#also this story post will be posted (i said posted twice) on may 15th :D day after my bday so if u wanna u know read it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

threeletterslife · 3 years

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CHjakldfjskANA I am lowkey embarrassed to say that I am confused by pt 2 of Ignis Fatuus ;-; I get what happens literally, but I'm pretty sure I'm missing out on all of the more underlying messages and what the ending is supposed to represent and what you were intending to convey ;-; I guess I'll just talk about parts that I thiNk I understood and hopefully won't make me sound like an idiot :D I really liked how the endings to both the dream and reality were paralleled,

but houf I was kind of exasperated in the beginning when everyone was dying on the hypothetical trip to the hospital. I always kind of felt like they would just let Y/N die, because logically speaking, even if they ended up at the hospital, none of them are really qualified to treat TSS so they would just be going on a suicide mission because as shown, zombies are e v e r y wh e r e :D So when it was revealed that was only a dream, I was like yAY thank goodness :,,) The part at the end before

Y/N dies when Jungkook corrects her saying “it’s did well and not did good” was a reaLLY nice way to end things though :,) jklsfjkls I don’t know, Chana pls send help+explanations because I’m definitely only understanding the very surface level ideas of Ignis Fatuus D: I think the very vEry ending though is a big part of the whole Ignis Fatuus thing though because back in pt 1 in Target Jungkook was like omg yes don’t worry Y/N things will be over and we’ll definitely be able to play baseball

again without any zombies around, but aaa Chana why are there thRee “endings”,, that’s making me think there’s something very elaborate about how all of the endings could be tied together/are related :,D 🌻 anyways I think? the first part to my ask might've not gone through because it didn't have the "thank you, your ask has been received" message when I clicked ask but o well :,) it was just me lowkey embarrassing myself because I am confused on the ending of Ignis Fatuus :,)

[SPOILER WARNING!]

GOOD NEWS! the first part of your ask WAS received!! and omg yes i totally understand ignis fatuus pt 2 was kinda hectic so lemme just clear up the confusion ✨

i think the whole ignis fatuus stORY is a bit hard to digest. the only ‘realistic’ element in the story is really that the members self-quarantined LOL. other than that, i really took inspiration from the office (though it may not seem like that). jungkook and yn are the only “normal” ones in the group of eight just like jim and pam were the only normal ones in an office full of crackheads LMAO. i just thought it would be cool to tell the story of two normal pple stuck with six other crazies (all equally obsessed with something different. i mean namjoon studying DURING the apocalypse?? seokjin obsessed with the kitchen? hoseok obsessed with his secretary??) and i chose to go for a very subtle romance so it wouldn’t overshadow the other dynamic characters

to elaborate on the endings!

the first one (the one that yn dreams): only in her wildest dreams would the seven men yn’s learned to love and live with DIE to save her. i mean, in a sick, twisted way, isn’t that what so many romance movies depict? the knight sacrifices his life to save his princess. it’s shit that only happens in your head. it’s tragic and stupid, yes, but also honorable in it’s own way. maybe yn subconsciously wanted all seven men to help save her life (even though it wouldn’t logically make sense). but maybe she wanted a knight in shining armor. i mean, isn’t that what media brainwashes women to think? yn’s dream is her subconscious acting up. she’s a helpless woman (sick from a mf bacterial infection that women mostly get) and she must depend on men to save her. but the end of her dream concludes that it’s not a matter of who saves who. some people just can’t be saved. yn doesn’t have a knight in shining armor. even before she got sick, she is a strong, independent woman. jungkook offers her emotional support, but he never outwardly saves her from any disasters. in fact, in part 1, yn is the on who saves jk. maybe, in yn’s subconscious, she wants to be saved. who doesn’t? it’s not a female v. male thing. being saved just means doing less work (and who doesn’t want that?). the savior, on the other hand, must go through the trauma and carry the responsibility of another’s life. maybe that’s why yn had her dream! another, more obvious reason yn’s dream turned out that way may be because that’s her worst fear—watching everyone she cared about die in front of her eyes (but also being too helpless to be able to stop it). she’s also afraid of dying alone, which she did in her dream. you’re absolutely right though! the second part of ignis fatuus is supposed to make you feel exasperated—frustrated and pissed, even. it’s just supposed to be nonsense, honestly. just stupid shit happening in rapid succession. it’s literally a fever dream. and also a dream carefully crafted by yn’s subconscious

a lot of the ‘deeper’ meaning is very subjective, though! and even as the writer, my analysis is still subjective. you can honestly analyze ignis fatuus in so many other ways. no analysis is wrong. and it’s also perfectly fine to have no analysis at all!

the second ending (with yn actually dying) is easier to explain. it’s a direct contrast from yn’s dream where everyone was trying to be the hero. reality is different. even at the end of part 1, joon and jk knew that they wouldn’t be able to take yn to the hospital. yoongi even knew yn would die. they wouldn’t even think of such an outrageous idea to go to the hospital at all. they may have hinted taking yn to the hospital only to make her feel better, to make her feel safe. but they would’ve never actually done it. the plan was always to let her die in the house (as sad as it sounds). but there was really nothing left to do! as you said, none of them (even joon and tae) is qualified to treat tss (nor do they have the medical equipment to do so). the second ending is more of the closure that the first ending didn’t provide. yn wished to die in jk’s arms in the first ending and she got what she wanted in the second ending. but i still didn’t exactly think ending the story with yn’s death (tWICE) would be the best. something didn’t feel right. so i felt like i had to add the third ending for better closure

and you’re totally right! i connected the third ending to what jk and yn had talked about in target. this is essentially a glimpse of their dreams come true. something that didn’t necessarily happen, but something that the readers can imagine and feel at peace with. i thought it was good to wrap up such a traumatic part 2 with something lighter, something sillier and something happier. ignis fatuus is a mf roller coaster. and the title itself ‘ignis fatuus’ literally means something deceptive/deluding. i think part 2 encompassed that well

as for the purpose of this story? to answer the question you may be having, “if yn died after this whole ass journey,,, what was the mf POINT?” maybe there isn’t a point. maybe there is no rhyme or reason. maybe i just told a story as it is. kind of like a reference to waiting for godot but on the less indifferent side. BUT! i would honestly argue that there IS a point! i think the relationship yn made with the seven very distinct men is special. the seven of them are depictions of very stereotypical men. a nerdy med school student, a grumpy bus driver, an impatient businessman, a spoiled daddy’s money lawyer, a scaredy-cat cop, an obsessive chef and a too-perfect-to-be-true baseball player. i think part 1 is interesting to see how the eight of them have created this synergy together. it’s also interesting to see in part 2 how yn twists the men’s stereotypes to fit in the fever dream narrative

ignis fatuus is one of my more depressing stories. i had the idea since january of 2019 so i spent quite a bit of time thinking about it before i decided to write it. i didn’t think i’d end on a lighter note, but i’m happy it turned out that way.

aNYWAYS sorry this turned out so long 😭😭😭i guess i rambled too much again oOPS. but i swear you’ll get a break from all this depressing writing LOL. i’m not posting another official story until january 15th! (and GOOD NEWS that story is going to be FLUFF!)

as usual thank you sm for such a kind message 🥺🥺

#ask #anon #🌻 anon #ignis fatuus

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bklynpigskin · 3 years

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COVID Week 13 - NFC East

COVID, COVID, COVID...

Miraculously, NFL protocols have held and, to this point, all games have been played with few postponements. Notably, Cam Newton’s comeback season with the Patriots started off well, until it went into a skid after missing a couple of games with COVID. I like Cam Newton. He’s an amazing athlete. Judgement, not so much. His drop off after the illness may be because of lasting effects we don’t yet understand. Lamar Jackson, coming off one of the most awesome regular seasons in the history of the league, also missed a game with a major outbreak that sidelined many Ravens starters.

But this post is about the NFC East (AFC East up next). You would expect teams to struggle with new head coaches, in particular with an irregular and short pre-season. And, you would be correct. For its past sins, the NFC East has three new HCs in Mike McCarthy, “Riverboat” Ron Rivera, and Joe Judge. You would also expect the most experienced HCs to do better. And, you would be wrong.

The Cowboys have so much talent, especially on offense, it’s almost frightening. The D has it’s share of stars in Demarcus Lawrence, Jaylon Smith, Vander Esch, the injury prone Sean Lee, and rookie Trevon Diggs, to name a few. Well, they would be frightening if not for the fact that they can’t stop the run, struggle against the deep ball, can’t throw the ball much, and my favorite NFL running back Zeke Elliot...let’s just say he’s the most highly overpaid player in the NFL. Bucking the trend, Jerry Jones coughed up big bucks for Elliot, only to see his production drop with attrition in the O-line, and quibbled with his QB. Poor Dak Prescott. We all with him well and a speedy recovery, which looks on track.

Washington won in HC roulette this offseason, picking up Ron Rivera after a dysfunctional, unceremonious departure from Carolina. After a to be expected rough start, Rivera seems to have turned his new team in the right direction. After ditching Dwayne Haskins (15th overall pick in 2019), Rivera landed on comeback player of the year, Alex Smith. He suffered a grueling injury in 2018, the same injury that ended Joe Theismann’s career on the same field 33 years later to the date. His struggle to come back is a testament to willpower, perseverance, an character. Alex also implemented a game plan that unseated the 11-win, undefeated Pittsburg Steelers. THAT is a statement win if I’ve ever seen one, and Washington is second in the conference at 5-7. It is still the NFC East after all.

That brings us to rookie head coach Joe Judge and the New York football Giants. Four straight wins and their own statement win over the Seahawks, Patrick Graham’s very young defense is firing on all cylinders. The Giants held Seattle to just 12 points with Russel Wilson cookin’ along side sensation DK Metcalf and Tyler Lockett. The win is particularly impressive with Daniel Jones sidelined and backup Colt McCoy getting the start and his first win since 2016. The Giants sit majestically on top of the NFC East, ready to do some damage in the playoffs, with an impressive 5-7 record...and the tie break over Washington. It’s time to pop the champagne, or at least place that bottle of Andre on ice.

That brings me to the beloved Philadelphia Eagles, at home in the city of brotherly love, with an established and successful coaching staff under Doug Pederson and DC Jim Schwarz. I love football, and I don’t hate any NFL team or their fans. And, I love Carson Wenz. So much so that I wished the Rams had picked him number one overall, recognizing that the Eagles would break him. I’ve always said that the Eagles are the only NFL team anyone is allowed to hate, because their own fans hate the team more than you possibly could.

This brings me to one story in particular, and there are plenty of others I could tell. Last January, I was skiing in Colorado when I sat down on a lift with a lovely women my age and her two children in their early teens, or so I thought. A playoff Sunday, I asked whether everyone was as excited about the games as I was. The lady answered politely that her Broncos were out and she wouldn’t be watching. While puzzling over her response unable to comprehend why that would matter, she asked me about my team. I answered just as politely that I was a football fan in general, but that the Giants had a special place in my heart. At that point the boy on the lift with us chimed in with “Eli Manning sucks!” I asked which QB the boy preferred, already knowing what the response would be: “Carson Wenz!” I asked the youth politely, whether he was an Eagles fan, to which he responded in the affirmative. I informed the boy that Eli Manning had twice as many Super Bowl MVPs as his franchise had Super Bowl victories. I also noted that Carson Wenz had spent considerable time on the sidelines due to injury and that this may not bode well for his career. The boy simply responded that Eli Manning still sucked. I confirmed with the lady that these were in fact not her children, and explained to her that Eagles fans were particularly difficult. She chuckled, as I said to her: “watch this.” The ensuing dialogue went as follows:

Me: What do you think of Andy Reid?

Andy Reid SUCKS!

You do realize that Andy Reid is the winningest head coach in Eagles history and has resurrected the Chiefs. What do you think of Donovan McNabb?

Donovan McNabb SUCKS!

You do realize that Donovan McNabb is the winningest QB in your franchise history. What to you think of DeSean Jackson?

DeSean Jackson SUCKS! (apparently unable to make a statement without pronouncing that whatever he was talking about SUCKED)

I turned to the wonderfully patient lady sitting next to me and said “you see?”

She turned to the young Eagles fan and asked his age. 14 was the answer. At which point she turned to me and pronounced “they start ‘em out young, don’t they? True story.

Not even 12 months later, Eagles fans are calling the Wenz pick the worst ever and screaming for rookie Jalen Hurst, who lead a number of drives on Sunday. Never mind an offensive line that has seen more changes this season than the Trump cabinet. Never mind the ensuing non-existent running game and pass protection. Never mind a receiving corps that has dropped more balls than the Trump cabinet. Wenz is at fault for everything. One thing is true: the Eagles truly do suck.

Not as analytical as I am normally, but more humorous in these COVID times.

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mumblebea-blog · 6 years

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Meeting the Midwife!

It’s been forever since I’ve written and I apologize. I’m sorry for how long this particular post is going to be. But grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, maybe some popcorn or chips and have at it.

You see, between the growing aches and pains, the fatigue and forgetfulness, and the general anxiety and overall excitement about what’s to come I lost track of the days passing me by without writing and began to lose motivation to write.

But Kenny reassures me I had an audience that was expecting updates. So I have found a new motivation in that fact.

A lot has happened since I last posted. Chief among them being that we are about to enter week 30. Just one more day in week 29. We’ve had a total of three ultrasounds. Babe’s growth and personality shine through each one.

While each ultrasound tech has gradually gone downhill in quality other more important aspects of our maternity care has grown in quality.

Over the past few months as my belly grew and my brain shrunk. Yes, that’s a thing! Some call it placenta brain. Others call it pregnancy brain.

Kenny calls it baby brain and I like that most of all.

So as my belly bulges and becomes more and more round and my brain forgets things from minute to minute I have been studying, reading, and watching an awful lot.

I’ve watched nearly every possible positive pregnancy and childbirth documentary imaginable. I’ve even watched a few twice. If you need a recommendation, I got you!

I’ve found and fallen in love with Ina May Gaskin and the rest of the crew at The Farm as I’ve been reading Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. It features an entire chapter full of rich and wonderful positive and natural birth stories, which is such an inspiration. I'm hoping to get her book on breastfeeding, Ina May’s Guide to Breastfeeding, in my baby registry!

I'm such an Ina May and The Farm fangirl!

I’ve taken nearly every possible free online course, class, or lecture regarding everything from pregnancy to childbirth to natural vs medicated childbirth options and methods. I’ve studied pain management techniques and possible medications.

If you want to know more about free education online I’ll have more on that topic coming soon.

I’ve taken an entire free lengthy prenatal course provided by the government of Nova Scotia. Even though I am not from there and haven't even been there they still let me take it for free. It's awesome and I highly recommend. Its called Welcome To Parenting. It’s taking me from the first trimester to labor and delivery this far.

I’ve taken a free course on infant nutrition and breastfeeding, a course on maternity care and childbirth from a global perspective. So I’m much more in the know about a lot of things then I was previously and that exciting and motivating.

Baby is nearly 30 weeks old and in the 70% percentile, weighing almost 6 days ahead. I would never have imagined I would be here. Let alone the fact that my body out of all bodies would be able to not only provide support for another life but would provide enough support and nutrition that my baby would weigh ahead of schedule.

I truly feel blessed. I feel extremely blessed to have Kenny. He has been so good to me, so understanding and compassionate. He’s been so hardworking despite the fact I know there have been terrible days at work. He’s kept the cat's litter boxes cleaned and he's taken the dogs out every day.

I love him so much and I am so proud of him. I cannot think of anyone I would rather go through this wonderful weirdness with.

He’s gonna be an amazing dad! He’s already so in love with the little peanut. I almost feel sorry for him because I know she will have him wrapped around her tiny little fingers.

I also feel extremely blessed to have my mother. I am so thankful she has taken both of us in and been so helpful and supportive throughout my pregnancy. Even despite the fact that I have been known to have an attitude at times, she is still always being the best mother ever and I really don’t thank her enough and I don’t think I possibly could. She’s done so much for me and I need to be better at showing my appreciation.

She just has shoulder surgery for the second time. It’s the first time on that shoulder. She’s recovering this week at my grandmas. My grandma Betty has been making some pretty fantastic little pieces of clothing, shoes, and accessories like hats for our little girl! She’s gonna be such a little superstar.

I have been working on two projects for her nursery. I’m hand painting some woodland creatures on some gray slates of wood and creating little felt woodland creatures for her mobile.

I needed something creative to do and I wanted to have at least something that I made her while she was a cooking.

Earlier, I mentioned the fact that the quality of our maternity care had gone up in more important areas. I failed to mention how and why.

So the story goes kind of something like this.

During the earlier months of my pregnancy, I didn’t think too deeply about the different options of maternity care available to me and my family. It was somewhere before the first post I had created here when I really started looking into all my options.

If you are pregnant or thinking about becoming pregnant you need to KNOW YOUR OPTIONS! Plus you will learn a lot and smile, laugh, and cry in the process!

For me, after months of research and personal experience, Kenny and I both decided we had nothing to lose by going to meet with the midwives available to us. At the office we were already visiting for each appointment they also offered a midwifery program. So with nothing to lose. We started thinking about how to go about getting a midwife involved.

So each OBGYN appointment went almost exactly the same. No matter how early or late we would arrive we would wait at least 30 minutes to see our doctor. Waiting that long each time was one thing but what really started to get under our skin was the fact that it felt like there was no progress or communication really being done between the doctor, us, the nurses, or even the lab techs.

It was exactly what I had learned about in one of my courses.

Fragmented care.

It wasn’t so much scary at this point as it was just annoying. Literally for months, each and every time we would go into the exam room after waiting for thirty minutes a nurse would come and ask us the same general questions (which is to be expected) and then she or he would check my fundal height, my blood pressure, and then we’d listen to the baby's heartbeat. Without fail both the nurse and then once the OB came in, each would ask if I was sure about my last period because the ultrasound showed the due date as April 5th rather than April 15th.

Each and every time both Kenny and I would explain that I wasn’t sure. I had a very short period then and it might not have been a period at all. I would even go into detail about how it was different than the rest of my periods. They would nod and agree.

Again and without fail

EVERY SINGLE TIME!

the OB would tell the nurse, okay we are going to officially change the due date to April 5th.

That’s just one example of

what the heck is going on here.

The other being the fact that I was told to get my prenatal labs done and then instead of the lab doing those they did something else? I was asked to do this either the first or second appointment and my mom being my mom and super proactive, says, let’s just do it all today. So we did. We got the labs taken the same day. The next time I went The OB told me to get my prenatal labs. I was taking aback. I thought for sure so had gotten those done already. She also said I should just go ahead and get my gestational diabetes test aka

glucose test

over with as well. I said I’m almost sure that I had taken the labs but no problem. She said, "oh we only have B12, D, and Iron lab results for you." I thought how in the world but I said, "okay". So the day arrives for us to take the labs and test and they tell me the same thing that they only have those few levels. I'm thinking okay whatever just do my prenatal and my gestational diabetes test. The phlebotomist there are really good. They are charming, polite, good communicators, and above all else, they don’t poke you all over the place to find a good vein they just get it and got it and then it’s over with. I’ve had virtually no pain from any blood withdraw at this hospital so that’s been nice. Anyway, back to the story.

No no one calls and tells me anything about my labs.

No one calls and tells me anything about my test results.

The same day we are to go to the OB. Towards the end of the appointment when they asked us if we had any questions,

Kenny mentions our interest in getting a midwife involved.

I was so relieved he asked that because I had really started to grow far too anxious and forgetful to ask it or to even think of how to ask it. Once he asked, the OB’s reaction was nice and she said of course because of my surgery or other factors there may be a need to have a doctor involved. But she never explained to me what my surgery would have to do with it at all. We just nodded expressing we understood.

Like all the rest of the appointments, I still felt like nothing was being discussed with me.

Two weeks went by and we had both our last ultrasound appointment and our first meeting with the midwife on the same day. Unfortunately, because of the number of ultrasounds already scheduled I couldn’t get the 8:30 am appointment changed. This was not a good time for either one of us but it was especially bad for Kenny because he worked so late in the evening. He was good and we went but he acted like he didn’t want to meet with the midwife at all and seemed

a little fearful about what getting a midwife involved really meant.

I tried my best to reassure him but I could still feel he was

worried.

At that last ultrasound, we learned about our baby's s weight, position, and the position of my placenta.

Anterior Placenta.

A little over half of mamas have this!

Normal!

Baby head down, weighing 3lbs 4oz give or take 8oz. Amazingly, as I said in the 70% percentile and weighing 6 days ahead.

All good!!

I keep repeating these things because they are like positive and factual mantras.

As far as the tech, she was rough on my scars. She pressed down pretty hard on them and my belly as a whole and it made me uncomfortable. It was actually painful when she would hit on my scars. So much so that at one point Kenny, watching the ultrasound came over and held my hand. She pressed ever so intently on my scars I ended up gripping his hand pretty tightly. It was just an

unexpected and uncomfortable pain.

Plus she was not professional and she was weird. She took crappy photos and blamed it on the baby. I’m sure it was a little bit of both. Even still, she was able to get a little bit more clear picture of the spine. I still see no faults in her spine. She does move around quite a bit but hey, she’s mine and Kenny’s spawn what else would you expect? After the ultrasound, we drove back home and took naps. We got up and went back to go meet with midwife. Let me just say w Even though we were about 7 minutes late and we still got to see the midwife in

less than 5 minutes.

The nurse asked us the usual questions and we mentioned the fact that we had an ultrasound earlier that day. She asked us what time. We informed and she said she would check to see if the results were posted to my file by now as she assumed they should be.

I instantly thought well damn, even the nurse here is more together.

Sure enough, when Nancy, our midwife came back she came with the ultrasound results.

And for the first time ever someone talked to me about my ultrasound and about my lab results. Nancy basically sat with me entire file in front of her and went over almost everything with Kenny and me.

We learned the 70% percentile is good and we learned

I don’t have gestational diabetes.

I learned I was growing a healthy baby that had all the nutrition she needs and the only thing I was lacking for myself was iron. I was only lacking 1 digit from the accepted levels of iron. So Nancy decided to add an iron supplement.

She also explained that my surgery would have been the only factor preventing me or causing any worry regarding a natural and unmedicated birth because it could be a worry that I wouldn’t be able to provide adequate nutrition to my baby.

She told me that I didn’t need to worry about that at all because I had

more than proven that I was able to provide my baby

with the nutrition she needed. In fact, she told me that there was

nothing that she could see that would be worrisome.

I now had the green light for a natural and unmedicated hospital birth.

Better yet, our midwife not only knew Ina May Gaskin but she got to see her speak. So clearly, she and I are kindred spirits already.

I fell in love with the midwife and I think Kenny did a little too. I knew this was who I wanted to deliver my baby.

The real bonus of the midwife system within the hospital system is that really it is highly unlikely that anyone other than Nancy or the other midwife, Heather would be on call to deliver my baby. If I had stuck with the OB I would have to deal with the fact that someone I have never met and someone who has no idea what my birth plan is (and or might not even care) might be delivering my baby simply because they are the doctor on call.

Not such a comforting feeling.

A 50% chance of Nancy and 100% chance of midwife unless something crazy were to occur means

less chance of fragmentation

Additionally, these two (women with women) work together side by side with the same goal and purpose. Their values are more patient (client) focused.

Of course when something has gone array or may be going in that direction they have the tools and methods to move towards a better direction. If something unforeseen happens another benefit is that we are still in the hospital and any OB can be called at any time.

It is the best of both worlds!

All of these things set in me a great sigh of relief. After meeting with Nancy, I told Kenny how happy and relieved I was. Kenny was visibly relieved as well. He said, she was so calming and so real with us.

Truly, she was exactly those things. She had such a calming presence and she didn’t talk at us or down to us. While there is always a sort of power structure in these types of situations the midwives do all they can to be people-centered and focused. They create their goals around your goals. The same cannot be said for OB. While they can be nice. They aren’t very reassuring or helpful to first-time moms, at least in my experience. Thank God they exist because without them there would surely be more fatalities but when there is no reason for the medical approach then a midwife is a better option. One certainly more satisfying for me. OB-GYN and for the most part, sadly, doctors, on the whole, tend to just see you as a number. They treat maladies and midwives are the masters of normal.

For once I am normal! I’m having a normal healthy pregnancy thus far and I’m over the moon!

I feel so much love and support. I can hardly wait to see my precious baby girl.

But for now, I hope this update has at least shed some light on how everything has been going.I hope I didn’t miss anything major but I’m pretty sure I got it all but with these baby brains it’s hard to say. That’s all for now folks! Be well!

#pregnancy #update #appointments #midwife #hospital #natural #childbirth #goals #hopes #healthy #ultrasound #techs #obgyn #unmedicated #birthplan #life #love #family #support #maternity care

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