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hybristoo · 4 years

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Vainglorious Vigilantes

Request: “ok ok… so I was sitting there hot sauce on my tiddies and I thought of a request. So I’ve never really seen this done before and hopefully I explain this in a way you can understand because I have dumb bitch syndrome. anyways, maybe the reader could mayhaps be batman and joker ( whichever of ur choosing ) could just subtly flirt with them. And reader is just done with his shit but also flirts back. This is a mess I’m sorry LMAO! ty tho!”

Synopsis: Reader is a vigilante, and tonight, they have to protect a criminal from the [Heath Ledger] Joker.

Words: 1’849

Protecting-Gotham-and-its-people-it’s-STUPID WHORE

Such were the words plastered on the publicity poster. However, it being defaced, both your caricature (drawn brawnier and mightier than you actually were) and pseudonym (certainly not “Stupid Whore”) were scribbled over with red sharpie. Your eyes were crudely crossed out and there was a bullet wound etched on your forehead. The dysphemism for you was written in scraggly letters.

Perhaps you would have found this vandalization disturbing if you’d had any hand in making this poster. However, as the logo in the bottom right suggested, it was commissioned and distributed by the RGC - the Royal Gotham Coalition, where Royal is written in obnoxious cursive. A group of rich Gothamites who liked to pat themselves on their back and would rather spend money on propaganda such as this than actual improvements.

Disturbing or not, it did tell you something about the man you were begrudgingly protecting: he was not a big fan.

“I see you’ve found my art. Do you like it? Should I start a gallery perhaps? I have one for all you types. I’ll call it The Vainglorious Vigilantes.”

It must be common knowledge at this point that anybody working for the Boyles must be in some way vile. That they must have some deep-rooted moral sickness. However, to say that you didn’t have a particularly negative bias towards Elijah the Nose, consigliere of the Boyle family, would be a lie. Perhaps it was his high ranking position, his ability to escape justice, or that terribly grating voice of his. Regardless, it was an understatement to say it took every nerve in your body to resist punching him right then and there.

You glared at him, lips pulling into a tight frown.“Have you no sense of self-preservation? Gratitude?” That you had decided to defend him was beyond your own comprehension; a disjoint decision made by the angel on your shoulder.

“I didn’t ask for your help. I don’t need your help,” Elijah asserted, spitting on the ground and leaning further into the leather couch. It would have been convincing if not for his bouncing leg.

“You did ask for trouble, though,” you walked over to him, hovering above him. “Crazy fucking clown? That’s really what you decided to call the Joker? For everyone to know?” You crossed your arms. Admittedly, hearing about it had been funny. But if the guy was going to die for insulting someone, make it creative.

“You’d do the same in my position.” He furrowed his eyebrows, a flame igniting in his eyes. “He stole our fuckin’ plans. Executing them one night before us. He’s toyin’ with us. That money was ours.”

“No, it was the property of Gotham Jewelers. You were going to steal it.”

Elijah released a frustrated roar, pushing himself onto his feet. First, he paced towards you, making your hands twitch towards your weapon, then he paced to the other side of the room. He continuously peaked out of his curtains, biting his nails. It was plain to anyone watching he was more nervous than he would admit despite the dozens of soldati he had stationed below.

Considering the fact that he hadn’t even locked the windows when you snuck through them, you could understand why. Was he, in what could be his last moments, introspective enough to understand his own limited intelligence was not nearly enough to protect him? (You doubted it).

Not inclined to set him at ease, you plopped yourself into the couch, only subtly looking around. You’d already rigged the room and told Elijah to dismiss every soldati in the room. You knew Joker - or at least you liked to think you did. He wasn’t crazy, he was astute. To assume him a raving madman was a one-way ticket to a broken collarbone (you spoke from experience). Although you felt the room was quite Joker proof, relax was the last thing you’d do.

You wanted to catch him and lock him up for good. Gotham deserved that much.

And maybe that was why you decided to protect Elijah. Not in a sudden action of complete martyrdom, but to use him as bait. Or maybe, somehow, you’d grown attached to him and his complete inability to commit crimes which made your self-imposed job easier.

One thing that could be said about Elijah was that he liked to live lavishly. His bedroom, in which you now resided, was an eclectic mix of authentic victorian and contemporary styles. It was a constant reiteration of Is-That-A-Rembrandts and That’s-Worth-More-Than-Mes. It made you frown to think it was made off the backs of Gotham’s people.

No, it definitely wasn’t attachment to Elijah which made you stick around.

You were staring at what had to be a recreation of Klimt’s The Kiss. You weren’t exactly an art appraiser but it struck you how authentic it looked, how authentic it smelled when you got too close.

“Ohh, Klimt. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”

You whipped your head around, your weapon entering your grasp before you could truly process what was happening. It was disorienting, the way your courage dropped into your stomach when you saw Elijah in the Joker’s grasp. A stalemate was immediately introduced as a knife was pressed to Elijah’s jugular. He cried out, a serenade of hopelessness.

You were less focused on Elijah’s safety and more focused on the Joker, however. But did the Joker know that? Or could you use that? Damn those indiscernible, dark eyes.

“I didn’t know you were a man of the bible,” you hummed as you tried to glide closer, shuffling your feet.

The Joker made a whistling sound. “I’m full of surprises, snookums.”

You resisted cringing, hiding it with a smirk. “Oh, I’m sure, snugglekins,” you breathed, your eyes flickering. Taking the chance, you kicked the coffee table separating the two of you into his shins. He was immediately thrown off balance, just enough for you to dive and grab Elijah, ragdolling him out of the Joker’s grasp. “But so am I.”

The Joker attempted to grab you, his hand leaping for your arm, but you narrowly took a step back last second, almost tripping on the couch.

“Oh, honey-darling, you’re going to break my heart,” he cooed.

You were both still for a moment, before he lunged at you, grabbing your shoulders and throwing you aside, attempting to break your balance. You knocked your head against his, hearing something crack - you weren’t sure if it was you or him. You were aptly disoriented when you slashed a dagger his way, only to realize he was out of reach. A punch found itself in your abdomen before you could register it was coming.

You hunched over, gripping your stomach and letting out a hoarse cough. By the time you had oriented yourself onto your feet, the Joker had Elijah in his grasp again.

“Is your ego so fragile you walk right into this set-up just to get this man?” You hissed. You slowly backed yourself towards the bookshelf parallel to the Joker, slipping your hand between the books. “You take me as a fool if you think I’m going to let you kill him and walk away.” You pressed the button, sending the entire house into a frenzy. The alarm set-up was hastily made, but it seemed it worked.

He made a whistling sound, his eyes glistening as he listened to the sounds of dozens of soldati moving around in the rooms surrounding them. You couldn’t hold back a smile, as if to say, your move.

“Who’s to say I’m here to kill him? Maybe I just wanted to see you,” he purred, the knife closing in on Elijah’s throat. You took a daring step forward, testing his limits. “A-ta-ta, one more step and the curtains won’t be the only red thing around here.” Did you even care? Maybe not, but if Elijah was alive what would stop him from attempting to leave? You needed to corner him and fast.

“I, ah, yes, as I was saying,” he cleared his throat, using his free hand to comb his hair out of his face. “I wanted ta see you. Not that stupid mask of yours, hm? Let me see what’s behind all of,” he made a circular motion with his knife, pointing at your face, “that.”

“Oh yeah? Are you going to reveal what’s under all the paint, then?”

He chuckled “Unlikely.”

You trudged towards him as he trudged backwards, despite his warnings. “Is that a no?” he hummed, watching you closely. You, on the other hand, were watching where he was going. You were hoping he was going to set off one of your traps. You didn’t say anything, trying to push him just a little further.

“That’s a shame.” You were pulled out of your focus as blood spurted onto the floor. Elijah’s blood. You were shocked - somehow you didn’t think he’d do it - not yet anyways, and there was esotericism to seeing Elijah’s limp body crumble onto the ground. He was dead. The Joker, on the other hand, was way less concerned with that.

“Well, the party’s over,” he sighed, “You’re no fun at all, Kitten.” He continued backing away, now at a much quicker pace. He was heading for the windows.

“You thought it would be that easy?”

“No.”

You growled, sprinting towards him. He tried to push the windows open, having opened the lock at the bottom. The brief look of confusion was too satisfying. You grabbed his collar and shoved him up against the wall. “Your reign over this city is over, Joker.” On cue, sirens appeared in the distance. “The soldati wasn’t the only thing alarmed.”

The look on his face was indescribable. You were expecting disappointment, anger, fear even, but instead, he had this crazy look in his eyes and a grin only widened by his scars. A laugh bubbled from his throat. “You ever played poker, Doll?”

You furrowed your eyebrows. You had no idea how to answer. This was no doubt a part of his anticks but, you couldn’t help but listen.

“Well, in the business, we say: As long as you’ve got ‘a chip and a chair’, there’s still hope.” He let out another howling laugh. You shoved him onto the ground, moving to put him into binds when you felt a sharp pain at the back of your head. You toppled over, falling onto the ground with a thud. Your vision was a pool of colours and vague shapes. You felt how the Joker hovered over you, a blur of red, white and green filling your vision.

“You do well to remember that next time.” You tried to push yourself away, trying to orient yourself in the expanding room. The other person, Joker’s helper, who were they? Where were they? You looked around, the world remains a blur.

The Joker grabbed your face, forcing you to turn his way, and as your vision sunk into darkness, you heard a collection of last words. “Let’s see who’s under the mask.”

#there's a bunch of references in here skpskdps #find them all and win a prize!#anyways i hope this is good wdkpkwpd #i have NO CLUE what im doing but UwU #joker fanfiction #request #joker x reader #joker imagine #ledger!joker #im a talentless freak of nature

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llawlietofficial · 7 years

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my stream of consciousness during death note (2017)

So I finally watched this shit show last night, and kept a running document of every thought I had in order. Here are some of the top ones: (under the cut because....it gets a little long. it’s worth it though!)

okay so first of all what the fuck is this opening song.

LOSER LIGHT GETS PAID TO DO PEOPLES HOMEWOEK.

Wow I wish I was as cool as goth head cheerleader Misa Mia

Ooh look at that chemistry

Light looks like a failed wannabe white guy kpop star

Someone gif those opening "death note" letters please

What's with the fucking illuminati symbols on the book ??

Rain makes everything more symbolic I can't believe the creativity of their choices

Aw he's seeing a girl get bullied OF COURSE that's motivation enough to kill

I can't believe Light is a feminist icon stepping in to save Misa Mia like that.

Oh god his whole speech about “technically you bullying me is child abuse” needs to be a copypasta. Someone needs to slap that kid.

SOMEONE JUST SLAPPED THAT KID.

Why does his voice sound like that

Why does his face look like that

Why does he have frosted tips

I can't believe Light is the loser loner pining after the head cheerleader with a girlfriend.

Light is ?? A troublemaker ???

Why is the death note so crusty looking

Marbles.

LIGHT'S SCREAMS MAKE ME SCREAM I want that as my ringtone

"Shall we begin." Wow I love Star Trek Into Darkness.

"Some 8 foot tall demon looking motherfucker" is honestly the best possible description of Ryuk so at least they got that one right.

RIP Light's first victim, Kenny Doyle. You will be missed.

This Bitch chooses one of the most violent possible deaths for his first victim ???? But canon light didn't like. Start out wanting to cause his victims physical pain. He's not a sadist he's a moral janitor.

CANON LIGHT WOULD HAVE THOUGHT CHEATING WAS A BIG DEAL !! HE WOULD HAVE KILLED PEOPLE LIKE HIMSELF !!

Oh my god he's so angsty just get a fucking diary.....wait...

Wow I love blatant exposition dropping. I wonder how many times him and his dad have had that exact same conversation over dinner conveniently explained Light's tragic backstory.

Because this is America. You can't kill people without a tragic backstory (if you're white)

Is he going to scream like that every time Ryuk shows up?

"Your fingers are huge." Hmm? Why do you care about that, Light? Unless you have something you want to share with the class?

I can't believe they changed Ryuk's motivation that's like everything about him as a character. He didn’t say he was bored like, a single time in this whole series what’s the point.

He has a whole file on his tragic backstory that he keeps laying around in his room this is next level bullshit.

JESUS FUCKINF CHRIST LIGHT WHAT HAPPENED TO SIMPLE HEART ATTACKS

He. Impaled himself. On a steak knife.

Light's mom was a hippie !!!!!

I can't believe Light's motivation is "karma's a bitch" what an icon.

I can't believe Misa Mia’s turned on by murder.

Actually. I can believe that.

Light's just. Carrying around the death note right in the open.

"I can't tell you” *brief pause* “so you really want to know?" BITCH YOU EIDN'T EVEN LET HER ANSWER. SHE SEEMED SO UNINTERESTED ANYWAY. WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS COMPULSIVE NEED TO CONFESS THAT YOU’RE A MURDERER!

LIght wants pussy that bad.

"Your poetry sucks" okay I actually kind of like that line, Misa Mia’s a snarky bitch like she deserves to be.

She looks bored. Light she doesn't want part of your murder fest !! you don't have to confess so often !!

as soon as the police swat car hit that guy my friend turned to me and said "when you're a police officer but still text and drive"

Ooh blurry lights that's an edgy cinnamon topography choice.

I don’t like how everyone in this movie is all mumbling.

How many people are going to make mood boards out of the scene where Light and Misa Mia are leaning against that neon sign???

"Do you think I'm crazy?" "If anything I think you're not crazy enough" wow I love the joker and harley quinn!! normal is just a setting on the dryer~~~ rawr

TEHY'RE POST MURDER FUCKING

I said out loud "I can't believe they're going to post murder fuck" and my friend said "But you'd think that was kinky in high school" and i said "hell I think that's kinky now" why am i like this

I can't believe this whole murder fuck montage. They're so cute and in love. My friend just said “relationship goals” and i want to turn off this movie.

Is that Beastly in their school library????

"What they want is a god."

Okay actually I can see Light getting off on talking about he's a god while fucking. I've read enough fanfiction to prepare me for that scene.

Why does he look like that??

I just love that "Kira saves" graffiti

Why did Kira kill 11 people in a nightclub what did they do ? so serial cheating for money is okay but getting drunk and having sex isn’t?? alright Light.

L looks like a serial killer with the mask and the hoodie and the dead bodies and I’m.......not loving the look

WATARI ISN'T EVEN JAPANESE. THAT'S NOT EVEN HIS NAME. WHY IS THE ONLY JAPANESE ACTOR THE ONLY CHARACTER CANONICALLY NOT JAPANESE.

I appreciate his continued sweets addiction though. He is. The only good thing in this movie.

Is he singing wizard of oz what the fu k is happening in this movie

Why do they all talk so quiet

the most inaccurate thing that’s happened so far is actually L taking a nap

Could Light act....a little LESS blatantly on Kira's side????

Detective James Turner.

Honestly this movie is just......boring.

I feel like the voices are at a much lower volume than the music and it’s just...bad

How does he know Kira's in Seattle ??? Is this explained or did I just miss it ???

"What would you do if some guy fucked me?" "I’d kill him." Wow I love this scene in Baby Driver.

I want that furniture.

Oh I get it. His voice is muffled because of that fucking face mask.

"Rest your glutes"

All the things they could have kept and they kept L and Watari giving Light's dad ice cream?

Okay we see Light and Misa at school all the time, but are they ever ??? In class ??

OF COURSE L IMMEDIATELY GOES ON NATIONAL TV

L in a big black hoodie with the big American flag waving in the background is exactly what I expected out of this adaptation.

Light telling Ryuk to shut the fuck up is something I imagined hundreds of times in the anime but never thought I would be lucky enough to see on screen.

"Besides I think you can tell when you're sitting across from a killer like Kira." HAHAHAHAHA WOW I LOVE THIS DRAMATIC IRONY !!

Light is smart. We know this because we keep saying how smart he is. It doesn’t matter that he’s not making any smart decisions. We said he’s smart so he is.

I can't believe it's dark outside and they're both wearing sunglasses. You know who wears sunglasses indoors? Douche bags. And blind people.

Ooh Misa Mia doesn't want to pop popcorn and murder a few people there's gotta be trouble in Hollywood romance paradise

I hate the music choices in this movie. a lot.

"There are no sides. Only the game.” what.

I can believe Misa Mia’s casually watching torture porn on tv

WHY IS LIGHT'S DAD BASICALLY COMMITTING SUICIDE BY ANNOUNCINF HIS NAME AND HAVINF A PRESS CONFERENCE AND WHY DOES HIS VOICE SOUND LIKE THAT. there's a difference between not being afraid and being a fucking idiot !!!

I can't believe Light just admitted to not being the good guys anymore.

I CAN'T BELIEVE MISA MIA IS LIGHT ???

Light needs to put his dick away. He really needs to put his dick away.

The cafe scene is really aesthetically pleasing and I hate it.

"I don't do check, Light, only checkmate" FUUUUCK.

IS THIS HOe FUXKING ADMITTING ?? THIS DUMB HOE IS ADMITTING TO BEING A SERIAL MURDERER AND ASKING L TO JOIN HIM THIS IS. A SHITTY FANFICTION. WHY IS HE SO DUMB. WHY DOES HE CONFESS TO WVERYONE HE TALKS TO.

Is Light going to get back with her just because she said I love you ?? LIGHT SHE TRIED TO KILL UR DAD respect yourself !!

Watari isn't his real name ???? Also what's the point leaving him alive? Free ice cream? Jesus light.

Why do they say Kira with the accent if it's not Japanese ?

L is.....coming slightly unhinged.....he seems.... to have a lot more anger issues that he needs to work through.

LIGHT IN A TOP HAT. I can't believe they're going to this dance.

I just said "At a certain point it's not even entertaining anymore. It's just pathetic." and my friend, who is now drunk, said "I'm still pretty entertained but maybe it's because I'm drunk."

I can't believe L grew up in that creepy ass murder shack.

Actually. I can believe L grew up in that creepy ass murder shack. Also I saw the illuminati symbol like five times in that house so what's the truth????

HE DOES HAVE A NORMAL PEOPLE SCARE ME STICKER IN HIS LOCKER I THOUGHT THAT WAS AN EDIT.

Lmao I can't believe Misa Mia was the real mastermind the whole time. "You don't get to feel morally superior for being a pussy." OH SHIT. Oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead.

also L needs to calm the fuck down. Do they not teach you how to drive in the orphanage?

I don't know just what happened with that store owner attacking the armed black man assaulting the teenager in an alley way but it felt racist.

Light is desperate and pathetic. Has he made....a single smart decision?

"JESUS TAKE THE FERRIS WHEEL!!! TAKE IT FROM MY HAND !!!"

Chicago's I Don't Wanna Live Without Your Love? Are you fucking kidding me?

At least Misa Mia died how she lived. Aesthetically pleasing.

What the fuck is even happening in this movie. HE CONFESSED TO HIS DAD TOO.

"I thought I was going to kill all the bad guys and re good guys would win but it wasn't like that" OH LOOK !! CONVENIENTLY A MORAL !!

and in the end, the white loner character who develops a god complex and goes on a murderous rampage killing hundreds of people and declaring himself god.....gets away with it......but at least he learned a valuable lesson about the nature of good and evil !!!!

anyway those are my thoughts I hope you liked them !!

#death note #netflix death note #netflix #listen i...had a lot of thoughts #and anyway i;m very angry #i gave it 1 star #i hope this gave you all closure #light turner #light yagami

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