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thetenamongstthesethrees · 11 months

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TW: REFERENCE TO SH AND RELAPSE OF SH AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT

Ok so ik ive been inactive for a *WHILE* and im srry for that but like i have a buncha things that happened these past 3 months that I NEED To share SOOOO....

First things first, the one im most excited abt: I DID MY FIRST PERFORMANCE!!! My school was doing little mermaid jr and I got Scuttle! I was really happy to get my first role and getting at least one solo, and Im just happy overall on how it went! I think I did really good on my first try! Only bad thing was that now im kinda going through my lil mermaid hyperfixation and have been looking up fics where Sebastian and Ariel kinda have a Father/Parental Figure-Daughter or Older Brother-Younger (stupid but ultimately well meaning) Sister dynamic and have started to write a fic on that bc no ones done it before apparently😒(im going cray cray, bonkers mayhaps)

Might've gotten my eye infected(I live in the east of the us, new york to be more specific and woke up the day after the "live vintage (BLAME CANADA/j) filter" with my right eyes nerves slightly more irritated and haven't gotten that checked out so thats fun)

FINALLY finished that one drawing ive been making for 3 MONTHS.(well, technically....)

Almost done writing my passion project, AKA the one I originally wanted to make into an animated series but have settled for a book just in case that can't happen! I still need to work out some kinks, design more outfits, get all their personalities in check, make sure the world and magic is fully fleshed out, ect.

I also do band, and while I originally thought that I would have a problem bc of both band and theatres close scheduling(i originally had dress rehearsal on june 2nd, AND my band concert on June 2nd) but it all worked out in the end! My band concert went great, and while the dress rehearsal was a mess, we at least got through it! :)

Unintentionally quit SH! I was originally only meant to stop until AFTER performances, but ive been bettering myself and learned that if I ever want to forgive myself or at least move on I gotta stop feeling sorry for myself and not forget nor forgive, but remember, i just can't let it haunt me. I know I'll relapse, I always do eventually, but I want to enjoy these few moments of mental "clarity" while I can. I've also learned that for some reason i tend to become a more terrible person and despicable person the more time I spend at home with my mother, so that's fun. God, I hate America's education system, its messed me up BAD. AND the foster care system. I just tried to kms 2 times today, and she didn't even notice, or care. How sad is that?

On a lighter note, yes, as the rest of yt and TikTok, I got a minor lil hyperfixation on the Lorax and really think ppl should make more [PLATONIC] Lorax and Onceler dynamics, mainly the type where they're like some really annoying pair of bickering siblings or a father whos sick of his adopted child's shit, like there is so much on the table for platonic fluff and angst and most of what I've seen is romantic smut and fluff like CHANGE IT UP A LIL

Also, Ive been going to karaoke centers on Tuesdays and have become a lot more confident to performing in front of ppl! So far, I've performed "All You Wanna Do", "The Ballad of Jane Doe", "Heart of Stone", and am gonna do "What the World Needs" the next upcoming Tuesday, where I'm gonna try interacting with the audience while singing!!

(Also, before I end this....I may have ADHD??? my teacher who has ADHD says some of my behavior is "similar to hers"(i feel like thats just her way of saying i reek of neurodivergency) and I also did some research and I display similar/exact behaviors listed, have taken online tests from doctorate confirmed sites and basically all of them said to go get a diagnosis. I also found I do a few behaviors similar to stimming! Also also, I kinda suspect a lil more bc my mom has Autism and apparently sometimes neurodivergency is biological (i forgor the word) but my mom is kinda in denial abt my Depression diagnosis and thinks I got anxiety "biologically", so if I tell her I wanna get tested for ADHD shes just kinda gonna gaslight me into not believing that and i already told the school therapist and basically she just told me that I'm probably just imagining things or copying behaviors from my mother and that "kids like to give themselves all these titles nowadays" so I just did what I always do which is to keep it shut and act until they think you fell in line)

So yeah, thats all! Thanks for reading, now that my schedule is clear again ima start posting more frequently again, so be aware :) <3333

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elav-exo · 1 year

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Jily (Flowerpott) Rant

A confession: Jily really hasn't meant much to me until the Jegulus blow up (especially on TikTok).

It's not that I disliked Jily but in the main HP series, it was just a fact that it existed, and when I joined the Marauders fandom they became more than names on paper and I was able to see them as more, but still, I was mainly focused on Wolfstar.

And to be clear, this is not going to be a Jegulus hate rant even if I don't ship it. Yes, I've read Choices and enjoyed it to a certain extent. And this is where lies the problem.

One of the main things that I disliked about this specific fic (no hate to the author though) was how pureblood politics/prejudice was handled. And at its core, we know that HP is a (bad) allegory for WW2 and Jewish people have expressed their dislike at how it was handled. I won't comment further on this part as I'm not Jewish, but when I first read HP in middle school I took it and still see it through a race lens.

And let me tell you as woc I'm not saying that people can't write or read about magical racism but I would rather it be done right. And to me, a lot of Jegulus content doesn't handle this correctly which is what turns me away from it, because when it isn't done right it takes me out of the fic and has me remember irl interactions/situations that are what I'm actively trying to not think about when reading fics.

And it also includes the idea that many people within the Marauders have raised that because most of what we know has been built off of crumbs of crumbs there are several depictions of the same character and sometimes they can contradict each other.

So when I see James Potter have a romantic relationship with a person who tries not to use slurs in front of him and insinuates (even admits at one point) that he doesn't think or care much about muggleborns and in fact upholds blood purity by being a bystander fucks me up because that also makes James a fucking bystander and upholds blood purity imo one of the worst ways possible as well as deviating from his fanon characterization that has been pretty stable pre-Jegulus.

It's literally giving "liberal" yt women with conservative boyfriends.

Again, I'm using Choices as the specific fic to explain my frustrations because it's a fic (I'm assuming) most people have read and know, and/or it's the fic that introduced them to this ship.

And it irks me that in the fic Regulus called Lily a mudblood which is canonically a slur and there were people defending his actions because of his trauma and circumstances. And yes, Regulus suffered the consequences of being involved in an alt-right allegory group, but in the end, is awarded by being able to join James in the afterlife.

I'm aware of kids and teenagers in the alt-right like Regulus can go through their own struggles like seen in the fic, but it doesn't fucking excuse the fact that kids who are minorities are suffering as well.

Just because Regulus went through SA doesn't excuse a lot of the horrible things that he did. And many people like to point out the fact that he tried destroying a Horcrux and died doing so was something that absolved him of all his previous actions. Especially when in Choices, my interpretation of this situation was that Regulus didn't like being a Death Eater not because it was wrong, but because it hurt to be at odds with James. And that he wanted someone to defeat Voldemort because he wanted to be with James, not because non-pureblood wizards also had a right to live.

Lily in Choices was better than because if I found out that the person my s/o had a secret relationship with in high school was the one who called me a slur b/c at the end of the day he was a (magical) racist and allowed his friends to harass and call me slurs too AND LATER CHEATED on me with while pregnant then yeah Harry would've been fatherless for a different reason.

On a less serious (?) note, what has pushed me away from enjoying Jegulus content is the idea that mlm ships are often more shipped within a fandom compared to f/m ships. This often happens when f/m ships aren't properly handled and authors don't care enough to actually give the female romantic interest a personality so the fandom focuses on the male lead with their best friend who seems to have more chemistry.

And yes this turned me away despite the fact that I have many mlm ships because I've seen (some) Jegulus shippers say that there isn't much to be explored with Jily and I wholeheartedly disagree with that. They also say that it's a het ship and my question is, is it really? Because why are we assuming that they're both cishet? When has the ever stopped us from having hc like perhaps both James and Lily are bi? Never, so why not explore that in a Jily context?

Because it's the 70s and while gay and lesbian people were at the forefront of change in regards to LG issues, bisexual people or non-monosexual people were not only excluded from cishet society but from the queer community. We still are tbh with biphobia deniers but that's for another rant for another time.

So why not have Jily explore bisexuality within this context. Why not explore their friendship before dating in their 7th year which can lead to them having relationships with others that lead to questions like why do I feel jealous, they're one of my best friends and they can date whoever. And then they figure stuff out before they realize yeah they're the one for me.

Why not explore their bisexuality within the wizarding world and the muggle world? You can even explore pureblood politics with them as well if you really want. Like while James sees himself as one of the good purebloods he still is one and doesn't know the extent of the discrimination and prejudice muggleborns and halfbloods go through. It doesn't have to be Lily specifically teaching him, but he could learn himself when he observes how Lily's family like other muggle families doesn't have accessibility or the appropriate information about the wizarding world.

There are so many other things we can explore with Jily and it would be wonderful to see an f/m ship that's written well because again most f/m in media are half-assed and not appropriate for young audiences to have them on a pedestal especially since so many allow for internal and external misogyny, so why not try for a healthier relationship?

Anyways, these were just some of the thoughts in my head, so if anything doesn't make much sense it's because I wrote this without any outline in mind and just went with it.

I might come back to this to elaborate on certain points but who knows.

#lily evans #jily #marauders #jegulus #random bs vale has to share #james potter #james and lily

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kyraskyra · 3 years

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Some new media I am exposed to everyday.

Activity 2: Different Forms of Media

New media is mainly newspaper articles, blogs, and music, that are posted. I think websites and any sites that rely on the internet to communicate count as new media as well. Some social media that have come out in the past decade include Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok. I’d say that these apps are the most popular amongst teens and are also on the leaderboard for most used media. The people my age, that I know personally, use these apps for hours daily! An even newer social media platform is twitch which is the platform I enjoy using. Twitch is a type of live-streaming platform that you can watch and post as well. Twitch has especially blown up in 2020 because many people started getting into gaming, plus famous YouTubers also considered to start streaming as well. If I had to choose which platform is my absolute favorite, I would have to say youtube. Youtube came out before I was born, which means it has been there for all my life. I grew up watching YT videos and even learned the alphabet from it. This platform is such a big part of my life because I have spent and still spend so much time on it today! The reason why it is my all-time favourite is that I have learned so much from it and it made me realize what my interests are. Youtube is also a trusty resource, that I rely on for finding solutions for daily problems, finding more efficient ways of doing things, and also get a better understanding of school material. Being the first generation to grow up with social media, I think it would be really hard to live without because of how attached I am to it. Trends come and go so fast, therefore, I think that the platforms like Instagram and Tiktok will eventually die down based on what happened to an older platform called vine. But I think that Youtube will stay around for a while just because of the way people use it and the fact that it is owned by some of the biggest companies and it also employs an excessive amount of people.

#social media #pc games #tiktok

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