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#also like i guess just fuck covid right
jacobied · 6 months
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feeling fucked up tonight<3
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pepprs · 1 year
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also cringefail double vent posting over things that are not actually that big of a deal once again lol but i am so fucking miserable today in ways i don’t even know how to articulate. i need to move out. i know exactly where i want to live but they raised rent $300 and i can’t afford that but i want to live by myself so badly but my parents are adamant that i can’t bc i can’t drive and im a “diminutive inexperienced young woman” and i want to punch something. i read half of the drivers manual and cried reading it which is fucking stupid bc it s just the drivers manual. but i want to move out so bad. i hate sharing a room with my sister and im not getting the new room anymore bc we don’t have money to finish it up bc my mom is still sick and no one knows what’s wrong with her and she has to get all these tests. i never have a space i can go to that’s just quiet. i don’t want noise. i don’t want to block out noise with more noise. i want QUIET. i don’t want to be afraid to go into rooms or hear noises i don’t want to hear. and i don’t want to be living here for the three extra months it’ll take me to ng et my permit. im just done. i don’t want to live here!!! and things at work suck and are exhausting and draining and so unbearably overwhelming and i feel terribly lonely and disconnected from everyone and small and scared and i don’t have energy to fix any of it or explain what’s going on or ask for help or get a therapist or whatever. and i keep pulling muscles in my neck. and i want to go to sleep!!!!!!
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grumpyfaceurn · 1 year
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anyways is 35 too early for a midlife crisis? asking for a friend
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raeathnos · 1 year
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inkskinned · 7 months
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it is totally okay to be hurt and tired and fed up with the american schooling system but i need you to understand that we need to be better about loudly and routinely defending public education.
yes, many teachers suck, many schools utterly suck. i also got bullied and was absolutely not given the right support for my needs. i am not defending public education because it was kind to me. i am defending it because it needs to exist.
right-wing republicans do not want an educated population. they want kids to be homeschooled or in private school. there is a huge religious undertone to this.
the most common argument is that despite high costs, the "result" is not "good" enough. they point to failing schools as proof that public education is just never going to work out. there will be arguments made here that you actually agree with: that teachers can be bullies, that we taught online for 2 years and still charged the same amount of tuition, that we have no recourse for students to actually have agency or a voice, and that schools are now unsafe for kids due to risk of illness and gun violence.
these are all placing the blame in a fraudulent way, one intended to get your parents to homeschool you. the less kids in a school, the less federally-awarded funding for that school, the less any school succeeds. they will not mention the fact it is their legislation that takes away important funding opportunities, that teachers are living at or below the poverty line, that buildings are not kept up to code, that administration is overpaid and forces specific curriculums, that corporations like (my personal enemy) Pearson Education control certain classroom goals because teachers can't afford other options. they pretend to be ignorant of the gun violence and say "oh just get a gun" - but these are the same people who will be sending their child to a private school with a bulletproof backpack. they don't care if your kid dies, though. they "don't believe" in covid, but they did get their kid vaccinated, because of course they did.
it is a closed loop. conservative parents hear the fearmongering and remove children from the system. frequently these parents are also deeply religious. the kids are raised without access to other media & learn to parrot their parents. you have now created a new generation of conservatives. additionally, one of the parents/caregivers must stay home and homeschool the children, usually for free. i will give you 1 guess which parent tends to stay home to homeschool the children. these parents are encouraged to have many, many children. those children are most likely not getting access to safe sex ed.
we might laugh at fox news suggesting teachers are forcing children to use kitty litter but: first of all, there is kitty litter in the classroom. it's part of an emergency kit in case children are locked in due to a shooter. so that's fucking dystopian, and the fact they've completely reimagined the scenario to somehow make the teachers look bad when it's instead a fucking huge symbol of our failure as a country to protect our children.... it feels a little intentional.
secondly: don't just dismiss the situation. because, yeah, obviously, no teacher is encouraging kids to be a catboy. but the actual undertone that fox news is trying to sew is an outright distrust of teachers and of public education. they rely on the dehumanization of trans people as a common touchstone to hide the fact they're pushing two agendas at once. (which is ironic. because the thing they accuse teachers of. is pushing. an agenda.)
whenever someone tells you they want you to read less, you should be suspicious of that. when someone tries to separate you and your education, you should be suspicious of that. i don't even like incel rhetoric nor would i want my kids exposed to it - but i would not take away my child's (age-appropriate) access to the internet. i would just provide more educational materials, not less. the difference here is that i believe we can resolve ignorance with knowledge; whereas conservatives believe that ignorance is bliss.
they misappropriate funding and demonize teachers. they pull the same trick each time - the same thing we are seeing with anti-trans rhetoric. they do not want you to have access to safe sex ed, so they act horrified, claim sex ed teaches you how to thrust deep, claim that we have no idea what "age-appropriate" means. since the mid-nineties, the united states has spent at least 2 billion dollars on abstinence-only education, even though to quote the above link: "a preponderance of studies has found no effect of abstinence education at reducing adolescent pregnancy". conservatives want you to think less of any person struggling with addiction so they can continue their racist "war on drugs", so they spend up to $750 million dollars a year on the DARE program which has absolutely no effect. acting like teachers "must" be "grooming" children is just the same thing - so they can demand that funding either goes to their causes or the funding doesn't "exist" ("i'm not paying for our kids to learn that thing!")
and they want you to feel uncaring about this. they are aware that you will hate some parts of your school experience. pretty much everyone does. they want to lean into the parts that you hate so that you don't put up a fight about it when they take it away for not being "good enough."
i know i maybe sound like a conspiracy theorist. but truly. truly. it is beneficial for conservatives to reduce your faith in the american public schooling system.
one of the explicitly stated campaign promises of the conservative party: to axe the Department of Education in 2024.
i know we are all tired and burnt out and there is so much else wrong with their entire platform. but maybe just - pay attention to this one.
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thecherrygod · 2 years
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#my posts#hi hello i am unwell and i dont really know what to do about it so im gonna make this post so i can try to get it off my system properly so#i can keep studying soon#.... this is sort of the year im finally making any sort of friends again like in general#like i havent had people that i actually enjoyed hanging out or anything in years. before covid#just like.. a few online people and while i enjoy them i still felt very lonely#so now i have these people i share classes with and that arent exactly friends but i dont remember the english term its long its weird#but we get along and they care right? well. the more they care the. the worst i feel#i. i dont get it#this one guy told me he basically trusts me for anything and he is becoming physical (like. friendly. pats on the shoulder or similar)#we are more friends than just classmates at this point but still. learning that he trusts me to have like. emotional conversations...#it... it sorta ruined me. like partially it does make me kinda happy but. it makes me want to. die? i dont know?#im. not used to this i. i dont know. i feel like its. wrong somehow. idk why#today i had class with this girl and at the end she said 'oh wait i wont see you until next monday bc we dont have class on friday :('#and then she hugged me before leaving and. i mean it was a nice hug. short but... meaningful? i guess?#and. i.... i dont know i. there was still a bit of class left and i couldnt hear what the teacher said at all bc i was just. feeling bad#about being liked. i. this is so fucking stupid and i can't really tell anyone. i cant be like that bc i still want to feel like people#like being around me so if i say it makes me feel bad they wont want me around so i have to deal with this like..... man.#it also makes me feel like I'm a bad person lmao#i feel like an asshole bc people wanting me around. idk. scares me? worries me? makes me feel like they shouldnt feel like that?#im not even sure why it makes me feel so bad it just does#ok maybe i sorta know maybe its related to the yearly depresive episode around this time of the year like it makes it worse#and maybe it's related tl how moat of my class related frienships have usually being bad#and like adding to the strong depression ive also being feeling very suicidal like more than often like i won't do ir but i cant igmore it#so maybe its around that? idk man. i just don't know but it does make me feel bad and feeling bad over it makes me feel worse its#a cycle and its stupid and it makes me feel pathetic lmao
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countcvnt · 2 months
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Experiment
[Chapter Three: Safe House]
[Poly!Task Force 141/Fem!Reader]
[Ch. One] [Ch. Two]
Summary: When you are finally comfortable enough to nap, memories still come back. This time... you're left more sad than in pain. Warnings: Sadness, mentions of torture. Also, as always, this isn't really beta'd so there may be mistakes! Word Count: 3.3k A/N: COVID Brain Go BRRR! I know Ghostie baby has been the center of attention.... BUT IT'S SAD AND IMPORTANT.
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“Ghost,” You look up at the beast of a man, “You can go shower if that’s what you wanted to do.” He turns slightly, looking at you over his shoulder. “I mean, why else would you walk into the showers? I can handle myself.”
Ghost blinks. He shakes his head. “No, it’s fine.”
You immediately pick up on what that means. ‘I would rather stay with you.’ You don’t question it further. You stick by Ghost as the two of you finally reach the cafeteria and the sound of people inside sends you into a panic. You freeze. You look at all the people and your chest is tightening.
“You good?” Ghost turns and notices your fear.
“Uh,” You can’t look at him. Your eyes are jumping from person to person. “I haven’t been around this many people in… a while.”
“Look at me,” He steps in front of you, careful to not touch you. “It’s okay. I’m not gonna let-”
You interrupt him. “I know-” Your eyes move to him and you freeze. Your stomach turns. Suddenly you feel like your brain is running at hyper speed. He was so close to you… The sounds around you are being drowned out and for a brief moment, it’s just the two of you.
“Hey,” His voice is low. His hand gently touches your shoulder, “Are you alright?”
“Simon-” Your heart jumps into your throat. Your head is spinning. “Your name…”
You can feel his grip on you tighten. His eyes widen, only momentarily, but you catch it. You hear him exhale like he’s just been punched, and see his mouth upturn slightly under his mask. The smile drops fast. You wonder why, but you’re too torn up to ask about it. You pinch the bridge of your nose and flinch at the sudden bustle around you again.
“Let’s get some food and get you out of here.”
You nod. You trail behind Simon as he grabs you some food. Other soldiers are staring, but you notice when Simon stares back, the soldiers are suddenly very interested in their food. The both of you walk from the cafeteria to the room you were at earlier.
Simon opens the door, lets you in, and you walk towards one of the chairs. You sit. Simon brings over your food and gently sits in front of you. You thank him quietly.
“Everything alright?” John asks. His eyes watch you closely.
“My head hurts.” You pick at the food, “I remembered Simon’s name.”
John looks proud. “Good!” He’s enthusiastic, but his voice is low. “That’s a step in the right direction.”
“I guess.” You nod. You can’t help sound defeated.
“How come dae ye sound sae dowie?”
Your face contorts. “What?”
“Why are you sad?” Gaz asks you. “It’s good you’re remembering.”
You sigh, picking at a granola bar. You scrunch your face up and look at Gaz. “My brain has been fucking picked apart and put back together. You four seem to adore me- Or what used to be me… And I can barely remember your names! Soap- I don’t remember your name! And,” You point at Price, “you had to tell me yours.”
Soap walks over to you, “Johnny. Name’s Johnny.” He gives you a soft smile. You’re melting. You look up at him, scraping through your brain. It hurts to even think. You want so badly to know him. To know all of them. But you don’t. Not anymore.
“What was it I did here?” You ask them. Price goes to open his mouth, “And don't-” you put your finger up, “ask me what I remember. Because all I know is Laswell hand picked me-”
“You remember Laswell?”
You nod. “Well, yeah. I remember her hand picking me for… something. After that it's a little fuzzy. I think- Actually I know I was a computer gal. But that's about it. What did I do here?”
“Exactly what you think you did. You never really had to be on the field, you were behind the scenes. Helping us get in and out of places.” John informs you.
“Do you-” You stop yourself. “I don't know what happened. To me. Like,” you bite the inside of your lip as Simon tenses, “do you know how it happened?”
“You were in the safe house—”
Simon immediately excuses himself. Your heart sinks. A feeling of nausea washes over you. The door slams as he leaves and you flinch. Gaz places a hand on your shoulder. Your eyes shut tight.
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A hand is wrapped around your forearm. You are being dragged down a hallway. Screams rip from your throat, pleading, begging. You claw at the masked guard pulling you towards the unknown.
“I promise!” You're sobbing, “I'll be good! I won't fight anymore!” It’s ironic, really.
The bright lights of the facility are blinding. The guard reaches a large double door and walks in, tossing you inside. You slide across the floor, a loud cry escaping you.
“Hook her up.” The guard is blunt. Done with you. Done with your bullshit.
“Hook me- hook me up?”
A female scientist walks out from a secluded booth. She says nothing to you. She pulls you up, and the guard points a gun at you, with intent to get you to cooperate. You do. She leads you to a chair and sits you down. You look up at her with tears in your eyes, your cheeks soaked from the tears that previously fell. She doesn't lock eyes with you.
“Please,” you whisper, “please help me.”
She does not.
The scientist begins to hook you up to a monitor. She quietly asks you to open your mouth, and you do so. She places a guard in between your teeth and you clamp down. Your bottom lip quivers.
The woman walks back into the booth. The guard exits the room, the door slamming behind him. You flinch.
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“Ye okay?” Soap asks you.
You pull back, harshly. You’re standing up in a matter of seconds, tears threatening to spill. You turn to look back at the door that had slammed and you want to scream. You look back at Soap, Gaz, and John, pouting. Your bottom lip quivers and you want to hide. You want to go back to your room. But you don’t want to be alone. You can’t.
“You need to rest.”
“No.” You huff. “I can’t be alone.” You admit it out loud. It doesn’t make it any better.
“One of us can stay with you.” You’re tired of Price’s reassuring tone. It’s no longer reassuring you.
“I’d hate to keep you from your work, I- I just need to eat or something. Need to calm down.” When you get knowing looks from Soap, Gaz, and John you groan. “Fine. I need rest. Um,” you look at Price, “will you stay with me?”
“Of course.” He gives you a soft smile. “You two know what to do.”
The way John says it, it’s like he doesn’t want you to know what it is. Or, doesn’t want to worry you with it. You go with the second option. John’s hand presses to the small of your back, and you feel yourself relaxing. The two of you leave the room and begin heading towards what you can only assume is John’s room.
“Is Simon mad at me?” The words fall from your lips, you aren’t thinking. 
“He’s not mad, love,” Goosebumps rise on your skin as Price says ‘love’. ‘There that word is again…’ “Not at you.”
“But he is mad?”
Price falters. “He just needs space right now.”
You don't push it further. You only nod. You understand to a certain extent. You want to understand more though. You want to know what has him so upset. It has something to do with you, and that's all you know. You get to John’s room and he opens the door for you, motions for you to walk in. He doesn't grab for you, he doesn't push you. You're thankful for that.
“I'll be here, you lay down and rest.” John sits down in a chair in the room and you stand there awkwardly.
“Okay.” You walk towards the bed and lie down. You close your eyes and huff. Your eyes open back up and look towards John. He's watching you. “This is weird.” You admit. “It feels too familiar.” John shifts in his seat. “Can you like, I don't know? Maybe just lay down too?”
“On the floor?” He asks you.
Your expression drops, you give him a deadpan stare. “No, over here silly. It'll be okay.”
You, as he gets up and walks over to you, realize you haven't been in an intimate situation for at least four months. You aren't sure what kind of situations you were in before the facility, but you are sure you didn't do anything in there.
You scoot over slightly for Price. The bed shifts and he lays beside you. He seems the most comfortable around you since your arrival back. You can't tell if he's acting or not. You aren't sure how you would react to someone in your situation, so you don't think too hard about it. Instead, you lie in bed, your eyes shutting.
“Y’know,” your voice is soft, “I forgot how nice and warm people are.”
John lets out a quiet laugh (you can't tell if he's nervous). He pats you on the back as you roll onto your side. “Go to sleep.”
You don't fight it. You know John is going to keep you safe.
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“You can take that off.”
Simon huffs at you. “No.”
You roll your eyes. “We're stuck here, for God knows how long, and you're going to keep your mask on? Simon, I startle easily, don't come at me when I wake up to you wearing that and attack you.”
Simon lets out a breathy laugh. It isn't forced. “Who the hell said we are sleeping in the same room?”
You are hurt, momentarily. “Well—” You pause. “Whatever.” You cross your arms and begin to walk towards the kitchen. “I'm making myself some food.”
Simon stands up and walks behind you. “Hey,” he walks in front of you, stopping you in your tracks. “Do you want to sleep in the same room?”
Your arms fall to your sides. You nod. “I know there are several rooms here. But, I’d feel more comfortable with you in the room. I can handle myself.” You put your hands up, eyes widening, “but I feel better with you by my side.”
Simon nods. “Okay.”
“So you’ll need to take that off.” Simon stiffens as you point at his face. “Not now,” you laugh, “but definitely before we sleep. Anyway, it’s probably all sweaty.”
You walk past Simon and towards the small kitchen. You begin to scour for food. Anything. There isn’t too much, but when you find some rice canned vegetables, you go with it. You begin to heat everything up and ask Simon if he’s hungry. He answers with a ‘hm’. You groan, looking at him.
“That doesn't answer my question.”
“I nodded.”
“Can’t hear that brain rattle.” You smile at him. Your stomach flips as he smiles under his mask. You focus back on the food and once it’s heated up you bring it to the small table. You grab a couple of bowls and place them on the table. Simon grabs one. You open your mouth without thinking. “Sorry, it’s not the best… It’s all we had.”
“Beats MREs.” Simon pats you on the back and sits down. You sit across from him and look at the empty chairs. Simon watches you closely. “What are ya thinkin’ about?”
“Nothing.” You wave your hand in the air. “It’s silly.”
“It’s probably not.”
You sigh. “Just thinking about John, Kyle, and Johnny. What if we weren’t in this situation? What if we were all… home? Together?”
“Together?” Simon pulls the bottom of his mask up, revealing his mouth. Shivers run down your spine. “Is that how ya want it to be?”
You nod. “All of us. Yeah. But—” You scrunch your nose, “It can’t be that way.”
Simon doesn’t ask why. He doesn’t respond. The both of you finish your food and he pulls his mask back down. Simon picks your bowl and walks it to the sink. “You’ve had a long day. You should sleep.”
“You have too, Simon. We should both sleep.” You stand up from the table. You turn to him and stare. Simon looks back at you, and you assume he realizes you aren’t going to bed without him, and he sighs.
“Fine. Let’s go.”
You smile at him. You find the room with the biggest bed and decide that would be the best room. You look at the neatly made bed and then at yourself. You’re sweaty, a little bloody, and definitely dirty. Simon sees you examining the bed and hums. You look up at him. “We have no pajamas.”
Simon, “Guess we sleep—”
“Sleep in our clothes.” You nod at him. He smirks. “What?” Your stomach is flipping.
“You, sleep in that nice bed, in your dirty clothes?” Simon laughs, “You’d rather sleep on the floor, I know you better than that, Ace.”
You roll your eyes and pretend you aren’t dying over how he said that. “Fine.” You cross your arms. “We’ll make a deal.” You look up at Simon, “I’ll just sleep in my underwear, but you have to take—”
“Wait,” Simon puts a finger up, “so I’ll be in my underwear too?”
“Well yeah, I’ll feel the dirt specks from your clothes if you sleep in those.” You cross your arms. Simon groans. “I’ll, like, close my eyes or something—”
“I trust you,” Simon interrupts you.
Your world is rocked. You nod. “I trust you too.” It is true. You trust all of them. Your heart flutters in your chest at his words, though. There has always been trust there, in yours and Simon’s relationship. Hearing him say it; it leaves you breathless.
You take a step back from Simon and begin to undress. He tenses. “What are you—”
“Getting ready for bed.” You strip down to your underwear and walk over to the bed. Your whole body burns, in a good way. You pull the covers back and lay down. Simon follows your suit. You feel back watching him, so you look at the ceiling. You hear him stifle a low laugh as he realizes what you’re doing. You look at him, with an angry face, only for heat to bristle across your cheeks.
Simon, with his balaclava still on, was stripped to his underwear now. He’s big. In more ways than one. You cross your arms and try to look just angry, while not seeming sexually frustrated at all. Simon makes his way towards the bed and his hand goes towards the bottom of his mask. He grabs it and you are hit with anticipation.
“Oh, you’re gonna watch me now?” He asks, smug.
“Well, yeah, you—” You are struggling. Simon is enjoying it. “I’m just going to sleep!” You yell, frustrated. You grab the covers and pull them up and huff. Simon laughs, briefly, before there is silence filling the room. The bed shifts and the covers move.
You peek over your shoulder to find big eyes, blond lashes, and smeared black face paint staring back at you. Your heart is in your throat. “Holy shit,” You whisper, “you’re so…” You are awestruck. You roll over onto your back, Simon’s face is inches from yours. He’s holding himself up with his forearm. You keep from kissing him. You’re trying to be professional.
“So what?” He asks, curiously. Still smug.
Angelic? Heavenly? Other worldly? You feel weird calling him those things. “Handsome.” You can’t help but look hungry for him. Simon smiles. He lays down and looks up at the ceiling. You can’t help but stare at him.
“You’re staring.” He closes his eyes.
You look up at the ceiling. Your eyes are wide and you aren’t sleepy anymore. You’re gripping the covers tightly, heart pounding in your chest.
“Simon?” You whisper to him. He immediately answers with a grunt. “Um, this is going to sound crazy…” You trail off. Simon looks at you, urging you to continue. “I sleep with a body pillow most of the time… I’m very comfortable with uh, cuddling. I wanna say now, that I may latch onto you in the middle of the night.”
“We can nip that in the bud now?” Simon cocks his head.
“I can cuddle you?”
“Opposite, actually.” His movements are quick for someone so large. His arms wrap around your waist and he’s pulling himself into your space. You don’t mind. Your skin is on fire again. “This okay?” He asks you.
“Perfect.”
Simon rests his head on your chest and you stop breathing momentarily. You are unsure what to do with your hands. Simon is resting peacefully on your chest and you aren’t even sure what to do with your hands.
You do the first thing that comes to mind. One of your hands finds his hair, and plays with it.  Your fingers gently pull at the short blond strands, and your fingernails run over his scalp. Simon groans. The both of you freeze.
“I can stop.” You sound more embarrassed than you had tended to.
“Don’t.” Simon doesn’t look up at you, he doesn't move. “Please don’t.”
You smile to yourself. You begin to hum softly. Simon has you locked in a death grip. You aren’t getting out anytime soon. And you don’t mind. You fall asleep on your back, you and Simon holding each other as close as possible.
You have no clue of what’s to come.
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The calling of your name brings you back out of slumber. The franticness of the voice wakes you up abruptly. Your eyes shoot open and you feel tears smeared on your face. You look beside you and find John Price.
“You’re okay. I’m here.” He soothes you.
“Simon—” You want to vomit. “I need to see Simon!”
“Whoa, whoa!” John doesn’t grab for you as you get up, but he does follow you.
“Please!” You turn towards John with tears in your eyes. “I need to see him. Now.” John grabs his radio and radios Simon. No response. You turn towards Price’s door and swing it open. Price is sure you almost ripped it off the hinges. “Where could he be?”
“He’s probably blowing off some steam—”
You don’t let him finish. The gym. It’s your first thought. You had seen it earlier. You take off running towards the gym. You slide to a halt when you reach the gym doors and intentionally keep yourself from ripping the door off. You spot Simon doing pushups and take off running once more.
“Ghost!” Your voice cracks. He stops. He stands up when he sees how frantic you look. As soon as he’s on his feet you launch yourself towards him. Simon catches you, easily. He’s knocked back slightly.
You mumble something into his chest. “What?” He questions you. Price enters the gym and spots the both of you. Simon looks at Price with confusion, he shrugs back, a look of shock on his face.
You pull back and look up at him with tears in your eyes and wet cheeks. “I remembered… The safe house…” Simon immediately tenses. “Me and you— It was me and you.”
You bury your face back in his chest and try to keep from crushing his ribs. You don’t want to squeeze him too tight. Simon lets you hug him. You feel him hug back and you relax into his arms. A soft sob escapes you.
“It was me and you…”
Everything is slowly coming together. Simon was with you, that night in the safe house. But they took you… Simon was obviously the better option considering how fucking big he is. But they hand picked you.
You try to not think about it. Instead, you just hold Simon tighter.
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Taglist: @reap3erslov3 @fruitymoonbeams-blog @cosmic-rich @bvxygriimes (let me know if i happened to miss you, or you want to be added!)
Divider by: @cafekitsune
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shogunpenny · 2 years
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pepprs · 2 years
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ykw that was exactly the thing i was vaguing about earlier this morning btw (sorry). since saturday night the whole topic of [pausing here to transform into a hideous beast because of the word my phone was trying to suggest i put after ‘topic of.’ like could this get any more meta and/or disturbing] anyways the whole topic of.. me and how i am or am not situated like.. r*mantically. it’s been multiple times every day since saturday night that it’s come up in posts i see in irl convos in photo memory reminders in shows my family is watching etc. ajd im not like mad at anyone/thing for posting / talking about it it’s just i feel like exploding a little bit between me myself and i that’s all
#purrs#i know i am 23 years old and i have a lot of life left ahead of me. but i think it’s just hard because im almost always the least#experienced / most sheltered person in the room. and some of that isn’t my fault bc it’s a product of 💖generational trauma💖 but some of it i#is ithink. im skittish like a horse. i had to cut off my life here when i went abroad and then covid hit and i think i got so used to things#being fucked up and to seeing fewer people that isolation became normal for me and now trying to push myself past that is terrifying and i#get so easily overwhelmed by socializing and i hate it but also that’s everyone rn i guess bc we are living in hell. but im skittish like a#horse. i have damaged friendships with people i really cared about because they told me they liked me and i couldn’t handle that and im#haunted every single day by the thought of how i mishandled things at 17-18 and probably caused certain individuals a lot of pain that they#may still be feeling and i want to apologize but that might only make it worse so i never can. and ofc like im jealous and insecure bc ive n#never even been like.. idk. the closest i ever got to being in a relationship was w one of those ppl and i ran away at the point that we rec#reciprocated and i just feel stupid and defective and i hate that if i had to do it all over again i would probably do the same thing.#ive grown a lot emotionally in the last 5 years but im still so like… weak in some ways and there’s common sense / natural compassion things#that i can sense Wojld make sense to do but i just can’t. i am not a good friend or family member right now and so how on earth could i ever#be a good partner to someone. but also uhmmmmmmmmmmmmm life is very very hard to do alone and i would like to not do it alone. and i know#there’s hope but i also like. can’t handle it. idk. it’s a mess and im just depressed about it so hopefully talking about it candidly will b#be enough to like.. eliminate the possibility of it coming up again bc it’s hard enough when im not thinking about it it’s even harder when#there are signs and reminders everywhere that i am young and inexperienced and feeling cringefail misery and doom and jealousy about it#delete later#its also fucking insane bc you grow up and realize what you’ve been missing out on bc you were a kid and it’s like how do i even get there a#and then the older adults you live with and interact with regularly rub it in your face both intentionally and unintentionally and sometimes#without malice but it’s still like… can there please not be about 15 examples of the exact thing i want that are unavoidable and inescapable#at al times by virtue of my life situation rn. in the back of my mind there is always a thread agitated by that and it sucks
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grodyego · 2 years
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trying not to get too mad about the limits of my actual human life and the fact that it will in fact end some day and the intersection of that and the weight of the fact that we’re still in the middle of a pandemic in the stage where everybody has full on just Given Up and decided to pretend like we’re not but i gotta say ladies. the rage is kind of starting to win out
#my fucking sister caught covid for like the 4th time except all the other times she wasnt living in the house with#a: our immunocompromised mother b: our 91 yr old grandma#or c: me who works every day with preschool aged kids as young as literally freshly 1 year old#and she caught it guess where !!! going to the club and partying with a fuck ton of people !!!!!!! in the middle of fucking central florida#like this is a pattern of her not caring at all about how her actions affect other people. ive done nothing for THREE YEARS#but go straight to work and come right home. i went to the movies like once bc i had viable proof there would be max 10 ppl in there#and this is a repeating pattern !!!! i was made to think i was the most selfish person alive when i was a teen so ive always#tried to play it so safe. while my sisters get to do whatever the hell they want without a second thought#as to who it will affect. and i mean in high school truly most of it didnt matter but now its too late isnt it !!#so its like. when will it be my turn huh. when do i get to be a stupid asshole and fuck up just ONCE#without it being an immediate reflection of who i am as a person. without it being My Failure#im also just mad at my job who told me to come in still even tho i was directly exposed to covid#just because im asymptomatic. so its like ok instead of missing 2 days and using the rest of the weekend to quarantine#u want me to come in and maybe get the other staff sick so we'll have even more ppl out ? or g0d forbid the Literally Toddlers ? for longer#and what if i do start showing symptoms like halfway thru the day around the kids. what if i told the parents ? would u b mad would u kill m
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sturniolosass · 3 months
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Sick - a Matt Sturniolo x Reader
Summery - Nick and Matt are sick with Covid and you offer to come and help take care of them.
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*fluff, like…pure fluff*
It’s Tuesday Night and you get a call from your boyfriend Matt letting you know he tested positive for covid, Your first reaction was to ask if he need anything medicine, soup, water. He had stated that he and the boys were fine without it and that you should stay home and rest but you insisted. So ending the call you decided to head over to him and his brothers home to help take care of all three of them.
Before heading to the house you decided to run to your local grocery store and grab a few things for the soup you’d be making and also a box of tea.
Once you checked out you started making your way to the house.
Once you arrived you knocked on the door urgently and saw Chris, you urgently pulled a mask over your face
“Yo! I’m good, i don’t have Covid…” he said
“ohhh oh my god, i thought all of yall were sick as fuck” you stated with a sigh of relief
“where are Matt and Nick?” you asked with a sense of panic
“they are both locked away in their rooms..i wouldn’t let them contaminate you” he laughed
“I don’t think it would matter hence i put myself in this situation. Wanna help me cook?” you ask Chris hoping he’d say no remembering his cooking history
“uhhhh im not sure you want that..” Chris replied
“you know what! you’re right” you replied rushing over to the stove
You put everything down on the counters before rushing around the corner hall to Matt’s room. Knocking on the door you say “Matt, are you hungry? How’re you feeling?” then listening in for a response you hear counting..
“1..2..3..4..5” Matt counts..
You call again “Matt?!”
Matthew then hurriedly opens the door wearing a mask he then says “what’re you doing here..? you’re gonna get sick! go home!” he rushing griefs to shut the door.. but your foot’s in between the hinges “i wanted to come and take care of you guys i know you guys don’t really know how to do that yourself.., have you even had any medicine..?” you ask worriedly “yea..” Matt looks around suspiciously “well no..but still i don’t want you getting sick, you should go home, coming here was sweet though i really appreciate you thinking of us honestly” he replies expecting you to leave which you do.. but not the house
Time to cook..
You grab all your ingredients and start making the soup. Onion, Celery, Garlic, Carrots, Noodles, etc.. once everything is cooking you decide to throw on a movie within the same time in which Chris decides to come up stairs from the ground floor… “sooo like, I know i’m not sick but that smells oh so yummy” he says in a weird yet entertaining voice “can i please have some too?” he begs. You look at him funny and reply “I mean.. i guess i’m trying to make enough so that there’s at least enough for two days..” he then notices the TV and asks “what is this? saltburn or some shit?” you look at him in disgust “No. it’s The Turning” you say matter of factly. “what is it about” he asks, “i don’t know for real, just some indie horror film” you tell, “oh alright well please let me know first when the food is done” he pleads. “whatever.” you say.
One the food is done you call up the guys one by one to grab a bowl. First Chris cause he asked so kindly, then Nick.. Once Nick comes down he seems fine, Then he starts coughing a lot, causing you to worry and offer him tea. He politely declines claiming to not enjoy tea that much. He then heads back upstairs and Matt comes out of his room after 5 minutes..
“Hey, I really appreciate you coming here and treating me and my brothers so sweet.. i was on the phone with my mom and she really thanks you because she can’t be here to do these things for us” he says lovingly smiling up at you with his cute little red nose from blowing it all day. “no problem, i love you guys a lot. you especially, so i have no problem with probably leaving here sick just to make sure you guys are ok” you reply. Matt them comes behind you whilst you’re stirring the soup on the low heat and gives your back a nice firm hug. “I love you” he says. At first you’re very caught off guard because that’s the first time he’s spoken those three words to you.. but coming to your senses you immediately respond “i love you too, Matt” in to which he smiles in the crook of your neck and kisses it. You turn and hug him back.
“Want some soup or tea?” you ask politely. “Sure, i’ll have some tea” he responds thankfully. “i already had food like a few hours ago. thank you though.” he adds. You pop a Peppermint tea in the keurig and he sits at the table. “i’m glad you’re here, i feel like i’ve been going crazy locked in my room all day.” he speaks. “I was counting my steps as i paced my room earlier because my apple watch felt i was being ‘lazy’ even though i’m quite frankly sick as all hell” he adds.. “hahaha yea i heard that, i was so confused” you reply coming in for a kiss in which he hesitates “i don’t wanna risk your chance of getting more sick” he states in to which you reply “the sickness is airborne, love. if im gonna get sick it’s gonna happen regardless. i’ve already stepped in the house.” leaning in you kiss his lips. The keurig finishes and you mix a little bit of honey in his mug and hand him the cup.
Nearing the end of the night you and Matt head into his room to relax, figuring you’d already be sick Matt invites you to stay the night knowing it shouldn’t get any worse from here unless you go home where your family lives. You both decide to watch a movie, Matt begging you to help him finish saltburn stating he was bored with it in the first 20 minutes. You oblige only to regret it seeing he’s only watched a small portion of the ‘weird’ movie, however you continue watching just to keep him company and watch him fall asleep comfortably in your arms...
The End :)
a/n: idk how i feel about the end of this.. but you know what, its my first and i’ll only get better as i keep going.. :)) THANKS FOR READING!
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cranberrymoons · 4 months
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have a happy holiday
prompt: modern au (@steddieholidaydrabbles) word count: 577 rated: t
welcome to Day 16 of the fic advent calendar – bite-sized fics posting every day during the month of december. enjoy!
The airport’s a complete mess.
He knew it would be. It’s three days before Christmas; obviously it’s going to be a mess, but still, he’d hoped that if they beat traffic getting here, then they’d have time to actually get to their gate without running and then he wouldn’t be so wound up and stressed out before even stepping on the plane and –
Anyway.
“It’s going to be fine,” Eddie says easily, smoothing a hand over Steve’s back as they shuffle forward six inches in the security line before coming to a stop. Again. For the tenth time. “We have plenty of time.”
“I know,” Steve says, even though he doesn’t know, because they don’t. He glances down at his phone to watch the minutes turn over. “It’s just – my dad…”
“Is an asshole,” Eddie says. He smiles. “You’ve mentioned. A dozen times.”
Steve looks at him out of the corner of his eye, then shoves his phone back in his pocket. He sighs. 
“Sorry,” he says. “Just – if we miss our flight, it’s going to become my fault somehow, and I just really don’t want to deal with that at Christmas? I just want – us.” Eddie wraps a hand around his wrist and tugs him closer, and Steve lets out a sigh, shoulders coming away from his ears. “I just want it to be us.”
“You know, we don’t have to go,” Eddie says as the line shuffles forward again. “Really, if you want, we can just… head home. Do Christmas ourselves.”
Steve studies his face for a moment, a buzz starting up in his chest. Then he shakes his head, shutting the feeling down before it can get too loud.
“We have tickets. We can’t just –” He lets out a sigh, tugging on the strap of his bag. “We paid for them.”
“Yeah,” Eddie says. He widens his eyes. “We already paid for them. That doesn’t mean we have to actually use them.” He raises his eyebrows. “It’s not like they can double charge us for not getting on the plane. We didn’t even check any bags.”
Steve feels a smile twitch at the corners of his mouth. “But my dad –”
“Is an asshole,” Eddie says again. “So who cares what he thinks? We’ll just say we caught COVID or something.” He makes an exaggeratedly sad face. “So sorry to cancel on such short notice, but what can you do? It’s responsible for us to stay home, really.”
Steve laughs, pulling his bag higher up on his shoulder. “What would we do instead?”
“It’s Christmas in New York. We can do whatever we want,” Eddie says. “Coffee in pajamas, walk in the park. I’ll buy you one of those big ridiculous hot chocolate milkshakes. Whatever you want.”
“Better than the alternative,” Steve says. He narrows his eyes. “Are you being serious right now?”
“Serious about the fact that I’d rather spend Christmas fucking my boyfriend on the couch than at a dinner party with the Republican Senator from Indiana? Obviously.”
Steve’s heart does a somersault, and his smile widens. He takes a breath and glances at the line divider to their right, blocking them off from the rest of the airport. They could duck out of line right now and just –
“Okay,” Steve says before he can second-guess himself.
Eddie raises his eyebrows. “Okay?”
Steve nods, letting out a giddy little laugh. “Yeah,” he says. “Let’s go home.”
[also on ao3]
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minetteskvareninova · 7 months
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How Would I Put This For My Non-Slovak Mutuals
Slovakia is going to have elections (premature, I should note, because Matovič is an idiot, see bellow) and by God I am stressed. Our options are as follows:
Progresívne Slovensko (Progressive Slovakia) - They are the, well, progressive party of the Slovak political spectrum. Which means they are the only fucking party that supports the LGBT movement with any consistency. Most of their other proposals are also relatively reasonable; they are interested in protecting the environment, want to improve the sorry state of Slovak healthcare, fight the corruption and so on. Their only two issues are the fact that their leader, Martin Šimečka, is a fucking nerd with the charisma of a wet noodle, and the fact that everyone, and I mean absolutely everyone, even people who theoretically should be on their side on account of not being bigoted Putin-loving dipshits, hates them for absolutely no reason. Well, except for their large preferences, probably. They are the most successful party, or second most successful (depends on how the elections pan out) after...
SMER - Sociálna demokracia (DIRECTION - Social Democracy; yes I know SMER is also short for something but I'm too lazy to look it up right now) - Hoo boy. These guys. How would I even start to explain the sheer amount of baggage these guys carry...? SMER has been in power in 2008-2012 and 2012-2020. And it was a fucking shitshow. Between massive corruption and widespread mismanagement of public resources, you can't help but wonder how the fuck did these people last one term, let alone three?! Don't let the Social Democracy thing in their name fool you, these people aren't really social democrats, they have no ideology beyond getting more votes and avoiding jail. Their leader is Róbert Fico, a literal antichrist whose corruption scandals would make for an exceptionally thick encyclopedia. This man is able to sell his soul to the devil for money and power, but since the devil seems kinda unavailable, he figured Putin is the next best (worst?) thing. His latest strategy for gaining more support is leaning into the fanatical Putin-loving, EU and human rights hating crowd, which in our country is depressingly large. Another memorable personality is Ľuboš Blaha, a tankie extraordinaire whose favourite meal is the sole of Volodya's boot and a steady diet of bathit conspiracies. Remember when Blaha engaged in casual atrocity denial around Bucha, because Pepperidge Farm and Minette's blog remember. https://www.tumblr.com/minetteskvareninova/680859499810177024/this-war-is-horrible-and-itself-would-be-enough
Hlas-SD (Voice-SD) - Most progressives in Slovakia have high hopes for these people. I don't. They are an offshoot of SMER, whose leader Peter Pellegrini has mostly held the line with Fico, but at least seems spineless enough to betray him if it happens to be advantageous enough. They don't really have any kind of concrete politics (most of their program is a vague "we'll make things better" kind of stuff), but at least they don't actively spread hate, so in that way they are able to climb over the low bar that is their mother party. Still, how are these people in the third place of every pre-election survey I will never know. I guess Pelle is just that sexy or whatever.
Obyčajní ľudia a nezávislé osobnosti (Ordinary People And Independent Personalities) - They have been the ruling party since 2020 and much like with SMER, it was kind of a shitshow, just in a different way. Their leader Igor Matovič is less corrupt (mind you, not NOT corrupt) than Fico, but more than makes up for it by being kinda stupid and also a horrendous drama queen whose antics prematurely ended two cabinets, his and Heger's. Tenderly nicknamed "Matelko", he became known for his "atom bombs" of ideas, such as giving out prizes in a lottery that people join by getting vaccinated. Y'know, to increase vaccination rates during the height of COVID-19 pandemic. That's why this whole thing had to be televised, complete with "call to collect your prize" type of deal. For what it's worth, he at least made attempts to fight the corruption of the previous regime; he did it badly, as is his way, but nonetheless. "Independent personalities" here means a bunch of small parties that joined them in this election, because they would have no chance otherwise. They are a pretty diverse bunch, meaning their ranks include, among others, an infamous bigot and fanatical anti-abortion activist Anna Záborská, but they also made my bae Jaroslav Naď a defence minister, so that kinda balances it out. I wouldn't hate it if they managed to get into parliament, I'll tell you that much.
Slododa a Solidarita (Freedom and Solidarity) - Considering Matelko profiles himself as an anti-corruption crusader, you'd think Róbert Fico is his nemesis. You'd be wrong. Fico unfortunately loses that prestigious title to one Richard Sulík, leader of SaS, who is... Eh? Like, he's competent in the questions of economy and in general not in the worst tier of Slovak politicians, but also, he's as much of a libertarian as is possible in our part of the world (which si to say, he's not as bad as an average American libertarian, but still engages in, for example, casual climate change denial) and constantly feuds with Matelko. Again, I don't hate him, but we could do a lot better.
Kresťanskodemokratické hnutie (Christian-Democratic Movement) - They are surprisingly not as bigoted as their name would suggest, but that's because here in Slovakia we are used to levels of homophobia and transphobia that would boggle the mind of an average non-fundie American. They come off as relatively reasonable, but only because one can't help but compare them to Putin kissasses like SMER, SNS and Republika. Which brings us to...
Slovenská národná strana (Slovak National Party) - You know, Stupidest Slovak Politician is a tough contest, so my respect to anyone who is able to win it as decisively as Andrej Danko. This man is like Róbert Fico, if his spirit animal was a sheep instead of a fox (and I say it as someone who has experience with sheep, those motherfuckers are ungodly stupid). He simped for Putin before it was cool, when that particular fanclub was just him and Blaha. He doesn't seem to be able to speak his mother tongue and his constant malaproper speech is the source of many a meme. Which, yes, means that him getting into parliament would be pretty funny. On the other hand, all that fun would probably be somewhat spoiled by the fact that he's ALSO super corrupt, not to mention, y'know, conspiracy-spreading Putin simp and bigot. He also cites Viktor Orbán as his actual, honest-to-God role model. So, an all-around cool dude that I am very happy might be in the next parliament (if Fico wins the election, because naturally these two get on like a house on fire). /s
Republika (The Republic) - I can't believe SMER legit isn't the worst mainstream Slovak party, but I mean, at least they aren't actual neonazis? I mean, Republika does its best to hide their affiliations, but because their leader, Milan Uhrík, is in competition for the second stupidest Slovak politician (the first place, as stated, firmly belonging to Danko), they don't do a particularly good job of that. I mean, Republika is the product of a schism within ĽSNS, who were already infamous for their idiocy (besides, you know, barely disguised fascism), so figures. Milan Uhrík in particular is the man whose most important contributions to Slovak culture were sitting in the European Parliament doing fuck all (did I mention that like most bigots, he also shits on EU constantly?) and the "I am not a historian" meme. Basically, because of the blatant fascist sympathies of his party, including worshipping Jozef Tiso, he was asked to condemn the crimes of the First Slovak Republic (which was basically a Nazi puppet - yeah, Ukrainians aren't the only nation in this region with a shady past, go figure; not that it prevents some people, including Uhrík himself, from spreading the "denazification" bullshit). Uhrík's answer? "I am not a historian". Since then, he has been given several options to revise this opinion. He never took any of them. His agenda is also truly something to behold, like I've never read something as profoundly dumb as the pamphlets where they present it. They don't seem to be as successful as ĽSNS, but that's unfortunately because their schtick was stolen by SMER with the good chunk of their electorate. Still, SMER might actually take them into their coalition, because like goes with the like even if the "like" is bigotry, and lest we forget, there is no God.
Sme rodina (We Are Family) - *sigh* Do I have to? Okay. Sme rodina is yet another conservative party, completely unlike EVERY OTHER PARTY THAT EVER GAINED ANY TRACTION IN THIS COUNTRY PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE. Ahem. Its leader Boris Kollár is a businessman who gained something of a memetic status in Slovak showbusiness by being a massive whore and having a fuckton of illegitimate children (the current count is I think 12?). Something of a Slovak Herschel Walker. And just like Herschel Walker, he, the avowed conservative that he is, has been accused of paying for abortions of one of his ex-girlfriends. Which is just a reflection of this guy's general moral consistency. To put it simply, Boris is the biggest Slovak whore. If Fico asked him to join his coalition, you bet your ass he would. He also has associated with people involved in organized crime (just like Fico) and sexted a fifteen year old drug addict. Because, as their billboards state, Sme rodina "protects children". Needless to say, I can't fucking stand this dude just as a person; since he seems to want to be an Isekai hero, I hope he gets hit by a truck.
Demokrati (The Democrats) - They're fine. Their leader is our former short-term prime minister Eduard Heger, whose only flaws were being hopelessly naive and letting Matelko get away with shit he should not have gotten away with. Any people that might be OK with them already vote for Progresívne Slovensko, but maybe they will get enough votes to be eligible for parliament? Maybe??? Their chances aren't high to be honest, but what do you know, miracles do happen.
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therealdeathoracle · 1 year
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I have a bunch of quotes from my old coworkers at my last job so I made incorrect quotes from the bsd characters. If this one is liked I can make another with quotes from my family I also have
Ranpo: “Jesus Christ it’s Pretzel Borne.”
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Kenji: *accidentally kicks the water fountain*
Atsushi: *holds out hand* “Stop it.”
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Kunikida: “Don’t worry, we made it, Dazai’s gone.”
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Dazai: “Olaf doesn’t turn me on, but Sven does.”
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Akutagawa: *in the distance and very unenthusiastically* “Run Forest run.”
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Nikolai: *in a bad Russian accent* “OH MY GOATS! FYODOR, BRING IN THE AR15!″
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Atsushi: *playing with a cup of straws*
Kyouka: *takes the cup away to put more straws in it*
Atsushi: *trying to grab the cup* “Why?!”
Kyouka: *hands the cup back*
Atsushi: *knocks cup over and throws straws everywhere* “Am cat.” *runs away*
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(All over a radio)
Fukuzawa: *talking loudly*
Ranpo: *cringes really hard*
Fukuzawa: “Mind your business Ranpo.”
Ranpo: “You’re making my ears bleed, Fukuzawa.”
Fukuzawa: *quieter* “Oh, really?”
Ranpo: “Yeah, it’s fine though.”
Fukuzawa: *whispering* “Oh you sweet child, I am so sorry.”
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Ranpo, Kenji and Dazai: *chanting cheese*
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Teruko: “Jouno was in a good mood today.”
Tachihara: “Oh? Something must’ve happened, did Tecchou die?”
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Dazai and Ranpo: *aggressively singing Africa*
Atsushi: *starts playing Africa on his phone*
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Chuuya: “Hi, would you mind signing your rights away real quick?”
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Tecchou: *whispering* “Jouno”
Jouno: *screaming from the other side of the building* “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT NOW TECCHOU?”
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Ranpo: “DAD NO!” *oven starts screaming*
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Kunikida: “The world is gonna end in 3 months, but you don’t care! You don’t care about inflation!”
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Yosano to Dazai: “If you fall on the box cutter and bleed out and die then can we use you as a promotion for Suicide Squad?”
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Dazai: “What’s the best way to traumatize a child? Shave their head!”
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Kunikda: *puts an American flag pin he found on the floor on his shirt and immediately takes it off* “Actually in hindsight I don’t want someone to think I’m a crazy republican... I’ll give it to Dazai.”
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Chuuya: “Have fun.”
Akutagawa: “I won’t but thank you though.”
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Kyouka: “Do you want to see my PowerPoint on Halloween costumes?”
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Nikolai: *in a bad Italian accent* “It’s a me a Mario you dirty ass bitch!”
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Akutagawa: “Are you having fun?”
Gin: “No... are you?”
Akutagawa: “No.”
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Dazai: “I do need serious help, but not for this.”
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Ranpo: “My mouth is like a popper.” *starts making pop cat sounds*
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Atsushi: “Kyouka! You’re fucking crazy!”
Kyouka: *holding an extremely hot piece of metal with her bare hands* “I’m sorry?”
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Ranpo: *sitting on the floor in a massive pile of popcorn* “So... uh... Santa’s sack broke?”
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Yosano: *finding out she has covid at 11:59 on New Year’s Eve* “WELL HAPPY NEW YEAR I GUESS!”
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Ranpo: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?”
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Kenji: “Let’s play Pictionary!”
Dazai: “Oh no.”
Kenji: “AND NO IT IS NOT A PENIS!”
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Chuuya: *high out of his mind* “I am not high, I am medicated.”
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Fukuzawa: “I AM THE PRESIDENT!”
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Akutagawa: “Why do you need a little hole?”
Chuuya: “Just in case, you know?”
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Dazai: *stamps Kunikida with a void stamp* “You didn’t get a D!”
Kunikida: *grabbing his pants* “Then what’s this?”
Dazai: “Not a D.”
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Tecchou: “Cooled pillow water would be a great invention.”
Jouno: “I am terrified by what cooled pillow water could be.”
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Chuuya: “What kind of boss do you think I am? A good one??”
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Gin: “Behead him!”
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Chuuya: “What did you say to me?”
Akutagawa: “Gin said you’re the coolest guy she’s ever met.”
Gin: “No no, get your facts straight. I said, YO CHUUYA THE COOLEST MOTHERFUCKER I’VE EVER MET!”
Chuuya: “Now that’s more accurate.”
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Tecchou: *still talking about what cooled pillow water would be*
Jouno: “You are not going to convince me that you didn’t piss on your pillow and are trying to make up for it.”
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Fukuzawa: “Do I ask why you chose to play a female gnome and not a male?”
Ranpo: “We needed a minority.”
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Ranpo: *extremely offended* “Do you not like pepper on your salt?”
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Dazai: “Chuuya is a World War II!”
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Kenji: “As an empath I sense you’re having love troubles.”
Dazai: “Nah man that’s just the depression.”
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Chuuya and Dazai: *Thursday, August 25th 2022, 2:30pm-9:00pm... Incident: The “Fuck You” Day*
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Dazai: “You know what?... Unfucks your mom!”
Akutagawa: “My mom?”
Dazai: “Yes.”
Akutagawa: “Ok.”
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Chuuya: “I just fucking wanna get these balls in... DON’T take that out of context!”
@stinkyme
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asynca · 6 months
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Im in my 20s and I was disabled by covid. At this point idek what to do to make people care. Tomorrow I literally have to decide whether I can risk exposure by going to the ceremony to receive a 1500$ scholarship (they might not give it to me if I don't go). The price tag isn't high enough to risk losing even more physical function and potentially having life threatening complications. And that's just one example of all the opportunities im missing bc nowhere is safe anymore. I hate it. I would have loved the free food & chance to network. Thanks for wearing a good mask and caring
Sorry for dropping that vent in your asks actually that wasn't cool. I was just frustrated by that post, like damn you gotta make it about fandom for people to care, but thats unfair of me. I hope your colleagues are getting good treatment! It sucks but at least we're still alive and we're gonna keep fighting to stay alive
oh god I read the second ask first and I was like, "Fuck. I guess the first post is going to be serious asy hate," but it wasn't at all.
It sucks you need to choose. People really couldn't give a fuck at this point, like they seriously think they won't be disabled by COVID. When you catch it for the first time you have a 1/5 chance - 20% - that you will be disabled by it, at least temporarily. The more you catch it, the higher the likelihood you will be disabled and the longer and worse you will be disabled by it.
If you're my age and over, you also need to worry about actually fucking dying from it. I have a work colleague who's been in and out of hospital these past few weeks and came very close to death. She's still not out of the woods right now, actually.
LIke I get people want to socialise - totally fine! - but what's with the aversion to clean air and masks? A portable HEPA air filter that will do a big room like a classroom costs $150 and the filters are $30 and you change them every 6 months. One of those lowers the likelihood anyone in the class will infect each other by EIGHTY PERCENT. A filter plus masks makes a classroom much safer for everyone, but especially for people who are at higher danger of being disabled from COVID.
The more research comes out about it, the worse we realise covid actually is for us. It's neurotoxic. You lose some brain function each time you get it - FOR REAL.
Man this is going to be one of those things we look back in 20 years and go "why didn't anyone care?" "why didn't we do anything!?"
Super big condolences to disabled folks, either pre-covid or from covid, who feel totally fucking alone fighting this thing.
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sn33z3s · 1 year
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in defense of “if you weren’t a fucking asshole”
(title subject to change because it’s silly. what better time to write “meta” than hours before a season premiere. after all, style is dead. or was it that it’s just boring? no, wait, it’s toxic–)
this doesn’t have a thesis, it’s just some leftover thoughts from last year - mostly pertaining The Church Scene, because of course - and featuring some hot stan marsh characterization takes i guess
let’s start with the gay glancing at your ex-childhood best friend, yeah?
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so, this framing is loaded because it's the narrative of their whole thing: kyle chasing stan. stan usually comes to kyle's rescue in absurd (but solvable) situations, whereas kyle often has to fight stan to provide emotional respite. they're thinking of each other here; it's distinct how stan looks back, rather than this shot cutting at kyle. stan's explosive reaction is still pretty presumptuous, but kyle was, even if unintentionally, asking for stan's attention - which is typical.
in a sense, this scene is their wordless language; the kind you share with said ex-best friend but it’s gotten worn from overuse, and as a result, you’re both communicatively stunted, so now that you’ve reached out again after 40 years, the first step to any comfort or solace is [the scene above] and a homoerotic spectacle:
well, i don’t need to tell you what that public spectacle is; you already know
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stan leads his paranoid outburst in the church by accusing kyle of knowing something which would be impossible for kyle to know; in You’re Getting Old/Assburgers kyle also reaches out to stan, who turns him down, yet still asks that kyle basically read his mind and comfort him.
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kyle is not a stranger to demanding unrealistic things from stan as well, but kyle calling stan “asshole” packs that punch since contemporarily the fandom usually assumes stan as more emotionally forward or in-touch with himself. however, in the church, kyle is pointing out that stan is clearly repressing his feelings, desires, traumas, etc. and kyle has used a similar approach before:
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in my last meta, i wrote about how stan is pretty firm in not instantly accepting kyle's olive branches. of course, the thing is, kyle's olive branches are bent sometimes, let alone how he approaches asking for stan's forgiveness before the broship splits. kyle doesn't apologize: he just expects stan to move on.
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(also, i love the "divorced couple" coding before we even reach Post-COVID.) anyway, the show clearly acknowledges stan as "agreeing with kyle no matter what," and the first time stan and kyle fight in canon, it’s a big deal.
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i always return to how i don't see kyle or stan as at fault in most of, if not all, of their fights. this especially applies to YGO & Assburgers since it's one of their most significant “break-up” arcs. still... kyle's "if you weren't a fucking asshole" in the church scene is so satisfying. (and 100% excellent voice acting on matt stone's part; the punchy delivery at the end of that line is what makes me revisit it often.) when i put my tin foil hat on, it does sound like decades of resentment built up. if this post had to have a thesis, it’d be, “here’s why kyle had every right to call stan an asshole in that moment,” but the Stan Can Be an Asshole, Too meta is for another day. after all, my last meta also revolved around the trouble i have with framing stan as an exclusively passive character (rather than predominantly passive). 
by “decades of resentment,” i mean simmering for kyle since, you guessed it, episodes such as You're Getting Old and Assburgers. i talk about YGO & Assburgers a lot, i'm sorry. but i was thinking about the church scene as i browsed the south park wiki on the official site: "Kyle can only deal with so much of Stan's negativity." (obviously, matt and trey themselves do not write or even moderate the Comedy Central studios wiki, so take all of it with a grain of salt.) i like that wording, though, and this other part of the blurb too: "Stan's ego can get in the way of their friendship [referencing Guitar Queer-o]." 
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kyle not being able to handle stan’s negativity these days is more often harshly critiqued than anything about stan’s ego. that detail does, in many forms, relate to the stan jock characterization discourse, but that’ll also have to wait for another meta. i can say a couple of things about it to tie up this post, though. 
yes, kyle fails to comfort stan in the YGO arc. at the same time, i don't think his positivity is always maligned. after all, the YGO arc isn't stan vs kyle, it's stan and kyle vs. growing up; this is their contemporary theme. and yes, for a kid, kyle can have that emotional maturity.
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Tegridy Farms and Post-COVID have cemented stan as south park’s protagonist – though, in my opinion, he always has been it, especially since Bigger, Longer, & Uncut – and protagonists are like, the character archetype that receives the most self-projection. yet this emotional angle is comparatively still a fairly new framing of stan’s character. now that this show is narrated in such a way that we see even more of the world of south park through stan’s eyes, fans watching may feel extra inclined to think of him as only ever depressed. but being sad is not all stan does and never has been.
not only is this frequency fairly new to his character, i would go so far as to say that there’s a difference between the contemporary stan angst arcs and older episodes like Raisins, YGO, and Assburgers. being sad is not “natural” to stan (whatever that means), it is thrust upon him. most recently, this is randy’s fault. yes, we are meant to - and i hope that most do - sympathize or empathize with stan, but my point here is that he’s a little bit more belligerent and bullish than the fandom currently gives him credit for.
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