#and 'somnovem' can be several things

[grayintogreen]

it’s time for the first run of liner notes for you can’t deny high noon: PROLOGUE EDITION. Time to look into my fantubulous brain to see how I came up with Pre-flesh horror Cognouza.

COGNOUZA

So when I first wrote this church takes no conversions, my vision of the Somnovem was basically just “an assortment of old men,” because it made sense at the time that stupid decisions be made by ridiculous, overblown dudes. When I decided how I was gonna play the Somnovem in OUADYA, however, I knew it wasn’t going to hold up, because by their nature, the Somnovem have to stand apart, so I wanted them to be more varied so that’s when I changed the genders of a handful and started developing them more as individuals to showcase what Lucien’s presence did for them.

And then came EXU Calamity.

While the plot was always intended to play with the Somnovem’s identities and individualism versus the hive and the desperate yearning need of them all to be united and yet separate at the same time, all while using Lucien to maintain their stability and direct their will through, there hadn’t been any initial plans to go back in time to show who they really were because I just didn’t have the brainpower capable of really locking into what that era of history was really like until that campaign and my fucking eyes went wide open.

The people who lived during that age… were really just people! In some ways, they have even more in common with modern society people than present-day Exandria do which made them more relatable in some bizarre way, and suddenly that changed my approach and within, like, a week I had built Cognouza up from scratch.

Cognouza in my brain, which doesn’t get explored in the prologue, is what happens when a normal ward that was probably primarily for free thinkers and philosophers over science ends up accumulating the dregs of everywhere else. So anyone who doesn’t want to be associated with the pariahs who got shunted over here because the head of the ward is collecting them ends up leaving and the people who stay end up falling into line with groupthink, until you’ve basically got an entire ward that’s so in on the kool-aid that the other wards have no other option but to cancel the entire thing because oh god what if this madness spreads.

Cognouza as it is at the moment has only existed for nine years and the Arcane Sciences building used to be strictly for medical sciences- sleep studies, dream experiments, etc- and lecture halls, but was converted when Seneca started collecting people with other science credentials. There are always engineers in every ward because shit breaks and everyone loves Aeormatons, so he had that going for him, but, for the most part, Cognouza is operating under circumstances it’s not actually designed for so the other Somnovem can pursue their ambitions free of judgment.

So yeah. Cognouza went from being a place based entirely on neurology and the study of higher brain functions and dreams to having a full science enclave because for some of them the draw was half Seneca’s beliefs and half “wait so I have no oversight here because Seneca believes in dreaming bigger than limits.” It’s nice, but most of them are not operating in ideal laboratory conditions or with an ideal staff which leads to some attitude problems.

And you can imagine that doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone is going to get along, so already this was going to be a powderkeg. Seneca didn’t choose his eight other people based on their personalities- he based it on their imaginations. That is the only thing that unites them- they are all very creative and not always in nice happy, life-affirming ways.

Also you might notice that barely any of them were originally from Cognouza, with several not even originally being from Aeor PERIOD, which, given Aeor’s fondness for attacking other flying cities is just another point against them for letting in potential spies and then making them political figureheads.

THE CALAMITY

I decided early on in working on this prologue that the fall of Avalir would be the inciting incident because when Betrayer Gods are popping off, then obviously Aeor is going to power on the Creator Hammer and that’s a huge batch of nonsense the Prime Deities don’t have time for, ergo Avalir fell to Asmodeus and some of the other Prime Deities went SHIT and dunked Aeor before they could do anything, so the two cities fell within HOURS of each other. The other floating cities lasted MUCH longer. Zemniaz out there like [Nelson Laugh]. Lathras is popping bottles. Etc.

BALBUS DELPHINA | TIMOREI

Delphina was a pretty fucking obvious joke- Oracle at Delphi, etc, and Balbus is an oracle. Balbus also means “stammerer” in Latin, which fits his anxious, fearful demeanor.

For a lot of the Somnovem, I wanted them to exemplify the emotion they would later embody utterly, because I think there’s something just as tragic as being defined by the emotions that plagued you your entire life as there is being defined by something you felt during ONE BAD DAY.

Making him an oracle was a combination of “ha ha anxious oracle that’s a trope” and the, more important, parallel to the silent Hall of Prophecy in Avalir. One prophet did see this coming and was able to tip everyone off alongside Cal’s spies and that let them escape… it just didn’t fix anything. Sometimes seeing doesn’t mean you can avoid it.

CALPURNIUS AMABILIA | GAUDIUS

Calpurnius comes from the Latin “calpur” meaning chalice. It’s a kind of joke about him being the Somnovem who contains all the love for Cognouza within him. Amabilia means “lovable.” This one wasn’t subtle AT ALL.

I made Cal an aasimar since angels are often associated with love and the idea of angels appearing to people and asking them not to be afraid despite their appearance- the Somnovem are, rightly so, very intimidating– is a whole thing, which makes him the most approachable. This is all evident in that he’s the only Somnovem known by a nickname. No one calls him “Calpurnius.”

The idea of making him a spymaster came from a couple of things. I wanted him to be the PR guy who was trying to keep Cognouza in the other wards good graces and when that fell through, I was like “okay, so he’s just Cognouza’s Loquatius now, but he needs to be something else otherwise he’s just Quay with a halo.” Gaudius was one of the most underhanded of the Somnovem when he was asking the Nein to kill Fastidan and Culpasi, so I like the idea of the embodiment of love having a bit of a ruthless streak. He protects his ward fiercely even with underhanded tactics.

Also he is very, very short for an aasimar. I see him as a kind of a young Christoph Waltz because dude have you seen that guy when he was younger. He looks fucking angelic. Also he’s got the necessary amount of charisma.

CASSIA LIVIO | FASTIDAN

Cassia means “cinnamon” which is, as you know, fucking spicy and dealing with her on a daily basis is like taking the cinnamon challenge every day. “Livio” means envious.

It’s understandable A LOT of people took Cassia for being Ira- she is very angry, but her anger is mired in disgust, envy, and disappointment. She’s the Somnovem who least likes BEING in the Somnovem and is only here because no one else will have her. She does unorthodox experiments because she refuses to believe in anything divine dictating the fates or lives of mortals and believes there’s some sort of biological phenomenon to the concept of being “touched” by gods and for all that she hates her fellow Somnovem and is a little out of her depth with the idea of not being able to apply her preferred science to aether, she does believe in the creeds more than any of the others. Manifestation is the power of the gods and if she can do that, then she can do anything.

If anything, she’s the Somnovem who is the most like Lucien, and for that reason she’s more likely to pull back from him. You’ll notice she RARELY if EVER has any one on one time with him and when she does… well, just wait.

Also in my head she is very much Judy Greer.

VALERIUS SEVERNA | IRA

Valerius for “Valiant” and Severna has roots in “severe.” This one was one of the least obvious, which makes sense as Valerius was the one who doesn’t embody his emotion- he’s the one who had a bad fucking day and had to live with it for hundreds of years, which I always knew was going to be Ira.

The decision to make him a Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer was pretty easy- Ira utilizes Matt’s “dragon voice” when he speaks and dragons have a tendency to be very, very based in singular emotions. From there, I just built up a person who is EXTREMELY self-conscious about his dragon heritage and is really concerned with keeping his temper down. He’s the most noble of the Somnovem, probably the best of them all, and that’s what makes him becoming Ira the most tragic- because he was so angry at the last minute before the storm hit, he’s trapped in that single moment, allowing it to fester until he’s more dragon than anything else.

He and Cassia are meant to be foils since disgust and anger tend to go hand in hand and they both bleed into each other’s emotions a lot. They’re also, you’ll notice, the only two Somnovem who have damage-based attacks, rather than effects.

TACITUS CAMILLUS | CULPASI

The Sexyman, himself. Tacitus means “silent” which is ironic considering he’s the most chatty, but is also a nod to the fact that Seneca won’t let him talk because he’s so naturally persuasive and a Charm Wizard that he can form cults around him really easily. Camillus is a name for a temple servant or priest’s assistant. Culpasi is made of fucking irony. He might as well be named “I am the least fucking cult leader of all time.”

Arguably the worst Somnovem since Cassia has reasons for being like that and Tacitus is just a gaslighting control freak with some serious issues Seneca is just ignoring because he is a really fucking good lorekeeper. There is NOTHING redeeming about this guy. Honestly, the novel making him such a little freak just validated how I approached him- the only thing that changed was he was originally a much older man and now he’s more like Ethan Hawke in Moon Knight, right down to the self-flagellation. Just with less glass in his shoes.

He is also very, very much based on Robbie, because why not.

CLAUDIA FELICE | LUCTUS

Claudia means “lame or crippled” and chosen because it’s opposite Augusta’s name, since she’s the lesser twin. Felice was kind of a joke because it means “lucky” but The Felice Brothers are the name of the band who originated the song that you see Chance singing throughout the story so it’s kind of more a reference to that.

Like Valerius, Claudia kinda got stuck in what was just a really bad day for her and now she embodies sorrow forever. You get glimpses of it occasionally from the other Somnovem that she’s the only one nearly all of them have nice things to say about and of all of them she’s probably the only one who is a genuinely nice person.

Except for creating the sleeper robots but like… no one on Aeor gets out pure.

SPURIUS JUVENTUS | MIRUMUS

Spurius wasn’t chosen for any particular reason, but Juventus just means… youth. Amazing.

I decided VERY early on that Mirumus would be the youngest (even if he’s only the youngest mentally) to match Vigilan being the oldest because surprise and vigilance are basically opposites.

He’s also autistic. It felt weird to me to assume that even at least ONE of the Somnovem wasn’t on the spectrum, given everything.

SENECA CANDIDUS | VIGILAN

Seneca got his name from a Roman orator for obvious reasons while Candidus means “pure” and sometimes “white” which was a joke about him being an old white guy before I decided on the albinism so now it’s a little on the nose.

I decided on the albinism RIGHT AS I was writing his intro and realized that I hadn’t figured out why red eyes are the Somnovem’s thing. Seneca is their most vigilant member and their leader so of course he gathered everyone under a symbol of his ever-watchful gaze- red eyes like his own.

AUGUSTA FELICE | ELATIS

Augusta means “magnificent” and is the name of a goddamn Caesar so of course she’s pride.

I built Augusta to be kind of the Anti-Laerryn, like Laerryn may be intense but everything she does, she does out of love while Augusta is absolutely just doing everything because people think she can’t. She and Claudia are such divisive opposites for two people so loyal to one another- Claudia loves her work and her creations while Augusta creates to build monuments to her brilliance.

You also may have picked up that she’s trans which is not important but it’s a fun detail and my liner notes are full of fun details like that. She is absolutely Jamie Clayton in my head.

THARIZDUN INFLUENCE

So while Matt confirmed that Tharizdun was more of a “hey I like your flesh horror vibe,” I have… clearly gone a different direction what with the inclusion of Jayne, Ashley, and a heavier importance placed on the Angel of Irons cult and I’m not going to get into too much here because spoilers, but yes, Tharizdun caused the psychic storm.

The people of Cognouza however had their brains scrambled BEFORE that because what basically happened was the equivalent of nine astronauts training for years and then bringing hundreds of untrained civilians up into space with them in the most abrupt and horrific way possible so yeah. Good intentions, real bad mathematics there, geniuses.

SONG CUES

I actually only have one song cue for this chapter!

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)- Marilyn Manson

Songs to walk down the corridor dramatically to while you head to the Aether Crux amirite.

#liner notes #you can’t deny high noon #my writing

[mareastrorum]

The Fool and the Soldier: Chapter Commentary

Chapter 4: Moon & Mirror

On off weeks, I’ll be posting some commentary on the prior week’s chapter. Since this is a longfic, I expect that it will be helpful for keeping track of stuff, plus I might mention something you missed. Of course, this will include spoilers, so continue with that in mind.

These aren’t meant to be comprehensive! There is so much more going on that I’m not saying. Feel free to ask questions too, either in replies or asks. If it’s too spoilery, I’ll let you know. I’ll add them to the body at the bottom as I receive them.

See the directory for other meta posts.

Moon & Mirror

After reading the chapter, at least one of the reasons for the title should be obvious: Molly had a dream of the card featuring both elements. The Moonweaver also makes an appearance, as does her counterpart in the story.

The card itself has a deeper meaning throughout this chapter. Moon signifies a glamour, a beautiful story the truth wears, and an illusion. In contrast, Mirror is a reveal, a bitter truth, something hiding in the shadows. There is a lot more plot development than the readers caught going on in this chapter, and it will make more sense if they continue reading with a key issue in mind: this story was almost titled Moon & Mirror. Do not forget that.

Fastidan

I think Fastidan was the second Somnovem that I fully fleshed out. The Latin root is presumably fastidium (Matt never confirmed these), which has three meanings: (1) loathing, disgust, disdain; (2) squeamishness; and (3) fastidiousness. I figured squeamishness probably suited Timorei more, but the first made sense for the emotion Fastidan embodies and the third made for a good personality trait.

Of course, first things I decided were the sensory perception and school of magic. Focusing on disgust, I felt that smell was probably going to be the most vivid sense to connect there. There’s so much potential with it. As for schools of magic, necromancy was the first thing that came to mind, and it just fit too well. In D&D lore, the Player’s Handbook gives a blurb:

The School of Necromancy explores the cosmic forces of life, death, and undeath. As you focus your studies in this tradition, you learn to manipulate the energy that animates all living things. As you progress, you learn to sap the life force from a creature as your magic destroys its body, transforming that vital energy into magical power you can manipulate. Most people see necromancers as menacing, or even villainous, due to the close association with death. Not all necromancers are evil, but the forces they manipulate are considered taboo by many societies.

I also looked at several necromancy spells individually to get a feel for how they fit that lore. (I’m not relying too much into particular D&D setting lore—Forbidden Realms, etc.—because Matt’s been building his own version, but spells help to fill gaps.) Astral Projection is a necromancy spell that doesn’t involve taking/consuming/corrupting life; it sends the astral form of someone to the Astral Plane and leaves their body in suspended animation. There’s also numerous spells that manipulate souls: Soul Cage, Magic Jar, and the various resurrection spells. Thus, I decided to lean heavily into manipulating the soul aspect (rather than the vague “life force” term), since that seemed to be the common denominator for several issues. There’s corruption of the body too, but that’s not as unique or interesting. Transmutation handles that in much cooler ways.

Regardless, the people that become powerful necromancers need to have some level of psychological disconnection from others to be able to manipulate life in this way. Of all the emotions, hatred seemed the most apt for that school (even if other schools might mesh well with hatred or disgust). Thus, Fastidan was the necromancer.

After EXU, I figured that most of the Somnovem were not purely political leaders, but powerful people from the Cognouza Ward that led the research into dreams. I also drew a lot from how Matt designed the Cerberus Assembly on this; each Archmage had their specialty for a role in governance, but they also had their own personal and group research that they pursue. Of course, they relied heavily on assistants and staff to do the more boring administrative work. Thus, I decided the Somnovem probably worked the same way. So they need jobs!

Fastidiousness is a trait of being well organized, attentive to detail, etc. The adjective can be used as both an insult and a compliment. Since the emotional tie was loathing and disgust, and it had to be an important job like something in government, I thought: what is the job that would be the most corrupted or tainted by a necromancer who is defined by hatred?

A judge.

Aeor is not a good place, guys. They made assassin therapy robots to take out rivals abroad and mage-killing anglerfish bioweapons shaped like giant babies. A fucked up necromancer judge is par for the course.

I was initially going to use he/him pronouns for Fastidan, but I wanted one of the more aggressive Somnovem to use she/her as well, and since I imagined a role for her as a judge, I wanted to push against the IRL gender issues in law. The other ones will be obvious when they’re introduced.

When I first drafted the Somnovem scenes, I included a lot about how they talk, but that didn’t last once I corrected that for the fact that they don’t actually speak. I didn’t want to emphasize that when it was supposed to be other characters’ interpretations of how the Somnovem communicate. While that was cut from most, I kept some of it for a few specific members.

Fastidan & Lucien

I actually edited this scene after posting! I initially had her “voice” with some bolded letters with the intention of showing how it was unstable, but a few readers thought it was related to the Pattern, so I switched it so that those parts weren’t italicized. I’m glad readers are paying such close attention though! I want the motifs to be consistent so they can figure stuff out ahead of time if they’re paying attention.

Once I had decided Fastidan was going to be the Somnovem that specialized in necromancy, I figured she also had to be the one to send Lucien off during the first summon. It also served to show that even with Elatis’s mind fuckery, she didn’t change Lucien’s hatred for the Somnovem. Elatis did something, but not that.

Summoning

This scene was fleshed out in a several rounds of edits as I began to sort out some big plot points. Things happened a certain way for a reason.

As a hint: there is a color motif that has occurred enough times by now that I don’t mind confirming that it is intentional. It is also something to track.

Cree did not know how to Create Undead because I doubt that the Claret Orders would have taught that to their clerics (because of the Raven Queen’s tenets against undeath) in general, but especially not the branches in the former Julous Dominion that were wrongfully blamed for the masses of undead and fiends unleashed in the Marrow Valley. Maybe higher ranking clerics, sure, but Cree wasn’t one of those.

I am being as particular as possible with spell components. If you read a character casting a spell and it doesn’t use the components you expected, there is a reason for it.

This scene is Cree casting the spell that the Somnovem taught her to bring Lucien back as an undead, but she wasn’t quite aware that was what she was doing. Regardless, I wanted it to fit the flavor of her Blood Cleric subclass, and I wanted it to make sense with Exandria’s lore about this sort of magic. The Blood Cleric flavor text partially reads:

The power of blood is the power of sacrifice, the balance of life and death, and the spirit’s anchor within the mortal shell.

I took that to mean that blood is the anchor of the soul in the body. Which we know isn’t wholly accurate because of FCG, but we can infer that blood is usually the anchor absent some sort of core for aeormatons and other artificial bodies that host souls. Thus, Cree uses Lucien’s (Molly’s) blood to do the summoning—an anchor pulling his soul back to the Material Plane. She also used holy water as a component, similar to how she did her Commune spell. The flavor text for holy water as an item partially reads:

A cleric or paladin may create holy water by performing a special ritual. The ritual takes 1 hour to perform, uses 25 gp worth of powdered silver, and requires the caster to expend a 1st-level spell slot.

I figured Cree would keep a stock of holy water handy at all times because it’s used in a few cleric spells that she would probably prepare each day. There’s another reason for that material, and there’s enough here to sort that out, so that’s all the hint I’m going to provide. :)

The rest of the spell happens in a very specific way. I didn’t choose those details just to be fancy.

You are going to come back to this scene.

Dream: Moon & Mirror

This dream was initially brainstormed as a scene of Molly meeting Lucien through a mirror to match The Devil & The Madman, the title that I had previously intended to use for the story before Critical Role began selling the Moon Oracle deck. That card was going to have Molly looking away from a mirror in a pose similar to that on The Fool tarot card, and his shadow was going to extend into the mirror to form Lucien, whose pose would not match Molly’s, implying that he is not actually Molly’s shadow. However, once I changed my mind about the story and chapter titles, I reworked that dream into this one.

Molly had a dream of his card! And met the Moonweaver! No big deal.

Very big deal.

There is a ton going on in this dream that is not necessarily obvious. Some is symbolism, and some is literal. I don’t want to point out much because it would spoil big plot points. This scene is very important.

However, it should be clear that Sehanine gave Molly a boon: he has a form of Truesight in his dreams, if he wants to see things as they are. Of course, there is the difficulty that Molly doesn’t like the truth, and he has to remember to invoke it. She could have imposed it on him so that it would be constant in every dream. However, her tenets have a heavy focus on agency, I didn’t think she would do that, even if she gave him the chance to decline.

One of the whispers was a tenet of the Moonweaver: “Let the shadows protect you from the burning light of fanaticism and the absolute darkness of despair.” I could have used the version in the Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount, but I felt this language from Tal’Dorei Campaign Guide Reborn was more apt.

Sehanine also told Molly he could find some protection in the moonlight and in shadows. In the dream, we saw Molly flee from light via shadows to a boat. So what would moonlight protect from?

Just a few things to keep in mind.

Caduceus & Molly

I’ve done a few scenes with Caduceus and Molly now, and it’s mostly because I need to spend a little more time fleshing out their relationship compared to the other characters. They never met in canon, so every aspect of their friendship is going to be something new. That’s a lot of content. Once they’ve settled into how they deal with each other, those long interactions won’t be quite as common.

As noted in a comment by @captainsparklefingers, Caduceus also recapped some worldbuilding stuff about Zadash and Shadycreek Run. Part of it was to compare how much the government of the Dwendalian Empire controls its people and the land in comparison to the government-less town of Shadycreek Run. There’s going to be a lot of comparisons of the different locales as we go. I’ll get more into those in separate meta posts down the line.

Molly doesn’t like to deal with anything that makes him anxious, but I expect that he would have taken a dream about the Moonweaver seriously enough to consider asking someone else for their opinion. He was also pretty suspicious of the Traveler, so I doubt he would have gone to Jester. None of the other Nein are particularly religious except Yasha, and she wasn’t there. Thus, even though Molly doesn’t know Cad quite that intimately, he was the best match, both because he’s a cleric and because of the process of elimination. In addition, Molly’s known Caduceus for about a month now, which is almost as long as Molly had known the rest of the Nein when he died. So Molly wrestled with it a bit, but he asked eventually—even if he didn’t tell Caduceus all the details.

The Gates of Zadash

Cree is going through some shit. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have anyone she can actually talk to about any of this. Otis is Otis, and Lucien has stuff to get done so that he’s not undead anymore. Cree also has a fairly unique view of the undeath business because she’s a former cleric of the Raven Queen. Thus, we get a scene of her navel-gazing a bit while she gets ready for the ambush.

She’s also realized that things aren’t quite adding up, though there isn’t anything she can do about that just yet.

Surprise Round to Round 2

I wanted to kick everything off with Molly’s POV because I figured he should be able to sort some things out right off the bat, especially after his research into Ghostslayers. To give that reminder, I included the flashback to the Archive. I also wanted to drop that he and Fjord are on better terms now that they’ve both had some time to themselves and Fjord’s talked about what he wants to do.

For these fights, I got all the character sheets and rolled the combat as if it was an actual encounter. The story doesn’t follow precisely how that pans out because of the third-person limited perspective. I chose the POVs that would see the key parts of the fight, provide interesting analysis or commentary, or have an important character moment.

In this combat, I tracked 10 guards that were nearby (4 at the line, 4 at the gates, 2 on the wall with crossbows) throughout the fight. The initiative order was Nott (22), Fjord (19), Caleb (18), Otis (17), Lucien (15), Guards (14), Beau (13), Cree (12), Molly (11), Jester (9), Caduceus (3).

Cree and Otis had to rely heavily on their spellcasting from cover. Both had a level of exhaustion, but that only provides disadvantage on ability checks, so it didn’t affect them much because they were hanging back. I also set DCs to detect Lucien’s possession, either by recognizing the strange behavior or the red/silver in the host’s eyes. The guards didn’t detect him, but Molly did.

I intend to do separate meta posts on the Tombtakers’ character sheets and Lucien’s stat block, so I’ll save the more detailed breakdown of their abilities for that. However, the key thing for the reader to know now is that ghosts have a Possession ability that is an action. Because Lucien was based on Azazel from Fallen (1998 film), his Possession ability is simply part of his movement. As long as he has movement left, he can continue to possess people—there is no recharge element. This was a key reason that Azazel was so formidable, and it made Lucien dangerous enough that I didn’t need to tweak the ghost stat block too much for this initial fight. Even worse, the only ability anyone in the Nein had to end possession at this level was Turn Undead—and they only have 4 casts between the 2 clerics. Otherwise they’d have to beat the host unconscious, and with how easy it is for Lucien to switch hosts, that’s only a few opportunities to kill him before he kills Molly.

I won’t detail every single roll, but since some of the stuff was omitted from the chapter, here’s a summary of what might not have been obvious. I did track everything!

In the surprise round, Otis held an amplified blood curse of binding to use on Molly if Lucien’s attempt to possess Molly failed. It’s DM discretion whether people can hold bonus actions, and I felt it was fine in this case because it’s a surprise round—their opponents aren’t aware combat has started. The curse locked Molly in place for 1 minute until he could hit a DC 16 strength saving throw at the end of his turn. Lucien used the guard’s stat block while possessing, so he had a multiattack with a greatsword. Cree was really far back, so she cast a slow on the Nein, but everyone saved except for Fjord and Nott. It made narrative sense too, since it’s a wisdom saving throw and the rest of the group has pretty good wisdom.

In the first round, I figured that Nott and Fjord probably would have waited to see one of the others attack first or tried to talk down the guards, but since neither can take reactions, they can’t hold an attack, so they each lost turns. Neither made their save to break out of the slow. Otis used an action to hide, which isn’t very productive, but they couldn’t risk getting seen quite so early. Cree had to use her movement and action to hide in a closer position for her spells. Everyone else’s actions were pretty clear in the scene, and the round ended with Lucien forced out of the guard.

In the second round, Otis used a curse of the eyeless of Caleb to impede one of his scorching rays against Lucien. They hid again to avoid detection. Lucien then used Horrifying Visage, which Caleb and Jester failed to save against, but they were still within 5 of the DC, so they didn’t age. A few of the guards failed badly and did age, as did some of the crowd, but it wasn’t a narrative point I wanted to emphasize, so the Nein didn’t realize that had happened to anyone. This POV ended with Lucien possessing the other guard and triggering an ability that’s surprisingly similar to his crimson rite…

Rounds 2 and 3

I chose Beau’s POV next because, as in chapter 1, she has good awareness and she’s an experienced fighter, so she’s great for figuring out what’s going on. The problem was she wasn’t very experienced with undead, and the fight was confusing anyway. I thought this was apt for the scene because all of the Nein would be caught off guard by this, especially because Lucien wasn’t a typical undead.

Continuing with Round 2, Beau moved into position and held an attack in case Lucien was expelled again, but Cree used Blood Puppet to force Beau to attack Molly. Jester’s second Turn Undead failed, but she saved against her fear. Everyone who had been holding an attack on Lucien got to use it once Caduceus expelled Lucien.

In Round 3, Nott failed her saving throw again. Caleb would have probably finished Lucien off with a Magic Missile, but Otis counterspelled it, then beat the shit out of Molly (about 1/3 of his health between Eldritch Blasts and a crossbow bolt). Because they’re the worst. The attack Lucien used against Molly was withering touch, which does a nasty amount of necrotic damage and gave a chance for a fun visual.

Then Lucien possessed Beau. I wanted his possession ability to be a mix of Azazel’s version (which hosts don’t remember) and the D&D version (which doesn’t deprive awareness). Thus, Beau is partially aware of what is going on, but Lucien is able to dig through her head without resistance. I felt this was a good mirror for what Cognouza’s hive mind was like. However, Lucien did not have access to class level abilities; he couldn’t make Beau fight like a monk, though he did get to use her stats and weapons.

Rounds 3 and 4

Jester was next because I wanted to clue the reader into what she had experienced (the fear, the turn undead) and explore her healing versus fighting mentality when faced with this shitty situation. Things are going a little differently for her when faced with an opponent that’s specifically trying to assassinate one of the Nein!

Continuing with Round 3, Cree used Dominate Person on one of the guards, who then knocked Molly unconscious. The periapt stabilized Molly on his turn. Jester’s panic to run to Molly and slap a Cure Wounds on him was the right decision! Caduceus then expelled Lucien with his last Turn Undead.

In Round 4, Nott still didn’t make her save, but Fjord got the killing blow with an Eldritch Blast before Lucien could possess someone else.

The fight was really close! Altogether, it lasted about 30 seconds (including the surprise round).

I had initially planned some dialogue with the guards after the fight, but it honestly wasn’t important enough to keep. I wanted to keep the focus on the Nein, so I skipped that part of the outline.

Otis & Cree

Otis is the worst. Even their pep talks are terrible.

This short scene was mostly to let the reader know what Otis and Cree plan to do next. Plus, it’s a quick window for the reader to see that Cree was not okay. She has a lot of nasty spells as a blood cleric, and none of them do any good when she can’t be the one to finish the job. Otherwise she’d have absolutely thrown a blight or harm spell.

However, as we’ll see later, Cree was also indirectly attacking someone in Lucien’s body—that was not easy, though it wasn’t something to address quite yet in the story. It will be dealt with later on, I promise!

Picnic

For the debrief scene, I wanted a POV of someone who would choose a pragmatic cope: the Nein did what they had to, and any moral points are moot. That was going to be either Fjord or Caleb, and I went with Caleb because of his backstory. As a Volstrucker, he killed people that he thought deserved it because it was for the greater good. It’s a dangerous mindset that he hasn’t shaken completely. He’s questioning it, but it’s still his initial framing. Rather than reach a conclusion, he avoids it because he can’t change the outcome. He’s got a while to go.

That said, Caleb’s also doing a bit better. He helps to cheer up Jester, so he’s getting gradually more comfortable with expressing his concern for the Nein, as indirect as it is.

This is Someone Else’s Body

Existential crisis time! Oh no! Molly’s usual coping mechanism of denial is not working, and it’s because it’s entirely too much to ignore. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know enough about what’s actually going on to reach any closure. There’s too many unknowns for him to feel secure in a conclusion.

Molly is also rightfully concerned that the events didn’t match the dream. That was intentional.

I chose Jester and Caduceus to snap Molly out of it because none of the others were really in a position to do it. Caleb isn’t the best at comforting people at the current point of his arc. Fjord and Nott wouldn’t know what to say, and with their terrible insight, they’d probably make it worse. But Jester’s probably the closest to Molly in world views, and Caduceus likes to help people, so they’d be experienced and understanding enough to distract Molly from his worries.

Dream: Butterflies

The introductory rhyme is another Irish blessing. I think this was one of the first ones that I wanted to incorporate into the story, and that eventually blossomed into the idea of using rhymes at the beginning of each dream. I’ll get more into that in another meta post.

This was one of the earliest dreams I drafted. It’s mostly the same as the original version! I wanted to juxtapose the harshness of growing up on the streets with innocence of childhood. The earlier dreams were meant to ease the reader (and Molly) into these backstory scenes, so they weren’t as harsh as they could have been. That is not going to persist much longer.

I chose the Peacock Butterfly for several obvious reasons: it’s named after a peacock, it’s native to Ireland, it’s red, it’s got eyes, the eyes are GOLD and BLUE, the caterpillar is black and spiky, etc. Perfect butterfly for this dream.

The rhyme in the middle of the dream is an Irish children’s song about butterflies.

The Feed and Mead

The small section about the traveling papers was briefly mentioned in canon, and I wanted to include it here as a reminder of how controlling the Empire is of its populace. Agency versus control is a big theme, and I didn’t want those aspects of canon to get lost along the way.

The part about “The Scorpion and the Frog” had been in my mind for a long time before I drafted this scene. Molly referenced “The Scorpion and the Turtle” in episode 13, and I’m not sure if Taliesin and/or Molly meant that reference sincerely or if it was off the cuff since the frog is the more common version. Both stories exist IRL, but I thought it would be funny if someone pointed out the little plot holes in Molly’s story. Plus, I’m sure some of the other carnies taught Molly some bullshit too, if only to mess with him.

The dick conversation happened in canon, and I couldn’t pass up the chance to have it happen again with Molly in the group. However, I thought it’d be funnier if he missed the conversation itself and found out afterwards.

The Bit Continues…

Each of the little scenes after the Nein’s drinking was originally meant to be a silly continuation of the dick joke. In the larger scheme of things, it brings the tone back to the typical comedic adventure that most episodes focused on.

Fjord rolled badly for deception and Molly has decent insight, so I rolled a die to see how skeptical he would be of Fjord’s explanation. I ROLLED A NATURAL 1. THE DICE GAVE ME PERMISSION.

Jester was still really obvious about her crush on Fjord up through the Darktow arc, so I thought it’d be fun to point out to her the ramifications of what she said. But it also shows that Jester doesn’t base her crushes on that sort of thing either, which matches her canon characterization that romance is a big deal, not sex.

Last was Caduceus, Caleb, and Nott. Before he snapped, Caleb had been part of a polygamous relationship with Eadwulf and Astrid. He’s not the type to be shy about dicks or sex. However, he did show some interest in Molly before episode 26, and he had gotten over his initial disagreements with Jester, then eventually developed a crush on her. So this is not a scene about Caleb being a prude. This is a scene of Caduceus thinking he knows what’s going on based on incomplete information and Nott thinking she knows what’s going on because she presumes Caleb is insecure. And Caleb recognizes that his reaction would tip people off about what is actually on his mind, so he tries to shut it down immediately.

However, I also wanted to end the chapter with a tie back to the main plot. Caduceus is an inexperienced adventurer, but considering his family’s specializations, he would be pretty knowledgeable about undead. Thus, he would have caught on that Lucien was not a normal ghost. However, he doesn’t know enough to be able to make any conclusions, and with how stressed the Nein were, he wouldn’t want to unsettle them over a “maybe this isn’t over” without something else to add. Altogether, that lays out a lot of the Nein’s reactions to the situation and shows that they think it’s over—except for Caduceus.

#TF&TS #TF&TS meta #chapter commentary

[void-writing]

Gotta love that the Cognouza Ward is basically Little Nightmares meets Alice: Madness Returns with some sprinklings of Laputa from Studio Ghibli’s Castle in the Sky and the city of Xerxes from Fullmetal Alchemist.

Respectively:

-Little Nightmares = general body horror aesthetic, themes of hunger, the recurring eye motif, floating mass of horrors out in the (astral, in this case) sea that reaches out in order to draw like-minded individuals to it.

-Alice: Madness Returns = themes of madness (obviously), lost memories and erosion of history and identity

-Laputa = flying city most likely full of powerful arcane macguffins and is implicitly capable of wrecking untold chaos if allowed to.

-Xerxes = an entire city lost and consumed due to a handful of powerful and arrogant peoples’ pursuit of immortality, leaving the unfortunate citizens forever lost in an agonizing congealed mess of souls that eventually completely erodes their sense of identity. Also with the--presumably--leaders being representations of human qualities (emotions rather than vices in this case).

It gives me the heeby jeebies but also it’s really fascinating on a meta-level and I can TELL Matt put a lot of time and thought into this, so good for him. And since a lot of the names in this are Latin based or just straight up Latin, I’m putting my three years of Latin classes to use :) (I nerd out a bit about names in the tags if anyone’s interested)

#screaming from the void #...okay that tag has a different meaning in this context #critical role #the mighty nein #c2e137 #the cognouza #fun latin fact (that im sure someone else has already pointed out): 'cognosca' is probably derived from the latin verb 'cognosco' #*cognouza #which means 'to learn' #(well technically it's 'i learn' since this is the first person singular form rather than the infinitive 'cognoscere') #and 'somnovem' can be several things #the latin noun 'somnium' which is literally 'dream'; the latin verb 'somniare' meaning 'to dream' #or one of the above mentioned but mashed together with the latin adjective 'novus' meaning 'new'; #which would make the literal translation 'new dream' #or it could be 'somnium' plus 'vis' which is a latin noun meaning 'power or might' in the physical sense; so it could be 'strong dream' too #or as the wiki has already pointed out it could be 'somnium' plus 'novem' which is the number 9 in latin #also 'aeor' might just be a mash up of the latin prefix 'a' and the present passive form of the verb 'eo' #the first meaning 'aside' or 'away' and the second meaning 'to walk/march/pass time/etc' #in general just indicating movement #so it could translate as something along the lines of 'i am walked away'

[12pt-times-new-roman]

this post has major spoilers for the final arc of Critical Role C2, and minor spoilers for episode 9 of C3.

so uh

FCG is an Aeormaton (confirmed by Matt to CritRoleStats), a race of automatons made specifically in Aeor, and other things have been referred to as "automatons" so Aeormatons are most definitely something different or at the very least a subrace, not just Exandria's version of warforged

FCG has no idea how old they are. They could very well have been built in Aeor, got severely damaged in the fall, and were woken up when Dancer pieced them back together.

FCG cannot access or doesn't remember huge swaths of their memory about their creator and associates, and their dialogue during that scene (C3E6 I think) is almost identical to Charlie's dialogue pre-repair terminal in C2E134/135, down to the words they use and stumble over.

FCG, Charlie, and Devexian all refer to the people around them as "associates," and both FCG and Charlie stumble over the words "it appears" — and I simply refuse to believe until proven otherwise that this wasn't intentional on Sam's part.

There is brumestone being smuggled into Jrusar, an extremely rare and highly controlled material that can only be found (iirc), that is controlled by an airship guild in Ank'harel. If what Matt said about it in C2 still holds, the only source of enchanted brumestone is from wrecked sky cities or airships, because it's the material that kept sky cities like Aeor aloft.

Chetney overheard this conversation (end of C3E9):

Unknown: Our patron is pushing for legislation in the coming weeks, so whatever you plot, it must be quickened. Ira: Your dulled mind fails to grasp the beautiful pattern I've already constructed across this city. Unknown: Ira, I'm serious. But let us get this over with, so I never have to deal with your cruel arrogance again. Ira: Then bring me some riff-raff from the steps. People no one would miss. And maybe a Mahaan child to spice things up. This next wave will — Unknown: I will most certainly not bring you a child, you freak. I endure only a short time longer. Finish your work, and be gone from my life. Ira: Of course. Once my work is done, I shall leave.

Ira was the name of one of the Somnovem, specifically the one named for and designed on wrath who could shoot fireballs from his eye, the one who actually approved of the vengeance that the Mighty Nein sought against Lucien, and the one who urged the Nein to go to the Aether Crux to destroy the other Somnovem.

Cognouza's whole thing was "the pattern." Fractal patterns that repeated over and over again, systems of nine — "the pattern" is what put those eyes on Beau and Caleb after they read the book, the thing that gave the Nein eyes during a lair action called the Pattern Revealed, and — most notably, I think — the pattern that Cognouza's streets and buildings followed as they duplicated and expanded outwards.

I have yet to notice Matt reusing names, though I'm sure he does with the insane number of NPCs he has and that's totally understandable, we all do it — but I honestly cannot find it within myself to even consider believing that Matt reused the name for one of the main villains of the final arc of Campaign 2 for an NPC who talks about beautiful patterns across cityscapes.

If Delilah Briarwood can be killed a dozen times and still become a warlock patron, who's to say that the Somnovem couldn't become patrons too, once their souls were released from Cognouza? Who's to say that they weren't concecuted (cause we know that at least the Genesis Ward had and was studying a Luxon Beacon) and that their souls didn't get reborn into new bodies once they were freed? Hell, who's to say some of em weren't liches who couldn't return until Cognouza was destroyed because Cognouza itself was their technically-still-living body?

I just really love Aeor and all the lore attached to it, it's so cool, maybe I'm biased but there's so much more to be explored there and goddamn if Matt hasn't set himself up with some excellent narrative avenues for that...

so, in summary,

(edit: fixed the [unintelligible] tag!)

#critical role #campaign 3 #critical role spoilers #note watches c3 #critical role liveblog #I've connected the dots I swear #this will be my most used meme of the year #calling it now #my brain at every waking moment of every day:

[the-littlest-goblin]

ooooooooh for fic prompts, could i request: essek interacting with Frumpkin, specifically playing with him (so as to impress Caleb and earn his favor a bit), but our favorite hot boi most likely did not have pets growing up and is at a bit of a loss with what to do. (bonus: Caleb sees this and thinks it's incredibly endearing)

I think you got everything you wanted. ft. my personal 'here’s how Frumpkin can still win’ headcanon.

----

This was not how familiars were supposed to work.

Essek may not have summoned one before (he’d never really understood the use of an assistant with no opposable thumbs), but he had read enough about the spell to know that this was not how familiars were supposed to behave. 

Maybe that was because Frumpkin didn’t technically count as a familiar anymore.

No one knew exactly what had happened, or why. Essek and Caleb had exchanged a number of theories on the matter, but so far the best explanation still went to Beau’s conclusion: “weird fey shit.”

After Aeor and the Somnovem, when they had all finally gotten a chance to breathe again, Caleb had done some sort of ritual to more permanently banish his familiar. Essek hadn’t gotten the full context at the time, but it had something to do with symbolic closure and moving on. The cat was already gone from the Material Plane at that point, but Caleb had wanted to remove the temptation to summon him again, and so devised a sort of reversal of the Find Familiar spell.

However, upon performing the anti-summoning ritual, the cat had appeared in the ritual circle as if Caleb had cast the spell as usual. Only instead of going to his master’s side, Frumpkin had sauntered away from Caleb with a swish of his tail and gone to sit directly at Essek’s feet.

“Hmm,” Caleb had muttered, the hint of a grin twitching at the corner of his mouth. “It looks like he has made a choice.”

Ever since, Caleb had been unable to banish Frumpkin, or communicate with him, or give him orders. He had seemingly lost his magical connection to, and mastery over, the cat—Frumpkin was no longer his familiar, as had been the intention. It was just that Frumpkin apparently liked the Material Plane better than the Feywild, and so refused to leave. And since Caleb had let him go, he chose a new wizard to keep him company. For the next several days they had spent recuperating and planning their next moves, Frumpkin stuck with Essek, never straying from his side for long.

But, crucially, he did not become Essek’s familiar, a lesson they had learned quickly enough. Essek didn’t even have Find Familiar in his spellbook. He couldn’t banish Frumpkin, he couldn’t communicate telepathically with him, and he certainly couldn’t give him orders. 

So, Essek just had a pet cat now, one which happened to be fey in nature. Stranger things had happened—much, much stranger—so for Essek’s part, it had seemed easiest to just accept this development in stride. At times, he was even grateful for the cat’s presence. 

But right now, he was very much not. At least familiars were obedient.

Essek winced against the sound of shattering glass—a sound which was becoming somewhat routine since taking up residence in these new, temporary lodgings with Frumpkin as his roommate. 

Essek closed his eyes and took one deep breath before looking up from his notes to survey the damage. His gaze met Frumpkin’s round, amber eyes across the room, looking impossibly innocent where he sat primly on one of the tables which Essek had set up to house his research. His tail swished back and forth where it hung over the edge, acting like a flashing signal to point Essek’s attention down towards the starburst of broken glass glittering directly beneath him.

Mercifully, the beaker which Frumpkin had marked for termination had been holding a harmless and easily replaceable solvent, rather than any of the more valuable or dangerous liquids Essek had lying around in his provisional lab. His fingers curled protectively around the precious vial of liquid dunamis sitting next to him.

“Why?” He let the single syllable of the word stretch out into a long, bone-deep groan lasting several seconds. The question was aimed both at Frumpkin and at himself, and covered a variety of curiosities he had about the situation. Why did Frumpkin feel such a persistent desire to destroy Essek’s belongings? Why had he chosen to adhere himself to Essek in the first place, when he seemed to hold a deep disdain for everything Essek owned or did? Why was Essek incapable of learning the very simple lesson of locking the door to this makeshift lab? Why had he promised Caleb that he would take care of Frumpkin while the Mighty Nein dealt with the Assembly, instead of throwing the mangy beast out onto the streets of Port Dumali as soon as they had arrived at the safe house?

None of these were questions to which Essek was about to get any answers, so he tried another one.

“What do you want from me?”

Frumpkin blinked.

“You are still a fey being. You don’t need food or water, and as far as I understand, providing those two things are the pillars of caring for a pet. So, what else could you possibly need that requires my attention?”

Frumpkin flicked his ears.

Caleb had given Essek a brief overview of what to expect in terms of cat-care, but either he had chosen to leave out a lot of unsavory details, or decoupling from their arcane connection had put Frumpkin through a drastic personality change, because Essek had received no instructions about how to handle the kind of stalemate in which he currently found himself.

“You have my sincerest apologies, but unlike your previous master, I cannot read your thoughts, and your current methods of communication are lacking in clarity.”

Frumpkin’s tail began swishing faster. He broke eye contact with Essek to gaze intently at the row of jars lining the next table over. These were full of various concoctions, including some potentially dangerous acids, the results of Essek’s increasing boredom as he stayed hunkered down in his safe house day after day. He only ever went out for the duration of a Disguise Self to buy food or other necessary supplies; he was too noticeable to amble around the city for leisure, on the slim but ever-present risk that word of a strange drow in Port Dumali would reach the ears of Ikithon or his servants. Essek was under strict instructions to stay as hidden as possible until he got the all-clear from the Mighty Nein. With only the materials to continue his most basic experiments with dunamis, he was growing bored out of his mind. 

Essek heaved another deep sigh before reluctantly abandoning his notes and gliding over to where Frumpkin had stationed himself. With a short wave of his hands, the spill vanished and the broken shards of glass floated gently into the trash bin. Then, Essek unceremoniously lifted the cat into his arms before he had the chance to wreak any more havoc, and deposited him outside the door. 

Distraction removed, Essek made to turn around and return to his research, this time intending to lock the door to prevent further feline interruptions. But before he could do so, he made the mistake of looking into Frumpkin’s eyes again. The cat’s pupils gleamed, impossibly wide and round, and his tail was still swishing back and forth in an incomprehensible pattern, like some sort of code. A mixture of affection and guilt welled up in Essek, rooting to the spot.

Godsdammit, but he had promised Caleb he was going to take care of his cat, and that meant not ignoring Frumpkin when he was clearly trying to tell him something. Because even if Caleb no longer wanted a familiar to travel around with him, he still loved this damned cat, and also Essek was trying to be less callous and heartless in general.

He thought back to Caleb’s instructions with a fair bit of desperation, searching for some hint of what would make Frumpkin happy. All he came up with was a faint recollection, something about enjoying being scratched behind the ears.

“Is that all you want? Is that what you interrupted me for?” Fighting not to roll his eyes, Essek reached down for a pet.

As soon as he got close enough, Frumpkin lunged.

“Gah!” Essek snatched his hand back, nursing the sting of pain from Frumpkin’s bite. There was no blood; the little demons’s fangs hadn’t managed to break the skin. It could barely count as an injury, but the shock of betrayal hurt more than the scratch.

“What in the Nine Hells was that for?” Essek glared at Frumpkin, then noticed just in time that the cat was poised to strike again. This time, he only had to turn slightly to keep his hands out of harm's way, but Frumpkin wasn’t aiming for the exposed skin. There was a loose thread dangling from the hem of Essek’s sleeve, apparently caught by the previous attack. Frumpkin was intent on it. He flung himself at the thread, grabbing at it with his clumsy paws. It slipped through his grip, and he lunged again without hesitation.

Experimentally, Essek lifted his arm so the thread dangled higher off the ground. Frumpkin took the challenge to heart, leaping to grab it in his teeth before it slipped out of his grasp again, and he landed on the floor in defeat. Essek moved his arm over to one side, and Frumpkin followed with enthusiasm, this time managing to get the thread around one claw. The split second of resistance was enough to tear it from Essek’s sleeve. Frumpkin rolled over onto his back, victorious, batting his prize around in euphoric glee.

A grin spread across Essek’s face as he watched this display of simple delight. 

“I suppose you were just bored, too. Was that it?”

Frumpkin responded by biting the string with a vengeance. 

An idea began forming in the corner of his mind as he watched Frumpkin playing. Absentmindedly, Essek twisted his fingers and summoned a trace thread of dunamis into his hand, shaping and stretching it into a longer and longer cord of greyish, glowing energy, which he then dangled tantalizingly over Frumpkin’s head. The boring, non-magical string was immediately forgotten and discarded as Frumpkin caught sight of the dunamis toy. His whole body wiggling in excitement, he lunged at the cord again and again, pulling a genuine laugh out of Essek as he bobbed and weaved the magic around, dancing it out of Frumpkin’s grasp. He needed a break from his lab anyway, and this was shockingly entertaining.

---

“Well? How are they?” Just a hint of nerves colored Caleb’s voice, as it did every time they checked in on Essek. The fear that this time, the scry would reveal him not safe and sound on the Coast, far from the Trent’s reach, but somewhere cold and dark and threatening.

The faint glow faded from Jester’s eyes as the spell ended. Looking up at Caleb with a smile, she said, “You’re not going to believe this Caleb, it’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.”

Caleb grinned back at her.

#critrole #critical role #my writing #fic prompts #the pedant in me needs to point out that Essek would definitely be wearing his anti-scrying necklace but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #Anonymous

[utilitycaster]

Wizard Breakdown Tracker, episode 137

I was, as is nearly always true, correct last week in that we have not covered much more time and therefore this is still really just an Essek Breakdown Tracker (with honorary Yussa). I'm hoping that next week they will destroy Cree and buy themselves enough time to at least heroes feast and rest up, if not get a proper night's sleep in what is apparently the intestines of the Somnovem ward, and I can speculate again on some of the other wizards.

As a reminder, Caleb Widogast is a PC, not an NPC, and therefore ineligible for this.

Currently sidelined: Allura, Pumat, Trint, Astrid, Eadwulf, Ludinus, Oremid, Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk, and Lady Vess DeRogna who's presumably looking at this from the afterlife and just thinking "are you fucking kidding me? this could have been me, being screamed at by horrors beyond comprehension, if the person whose soul I smashed like a cheap beer bottle had the common decency to remain as such."

Essek Thelyss: Essek has been keeping a low profile because of the restrictions of actual play, namely Matt is too busy making nightmare noises with his own mouth, but I in-game, I think that he's just intentionally pretending the last couple of hours did not happen because there are more pressing issues now. As a result he is coming off as slightly bored, which I'm into.

Here's what we do know: Essek is somewhat injured, has a great dex score, has a GREAT intelligence score, might be using cantrips to flirt but is definitely using them to stop people from screaming, cast some extremely sexy lightning, and should be paired up with Veth more frequently because that was really funny. He is probably going to have to counterspell a cat really soon. You know. Normal things.

You know how if you've been having a bad mental health time, and you finally are able to drag yourself out to something, but it's like, a friend of a friend's experimental modern dance, or a movie you didn't particularly care to see, and you're like "I'm doing it! I'm out of the house, like a normal person! This is good!" but also the thing you are doing is not particularly enjoyable. But you're just like "you know what? I peeled myself off the couch for this and put on a clean shirt, and I guess it is happening to me, or at me, or around me, and I suppose that is some small victory, and I hope this will be relatable to people on the internet as an experience one day."

This is Essek. Is the Astral Sea Lovecraftian Nightmare Science Museum a great time? No. Is it a step up from several straight weeks of alternate guilt and panic attacks at the outpost? Maybe not! But it sure is a step somewhere, and that, my friends, is possibly a victory.

Conclusion: downgrading him back to 8/10 on the grounds that he seems like the kind of person who would be like "you know what? I could be in endless torment here and I am not." But also literally the purpose of cosmic horror is to jack up your breakdown levels so I doubt he (or anyone) is getting much further down than that.

Yussa Errenis: As mentioned, heads turning into eyeballs in a fantasy setting is totally chill for me. Having your personality subsumed into a fractured insane hive mind such that death is welcomed as a release, not so much. The reason I hate zombie movies isn’t gore. I can look at cracked skulls full of breached blood-brain barrier all day. The reason is that this monster wears the face of someone you love, but is just a mindless vessel of hunger who does not recognize you in turn.

MAN THIS INSTALLMENT GOT KIND OF DARK AND I DID NOT MEAN FOR THAT TO HAPPEN.

Anyway my kind of joking statements about Yussa may hold a bit of water, but there is a bright side. Per the Astral Projection spell, if Yussa dies in the city and the silver thread tethering him to the material plane is intact he wakes up in real life, which would be nice, but also, no guarantees.

Should Yussa survive and return to the material plane I think it would be great if, when the Mighty Nein go back to talk to him again after this arc, he's like "yeah I could see you playing the worst ever game of What Time is it Mr. Fox in the city, what a poor decision" and they're like "poor decisions you say?"

Conclusion: Praesidius Junction J̵͚̔ų̷̣̀ṇ̷̡̃c̶̯͝t̶̡͝î̴̟̈́ŏ̶̟̑n̵̻͆̎ ̶̢͚̔͘j̴̰͚̅u̵̺͊̈́n̵̬̫͊c̵̯̈́̅t̵̜͔͘í̵̦̻̎ȍ̵̖̔n̷̲̬͛̒j̴͔̿́u̶̘̠̓n̷̰̕c̷̡̙͝t̶̨̅̋ỉ̸̗͉͠o̷̯͑͋n̶̰̽̒ HELP HELP HELP [high pitched Matt scream]/10

#wow cursed text messes with your formatting huh #critical role #critical role spoilers #wizard breakdown tracker #what time is it mr. fox? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E138 & 139 (May 25, 2021)

Hello, you lovely people! It’s Tuesday and it’s time again for TM! Tonight’s guests: Marisha Ray & Liam O’Brien! The first picture that pops up when you google his name to check the spelling for the thousandth time is him with a shaved head, which is a wild look.

Ah! According to Dani, this is likely the last Zoom Talks! I’m so happy to hear this! They complain about Laura’s internet freezing constantly whenever she was about to say something exciting.

This episode is sponsored by The Elder Scrolls Online. As I’ve recently resumed my Skyrim run, this makes me crave it all over again.

Liam talks about having to drop everything to start the Zoom call, then having 27 minutes of technical difficulties before they could even begin recording. Augh, same hat.

Beau navigating the Astral Sea & Cognouza was empowering and unsettling. “This is the coolest! Uh oh.” It’s like seeing a new piece of RL tech come out and thinking about how it will change everything, then immediately thinking about how it’ll be abused, like deepfakes.

The first interactions with the Somnovem was overwhelming. They started fighting gnolls in a medieval towns and are now fighting interstellar beings. For Beau, it felt like talking to a really drunk friend. I actually love how she phrases this. “To me, it definitely felt like when you talk to one of your friends when they’re really drunk, and you’re like, ‘oh, I see what version of this person I have right now.’ And then you catch another version of that person on a shit day, and you’re like, ‘ah, I get it, you’re having a shit day.’ But then you catch them when they’re all put together and holding it down, and you’re like, ‘okay, you only hate yourself on the fringes.’ I get that. I found the Somnovem relatable.” Dani: “I too am just a collection of different emotions just barely hanging on by a thread.”

Marisha was able to put the pieces together of the ninefold emotions pretty quickly.

They do a whole tape-review bit after Brian mispronounces Yussa that is amazing. Aside from that, the M9 are glad they got him out of the city. It felt like a die-in-the-Matrix situation for him.

Liam kind of always suspected Matt would dangle the time-travel carrot in front of him. He honestly doesn’t know which way he’d go now. “For a long time, Caleb was like, ‘this doesn’t exist, so it doesn’t matter.’” It’ll probably be a mental coin flip if it comes down to an in-game decision.

"The dice are a CW producer,” when it comes to Beau & Yasha fighting each other.

They can’t remember another prolonged encounter bleeding into another encounter directly since Thordak/Raishan & Kevdak/the herd.

Cosplay of the Week: cattheterrible on Twitter with a beautiful Yasha.

Liam thinks Matt did a great job making it feel like a pressure cooker in terms of balancing their approaches between Lucien’s party & Cree. They’re also both very pleased that their plan with the threshold crests worked - it’s one of the few plans they’ve had across two campaigns that worked. (Honorable mentions they pull: intuit charges, Gelidon, Yenk/Vorugal from C1. “Will Friedle was a better [tactician] than all of us that entire campaign.”)

As far as the nine eyes on everyone go, “we’re all just one metaphysical garbage disposal.” Omar starts barking and they joke the dog will be SAG-eligible before Dani. Ha!

Just the idea of Aeor as a relic of history is massively important. They might die at any point, but if they live, Caleb thinks it’s so important to preserve that history Indiana-Jones-style, especially since it was obviously more advanced as a civilization.

Marisha wonders if they can bring forward the piece of Lucien that is Molly. “It’s a fractal. It’s that full molecular crystalline structure that’s repeating and recurring, and even if it’s several times removed, it still feels like part of the same thing. But maybe a different version, a different timeline of what Lucien is was more or less Molly, and can we Spiderverse the fuck out of this? Can we somehow recall that programming from whatever’s buried? [...] It’s like how moving things to your Recycling Bin doesn’t really clear them from your hard drive.”

Fanart of the Week: mellifera38 with a beautiful Lucien pre-tentacles. The card award shenanigans come complete with massive fireworks green screen display, a rainbow unicorn, a cease and desist letter, eagle wings, lasers, and a PHYSICAL CARD in his hand oh my gosh, to celebrate the final Zoom Talks.

Liam is glad Essek was there to help out with the dunamantic elements of their fights. He’s doing a lot to redeem himself. Liam is also thinking a lot about endgame, long-term repercussions of how this would affect the kingdoms.

Marisha finds the weasel being Artagan adorably traumatic and hilariously tragic. Not only was this poor weasel getting dragged to hell and back, sometimes his personality gets shoved to the side to allow Artagan in. Poor thing, ha! Liam talks about one aspect of the game is that you learn things about your character as ago and then apply it backwards; “We ragged on this weasel so hard, that Matt was like ‘fuck you guys, he’s alive because there’s a fey prince inside him’ and made it retroactive through time.” He’d noticed it for a while, but because there was no downtime in Aeor, there was never a chance to casually bring it up. Beau’s confirmation of seeing something weird about the weasel was a relief that he wasn’t crazy.

It’s a lot of pressure to be the “face” of the party, especially considering Beau’s CHA stat is low. Now it feels like siblings deliberately pushing Lucien’s buttons, except with the full recognition you’re poking a nuclear bomb. It’s honestly been fun, though - she loves being a smartass to people she should ABSOLUTELY not be saying things to. In Caleb’s mind, Beau is the closest thing the group has to a responsible hero. Cad is a great sage, but Beau does what she thinks is the right thing that needs to be done.

They both laugh at this being Matt’s love letter to FF games. They should have been ready for the transformation and the amazing spectacle of the whole thing.

And that is that is that! Brian thanks the guests, Dani, and the crew. “We did it! We did Zoom. Thank you Marisha especially, and our amazing production team for figuring out a way for us to be able to do this from home and make all the artwork and everything so awesome. Thank you to everyone who has touched the show in some way and helped us do it from home.”

Is it Thursday yet?

#talks machina #talks machina spoilers #critical role #critical role spoilers #long post for ts

[tiamat-zx]

I clearly have not been as active on here this year, but… why not? Let’s do this!

I posted 162 times in 2021

50 posts created (31%)

112 posts reblogged (69%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.2 posts.

I added 357 tags in 2021

#critical role - 74 posts

#beauyasha - 66 posts

#beauregard lionett - 59 posts

#cr spoilers - 49 posts

#yasha nydoorin - 42 posts

#cracklepop - 24 posts

#critical role spoilers - 12 posts

[redacted] - 11 posts

#voice of the heart - 10 posts

#whumptober2021 - 10 posts

Yeah, one of those tags I redacted because, well, I think they would rather I not accidentally tag them. Don’t ask why, I won’t answer. So… yeah.

Longest Tag: 106 characters

#beau goes full karen and shuts down lucien's mindgames through sheer sapphic willpower and sharp wit alone

Gaslight. Girlkeep. Girlboss. That’s our Expositor!

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Sight Beyond Sight (Long Post, Spoilers to C2E134)

So... there’s a general consensus that Caleb might have Truesight now, as he was able to notice something that no one else picks up on, both when Jester was using Commune and Scrying. And that of course could be a boon from the eyes. But he hasn’t shared this with the others yet. That said, I wonder if there is more to that.

In addition to the potential for Truesight, I think Matt may have also given Caleb the Eldritch Adept feat and picked the Eldritch Sight invocation for at-will Detect Magic. Because in 134, he’s seen utilizing Detect Magic more than once but not as a ritual, as Liam did not mention that it was being ritual cast but rather as a quick action. Either he was just expending 1st-level slots to cast as normal, and not taking 10 minutes... or he is able to use them at will, no spell slots required.

Also, assuming they're already getting boons, I wonder if Beau herself was given Devil's Sight, which is 120 ft. of darkvision even in magical darkness. It’s just that she doesn't know it yet because she's been wearing her goggles of night, which ironically stack with anyone else’s existing darkvision (i.e. someone with 60 feet of darkvision gets an additional 60 with the goggles for 120, 120 gets 180, and so on).

So... what if next episode she gives out her goggles again, either to Veth or Caduceus, but immediately after realizes that even after removing them, her sight is still able to pick out things in the dark?

After all, Lucien seemed to imply something: “You can see quite a bit with two eyes. Imagine what you can see with three.” So... what if she had darkvision ever since her second eye was bestowed to her, with a third potentially giving her more, but she was able to resist before she got it?

Yeah, one of those tags I redacted because, well, I think they would rather I not accidentally tag them. Soasking Caleb if he has a similar "gift". And depending on whether he wants to answer or not, it would finally answer a burning question we’ve had about the eyes for so long: what they can be capable of, even with only two (or three, depending on how that dream went).

103 notes • Posted 2021-04-17 18:59:38 GMT

Welp. I was not that far off in terms of what they got. In fact, some of it I was actually spot-on! But even so, I was still thrown for a loop!

#4

(Love)birds of a feather, Generations Apart: A Parallel between Vaxleth and Beauyasha (SPOILERS for C1E65 and C2E126)

So... as the title suggests, I've realized upon several rewatches of Beau and Yasha’s amazing first date that it actually has unintentional parallels to the moment where Keyleth confessed her feelings to Vax. Bear with me as I take the time to share as many of the parallels as I can recall off the top of my head.

#1: Taking place in the midst of THE first big world-changing arc of the campaign, full of so many things at stake.

The Chroma Conclave arc.

vs.

The Somnovem arc.

#2: Still in mourning over the loss of a friend.

Vax and Keyleth mourning the death of Tiberius.

vs.

Beau and Yasha still mourning the loss of Mollymauk.

#3: Mutual wingmen supporting them in their coming together.

Keyleth: "I had an interesting talk with Pike here recently, and she said something that really stood out to me, and that was that some people just have more of themselves to give."

vs.

Beau: "I told Caleb, since I wanted to start over, I wanted to start over. So my request was a little bit of a walkthrough of places we’ve been and some of our favorite hiding spots."

#4: Grateful for any reason to be together... but even so, a declaration leading to a love confession. A declaration that has that feeling of, "Yeah, I know. You said your piece, now let me say mine because I'm done hiding."

Vax: "It doesn't matter to me what this is. What we call it. If you are willing to spend some time, any time, with me, then I will simply count myself lucky to have it. You're very dear to me."

Keyleth: "You're talking too much".

vs.

Beau: "I just want you to know, just before we continue this... whatever this night is, that I have no expectations and... at the end of all this, if it just... you have the reassurance of knowing that I'm somebody that you can come and talk to, if you need to, and that's... that's enough for me."

Yasha: "I feel the same way... but at the same time..."

#5: Regrets about being distant... and no more hiding.

Vax: "I know with all that's happened, between my new patron and my sister pretending to gag literally every time we attempt to share a word together, and mostly my own being fucked up in the head for weeks now, that I've pushed all of you away. You most of all. Because I've been afraid you would-- I'm sorry. And you didn't deserve any of that."

Keyleth: "For the longest time, I was terrified that I was going to lose you. First to death and then to the Raven Queen, which is still kind of like death, and then ultimately to yourself. [Then the aforementioned recollection of Pike.] And I realized this whole time that I was afraid of losing you to a future that ultimately has not yet been written, which is stupid."

vs.

Beau: "When I was in Kamordah, that fear of losing this family? I almost sabotaged it. Just so I wouldn't have to deal with the angst and the anguish of wondering if and when and how this family will fall apart. Like ripping off a band-aid that was never there, or I guess over a wound that was never there. Just trying to rip it off for the pain and nothing else."

Yasha: "I've been trying to keep my distance from you when I found out that he was listening and they were watching, but... I've had a lot of people in my head and I don't want to give them you. I don't want them to know that I care about you, because I don't know if they're going to use that in some way. But... fuck it, I guess."

#6: Confessions that catch the other off-guard, or even the one confessing is taken aback, and then the mutual reciprocation that acts as a balm of relief.

Liam actually answered in an AMA that he was taken by surprise but in-character and out when Keyleth confessed to Vax. Keyleth, however, was very much done with hiding. Vax’s response happens when the dust settles and he fully processes what he had just heard:

Keyleth: “But you're ultimately right. We have nothing to lose. I love you, Vax. And I'm sorry for being me, that it took me this long to say it.“

Vax: “(laughs) I’m sorry.

Keyleth: ”Yeah. Me too.”

Vax: “I love you. That's pretty fucking great.”

Keyleth: “That is pretty great, yeah!”

vs.

Yasha surprises HERSELF as she blurts out when she fell in love with Beau, who is also a little taken aback. And Yasha didn't intend to let it all out like that.

Beau’s response happens long after the (glittering) dust settles and they’re in the hot tub:

Yasha: “Things really changed for me when we went to Kamordah. And I saw you with your family and I got a glimpse into how your world was growing up and... (sigh) I fell in love with you in Kamordah.”

(later on, in the Steam’s Respite recreation)

Beau: “Hey.”

Yasha: “Hey.”

Beau: “I love you, too.”

Yasha: “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.”

#7: Wings, of course. Also... Liam, Ashley, and Marisha: all three of them having an effect on both pairings.

Vax has wings. Yasha has wings.

And both are love interests of Marisha's PCs.

Pike through her everlit heart and empathy helping Keyleth and Vax overcome their fears and eventually come together.

vs.

Caleb through his love language of magic helping Beau and Yasha find a moment of happiness and safety so they can overcome their fears and eventually come together.

#8: A mutual embrace of love that transitions to the end of a scene.

Vax tackles Keyleth onto his bed, they no doubt cuddle well into the night among other things to cement their newfound bond as lovers... and the "pan to the fireplace".

vs.

Beau holds Yasha close, they enjoy the show of fireworks before later "reflecting" on their newfound bond as lovers... and the steam covering the camera.

Even if the characters are different... some things somehow remain the same, even campaigns apart... even unintentionally. And it is these coincidences that I love about Critical Role and just... role-playing as a whole.

115 notes • Posted 2021-02-21 01:06:05 GMT

Don’t you just love it when your two OTPs have so much in common?

#3

Thoughts on the Very Important Date (C2E126 SPOILERS)

Long post. You've been warned.

The Beauyasha of it all in this episode was so amazing. The perfect payoff after three years of one of the slowest burns in CR history.

First off... Veth being a good mother figure to Beau, giving the monk her full support in seeking a date with Yasha, the two of them hugging it out. Also, Veth's comment that Beau could afford to let her guard down for once and be "likable". Normally, one could see that as being an absolute troll comment, much like all of the jabs he had made out of love and humor at their expense. But... Beau processed that differently because for the first time, someone basically said that it's okay to be honest and vulnerable because she knows Yasha won't judge her for it. And also, Marisha surprising Sam with a bit of trolling of her own, having revealed that she already DID plan a moment. Several, in fact.

Next... Caleb choosing to prioritize his sister's happiness over his own goals by relinquishing the tower for a night for her and Yasha. There's no guarantee as to whether they'll have another night like this, so better now than never. Also, despite his great discomfort, he allowed the cats to become dachshunds instead, because Yasha is such a dog lover as is Ashley. (Also, I totally thing the dachsies are a reference to Liam's own puppy, Sprigg.)

Next... the date itself. A lot of folks, myself included, assumed so many things about what could happen. But I think it's safe to say that it turned out to be NOTHING like what we expected. But also, in a way, precisely what we expected. Beau and Yasha, once they got past their initial nerves and awkwardness, were able to have such an extended moment to themselves: the entire second half to themselves. And through this second half... walls were torn down, band-aids were ripped off, and they became so open, so vulnerable, so... so... honest. About a lot of things.

They bared it all: heart, body, and soul.

Beau once again telling Yasha to not blame herself for the times they were forced to fight. Confiding that she's scared of the unknown about what they have yet to face. Expressing her relief about the revelations surrounding her kidnapping last episode, and saying that any last reservations she had about the Cobalt Soul were banished upon hearing that what she had said was taken seriously. Confiding and admitting to Yasha - and to herself - how foolish it was of her that she almost destroyed this familial bond she forged with the Nein, all because she was scared. Giving Yasha an out in case this whole night goes elsewhere, that even if Yasha doesn't feel the same way, at least she's got someone to talk to. Allowing herself to be this open and frank about everything, taking Veth's advice to heart and letting the walls crumble. And to her vast relief, she felt loved and appreciated.

Yasha admitting that she had kept her distance because she wanted to keep Beau safe from Lucien, but realizing that it's far too late. Confiding in Beau about the time she and Molly first met, in the wastes of Xhorhas, and how despite loving everyone in the circus... the Nein feel like an actual family. Confessing that everything changed for her in Kamordah, as that was when she fell in love with her. That moment paints a lot of her moments since then in a new light, sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes funny, sometimes heartwarming. Telling Beau how proud she is of her, telling her that all of her growth she accomplished on her own. Admitting that she always came back to the Nein because she is terrified that she can't survive losing them, just like when she lost Zuala and Molly. Understanding that her "purpose" that so many others asked of her, asking what it was, is simply to protect. To keep everyone safe and alive.

And then... the yearning and pining finally reached critical mass as THEY HAD THEIR FIRST KISS! The moment alone was such a dose of ambrosia after so many false starts and so many unwanted interruptions. The play-fight against the ninja dogs was amazing as well as it allowed the Sentinels to be so playful and extra as hell.

The reproduction of the Steam's Respite bathhouse, and Caleb's deviation from Beau's instructions of having lioness masseuses instead of dogs present, knowing that she'd forgive it. "Besides, what better gift could I offer the Lionett?" The fireworks above the tub as Beau and Yasha cuddled and kissed once more. And Beau finally allowing herself, without any trace of fear or hesitation, to be lucky in love. And she got to be held through the show.

"I love you, too." / "That's the best thing I've ever heard."

And the capstone of this extensive moment? The stained-glass window above the fireplace in Beau's chambers showing her hand linked with Yasha's.

Sentinel Babes becoming Sentinel Girlfriends. And lovers.

It was THE perfect episode to consummate all the yearning and pining. The heartbreak and healing. The loss and love. I couldn't imagine this going any more perfectly for them.

Beauregard Lionett. Yasha Nydoorin.

Two souls, broken and damaged, yet still finding each other and coming closer, one step at a time.

All it took was one night for it all to come to fruition.

It was the perfect first date... and the perfect first night of the rest of their lives. Together.

117 notes • Posted 2021-02-22 18:07:28 GMT

Best. Date. Ever.

#2

https://twitter.com/Tiamat_ZX/status/1448123397339291649?s=20

“She said a young beau will take on the great name, to continue this success, until everything, eventually, will humble me by that which I desired most. […] And the fact that it all worked means I don't know what else she took, and I don't know what's coming to humble me, and I just want to protect my family.”

“Maybe I'm the one that's sent to humble you.”

And that you were, Beauregard Lionett. And because of your bravery, you not only saved yourself, you saved your mother and brother. You made it possible for your mother to start anew, quite possibly even take steps to reconnect with you as a family. Because she’s not dismissing her share of the blame, she’s accepting it and making amends.

Whereas Thoreau Lionett will just wither away and fade from obscurity, forever humbled and miserable, just as the prism sage foretold.

He was no real lion, just a mewling cub.

The rest of the family, though… they’re a true pride.

I was right to believe in Clara being redeemable. Thanks to her daughter’s testimony against him, his lies and true colors were exposed, and she up and left her husband and took TJ with her. Thus leaving him alone in an empty house.

The possibility now exists for them to reconnect. A far better hope than being forever trapped in a gilded cage of a loveless house.

146 notes • Posted 2021-10-13 18:55:01 GMT

I was right to believe in Clara Lionett and her redemption. I was right to believe. And she deserves her second chance, she deserves to accept her faults and work to atone and one day reconnect. Far more effort than Thoreau Lionett will EVER do.

#1

If Yasha had any hope left of Molly still being in Lucien... he just killed it the moment he tried to murder the second love of her life. So... from this point on, the gloves are off and she is going to murder him for daring to harm her Beau.

Worst idea to piss off the angel-blood, Nonagon. The Worst Idea.

194 notes • Posted 2021-01-29 09:12:18 GMT

Welp. THIS post aged poorly because she still had hope, albeit it WAS complicated.

And that’s it! See you in 2022… whenever I choose to post more stuff.

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Critical Role #Beauyasha #beauregard lionett #yasha nydoorin #Cracklepop #cr spoilers #the mighty nein

[angelsndragons]

Part 2: Apathy is Death

Blanket trigger warning once again: discussions of Caduceus’ past, including depression, self-harm, self-neglect, potential suicide, and drug use.

To start this off, for a long time one particular quote from an old video game has stuck with me regarding Caduceus: 

So you will do nothing? Apathy is death, no, worse than death, because at least a rotting corpse can feed the beasts and insects. -Star Wars, KOTOR: TSL

This statement, I feel, really sums up everything that has gone into Caduceus’ arc and growth thus far. We start with a young man who doesn’t speak up, who is content to just let things happen to him, who neglects his duty, who chooses to not make a decision and doesn’t seem to realize he has made a choice. And that it has consequences. Caduceus is left alone. His siblings leave one by one, his parents and aunt too. And he wilts. Time passes, he does his work at the shrine, and all the while he curls further into himself, sustained only by the notion that someone else, in this case the Wildmother, will a) tell him when to go, and b) tell him if there is something he needs to know regarding his family. Never mind that Caduceus could easily step out of the Grove whenever he wants, never mind that he (at least towards the end of that ten years) has the power and means to contact his family himself. The Wildmother has given him all the tools he needs; he just can’t bring himself to do anything with them. As ever with Caduceus’ arc, he must learn to take ownership and agency regarding his life. And he spends ten stubborn years, after losing what really mattered to him, not doing so. Until the Wildmother stops speaking to him. Losing this last fragile tether finally, finally moves him to action. 

This is really the part I want to emphasize about what he revealed with the lilies: Caduceus was reaching out for the first time in years and looking for help the only way he could. On some level, buried deep under several layers of neglect, apathy, and depression, he realized that he needed to do something or everything would get worse. I know that a lot of people think he was poisoning himself intentionally but I disagree hard on that interpretation. First of all, that requires a level of effort that I don’t think he was capable of at that time. There is a reason that the first several weeks on an anti-depressant are the most dangerous; you finally have energy again but haven’t yet begun to feel better. If you were suicidal before the meds, going on them initially increases your risk of doing it. Secondly, while it seems crass to the audience, Constance’s comment about Caduceus micro-dosing indicates that he was well-known to have done drugs before everyone left and that they were okay with it. Caduceus knows what he is doing with them. We see him in 130 place a petal in his mouth, not actively eat a bunch of flowers. He’s stronger now than he was then, his ties to the Wildmother are nearly unbreakable at this point. But back then? If she had stopped speaking, if he had lost his connection to her like that, nine levels weaker than he is now, yeah, I can see him going overboard trying to reestablish that connection.  

Now, at some point, the line between intentional self-harm and reckless self-neglect blurs quite a bit so if people read Caduceus as intentionally harming himself with the lilies, power to y’all. Personally, his lines about patience curdling to apathy and time stopped meaning anything read as neglect, not harm. Caduceus does not actively harm himself that we can see in the show; for example, in battle, he takes care to stay out of the line of fire and protect himself. However, he does actively neglect himself; again, often in battle when he is wounded, he will focus on a more injured teammate, say he is okay, and move on without healing himself.

That aside, as painful as the lily reveal is, that is the moment that Caduceus first makes an active choice. And Wildmom rewards him for it (I know there is debate whether he was tapping into the Somnovem in that vision but the timing combined with Wildmom personally vouching for the Nein with that breeze, I tend to lean towards her giving him that vision). He feels her presence once more, she readies him to leave, and sends him people with which to travel. He’s half out of it, has no idea what he doing, but now, at last, he is moving forward. It takes a lot of time to shake off that much neglect but we see him slowly wake up until the alarm blares in his ears with that panic attack. Caring for the Nein becomes his way of learning to care for himself again. Making group meals, for example, means he is much more likely to be eating regularly, even if it probably isn’t as much as people would like him to. Listening to their problems gives him focus while he isn’t ready to look at his own, and learning to unconditionally accept this group of fuckups with all their baggage gives him the space to accept his own. Allowing them to care for him in their own imperfect ways allows him to learn to extend that care to himself and the world around him. 

That doesn’t mean he didn’t have his struggles. Right up until about episode 49, we see Caduceus deflect making choices. He is ‘learning to embrace the chaos’. He asks if any of the Nein have a plan and is content to just follow along with Fjord’s visions. He has Opinions on quite a lot of their encounters but keeps quiet and keeps his head down most of the time. While the others make plans, he sits by and watches. He has small successes, too. He buys a broken sword to fix and declares it a gift to Fjord. He seeks out information on Vandran for Fjord completely on his own. He gets to know the crew. He decides to get everything he can out of their little pirate venture, from sampling new food to learning to be okay with being uncomfortable and learning to swim. I would say his biggest early game step forward comes when Nott’s situation (and Caleb by extensions) crops up, a clear cut ‘we can help make this better, we are meant to make it better’ moment if ever there was one. Also, let’s not talk about Caduceus and his sad, almost understanding ‘I am so sorry’ to Nott when he detoxes her in light of 130 right now, okay. I don’t have the space here. This episode, we see Caduceus step up in a big way- keeping Caleb grounded in the basement, taking charge of driving the cart around, planning for Luc, figuring out what to do for Nott and Yeza, communing with the Wildmother for help, etc. 

I want to go back to the title: Apathy is death. One cannot make changes in their life if they don’t care enough on some level to do so. Apathy is self-perpetuating because it requires no effort, it is so easy to slip into, and can feel like it will never end, regardless of actual mental health. Caduceus’ arc has been about breaking out of that mentality, recovering from it, and moving forward. And he is doing so well. This is why I refuse to treat that reveal with only angst and pity. The fact that he has broken through and come so far in less than a year is awe-inspiring. 

Next up, we answer the question: what does manure do for a garden? 

#caduceus clay #cr caduceus #cr spoilers #critical role #caduceus meta #my meta #mighty nein #tm9 #cr campaign 2

[violet-t-9]

Check in on my (not very realistic) wish list for episode 139

1. Nobody dies in the potential battle against Lucien/the Somnovem? I will be fine with temporary unconciousness but please nobody actually dies? Will they even fight? What was going on with the cliffhanger? I have so many questions!

Hey nobody died! Nobody even went unconscious. Can't believe we have a part 2 to this epic boss fight. This showdown is awesome! At least we know what will happen next episode.

2. The group uses their new eye powers for something (group telepathy will be hilarious, especially accidental) or just in general goof off with their new eyes.

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now

3. Beau or Caleb discover more new eye functions that we have not seen before (antimagic cone anyone? Does the eye location have any meaning? Lucien’s was also on the chest right?)

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now. If the locations mean anything, so far it's not revealed.

4. We get to see more of the party members’ new powers/abilities since they levelled up and got a long rest! Let’s gooo.

MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH thanks Cad. It's a new power we haven't seen before! Caleb knows gravity fissure now, apparently! Fjord and Veth also considered using new abilities before the break. Jester used contagion on Lucien! It was a nice try.

5. They get some sort of contact with/update from the material plane (i.e. their family, Yussa, or anybody else I guess just not Trent please), it’s been a while I wonder what’s going on over there. Has Jester’s parent trap succeeded fully yet? Has the assembly been investigated yet? Has Yussa figured out what the Nein did with his emergency exit gift? How are Yeza and Luc doing in the crime bar? Is the Dynasty looking into Essek? So many possibilities.

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now

6. The M9 succeed in stopping the city from going to the material plane and find a way to potentially destroy it by the end of the episode.

It appears that them plane shifting the crest away actually does ensure that the city cannot return to the material plane, that's great news! Also, I assume destroying Lucien would be a good first step to destroying the city.

7. Beau and Yasha continue to fight like the power couple they are and to indulge in PDA in the flesh horror city (because why not). Bonus: we find out Yasha’s plans for Beau’s red cape/the cape is used by Beau in the episode.

The discussion between Beau, Yasha and Veth LMAO. Oh NO Yasha is fighting Beau again - that natural 1 though! The miss! Another natural 1! The power of love!!!! Yasha also used the battle cry to protect Beau!

8. Fjord and Jester continue to be domestic and supportive of each other in these trying times because they are great. Bonus: more Sprinkle/Artagan mentions or interactions.

Jester and Fjord starting strong with the dirty/natural 20's! Also "I'd rather you wear it" "Fjord, it's so expensive!" They are so cute. Ayy Sprinkle/Artagan both got fed the Heroes' Feast! The excitement over the ring finally working lol. "Imma cast it at 4th level" lol Jester really tried her best to remove his slow and it worked!

9. Obligatory wish for Essek’s fancy dunamancy or magical items (Bonus: STILL hoping to see more high-damage AOE offensive spells that Essek has never cast because of the party placement, dark star anybody?).

The trapped haste spell MmmMm. GRAVITY FISSURE YAY hot spell flavour is hot. THANK YOU for that dispel magic on Yasha Essek you are the best. Nice magic missile but he is out in the open oh nO he is charmed oh no is he going to dark star the party?? Wheww thank you Caleb for the dispel, at fifth level too! He was so going to dark star Lucien if Cad was not pulled.

10. Obligatory wish for Caleb’s polymorph spell on himself or a party member. Actually, let’s expand to any party member’s polymorph! Give me those sweet polymorph interactions.

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now

11. The party tries to reach Lucien by mentioning Molly and Lucien actually having a physical reaction to their words.

Wow that was a physical reaction alright, definitely to Jester and Caleb's mention of Molly's name. Jester's song also had an effect. Everybody is trying yay! Well, it was worth a try. BEAU'S bonus action Gustuv talk made him lose a legendary action WOW. Fjord's, Caleb's attempt also succeeded. In round 2, Beau removed 1 legendary action, followed by Jester

12. Obligatory wish for Essek’s room in the tower (it will stay until it happens).

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now

13. Obligatory wish for Cad being a MVP in and out of combat because he always is.

CAD what a good pep talk I love you. Path to the grave and also the reaction war caster blight, very nice.

14. I NEED MORE RP PLEASE like last week’s high intensity combat was fun but I miss one-on-one conversations give them to me thank you. Longer conversations are even better.

NVM we are doing the boss fight right now, however there was a lot of Molly RP involved.

15. Everybody being super freaked out/creeped out by the terrible flesh city thanks to Matt’s wonderfully detailed and awesome descriptions.

The damaged state of the city, how it leans towards Lucien's cocoon thing and Lucien's transformation... OH NO the stalks not the tentacle stalks.

16.  At least one of the party members get mind-influenced/charmed by some effect during the combat (well at least Caleb’s got mind blank and Veth got intellect fortress, but I would be surprised if there was no mind shenanigans).

Well, I knew it would happen. Gaudius, the eye of longing/love that did not affect Beau DID charm Yasha with a failed wis save and Yasha attacked Beau, again. However thanks to Essek it didn't last long!

17. Somebody check in a bit on Essek’s mental state because he is clearly not entirely desensitized as seen from last episode. At least he got a full rest so physically he is fine (just squishy, like wizards are).

Hey Essek got to open up a little bit before their final fight, so that was great.

18. Caleb uses more fire or his customized spells or just any cool spells in general I guess because what’s sexier than wizards NOTHING I’m still hyped from last week.

Gravity fissure already?? Sweet max damage, despite the save! Caleb you can literally just copy any spell you see cast can't you, high int wizard I love you. Also the use of that potion and the scroll were pretty smart too.

19. We learn more about Lucien’s motives and what he is actually trying to do, or more about the Somnovem’s different? motives because I was very confused last episode. Lucien wants to “parent” the Somnovem by bombing them with 10 intuit charges, like okay are you sure you are not trying to kill them? Then again, if that doesn’t severely damage the Somnovem I don’t know what will.

Well we now know that Lucien has all the Somnovem power inside himself now and is still very much wanting to bring back the city - at least he can't right now because of the threshold crest they got rid of last session. This clarifies a lot. I guess the "parenting" was to weaken the Somnovem for him to absorb them all into himself?

20. Obligatory wish for everyone to remain relatively happy and alive by the end of the episode except Lucien, and the episode ends on a terrifying cliffhanger as always.

I mean, should have known that Lucien cannot be killed in 1 session. Otherwise though, what an episode! What a session! Absolutely amazing.

Bonus:

ESSEK IS MAKING A JOKE LMAO I can't with this man, he is also giving everybody spells/gifts, cute - I guess wizards all have the save love language.

CALEB IS ABOVE 100 HP thank you Jester for that 17 roll from Heroes' Feast! I knew you'd do it. The feast was so crucial in their combat too, what a queen. Caleb always be covering his friends in his anti-aberration cone, and burning Lucien's legendary reactions. Great moves.

Veth are you... horny for Lucien??? LMAO

OH NO Gaudius on Essek this is the alternative Essek bossfight timeline OH NO but at the same time YES the angst- oh nvm Caleb thanks lol.

Extra - combat notes for my record:

Saves minus # eyes

Elatis - Excitement, pulling the target 120 ft towards Lucien + eye.

Ira - Rage, fireball effect AOE damage.

Fastidan - Disgust (wilting dull green) necrotic damage

Luctus - Grief (Dex save), slow spell effect.

Timorei - fear effect, but negated by Heroes' feast immunity.

Culpasi - guilt (Con save) disadvantage on saving throws +...

Miramus - (wis save)

Vigilan - the eye that moves/emanates the anti-magic cone

Gaudius - (wis save) charm effect

WHAT A FIGHT! I can't wait for part 2 and hopefully that's Lucien's final form. I did not think that the Molly influence will have such a profound effect, but I sure am glad it did! Everyone was so amazing in this combat, I love it all.

#cr spoilers #the mighty nein #critical role #critical role spoilers #c2e139 #cr liveblog

[tiamat-zx]

(Love)birds of a feather, Generations Apart: A Parallel between Vaxleth and Beauyasha (SPOILERS for C1E65 and C2E126)

So... as the title suggests, I've realized upon several rewatches of Beau and Yasha’s amazing first date that it actually has unintentional parallels to the moment where Keyleth confessed her feelings to Vax. Bear with me as I take the time to share as many of the parallels as I can recall off the top of my head.

#1: Taking place in the midst of THE first big world-changing arc of the campaign, full of so many things at stake.

The Chroma Conclave arc.

vs.

The Somnovem arc.

#2: Still in mourning over the loss of a friend.

Vax and Keyleth mourning the death of Tiberius.

vs.

Beau and Yasha still mourning the loss of Mollymauk.

#3: Mutual wingmen supporting them in their coming together.

Keyleth: "I had an interesting talk with Pike here recently, and she said something that really stood out to me, and that was that some people just have more of themselves to give."

vs.

Beau: "I told Caleb, since I wanted to start over, I wanted to start over. So my request was a little bit of a walkthrough of places we’ve been and some of our favorite hiding spots."

#4: Grateful for any reason to be together... but even so, a declaration leading to a love confession. A declaration that has that feeling of, "Yeah, I know. You said your piece, now let me say mine because I'm done hiding."

Vax: "It doesn't matter to me what this is. What we call it. If you are willing to spend some time, any time, with me, then I will simply count myself lucky to have it. You're very dear to me."

Keyleth: "You're talking too much".

vs.

Beau: "I just want you to know, just before we continue this... whatever this night is, that I have no expectations and... at the end of all this, if it just... you have the reassurance of knowing that I'm somebody that you can come and talk to, if you need to, and that's... that's enough for me."

Yasha: "I feel the same way... but at the same time..."

#5: Regrets about being distant... and no more hiding.

Vax: "I know with all that's happened, between my new patron and my sister pretending to gag literally every time we attempt to share a word together, and mostly my own being fucked up in the head for weeks now, that I've pushed all of you away. You most of all. Because I've been afraid you would-- I'm sorry. And you didn't deserve any of that."

Keyleth: "For the longest time, I was terrified that I was going to lose you. First to death and then to the Raven Queen, which is still kind of like death, and then ultimately to yourself. [Then the aforementioned recollection of Pike.] And I realized this whole time that I was afraid of losing you to a future that ultimately has not yet been written, which is stupid."

vs.

Beau: "When I was in Kamordah, that fear of losing this family? I almost sabotaged it. Just so I wouldn't have to deal with the angst and the anguish of wondering if and when and how this family will fall apart. Like ripping off a band-aid that was never there, or I guess over a wound that was never there. Just trying to rip it off for the pain and nothing else."

Yasha: "I've been trying to keep my distance from you when I found out that he was listening and they were watching, but... I've had a lot of people in my head and I don't want to give them you. I don't want them to know that I care about you, because I don't know if they're going to use that in some way. But... fuck it, I guess."

#6: Confessions that catch the other off-guard, or even the one confessing is taken aback, and then the mutual reciprocation that acts as a balm of relief.

Liam actually answered in an AMA that he was taken by surprise but in-character and out when Keyleth confessed to Vax. Keyleth, however, was very much done with hiding. Vax’s response happens when the dust settles and he fully processes what he had just heard:

Keyleth: “But you're ultimately right. We have nothing to lose. I love you, Vax. And I'm sorry for being me, that it took me this long to say it.“

Vax: “(laughs) I’m sorry.

Keyleth: ”Yeah. Me too.”

Vax: “I love you. That's pretty fucking great.”

Keyleth: “That is pretty great, yeah!”

vs.

Yasha surprises HERSELF as she blurts out when she fell in love with Beau, who is also a little taken aback. And Yasha didn't intend to let it all out like that.

Beau’s response happens long after the (glittering) dust settles and they’re in the hot tub:

Yasha: “Things really changed for me when we went to Kamordah. And I saw you with your family and I got a glimpse into how your world was growing up and... (sigh) I fell in love with you in Kamordah.”

(later on, in the Steam’s Respite recreation)

Beau: “Hey.”

Yasha: “Hey.”

Beau: “I love you, too.”

Yasha: “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.”

#7: Wings, of course. Also... Liam, Ashley, and Marisha: all three of them having an effect on both pairings.

Vax has wings. Yasha has wings.

And both are love interests of Marisha's PCs.

Pike through her everlit heart and empathy helping Keyleth and Vax overcome their fears and eventually come together.

vs.

Caleb through his love language of magic helping Beau and Yasha find a moment of happiness and safety so they can overcome their fears and eventually come together.

#8: A mutual embrace of love that transitions to the end of a scene.

Vax tackles Keyleth onto his bed, they no doubt cuddle well into the night among other things to cement their newfound bond as lovers... and the "pan to the fireplace".

vs.

Beau holds Yasha close, they enjoy the show of fireworks before later "reflecting" on their newfound bond as lovers... and the steam covering the camera.

Even if the characters are different... some things somehow remain the same, even campaigns apart... even unintentionally. And it is these coincidences that I love about Critical Role and just... role-playing as a whole.

#critical role #vaxleth #beauyasha #vax'ildan #keyleth #pike trickfoot #beauregard lionett #yasha nydoorin #caleb widogast #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #c1e65 #c2e126 #ship parallels #this has been percolating in my brain upon having such an epiphany #so I had to blog about it! #long post #cr meta #marisha ray #liam o'brien #ashley johnson

[grayintogreen]

CRITICAL ROLE FIC [April 6th- June 15th]

I’ve been writing a ton of fic lately and rather than SPAM THE TAGS crossposting it, I’m gonna post what I’ve done so far and then just post a new masterlist every month on the 15th. This is just the massive assortment from when I started posting CR fic to now. I’d say they probably won’t all be this long, but I’m a parody of myself.

This is only the COMPLETED works. My works in progress are here. Once they’re finished they’ll get put in whatever month’s masterlist they’re finished in for the folks who prefer to read finished stories.

I’ve divided the stories into ship and character-centric pieces, and YES I HAVE CLEAR BIASES. 

SHIPPING FICS

they drink dreamers up like brandy | 1625 words | Canon Compliant | Caleb/Molly, Caleb/Lucien, Caleb/Kingsley | Caleb reflects on the one throughline between three lives being their absolute thirst for him.

TEALEAF TERROR TRIO-CENTERED FICS

(fics focusing on two or all three of the Lucien, Molly, and Kingsley collective.)

and i can crack you for a song | 1340 words | Canon Compliant-ish |  Lucien’s only got room in his head for himself and nine ancient wizards. Molly doesn’t care.

while your blood turns into water | 1063 words | Non-Canon Compliant | Molly copes with the remnants of Lucien after the Somnovem.

trust their steps to a dance that is lighter than air | 1085 words | Canon Compliant | Three lives. Three abuses of ethereal step.

like a true fisher king | 3420 words | Canon Divergent | Molly and Lucien battle at the center of the mind in a different take on how Lucien’s end might have come about.

created of stories | 1827 words | Canon Compliant | The name “mollymauk” carries a legacy.

MOLLY-CENTRIC FICS

if adversity breeds character (we’ve character enough for two) | 1824 words |  Non-Canon Compliant | Molly and Beau talk in the Blooming Grove after he comes back to himself.

the winners write the history | 1399 words | Non-Canon Compliant | Molly fills in the gaps where the Somnovem’s marks were.

we own what we build with our hearts and our hands | 662 | Canon Compliant | My take on why the ritual failed and why Kingsley was born.

KINGSLEY-CENTRIC FICS

along the primrose path to find the things i know are true | 1464 words | Canon Compliant | Kingsley deals with identity and blood hunter powers.

the bits and pieces of the past | 7193 words | Canon Compliant | Kingsley runs into trouble with the Claret Orders and asks Beau for assistance. She obliges as only Beau can.

richer than falsehood, fairer than a lie | 1737 words | Canon Compliant | Kingsley makes up stories to deal with the pieces of who he once was.

LUCIEN/THE TOMBTAKERS-CENTRIC FICS

and she’s breaking my world | 2318 words | Doesn’t directly contradict canon, but probably not entirely compliant | Cree finds herself with several things in common with Jester, and many things she doesn’t have in common with her she wishes she did.

blood mixed with honey | 1747 words | Canon Compliant | Missing scene of the Tombtakers in Caleb’s tower.

why the omens were ignored | 1179 words | Canon Compliant | After Cree’s death, Lucien has a mild crisis. It doesn’t stick.

and i have no love left for cruel river eyes | 3089 words | Canon Divergent | Cree survives the battle with Lucien and now has to pick up the pieces and reinvent herself. 

trapped in the walls of my skin | 3538 words | Canon Compliant | Lucien returns to life with a perception shift on the Somnovem and a body that feels like a stranger.

what couldn’t i offer? what couldn’t i give? | 1112 words | Canon Compliant | Cree character study in her last moments.

cheshire heart in a real boy disguise | 1576 words | Canon Compliant | Missing scene with Jester and Lucien in the tower.

MIGHTY NEIN FICS

if everything’s sacred, then nothing’s profane | 8492 words | Non-Canon Compliant | A wild magic surge and two massive dunamancy spells bring an alternate version of Lucien into the Mighty Nein’s orbit. Molly decides they should rehabilitate his dumb ass.

a shot of dumb idea with a bad plan chaser | 1521 words | Non-Canon Compliant | crack sequel to “if everything’s sacred, then nothing’s profane.” Caleb and Essek fuck up again and now Kingsley is here.

empty hands and pockets | 2075 words | Canon Divergent | The Mighty Nein attempt to appeal to Cree while the Tombtakers travel with the Mighty Nein.

#critical role #critical role fanfic #cr fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #kingsley tealeaf #mollymauk tealeaf #lucien #lucien the nonagon #cree deeproots #beauregard lionett #caduceus clay #jester lavorre #caleb widogast #the mighty nein #the tombtakers #fanfic masterlist