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angelkiller666 · 2 months

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Where i had been. (APOLOGY and UPDATE)

ok....so, imma just get straight to it and say that i am VERY sorry for my long unannounced Hiatus, a LOT of personal stuff has happened within my family, and i ain't gonna get too personal or else this will be too long to type. just know that i am DEEPLY sorry for my absence, i'm alive, i'm ok, nothing SUPER horrible happened, but do understand that i may STILL be in Hiatus after this, so please bare that, but do understand that i'm not going anywhere, and just took a mental break that ended up becoming more than just for mental reasons. also MASSIVE BROKEN BONE/SURGERY TRIGGER WARNING!!!! if you are sensitive to broken bones, surgery, stitches and blood, idk what to tell you but to just skip the pics that will be presented here on this journal, and i'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but please bare with me and take my advice, if you can't handle it, i understand if you don't read this update, it's fine. but please don't come after me for it. alright, onto the first part: depression's a bitch! and so it art block and burn out, especially when your family's struggling with a lot of stuff and you gotta be there to help them out. which is exactly in my case. my mother (gonna keep it vague and quick) was getting sick multiple times and she was on high risk of possibly not living another year after her diagnosis. (spoilers: SHE SURVIVED and is not very sick anymore! she's alive and well!) so during the time she was sick, i had to do many house chores, dinner and sanitizing in the house because my mom obviously really needed it. but it's hard to do that when you have a schizophrenic and NARSSISISTIC sibling who REFUSES to help out and make you do all the work while lazing on their ass all day.....which was also my case. (also spoilers: my brother has gotten better now and has sought treatment from the mental hospital and isn't as bad as he was anymore. i'm not dunking or hating on him, just understand that there are issues that went too far, but were thankfully handled well by the professionals.) so through out most of the time, i was just struggling to keep everything together and has at least succeeded in such.....until one day, about....3-4 or maybe 5 weeks ago, i broke my ankle while i was in the middle of exercising. (idk how long, this is just a guess on my part) (DOUBLE WARNING AND TRIGGER WARNING REMINDER!: if you are easily triggered or uncomfortable at the topics of broken bones, stitches, surgery, blood or any of that, SKIP THE PHOTOS or STOP READING if you are not able to handle it. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)

i won't get into too much details, but just know that i went through hell for a bit. here's where i first broke my ankle:

in total, i broke my ankle in 8 PLACES! i know, i have no idea how either, i guess i just had shitty luck i guess: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/901237515577618506/1205540327855882300/SPOILER_IMG_6101.jpg?ex=65d8bdec&is=65c648ec&hm=85c626e0d90ae067952a9653ac37767253156fe55905de373ba51f5d05cb4cd5& i had to wait a whole day to be admitted to surgery, which sucked as hell because i couldn't sleep thanks to the pain. but hey, at least i get to finally get some rest with the pain killers after surgery. (i think it was 7 or 9 screws welded into my bones at the moment) https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/901237515577618506/1205540514678571069/SPOILER_IMG_6098.jpg?ex=65d8be18&is=65c64918&hm=6befdf49153a8bd4895d43baf9613f211b600bfa60b8a98587b5c3d775a9dfd3& i spent the next 2 or 3 weeks in a cast (and still am, just a brand new one, it feels more comfy than the last) but i finally get to stay in bed without feeling like utter shit and got to sleep a lot to gain back my energy: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/901237515577618506/1205539682251706518/f1028ba1-e18d-4edc-b1a9-289b3ad7e588.jpg?ex=65d8bd52&is=65c64852&hm=28bf9a0626cea54467a02863815c5a528d60e24fb54a799b3d27ae38b38bf3b7&

last week, when i got to get a new cast and see how my leg was doing, i had a BUNCH of stitches, and even though it barely hurt when they took off my old cast....it was a sight to see:

i don't have a pic of the new cast, but i'm doing well, thank god. this week is when i get my stitches removed and maybe after another few weeks or so, i'll get the metal and screws out soon, but i just know i'll be in a cast for a LONG while. ok! so that's what was going on during my unannounced Hiatus. a lot of things happened, but i had been doing rehab in walking in my walker and scooter to get around the house, i don't feel pain as much as i do anymore, mom is doing a lot better and so is my brother. i am planning on returning soon, it just may take awhile. thank you to those for reading and understanding my situation, i promise, i got new art in the works and soon, hopefully, i'll finally be able to celebrate my 500 follower milestone! (in Deviant Art) i hope you all have been doing well, and can't wait to start posting again!

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strooples · 1 year

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Just a curious topic I’ve been sifting through my head, but within AND outside of animation/cartoon hobbies, I feel like I sift through interests and burn out fast! A bit too fast.

Like for manga, I would be enjoying one but suddenly lose motivation to continue for some reason. I’d tell myself to finish it to know what happens (though by then I’ve probably skipped to the end/searched up what happens/interact with fan content that already memes + analyzes the results). The idea of continuing/starting again/looking at how much is left/finishing is super super hard for me. I’d feel a massive mental block and pretty much tune out. It feels easy to have a specific and intense hyperfixation (on any character, story, or niche aspect of a story), but equally easy to suddenly lose interest for no reason. And I always wondered how much of that correlates with ADHD. IRL I have issues with executive function in general (starting, maintaining, and finishing tasks + splitting up information in my head). So for my daily responsibilities, getting stuff done is such a huge mess. But even things I love are things that sometimes feel impossible to focus on… even things I WANT to do.

Of course, I love seeing fan content such as art, character analysis, headcanons, and theories (especially theories!!! like oml they’re just so interesting???). I also love some of the passionate interactions even if some people IRL don’t get it (I personally think doing so is a thing of passion and have found comfort + humor + critical thinking challenges + interesting people in a lot of communities). But the issue stems when it’s the ACTUAL STORY… I can’t stay focused on particular shows, readings, or games outside of discussion :’).

A good example is Ace Attorney, which my SO introduced to me a little over a year ago. I love scrolling this website for AA stuff because the memes are top notch and there’s an abundance of fun things. I basically spoiled myself a huge chunk on all the games to come after the 1st. Last we left off, I was on the 2nd game. Yet I can’t make myself sit down and finish the game??? Even if I love all the things that happens after the 1st game, the interesting new characters, a lot of the cases to come (etc.).

So now I am wondering… does attention span issues tend to make you guys pander in and out of stories/games too?

(And sorry if this got a bit rambly and my thoughts seem disorganized!!)

#thoughts #adhd #i primarily mention my cartoon hobbies bc that’s sorta the theme of this blog #but the same goes with every other interest in my life #bc besides drawing and stories #i’m also massively into lots of humanities and psych/social sciences stuff #and it’s the same story -#what with the intense fixation on one topic #that it becomes all i can talk about within a short period of a few weeks/a couple of months at most #for it to disappear one day out of thin air #seemingly for no reason!

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koipoiyo · 3 years

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Part two of requests!!!! These two V’s belong to @valn-and-vanessa :) thanks for sending them over they were super fun to draw!! I normally do bust up drawings so this time I wanted to try something more ambitious and I think it turned out alright.

finals have been killing me but now that I’m finally free from the hell that is high school hopefully I’ll get through these requests much faster! including some new ones ;)

#literally JUST as i finished this i saw that vanessa got a redesign sooo i guess pretend this is pre haircut vanessa #and sorry if valn isnt too recognizable cos i changed up his clothes and didnt draw his face i hope u still like it djsjjsjd #but MAN i never finish stuff this big so props to me i guess #i know its not that much BUT im out of practice #also i know i skipped a person SORRY I WAS HAVING MASSIVE ART BLOCK #but. i think i finally got it #ok thats all my ramblings thank youuu ❤️❤️#cyberpunk 2077 #female v #male v #cybperpunk 2077 oc #cybperpunk 2077 v #oc art #koi art

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sleepnginstardust · 4 years

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Orc Boyfriend (Torug Part 1/??)

Yep. It’s Orctober, and I love orcs.

Diana scowled looking at the gym across the street, she hadn’t been thrilled when it had first moved into what used to be her favorite art gallery. But times have changed and the owners decided to move somewhere more tropical. It had sat empty for months and the artists that use to sell their art in the gallery had asked her if she had any room for their works. Diana had hesitated at first, she was a tea store, not an art gallery and she had a certain aesthetic to maintain. After debating for a few weeks she relented and decided that her niche maybe had a little room to expand. The best part about the change to her store was that patrons of the old art gallery started coming in and purchasing tea from her, which was a blessing in disguise.

Diana hadn’t even heard about a gym being brought into the old art gallery building until one of her friends from the bakery down the street (a lovely old dwarf woman who had been baking since before Diana’s father had been born). Had mentioned in passing that someone had purchased the building.

“Oh and the old art gallery has been purchased finally. I think the McClint’s are very happy with the offer too!” Diana blinked a few times before taking a sip of the Tian Jian she was trying out. The almost rosey sweet flavour of the tea hit her tongue and as she swallowed she tasted a dark flavour that made her smile. She took a bite of the lavender shortbread Elora had made.

“I’m sorry did you actually say that someone has purchased the old art building? Did Mr & Mr McClint settle for less? Because they were asking a decent amount for this area.” Elora smiled and took a sip of tea. She pursed her lips as she swallowed.

“Maybe not my favorite dear, and maybe the lavender shortbread was wrong for this tea. Perhaps something with a berry flavour to offset the floral undertones of this one. No they didn’t settle for less, in fact the person who bought it paid a little bit more. Jake McClint said the person said something about this being in a good “family place”. Who knows maybe the person wants to start a new family business! Oh I hope it’s grocery store! I need a new place to get my vegetables after that fart Gindira took over the one on tenth!”

“But Elora we already have one? You know the one about three blocks over. It’s run by that sweet Centaur boy. He brings in produce from his family farm even!” Elora blinked a few times and barked out a laugh.

“I had completely forgotten about that poor boy. When you get to be around 230 Diana

you’ll understand why my memory is so horrible.” Elora huffed. She nibbled the shortbread and gave a small huff.

“Elora go back to the person buying the McClints building, who is it? I wanna know!” Elora looked at Diana with a shrewd look.

“Why, are you going to throw them a welcoming party? Or are you more interested in looks?” Diana blushed scarlet and looked at her teacup.

“No, no welcome party, and I’m honestly not looking too hard for anything in particular. Not after what happened last time.”

“He was a cad who only wanted your building. Pfft freaking real estate people. You’ll find someone, maybe not now but one day.”

Now two weeks later she was regretting her curiosity. The big burly mix of men, orcs, and others brought a workout machine after workout Machine into the building across the street. There had already been a casualty when one of her delivery people got knocked over by an Onikuma crushing the box of expensive first flush Darjeeling he had been carrying.

The delivery person apologized profusely to Diana having never done something like this before. Diana accepted telling him it wasn’t his fault, as the delivery van drove away from the onikuma that knocked the poor kid over yelled sorry as Diana stood in her doorway wondering if there was anything worth salvaging in the crushed box.

More and more of the workout machines went into the building and Diana noted that whoever bought the place was also installing a new air filtration system. She wondered what was the point because the McClints had replaced the filtration unit only five years ago.

She sipped a cup of lapsang souchong as the group of movers gathered around a tall orc who had just pulled up in a truck with boxes of items. As the group talked with the orc the onikuma who knocked over her delivery person yesterday motioned towards Diana’s store. The Orc nodded and started walking across the street.

Diana ducked behind the counter and started cleaning her mess she had made. As the bell chimed she turned around and gave a bright hello. And stopped. The orc was almost two feet taller than her 5 foot 2 inches and his arms were roped with muscles. Diana swallowed another mouthful of tea, her throat suddenly dry.

“Welcome in! What can I do for you?” The orc looked down at her with a small confused smile.

“I think it’s more about what I can do you Ma’am” his southern accent made Diana’s heart skip a beat. “I’m Torug & I heard from my friend that he accidentally ran over a delivery person of yours. I’m here to make amends.”

“I uhhh, what?” She had been staring at his arms that looked like they could squash her. She blinked and looked up at his face, her blush spreading rapidly across her face.

“There was an accident with one of my friends? He knocked over a delivery boy and crushed a package of yours?” Diana shook her head and realized he was talking about the Onikuma yesterday.

“Oh! Oh, yeah. That destroyed almost $1000 dollars worth of first flush Darjeeling.” The Orc looked at her with raised eyebrows. He looked at her like he was concerned for her sanity. “I mean it’s not as expensive as Da-Hong Pao Tea, I mean nothing is. But it was almost 1,800 grams of Selimbong First flush. That stuff is expensive and I already had buyers lined up for it. I’m going to need vodka after having to call some of these people and tell them their tea was crushed by an onikuma.”

“What if I pay for the tea, and maybe take you out for that vodka? I mean it is partially my fault you’re in this situation in the first place. It’s only natural that I help care for you after those horrible phone calls you’re going to have to deal with.” Diana waved her hand.

“Ehh most of the people who bought the tea are decent people and when I explain what happened they’ll understand. Except maybe Franklin, but he’s a cave troll and kind of grumpy in general.” Torug laughed, and his rough voice made butterflies in Diana’s stomach.

“Oooo, a cave troll? Now I have to at least take you out for dinner.” Diana gave a small laughed and looked up at Torug and smiled.

“You really don’t have too, especially since I will take you up on the payment for the destroyed tea. It’ll go towards hopefully more tea, to help soften the blow for those who are going to have to wait longer.” Torug was pulling out his wallet and shook his head.

“I don’t mean to seem obstinate ma’am, but I really do think I should at least pay for your dinner. It seems like it’s a bit of a hassle on your part for something that was my fault.” Diana looked at Torug and gave a slanted smile.

“If that’s the case then shouldn’t the Onikuma be the one to take me out. I mean he didn’t even give me his name!” Torug straightened up and gave Diana a worried look. Then moved closer to the counter. Diana could smell some sort of cologne. Torug set his hands on the counter.

“I mean he could, his wife makes some damn good honeyed salmon.” Diana smiled “But I’d rather be the one to take a beautiful woman out to a delicious meal.”

“Okay now I want to know, are you asking because you’re interested in me because we’re soon to be work neighbors, or because I wowed you with my wide array of tea?” Diana shifted and leaned just a little bit back to look at Torugs massive frame. His seven-foot frame made Diana feel absolutely tiny. His smile dazzled Diana.

“Maybe a little bit of both, can’t a male be interested in his soon to be work neighbor and their extensive tea collection?” Diana was beginning to think her soon to be neighbor was more interested in her rather than her tea collection. Not that she had expected him to hide it. Orcs were rather straightforward when it came to these sorts of situations.

It would do her good to get to know the person who was opening up across from her. So she made up her mind.

“Sure I’ll take you up on that. I am never one to turn down an invitation for free food. Do you know where you’d like to go? There are a few places that could be fun.” Torug’s smile became even bigger. Torug leaned over the counter, Diane got a better smell of his cologne. It almost made her swoon.

“Well if you know of a place that’d be swell. Otherwise I was just going to cook for you myself.” Diana nearly swooned on the spot. He could cook as well as run a business? God Diana was beginning to second think her stance on staying single.

“If you’re willing to cook, I’d be happy with that. We can try other places another time.” It was only after she had said it that she realized what she said. With a look of shock she looked up at Torug’s face. His smile was breathtaking, his tusks were pointing out and there was a sparkle in his eyes.

“I’ll have to hold you to that Ma’am.” Diana smiled.

“Please stop calling me ma’am it’s making me feel old.”

“I would but you never told me your name ma’am.” Diana's mouth fell open and her face flushed. “I can’t believe you’re real.”

“I-uh, what did you say? I’m Diana, by the way.” Torug hadn’t stopped smiling and he stood up straight.

“Well Miss Diana, I should be unpacked and able to cook for you by this Friday at the latest. Maybe tomorrow if I have a reason too.” Diana gave a little sigh. For someone so tuff looking he was certainly soft. Diana thought for a moment. Then looked down.

“Can’t do tomorrow, tomorrow is a ‘girls’ night with my friends.” Torug sighed but smiled. He moved back .

“Well, that gives me more time to make sure my new place is pristine.” Diana smiled, she put her teacup down.

“I’m going to look forward to it. I don’t know where you live but my apartment is right upstairs so you won’t have to go far to find me!” Torug licked bit his lower lip holding back a smile.

“Good, I’m moving into the apartment above the soon to be Iron Works Gym.” He looked so happy about saying that, it was infectious. Diana’s smile only grew wider.

“Perfect then we won’t have to go far to see each other.” After that Torug very apologetically paid for the ruined tea and left to go get more things unpacked.

Diana watched as he walked over to his friends who looked at him. Torug gave them a thumbs up and she saw the lot of them slap him on the back. Diana smiled and shook her head.she cleaned up shop and waited for the time to pass. She went to the back for her laptop so she email call the customers about the ruined tea.

The bell above her door rang out, looking up she smiled at one of her regulars. An Incubus by the named Jhorrel walked in. His outfit was unusually flashy today, the Maroon three-piece suit with gold accents looked almost out of place in the homey tea store.

“Jhorrel, what can I do for you?” He sauntered up and leaned onto the counter.

“Diana! Who are those strong people out front?” He pulled up the cup Diana had been using and gave it a sniff and winced. “Lapsang? Diana you know I hate that one. If I wanted to drink burnt tea I would have a barista make it.”

“Mhmmm, I like lapsang instead of coffee. Those strong gentlemen are the new gym that’s going in across the street. One of them already crushed a box of tea and the owner has already asked me out to dinner.”Jhorrel whipped around and stared at me, his mouth hanging open.

“Why didn’t you start with that! Which one crushed the tea and which one asked you out. Gods I hope it wasn’t that orc that looks like he could bench press me.” He licked his lips. Diana looked over his shoulder and saw he was looking straight at Torug. Who was looking at Jhorrel. Diana smiled and waved at him. Torugs face softened and he waved backed. Jhorrel’s face whipped around and he gaped at Diana who’s face turned an interesting shade of red.

“OH MY GODS!! DIANA! HE IS THE OWNER ISN’T HE?” Diana stepped back and covered her ears. She smiled a little bit.

“Well maybe if you had waited for my answer, I would have told you all about it. Now though you have to wait until tomorrow night.” Diana gave him a reusable mug of tea and a small bag of loose leaf tea.

“Diana! Please throw a sex-starved incubus a bone here!” Diana shook her head and moved from behind the counter. She grabbed his maroon suit and started moving him out of the store.

“Again, I’ll tell you everything. Tomorrow night!” she opened the door and gently pushed Jhorrel out of her store. She heard the men and women stop talking. Jhorrel took a sip of tea. He nodded.

“Fine! But you aren’t getting out of this! Tomorrow you are telling me and Marissa everything!” Diana nodded and shooed him away. He waved to the group of people across the street and slowly walked down the street.

#orcs #orc boyfriend #My writing #exophilia

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sweetsweetamber · 4 years

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23.06.2020

Emailed this to a friend earlier today.

I have been putting off even beginning to allow myself to process my feelings on this since I found out Zac Hanson was a raging racist, transphobic, sexist piece of shit. The problem is he keeps doubling down on his stance and making it so much worse, instead of letting me delete him from my memory and never have to think about him ever again.

This is so different to when multiple women came forward with allegations against Jesse Lacey. Like the second I found that out I never listened to Brand New ever again. Done, deleted. They were one of my favourite bands too, like the same level as Fall Out Boy, MCR, Panic and anything Andrew McMahon does. It hurt, mostly because I used their music to help me get through dealing with shitty men doing similar things to what Jesse Lacey did. But I haven’t really thought about them since, and I only miss their music sometimes. Maybe one day I’ll be able to listen to it without feeling disgusted, but that time is still a long way off.

I am also not the kind of person to idolise celebrities really? Not since I was a kid, anyway. Like all my favourite bands now, I have no idea about their personal lives beyond probably the mid 2000s. I have no clue what their kids, or wives names are, or even how many kids they have. I don’t even know all the names of the people in the band sometimes! I don’t feel connected to them as a person, I feel connected to them through their art, their music, their lyrics. As well as the fandom, the fans, the concerts, and the things I experienced in my life while listening to their music.

Anyway, here’s a brief timeline of what lead up to the main blowout to help put things in context:

May 25th-27th: George Floyd was murdered and Hanson posts normal content on social media with ordinary fan comments

May 28th: Protests against police brutality happen across America, Hanson shares a post about the rocket launch. A handful of fans (mostly Black and POC) express their hurt and frustration with Hanson in the comments

May 31st: Hanson posts advertising a livestream with an organisation that provides mental health support to musicians. Fans comment pleading with them to do the right thing, other fans start absolutely dog-piling those fans and tell them to stop “attacking” Hanson

June 2nd: Black out Tuesday. Taylor posts a black square and a few people comment asking him to actually say Black Lives Matter. The main Hanson account posts nothing.

June 3rd: Isaac posts on his account that “racism is wrong!” to very mixed reactions. Still won’t say Black Lives Matter.

June 4th: Zac posts about recording a podcast. He responds to a few comments about why he won’t say Black Lives Matter, it turns into a shit show and he deletes all the comments.

June 5th: The main Hanson account makes a post advertising their shitty yearly island vacation but it got blown up with backlash in the comments so they deleted the post. Zac makes a really fucking weird instagram text post, that says “Racism is wrong, but simply saying I denounce racism in a post will not save the life of the next young black man who comes upon it, or the next victim of reckless brutality”. The main Hanson account posts a photo with the one black hand in it they could find and still refuse to say Black Lives Matter.

This is where I jumped in and commented “Open your purse” and got completely torn apart by racist fans. I spent hours fighting back and supporting another indigenous Hanson fan who was also getting hurled tons of abuse in the comments. It was genuinely hard to try to calmly engage with these people who were spewing paragraphs about how Hanson don’t owe us anything and to “stop forcing your beliefs on them”. Whew. I think I blocked like 60 accounts, and had to change all my instagram settings to keep me as protected as possible without having to go private.

I knew Hanson fans were terrible. I found this out while in line for their first concert, when everyone was obnoxious assholes who wanted to brag about how many tens of thousands of dollars they’d spent following the tour (no one in line with me in the mornings were locals or even from New Zealand). The more money you spent, the more of a fan you were in their eyes.

This put me completely off ever going to their yearly fanclub island retreat which had been on my bucket list for at least a decade. The thought of being trapped on an island with Hanson and hundreds of complete assholes put me right off for life.

The funny thing is, I always met the nicest and most amazing fellow Hanson fans in line for other bands concerts? But the second concert I went to really solidified my opinion of Hanson fans being the most entitled assholes ever. I should have known it was only a hop skip and a jump for them to slide over being to racist as hell.

I eventually ended up deleting my original comment because a week later I was still getting angry racists coming at me for a fairly mild but sassy post. Which is hilarious because when Gerard Way made a similar half-assed post on his instagram, nearly every comment was “open your purse” and sarcastic “we stan a king who does nothing!!”. The next day he was like, I fucked up, here are some links and resources, we are redirecting the MCR store page to links to donate etc. There were probably some fans getting angry at the “backlash”, but if there were any I didn’t see it. Just insane to see the difference between two groups of fans for bands that I like(d).

On June 6th, a whole lot of Zac’s personal social media accounts got leaked, including a Pinterest board, youtube account and instagram account. He then he publicly confirmed they were all his because he’s a fucking idiot.

A few days later I got sent a link to the r/PostHanson subreddit, which had screengrabs of all of Zac’s pinterest boards. Seeing all those ridiculous and incredibly offensive “memes” was like a punch in the gut.

I had not kept up with this dude's personal life at all, I have forgotten his wife's name and lost track of how many kids he has after the first one. I just figured he was probably conservative because homeschooled + super religious + getting married quick and churning out babies. I’d never really heard or seen Hanson take a political stance on anything, but I didn’t really follow them too closely.

Apparently it was known to fans that Zac was SUPER INTO GUNS and played airsoft which is basically paintball crossed with modern military reenactment?

His pinterest page was completely full of stuff he’d pinned about guns (so many guns) and second amendment memes, that said things like “an 18 year old is too young to buy a gun, but a 5 year old is old enough to decide its own gender?” and one with a picture of a man and a woman with the caption “I told her guns make me feel uncomfortable, she said we should both see other men” which he added the comment “So true” to. The worst were the ones that were supportive of George Zimmerman.

I felt frightened, disgusted, and upset.

On June 8th the Hanson instagram account finally posted (with comments turned off) saying Black Lives Matter.

Since then, Zac has really just…. doubled down on being a shithead. He’s been posting as normal on his main account, blocking fans and deleting even mildly critical comments, liking the most disgusting comments that racist fans have been posting in support of him - one comment he liked was a fan justifying Zimmerman murdering Trayvon Martin. Also replying to some critical fans, making a ridiculously long comment where he thinks everyone is mad at him for being a second amendment nutter which genuinely made me more upset, angry and scared. He truly is the most dangerous type of white person: uneducated, ignorant, arrogant, and with a massive platform to spread his fucked up views. As someone else summed up so perfectly in a comment on one of his posts:

Too stubborn to look inward and see how their own actions, thoughts and behaviours are problematic. No desire to actually hear out marginalised voices. Instead, they'd rather create their own narrative, they want to play the victim, feign being attacked, deflect from any of the issues brought up, and will do anything BUT hold themselves accountable. Instead, they block black people and other POC (Rule #1 of what NOT to do right now), and will "like" comments of other uneducated ignorant white fans who are blindly loyal to anything he says and also don't care at all about marginalised and underrepresented people. Because it's all about HIM. The Poor, entitled, white man is feeling attacked. Zac, you are less than a man. Your development, somewhere down the line, was truly stunted.You are so brainwashed, so self righteous and so far gone, I don't know if you are even salvageable at this point. You would rather be in your bubble, clutching your guns and "liking" comments on your page that are defending the murder of black children than taking the bandwidth, introspection and WORK is takes to actually evolve and be a good person. As a black woman, at least I know now not to waste another dime of my money on you. Now go do what you do best and block another black voice, or write yet another tone deaf and ignorant response to make POC feel crazy (ie: "I'm sorry you are feeling hurt", "I love you", etc.) SAVE IT. That's more deflection bc YOU as the white man are CAUSING the hurt. If you want to love black people, start with explaining to all of your black fans why you believe a young, innocent black child named Trayvon Martin deserved to die because he attacked George Zimmerman. You were man enough to post it. Be man enough to defend it and stand BY your actions.

So I’m not entirely sure where that leaves me or where to go from here. I feel completely blindsided by the boy I picked as my favorite member when I was 12 grew up to be an abhorrent racist fuckhead. I saw in the subreddit support group someone said it feels like someone died and we are all in mourning, which sounds strange but it really does. The Zac Hanson I thought I knew is dead. He never really existed in the first place, or maybe he did for a short while before all the hate wormed its way into his heart.

I also believe that the type of music you choose says a lot about you as a person, and so much of my identity in my preteen and early teen years are wrapped up in Hanson. Both them as individuals as much as the music - I think that's why I can’t separate them because there has never been any separation between the two for me. I first heard Hanson on MTV with their music video for Mmmbop and decided I was in love with Zac before the song was over. I don’t think I can ever stomach listening to that song ever again.

Everyone makes mistakes, has racism to unlearn etc, but Zac hasn’t even bothered to lie and give us the PR answer of “I’m listening and learning etc”, even if he isn’t. He doesn’t even want to seem like he’s saving face because he truly thinks nothing he said or did was wrong, and that is the most horrifying thing of all.

I don’t know how to move past this. It's very easy to think, “people are flawed so you shouldn’t idolise them” but I can’t just snap my fingers and remove this weird 23 year old bond I have that is a mix of intense love and nostalgia? Like there was genuinely a point at age 13 where I actually truly believed: if he could just come to NZ and lock eyes with me at a concert we would fall in love and get married. Which sounds wild but it's how all 3 of them met their wives so it actually was a pretty solid plan.

I immediately took down my signed photo of the band that I had on the wall though because seeing it didn’t remind me of the happy memory of seeing them in concert for the very first time, it just reminded me that Zac is an awful person and his brothers are probably the same and just better at keeping their views private.

I always wanted to get my Hanson tattoo covered and redone but now I think I’m just going to get it covered. A lot of fans are selling or throwing out merch, but I don't want to do that so I've just packed the few things I have away so I don't have to see them for now.

Thinking about the time I met Zac makes me feel sick. It used to genuinely be the best day of my life that I could think about if I was having a shitty day and think “Hey, remember Zac Hanson hugged you”. I’m just so angry that he has tainted so many amazing and happy memories with the hateful rhetoric he is spewing now. I know over time it will hurt less but everything just hurts a lot right now.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk lmao.

#personal essay

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feralknights · 7 years

Text

Palablog: OB56+OB57

Hoo nelly, fellas. OB56 + OB57 were absolute doozies for me, and I mean that in the best way possible. I'm sorry I haven't responded to asks or been updating much lately, things just got busy and then I was running a lot of hardware upgrades so I missed a chunk of the OB56 patch cycle, and ... yeah.

I'll get the Skye gushing for OB56/OB57 out of the way now: These two patches have been significant quality of life improvements for me as a Skye main and all across the board. I think the art team knocked it out of the park with both the Samurai Ash skin (I didn't call it Ronin for a reason, will explain!) and Kunoichi Skye. We saw the entrance of the Skye Mastery skins, too. OB56 brought us the 1800->2000 HP boost as well as Retribution finally getting the nerfs it's needed since Lex was released, and OB57 gave us the reworks to Debilitate and Surprise Attack.

In a weird way, Skye having that extra 200 HP made something of a negative impact on me early on. I was so used to the audio cues for low HP at 1800 that I'd overplay my hand and spent the first day or two fumbling around getting my butt handed to me. I've gotten used to it over time; the tweaks to her damage dealing and range made my life a whole lot easier and has enabled me to (in some cases) actually work around people that actually buy Illuminate.

I still haven't tried Surprise Attack, but I'm actually somewhat curious to now. At first I thought, "just slapping more damage onto it will not fix the fact that it is an objectively terrible legendary," but I gave it more thought and gave Raynday's video on SA a watch. Now, he did amazing with it, but he also had a team comp and players on his side that allowed him to have some of that pressure aleviated from him. Similarly, our test sample for his praise was one match-- I want to give it more hands-on time, but this means I'm probably going to have to build a deck that balances some of Skye's mandatory cards with cooldown cards and find what works right for me.

Is it weird I'm actually kind of looking forward to trying Surprise Attack at all?

Admittedly, I'm going to miss the innate cauterize effect of Poison Bolts, but if you think about it, the reworks to Decrepify allow it to actually be even more punishing, even more dangerous than it ever was before. Decrepify is a card that rarely leaves my Debilitate decks with Skye, and now it's more than likely going to be a cornerstone for the Twilight Assassin.

With Strix's introduction, it did highlight issues that Skye still has with cards, but I can understand if the team wants to pump the brakes on further Skye adjustments for the time being: Healing Vapors is still essentially a useless card at 1-2, mediocre at best at 3, and just not worth the value at 4. Comperable cards on different champions grant way more value at almost any level, from Androxus' Abyss Walker healing a burst of 40/80/120/160 to Lex's Fortitude healing 25/50/75/100 damage across 1.5s, and then they have access to healing items such as Life Rip-- and Life Rip is essentially the only form of feasable long-term self-sustain that Skye has available to her.

I'm still trying really hard to Devil's Advocate myself on how to justify Slip Away still existing in the form it does. Ninja and Dissipate both serve the purpose for stealth speed boosts, and I personally feel Victory Rush is one of the best cards in the game. Again, personally, I'd rather it be "gain damage reduction while in stealth" at the same values it has right now. Of course, it was easier to justify conditional up-to 20% DR when Skye was at 1800 HP.

OB56 brought a lot of exciting changes in general: Ash was given an additional ult charge on Rally Here, arguably her weakest legendary. Admittedly, if I know a team is going to try to maintain point presence and stay with me, I will play the hell out of Rally Here; the damage boost makes ally Ruckus players or even a good Fernando or Ying turn into crazy point-dominating monsters. Buck's Bulk Up was given an extra boost-- and I'll be honest, I'm glad. I sometimes feel bad for the guy, because I rarely ever see him played anymore.

Cassie's Exaction was given a light bop on the nose in OB56 though the thing I hear complained about the most is that her dodge roll is almost always up as long as you can land one shot-- and that's honestly not too hard given how much faster her projectiles move these days. Jenos' HP reduction was warranted and welcome; I love the guy and I play him pretty hard as a support, but he was just too hard to kill. I barely felt the adjustments to Stellar Wind or Astral Mark, I run a CD reduction build on him and just keep churning heals.

Jenos does present an interesting situation that I hope gets looked at: Though negative status effects are cleared from her when she goes into her ice block, Astral Mark will persist. Essentially, if Evie is running the Reprieve Legendary card, she will get all of that healing as well as the healing from Jenos, and all of that healing will just keep going right when she comes flying out of it. In essence, this allows even a mediocre-at-best Evie to be an absolute immortal monster.

Retribution got nerfed hard in OB56, and I could not be happier. I'm actually a bit surprised, if only because I was hoping for some QOL tweaks, or one or two touches, I didn't expect such a drastic swat on the ability. OB57 brought some interesting changes to Lex, and slowly he's coming to the point where I feel like he could potentially be fun to play as as much as against.

The semi-auto was a good change, I feel, but after a few days I started to see the problems with Lex's new Magnums: The ammo count is too high, the accuracy drop from rapid firing is too low, and it does nothing to address the problem of Lex having In Pursuit, still arguably one of the most devastating abilities in the game.

"Feral, you're mad. You just hate Lex. 1050 damage over 1.5s is nothing!"

I mean yeah I do dislike Lex's kit, but you can't argue with the fact that as he is right now, Lex can pop In Pursuit for unerring auto-aim accuracy for 1.5s at long range while Combat Sliding in at a target I dare say farther and faster than even Cassie's roll, then hammering 10 shots out for long-range *and* burst potential that comes dangerously close to Point Blank Skye.

In essence, I just hope that In Pursuit's functionality is given a second glance now that he's got these devastating new Magnums. I also would like to see if it's possible to get the rapid fire inaccuracy increased a bit, because gosh. dang.

Lian is an interesting case; I make claim about how much I hate auto-aim on Lex but I mind it slightly less on Lian. I really wish I could better explain it, but something just feels "off" about her kit-- maybe it realy does have something to do with her being able to have two auto-aims? I'll have to ruminate on it more.

and the grover puns man wtf arrghghhggh

Skipping ahead a little, the Ying changes are great. Back as recently as 3 patches ago, I was on the train that Ying needed to have Lifelike boosted by 5-10% to help address her throughput, but Illusory Rift is absolutely great and the changes to her in-hand attack are almost terrifying to play against-- but in a good way, of course.

A'right, now that we've gotten this far: It's time for Strix.

I love Strix. Dude is insane. His rifle feels great, offers a lot of feedback when you're firing, and it feels responsive. His pistol does a lot to offer him some close-range gameplay, and I like that he's so polarizing (long or short range) compared to Kinessa (long or mid-range). Flare is incredibly powerful, and I would argue almost *too* powerful-- I don't mean that this needs to be slapped hard, but definitely monitored. They say "large radius" in his skill description, but from some light testing it looks like it's a near-100 unit radius. I run Flare XL 3 (increases the reveal range significantly) and Overburn 3 (increases flare duration by 3s), so I'm covering a pretty massive swath of a map for about 6 seconds-- that's basically Cassie's ult without the CC/speed boost with a pretty short downtime.

I thought I'd be a little more leery of toggle stealth, but it actually works great. I've compared Strix a lot to some Warframe friends as being like a MOBA version of Ivara, and when I say this, I mean it in the most complimentary fashion that I can possibly achieve. Ivara is one of my favorite Warframes as her gameplay pushes for a methodical, strategy-driven focus, stealthing at opportune times, and playing to enemy awareness.

As I said earlier in regards to Skye and her sustain cards, Strix has a card, Escape Plan. If you aren't familiar with it, if Strix is at 65% or lower health, Escape Plan will heal Strix for 100/200/300/400. As a burst heal sustain, this is great, and arguably as good as a maxed out Abyss Walker and close to the potential of other non-legendary sustain cards for Flanks. I really hope the team considers giving HV a rework to be closer to this; the current state of Healing Vapors makes it take too long for too little effect. But, again, balance, and changing too much in too short of time, etc., etc. -- I can still hope, though!

And in case you didn't know, there's another one on the horizon: PALADINS STRIKE! A 5v5 actual MOBA-style Paladins game for Android/iOS. The game has me excited, and I've signed up for the alpha. I have some concerns and criticisms about the decisions the team has made for the game, however, and I'll highlight that in my next post.

edit: Made a few tweaks for clarity, going through and highlighting/emphasizing certain words. Also forgot:

Why did I say "Samurai Ash" instead of "Ronin Ash?" Because ... really, there's nothing about this incarnation of Ash that makes her a ronin. She's wearing full armor and helmet, discussing honor very heavily, and carrying a flag that would signify she's actually serving a feudal lord/house, rather than being honorless. I was kind of bummed that the only Ash/Skye interaction we got was a one-way "poison bad!!" thing from Ash that is just basically the same thing as her default voice pack.

#paladins #paladins champions of the realm #ob56 #ob57 #balance #palablog

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redscullyrevival · 7 years

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Fool’s Quest: Fitz and the Fool Rundown

And now we wait together @sonnetscrewdriver!

Plot/Setting/Narrative

I’m so embarrassed for my son Rap-a-taskal.

Getting ahead of myself here but take a chill pill kid.

Calm your Tellator tits.

Actually, screw it! lets start at “the end”:

I’m officially caught up now and I’ve been digging around the internet lurking on forums trying to soak up art/discussions/opinions I’ve been avoiding for months.

And the most interesting fannish thing I’ve uncovered is how lots of people are treating Tellator and Rap as two different people - I’ve read several discussions and threads where Tellator was being thought of and referred to as almost like a parasite or something.

I personally didn’t get that vibe when reading Rain Wilds.

I don’t view Rapskal as an innocent bystander taken over by an insidious and other entity, but I can totally see how folks can see it that way so power to them I suppose.

Time and Parenting really come to a point at the end of this book, bounded tight within the thrill of having these two Realm of the Elderlings character axis’ finally meeting!:

And we the reader are, now, FAR more knowledgeable about the magics and histories of the Realm than any one character present! Funny how time and managing our narrative children will do that, huh? ;D

I’m of the personal opinion that the Elderlings are going to be too thankful and indebted to Fitz to really head the level of retribution Rapskal will demand - but that doesn’t mean Fitz won’t make matters worse with his paranoia and how he expects to be treated (Fitz’s “I-deserve-to-suffer” self loathing really reeks in this book and I have no doubt it will harm more than help in the early stages of Assassin’s Fate)

But oh! I can’t wait to see my Elderling darlings and Six Duchies nerds mingle more!

And yes, I do think Rapskal will continue to be an asshole.

I’m invested in Rapskal though and I can’t wait to see what his deal is and how he’ll affect the story.

I don’t know about y’all but I feel Rap is being set up to have some big part to play - but I’ve no clue if it’ll be direct or indirect lol. TIME WILL TELL!

If I had to guess right now (and I’m going to because why not) I’d guess that at the moment Rapskal probably struggles, that he is antagonistic, because he is outside of the narrative’s “Reflection & Parenting as Change” theme and may never fold into that current because of his choice to skip adolescence via-memory stones.

Rapskal doesn’t have a lot to reflect back on, or maybe the issue is he has too much memory or doesn’t reflect at all and only looks forward forward forward. And we know he isn’t a parent as Nortel told us.

Frankly I hope Rapskal can learn from Fitz and/or Amber, I’d like to see him fold back into the narrative flow rather than swim decidedly against it (not that he isn’t uninteresting for doing so, quite the opposite really).

Maybe Rapskal will find something to reflect back on? Maybe he’ll refuse?

But enough about Rapskal!

THYMARA’S WINGS ARE SO BIG NOW. *gasp* I love her.

Do you think when our Six Duchies party leaves Kelsingra they’ll ride down the Rain Wilds River on Tarman?!

*muffled screeching*

Okay okay okay I’m sorry, back into a Fitz and the Fool Rundown not Kristie has deep love for Rain Wilders Giggling.

Fitz

This dummy.

Don’t get me wrong; temperament wise this older Fitz is still my favorite but he’s also so full of grief and self loathing he’s practically useless mid-book.

And that’s fine, Hobb as always does a great job with making me understand Fitz.

But still - OH MY GOD.

You’ve done a lot wackier and intensely strange stuff than admit your daughter is the result of your BFF, your wolf-brother, and yourself’s souls mingling Fitz!

You even come to terms with that fact, even if simply choosing to ignore it for the most part that still means you’ve acknowledged it - you’re willing to painstakingly mine information from any and everyone but you don’t tell Beloved about your daughter’s dream journal?

Um??? WHAT???

Wake up dude.

Just poor decisions left and right.

Needless to say I was very frustrated with Fitz for a while but we worked through it.

Oh my god I friggin’ cried when Starling sung her Epic and Fitz was recognized by the court though, oh man that was so satisfying and mystifying and wondrous.

I’m glad Fitz has for the most part gotten over his issues with Amber and the Fool’s various identities and seems very accepting of Ash and Spark.

Bee

Nooooo!

I mean, “No” to Bee still being on her own but mostly “No” about Bee slowly being blocked out of the narrative perspective!

NOOOO

I’d be fascinated to find out how long she was in the Pillar. Based on the narrative we read and assume she’s wandering about around the same time Fitz and company are but we’ve been given nothing in evidence of that.

INTERESTING

Stay safe my little piglet!

The Fool

Yes.

YES.

I’m very intrigued to learn more about Beloved’s dragon blood transformation and what knowledge will come with it.

What will happen if the dragon is truly dead, who will guide their transformation?

ME THINKS FITZ

But, uh, yeah.

While it was uncomfortable I was rather happy that Fool got angry at Fitz and had no trouble telling him to step off.

I wasn’t very pleased with Fitz myself at the time, I was a bit smug about him getting a tray full of food plopped in his lap.

Well done.

I really hope to witness more of Ash and Spark and The Fool’s bond!

Beloved has been alone for so long, has had the opposite later life to Fitz and his massive family.

And what better than taking in and giving shelter to a son and a daughter?

Good stuff.

Shun AKA Shine

CALLED IT.

Oh Shine, you poor dear.

Shine will become an asset to Nettle, I imagine, and I desperately hope she heals and that Kettricken can guide her well and that court does Shine good.

I’m livid and just overall done with Chade, I’m serious.

I feel as though I’ve given Chade benefit of the doubt over and over again and it isn’t like he is an evil person or claims to be something he isn’t - but uuugh what the hell?

If you’re mister cloak and dagger spider web master maybe reel in some goddamn self control and think ahead on the consequences of your personal actions instead of just those of your King and various eyes within the kingdom, come the fuck on dude.

What an idiot sending both his children to a grieving Fitz and for not following up with any information for his children OR for Fitz.

I’d be so upset if I were Shine, I would’t be surprised if she drugs him.

It’d be poetic in a twisted away.

Why did Chade hide Shine from others as well as from herself? What was he thinking, that she’d have to become less shallow, vain, and self-centered before he’d bestow upon her the depths of her lineage?

Chade moans about being denied learning to Skill because he was a bastard but zip! he seals up his bastard daughter’s power because ???

????!!!!!

ANYWAY

I’m glad Shine is safe and that she and Bee came to a functioning relationship even if not one ripe with mutual meaning and growth.

Lant

Chade-light 2.0 and I aren’t hitting it off so well but I’m trying to keep a level head about this sassy lost child.

His biggest sin is that he is boring.

Or, well, I think my real issue with Lant is that he’s young.

So young.

Oddly young.

Older than Per or Ash or Spark yes but younger than them somehow; he doesn’t see, he doesn’t listen, he doesn’t seem to even think for himself.

Rolling about in his self pity that he can’t bang his sister doesn’t help endure him to me either but you know, I’ll take Riddle’s advice and let time and space do it’s thing so maybe by the time the third book comes out I’ll have cooled on Lant.

Ash/Spark

OH SHIT.

I love themmmmmm.

Oh my god.

I’m really really really hoping that Ash, Spark, Per, and Bee are going to be Gen 2 of Elderling mayhem and stories.

That’d be golden.

Smart as a whip and willing to make their own choices, that’s Ash and Spark.

Brilliant.

Perseverance

Talk about stickin’ to your name!

Per is a sweetie and I really need to stop but I can’t help but see him as my son Charlie.

Which is amazing - but gutting at the same time lol.

What have I done?!

Per is perfection and I really hope Fitz does right by him and of everyone traveling now I feel like Per will help Fitz the most as far as his inner space goes.

Per has a understanding and relationship with Bee outside of Fitz’s understanding of his daughter and I think Fitz’ll need to hear about that and mine Per’s perseverance as their quest wears on.

Highlighted Passages

I smiled as the royal family passed, tears of pride stinging my eyes. Our doing, the Fool’s and mine.

“Vengeance?” I asked quietly. “It’s a poor motive for doing anything. Vengeance doesn’t undo what they did. Doesn’t restore whatever they destroyed.”

“Sometimes thanking someone is more important to the person giving the thanks than the one who receives it.”

“I thought you had come here in fury over what I did to you as we passed through the Skill-pillars.” He stepped back from me. “Oh, I’ll leave that to Nettle. If she hasn’t blasted the skin from your flesh with her words yet, you’ve that to look forward to.

I could not think about it at the moment. I tried so hard, but there was just not enough time or enough of me. And trying was not doing.

Safe. As if “safe” were more important than anything else.

With the instincts of all bullies, they knew that eventually she would have to emerge. Then, in the way of their kind, they would peck her to death for being different.

“Ah, Fitz. I can always trust you to have some sort of bizarre problem that breaks my ennui.”

She breathed as if she had run over nine hills. I stared at her. She had been a stranger, a lover, a nemesis, and a betrayer to me. And now she was my historian.

“Why does understanding come so late to us?”

War and hardship had hardened them; I understood that, but it did not mean that I wished to see my own folk mocked or disdained that they were not likewise hardened.

But all fires, of wood or grief, burn down to ashes eventually.

“Doing something stupid and reckless is not a better proof of your love than doing something measured and powerful.”

“Keeping a child from harm is not the same as rearing one.”

“Steady, I’m pregnant, not ill.”

Both logic and love anchored me where I was and doomed me to the suffocation of waiting.

“Every one of them has witnessed what the Servants have done to their fellows. And each has chosen to serve them rather than defy them. Every one of them is more treacherous than you can imagine.”

Once one knows what heartless people can do, it cannot be entirely forgotten. It always remains among the possible things that can befall you.

“Put it behind you, and think about it again in twenty years. Whatever it was, you can’t change it. So stop clinging to it, and let time and distance do their work.”

“I always fail the people I love the most.” “Say rather that you judge yourself more harshly than anyone else ever has.”

“No soup! Anything I can bite and chew. Or crunch! Is there anything crunchy?”

“That I guessed,” Malta said knowingly. “When first I saw him, I felt as if I already knew him.” She smiled at me as if we shared a jest. I smiled back, without understanding.

“Worrying doesn’t solve anything. I know that. In one way I know it but in another it seems wrong. It seems that if I don’t think about all the things that hurt, all the things I’ve done wrong, then I don’t really care.”

#realm of the elderlings #year of book #fitz and the fool #fandom talks

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interiorstarweb · 6 years

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Michigan!

I’m a person who naturally resists the importance of having goals, but secretly really likes to make goals. And lists. Lists of goals. Goals to make more lists.

A consistent, long-running goal of mine is to MAKE THE TIME TO GO SEE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT. It’s also one I consistently feel like I fall short on. I’ll concede that it’s partly the house—giving up a sunny summer weekend translates to at least a few days when I can’t be scraping or caulking or painting or carpenter-ing or whatever it is, and that’s difficult for me wrap my mind around. The bigger reason, more likely, is that this is kind of a new-ish thing in my life, and I haven’t figured it out yet. This thing where the majority of my friends live in places that are different from where I live, and I won’t just see them again in the fall or on that vacation my family takes every year together, you know? You have to start working for it a little. And work is hard. Not working is easier than working. So the work of setting aside some time, planning it out, making reservations, and getting on a plane or a bus or a train doesn’t get done. And then you don’t see so-and-so until somebody dies.

So. I try to remind myself that blocking out some time and skipping town for a few days is REALLY FINE. EVERYTHING WILL BE OK. THE JOB WILL NOT IMPLODE. THE HOUSE WILL NOT COLLAPSE. THE PROJECT WILL WAIT. And hopefully when I’m back I’m actually excited to get going again…because isn’t that kind of the best feeling? I had hoped to do more of this kind of thing this summer, but ya know. Time moves fast and projects are intense and I turned around and it was August.

SO! Realizing the end of summer was approaching and I’d neglected this goal completely, I got my shit together and planned a little bop to Michigan! My super cool Chicago-based aunt and uncle, Janis and Tom, have a weekend-ish place in Sawyer, a short drive from Lake Michigan. It’s such a special place. I grew up going there every now and then, back when they owned the adjacent property and a different house which they renovated about 5 times over. At some point when I was a kid, they purchased this adjacent woodsy/prairie lot with a cute little house on it, which they renovated into a cozy guest cottage. We’d stay there as kids, making a short walk through the woods between the two houses to hang out with my cousins Tatum and Reese around the pool or get in a little gardening time with Tom. Then more recently, they sold the original house and undertook a massive renovation of the cute little guest cottage, and the result is this gorgeous place that feels at once familiar and completely brand new. Janis and Tom mostly designed the house themselves—a habit of theirs when it’s come to their own properties over the years, each somehow more beautiful than the last—which is honestly a little too impressive.

In the background of this, they also focused on stewarding the several-acre prairie, working with experts on native ecology to remove overgrown trees, do controlled burns to eliminate invasive species, and re-seed with this incredible array of native plants and flowers, which in turn has attracted an incredible array of native birds and insects. And THEN, they went and mowed paths through the prairie and created a damn sculpture park with their art collection. Tom is a collector and art dealer and Janis is a collector and an artist. So. You know. Very good taste. Lots of weird creative energy. Personal sculpture park. As one does.

The property has a few little outbuildings on it, including the cutest little boathouse thing there ever was! There’s pretty much just a mini-fridge of beer and some chairs…what else do you need?

Hi Phoebe! Such a pretty girl.

THE DEER! It’s like 16 feet tall. It’s so fucking cool.

This space used to be where my parents slept when we went to visit! It’s really weird seeing a recognizable view out the window but be in a completely different space. The collection of antique Mexican pottery is so beautiful. I love how Janis and Tom balance old and new—their spaces always feel modern but there’s barely ever anything actually new in them. My grandparents had that wild chandelier removed from their house during redecorating in the 70s—only for Janis to hang it up here 40-some years later.

Janis and I are a lot alike.

Anyway, it was a few wonderful days of hanging out, cooking, going to the beach on Lake Michigan that I love so much, exploring Sawyer, wandering the prairie, trying to infuse a watermelon with a bottle of tequila…you know, good clean family fun! I got to take my two “little” cousins (now fully grown adults!) to their first drive-in movie, and sing camp songs around a campfire with Janis and Tom for the first time in roughly 2 decades.

That kind of shit is good for your soul, I’m telling you.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! I was EFFICIENT. Also on my list of people to visit were my friends Kim and Scott, who ALSO HAVE A HOUSE NEARBY! So after a few days with Janis and Tom, I threw my bindle over my shoulder and headed over to Tree House. They actually hung out with Janis a while ago when they started looking for houses in the area, which I think is kind of adorable. “Hey Aunt Janis, can I invite my blog friends over to your house even though you don’t know them at all and I won’t be there? Great thanks!”

OMG YOU GUYS, MY HEART.

MY OVARIES.

ALL THESE VARGOS.

My two cute sweet blog friends up and made a baby since last time I saw them, and…well. Lucy is the cutest most charming little baby in the world. I got to nibble those toes! I don’t even consider myself a “baby person” but I ADORE THIS BABY.

Also, seeing Kim and Scott in these new roles as parents of a human being is just so beyond heartwarming. They’ve always been the best couple but now they’re the best parents too, and that is one lucky duck of a kid.

Of course, my other favorite Vargo (all of them are my favorite Vargo) is CC, short for Chocolate Chunk because look at her. I packed in as much CC cuddle time as possible during my short stay, during which she convinced me she was allowed to be on the bed when, in fact, she is not allowed to be on the bed. Sorry Kim and Scott!!!

(I’m not sorry)

We went to the dunes! Which was cool and also my feet melted to the sand!

GIMME DAT BABY!

Even though we both have blogs about the same kind of stuff, it was fun to get a glimpse into how the Yellow Brick Home blog-sausage is made! Kim and Scott work their asses off–not just on the renovations (impeccable, every time) but also on creating really well-produced blog content, and they do it in this hyper-organized, thorough, kind, supportive, cooperative, adult kind of way that’s…well damn. It’s serious work but not too serious, and honestly it’s inspiring to watch. They’re the kinds of friends that make me want to be better.

Kim and Scott did a little video recording during my visit, which they then cut into these cute little videos! You can check out our day of bopping around here, and a little Q+A we put together here!

Because I am seemly incapable of leaving anywhere empty-handed, I MAY have done a little thrifting. Now I will show you my items.

First up is this little piece of pottery. It’s by SØHOLM, a mid-century Danish ceramics maker. Usually with vintage ceramics I prefer one-of-a-kind amateur studio pottery (the more its taste can be questioned, the better), but hey! It fits in well.

Also, I got these primitive wooden tools. I think the one on the left is a kind of masher, and the one on the right is a butter paddle? I kind of just started buying things like these a while ago because they’re usually just a few bucks and I think they’re so simple and pretty…a little oil and bam, collection!

Someday I’ll figure out what to do with them. Stop rushing me!!!

Also I found this sweet pair of 20s/30s bathroom sconces, which for $12 for the pair just seemed dumb to pass up. It’s the kind of thing that isn’t that special, but if you wait until you NEED them, you’re at the mercy of resources that you KNOW will have them, and then you pay way more. YES in fact I DID buy two similar sconces not that long ago for the same reason. Anyone need a vintage bathroom renovated? (Oh right, I have 4 on the docket, never mind.)

Oh ALSO I picked up another yellowware bowl. I will not be stopped.

Thank you for having me, loved ones!

Michigan! published first on https://novaformmattressreview.tumblr.com/

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billydmacklin · 6 years

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Michigan!

I’m a person who naturally resists the importance of having goals, but secretly really likes to make goals. And lists. Lists of goals. Goals to make more lists.

The property has a few little outbuildings on it, including the cutest little boathouse thing there ever was! There’s pretty much just a mini-fridge of beer and some chairs…what else do you need?

Hi Phoebe! Such a pretty girl.

THE DEER! It’s like 16 feet tall. It’s so fucking cool.

Janis and I are a lot alike.

That kind of shit is good for your soul, I’m telling you.

OMG YOU GUYS, MY HEART.

MY OVARIES.

ALL THESE VARGOS.

(I’m not sorry)

We went to the dunes! Which was cool and also my feet melted to the sand!

GIMME DAT BABY!

Kim and Scott did a little video recording during my visit, which they then cut into these cute little videos! You can check out our day of bopping around here, and a little Q+A we put together here!

Because I am seemly incapable of leaving anywhere empty-handed, I MAY have done a little thrifting. Now I will show you my items.

Someday I’ll figure out what to do with them. Stop rushing me!!!

Oh ALSO I picked up another yellowware bowl. I will not be stopped.

Thank you for having me, loved ones!

Michigan! published first on https://carpetgurus.tumblr.com/

0 notes

packratblog-blog1 · 6 years

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Shanghai, People's Republic of China 🇨🇳

"Fingers crossed."

Surprisingly, that's how a lot of adventures begin when you're travelling in the way we are. Fingers crossed we won't have a flight delay, fingers crossed there's some good food around here, fingers crossed there's air-con in the bar, the list goes on. I think we've said "fingers crossed," every single day that we've been on the road.

It's not a bad thing, the coming unknown is one of the many reasons that travelling is exciting. In this case, "fingers crossed" was referring to our sleeper train compartment from Guilin to Shanghai.

It's quite a common occurrence on Chinese sleeper trains for those booked onto the top bunks of the cabin to just use the bottom bunks as a sort of communal couch/bar, regardless of the bunk's occupant. So seeing as we had been booked into the bottom bunks, we were seriously hoping that the top bunks hadn't been booked out in our cabin.

As the train slowly rolled it's way out of Guilin we used the time before the following two pickup stations to make our bunks mega comfortable and hope for the best. That hope paid off, we ended up with the whole cabin to ourselves. Rather than spending the rest of the night trying to navigate our way around locals undoubtedly using our bunks as couches on which to drink, smoke and eat, instead we were able to relax and think of the city that we edged our way towards.

Shanghai is one of the true centre points of what China has come to be in the twenty-first century. With its truly monolithic skyline and status as one of the most important cities in a country that is without question one of the world's fastest forward-marching economic powerhouses, everything about Shanghai has a massive and magnetic feel to it, as if it's the true core of something exceedingly powerful and important. It feels this way from the outside: my pre-arrival research took considerably longer than usual due to navigating the city's sheer size (and that's on a mapping app!) It feels this way even more from the inside, the whole place just seems to go on forever.

Shanghai truly is the beacon of modern China that it's presented to be. Even it's history as a major settlement doesn't stretch back all that far in the same way that other major Asian cities do. Shanghai as a rapidly growing city dates back to the early 1800s when the city blossomed from its standing as a trading port on the Yangtze River, as the years (and consequent wars involving a number of differing foreign powers), Shanghai grew exponentially into the metropolis we know it to be today.

Shanghai is a phenomenal city, it's so modern and moving forward at such a rapid rate that at all times I felt as if I was standing in a place that will be far bigger in absolutely no time at all. Getting around the city is easy, as in most Chinese cities Shanghai has an excellent subway system that is both cheap and reliable. Now, for the past few paragraphs I've rambled about Shanghai being both a city that is growing in terms of size and population at a unyielding rate, and that the city is a beacon of what China is in the new millennium: an economic and industrial juggernaut. It would be wrong of me to write about those aspects and not address the elephant in the room: the environmental aspect. Shanghai has long been known for it's smog and overall air pollution. When we arrived we were extremely lucky, our first afternoon and evening when visiting the Bund to see the skyline was a clear blue day with just a touch of white cloud. As a result, I'd totally forgotten about the smog element that is as much a part of this city as anything else I'll include on this blog post. When we returned to the Bund a few nights later, the skyline was barely visible, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for people that were seeing the skyline that way for the first time. So to repeat myself a little, experiencing Shanghai smog is as much of an experience as anything else in this post, it's just that if you're alarmed by environmental issues like I am, it can make you feel a bit depressed by the damage being caused. Sorry to drag some misery into the mix, but this blog wouldn't be that informative if I didn't mention it. Without much further ado, I'm going to attempt to boil down my visit to Shanghai into its key elements!

PLACES TO VISIT:

- East Nanjing Road: This large pedestrian shopping street can in many ways be seen as the centre of Shanghai (that isn't the river), and it often seems like the entire city's population has arrived there at once. This is a great spot for anything you'd ever really need, so whether you want to go shopping, get drinks or go out to eat, you'll find both ends of the price spectrum along here.

- The Bund: The Bund is a section of the waterfront road that runs along the Huangpu River. From the aforementioned East Nanjing Road (the very top), it takes around 15-20 minutes to walk down to The Bund and it's very much worth the stroll. The Bund is a huge nod to Shanghai's colonial past: it's lined with grand European-style buildings that wouldn't look out of place on Whitehall. Not only is it a particularly attractive stretch to have a walk along, it also boasts some of the finest views of the Shanghai skyline in the city. Heading down to The Bund to see the skyline that first afternoon is hard to put into words, I could hardly do more than stare. I'd recommend taking a walk down there both in the day and at night; as stunning as it is to see the skyline in the light of day, when lit up at night it truly is a sight to behold!

- Pudong: Seeing the skyline from The Bund side of the river is magnificent, but if you'd like a closer look at the formidable skyline then head over to Pudong. This area is essentially China's equivalent of Wall Street, Bay Street or the City of London, it's the pumping heart of Chinese finance. Accordingly so, it also happens to be one of the most modern and well-maintained areas of the city, and has been built and organised in a way that makes walking between these architectural marvels very straightforward; they have a series of connected overpasses designed specifically for pedestrians. From these you can see the Shanghai Tower, Shanghai World Financial Tower, Oriental Pearl Tower and the Jin Mao Tower, up close and personal. While over in Pudong we decided to go up the Shanghai Tower, which was just Earth-shatteringly cool. Not only does it happen to be the World's second tallest skyscraper (losing out on first to Dubai's Burj Khalifa), but it features an elevator speed of 46mph, covering over 1200 metres per minute! That's not all, the tower features arguably the best view of Shanghai in the city. We timed our trip to the top perfectly, as we got to the observation deck the afternoon was just turning to evening, meaning we got to experience both the daylight and night-time views (when the whole city lights up!) Just a little help for future visitors to Shanghai that may be reading. The Jin Mao Tower and Oriental Pearl also offer observation decks at similar prices to the Shanghai Tower. However, the tower is placed in a premium position, meaning that from it, you can see everything from one spot, in the others that wouldn't be possible.

- Nanshi (a.k.a. Shanghai Old Town): Nanshi is a well preserved section of what can be considered as Old Shanghai. This intricate, beautiful part of the city immediately makes you feel as if you've stepped back in time (if you can overlook the Dairy Queen and KFC that have been built inside it!) By following the narrow, winding alleys leading throughout the area which is about the size of a city block, you'll come across local artisans creating local foods, drinks, textiles and artwork, as well as some great little temples. It's free to get in and the temples charge around $1 (USD) for entry so it's an inexpensive and authentic section of the city to visit, however, be warned that the local food is majorly marked up...duck rolls in particular can cost up-to three times as much as they would in other areas of Shanghai.

- People's Square Park: The streets around People's Square Park are a fantastic spot to stay in if you visit Shanghai. They're close enough to East Nanjing Road in the sense that going out for food and drink is easy but also just far enough away that it's quiet and easygoing compared to the hectic pace of ENR. The other plus of this location is that it has a subway stop that doubles as a huge shopping mall that's accessible from a bunch of entrances, making it an excellent spot to explore the entire city from. People's Square Park itself is worth a brief visit, it's a really peaceful park that is particularly popular with locals doing Tai-Chi and taking early morning strolls, it's a great green spot that serves as a relaxed break from the hectic pace of Shanghai. Like many parks in large Chinese cities, People's Square Park utilises trees in a genius way, they are used to dampen sound from traffic and the rest of the city, and within around twenty feet of entering the park, it's so quiet that you forget about the bustling city you've just stepped away from.

- Shanghai Expo Park: I've left this until the end of this section because it's possible that not everyone would be all that interested in the Expo Park. If you're a little bit like me and like bold, futuristic architecture and areas of cities seem look like something from a William Gibson novel then you will...if that's not your thing, then you could skip this area. Built in order to accommodate China's hosting of the 2010 World Expo, the Shanghai Expo Park features the visually mind-bending China Art Museum and also boasts great views of the Mercedes-Benz Arena...it's easy to get to by subway and is a good way to get a glimpse of how Shanghai might potentially look in the coming years.

FOOD AND DRINK:

- Again, East Nanjing Road: As mentioned earlier, East Nanjing Road has everything you'll need on a visit to Shanghai in terms of food and drink. From traditional local fare to Western staples such as Subway and McDonalds, you'll find whatever you need. We even found an open air street bar that sold pints of Strongbow for $1, naturally we spent a fair amount of time there during our stay.

- Raffles City Food Court: Without doubt, one of the finest food courts I've ever visited! They have everything piled into a shopping mall basement and I could spend hours down there. If you're craving western food, you can indulge properly as a good one off: they have Carl's Jr! But if you want to stay authentic and eat Asian food then again, it's easily done. We ate amazing noodle dishes, unbelievable dumplings and best of all, some of the most creatively put together fusion-style steamed baos. I can't recommend the place enough.

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