger about Jim celebrating Lizzie’s death and the fact that Jim then also immediately died, leaving him alone.)
Unraveling “But now my love is gone and I am left unraveling.” “And I am left here withering” “And I can't help the fracturing”
The Diving Bell  “I descend so well, in an open diving bell, the beauty of the deep. Far into abyss in your silent lips call me will I sleep” 
Caleb Trask “"When a flower blossoms red. That's the day, that's the day, that's the day. I'll love you. That's the day, that's the day. I'll love you." (I’ve stated before that this is his song, not specifically bc of SL. I think of azalea’s and I think of Joel.)
Tango:
Curses “There's a fire in my brain, and I'm burning up” “Every word I say is kindling but the smoke clears when you're around. Won't you stay with me, my darling, when my walls start burning down?” (Our fire man and his forever teammate…)
Safe Ship, Harbored “Where does your faith form in me? Don't break the bottle. Don't waste your blessings on me.” “A safe ship, harbored losing all of my good years to the shallow water. I ain't proud.” (The Heart Foundation [in my opinion] seemed like a great way to make alliances and be well liked, however, it also kinda put them at a disadvantage never getting any hearts of their own.)
Mumbo:
The Moon Will Sing “On some level, I think I always understood that these hands of mine were clumsy, not clever.” “With this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful. There is love that doesn't have a place to rest. But it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulders” (Something, something. The love Mumbo has for Grian.)
Back to the Ground “Little buds make their graves as the warmth inside us fades but I still don't know shit about letting go.” “Our hearts lay still and cold, under frozen soil. I can't stay here anymore so remember when I go.” (Something, something. The miner destined for accidents.)
Jimmy: 
Not the Ghost “If only I could break the chain of disappointments, weighing me down. Shake off the ghosts that whisper warnings.”
Keep You Safe “When I watched my friends ride to the tops of the trees. With the risk of fall, I never climbed at all.” “Time is not your friend. Time is not your remedy. No amount of waiting will make you, make you brave.”
Canary in the Coal Mine  “You and I are friends of empty graves”  (he does not escape this song!) 
Lizzie (all of these songs with Lizzie in mind makes me cry):
Can’t Go Back “The time has come for moving on. You can't be always trying to dig up. What you've already buried.” “It's not fair (When have you ever known the world to be a fair place?) It's not fair (All things end and all things change) It's not fair (You'll look back and laugh someday) It's not fair (Or at least you'll learn to be okay)”
Of Everlong  “And if my lover will not hear it. Take my voice and take my spirit, leave me weakened and dig my hole. Only my lover, not I, can keep my soul” (Only Joel mourns her and it’s a sad sad day)
Icarus “Til your far away and breathing cleaner air, oh my brother…” (her brother... the man cursed to die... named after a bird who dies of poisoned air... who'd a thunk it...)
Unplaced songs: The hand that feeds, hole in the silver lining, Once & For All
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damiens-void · 11 months
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It was then, when i looked at the mess presenting itself in the mirror,
The worry in my brain wondering,
"what am i doing to myself?"
That i began to take the pictures.
Walking into the darkened room I've been resting in,
The pile of items piled in the corner,
Crowded next to my bookshelf,
I began to cry.
To mourn.
To lose my grip on the ability to control myself,
I am losing,
My home.
The space I fought for the space I bit down on,
Gums screaming as I pushed my teeth farther into them,
Blood dripping from my mouth I didn't want to let go.
But they broke my jaw with the side of a "don't come back" and "it's all your fault forget about the security deposit"
I let go.
I went,
Jaw hanging, my tongue lolling out of the side of my broken mouth,
The drool pouring out...
I crawled.
Broken shattered nails, i kept them long -
They filled with dirt as I begged for another place to rest not only me but my fluffy buddy that saved my life,
I held onto him like a teddy bear after a nightmare,
I was NOT going to leave him behind.
When people suggest things to me,
Like my parents,
They do not take into account that I need my baby.
I ***need*** him he is not an accessory I can just put into storage.
But now I stand.
In a house that'll soon be empty a place i wanted to stay in until i got my own residence when I was more well off I wanted to take time in my twenties to be twenty.
But now i stand here, shaking phone in hand,
Scrambling to take photos,
To not forget what I loved about this place,
And what I hated.
I'm mad.
I should've gotten to live here longer.
I fought, for this place.
Now I will grip with broken hands a new lease,
A new sheet to sign away something I'm worried about,
My money.
For a place not worth the price,
For a place smelling of cat piss and a dirty memory,
I at least get to have my child.
My little guy.
I dont know how I'll fit all my big furniture but I'll find a way.
My little guy, we'll make it I promise.
I'm worried he will die before we find a better place.
I'm worried he'll not get to live the life he's supposed to I grip his fur when I can and kiss him everyday.
I let him know I love him,
And if there is another life i hope he comes back to mine so i can take care of him again,
When im better off.
When things have calmed down and I can feed him what he deserves.
Home cooked meals,
A comfortable toddler bed,
Blankets and pillows and toys galore.
Central air and a happy home.
He will not be hit ever in his life,
I hope I get him as a puppy.
No torture for him I don't care if he is a mutt or a pure breed he is my baby.
But we will sit.
In a cat piss smelling house as i scrub it clean,
Hope I get it all out,
Hope the ceiling doesn't hold dust, that the only thing that smells like dog is dog.
My baby.
I'll miss the smell of dog so much when he passes I know this.
I'll cling onto his old bed and his lamb.
Even in a dirty house not worth the money.
He'll make it a home.
But when he leaves,
It'll just be a house again.
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helloalycia · 3 years
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The Wrong Lifetime – Seven // Wanda Maximoff
chapter six | story masterlist | main masterlist | wattpad | chapter eight
author’s note: hope y’all like this one 👀
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The Maximoffs were just as a good at throwing a party as my own parents were.
Celebrating a new book that was published at Pietro's business, they threw a party in their back garden big enough to host half the town if they wanted to. Actually, now that I thought about, half the town was probably there.
We were invited to celebrate along with them because we were 'family' now, as Oleg and Iryna pointed out, so I found myself standing in their garden getting a drink under the night sky and trying to blend in with the snacks table so I wouldn't have to mingle. Parties still weren't my thing, clearly.
People-watching was more my forte. It was amazing the things people did when they thought nobody was looking. One guy coughed into his hand and wiped it on his pants – I reminded myself not to shake his hand – whilst some woman checked if her teeth were clean on the back of a serving tray.
My gaze raked the garden, indifferent to the men who attempted to get women's attention with a boyish grin and terrible pick-up lines, or the women who lifted their dresses a little higher than necessary to steal a man's attention. I spotted my parents talking to some guests whom I'd never see before, then there was Wanda's parents laughing alongside Pietro as he told a joke to some important looking people.
Eventually, my eyes fell to the remaining Maximoff, who was looking especially beautiful tonight. A deep lilac gown adorned her figure and she wore it like it was uniquely made just for her. She probably didn't even realise, but all eyes were definitely on her; a simple stride around the garden had people turning heads to see who the lilac beauty was. Y/B/N was the most envied man of the evening, with every guy here wishing they could have Wanda on their arm.
I'd wanted to tell her just how truly stunning she looked tonight, but I hadn't been able to pull her away from my brother's side for even a second. Everywhere he went, she went, too. I'd caught her eyes maybe three times tonight since she was so involved with whatever she spoke about with the people who worked for Pietro. I didn't take it personally of course, but it didn't make me feel any better.
Y/B/N had his hands all over her, probably suspecting just how many people were checking her out tonight, and I hated the way it made me feel. Envy and jealousy came over me and it wasn't pleasant. His hand was permanently fixed on her waist, at times moving suspiciously lower and making me roll my eyes. Occasionally, he'd lean over and whisper something in her ear making her flush – involuntarily or not, I didn't know. Wanda was a good actress, appearing as the perfect fiancé to him and couple to everybody else. Or, at least, I hoped it was acting.
"Pretty ladies shouldn't be standing by their lonesome," said someone with a Sokovian accent, but sadly not the one I wanted to hear.
"Pietro," I said with an amused smile, turning to face the man of the evening. "Congratulations on the new published book!"
He smiled appreciatively. "Thank you, Y/N. How are you finding the party?"
I glanced around, disguising my discomfort with a nod. "It's great."
He chuckled, as if suspecting that was a lie, before changing the subject. "So, the book. Have you read it?"
Glad that this was something I could actually talk about, my shoulders relaxed and I nodded. "Yes! I bought it yesterday as soon as it was published. I've only read the first six chapters, but what I've read is beautifully written."
Pietro snickered, raising his brows. "Only? That's further than anyone here has read."
I smiled bashfully, eyes veering elsewhere with embarrassment. "I guess I just have a lot of free time."
He hummed with amusement. "And you must really like reading... Wanda mentioned you write, too. It's nice to know it runs in the family."
Certain my cheeks were flushed, I nodded. "Yeah, our dad, he taught Y/B/N and I how to write when we were kids. That's where my love of literature began."
"And what do you like to write?" he asked, intrigued.
I shrugged, the grip on my glass of champagne loosening as I grew comfortable. "I don't know... short stories, drabbles, novels. I mainly deal with themes of love and romanticism. We're so intent on leading our lives with what other people want that we rarely take time to think about we want... I write about that."
Swallowing, I looked to Pietro, hoping I wasn't boring him. He was a publisher after all, besides my soon-to-be brother-in-law. His opinion was important to me.
"I must admit, Y/N, my interest is piqued," he admitted, watching me with an inquisitive gaze. "Do you have anything I could read?"
"It's probably better than it sounds," I said dismissively, knowing this was just small talk.
He chuckled, shaking his head. "I doubt that. You shouldn't say such things. You never know, you could be my next signed author."
I tried not to laugh. "Nice try, Pietro."
He smiled widely. "What? I'm serious!"
Tilting my head towards him knowingly, I sighed. "We both know that can't happen."
He was grinning now, clearly entertained by my unamused expression. "Says who?"
I motioned around us with my drink. "Says everyone? The world we live in?"
He began to list authors on his fingers as he said, "Jane Austen. Emily Bronte. Mary Shelley. Louisa May Alcott. Dare I name more?"
"Okay, okay, I get it," I said, pushing his hand down and rolling my eyes at his smug expression. "But I can promise you that all of those women fought tooth and nail to get published. Their families probably weren't as accepting as they wanted them to be. There's still people now who talk about how unprofessional and lacklustre their works are. They didn't have it easy. Still don't. And don't even get me started on the reputation side of things for you... d'you know how much backlash you'd get for signing a woman?"
Pietro shrugged, sipping his drink, before saying casually, "I only care about talent, Y/N. And if you have even a quarter of the talent your brother does, then I'm happy to go from there."
I quirked a brow, trying to gauge if he was pulling my leg or not. But the kind eyes looking back at me suggested he may not have been. Either way, the idea of actually being published – something I'd been dreaming of since I was a kid – was enough to raise my suspicions and make me shake my head.
"Thanks for listening, Pietro," I said conclusively, hoping he got the hint.
He nodded, accepting my word, thankfully. "Anytime. Hopefully this isn't the end of this conversation, though."
I cracked a smile, knowing it was but giving him the benefit of the doubt. He pursed his lips, glancing around briefly before attempting to hide an amused smile.
"What are you smiling at?" I teased, nudging him in the arm slightly.
His eyes met mine, sparkling with mischief. "You've probably not noticed, but as we've been speaking, almost everyone in this garden has looked our way."
I cocked my head with confusion, smile still present. He nodded subtly, eyes flickering to the right, so I followed his gaze and inconspicuously looked around. He was right, as murmurs of gossip escaped people's lips, their eyes trying to get a good look at the two of us. Even our parents were looking our way, no doubt discussing our future wedding affair.
"Wow," I breathed out, trying not to laugh as I looked back to him. "You'd think they'd have something better to do."
He leaned in, muttering, "Wanna give them a show?"
My eyes flickered between his, seeing that roguish charm of his come to life. I couldn't resist his mischievous attempt to piss off our parents, so of course I nodded with a stifled laugh.
"Care to dance, Miss Y/L/N?" he asked, a little louder than he needed to, attracting more attention.
I grinned, grateful for the idiot that was Pietro. He was already making my evening ten times better than it was.
Resting my hand in his outstretched one, I nodded. "Thank you, Mr Maximoff."
I barely had chance to put my glass down before he led me to the area before the live band that was strumming a lovely upbeat ballad. We joined the other couples that were also having a dance, unbothered by their nosey stares.
Bowing dramatically, he smiled and I curtsied before resting a hand on his shoulder and the other in his. He rested a hand on my waist respectfully before a grin spread across his lips and he began to dance me around everybody else, way too fast for me to keep up.
"Pietro!" I exclaimed between fits of laughter, trying not to trip over my feet or his.
"You said we could dance," he answered simply, before spinning me around.
My eyes went dizzy as he dipped me, making me laugh joyfully. For the first time all night, I was having fun. When he pulled me up, his eyes motioned to the left of us.
"D'you think our parents have already picked the wedding venue?" he teased.
"Definitely," I said with a nod, before shoving him back slightly. "But you, mister, need to slow down. You're like a speedster with the dancing. We should call you Quicksilver."
He laughed, continued to dance me around but much more slower this time. "I like that. You're clever. I can see why Wanda has taken a liking to you."
I knew he didn't mean it like that, but my heart dropped to my stomach anyway. A hearty chuckle escaped his lips as he noticed my expression. Thankfully, he didn't question it and we continued to make a fool of ourselves for a few more songs before taking a break by the snacks table.
"You're an idiot," I told Pietro as we caught our breath, but a delighted smile was on my lips. "You know you've probably convinced our parents that we're a couple now, right?"
"Hey, you're the one who started to fluff my hair like you loved me!" he retorted with humoured eyes.
"Because you're just so darn cute!" I mocked him, before moving forward and going in to fluff his hair yet again.
He attempted to smack my hand away as he said, "Hands off the hair, Y/L/N! I styled it perfectly!"
Grabbing my wrists, he held me back and I tried not to cry with laughter at the expression on his face.
"Such a child," I decided, pulling my hands away. "Whatever happens from here on out is definitely your fault."
He scoffed, as if ready to refute that fact, but before he could say anything, my brother's voice was heard.
"It's nice to see you actually conversing with people for a change, but maybe not my publisher."
Pietro and I turned and saw Y/B/N and Wanda approaching us. My brother seemed entertained by Pietro and I, looking between us with pre-conceived ideas that we may have already fancied each other, just like everyone else had tonight. Wanda, meanwhile, was watching me with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.
"He's good company, what can I say?" I joked, returning my brother's smile.
"Oh?" He raised a brow, knowing look in his eyes.
I rolled my own, trying not to laugh at his insinuation. There was no point trying to convince him otherwise.
"I was just giving Y/N here the best evening ever since she was moping around in the corner," Pietro explained nonchalantly, making me smack his arm.
"I was not moping!" I defended myself.
He shrugged, ghost of a smile on his lips. "Whatever you say."
I gave him a playful glare before focusing my attention to the couple before us.
"As lovely as it is to see whatever this is," my brother continued to make things awkward as he motioned between us, "I came to get Pietro. Someone from the press is here and has questions about the book."
At the mention of this, Pietro straightened up and neatened his bow tie, flashing my brother his most confident smile. "Lead the way, Y/B/N."
After assuring Wanda he'd be back in a second, Y/B/N let go of her waist and guided Pietro to the members of the press. Glad that he'd finally left her side, I looked to Wanda with a soft smile.
"Hey," I said quietly, glancing around before saying what I'd wanted to say all night. "You look radiant tonight, Wanda." 
Unexpectedly, she crossed her arms and pressed her lips together firmly. "How was your dance with Pietro?"
Her green eyes, literally green with envy, watched me with distaste. It didn't take long for me to recognise that familiar jealousy entwined in her expression because it was probably the same way I looked when she was with my brother. For some reason, this made me smile with amusement.
"He's a very good dancer," I said, half truthful and half trying to poke fun.
She wasn't amused. "Yeah, everybody saw. You've been all over him."
I covered my mouth, trying very hard not to laugh. "I mean, he's pretty funny to be around. I can totally see why everybody wants us to get married."
Her jaw clenched as she narrowed her eyes at me.
"C'mon, it's a joke," I said lightheartedly, nudging her in the arm. "You know that."
After internally debating whether or not to believe me, she relaxed her shoulders and unclenched her jaw. "I know."
"So, what's the problem?" I asked, raising a brow and smiling playfully.
She rolled her eyes. "Nothing."
My smile faded as I searched her eyes. "C'mon. What is it? You know you can tell me."
"Forget it, Y/N," she muttered, avoiding my eyes.
Realising she was still clearly bothered, I sighed dramatically, hoping to lighten the mood. Making sure my voice was low enough for only her to hear, I said, "I only danced with him to annoy our parents. Same with him. He's clearly not interested in me and neither I with him. That's why we get along so well." Teasing her once more, I added, "If circumstances were different, I'd like to think we'd be good friends. He's quite handsome, though I think the good looks are a Maximoff twin thing. Maybe if–"
"I'm in love with you!"
I paused, blinking, unsure if I'd heard correctly. Her cheeks were flushed as she looked to me with exasperation.
Glancing around to make sure nobody was attracted by her outburst, I swallowed hard. My heart was pounding in my ears as she said what I'd been struggling to accept for the past two months.
"What?" I breathed out, raising my brows with surprise.
She licked her lips, realisation replacing her look of admission. Opening her mouth to say something, she stepped forward, but my brother returned with an oblivious smile on his face and interrupted the moment.
"Wanda, the journalists want a picture of us for their article," he said enthusiastically, returning his arm around her waist and tugging her close, making my skin crawl.
Her gaze lingered on me for as long as she could before looking up to my brother with a halfhearted smile.
"Sure," she agreed reluctantly.
My brother nodded at me before leading Wanda away. She gave me one last look, her eyes trapped with unsaid words, before leaving with him. My mouth went dry as Wanda's words echoed in my mind. She was in love with me. And I knew I was in love with her, too. I had been for a while.
But wouldn't admitting that make this whole thing a lot more complicated?
"Will you stop shaking your hand? It's very distracting."
I stopped shaking my hand and gave my mum an apologetic glance before facing the door again. I was extremely eager and nervous to see Wanda again, as I hadn't been able to see her for the rest of the party last night.
Her words were permanently resounding in my mind all night, making it difficult to fall asleep. The reality of our situation had dawned on me and I knew that even though everything would become more difficult between us, I had to tell her that I felt the same way. The last thing I wanted was her panicking that I didn't. Because these last two months loving her in secret were better than anything I'd experienced in my life.
Iryna and my mum had made plans to hang out today, including Wanda and I in the plans without actually telling me until this morning. I didn't mind though as I was hoping it could be an opportunity for us both to finally speak.
The front door opened to reveal Iryna with a bright, inviting smile. She exchanged greetings with us both and ushered us inside instantly. There, waiting, was Wanda, looking as gorgeous as ever. A calm suddenly enveloped me as I looked to her, my heart fluttering in my chest more so than usual. She loved me and that thought alone made me feel giddy inside.
"You must come upstairs to the closet with me," Iryna insisted before I could utter a word to the brunette. "I've been very silly and impulse-ordered a bunch of new dresses. Of course, the only way to fix that is to try them on."
My mother laughed alongside her and the two of them looked to Wanda and I questioningly. I smiled their way, glancing at Wanda, before following them upstairs. Maybe later.
I spent the next hour trying on clothes against my own will, modelling them for Wanda and our mothers awkwardly. Ecstatic, our mothers threw their opinions out at me, but I was barely listening because all I could seem to focus on was a quiet Wanda. I couldn't read her mind for the life of me – she was getting better at hiding how she truly felt.
Wanda also tried some dresses on, still not as enthused as she usually was, but neither of our mothers seemed to take notice. I sat on the lounge sofa alongside them, eyes unable to look away from Wanda as she modelled the dresses. I had no words, my mind hazy and tongue tied as she stole my breath away for the millionth time. She was ethereal.
"...what do you think, Y/N?" Iryna asked, forcing me to look away from Wanda and to her. "She should keep this one, shouldn't she?"
I hummed in agreement, looking back to Wanda, who was avoiding my eyes. "She should. I don't think I've ever seen a dress so perfect for someone before."
Our mothers didn't seem to think much of my comment, but Wanda finally looked up, not ignoring me for the first time since I got here. I offered her a small smile, hoping she could see what I'd been wanting to say to her since last night. But she looked away, chewing on her lip and looking down.
"I'm gonna change," she mumbled, before turning to go back behind the curtain.
A sigh escaped my lips as I leaned back against the seat. I'd just have to find a spare moment.
Iryna and my mum proceeded to try on a bunch of dresses before we called it a day and were ready to eat lunch.
"I want you to have these, Y/N," Iryna told me as we all stood up, motioning to the pile of dresses on the arm of the sofa. "It's my gift to you."
I raised my eyebrows. "Oh, Iryna, you don't need to give–"
"Don't be ridiculous," she cut me off with a wave of her hand. "You're family now. Anything for my daughter-in-law."
I smiled awkwardly, not missing the eye roll from Wanda, before nodding. "Thanks..."
She looked to her daughter. "Wanda, medovyy (honey), can you help her pack them away and meet Y/M/N and I outside on the patio for some lunch?"
Wanda, having no other choice but to say yes, nodded and forced a smile in her mum's direction. "Sure, mum."
Our mothers fell into conversation as they left the room, finally leaving Wanda and I alone. I released a breath, grateful for the privacy, and looked to the Sokovian in question.
"You okay?" I asked slowly, wanting to find a start before erupting straight into my feelings.
She nodded, nibbling on her lip. She looked like she wanted to say something more, so I watched her patiently.
After a pause, when I thought she may just stay quiet forever, she spoke. "If what I said last night was out of line, I'm sorry."
I shook my head, a smile curling on my lips. "It wasn't. I'm in love with you, too."
Surprised, she finally met my gaze, eyes swirling with confusion. "You are?"
"Of course I am," I said quietly, stepping forward and taking her hands in mine. "I didn't mean to make you jealous last night. Pietro and I were genuinely just hanging out as friends."
She shook her head, eyes flickering between mine. "It doesn't matter about that. Forget it."
I still felt guilty, adding, "I know, but it does matter. I don't want to–"
She pressed her lips to mine quickly, cutting me off. Her fingers tangled in my hair as she tugged me closer with her other hand, making me gasp when my body touched hers. I kissed back, closing my eyes and moving my lips against hers in perfect sync.
I probably could have kissed her all afternoon, but the sound of the door opening made us both jump apart, startled. It was just a servant who was coming in to clean up the room. When she saw us, she gave us a small smile before moving around the room carefully. My eyes fell to Wanda's excited ones, and I smiled at her before nodding to the dresses.
"We should sort this out before they wonder what's taking so long," I told her, moving to pack them.
She nodded, grabbing my hand and squeezing it gently before helping me. We packed the dresses in no time before joining our mums out on the patio where they were sat with our lunch. I tried to keep my eyes off Wanda as our mothers spoke to us about God knew what, but it was hard when all I wanted to do was kiss her over and over, telling her just how much I loved her.
"...nice to see you both getting along lately," Iryna was talking, and I only zoned back in when I realised she was looking at me.
I blinked. "I'm sorry, what was that?"
Wanda stifled a smile as my mum gave me a disapproving look from across the table.
Iryna didn't seem to mind as she chuckled. "You and Pietro," she continued. "You both seemed very comfortable at the party last night."
I settled on a polite smile. "He's a gentleman. Very nice to be around, I guess."
Iryna smiled knowingly, exchanging glances with my mum before patting Wanda on the forearm, getting her attention. "How does that sound, dear? Your brother and Y/N together?"
I shook my head instantly, realising how she'd taken my words. "That's not what I meant."
Humming in response, Iryna continued to look to her daughter. "You may have to start sharing your new best friend with Pietro."
Remembering Wanda's jealousy last night, I spared her a glance of concern, hoping she wouldn't let this get to her. She was smiling, but her eyes were dimmed with dismay.
"Uh-huh," she played along with her mother's words, before using her fork to pick at her food.
As our mums began to talk about it, I found Wanda's hand under the table and laced my fingers in hers, hoping she'd know I only cared about one person and it was her. Though she didn't look up, her hand tightened around mine and she didn't let go.
The rest of the lunch went by as expected, though the more Iryna and my mother mentioned the wedding, the more Wanda and I grew uncomfortable. It was so much harder to hear about it when I knew my feelings were growing stronger for the brunette every day. By the end of the meal, my mother was happy to go back home and said I could stay to hang out with Wanda, which of course I did.
After bidding her a goodbye, I let Wanda drag me upstairs and to her bedroom, though the door closed when she spun around and pushed me against it, immediately kissing me. Before I could even question what was happening, she pulled away and looked at me through a half-lidded gaze.
"I don't want to share you with my brother, ever," she rasped out lowly, before licking her lips. "I don't want to share you with anyone."
She breathed out, her breath mingling with mine. Her hands rested on my waist before she reattached our lips, moving hers slower and more thoughtfully against mine.
I closed my eyes, grabbing her face and holding her gently, letting her slip her tongue between my lips and play with mine. Then she sucked on my lower lip, teeth nibbling gently at the sensitive skin, and made my insides go warm and fuzzy.
When she let go, she trailed kisses down my jaw and to my neck, having me at her mercy.
"Wanda," I moaned, hand moving to the back of her neck as I tried to regain some control of the situation, but the longer she sucked at the exposed skin, the more my knees wanted to buckle.
Already lowering my dress to my shoulders, her hand untied the back of it and I flushed at the contact of her fingers against me, not used to the feeling but also not opposed.
"Wanda, are you sure?" I asked between bated breaths, attempting to get her attention by tugging at her dress.
She pulled back, hand rising to my jaw and caressing it with her thumb as she looked between my eyes. Hers were dark, clouded with an arousal I hadn't seen before.
"I am," she said with certainty, before asking, "Are you?"
I swallowed hard, the warmth in my core growing hotter as she stared at me with lustful eyes and swollen lips. "Yes."
She gave me a slight smile before pressing her lips to mine again, allowing me to wrap my arms around her neck. I heard her lock the door behind me as I undid the top of her dress, struggling to do so without breaking contact from her. We moved to the bed clumsily, trying not to stumble over our discarded dresses, before I laid her down and straddled her.
Leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses down her neck, I felt her fingers grip my waist, keeping ahold of my body on hers. I shivered as her nails scratched gently against the skin and grew warm when she lifted herself up gently to get more comfortable, her clothed centre rubbing against mine.
Taking a breath, I pulled away and hovered over her, revelling in the beauty that was Wanda Maximoff. Her cheeks were dusted pink as she opened her eyes, green eyes sparkling desperately as they flickered between mine.
"I love you," I told her softly, leaning on my elbow and caressing her forehead.
She smiled, nails trailing up my back and sending shivers down my spine. "Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu."
I tried not to laugh as I tilted my head with confusion. She smiled a little wider, hand reaching for the back of my bra.
"I love you, too," she translated in English, hint of amusement in her eyes, before she managed to undo the bra strap.
I rolled my eyes at her attempt of mockery before chasing down her lips once more. Everything about the woman before me was absolute perfection and I was glad I could finally share how I felt about her without having to hide it anymore.
The potential consequences of our actions was not my concern right now... all I cared about was treating her with the respect and care she deserved.
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buckyjamess-archive · 3 years
Text
𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓲𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓲 ❁ 𝓫𝓾𝓬𝓴𝔂 𝓫𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓼
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a/n: keep writing reader as the villain of the story, about time this man screws up • wordcount: 1.3k • warnings: kids, babies, parenthood, cheating, alcohol, bucky being an idiot, mentions of sex, blink and you'll miss it.
summary
going through rough years after losing your husband, you try to raise your daughter the best you can. With the help from the wilson's you make the best of it but the road is bumpy when sam introduces you to his friend.
masterlist
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He shouldn't be here. He promised himself to never wake up in this bed again, ever and yet he finds himself sitting on the edge of the memory foam mattress, soft lilac blankets underneath his naked thighs. The smell of the room is familiar but it's not you, not Rosie, not JJ, not home.
He should've stayed home, told you he didn't need a boys night out because he deserved just that– for taking care of the kids while you were a mess, not available and not there when he needed you the most. Yes, he deserved that but maybe the pub his friends had dragged him too was not the right place to be. 
She worked there. She who he had ended things with weeks before meeting you. She with a head of brown curls bouncing around her face, bright green eyes through thick lashes and the cute little dimples in her cheeks whenever she smiled so bright, nose covered in freckles on a sun-kissed canvas and god, if only her personality matched her looks, he would have fought for this one the way he's fighting for you and his family.
God, he was in love back then, one of the firsts he saw a future with. Like a bunch of teenagers, making the eyes of his friends roll with the lovey-dovey behavior– looking back at it made Bucky cringe. The first six months were amazing before her attitude took a 180 and changed for the worse. Possessive, jealous, lowkey crazy.
He wished to never bump into his ex Melissa ever again.
But he did and with the beers coming, alcohol running through his veins and the lack of real intimacy made his mind foggy. The hugs, the cuddles and stolen kisses were not cutting it anymore, he missed you in all other ways and Melissa was there to fix it, like an angel with a halo above her head and rays of light casting from behind her – guiding him straight to what he desired most. 
He shouldn't have been here. Your relationship was taking the right turn, amazing, a do over, like the beginning. The acceptance letter to that nursing school you applied for and your weekly visits with your therapist did wonders for you. Giving bucky back the girl he so deeply fell in love with and he put it all on the line for some sex. Sex he would've gotten if he just had asked you and even then he didn't have a reason to complain. His 7 months old son asking all your attention and a jealous rosie hanging around your leg nearly every hour of the day– you had the right to fall asleep as soon as your head hit a pillow.
"You know what they say; once a cheater, always a cheater."
Bucky clenches his jaw and bites the inside of his cheek, nails digging half moons in the skin of his palms as his hands turn into fists– god, all the reason why he dumper her coming back up.
"I never cheated on you." He hisses through gritted teeth, back still turned to her. 
Melissa snorts "pretty sure you left me for that baby mama of yours." 
"We were long done before that," bucky spats back "for reasons. You being a pain in the ass being one of them." 
"That's not what you said last night." 
God, he didn't even call you or send a text. A shit excuse of staying with a friend for the night, too drunk to get home while he knew damn well he wasn't going home with them.
"I can ask her you know- ask her why she doesn't want to have sex with you anymore." 
Bucky nearly gives himself a whiplash with the force he turns his head around to meet with the green eyes of the half naked woman on the other side of the bed with a smug smile on her face. Playing with her phone in her hand. 
"Don't you fucking dare." 
"She has a right to know bucky." Melissa smiles wickedly "she has the right to know you slept with your ex." 
"I'll tell her myself." Bucky hisses again "I don't need you for that." 
"y/n, right?" Melissa quips, phone stills in her hand as she unlocks it with a swipe of her finger "I think I've seen her Instagram before– gotta say Barnes, the boy looks like you." 
"Melissa, I'm begging you." Bucky sighs "please, I'll tell her myself." 
I'll tell her myself– only if he believed that lie himself. 
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A date night, some one on one, some time alone is all what was needed to fill the missing gaps in your relationship. Both kids off to spend the night with bucky his family; just you and him. 
Dinner at your favorite sushi bar before strolling through the city hand in hand, catching a movie the both of you were dying to see followed by a round of beer at the first bar you stumbled upon and right back home– a trail of clothes leading from the kitchen, too desperate. Hands on each other and whispered sweet little nothings. Skin to skin. Raw. Real. Perfect.
But his mind couldn't help and wander to last week; tangled up in his ex her arms under thin sheets in a familiar bed. Mind wandering back to that night, not because he couldn't get Melissa out if his head but the regret– he'd done the same thing tonight but with the real love of his life, the mother of his kid, his future wife but it eats him alive; you can do better than the lying man he is. He needs to tell the truth, it's the least you deserve but he can't. He can't lose what he has now, a future.
He wants that white picket fence outside of the city with a big garden for your babies to grow up in. He wants another mini him or mini you running around, maybe even two if life is that kind. He wants to be by your side through thick and thin, in sickness and health, the bad and the good. He wants to see you stroll down the aisle in that perfect dress. He wants to be a good father figure for rosie, the perfect father and perfect husband– he's put it all on the line for some bad sex with a woman he despised so much.
He can't but he needs to tell the truth. No lies.
The smell of sex is still stuck in the air and the rays of moonlight cast through the crack between the curtains, the sound of the city a background noise– his arm is asleep from where your head rests but bucky runs his hand through your hair and presses a kiss to the crown of your hair, taking in the warm fruity smell of your shampoo. Your naked body cuddles up to his, soft legs entangled with his and a soft and warm hand laying on his chest right near his heart.
you're asleep, have been for a while but he can't; his eyes on the ceiling, following the small cracks in the paint and the cobweb he missed earlier this week. 
Bucky once again finds himself preparing himself a.nd his stupid apology 'a drunken mistake' and 'it won't happen again' followed by a pathetic 'forgive me?' 
He hopes you're getting angry at him, call him names, cursing him, wishing you never met him, a big mistake– bucky simply cannot bear the thought of you crying over him, he doesn't deserve your tears, doesn't deserve you. But above all, he wishes things will turn out okay in the end; see you happy even if it means without him. You deserve that.
God, he needs to tell the truth. You'll find out one way or the other, if not from him it'll be Melissa herself. 
'Hey doll, we need to talk.'
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