“What’s the condition for no more loneliness?” — ADP.
I don’t love you but thanks anyway for paying me. I’ll be gentle with your money and when I use the last dollar I promise to kiss it tenderly. You held me close and it’s the most selfish amount of cash I ever make: on another poor mans loneliness. This reoccurrence is much like a beaten road out in Idaho and bit by bit we’re consuming each other. At least you have someone to go home to, at least you have—. Please keep your eyes shut, I’m picturing someone else, and if you hear me whisper a name please don’t hold me to it. He knows. And he is rich and handsome beyond compare, stuck up and cruel. But we parted ways neither with lips or hands or promises, just money. Plain, godless money. I don’t think I’ll ever see him again.
— Aleka’s Dying Poet.
This anniversary hits a little harder for me ngl, & the reason is, i’m now the age River was when he passed away. I found Riv when I was about 14/15 & immediately fell in love with not just how attractive he was, but how much of a beautiful person he was as well. He really was one of the people who molded me in my teenage years into the person I am now, and back then I remember thinking he’d obviously passed young, but 23 feels eons away when your 15 - but now that i’m at this age my heart just breaks more for River and all his friends & family. I don’t even feel like an adult yet, not really. And I don’t totally feel like a kid. I’m in that weird in between that all people around this age feel, still trying to figure out life and being terrified, I haven’t even lived yet! But somehow this time was all River got. I can’t completely wrap my head around it, when I think too much about it I get hit with a wave of anxiety and sadness, but I also have to remember River had 23 years here. It wasn’t a long time, but it was time. He shared his beautiful gifts and heart and soul with this world and people saw that and connected to it. He brought love, and joy, and peace into this world even if it was only for a short time. I would’ve loved to see where River would be now, anyone who loves him understands that & feels the same. He would’ve done amazing things and it hurts my heart that he was gone at only 23 before life even starts, but I know me and the other people out there who share his values will try our hardest to carry on his legacy, even if its only in a small way. Thank you for the impact you had and continue to have on my life River Jude, you’ll always hold a place in my heart. I wish you’d gotten more than your 23 years on Earth, but damn is the universe lucky to have you.
i almost freaked out and threw up because i couldn't find these songs on my laptop but i had them on a harddrive. it doesn't looks like they're on youtube or anything anymore except for like 5 songs wth wth