#and I hope you're able to connect with more trans adults who can support you a little more directly

[nothorses]

trans teen guy here! quick question, does it really get better when you get older? everything is so shitty rn, is it still gonna be shitty as an adult? i just wanna get high and watch south park, not be questioned on the validity of my life, yknow?

i know this isn’t the kinda stuff you usually respond to, but i had a weird thought about my future as a trans person. i’ve just been stewing with it for a bit, and you’re pretty much the only trans adult i know who could answer this.

Oh, it absolutely does.

When you're a teen, you have... virtually no autonomy. And even if your family grants you some autonomy, you're still reliant upon them for all of your basic needs. You can't just Decide to go do something, you can't act without being monitored or asked questions... even if you have a great family who really tries to give you that autonomy, there is always a level on which you're lacking the freedom and independence that comes with adult life.

And that makes such a difference, especially when you're trying to establish and work out your identity as an individual.

Also like... you gain a little more authority than you had before, just by virtue of being an adult, and that insulates you from a lot of criticism and denegration you might face as a teen. Your identity and choices aren't as easily handwaved as "you're just a kid, you don't know what you want", and you can assert yourself as an equal when people violate your boundaries.

I won't lie- there are still challenges. Things don't magically become Good the moment you turn 18, and there will likely be some time between legal adulthood and when other folks (family especially) start genuinely treating you like an adult. And if you've got shit to unpack from your childhood/adolescence, you're likely gonna have a tough couple of years after you move out just, like, sorting through and healing from it.

You'll need time, but you'll get there. It might feel bad at first, while you really figure things out, but you'll start to figure it out- and keep figuring it out. It'll always get better.

When you have the power to change your circumstances, and you put in the effort to build a better life and a healthier self, it will get better.

#trans #also hey- thank you for trusting me with this. I'm genuinely honored. #and I hope you're able to connect with more trans adults who can support you a little more directly #because you deserve that.

[jaymesdoodles]

I feel like people don't understand how easy it is to fall into exclusionist thinking. Like I was a super accepting kid when I first realized I was queer. Once I realized I was trans, the story really shifted. And I fell into that thinking that their needed to be a certain way of being queer and trans. I needed to fit into a mold. So much of that came out of the fear of homophobia and transphobia. Especially as someone who got harassed and mistreated to the point of detransitioning.

When you're scared of being queer, you'll so desperately attach to anything that help you seem as the "good gay" the "good trans" but something I had to learn about the hard way, was it didn't matter how much I tired to be queer to their liking. They were never going to like it. I could fight and bully my fellow trans and queer people for eternity, but I was never going to fit into whatever mold they wanted.

It's so easy to fall into that thinking. It was especially easy to see so much hate online or other queer people telling you "no its actually not right to be this type of queer or this type of trans. It's problematic." There was so much hate surrounding me in both public and online.

But the thing was? one of the biggest things was being around other queer people. Especially queer elders. This isn't always an easy request, like I know the circumstances can be challenging to for people (I mean I'm an adult disabled queer person living at home, in the same area, with my family and there is absolutely no public transport 😭😭 I know for sure about that)

But hopefully, you'll be able to connect to other queer people eventually. Until then? just step outside of the online bubble. Learn about queer history (omg I'm BEGGING!) Take time to evaluate your beliefs. I just think it's so important.

I know that exclusionist can't be excused. The harm that they've done to the community has been detrimental. But I hope that this shines some light that people can change. That even when people fall down, that rabbit hole. There is a way to climb out. Trust me. It takes work. But I have hope that with these more open conversations about exclusionism and support of "problematic" identities. We can help find their way out. Even if it's just a few. I think that it's important we try? yknow?

#I hate talking about when i was into exclusionism. #i feel very very ashamed about it #I know i hurt my fellow trans people #but I'm glad I've been learning and growing #i love queer people i love our history and community and i was us to grow and learn #i hope we're able to strengthen from everything #we need community and connection more than ever right now #I hope this just helps people see hope in this #jaymes talks #queer #lgbtq+

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

To all the other adult queers in the USA who don't live in an accepting state: how do you keep hope for the future? "It gets better" was always the mantra, but... it feels like the whole country's going backwards. My state has tons of anti-trans bills lined up. I haven't saved enough to transition, and if they pass, it'll be harder. I don't think I'll ever be able to afford to move because I'm a non-partnering aro. I hate it here. I'm terrified for all of us, especially the next generation.

Yeah, today I think was a particularly hard day for a lot of trans people. Especially in the United States. I'm not big on the 'It gets better' mantra, I definitely think it's always good to have hope and if it helps you that's great. But my go-to advice is always that what can help the most is what's actionable right now you can do to either make your life better or if you have the resources what can you do to help.

And it doesn't have to be a big thing, it can be anything that benefits trans/queer people. Like a donation to a charity you like, helping out or spending time with a local trans group, even spreading positivity or awareness around. You can also see if there's anything you can do to help people fighting this attack on trans people, for example the ACLU is fighting the legal battle against these bills, so maybe a small donation there, or helping spread the word about what they're doing. Or if there's any groups doing collective action in your area, there may be ways to support them within your means.

Even just little things can make big differences, and can help you feel a lot more hopeful. Definitely don't do more than you can but anything you can do will feel better than sitting at home and nervously waiting to see what happens.

Remember this fight isn't over yet. While I understand being worried for the future (and frankly I very much do understand that), there's a difference between that and accepting it as certainty. Don't let them stop you from planning your future or living your life. For example keep planning that transition.

Self care is huge during times like this. And that's making sure you're eating properly, sleeping, still connecting with others and just in general taking care of yourself. Do not feel guilty doing things you enjoy either, you need to keep your spirits up or you'll just burn yourself out.

Also remember it's OK to be scared, and it's OK to acknowledge your feelings. But do your best to keep going and living your life, and sometimes that's a huge act or resistance against these bills all on its own.

Take care, Anon. You're not alone.

#transphobia #queerphobia

[one-abuse-survivor]

i know you get a lot of asks & it can take a while for one to get answered so i’m going to use this 🎈emoji to be able to quickly identify mine out of all the others if that’s okay!

i don’t really talk to ppl about this very much bc it seems like nobody really understands. not going to give many details but my parents are homophobic & transphobic, and i’m trans and gay. they don’t hate me i guess, but they continue to misgender me and things like that. i’ve been an adult for years, so i’m legally able to move out, but i don’t have any resources right now. i’m disabled so i can’t work normal jobs, so i don’t have any kind of income i can live off of by myself. my only friend is not financially stable enough that i can live with them, and i’d feel like shit having to “mooch” off them anyway. my extended family is unsupportive of the fact that i’m trans and gay, and they’d push me to work myself to death to pay my way out of their house eventually so i can’t live with any of them either. my parents have forced me to work in the past, and i had to quit less than a month in because i knew my body and mind were going to quit on me if i didn’t. i can’t get disability benefits for various reasons. i genuinely feel like i have no support system besides one friend. i feel stranded and hopeless. the only thing i can hope for is to meet someone financially stable enough that they’d actually be willing to have me while knowing and accepting that i cannot work, i wish that that miracle would happen and they would genuinely love me the way i am, and i wouldn’t be a burden. i’m in college and i’ve only got a few years of that left so i feel like i’ve just been throwing myself at people left and right hoping that i can make some kind of connection, that magically i’ll find someone who likes who i am and sees my worth and i can build a real support system before i graduate and my parents try to force me back into working myself to death with what 3 or 4 shitty jobs we have left in this hick ass town. i majored in english bc i have so many stories in my head and i really want to write them all out in hopes that even that might get me some income, but i feel so tired and numb all the time from the pandemic and c-ptsd and still living under unsupportive parents, its hard to get any words out at all. i haven’t gotten a full chapter out of me in the last two years. i just hope that some kind of miracle will happen and my energy for writing will come back to me or i’ll meet someone who can support me or something and i’ll finally have the means and safety and stability to move somewhere that i can live as myself.

That's more than okay, nonnie!

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. It's no wonder you can't write under these circumstances. Between the stress of needing to build a support system before you finish college, the constant misgendering, the pandemic, your c-ptsd, and the knowledge you might have to work when you can't do that without hurting yourself if you don't find another way to sustain yourself, I'd be surprised if you were able to get any words out at all. I write too (albeit just as a hobby) and it's already hard enough to do right now; I can't imagine how paralysing it would be to try if I needed to make money off of it. I'm sending all my support and some of my muses your way!

I really hope things change for the better, and that you get to meet people you can rely on and who love you exactly as you are.

Sending a huge virtual hug ❤

#🎈 anon #ask #abuse #abuse tw #abusive parents #homophobia tw #transphobia tw #pandemic mention #ableism tw #misgendering tw