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tastesousweet · 6 months

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⭒ vampire love

chris sturniolo x fem!reader

summary : they were each others’ go-to hookup in highschool, chris is back in town and y/n surprises him at his window. based on “vampire love” by yung bruh.

warnings : basically pure smuttttt :P & they’re both just whiney and horny idk. they get fluffy at the end tho

mickey speaks : uhhhh 1st post & im showing my whorism already !!!! oops

Y/N - 12:56 AM

are u home?

CHRIS

yea i landed this morning

Y/N

u never told me ☹️☹️

CHRIS

i know it was a busy day for me

CHRIS

i’m sorry

Y/N

well wyd right now?

CHRIS

texting u 😘

Y/N

cornball. go back to LA

CHRIS

nah im actually just sitting here watching

family guy in nick’s room

Y/N

tell nick i say hi aw

Y/N

i missed u guys

CHRIS

i missed you bruh

CHRIS

i wanna see u but i don’t want u

leaving the house this late for me

CHRIS

i’ll def come see you tomorrow tho

Y/N

oh??? that’s crazy bc i would get

“come over” texts from u at 3 am

in highschool 😭😭

Y/N

like who am i speaking to rn

CHRIS

a gentleman tf🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️!!!

message laughed at by Y/N !

౨ৎ

Y/N - 1:23 AM

you still watching tv?

CHRIS

nah i’m in my room now

Y/N

oh ok

Y/N

sooo.

Y/N

i’m at your house????

CHRIS

WHAT

Y/N

window …😊😊

chris immediately shuffles from his bed over to his window, seeing you with your face illuminated by your phone light.

he smiles and goes to text you,

CHRIS

what r u waiting for?? get up here

he looks back to see you roll your eyes in response and begin to move the same ladder you used in highschool over to chris’ window.

chris pries open the window with his bottom lip comfortably tucked in his mouth. he peeks his head out and can’t help but commentate on your situation as you focus heavily on making it up the rickety ladder. “she couldn’t wait twelve hours to see her man, wow. i must be something special, huh?”

you move your focus from your careful footsteps, up to chris, with a smug look and fuckass hat on his head. “maybe she was just a little horny and very bored.”

“she could’ve gone to sleep like someone normal.” he teases more, leaning back as she’s now made it up to his level.

he reaches his hand out and helps her into his room, “does he not want to fuck her or…?” she tilts her head and watches chris close his window.

“shut up,” he laughs a little walking towards her and pulling her into a hug (he makes sure to hold the sides of your bare hips that you purposely have on display, just so you know he saw and he appreciates it) which you embrace deeply. “hottest bitch alive,” he laughs into your hair.

you push him away, laughing at the old inside joke (before anything had happened between the two of you chris took a hit or two from a joint sophomore year of highschool and revealed his attraction to you, declaring you “the hottest bitch alive,” and of course you teased him but none the less took it as a compliment).

he hooks his hand on the waist band of your small shorts before you can get far, pulling you back and laying a soft, short kiss on your lips.

your head is at an angle looking up to him and the corners of your mouth begin to upturn as you chase his initial kiss with another and another, building passion with every connection.

he deepens the kiss while moving backwards towards the black couch at the foot of his bed. upon reaching it you push him gently causing him to fall back onto the plush surface. he draws his hand across his now wet lips as a smirk crosses his face.

chris pats his lap anticipating your willing obedience, only for you to step back and remove your teddy bear slippers you hadn’t gotten the chance to take off yet. he chuckles a little and removes his hat, throwing it behind him onto his bed, and moving his arm to rest behind his head as he lazily watches your every move.

your loose tank top and lack of bra leave little to imagine as you walk back towards him and crawl onto his lap. you try not to let the dopey grin that’s etched on his mouth effect you too much as you move his hands to hold your ass.

he begins to kiss you again, a little harder than before and adding the aspect of his tongue to explore parts of your mouth he hadn’t seen in some time. your hands ghost up his neck and one hand holds there while the other moves to his cheek.

you begin grinding yourself against his lap and he disconnects your lips to hiss at the sensation before kissing up and down your neck slowly.

girl lay yo body down on that fuckin couch

when you begin to moan lowly and grind yourself harder chris lifts you off of his lap and lays you on the couch, now hovering over you.

you’re annoyed by the loss of stimulation and groan, “come backk.” you pull at his white wife beater and chase his lips with your own.

“shhh” he whispers against your pouted lips, dragging himself down to settle on the floor below you, guiding his face between your legs and making them fall on either side of his head.

open up your legs i’m gon’ work my mouth

you whimper and suck your bottom lip in your mouth when he starts to leave kisses and nibbles on your inner thighs. he’s carefully avoiding your clothed center, taking his time loving on you.

“chris,” you let out a breathy whine and reach for his hand, bold enough to place it right at your lower tummy and waistband of your tiny fucking shorts.

chris hums against your center, finally looking up at you with droopy, infatuated eyes. you caress his hand to encourage him to adventure further into your heat.

as much as he loves to tease, his fingers curl and grip the waistband as his fingers dance along the small string of your thong. he smiles at the thought of you putting it on just for him tonight.

“baby, please,” you whine again, louder.

try not to make a sound this my momma house

he kisses the space between your center and thigh, the closest he’s gotten to where you need him most at this point. “shhh, i’ll give you what you want. jus’ gotta be quiet, ‘kay?” he mews before he presses a gentle kiss to your clothed cunt.

you just about sob and fight the urge to push your shorts to the side and force his head down yourself.

he finally sits back on his legs, moving his hands slowly up your legs. “god damn, you’re so precious,” he rasps with a smile as he slowly lowers your shorts down your legs.

“just for you,” you breathe when he’s finally pulls your shorts off and throws them behind him.

“how sweet,” he kisses your ankle before hooking it over his shoulder. chris stares up at you before his eyes flick down to your dripping core, leaving a wet spot at the center of your tiny thong.

he groans at the sight and uses his right hand to pull the cloth to the side as his left hand rubs across your lower stomach leaving butterflies in its path. he moves his index finger through your soaked folds causing you to let out a hushed yet sharp moan.

chris uses your sound of pleasure as encouragement when he dips his tongue into you continuously. when you start to buck into his face he uses his arm to hold your leg (that’s not over his shoulder) down against the couch.

your soft moans are harmonious and you watch as chris closes his eyes and begins to fully enjoy licking at your core. he moves to kiss your thigh again, replacing his mouth with his fingers entering in and out of you slowly. you watch him as he focuses on his fingers’ every move and enjoys his front row viewing of your body’s appreciation of him.

he blissfully lays his cheek on your inner thigh when you bring your hand down to his face and comb through his hair to pull his attention back to your face rather than your pussy.

he shifts his eyes up and you draw your finger across his swollen bottom lip. he slowly smiles at you before speaking, “wanna cum, hmm?”

and to his surprise you shake your head no and begin to take his fingers out of you and bring them up to your mouth.

chris lets out a whiney moan and drags himself up to be face to face with you as you swirl your tongue around his fingers, tasting every bit of yourself. “so fucking hot.” he whispers and replaced his fingers with a rough kiss to your mouth.

you wrap your legs around his waist and hook your arms around his neck while he continues to kiss you. you can feel him moving underneath you to grind his hardened center against the couch cushion so you pull away from him and tell him to sit down instead.

he nods his head and you both trade positions; your face now level with his lower half just as his once was with your own.

you run your hands up his covered legs and towards his hard center and begin to stroke him through his sweats. he lets out a relieved breath as he watches you and anticipates your descent further.

you adjust your position and pull down his boxers and sweatpants just far enough that you can pull out his pulsing member. chris throws his head back and covers his eyes with his hands at the sensation of your thumb circling his sensitive head.

that bitch gon’ give me top, that’s without a doubt

you pump long, slow strokes along his cock while starring up at him hazily. you begin to feel annoyed by his lack of eye contact and pull his attention by guiding him into your mouth.

chris lets a choked moan escape and looks down to you, with a mouthful of his dick and glossy eyes, looking back up at him. his mouth is hung open subconsciously as he fights back his own excessive moans, instead he gathers your hair for you and uses all of his might to not fuck your face.

once you build a rhythm you take him further until he’s fully buried and slightly curved down your throat. his moan comes out in fractures and his grip on your hair grows tighter. “you’re so good to me,” he whispers. you go to move but stop once he pleads, “wait! no, please jus’ just stay right there, baby.” so you begin to focus on breathing through your nose as he holds your head back down.

you stay for a few moments and when you finally gag and pull off of him he thrusts up into air to almost chase the feeling while you gather yourself. “you okay?” his face is pulled tight together but you can’t tell if it’s because he’s concerned for you or his own orgasm.

you nod and his senses are heightened as you start to stroke his cock a few more times but before he can finish you confess, “baby, i want you to fuck me now…”

he gathers your face in his hands and rubs your cheek, “you know i will… but first can i cum, please?”

you shake your head with a smirk, kissing his inner hand but before you rise to your feet you kiss the top of his sensitive dick, to which he uncontrollably spills a small amount of his cum onto your lips.

he feels a little humiliated at his lack of control. “fuck. ‘m sorry i didn’t mean to-” but chris can feel his stomach recoil as he attempts to fight off finishing all over your face right now.

he watches intensely as you lick your lips slowly, tasting every bit of him, before you stand up (your thong showing every inch of your full ass while you walk) and go to lay on his bed. he can no longer see you but he takes the hint when your small tank top is thrown at him.

he exhales and begins to fully remove his clothes as well. he joins you in his bed to see you bare and sprawled out, your fingers tapping softly at your clit.

you whimper when you dip your fingers inside of you then bring them up to his mouth. he hums and sticks his tongue out. you drag your fingers across it before he’s wrapping his lips around them and sucking hard.

you bite your lip at the sight of chris being so willing and eager.

he pulls them from his mouth and smiles while guiding your hand between you both to grab his needy cock. “please.” is all he says before he kisses you.

you pump him a few times before guiding him into you slowly, to which chris moans directly over your mouth, eyes slightly rolled back. you quiet him gently by kissing him again.

i fuck her like a god, that’s without a doubt

he continues the slow pace you began as he guides himself fully in and out of you. the silver of his necklace catches the light of the moon every so often making it gleam as it sways over your face. you find it so satisfying and pretty.

you suck on his neck and whisper that you need him to fuck you hard or not at all. he immediately is quickening his thrusts into you and you muffle a cry into his neck, clawing at his back with your manicured nails.

i got that pussy wet, that’s without a drought

you’re so slick that the sound of your skin slapping together is amplified and chris prays to fucking god his mother hasn’t found herself thirsty in the middle of a rem cycle.

“i need you chris, i need-“ your words spew out and he doesn’t let up, continuing his harsh pounds into your used center.

“hold on to it, baby. ‘m so close, please,” he reaches for your hands and holds them against the mattress on each side of your head as he continues to build to a climax.

you whine and he gives in to you easily. he removes one of his hands from holding yours to rub your clit harshly, “go ahead, give me everything then.”

he continues to thrust himself into you but his eyes stare intently at your face as you fall apart beneath him and squeeze around his length. you’re a moaning mess and he quickly puts his hand over your mouth until you’re spent.

the scene alone causes him to pull out of you and let out a series of low moans while his cum falls onto your lower stomach.

to make the most out of the overwhelming sensitivity you both feel, he immediately guides his cock through your folds, crying out at the intense stimulation. as you try to push him away, and whine his name telling him it’s so much.

he obliges and unknowingly blurts more cum on your thighs as he moves up to kiss you, out of breath.

he sucks your bottom lip for a second longer before pulling apart and whispering, “hold on.” your sleepy figure just nods up to him and he breathes out a laugh before finding his boxers on the floor and walking out quietly.

you try to keep your eyes open but it feels like forever when chris finally comes back with a damp wash cloth, two water bottles, and a bowl of washed grapes (??). your eyes open timidly at the small amount of light coming from his phone’s flashlight. you can see him wearing your teddy slippers though which makes you mentally laugh, but physically smile as he approaches you.

he places the items on a side table and begins to wipe your stomach off slowly, the warmth on the cloth soothing you further. “open your legs, please.” chris already had began to physically separate them but he asks you to open them so that you feel in control of yourself anyways.

“sweet girl,” he compliments and smiles as he wipes your thighs down, kissing your stomach again before making his way to throw the cloth into a laundry basket.

you hum at him and lift yourself up to watch as he opens one of his drawers and offers one of his t-shirts to you.

you slip it over your head easily and he hands you a water bottle and your phone before crawling into his bed with you. you curl up to his chest and he hands you the bowl of grapes which you don’t question because you’re hungry as fuck, why would you deny it?

you thank him and he thanks you for coming to see him tonight.

you both smile into a kiss and you continue to finish your grapes as he closes his eyes in an attempt to get some sleep.

🍊✶𓏲ּ꩜ .ᐟ

AW! everyone cheered. and came (probably)

got inspo for the end bc of this lmao :

also go listen on spotify for vibes

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x you #tastesousweet #they such nasty freaks ! WHY ARE THEY SO CUTIE THO #chris sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo triplets smut #sturniolo triplets fan fiction #triplets #chris sturniolo fanfic #smut #aftercare #first post we up

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altocat · 9 months

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So Assume Vin-Dad theory applies here like always. Something Something Time Travel, Vincent is sent to CC era to try and prevent Seph from going crazy, they find out they are related, all that jazz. Angeal and Genesis are also there for the family reveal and learn about Lucrecia. What would Angeal and Genesis think of her? I am slightly delerious due to lack of sleep and rhe current weather, but for some reason I can imagine Gen saying, "Your mother did what now?". Anyways hoping your having a nice day/night and sorry for the long ask; I just needed something self-indulgent bc college is slowly dragging me to insanity. Again have a nice day.

Hang in there, bud! I remember that good old college sleep-deprivation. Isn't fun.

Genesis and Angeal, rightfully so, would be pretty concerned and/or pissed on Sephiroth's behalf. Angeal might use a bit more tact because Sephiroth is going through a LOT of emotions right now, but Genesis would be pretty upfront and direct--Lucrecia experimented on her own son and then DITCHED. Pretty awful. Sephiroth is just trying to process that not only does he have parents who are still alive/semi-alive, but that he's also Shinra's personal pet project. Angeal and Genesis are still in the dark about themselves, of course. And maybe that's for the best for the time being.

Either way, Angeal and Genesis are respectful enough to let Sephiroth decide whether or not he wants to confront Lucrecia, and are at least supportive and present to help him through the sense of violation and betrayal in his feelings for Shinra. Angeal encourages him to try to get to know Vincent a bit better. What Vincent had to say might not be what he'd wanted to hear, but Sephiroth at least got a parent out of it who didn't completely screw up. Vincent had been just as clueless as Sephiroth was, after all.

This gradually shifts into Vincent low-key adopting all three of these miserable losers, and kind of forming possibly the coolest rogue band of monster-men in all of Gaia?? You have your vampire dad, your loud firebirb buddy, your tough and hardy dog-beast-bro, and your eldritch alien catboy abomination son. Quite the crew.

...I'd assume the Lucrecia thing eventually gets resolved, with Sephiroth either roasting her alive or possibly coming to terms with everything. It wouldn't be a happy reunion. But it needn't be a completely bitter one either.

#asks #ff7 #ffvii #crisis core #final fantasy 7 #sephcanons #sephiroth #genesis rhapsodos #angeal hewley #AU #vincent valentine #lucrecia crescent

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badwithten · 1 year

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camping with skz hyung line - delulu head cannons

PAIRING SKZ hyung line (Bangchan, Lee Know, Changbin & Hyunjin) x fem!reader

GENRE fluff

WORD COUNT 1.6k

this is very self indulgent but it is 11pm on my 18th birthday when i’m writing this and my mother is sleeping and we are in the middle of no where camping/staying in some cabins with no power or reception so i’m writing this on notes app bc i can’t sleep early so i am just up and i want to be delusional and go camping with skz (changbin but lets give them all a chance ig 🙄)

in saying that its self indulgent its more of a warning that i’m writing this reader based on me! usually i don’t do this and try to keep everything as neutral as i can (ik i still only write fem!reader but still i try make it as inclusive fem as i can be!) but for this y/n is def based on how i am camping which happens to be kinda stereotypical girl “omg im scared of bug come save me” which i know isn’t true for all fem people but it is for me and its my birthday so let me be delusional!

with that in mind, if you still decide to read these i hope you enjoy! might expand onto the maknae line if this is something that is received well? i’ve never really written headcanons so we’ll see!

also also, i know since lee knows camping vlogs theres be a lot of camping with skz stuff but once again, idc bc i am camping now so this is what i want lmao

chan

chan is definitely the ‘i am prepared, I’ve got you babe’ which quickly turns into ‘omg this fire isn’t staying lit and its cold af right now”

like he comes well prepared, buying and packing the best gear money can get

but no matter how fancy the tent, it is no use if you can’t put it up!

using the limited knowledge the two of you have, you manage to wrangle the tent up just before dark

although this wasted all of the time you had to do any hiking or adventuring for the day. you can’t say you’re to mad to skip to the cuddling

once again, he purchased a whole lot of fire starters and fancy lighters, but the two of you still struggled to get a stable fire going

eventually though, you’re both warm and feed by the fire

he bought his guitar and plays your favourite songs for you

you’re lucky that you’re out on such a clear night, able to watch the stars and listen to your partner sing for you

after a long day of getting lost in the endless pages instruction pamphlets, its finally time to call it a night

chan thought it would be cute to get matching animal sleeping bags

he got a wolf and when he asked which one you were gonna get you chose a regular adult one

he was disappointed in your lack of humour but now he regrets not doing the same

the child size sleeping bag not even fighting one of his legs

“room in there for two?” how could you say no

lots of cuddles and late night talks, its the first time its truely just been the two of you for a long time

no sounds of the city, no loud neighbours and none of the kids disturbing the peace!

when you wake up though its a sweaty mess, tents get so hot in the sun and waking up to a warm body pressed against you is the last thing you want!

minho

ok this one is a bit hard to be crazy for bc we’ve seen him camping

but that doesn’t make it any less,,, writeable?

if we saw a chart of “thinks their prepared, is not prepared vs thinks their prepared, is prepared” where do you think chan and minho would sit??

the camp site we’ve seen in his vlog and then his bubble messages is his little get away when his life gets too crazy

its just him and nature (plus some cats. that man is a legit cat magnet and i am so jealous!)

he doesn’t even want to bring any of the members or his friends there

its his place, all he has to worry about is himself

and its not even a worry! he enjoys cooking so feeding himself is a simple task,,, and thats all he’s sorta required to do there

but not long after he started dating you, he realised he wanted to experience the peace of his camping with you

if he was stressed and couldn’t get away, he would turn to you. both of his stress relievers in one place would be a dream come true! (that sounds sexual, i promise i didn’t mean it like that 😭*turns 18 and writes smut right away*)

despite being there bc he’s currently stressed to the max, he can’t help but care for you still

he cooks the most delicious meals for you

lets you shower first and for as long as you want, not minding the cold water for himself if you use up the supply of the hot

and then when you’re out, makes sure you’re comfortable and warm in bed to ensure you don’t get sick on him

but its not all him caring for you! he knows this as well, loving the way you look out for him

yes he does all the cooking but you’re right by his side, helping to prepare any food he needs to create his dishes

he knows how long you shower for at home so he knows you’re conscious of him by only taking short showers despite how much he insists he doesn’t mind the cold

you’ll wait up for him while he showers, sometimes stealing his side of the bed to make sure its warm when he gets back

you even made sure to pack cat treats incase he attracted anymore strays

needless to say, camping with lee know is a break from your busy lives where you can look after each other

recharge together before heading back to work

changbin

the man of the hour! why im writing this for hehe (he’s my boyfriend and you can’t change my mind on that idc)

biggest baby!

i’ve been having to boil hot water for drinks over a gas stove

and can you imagine doing that for him while he holds the light and just makes commentary the entire time

like i imagine it going how that one vlog went with his sister where she’s cooking for him and he’s standing there pretending to help but really is being more of a nuisance than anything

but you love him for it

you’re setting up the gas tanks and dealing with fire, he can’t help but just be impressed

not only can you hold your own, but you look after him!

he always is expected to be the caretaker in relationships, being a big strong guy and all, surely he wears the pants in the relationship

but both of you have one leg each in these pants, both of you struggling to walk in the pants. its like a three legged race but worse bc now there’s 4 legs, all out of sync (in the best way possible)

you will make him hot chocolates and deal with the gas stove top

you’ll rub his head in the spa while the two of you soak in the hot water

but he’ll carry you across the river when you two go exploring, not wanting you to get your shoes wet

he’ll make sure to watch out for any mosquitos in the area, swatting them away before they get to you

hes a bit like minho, both of you looking out for each other but a lot less prepared to do so in a campsite

“yo binnie you know how to set this thing up?”

“y/n i’ve even seen one of these before today” he says as he swings around a tent pole and almost takes you out with it

but its ok bc both of you end up getting the tent up after a long while

he’s just a big baby and i want to give him a hug and make him a hot chocolate ok! it’s all i’ve been thinking about

you two wouldn’t be able to sleep so early into the night so you sneak out to go make hot chocolate’s and sit around the dying flame of the fire pit

its like your teenagers sneaking out despite having paid your bill to stay at the camp ground, knowing you can come and go out of your tent as you please

but that excitement is always something you’ve felt throughout your relationship with changbin and you can’t see it ever leaving

hyunjin

mr dramatic over here would be so distraught at the sight of any bug in the area

and news flash you’re outside in forest, there’s gonna be bugs

all jokes aside though, camping with hyunjin would be such a freeing experience!

he’d definitely use this time to unwind and really get into his painting, with no distractions he’s able to get the creative flow going and create some beautiful works of either you or the landscape around him

and if you’re a writer reading this, then you can do what i’m doing right now and take your boredom in the fact that there’s no power and write as well!

or really if you create anything (art, writing, knitting, any creative outlet!), you’d be right by him doing the same

you’d also do lots of exploring with him!

you’d set of on the hike only to stop every five minutes to look at something

if its somewhere you’ve been before or the two of you are camping somewhere you are knowledgeable about (like camping near your home town or something) then he’d ask lots of questions about the wildlife and plants around you!

but if its new for both of you then it would be so fun discovering everything together

i just imagine sitting by the river bank with him, watching as small fish and other strange water creatures swim through the rock pools

pointing to each and every little movement to make a comment about it

“yo that fish kinda looks like you though”

the comments soon lead to a water fight which ends in the two of you swimming

unlike any ocean or pool the two of you have swam in before, the current drags you down the river

you allow yourself to float for a bit before you’ll both swim back up to where you started

just chatting and relaxing against the river and all its sounds

eventually though one of you remembers all the fish/insects/creatures you saw swimming in there just moments ago and freaks out thinking about it swimming against your skin

so you retreat back to shore, having to hike back to your campsite soaking wet and cold

lots of cuddles to warm up in the tent though

both of you so exhausted you just crash

but it was such a good experience with him. like the two of you are so comfortable with each other that being in by yourselves camping in the woods is such a amazing time

(but both can’t wait to get back home and enjoy the comfort of your own bed again)

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riri-twix · 25 days

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I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY did you post another fic? I could have sworn you did. I just sat down and was about to open it and saw it deleted,, I am knocking on your door looking like this :(( also I was wondering if you were planning on continuing the other fic where you and Gojo and suguru all live in the same house?

*wraps you up in a blanket and holds you tightly while patting your head* shhhh 🤫 you didn’t see anything, you were only tweaking… tweaking… tweaking…

OKAY BUT FRFR NOTHING GETS BY YOU DOES IT REM sigh. dw you’ll probably get a chance to read it one day. Maybe. I deleted it bc I wanna focus on my other work more (can we become we) and tbh I didn’t fully construct a plan for how the plot would go. Kinda just posted it on a whim (I was lacking sleep and therefore also lacking the thinking trait)

I’m not really good at winging it, on one hand, the wait for the next chapter might be unbearable for my readers (I know how that feels. Sucks) and on the other hand, I loose motivation to write if idk what I’m doing. I figured it would be better if I planned it out.

ALSOOO, lemme assume the “fic when you gojo and Suguru live in the same house” is Can We Become We? Bc i don’t have any other fics lol. Yeah I plan on continuing it

#don’t be sad rem #it’s okay to be crazy

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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youtube

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mayariviolet · 7 months

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Hello Team, I have been obsessively following this fanfiction written by the @spiteless-xo for MONTHS! I commented on a couple of songs, and home girl said one day, we'll have a playlist, and I am here to deliver. Also, shout out to @shepnicolo. Please go check out their playlist. It's amazing, heart-wrenching, etc.

Link to The Boys at Work: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44843530/chapters/112829014

As inspired by @shepnicolo I decided to give explanations to each song <3.

NOTE: Basically, this playlist follows chapter by chapter a character's inner monologue as well as fitting into the situation

Yeah, this is the playlist cover I made; what about it?

Side A:

"Dinner and Diatribes" - "I knew it from the first look of mischief in your eyes. Your friends are a fate that befell me. Head is a talking tide. I'd suffer Hell if you'd tell me what you'd do to me tonight."

reader x eren meet for the first time in a club and are literally so horned up that they immediately fall into their own self-destruction just to sleep together. Also, this song is a good introduction to their relationship up until the third arc IMO. I pictured this song mostly from Eren's perspective because he literally is so infatuated with reader that he does not care about anyone else around him.

2. "A Night to Remember" - "I swore I'd seen you before. Underneath the sheets, you enchanted me and whispered sweet nothings in my ear."

Readers' pov of sleeping with Eren bc who wouldn't want to imagine sleeping with Eren also, they LITREALLY slept together after like 24 hours. And Eren would not stop whispering those sweet nothings to reader trying to get them to be obsessed with him (it worked)

3. "The Party & The After Party" - "High heel shoes make you six feet tall. Everybody wants you; you can have them all."

In chapter three, I pictured this song switching between Jean and Eren's perspectives after the truth or dare game. It was mostly Eren because he was doing the absolute MOST during that game. Also, Jean literally being so insecure and jealous that this chapter is so Abel-coded.

4. "D.D" - "I've been here times before, but I was too Blind to see that you seduce every man. This time, you won't seduce me."

Dirty Diana could be either Reader x Eren or Jean x Pieck, depending on your feelings. Pieck is more of the embodiment of D.D., considering she was trying so hard to seduce Jean (lowkey worked, though...) Eren x Reader did sleep together, though so #win

5. "Dress" - "Even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me"

The foreshadowing here hehe... ifykyk (see the bathroom scene in chapter 3)

6. "Kill Bill" - "I'm so mature, I'm so mature, I got me therapist to tell me there's other men, but I don't want none, I just want you."

Reader is insane, and this is how I pictured what she was thinking when Pieck crashed her lunch date...

7. "Double Take" "You're my vice, you're my muse"

Hmm this song read to me as Jean to the reader especially since the whole song goes back and forth between liking someone as a friend but that 'what if' that lingers in the background.

8. "Die For You - Remix" - "Even though we're goin' through it, and it makes you feel alone (no, no), Just know that I would die for you."

Eren doesn't know it yet, but he does act like he would die for the reader (especially in all of the scenes @ the point). Also, the reader is so attached to venting to Eren is crazy to me like she is obsessed no matter what she says...

9. "The Morning- "All that money, the money is the motive"

I thought of the chapter where Eren comforts the reader about everything at work. Yes, I know money isn't her only motivation (mostly pride), but having financial security is just a metaphor for her lack of security in her relationships. She works like she has something to prove to Eren and Jean and herself.

10. "Talk"- "I won't deny I've got in my mind now (hey, yeah) all the things I would do. So I try to talk refined for fear that you find out (hey, yeah) How I'm imagining you."

Eren has to control himself around the reader so he doesn't freak her out with how badly he wants her is just so <3. HE IS TRYING TO CHANGE TEAM!

11. "Work Song" -"Nothing in her room but an empty crib."

Ifykyk (the end of Eren Fucking Yeager). Like y'all know damn well Hozier wasn't talking about a room he was talking about her pu- and Eren furnished that room with a crib TWICE

12. "The Hills" - "When I'm fucked up, that's the real me, babe...Who are you to judge?"

This song encapsulates the end of Eren x Readers' relationship, especially in the chapter 'Shameless' when the reader calls out Eren's shitty behaviour and the fiasco that occurs after pushing her to Jean. This song (to me) directly challenges the reader to start thinking about who is she to judge in all of their interactions with Eren and Jean?

13. "Super Rich Kids" - "Too many white lies and white lines...I'm searching for a real love."

This is an obligatory Frank Ocean song for Jean because he starts telling the reader his true feelings. His life as a rich kid has been fulfilling, but at what cost? He only had vapid interactions with those around him until he grew up later.

14 "Stargirl Interlude" - "I shouldn't cry, but I love it Starboy"

it's a sex song. But the tone completely shifts after this. Looking at it deeper reader knows that being with Jean shouldn't feel like constantly crying or in pain. Jean (who is so Abel-coded) knows this which we can see in the lyric where The Weeknd says "I just want to see you shine 'cause you know you are a star girl".

------------------------

this is the mixtape cover i made btw <3 thank u canva!

Side B:

15. "Fire and Desire" - "Tell me should I cut these other girls out of my life cause we never decided"

These two (I am including Star Girl interlude) are together because they (Jean x Reader) are both. so. horny. But the fact they literally cannot decide what they are is so infuriating (but way too realistic trust me I know). So horny sex music and sad yearning for them both.

16. "Easy"- "Love don't come easy, it don't come easy"

This song captures the conversation between Eren and Armin, especially when Armin tells Eren that all his feelings are valid but complicated and that love doesn't come easy. Also translates to how frustrating it is for reader to prove to Jean that she loves him, they're both realizing that it's hard to love.

17. "Feelings" - "I over-communicate and feel too much. I just complicate it when I say too much."

Literally reader being so overwhelmed with everything and turning to sex in order to communicate how she's feeling is insane to me but no matter what she says to Jean it's never enough. Just really listen to the song... trust...

18. "Maroon" - "The burgundy on my t-shirt when you splashed your wine into me and how the blood rushed into my cheeks; so scarlet it was maroon."

This entire song is about Jean and readers break up. Especially how he always brings up Eren's shirt and the cheap wine being exchanged on their lips.

19. "Complicated" - "Tell me, why do you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're acting like somebody else gets me frustrated"

Reader's inner monologue when is FINALLY AND RIGHTFULLY thinking about how Jean always complicates things (she is not entirely blameless obvi.) She is reflecting on whether or not this is. the same Jean she's been friends with for years.

20. "Broken Clocks" - "I've paid enough of petty dues. I've had enough of shitty news"

I really appreciated the readers' mental health arc. <3 Like YAS try not to pay attention to these bums girl and fix yourself! Even though she becomes self-destructive again. True SZA energy.

21. "Unknown / Nth" - "Do you know, I could break beneath the weight Of the goodness, I still carry for you. That I'd walk so far just to take the injury of finally knowing you."

Andrew, how is the reader supposed to sha la la in these trying times? Anyway, this song is Jean thinking about how much he loves the reader and that because he knows her so well, he KNOWS how much he can hurt her. Also, it could be read from the perspective of Eren, loving reader to the point he steps back from her so that she is happy. (Especially the latest chapter where he says he would have still fallen for her in university and he thinks that she would still love him either way </3)

22. "Godspeed" - "Still, I'll always be there for you, I let go of my claim on you..."

JEAN SAYING TO EREN THAT HE CAN HAVE READER, AND BOTH OF THEM ESSENTIALLY LETTING HER CHOOSE BY NOT TALKING TO HER, MADE ME SICK! THEY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HER, BUT THEY CAN'T BE WHAT SHE NEEDS EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE WHO SHE WANTS </3

23. "Midnight Rain" - "All of me changed like midnight rain"

Okay, I know this is written from the perspective of a girl prioritizing her career over their relationship but this is so JEAN-coded! READER WANTED COMFORTABLE BUT HE WANTED THAT PAIN! He is a sick fuck.

24. "Bug Like an Angel" - "Sometimes. a drink feels like family."

The sparkling fruit wine that Reiner said was a cheap gift (a reflection of the shallow relationship reader x jean had). The back and forth between how reader drinks their coffee/tea and the loss and gain of familiarity. Yeah.

25. "Champagne Problems" - "How evergreen, our group of friends. Don't think we'll say that word again."

When there are two friend group breakups in this fan fic </3. Also, this song speaks for itself. Jean was never ready, so he had to watch the reader leave. Jean also has an ABDUNDANCE of champagne problems he has to sort out (hopefully soon, King).

26. "Tolerate It" - "I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it."

The way Jean, no matter what he does, never openly celebrates readers' love is sick. She literally waits at the door for him to accept her love. No matter where she is, whatever circumstances, she idolizes him and waits on whatever he says, hoping he will outwardly say and do something that shows her that he loves her. </3

27. "Right Where You Left Me" - "And you're sitting in front of me. At the restaurant, when I was still the one you want... Everybody moved on."

Yeah, tell me that isn't reader literally yearning at the restaurant when Jean completely ignored her to stroke his ego with Pieck. He wanted her so badly but was so scared. Everyone moved on from that instance, but she felt like a part of her died. Even when he broke up with her in a heartless way, she stayed thinking about that situation.

28. "Francessca" - "Da-, Darlin', I would do it again (ah-ah, ah-ah) If I could hold you for a minute. Da-, Darlin' I'd go through it again."

LAST SONG!!! In my opinion, this is an accumulation of the reader, Jean and Eren's internal monologue. I think they would endure their ups and downs if it meant they could be together again. ESPECIALLY EREN!!! I mean, this song is based on that couple immortalized in Dante's Inferno who were put in hell for literally being in love.

Okay, if you have read this far, thank you. I love you. Thank you, @spiteless-xo, for giving me something to look forward to every Tuesday <3.

#tbaw #spitelessx0 #erenyeager #jean kirstein #eren yeager x reader #jean kirstein x reader #aot x reader #aot fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #spotify playlist #hozier #theweeknd #taylorswift #mitski #ao3fic #ao3feed #Spotify

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dollibunnie · 11 months

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ABOUT ME

hi im jaz, 18 year old writer

interest : music ( sza, kali uchis, kali, coi leray, kendrick lamar, steve lacy, montell fish, central cee, lana del rey, pinkpantheress,tyler the creator, frank ocean, daniel ceasar, ice spice etc..) art, writing, sewing and knitting, shopping, sanrio ( balletusa and buchiusa , cinnamon roll, my sweet piano, chococat, purin, charmmy kitty ) modeling, sleeping, horror movie, teddy bears, strawberry shortcake

❌ : judgmental people, racist, fat-phobic, homophobic, writers block, demanding people, people who will literally bully you and say the most awful things because they are insecure, two faced cunts, pick me’s ( ex : they try to embarrass you to make themselves look good ) people who romanticize : abusive relationship, r*pe, illegal relationship, cheating etc, ppl who bring up trauma to make fun of you and etc

🎀i am very feminine and girl so reader while always be hyper feminine and/or described to be girly. therefore please do not request masc reader or a request with non black reader. i am a black girl mean reader will be black at all times. minors do not interact. if i see ageless blogs or you don’t have anything nsfw reposted or at least nothing in your blog im going to go crazy. i dot. feel comfortable with that. i would rather i write for people in my age 18 and up.

🎀i type in low case letters bc i hate upcase, i take very long to write due to not knowing what to right or lack of time. please be patient. do not come on my blog and demand me to write something bc we all know you can write it yourself you just want people to do it. reblogs and comments are always accepted. don’t steal my work i will literally cry and please be nice in the comments. no trauma dumping please and don’t leash out on people

what i write for : anime ( aot { eren, connie, armin, jean, reiner, zeke, mikasa, anne } tokyo rev, { baji, draken, kawata brothers, more to come } tlou { ellie, joel, abby } jjk { gojo, toji, geto, nanami, sukuna, yuta } cod { simon riley, könig, price }more to come

kinks / thing i write for : older boyfriend, dilfs, corruption kink, age gap ( legal ), praise and degrading, dacryphilia, daddy kink, somnophilia, dumbification, breeding, praise, breath play / choking, anal play, rimming ( r. receiving ), brat taming, tummy bulging, cervix kissing, spit play, impact play, fem girly reader, chubby n thick reader, angst with happy ending, fluff, smut, more to come

kinks / things i don’t write for : rape, pegging, scat, abuse, cutting while having sex, kidnapping, male reader , masc / non hyperfem reader , dom reader , cheating , teacher and student trope , yandere, non black reader, furries, food play, master / slave trope, more to come

M A S T E R L I S T

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akkpipitphattana · 7 months

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loads of people in the tag seem upset about it for some reason but i love that mew is returning to his roots now. playing mind games with top in order to test his commitment while refusing to actually call him a boyfriend? perfect, completely in character, i am genuinely delighted by this development. mew might want top back, but his pride is still stung & he is going to make it felt. hopefully now that boeing's around for a direct comparison top will see all this for what it is & make an informed choice about loving the mean, petty bitch that top has never seemed to recognize in mew.

i’m so serious i feel SO vindicated now because for weeks we have had to deal with people claiming they love mew while totally misinterpreting his character and calling us media illiterate but now!! WE SEE MEW FOR WHO HE IS WHO HES ALWAYS BEEN!! he’s always been playing games, he’s always been manipulative!! y’all just refused to see it because you wanted to hold onto the narrative that he’s innocent for some god forsaken reason.

but yes everything you said i’m so glad he’s doing this bc i was talking to antania about this earlier and it makes perfect sense that mew doesn’t trust top because he never trusted top to begin with! he slept with top for the first time because he was scared top was gonna get bored with him, like that’s noooot trusting behavior. finding out top slept with boston only confirmed for mew exactly what he had been testing top on, so of course he’s not gonna trust him still, especially after meeting boeing who is so much like him who too DID get bored of and also who he’s been SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED WITH! like at this point, top has to earn mew’s trust from the ground up because aside from never having had it, he’s now working against the things he actually did that instilled a lack of trust. and i personally LOVED the moment of him smiling after mew pushed him in because it shows he loves mew for the crazy bitch he is and that’s the only way they’ll be able to make things work. if they accept and love each other for who they are.

#i love love love being right and i love love love topmew loving each other for their crazy selves #only friends #topmew #asks #ofts

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hella1975 · 1 year

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hi okay so, this is a piece of shitty poetry i wrote just now after thinking about your protrayal of zuko (again) and wanted to share bc im a dumb bitch who craves validation and needs to know what you think of this. and if i put a little too much of myself into it in the process, and it became more about my weird relationship with being trans than zuko, it's irrelevant, dont ask questions! it was about zuko initially and i still think it can kinda be applied to him so thats all that matters!! pls forgive the lack of capitalisation, its turned off on my phone and im too lazy to change it :,)

(you dont have to read the next part but if u finish the poem and think it sucks it will explain why lmfao)

BUT FIRST, i need to clarify that ive never written poetry in my life, i know nothing about writing, and my punctuation is definitely all over the place. this whole thing for sure sucks but i have an excuse!! a flimsy one, sure, but still an excuse! im 16 and dont remember ever actually learning gow to write, or all about punctuation or any of that jazz. this is more of a stream of consciousness than a poem. and its just a rough draft so, very unfinished too!! so if u really dont like it that will explain why. basically the point of this whole paragraph is just to tell you that im dumb but im also terrified so please be nice to me bc i will cry and that is a threat! (if im starting to sound hysterical and like im spiralling its bc i am okay pls ignore it)

okay so enough excuses, here she is:

this deep, harsh, incessant feeling of shame harbouring in the bottom of my gut is to me, what roots are to a tree,

solid, strong, and stable,

intertwined with my bones and rooted within my very being.

it feeds me and mother me, swaddling me like an infant and rocking me to sleep from within its familiar, welcoming grasp.

I need it for survival, so integral in my very existence that ripping us apart would destroy all thats left within me.

But yet, we are so very unlike that beautiful symbiosis that the root and plant achieve,

that sweet, simple promise, void of all evil, so pure and light that it, He speaks vengefully about it, spitting sour words into my face and whispering harsh lies into my ears.

Our promise is not so gentle. it solely benefits Him, throwing all of me into the dirt and replacing him with a new unidentifiable creature, borne of self hatred and a need to become something, anything else. a dire need to detach myself from everything ive ever been and anything i could possibly become.

He is a parasite, a horrible looming creature, a cruel beast, making me cower in fear within my own, wretched body. He is cruel, intent on toppling the civilisation i spent so long building, the kingdom of my ego, my heart, my emotion; while i sit, and i watch, and i do nothing.

i may need Him to push the breathe from my lungs and carry the blood through my veins, but, He does not need me. He will never need me. im merely another of his children, an effortlessly replaceable thing. a shameful, ugly creature that He does not care for. that He does love. that He does not need. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me.

anonstie i absolutely adored this you cant write something with the theme of shame written with visceral nature imagery and expect me not to go stupid crazy. the way it starts so structured and delicate just to end with that hysterical repetition like it's all falling apart and i LOVE your wording of things, like 'our promise is not so gentle' is such a sick line. im obsessed with this tysm for sending it me!

#as a writer who also never properly got taught anything and had to figure everything out alone i am GRABBING you by the shoulders rn #this is so good and there was no need to be so doubtful of yourself! i hope you keep writing :)#ask

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papirouge · 1 year

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Papi I-

I literally started reading into some drama in a gamer community and ended up learning about this case were a 20 year old man and 15 year old boy had a sexual encounter. The victim, years later, denounced this man publicly when he understood what happened was wrong. The man first apologized to him and everyone for 'letting them down' or something, but weeks later came with a document were he retracted his confession and said he actually was the one raped and blackmailed. He said the 15 year old came onto him when he was sleeping and started giving him a blowjob, and he tried telling him to get off of him, but froze up and couldnt stop the kid anymore. The next day, this same boy supposedly blackmailed him, telling him that if he didn't have sex with him he would tell everyone that he was gay and slept with a minor. So the man, out of fear, accepted and let the boy gave him oral sex again, though stoping midway because he got upset about the older man lack of enthusiasm. Everyone in the community got on the older man side, calling the other party (who was only 15 yo at the time) a rapist and liar.

Am i going crazy or what?? Like obviously this boy still did something pretty messed up (initiating sexual contact when the man was sleeping, which is rape), but the man is still at fault for just accepting it twice. Like from what i gathered the kid is pretty unlikeable and manipulative, and has tried to seduce other adult men, but this man could still say 'no'. Plus the fact that this kid is so hypersexual points to him having some kind of trauma or issues imo. Not to mention taht there are tweets where this man is seeing literally flirting with this boy, so...

Anyways, i read some comments and people were also discussing the age of consent, and talking about how this boy was old enough to know what he was doing, that he enjoyed it and since he iniciated he obviously was the only culprit. People started talking about how americans were too prissy about age consent laws, how in many places it was 16 or even lower. And these kind of comments had hundreds and hundreds of likes!

And i feel like i should point out that this community leans heavily male, which is interesting: aren't men always talking about male victims not being taken seriously on and on. Yet i keep on seeing them discredit both male and female victims all the time. In fact, they were a few comments talking about how this case would have created more conmmotion if the victim was female.... Like why are they so obssesed, always bringing up female victims in these cases? One of them was downvoted though and called sexist because this case was in fact one of the most well know ones, and he was exposed for posting on mysogynistic subs.

Like i don't know papi, all of this makes me pretty sick... sorry for annoying you with this, i needed to vent somewhere....

Girl, I- gamerbros and online gays are the biggest sex pests in existence. In this case, both of those demonic realms are colliding - why would you even try to make sense out of this mess?

OF COURSE they're going to be predator apologists, why are you even surprised? The 20 years old dude excuse of freezing during the alleged assault can be true, but any benefit of doubt left the room as soon as he admitted getting back to the 15 y.o kids for him to give a blowjob...

During rape, people freeze because from the shock of the situation, but also bc they're scared acting up might turn against them (because the assaulter is stronger, with a weapon, etc). How could a 20 y.o dude be scared to *that* point of a 15 y.o boy sloppily giving him a blowjob? Was he still "freezing to death" in that second encounter while having that blowjob? sorry but accepting sexual solicitation from a minor, even in case of blackmail is still highly problematic and suspicious. He deserves to be as much dragged as that kid, who indeed has to be highly disturbed to display such extroverted sexual behavior. I wouldn't be surprised he's been groomed by online gays who indeed have a LOT of issues with romanticizing inappropriate age gap (they have a whole culture of initiating young gays into sexuality by older ones) and being so obsessive with sex & extreme sexual practice - even gay normies themselves (who are not into this degen shit) admit it.

It's very revealing they're now trying to drag women into that discourse, when women don't have a whole culture of egging/grooming young males into sex. This cope is really pathetic lmao Same for lesbians. It's almost the common denominator with sexual predatory behavior wasn't sexual orientation but.....SEX :)

In my country, age of consent is at 15 y.o and can even be 13 if there's less than a 5 years gap.....but literally no one asked for it. Every single person actively seeking to lower age of consent should be sent to jail as a cautionary measure. 5 years minimum.

#answered

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dulcewrites · 1 year

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I spent nearly 2 hours on Tumblr on tag Aemond × oc and guess what 99% of them are Aemond and his sister/twin sister/niece. It's really hard task to find non Targaryen/Velaryon oc. At this point I am just fed up with this fandom. I actually did a little experiment and searched Aegon × oc tag and when it comes to Aegon it's versatile because oc isn't Aegon's sister or niece and I can't believe that I like Aemond as character more than Aegon, but I avoid Aemond fic or one shots (except fmo naturally) and read a lot about Aegon and all this fics about Aegon changing himself for his love interest made me love Aegon. This fandom is really crazy, I love him as character but I can't enjoy it because all these writers thought that Aemond could only fall in love with member of his close family. I knew that his words about doing his duty if Alicent only betrothed him and Helaena will cause all fandom to think he is so much into incest, but I hadn't realised how big is that. So I just keep reading Aegon's fics because they are the only ones that don't have incest basically bombarding all the readers. They are my refuge after seeing so much insert with Aemond

I understand your frustration. I do think there is slight lack of diversity (in many avenues) when it comes to Aemond, which is unfortunate bc he is such a fascinating character. Taking into account the book and show, there is a lot of stories you can tell through him. I do think this tends to happen with popular characters, regardless of the fandom. There seems to be a trend or trope that gets sort of placed on them, whether it is considered out of character or not.

I’m still shocked that “I would perform my duty (basically if mother wanted me to)” line got turned into yep he’d def fuck his close family member. He’s like 11, no dragon to his name, and clearly drinking the koolaid of “these are the things ‘real’ targs” do. It’s ironic that this is the storyline being placed one of the of the few targs (in this part of history) that never had to/was never groomed to want a family member. It’s just… ??? Idk a choice I guess. I see this more in the hotd side versus the asoiaf/got side but it seems like a lot of people take the incest as sort of an endorsement/a need to have a Targ story be interesting versus a cautionary tale about the family.

Aegon is an interesting person the sense that he is so… anti targ. He very clearly begins to spiral after he is forced to marry and sleep with his sister (though that does not negate his actions. Helaena also had to marry her brother and didn’t do what he did. If we are going based off the show).

Aemond (along with haelena and Rhaenyra imo) start to veer into self insert territory but in different ways. Helaena and Rhaenyra often get stripped of anything so they can be placed in relationships with the popular guys (Aemond and Daemon). And Aemond’s feelings get distorted to fit whatever narrative. He gets shipped with anyone and everyone even if it makes no sense.

Now this is ok but fanfic is just that… fan fiction. People can write and read what they want. It is all self indulgent to a certain extent. Even the stuff I write. That being said, it can get repetitive and sometimes harmful depending on the content we are talking about.

#sorry if this is long.. I could go ON and ON about fandom politics in general #asks and requests

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mbti-notes · 2 years

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Anon wrote: Heya just wanted some advice here. I'm a 19 yr old INTJ with depression (have been for 5-6 yrs now). Just wanted to know how to get out of this rut I'm in. Idk if it's a loop or what, I just know I'm depressed and it has definitely worsened since 2020. I don't take any medication and no therapy, although I know I should. When I'm financially stable, I'm planning to.

Anyways, I've been disqualified from college bc of my very low grades and have the option to appeal to be reinstated (and even then, if i do apply for a reappeal, there's a chance they could reject me anyway). In all honesty, I don't want to. I can't be bothered to care for school anymore. I guess most people would be horrified to have such failing grades, but I have no emotions towards it. It's just "oh well" for me. I didn't really want to go in the first place anyway, but my older sister suggested for me to try and I did...which ended up being a waste of time for me and I regret it. I guess it's good I only went for 1 yr lol. Maybe I should have waited or maybe I'm just not a college type at all. I've always disliked school anyways. I managed my depression well back then since i was a good student, straight A's and all, but now I've just completely stopped caring.

I will have to tell my family, but I don't want to tell them about my depression and all that...I haven't told anyone else about my mental issues besides my closest friends and even then, I hardly open up to them about my issues in general (honestly even now i am hesitant abt typing all this despite being anon lol...). My family has never forced me to do anything and give me a lot of freedom actually, so I think they will understand. Even though I often dislike them at times, I do appreciate that they don't force me into anything... I guess I just fear being open about my mental illness. I'm hoping it will be enough to say I just don't have the motivation and focus for school anymore without having to go any deeper. I know I can't just stay home though, staying home drives me crazy and honestly worsens my depression. I do try to keep myself busy at home with chores and babysitting my nephew. But that's still not good enough...I can't drive yet so can't go out and get a job, although I do want to. My best bet is working from home

I am very interested in art and have an art account, although not a lot of followers , but I could try opening commissions up. My lack of followers is my fault lol. I don't upload very often, but I do know my art is good (not in an arrogant way; I definitely know i still have A LOT to learn and I always try to improve my skills) and I know a few people will commission me. I just need a consistent schedule and energy level I think...Instagram's constant changing algorithm is confusing to keep up with + depression killing my energy and motivation + dealing with a baby is exhausting (and i already dislike children to begin with...).

And a week or 2 before my period starts, my depression gets even worse, to the point of daily suicidal ideation in those weeks (I'm sure I have PMDD or PME...likely PME as I'm already depressed and it gets worse before the cycle then goes back to my "normal" state of depression after period ends.) Still, art and the fear of failing to successfully take my own life is what is keeping me alive. If I'm gonna die, I just want to die right away lol but haven't figured that out... I do want to do something with art and be successful, yet a part of me doesn't want to bother at all and just wishes to die in my sleep. I dont really feel sad or anything, i just feel numb i think. Idk anymore

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If I have reason to doubt someone's type, I will not discuss any specifics of type development until the situation is clarified. Since I see little evidence of Ni and Te so far, I will either require you to verify your type or provide a more comprehensive explanation for your atypical function expression/development. You point to depression as a major problem and perhaps it is obscuring the view of your type development. Describing the problem is a good first step, but it’s not enough for achieving a comprehensive understanding of its roots and origins.

Depression is a multi-factorial disorder, which means that everyone’s path to recovery is somewhat different, depending on which factors are most influential. It sounds like you’re just drifting through life aimlessly with very little self-awareness. You’ll need to dig deeper into why you’re suffering and try to account for all of the factors that might have led you to be depressed. In other words, you have to identify the right causes to find the right solutions.

You already know some things you should do, yet you won’t do them. Genuine question: What will it take for you to act? What/who can help you when you don’t care about yourself enough to take responsibility for your own well-being? You don’t want people interfering in your life and that means you have to be the one to step up and take charge. You claim to not care about anything, yet people only ask for help because they care. So, do you or don’t you care? Do you or don’t you want more for yourself? What is the truth?

If you want to understand yourself better, the first thing you have to do is stop deflecting and be completely honest about what you feel. “Numbness” is merely a defense mechanism, a way to cover one’s true feelings, especially the true extent of one’s pain. You won’t understand the problem fully until you access that pain. Everyone has within them a voice that guides them toward self-actualization, so it’s time for you to start listening to it.

Mental disorders are similar to physical diseases; the longer you leave them, the worse they get. Left untreated, depression worsens over time as your life gradually falls apart and you feel as though you have less and less to live for. It sounds like you’ve left the problem festering for too long. PMDD might require medical attention to ensure there’s nothing wrong with your hormone levels, so consult with your doctor. If your doctor doesn’t take it seriously (due to gender bias and discrimination), keep looking until you find a doctor who does. Depression is treatable with cognitive behavioral therapy, so my recommendation is to seek help from a qualified therapist.

If you really don't have any access to therapy, you could at the very least educate yourself about depression and implement some practical advice about how to change some unhealthy thought patterns and poor lifestyle choices. Most major cities have public mental health resources available. The internet has great official resources about how to care better for your mental health. I have also discussed it and recommended books about it. What resources are available to you and have you made use of them? How much longer will you sit and wait? Sitting and waiting is how one gets trapped in a rut.

#depression #mental health #ask

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emerysnonsense · 2 months

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Hihi sweet tea!

Sending this while I have some time(aka I cannot sleep because my head wants to spontaneously combust)

Life been stupid crazy but is kinda chilling and it now but still not really ^^’

Snatched your Sleepytime playlist to listen to while I try and sleep

Apparently we’ve had the Spotify family plan and I was just never informed so imma start trying to use it more since I no longer have to listen to ads and therefore am gonna look through all of your playlists cause I can

So far very good music much vibes

Ahxbsjbxsjndi

Ah brain running out of words

Hopefully life has been going well over there and is not even close to as chaotic as it has been here

Done anything fun? Anything interesting going on?

Ughhhdhhcbd I’m trying so hard to converse but head says no only pain

Oh the joys of genetic chronic migraines

Love that the new medicine does nothing(not like I really expected it to but still would’ve been nice if it did TvT)

Got work on Sunday so hopefully the migraine is at least manageable otherwise that is going to suck significantly more than it already was gonna

Mmmmm words….uhhhhh

Oh when I get the chance and actually remember and hopefully learn how to actually use Spotify I might go make a playlist of recommendations for you cause like I said it’d be a longgggggg list

Mmm yeah I think I’m outta words now lol

Again hope you’re doing well!!

Lotsssssss of platonic love to you sweet tea!!!!

Love ya tonssssssss!(/platonic)

<33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

hi starshine!!!

hope you're doing a little better and that whatever crazy stuff is going on right now passes quickly

ohhh nice! I hope you enjoy my random playlists!

some of them can be a little random

I have a lot of playlists, but I think I don't have all of them public

not much going on here tbh

people around me have started to notice my lack of self confidence and don't know what to do about it, neither do I

so that's one thing that's happening, but other than that I'm mostly relaxing

I hope your migraines go away soon

I thankfully rarely get those, but I do know they're very painful ^^'

so yeah, hopefully it stops hurting!

if you need any help with Spotify, you can ask me anytime

I know a few things about it bc I've used it for a while now

I'd love to listen to the songs you recommend

maybe I should make a playlist too

hmmmm

I could also add you to the one playlist I made with the songs you, arty and some other people recommended

that way you can add those directly to that playlist

or we could generally make a new playlist we can both add songs to

ye, I'll probably do that

lots of platonic love to you starshine <333333333333333333333333333

you're amazing and I appreciate you a lot

love you /p

#answered ask #starshine ✨

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live-love-laugh-lesbian · 2 months

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hiii!! me again akjsdhkjashd

ELECTRIC SAXOPHONES ARE A THING?!?? WHATTTTT THATS SOO COOL OMG AKSJDHJSDH

omg i think i am 'people' (the type of person who has patience for the latter : visual novel and not the former : working w children askjdhakjsh) i think i just dont have the capability to be able to handle children i cant even handle myself asjdhajsldh

wait thats so cool that your mum works with kids as well! its relatable for me to bc i do computer science and my sister did and her bff does and my bff does its crazy akjsdhkasjh its like a domino affect from person to person lmaooo

oh yeahh i totally get the thing w poorly trained dogs i mainly talk about those tiny harmless ones ir if they are big those sweet chill oness!! ur uncles' dog sounds adorablee!! and so do your cats omg! and thank you <3 i know not alll cats are like that and if i see a cat i will try to pet it ajlsdhalsjhd unless its scared of me ofc

omg i know you mentioned before that your hobbies are sewing and stuff and that you were sewing a trouser but like i didnt know you MADE trousers!! thats soo coolll youre basically a fashion designer!! and lilac trousers i would sooo wear those omg SEQUINED HEARTS AHHHHHHHHH this sounds soo cute

im a sagittarius! one of my best friends is a scorpio!! so whenever i see her now ill think of you!!!! asdaslkdjasld so real w atla lmaooo and also so real w swimming asdjhjasdh

oh yeah i love art too! and spending time w your sister sounds so cute and fun!! and then a date w your gf sounds soo adorable this sounds like such a comfy classic cozy day! i would spend my day probably by playing guitar, art and for the majority sleeping or going on my phone ajksdhkd if its a rainy day id go for a nice hot chocolate and a brownie coated in whipped cream bc who doesnt love whipped cream asdhsaj stardew valleyyy!! my childhoodd!! i like playing games but its mainly like yansim (i swear im not crazy askdjaslkdj i just find it too addictingggg) AKLSHDJKASHD competitive i sooo get that i get really competitive in games as well lmaoo to the point its unhealthy ahhhh

they sound like awesome compliments! for me any compliment is my fav ajksdhkjs i love compliments on my singing, intelligence and this is lowkey weird but my hair ajkshdjsd my hair never looks good for some reason so if someone says it does one day then i will be beaming and happy for the rest of the day ahhh i also love compliments in my art and my coding! and yes professional compliments ESPECIALLY from children are the best validation ever akjshdjksadh

my question for you: what's something about the modern-day world that bothers you, and what’s something about it that brings you joy?

byee! have a lovely dayy!

-swiftie spring exchange anon idek askldhalsjd

Hello again! Apologies if my answer is short, I am ill and very tired but I wanna reply.

Computer science is so cool!! What sort of stuff do you do with that? Programming or uhhh...here's where I show my lack of computer science knowledge...anyways I'm curious XD (Saw you said coding later!! That's so cool!!!)

I getcha XD My other uncle has dogs too! Ex racing greyhounds, he likes to give them a happy retirement. They can be chaotic but I can't blame them too much, they were trained to chase small things after all! As a kid I accidentally stepped on one of their tails...I felt so guilty!! But the dog was chill and I gave him a treat to say sorry XD

I've been making a lot of trousers recently cause I realised I owned like...2. Except then I get more and more ideas and have to narrow them down XD The current pair are...sort of almost done. Made, fabric hearts sewn on, the sequins will go around the edges of them, but it's gonna take a while. Wearing them anyways in the mean time XD

Your day sounds good too!! Brownies my beloved...I have such a sweet tooth it's unreal XD And nah I've played Yansim too. Not for a while, but no judgement! And look if one isn't playing to WIN then what's the point in playing XD (I say that, in games like Stardew Valley I'm more relaxed, but that's not pvp soooo)

Sounds like good compliments!! I used to get compliments on my hair back when it was longer (I was like 18 at the time). It was so long it was inconvenient, I had to move it to sit down lol. And now it's super short XD Complete 180. I'm sure your hair is lovely however!!

Modern day world...tbh how often you need to call people. Like some places don't have emails anymore?? Or require calls anyways?? don't do phone calls really and I HATE the trend of "phone or nothing".

Does government stuff count too? If so like. Governments. They're run so poorly I swear to god. I don't think that's new to the modern world however XD What about you?

Adding to that topic: what's something you hope to see in the next five years? :)

#swift spring exchange anon

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