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shkspr · 3 years

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hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

#sorry if this is repetitive or makes no sense or if i got some details of the show wrong #i simply couldnt be bothered to put too much effort into this post #lest it become a research paper and take me several weeks to answer #anyway thats all my opinions #dw #ok to rb

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snowthedemonfox · 3 years

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imagine having a pinned post

/j but anyway heres my pinned post

names snow, i don't really care what pronouns you use for me but i mainly use she/her and ig they/them :3

you might be here because you think ive blocked you. i tend to block for a variety of reasons, but im more than happy to unblock because tbfh i tend to forget why i blocked someone in the first place. so if you wanna chat about that, my dms are open

if you just want my carrd, here you go: snowthedemonfox.carrd.co here for my art? id suggest heading over to @demonfox-art if thats the case i also do commissions! status and prices can be found HERE

if my url didnt already give it away, im a furry. i draw furries, i fursuit, i go to cons, etc. so if you dont like furries maybe this isnt the place for you

im more than happy to tag posts if needed, but please keep in mind that i am still a person and i have issues with remembering stuff, so i may forget to tag stuff. due to this, please do not expect me to constantly tag posts everytime. ill do my best, but again, i forget easily and may not do it for every post.

kindly asking that if you have a problem or issue regarding me that you want to discuss, please message me. dont send me asks or tag me in posts, it really makes me freak out even if its over something small like a misunderstanding! im a google+ survivor, was on that hellsite until the second it shut down

i mainly try to keep to myself but sometimes i dont and if youre here bc of the latter im sorry

for a few fandoms im in, i ship multiple different things involving the same characters. so if you see me mass reblog stuff like that, dw i just think its all pretty epic

i change my active fandoms pretty much every week so there's no point in listing them all here, but here's a few of my main ones that im regularly a part of:

- 17776 - the amazing digital circus - portal - kirby - pokemon

ofc, ill be rbing heaps more stuff from other fandoms not listed here lol

im always up to talk so feel free to send me an ask or a message! i love talking to people

i write fanfiction but very rarely. rn i should be working on my 17776 one but....... ill get to it when i do

if you're looking for my art tag, here you go: #snowgems art oc tag is #snowgem ocs fanart tag is #for me

i draw both fandom and oc stuff so yeah

#arctic fox speaks #gonna add some tags i use regularly #fav #save #vibes #important

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seijorhi · 4 years

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asks :)

i love you guys, just putting that out there 💕

We stan a supportive dad who hates the miya twins 💅 @lovelyvillainess idk it won’t let me tag you :(

I figured at least one of them should have an ounce of common sense lmao

Holy shit! The Miya twins meet the parents was soooooo good. I've just finished reading it and come here to gush and now I will go re-read it because wow. The tension. The feeling of dread that sinks in when you realize what reader might be in for tomorrow or the next day. But the dad is my hero!! It makes me wonder what Kita and the crew would say because they certainly saw the Miyas bullying their soulmate. We are not worthy of your genius

🥺 dfghgfhkl thank you!! But also yeah, it’s a temporary victory at best and you’re definitely gonna pay for it the next day 👀

🥺🥺🥺 go dad for having our back i feel like its rare for parents to actively support u in yan!fics so like...heart is warmed

so who wants to see daddy dearest go ham on the Miya twins and beat their asses???

omg ive never sent a message before but the meet the parents with the twins when her dad protected her i 🥺🥺❤️❤️

He is the only valid parent just sayin (still won’t make a difference in the long run, but at least he tried?)

I'm reading your newest drabble and came across the line, "it’s the pity he’ll give you. He thinks he ruined your life when he left (he didn’t)" I love this reader's energy lmao

Definitely not me projecting one particular ex of mine onto this fic, nope, not at all. But seriously those ex’s are the fucking worst 😒

Hi! Just popped in to say i love ur meet the parents drabble. One of my fave things about ur writing in general is how well you write dynamics between characters and that recent drabble was some good food brah. Thanks!! ❤️

ahh thank you so much, bby!

Just passing by to say you are an absolute queen and that I love you and your writing very very much !! 💞💗❤️💖💓💘

Hi anon, i’d die for you i just wanted you to know that! 💕

Reread NFWMB again. Idk if you have watched or if your familiar with Bungoy Stray Dogs, Rhi but reading it again made me think of OdaSaku 😅 Idk, it's probably the opening line about kids. So I kind of had this screnaio in my head where Iwa's higher ups and contractors are surprised that he finally agreed to kids but what they don't know is that instead of killing them, he is taking them to the reader.

I have not watched BSD but I’ve heard about it?? it is on my ‘might fuck around one day and actually watch’ list, if i can ever stop re-watching my other faves. I did write Iwa as much more of a morally ambiguous character - he’s not gonna push an old lady in the street but he also probably wouldn’t stop somebody if he saw they were getting mugged kinda guy - obviously with the reader being the exception to that. But I do like the idea of Iwa just bringing home some kid he was supposed to kill and being like ‘this is now our child, we’re a family and i will straight up murder anyone who tries to take either of you from me’

but then i also like the idea of him seeing her be good with kids and just suddenly *breeding kink* ya know?

Okay unironicly??? Nice guy yandere Bokuto is my kink and that last piece hit the nail right on the head. Everyone is cooing that you guys are adorable together, so why does it feel so awful every time he puts his hands on you~ you cant find it in yourself to say no, but you want to get away from him as soon as possible~

Yandere Bokuto makes my heart horny and it is a straight up tragedy that I don’t have more written for him (soon, bby, dw) because he’s all soft and cuddly and needy and incessant, but the moment you start pulling too far away - oop. Now you get to play with an upset Bo 👀

For all the hard work you do, someone should write for you. Depending if you're into the really disturbed, angst, smutty kind where there are no such things as regrets. That's me. I write that stuff all the time. Keep up the great writing beautiful. What's next on your upcoming lists of fanfiction you're going to post? 💋💞😍🤗👀 Love ya! @doloresdaizhamorgan

Ahh thank you, bby! You always send the sweetest asks (and btw I hoped you liked vamp Touya!!) Next up is slasher Bokuto, Akaashi & Kuroo which I am v excited about 🔪

Hi! I was wondering how you think the yandere soulmate pairings would react to the reader favouring one over the other? Would they get jealous of the other—leading to the reader's possible escape route? Also just wanted to say I love your writing so so so much—it genuinely gives me chills in all the best ways :)

I think it would be difficult for the reader to prefer one to the other as they’re all bad in different ways. However as it’s kind of implied that both Oikawa & Iwa and Ushijima and Tendou are also each others soulmates as well, I think they’d find a way to manage it without too much drama between each of them - probably exposure therapy. Say you start to cling a little more to Ushi because Tendou’s being sadistic mean, he’ll leave the two of you to spend some ‘quality time’ together - surely you’ll be feeling better by the time he gets back (you aren’t). Or if you start showing more favouritism to Iwa because he doesn’t go as hard with his punishments, the two of them will agree that next time it’s all up to Iwa, and he’s gonna make it hurt while Oikawa will be there to take care of you afterwards.

It’s all about balance.

If its with the twins, good fucking luck. They’re already bickering over the small stuff - they’ll just take it as an excuse to lord it over the other one - which ill inevitably prompt the ‘loser’ to remind you of exactly why you should really reconsider, especially with how good he’s gonna make ya feel. Basically - it’s a tug of war with you caught in the middle. Have fun tho!

#fic q's #BD answers #ask #anon #not a request

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whatdoesshedotothem · 3 years

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Thursday 8 May 1834 SH:7/ML/E/17/0028

6 ½

12 ¼

Fine morning rain in the night and recently F59 ½° now at 8 20 having been 40 minutes reading the morning Herald of Tuesday and the trial at full length of Mr James Norris convicted in dangers of £150 of beating and ill treating Mrs (widow) Nicholls who went to fetch her daughter away from his service in August last year - disgraceful business - vide Halifax and Huddersfield express of Thursday 3 April 1834 page 2 of which 5/8 of column 7 and page 3 the 1st 3 columns and ¼ column 4 - lent me by Miss Walker of Cliff Hill while Miss W- of Lidgate was here. Downstairs at 8 40/60 - ordering about getting great oatmeal chest and flour ditto let down from the upper kitchen chamber thro’ between the summer trees now the flour is up - the clock obliged to be moved from the stairs foot to near the window. Had Lowe - ordered a dress and undress suit and greatcoat and linen jacket for Joseph Booth - set him to weed opposite the hut - till 1 ¾ had Mr Samuel Freeman and his nephew from London about ¾ hour. In Joseph Hall’s land n°69 Limefield corner next n°68 Paddock, there may be from ½ to ¾ DW of stone, that in the corner worth 3 times as much as that at the extremities from it worth 3/6 per yard but F- seems not inclined to give more than 4/6 a yard for the whole piece - he thinks there is better stone in numerous 64 and 65 Ing top and Ing, in a line across the two nearest to and under the house about 1 acre, this worth 5/. a yard - but from he can learn, the best stone is in George Naylor’s field n°120 lane-head field some stone got in the top corner next the waste and also in the top corner next Mrs Machans land and close to the Lane, and Ruttle across the field from the last named corner in a line ending about ½ way down the opposite side of the field i.e. side along the waste. Perhaps there may be about 1 DW of stone in this field worth as much or more than that in Joseph Hall’s land - say 5/. per yard - should allow 14 years for getting a dw - I took fright at the time - he did not think the stone could be forced into the market sooner. Great competition - but this would be less by and by - for he thinks the Binns top slate (the best part of it) will be exhausted in 6 to 8 years. Perhaps my stone would pay for keeping - but it might be worth more or it might be less - said the stone should be paid for as got measured off before each rent day - might get 300 yards per annum in Joseph Hall’s land and 200 yards per annum in George Naylor’s land - will come here on Friday or Saturday (I to be at home till 3pm) and we are to walk up together to look at the hole made in marsh land - n°69 Limefield when the stone is put up for sale by ticket I may take a month afterwards to consider which bid I will take or if I will take any at all - came up to my study and wrote all but the 1st 6 lines of today - if 500 yards per annum can be got at 5/ per yard that would be £125 per annum - shall I try it or not? asleep above ½ hour - out again at 2 ¾ - off to Lightcliffe at 3 – then in 40 minutes sat with Mr and Mrs William Priestley (Mrs William H. Rawson and 2 of her daughters there the first 10 minutes) till 4 – Mrs P- evidently a little embarrassed – thanked me for my call – we were tête-à-tête the last 10 minutes – talked of alternations at Shibden – then 20 minutes at Cliff Hill - the William H. Rawsons there all the time and left them there – then 20 minutes at Lidgate getting out a few things to go to York by Matthew – Sarah’s daughter taken ill last night - Mr Robinson called in this morning - put 7 leeches on her temples - afraid of inflammation on the brain, but the girl much better this afternoon - sauntered thro’ my walk (had stopt a few minutes talking to Mrs George Robinson about the water - ready to try the matter at York anytime - to tell Mr Joseph Wilkinson this very civilly but turn the water on as fast as he turned it off) - Joseph weeding opposite the hut all the afternoon - had got on very well - at home at 6 ¼ - dinner at 6 ¾ - coffee –Matthew better tonight but determined not to send him to York till Saturday – came to my study at 8 wrote the last 11 lines – from 8 ¼ to 9 wrote and sent by Joseph 3 pages to ‘Miss Walker Heworth Grange York’ – mention my calls of this afternoon and about Sarah’s daughter being taken ill last night – had Mr Robinson twice this morning – 7 leeches on her temples and lotion to keep head cool, and medicine - better this afternoon - I saw her - going well – will write again tomorrow evening – better no to name it to Sarah till after hearing from me again. Will send Matthew off on Saturday morning if he is well which I hope and expect – had Mark Town from 9 to 9 50 – mentioned having looked at the Hanging Hey – not laid down right – not cleaned – never ploughed at all since my father ploughed it – the oats will not make much – decline therefore letting him have any more land – he has quite enough - but will see about a small cow house for him in the course of about a month in which time he would like to have it. Letter 3 pages tonight (newspapers not come) from Miss W- not to send Joseph - if Matthew is not well enough can do without him – Smith better and can go to the post office. Is she to pack her things for leaving the lodging or not before I go to her – Wilson bookseller writers her word – he has got for me a Juvenal Lubini. Is he to send it to Miss W-? Yes! ¼ hour with my aunt – bad night last night – poorly tonight and all day – fine day – warm but not much sun – F62 ½° in my study now at 10 ½.

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rainandhotchocolate · 5 years

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Tutors Pet - Part 4

A/N Hey friends! I just realised this didn’t go up in my queue yesterday oops so dw I will be posting twice today <3 This is a little filler-ish but I hope you enjoyyyy ! :)

“Y/N” A voice was calling her. It sounded like it was coming from a distance, as if on the other side of a tunnel. She tried to shoo them, but her arms were heavy and wouldn’t move. She just wanted to sleep.

“Y/N!” The voice called out again – louder this time.

“I’m tired” Y/N murmured, wanting to turn over to one side and just fall asleep…

Suddenly she felt herself be pulled upwards as strong arms lifted her up and the pain hit here like bullets through her spine. Her entire body seized up, pain shooting up and down her hips, a piercing in her upper bicep, her head spinning as it began to wake up and desperately want to shut back down.

Y/N groaned loudly, her head beginning to spin as she was carried somewhere, making her feel progressively more ill. When she had begun to feel like she couldn’t hold back any kind of puke she was lowered down onto a kind of bed.

Her vision was still blurry, and it hurt to try to open them, so she kept them shut, drifting in and out of a kind of sleep.

“Is she ok?”

“I don’t know, we still don’t know what happened.”

“Was she hexed?”

“I think so- there was blood everywhere”

“Has she been unconscious this entire time?

“When has Madame Pomfrey said she will wake up?”

“I’m up I’m up” Y/N muttered, groaning loudly as she felt her back crack when she started to sit up. Her eyes were still blurry but she could make out multiple figures in front of her, all beginning to lean in as she sat up.

“Are you ok” She heard Louisa call out, a figure rushing towards her, pushing through the others to sit next to her and grab her hand.

“Uh, I don’t know? I don’t really remember much. Am I in the hospital wing?”

“Yes, you-“

“Everybody PLEASE move out of the way, stop crowding my patient!” Madame Pomfrey came pushing through the group, muttering about how long they had been crowding up her wing, “Ok drink this up, dear”

She held out a cup filled with a yellowing potion and began cleaning up the bedside table so that she could place more medications across it. Y/N took a large gulp and gagged audibly.

“Oh my god what is this”

“It’s for your leg wounds, they were magically cut and wouldn’t heal by itself, did you expect it to taste like pumpkin juice?” She tutted at her, “Come on now, finish it off”

Y/N pouted when she’d turned her back but took a deep breath and downed it, shivering involuntarily as it slipped down her throat.

“Jesus that was awful” Y/N groaned again, trying to get comfortable in the bed. Louisa reached out and plumped up the pillows behind her, pushing away Y/N’s hands as she tried to help her.

“Stop it, let me help you, you fool” Louisa shook her head, smiling at Y/N as she rolled her eyes.

“So… does anyone know what happened, at all?” Y/N rubbed her eyes, turning back to face the group in front of her. Her eyes were focusing in again, revealing James, Sirius and Lily all standing over her looking very concerned.

“Well Sirius found you” James faced him, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Sorry I didn’t see anything, I had been going out to-” He cut himself off, clearing his throat, “I found you on the floor of the courtyard, mostly unconscious. It took some yelling to get you awake.”

“I remember leaving the Great Hall to get some air, and then nothing?” Y/N narrowed her eyes, trying to focus in on what had happened but there was just a large gaping hole where the memory should be.

“What did I say earlier! Do not rile up Miss Y/L/N when she wakes up. Everybody out!” Madame Pomfrey had come bustling back in and was glaring down the group with a new fury in her eyes.

“But Pomfrey!”

“Friendship heals wounds!”

“Out- Mr Black, Mr Potter, you two especially.”

The group trudged out in frustration, Louisa sitting up, giving Y/N a kiss on the cheek and following suit. Lily walked out slightly slower than the rest, turning at the door so she could give Y/N a smile.

Madame Pomfrey came back over to her and began checking on her wounds, carefully unwrapping each one on her legs and arms to make sure they were all healing. She reached the top of Y/N’s bicep and paused, taking a deep breath.

“I wanted to unwrap this one separate from everyone else” Madame Pomfrey sat down in the chair next to her, giving her a comforting smile. It somehow made her feel worse.

“This wound was a little different to the others” Pomfrey began unwrapping it again, pulling off the bandages and placing them on the bedside table.

Y/N watched as it was taken off and looked down at her arm. There was writing cut deeply into her arm, still bright red and raw, reading “Fag”.

“Oh…” Y/N felt herself grow red, unsure what to say. Madame Pomfrey watched her carefully.

“It has been hexed into your arm and may take some time to get rid of” She continued to watch her closely, waiting for any reaction, “But I also wanted to check in. Was everything ok? Has this kind of thing happened before?”

“I – uh” Y/N stammered unsure what to say, “uh… no. I… didn’t think that anyone else knew” She muttered quietly.

“Well look, I don’t want to do anything that would make this worse, but this has happened before, and likely has been done by similar groups of people. I do feel like this is something we need to share with the headmaster, but I don’t want to do anything that would make you feel more uncomfortable.”

Y/N didn’t say anything for a minute, her heart beating a mile a minute.

“I would prefer if you didn’t” Y/N finally said, “for the moment at least. I just... haven’t even really shared this with anyone else yet. I’d feel kind of weird if it was told to Dumbledore.”

“Ok” Madame Pomfrey smiled at her and began wrapping up her arm again.

“Is that ok?” Y/N still felt like she wanted to puke. What if this stopped someone else from getting hurt? Was she just enabling people to feel like they can keep doing this because she was so scared about letting people know she was gay?

“Of course it is. It’s ok, it is a process sometimes and as much as there are benefits to letting Dumbledore know, there is also the very real possibility of it becoming school-wide knowledge which you may not be ready for yet.”

“Right, ok. Thanks for, you know, being so nice about it” Y/N wanted to roll her eyes at herself for sounding so ridiculous.

“I’m here for the students of this school, always,” Madame Pomfrey said curtly, smiling at her before patching up the rest of her bandages and handing her another potion, “Drink up, it will taste awful”

Taglist: @maraudersandco @northscorpio @seesaw-it @lustfulcry @depressedcoffeebean @supercuteasalily @palaisdecouture @blackpinkdolan @fashionlive15 @creepysweet

#lily evans fanfiction #lily evans x reader #lily evans imagine #lily evans x you #Lily Evans #Marauders #marauders fic #marauders era #marauders imagine #rainandhotchocolate

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not-poignant · 7 years

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So I am super in awe of your ability to write so much, let alone so well. Do you have any tips for getting into a writing habit? / How do you keep yourself accountable for updating and the like?

Hmmm

In the past I’ve generally said it’s not a good idea to learn how to write as much as I write, because being this prolific is usually a sign that something else isn’t going so great in your life BUT ACTUALLY I do have some tips lol.

Feel free to ignore them. These will not apply to everyone, and you are not doing anything wrong if you’re not already doing them or just plain don’t like them.

But here’s how I do it:

* I have a monthly wordcount. It used to be daily, but this didn’t work because I have chronic illnesses that sometimes make it impossible for me to write several days in a row. My monthly wordcount is 25,000 words per month. Last year, and for the years previous, it was 50,000 words a month. Yes, I did a NaNoWriMo every month for three years. Do I recommend this to others? No.

* I don’t add up my words per day, I add them up per chapter. That’s satisfying for me. But it also makes me feel accountable re: my writing in that, I can’t make 25,000 words if I work on like....fifteen different chapters and don’t finish any. So I have to finish chapters. That’s the rule.

* Plot out my stories or my big stories for the year. I like to know where my output is going. I know I want to be putting a certain amount of words into four different projects. There’s room for movement. But I stay accountable because I know what I’m meant to be working on.

* Er, guilt. Never underestimate the power of guilt when you think ‘shit I haven’t posted a chapter in a while :/ :/ :/‘ this is apparently something that makes me write things. It’s not healthy, lol. I mean it’s not terrible? I care about the people who read my stories and I want them to enjoy what I’m doing, and that’s like...pretty normal if you’re creatively minded and want to share that kind of stuff with people. But guilt can be pretty crushing, I don’t recommend it.

* I’m meant to take five days off for every 25k I write. I play hooky with this all the time, especially if I feel guilty about not posting enough (I am currently resisting taking a break right now lol). But anyway, scheduling breaks is important. I have other things I love! I want to do those things too.

As for tips re: how to get into a writing habit. My advice for that is actually different to what I do now. Writing is like...flexing a mental muscle. I might be at a level where I’m powerhousing in the gym every day, I’m not going to tell everyone else to do the writing equivalent of two hundred sit ups if they can only manage three.

So here’s some advice on how to get into a writing habit:

* 100 words a day, over 100 days. Or 50 words a day, over 50 days. This is great. This is great for writers who have forgotten to write, this is great for newbie writers, it’s great for people who want to write and don’t know how.

Here’s the thing, you write 50 words a day for 50 days, you have a nice little hashtag/goalpost if you want them. It’s doable for most people. Also if you’re having a good day, chances are you’ll write a lot more than 50 words. You can alter this if you’re disabled or have different needs. Maybe it’s just 50 words a day on weekdays, or 100 words a day on weekends. Or 50 words a day when you have spoons.

That’s about flexing your writing muscles when they are little and need some stretching. You learn how to do the push ups before you do even one, let alone a hundred, and exercises like this are great, even if you totally abandon them later on, because you can trust in your output.

* Like to get in the deep end? NaNoWriMo. Supportive communities, accountability in general, and a sense that you’re not alone and everyone is struggling like you are, lol. Except for that one person who is done in three days. Ignore them.

* Consider writing some stuff that you can finish. A lot of people want to write a novel, but it will be fun to write some poetry, short stories, drabbles, novellas etc. that you can finish faster, and get a sense of accomplishment for. Writing can be very lonely, and it can lack validation, so it helps to build in a sense of achievement and accomplishment. Some writers do it through wordcount, but honestly, finishing things is pretty amazing. Even if you don’t like it, if you finished it, that’s awesome.

* Look up some writing blogs and websites. Get overwhelmed. Feel like you’re doing everything wrong. Then take a deep breath and sigh out every shitty thing you read and remember the two or three things you were really excited about trying. Try them. Ignore everything else.

* Consider prompt communities. They can be amazeballs.

* If you’re someone who likes accountability, and are in fandoms big enough for this, consider signing up to Big Bangs and Exchanges. These can be very stressful for people so obviously YMMV (I don’t do these myself), but what they provide is a sense of community (this is important) and they provide deadlines. Doesn’t mean everyone always sticks to them, but it can be quite motivational. Especially if there are Tumblrs / DW sites etc. associated with the Exchange where you can see others struggling as well.

* Take breaks. And don’t just take breaks when you’re burnt out (I learned this the hard way). Take them when you’re inspired. This last bit is something I have always struggled with. I have always grown up believing that if you feel motivated and inspired to write, then goddamn it, you should write!!! But over the years I’ve come to realise that sometimes you should let that energy stir excitedly inside of you and not write. And that will be when you rejuvenate yourself, and come up with new ideas.

* Try writing when you don’t particularly feel like it, but have the time. Sit there and say to yourself: ‘I’m going to try to do this, just one or two sentences, and if inspiration visits me, then cool, and if it doesn’t, then cool.’ This strengthens the writing muscle of cultivating inspiration by doing the work. No one generally likes strengthening this muscle, because it requires the most self-discipline. It’s the one that will pay off the most in the future. At least you’ll get a couple of sentences out of it. But if you really want to write more, sometimes you have to sort of...do that part of the exercise that is less fun but means you’ll have more capacity to create inspiration in yourself in the future.

* Ignore any writing advice that pulls you down or makes you feel like ‘I can’t do that, it’s too exhausting/draining/no one can do that.’ Including anything here. As with going to the gym, anything that taxes you too much straight away is not good for you or healthy. Start in a way that works for you, and be prepared to stretch yourself, but again, in a way that works for you. If you find yourself going gung ho into writing exercises and then losing all motivation for months afterwards, chances are, you went too hard, too fast. You did the equivalent of ‘going to the gym every night for a week after never having gone before, and then finding the experience so offputting you hate the gym.’

And if you go too gung ho into things and stop for months, give yourself permission to just start again, instead of telling yourself you’re a bad or lazy writer. I promise you, that you are neither of those things. (I don’t mean you specifically OP, I mean anyone reading this). Learning how to write is like...it’s hard to do, and we each have a unique formula for ourselves that takes time to work out. It’s only natural that we will find ways that don’t work for us more often than we find ways that do. Give yourself permission to give up on things, abandon exercises and stories, because as soon as you clear away that space, you’ll have more energy to try things in the future.

#asks and answers #pia on writing #dodgy advice #please don't listen to me i don't know what i'm talking about #all disclaimers go HERE #note i am not really a writer and i'm just a hamster shamming as a writer #this is such a long post i'm so sorry #but yeah like #how i do things is not necessarily how you should do things #anon #i don't know where you are in terms of experience #but sometimes accountability is just giving yourself goals and deadlines #and trying to stick to them #and picking yourself up and dusting yourself off when you don't #and trying again tomorrow #i have faith in you #Anonymous

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ark-of-eden · 7 years

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R is drunk and raving (not in the party way).

(R:) Additionally, I’m procrastinating like a fucking champion at working on fic construction, so you know the best use of my time is going off about random social media crap on the internet.

tl;dr: Putting all commentary in tags on Tumblr makes R cry and shit thousands of words into the Internet.

Every social media site inevitably develops sets of unwritten social conventions. Some of them actually make sense as being derived from meatspace etiquette and therefore you don’t really have to stress about remembering them as long as you play nice like a decent creature.

And some of them just don’t make any fucking sense that I can see. Folks on Twitter using a deliberately space-limited form of media to write a page’s worth or more in a string of 30+ rapidfire tweets? This is just how it’s done over there? (Tweetlonger exists but for some reason these massive chain-tweeters never seem to use it. Same with posting the whole thing in a long-form site like LJ/DW/Tumblr and just linking it to a tweet.)

And Tumblr has things that I literally had to put effort into learning after I migrated here, and after I learned about them I frankly decided to ignore them because I couldn’t see the point in them. Tumblr has this bizarre allergy to commentary and, likely derived from that, the practice of instead commenting by putting it all in awkward tags that render the tagging system not especially useful and are harder to get to if you’re actually interested in an individual’s thoughts about a thing and not just the twelfth instance of the same post crossing your dash in a day or two. It’s not like you can’t engage with people, because asks and messaging and such exist, but like...there’s this strong sense that it’s Terribly Ill-Mannered to weigh in with your own impressions right there, in the body of the post, typing your own words in that seductive, wide-open text box that appears all on its own when you go to reblog something. The properly-socialized Tumblrite eschews that tempting text field and instead posts weird sentence fragments in tag form (interspersed with actual tags that might serve to usefully categorize the post’s content), to the extent that some people can add on a good couple paragraphs of material down among the hashtags where others need to go looking for it on purpose if they want it. (I, at least, haven’t been able to find a plugin or something that automatically expands full tags on all posts so that I don’t have to fuck around with extra interface elements to get to them. I admit that I haven’t looked super hard, though.)

Preserving the original form of the OP’s post is a noble practice that I heartily support, but how is adding commentary a problem if you’re only adding a separate thing, not taking away or altering anything in the original...? This was already a practice/convention/code of social interaction on Tumblr when I got here, so I was never in the front row to witness this element taking shape. I suppose it must have made good sense at the time, but every time I see ten people reblogging the same post with no additions and a paragraph of tags appended to it, it’s like a splinter in my brain that has been digging into me for years now.

And I’m not hating on people who do that! I get that that’s The Way It’s Done Here and I am the deviant weirdo for continually adding comments directly onto things that I reblog. Tags are where individuality lives here, unless you’re producing your own original posts, which I guess other people are then supposed to reblog without commentary so that you have to go hunting after all the reblogs individually if you want to get an actual sense of what these people were all thinking when they reblogged your thing. It all just seems...so...WORK INTENSIVE, refusing to use site functions as they were intended??

Look, I absolutely know that my commentary is not the work of incisive genius that unfailingly adds value to every post I find worthy of my attention. We’re pretty much solid shitposting on this blog. Because I’m a little loaded at the moment and that gives me a handy excuse to run my fingers like an idiot (plus I put that readmore up there, so if your eyes are actually consuming these words, you have only yourself to blame for being here), let me run down relevant history of how we got here.

LJ was home for a good long while. Then shit got seriously messed up and Dreamwidth was created as a better LJ, so we migrated all our stuff over there. And journaling sites along those lines still feel like a native environment. I, in particular, am the most long-winded piece of shit we know and I am honestly incapable of talking about anything of worth in short form. It’s a sickness and I just sort of have to own it. :/ But that’s why journaling sites are a good place for me to live, because that’s where people go when they have the inclination to read meandering scrawls about the depths of other people’s lives or whatever.

We went to Twitter for a good while because all the cool people we knew from LJ were going there for some unfathomable reason. These people wrote things that were complex and fascinating to read, so all of them jumping ship to a place that limited them to 140-character chunks made no damn sense, but we loved those people and wanted to trust that they knew what the hell they were doing. And they probably did, and a couple of us were actually okay with Twitter, but I, being the long-winded shitpiece, spent a lot of time frustrated and kind of overstimulated.

Then things started going to hell more and more consistently for me personally (and us generally by extension, but that’s unnecessary detail). Bunkering down specifically to protect people that you care about from the fallout of your crazy is a fairly common thing for mentally-ill people to do, I think. So I’d shut up online until I felt stable enough to talk to people again. Those periods lasted a few days, then a week or more, then a month, then eventually I stopped talking entirely. I missed the LJ/DW format, but in the past I’d written about life events and things I was thinking about and such, so...at the time, all I really had to write about was the bad stuff. So LJ/DW was basically unusable as well.

I literally came here to be as shallow as I could possibly manage. Tumblr had a rapid, chaotic flow similar to Twitter, but could hold longer content like LJ/DW. We’ve never really used the site’s full functionality at any point, though. For at least a year, all we were following was the most lightweight, zero-calorie entertainment that we could find. (We actually came here for Flight Rising content, so there was a lot of that.) Being engaged with fandom in any consistent respect is an extremely recent thing.

And I’m not saying that fandom hasn’t got depth and complexity because it absolutely does and that’s one of the beautiful things about shared fan experiences. I kind of got into that sort of fandom by accident after getting here and rediscovering Transformers. But the unvoiced policy that I’ve always had here is to avoid the Too Real and dodge serious topics whenever possible. Thus, no gender theory, no neurodivergence or multiplicity, no nonhumanity, no religion or UPG, nothing with real substance behind it that bared real vulnerabilities. (Apparently this was a good move anyway because the nonhuman and multiplicity situation here on Tumblr is a bit of a clusterfuck? I honestly wouldn’t know, as I haven’t made a lot of effort to link up with those folks.) That’s still the policy. That might remain the policy forever until I reach some vaguely-defined threshold of sanity that makes me worthy of talking about those things in places and formats that other people can interact with.

And I’m sorry for all this talk about mental illness, but it’s simpler just to explain things clearly. I likely won’t go into any more detail about it on Tumblr. Or anywhere else, because I care about people even if I’ve never met them or talked to them at all and I still want to keep it all in the bunker to protect good people from the crazy. Sometimes, all you can do is just prevent the damage from spilling out into other people’s lives, and that’s the place that I usually operate from.

I’m still pretty drunk, so I’m allowed to ramble from too much truth serum, but all of that explanation was to get around to saying that the format of online communication that is most intuitive to me is the long, oversharing gut-spill of random people talking about things that are really meaningful to them - not in the sense of elaborate philosophy or artsy epistles to the cosmos, but just people being super real about things that are meaningful to them and going into lots of detail about them because gushing about things you love is great. And it’s possible to get that sort of discussion and gushing in Tumblr fandom, and I love it because it reminds me of better times, and the fact that I love it is WHY IT MAKES ME SO GODDAMN FRUSTRATED that Tumblr culture is basically stifling discussion and feedback and RESPONSE to things that people find interesting!!

Like, here’s how I see it. Unlike on LJ/DW, where you were limited to hyperlinking to a cool post in one of your own posts if you wanted your readers to go check it out, on Tumblr, if you find a super cool thing, you can pull it directly into your space and let other people experience it directly, exactly as you experienced it. But the thing is, I also subscribe to the My Blog My House concept. If I pull a thing into my “home,” I do it because there’s something homelike about it; it belongs in my home for some specific reason. I don’t take “ownership” of an item in the sense that I’m claiming it in place of its creator, but I’m taking ownership of it in the sense that it’s part of my Stuff now and it’ll get my fingerprints all over it and be blended into the general morass of Stuff that I recognize as my home. I don’t just pull random crap into my home for no reason at all.

And I just figure that other people are similar in the sense that they reblog things for distinct, unique reasons, not in the sense that they have some master plan for their blog content (some do, but it’s not necessary), but just that they have compelling reasons why they pick certain bits of content out of the larger river of their dashboard and put it in their own space for people to experience with them. I follow people based on the interesting things that they find interesting. I’m interested in why they’re interested in those things. They seem like interesting people to me because they’re interested in what they’re interested in.

But the WHY is a really important part of the equation for me. Did this person reblog that photo because they’ve been to that place themselves, because they like that kind of tree, because they reblog photos with that color scheme every Thursday? Did that person reblog that piece of art because they love that character, because they’re studying that art medium, because it reminded them of something funny they saw somewhere else? People attach their own context to things that they latch onto. It’s so freaking weird to me that people have to hide their interpretations or impressions in tags here on Tumblr, making them unimportant and optional in the process of sharing things they like with others. (Okay, people also share a lot of things they hate, but reasons for outrage are still part of the context that one adds to content.)

I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE SHOWING ME. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT MAKES IT IMPORTANT TO YOU. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT MAKES YOU THINK AND FEEL. Even if it’s a blurb about how giant robots fuck or a cute kitten video, I NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS.

Not in excruciating detail or with insightful analysis or even a lot of text at all. Mostly, the things that people put in tags are things that, to me, are a really crucial part of the experience of being able to go into someone’s “home” and see the Stuff that they chose to put in it. Reducing oneself to a glorified signal repeater is...okay, I guess, though it turns a Tumblr blog into a kind of faceless stream of other people’s material a lot of the time. The personal touch is what makes it all interesting. And I’m just unutterably frustrated that, somewhere along the line, it was decided that personalizing an experience by sharing one’s own impressions of it became rude enough that polite society decided that it had to be hidden away in tags. I want all of it, so I do go looking for it, but omg it requires MORE EFFORT and BURNING CALORIES and BODILY MOVEMENT and WAAAAH, you know what I mean. :P

And possibly Tumblr society is right and it’s done for a good, decent purpose and I’m being pigheaded and uncool by insisting on doing things my way without bothering to try and understand the local customs. I’m not usually that much of an asshole, but I am about this, for some reason. And I admit that my craving for those personal touches could very well spring from how utterly isolated and lonely I am, so maybe normal people really don’t need all the extra info and actually do just want mostly-impersonal streams of content. And that’s fine, since I know I’m kind of a weirdo even on my best days.

I’m pretty sure that that was all that I really wanted to say. I’m probably overreacting about the whole comments-in-tags thing. Like I said, it’s kind of an irrational irritation. Also, I need to stop before I write myself sober and no longer have an excuse for all of this. If you actually read all of that, you are an awesome, generous person and I’m pretty damn certain that I love you even though I have no idea who you are.

#long post #social media #mental illness #personal history #content tagging #really i should illustrate the issue by putting a shitton of additional material down here in the tags but i'm kind of cashed out now #does anyone else experience that thing where typing directly into tumblr's post box lags like an absolute motherfucker #istg typing this out took me twice as long as it should have because i kept having to wait for tumblr to catch up to the last 20 words #not like i exactly type like a wind ninja necessarily but just that tumblr exists in a perpetual state of shitting on itself #i kind of feel bad for the poor thing #that feels faintly stockholm-syndrome-like but oh well #gratuitous tag abuse #i totally wasted an evening but at least that is all out of my system now #tbh i hate relying on alcohol for things like helping me write stuff easily but i feel more emotionally de-constipated now #seriously bless everyone who actually read all that shit #you are loved

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violenceeisgolden · 7 years

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Tmi/tw/an update

Had such strong cravings for alcohol/such strong urges to say "fuck my health, I'm already fucked, lets fucking lose all this weight you gained in recovery, buy some adderall and vodka and allllll the opiates in the world and at least enjoy however many shitty yrs you have left" except like ???? Okay, so my private insta kept !! Getting !! Fucking deleted !! Idk why, like yeahh i bitch about my drug problems and my mental illness but i have never shared a triggering picture? Meanwhile all these accts with people fkn shooting up are still up? Huh what a concept So anyway, i was thinking of making a side blog. Or i could just vent on here i guess but posting on my side blogs sounds safer. Damn. Been out of the Tumblr world for a while now. Anyway, since it's quite clear that I don't care about a fkn thing anymore... lemme give you all a lil update on the joke that is my life. This one's gonna be EPIC. So. Uh. First things first... I made it five days without any form of any opiate in my system. I did not eat anything in those 5 days. (Wanna lose weight?! Just get addicted to painkillers and develop crohns, then quit your painkillers cold turkey!!! You'll drop 10 lbs in a week!) I did not keep many fluids down, aside from the days when i was in the hospital. I was shitting and puking blood by the fourth day, because my body had nothing left in it to get out. I still smell like the stench of withdrawal - aka, overpowering body odor, desperation, sadness, guilt... etc. On the fourth day, my "stool" was nothing but black and blood.. I knew my potassium was low, not including sodium, etc. Was starting to get chest pains. Blah blah blah. IST was acting up. Whatever. I knew I had no choice but to go to my shitty hometown clinic (and... yeah i hate NOTHING more than that fucking place). Luckily, I got this cool 1st shift dr who appreciated my extensive knowledge of my esophageal and colonic conditions. She also gave me morphine. But I mean, 4mg through an IV is like... nothing. But.. that fucking rush. Whenever I get IV narcotics in hospitals, it's a nice reminder for me to forever stay tf away from needles. Anywhoooo Moving along. So i got some fluids/potassium, two of my veins are dead now (not even bc of drug use, as i stated above.. legitimately because I've had one too many IVs placed or wtf ever) so they had to stick me a million and one times and i was like :))))) yeahhhh keep causing more pain guys because ya know. I can just fucking take it obviously!!! And then.. this bitch drops the bomb that i realllyyyyy have been hoping was NOT true for like... ya know... a fucking year... that... okay fuck it, you guys all know i am a shit person anyway, lets add onto it.. anyway yeah. I have herpes. And my HPV is progressing. Still dunno about those cancerous cells bc no one tells ME ANYTHING but she said i have a severe pelvic infection that is travelling towards my liver. So they're like "lets do a REALLY intense course of antibiotics" and im like ??? Fucking a man im getting mad just writing this all out. Anyway i was like uhm. How tf am i supposed to keep down antibiotics when i CAN'T EVEN KEEP DOWN WATER THAT IS WHY I'M FUCKING HERE JFCCCC. And they were like "yeah we're aware but you legit do not have a choice" bc yeah, don't want my liver to go downhill (I've been such a lil fuck to my drs lately.... could not care less tho bc they deserve my bluntness) so i called my new case worker (she is super chill, super gay, lets me swear and call my drs fuckers as much as i want, which is dope) and basically explained, she said she's gonna try and get me back on subs legally so i can at least nourish myself and keep my health up (ill still be in pain but I'm learning that id rather have my body not slowly dying and be in pain... what a cool sacrifice. I also was like... "Hey yeah no hospital is gonna admit me rn... and my health is worse now than it was in '14 when i weighed 60 lbs less so like... I'm going to use street subs. Or opiates in general. For a few days. So i can get my electrolytes back somehow... also did i mention i have herpes? *bawling ensues* anywhooo... Just thought I'd let you know." And she was like "Fair enough. You need to eat." And i was like okay cool tell my dr and his bitchy nurse that usually replies to my messages bc i do not need anymore fucking stigma rn .. okay? Tyvm" so that was.. that i guess. So yeah. I used. On day 5. And... i didn't even truly fucking want to. That's the worst fucking part of this whole fucked up bullshit... I WANT TO PROVE EVERYONE WRONG AND SHOW THEM THAT I CAN DO THIS. And i could have. If it wasn't for my poor health... i fucking could have. And I'm gonna tell that to my pdoc when I see him. But you know what? I fucking ate. I kept down a loooottttt of liquids. Opiate wds technically cannot kill you. And the thing is... I've been through the "near fatal" ones (booze and benzos)... but I always caught my alcohol dts super fast, got treated and then away i went. But no. Opiate withdrawals will not be dangerous~~~..... to a person who is in decent health. I say decent bc lbs if you're using them either legally or illegally, something is already prob wrong lol. I remember a story that my ex sponsor who is now a good but distant friend (who relapsed, and when she relapsed, we became close lol shes sober now tho dw) told me once about opiate dts... she said one of her friends was so dehydrated, malnourished, etc... that he almost did die. And it took him almost dying for anyone to take him seriously. And, as I was laying in that miserable hospital bed... I remembered that. Opiate wds cannot kill you, but you're gonna wanna a) kill yourself, because it's honestly fucking easier that way (or so your mind will tell you) and b) if you're in poor health... try and find a detox center/hospital that will take you. ASAP. On tuesday... fuck i lost my train of thought... (in other news, i now have a promethazine script and... boy oh boy lol probably the best non naroticc/not scjeduled drug I've ever gotten my grubby lil hands on)... yeah idk that's all I publicly got rn. If you actually read all this... 👀 @ you, Ashley, bc ik you're the only one who reads my shit on here anymore (love you for that, btw 💜)... but yeah if you read this all, you guys are the real MVPs... I'm gonna start using one of my private blogs on here. Mainly because..welll...its fucking private and also really enjoy the fact that i saved the URL "clonqz3pain" so... yeah that's all I got. Hope you all are doing better than me.

#me #tl;dr #tw drugs #tw numbers #opiate withdrawal

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