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just-some-random-blogger · 1 year

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*pulls up into this drive thru* a morpheus x reader smut to go please! newly crowned queen of the dreaming is so close to going crazy for how INSANELY GENTLE Morpheus can be so she lowkey asks him to smack her ass like once, maybe twice, or like ᵐᵃʸᵇᵉ ᶜʰᵒᵏᵉ ʰᵉʳ ᵈᵘʳᶦⁿᵍ ˢᵐᵉˣʸ ᵗᶦᵐᵉ, pssh i dont know, possibly overstim them both aha ᵐᵘˡᵗᶦᵖˡᵉ ᵗᶦᵐᵉˢˀˀˀˀˀ thank you!! *drives to the next window*

As You Command

Dream of the Endless x Reader

Summary: Yeah RIP that badussy -me

Word Count: shits prolly gon be 2k (lol nearly there) 1k+

Warnings: literally PWP, fem!reader, smut (bondage, edging, over stim, choking, fingering, vaginal penetration, praise kink), typos, etc.

A/N: OK PULLUP HO MINORS DNI Tagging: @pinksirensong @deniixlovezelda @shadow-pancake9

"Dream," I trail off, rolling from where I laid next to him to straddle his thighs. Dream looks up at me, hands instinctively falling to my hips, eyes raking in my figure.

He calls out my name in response. I nibble my lower lip as I feel my skin prick with goosebumps.

"I have a confession to make."

"Hmm," his pouty lips curve upward, "confess to me."

I lick my lips and take in the sight of his toned body beneath me, still bare from our previous love making. I bite at my lip as I grind my core on his hardening length.

His hands that make their way up to knead my soft breasts freeze when I ungraciously admit, "I want you to choke me."

Dream is as still as a statue.

"No, wait, I didn't mean it like that-" I cut myself off when one of his hands grab at my neck. There was no pressure to it, in fact his thumb sweetly rubbed my skin, and yet it was enough to make my stomach roll.

I whimper when his clutch begins to slowly constrict. His other hand goes down to my hip, kneading the flesh there firmly.

"Is this good?" he asks.

I nod as I he readjusts his hand. He brings one of his fingers up to my lips and I lean into him when he does so.

He guides my movements as I grow wetter while rutting against him. He notes, "you seem to have meant you wanted me to choke you very literally."

I grunt, "I- I..."

He withdraws his hand from my neck to allow me to gather my thoughts. I sigh at the lack of contact and grab his hand with my own, placing it back where it was, "I meant..." I start, "you treat me like I'm so precious, and I love that, but..." I press down on his hand, "I won't break if you get a bit rough with me."

My stomach drops when Dream pulls away so he could bring himself to sit down and adjust me while he atop him along the way. I let out a sigh when he brushes my hair back and digs his fingers in the roots of my hair, making me tilt my head up to him as he leans in to breathe against my neck, "do you mean to tell me you do not enjoy my attentiveness to your needs, wife?"

My stomach breaks into butterflies at the recently unlocked pet name.

I don't have the mind to answer, and he makes me yelp when I am pushed back on the bed with him hovering above me.

I let out groan when he grabs my hands and pins it over my head with one hand, his other lands on the base of my neck. I call out his name when he enters me slowly, his hips roll into mine so deliciously.

"For someone so sweet, you think of things so naughty, my dear," he mutters with a ghost of a smile.

I am a mess of breath and lewd noises beneath him when he picks up his pace. He gives me exactly what I want. This is why it was so jarring when he pulled away.

The next thing I know, I am in a dark room, standing on my feet with my wrists dangling over head, bound by something, I did not know what.

I feel my core throbbing at the sudden lack of contact. I could barely stand properly with the ache between my legs.

A shiver runs down my spine when my thigh is grabbed and propped down on a shoulder. I feel him kiss me from my knee, all the way up my anticipating heat, but then he stops.

"Do you want me to continue, my love?"

"Yes," I breathily reply.

I let out a confused whimper when my leg is released and suddenly I feel like I'm alone. It's too damn dark that I open and close my eyes to check if I could tell a difference. There wasn't any.

"Perhaps," he whispers, suddenly behind me. I shudder when his hands land on my hips, one slowly moves between my dripping wetness, "I should take you with my fingers."

I call out his name when he does just that, stroking me slowly. I lean against him, head finding its place against his shoulder. I arch my back against him, yearning for more.

Dream, knowing well the measures of my body, indulges me with a quicker pace while his other hand cups my breast. He then does the cruel thing of slowing down and pulling away.

I whine at the lack of contact, "please, Dream, don't stop."

The feeling of him behind me disappears. His deep humming reverberates through my entire body, "I thought you wanted to be less attentive, more rough."

"I never said less attentive!"

He laughs.

All of a sudden, my bounds are released and I topple forward, hands finding themselves on a surface in front of me I wasn't aware was even there. I bet there wasn't a while ago.

I try to pull away, but I find myself bound again. A panic shoots up my stomach.

All at once, Dream grabs my chin face and asks, "would you like me to stop?"

I shake my head in his hands, "no, no, please, don't stop."

"Are you certain? I felt my your agita-"

"FUCK ME DREAM!"

"..."

"... please?"

I let out a guttural cry when all at once, he is behind me, "well, since my desperate queen asked so nicely."

He begins ramming into me like it was his life's purpose, his only use. I am a mess against him. I relish the feel of his fingers digging into my hips, the feel of his roughness against my ready core.

At the rate he was going, I would embarrassingly come undone in a few minutes.

"Please," I whine, "don't stop!"

My head drops as he grips me tighter. I am forced to my toes when he angles me up against him. My nails dig into the surface where my hands are propped on.

"That's it, sweet girl," Dream grunts, "come around me like the good girl you are."

My arms begin to give out against his pace. My stomach begins to tighten. I don't even realize I'm unbound until I nearly slip from my place while chasing my high.

I'm calling out his name when I come undone against him. Dream's grip is what keeps me from crumpling down.

My breath his heavy, my throat is stuffed with deeply pleasured groans.

The next thing I know, we're in a different position, and yet he is still milking my reaction for all he's got. My legs and arms are wrapped around him. My bum is supported by a hard surface, and my head was dangling behind me like my neck had no strength left to keep it up.

He has me sealed against him, his hand even carries my heavy head as I continue to groan and spasm because of my high.

The ecstasy slowly begins to fade. I let out a discomforted whine when he does not stop.

Dream makes me lean against him as his hands trail down to my thighs, "I want you to come around me again, my pretty girl."

"Dream-"

"I think you can take it," he mutters against me, hips still snapping in the same pace still.

I whine his name out as I bring my face near his, reeling back with sharp breathes in a mix of pleasure and pain.

"Do you think you can take it, beloved?"

I bite down on his neck as I pull him close to me, unsure of what else to do at the feel of his harsh ministrations.

I feel myself calm down when he pulls out. He leans back, giving himself the opportunity to grab my face.

"My love?"

I don't even realize my eyes were closed when suddenly I see his face as light slowly shines around us.

I pant as I take in my form, his form. I grab at him when I see his hardened length, taunt against his stomach. I pull him towards me as I turn my gaze back to his face, "I can take it," I say rather desperately.

He calls my name out, but hisses when I grab him and guide him back into me.

"You do n-"

"I can take it!" I whine, closing my eyes at the feel of him. I pull him closer, sealing my arms around him, "I want to make you feel good too."

Dream releases a sigh, kissing my cheeks repeatedly as he adjusts me by my thighs again, "I feel good knowing I made you feel good."

I whimper, rocking my hips against him when he still does not move, "I'll feel good once you've come inside me."

My breath begins to hike up again when Dream meets my movements with much quicker ones. He takes my lips into his, only releasing me when he feels my need for air.

"You are so good to me, my queen," he mutters in praise, "so good, so sweet, and all mine."

"Yes, Dream," I groan, "you can do whatever you want- I'm all yours."

That seems to be the exact push he needs.

I fall to my back. My eyes break open at the softness suddenly beneath me. I realize we're back where we started, in our bed, making it creak with our strenuous activity.

The sight of his delirious face makes my stomach coil in telltale anticipation. I screw my eyes shut and arch against him when repositions himself above me, hitting that sensitive spot that has me screaming.

"So good to me," Dream says.

I whine out similar words, "fuck, yes, so, so good."

Dream sinks down against my neck, readying himself for his impending undoing.

We continue like this, closely taking in our incoherence while Dream made the bed quake. He really is so good at what he does that I feel my stomach build again.

"Is my queen going to come now?"

"Yes, yes, yes, Dream, I'm so close."

He kisses my cheek as he rises slightly to allow himself a more secured position.

I feels like I died and came back to life when I come around him. The feeling is much more intense this second time around because of how hot and thick Dream's own orgasm feels inside of me. I'm as tense as rocks beneath him, then I'm softer than putty. My pulse is loud in my ears, and yet it is drowned out by the sound of me calling out to my husband.

He breaks into me until there's nothing left of the both of us. We're both spent and breathless by the end of it

He allows me to gain but a semblance of consciousness when he kisses me and rolls to my side.

I can't think when he pulls me close.

I have no idea why he even asks me anything after that.

"Are you alright, my love?"

I only answer him with my pants.

Dream presses a kiss on my cheek, hand rubbing my belly, "I did not want to do this, but I think I must attend to some business in the Dreaming for a moment, lest my concerns with one of the nightmares worsen."

I turn to him, eyes wide and questioning.

"I will not be long, I swear it."

When I finally get that he meant to leave, I nod my head slowly, "yeah... I'll... stay here."

Dream offers me a soft smile and kisses me one last time. I make myself whimper when I readjust on my spot.

#the sandman smut #the sandman fanfic #dream of the endless fanfic #morpheus smut #dream of the endless x reader #dream of the endless smut #the sandman fluff #sandman x reader #dream smut #dream x reader #dream fanfic #morpheus x reader

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baby-fics · 2 years

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(@lake-lanier-bog-fog Request: hello, i don't know if you still take requests but could i get some poly!cg!ghostface with a little reader who has autism pretty please? if you aren't taking requests or don't want to do this that is 100% okay)

(No prob! Hope you liked this! I have autism myself so I'm glad this was one of my first requests :3, if you want anything specific addressed that I missed just lmk. Thanks for reading!)

♾️ Infinitely Adorable ♾️

(TW: food issues, texture issues, meltdowns, light stalking mentions, slight bullying, reference to murder, ya know Ghostface things)

First off, let it be known that anybody who decides to tease or belittle you? Dead. No question about it, that is a line nobody is allowed to cross; except for maybe them but that's beside the point. Don't worry, these two will be sure to kindly inform them of their grave mistake later.

But you don't need to worry about that precious! Play with Billy's hand instead, they know you like to use their hands as fidgets. Stimming freely, making faces, echolalia, sensory issues, the works. It's all accepted with them lil one and don't you dare hide! They may not understand everything at first, but these boys are very determined. (Plus when you stim or make little noises they think it's the cutest thing ever)

Textures are a big thing they watch out for:

Certain food textures make you feel icky, and the boys are VERY accommodating about this! They have spent most of your relationship learning what textures bother you the most and making sure that above all you're healthy and comfortable.

Physical touch can often be genuinely horrible depending on the touch. The last time you held unfinished wood with your bare hands, you proceeded to gag and violently flap your hands. So needless to say, this is something they care about quite a bit.

Overstimulation is something that Stu completely empathizes with and he actually helps the best in this term, he may not have Autism but Stu does empathise. He has a pair of headphones wrapped in your favorite color tape along with a mixtape of songs that calm you down and a weighted stuffie in a backpack that's kept in the car.

When your understimulated, what better way than for Billy to yeet the baby? No seriously, he'll set up a pillow mountain on the bed, pick you up, and just yeet you into them. Works wonders. Stu will also have you grab his wrists tight and he will push your shoulders so you bounce onto the bed and he'll pull you up by his wrist and repeat! The giggles this elicits are his favorite sound on earth.

These boys definitely keep you a spoiled baby, but you're not rotten yet so what's the harm. We all know Stu is loaded and he will absolutely drown you in stuffies, fidgets, coloring books, you. name. it. Seriously! All you gotta do is name it, Stu doesn't even really care for 'please'! Billy does though and encourages you to use your manners when you ask for things.

Stu enjoys listening to you ramble about whatever your special interest may be and will attempt to engage with you if the interest is activity based. So will Billy but.. he has a harder time listening to rambles.

Your Papa's have a set routine around bedtime that gives you something to expect and wind down with. They start with a bath and clean you up while letting you play, then move to brushing teeth, and then Daddy Stu helps to put your onesie on you while Papa Billy makes you a bottle.

Stu does story time and always does silly voices when he reads. Billy sits and cuddles you while you drink and listen to him read one of your younger books aloud.

Billy is really good at picking up when a meltdown begins and stopping them before they start. Do they get triggered by indecision? Not to worry Billy actually really likes taking over for decisions when you need. Did something happen to throw off the routine of your day and now the whole thing feels like a wash? Billy will either help fix the setback or try to distract you from that setback!

He will pay very close attention to what sets you off. Heck Billy has a journal dedicated to your quirks and needs in detail. Billy stalks you even though you're literally always with him and his partner, to Billy? You're his special interest.

Overall, these two are a great combination for an Autistic little. Very much under the Attack dog Caregiver category lol.

#agere little #agere caregiver #little!reader #billy x reader x stu #ghostface x little!reader #agere reader #agere slasher #sfw agere

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viscerax · 2 years

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Can you write I poly robin x reader x vance where they are roller skating/biking and reader gets hurt so they help or maybe one where reading has a stim when they get happy or anxious and they help calm (whichever easiest) sorry 🥲

Assistance

The skating park was relatively empty, save for you, Vance, and Robin. Vance and Robin were sitting on a bench while you skated back and forth, showing off a few tricks. Robin cheered you on, and although he was trying to look cool, Vance was obviously worried whenever you did something that he deemed to dangerous.

"Ro, V, watch this!" You called out, standing at the top of the half pipe, waving at your two boyfriends. Robin gave you a thumbs up, meanwhile Vance shook his head.

"Be careful!" He called out, but you weren't listening. Before thinking, you quickly stepped off the ledge, skating down the large ramp. As you went down, you noticed the soon to be bane of your existence.

A pebble.

Before you could swerve out of the way, the pebble lodged itself into your front wheel, and the board skidded, sending you flying from the board and face first onto the pavement.

Your palms and knees were bleeding, along with you chin. Your ankle throbbed painfully as you just sat there, struggling to hold back the tears that threatened to spill.

Not seconds later, Vance and Robin were both at your side.

"Shit! Y/n are you okay?" Robin called and gently helped you sit up and flip over so that you were sitting and facing them. You quietly nodded, meanwhile Vance just had this look of odd guilt on his face.

"Fuck, Y/n. I told you to be careful!" Vance huffed, fishing through your bag for your first aid kit.

He pulled out some alcohol, cotton pads, and a few bandages. You shook your head, trying to shoo his hand away as he slowly held your cheek and tried to press the cotton pad to your chin.

"Come on, if you don't clean it, that shits gonna get infected. And trust me, infections suck." Vance grumbled, meanwhile Robin was trying to rub soothing circles on the top of your hands, nodding and agreeing with Vance.

"I can do it myself." You huffed and grabbed the cotton pad, tentatively trying to dab it at your wound, wincing and immediately pulling it away.

Vance sighed and took the cotton pad away from you, to which you begrudgingly allowed him to grab your cheek again and dab the alcohol at your wound.

"Ow, shit! That hurts!" You hissed as he threw the pad away and moved onto your palms.

"I know, I know. It'll help though, I promise." He sighed softly, pressing a kiss to your cheek and continuing to clean the wound. Usually, Vance was not this affectionate, but he understood the amount of distress you were in now.

Robin hummed and gently kissed your other cheek. "V is right. It'll hurt a bit now, but it'll be better later." Robin smiled and continued to comfort you as Vance patched you up.

Afterwards, the two boys helped you stand up, and you found yourself being sandwiched between them, seeing as they refused to let you walk on your bruised ankle. They slowly but surely helped you wobble home, and you found yourself resting in the comforts of your bed.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

"The doctor said I shouldn't walk on it for a few days. And no skating for at least a month." You groaned, meanwhile Vance on the other line let out a chuckle.

"Well, maybe now you'll be more careful when doing all that dangerous shit. I warned you." You sighed and he could see you rolling your eyes.

"Whatever. So basically, thats why I have to cancel the date. I'm sorry, hun. I'll call Ro and tell him too." You frowned, twirling the cord of the phone around your finger.

"No, I'll tell him, save you the trouble." Vance hmed and before you could protest, Vance hung up.

You were lazily resting on your bed, flipping through the pages of a magazine, when your door was literally kicked open, wobbling at the impact of Vances boots.

You yelped and out of reflex, threw the magazine at the intruders face.

Once you realized who it was, guilt washed over you. "Shit! Vance I'm sorry!" You huffed and glanced over his shoulder, to see Robin struggling to keep from laughing his ass off.

The shorter boy shoved past Vance, quickly running to your bedside and dropping the bag of snacks which you only just now noticed. He plopped down on your bed, very quickly making himself comfortable next to you.

Vance rolled his eyes and gently set the bags he had down. "Uou haven't even said hi to them, and you're already trying to smother them." Vance chuckled and shook his head, plopping down on your other side.

"Well, hello to you too, V." You chuckled and placed kisses on both of their cheeks.

"We figured, since you couldn't come to the movie date, we'd bring the date to you!" Robin smiled and grabbed your hand, kissing your knuckles.

"How sweet of you guys. You didn't have to. We could've rescheduled it." You gave them a bit of a guilty smile. "Or you two could've just gone together."

"Oh don't worry, we rescheduled it too. But we just wanted to see you. So here we are, cuddling and-" Robin sat up, pulling a VHS of some horror movie from his bag and sliding it into your VHS player on your TV, before quickly returning to his spot next to you. "-watching a movie."

A/n: i hope this works!

#the black phone #robin arellano #black phone edit #the black phone x reader #vance hopper #headcanon #vance hopper x reader #robin arellano x reader #rovance

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echo-bleu · 3 years

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Hi Echo! First off, I want to say I always love seeing you on my dash, especially your writing! It's always amazing!

I wanted to get your thoughts on something relating to autism. I've thought on off for a few years that autism might explain some of the things I experience (my decade long obsession with shadowhunters, why my tone of voice doesnt always match my intent/the words, rocking/flapping hands/curled toes, sensory things). I found that list you posted a while ago about women and autism, and I have to say, I related to a fair amount of it.

But I feel like there's a huge caveat to this explanation/relatability, and it's the social aspects. I do identify as an introvert, but I don't usually struggle in social situations. I can "read the room" usually and know how to act in professional situations, etc. Sometimes I don't catch jokes and I'm a pretty literal person ie I take things at face value. I know social things are a large part of autism.

I'm just curious if this is something I should persue or if I'm just looking for something that's not there. I know you aren't a medical professional or anything. I guess I just wanted an autistic person's perspective on my experiences.

Obviously, there is absolutely no pressure to answer this at all, and if I am way out of line, please tell me!!! I don't ever want to step on anyone's toes or do anything to hurt someone else. Thank you so much for your time! 💜💜💜💜

Hi Anon! Thank you, I’m really glad that you like my writing 💙

You aren’t out of line and I’m happy to try to answer your question! I don’t have a yes or no for you. Obviously I cannot tell you whether you’re autistic or not, or even if it’s worth pursuing for yourself, but I’ll try to share something of my own experience here. To me, it comes down to a few things:

1) If you feel like you have autistic traits and/or the tools and concepts developed with autistic people in mind are useful to you, even if you don’t know for sure whether you are in fact autistic, you are allowed and I would say encouraged to use them and to interact with the community to find more things that work for you!

2) I would argue that there is no specific trait that is common to all autistics. Moreover, traits can present as the exact opposite in two people and still be signs of autism in both cases. Autism is poorly defined, to be honest, and it’s hard to say where the limit is, but it’s more about a convergence of traits than a list of symptoms that every autistic person has. The diversity in our community is astounding and possibly even greater than among neurotypical people. So it is entirely possible to be autistic and struggle little with social stuff/communication. In my own case, though I do struggle with certain specific aspects of the social game, my sensory issues and executive dysfunction are much more of a disability in my life. Which brings me to the third point:

3) Most traits don’t look like you probably think they do. I used to look at lists of symptoms and feel like barely any of them applied to me. I would see “stereotypical and repetitive behaviors” and be like “I don’t always do things at the same hours and I don’t rock back and forth”, so this can’t possibly apply to me. Except that later, I stumbled upon a fanfiction with own voices autistic character that had them talk about stimming and stimtoys, and I looked up the word. Turns out that sucking your thumb is a stim. That listening to a song on repeat is a stim. That doodling is a stim. That sitting on your legs is a stim. Turns out that doing small things in the same order is a kind of routine, and it’s doesn’t have to be at the same time of the day. Would you have called that “stereotypical and repetitive behaviors”? I do all those things, and many more.

Stimming was the obvious example here, and it happened to be the place where I started my journey (or that part of it). I had been curious about neurodivergence (without knowing the word for it) and autism for a decade before that, but I had never stumbled upon, you know, actual autistic people describing their experience in a way I could relate to. And when you look at list of traits, at psychologists’ accounts, even at published biographies, you have to know what to look for. I developed a specific interest about autism and learned to read between the lines but it’s impossible to do that when you don’t already know. And even today, I still have frequent eureka moments of “oh, that’s why I do this.”

So on the social side, it may look different than what you’re thinking of. I have no problem with metaphors, and generally not with sarcasm or jokes. I can “read the room” as you said, for the most part. I’ve been talking at conferences and mingling at coffee breaks and having meetings with colleagues for years, and none of them ever thought I was autistic. I may have a hard time approaching someone to make small talk, but not that much more than colleagues my age. I don’t go out a lot and I don’t make friends super easily, but I do (well, did) go out for drinks with colleagues or friends. So I didn’t think I had a real issue there, beside being very introverted and a little shy. Except that I was tired. I’d come back from having drinks and would go straight to bed. I’d come back from a three days conference and get sick for a week. I burned out fast and brutally. I rarely make eye contact, but I tend to look at people’s mouths, so no one noticed. Mostly I didn’t know that I struggled with things until I read other autistic people’s experiences. And moreover, I didn’t know how exhausting it is for me to communicate with neurotypical people, even if I appear, even to myself, to do it fairly naturally, until I stood in a room full of autistic people for five hours and felt rested at the end of it.

That’s because some of us, me included, learned to mask at such an early age, and in such an organic way, that we don’t even realize that we do it at all. At least not until we burn out so badly that we’re forced to face it, or until we luck out and stumble upon the testimonies of other autistic people and recognize ourselves there. So if that’s your case, if you read blogs and texts and watch videos by autistic people and you recognize something, then I would say it’s always worth investigating. Maybe you’re autistic, maybe you’re neurodivergent in another way, maybe you’re not, but knowing yourself is always going to benefit you, and so is knowing about the diversity of brains and people that exist.

#autism #neurodivergence #echo's rambling #Anonymous #asks

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stimtoybox · 6 years

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Hi!I'm 22 years old and have had my aspie diagnosis for 6 years now.I'm a university student,and always masking my autism related behaviors.Any tips and advice on how to stop doing that and start stimming proudly in public when I need to? Also when I blurt out stupid things because of autism my mom tells me to stop and think about what I'm saying.What to do when the thinking goes off in my head in the wrong direction or otherwise doesn't help?I want to stop masking my autism behaviors.

Unfortunately, I am so much less good on the art of thinking before speaking–oh, if it were only that easy. I can usually manage when not upset or distressed, simply because Not Saying What I Am Thinking is a survival tactic in my family, usually resulting in Not Saying Anything At All. (For obvious reasons, this isn’t something I’d encourage in anyone else, because it’s born of a toxic dynamic.) When upset, though, there is no filter between my mouth and my brain–and often limited ability to even get words out–and it’s something I’ve never been able to improve myself. Perhaps other autistics have some ideas, or posting in the #actuallyautistic tag?This is one subject where I really don’t have advice to give and I fear anything I’d say would be spectacularly less than helpful.

As someone who has had to relearn/reclaiming stimming as an adult after my diagnosis and who had fairly successfully lost the ability, though, this part of your ask is comfortable territory for me. So I will talk your ear off about this! For context, I went from being afraid to pace in a therapy session with an allistic psychologist who knew about my diagnosis and was supportive of it to being someone who can obviously stim in a department store without caring. It took me about three years, but it can be done!

Please recognise that you’ve spent so long suppressing your need to stim from the world and from yourself, so this relearning will take a while and that’s okay. I mean, you’ve spent more than a decade without a diagnosis or perhaps even context for how you behave and move, engaging in the suppression of what is natural to you. That’s so much training about allistic-appropriate movement and behaviour you have to undo and unravel, and it’s not going to happen overnight, as much as we wish it. It’ll take time.

The first step, if you haven’t already, is exploring and developing your stim kit and your bodily stims. Figure out the toys and stims you like and how you like to use them. Make sure your kit includes toys that are quiet, don’t contain flickering lights, are low-odor and won’t draw too much attention–toys, in other words, ideal for public stimming. Consider mermaid sequin bags/pencil cases, fidget jewellery pieces like necklace pendants and spinner rings, keychain fidgets that can be attached to your bag, etc. You might also wish to consider toys that have become popular, like squishies, as they’ll draw less negative attention through their normalised use. Have more standard toys too, like Fidget Cubes and spinners and Tangles, but make sure you have a selection of stealth toys ready to go for your first ventures into public stimming.

Beginning with toys where I less feared any kind of reaction from others helped a lot in reducing my anxiety that people would say something about my stimming. In all honesty, few people say anything if I fidget with a necklace pendant or a bracelet. Neurotypical people do this sort of thing all the time.

The next step is to work on being comfortable with stimming in private–really comfortable. If you’re in your room with the door closed, stim. If you’re in bed at night in the dark, stim (with toys safe for this purpose). First thing in the morning after waking up, before you’ve interacted with anyone–stim. Make stimming part of your private life, a daily habit, part of your routine. Stim in the shower or bath–plastic toys like Tangles or hedge balls are fine for bathroom use and nobody else will see you do it! Keep toys on your desk and in your pockets so they’re right there, and when you’re alone and you see them, use them, even if only for a moment or two. The more you stim generally, even when you don’t need it, the more unconscious it will become and the easier it will be to stim when you do.

More steps under the cut because long post is long:

This step is not easy. Even with my door closed, at times I felt so desperately uncomfortable (and afraid of people barging in, because that happens at my house). Start with the most subtle/unobtrusive toys even in private, if you’re anxious about this. Just spin a spinner ring while watching TV or stroke a textured pendant. Do these smaller stims until you’re comfortable with them. I will say that keeping other toys within reach made it easy for me to progress from more subtle toys to less subtle ones, so I’d recommend that–starting with a spinner ring but having a Tangle within sight and reach. You might find, as I did, that you reach for the toy before you recognise that you’re ready for it, so have it there, waiting.

Stimming in private is for experimenting--for trying toys out, for trying movements out, for letting yourself move and sway without caring about other people. The more you can do this, and the more you can gain confidence to further experiment with bodily stims and toys, the more you can grow the habit of stimming generally, so I do recommend looking at every opportunity you can find for even short stim sessions.

Third, once you’re starting to feel comfortable with private stimming, look at what situations relating to public stimming might cause more anxiety or discomfort. There’s stimming on a bus, where people look more at their phones than at other people, versus stimming in a shopping centre or on the street. There’s stimming in front of strangers versus stimming in front of friends and family. Stimming in the library might be easier for you than stimming in the classroom during a tutorial–and stimming inside a lecture theatre, with nobody paying attention to you, might be easier than both. Figure out what seems hardest and what seems easiest, even if only in theory, and then write out a list of those situations from easiest to hardest. Take the easiest five from the top, tear them off and throw away the rest of the list, because it’ll feel overwhelming now and you don’t need it. Just keep the five easiest ones and put it aside.

Fourth, make another list with circumstances, right now, in which you think you can easily and safely stim outside the house/bedroom. The cinema was one of mine, so dark nobody can see my hands move, and it’s easy to shove my toy in a bag or pocket when the lights come up. This is just to get you thinking about circumstances where you can, with no risk of anxiety or ableism, stim, to continue the habit-building of your private stimming. If you don’t think about it, you won’t know that you can try it, so I do recommend making this list. You won’t always remember to stim in these situations when you’re in them, and that’s fine and normal, but if you think of it once or twice, it’s worth the effort.

While doing all this, keep stimming in private! Keep cultivating an interest in stimming and stim toys! Add to your kit so you don’t get bored of one toy; get your favourite toy in a couple of different colours; talk to other stimmers; admire toy collection posts, enjoy bodily stimming GIFs--do whatever you can to connect to your stims so stimming has a positive association for you. You don’t have to stim all day long, just make it a habit to pick up a toy or perform a bodily stim once or twice a day, for a little a while, and over time you’ll unconsciously do this more often and for longer. Let your body point you towards where it wants to go and roll with it, because your body does know–you’ve just got to get used to understanding and allowing it again.

Once you are comfortable with both stimming in private and stimming in situations that are theoretically public but are safe (like said cinema), pull out your list of five. You may have written it months ago by now, but see if you still feel like you want to attempt these or if–now you are more used to thinking about stimming and places in which you can stim–you can think of easier ones. Pick the easiest one, with your most subtle toys, and start to make a habit of stimming there, too. When that space becomes comfortable, look at other locations. By this stage, stimming should be becoming more of a habit that it becomes natural to start unconsciously reaching for a fidget pendant. I know that you can’t imagine it now, and neither could I when I began, but it will happen.

In the meantime, in private, introduce less-subtle toys into your stimming, and begin to get comfortable with these where nobody can observe you.

Slowly, over time, you introduce subtle stims into more and more locations/situations, and then you start to introduce less-subtle stims into these locations. You’ll build up both the habit and the confidence over time--and then one day you’ll find yourself rocking on your feet in front of your aunt and don’t realise until later that you were being so damn autistic in front of your most ableist of relatives and you don’t even care. It took me three years to get there, but I did, and you will too.

(I will say, that for me, using stim toys gradually brought me more comfort with unconscious bodily stims, too. I do still stim more with toys, but I’ve regained a lot of natural movement in all sorts of ways through my toys.)

Just be patient and slowly, gradually work your way up from safe/private spaces with subtle toys wherever possible for you. Take your time, don’t push yourself into anything scary until you feel ready for it and just quietly build up the habit, and before you quite know it you will be stimming when you need to. You just have to get your body used to looking toward stimming as the answer.

#decaffeinated #ask #text #not a toy #discussion post #stimming discussion #stimming positivity #autism discussion #autism focus #long post #very long post #extremely long post

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