#alternative title: squishy idiot does squishy things

[jamaiskookie]

Yoongi Doesn’t Romance [myg x reader]

✂︎ warnings: excessive cursing, bad writing

✂︎ word count: 6.6k (I meant to write a very short drabble… aHAHHA)

✂︎ genre: it’s.. literally just crack. Good dosing of cheesy romance and overused cliches

✂︎ A/N: it took awhile but we here!!! with a short drabble but still!!! hope you enjoy this cringey fluffy fic full of shameless jimin and shy yoongi- arguably the best yoongi

masterlist asks

✂︎ synopsis: yoongi isn’t great at expressing feelings- especially with how nervous he gets around you. alternatively titled: yoongi sucks at romance

“... and I don’t understand why you’re so hell bent on denying it! You obviously have a crush on him!” You roll your eyes at Namjoon, flicking your index finger at his forehead and watching as he flinches and lets out multiple sounds of pain, which you promptly ignored. 

“I’m denying my crush because he so obviously doesn’t like me back! He hates me, Joon. He literally detests me.” You say, jumping back onto the stained and cluttered couch that occupies most of you and Namjoon’s shared dorm. 

“And I’m telling you that you’re overthinking it,” Namjoon says, chewing on some popcorn. “I don’t think he hates you, you’re just exaggerating things.”  

“I am not!” You protest, swinging your head around to look Namjoon dead straight in the eyes. “He hates me! He practically leaps out of the room whenever I’m around.” Namjoon opens his mouth to reply, but is cut off by Taehyung, who is currently seated two feet away on a small thrifted chair. 

“Shhhhhhhh-” His eyes are still fixated on the TV screen, watching the random nature documentary playing that you and Namjoon had long ago abandoned. You and Namjoon both watch Taehyung for a second amusedly as he attempts to stuff popcorn kernels in his mouth and completely misses the mark. You’ll have to remind him to clean up the floor later. 

“But,” Namjoon whispers to you, “Literally every time you aren’t around I swear all he can do is run his mouth on and on about you.” 

“Not true!” You yell, squeaking out a quick apology to Tae, who glared at you for interrupting the segment on apes. Something about how apes can learn languages, but you’re not too sure. “Lies!” You hiss, elbowing Namjoon in the rib. 

“Ow-!” He jumps back, wincing. “Why do you always resort to violence?” You didn’t have an answer to that question, unfortunately. “And I’m not lying! I swear on my bonsai trees he always asks where you are whenever you don’t show up to stuff.” 

“Maybe he just wants to know how much glorious time he has left before he has to face me again.” You offer, tearing open what must be your third dorito family pack of the night. (It’s fine, you’ll burn it off by running to class tomorrow when you’re inevitably late once again.) “Namjoon, face the facts: he only tolerates my presence occasionally because we share a couple of mutual friends. If it weren’t for you and the other guys, he would’ve already started a  hate club for me, I’m sure of it”

Namjoon stared at you exasperatedly, before muttering something that very suspiciously sounded like ‘God you’re such a dumbass’ before taking out his phone to swipe through Tinder, not uttering another word to you. 

Despite Namjoon’s utter and complete lies, you don’t exaggerate anything when it comes to Min Yoongi. Not his hatred towards you, or how he speaks two words maximum every year directed at you, or your massive slight crush that you’ve harboured for him, or how cute he looks with beanies on, or how you almost fainted that one time you saw him playing basketball, or- well, you get it. 

The point is, you can’t acknowledge your crush on Yoongi (Even though everyone around you is fully aware of it) because he seems to completely resent you and your existence for no reason in particular. Namjoon, Taehyung, Jimin, and many others insist that he doesn’t hate you as much as you think, but you dismiss their stupid assumptions time and time again. You’d love to believe them, but the evidence and first hand experiences you’ve had says otherwise. 

✂︎

Exhibit A: He seems to avoid you on campus, or anywhere you go. This one is actually quite impressive considering the classes you two share. You’ve never seen someone go so out of their way to ignore someone they don’t like. It’s pretty commemorable. Whenever you sit in the same row as him during a lecture, he’ll move seats. One time you waved at him at a coffee shop and he just strangely blushed, and bolted out of there faster than you could say ‘rejected’. Taehyung ended up saying it, all while laughing his ass off. (You made him pay for your coffee that day.) Everytime you head over to Jimin’s dorm, he’ll just blankly stare at you two and march straight towards his room and lock himself in there until you leave. He even gulpes and swerves away when he sees you in a hallway. 

You know, that awkward thing when you’re heading the same direction so obviously you’d try and be slightly friendly and wave or something but then he’ll just suddenly turn around, navigating through the crowd of angry, late students and facing all that social pressure just so he doesn’t have to waVE BACK AT YOU- okay, maybe you aren’t as over this incident as you thought. 

Exhibit B: He won’t speak to you or touch you or interact with you in any way. Okay, maybe ‘in any way’ is a teensy bit exaggerated, but he definitely seems to find trouble when you two are left alone for some strange reason. He seems to be fine when all your other friends are around, but he just looks so uncomfortable when it’s just you two. He won’t look you in the eye, and he’ll just mutter incomprehensible sentences under his breath. 

A couple months ago you attempted to hold a decent conversation with him in the kitchen of Jin’s fancy ass apartment. After many awkward silences that you had to fill up with your timid and boring small talk, he just mumbled something and you had to watch him go into the bathroom and scream. Either he was having some really bad explosive diarrhea, or having to talk to you was just that excruciating. Apart from intense Uno game nights or when he’s under the influence of alcohol, you’ve never even heard Yoongi raise his voice!

How is it possible that just by talking to you, he feels the urge to scream? You aren’t that boring, you think-! Actually, now that you think about it, you did try and bring up sea otter fun facts as a conversation starter, so maybe that’s why he had to scream. 

Personally, you think that sea otters are the most adorable creatures to ever grace the earth, but Yoongi does seem like the kind of guy to prefer bats or something like that. 

Exhibit C: The elbow incident. This haunts you to this day, not just from the horrible humiliation, but if the two previous exhibit’s weren’t convincing enough, this was real cemented evidence that Min Yoongi hates your guts. 

You were talking to Jimin about the significance of ‘Phineas and Ferb’ in the cinematic industry, when your dumbass had tripped and caught yourself on Min Yoongi’s fucking arm (His bicep, on a completely unrelated note, was much bigger and stronger than you had thought, which was a complete other source of anxiety.) You would much rather fall on the ground and break all your bones, because the look on Yoongi’s face as he stared down at you clutching his arm like some sort of idiot, could only be described as disgust or horrified. Maybe both. You immediately let go, of course, and blabbered out apology after apology, but all he did was just stare and blink owlishly at you. 

You proceeded to blush madly and run away, hiding your face in Jimin’s chest, which was, in hindsight, not a good idea, considering how hard he was laughing at the time. (What you didn’t see was Yoongi staring from behind you, deciding to never wash the hoodie he was wearing ever again.) 

So, that concludes your argument against Namjoon’s preposterous claim that ‘Yoongi doesn’t actually hate you Y/n, it’s all in your head’ Delusional, that’s what he is. How could someone like Min Yoongi, a person you have literally been drooling over for most of your academic career, a person who single handedly has every sorority girl wrapped around his finger, even tolerate your very existence, much less be attracted to you? No, none of it makes any sense. You’ll continue to hurt yourself by being around him, despite clearly knowing that he detests your presence, and will even deny the crush you’ve somehow managed to build up for him. 

Because even though it hurts to see him flinch and ignore you, you truly do think that Yoongi is one of the greatest people to ever walk on this shitty earth. He’s caring, even if he does pretend to not care, he’s smart, passionate, ambitious, and you’d be absolutely lying if you said you haven’t dreamed of pinching those squishy cheeks he seems to hide away so often. 

If only you knew why he hated you so much. 

✂︎

All the way across campus, Yoongi was having a similar breakdown while Jimin looked on anxiously. 

“God fucking dammit!” He screamed. The sound comes out slightly muffled since Jimin can only hear what he’s saying through the pillow that Yoongi currently has his face buried in. He kicks his legs up and whines, hitting the bed with his hands. Jimin is suddenly reminded of his 4 year old cousin who threw a tantrum when she didn’t get the doll she asked for. 

“And then you know what I said, Chim?? Do you kNOW?” Yoongi’s been screaming for the past thirty minutes or so. Jimin’s surprised that nobody on campus has come pounding on their door telling them to shut up yet. 

“Please, do enlighten me.” Jimin murmurs, picking at his nails. 

“I said ‘Salutations’ AND THEN I RAN OUT THE FUCKING CLASSROOM.” Yoongi tilts his head up from the pillow and groans, scrunching his nose up at the embarrassing thought.

“At least it’s not as bad as the time you screamed in the middle of the street when she touched your shoulder… right?” Jimin offers timidly, forcing a smile on his face. An angry, sleep deprived Yoongi is already scary enough, but he’s ten times more intense when the source of anger comes from you. 

Honestly, sometimes he wonders how effective it would be if he could just lock Yoongi and you in a room and force you two to admit your feelings for once. (Until he mentioned this idea to Namjoon, who dejectedly informed him that they’ve already tried that.) ((Yoongi broke out of the room using a bobby pin and sheer force of will)) He’s never even seen a pair so smart, and yet so obliviously naive. Anyone with functioning two eyes could see the horribly obvious feelings the both of you shared for each other. In fact, for the first couple months upon meeting Yoongi, he thought that you were his girlfriend, based on how much he talked about you. That assumption carried on when he met you, until Jin told him that the two of you were just in a weird phase of dumbasses who kinda flirt. 

It’s not Yoongi’s fault that he’s so bad at having actual emotions that aren’t the tears of joy that he sheds whenever he gets free coffee from the barista at the local cafe, and it’s not your fault that your self esteem is too low to recognise that Yoongi basically worships you. 

In theory, you two are a match made in heaven. Both just as stupid as the other.

“How do you do feelings, Jimin?” Yoongi sits up from the bed, and Jimin thinks that the tear tracks and defeated look on his face is a tad bit dramatic, but he chooses not to comment on it, for fear of his own life. 

“... what?” 

“You know, feelings. How do you romance?” 

“... what?” 

Yoongi, completely exasperated, throws his hands up in the air and turns around to face Jimin. “Everytime I try to talk to her by myself it’s like I’m a fish out of water. I get way too nervous, and then she starts talking about otters, and she’s way too pretty so I obviously start freaking out! I don’t know, you and Jungkook have been dating for a year now, right?” Jimin nods.

“How’d you do that.”

“... Are you asking me how I got a boyfriend or-? Because I assure you that 85% of getting Kookie to be my boyfriend had to do with my great ass, so I can’t really help you out there- ” Jimin laughs as he watches Yoongi squeal and cover his hands over his ears. 

“Can I ask you for relationship advice without hearing about your sex life, please?” Yoongi pleads. “I know too many unnecessary things about how Jungkook is in bed.” 

Jimin decides to put his friend out of his misery. He places a hand on his shoulder, and shoots him a soft smile. 

“Yoongi, my young grasshopper- ” He retracts the hand when he sees the deathly stare Yoongi is looking at him with, but so far so good, “- there really isn’t much to it. Tell her you like her, and in the very, very, extremely small chance that she rejects you, so what? It’s not like you’re going to spend the rest of your life getting ov- ” Jimin’s voice falters again when Yoongi’s stare intensifies. 

“You don’t get it!” He complains, throwing himself back onto the bed once again. “You’re all good at this sort of stuff!” Jimin tilts his head in confusion. “You know, relationships! Talking to people! And I’m pretty sure Y/n is the love of my life, so I’m literally going to break down if she rejects me! I’m going to cry for days, I already know it!” Yoongi stares up at the ceiling, pouting at nothing in particular. 

“She’s so perfect, smart, nice, caring, funny, strong and incredible. It hurts that she’s never going to like me the way I like her.” 

“You know, Yoongi, if you never talk to her, she’s never going to know you feel that way.”

He sighs and closes his eyes, while it takes all of Jimin’s strength to restrain himself from not throwing Yoongi out of the window. 

Once he’s absolutely sure that Yoongi is fully asleep, he pinches the bridge of his nose and rolls his eyes. After a few quick taps, he brings his phone up to his ear. 

“Guys, I can’t deal with him anymore. We have to do something.” 

✂︎

“I would like to, once again, reiterate that I am 100% against this idea.”

“Shut up, Namjoon.” Namjoon grumbles something about being unappreciated, but continues to speak up.

“It’s a bad idea, Chim. Logically, there’s only a small chance this will work out in our favour, and if it doesn't, I’m at least certain that Yoongi will dislocate all of our limbs until we’re a pile of human flesh.” 

Jimin dismisses the thought. “Yoongi would never do that to us.” 

“Of course he would,” Taehyung piped up. “Do you remember the time he dyed my bright pink because I made fun of Y/n for her stupid heart patterned boots and she cried?” 10 pairs of eyes slowly looked up at Taehyung. 

“Well, that’s justified, we all want to murder you.” Taehyung gasps at Jin, who smiles back at him in return. 

“And also, you were being a huge asshole that day and you totally deserved it. The pink hair didn’t even look that bad.” Tae smiles proudly at Jimin. 

“That’s true, I fucking slayed with that pink hair. I kinda miss it, actually… ” He hums thoughtfully, scratching his chin. Jimin looks away and scoffs. Taehyung’s one of his oldest friends, but sometimes he gets a little too art-kid-college-dropout-hipster for him to handle. 

“Do you guys think I should dye my hair pink again?” Nobody answers his question. 

“Tae might be an absolute douchebag, but he has a point. We all know how protective Yoongi is over Y/n. Are you willing to potentially risk your life if this doesn’t work out?” Curse Namjoon for being logical. Maybe Yoongi killing him is a bit of a stretch, but he would make Jimin’s life a living hell if this operation ended up a failure. 

Nevertheless, he continues to insist. “Okay, what’s the worst that could happen? I physically can’t stand Yoongi stomping around the dorm because he’s emotionally incapable of working out his feelings anymore! Yesterday he fell asleep in my bed. My bed, Namjoon. For such a tiny man, he’s really fucking heavy, I couldn’t move him and had to crash on the couch for the night. If this doesn’t end up working, Yoongi will just go back home and mope around all day long. Nothing different from what he’s doing now.” 

“Um, what’s the worst that could happen?“ Namjoon asks incredulously. “How about if Yoongi finds out we tricked him, invites us to a murder mystery party, but then decides to kill us instead, and covers it up by burying our cold hard, deAD bodies in a highly unhygienic GRAVEYARD? What will you do if that happens, Jimin?“ 

“..........“ 

Nobody says anything to Namjoon, and the boys turn to Jimin once again. Shaking his head, and attempting to ignore... whatever the hell Namjoon just did, Jimin speaks. 

“Oh come on guys!” He shakes his shoulders and lightly taps his foot against the ground. “Aren’t you guys tired of dealing with these two dumbasses too?” A murmur of agreement seems to go around the group, and Jimin breaks into a huge smile. 

“Well, gee,“ Namjoon mumbles sarcastically. “Why don’t you just make a Namjoon Facebook hate group?“ Taehyung shushes him. 

Beside him, Jin and Jungkook are exchanging money, clearly for some kind of bet. What the bet entails, Jimin has no idea, but he doesn’t have the time to question them right now. 

“So, we’re in?” Everyone slowly begins to nod, all except Namjoon. Jimin beams, looking up expectantly at him. Namjoon bites his lip, and squeezes his eyes shut. 

“Fine.” He grumbles out, not acknowledging Jimin’s shouts of joy. “If this goes wrong though, you bitches better be fucking responsible.” 

“Well, I’m happy you’re all on board, because Hoseok is already here.” Jimin happily smiled up to find Hobi shuffling through the cafe doors, waving enthusiastically at him. He also decides to ignore the collective round of groans and ‘Jimin!’’s that went around the table. 

“Why did you even ask us for our opinions if you already planned this out anyway?” Jungkook hisses, awkwardly smiling at Hoseok.

“Because you guys can never say no to me!” 

“That’s only because of how fucking annoying you are, Chimmy.” Jin moves over in order to let Hoseok sit, even though he doesn’t look overjoyed at having to abandon his favourite seat. 

“Well, all of you look super happy to see me.” Hobi jokes, immediately picking up Namjoon’s milkshake to take a sip. 

“Sorry that you had to get dragged into all this bullshit, Hobi,” Namjoon says, pushing his milkshake towards him and sticking a second straw in the cup. 

“No problem! I love pissing Yoongi off!” The group slowly stares at Hobi, who is still cheerfully sipping at Joon’s milkshake. 

“Well,” Taehyung mutters. “What else do you enjoy doing in your spare time? Drowning yourself in lava?” 

“Taehyung, play nice. Some people are just special. Anyways, here is the plan for Operation: Delusional Idiots Who Need To Make Out.” 

“... Can’t we shorten that?”

“Yeah, seems pretty lengthy.”

“How about Operation: DIWNTMO? Like, pronounced as diwinteemo?”

“That’s… even worse, somehow.”

“Let’s just shorten it to Operation: Delusional Idiots.” 

Six voices, in the middle of the busiest cafe on the school campus, suddenly shout out the words ‘Operation: Delusional Idiots!’, and a cheer goes around the table. 

Onlookers wonder if they are referring to themselves. 

✂︎

In hindsight, Namjoon was probably right. But Jimin can be extremely convincing sometimes, and Jin takes every opportunity to throw a party, so maybe Namjoon was fighting a lost cause in the first place. 

He ponders what he wants his tombstone to say, while pacing around Jin’s apartment, where the party is already going on, full force. Maybe something like ‘Kim Namjoon (1994-2020) Murdered by Min Yoongi at a house party.’ Well, at least if he really does die tonight, it would be a good night for it. 

Namjoon has many complaints about Seokjin. He could probably pull up a never ending list of the girls and guys who have come complaining to him for his friend’s mistakes, screaming about how Jin broke their heart, so and so. But, even he has to begrudgingly agree, Kim Seokjin throws one hell of a party. 

It was one of those rare nights where you could actually make out the faint stars in the Seoul skyline, where the twinkling of the stars felt peaceful. Namjoon isn’t too much of a party person, but the monsters that he calls his friends go out every Friday night, pulling him along most of the time. He’s gotten used to just camping out on Jin’s fancy apartment balcony, (Seriously, what kind of college kid has a balcony?) avoiding the cheers, loud screaming and horribly unhygienic things that are happening inside. 

Unfortunately, thanks to Park Jimin and his horrible ideas, Namjoon is currently wincing in the middle of a huge crowd full of sweaty bodies. He regrets not faking a fever while he could, but it was way too late now. His job tonight was to keep Y/n preoccupied. 

“Remember Joonie, under no circumstances can Y/n see Yoongi before Hoseok completes the task. If she even sees a glimpse of him, she’s going to freak out and leave.”

His aforementioned target was nowhere to be seen. Namjoon is starting to worry that all their efforts will go to waste just because you decided it was another Friday to stay in bed and watch Disney movies on repea-

“wHOA!” Another sweaty hand pulls him out from the crowd, and Namjoon stumbles out, breathing heavily. 

“Why aren’t you out on the balcony?” 

“Why- what- oH! Y/n!” 

You stare blankly at Namjoon, who is still rubbing his arm in pain. 

“You came!” He says, with a look on his face that you can’t quite decipher. 

“What do you mean, I came? Of course I came! It was you and Jin who insisted I come, right?” You dragged him over to the makeshift bar that Jin had set up hours ago on his kitchen island, pouring the both of you strong drinks. You’ll need it to get through the night. 

“Right!” Namjoon awkwardly laughs and follows you into the kitchen, craning his neck to lock eyes with Jimin, who then gives him a thumbs up and leans over to whisper to Hoseok. 

“Y/n,” He says, patting your back when you start coughing lightly from the shot you just downed. “We’re friends no matter what, right?” 

“What are you talking about?” You cut him off, looking around Jin’s apartment. “Wow, it’s pretty empty today. Aren’t there usually like 50 people trying to get into one of these parties?” Luckily for Namjoon, who was almost sweating and about to cry trying to come up with an excuse to satisfy you, you ignored him and continued talking. 

“Whatever, it’s fine. The less, the better.” You’re still looking around the crowds when you grab a hold of Namjoon’s shoulders, turning him towards you. “Yoongi’s not here, right?”

“What? hahahHHAHAHA nO of course not!” 

“Oh okay,” You breathe out a sigh of relief. “I look terrible today, I would not be able to face him.”  

“You look great today! What do you mean…!” Hopefully you dismiss the bead of sweat trailing down from his temple. It is pretty hot in here. 

Apparently, it took multiple threats, to Yoongi’s coffee machine and lots of bargaining from Jimin to convince him to attend the party, but it seemed to have worked, considering that Namjoon could make out the dark figure of Yoongi, dressed in a black hoodie and ripped jeans in the corner of the room, chatting to Jungkook. His eyes, however, were riveted straight beside him, on Y/n. 

“They really are idiots.” Namjoon muses to himself. 

“Hm?” 

“Nothing.” 

From the corner of his eye, Taehyung is waving his arms around trying to catch his attention. He mouths something that Namjoon can’t quite make out, so he just mouths a ‘what?’ back at him and shakes his head. 

Namjoon can almost hear Taehyung sigh from across the room. 

You’re still pouring your second shot, so you don’t notice as Hoseok walks slowly from the living room. Namjoon has actually never seen his friends more concentrated on anything in his life. Even Seokjin, who was, just a second ago, dancing with some guy that Namjoon isn’t even sure he knows, has now pushed the stranger away, completely fixated on Y/n, who is blissfully oblivious to the attention focused on you. 

“Hey…!” Hoseok slowly slides in, real fucking smooth, if Namjoon could add, beside Y/n leaning on his forearm and smiling up towards her. Namjoon has to commend Jimin for the execution of Operation: Delusional Idiots. He’s honestly never seen Jimin put this much work into anything. 

Hoseok was the only mutual friend they knew of that Yoongi was familiar with, but not Y/n. Jimin said that he had considered Jackson for a short while, before realising that Jackson can’t talk to girls for shit. At least Hoseok can force his thoughts into some semblance of order when he’s flirting. 

“Oh! … Who,” You furrow your brows at Hobi, and Namjoon slowly backs away against the kitchen wall. “Are you?” Hobi laughs and spins around to face you. 

“I guess you don’t know me. I’m Jung Hoseok,” He sticks his hand out and you tentatively shake it, making him grin. “I’m friends with Namjoon.” He points up at Namjoon, and Joon awkwardly smiles, waving back at the pair. 

“Ohh,” You say, nodding. “Hi! Nice to meet you!” Sometimes Namjoon worries about you. You’re way too friendly and nice for your own good. 

“I’m a dance major, actually. You can call me Hobi, by the way.” He smiles at you and finally lets go of your hand. “Are you sure we’ve never met before?” You shake your head, murmuring incoherently. “No, I didn’t think so. I’d remember you if we met.” You giggle and push him aside playfully, offering him a drink. Hoseok accepts it with a smile even wider than the last. 

(Namjoon is now a little skeptical about Hoseok’s claims of flirting skill, but thankfully, you are, admittedly, a little stupid when it comes to this kind of stuff. You probably won’t even notice Hobi’s flirting with you at all.)

From the corner of the room, Yoongi’s deep gaze is now glaring deep into Hoseok’s back, but Hobi either seems to not notice or acknowledge it. He continues to stare at Y/n, laughing at whatever comes out of your mouth. 

“You’re a dance major? That’s so cool!” You gush, and if he didn’t know you so much, Namjoon would think that you were flirting back. No, you were just that naive. 

“- Thanks!” Hobi suddenly laughs at something that Namjoon didn’t manage to catch, but what he does catch is the look on Yoongi’s face when Hobi touches your forearm. 

Even Jungkook, who was talking to Yoongi, gulped and took a step back. Jin gestures something to Jimin, and Jimin shoots back an enthusiastic thumbs up. He then shouts something over to Namjoon, but he can’t quite hear over the loud party noise. 

 Based on his own mediocre lip-reading skills, he either said ‘It’s going well’ or ‘Jungkook smells’ He’s thinking maybe it’s the first. Namjoon slides away from the kitchen to join Jin, who is happily watching all of this unfold from the sidelines. 

“When do you think he’ll break?” Jin says, sipping on a bright blue drink that Namjoon doesn’t even want to know the contents of. He quickly glances over at Yoongi’s face, which is getting redder by the moment. 

“Anytime now. His glass is about to explode from his grip.” Sure enough, Namjoon predicted correctly. A few moments later, Yoongi begins to stalk over to the kitchen, and Jin clinks his bright blue monstrous concoction against Namjoon’s glass. Grumbling, Jungkook also comes over and slaps a $10 dollar bill into Jin’s palm, scowling when Jin smiles and accepts it. 

“Yeah, so a group of otters are actually called a romp, can you believe that- oomph!” Seemingly popping out of nowhere, Yoongi grabs a hold of your hand, glaring at Hobi. 

“Yoongi!” You squeak out. Namjoon, that fucking liar! He left you all by yourself with a new friend and didn’t even bother telling you the love of your life was in the very same room? You didn’t even wash your hair yesterday night! Well, at least someone finally listened to what you have to say about otters… say, that was a bit unordinary, nobody else has ever been interested in your otter fun facts before- 

Your trail of thought fades away when you look back up at Yoongi, who is still strangely looking at Hobi. “Um...” How is he holding you right now? He flinches away whenever you poke him on the shoulder, how is he holding your arm right now, completely unaffected? Oh. 

Of course Yoongi wouldn’t touch you willingly. He just has to be stupidly noble and moral and save you when you’re alone with a man he isn’t familiar with. “Oh, ah… Yoongi! This is my new friend, Hobi! You have nothing to worry about, I was just talking to him about otters and- oh, nevermind. Anyways, you don’t… have… to… hold my hand anymore.” Well, at least you can save him from the embarrassment of holding your hand any longer. 

“Yoongi, Yoon- Yoongi,” He doesn’t let go of your hand, even when you attempt to slip yours out of his. He seems to be gripping on, for a reason you can’t seem to comprehend. All he’s doing right now is maintaining eye contact with Hobi. Instead, he just glares into his eyes, repeating your words. 

“Friends. Friends?” 

“Yes, friends! Oh, ah, let me introduce you, um, Hobi, this is Yoongi, and Yoongi, this is-”

“Jung Hoseok. You call him Hobi?” 

“Well, yes- oh! Do you two know each other, or?” 

“Of course!” Hobi says, pouring another drink out. He stretches out his arm and offers the glass to Yoongi, but all he does is stare at the glass, not moving an inch. Still smiling brightly, Hobi just brought the glass to his lips, sipping on two separate drinks at a time. 

“Long time no see, man! Yoongi, how’ve you been?” Yoongi, still clutching onto your hand, stayed silent for a while, all while Hobi continued to smile. 

“I’m… fine.” He eventually chokes out. 

“Yoongi, are you okay? You seem really-” You’re once again interrupted when Yoongi pulls you away, stomping out the kitchen. You lean backwards, yelling out a quick apology to Hobi, but he doesn’t seem affected in the slightest. 

“Yoongi, you’re being rude! I said you don’t have to worry! Hobi is a new friend I met, he’s a friend of Namjoon’s, and we were just talking about otters-” 

“Why are you defending yourself?” Boy, you just keep on getting interrupted tonight. 

“Wha- huh?” Yoongi finally lets your hand go when he reaches the apartment door, shutting it closed, leaving it swinging in midair, even though he regretted it immediately after. You can still faintly hear the party going on through the door, but you had no time to process the fact that Yoongi just pulled you outside the party when he spoke up again. 

“I said, why are you defending yourself like that? You have no reason to. You’re acting like I just caught you cheating.” Yoongi’s voice turns faint towards the end of his sentence, and he looks down at his feet, stuffing his hands into his hoodie pockets. 

“I’m not defending myself! I’m just- I’m just, well, I-” You fumbled with your words, stuttering and fidgeting around with your fingers. Why were you defending yourself? It’s not like… Yeah, it’s not like you’re his girlfriend or anything. 

“You can talk about otters to whoever you want. You might want to change up your flirting tactics though, not many people can put up with your strange obsession with otters-”

“hEY!”

“- Anyways, Hoseok’s, not a bad man. He’s pretty great, actually,” Yoongi admits. “He’ll treat you well. And he seems to be super interested in you, so… ” Yoongi clears his throat. You narrow your eyes and look down at his shuffling feet. This is probably the most Yoongi has ever spoken to you, in private, anyway. Why is he so unbothered? And why does that bother you so much? He doesn’t even care a little bit? Does Hobi really seem like such a great guy? 

“You don’t care?” 

“No, just, you know, don’t get hurt, or whatever. I’ll have to murder him… Or something.” You let out a small laugh, but he doesn’t seem to be joking.  

“So, if I go straight back in and ask Hobi out, you wouldn’t mind?” You swear that a vein pops out from Yoongi’s neck, but perhaps it was just your imagination. 

“Why would I mind?” He says, through clenched teeth. 

“... You’re right. Why would you be mad? You don’t care about me anyways.” Something ticks in Yoongi’s jaw. 

“What do you mean I don’t care for you?” He blurts out, just as you were about to head back through the apartment door. 

“Oh no, please, it doesn’t bother me as much now, trust me. It’s fine, Some people just don’t… vibe with you, I get it! You don’t like me all that much, it’s okay! It’s not like you’ve hurt me or anything! You just don’t like talking to me because I’m kind of a dumbass, that’s alright. It’s okay to keep avoiding me. And again, I’m sorry for the whole elbow thing, you didn’t talk to me for like the next two weeks, and again, I totally understand, you know?” Yoongi stares at you, blinking in realisation. 

“So… you mean to tell me that all this time, you’ve thought that… I didn’t like you?”

“Well,” Now you’re blinking confusedly along with him. “Isn’t that… why you run away everytime I come over to hangout with Jimin?” Yoongi brings his hands out of his pockets and buries his face in them, groaning. 

“And that’s why you don’t like talking to me, right? And that one time I spoke to you and you went into the bathroom and screamed for like five minutes? … Do you not hate me?” A look of realisation floods his eyes, and Yoongi leans against the wall, slowly sinking down to the ground until he’s practically sprawled out on the floor. Staring aimlessly, he reaches up and grabs your hand again, pulling you down to face him. You let out a small squeak, but you crouch down on your feet, awkwardly looking at your right hand that Yoongi (!!!) is currently holding for the second (!!!!) time. 

“Forgive me, Y/n.” He whispers, dropping his head onto your hand. 

“Forgive you? What for? Yoongi this is a little dramatic, don’t you think? This is technically a public area, um, maybe you wanna go back to your dorm? I can call Jimin out here, I’m sure he’ll leave the party early, let me just-” He pulls you back and won’t let go, even when you try to stand and leave his grip. 

“Yoongi!” Like a child clutching onto his mother, he just sits there and pouts, not letting your hand go. 

“I’m sorry!” He wails, lightly kicking his feet up. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for being my emo self and avoiding you, I’m sorry for making you think I hate you when that really isn’t the case at all, I’m sorry for being an idiot and screaming whenever you touched me, I promise that none of that was ever your fault, because you must have felt so hurt and disgusted by me-” Yoongi suddenly looks up and glares at you. 

“Yah! Why didn’t you just slap me!”

“Slap… you?”

“Yes, slap some sense into me, you idiot! I was so mean to you, why didn’t you just tell me you were hurt?” 

“Well,” You said, smiling nervously. “I wasn’t hurt!”

“Yes you were!” He wails again. Some sort of strangled noise comes from the back of his throat. “You must’ve been really hurt, and I’m sorry! I don’t want you to be hurt! I don’t want you to date Hobi, and I don’t want to lose you, because I’m selfish, and I’m fucking stupid!”

You speechlessly opened your mouth and closed it again, like a fish. Well, that was a full 180. What is he talking about? Apologising? You had dealt with the uncomfortable small talk and denying your feelings for years only to have him apologise now? You finally manage to open your mouth and firmly say something, but what comes out of your mouth is certainly not what you planned to say. 

“Min Yoongi!” You yelled and watched him slightly tilt his head up. “How could you say that now!?” His head is fully up now, gazing at you slightly dazed. “How dare you mess with my feelings for the past two years, just to completely, unexpectedly, blurt all of this out outside of Seokjin’s shitty house party?” You cry, slouching down onto the ground and sitting cross legged. Your unoccupied hand reaches up to your hair, frustratingly running your hand through your messy locks. 

“... If it counts for anything, I think that your obsession with otters is really cute.” You sniffle, for no particular reason, and nod. 

“... Does that mean you like me then?”

“Y/n,” Yoongi sighs, taking your other hand out of your hair and placing it into his own. “Isn’t that obvious, you fucking dumbass?” 

“You’re kinda giving off mixed signals here.” Yoongi squishes your cheeks together in a brave act from an unusual burst of courage that he managed to somehow build up. 

“Y/n,” 

“Mmph- Yesh?” 

“I like you. I like you a lot. I’m sorry for being a dumbass who couldn’t ask you out, and I’m sorry I had to do this at Seokjin’s ‘shitty house party’, but I’d really like it if you would go on a date with me sometime.” 

Yoongi releases your cheeks from his grip when you stay silent for a small while, red slowly creeping up from the neck up to his ears. 

“I mean, you know, only if you want to, it’d be fine if all of that was just, you know… ” Yoongi mutters, gesturing around randomly. 

“I’d love to go on a date with you, Yoongi.” 

“Oh. Cool, that’s cool. That’s… yeah that’s cool.” 

“Text me the details?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll, I’ll do- I’ll do that.” 

You can hear a faint scream when you enter Seokjin’s apartment again, but instead of filling you with the insecure, horrible feeling like it once did, you just smile and giggle to yourself again. What you don’t seem to notice is Jimin, Jin, Joon, Tae, Jungkook and Hobi exchanging victorious glances across the room. 

(About a week later, Yoongi took you to the zoo for your date. He slightly regretted that decision after you spent an hour making faces at the otters.) 

#min yoongi #suga #bts suga #bts fanfiction #yoongi drabble #min yoongi x reader #yoongi sm au #yoongi smut #yoongi headcanon #yoongi fanfiction #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #bts dynamite #bts x reader #yoongi x you #sope #bts smut #bts fluff #yoongi fluff #bts au #bangtan yoongi #bangtan soyeondan #bangtan #jikook #jikook fanfiction #bangtan edit

[ceealaina]

Title: In My Dreams I Turn You On - Chapter 3 Collaborator Name: ceealaina Card Number: 3088 Link: AO3 Square Filled: A3 - Free Ship: WinterIron Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Alternate Universe - No Powers Summary: Tony’s crushing hard on his new massage therapist, but doesn’t want to be a sleazy businessman. Bucky’s crushing hard on his latest client, but doesn’t want to take advantage of him in a vulnerable position. So they handle it like any sane adults - pretend it’s not happening and refuse to discuss it. At least they both have terrible friends to help them through it. Word Count: 17,235 Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

It had taken some doing, but with a quick rundown to Rhodey — who had fallen off the couch he’d laughed so hard — Sam had managed to talk Bucky into joining them at the gala. Tony was busy making the CEO rounds, hadn’t made his way over to them, or even spotted them, but they’d seen him once or twice. Bucky had sounded like he’d been punched in the gut the first time, eyes focusing in on Tony’s ass like they were laser targeted. 

“Oh man,” Rhodey laughed, shaking his head as he sipped on his champagne. He patted Bucky on the back consolingly. “You’ve got it bad, huh?” 

Bucky just whined, raking his hands through his hair. “He’s just so handsome,” he sighed, watching as Tony walked across the room. 

Sam shook his head, pulling the champagne flute out of Bucky’s hand and knocking the rest of it back himself. “Okay, you’re cut off. Can’t go talk to him if you’re fall-down drunk.” 

Bucky stared at him with wide eyes. “I can’t go talk to him!” he hissed. 

Sam just shook his head, leaning into the arm Rhodey had around his waist and resting his head on his shoulder. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered. “I can’t believe this is the guy that Tony’s so in love with,” he added, body shaking when Rhodey burst out into loud laughter. 

And that made Tony look over, eyes crinkling happily at the familiar sound of Rhodey’s laughter. And then he did a double take, eyes going absolutely enormous as he realized who they were standing with. Rhodey was still snickering as they watched Tony stammer out an excuse to the group of executives and practically stumble his way over to them. 

“Hey,” he said, waving vaguely at Sam and Rhodey, sounding breathless. His eyes were trained on Bucky a small smile playing over his lips like he couldn’t believe he was there. “Hi,” he added before staring back and forth between the three of them. “You know each other?”

“Wait…” Bucky’s eyes shot over to where Sam and Rhodey were snickering loudly. “You know each other?”

They both looked utterly lost, and Rhodey took pity on them, elbowing Sam when he was laughing too hard to speak. “Tones, Tones, this--��� He gestured dramatically at Bucky. “Is Sam’s best friend, Bucky.” 

Tony’s eyes grew impossibly wider. “You’re Bucky??” 

Rhodey choked on another snort of laughter. “And Bucky, this is my best friend, Tony. Stark.” 

“See?” Tony yelped, turning on Rhodey because his brain couldn’t focus on the real issue at hand right now. “See, I told you to let me throw your wedding. This is what happens when you elope! I would have met him two years ago if you’d just had an actual wedding instead of eloping to Niagara like a couple tacky tourists.”

Bucky looked like he was maybe having a heart attack, it was hard to say for sure. “You said he was a mechanic,” he said, voice sounding strangled. “And then Sam started laughing, but I thought that meant he was a bad mechanic, not, you know… Not a mechanic.” 

“Hey!” Tony protested. “I’m a mechanic! Wait, what do you mean, you thought I was a bad mechanic?” 

“Oh no!” Bucky’s eyes went wide, mouth twisting into a grimace. “I’m sorry, I mean… I didn’t mean like that, I’m sure you’re a great mechanic.” He scrubbed a hand over his face and groaned. “You can’t be a worse mechanic than I am massage therapist,” he added.

Tony frowned at him. “What do you mean? You’re a great massage therapist! You’re amazing!” 

“Yeah, so amazing that I’m spending half our sessions thinking about how bad I wanna fuck you,” he grumbled, before promptly choking on air as he realized exactly what he’d said. “I mean… Oh god.” 

Standing forgotten beside them, Sam snorted again before leaning in close to Rhodey. “I think it’s gonna take awhile,” he told him. “We could probably come back.” He made a show of looking Rhodey up and down, licking his lips as his eyes lingered on Rhodey’s throat. “Wanna go… Refresh our drinks?” he offered, grinning when Rhodey nodded enthusiastically. 

Tony was staring at Bucky in shock, still not fully processing what was happening right now, and Bucky immediately went into panic mode. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said, not even noticing as Sam and Rhodey snuck off. “I… I’ll hand in my resignation immediately, that’s so inappropriate, oh my god.” 

“No!” Tony said quickly, finally snapping back into focus. “No, it’s okay. You don’t have to quit. It’s fine!” 

“It’s not fine! That’s such a breach of trust. You’re in a position of vulnerability, and… I mean, I know I didn’t do anything, but that’s still such an abuse of power, and --,” 

He cut himself off abruptly as Tony suddenly started laughing, the sound closer to a giggle. Even in the midst of his panic, Bucky had the stray thought that the sound was absolutely adorable. He blinked at him. 

“Are you… Are you laughing at me?” 

Tony immediately clapped his hand over his mouth, shaking his head. “No!” he insisted, reaching out to grab Bucky’s wrist, like he thought he might try and leave. His hand was warm, fingers calloused, and Bucky nearly shivered at the contact. “I’m not… I’m not laughing at you. I’m just laughing because I was literally thinking the exact same thing. That it would be an abuse of power because, well… Technically I’m your employer.” 

His eyes were trained on Bucky’s, but his thumb was tracing a delicate line over Bucky’s wrist, distracting him, and Bucky shook his head. “No, it’s different. You’re not my direct supervisor, and…” He trailed off as he realized exactly what Tony had said. “Wait, what?” 

Tony shrugged, a soft smile playing over his lips. “Uh, surprise? Apparently we’re both a couple of clueless idiots.” 

“Holy shit,” Bucky breathed. He twisted his wrist to catch Tony’s hand. “Okay,” he said, taking a deep breath and rubbing his prosthetic hand over his mouth. “Okay. Tony, I’m afraid that, effective immediately, I can no longer be your massage therapist. I’ll be transferring your file back over to Louise on Monday morning.” Then he grinned wide. “Now, can I please buy you a drink?” 

Tony grinned, looking absolutely delighted. “You know the drinks are free, right?” he couldn’t resist teasing. 

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’ll make it up to you later.” 

***

When Rhodey and Sam returned half an hour later, Bucky and Tony were sitting side-by-side at a table, barely-touched glasses between them, talking animatedly about something or other. 

“Oh my god,” Sam groaned exaggeratedly, still a little giddy. “You two are still here? You didn’t immediately run off to ravish each other?”

Tony turned to give him a dirty look, and his eyes caught on their mussed clothing, Sam’s tie shoddily tied and crooked, the hickey on Rhodey’s neck. “Oh my god. Really?” 

Rhodey just arched his eyebrows back at him. “Not the thing to focus on, Tones,” he returned, giving a pointed glance between the two of them as he curled an arm around Sam’s waist. “Are you two gonna kiss, or should we go... ‘refresh our drinks’ again?” 

“God, I hate you,” Tony muttered. But then he looked over at Bucky, his eyes catching on his lips, delighting in the way that Bucky flushed a little and bit at his lower lip. Grinning, Tony shifted forward and curled his hand around Bucky’s neck, leaning in to kiss him gently. The gentleness lasted only a minute before Bucky was making a soft, desperate noise, tongue coming out to trace over the seam of his lips, and then Tony was kicking his chair away to stand up and move closer, tipping Bucky’s head back as his other hand threaded through his hair. Bucky moaned, and his hands moved to grip Tony’s hips, pulling him in close between his legs, neither of them seeming to notice that they were still in the middle of a party. 

“There we go,” Rhodey said. 

“Annnnd that’s our queue to leave,” Sam added, hauling Rhodey away. “Get a room!” he added over his shoulder. 

Neither Bucky nor Tony seemed to actually hear him, but Tony did pull back, grinning down at Bucky while he stared up at him with wide eyes. He scratched his fingers over Bucky’s scalp, and Bucky shivered at the touch. He hands clenched around Tony’s hips again, sliding slightly lower and stopping just shy of squeezing his ass. Tony drew in a shivering breath, and dropped back into his chair only to pull it close and lean into Bucky’s space. 

“Does it make me a complete cockhound if I wanna leave with you, like… Right now?” he asked, voice rough. His hand settled high on Bucky’s thigh, thumb tracing over the seam of his pants. 

“Oh god,” Bucky muttered, swallowing hard. He huffed out slightly stupid laugh. “Do I look like the kinda guy who cares, Tony? Also, I kinda figured that’s what I was getting into. Your reputation does proceed you, ya know?” 

“True, fair, valid, all good points,” Tony was nodding enthusiastically, his thumb moving closer and closer to Bucky’s cock, half hard in his dress pants. “But, uh…” He ducked his head a little. “Don’t believe everything you read,” he added softly, giving Bucky a crooked smile. “I do have a squishy, candy centre.”

Bucky arched a brow, smirking at him. “Now that I know you’re the mechanic that Sam and Rhodey are always talking about, I have a suspicion.” He narrowed his eyes then, tilting his head as he considered Tony. “And what’s the back half of the joke, there?”

Tony smiled serenely back at him, looking ridiculously pleased with himself. “Wanna get out of here and see how many licks it takes to get to said squishy, candy centre?” 

Bucky made an involuntary, punched out noise. “Yes. Yes, please.” 

Tony beamed back at him, and then seemed to realize there was still a party going on around them. “Shit, okay. I just gotta…” He leaned in and gave Bucky a quick kiss, lingering just a second longer than he’d obviously intended. “Wait right here,” he said, still grinning a little stupidly. “I’ll be right back.” 

He was gone before Bucky could say a word, and he took advantage of the moment to take a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He had a glass of ice water on the table, sweating in the warmth of the room, and Bucky sipped at it, his eyes automatically tracking Tony as he maneuvered around people and tables. He watched as Tony tracked down a gorgeous red-headed woman, pulling her in close and murmuring something in her ear. He had half a second to feel jealous before her eyes went wide, and then her gaze landed on Bucky on return, and she smiled wide. Shaking her head, she leaned back to say something to Tony in return and then kissed his cheek. Tony beamed and then he was darting back over to Bucky, bypassing a group of important looking men and fiddling on his cell phone at the same time. 

“Okay!” he said, grabbing Bucky’s hand and pulling him out of the chair with surprising strength. “Follow me, quickly, before anybody else decides to try and network.” He gave an exaggerated shudder at the thought and grinned before hauling Bucky around the outside of the room and then out an unnoticed side door, leading him down a back staircase. Bucky couldn’t help laughing, reeling with the excitement of sneaking around. 

“You do this often?” he asked, light and teasing. 

Tony cast a look at him over his shoulder. “Less often than you might think.” He turned back completely to give him a quick kiss, humming when Bucky’s hands grabbed his hips, pulling him in for a longer one before he could pull away. “But,” he added. “It doesn’t hurt to have an escape route for when those rich old octogenarians start getting a little too handsy.”

He grinned when Bucky barked out a surprised laugh, then gave his hand another tug. 

“Come on, baby. I promise I’ve got somewhere much more comfortable than a dingy stairwell to make out in.” 

Bucky grinned right back at him and then they were hurrying back down the stairs, coming out into a side street where there was a limo waiting. Tony shooed him into the backseat first, climbing in so close behind that he was practically on top of him. 

“Home please,” he called, eyes locked on Bucky’s. “And, uh, Happy? Don’t mean to be rude, but I’m going to be closing the partition.” 

“I’d prefer it, boss!” the driver tossed back cheerfully. 

The second they were underway, Tony turned to face Bucky expectantly, waiting less than a second before he was leaning in to kiss him. He pressed in so close he was half on him, and in the relative privacy of the car, Bucky didn’t hesitate to grab his ass, gripping tight and hauling him in closer. He felt Tony’s lips curl into a smile against his own, and then he shifted so he was on top of Bucky, straddling his thighs. He rocked down against him, half hard cocks grinding together, and Bucky had to break away from the kiss to tip his head back against the seat, trying to catch his breath. This didn’t deter Tony at all, who took advantage of the new position to leave little nipping bites on Bucky’s throat. 

“Good Christ,” Bucky breathed, shivering when Tony’s teeth dragged over his adam’s apple. 

Tony did pull back then, looking entirely too smug. “Everything you thought it would be?” he asked, batting his eyelashes a little ridiculously and fuck, Bucky was maybe in love with him. 

“Better,” he promised fervently. His voice was little more than a hoarse growl, and he didn’t miss the way that Tony’s eyes darkened with interest at the sound. 

“Well.” Tony’s eyes were caught on his lips again, tongue flicking out like all he could think about was tasting them. “I do my best.” 

“Fuck, come here,” Bucky groaned, squeezing his ass again and pulling at him until they were pressed together, chest to chest. He wrapped his arms tight around him, using his strength to rock Tony in his lap, and the other man seemed to melt against him. 

“Oh fuck,” Tony moaned. “I’ve been dreaming about you doing that for months.” 

“Yeah?” Bucky moved him again, this time grinding his hips up against Tony in the process. “Like that?”

Tony keened, loud enough that Bucky legitimately worried that the driver — Happy — might have heard. “Fuck. Your goddamn arms, James.” 

“Oh god,” It was less sexy, this time, and Bucky pulled back, shaking his head with a grin around his lips. “Don’t call me James. Please don’t call me James. Nobody calls me James, not even my ma.” 

Tony leaned back too, grinning when Bucky’s hands held his weight so he didn’t tip off his lap completely. He gave him a perplexed look. “What else am I supposed to call you?” Then he made an exaggerated face. “Oh. Oh no. Tell me I’m not supposed to call you Bucky.” 

Bucky just gave him a half shrug and a crooked smile. “‘S my name, sweetheart. James just feels weird.” 

“It’s how you introduced yourself to me!” 

“I was being professional! Nobody’s gonna take me seriously in my job if I’m going by Bucky.” 

“But they’ll take you seriously in bed? Your logic is flawed, Barnes.” Tony was laughing though, a twinkle in his eyes, and he gave a heavy sigh. “Fine. But I can’t be held responsible for any slip ups. I’ve been imagining calling your name in bed for quite some time now.” 

“God, you’re a menace.” 

Bucky wasn’t even sure how he made it back to Stark Tower without him completely losing it in the back seat, but the next thing he knew, the car was pulling to a stop in the garage. Tony pulled away from him with dazed eyes, blinking like he’d forgotten where they were entirely. It was a good look on him.  

“Right,” Tony said. “We’re here.” He shook his head then, trying to get his bearings. “God, you make me stupid,” he said, laughing. “Come on, let’s go.” 

He pulled Bucky out of the car. There was no sign of Happy, and Bucky had a brief moment to wonder if he’d run away that quickly, or was just hiding out in the driver’s seat until the coast was clear, before Tony was practically shoving him into a small elevator. 

“Private elevator,” he explained when it started to move without any buttons or voice commands. “Goes straight to the penthouse.” He was blatantly looking Bucky up and down, practically vibrating, like he was itching to touch but knew if he did he wouldn’t be able to stop himself again. 

Bucky could relate. 

The elevator shot to the top of the building in what was probably record time, and Bucky stepped out into a living room area. He’d known who Tony was, obviously, but he still couldn’t help the way his jaw dropped at the wall of glass looking out over the city.

“Holy shit,” he breathed. “What an incredible view.” 

“Yeah,” Tony said from just behind him, and Bucky could hear the smirk in his voice. “View’s incredible.” 

Bucky glanced over to find Tony blatantly checking out his ass. He lifted his eyes, arching a brow at Bucky with a wicked grin on his lips, and Bucky shook his head.

“Menace,” he repeated, moving closer to back Tony against the wall. He shoved a thick thigh between Tony’s legs, rocking it against his hard cock and smirking at the way his eyes rolled black, breath escaping in a shuddering exhale. “You got a bedroom in this fancy-ass joint?” he asked, leaning in close enough that his lips were almost pressing against Tony’s with every word. 

Tony shivered, but then he was grinning right back. “You sure you don’t want a drink or something first?”

Bucky groaned, dropping his forehead to rest against Tony’s shoulder. “You make me wait much longer and I might start to cry.” 

“Well that certainly wouldn’t be sexy,” he agreed with a stupid little giggle, even though that barely qualified as a joke. 

Bucky adored him. 

“Follow me, handsome,” he said, catching Bucky’s hand and pulling him down a hall and through a doorway. 

The view from the bedroom was no less spectacular, but Bucky was more stuck on Tony’s ass as he moved down the hall in front of him, and then the frankly ridiculously enormous bed sitting in front of them. 

He felt a little thrill go through his stomach, the idea that they were actually doing this, after months of pining and thinking that it would never happen. “Jesus, okay,” he said, feeling just the slightest hint of overwhelmed. “How, uh. How do you want to do this?” 

Tony smiled at him, like he could tell how Bucky was feeling. “Well I, for one, have been itching to see you naked, hot stuff. Seems only fair, really, after all the times you’ve seen me in nothing but my skivvies.” 

Bucky flushed a little, thinking of the time that Tony’s ‘skivvies’ had consisted of nothing but a bright red thong. “That’s different,” he protested. ‘I was working.” 

“Uh huh.” Tony sat on the end of the bed, legs spread wide, and Bucky’s mouth went dry as his eyes were drawn to the bulge of his cock, marring the line of his dress pants. “Except you already told me about all the dirty thoughts you were having while ‘working,’ so you want to try that excuse again?” He shifted his hips a little, moving a hand to stroke himself through the fabric. “Come on, handsome. Give me a little show?” 

Bucky felt flushed and hot all over, but Tony was looking at him so hungrily that he couldn’t help the surge of confidence that went through him. He took a couple steps back until he was just out Tony’s reach and then met his gaze steadily, slipping out of his suit jacket. It came off easily, despite his tendency to get stuck in the arm even when he wasn’t nervous as all hell, and he couldn’t help being relieved. Dropping the fabric to pool on the ground, he dragged his hands up his sides before moving to undo the buttons of his shirt. He could feel his nipples peaked against the silky fabric, and he made a point of dragging his thumbs over them, choking off a moan at the sensation that spiked through him. 

“Oh yeah,” Tony breathed, his voice rough. “You like that, huh?” 

Bucky nodded, pinched until his eyes rolled back. “Yeah,” he admitted, voice breathier than he’d intended. “A lot.” 

“Oh, sweetheart. I’m going to have fun with you.” is 

Bucky felt a jolt of desire go through him at that thought, his cock jerking in his boxers, and he moved back to the buttons, unfastening them quickly now, until he was shrugging off his shirt and left in just his tank top and dress pants. Tony looked him over, leaning back a little on the bed, right hand rubbing over his clothed cock. 

“I like this,” he told him. “It’s a good look on you. Like you’re right out of the thirties, or something.” 

Bucky couldn’t help grinning at that, let his hand slide over his hip and tease the bottom of his shirt up. He liked working out, he knew how nice the cut of his hips looked. Sure enough, Tony’s tongue flicked out of his lip before he chewed at it, swallowing hard. 

“Come on. Don’t be a tease.” 

Bucky snorted, but his dick was aching and he just wanted Tony to touch him. He tugged the shirt up hastily over his head, shaking out his hair as he was left bare chested. Before Tony could say another word, he was moving to undo his pants with slightly fumbling fingers. He kicked them off quickly, toeing off his socks in the process. Then, when he was left in nothing more than his boxer briefs, he finally looked back up at Tony with a crooked grin. 

He was expecting more teasing, another snarky comment, but the look on Tony’s face sent a shiver up his spine. Tony was staring at him, slack jawed, eyes running up and down Bucky’s body like he couldn’t figure out where he should look first. His hand squeezed around his dick and he gave a low moan, hips jerking up at the touch. 

“Oh fuck,” he muttered, swallowing hard. “Sweetheart, come here.” Then he was reaching out, making grabby hands in Bucky’s direction, and Bucky was helpless to resist. 

He moved towards him, letting his hips swagger just a little, and his grin grew wider when he saw Tony’s eyes zero in the on the movement. But the second he was close enough, Tony’s hands were closing tight over his hips, yanking him in between his spread legs. Tony moaned softly, leaning in and scraping his teeth over Bucky’s lower abdomen, and Bucky groaned, felt his abs clench as he tipped his back and scrubbed a hand through his hair. 

“Gotta…” Tony’s voice cracked, and he cleared it, tried again. “Gotta let me blow you, honey, please. You have any idea how badly I… Every time you were giving me a massage, when you came up around the head of the table, all I could think was how easily I could suck you off, how much I wanted to.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky swore. “Good thing I already fired you as my client. I’d never be able to get through another session, now that I know that.” 

Tony grinned up at him, eyes crinkling in delight, and then his smile turned wicked and he mouthed his way lower down Bucky’s stomach, until his chin was bumping the tip of his cock. 

“Come on, Bucky,” he purred, teasing over his skin. “Tell me I can.” 

“Yes,” Bucky said quickly. “Yes, fuck, ‘course you can.” 

Tony positively beamed, and then Bucky was whining as he pulled away entirely, tipping forward without Tony’s grip keeping himself upright. He caught himself on the edge of the bed, watching as Tony turned around to crawl up the length of the mattress and dig through the bedside table. Bucky’s gaze caught on his ass, perfectly framed in his dress pants, and he groaned again. 

“Oh my god,” he muttered, moving to sit on the side of the bed before his legs gave out entirely. “I’m gonna die.” 

Tony huffed out a laugh, and then he came back over, condoms in one hand, lube in the other. “Well,” he said, stepping off the bed to loom over him, tossing the items on the mattress beside Bucky. “At least try and hold out for the fun stuff.” 

Then he was dropping to his knees, shoving his way between Bucky’s spread thighs, and leaning forward to mouth at him through his boxers. His mouth was warm and wet, the sensation dampened through the material, and Bucky cursed again. Something about Tony on his knees, still fully dressed was especially appealing to some primal part of Bucky, and his cock jerked. He could feel a drop of pre-come sliding down his length and then further, following the seam of his balls. Tony leaned back again, looking extremely pleased with himself, and then he was tugging at the waistband of his shorts, poking at Bucky until he lifted his hips so Tony could pull them down his legs. 

For just a minute Tony sat back on his heels, staring. “God, look at you,” he breathed. Normally Bucky would have felt self conscious under the heat of his gaze, but instead he found himself almost preening, body heating deliciously under the weight of Tony’s stare. His cock twitched again, and he could tell Tony had noticed by the way his lips curled at the corners. “Eager are we?” he teased, but there was a soft tone to his voice, and an instant later he was reaching for one of the condoms on the bed, opening it and then sliding it down Bucky’s length with efficient, practiced movements. 

God, Bucky couldn’t wait until they could do this without anything at all. 

The moment Tony’s mouth was closing around the tip of his cock, Bucky was practically wailing. Fuck, he was so good at this, all hot pressure and perfect suction. The muscles in his thighs tightened as he fought the urge to thrust up into Tony’s mouth, his fingers twisting into the sheets so he’d remember to keep his hands to himself. He couldn’t help the way his eyes rolled back, falling shut as Tony pulled back a little, flicking his tongue out to tease at his frenulum, but a second later he was snapping them open again, not wanting to miss this. 

Tony was looking up at him, eyes dark and heavy and a hint of a smile playing around the corners of them. He pulled off again with an obscene sound. “God, you’re big,” he hummed, half to himself, and Bucky felt his cock twitch again. Then Tony was smirking up at him. “It’s okay, you know,” he said, voice hoarse and rough already. 

Bucky blinked back at him, uncomprehending, and Tony’s grin grew a little more self-satisfied. He picked up Bucky’s hands in each of his, prying them free of the sheets and then moving them to the back of his head, biting down on his lip when the cool metal brushed against the back of his neck. Bucky swallowed hard. 

 “I like it,” Tony told him. He leaned back in, licked a line down the length of Bucky’s cock, showy and a bit desperate. “Pull my hair, a little. Whatever you want.” 

Before Bucky could say another word, he was sucking him down again, steadily, methodically working his way to taking all of Bucky. The tip of his head slid into Tony’s throat and he swallowed around him, and Bucky gasped, twining his fingers in Tony’s hair and tugging reflexively. He had half a second to feel guilty before Tony was groaning around him, sounding so obviously hungry for it even with his mouth full of cock. 

“Christ,” Bucky bit out. His hips hitched up despite his best efforts, pushing himself just the slightest bit deeper, and Tony groaned around him again. He had one hand curled around the base of Bucky’s cock, but the other he used to grip at his thigh, pawing needily at the sensitive skin until Bucky rocked up into him again. “Oh fuck me,” Bucky moaned as they settled into a steady rhythm, Tony swallowing greedily around him. “You’re so fucking good, Tony. ‘m not gonna last long.”

Tony hummed encouragingly around him, and Bucky thought he was going to pass out at the rush of pleasure that shot through him. Then Tony’s free hand was slipping off his thigh, sliding between his legs to rub at his own dick, like he was so turned on by sucking Bucky off that he couldn’t wait, and Bucky was gone. 

With a slew of curses, he was coming, fingers tangling further in Tony’s hair as the other man teased him through it. Bucky shivered his way through the aftershocks, breath coming in sharp, heavy gasps, until he was oversensitive and twitching and Tony was pulling back, looking ridiculously pleased with himself. 

“Holy shit,” Bucky gasped, flopping back on the mattress to stare dazedly up at the ceiling. “That was… Holy shit.” 

There was a soft, delighted laugh from Tony, before he crawled up beside him, nuzzling into Bucky’s neck. “Good?” he asked. 

“Good doesn’t begin to cover it,” Bucky assured him. “Jus… Jus give me a minute. ‘M all about reciprocation, I swear.” 

Tony giggled into his skin, leaning further into him. He shifted so his cock was pressed against Bucky’s hip, rocking into him shamelessly. “Won’t take long,” he admitted, panting against Bucky’s skin. “Christ, you’re gorgeous when you come.” He sucked a mark into the underside of Bucky’s neck. “Want you so bad.” 

Bucky grinned at that, and with a carefully placed shove he had Tony on his back, looming over him. Tony went wide eyed at that particular move, and Bucky smirked down at him. A second later though, his face turned distraught. “Good Christ, how are you still dressed?” he asked, not even caring how plaintive he sounded. 

Tony just groaned, arching his hips up against him. “Later, baby,” he groaned. “I promise, later I will strip naked, and lay on the bed, and you can stare at me for six hours straight, if you want. But honey, I’ve gotta come like five hours ago.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes at him, like Tony being so desperate wasn’t making his own cock give a valiant attempt at getting hard again. “Yeah, alright,” he purred, sliding his hand down Tony’s body to work his pants open. The second he got his hand around him, Tony was melting into the mattress. “Oh fuck,” Bucky murmured. “Look at you, sweetheart.” He closed his hand firmly around him, mouth watering at how thick he was, and the desperate noise Tony made as he started jerking him off with quick, steady motions. “Can’t wait to take my time with you. Lay you out, spread you out on the bed…” He dipped his head, kissing over Tony’s neck. “Take my time with you, drag it out, tease you until you’re screaming for it, can’t remember your own name.” 

Tony’s hands grabbed at Bucky’s sides, gripping tight enough to bruise as his back arched in pleasure, head tipping back. “Yes,” he choked out. “Yes, fuck, Bucky please. All of that, I want… I want…” 

His words trailed off with a low groan, and when Bucky shifted his weight so he could tease metal fingers up his length, Tony came. He clung tight to Bucky’s body as he did, back arching, eyes squeezing shut, breath coming in thick heavy gasps for air, mixing in with a desperate whine. Bucky stroked him through it, kissing him sweetly in the process. 

“Oh fuck,” Tony moaned as the aftershocks finally stopped going through him. Bucky pulled away enough to flop down beside him, and Tony turned his head to beam at him, giving him a slow, lazy kiss. Then he shifted, and his nose wrinkled up in distaste. “Oh fuck,” he said again. “Well, these pants are ruined.” 

Bucky burst out laughing at that, and Tony’s smile turned soft and sweet again. 

“So, I definitely need a shower. But, uh… Maybe you wanna join me? And uh… I know it’s not usually the done thing after a first date — Does this even count as a first date? I mean, it was more of a right place right time kind of thing, not something that was actually planned. Although, knowing Rhodey and Sam, it actually was completely, totally planned, because they’re assholes like that. Which, hi. You already know that, obviously, because you’re friends with them, and that’s kind of a trip, really. Now I’m trying to think of everything I may have said about you and how embarrassing it was on a scale of one to that time at MIT I was simultaneously drunk and sleep deprived and kind of accidentally robbed the bookstore in nothing but a red thong and the permanent moustache marker that Rhodey drew on my face.” He suddenly clapped both hands over his eyes.”Oh God. I have this thing, when I get nervous, I kind of talk incessantly… Please, why aren’t you saying something? Save me from myself.” 

Bucky had been watching his diatribe with a bigger and bigger smile on his face, but at Tony’s desperate plea he leaned in and kissed him quiet, not stopping until they were both out of breath and Tony was giving him that wide-eyed, dazed stare again.

“I would love to stay the night,” he told him, just a little shy. “Uh. That is what you were asking, right?” 

Tony’s gave him a bright, open grin. “Yeah, it was. And the fact that you followed that through that entire fucking monologue I gave? I think I lo… like you. A lot.” 

“Yeah?” Bucky bit his lip and grinned back. “I think I like you a lot too.” He leaned in, kissing Tony one last time before hauling himself off the bed and pulling Tony along after him. “Come on. I’m looking forward to seeing what fancy rich people’s showers look like. And by the way?” he added, blatantly ogling Tony as he finally stripped out of his clothes. “You’re going to have to tell me how you managed to accidentally rob the bookstore, I kind of insist on it.” 

“Aw come on, handsome,” Tony teased, waggling his eyebrows as he sauntered off to the bathroom, blatantly wiggling his hips as he went. “Gotta keep the mystery alive!” 

***

A week later, Tony was heading into his favourite open air cafe for a lunchtime date with Bucky when he spotted a familiar blond head. 

“Oh hey!” he chirped, sliding easily into the seat opposite to Steve. “I forgot. Thursdays are your day to awkwardly flirt with the waitress, right?” 

Steve rolled his eyes. “Eat my entire ass,” he returned, just as cheerfully. “We can’t all hook up with our massage therapists.” He gave Tony a fond smile then. “How’s it going with your new boytoy, anyway?” 

Tony couldn’t help grinning at just the thought of Bucky; he knew he looked sappy, and he didn’t even care. “Amazing,” he sighed. “He’s meeting me here for lunch, actually, if you want me to introduce you.” 

Right on cue -- because they were in sync like that -- Tony spotted said boyfriend walking up the sidewalk toward him. 

“Hey baby!” he called, hopping up and waving Bucky over. “Come meet my friend Steve.” 

Because he couldn’t resist, he met Bucky halfway, giving him a soft kiss hello before practically dragging him over to Steve’s table. 

“Steve, this is --,” 

Steve looked up at them and grinned. “Oh! Hey, Buck!” 

Tony stared back and forth between the two of them, Steve smiling obliviously and Bucky looking more and more pained. 

“You two know each other?” Tony asked faintly. 

“Yeah!” Steve told him. “It’s Bucky. You know, my paintball friend? I know I’ve told you about him before. We grew up together? And now we meet up every couple months? Go paintballing or axe throwing or whatever, and -- Ow!” He ducked and winced as both Tony and Bucky simultaneously whacked him on the shoulder. 

“What the fuck, Rogers?” Tony demanded. He gestured wildly at Bucky. “This is James, my hot massage therapist! You knew him the entire time?” 

Steve offered up his most innocent smile. “Whoops?” 

@tonystarkbingo

#tonystarkbingo2020 #tsb2020 #winteriron #tony stark #james barnes #warfalcon #sam/rhodey #sam wilson #james rhodes #mutual pining #fluff #fic #my fic

[tonystarkbingo]

TSB August Flash Week 4 Roundup!  

Check out the awesome fills for this week!

Title: I Am Iron Donut Collaborator: rebelmeg Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 019 - I Am Iron Man Ship: N/A Rating: Gen Major Tags: Cross stitch, Fandom Craft Summary: cross stitch of Iron Man donut with a bite taken out

------------------------------------------

Title: Faraday Cage and the Stark Raving Burners Collaborator: DeeHellCat Link: AO3 Square Filled: 020 - Blueberries Ship: Gen Rating: Gen Major Tags: Burning Man, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Young Tony Stark, Pre-Iron Man 1  Summary: In 1996, Tony Stark hears about a wild party in the high desert and decides to drop in. Two years later, he finally does and learns a little something about himself. Word Count: 4044

------------------------------------------

Title: Peter, Peter, Purple Pumpkin Eater Collaborator: betheflame Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 018 - Juice Pops Ship: Stuckony Rating: Gen

------------------------------------------

Title: N/A Collaborator: betheflame Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 018 - Mutual Pining Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen

------------------------------------------

Title: Iron-Dad Collaborator: hddnone Link: AO3 Square Filled: 017 - Iron-Dad Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: Humor, fluff, interrupting kids  Summary: Bucky just wants to sex up his boyfriend after a long day, but Tony being the Team Dad to the next generation makes that difficult.  Word Count: 887

------------------------------------------

Title: Lunch Date Collaborator: darthbloodorange Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 017 - Cheeseburger Ship: Stony Rating: PG Major Tags: Art Summary: Cap-Tsum and Tony-Tsum go on a lunch date.

------------------------------------------

Title: TonyTsum to the Rescue Collaborator: darthbloodorange Link: Tumblr  Square Filled: 017 - Ultron Ship: Stony Rating: PG Major Tags: Art Summary: Ultron-Tsum has captured Cap-Tsum. Tony-Tsum is going to get him back.

------------------------------------------

Title: A Proud Father Collaborator: darthbloodorange Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 017 - Iron-Dad Ship: Stony Rating: PG Major Tags: Art, A/B/O, Implied mpreg Summary: Tony-Tsum watches over his family proudly.

------------------------------------------

Title: Keep You Warm Collaborator: darthbloodorange Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 017 - Bedsharing Ship: Stony Rating: PG Major Tags: Art Summary: The power went out in the Tower and the back-up generators have failed. Tony-Tsum cuddles Cap-Tsum and keeps him warm knowing how much he doesn’t like the cold.

------------------------------------------

Title: Longing to Linger Till Dawn Collaborator: poliz Link: AO3 Square Filled: 020 - Blueberries Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: dream sharing, CA:WS canon-divergence Summary: Tony finds himself in a dream, and apparently he’s not alone. Word Count: 1750

------------------------------------------

Title: How We Came To Be Friends First Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity Link: AO3 Square Filled: 019 - Accidentally Saving the Day Ship: gen, Friendship between Rocket, Groot and Tony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Kid Tony Stark, Kid Groot, Rocket ,Space Stone, AU: different backstory, firefight, shooting, marvel typical violence Summary: Despite fully knowing he wasn’t allowed to be in his dad’s lab, Tony couldn’t keep out of there. When he stumbled over a glowing blue cube, he got way more than he bargained for.Meeting a tree and freeing a raccoon is a hell of an adventure after all. Word Count: 2846

------------------------------------------

Title: Love Will Rule Collaborator: MagicaDraconia  Link: AO3 Square Filled: 018 - Mutual Pining Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Gen Major Tags: AU - Royalty, mutual pining, unrequited love (that's not so unrequited), fluff, weddings, love confessions Summary: Prince James of Rhodes and Prince Tony of Stark have known each other since they were six years old. Sure, they're now getting married, but that's just to bring the kingdoms together. It's not because they actually love each other. Is it...? Word Count: 2406

------------------------------------------

Title: The Under Grounds Collaborator: hddnone Link: AO3 Square Filled: 017 - Coffee Shop AU Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: None Summary: Bucky was still figuring out how things worked at The Under Grounds coffee shop. It was a strange magic that ran the place, though at least it washed the dishes. Bucky liked working there, though, and he liked the strange magical owner, Tony. Though that didn't mean when Steve stepped through the door, Bucky wasn't going to try to shove him right back out. “Bucky, what - I saw you - you were dead!” “I am.” Bucky’s voice was tight, but there wasn’t time to explain. “I am, Steve, I promise you, and you need to go back -”But the entrance was closed. Word Count: 2488

------------------------------------------

Title: My Two Dads Collaborator: ceealaina Link: AO3 Square Filled: 017 - Cheeseburger Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Teen Major Tags: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops and Cafes, Fluff Summary: Tony doesn't know how many times he can explain to the idiots in his life that no, he Rhodey are not actually a couple. But then there's a snowstorm, and only one bed, and suddenly Tony's wondering if maybe HE was the idiot in his life all along.  Word Count: 1162

------------------------------------------

Title: Hello, Nice to Meet you Again Collaborator: darthbloodorange Link: Tumblr  Square Filled: 017 - Coffee Shop AU Ship: Stony Rating: PG Major Tags: Art Summary: Cap-Tsum and Tony-Tsum keep meeting at a coffee shop.

------------------------------------------

Title: Of Mushrooms and Magma Collaborator: 27 dragons, tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: Chapter 1 - 020: Dark Secret Chapter 2 - Adopted: Ivan Vanko/Whiplash Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: Alternate Universe - Magic Summary: Tony's been in the Underdark for a while -- and is trying to find an excuse to stay longer. Word Count: 7662

------------------------------------------

Title: a pavilion of nervous butterflies (only seen in lucid dreams) Collaborator: deehellcat Link: AO3 Square Filled: 020 - Dark Secret Ship: Pepperony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence Summary: Ginny Potts, Obadiah Stane’s personal assistant, keeps clashing with the villainous Iron Man, intent on destroying his company; but are things as they seem? Word Count: 7410

------------------------------------------

Title: Guarding You Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity, Purple_ducky00 Link: AO3 Square Filled:  Chapter 1: 019 - Howard Stark                   016 - Bodyguard AU Chapter 2:  019 - Neighbour/Roommate Chapter 3: 016 - Locked in A Room Ship: WinterIronHusbands Rating: E Major Tags: AU Bodyguard, AU College/University, College Student Tony Stark, College Student Rhodey, Bodyguard Bucky Barnes, Fluff, Angst, Happy Ending, Dorks in love, Falling In Love, Fade to black sex, slices of life, Mention of alcohol, creep tries to creep on Tony, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Pining, Minor Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau/Nick Fury, mentioned dog, betrayal, Violence, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Injury Recovery, Clint Barton Trolls People Summary: As Tony Stark always managed to get rid of the bodyguards Howard sends, the older Stark decided to try a different agency, one he knew had specialized bodyguards.The man he ends up hiring seems competent enough.James "Bucky" Barnes gets a job which leads him back to college. He might or might not gets into trouble with his neighbors Tony Stark and Rhodey Rhodes. And those troubles might lead to something neither of the three could have anticipated. Word Count: 8604

------------------------------------------

Title: Penny for a Thought Collaborator: hddnone Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 017 - Ultron Ship: Stony (pre-relationship) Rating: Teen Major Tags: can be read as not Wanda friendly, post A:AOU Summary: Steve has to figure out how to handle Wanda telling him that Tony has been thinking about rebuilding Ultron.  Word Count: 817

------------------------------------------

Title: Of Life and Death and Doors Collaborator: hddnone Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 017 - Bed-sharing Ship: WinterIron (pre-relationship) Rating: Teen Major Tags: character death but not really, Under Grounds verse, Steve & Bucky friendship but Tony doesn’t know that~ Summary: Tony can hold off Life for one day.  Word Count: 723

------------------------------------------

Title: Through Rainbow Lights Collaborator: hddnone Link: Tumblr Square Filled: 017 - Cheeseburger Ship: None Rating: Teen Major Tags: character death but not really, Under Grounds verse Summary: Running into Thaddeus Ross is never a fun time.  Word Count: 1211

------------------------------------------

Title: Meet Your Soulmate Collaborator: EachPeachPearPlum Link: AO3 Square Filled: 020 - dark secret Ship: Peggy/Daniel, Peggy & Steve, emphatically not Steve/Peggy Rating: Teen Major Tags: Good Place AU so all on-screen characters are dead, mourning for a partner who is still alive? Summary: Following her death and subsequent arrival in the Good Place, Peggy is still grieving the husband she left behind, and has no interest whatsoever in meeting someone new. Even if he is her soulmate. Word Count: 625

------------------------------------------

Title: Emphatically Not a Nun Collaborator: EachPeachPearPlum Link: AO3 Square Filled: 020 - Thanos - replaced with adoptable psychological torture Ship: none Rating: Teen Major Tags: Good Place AU so all dead, Good Place spoilers Summary: Wanda is not and has never been a nun. Word Count: 288

------------------------------------------

Title: Shellhead Collaborator: EachPeachPearPlum Link: AO3 Square Filled: 020 - shellhead Ship: none Rating: Teen Major Tags: Good Place AU Summary: Tony doesn’t understand how humans manage it, being so soft and squishy, nothing but a few easily breakable bones to protect their vital organs. And the men, with all their dangly vulnerability… Tony has no idea how the fork evolution could have resulted in something so utterly impractical, but apparently it has, and all he can really say about it is yikes. Word Count: 201

------------------------------------------

Title: King of Antioxidants Collaborator: EachPeachPearPlum Link: AO3 Square Filled: 020 - blueberries Ship: pre Steve/Tony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Good Place AU, dumbassery, crack Summary: What,, Steve wonders, is with the number of places selling only blueberries products here? Word Count: 282

------------------------------------------

Title: Defection Collaborator: JacarandaBanyan Link: AO3 Square Filled: 021 - Science Fiction AU Ship: Nebula & Tony Rating: Gen Major Tags: scifi AU, implied/referenced torture Summary: Nebula has been sent by Thanos to kill genius inventor and only permanent resident of Novathela’s outer moon Tony Stark before he can oppose the Mad Titan. Word Count: 1728

#tonystarkbingo #tsbflash #tsbmiv #weekly flash roundup #august flash #week 4 roundup

[madfatty]

the careful and considered musings of an uncertain cupid - an mmfd fic #24

A million years ago I asked if anyone had a particular behind-the-scenes type of thing that they wanted to read and @i-dream-of-emus posed the following scenario:

What happens to Archie between Barney kissing him during Spin the Bottle, and the next morning, when Archie tells Rae that he is definitely gay? Does he spend any time with Barney or have any significant conversations with anyone else?

After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, it’s done. Whether I hit the brief on not is beyond my understanding at this point as I’ve lost all perspective and I’m just posting it out of sheer bloody-mindedness. As Barney will tell you, it’s now or bloody never.

It’s from Barney’s POV because it seemed to me he was the one who could best tell the story. Whether it’s the story you’re expecting, remains to be seen. In return for the telling, I’ve given him a surname and an Irish cousin.  

In spite of all my ungracious whining, my thanks go to @i-dream-of-emus for the truly interesting (and challenging) prompt and for the encouraging words, although I’m probably more the writing equivalent of a tortoise than a word warrior I very much appreciate the sentiment. Also, big squishy thanks to @bitchy-broken for the twice-over and the good advice.  

I apologise in advance to any Irish readers for my blatant inference that the Irish can, at times, perhaps be a little difficult to understand.

So, after an age and without further ado, I offer you, for the time being at least, the careful and considered musings of an uncertain cupid (no copyright infringement in the title for a change. I came up with that one one my own). Make use of it as you see fit.

Let us now draw a line under it and speak of it no more. I thank you xo

the careful and considered musings of an uncertain cupid

Midway through his approach, Barney started second-guessing his plan. Fuelled by three lagers and half a spliff, it had seemed as good an idea as any at the time, but the look of mild panic in Archie’s eyes as he swooped down on him gave Barney pause for thought. Archie’s immediate reluctance had Barney regretting his actions but with gritted teeth he leaned in to the kiss. There was no going back now, he’d committed, so he forged on, gripping Archie’s face firmly but gently and planted one on him.  There was no danger of tongues, which Barney was grateful for, and though rigid to begin with, Archie didn’t struggle and there might have been a slight puckering of lips towards the end there, which Barney decided to take as a positive sign.

In hindsight, he had to admit it may not have been the subtlest of moves, but short of walking up to Archie and asking him straight out if he was into guys, he couldn’t think of another way of sounding him out, so when the bottle landed on Arch, Barney saw his opportunity and went for it. Thinking about it now, Barney conceded he may have been overly convinced of his own snogging abilities to expect that with one kiss, Archie would be moved to suddenly declare himself gay in front of God and everyone, but that’s what three lagers and half a spliff can do for your confidence.

Bloody cousin Kit, it was all his fault. If he hadn’t been dragging his face around since he’d arrived in Stamford, Barney wouldn’t have felt the need to get involved.  After the beating he’d taken back home, it would have been sensible for him to steer well clear of any sort of… shenanigans for a while, at least until he was fully healed anyway, but no, after a kick-around with the lads last Sunday afternoon, Kit’s mood had brightened considerably, thanks to one Archie Spencer. Barney had spent the rest of the week facing a barrage of increasingly personal and unanswerable questions which included favourite colours and ice cream flavours, and the most often repeated, “Do you think he could be gay?”

+++

Barney gets to stand closer than most to the gang and while he’s not specifically looking for things, there’s stuff he can’t help but see. Like Chop; if Chop doesn’t get his head out of his arse soon and stop faffing about, he’s going to blow it with Izzy for good. It’s only the fact that he knows Izzy is completely besotted with the idiot that stops Barney from making a move on the redhead himself. She’s an absolute cracker and wasted on the likes of Chop Peters as far as he’s concerned, but the heart wants what it wants, he supposes, and there’s no accounting for taste.

Then there’s the two new girls who have recently made for interesting times. Their little group has become quite the sordid hot bed of hormones and longing. It’s like an episode of Eastenders most days.

After flirting with a number of lads, and some unsubstantiated rumours about a certain PE teacher, Chloe has finally set her sights on Finn. Not that it will get her anywhere, poor lass, because Finn’s got it bad for Rae, who’s either oblivious or just not interested.  It could be because she’s still carrying some more-than-friendly feelings for Archie. Who would know? You’d be forgiven for thinking they were a couple, what with all the whispering and giggling and wandering off to private corners to talk amongst themselves, but no, ‘just mates’, apparently.  

And not that he needs any sympathy from the likes of him, but Barney can’t help but spare a thought for Finn. With a pulling history unrivalled locally, he now finds himself on the sidelines, just like a regular bloke, looking on anxiously, biting his fingernails and biding his time, trying to figure out if he should make his move now or wait until his best friend decides once and for all  if he wants to call romantic first dibs on the girl he fancies. See? Eastenders.

Archie is a tough one though. Girls fancy him something rotten. There are always at least one or two sniffing around him at any given time.  Barney reckons it’s the specky-muso-sensitive-geek vibe Arch has going for him. But while Barney has seen him get off with various girls over the years, it very rarely lasts longer than a weekend at most and though many have tried, none have ever managed to attain girlfriend status.  

Whatever. They’re teenagers, nothing is supposed to last more than a week or two anyway, so it isn’t proof of anything. Other than the fact Archie always seems to have one eye on the door, like he’s counting down the days to a life beyond the rest of them, there is nothing that Barney can put his finger on that would indicate there is anything different about him.

Not that it’s any skin off Barney’s nose if Archie is gay. The way he sees it, it just means better odds for the rest of them. Theoretically. Plus, he’s a good guy is Arch, and Barney knows Kit would be in safe hands, even if it turns out that Archie isn’t. Gay.

+++

Kit’s doing his head in. Every time Barney turns around, he’s right there under his feet, big soulful eyes pleading and his palms pressed together. It’s so not fair. It’s a party for fuck’s sake. He’s supposed to be getting rat-arsed and trying to get off with girls, not playing matchmaker for his over-excited cousin. It’s becoming clear however, he’s not going to have a minute’s peace until he talks to Archie so, with a belly full of booze and a warped sense of familial loyalty, and without the first idea of what he’s going to say, or where a conversation like the one he thinks is going to take place will end up, he begins a circuit of the house, nicking two orphaned cans of premium lager from the sideboard on his way through and goes in search of his bespectacled mate.

+++

He’s not hard to find, sitting on his own in a quiet corner of the dining room, monitoring the slow demolition of Rae’s house with mild disinterest. Before he can think about it, Barney rolls his neck and shakes his arms out like a boxer and braces himself for whatever comes next.  

“Oi, Spencer,” He barks, causing Archie to blink up at him owlishly from behind his glasses. He hands him one of the cans and lowers himself to the floor, cross-legged, “you don’t fancy me now do you?”

“Nah. Sorry.” Despite his casual tone, Archie’s body language shifts immediately from the relaxed slouch he was wearing seconds ago to something tense and wary. He pops the lager open and slides back towards the French doors to put some distance between them when their knees bump.

“Yeah well, I only used one lip. Didn’t want to spoil you for everyone else.”

“Very thoughtful of you, Barney.”  Archie’s smile is tight and goes nowhere near his eyes.

“It’s probably for the best.” Barney sighs dramatically. “I’m a free spirit Arch; I can’t be tied down and I won’t be tamed.”

“I appreciate you letting me know.”  

“So, not in love then, but not traumatised either, eh?” asks Barney, hopefully.

“Only by your breath.”

“Hey!” Barney cups the hand that’s not holding his drink up to his mouth and breathes out, his nose wrinkling in disgust. “And noted.”

A longish, awkward silence follows, where Barney alternates between staring at his hands and nodding amiably at anyone who wanders past and Archie distractedly taps out, what sounds very much to Barney like Pulp’s ‘Do You Remember the First Time?’ on the side of his can with his fingernail. Halfway through the second verse, Archie huffs and stands, looking around the room for somewhere else to be.

“Well,” he drawls, “It’s been nice chatting with you Barney, as always.”

If Barney’s really going to do this, it’s now or bloody never.

“Wait!” Barney grabs at Archie’s wrist and pulls him back down to the floor. “It’s just… some fellas would have freaked out about it, yeah? Would have thought it was gross. Being kissed by a lad. But you didn’t. You took it like a pro.” He blurts out.  

Well shit, that had sounded less… judgy in his head. He’d been aiming for casual; sort of man-of-the-world, sophisticated but it definitely didn’t have any of that. On reflection, a practice run might have been the way to go, or at least waiting until he had a fully formed thought about what he was going to say before he started. His tone could probably use some work too because Archie looks like he’s been slapped. Barney wishes he could take it all back and start again.

“You kissed me, remember?” There’s something tense and fearful in Archie’s eyes. And hurt. Which is the worst part.  He doesn’t look away though.

Maybe Barney has the answer to Kit’s question but at what cost? The hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach proves once and for all what he’d already suspected, that it’s none of his business and it really doesn’t matter either way. What does matter is Archie, and not hurting his feelings.  Kit will be gone in a couple of weeks, but Barney will still be here and so will Archie. He needs to fix this.

“I know, I know. Look, I didn’t mean… I just meant that you were cool about it and that’s really… cool.” Jesus, he mutters under his breath, could I be any more pathetic? There’s a moment when he think there’s a real possibility he could go blind, his eyes have rolled so far back in his head. “I mean, It’s no big deal, is it? Two lads kissing. Plenty of people… lads do it so, it’s not like it’s weird or anything. At all. Not normal but… well, not ‘not’ normal, ‘normal’s’ not the right word, not… usual. Different is what I meant.  But it’s okay, is what I’m saying….”  Thankfully God or someone of a similar pay grade intervenes before it gets any worse and he’s able to hit the pause button on his verbal incontinence. That’s right, Barney-boy. Put the shovel down. The hole’s big enough.  

“I need to stop talking for a bit.” Barney lets his head fall between his knees while he tries to pull some much needed air into his lungs. From his current position he is spared the rich tapestry of facial tics and expressions that accompany the rapid flow of emotions currently coursing through his friend as he tries to process what’s just been said.

“I think that would be best.”

Eventually, after another silence, not quite as long but far more awkward than the previous one Archie says, “That was very enlightened of you, mate.”

“Thanks.” Whispers Barney, still quietly trying to assess the damage. He forces himself to unfold, leaning forward and lower so he can look Archie in the eye. “Are we good though, you and me? I’m good,” he says earnestly, his hand splayed across his chest, “and I just want to know that you’re good too. That it’s all… good.” His other hand lands on Archie’s forearm and before he can stop himself he gives it what he hopes is a reassuring squeeze. Judging by the look on Archie’s face, this maybe a step too far.  

“Jesus, don’t start that again, Barney, for fuck’s sake.”  Archie groans, shaking him off.  

“Right. Sorry.” Please God, let him not have fucked this up. Lesson learnt. Kit can get his own bloody boyfriends in future.  

“It’s alright. There’s no harm done.” Archie sighs, draining his drink and stacking it neatly with the other empties he’s got stashed behind the French door curtains. Archie’s got quite the collection going.

“Good. Sorry. I mean, excellent.”  Barney thinks now would be a good time to take a break from all the weirdness; go for a walk, find a drink, maybe bang his head against a brick wall outside for a bit. Archie seems to have the same idea.

He stands and stretches out, reconnoitres the room. Without warning, he drops back to the floor next to Barney like someone just switched off gravity. None too subtly, he leans over and mutters from the side of his mouth into Barney’s ear.

“Don’t look now, but there’s a strange guy watching us from the kitchen.”  

“What? Where?”  He doesn’t have to turn around to know who Archie’s talking about, but he makes a show of looking anyway.  Kit startles, deer-in-the-headlights fashion, at being caught staring and swiftly ducks behind the doorway out of view. Not two seconds later he’s back, well, half of him anyway, peeking out around the corner. It’d be hilarious if they weren’t actually related.  

“Didn’t I say ‘don’t look now’?” Archie hisses, punching Barney on the shoulder, rather hard.

“Ow. Easy.  D’you mean that long streak of piss over my shoulder? The one trying to look like he’s not at all interested in what’s being said over here?”

Archie’s voice is slightly higher than normal when he answers.

“The er, tall guy, black hair, kind of…” Archie doesn’t finish the thought.  His cheeks colour and he dips his head to hide it. “I think he was at the park the other day.”

“That’s my cousin, Kit.  He’s staying at ours over the holidays.”  

“What happened to his face?”

Barney hesitates. He doesn’t want to lie to Archie but it isn’t his story to tell. “Couple of guys where he’s from thought they had a say in who he could and couldn’t hang out with.”

“That’s horrible.”

He thinks about Kit’s face when he first arrived in Stamford, the ugly patchwork of yellow and purple and how he wouldn’t leave the house for the first three days. Horrible doesn’t even begin to cover it.

“Yeah, it was, but he’s on the mend now.” He watches Archie watching Kit with a look of genuine concern. The longer it goes on, the softer Archie’s gaze becomes, until it’s something else entirely. Eventually he seems to remember himself and looks away nervously. Barney’s blushing almost as hotly as Archie when he decides. He may have only just finished promising God that he’s not going to interfere, but if it turns out Archie’s interested on his own, surely introducing them wouldn’t be considered interfering. It’s just good manners.  

“Hey, you couldn’t do me a favour could you Arch? Could I maybe leave him with you for a bit?”

“You want me to babysit? Why? Is there something wrong with him?”

“Of course there‘s something fucking wrong with him! Look at him, he’s daft as a brush, darting in and out like some whack-a-mole at a fun fair,” is what Barney wants to say, but it would defeat the purpose so he adopts an affronted tone and blusters,

“Of course there’s nothing wrong with him! Why would you ask that for fuck’s sake?”

“Well, you’re acting like his mum or something, trying to get us to play together. Why can’t he make friends on his own?”

“He’s shy, is all. Please Arch, he’s slowing me down, with the ladies, you know?”

“Slowing you down, or showing you up?” Archie’s always fancied himself a bit of a comedian and Barney’s always seen it as his duty to remind him otherwise, but he’ll tolerate the smirk and the raised eyebrows this one time for the sake of his cause. No one can say that Barney Maguire isn’t a team player.

“Oi!  Rude. And a little bit hurtful. Oh come on, be a pal.” Barney whines. “I can hardly leave him with the likes of Charlie or Mick or any of those tossers now, can I? He’d end up on Crimewatch for driving the getaway car and me ma’d crease me.”

“So what you’re saying is you can leave him with me because I’m boring.”

Barney hasn’t had nearly enough to drink for all this. Matchmaking sucks. There’s too much thinking you have to do and it’s all about other people. He doesn’t even put this much effort in to trying to get his own dates.

“Look, I just think you’d get on, alright?” he tells Archie. “He likes football and sci-fi movies and all that mopey, indie crap you call music. He’s into boring books about the olden days and that weird Goth comic-thing you’re always reading.” He stops himself before he mentions the piano playing and the competitive swimming, afraid he may have over-egged the pudding already. Barney had no idea that he knew so much about either of them.  It’s a little disconcerting.

“I dunno, Barn…” Archie bares the posture of the overwhelmed. He’s all wrapped around himself, knees drawn up tight to his chest, face pressed into his thighs. If he starts rocking, Barney’s not sure that he knows what to do.  

This was too big a job for the likes of him, he can see that now. This emotional stuff is draining, and it’s starting to give him a headache. What made him think he had the first clue about getting two people together when he can’t even manage to find someone for himself? Archie’s clearly not into it, which would strongly indicate that Archie’s not even gay, so all this self-humiliation has all been for nothing. It’s the first and last time he involves himself in someone else’s love life, that’s for sure.

He doesn’t know what else to do. It just seems a shame, is all. God, he needs drink.

“You know what? You’re right. Forget about it.” He sighs, holding his lager to his lips and up-ending it hopefully. Empty. Of course it is. “You’re a good guy, Arch and you always treat people decent but I shouldn’t have asked. Kit’s not your problem.”  

There’s a muffled groan and almost a whole minute of what sounds like an intense solo debate. Barney can’t make any of it out as it’s delivered directly into Archie’s lap.  With a deep sigh of resignation, Archie turns to face him, cheek still resting on his leg. “Go on then.” He huffs.

“Huh?”

“I’ll babysit.”

“You will?” Barney squeaks, his face nearly splitting in two with delight before he sobers. He drops his voice back to its normal octave as he raises his hands in conciliation. “You don’t have to.”

Archie actually growls. “So help me Barney, I will punch you right in your stupid face…”

“Okay, okay.’ Still waving his hands about. “Did I say he was Irish? I only mention it because you may not understand most of what he’s saying. I’m related to him and I still have no idea what he’s on about most of the time.”

Barney concedes this may be a discussion best left to another time if Archie’s glare is anything to go by.

“I’m going to send him over now, alright Arch?”

Archie swallows nervously. “Alright.”

Barney grins, and slaps Archie good-naturedly, if not a little too enthusiastically, on the arm. “Good man.”  Barney stands and waves Kit over from where he’s been lurking. Before he walks away, Barney turns and stage whispers, “Remember, don’t make fun of his accent.”

He watches the tall scruffy Irish boy make his way over, self-consciously running a hand through his hair, straightening his shirt. He wonders what Archie’s face is doing but doesn’t dare turn around to find out. He thinks it must be encouraging at least because Kit’s smile keeps growing exponentially wider.

“Calm the fuck down, and whatever happens, don’t feel you need to share, yeah? We need never speak of it again.”  Barney growls as he passes him on his way into the kitchen. His cousin barely acknowledges him with a slight shift of his fingers and ups his pace. He’s moving so fast Barney’s afraid that Kit is going to trip over his remarkably big feet and land in an ungainly pile of over-sharp knees and elbows on the object of his affection.  Miraculously, when he comes to a full and sudden stop, Kit manages to stay upright and Archie appears unscathed.  

Kit’s still beaming as Archie extends his hand and says, “Hi, I’m Archie.”

Archie’s looking pretty pleased too. Barney wouldn’t say there were sparks exactly, but something seems to be happening. He lingers for a moment like an anxious parent, just to make sure everything’s okay and then wanders off in the direction of another drink. If he’s lucky, he’ll cross paths with some young lovely who hasn’t yet alleviated her post-spin-the-bottle disappointment with someone else. He’ll be properly pissed off if the only one in the family getting any tonight is Kit.

Playing Cupid to his gay cousin and his possibly gay mate from college would no doubt score points with soft hearted, romantically inclined girls, but it might take a little more to convince the fellas, so it’s not a story he’ll be relying on any time soon. Barney Maguire is nothing if not discreet.

The things you do for family he thinks, as he smooths a sweaty hand over his hair and goes in search of Anna Harris.

#madfatty spouts off #mmfdfanfic #the careful and considered musings of an uncertain cupid #24 #asked and answered #FINALLY #i-dream-of-emus