#almost a decade now

[stabbingandorbeingstabbed]

i need to run away from home i need to move to a city and meet people who get it and i need to get my tits cut off for realsies this time like i've had enough actually. for the love of god

#my parents are being kind enough to pay for sessions with a life coach bc im very stuck and not at all sure what to do #and the bad news is that it's a woman from my old church #but the good news is that i've always liked her and she's the most normal person there re: non-christians #like we have a relationship that goes back 15 years and i've never once felt judged by her like i love her #and had NO IDEA she did the whole life coach thing #so im hoping that once we start this it'll be the active hand holding i need to like. pull me out of the rut i've been stuck in for like #almost a decade now #gonna have to wait on even thinking abt top surg tho bc i cannot see my family being super supportive of THAT and like #idk how to go about looking into how to do that like my insurance covered my breast reduction #bc i was still on my moms really good insurance and it was deemed medically necessary for my quality of life or whatever #and im SO GLAD i did it but u know what would be even better ?? never feeling the need to put on a bra ever again in my life #anyways. right now at this moment nothing has like materially changed but i think i can feel Something shifting #but that might just be me having a little bit of hope for the first time in a while lmaoo. bleak !!

[catmask]

with that said there are characters that a fat maybe not canonically but they are spiritually. to me. they may not be drawn that way but i know whats true. ive seen it like a sort of prophet

#serizawa. send post #he did NOT live his life as a shut in for almost a whole decade to be drawn SKINNY! not by me at least #also like so many characters over the age of 30. no more fit moms and dads GIVE them that divorce body fat NOW! #*strikes you down with the force of god* #but honestly alternative for serizawa that ive always liked is that he gains weight when he starts working for reigen #because he can now go out and eat new foods :D he has actually gained an appetite because he's moving around more #and isnt just eating like instant ramen or whatever his mom brings him #see how easy it is you can just believe it with your heart. you just have to find the ways to make true waht u know #scratchpost #txt

[bleuarbre]

sorry not sorry I couldn’t resist this clown make me feel feelings :0

#my art #one piece #buggy #for some reason I always think his name is burry and not buggy wtf.. #the one piece live action awoke my almost a decade long ago hyperfixation #but now ..now I can draw👀

[the-kipsabian]

saw a take so fucking rancid on twitter i almost deleted the entire app from my phone jesus fucking christ

first of all ao3 is an archive site. this is like going to the library and saying "oh i dont like this" on every piece of media you find that you dislike and thinking they should be stamped with some sort of a marker just cause you didnt like it

you can always click back and leave. fic writers owe you nothing to explain themselves and their creations. if they have mistagged or miscategorized fics, then i understand, however there are report tools for that instead of yelling at the artist tbh

im not saying free works arent necessarily above criticism. but this is just. fucking wild. its common courtesy to just enjoy stuff (or fucking leave if you dont, the back button is free) and if the artist specifically asks for critiques, then give one - constructive that is, shitting all over someones work is not proper criticism, mind you

i just find it fucking wild people are treating art and archive sites as social media these days like this and everything needs to be policed and ~catered to the algorithm~ like. no. ao3 doesnt have an algorithm. you should be able to fucking tell what you like and what you dont like and steer away from that kind of content and let people fucking be with their art. they dont owe you anything (except trigger warnings i'd argue, but i know some people disagree with that as well for some reason), and imagine how much more energy you'd have if you only engaged with things you liked and spent time looking at instead of going to places where you dont enjoy yourself. let alone spending time telling other people you dont enjoy what they enjoy. what a fucking life

#like what the fuck #where is the common courtesy of fandoms these days im just fucking asking. its ridiculous #the back button is free. shutting your fucking mouth is free. constructive criticism when people ask for it is nice but only then #these are fucking basic level fandom engagement things #am i old or are people just this fucking awful now that these guidelines dont exist anymore #im just. ough #sorry i had to get this out. idk as someone who has never left unsolicited advice for anyone and never gotten it back it just #it fucking grinds me that people are like this now. like fucking wow #ive been here for almost two decades soon and i still know how to behave. yall better fucking learn #im gonna go back to video game sorry i really needed to yell for a hot fucking second #if you choose to reblog this dont fucking clown on it okay. god #night is an absolute mess on main

[uncanny-tranny]

Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.

#disability #this is a callout post about myself #i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned #turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly #i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack #(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way) #(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle) #anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you... #...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition] #i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀 #even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭 #it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker #and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller #and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected... #...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)

[luck-of-the-drawings]

so REVENGE, HUH? or justice, if that makes you feel better. it tastes the same when cooked just right. 'I REALLY WANTED A BROTHER.' such a shame to burn a bridge you so desperately wanted to keep, especially when it wasnt even you who started the fire. especially when you hope that not a single fragment of that bridge ever washes ashore.[MAY IT ROT FAR FROM MY SIGHTS] an unfortunate loss! atleast he has his friends.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi prime defenders #jrwi prime defenders spoilers #jrwi pd spoilers #jrwi pd #william wisp #vyncent sol #THIS ONE IS FUUUUCKIN OOOOOLLDD RAAAHHHHH i made it like. a year ago. but didnt finish it for so so long bc i just wasnt happy w it. #BUT LIKE A CENTURY EGG the decades of being encased in salt n lime n ash have done WELL to bring out the flavores of this piece #i sorta recently cleaned it up and posted it onto twitty. didnt tag it bc it was SO OLD AND SCUFFED(i see so many MISTAKES NOW) #that i didnt want to expose it to the open air just like that #if i show smth to my small circles then it shall only be understood in those small circles. #open air and open interpretation from minds i cannot predict are NOT something i enjoy the thought of. usually. i am brave tho #BUT EVERYONE ON TWITTY WAS SO NICEEE i was like damn... i guess it IS good enough to be enjoyed by the masses... #lets work on being nicer to our art together. THAT BEING SAID. i really love my colors here HELL YEAHHHH #FIRST TIME IN A WHILE COLORIN THESE BOYS.... i dont use proper color enough..I ALSO RLY LIKE MY BACKGROUNDS HERE #i LOVE when the bg is hyperrealistic (i frankestiened stock photos) and when the subjects are all flat colored n cartoony #recently rewatched Making Fiends and they do that similar thing!! soft shading! lotsa details! almost painted? ill paint one day #ive already rambled so much abt the art im runnin out of ROOm to ramble about WWWIILLIAM GODDAMN WWIIIISP. its been a minute since i saw- #-this episode..but i DO remember the funny smoke trick that will did to his funny brother. EVERYTIME U GIVE AN ORDER. THAT BRINGS HARM- #-INDIRECTLY OR NOT. YOU WILL HEAR THOSE SCREAMS. YOU WILL FEEL THAT PAIN. OHHH WHAT A COOL PUNISHMENT THAT IS #its still an olive branch in a sense! a final chance for big bro bell to show that hes NOT an irrideemable piece o shit. and if not #well. to the wolves of psychosis with him!!! i really think william did the best he could here. if i was in his shoes i have no doubt i- #-woulda done the same. IM ALSO GLAD THAT VYN DECIDED TO STICK AROUND N SUPPORT HIM! thas character development baybe!! #i loooove prime defenders.. its been so long since i watched any eps of it but i KNOW it still has such a grip on my heart..GOTTA rewatch i

[lukaherehelp]

A garland, quick, I’m dying! Weave it now, sing and moan and sing! For shadows my throat are clouding and again the January light comes in.

Trembling bushes and the air of stars lie between your love and mine, a dense mass of anemones picks up an entire year with a muffled moan.

Revel in the open country of my wound, break apart its reeds and delicate rivulets, drink from my thigh my pouring blood.

But be quick! And then, together entwined, with love-broken mouths and frayed souls time will find us utterly destroyed.

- Sonnet of the Garland of Roses, Sonnets of Dark Love, Federico Garcia Lorca

#i feel you linger in the air #i feel you linger in the air the series #ifylita #thai bl #thai drama #bl drama #listen I was researching lorca and decide to read his queer poems #and they came to my mind as I was reading this one #and it destroyed me even more that Lorca wrote this around 1935 #were he was still pretty much in contac with his “no-homo but intimate straight friend” Rapún #whom died only two years later in 1937 #and Idk the thought that an almost a decade older Yai could have crossed paths with Lorca and this poems before they were hidden away #is 3:20 AM and i should be sleeping but now I'm fully sobbing

[koriand3r]

Willow | Spike - Clothing

“Why are you still in costume?” “Okay, still having to explain wherein this is just my outfit.”

#I call this 'costume motif' my beloved #I feel like both characters wear their hearts on their sleeves #So let’s take a look on their actual sleeves #Obviously everyone’s clothes tell a story and their character growth but I feel like these two are hyper aware of it #Its costume its armor I think they rely on it almost weaponize it #Spike i feel is relatively up on the times for a vampire yet he hasn't changed his style in 20 years #He's found his bad boy rebel image and he's gonna cling to it dammit #And Willow needs her clothes to showcase her pride/rebellion/growth as a lesbian wicca #Their clothing means to them hey look at me I'm not a loser nerd/fool anymore I got power and confidence in spades #But its just a front - superficial but clothes equal security blanket #I think they put too much power in their clothes because they're convinced it can control how people see them #But more importantly so it can control how they see themselves #btvs #mygifs #ok i made the nonsense gifset now will my brain stop this random buffy obsession or is this just a phenomenon that will hit me every decade #buffy the vampire slayer #myfaveposts

[middleschoolfursona]

i miss you tomorrow today

#im on a haitus but decided to post this #art has been beyond hard for me lately #i cant bear to draw lately. but i was overcome with so much pain in the form of some kind of concept of unavoidable loss #which ambushes me sometimes. and i almost cried in the dining room over it #late in a dark winter i had fast food for the first time in years when my dad came home from hospital testing #with my birthday coming up it just feels so hopelessly #such a perfect scene to remember a decade from now #will i be thinking #'when you were here?'

[orangechickenpillow]

I love how Ryan thought "What do I hate more than anything? Ghost hunting in scary places" and then he saw Shane and was like "that guy thinks ghosts are baloney and won't shut up about it" and then he.... decided to make a ghost hunting show with those ingredients

#and it fucking worked #and now theyre the best ghost hunters in the world #and its been almost a decade and they havent stopped #what are the odds #bfu #buzzfeed unsolved #buzzfeed unsolved supernatural #bun #shane and ryan #shane madej #ryan bergara #the ghoul boys #watcher entertainment #ghost files

[camestela]

Betrayal and forgiveness are best seen as something akin to falling in love.

#Hannibal #nbc hannibal #hannigram #will graham #hannibal lecter #my art #brainworms for almost a decade now with this show

[leverage-ot3]

okay but the parallel between hardison using eliot as an example of redemption to harry in the panamanian monkey job and eliot saying he could never be redeemed (and he’s made peace with that) to sophie in the finale

#something something everyone can see how eliot has been redeemed but eliot. eliot will never believe it #something something hardison looks at the man who has stood beside him and protected him for over a decade and seeing him as redeemed #hardison watching him risk his life day after day after day month after month year after year #and knowing in his heart that this is what they stand for. this is what they strive for. to do better. to be better #and to hardison? eliot is the epitome of that #it breaks his heart that eliot can’t see that #parker wants to shake him he’s being stupid ‘ELIOT CANT YOU SEE’ ‘YOU ARE GOOD’ #hardison as he joins in shaking eliot: ‘YOU ARE A GOOD MAN PLS BELIEVE US WE ARE RIGHT UR WRONG’ #insert me with the always sunny conspiracy corkboard with red string connecting these two plot elements #i’ve connected the dots #i’ve connected them #I am Not posting this at peak time or anything I just had this thought just now and almost lost it #leverage redemption #leverage ot3 #meta #parker x hardison x eliot #eliot spencer meta #eliot spencer #leverage #parallels #the panamanian monkey job #the crowning achievement job #leverage redemption s2 #leverage redemption s1 #leverage redemption 2.13 #leverage redemption 1.02 #mine #people pls like this show me I’m not going crazy

[ryujibauman]

Applying for an RLMblr citizenship

#rlm #redlettermedia #mike stoklasa #rlmblr #art #sketch #drawing #my art #i know this is like a decade too late #just wanna draw the bbygirl #and his stupid face #and stupid hands #and stupid shirt #and stupid everything #can i join the cool kids table now #those big meaty paws almost ended me #wtf are hands anyway #don’t mind the totally accurate plaid pattern #and the lil kitty bcs

[thephantom]

To seek revenge may lead to Hell; everyone does it, though seldom as well... As Sweeney... As Sweeney Todd... The Demon Barber of Fleet Street! Josh Groban in the title role, 2023. @theriddletrades' master.

#*mine #sweeney todd #josh groban #murder daddy strikes! #okay i hate myself for typing that #but am i WRONG? #the best thing i've seen in the sweeney tag is 'born to be a girldad forced to murder' or smth along those lines like. HOW ACCURATE #anyways i wanna kiss him #the last gif. is so intense. he's so. that man has been waiting OVER A DECADE FOR THIS #AND NOW THE DEED IS DONE. AAAAAAAAAA #it's josh having to saw furiously on this poor guy's neck to make the blood packet explode for me #i almost CACKLED #it makes it so much more dramatic. you go sweeney. take off his head while ur at it! #tw long post #tw violence #tw blood

[painted-bees]

reading through your hinote tags it was interesting to learn that Raf still likes preforming and even misses playing large shows, but avoids getting sucked back into it. As an adult, you'd think he could just return to preforming on his own terms and play any stage he wants. Does a fear of success keeps him away from it? Sorry if this was already explained somewhere and I missed it.

Sssorta haha! He doesn't want to gain too much traction and attract media attention, because it'll inevitably liken his current career/his current self to his past...And almost none of the things he had said about himself, very few of the views he presented in interviews and such, none of it was really him, what he believed, what he liked, or how he, himself, wanted to be perceived. He likes playing the character on stage, but hates the notion of that character following him and being projected onto him in day to day life. On one hand, he doesn't want random people to see him and know him accurately--which is why the stage persona is so great. But on the other hand, the media personality his mother curated is too far removed from his own tastes and sensibilities, that it feels like an ill-fitting skin and makes him physically uncomfortable to be identified as and associated with it. Increased visibility as a performer would kinda force him to contend with that in a way he really would rather not. It's not worth it for him. AND he does not want to attract his family's attention. He doesn't want them contacting him about his career. He wants to be as tiny and invisible to them as possible.

Secondly, and more acutely, though--his symptoms after a show--any show--really suck. He gets nervous leading up to a performance, but it's usually perfectly manageable. He's normally in relatively good spirits about it. Then on stage, he gets a nice little thrill and the feeling of "man, yeah! I need to let myself do this more often!" But then, once the show is over, he's in the backstage bathroom vomiting, and spends the next week struggling to recover from a depressed hangover with 0 motivation, energy, or excitement for anything. He hasn't...figured out how to avoid this extremely consistent pattern. It's weird, because he feels fine during the performance, even if there's a break in between or some such. But as soon as it's properly over, the nerves hit him hard--and once the anxiety passes, he's just an exhausted, deflated, apathetic husk with a very, very low mood about it. That's what kinda keeps him off the stage, and prevents him from doing shows on any kind of consistent basis. He can only really commit to doing them if he's feeling really good about things--and if he can afford the inevitable "crash" week that always follows. If that were less of an ailment for him, he might be more inclined to at least humor the idea of reinventing his persona and returning to musical performance on a more serious/professional/consistent basis. Alas.

#when he was a kid the performance was always the easiest part to get through #The real stress came from the post-show criticisms lectures and...general fallout between him and his mother specifically. #it was never a celebration or a congratulation esp. as he entered his teen years. #The most nerve wracking/discouraging work began once the curtains had closed. #Almost 2 decades of that and the body just kinda...goes through the motions now #regardless of the fact that there are no post-performance lectures or 'practices' or what have you anymore. #Theoretically he COULD just relax and sleep after a show if he wants but lmao his brain hasn't caught up with that reality yet. #Hi-Note #Rafael

[lungguppies]

So despite spending weeks working on these tarot-themed cards for @legendlarkpod, I forgot to take my own pictures before I mailed them! Luckily Errol is a gentleman and scholar who documented them after they arrived, so thank you, Postmaster. Sadly, Tumblr is unhappy with the lovely video footage Errol took to show that many of these cards are shiny, so just take my word for it: I used a lot of metallic and shimmery paints!

Arcana:

Slake: Temperance

Kai: Death

Maeri: The Star

Fran: The Magician

Faelen: The Hanged Man

Corbin: Judgement

Did it take me another 2 months to finally post these on social media? Yes. Working in healthcare in the US is a nightmare and I stopped being a human being for a hot minute!

Anyway, go listen to LegendLark's podcast! Can't recommend it enough!

#LegendLark #the guardians #corbin #slake #fran #maeri #faelen #kai #i made pavia look like galarian ponyta #i looked up courtly flower meanings for faylen lol #i hadn't painted anything in almost a decade until these #now i need to make cards for their bonus campaign lol