#also why are skippers so fast what the hell
Note
I was thinking about butterflies and food. If offered, most will consume blood, waste from corpses, and other such matter. They are very opportunistic creatures, despite being so delicate. Most species are slow, but the skipper skipper butterfly can fly almost 40 mph, about 60 kph
:)
tw for: mentions of death and corpses, insects eating corpses, graphic depictions of injury, character death (c!sam)
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The pickaxe ripped through Sam's face, a waterfall of blood and teeth scattering across the floor like wet marbles. The flesh offered more resistance than Dream expected it to-- did Techno also have to deal with this carnage? He pulled the tool forward, hard, and when Sam's body dropped, it dropped towards Dream.
Heavy, limp, and still weeping with warm blood, Sam's corpse collided with Dream's torso.
Hooking an elbow beneath Sam's arm, Dream was able to catch him. With his knees failing and his bleeding head resting on Dream's collarbone, Sam seemed more like a drunken man than a dead one. How many times have they held this position, but in reverse? Blood soaked quickly into Dream's clothes, sliding down his armor and absorbing into his cloak.
But it wasn't long before Sam's weight proved to be too much, and Dream let him fall the rest of the way to the floor. He landed in a leap of limbs and metal.
Dream wasn't sure what he expected this moment to feel like. He's been planning it for a few days now, and he knows from many experiences that the actual sight of a body brings next to no personal satisfaction-- rather, the concept and theory behind the death brings its meaning. You have to think about it poetically. But poetry is hard to contemplate when you're looking at a freshly dead body (even harder as it ages), and Dream found himself feeling rather calm. At peace. Satisfied that the plan had worked, glad to see Sam on the ground before him, but far from exuberant.
He let the pickaxe drop from his grasp. It fell with a clatter, spreading more dots of blood across the floor and his boots. His breathe was deep, but steady. Sam, whose breath was usually loud behind the gas mask, was silent.
What do you do in moments like this?
The first butterfly to land on Sam was an elegant white one. Its wingspan was massive; when it perched on his cheek, right on the edge of the wound, it covered much of the injury. A new, lovely, living mask for the warden. Dream watched as her proboscis unfurled and landed on a nearby spot of blood.
More joined her. A cloud of color descended onto Sam, decorating his head and the puddle of blood that spread around him, a stark contrast to the dark lobby around them. As their wings shifted and folded, they'd obscure or present the injury. One landed on a stray tooth, her weight rolling it a bit and making a scraping sound.
His hands were shaking. More than usual, anyway. Adrenaline.
An orange one landed on Dream's forehead, stretching a wing downward and covering his right eye. 'Stop looking.'
He often forgot they could do this. Insects aren't picky eaters-- blood and gore had much of the same sugars and nutrients as they'd find in flowers. A number of butterflies descended onto Dream's armor, lapping at the blood that poured onto him when Sam rested there.
"Are we that hungry?" He asked, his voice low. "I've bled in front of you plenty of times-- you should've told me. I'd let you--" his voice cracked, and he cleared his throat, "I'd let you."
A purple butterfly landed on a rubbery-looking piece of gore. White-ish in color. Part of Sam's eye, probably.
Another landed on Dream's browbone, a white wing reaching down to cover his other eye. 'Stop looking.'
#bugs be doing bug things#they might be pretty but they're still bugs and bugs Do be eating some weird shit#also why are skippers so fast what the hell#ty also for telling me abt the skippers i didn't know that#good for following along with parkour i guess#anyway#drabbles#cdream#c!dream#dreblr#killing butterflies
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A NEW PENUMBRA EPISODE HAS RISEN!!!! TIME TO THROW MY THOUGHTS INTO THE ABYSS!!!! random thoughts and ramblings follow :D
I AM SO READY FOR DETECTIVE RITA YOU HAVE NO IDEA
OH SHIT WILL SHE BE NARRATING PLEASE TELL ME SHES NARRATING
HER DETECTIVE VOICE IS SO FUN IM SO DEAD
why is she better at this than juno this is going so much better than his attempt
‘WATCH THIS’ * keyboard tapping noises* (i love her)
of course she gets paid in cereal i dont know what i expected
oh ok no junos still narrating
‘THE MAN I LOVED WAS ON THE LINE’ (this will never get old for me)
‘my name is juno steel and *usually* im the private eye’ i am enjoying this way too much
ok why do i love skipper they’re so fun?
‘he just ruins the *peaceful vibes*’ so real so real
HE TOOK THE FUCKING FLOWERS I SWEAR TO GOD
rita. had. dinner with them. oh my god. she is the best.
the mother speaking for the grandfather in like such an annoyed voice and then being so calm with ‘or so father says’ is so funny to me
skippers so dramatic i love them
‘SHUT UP DEAREST’ LMAOO
ooooooo did skipper help nureyev?? wait no thats too obvious….or it is just obvious enough to be right????…..no its isnt….or is it???? (im going insane)
‘he makes friends or.. more than friends and he uses those connections to his advantage’ OH SHIT (skipper???? skipper?? skipper kinda makes sense???) (but like yknow…obvious option)
‘watch skippers reaction in particular’ AHAHA!
OOOO ARE WE GONNA GET RITA NUREYEV INTERACTIONS PLEASE OH MY GOD
‘mostly i was thinking about nureyev’ *cue me falling off my chair at the instant romantic soundtrack that apparently follows nureyev’s name everywhere now*
roomantiic moonoolougueee tiimmee
GRIMMS MASK EPISDOE CALL BACK OH I AM NOT READY
‘another love’ ITS FOR HIS JOB ISNT IT ISTG
OH ITS FOR FUCKING HYPERION CITY OHHHHH SHIT
why does this remind me of the monolouge at the end of final resting place (end of the first season)
‘it wasnt a very nice city but hell im not a very nice lady’ vs ‘this is my city. im not proud of it but that doesnt mean its not worth saving’
there are so many things this season that are setting up to be broken (probably not the right word) but like so many things that have potential for a really sad/angsty pay off. like nureyev and slip or juno telling nureyev he’ll keep following him untl he says he doesnt want him to. or juno and missing hyperion city. i’m so scared.
oh ritas so dramatic its making me so happy
HE TOOK THE ORCHIDS !!!!!
ITS THE MOTHER????
of course she had an inflatable couch in her hideout spot
ooooo its juno detective-ing explain-ing time
juno obsessing over detective stuff is so fun
a CoNfEsSiOn
‘im tired of you people…and also just tired’ skipper being way too relatable
OH SHIT NUREYEV DIDNT TAKE THE FLOWERS???
SOMEONE TOOK THE FLOWERS FOR NUREYEV WHAT IS THIS????
OH IT WAS THE GRANDFATHER WHAT???
‘he sent me up to bed early’ ma’am, you are a probably-around-40-or-something-year-old woman
the gibberish is still funny
WHAT HE WAS FUCKING IN LOVE WITH NUREYEV HUH WHAT THATS SO FUNNY
‘we know how this theif operates he grabs you by your heartstrings and never lets go’ yeah rita would know about that with all the agnsty monolouges
WHAT THE FUCK HES TALKING????
WHO SAID HE LOVED HIM??? NUREYEV???? WHAT???
OH FUCK OH SHIT OH NO OH GOD ‘he said hed come back for me he said we’d run away together’ OHHHH NO NO NO NO NO. NO LONGER FUNNY
‘well it looks like my work here…is done’ *very fast tapping of rita walking away*
OH WAIT SHE CAME BACK TO ACTUALLY HELP JUNO LMAOO
awwww they’re all back together!
A TRACKER A TRACKER HE GOT IT ON NUREYEV AHAHAHA
THEY KNOW WHERE THE DOKANA GROUP IS LETS GO
oh ok fuck i thought we were done how foolish of me there hadnt been a sad speech yet
‘i knew he hadnt done the same to me’ OH THANK GOD OKOK
‘he meant the promises he made me’ AWW YAY
wait no its sad oh god oh no
‘problems for another day, i thought’ best coping method fr fr
‘the rest we’d just have to figure out together’ yay ok happy-ish ending :D
okok so alot of thoughts. i’m so scared of all the set-ups for angst and honestly i’m kinda just waiting for the episode that it all comes crashing down and everyones really sad. but also! hopefullness! juno saying that he’ll figure it out with nureyev! yay! i honestly don’t know how the big climax finally thing with jupeter and slip and the dokana group and everything is going to go i’m just really hoping for an eventual happy ending with happy jupeter (and rita there too :D)
anyway! loved this episode can’t wait for the next one with (i’m assuming) stuff with the Dokana group!!
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session 15 notes
Ok true crime as in my new addiction is true crime podcasts specifically about serial killers
Back to the session
After getting a bit of a reality check from durnan about the supposed strength and power of the xanathar guild…
Protected our home w glyphs of warding
Last day of our contract
Spell is set to fade soon
Asyna is feeding ot
Ot looks at asyna like he's a cornered animal
"ot here's some meat"
Why is krystal roasting me about my lover
He wants poison
Ot is calling his jailers idiotic
Oh no aerana might be spilling beans
I really shouldn't be allowed to play games
Because I will always turn to the chaotic evil character
Aerana isn't giving anything up
Theo tells us about the plumbers who came over last night
Aerana is going to typ, rest of party is staking out house
Shifts to watch ot, adam takes front, asyna tower lookout (it's foggy tho so perception check at disadvantage, 9; city looks a little eerie in the fog)
Cel puts immovable rod across cellar door
Ot is suspicious whenever cel comes in
"you cannot fool me xanathar"
Cel making theo a new cloak
Ot asks cel when he'll turn him into dust
The xanathar can turn ppl into dust
Flare ?
Is flare the brain boy ?
I don't like the energy we've created around the word "enlightenment"
Cel rolls 18 insight check
Ot doesn't think cel is cel
Cel is gonna just vibe witth him
"WHEN U SLAY ME I WILL THINK NOTHING BUT HATEFUL THOUGHTS"
Sorry didn't mean caps but too lazy to fix
Everyone else
Adam in front hissing at neighbors and cats, 7
Hears pavement scuffle, someone approaches and reddish gtray beard person w non-descript gray cloak approaches; trench
Doesn't remember cellar and plumbers guild coming by night before
Trench says he can help
Help get bar open
Used to drink there a lot
Gets parchment and quill with ink
Rolls insight to see if bar was only thing he wasd interested in, 13, trench seems v interested
Works in surveillance, protection
Gives him cel and theo's name "5 copper please"
Gets 5
Adam picks his nose
Theo patrols entrances
13 for perception
Overlaps path w adam's
Aerana to typ
Afternoon when there
Similar pattern to those there; frequent patrons
"if I'm making up words, it's not really hitler"
8 perception
Place feels open, not as packed as it usually is
Still feel sensation of cold from the well
Wizard w pointy red hat a regular
You see goliath wizard talking to a dwarven woman
Aerana sees an elven man (bard) w "ugliest guy you've seen in your goddamn life" dom says but only after we point out he looks like legolas, tuning a lute
Sense you've seen him before
The wellllllllllllllllll
It is better told by a bard
Some patrons old and strange, others just like to drink
But ritual in the storytelling
Durnan built
Gwyliam
Talking in elvish
Place formerly not too populated
But one of durnan's ancestors came over to build upon it and discovered the well
Network of tunnels underneath
20 for history check
Familiar with some of what he's saying
Parents would throw you into the undermountain if you were bad
Undermountain = stirs weird memory in your head
Being told as a child stories of undermountain
Deep dark fearsome place
Mt waterdeep wizard came here once named hallister the black cloak
Hallister - ppl don't know where he was from / if he was real but legendary
Brought apprentices trained in magical arts
Tunneled on peak of mt waterdeep
Legend of undermountain could not be verified as truth
Durnan's ancestor came to typ
Climbed into well
"I wouldn't bring this up around him" - doesn't talk abt
When ancestor returned was fabulously rich
Split money with best friend
Built typ
Occasionally engages in ritual of going
No one truly knows what lies in undermountain but there's something there bc some return but most do not
"it might just be the sewer" - "but don't tell anyone I said that"
Differing renditions
Some say durnan was the one with magical powers and killed everyone in there, or more nuanced speaking only of tragedy of those who return who come back fearful or returning with smaller parties; others talk more of hallister and argue over his life; every night a different story
Ask if he knows anyone who's come back
Gestures to half-orc in corner playing variation of solitaire; great celebration when he returned, he came back with riches
He is a regular
21 history check
Undermountain
Familiar name
"Deepest dungeon of them all"
When sewers were built many passages abandoned bc other halls + passages found, many teams from cellars and plumbers guild died during construction of the sewers
Prisoners often thrown into "undermountain"
Says even tho he's here most days there's still stuff he doesn't understand about it; new community reforged every night
At some point durnan talking to wizard and having a conversation which is odd ? Eventually wizard looks at aerana (old man) skinny pointy red hat
Wizard squinting at aerana then turns back to conversation
Try talking to half-orc
Interesting plated beard almost like that on dwarves wrt ornamentation; jewelry running through it
Wiry half-orc
Not skinny but muscled
Weird tattoos covering one side of his face looking like they change a little bit
Balanced a little precariously
Ask if he wants to play a two-person card game bc he's playing solitaire
Ask for his favorite game, Skipper (slapjack)
Dexterity check
5, 20, 10
First round you lose, his fingers have strange looking rings beautiful but rough-worn bands of steel or other heavy metal
Second you win
Third round he takes
"say not many people can beat me in that game"
"luck favors the bold"
In the well
Hell but now look at him can gamble all he wants
City of balder's gate
Large city rough place to grow up
Turned into rough child living on streets
Says his name is Sand
Balder's gate warlords make life difficult so he decided to leave
Was found in youth by someone who turned his anger into smth holy
Ran into thieves and plunderers of forgotten relics, became brother and sister and decided to take on deepest dungeon of them all
Horrible things - asks if you've heard the song
The yawning portal song
Not many people know the full tale
Was taught to be skeptical (it's in his nature or maybe his name)
Not sure how long he was in there or didn't know when he was in there
No light
Tunnels are confusing and without it would've been lost; found room with throne with snakes for arms
Great hallway with ancient trap
Living things also in there; all manner of beasts and creatures; ppl don't come back bc of those
Killed goblins down there but after the things he's seen and after the things he'd had to do could've gone with killing a few more goblins
Advice ? Some will sell maps of what they found or what they think they've seen; anyone can tell u abt beasts down there
Durnan wouldn't lower us down
Durnan doesn’t send ppl to their deaths
Durnan lowers people he deems worthy
Strong brave smart fast bold enough or some combo
But even then not everyone comes back
It's a place of death
Not buying him lunch lmao
Has broken into dangerous old elf dungeons like in the ones up north and would do it again if he could unsee some of the things he saw down in the well
A place of death but things move in the shadows w tombs down there and tunnels for miles hallways great and tall, treasures, beasts keeping it for themselves
Ask about tattoos
Gift from master
The person who saved him in balder's gate
Steeped in magic of shadows
Powerful bc he is strong but qi is stronger still
Aerana gets back home but starts to rain heavily
Ppl still patrolling
Adam
Sees drow ? W purple colored eyes silver-ish hair hiding weapons under his cloak steps up and says "pardon me" and asks if adam's seen a cat
Large cat - would've know if saw it
Adam sends drow to trench
Adam gives him good up and down look, can he see weapons ? Carrying two cinotaurs ??? Sinotaur ???? Adam rolls insight for cat
14, seems like he's talking abt a cat
Heads off to trench
Asyna in watchtower guessing ppl's names
Cel and theo switch
Theo says hi to ot, ot curled up in corner
Whispers "hey ot what's up"
Says he should've gone with his gut on the day theo arrived
"dark elegance" "the way you glided into the room" - ot on theo
Ot says he knows how the xanathar pays theo
"I guess seeing you was a realization of my deepest fear" a fear he couldn't name or place or knew he had but out of the darkness theo stepped forward
"I'm curious . How long do you leave your victims like this"
Ot starts to cry and says he would beg her to keep him in this place
"this voice you're using I find it sweet"
"I just don't want to wake up before the end"
Theo is gonna get him food
"the poor dead tiefling told me yesterday"
7 insight
Theo does not know what's happening
Says the water theo gives him looks real
Looks at the wall drinks some water
"and it tastes real"
We kinda fucked ot up LMAO OOPS
"I know that you don’t have a heart… but if there's any chance that anything I've ever said or thought about you could take root in your soul"
Theo says she'll consider his request
Sits there for a half hour then asks if that's her real name
"nithlur" or smth like that
Nihloor
"where'd you hear that"
In his head lmao
What if this is like
A tapeworm
In his head
"what does knowledge taste like"
Asks if it's a feeling or a thought
Theo says it's a feeling
Ot says whatever knowledge is it's valuable to the right thing
Wonders if he can take a nap
Gonna take a nap
Adam forgot he made ott think he was dead
Aerana is taking over for theo
Adam takes first watch
Perception check, 22
Raining ohp so at disadvantage gotta do it again
New roll, 12
Rain is still falling
Hears a weird noise coming from outside the house
Uses thaumaturgy to boom voice saying "wake up"
Everyone sleeping wakes up
Goes toward sound
Hears weird growling noise
Goes semi-toward noise w pyrotechnics prepared; darkvision does he see anything
Sees shape
It's not the cat
Unfamiliar, looks like it's flying but more like it's floating
Bobbing up and down in air
Creature w large glassy eye and sagging mouth w lots of sharp teeth
Sticking out from form are eyes attached to a slug protruding off it w glassy eyes hanging off it
Intense stench making icky moaning noise
Adam shits his pants
It's big
The size of its mouth is human size
I've been listening to serial killer podcasts all day
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alrighty third part up and coming
i hope you like it, it would be lovely if you take the time to share your opinion on it
https://archiveofourown.org/works/21310579/chapters/50967448
He is running, wind coursing through his fur. He almost caught the bunny that was just asking to be eaten when he feels it again. He isn’t alone. Raising his head with twitching ears he looks around for any sign of the other. The moon giving him just enough guidance to take off to his left. Chasing the presence.
----
“Peter.”
“What.”
“Uncle Peter, he could help. I called him.”
“Help. Help with what.” How anyone expected him to be coherent first thing when he wakes up is beyond him. Shaking off the remains of his dream he shuffles slowly to the kitchen for coffee when he hears Cora following him.
“With whatever is going on with you.” The ‘duh’ is heavily implead in her voice and eyebrows when he turns around.
“Wasn’t that emissary supposed to figure it out.”
“She didn’t.”
“You’re telling me I drank all those shit tasting potions for nothing?” He finally turns around and fully looks at her. Eyebrows in full scowl.
“Well at least she figured out what it wasn’t.” Derek snorted and turned back again. Fixing his much-needed coffee when he stills.
“You called Peter”
“Yes”
“What did he say”
“He, uhm, didn’t actually answer. I was just about to call again” At that he gives her a look and takes the leftovers out of the fridge. Too tired to warm them up he grabs a fork and sits down to start eating. When his sister still hasn’t moved, he looks at her and raises an eyebrow. Whatever she sees there puts her back into motion. After three rings the call is finally picked up.
“He- “
“Something is wrong with Derek and we don’t know what.”
“Well hello to you to dear niece. How is your day? Mine is quite nice thanks for asking.”
“He collapsed nine days ago out of nowhere and the local emissary can’t figure out why” When Peter doesn't immediately answer the siblings share a look.
“And how is this my problem?”
“He is still your family. Or do you care as little about him as you did about Laura?” She sneers into the phone, turning away from her brother. It’s quiet again before he softly answers.
“Send me your address, we will get there as fast as we can.” And promptly hangs up. Turning back to her brother with her eyebrows furrowed the two share a confused look. Who the hell could their uncle have meant when he said 'we'? After a few second Derek shrugs and continues eating. Whoever the other person or persons were, they would deal with it when they arrived. For now, there was food calling his name.
----
Its three am when Peter is woken up by his niece calling. By four Malia and he are packed up and on their way to south America.
----
John is just coming home for the first time in days, with Melissa still by his side. Still riding the glory of their last date. It had been a wonderful lunch; he might just actually have a chance with this amazing woman!
That’s when he gets the call from school asking about his son.
Apparently, there was another response from one of the schools the boy had applied to for early acceptance, if he or his son could come pick it up. And isn’t it wonderful that kids like his son exist that are just so smart to have a chance at something like that? Also is his son still sick? Please send him our best wishes to get better.
John is furious. Calling in sick and convincing the lady at the administration that he really couldn’t come to school. What is that for bullshit. He didn’t raise no cheater or school skipper. But then again, he also didn’t think he had raised a liar, a thief, or a murderer. With a sight the sheriff hangs up. Why couldn’t his son be a normal kid. Like Scott. No instead he is stuck with a lying piece of shit.
“Everything okay, John?” Melissa asks kindly.
“Yeah, you uh. You haven’t seen Stiles around lately, have you? Apparently, he has been skipping the last few days of school.”
“No, he hasn’t been around for a while. You sure everything is alright?”
“Yeah, don’t worry about it.”
“If you say so.” With a worried mind the woman left it alone. Mind silently wandering to the boy who is like a second son to her. Apart from his visits to the hospitals to bring some dinner to the nurses on shift she hadn’t seen him around for the past few months. And even than his visits had been slowly dwindling down for quite some time. With a bad feeling in her stomach she tries to shake her worries away. Surely Stiles was fine, if anyone could get himself out of crazy situations it was that boy.
----
Half a week later the sheriff’s department gets a call. A hitchhiker found a car in a ravine a few miles out of Beacon Hills.
It’s a baby blue jeep.
#stiles stilinski#sterek#derek hale#cora hale#malia hale#not tate#peter hale#sheriff stilinski#melissa mccall#mccall pack#hurt stiles
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Proposing to a real life mermaid
I woke up on a Saturday morning in quite a mood. Once again, Ivan had convinced me to spend yet another weekend in Ponta D’Ouro diving. Do not get me wrong, I was excited to try out my newly purchased equipment, but not so much about waking up at 4:30 to be diving at 6:30 in the morning. Pre-relationship, my weekends were filled with all nighters with my girlfriends and afternoons catching up with sleep to once again party by dinner! Here I was at 5:00 am driving to Ponta without having slept in once since Ivan and I began dating.
I won’t lie - I was in a horrible mood and ended up sleeping all the way to Ponta, not to mention I was the least agreeable person to be driving with for an hour. As soon as we get to the diving establishment, Gozo Azul, we begin unpacking and getting our equipment ready for our first dive at Pinnacles - a shark diving area. GREAT! I am still half asleep and barely speaking to anyone. All I wanted was a coffee that, until today, I’m not sure I had before we were escorted onto the tractor trailer to be taken to the beach where eventually a boat would take us to the diving spot.
As we arrive at the diving area, I begin to mount my fins, BCD and put my mask on my face. The ocean water on my face picked me up a little but I was exhausted and still moody. The skipper counts down 3, 2, 1, Go and off we roll back from the boat and into the water. Oh, and the depth of this dive goes down to 35meters… Fabulous! We start swimming down and level as a group while swimming around waiting for the sharks to swim around us. It wasn’t my first time diving with sharks (thank God!) So that did not wake me up further. However, the fact that I could not establish a neutral buoyancy was worrying me. Every time I looked at my air gauge, I kept losing air at an alarming rate. Never have I claimed to have some sort of experience with diving but with the 3 months of diving multiples time a day and multiple times every weekend, I knew enough to determine that my air was fleeting. This is finally what wakes me up as I did not want to start going up alone and do the safety stop at 5 meters before the surface by myself surrounded by sharks; that would have been the cherry on the top of my banana split day (i hate banana). Turned out that my BCD was leaking air through one fo the valves! Guys, if you get new equipment, make sure to twist every valve or knob, I was an idiot for not having tested it at home! As soon as the problem was identified and resolved by Ivan, we continued the dive and it was still terrible! We barely saw a shark! Although when we got on the boat, 12 bull sharks showed up and I was glad I wasn’t in the water!
Oh oh! I forgot yet another amazing detail! The day was grey and the sea was choppy as hell! We all thought we would be sick getting to the dive site, putting on our equipment and waiting for the countdown to roll back. As we were heading back after our Pinnacle dive, we all were still nauseous and one of the ladies on the boat got on her knees with her face out the boat. I turned to Ivan and told him that if she vomited, I would be next! Thankfully, we all got to land vomit free and headed back to the dive center to change our cylinders and prepare for our second dive. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we do 2 dives per day on a good day! Cue Samantha sitting on a bench glad to have not puked and wondering whether she should bail on the second dive in fear of puking her stomach out and worsening her mood. To add to this uninviting situation, the second dive was with Ivan’s work colleague and friends (and of course the skipper and dive master who are close to Ivan) who kept making inside jokes which only infuriated me further. Like even the staff were making inside jokes related to diving but I just wasn’t catching the drift of why it was so funny and attributed it to my horrible mood. Scratch that, Ivan demanding i do exercises underwater on our second dive to refresh my skills because I had new equipment was my infuriating point. I still snapped at him that he wasn’t my diving instructor and didn't understand why I had to not only do these exercises but also have his friend film it so that I could see what I was doing wrong! If you know me, I hate being patronized, or scrutinized for that matter. At this point, I remembered all the self growth and inner peace material I have read over the years and proceeded to have an internal conversation. Samantha, you got to make the most of this weekend, it's a waste to be in a mood, let’s turn this sh*t up! At that point, I picked up my phone and asked Ivan to take a selfie! It was such a cute selfie, check it out!
Fast forward to all of us on the boat once again but this time I’m in a cheery mood and noticed that Ivan was silent. For those who know Ivan, he is never quiet and for those who dive with him know he is the loudest one around! I looked at him and questioned if he was feeling sick to which he said he was nauseous from the sea and was feeling feverish (he did end out being bed sick for days after this with the highest fevers). We got to the dive site called 3 sisters and rolled back into our dive. The reef was beautiful in color and bountiful with sea life. We swam around for a while and toward then end of the 45 minute planned dive, Ivan signaled me to move to the spacious sandy area near the reef to do the exercises. By now my mood wasn’t as horrible but I was still irritated that he asked me to complete them. As we kneeled in front of each other, he pulled out the writing pad and notice his friend camera ready, so being efficient Samantha that we all know (and love?) I began doing the exercises such as recuperating my regulator. Please picture this: Ivan and I kneeling in front of each other, Ivan writing on the pad, his friends around me with cameras (although I had only noticed one of them shooting) and me stupidly throwing away my regulator and recuperating it to get through this humiliating episode faster. I then look at Ivan who isn’t watching me do the exercises but has now dropped the pencil and trying to find it in the sand. At this point I didn't realize he had lost the pencil and thought he had kneeled on something and try to see his knee. Can you imagine the setting? His work colleague eventually hands him a pencil and he shows me the pad which read: Will you marry me? Then there were two boxes, one with ‘S’ and one with “N.” Not going to lie, I got confused because the question was in English and the choices did not match! I immediately broke out laughing which isn’t a beautiful sight with a regulator in your mouth-the only possible way of breathing at 20-something meters under water. I crossed the ’S’ box and he pulled out the ring which he thoughtfully tied to a string in order not to lose it. Then the romantic moment came when we removed our regulators and had our engagement kiss *cue novela kiss song*.
After our moment, we then began to ascend to our safety stop and then onto the boat. Yes, it was the most romantic moment and I couldn’t have asked or imagined a better proposal but it was so frustrating not to be able to express myself underwater. We held each other and waited till we were on the boat to be able to probably kiss and hug and talk. That is after we got our equipment on the boat and I had to go through my seal upward half dive and half pull onto the boat (embarrassing every time)! I was the happiest woman alive and then everything began to flood in! Everyones inside jokes, why I was left out, why Ivan pressured for those underwater exercises. I later found out that the friend filming had only gone to film the engagement! And then I felt like the worst person because of how moody and grumpy I had been all morning!
Ivan, thank you for the most beautiful and thoughtful proposal. I could never have imagined a more unique experience doing something we both love from the beginning of our relationship. Despite being in a “level 3” lockdown, you have shown great bravery in living with me and putting up with my ups and downs be it about work, people, or just sheer annoyance of not being able to go out for dinner. You sir, are a hero in my book! But on a serious note, I cannot wait to continue growing our relationship and learning more about you, me and us together as a team! It's The Adventure I am most excited to embark! Ive read a lot about self growth and what a healthy relationship is supposed to be but I have you to thank for showing me. Thank you for supporting me when I'm most insecure, when I overreact in certain situation and most of all, thank you for loving me the way I am. You have helped me to love and accept myself even more.
I hope and wish everyone the love we have!
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Day 27: Loss
13 had gotten most of the survivors to the perminater the Skippers had put up before running back to help some more over. Bobby was trying to find the MTF team leaders who had disappeared during the commotion of the church getting attacked. 13 was also getting worried as Bobby was no longer in sight and the contamination was spreading.
Bobby had found the team leaders and now was running the fuck away as he overheard they were the reason behind the outbreak. One sounded overjoyed while the other sounded so regretful as he turned the corner to see 13 getting the priest and town elder who refused to go till the others were safe. He ran towards them as 13 was focused on getting them to safety. Bobby then felt his leg give out as he realized that he had been shot.
13’s head snapped over as she instantly zeroed upon him. The elder handing her their spear staff before pushing her towards him. 13 instantly going into a sprint, swinging the weapon through any flesh creature as Bobby hobbled forward. He was uncertain why he hadn't been finished off by the team leads when the noises behind him let him know why.
"Drummer!" 13 cried as she shifted some of his weight onto her. The path clear for the moment as she gripped the spear tightly. They moved as fast as Bobby could move,when another arm joined in. It was one of the team leaders in a panic. The regretful one.
"We need to move now. It got the other commander and has began to mutate into something we never have seen before." he said as They surged forward as the ground trembled.
Bobby realizing that it was targeting him as hefelt the flesh grab at his feet. The regretful team leader seem to comfirm this as he tried to get them onto a less fleshy path. He looked as 13 seeing her desperately trying to carry his weight as her knuckles were white around the spear.
Bobby then jerked to a stop, hardening his skin as he jerked 13 into the team leader's arms as Bobby took the spear. 13 instant realizing what was about to happen as the team leader grabbed her tightly.
"You get her the fuck out of here no matter the price or I will fucken haunt your ass." Bobby yelled at the team leader who nodded as he placed 13’s arm in a back lock. 13 snapping both as she fought to stay as she was dragged away screaming Bobby’s name instead of his codename.
The team leader deciding to pick her up as 13 fought him like hell as Bobby watched her get taken away as he returned his attention to the growing mass of flesh. Him steeling himself as he prepared to take his last stand. Commotion on the perimeter.
"Sorry 13, maybe in some other universe we can meet again" Bobby whispered as the flesh attacked. 13 screaming bloody murder as many survivors grabbed onto her and the team leader, pulling them in a tent. 13 sobbing as she broke a syringe that someone tried jab in her and yelling at them.
She stormed out to a car and tried to call Henry as a scientist came over with a flask. She refused as he downed it, before offering again. She took it as he talked to her a bit, offering to over look the amnesiac if she would return to the tent. She agreed and the word was kept as she was sent to a nearby hospital for her shoulders.
#scp#scp mtf#scp 610#scp uiu#unusual incidents unit#13 aka agent reality#bobby aka agent drummer#agent matthew#matthew has too many fucks to give#matthew fucked up#13 reality bended a bit#implied dr kondraki#13 is a mess#continued from Day 26
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Happy MAGM! Someone throws a ball at your character unexpectedly. How do they react?
Too many characters to write a scene for each
Ball not specified. For the sake of argument, a foam dodgeball with a thin rubber coating will be used. Not that it really matters. Let's also say it's yellow because that doesn't matter either.
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Castor (Amarantos) figures out what it is without turning her head before it reaches her, catches it effortlessly (in one hand if possible) looks at it and then the thrower with offense and throws it back a bit faster than the thrower can catch.
Lionel (Amarantos) sees it in his peripheral vision and punches it away.
Roger (Amarantos) sees the ball in his peripheral vision and ducks. May also have a small chance of punching the ball. Depends on the day.
Lori (APIB) blocks the ball from hitting her face with both hands sending it bouncing away. She has no idea what it was until she spots it rolling along.
James (APIB) has a 50% chance of ducking and a 50% chance of being hit in the face
Chief Turner (APIB) will allow himself to be hit in the face and literally not acknowledge the ball at all, but you better bet you'll pay for that later
This question almost doesn't apply to Skipper (APIB) because quite frankly he can't react. If someone throws a ball at the vehicle there ain't a fuck if a lot he can do about it and frankly it doesn't really matter anyway. He doesn't care. It was a brick last week so at least that's an improvement. If someone threw a ball at HIM unexpectedly again he can't do jack shit about it. He'll be very fearful watching it coming that it will hit a button or something, but once it bounces harmlessly off the display and rolls into the corner it'll be Lori who does the reacting.
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I've been in a mood for The Guide lately so let's do one or two of those characters
Amari (Niri. Ambassador and shipkeeper of the bannerships Hyperion Blue and Phoebe White) jumps about three feet in the air, landing with one handpaw raised, and, upon realising that it's only a ball, looks at you in confusion until you explain why the hell you just did that
(I just noticed these became second person so I guess we're going with that)
Geralds (Human. Captain of the station I forget the effing name of and ambassador) turns away and the ball hits his shoulder. He frowns at your Tomfoolery but then chucks the ball back at you over his shoulder.
Tamir (Niri. I dont remember his title either) will absolutely recognize this as a toy and he is not above fox pouncing it in the middle of a meeting.
I don't think any of the Damari races will understand a ball so expect it to be destroyed violently.
If you throw anything at a Toga expect to be their lifelong enemy. They're nonviolent by the way they just hate things that move fast. How they got into space no one will ever know.
The Vrid will likely assume that anything thrown at them is a gift. They may attempt to eat it. Or coddle it. Who knows really.
I don't have all my notes with me so that's just who I can remember off the top of my head. That series has a cast that's too damn big for its own good.
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17 & luztoye / skipmalark 🍑 (where's my peach/butt emoji!?)
Anonymous asked: ANYTHING FOR MUCK/MALARKEY!!!!!! ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!!
prompt away with me (ACCEPTING)
17. “Bring your pretty little butt over here.”
It probably wasn’t the best idea to enter a dancing contest when they both knew they had places to be in the morning – but like most things, including work, school, and pretty much everything Don has ever done – it comes down to money.
Don has borrowed upwards of 500$ from their various friends, and racked up just as many gambling debts. He has to get it paid back fast (meaning preferably today, but he might not get his ass kicked if he pays them off tomorrow). In desperation, Don turned to the one person he knew for sure would mourn him if he were to go missing and turn up a month later washed up on a riverbank with cinder blocks tied to his ankles.
“Are you insane?” Skip pants out in the middle of a fast-paced samba. “Why the hell would you borrow money from Speirs? Out of everyone?”“You said you weren’t gonna lend me anymore!” “So you went to Speirs? Do you have a death wish?”In his defense, Speirs had seemed like the best choice at the time. He had also been willing to give Don the money, which was more than he could say for his actual friends. The fact that he’d also be very willing to kill him over it hadn’t occurred to Don until later, which was probably poor judgement on his part.Flashes of what Speirs might do to him race through his mind, causing Don to miss his step. He has to catch himself before he tumbles over. If either one of them falls or stops for any reason, they’re out of the competition.That’s the trick. They don’t have to dance well (and they definitely aren’t); they just have to keep dancing for longer than anyone else.Don’s stamina is nothing to scoff at, and neither is Skip’s; but he’s really not sure how much longer they can keep this up. They’ve already been through the Charleston, the Cha Cha, the Robot, Shadow dancing, Salsa dancing, Ballroom, Breakdancing, the Twist, the Macarena, and a really alarming Irish jig Don doesn’t know how they managed to get through. He’s ready to drop; he knows Skip is too; and there are still three couples left in the competition.He needs that prize money. If he loses, it might literally kill him, and he is way too young to die. He has to win that money.So all he can do is dance for dear life.
One of the other couples goes down in a nasty tap dancing accident. For another, a pirouette goes horribly wrong. The last couple looks like they’ll be out during the Swing section, where the man loses his grip on his partner and she goes sailing over his head; but he catches her at the last minute.
Don thinks Speirs won’t even get the chance to kill him, because this is how he’s going to go out.
“Oh god!” he gasps out in the middle of a weird hip-swaying dance, grabbing at his side. “Cramp! Cramp!”“Come on!” Skip hisses, grabbing him by his waist and forcing him to spin with him. “You’re not allowed to give up now!”“I think –” Don can barely gasp air into his lungs. “I’m dying. I’m not ready to die, Skipper!”“Then –” Skip spins him out, and promptly reels him back in. “Get your pretty butt over here and lift me!”Don thinks he’s losing his mind. “What?”“Dirty Dancing,” Skip gasps out. His face is an alarming shade of red, and sweat drips from him like a waterfall, but he’s still going. “I’m shorter than you, and your arms could lift a building. No friend of mine is going to die in a mafia hit. So, lift me!”“Jesus,” Don exclaims, but he has no time for anything else, because Skip throws himself at him.Literally throws himself. In the split second he gets to process that his airborne friend is hurtling towards him, Don can only reach out his arms to catch him. A second later he is heaving Skip over his head.His friend’s arms are outstretched, like the world’s most exhausted bird. His hair hangs in his face; his entire body is stiff as a board; but when he looks down at Don, he is grinning brighter than the sun.Skip lets out a resounding whoop as Don spins him around. “Take that, Patrick Swayze!”
After that, the contest isn’t much of a contest anymore. The other couple tries to compete with their toss, but both fall flat on their faces. Skip and Don are the only ones left standing.
“Holy shit,” Skip pants out. “Tell me we didn’t actually win.”
“I think we did, Skip.” Don is only half-conscious, and the floor looks like it’s spinning, but he’s aware enough of the massive check being pressed into his hands. “I think we did.”
They have enough money to save Don’s life, plus a few thousand left over. Skip eyeballs the massive sum with barely disguised glee, and when he looks up at dawn there’s a dangerous gleam in his eyes.
“Hey, Malark, you know where we should spend this?”
“How?” Don’s worry that he doesn’t want to know the answer only increases when Skip grins.
“Dancing lessons.”
Don shoves Skip, who wastes no time flopping over, seemingly unconscious. Don feels a little bad, but only a little.
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20 THOUGHTS: Anti anti-social behaviour behaviour
WOW that escalated quickly
A Carlton muppet gives an umpire some constructive criticism and next minute the crowds are in uproar like they’re hostages within their own leisure.
I can sort of see both sides on this one, firstly AFL has actually been copping the Soccer’s fair share of negative press for crowd violence and misbehaviour, subsequently security firms have adjusted strategy. But if Joffa claims he won’t go to the footy, on a bye weekend, then it must be serious.
Oh yeah, and the footy onfield’s not bad either, in case anyone still cared about that.
1. A little bit of nanny state, a little bit of overreaction. Melbourne has been a nanny state for years, only a matter of time before it crept into football. And that’s the blame of authorities, the AFL is a client, an influential client, but they aren’t dictating to security firms how they do their job. Go tell a bouncer after midnight how to man the door and see how he takes that.
2. But also, and to defend Gil on one point and one point only, this extra security has been around for a while, not just last week. You’ve never really taken notice of the wrinkles on your thumb knuckle before, but I betcha you just did and will again on and off for the rest of the day. We never notice security at games before but now its all we’re looking at because of the uproar. Don’t be fooled. It’s not right, but its not new.
3. But Gerard Healy was right Monday night, Gil needs to be better. Calls for his resignation from minimum wage heroes in the suburbs need to realise the job’s a bit more complex than just reading the Brownlow votes out in September. But he isn’t so busy today’s press conference could not have been earlier, more so the concession it might be something ‘to look in to’, without the need to accept fault, could have come a lot earlier. Basic PR mistakes there, that’s all... Carry on.
4. My main issue with Gil though is one not being spoken about, buried by the sexy headline of crowd non-issues: gambling. We all know far too many who have suffered to the plight of problem-betting, and right now the AFL has an amazing opportunity for a landmark moment.
The official gambling partnership rights are up, BetEasy have been paying $10m a year for those, and for the AFL to say that at the end of this contract no such futher partnership would be pursued, akin to clubs too moving away from gambling revenue, would be quite something.
But no. The AFL says a new deal is imperative as it helps them monitor integrity. Given Jaidyn Stephenson’s issue that’s breaking today I can see that point sorta, but don’t put your hand out for a eight-figure cheque for the assistance. Poor, poor, poor.
5. And on the big issues, like serious issues, how many more players need to step away from the game for ‘legitimate’ mental health issues before we look into doing far more proactively. Lin Jong is just the latest of an increasing amount who are taking time out such is their predicament – it’s really unsettling.
6. So Benny Stratton went the pinch. Well we don’t have capital punishment anymore but sure, on this occasion we need to make an exception, clearly? Please, its pinching, not the Kyoto agreement. Either pay the free kick early and he stops, or if Orazio swats him one in retaliation, then retaliation is an excuse and what happens on the field stays on the field. If Stratton gets weeks tonight for that because we’ve started noticing it, when he has done it for years, that’s ridiculous. Simple. Pay the free, or let players settle grown men issues out as grown men. Next.
7. Jon Ralph. What Kent Brockman would look like if human, brunette and with far less credibility. Hawks vice-skipper and all round likeable jet Isaac Smith answered the delicate Stratton-pinching issue with line and length answers, so old Ralphy called Smith out for showing embarrassing leadership. I won’t whack Jon too much on this, clearly a bad day, realised once again his smile looks more like one’s pose mid-flatulence. Please Jon, we don’t ask for much.
8. Quick one on the cricket – why hold a summer sport World Cup, like cricket, in a shit country where its Winter all year round. Instead of Finch and Warner opening our innings next game we’d be better off with Michael Klim and Daniel Kowalski. How’s Murray Rose going, is he still with us, and can he bat 3? Bloody hell England, sort your bloody rain out, its making me itch.
9. Thursday night footy – we cop it what, half the year when you take into account the opening game of the season, Easter, then this mid-year crap when the byes happen. But given that it’s rating like an absolute beauty, and as long as broadcast revenue is by far the most important dollar the code seeks, I’d expect every round, as soon as next year, to have Thursday night football. Don’t say I didn’t warn you early.
10. Ross Lyon, geez quick to whack the Boss when he took the early rebuild call so soon after their maiden Grand Final appearance, along with the four-year extension. Ross can’t rebuild, they said. Ross is going down a hole fast, they said. Well, this is the third of those four years and the Dockers are going beautifully. Good kids, nice new team, good team and look on for finals this year and the trajectory is only up from there. We await the apologies.
11. Jesse Hogan, whilst we are talking purple, gee if he can get going that’s at least one winning final this year for the Dockers. Has genuine match winning attributes, and for a while he was either too young, too injured, or just playing for a team ‘too Melbourne’. Now, bit of fitness, bit of touch, playing away from a club charged for tanking, and look out. Hogan wins a Coleman for Freo one day, promise you.
12. Essendon, nice, not pretty on Friday night but nice. Seventh best % after 12 rounds suggest you’re going ok. They’ve got two tough ones next in West Coast and GWS, but until the Pies in the last round have five bankable wins in between, and that’s just one short of a guaranteed finals spot. Should do it, their % is almost half a win in itself.
13. Speaking of the Giants, I know Geelong deserves nothing else but strong favouritism for the flag, but the orange tsunami would need to somehow catch small pox to not win a preliminary final this year minimum. Nine games left, one which is a home game to Collingwood, everything else is there’s to lose Only other games against current top 8 teams are Brisbane in Sydney and Richmond in Melbourne. Will finish top 2, two home finals, boom, Geelong, Collingwood, last day in September, good luck.
14. Rhycey Shaw moves to 2-1, but that first loss wasn’t a disgrace, the Giants are as good as there is so his stocks don’t take too much of a hit. Five of the last nine games for North are winnable, so if he can somehow muster a 7-5 record by the end of August he is a massive chance, ‘godfather offer’ to Horse Longmire to one side (got no read on that either way). However, Shaw goes 5-7, then thanks for warming the seat, do you happen to have Michael Voss’s number, he isn’t in our teledex?..
15. Tim Kelly wanted to leave Geelong last year, for reasons totally away from football. So unless something gives, that will happen again you’d think in four-months’ time. Last year he was a very good footballer and the Cats wanted two first rounders, the Eagles couldn’t do it and Freo weren’t allowed in the conversation. This year, he’s got a top 10 Brownlow finish coming, might even snatch the medal itself at this rate, and could be part of a Premiership winning midfield. Remember the Chris Judd trade, well that’s the kind of value the Eagles and Dockers will need to find. Remarkable.
16. Eddie Betts – the greatest small forward, of all time? Surely. Only short blokes who have kicked more are Leigh Matthews and Kevin Bartlett, one is the greatest player of all time, the other played a million games, but both are rovers first. So yep, Eddie, the GOAT.
17. Dale Morris is back this week, what a legend. Did his ACL in March, he is the wrong side of 36 years old and looks odds on for some sort of game time this weekend. What a star.
18. Lets whack Tom Lynch again coz we can, but this time, the contract. That’s seven years at a million per. In two years’ time when he is 28 he’ll be as cumbersome as your fat uncle passed out on the couch late Christmas Day, good luck getting any value out of him, good luck moving him. Just saying.
19. Tassie team. Done some digging. So. AFL – keen. Local logistics off field and all of that – looks fine. It’s the league logistics that will struggle. The AFL is handcuffed to the straight jacket that is the Gold Coast, and to a lesser extent the GWS (who are looking far more on track than the Suns to be fair). So even though it’d be great to pack up shop and move the Suns down to Hobart, not going to happen, they are pot committed no matter how bad the hand.
19 teams? Doesn’t make any more money, the broadcaster doesn’t get any extra games to sell advertising so it’s a wasted resource. So you go 20 teams? That’s the preference, but where else do you go to for team 20, we want Tassie but not because the league’s currently too small, and even then, do we have another 11% of good players not playing AFL out there to fill out two more lists? Probably not.
So, all up, Tassie is ticking all the boxes it can, but making it fit into a league that accommodates it, that’s the struggle, and it’s a very big one at that.
20. Lastly, how can I not, but State of Origin in Perth on Sunday. Watch it. Enjoy it. But have some comfort food on hand and a sympathetic ear once you realise how good representative footy looks at that ground, and this is a neutral game. Imagine if that crowd Sunday was there for a WA team. Exactly.
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Hackney Umpires v Islington Lions Sunday 9th September 2018 Wray Crescent
A man decides after seventy years
That what he goes to Wray for, is to unlock the door
While those around him criticize and sleep
And through a fractal on a breaking wall
I see you my friend, and touch your face again
Miracles will happen as we play
© Seal 1990 (sort of anyway)
Fixtures-wise it’s been a bit of a headache this year. Given we only play twice a month, a couple of cancellations meant the Umpires had not taken the field since beating Kent Ramblas in West Wickham at the beginning of July. (This is of course to overlook our participation in the annual London Fields 6s tournament, and let’s be honest, that was another pretty forgettable performance in a short-form cricket tournament. If ‘performance’ is not too strong a word).
So yes, two whole months since we took to the field. You had to wonder how rusty we’d be. One thing was for sure though, we wouldn’t be as rusty as the Wray Crescent park-keeper’s mower, which, judging by the length of the grass on the outfield, had also not seen the light of day for some considerable time. In fact, the only grass that had been harvested at Wray was being consumed by the footballers who reluctantly vacated the playing surface to enjoy a bit of heckling from the side. Ah Wray Crescent, it was ever thus.
Despite the rudimentary facilities there was a lot at stake: Hackney v Islington, a north London derby if you will. This being a hurriedly arranged replacement fixture, the Islington Lions were a complete unknown. Would we be savagely mauled? Could we tame the mighty King of the Jungle?
Come to mention it, why is the lion called the king of jungle when it lives out on the savannah? Hmm, good question my friend, and as you ask: jungle is a word in Hindi meaning ‘not an inhabited place’, or a wilderness. With England playing India at the Oval a little bit of Hindi seems appropriate, and what more wilderness could one possibly need than Wray Crescent?
The skipper wins another toss and opts to bat first. Anthony and Simon march out purposefully. Simon’s orange bandana protecting his urdu from his batting helmet (OK I’ll stop with that now).
We take a collective deep breath as the opening bowler runs in….and then relax: our openers are looking good, comfortably stopping the occasional straight one while getting full value from anything loose.
Simon in particular looks like he could fill his boots, while Anthony though scoring well, was struggling with a leg injury and survives a couple of half-chances, one of which was probably a three-quarters-chance, before Manny makes an early appearance for the day as umpire, raising the finger of doom in response to a strong LBW appeal. With Anthony gone for 25, Kieran joins Simon and they press relentlessly on. After 10 overs we are 99-1 and the Lions go very quiet in the field. Little do they know how thin our batting line up is: with Harry stuck on a Ryan Air flight and David otherwise detained, chief archivist MK O’Brien is in next at a vertiginous 4 and the rest of the middle order is not exactly famed for run-scoring.
Simon takes up the pipe and slippers of retirement in the 12th over having reached the pre-agreed limit of 50, but at drinks, halfway through our 30 overs, Hackney are a healthy 136-1 and Islington seem less a pride and more an embarrassment of Lions. The only star performer for the opposition thus far has been Brenda, who made a couple of brave stops and was particularly impressive at leaping over the fence to retrieve the ball.
Kieran blasts a couple of mighty 6s after drinks and retires. The opposition by now have turned to the more eclectic of their bowling options. One end sees Henn with the archetypal spasmodically-jerking octopus-falling-from-a-tree off a three-step “run” in. At the other it’s less frog-in-a-blender and more Brenda in a fog, that fog being primarily a cloud of uncertainty about the legality of her action. But any danger, such as it is, is primarily to pride and Billy has to suck that up, bowled by the rightly-feared double-bouncing straight one. A few overs later the Archivist contrives to pick out a fielder with a mow to mid-wicket and while the run rate remains healthy at 182-3 we have 8 overs left and a collapse now would see us in trouble.
David in at 6, is joined by Manny. And this seems like a good point to delve into the archives and peruse their respective batting statistics. I’m sure they won’t mind. Well they might, but what the hell I say.
Before today David had batted 11 times scoring 171 with an average of 10.90. Meanwhile in 24 appearances Manny had batted 14 times scoring 56 runs at an average of 6.38, his top score of 18 for the Umpires coming in his first ever innings against the fearsome GB Strikers, mainly, if memory serves, comprised of edges down to third man.
So, let’s face it, about as much pedigree as a tin of dog food.
After a couple of nervy looking singles they convene between overs in the middle. Standing behind the stumps umpiring it was hard to hear exactly what was being discussed. But I fancy Manny was saying something like:
We’re never gonna survive, unless:
We get a little crazy
No, we’re never gonna survive, unless:
We get a little cra-eyah-eyah-eyah-zy
What followed was one of the most joyous, exuberant and exciting passages of play that I have witnessed for the Hackney Umpires. This was, genuinely, batting that would empty the bars, if of course the pavilion at Wray Crescent was able to stretch to a bar, or indeed Wray Crescent was able to stretch to a pavilion that had not been condemned as a dangerous structure.
I know what you’re thinking. When I suggest this was ‘empty-the-bar batting’ it’s as in the bouncers at Clapham Infernos dragging you off with your trousers round your ankles because you’ve just vomited Jaeger Bomb residue down your Ben Sherman shirt. This might ring a few bells with those who have seen Manny’s batting over the years, but you couldn’t be more wrong: this was an innings to stir the emotions with no little skill and heart along the way. Yes, there were the odd ugly swipes here and there, what night at Clapham Infernos doesn’t have that? But there were times on that Wray Crescent dancefloor when Manny’s footwork shone as brightly as any batting the Umpires have seen. The ramp played it’s part, of course it did: the feint to leg, the switch of grip, the ball sailing down to fine leg. But it wasn’t just the unorthodox. There were at least two beautifully straight (lofted yes, but that was only to get over the top of the grass) full-bloodied drives, middled and timed to absolute perfection.
At the other end David played his supporting role with no less skill and selflessness. In pursuit of the maximum team score either could have tried to farm the strike to get to 50 or indeed held back on the running between the wickets to avoid being out. But no, with wickets in hand, this was positive batting for the team cause. Manny’s 44 not out takes him to exactly 100 career runs for the Umpires and a new improved average of 11.88. David’s unbeaten 41 gets him to an average of 15.00. And in 8 overs between them they hit 78 runs including 12 fours seeing us to a breathless 260-3, matching our highest total achieved in our last innings against Kent Ramblas in 5 fewer overs. Pick the bones out of that Lions.
What is the saying about a cornered lion though? Or is a tiger? Some kind of big cat anyway right? Although the outfield is slow, the boundaries are short and in village cricket, even urban-village cricket, it only takes one stout yeoman to get his eye in, the ball disappearing to all corners and the wheels can come off pretty fast.
Our youthful opening bowling pair: Billy and, new recruit Michael Brown, have the Islington openers hopping around from the start of their reply. Michael was very unlucky, several times finding the inside edge. Billy strikes in the 7th over, getting some bounce, nipping the glove, and a good take by stand-in keeper Simon. Manny meanwhile can’t stay out of the game with some excellent fielding, and he then bowls the other opener. Somehow the Lions keep going and make it to drinks without further losses, and at the final interval the game remains alive with Islington 120-2 and wickets in reserve.
The run rate though was creeping ominously up to over 9 an over. So there’s pressure on the batting side. David Dawkins takes the first over after drinks: it’s a maiden and the run rate is now exactly 10. Brilliant bowling by David, which gets its reward the very first ball of the next over, as slow-left-arm snaffles their top scoring batsman for 47, caught in the slips by the ever reliable hands of Anthony.
And if we were favourites up to that point we dominated after that. Any time Kieran only bowls 2 overs means we’ve either done very well or very badly. There was some excellent fielding along the way from Michael and from Kannan, while Billy was fizzing the ball unerringly over the stumps from the deep. We also had a few moments of high comedy, perhaps as we started to get a bit tired.
David takes a wicket in his final over and his 6 overs 1 for 24 in a high scoring game made a big difference. Michael also returned for a second spell deservedly getting a wicket, Manny, inevitably, taking the catch. The opposition tail-enders seemed intent on playing out the overs, but this became a procession long before the end with Islington eventually 71 runs adrift on 189-6.
5 matches completed in 2018. 3 wins, a draw and a loss (and we should never ever have lost that one either). With one fixture remaining this was a confidence-boosting victory against fun opposition. With all due respect to the opposition (and I acknowledge starting a sentence ‘with all due respect’ is usually the precursor to the exact opposite) but with all due respect bla bla bla we made them look pretty rubbish at times, and occasionally they did it to themselves without our help. We will need to up our game against London Fields on Sunday.
Despite his injury Anthony stuck it out and confidently steered us to a 5th victory in 11 games as skipper. Michael had a great debut performing brilliantly in the field. Kieran and Simon were way above anything Islington had to offer in terms of batting quality. But the true performances of the day were David with bat and ball and Manny with just about everything he did, edging David out for the man of the match award.
HUCC 260-3 (S Griffin 51*; K Kumaria50*; M Hawks 44*; D Dawkins 41*)
Islington Lions 189-6 (M O’Brien 2/50; D Dawkins 1/24)
Hackney Umpires win by 71 runs. Man of the match Manny 'Crazy' Hawks.
Up the Umpires!
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