#am I a trans guy or just really really butch??

[saintlesbian]

hm. having a mini gender crisis in the middle of my shift again

#pentababbles #good LORD is this getting annoying #got hit by a sudden dysphoria attack while talking to a girl and had to ask myself: #am I a trans guy or just really really butch?? #like I feel. othered. from cishet women with my alternate lifestyle in spite of both sharing space with them AND being attracted to them #even though I know they see me as one of them so immediately I am Not a Threat despite not performing femininity very well #and I feel no communion or comraderie with cishet men. despite longing to emulate aspects of their performances #I don’t really wanna be seen as a ‘man’ but I don’t wanna be seen as a woman either #to women I want to be seen as an object of attraction. to my friends I want to be seen as masc. to men I want to be seen as a threat #and these things don’t all automatically line up with being a man… #I think I would be more comfortable with femininity if I was at least allowed to be masculine first. #like. I NEED to go shopping in the men’s section so so bad #I’d really like to start taking t. on a low dose #just for a little while then stop once I achieve certain permanent changes I want (low voice + bottom growth) #I wanna get back into exercising to trim some fat #specifically the fat in more feminine areas. I really want that Britney Griner type chest #I’ve also contemplated the name ‘Abraham’ for my irls to call me when I feel less femme #kinda like my butch bartender oc Quincy except I’m. not that muscular and not a she/her #although I’d probably be more comfortable with she/her if I wasn’t forced into femininity so often #I think at the end of the day though. I’m not a trans guy just a weird dyke #bc I like feminine labels specifically in a lesbian manner: I’m okay with being called girlfriend or wife but not with daughter or sister #I’m dykegender. does all that make sense

[lastoneout]

god I wish I could look more masc without cutting all my hair off

#I want to look like......idk #more gender neutral than I do rn #but I look so feminine it's impossible to fucking escape #and I don't want to not be a girl #I want to be idk butch-ish I guess #I want to straddle the line #but I am just so round and cute and I have hips for days #I have to try really hard to not look like a girl #and eventually that just becomes uncomfortable #like I do dress a lot like the trans guys I know and I still just #I look like a girl #idk man

[casiavium]

All of these "who has more anything gender!" polls are just. white man without extreme body builder muscles v white man without extreme body builder muscles. The gender is "masculine" stop pretending it's universal

#even worse is when it's 'tradionally feminine' v 'traditionally masculine (without super ripped muscles' and the notes are all #she's the opposite of gender he's THE only gender ever. #'gender' isn't even androgynous anymore it's just some guy #vent post #idk I'm just kind of 😬 about people not seeing binary girl or even predominantly feminine as 'gender' whatever the fuck that means #you like androgyny when it's on twinks but don't think the butch lesbian that only calls herself a woman is 'gender' huh #and something about genderfluid characters only ever being accepted when they're in their 'not cis' presentation (cough ze l da) #like..i consider myself genderfluid and sometimes have guy-adjacent euphoria days #(still think about everyone who he/hims me when I cosplay Link ❤️) #but... I get just as much when I'm wearing what's 'expected' of me like skirts and dresses and makeup and am seen as a girl #because a lot of times growing up i wasn't really included in the girl stuff but was still too girl for the boy things :/ #and I feel like. everything focuses on the andro of androgynous that they forget androgynous doesn't mean vaguely fem guy #it's like. shiek is winning the gender poll. but zelda wouldn't. even though they're the same person and one doesn't exist without the other #nonbinary but the binary isn't girl-boy it's trans-cis #nice dichotomy idiot #what lies outside of it

[vamptastic]

it's just like. okay. when i say i like men in a gay way and women in a lesbian way i don't mean that i think straight attraction is icky or my attraction is somehow more enlightened and progressive. i mean that I've spent the formative years of my sexuality in a place with my gender presentation where people are equally as likely to see me as a man or a woman and often seem to think of me as both, and i cannot separate both my attraction to men or to women from that. ive always felt drawn to butchness because its this concept that your love for the same gender shapes your gender presentation and vice versa, but it's specific to womanhood and attraction to women as a woman in a way i can't entirely relate to. like, in many ways i am both a man and a woman, and i am attracted to both men and woman in a way both shaped by and reflected by that fact.

#there's not really a clear label for that is there #i suppose i don't need one it's just to have that cos you can find similar people #i suppose bisexual as a gender is the closest i can get #like both sexes and also attracted to both sexes and those two things each are linked to and affected by the other #i don't know. i expect my feelings on this will change as i transition and people start to really see me as a man #and not the in-between ive been in since puberty (thank you pcos combined with massive badonkahonkawonkadonks) #it's just sort of frustrating to feel like nobody gets it #like lesbians are into me cos they think im butch #a specific type of man-autistic nerds (affectionate)-seem to just see me as a regular ol woman #and when confronted with the reality that i am not seem to not really care either way about my gender #other trans people are into me and they do generally get it but not always #and gay guys are into me sometimes but i don't really pass consistently enough for it to happen often #like im not actively seeking a partner n i don't both passing day to day cos everyone knows im trans already #n binding is a living hell when you're fat with a fucking. idk the size like E or F probably. cup size. #so mostly ppl approach me thinking im butch but occasionally ppl think im a guy in photos i post and such or #strangers will ask my friends abt me thinking im a guy #but like generally speaking no matter what i don't get to just be A Man. and i don't know if i really want to be! i like being trans #and it sucks because ive missed out entirely on dating in middle/high school like when you find out who you like #simply for being trans. ik most queer ppl end up doing it all in college its just frustrating yk. cos all my cis friends get to do it #realistically speaking im p much just t4t i really only have actually tried to date trans people + trans people are hotter + they get it #which im fine with. i love trans people . just sucks to be excluded sometimes even when u don't want in

[lovebloods]

.

#hiding this in the tags bc it’s kind of embarrassing and i need to get it off my chest #and i could journal about it but i just want someone to see me #sorry for being cringe <333 #but i don’t know what the hell i am like i don’t know if i’m even nonbinary anymore and that scares me like being nonbinary felt like coming #home after a long trip #and now i’m having all these thoughts about wanting to be a man? like near tears rn bc i want to be a guy but then when i think of actually #being a guy i freak out a bit #bc i like being seen as feminine too and i know that there are feminine men and they get treated so terribly #and i feel like all the men i see that i want to be like or look like are white! why don’t i see any black trans men like i feel so alone #and i’m scared to look/be openly trans bc there’s so much violence against people like us that it feels safer to just cosplay as a cis woman #even though i’m not #like i don’t want to be a boy but i want to be one and i absolutely don’t want to be a girl but i’d like to be seen as someone sometimes #it’s all very confusing #AND like i know i’m biromantic like im attracted to all genders and people #but im like? am i on the ace spectrum #bc i have a low sex drive am often sex repulsed and will sometimes ‘test’ #myself to see if im sexually attracted to people and most of the time it’s like #it’s like meh not really but sometimes im like sure but that’s rarer and rarer these days?? and like. tmi here but i jerk off and enjoy it #so i can’t be asexual right?? i tried looking it up but the articles just confused me #but then i also am like with the right person if i had a connection to them i wouldn’t mind having sex with them! but like. then i think #about actually having to be in a relationship and i’m like gross no but i think that’s just relationship trauma and fear of being #vulnerable #and like i know i don’t HAVE to have a label on my gender or sexuality but for me personally it helps to know What i am #and and i love butches so so so much and if i’m a man how can i love butches? like #it’s all so confusing #i feel like i’m 14 and going through puberty again

[comfycozycrossfox]

sorry. anyway. saw a very hot butch in ampm today and short circuited

#i’m not CERTAIN that it was a butch and not a cis man. #but i am like 98% sure #or like . a trans guy but i didn’t get those vibes #none of this matters they were just really attractive and i kept staring

[ramshacklefey]

Something I've been trying to articulate to myself for a while here, but I wish there were more discussion about the particular experiences of trans men who are attracted to men. Especially the way that it relates to our experiences before coming out and during transition.

A lot of the conversations I see online and in academia focus on the experiences and overlap between trans men and butch lesbians, which is just not a narrative that resonates with me. There has been no point in my life at which I identified as a lesbian, or even as particularly attracted to women in general (something something sexuality is complicated). And it is only recently that I've really been able to let myself jive with being a butch man.

So, what did that experience look like for me?

It looked like trying desperately to perform the right kind of femininity so that straight guys would be attracted to me. Admittedly, it was a "not like other girls" sort of femininity, but I suspect a lot of trans guys and straight women will understand me when I say that this particular kind of femininity is still... very constricting. You gotta be "tough" of course, and have the right sorts of interests, and not care too much about your looks, but at the end of the day still be pretty, not too loud, and pretty willing to give ground for straight men to feel cool. You absolutely cannot be butch, because butch is for lesbians, and you want to be attractive to men.

And then I came out, and now I was a man, so I was free of all of that, right? Right?

Well, turns out there's a whole lot to unpack and unlearn there, and doing that takes a long time. For the first several years of my transition, I was still stuck in this mindset of needing to adhere to all the same constraints I had been under before. The guy I was dating at the time didn't help with this, and I almost said that's another story, but it isn't. The fact that I was willing to keep dating a guy who wanted me to stay pretty and feminine, who told me that body hair was gross, and who in a thousand other little ways made it very clear that I would only stay lovable if I stayed feminine... the fact that I was ok with that, it says a lot about where my mind was at.

I'm sure that a lot of lesbians can relate to some of this, and yet. Becoming who I am, genuinely relaxing into myself and unfolding in the way that I needed to, that process was undeniably and indelibly marked by my experiences as someone who has always been attracted to and wanted to attract men.

#trans men

[pansyfemme]

jude + he/him + nineteen

FTM femfag colorfreak and general rainbow lover. I’m a sophomore in art school, a lover of obscure indie pop, and a guy who makes transgender penis jokes on the internet. Stay weird with it always, yknow?

I’m veryyyyyy t4t towards other trans guys butch, fem, femme, and masc alike and this is 90% of my content fair warning.

Art: @fagboyfriend

Twee/Indie Pop blog : @upforabit

dm for nsfw blog

selfies are under: #Jude pansyfem irl

putting a short faq under cut bc. i get the same questions a lot. check it before you ask about my icon or header or anything

faq:

How long have you been on T/How do you have a beard at 19? I came out at 12 years old, started blockers at 14 and HRT later that same year, and had top surgery at 17, making me 5 years on t and 2.5 years post op.

What show/game/comic is your icon from? its a cropped version of the album cover of the 1999 album “shake the pounce” by vancouver based twee pop band Gaze. It’s a favorite album of mine as well as just a cool little guy i like a lot

Where is your header from? a painting i did in gouache a year or two ago and thought would make a nifty header.

Oh come on, you’re not unboyfriendable! “unboyfriendable” has been my title for a long time now on account of it being a lyric from a song that means a lot to me, “all my little words” by the magnetic fields. i promise i am very fuckable im just really into sad music sometimes

How do I refer to you? Actually, i don't get this question a lot, and I shouldn't, since this info is both in my pinned above and in my bio. But a lot of people still seem awful confused. I am male. FTM. I use He/Him pronouns and masculine terms with the exception of compliments like 'pretty' and all that. I am not nonbinary, and do not like to be referred to gender neutrally. I simply am a trans man who enjoys gender non conformity and cross-dressing.

Are you Bi or Gay? this world is full of beauty. im queer. take that how you will. I generally consider myself open to any gender as long as they’re trans, (i am strictly t4t.) but still identify pretty strongly with being a queer guy in the way that i do like other men.

What style are you wearing/where do you get your clothes? I started by wearing my personal version of the japanese fashion subculture Decora Kei. My decora became a bit messy and grungy, and while i do still identify as a decora boy and wear full coords from time to time, i consider myself now someone who enjoys colorful fashion and takes influence from 90s harajuku fashion, punk subcultures, drag and other campy fashion. I shop a variety of places, but a lot of my stuff is from Kei Collective or Candy Trap.

What is Twee/Do you Make Music? Twee is a music genre I developed a special interest in a few years back. It's a style of indie pop that originated after the UK rise of the famous c86 compilation tape in the late eighties, and was developed with a focus on low-fidelity, diy sound combined with upbeat, bubblegum-y pop sentiments and a naive, childlike outlook. It's both cute and somewhat rough around the edges. I do not make music, and don’t hold any musical skill. I’m just a major fan.

Do you take commissions? you may direct all art related questions to my art blog inbox, but for the time being, please just dm me for commission info. I take them on a case by case basis currently, im a full time student and have a lot on my plate. I’ll let you know my availability and pricing upon request, but i generally prefer the ‘you tell me your vision, i give you a quote and you tell me if that works for you’ model of pricing because each peice is considered its own thing in my mind. Pricing for ‘full body’ or ‘lineart’ doesnt work for me beacause the media and subject doesn’t really dictate how much time or effort a peice will take for me.

Can you boost/reblog this post for me? This is a tough answer, i know, but if we are not mutuals, or I do not know you, I cannot do that for you. My reasoning being that I have been baited by very similar asks in the past that turned out to be scams, and I do not want to take the risk of spreading misinformation or scams now that I have a much larger following. I do my best to spread stuff that ends up on my dash and/or I can factcheck, but if I do not have that, I will be wary, considering my past interactions.

Can we be friends/Can I DM you? Anyone is welcome to send me a message of any type at any time, unless I have those settings changed, in which case i likely have it off short term, because i experience fairly regular transphobic harassment and i find it the best way to protect myself. However, just understand that I am a stranger on the internet. I don't always want to continue every conversation, and I'm not online all the time. I have all push notifications for tumblr turned off, including asks and dms, because it's much better for my mental health to be able to opt out of tumblr the moment I close the app. So, if i don't respond, i'm probably just doing something else or didn't see your message. And, if you come in full force flirtatiously, i appriciate it greatly and i'm sure i'll let you know, but i'm pretty shy one on one. Additionally, i may not respond if you're a blank blog, way older or younger than me, or honestly.. anything that makes me uncomfortable. so like. all of these are pretty basic rules but, people don't follow them so i must clarify.

Do you have a DNI? I haven't in a long time, due to it being pretty frequently ignored and my following count growing to the point i can't really control that anymore. I can and will block people, but i feel my opinions are made fairly clear through what I post here.

[pastadoughie]

i am literally begging people to stop putting sexism and transphobia on my dashboard please fucking think critically abt ur internal biases for 5 secconds and please accept even an ounce of critisism without assuming that someone is attacking you unfairly

alot of you have extremely sexist beliefs that you dont recognize because within social media as a whole these are incredibly normalized, covering blatent homophobia and misandry in tumblr buzzwords doesnt make you not sexist it just lets you be sexist and homophobic and transphobic in a way that is socially acceptable and incouraged within a queer centric space

i keep seeing posts talking abt how people actively like artwork (writing, photography, drawings) more when they find out its of a butch lesbian and not just a dude, and like, if your opinion on a peice of media can change solely based on the gender of the person being depicted by it, with zero change to the character, then that implies an inharent bias against men like, just because its men doesnt mean it isnt sexism

same thing where people think that media depicting gay men is better when it explicitly isnt written by a gay man, like that implies a fundimental disrespect of the work based on the sexuality and gender of the author. if you like an artwork but then you find out its written by a trans women, and all of a sudden you think its garbage, you are transphobic, but when people try to point this same bias out for the works of queer men this is largely written off.

i know ppl will argue abt punching up and whatnot, and while i do in some ways agree with that overall sentiment, i think that we should be striving to uh, not be sexist at all, rather then just being misandrists instead of mysogenists, like, if you only care about sexism when it hurts women/women ajacent people then you dont actually hate sexism you just want it to harm a different group of people, you dont hate the system you just want to be ontop of it and benifit from it

misandry and mysogeny present in different ways, they arent a directly comparable thing, different people have things worse in different ways so its rlly hard to take a group and say "this group has it worse", like yes generalizations like that can help in an extremely broad sense, but the world is not black and white and this kind of shit is mindnumbingly complex, trying to act like there is some kind of objective scoreing system for who is more oppressed then who is just unproductive and harmful

and moreover, someone having it worse then you doesnt make you less deserving of trying to make your situation better, i dont experience racism and in many many many ways i have it easier then poc people, that does not make me undeserving of support and that doesnt make me complaining or trying to better my situation unreasonable

we can care abt the lives and want to better the situation of different groups simoltaniously, we dont have to stop caring about racism because we want to better transphobia

i get that transwomen have it rlly bad and i do not experience the exact same struggles as them, and therefore cant comment on alot of them, but so often i see erasure of queer men in order to give more focus to transwomen, and just because trans girls go through alot of shit doesnt make that ok

one thing that people have to recognize about misandry and specifically transmisandry that you dont really have to see as much with its mysogeny counterparts is that they have far more attention and people care far more about activism for queer women/women in general, queer mens experience and specifically the transmasc experience is very very very often erased and written off even by supposedly trans friendly and queer sorces, people care more about butch lesbians then they do trans men dispite the insane ammount of overlap between the two groups, when researching about historical butch lesbians alot of them are just, trans guys that people are misgendering and mislabeling as butch lesbians because ooooo woemennnnn

being transmasc myself i can say that like, the erasure of trans men is an extremely large issue, for large swaths of history the experiences of trans people arent paid attention to at all, and even looking at media coverage today, if people are going to talk abt transgenderism they are talking about it specifically under the lens of trans women

this is largely because misandry (specifically, people thinking that having cock and ball makese u somehow predatory) makes trans women an easier punching bag, trans women get more attention because they are easier for radfems (misandrists) to be bigoted against in a more violent way, if you assume all men and amab people are violent and predatory by nature then this makes justifying violence against trans women easier

and yea being a punching bag for the media is fucking hard but it does mean that activism for that group is much much much louder, more people are complaining about trans women so more people know abt the specific issues they face

but dispite trans men yaknow, also existing and recieving a shit ton of transphobia and erasure over history they dont get talked about as much, people hate us and are violent twards us but we dont nessasarily get the same outrage for our treatment

trans men are just as often get the dismissal for being women, and the outrage for being men as trans women do we just dont get as much support and thats really difficult! often people seek to treat transmasculinism as some kind of new thing like, i get the comment often that "usually its boys that wanna be girls" and its like, no. its not. its simply that people care less about us

i think that its really easy to misenterpret me here so im gonna just get this out of the way, i dont think that women have it easier then men in a broad socital sense, but also, i dont nessasarily believe that means that my complaints are invalid, being a queer woman is not a walk in the park, and neither is being a queer man, and both groups experience homophobia transphobia and sexism in different ways, so acting as if saying one is objectively worse then the other is unfair and reductive

i think that if we want to get anywhere in regards to making it easier to be trans then we need to talk about all queer experiences, you cant just, only care about trans women you have to care about all trans people, and moreover queer people in general, this means you HAVE to be vigilant about people wrapping up sexism in a tumblr buzzword packadge, you need to consume things critically and you are not immune to pipelines, people dont just wake up and become radfems you get continually fed more and more extreme idologies, being fed things that you 90% agree with untill you eventually become completely removed from the groups you were supposed to stand with

you can care about the oppression of multiple groups at once, and if you think activism in any way involves the erasure of a certain group then you have fundimentally misunderstood what youre supposed to be doing, queer men exist and they deserve support and respect and you need to be able to support and respect them without being like "ohh she is soooooo trransfemme coded" like. men can be queer and still be men, they can be queer and still deserve your love and support, i am begging.

also yes i am aware that outside of my specific experience of tumblr people fuckin hate trans girls and women in general and they dont feel the need to do this shit. but that doesnt mean what im talking about is not an issue and is not something that people need to change and address. if you find urself doing this shit you have got to reflect on yourself, you arent immune to transphobia or homophobia or sexism ESPECIALLY if you think that you somehow are magically immune. nobody is. no identity is. everybody is suseptible to this shit and it takes active critical thinking in order to combat it

#the beast speaks #i keep seeing this shit on my dash crying screaming throwing up i am begging people to get even a single ounce of reading comprehension #i get this is the piss on the poor webbed site but i try to have hope in humanity and every day i am disapointed further #retchid opinions

[drdemonprince]

Hey, I just wanted to thank you for your honesty and willingness to explain how queer spaces can be a lot less transphobic than discourse within the trans community can make it seem. A lot of the past few years for me have been spent closeted out of fear that reactions around me would be uniformly hostile. Things are obviously going to be different for me as a transfem, but I have a much easier time being optimistic now!

I am so glad! Listen, the people who post online all the time about how miserably hard it is to find a place for oneself as a trans person create a kind of reverse survivorship bias. They are the people who have already convinced themselves it's best to forever remain closeted or that forging any kind of accepting community for oneself is impossible. Often, they are also people who once harbored unrealistic fantasies about just strolling up one day into a pre-existing community that was perfect for them, not realizing that we must form our relationships painstakingly one by one (it tends to be the white eggs/unhappy lonely trans people who are most prone to thinking of community in that way). there's plenty of trans guys who are doomers like this too and they really tend to actively encourage one another to remain locked away. it's like incel kind of behavior when it's taken to its most extreme form. sometimes, it can be outwardly really nasty homophobic shit too (especially among "afabs" who complain about "cis gays" never accepting them and being super privileged). in its milder form, it's just extreme trauma brain.

The people you do not hear from so much are the people who are busy out in the world going on dates, acting in plays, getting their asses spanked in dungeons, playing tabletop roleplaying games, and going to farmer's markets with their three also transgender wives. Those are the people who know (that is to say, have learned!) how to interact with their fellow queer people, have spent some time out in the community, and in all likelihood have many rich friendships with cis lesbians, cis gay men, enbies, asexuals, bisexuals, straight ish poly people, and everybody else under our big umbrella.

I don't want to be overly pollyannaish because of course trans people have a tough time, and especially trans women have unfortunately to be on the lookout for really vile transmisogyny. But I think when people are wounded and traumatized by these things, they sometimes make the entire world sound incredibly unwelcoming, which creates a self-limiting feedback loop of isolation and mistrust. That is what trauma does! But it is not the truth. and we only learn otherwise when we give other people the chance to prove our worst fears wrong.

Like, just for an example, this Sunday I was at a silent book club at Dorothy, a gay bar on the west side that skews lesbian but is for everyone. I'd never been there before but it was an absolutely charming experience! Dozens upon dozens of lesbians draped over couches and curled up in chairs with their books, quaffing cocktails, alongside a few random dots of gay and/or trans men. Trans women were just a natural completely unremarkable feature of this environment. I couldn't even tell you how many t girls were there. It would be like counting plus sized girls or butches at this lesbian function. If it's a good lesbian function, there's gonna be a diverse crowd and it won't be weird or a big deal to anyone, they'll just be like any other women there. a lot of the big lesbian events here in Chicago (like Strapped) are organized by trans women, so of course there's a robust trans femme presence there.

And all of these groups at this function were getting laid. the couches were overflowing with women, so many that girls were grabbing pillows to sit on and huddle together with their books on the floor. Girls canoodled and cuddled on couches. I saw a cis alt girl covered in facial piercings flirting with a very prim and proper trans girl who was dressed like a victorian governness. they didnt know one another, but after the silent book club hour was done, they left for a while together, then came back with some food. across from me and my friends, i watched them gathering up on the couch, the space between their bodies slowly closing up into nothing over the course of the evening. they flirted and touched and then left the bar together to (and im no expert on body language but i could pick up on this one) fuck eachothers tits right off.

and of course plenty of other lesbians and wlw paired off or tripled off and had their fun too. again, just like steamworks, fat people, thin people, black and brown people, white people, disabled people, neurodivergent people, trans people, older people, younger people, everybody was there. like any good queer space, it was just a reflection of humanity. there is always more that can be done to make these spaces more broadly accessible to full community. but part of that is by putting ourselves there.

again i dont mean to make it sound like finding and making one's space is easy! especially not for trans women! but I also don't want people to get seduced by the hopeless jadedness that some foment online. there are spaces that some trans women I know will never go to -- even an explicitly trans affirming bookstore like Women and Children First gives many trans women I know bad vibes they cant quite explain but all feel (the store is owned and run by old white cis lesbians, it's not surprising to me that it's a little fucked no matter their good intentions) -- and ive heard people say transmisogynistic stuff at events, particularly from "ill date anybody but cis men" type t boys (my brothers, i hate you). shit can be tough. very tough. but also, the world isn't all uniformly as hostile as it's made out to be. there are people who are desperate to meet you. I hope you will come out to find them.

[transsexula]

Hate seeing people say that Transandrophobia isn't real because, in their words, the "androphobia" isn't something people in real life face.

Now. Maybe this is because when I see this opinion, it's attached to someone who is either transfem, AMAB, or who has only ever lived in incredibly liberal areas.

Meaning: They do not have the life experience to speak on that.

It's simple, I can use myself as an easy example: I grew up on the west side of the US. My extended family and parents were very Christian, very conservative. The community I grew up in was in turn the same- very conservative, very Christian, very fundamentalist. Certain Disney movies were banned from the house for featuring witchcraft, or other "morally reprehensible" things. DISNEY MOVIES.

With this background, I'm sure you can tell where this was headed: I can clearly remember being in the pharmacy with my mother. I was small. I saw a lady with what I now know is a pixie cut- incredibly short hair, bright bold pink. Her girlfriend was there, and her own hair was incredibly butch- like they went to a sports clips and asked for what the guy next to them was getting. I was amazed- I'd never seen a woman that looked like that before. I voiced so with awe and wonder to my mother. I was supposed to get a haircut in an hour. "I want that! She looks so pretty and nice"

Who was visibly disgusted. Grabbing me, yanking me away, muttering "no. You don't want to look like that. Let's go."

Fast forward a few years. I'm too young to be drinking a beer, my uncle has stayed up late. We are watching music videos and sharing interests, when we see a rather masc looking woman in a video. He's disgusted. He makes an offhand joke about how she needs to be reminded of her feminine ways. I know what violations he's implying so vividly. He opens up about his fantasy of hatecriming two butch "women" he saw. I'm too afraid to speak.

There's a debate in church. Should women be allowed to wear above the knee shorts? We really didn't like that they can wear pants. Really, the pastor says in his sermon- it's the woman's job to maintain her feminine nature, in opposition to her husband's masculine nature. These blurring lines aren't good for people.

And- I don't want to get into the people I've known who've been hurt, abused, forcefully feminized, beaten for being masculine- the men that feel entitled to their bodies, because they feel entitled to a say in how they present.

The reason you don't see the abuse for being masculine, is because you come from a world where it's widely accepted in ways that not every culture, not every state or country has.

Gnc women, trans men, transmasc nonbinary people- if you're in the wrong place, born to the wrong family, you may never be safe enough to wear pants. You may not be able to cut your hair. Or be anything less than the perfect, ideal woman.

You get punished for not being what you have been assigned. For the act of defiance against others perception, you can be killed.

So, yeah. There's a lot of androphobia. There's a LOT of fear of the masculine. It just comes out in ways you aren't expecting, as someone who hasn't had to experience it. You don't know what to look for. Where to look. It's everywhere but you can be blind to it if you're insulated enough.

Hell- even terfs are falling into severe androphobia. It's their whole motto. What am I, if not a failed woman to them? Mutilating my perfect feminine form? Being a man is the ultimate crime to these people. Are you really telling me JKRs very public campaign hasn't made life hell for ALL of us? We are all losing healthcare due to this.

#transandrophobia #transphobia #AGAIN THIS ISNT TO START SHIT THIS IS TO EXPLAIN WHY THIS IS A THING #the reason i didnt attach this to a post about it is because of that specific reason #im tired of people acting like we are all just safe in big cities

[starstrider]

As a nonbinary person I am begging begging BEGGING people to stop enforcing gender on things that don't need it, assigning gender to hobbies, food choice, ability, personality traits etc.

"Girl dinner", "the feminine urge", "the masculine urge", "cottagecore is for women, dark academia is for men", "I want to fuck him like if he was a woman and I was a man", "this man is so fruity he is a girl to me I refuse to see him as a man". I'm sure many of you use it ironically but there's also a handful of people that really go downhill with sexism they haven't reflected on and it bleeds into real life.

It hurts Everyone, it reinforces misogyny and homophobia, but also I just want to say that it reinforces transphobia as well.

I really don't want to keep existing in a society that keeps trying to shove me into a box or asking me questions like "so are you a man kind of nonbinary or a woman kind of nonbinary eyes emoji". It's frustrating to see dates asking my nonbinary butch friend "so like, are you a trans man or are you still a woman" and remember how I had similar experiences unless I dated another trans person. And I'm saying all this as a genderfluid guy, I want to be genderfluid on my own terms.

These experiences go beyond dating, obviously, but I want to keep this post short-ish.

Reinforcing cishet gender values hurts everyone and it hurts nonbinary people also.

And I'm sure trans men and trans women also have plenty to say about this (which I'm not, so feel free to add your perspective in replies/reblogs/asks if you are)

And when other LGBT people do it it feels like a backstab.

#som.txt #long post

[tearwolfe]

Can you ramble about your headcanons? I like headcanons :3

these are mostly going to be ruikasa because i'll be honest. they're the ones i think about the most. if you couldn't tell...

tsukasa: -transkasa real.. -he's bisexual. makes it 2x funnier when i draw him saying he's not gay (it's true to me). -he's really strong, but he doesn't build muscle very visibly, so he looks slim/limber. not really a headcanon as of whenever the mr showtime live was, but he's stupidly flexible. -he has a mullet to Me. (i am projecting) -sharp canines... -his eyes are more red than orange. -he actually has a really good poker face. -adhd -he has a hard time falling asleep, but once he's out, he is OUT.

rui: -doesn't really confine himself with gender labels. or sexuality labels. but he'll call himself gay because it's funny. -you guys know but. chubby rui real. -i always slap that blue gradient on his hair so he's less ugly (thank you to my friend kade for drawing him like that first). -he can sleep pretty much anywhere if you let him. -paints his nails (i usually draw them black). -his hair is long enough to put in a short ponytail. -autistic -he gets along with saki very well. -he smiles when nervous.

ruikasa (together..): -rui likes to poke fun at tsukasa's quirks, but if he knows it's something he's genuinely self-conscious about, he won't say anything. -tsukasa will steal rui's clothes but then complain about his fashion choices. -they're both annoyingly clingy (tsukasa denies this). -tsukasa's the type of guy to go "hey rui we should practice kissing. for shows. in case we need to kiss for a role. not related to anything else." -tsukasa fell first, rui fell harder. -tsukasa starts to put a lot more effort into his lunches when he realizes that rui is always mooching off of him (true love).

ok here's some other, misc prsk headcanons. i don't think about the other characters As Much as these guys, but they still plague my brain.

gender/sexuality hc: -genderqueer ichika (haven't decided What so i'll leave it at that) -butch shiho -all of ln is lesbian -genderqueer or bigender haruka (i don't have a reason for this it just makes sense) -lesbian minori (pretty much canon) -all of vbs is gay -trans kohane -transmasc mafuyu -transfemme mizuki (this is pretty much canon, but some people prefer nb mizuki so i'll specify my interpretation) -bigender nene other headcanons: -shizuku is taller than tsukasa. i cannot stand the fact that she is canonically shorter than him i will not allow it. -chubby emu, honami, kohane. there might be more that i am forgetting. but that's my propaganda <3

#ask #if i come up with more i'll reblog to this but this is all i can remember for now #ruikasa #tsukasa tenma #rui kamishiro

[doberbutts]

Can I ask what's making you uneasy? Is it a personal discomfort like, "theres nothing necessarily wrong it just makes me uncomfortable" or like, something actually wrong and you don't have the words/energy to speak up?

It is mostly that right now there is not really any escape in my tracked tags. My trans guy tags are full of transphobia and personal attacks and petty arguments. My fandom tags are filled with racism and sexism and people who seem to be addicted to generating baseless hate for no reason. My dog tags have always been slow since I'm the most active dobe blog on here so other dobe content tends to come as a trickle- and right now the most popular post is yet another crop/dock debate that I refuse to get involved in.

I come on tumblr to have fun, not to raise my blood pressure and be frustrated all the time. I want to talk about dogs, I want to talk about my life, without feeling like I have to defend my every sentence or very existence.

And there is no escape off tumblr either. Facebook is a cesspit of manufactured hate and AI nonsense. AI "news" is all the rage right now and what's not AI is often wank-bait and deliberate pot-stirring. The youtube channels I typically watch are affected by the strike so they're pretty quiet right now (which is fine it just means I can't lean on them). I'm facing some moral dilemmas about the shows I want to watch. So right now it is books and videogames for my late night/early morning entertainment.

People are so mean-spirited and it bums me out. I don't want to be somewhere that people are this mean all the time for no reason. I talk about how an older butch I know came out to me as nonbinary and I get five different asks telling me to kill myself. I post photos of my dog having fun in training and I get three different asks trying to bait me into an argument I've already said I won't have. I post a photo of me and I have to go on a blocking spree due to people insulting my looks and my body. I have a spirited and highly opinionated discussion with someone I thought I was friendly with, only for them to insult and block me and then go on tirades about how awful I am while I can't do anything in my own defense. I talk about something I've personally experienced and people crawl out of the woodwork to either tell me I'm faking it or to tell me that it doesn't matter that it happened to me. I don't like this. I don't like what people have become.

So I am assigning myself some "touch grass" and "go outside" and "hang out in meatspace with people you know you like" and "do activities that make you happy instead" until I can feel happy on social media again.

[queermasculine]

how to know if you're a straight trans man or a butch

i've always known very strongly that i wasn't a man, so i have no personal struggle from which to draw insight here, but when it comes down to it i think the best way to get to know yourself is to ask yourself what it is that you actually want. how do you want others to see you? how do you want to live?

do you want to live life as a straight trans man? if so, that's probably the right path for you. do you want to live life as a butch lesbian? then that's probably the right path for you. you've lived both lives and can't bear the thought of abandoning one for the other? sounds like you were meant to be both. you can be a butch trans guy if you want to— you wouldn't be the first. as uncomfortable as some people are with this fact, it nonetheless remains a reality; there have always been people who have made their homes and lives in the crossing where our identities intersect, and you can too, if that feels right to you.

it's been said before but i'll say it again.. when it comes to figuring yourself out, an infinitely more helpful question than "what am i really?" is "what do i want?" i said i've always known very strongly that i wasn't a man. this is how i know: i just don't want to be one. i don't want to be seen that way. there is some comfort in strangers assuming i'm a cis guy, sure (sometimes it feels safer that way, sometimes it's nice to be reminded that the masculinity i present to the world is real) but when i think of my closest loved ones, i don't want them to see me as a man. i want them to see me as a transmasculine butch, a genderqueer dyke, a lesbian. and that desire to be seen a certain way by those i hold dearest, that's what guides me in life and ultimately defines me.

"ok but... how do i know what i want?" that's a tougher one, i'll admit. just by living i guess. by meeting new people, by keeping an open mind, by trying new things and continuing to learn more about what it is you like and don't like. i was 20 when i'd finally lived enough to know what i wanted. it might take longer for you than that.

fortunately, you don't actually need to have any of this shit figured out to move forward. before i found my butch identity i spent years describing myself as "uhhh some sorta non-binary i guess" and none of my queer/trans friends minded the fact that i didn't have all the details down yet. they knew my chosen name and my pronouns and that was enough for them, and i didn't spend a whole lot of time worrying about it either. you don't need to force yourself to choose between labels right now if you're not ready. you can let the answers come to you.

in the meantime, just fill your life with things that make it worth living. you don't have to know for sure that you're a guy to get that binder or that packer or to go on testosterone, and you don't need to know for sure that you're a butch to hang out with dykes and to have lesbian sex and so on and so on...

just live the life you want to live. you can figure out what to call it later.

#also you don't need to present your full complexity to the world 100% of the time #you can just say you're a trans guy if that's easier for you. and then pull out the secret butch gender around those you know and trust #being a two-faced mothafucka is selfcare actually #mail

[faelynfawn]

I was inspired by @mcyt's post to finally get around to drawing Grian and sharing my transfemme headcanons for her.

I have been rotating these around in my head for months. It is a lot, so I am placing it under the cut. In summary: women are my favourite guy. That is her gender, to me.

So, I believe she is a genderfluid, bigender transfemme. What pronouns she uses changes, but it is always he/him, she/her or a combination of the two. She uses both the names Grian and Ariana, but primarily Grian.

She first began to explore her gender with drag. Ariana Griande was meant to be a one off bit, but she found herself really enjoying it. For a while she did not understand that the desire to do drag was actually dysphoria and euphoria. She just had moments where she wanted to look like a woman or be called she/her or hated being a man suddenly. You know, as all drag queens do.

Due to her feeling comfortable as a guy a lot of the time (and uncomfortable as a woman some of the time too) she just never really put two and two together. She was very close with a trans woman (Pearl) and her experiences were just so very different.

It was Pearl who truly cracked her egg.

Grian only began to do drag after joining Hermitcraft, so Pearl did not witness Ariana Griande until season 8 despite their history together. She was really happy that Grian was exploring her gender presentation.

Then, one day, Grian began to complain about how she wished she could do drag without having to bother dressing up. Pearl and her ended up having a long, deep conversation about gender that lead to Grian realising she's trans.

It took a bit of trial and error, but Grian realised that she really did like the gender presentation she had. She just sort of wanted boobs more often than not. And when she didn't want to look like she had boobs, binding was the most euphoric thing. Because it meant she had boobs to bind. It also just felt so butch and gender nonconforming, she adored it.

Then she realised that she was also just sort of a Guy sometimes as well. Mostly a girl who's a guy or a guy who's a girl but a guy nonetheless. She doesn't really like the term man or boy (with the exception of boyfriend) ever, but she's a guy sometimes.

She really loves gender nonconformity. To her, dressing masculine when her gender feels feminine and vice versa is the best feeling.

EDIT: I almost forgot the headcanons surrounding her wings.

I have so many thoughts surrounding hybrids and the cultural implications it causes for their genders.

In many bird species, the male birds have bright colourful wings whereas female birds have duller more muted ones.

She loves her wings because, to her, it feels like the intersection of masculinity and femininity. As an avian, it being so bright and colourful is masculine. But generally in society, bright pretty colours are considered more feminine.

Do you see my vision.

Also small Pearl headcanon: she is also an avian and dyes her wings brown. Grian and her have regular preening sessions, and Grian dyes all new feathers brown whenever they appear.

#faelyn talks #faelyn draws #A lot of this is based on my experiences with genderfluidity and gender nonconformity. #ariana griande #grian #transfemme grian #bigender grian #genderfluid grian #art #fanart