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sunmoonandeddie · 4 years

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have you seen baby?

pairing: bucky barnes x reader x natasha romanoff

word count: 3,196

summary: You and your two lovers haven’t gotten to spend much time together. Also, sex pollen.

warnings: Bad words. Filthy, filthy smut. Sex pollen.

a/n: Thank you so much to @cake-writes for this commission! I loved writing it and I really hope you enjoy it!

It’s late.

Well. Relatively late. Nearing three in the afternoon, and Natasha hadn’t seen you. Of course, that barred that morning when she woke up to your pretty face still sleeping beside her. Unfortunately, Bucky was on a mission, otherwise she’d get to see his equally as pretty face on your other side. It was disappointing. There was just something so sweet about waking up to the two loves of her life.

But now, it was almost three, and you hadn’t even emerged from your lab for lunch.

Which is why she headed down two floors to the huge lab that you, Tony, and Bruce shared. You kind of played as an inbetween for the both of them, wanting to know it all and then some. It was precious.

But it also meant that you had a bad habit of getting lost in your work and not emerging for hours or sometimes days. You had been getting better about it, if only because Bucky and Natasha were always on your ass about it.

Which is only because they love you. So much. Like. So so much.

“Have you seen Baby?” Natasha asked Sam, who was wandering through the kitchen after his workout.

He had a protein shake in his hand, sweat dripping from his brow. “No, can’t say I have. And you know you can call her by her name when it comes to other people, right?”

She rolled her eyes and gave him a look. “Her name is Baby.”

“To you.”

“To Bucky and me,” she retorted. “And besides, she doesn’t even respond to her name when it’s coming from us anymore.” A small smile crept up on her lips. “It’s adorable.” But she was on a mission. She had a little box that came in with the mail that’s a present just for you.

And sometimes Bucky, depending on how he was feeling.

But Natasha didn’t like being touched. She liked to give, but never to receive. Her therapist said it had to do with the various traumas that she’d taken on while growing up in the Red Room. Her body had never been her own during that time. She’d been hurt over and over and over again, to the point where someone touching her body in a sexual way sent her into a panic attack.

Bucky was mostly the same way. He had a hard time with sexual touch, though he’d gotten a lot better about it.

It was just one of those things that Natasha had to deal with. Not that it was hard. She loved taking care of you with Bucky’s help. Their little pillow princess.

You were always the smart girl. Some could argue that you were smarter than both Bruce Banner and Tony Stark simply because you knew both fields and then some. You tended to become… obsessed. You had to know more about everything just for the sake of knowing more. But with that, your mind was always going a million miles an hour. Which is why when it came to the bedroom, it was really nice to just be able to let go and not think for a while. You got to be their dumb little baby girl. It was always about you when it came to sex.

When it came to who needed cuddles and affection, that was when it was their turn. You slept in the middle of them, cradled between them like a precious pearl. You fought off their nightmares for them, their fears. You made them see that they were more than the weapons they had been crafted into. You provided relief for each other in different ways.

Before you had come along, Bucky and Natasha’s love had been volatile. They were missing a piece of the puzzle, even if they hadn’t realized it.

And then their precious little princess had been hired on as a scientist, and their lives were forever changed. They knew immediately that you were the one for them, their missing piece.

Of course, it had taken a while to get you to understand just what they wanted. You might be the smartest in the lab, but when it came to relationships…

Which is what brought her to today. You’d been a little… off lately. Of course, that could be because her and Bucky had been on back to back missions for the past few months. There hadn’t been a lot of time for the three of you all together, which was always frustrating. It was the longest amount of time the three of you hadn’t gotten to all be together since becoming a triad.

And they felt even worse when they both had to leave on missions and leave you all by your lonesome.

Maybe they’d get you a kitten. You wouldn’t have time for a puppy, but a cat? You’d love that. A little lab buddy. Or maybe they’d get you one of those senior cats with three legs that was deaf in one ear. Yeah, you’d love that.

But then it would die a lot quicker than a kitten, and they’d have to pick up the pieces because that would destroy you. But then you’d also be so happy that you got to give the cat a really good few years at the end.

Whatever. She’d talk to Bucky about it when he got home and they could make a decision.

But the little box.

The elevator down to the lab seemed to take forever, the silence mocking her since Tony absolutely hated elevator music and refused to let it play in the Tower. But was even more unsettling was the fact that you weren’t in the lab.

“Hey, have you seen Baby?” Natasha asked Tony, who was fiddling with something on his tablet.

“It’s still weird that you call her that to everyone.”

“It’s her name.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Her name is—”

“Baby,” Natasha said, glaring at him. “Yes, I know. Have you seen her?”

“You disgust me.” The man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as his eyes squeezed shut for a moment. “I think she went down to the spare testing room. Something about an unknown vapor.”

An unknown vapor? You hadn’t mentioned that. Then again, you’d been kinda quiet lately.

She headed down another few floors, bearing the silence as she went through a mental list of things she needed to get done. It was your birthday soon. She needed to make sure all three of you could get off, and she’d plan something really special. You deserved it.

The testing room you’re in has all floor to ceiling windows for walls, but she can’t see you.

“Strange,” she muttered under her breath. She headed for the doors, and her eyes widened as she saw you through the glass.

You were lying on the ground, sweat dripping from your brow, with your hand in your pants. From the… rapid way your hand was moving, there was no mistaking what was happening.

But why the hell were you touching yourself right there where anyone could walk by and see you?! Not that she didn’t like it. She loved watching you touch yourself and she often ordered you to when she was in a dominating mood. It was so much fun watching you edge yourself.

No, it was the whole public thing that was confusing her.

You looked up as she started to push the doors open, her eyes widening. “N-Natasha, no!” You shouted.

But it was too late. A sickly sweet substance filled her nose, and seconds later, she felt a strange heat creeping up over her. What the hell was happening? And why did her skin feel so warm?

“N-Natasha,” you whimpered, rolling on your side. Your fingers were still rubbing desperately at your clit, trying to find some kind of release. “Nattie, it hurts. It hurts. M-Make it stop.”

And god damn it. Her precious lover begging her to make whatever it was stop hurting? She was gonna figure out a way to make it stop hurting.

She crawled towards her, frowning as she saw a broken test tube on the floor. “What the hell is this?” She couldn’t read the label on it, the ink smeared. Tossing it to the side, she finally made it to you. “W-What hurts, Baby? What hurts?”

Your glassy eyes were wild as your hips bucked up in the air, a vein on your forehead popping out. “F-Fuck me. Fuck me, Nattie, please,” she begged, whining desperately. “Oh, my god, I need it. I need it. Please.”

“H-Here? Baby, wha—”

“Natasha, please, I am literally beg… begging you. Please,” you cried, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Well. It’s a good thing she brought the box with her. She ripped it open, pulling out the new harness that she ordered with it. “Okay. Okay, angel, but you gotta let me get my strap on, okay?” She asked sweetly as she stripped down. She didn’t care who saw. She had to help her baby girl.

Your response of a weak whimper only made her go faster.

She practically ripped off your clothes, a groan tearing its way out of her throat as she spread your legs. You were so wet it was obscene, your poor little clit swollen.

“Oh, pretty girl,” she cooed as she ran her fingers through your slick folds, slipping two in with ease. “You didn’t ask permission to touch yourself, sweetheart… But I think I can let this time slide…” With her one free hand, she pulled the new dildo out of its packaging, smirking at the whimper that escaped your lips as you saw it.

It was pretty. Really pretty. Eight inches, made of that realistic feeling silicone, and a gorgeous opal color. Her and Bucky ordered it especially with you in mind, since opals are your favorite.

“N-Natasha, please…” You grinded against her fingers, your pussy clenching as you tried to get more.

“Oh, good girl… You look so pretty, Baby.” She used her one hand to attach the dildo to the harness, her eyes flicking back and forth between the heat between your legs and her fumbling fingers as she finally got it secure. She ran it through your folds, getting it nice and slicked up.

That’s when the doors opened again, the familiar sound of size twelve boots coming towards them. “What the hell is that smell and why are you two—” Bucky broke off as he felt the heat. “Oh, shit.”

Natasha grinned as she looked over at Bucky. They were both clearly feeling the heat that the mysterious substance had caused, but not nearly as bad as you were. “I caught our little baby touching herself without permission… out where anyone could walk by and see her.”

The third member of your triad was already working on undoing his belt, tearing it off so quickly that it ripped a few of his belt loops, leaving little holes in his pants. “Has our baby been a little naughty?” He asked as he stripped down, kicking off his boots. He grasped your face with his metal hand, the cool digits a welcome reprieve to the heat that had overwhelmed you. “Princess, have you been a bad girl? Huh?” He lightly slapped your cheek, just enough to get you to answer. “When I ask a question, I expect an answer, sweetheart.”

You nodded, whining as you nuzzled your head against his cool hand, the angle hurting your neck a little since you were still on your back. “Yes. Yes, Bucky. I’ve been so bad, I’m so sorry…” You looked up at him with glittering eyes, your cheeks tear stained. “I need you. Please.”

His blue eyes were soft as he leaned down, stealing a soft kiss from your swollen lips. “What’s your safeword, Baby?” He asked, his free hand wrapping around his swollen cock.

“Bracelet.”

“And if you can’t talk?” Natasha probed, still sliding her strap through your folds.

Your hand wrapped around Bucky’s wrist, squeezing twice.

“Good girl,” he said, kissing you once more. His strong hands flipped you over easily, placing you on your hands and knees.

Almost immediately after, Natasha’s hand came down on your ass, causing you to jerk forward. “You better suck Bucky’s cock, Baby,” she said as a smirk curled up the edges of her lips. “If you want me to fuck you, you better put that pretty mouth to good use.”

“But—”

“Did she stutter, angel?” Bucky asked as he grabbed her chin, forcing you to look up at him. “Tasha gave you an order. Are you going to be a good girl and listen?” His flesh thumb ran over your plump bottom lip. “Don’t you wanna be a good girl for us? Huh?”

Fuck. Yeah, you did. You always wanted to be a good girl for your two lovers.

Matching moans fell from Bucky and Natasha’s mouths as your tongue flicked out to slide up his length, circling around the head. You always gave absolutely filthy head, your eyes watering as you choked around his length.

As you took him all the way, Natasha slid her strap into your wet heat, all the way to the hilt. You let out a choked moan, your eyes wide as she started to thrust in and out of you. Her fingers dug into your hips deliciously, the acrylics she kept at a relatively short length leaving little crescent moon indents. You loved it. The pain felt so fucking good.

“We should’ve made you wear your butt plug, Baby.” Bucky’s jaw clenched as he reached to gather some of your slick on his finger, before circling it around your tight hole. “Could’ve had you waiting for us to fuck you proper while I was on a mission all week…”

Natasha’s hips slammed against yours as she pressed her lips to Bucky’s. “We don’t use the diamond one enough considering how much we paid for it.”

You pulled off of Bucky’s cock with a pop, glaring at the two of them. “Is this the time to be talking about how often we use the butt plug?”

“Did I say you could stop sucking my cock?” Bucky growled as he grabbed your face and started throat-fucking you. “It’s been too long since we put you in your place, angel. You’re getting mouthy.”

“She’s always been mouthy.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks as Natasha and Bucky’s thrusts sent waves of pleasure through you. The heat that had consumed your body was faded, and all you could think about was making your doms feel good.

All the background noise that had been in your mind over the past few weeks was gone, drowned out by the praises coming from your lovers. All the self-doubt that coursed through your mind was gone when they loved you like this.

You choked around Bucky’s cock as you came suddenly, the release coming over you like a wave.

It only seemed to spur them on more as Natasha fucked you that much harder, Bucky’s fingers scratching soothingly against your scalp as he got closer and closer to the edge. You could always tell when he was close by the way his thrusts got more and more sloppy.

Natasha’s hand reached down and around to rub your clit, the pretty opal dildo sliding in and out of you with ease. She wished she had her phone if just so she could record the moans falling from you and Bucky’s mouths.

Hell, she’d make it her fucking ringtone.

It wasn’t long before Bucky came with a shout, spilling down your throat.

He groaned, his head falling back as he felt you licking him clean. He let you finish before pulling out, getting on his knees and kissing you sweetly.

Your eyes were dazed, a little bit of cum you hadn’t swallowed dribbling out of your mouth. You looked so damn pretty like that. Dumb from pleasure.

“You gonna cum again for us, Baby?” He asked sweetly, holding your face in his hands.

A nod, your lips starting to move to form words but not quite getting there. Adorable.

He watched it coming. Watched as your breath hitched and your eyes rolled back in your head before you let out a cry. You blacked out as your second orgasm ripped through you, violently like an earthquake. A force of nature.

“Seriously? In the lab?!” Tony demanded, glaring at them from the entrance. “What the hell happened?!”

Bucky and Natasha were very blasé faire about their own nudity, but they didn’t like anyone else seeing you. The redhead reached for the little test tube that she’d tossed to the side when she’d first gotten there as he covered you up with his leather jacket, cradling your exhausted body to his chest. He pressed soft kisses to your forehead as he rocked you back and forth.

“I think it was whatever was in this,” Natasha said as she looked at it curiously, trying to make out what the writing on the label was. “... Sexus… Pollinis?”

Tony grumbled as he walked over and grabbed the tube, looking it over. “It’s literally Latin for sex pollen. Which probably means exactly what we think.”

“Is that what the smell in the air was?” Bucky asked.

Natasha nodded. “I think most of it spilled on her, which is why she was so affected but we weren’t.”

“Okay. I’ll… clean all this stuff up,” Tony said. “Get her out of here and in a bed. Or a bath.” He shook his head as he started to call for the robots that mopped the floor. “Animals.”

You came to in your shared room, curled up between them in your giant tub. “Wha’ happened?”

“Hey, baby girl,” Bucky cooed, his fingers massaging your sore shoulders. “How do you feel?”

For some reason, you started crying. It just came over you.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Natasha said, cupping your face and wiping your tears. “Baby, what’s going on? Huh? Talk to us…”

“I-I’ve just been f-feeling so alone a-and this is the first time w-we’ve all been together in two m-months,” you whimpered in a shattered glass voice, barely able to string together a full sentence through your hiccups. “A-And you’ve been gone s-so often that all I can think is m-maybe I’m j-just here because you’re both d-dominants and needed a s-s-submissive!”

Bucky and Natasha’s faces both fell and they squeezed you that much closer to them.

“Oh, Baby, no,” Natasha said. Her heart hurt as she realized that that’s why you’ve been so off lately. “We love you so much. So, so much.”

“I think it’s time we stopped going on so many missions anyway, Baby,” Bucky added, his fingers tickling up and down your back. “I’m tired of not being home with my girls.”

“Really?” You asked softly, looking at him like he’d just told you he’d give you the moon.

“Yeah,” Natasha said, bringing your hand to her lips. She pressed a kiss to your left ring finger as her eyes met Bucky’s, a knowing look on his face. Maybe soon there’d be a ring on that finger. “Really, Baby.”

#bucky barnes x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #bucky barnes x reader x natasha romanoff #bucky x reader x natasha

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tiktaalic · 3 years

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Why exactly do you see Dean as gay rather than bi? Absolutely feel free to completely ignore this ask if you don't want to go into it - it's just I've heard that interpretation a few times here on Tumblr and I'd genuinely be really interested to hear your thoughts behind it, and how you relate it to the way Dean canonically acts on the show

the pithy answer is projection! the unpithy answer is that out of 320 episodes over the span of 15 years, there is one (1) where his attraction comes off as genuine to me, and it took place fifteen years ago (cassie). i’m a lesbian, and when i was younger i had really genuine and meaningful friendships with men that i thought meant i was in love with them. they were very dear friends to me and i cared deeply about them, and they continue to be dear to me and people i care deeply about now that my head’s on straighter. so that’s that point.

this is. going to be a long post so this is the preemptive warning to everyone who can’t read tumblr paragraphs to zip scroll.

lisa straight up reads as a lavender marriage to me. the focus for both lisa AND dean is him stepping in to be a father figure. their conversations about how much they care about each other center around how good he is with ben/how much he loves ben. there’s like, nothing where they’re smiling at each other and actually enjoying each other’s company. she’s a two night stand he’s seen 4 times in the last decade. she is dean putting on his brave face and keeping his promise. lisa’s post dean boyfriend matt is in one episode for about 3 minutes purely so he can die, but this is the scene.

so like. lisa is CAPABLE of interacting with a man she’s dating in a way that looks like they’re dating, versus. this.

so that’s that point. we’re at season six and we’ve already gone through every long term relationship with a woman dean’s been in. but let’s get really technical! let’s go through bad boys and after school special and amara to boot.

in bad boys, robin is dean’s first real crush when he’s fifteen or so. first crush being when you’re 15 rather than in elementary or middle school? gay behavior (joke). let those among us who have not had a straight crush as a teen because they were the first person to be nice to us throw the first stone! and that’s what it boils down to for me. it’s the first time dean’s had ANY stability, and he relishes it. it would not surprise me if she’s his first real friend. she’s definitely his first real NORMAL friend. she asks him what HE likes, what HE wants to do with his life. and that’s totally new for dean! to have choices and to have his wants given consideration instead of just having expectation after expectation loaded onto him.

it does not surprise me that dean, who’s been taking a masterclass in repression and masculinity since the tender age of four, dates robin. it would not surprise me if he dated robin and was gay. of course he’s going to throw himself 100% into a relationship with a girl when he knows he’s at an age where boys are supposed to be skirt chasers, when he meets a girl and she’s NICE to him and KNOWS him like literally no one else does. all of this accompanied by the “i am a boy and have positive feelings for someone who’s a girl this MUST be romance this MUST be a crush” like. this is going to get into overshare territory for a moment i apologize but As A Lesbian when i was 15/16 i actively had crushes on girls and rational-ed them away as Girl Best Friends :) while telling everyone that the feelings i had for my boy best friends were crushes aksdkfkndf. repressed gay people are stupid and dean is MUCH more repressed than me aged 16. so. robin box ticked.

after school special: jail for dabb jail for dabb for a thousand years i know. trust me i know. BUT. 17 year old dean who’s fully pulled on the leather jacket and womanizer persona, who doesn’t talk to anyone in his class and just hangs out in janitor closets making out with a girl who thinks his persona is hot. and when she tries to get close to him, to form an emotional connection, he panics and self sabotages. which. yes. peak straight man behavior. i’m not arguing that this little characterization bit is the pillar upon which gay dean rests, i’m saying if you’re inclined, you can nudge it into gay kid going “oh no this is too much responsibility i gotta get out of this” behavior. and i’m inclined!

amara: the amara stuff is so. hdnfdkf. it’s this primordial connection or whatever stronger than dean and amara both and yet dean’s still able to buck it a few times for [drumroll........] cas! + i don’t have any of the posts on hand but i DO agree with the whole vibe of. “i would fuck the embodiment of my destruction and horrors and failings because my self loathing is THAT strong”. also: gay af for the being of destruction with an immutable pull on you and towards you to say i will give you your greatest desire and then give you your mommy back and dip.

and then there’s the various one night stand stuff. i don’t have the comprehensive list on hand, but off the top of my head these are times when dean has sex scenes that are given huge focus:

when he comes back from hell and everyone’s gently asking if he’s fine and he’s like could a guy who wasn’t fine do THIS [tries to sleep with a bartender and or angel]. when bobby dies and dean’s hardcore mourning and hardcore drinking to the point where i think his drinking is acknowledged for one of a true handful of times in the series. just checked the transcript for that one. the morning after:

DEAN: Ugh.

SAM: You look like crap.

DEAN: Yeah, well, I feel worse than I look. I do recommend the Cobalt Room, by the way. Awesome night. Although I think I'm getting too old for this.

which. again. normal straight man commitmentphobe hitting his 30s and going hmmm.... perhaps real connections would be nice? but that doesn’t contradict gay dean at all, it slots in. also this is season 7. season 7 and he’s too old for this. top of my head i can think of two more similar instances: s11 baby when he groans and goes “mistakes were made”, s13 advanced thanatology when cas is dead and he’s FULL ON grieving so hard that sam takes him to a strip club. and again. he over does it. again he throws himself too hard to the coping vices and when he wakes up he’s tired and sore and has a headache. the other time he gets laid is endverse, which uh. is basically dean in 24/7 mourn drink sleep with someone mode. there are like... a handful of times he has sex For Fun, enough to count on one hand. the rest are all real easy to slap the label PERFORMANCE or COPING WITH MOURNING on.

obviously all of these points go either way - you could absolutely interpret them as legit attraction to women. you can interpret them as legit attraction to women while these instances are still coping/performance. but for me personally they all end up on the gay column instead of the bi column. um. end manifesto i think.

#long post #spnwatch #anonymous #ask #dean

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borisbubbles · 4 years

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34. FINLAND

Aksel - “Looking back”

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I LEGIT typed out “Erika Vikman - “Cicciolina” before realizing she didn’t win. UGH.🙄 It’s definitely *TOO SOON* to discuss “Cicciolina”, especially in this context, but I must, I guess. Oh and something called “Looking back” won UMK, let’s discuss that too.

Song Analysis

Long before I even knew what an “Erika Vikman - Cicciolina” was, I knew that the song which would later be revealed to be “Looking back” had to be destroyed. Before the artist reveal, YLE posted a list of artists the UMK entrants felt inspired by and one of them (later to revealed to be Aksel’s) literally read “SAM SMITH AND ED SHEERAN”. Like, douse in gasoline and torch it alight, destroy any trace it existed.

And yup, “Looking back” possessed the worst of both upon release: the forgettability of Smith combined with the amorphousness of Sheeran, combining efforts to make a song that sounded vaguely competent upon listen and would be forgotten the second it ended.

Unfortunately, it’s exactly *that* vaguest hint of competence which caused Aksel to beat Erika in the end (well that and the Cantiello Effect of being the only man in a sea of fun female-fronted entries), and ugh. I’m less annoyed by Erika losing (which I expected) than I am that it was *Askel* of all entrants that beat her (was it really that hard to rig for Tika instead?). It always sucks when personality and entertainment is being downvoted for bore-ass conformity. SIGH.

NF Corner

Adding further insult to injury, UMK was pretty good! I know you are ALL longing for my thoughts on Erika, but I will get my other fave out of the way first

Sansa - “Lover view”

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Dreamy trance with an ELABORATE flexing choreography that had absolutely zero chance to finish anywhere but last. 😍 Naming herself after the best GoT character (given the complete assassination of poor Jaime by D&D) It was love at first and last sight to be honest.😍 Becoming a ESCUnited editor has its perks: ie: giving “Lover View” a 10/10 which made it leapfrog over Aksel in the editor poll, right into second place behind Erika. 🤭

Okay, I won’t leave you pining any longer. Le beaujolais nouveau est arrivée: Everybody rise for Eurovision’s most slutastic seraph:

Erika Vikman - “Cicciolina”

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ALL HAIL EMPRESS ERIKA VIKMAN, QUEEN OF CAMP

A TAMER OF HUSBEARS, A PARAGON OF EUROFAGDOM

A LOVER. A FIGHTER. A PHILISOPHER. A PRIEST. AN APOSTLE. A POET.

A HOLY MARTYR WHO DIED FOR OUR SINS .

“Cicciolina” was not a song. it was a religion.

What an epic entrant, enthralling both friend and foe with its alluring siren song. My co-editor Roy thinks She’s one of the 10 cringiest NF acts of the 2020 season - I kindly told Roy to readjust his definition of the word “cringy” before he’s murdered in his sleep. The triptych of The Perfect Eurovision Entry is having an addictive beat, putting on an exciting show and displaying lovable personality quirks and Erika not only passed all three with flying rainbow colours, She redefined the metascape for further camp pearls yet to come. “Cicciolina” was sublime and MY favourite NF flop of the season. I feel blessed for having witnessed Her and being touched by Her righteous hearth-shaped, fushia-spandex, bear-hugging light.

So yes, it is DEVASTATING that She lost, especially to Aksel (to quote Roy again: “why do you hate Aksel, [Looking Back] is just a pop ballad” mhm exactly the problem, bro). So, you may ask yourself, if I resent the idea of Aksel beating Erika, then why don’t I rank Aksel lower than this?

By some weird stroke of luck, I feel sorry for Aksel. Like, here’s the deal with Erika and UMK. She lost. Fair and square and Aksel won, also fair and square. It’s not Aksel’s fault “Cicciolina” emerged as a fan favourite juggernaught. It’s not Aksel’s fault that those godawful HUMOURLESS (heterosexual, jealous) pharisean juries REJECTED the blinding light of St. Erika’s halo (led by the ESTONIAN jury of all people. Fuck, Estonia were evil this year). He was there, he was adequate, and he reaped the benefits due to White Male Mediocrity. I blame not him but those who enabled it to happen. I’d say DIE ESTONIA but they’ve already died in this ranking, in last place where they belong. Anyway, I don’t dislike Aksel or his song. I just wish “Looking back” had more to offer than it being “just a pop ballad”. 🙄

Finland 2020 vs Finland 2021

Aksel would’ve almost certainly NQ’d in Rotterdam (and not just because fan opinion had turned against him. I have this *really* sick feeling that lookism would’ve claimed him and that turns my stomach), which of course makes him beating Erika (who may have NQ’d, but had a very good chance to reach the Grand final), an even bigger sore. You know perhaps the cancellation really WAS divine retribution for Cicciolina losing UMK, I guess we’ll never know, huh?

Anyway, YLE already announced they would go for UMK again in 2021 and made zero mention of Aksel’s future participation, which is... yet another reason why I can’t hate Aksel. He’s being discarded like used toilet paper at every juncture and I so, SO sorry for him. SORRY SOMETIMES I DISCOVER THAT I TOO HAVE A HEART (an angular, plastic fuschia one) AND AM CAPABLE OF SELECTIVE EMPATHY I CANNOT HELP IT, Y’ALL.

but lol @ ranking Finland higher than 35th. You effed big time, pals, consider yourselves lucky ESC2020 never came to pass.

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

The potential for a FREAKY!FREAKY!FREAKY! entry was huge, can you fathom the concept of FINLAND KEiiNO’ing a televote? With a polyester hair bitch in a hot pink spandex and two dancers in kodiak costumes? A smash hit fave that racked up millions of views all over Europe? It would’ve been a RIOT, even in an already meme-heavy year as 2020. Hell even the idea of a fucking “BANANAS” winning (it finished second in the jury vote, somehow??? and I mean, I stan that it did but I’m also... fucking confused that it did?) is enough for some freak-friendly labelling. Alas, Finland instead went against what the fandom were expected them to do and went with the safe pick. As eyeroll worthy as it was, Erika losing was a huge blindside for the fandom and the shock is worthy of one senhead. I would hand out more if Erika’s loss/Aksel’s win had bookended the shock winner selection streak that Arilena Ara had started, but Bárbara Tinoco decided otherwise. (although Tinoco losing is entirely self-inflicted on her behalf, but we’ll get to that in a while). Oh well.

Score: 1 Senhit out of 5.

#Eurovision #Eurovision Song Contest #Eurovision 2020 #Finland #aksel kankaanranta #Looking back

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ego-driven-one-wing-angel · 4 years

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Send a number | Answers

Thanks again for 250 followers!!!

What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

A penguin. I love them so much.

Favorite thing to wear to sleep?

Sometimes I wear one of those “drug rugs” or baja hoodies. With shorts. And sometimes knee high socks. I HATE pajama pants. So if I’m cold I find alternatives.

What song really gets you going?

Right now, Drinking Alone by Carrie Underwood. But usually Tranz by Gorillaz.

Where do you usually eat your meals?

At my dining table or in the family/living room with my mom.

Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

BRUNCH

Most embarrassing habit?

Sometimes I’ll pick my nose at the most inconvenient times like a child.

Chocolate or fruity candy?

Chocolate

Soft or hard tacos?

When I ate meat regularly, soft, with carne asada.

Worst way to break up a fight?

Throwing a pan at them? Dude I don’t know. Wrestle them to the ground? I feel like either of those are terrible.

Best thing to say in an elevator of strangers?

“You’re all probably wondering why I gathered you all here today.”

What color/design are your bedsheets?

Teal. And my comforter is a black/white diamond pattern.

Any hidden talents?

I was a dancer for roughly nine years. So I’m pretty good at that.

Favorite thing to drink out of (mug, glass, etc.)?

My Star Wars Luke Skywalker lightsaber water bottle.

Socks or bare feet around the house?

Bare feet man. Those who wear shoes in the house are weak and will not survive the winter.

Favorite board game?

Clue!

Do you sleep with the fan on or off?

I don’t even own a fan.

Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Heat at 67.5 and a sweater. Perfection.

Do you sing in the shower?

Who doesn’t?

Favorite song to belt out at the top of your lungs when you’re alone?

Tranz by Gorillaz. All time favorite song EVER.

Last thing you cried about?

Watching Zack die YET AGAIN in Crisis Core. I don’t think I’ve ever watched that scene WITHOUT crying.

At what age did you first have alcohol?

15ish. Wine.

Relationship status?

Single

What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

249$ A Guess coat that I absolutely adore.

What do you typically wear to formal events?

A modest dress. Heels. And a Louis Vuitton bag to match.

Favorite memory?

Probably almost getting arrested with my friends back when I was 17. We were at a closed park, after hours, past curfew, and it was like 3 am. We bought 64 tacos from Jack in the Box and pigged out in the venue. Super rad.

Gum or breath mints?

Gum

Favorite shoes?

Probably my Guess sneakers. I don’t wear them often, but I love the design.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My chubbiness. I’m not fat per say. But I’m not skinny either, but I want to look more like a classic, 1950′s pinup model more than anything.

What is the natural state of your hair?

My hair has very soft curls. Naturally, there more like “beach waves”

Have you ever had braces?

YES. WORST YEARS OF MY LIFE

Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Ghost hunting. I was illegally trespassing, and the building was real sketchy.

Most embarrassing thing your parents have caught you doing?

I’m just an embarrassment through and through. What haven’t they caught me doing. But I guess writing porn is a close first.

Last time you had an orgasm?

I’m a virgin who has never experienced anything remotely sexual.

Celebrity crush(es)?

Sebastian Stan, Bill Skarsgard, Sam Claflin, Karl Urban, Sebastian Stan

Windows or Mac?

I’ve never owned a Mac, so I’m biased when I say Windows.

How old were you when you learned to ride a bike?

Six, seven? I was still quite young.

Makeup or natural?

MAKEUP

What color do you wear the most?

I wear a lot of neutral colors like gray.

Favorite season?

Winter.

Umbrella or rain coat?

Umbrella.

Have you ever fallen out of a tree?

First car you ever owned?

A 2002 Toyota. Super old, and the chip was painting off. My trunk also broke. Oil leak. Y’know, a traditional first car.

What time do you usually go to bed?

Anytime between 11-1 am.

Are you a competitive person?

Yes.

Least favorite color?

Orange.

First pet you’ve ever owned?

A cat :)

Sweet or salty?

Sweet

Favorite pasta dish?

Ravioli

Favorite kind of chips?

Cheetos

Talk about something you’re passionate about.

Writing. I love being able to put my ideas on paper, let my thoughts and emotions run free in a world where I have to act a certain way. I can be anyone while writing!

What are some of your hobbies?

Writing

Drawing

Watching too much television

puzzles

Caffeine? If so, what kind?

I’m a tea gal. But I LOVE coffee. Especially mochas and caramel. With extra pumps of espresso. Hell yeah.

Favorite kind of pizza?

Ranch and Chicken or just plain cheese.

Fast food or sit-down restaurant?

Sit-down

Lots of acquaintances or a handful of close friends?

I love having a large circle, but I choose my best friends wisely. I only have about two or three of those and they’re the one’s I keep close to my heart.

Something that ruins your appetite?

This is a bit more dark, but my dad and I don’t bond outside video games. And he’s the type that believes it’s his way or no way no matter what. So if you get him angry he acts like a two-year-old who just got a toy taken away, and will try to push your buttons until you’re the same way. I saw the signs years ago, but whenever his anger is targeted at me I just don’t want to eat. I write instead.

Favorite labels about you?

As in names? It’s near 1 am while writing this so I might have just gone stupid. But I love it when my friends call me cutie. Or my good friend Charlie calls me Smarties. And he’ll pull out a smartie from his pocket when he does it. I also get called Reid, as in Spencer Reid, a lot.

Are you a religious person?

Yes. I try to be at least. I’m Christian.

Night out with a bunch of friends in public or night in with one friend having deep conversations?

Night out. I spend too much time indoors with one friend as is.

What size shoe do you wear?

Favorite thing about yourself?

My confidence, or my keen fashion sense.

Have you ever told someone you loved them first?

No.

Have you ever had sex on the first date?

No.

Heroes or villains?

Villains. (Sephiroth, Bucky Barnes, Loki, etc.)

Favorite fruit?

Pomegranates.

Least favorite fruit?

Bananas. I’ll eat them, but there are a lot better choices honestly.

Favorite vegetable?

Broccoli

Least favorite vegetable?

Brussels sprouts

How many plates can you eat at a buffet?

About a good three. First is salad. Second is fruit. Third is desert.

Favorite dessert?

Ice cream. Bubble gum flavor is my favorite!

Do you play any sports?

Nope.

Age you learned how to swim?

Seven or eight.

Tell a funny story.

Maybe this is just funny to me, but earlier today my cat was trying to lick her coat but she set her front paw on a piece of paper and anytime she bent over to lick herself she slid and she would have to readjust herself. She did this like four times before she decided to move.

What’s one interesting thing about your culture?

As someone who is a part of the Navajo tribe, something neat is the more fat you have on your bones the more people respect you because they believe you have money.

What’s one annoying thing about your culture?

We can’t touch cold-blooded animals. It’s said if you touch the scales of a snake, or even breath in the same air, you’ll get the same skin as them.

What job would you be terrible at?

Accounting. I can’t do math to save my freaking life.

Would you rather watch a TV show or a movie?

TV shows.

What’s your favorite compliment to give?

“Cute Outfit!” or “Love the Hair!” You have no idea how many people light up on either of these, male/female/nonbinary. Looking good is a happiness found across all the spectrums.

What’s your favorite compliment to receive?

“Cute hair.” Or “Love your makeup/nails.”

Has your opinion changed on something recently?

I can’t remember. Like I said, it’s close to bedtime where I’m at and boi, it’s hard to concentrate right now.

Do you always order the same thing at a restaurant or order something different each time?

I order the same.

What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?

This sounds awful, but I’ve always wanted to try ecstasy. I have buddies who’ve taken it and say, if you do it right, the first time is pretty bomb.

If you could learn to do anything right now, what would it be?

Singing. I can’t carry a tune.

Favorite physical feature about yourself?

My eyes.

Least favorite physical feature about yourself?

My wide hip/waist ratio. If my waist was thinner I wouldn’t mind as much.

What’s one amazing thing you did that nobody was around to see?

OKAY. I scored a strike on Wii bowling while i was on the toilet one time. Two rooms away and not even looking at a screen. Just using my heart and determination and it was SUPER COOL AND I WISH PEOPLE COULD HAVE SEEN THOSE SKILLS.

If you could change your height, would you?

Yes. Everyone is a good foot taller than me. So I would most definitely want a few more inches.

What’s something you would rate 10/10?

Final Fantasy 7 Remake’s Character concept for Sephiroth. The eyes, the height, the hair. WOW. In love.

Heels or flats?

Heels

What’s something you wish you had more knowledge about?

Politics. I want to get more involved but every time I do I get so confused.

Would you want to be famous?

I wouldn’t mind. But I value my private life.

What’s something you would get arrested for?

Well I already almost got arrested for eating tacos in a closed park at 3 am. So maybe that.

What’s your spirit animal?

A cat.

What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

The fact that I graduated high school. I was developing anxiety and literally had no idea what the frick was happening with me and no one told me what it was. So I ended up skipping loads of school for that reason.

Are you the type to have an organized mess, or no mess at all?

Organized mess. Or just a mess.

Do you tend to make decisions based on the past, present, or future?

The future.

Are you a planner or a more spontaneous person?

Planner. I hate when things are sprung on me last minute. I have to emotionally prep up before a social event so 5-10 business days are needed.

Thoughts on the oxford comma?

I was taught to use it, but it’s literally so useless? I found myself either not using it or just doing it on instinct. So in one story you could probably find multiple instances where I use it and where I don’t use it, maybe in the same paragraph. I just do whatever fits that moment I guess.

What do you hope never changes?

My squad. I love them to pieces and it would break my heart if at some point they’d want to split.

How would you celebrate your 100th birthday?

Something extremely dangerous like skydiving or zip lining across a canyon.

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tomakeitbeautifultolive · 5 years

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Hi, first of all I really admire how much effort you put in your posts and answers as well as your insight and eye for details. I really could use your help, all the hate Dany gets lately is so tiring and imho unjust. Now even a friend of mine that always loved her started hating on her and I think she just doesn't understand Dany. Do you have some sort of character analysis on your blog or know where I could find one? Thank you in advance.

Wow, thank you! And anon, I could not agree more. Upsettingly, I’m having the same issue with a friend IRL too, having been told “Dany’s always been a brat”.

Regrettably, I haven’t really done much in the way of Dany metas… I’d say I have better luck picking up steam when I get asks, particularly since it gives me a sense of direction (and the influx of asks is a very new thing). Oh, I did write a little meta on her parallels between ancient Mother Goddess Danu!

While the vitriol for our queen is absolutely uncalled for… I have a theory that the way she is framed is actually intentional.

Jon Snow is probably something of a red herring. At least in the way that it’s presumed this story is really all about him ascending to power and coming into his throne. The prince that was promised. Azor Ahai. Rightful heir. All of it.

(That’s not to say he’s unimportant)

But his female counterpart/mirror, inarguably the most powerful character in the series, isn’t taken very seriously by casual fans, her enemies, the Westerosi, etc (she’s referred to as Daenela by some smallfolk, which oddly sounds a whole lot like the name the antis use to disrespect her character - Danielle).

And despite the fact that she and Jon share such similar story arcs (such as getting swept up into a foreign culture and having to adapt to survive) she is often interpreted as mad or verging on evil, even though Jon has shown the same capacity for ruthlessness. In fact, watch their beheading scenes again - Daenerys is trying to make a statement about law and justice, and Jon? He seems more driven by personal vengeance. But they made Janos look so bad that by the time he was begging for mercy, we were rooting for Jon.

Another difference in how they’re perceived is that Jon gets much more compassion when it comes to his childhood. Unlike Daenerys, he was still surrounded by family and had a stable place to call home. Meanwhile, Daenerys ran from city to city with a verbally and physically abusive older brother, and one of their caretakers, Illyrio, had to vigorously fuck a whore so as not to rape Daenerys, basically. I mean gods, what a brat!

In the books, it’s easier to realize Dany isn’t a villain because you get access to her thoughts and intentions. But the show? All we have is Emilia’s face to try to convey things to the audience. And if they don’t match the words she’s saying, it’s completely lost on them. Now, if you’re someone who ignores her past - then yes, in season 8, it probably looks like she’s power hungry, when in reality - her one security, Jon, is slipping away - so she’s reverting back to the one constant she’s had for years. The quest for the throne.

And excuse my language here, but this bitch is really bringing all of her resources up to the north - for nothing but her love for Jon Snow - and no one cares. She’s about to save them from certain death - hell, not just death - but eternal servitude to this creepy ice demon. And they’re bitching about how much food her armies are going to eat. You know, the ones there to die for their ungrateful asses? Anon, I gotta tell you… it’s really hard for me to even wrap my head around the audience response to Dany - or that somehow, it’s okay for Sam to be upset that his monster of a father was killed, but not Dany.

People who are already predisposed to dislike her can’t see the loneliness and vulnerability there, they can’t see she’s feeling lost, perhaps even regretful. They’re fooled by her queenly mask of indifference. The one that disappears when she is alone:

This is another good example. During the war council scene, Sam blatantly shades Dany by saying this:

“That’s what death is, isn’t it? Forgetting. Being forgotten.”

When the words “being forgotten” are said, Daenerys looks at Jon:

Considering the way Jon is ignoring her, it’s amazing that Dany is still there to fight his war. Just another reason none of them deserve her help. Without Jon she has no reason to be there. While everyone is upset that Dany is going to ‘go mad’ and ‘kill Jon’ - he’s been avoiding even looking at her for who knows how long in GoT time, and yet she stays.

And all the antis can say is that she’s “power hungry”. They so much as hear her say the word ‘throne’ and somehow see madness there, ignoring all subtleties of her emotional state. Yet, if Jon were to do a 180 and declare himself king - everyone would root for him, I’m sure of it. If the throne suddenly became a priority for Jon Snow, people would be popping open wine bottles in celebration. No one would call him entitled. No one would say he’s power hungry. No. I bet he’d ‘deserve it’.

It’s important to remember that not only is Daenerys one of GRRM’s favorite characters, he also identifies with her story:

“I came from greatness - like Dany! And I will take back what is mine with Fire and Blood!”

Further, the man’s a feminist (regardless of how he labels himself, now - more or less afraid to step on anyone’s toes by using the term as a man).

I can’t remember who pointed this out, but it’s hysterical to me, now, because in retrospect, it’s almost like he predicted her antis:

“If even half the stories coming back from Slaver’s Bay are true, this child is a monster. They say that she is bloodthirsty, that those who speak against her are impaled on spikes to die lingering deaths. They say she is a sorceress who feeds her dragons on the flesh of newborn babes, an oathbreaker who mocks the gods, breaks truces, threatens envoys, and turns on those who have served her loyally. They say her lust cannot be sated, that she mates with men, women, eunuchs, even dogs and children, and woe betide the lover who fails to satisfy her. She gives her body to men to take their souls in thrall.”

I think GRRM knew exactly what he was doing. Despite the fact he is a man, he’s lived through much uglier times for women, and he’s been aware of the female struggle for a long time. This is his legacy. A female hero with a storyline more powerful than any man in the series, who finds herself in precarious situations and has to make difficult decisions, sometimes exercising ruthlessness to assert her power and dominance.

She’s complicated, she’s unique, we haven’t quite seen the likes of a fictional woman quite like Daenerys.

She will be analyzed and discussed for decades to come - and there may come a point in the future that Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen might be viewed through the same lens. One in which critiques of Jon’s actions might be as harsh as the ones we see of Dany’s now, or that the ones for Dany become as lenient as the ones of Jon, now.

It might be too optimistic of me to think that even D&D know what they’re doing, here - framing Daenerys in a way that is not as easily interpreted by those who are predisposed to misogyny, all in an effort to expose it. And that upon rewatch, the culmination of her hero’s journey becomes clear as day for anyone willing to set aside their preconceived notions and finally see her for what she is.

A hero. A savior. A legend.

“That character, as a whole, is all about transformation and change. I feel like she is the divine feminine spirit. She’s there to change things rapidly. I have no doubt that a thousand years from this point, people will worship Daenerys Targaryen. That’ll be a holy name. This is the Mhysa. This is the woman that came and brought back dragons to the world and saved all the slaves.”—IdeasOfIceAndFire

For your final request. I wish I were more organized, anon, but here are the top blogs that come to mind when it comes to incredible Daenerys positivity. These bloggers post amazing metas and analyses, shut down antis left and right, and just generally spread the true word about our queen:

@rainhadaenerys @mhysaofdragons @oadara @khaleesirin @secretlyatargaryen @iheartdandelions @tatticstudio55 @winelover1989

I do have a small list of metas I’ve managed to gather on short notice:

Daenerys Targaryen: Master Post

Meta on the contention of Dany’s arc in feminist analysis

Dany III in ADWD again transitions to Jon & Tyrion

Why saying that Daenerys is nothing without her dragons is offensive

Daenerys - Books vs Show - Sexism and Bad Writing in the show

Daenerys Targaryen and “Madness”

A Dance with Dragons, or: Daenerys Targaryen Cares about Feeding her People

Daenerys doesn’t need to be a villain to be interesting

Arya Stark and Daenerys Targaryen Parallels

Daenerys as an anti-Cinderella?

I’m also a big fan of YouTube for GoT/ASOIAF content, and the few pro-Dany YouTubers who really seem to “get it” are GrayArea (this video, in particular, is amazing despite the misleading title), Lucifer Means Lightbringer and IdeasofIceandFire.

#answered #daenerys targaryen #daenerys defense squad

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mittensmorgul · 7 years

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5.17 and 5.18, or How does any of this make any sense whatsoever if you don’t “see the destiel?”

Short answer: It really doesn’t make sense whatsoever if you try and remove any of the destiel subtext. Like, zero sense.

Because there’s four (or five, if you count Adam, but he’s literally a plot device again and not an actual character... he is the red herring) things that Save Dean Winchester in these episodes:

the father-son love of Bobby

the sibling love of Sam

Lisa and Ben as the symbolic representation of Dean’s devotion to protecting all of humanity

(Adam the red herring that proves these other three ^^ because he DOESN’T fit any pattern and was never a real part of their family and actually flat-out rejects his ties to the Winchester family in favor of choosing his mother over them, even at the cost of selling out the rest of humanity to do so... he is literally the Anti-Winchester who Dean is willing to risk his own life to save ANYWAY)

And Cas. The absolute devotion of an angel who gave Dean everything, up to and including his life. Several times over. And whose heartbreak over Dean’s resignation to give in is one of the key things that gives Dean a reason to keep fighting, and the strength to deny Heaven’s plans for him at the last moment... and Dean hasn’t really wavered in that faith again since...

Okay, that said, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s get this party started, with:

5.17: a bunch of demons herd Sam and Dean to Crazytown

Also, 5.18, because it follows directly on from 5.17 thematically, and I couldn’t figure out a way to separate out the overlaps so I just sorta... kept writing :P

Because of that, under a cut because this is longer than most of my single episode posts:

ROB: I hate to tell you this, but those were demons and this is the Apocalypse. So…buckle up.

I mean, tell us something we don’t know...

PASTOR GIDEON: Who would have thought the Apocalypse could be so romantic? Marriage, family—it’s a blessing. Especially in times like this. So hold on to that.

everyone it town is getting hitched because there’s no time like the present to make things official than at the end of the world (where premarital sex has been declared a sin by a “prophet” who’s actually the Whore of Babylon)

Cas’s voicemail skills have come so far...

CASTIEL’S VOICEMAIL: You have reached the voicemail box of: CASTIEL: I don’t understand why, why do you want me to say my name CASTIEL presses random buttons.

After what Pamela said to Dean in 5.16, about maybe Heaven wasn’t such a bad place to go after all, and that maybe Dean didn’t have to keep fighting his destiny quite so hard because no matter how bad things got on Earth, even if millions of people died, they’d be coming to “a better place.”

DEAN: We’re all gonna die, Sam. In like a month—maybe two. I mean it. This is the end of the world, but these people aren’t freaking out. In fact they’re running to the exit in an orderly fashion. I don’t know that that’s such a bad thing. SAM: Who says they’re all gonna die? What ever happened to us saving them?

It’s gotten to Dean in a big way. He’s struggling with doubts about himself and his ability to fight off this huge destiny by himself, now knowing that even God doesn’t care and won’t help them, and by the end of this episode seeing even Cas give up and give in to the Bukowski fatalism... It’s almost like he’s getting to the point where he just wants it to end, where he’s being worn down by circumstances until he doesn’t even have the will to keep fighting anymore.

LEAH: Well, Dean…you’re chosen. DEAN Yeah, more like cursed. LEAH Must be hard. Being the Vessel of Heaven and having no hope.

(boy drinks red label Schultz beer and immediately is killed by a demon)

But all of this is being orchestrated by the Whore, to manipulate the people of the town into doing her bidding. She plays exactly into their desperation until they’re willing to do ANYTHING in her name, including murdering innocent children.

SAM: No drinking, no gambling, no premarital sex. Dean, they basically just outlawed ninety percent of your personality. DEAN: Yeah, well, whatever. When in Rome. SAM: So, uh…you’re cool with it? DEAN: I’m not cool. I’m not, not cool. I’m just, look man, I’m not a prophet. We’re not locals. It’s not my call.

Sam has a nice chat with the bartender who’s just been put out of business:

PAUL: Look, there’s sure as hell demons. And maybe there is a God. I don’t know. Fine. But I’m not a hypocrite. I never prayed before and I ain’t starting now. If I go to hell, I’m going honest. How ‘bout you? SAM: What about me? PAUL: Not a true believer, I take it. SAM : I believe, yeah. I do. I’m just. Pretty sure God stopped caring a long time ago.

Yeah, Sam’s got it on pretty good authority. But Sam refuses to quit fighting for it, even though Dean’s rapidly giving up here... Sam tells him the town’s shut off all communications with the outside world, isolating themselves in self-defense...

And all Dean can say is that he doesn’t care, that he and Sam were supposed to have been the ones to roll into town and save these people, but they just couldn’t do it. That maybe he’s lost the will to keep fighting.

SAM: No you can’t. You can’t do this to me. I got one thing, one thing, keeping me going. You think you’re the only one white-knuckling it here, Dean? I can’t count on anyone else. I can’t do this alone.

*Dean walks out in defiance of the town’s “curfew” and heads to the bar, where even Sam believes he’s going to get drunk, because that was what SAM had been doing, and said he would’ve stayed and KEPT drinking if it hadn’t been for the curfew in town. But like in 12.14 when Dean went out ostensibly to get a drink and returned to the bunker ENTIRELY SOBER, Dean has such a long history of this. Of telling Sam (or whoever’s nearby) that he’s going to drink... and then never drinks. Major Performing Dean here.*

While Dean’s out, Cas shows up. Poor drunk Cas...

CASTIEL : I got your message. It was long, your message. And I find the sound of your voice grating.

(pffft “long,” it’s 25 words and like half of them are filler words like “um” and “so.” really long. >.>)

But the Whore’s goal is corruption:

DEAN: So the demons smoking out—that’s just a con? Why? What’s the endgame? CASTIEL: What you just saw—innocent blood spilled in God’s name.

(sort of like the Righteous Man had to be corrupted to spill blood in Hell to break the first seal...)

CASTIEL: The whore can only be killed by a true Servant of Heaven. DEAN : Servant, like… CASTIEL: Not you. Or me. Sam, of course, is an abomination. We’ll have to find someone else.

But in the end, it was Dean who was able to kill her, because he was already losing his will to resist what was beginning to look like an inevitability. He’s been on a slow slide into resignation all season, going right back to 5.02 immediately after he learned about his “destiny” to be Michael’s vessel, where he gave Bobby his first “keep fighting until we go down swinging” sort of speech, and then turned around and told SAM it was a bunch of BS and that they probably didn’t have a chance to stop it all from happening anyway.

Michael insisting on that fact to his face in 5.13, learning how heaven had been arranging their lives since LONG before they were born in 5.14, rightly or wrongly believing Death himself was trying to take out Bobby and therefore one of Dean’s last remaining emotional supports in order to nudge Sam and Dean into saying yes, and then finally Cas being told by God himself that he just didn’t care one way or the other. I mean, when God himself tells you to give up, it’s kinda disheartening...

Dean gets to have his emotional bonding moment with Cas over their respective deadbeat dads, which is one of the things that will eventually save Dean... again.

And the townspeople, even after seeing the proof that their “prophet” had been the Whore, they’re lost, wondering how they’re supposed to get to the “paradise” she’d promised them now that she’s dead. They still don’t get that they’d damned themselves by trusting her in the first place...

SAM : Are you gonna do something stupid? DEAN Like what? SAM Like Michael stupid. DEAN Come on, Sam. Give me a break.

*Dean immediately leaves to go do something “Michael stupid”*

*after making a pit stop at Lisa’s*

DEAN: Look, I have no illusions, okay? I know the life that I live, I know how that’s gonna end for me. Whatever. I’m okay with that. But I wanted you to know…that when I do picture myself happy…it’s with you. And the kid.

Riiiiight... maybe “happy” isn’t the right word here? Maybe “peaceful,” but happy? A woman he’s spent a grand total of five days of his life with? She’s the anchor of normality in his otherwise horrifying and completely out-of-his-control life. But along with Sam (who Dean would do anything for to protect him from the crap), and Cas (who defied heaven over and over again for Dean and despite his own feelings of loss and abandonment by God will drag Dean bodily back into the fight yet again), and Bobby (who has only kept on fighting himself because of Dean’s will pushing him along), Lisa’s role here is not insignificant in turning the Apocalypse bus around. She’s one of the linchpins holding Dean together in a critical way.

She represents everything worth fighting for in humanity, the “civilians” all tucked up safe behind their white picket fences who just want to live their lives and never have to face down the devil...

DEAN : Whatever happens, you’re gonna be okay. LISA: What do you mean? What are you talking about? DEAN: The people that I’m gonna see next, they’re not gonna get anything from me without agreeing to a few conditions.

Lisa’s safety is one of those conditions, and it’s one of the details that gives Dean just enough time to kill Zachariah before Michael can come down and take possession of him.

But that’s the foundation of 5.18. Which is just about Dean’s lowest moment on the show to this point. He obviously reaches a few lower moments later (you don’t take on the Mark of Cain when you’re in a Happy Place...), but as far as his belief and trust in himself, this is possibly his most significant Moment Of Doubt ever.

SAM: No? So Michael’s not about to make you his Muppet? What the hell, man? This is how it ends? You just…walk out? DEAN: Yeah, I guess. SAM: How could you do that? DEAN: How could I? All you’ve ever done is run away. SAM: And I was wrong. Every single time I did.

Yet Dean still rejects the three people he’s closest to in the world. Sam, right there ^^, but he “brought help” in the form of Cas, who boops Dean back to Bobby’s and stops him from haring off after Michael. Next up is Bobby:

DEAN: Yeah, well, that’s easy for you to say. But if Lucifer burns this mother down, and I coulda done something about it, guess what? That’s on me. BOBBY: You can’t give up, son. DEAN: You’re not my father. And you ain’t in my shoes.

I can’t help but think back to 5.04 here, and Dean’s vision of the future-- what he was warned would be left of the world if he refused to say yes... and he’s starting to get more than a little scared that it’s coming true...

Lisa tried and failed convince Dean not to do whatever he’d had planned.

Bobby shakes him up a little more, pulling out the gun and bullet he intends to kill himself with and shouting Dean down:

BOBBY: Every morning, I look at it. I think, “Maybe today’s the day I flip the lights out.” But I don’t do it. I never do it. You know why? Because I promised you I wouldn’t give up!

Enter Adam, who Cas intercepts from the angels, talking about the deal he made with Zachariah to be Michael’s vessel and kill the devil... in exchange for getting to see his mom again...

CASTIEL: Maybe they're desperate. Maybe they wrongly assumed Dean would be brave enough to withstand them. DEAN: Alright, you know what? Blow me, Cas.

Meanwhile Adam has no reason to trust them at all, and it comes down to Sam to stand up for “Another Way.”

SAM: Now, Adam…the angels are lying to you. They're full of crap. ADAM: Yeah, I don't think so. SAM: Really. Why not? ADAM: Um, 'cause they're angels.

and...

BOBBY: You're still John's boy. ADAM: No, John Winchester was some guy who took me to a baseball game once a year. I don't have a dad. So we may be blood, but we are not family. My mom is my family. And if I do my job, I get to see her again. So no offense, but she's the one I give a rat's ass about, not you.

So much for all those happy family feelings that Ghoul Adam had talked about... that was never Adam at all, it was the GHOUL talking about his family feelings... for his ghoul family...

Adam asks about this big plan they’re working on to save the world:

heh.

First “blow me, Cas” and now, “Well, Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that…I got laid.”

This episode is a wild ride.

DEAN: I’m serious. I mean, think about how many people we've gotten killed, Sam. Mom, Dad, Jess, Jo, Ellen. Should I keep going? SAM: It’s not like we pulled the trigger. DEAN: We might as well have. I’m tired, man. I’m tired of fighting who I'm supposed to be.

But really, Dean... it’s not self-doubt... It’s the ghost of John Winchester and a lifetime of being told to watch out for Sammy, keep an eye on Sammy, if you can’t save Sammy you have to kill him...

DEAN: I just…I—I don’t believe. SAM: In what? DEAN: In you. I mean, I don’t. I don’t know whether it’s gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but…I do know they're gonna find a way to turn you. SAM: So you’re saying I’m not strong enough. DEAN: You’re angry, you’re self-righteous. Lucifer's gonna wear you to the prom, man. It's just a matter of time. SAM: Don't say that to me. Not you...of all people. DEAN: I don’t want to. But it’s the truth. And when Satan takes you over, there's got to be somebody there to fight him, and it ain't gonna be that kid. So, it's got to be me.

So Dean lures the ONE person he knows would do anything for him to the panic room where they’ve locked him up, and “blows him to Oz” so he can escape and give in to Michael...

So Cas shows up to the dude praying to Michael on Dean’s behalf, and boops him to the ground under a Heaven-coded Schultz sign as the camera pans left to reveal a great big El Sol sign (Deception! HAHA!) and in this episode specifically as the Deception of Heaven, that Heaven itself has deceived both Adam and Dean...

And honestly this is as close as Zachariah ever got to tricking Dean into saying yes... but Castiel hasn’t stopped believing in Dean:

CASTIEL: I rebelled for this?! So that you could surrender to them? DEAN: Cas! Please! CASTIEL: I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me.

And here we have the key to everything Zachariah ever was:

ADAM: No…but what about the stuff that you said? I’m supposed to fight the devil. ZACHARIAH: Mmm, not so much. Hey, if it’s any consolation, you happen to be the illegitimate half-brother of the guy we do care about. That’s not bad, is it? ADAM: So you lied…about everything. ZACHARIAH: We didn’t lie. We just avoided certain truths to manipulate you.

And why Cas is so unconvinced by Ketch in 12.08. He knows how this tactic works ^^. But despite Dean’s utter lack of trust in Sam’s ability to keep saying no to the devil, Sam shows ABSOLUTE AND UNSHAKEABLE TRUST in Dean, even knowing how hopeless Dean’s feeling right now. And this? This is what saves the world.

SAM: And the place is crawling with mooks…Pretty much a no-shot-in-hell, hail-Mary kind of thing. DEAN: Ah, so the usual. What are you going to do? SAM: For starters…I’m bringing you with.

This is Sam’s moment of “redemption” for s4. For Ruby. For the demon blood. For trusting the demon over his own brother. He’s showing a sign of faith here, and atoning for every time he left and knows it was “the wrong thing to do.”

Heaven and Hell wanted to divide Sam and Dean, because this whole apocalypse thing falls apart if they don’t give in to their respective “sides.”

Combined with the challenge Cas issues Dean-- to do the Right Thing and choose to save the planet rather than letting it burn-- which is exactly how Dean got through to Cas in 4.22-- with the whole “if there was ever anything worth dying for, this is it” line. In 4.22 Dean had made it about saving the Earth, but Cas, right here, makes it about saving one man, about stopping Dean from saying yes.

DEAN: Whoa, wait. You’re gonna take on five angels? CASTIEL: Yes. DEAN: Isn’t that suicide? CASTIEL: Maybe it is. But then I won’t have to watch you fail. I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t have the same faith in you that Sam does.

“Failure” here isn’t the end of the world, isn’t the fulfillment of the apocalypse. FAILURE TO CAS IN THIS MOMENT IS DEAN BREAKING AND SAYING YES. PERIOD. FULL STOP. END OF STORY.

That Dean “Humanity” Winchester would surrender his free will.

That would be failure.

Because This is what Cas has given up everything he’s ever known, everything he ever was, in service to. He defied GOD for Dean. And he’s willing to sacrifice everything he has left to give Dean a chance to prove he’d done the right thing, that he’d made the right choice...

(I’ll hold them off, I’ll hold them all off...)

(Cas has made a habit out of this... 4.22, 5.18, 5.22, 6.20, 7.01, 7.23, s10, 12.12... and don’t even get me STARTED on all the crypt scene stuff... need I refer y’all to lizbob’s incredible diagram?)

DEAN: Do you hear me? Call Michael down, you bastard! ZACHARIAH: How do I know you’re not lying? DEAN: Do I look like I’m lying?

(I love Dean’s belief that everyone can sense lies the same way he can)

ZACHARIAH: Michael’s not gonna kill me. DEAN: Maybe not. But I am.

(I know, I know... I just love everything about that... that’s the moment Dean reclaims his Free Will once and for all, and damn it makes me so damn happy okay)

So Dean managed to escape with Sam, but Adam wasn’t so lucky. Who knows, Michael probably offered him that peace he’d been seeking, that trip to heaven to see his mom, and he said yes. Because if Adam hadn’t consented in that moment, Michael wouldn’t have been able to take him, you know? That was it. That was Adam’s last moment on Earth.

DEAN: Just...let me say this. I don't know if it's being a big brother or what, but to me, you've always been this snot-nosed kid that I've had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that that's not you anymore. I mean, hell, if you're grown-up enough to find faith in me…the least I can do is return the favor. So screw destiny, right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way.

And that’s what they do...

#spn 5.17 #s12 meta rewatch #spn 5.18 #spn 12.14 #performing dean #seriously though why doesn't everyone just trust dean's gut instincts it's like he's got an uncanny magical gift here...#the scheherazade of supernatural #el sol #schultz the beer of death and debt #all my tags for zachariah somehow involve the fact that dean stabbed him in the face pffft #castiel winchester

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yoongihime · 7 years

Note

do you have a fic rec tag? or perhaps a list of your fave works/authors?

//cracks knuckles// *this is gonna be a long ass post* WELL ANON as of recently I haven’t been reading that that much (school just started) but YES I do have a tag it’s called reads but to be very honest, I have been very bad at reblogging fics into that tag so you’ll just find a lot of Missy (which makes sense we’re practically two halves at this point) and fics people tag me in so I shall make a very brief list that is not at all comprehensive of people I read from and admire very much and just love in general but I WILL TRY. Maybe one day I will get off my lazy (but very busy) ass to make a PAGE (MONUMENT) for these amazing, wonderful, talented and incredibly beautiful people that never fail to inspire me everyday. So without further ado:

!! Fun fact, I have been on this website for too long so I have moved around but the OG’s that I read from (for exo and others) are mentioned in this post but I will mention some again bc my love for them is eternal (lol if they’re still active etc):

@an-exotic-writer yes, sas. we get it. you love missy. evident in this tag here. well I really frickin DO. Please understand my obsession. You can stalk all her writing and I guarantee you they’re quality a f. Favs: sugardaddy!Jimin // merman!tae // vampire!Yoongi (all of which hurt me deeply)

@dvehyun Gabs is low key gone but like high key an Inspiration to be so like… hi Gabs if you’re reading I frickin miss you. If you’re into dark, spine chilling fics she’s your girl. Her entire vampire series killed me and let’s not forget the time Jimin did a little somethin naughty HERE.

@palpitate-hyperventilate Jo is also low key gone but still high key Inspires me. Her style is e v e r y t h i n g to me T.T again I say so much I miss you. THIS ONE is my fav.

@theboyswhomwelove okay please please please read from Laura. True Legend to be honest. Some lines from the trophy are still stuck in my head to this day.

@exoticarmy127 MY FIRST TUMBLR FRIEND T.T I’m sure you’ve heard of her amazing works but if you haven’t well I can direct you to Professor Kim Tae Tae right HERE and he’ll take care of that for you ;)

@sa2ms your resident Sehun lover LOL jk jk but seriously I’m feeling so nostalgic going through this list of people I read from T.T but yes to Sam’s entire masterlist.

OKAY then I slowly evolved into the BTS fandom that I am in today and well, fell in love we A LOT of writing for new people that I haven’t seen since I took a break from tumblr and it was a whole new world:

@baebsaes okay Cherry doesn’t write anymore but I cannot express how much she’s inspired me to actually get back into writing again after I kinda stopped for a long ass time. Her style is so unique and elegant and just something I aspire to recreate, so you can just stalk her writing tag here and be blessed.

@tayegi LU. WHO DOESN’T KNOW OF LU. PLEASE TELL ME. If you looking for a good time and to get wrecked by some smut then please refer to her ENTIRE MASTERLIST. I also been trying to meet up with her in real life IT’S AMAZING HOW WE’RE 40ISH MINUTES APART BUT HAVE NOT MET.

@writingseoul The Goddess of smut in our fandom LOL. I reread Masked so many times and I’m pretty sure I can remember parts of it but at the same time it never fails to give me chills T.T

@bts-for-life Go Big or Go Home WRECKED. ME. OH MY GA. My two biggest biaswreckers in one fic but in all honestly that was just my fav.Once again 10/10 masterlist.

@jungkxook I’m sure y’all know her for her series Hiraeth but for me my favs are Pour Up and Back Seat Serenade actually all of them but like yeah those two LOL. Can you see my soft soft for Taehyung showing or? But yes I love love love her writing.

@versigny I AM IN LOVE WITH KAPPY’S WRITING STYLE. It’s art and her vocabulary is to die for. I’m sure you’ve heard of the infamous Miss Dial which is cowritten by the ever so wonderful @cyphertrip (why is it not tagging T.T) but yes. both their styles, impeccable.

@deerguk ANOTHER PERSON WITH BEAUTIFUL WRITING STYLE. I love fawn’s works so so much they’re so beautifully put together and just magical and just goals. Please proceed to her entire masterlist.

@baeseoul OKAY here’s the thing I’m such a hoe for friends to lovers au and kinda angsty plot with really fricking sweet endings AND she gives me all of that, with the benefit of amazing smut. Yes okay my favs are When a Tornado Meets a Hurricane and A Friendly Favor (I bawled like a little girl I cannot I was so shook why kim tae tae always my soft spot)

@kainks Ashlee can just wreck me with her entire masterlist and I would say thank you. Once again– angsty plot with kinda sweet endings and great smut. My absolute all time fav is Triplicity (AGAIN I CRIED SO HARD MY PILLOW WAS SOAKED)

@jungblue i hate you i love you. I just read it a couple days ago bc I kept thinking that I would be less shook if I prolonged it. Nope. Not at all still fucking #jungshook BUT the first fic I read from her was her Tae harry potter AU Under the Cloak lol naughty kim tae tae. ALSO she is a really genuine person (at least from what I can tell) from the way she takes time to answer her asks and yeah I love very much :’)

@minsvga I will just say that since Philophobia is STILL ON GOING I’m still being wrecked to this day with this series. It’s wonderfully written and I am patiently waiting for more bc JIMIN VS JUNGKOOK MAN. MY HEART HURTS.

@hyacinth-ink wow an OG?? I read I Can Be Your Addiction sooooo long ago BUT I STILL LOVE IT SO MUCH. It’s such a beautiful series that got my heart aching with every chapter T.T But of course I blew through Yuu’s masterlist in one sitting so I will argue that other pieces are also magnificent.

@kittae: PLEASE GO READ EVA’S LATEST CATBOY JIMIN FIC. I WAS SO SO SO WRECKED AHAAAAAAAAAA RIP Me :’) ily Eva but at the same time you killed me.

@inktae: mariiiii. omfg okay so I found mari some time during the middle of exam week probably and then I was eventually making my way through her masterlist when she disappeared and I was heartbroken bc I was falling in love with her style and so since she is back and better than ever please go read Blue Orchids. It will forever be one of my all time favorites and I am so so so happy that she’s back again. I NEED TO CATCH UP ON ALL HER NEW PIECES BC I KNOW THEY’RE ALL PROBABLY GONNA MAKE ME CRY.

@astoryfor-you MY DEAREST KRISS. Please please please go read her FWB!Tae BC I love it like my baby. AGAIN BITTERSWEET STORY WITH SWEET ASS ENDING. also I just love kriss in general so like yeah.. go love her.

@hobibliophile JULES go read her work bc they’re gems ;) lmao I’m a wreck I hate my puns. ANYWAYS I literally binged read all of her work in one sitting and was debating whether reblogging them all in one day would be creepy or nah so I decided against it BUT I REALLY SHOULD HAVE bc then I wouldn’t be here telling you that ALL OF THEM ARE GREAT AND I HIGHLY SUGGEST READING INTO THE WOODS BC IT WAS SO DARN CUTE (LIKE HER)

@jiminniemouse all her stories are my favorites but somehow ALL THE ONES THAT INVOLVE JIMIN ARE MY ABSOLUTE FAVS. Like I’m pretty sure Brianna is to blame for ALL of my Jimin feels and the sole reason that Jimin is ruining my bias list. Locked in Love had me crying SO HARD (again a hoe for friends to lovers AU …bonus point childhood friends to lovers AU omggggg) I was pretty sure I fell in love with Park Jimin after reading this fic and Surprise, Surprise had me on. the. ground. bc 1. stripper Jimin and 2. stripper Jimin in domestic setting LMAO

@syugatae I HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH JEN’S ENTIRE MASTERLIST BUT I WILL LET YOU KNOW WHICH IS MY FAV. FOR SURE. Most likely gonna end up being Remember the Night LOL I love smartass Tae so much.

@bxebxee BECKY!! Momma bear. LOL honestly should have included her in the OG list bc I know of her Dark Past but it’s okay EITHER WAY doesn’t mean I love her work any less because wow I’m so glad to rediscover people I’ve lost. But my favorites are agent!yoongi and her royalty series (Impatient got me feeling some sort of way T.T) and well I just love her writing to bits.

@sugajpg IGNIS. My new partner in crime?? AHAH OKAY SO I WILL SAY all her pieces wrecked me in some way m absolute favorite gotta be Devotion BC THE FRICKIN ENDING AHAHAHAHAH. I was like high key frustrated but at the same time I saw it coming so I couldn’t complain ahahh 10/10 and we might be writing a little somethin together soon ^3^

@the95liner SANA. Can I just say how much I love Heartthrob ?!!??! Because my friends to lovers AU heart was so wrecked with this fic and UGH HOSEOK IS JUST RUNING MY LIFE. But yes I love her dialogue skills oh so much, when will I finally be that witty?!?

@triptaech SAM. UGH SAM. I SAY UGH BC HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE. I’ll just rant about her newest one: Home for the Holidays because RA Tae will now have my heart. It was so damn cute but at the same time so hot which is a lot like how Taehyung is IN GENERAL? So yes as you can imagine I am very much in love. Oh OHHHH AND SUGAR DADDY SLASH AUTHOR NAMJOON. omg. she labels it as crack I see it as well placed humor okay?

@btssmutgalore Okay I usually have this policy where I don’t read fics unless they’re completed bc I CANNOT DEAL WITH CLIFFHANGERS. BUT I caved and read SIN CITY which is oh so sosososososos good. I’m so curious though?? Since it’s still on going I’m really looking forward to more character development from both Jimin and OC. ALSO brother’s best friend Hoseok makes my heart ache and ugh we cannot forget about Business

I will compile some of them together (it is currently almost 2am) but that’s bc I simply cannot choose a favorite from their masterlist at this time since I have unfortunately not been through the entirety of it so you’ll just have to stalk them on your own aha:

@monstaccato // @spcywolf // @seokline // @infireation // @greasytae // @zephyoongist // @cuzimsickwithhope // @chimdeer // @yoongguksx // my wife @hearts-of-paper (idk if you’re still posting T.T)

okay I’m preTTY damn sure I forgot A LOT OF PEOPLE. But worry not I shall make a follow forever maybe sometime around June?? So maybe my blog’s Bday or my own Bday aha we shall see. Hopefully by the I shall be better about reblogging fics into the recs tag. FOR NOW PLEASE TAKE THIS LIST. I feel like this made me so tired I fangirled so hard about all of them.

GOOD NIGHT LOVES

#reads #fic rec #replies #LMAO THIS WAS SO DAMN LONG I FEEL DEAD THERE WERE SO MANY LINKS BUT THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR NOT REBLOGGING

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