#aint no filter on that last photo

[redraine57]

lowkey missing my blonde hair rn 🫣

#me #selfies #i yam feeling nostalgic oOoOoOo #YUP #aint no filter on that last photo #i just thought it was really cool to see my skin texture #ugggh I LOVE IT SM 😤🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

[notnctu]

through the lens ❀ l.jn

❀ lee jeno x fem!reader ❀ genre - slow burn, smut/mature content, fluff (romance?), slight angst ❀ details - photographer!jeno, model!reader, college!au, shy!jeno but he aint shy in bed, strangers to fuckers!au ❀ word count - 8k (this is the longest thing ive ever written) ❀ warnings - nude modeling, swearing, oral (f/receiving), some sweet love makin’ ❀ brief synopsis - jeno asks you to model for his internship project, but little did you know, it was going to be a nude photo shoot.  

❝ jeno was too shy to hold eye contact, but he stared at you endlessly through the lens. ❞

❀ a/n - hihihi this is author doie❀ ! im bad at writing smut so pls dont hate me ah ha lol i tried my best i also dont model/do professional photography so really apologize if i butcher any terms lmaoo the only thing i am is that im in college and im shy

Jeno had applied to almost a hundred internships and almost close to none returned with an offer, even after a whole month of waiting. He absolutely needed to start building his portfolio before the beginning of his senior year of college. The embarrassment of possibly graduating without any experience loomed over the desperate boy. 

Photography had been more than a hobby to him, to the point where he wanted to take it seriously. His parents weren’t the most supportive of an Arts major, but that couldn’t stop him. Jeno saw the best through a camera lens. He had a special eye for beautiful moments and the impressing urge to capture it forever. 

It was too late to change his major, if he wanted to graduate with all of his friends. If he wanted to be successful, he had to act on it now. 

The swoosh! of a new email startled the sleeping boy. He stared at the brightly lit screen, reading the words over and over again to make sure it was real. Jeno was so enthralled with excitement that he scrambled out of bed to wake up his roommate, Jaemin.

He shook him so violently that the sheets fell from Jaemin’s warm body. “Dude! I got an internship!” He spoke with incredible glee, a wide smile couldn’t leave his face.

Jaemin groaned and had to hold Jeno by the shoulders to halt the boy from causing the room to spin. “Why--What is going on?” He dazely rubbed his tired eyes to blink at his giddy roommate.

The screen blinded Jaemin as it was shoved too closely to adjust. “Whoa--,” he pushed it away and shut his eyes, “--repeat what you just said one more time.” Jaemin held a finger up and Jeno grabbed it, jumping onto his best friend’s bed.

“I got an internship. Someone got back to me.” Jaemin returned the same excitement the moment he processed his words. He shot up in bed and hugged his friend tightly. 

“Wo-w, dude! Congratulations!” The two boys hurried on their feet to cheer together. There was no concern for the rest of their housemates, only celebration that roared throughout the entire night.

+

Truthfully, Jeno had no recollection of applying to this studio. It could have been a random link on a job scouting website, but he couldn’t be more grateful. An internship was long overdue and Jeno had been itching to get some recognition for his craft. 

“Hello, I’m Lee Jeno.” He bowed slightly at the receptionist, who had a stern stare that made him feel vulnerable. The first thing he noted about the office: white and minimalistic. 

Jeno’s specialty was landscape photography. His aesthetics consisted of black and white filters, city lights, dark mood lighting, and background commotion. He enjoyed capturing chaos the most, a scene where more than one thing was happening. The only reason being that there was more to look at. 

“Nice to meet you. The name is Lee Taemin, but you can call me what you please.” A young, lean man strolled his way towards Jeno with a wide grin and his hand for him to shake. Taemin was slightly shorter than him, but his stylish, expensive boots made up for his height. He had to be only a maximum of five years older than Jeno as Taemin appeared relatively youthful. 

Taemin’s firm grip pulled Jeno along inside the studio. A small gasp escaped from Jeno which earned robust laughter from the older man. “I hope you can break out of your shell soon. There is no room for timidness around here, Mister Lee.”

“Please, you can call me Jeno.” He smiled, quite awkwardly at the beautiful man. 

The tall glass windows, the concrete, gray floor, the white doors that lined the hallway, had to be all too predictable. Jeno envisioned this is what high class must look like. It was the pristine, bright feeling and the smell of vanilla that lingered distastefully. There was chatter behind the closed doors --- mainly directing, and high praises. 

The only off-put was that photographers worked behind closed doors. From the few studios he has visited previously, photographers often worked in open spaces due to lighting fractures or the ability to roam more freely. 

“I’m actually very ecstatic you signed up for the internship, since you do seem a bit on the younger side.” Taemin gestured toward the sofa in the middle of his massive office. Jeno sat across from him. Water was already placed on the glass coffee table that separated the two. A laptop was opened to face Taemin.

Jeno slyly rubbed the condensation from his palms on his jeans. Taemin’s stare bore deep into the shy boy, who had to break eye contact from time to time. “I know.” Jeno chuckled nervously, “thank you for getting back to me. I was really hoping to gain work experience through mentorship.” 

Taemin nodded at everything Jeno was saying. His face being completely expressionless. Jeno sipped his water to regain moisture in his dry throat. Taemin was more intimidating than he was anticipating. “Sounds great. Happy to have you here. It might be a small business, but the experience is worth investing in. Every photographer who has come in and out of my building has found their forte. Let’s say, it’s eye opening.” 

“That’s exactly what I was looking for actually.” As scared as he was of this mysterious man, he really enjoyed the comfort the environment radiated. 

Taemin leaned forward and squinted at the screen. “I noticed in the portfolio you sent that you don’t have any portraits or any people, in general, in your photos. Do you have any works with people? Since this is a studio of fine art nude photography.”

Nude. Jeno practically choked on the last remaining spit he gathered. Taemin acknowledged the boy’s shocked reaction and tilted his head curiously, “you did know that I specialize in contemporary fine art nude photography, right?” Unfortunately, Jeno did not. 

Jeno cleared his throat, “yes, of course. I wanted to challenge myself.” He had to lie, there was no other way to cover up his disbelief. This internship was the only hope left for him to gain something. Though, even the thought of shooting a naked body made him anxious.

He hated how timid he was. His friends and family say otherwise, mainly for the reason that Jeno automatically lit up behind a camera. In all honesty, he hid behind it. It was the only safe place that Jeno knew what he was doing. However when it came to real life situations without it, he lacked the confidence to be himself.

As ironic as it was, he hated being seen. He liked to be the background character in his own life, because the main character took too much of a toll. It could also be his deafening insecurities and lack of self esteem, but Jeno didn’t mind not being the center of attention.

“You like a challenge?” It was more of a statement rather than a question. Jeno caught a glimpse of the twinkle in Taemin’s dark eyes. “Then for your first task, I want you to show me that you can take on this role.”

Jeno scrambled for his phone to jot down notes. “Send me an emotional portfolio, model of your choice. They could be a friend of yours that you feel comfortable seeing naked. It must include a variation of headshots, full body, and body details. It must also be raw and unedited photos. I want to see if you have the eye for the art to capture these types of images.”

“When would you like it by?” He stammered, completely winded at the sudden project that unloaded on top of him. 

“Next Friday, and you’ll present it to me here in person. Feel free to use this studio if you don’t have a place of your own with equipment. All you need to do is book a room with the front desk. Any other questions?” The sound of the laptop shutting caused Jeno to look up at the brilliance in front of him. He needed Taemin to help him succeed. 

“Why do you take nude photography?” 

Taemin was unable to stop the laughter that erupted into the room. “I don’t run a pimp business or sell soft core porn, if that’s why you’re staring at me so funnily. What I make is an art masterpiece, it has nothing to do with physical features or desires. It’s the pure emotion that clothing distracts from. Clothing conforms the model into an aesthetic, and while that works for editorials, it won’t be a consistent thing here.” 

Jeno nodded understandingly. Overwhelmed and lost at words. He was unsure what he had gotten himself into. Where was he going to find a model on such short notice on such lewd conditions? He was really going to need to step out of his comfortable zone, in his photography and social skills. 

Taemin stood up and extended his hand once more. “I take pride in my art, so I hope you, too, start finding that in your own.” 

+

Jaemin held his stomach from the endless laughter, tears welling up in his eyes. “Nud-Nude photography? And you didn’t know?”

“Jaemin, keep it down.” Jeno whispered and cautiously peered around at the few people flooding into the small lecture hall. “I don’t want everyone in our club to misunderstand and think I’m some creep.”

His best friend straightened up in his seat and placed his hand on Jeno's slumped shoulder, “first of all, you’re a complete idiot for not researching. Secondly, it’s an art form. If you really got yourself a shady, rated R internship, I would’ve told you to drop it instantly.” 

His spirits were slightly lifted, but he was still struggling with who he should ask to model for him. As much as he’s already seen of Jaemin, being his roommate, he honestly would rather leave the rest to imagination. Jeno wasn’t purposefully searching the room for a candidate, but he could not stop his eyes from drifting.

He spotted the most attractive side profile that sat two rows below him. He shook his head to make sure he was seeing her correctly. Peering around, he looked for another possible face to shoot. But oh god, how she caught his eye every time she even slightly moved.

You smiled happily with your friends by your side as your club’s executive board members introduced this year’s goals and events to attend. It had to be the smallest amount of alcohol still running in your system that caused you to giggle every time guys tried to turn around and hit on you.

“Why don’t you focus on our club members instead?” You smirked at the smug older boy, who had poorly attempted to grab your attention. “I think this information is important to you. These events could help you develop your social skills to be much better.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, but your girl friends scoffed by your side.

He got up in disbelief and quickly walked out of the room. There was a brief pause at the sudden movement, but the announcement carried on per usual.

Jeno impatiently waited for the club meeting to finally be over, so he could talk to you. The longer it dragged, the more his confidence was subsiding. “I’m heading to study, wanna come with?” Jaemin poked at Jeno’s knee.

“Yeah, but you can go ahead first. I need to talk to someone.” His voice was shaky and his throat went so dry. Jeno’s shifty eyes scanned the room, hoping no one saw how nervous he was acting.

Jaemin’s eyebrows lifted suspiciously, “who? I didn’t even know you talked to anyone who came today. Donghyuck and Renjun aren’t here---”

“--her, Jaemin... her. I’m going to ask her to model for me.” Jeno motioned his head. His heart beating faster at seeing a small grin appear on your face from a comment someone made.

Jaemin hummed, “good luck with that, bud. I’ve got two shoulders for you to cry on after.” The extra hint of sarcasm only made Jeno sweat nervously. He was seriously doubting his decision, but it wouldn’t be a challenge if he didn’t do it. He knew he’d regret it more if he didn’t just ask you. 

Once the meeting was dismissed, you wanted to get out of the room before the heavy rush into the hallways. Unfortunately, a few frat guys pulled you into their conversation and chatted up a storm. Your friends played into their foolery, but you stopped paying attention when they asked for your numbers.

There was a faint tap on your shoulder and you turned to see who the culprit was. You didn’t seem to know him, because you would’ve remembered such a demeanor. His eyes were glued to the floor behind you and his shaky hands ran through his brown locks. His shyness was quite endearing, yet alarming since you weren’t sure why exactly he had approached you.

“Yes?” You asked curiously.

The moment Jeno heard your delicate cadence, he melted like a popsicle left out in the sun. He peered up, but quickly reverted his eyes to the white tiles when he noticed how beautifully you stared at him.

He counted his breathing to calm his rapid heart beat. He cleared his throat to introduce himself, “I’m Jeno. I’m a third year Arts major, um-- I was just--- I know we don’t know each other. I wanted to ask, uh-” Jeno was horrified at how he stammered over his own words. His cheeks burned with a red glow, and if he couldn’t look you in the eye before, he definitely couldn’t now.

“Hey, see you later.” One of the bulky frat guys called and you waved back weakly. 

A guy who had been chasing you endlessly scoffed at the pitiful sight and smirked at you, “see you at my house tonight? Been missing you in my bed lately.”

“Thought you would’ve guessed the reason why I stopped coming around.” Jeno heard the sting in your remarks and the disbelief in the male. 

You honestly could have left, Jeno knew that. But you stayed and waited patiently for him to finish. Jeno could tell how strong you were just by your intimidating aura that practically suffocated him by standing in close proximity to you.

You sighed and reached to grab your jacket on the folded seat, “look, Jeno. It’s nice to meet you and all, but I gotta get going.” 

Shockingly, the shy boy reached out to stop you by your fingertips. His touch lingered before he dropped your hand quickly. “I’m sorry. Are you free this Monday?”

“Uh, that depends. If you’re asking me on a date, then I’m busy.” Rolling your eyes, you weren’t sure why you still stayed to listen to what this random stranger had to say. If it were anyone else, you would’ve walked away the moment he asked if you were free. However, you acknowledged his timidness and the courage he must have mustered up to approach you.

Jeno shook his head violently, completely in shambles from that type of misunderstanding. “Not a date. I need someone to model for my portfolio photos that my internship assigned. It’s actually very important to me because it’s the first internship that responded back to me when I had applied to so many a whole month ago. Basically, I really need this and you because I think you’d be perfect to take pictures of. Oh-- wow! That sounded very bad --- uh --- what I meant is that your facial proportions are perfect and---”

“I’m free Monday.” You cut off his endless ramble and gestured toward his phone. He handed it to you without any hesitation and you typed in your number. “Text me the time, place and what I should wear.” 

“Oh actually, it’s a nude photoshoot.” Your eyes doubled in size, completely offended by that statement.

Jeno felt the sudden shift in the air and brought his hands up to block himself, “to be more clear, it’s a contemporary fine art nude photography studio. The pictures are pieces of art and to be seen as that only. I have no intentions or ulterior motive to sleep with you, see you naked or sell, leak your nudes for the profit of your body. But, I understand if you no longer want to do it because it sounds super strange now that I am explaining it.” 

Your shoulders relaxed and the fist that formed unraveled. You exhaled deeply, “I’ll do it. We can talk more about it on Monday and I get to leave on my own accord if I don’t feel comfortable. We work on my conditions.” Picking up Jeno’s chin, he was absolutely petrified at the forced eye contact and your incredible, powerful gaze. He was mesmerized by the fire in your eyes, and if he stared any longer, he could’ve lost himself in them. 

“Of course.” With that, you dropped his face and left without another look back. Jeno looked down at his phone and the new contact name, (Y/N). It had slipped his mind to even ask what your name was and he slapped his face in utter stupidity. “Do better, Lee Jeno.” It was a remainder to himself to, hopefully, be better the next time you two speak.

+

Monday, 3:03 PM. 

Jeno paced back and forth in the brightly, lit white room. He was trying to find any blinds or curtains to cover the tall windows of the high rise building. It should not be too much of a problem, the extra lighting was a positive. Jeno was only worried for your comfort of the openness. 

There was a soft knock before Jeno practically tripped to open the door. His breath hitched at the sight of your bare face. This time, you were the vulnerable one. Jeno only saw purity, yet impressed at how your tired eyes still managed to bid him a soft smile. He admired your uneven complexion, and the sparse moles that dotted your skin. 

“Okay, so you want to see me naked now or later?” Filled with jokes, your voice was light and airy this afternoon. There was a bit of a contrast from the first time you two met. Softer, enchanting, almost ghostly. 

Everything in the room was white. The mattress on the floor had a white comforter and white sheets. The backdrop. The walls. The hardwood floor. The only color was the blue sky that the tall windows let in.

“Here’s a robe. You can change in the bathroom.” Jeno scratched the back of his neck and his eyes wandered everywhere, but your’s. 

“Would you be okay with me just taking off my clothes in here?” You saw the light tint of pink cover his face, and spread to his ears. You examined more of the shy boy’s embarrassed face, finally getting a really good look at him. Jeno was very attractive, and you could only imagine how beautiful he must look if he fully faced you.

Jeno fiddled with his camera strap, “only if you are okay with that.” Clearing his throat, he stood next to the window to give you some privacy. “I’ll go over what I plan on doing. I’m going to take photos of your face details, parts of your body, full body, and portraits. You can lay down on the bed and I’ll direct you in poses. Have you modeled before?”

He was scanning the bustling city below his feet. Cars zoomed quickly and crowds of tiny people flooded the streets. He brought his camera up to his face, not being able to resist the urge to capture such a thrilling sight. 

“If Instagram counts, then yeah. Professional model gig would be a no. Nude photography is a definite no, unless we are talking about being filmed during sex.” Jeno chuckled, while also holding the camera steady and stealing a few moments to keep for himself.

For a strange reason, being naked for a non-sensual reason felt even more vulnerable. Laying on the soft fabric, you felt oddly exposed and slightly more reserved. You’ve had countless strangers see you naked. Men were sexually desiring to see a sexy picture. You were always lusted after, but this feeling of nakedness was special.

“Are you ready?” Jeno gulped, finally setting the camera down. 

You hummed cheerfully. Your heart was leaping out of your chest as the boy shifted slowly to face you. As he turned, you noticed he had his eyes sealed shut, which caused a small laugh to erupt. “Jeno, you have my permission to open your eyes and to look at me.”

Holy shit, he was trembling with an inexplicable fear. The camera was slipping from his sweaty hands. His mouth was as dry as the desert. Jeno’s pounding heart was loud in his ears. 

Jeno has seen his past girlfriends laying naked in bed, but this situation was too different. When he saw you laying there in absolutely nothing, he was overwhelmed, yet astounded at how graceful you appeared.

There was no exchange of words and no exchange of eye contact. He towered over your lying figure and shakily brought the camera to his eyes. He selfishly wanted to capture your elegance. Through the lens, he saw all of you: the curve in your eyelid, your curled eyelashes, the small mole next to your soft lips, the sharp color of your eyes, the way your hair frames your face.

This was the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen. You were comparable to the arts found in popular museums. Your body lines were enticing and an impressive shape. Your breasts pooled on your chest, the round nude nipple in the centers. Your details had to be sculpted by gods, who took their sweet time making you. You were a true masterpiece. 

Confused, Jeno felt a huge mixture of emotions. Was he aroused? Was he infatuated? Did he just fall in love with a complete stranger? He recognized the same thrilled feelings he felt taking landscape photos. With each click, he grew more excited with how beautiful the photos were turning out.

“Sit up and rest your chin on your left hand. Lean your weight on your right leg.” Jeno’s direction was clear and firm. There was no evidence of a smaller tone he usually spoke in. Sitting up, you placed your elbow on your upper thigh to steady your chin. Jeno had already gotten down to floor level to you. 

Without the camera that separated you two, it had to be the first time he faced you completely in such close proximity. There was so much to admire about Jeno. He remained concentrated on his craft, but it was actually very sexy to see his dedication. It was almost like he was a whole new person, like all the shyness drifted away. 

Jeno couldn’t take his eyes off of you. It wasn’t simply your beauty that amazed him. Your confidence made everything easy. There was something about your blank stares, when he asked for an emotion, you portrayed it perfectly.

“Can we talk while you shoot?” Your sudden voice startled the photographer. He lowered his camera and his gaze automatically wandered off behind you, which didn’t go unnoticed. He nodded after a short pause and the shutter noises continued.

“Why did you choose me as your model?” 

Jeno peeled away from the device, “because you’re you.” He didn’t even know what that statement meant. It wasn’t like he knew you before the first time he asked you to model for him.

The corners of your lips dipped down, drawing an evident frown. Click. Jeno loved that image especially. It was a simple way to get real, authentic facial expressions. He marveled at the photo, but registered the reason behind it. “I wanted to ask you the second I saw you. I just knew that I wanted you.” 

“But you don’t know me.” 

Jeno looked through the lens once again, welcoming a full view of your stunning attributes. He spoke in a low voice, “then, let me know you.” Click. 

It would be the biggest lie to say that you weren’t aroused by Jeno at the moment. He was cool, without trying to be. He really did shine when he had a camera to work with, like a star to a dark night. While he had a distinct demeanor off the bat, you enjoyed unraveling the rest of him. He was, also, the first man you met that didn’t seem sexually driven by a naked woman in his presence. 

You had to resist every urge to push the camera away and share the few seconds of his entire gaze before it wandered away. You wanted to rock his world, he was so innocent and beautiful. You wished to wreak havoc on him, have him show you how much he wanted you. 

+

You anticipated an awkward photoshoot, but Jeno made you feel safe and comfortable. He made sure to adjust the temperature when goosebumps rose on your arms and when your nipples became painfully hard. He never touched you or came too much into your personal space. He always asked for your permission. 

Nude modeling was a new experience for you, but you were surprised at how much you liked it. or how much you liked Jeno taking your photos. He sat next to you on the bed when you put on your articles of clothing and panned through several shots to satisfy your curiosity.

Leaning close, your head ducked to see the photos. A gasp escaped your lips when you saw just the first few. “Is that really me?” The pictures made you feel an abundance of emotions, you felt what they reflected. Sadness, melancholy, happiness, confidence. You didn’t know images had that much power to make you feel that, especially photos of you.

Jeno nodded, smiling so wide that his eyes turned to moon crescents. He was so in love with the results. He found respect for Taemin’s craft and he was right, he might’ve found a new forte to experiment with. “I can send you the photos digitally too, if you want them.”

“Maybe I’ll print them out, frame them, and gift it to every horrid man who has tried to flirt their way to my body since they want to see it so fucking bad.” 

Jeno peered over and saw the tiny glimpse of pain in your orbs, “why would you give horrible people what they want?”

“So they can finally shut up and leave me alone. Plus, this is art and if I tell them it’s actually me, maybe it’ll change their minds to start treating me like it.” 

He held his palm up and almost immediately, your fingers filled the spaces between his. “I’m going to need you to start treating yourself as fine art.”

“Keep taking more photos of me and I just might start thinking I’m Mona Lisa.” Your laughters blended nicely into each other. There was mutual mental acknowledgement of the happiness you were both feeling.

Jeno never let go of your hand, and there was a short moment of comforting silence where you two sat in each other’s existence. You were the one to break it, “are you doing anything after this?” 

He shook his head. “Well then, you’re mine for the rest of the night. We’re going to pretend we’ve been close friends since first year and eat take-out on my bed because that’s what I need at the moment.” 

+

“I know you respect my body and see this as an art form, but I’m genuinely surprised that you didn’t feel aroused at the slightest.”

Jeno didn’t even realize how much time had already passed being you. You two ate and chatted as if you’ve known each other forever, as if the friendship wasn’t established several hours ago. It felt safe and right, like you two belonged in each other’s existence and nowhere else mattered.

He felt warm inside from your hearty laughter and courage, like he was watching a painting come to life or a photo in movement. You were smitten over how endearing and complex he was. He was more than what meets the eye and that alone drew you towards him.

“Okay, I’ll admit,” Jeno paused to watch your reaction, “in the most respectable way, I was somewhat turned on. But! Before you trail blaze me for being just like every disgusting male in your life, I genuinely didn’t have any sexual thoughts during the photoshoot. That was all professional and it will continue to be like that.” 

Getting up from your bed, your mind was working at lightspeed to process his confession. Jeno was fast to pick up someone’s personality, what stood out and what was kept hidden. He knew quicker than anyone else that you were not someone to offend because you were a strong, straight forward woman.

His personality breakdown went like this: you knew what you like, you knew you were going to get what you want, you enjoyed flirty banter (with people of your choice), you weren’t afraid to be blunt, or kick someone’s ass. You carried yourself with confidence that graced your every step, which makes anyone attracted to you instantly. Bold, confident, sexy had to be what came to mind whenever he thought about you. 

Nonetheless, he really liked you as a person. He could pat himself on the back all day long for just approaching you, but he knew the real reason as to how this all happened. It was you saying yes to a stranger’s odd photoshoot. You made him the luckiest man in the world. 

“Continue? Are you looking for excuses to keep seeing me?” You smirked and Jeno’s voice grew small. 

“I--- uh, well,” there goes the nervous stammering, “I know the conditions were a one time thing, so I understand if you don’t want to do it again.” As the night had progressed, Jeno gradually began to hold eye contact and actually looked at you directly without the help of seeing you through a lens. This was the first time he broke it. 

“Hey now, I’m messing with you, Jeno.” He had been sitting on your floor, at the end of your bed. You crawled on your elbows to reach him, and to hold his chin to face you again. Deja vu. “I’d love to get naked for you again, and again, and.. as many times as you want me to.” 

He stared at you with his mouth hung open in disbelief. His eyes scanned your beautiful face to see your lips pull back into a mischievous smile. Gulping, he swallowed every ounce of courage he had left. “You don’t have to say it like that.” He tried to remove your grip, but it latched onto his hand. 

“You’re finally looking me in the eye, sweet thing. I don’t think you realize how much I had been wanting that from you.” You caressed his cheek, rubbing small circles on his texture. 

“What else do you want from me?” His implication sounded suggestive, even if his curiosity was innocent. 

Your hot breath brushed against Jeno’s lips. “I can show you.”

Jeno, the one and only college guy who has seen your naked body in a non-sexual context. Jeno, the shy, sweet boy who appreciated and recognized you as a form of art. Jeno, the talented and skillful photographer, who consistently made sure you felt comfortable. Jeno, the only person in the world who you’d model nude for. Jeno, the dazzling character behind the camera who you wanted more than anyone else you’ve ever met. Lee Jeno.

He seemed like he was inching closer, already tilting his head to fit your’s. You smiled to yourself, seeing that your words were received well. Diving in, your lips swam together fervently. 

The poor boy found himself lost in your enchanting, alluring gaze. He let the trance consume him, selfishly kissing the art he admired so dearly. A small part of him felt the guilt and confusion that began to rise. He wasn’t sure why he suddenly wished to feel your lips on his neck, or run his hands across your hot skin. He swore these thoughts were not present earlier. 

A small pop! and Jeno held your shoulder to pull away. “I’m sorry, did I do something?” You asked, honestly concerned that you were taking more than you deserved. The least you desired was to hurt Jeno, who had been nothing but nice and sweet.

“(Y/N),” you could listen to your name roll off his tongue all day, “I feel somewhat guilty. I don’t want things to be misunderstood.”

“Which would be?”

“I don’t want you to think I coerced you into being my model just because I had intentions to sleep with you.” Jeno was already gathering his things, but you hopped off your bed and placed a hand on his chest. “Because that’s what it’s starting to look like at the moment.”

“Was that something you did though? Did you have those intentions?” Your stare bore right through him. The warmth of your hand relaxed his racing heart.

“Never, (Y/N), I would never do that to someone.” Your hand traveled down to grab his belongings and tossed it back onto the ground. 

He silently watched as you took off your pants, and stood in front of him in your underwear. “Then, we’re fine. I know your intentions have always been pure. But truthfully, Jeno, seeing you focused while you worked sparked something in me. You don’t understand how aroused I got and how badly I wanted you to fuck me on that bed.” His hand trailed up your exposed thighs, finally touching your softness. “You’re the one guy I wanted first, and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that.” 

“I-- I don’t know what to say.” His cheeks revealed how embarrassed he was, but his dark, lustful eyes were telling a different story.

A smirk fell upon your face, “then don’t say anything.” 

Jeno devoured you, inhaling the light hint of vanilla that still lingered. He hoisted you onto your mattress and kissed you like his life depended on it. His antsy hands roamed your free range, exploring, holding, gripping the parts he marveled over. Small moans from the back of your throat encouraged him to continue.

No one has ever kissed you with the amount of passion Jeno did. It was gentle, with enough vigor to cause your panties to dampen. It wasn’t sloppy, where previous guys had a problem of missing your mouth entirely and slobbered your chin. 

His lips worshiped you, highlighting your good sides. Flashes of the photoshoot popped into Jeno’s head as he left purple marks on the places he loved capturing the most. He pushed up your shirt, exposing your chest to him again. His tongue circled around your hard nipple as he made sure to give the same amount of attention to each one. 

Jeno knew he was too shy to hold your intense stare, but getting to know you during and after the photoshoot, he could see the softness in your gaze. He was, now, able to see all of you. The sight of you through the camera was addicting enough, so finally taking you all in was more than satisfying. 

Your hands ran through his hair as he kissed down your torso. His thumbs hooked the waistband of your underwear, and peeled it off your body. You gasped as the cold air from your apartment grazed against your exposed figure.

Jeno paused to admire your glistening pussy, “would it be okay if you let me make love to you?”

Your heart burned, not out of embarrassment, but at how he still managed to ask you for your permission in the sweetest way. You rested your weight on your elbows, “no one has done that before, would it actually make me want to fall in love with you?”

“It wouldn’t be too bad. I have a lot of love to give and you look like a person who deserves all of it anyways.” Jeno’s finger ran over your wet slit and rubbed your clit slowly.

Your moans filled the room as the electric jolted throughout your veins. The wetness grew, seeping out of you like a waterfall. Jeno dropped down to his knees, and lifted your legs on his broad shoulders.

“Are you usually this wet, baby?”

Chuckling, you smiled at his bold choice in using pet names, “Just for you.”

He hummed, chiming at how he liked your answer. Spreading you open, his tongue met with your swollen bud that begged for his licks.

His tongue darted side to side, up and down and in result, your back arched in pleasure and a darkness clouded your mind. His name and mindless profanities streamlined their way out of you as Jeno ate you out in such a precisely delicious way.

Grabbing a fist full of hair, you pulled him closer, even if there was no more space to fill. Looking down, you two exchanged glances before he thrusted a finger into you. Your hips bucked harder as he eased in another one.

Jeno curled his fingers in search of your sweet spot and found it when a deep moan escaped your throat. His fingertips rubbed and pressed into your plush flesh, causing you to practically scream and squirm in his mouth. 

He suckled your clit and fingered you simultaneously and quickly. The pleasure was overflowing and you released his hair to grip your sheets below you. Your legs shook and trembled as he had no caution to stop.

“Please, I’m going to--” you could barely talk due to your face contouring to the splurge of pleasure every single time Jeno rubbed your spot. “--to explode.” 

He had to take back what he thought earlier in the day. This was the most beautiful sight he’s ever laid eyes on. The whole scene played like from one of his favorite films. It felt like he was giving his photos life. Your body twisted and turned, accentuating the curves of your lines. 

Jeno had become painfully hard against the fabric of his jeans, but seeing you fall apart because of his minimal movements exhilarated him. “P-Please, don’t stop.” A breathy moan followed suit and your thighs tried to press themselves together. Jeno didn’t allow it, his free hand hooked underneath your left thigh to pull one side away from his cheeks.

Your high gradually grew so tall that it all eventually came cascading down. Your legs shook violently and sat up from the euphoria that took over you. Jeno prolonged your buzz and you screamed loudly, having to bite down on your fingers to stop yourself from angering your neighbors.

Jeno drank you up, letting your wetness cover his chin and drip down his knuckles. He pulled away, at last, and you took deep breaths to control your heavy breathing. It was like Jeno knocked the wind completely out of you. 

He stood up and you saw the outline of his hard bulge straining itself through his jeans. The next scene was quite animalistic. You, still embodying your high, sat on your knees and unzipped his pants with your needy hands.

“Now, it’s your turn to get nude for me.” You whispered, tauntingly. Jeno groaned when you reached down and gently pulled him out. He stepped out of his clothing, all of it. His shirt was lost in the corner and his bottoms were scattered over your floor. Mirroring his actions, you took off your last piece of cloth.

Jeno was built. Though his biceps did not go unnoticed during the photoshoot, you were surprised at the lines of muscle that sketched his body. It made your mouth water, seeing his extremely hard dick stand against his toned abs. His red tip fell just below his navel. Jeno only kept getting better as the night continued on.

Pulling him closer, his hand found their way to the back of your head as you aligned your mouth to the wetness that spilled from his tip. “I want to make you feel good.” Jeno’s hoarse voice made your knees weak.

Peering up, you batted your eyelashes at him fondly. “Just a little taste?” You begged, having to hold his shaft with both of your hands because of his thickness. Your tongue was already stuck out, your hot breath causing the tiniest bit of sensation for him.

He nodded and his eyes were trained on you. He didn’t want to miss any second of your kitty licks. You flattened your tongue against his warmth, dragging it up to the top. The saltiness hit your palette as you swirled around his redness. “Oh--” Jeno threw his head back and bit his lip, “--lay on the bed now.” 

You smiled sweetly and gave his member a quick kiss before reaching for a condom in your drawer. Jeno climbed onto your bed and situated the rubber comfortably. You laid on your back and he was fast to pull your legs around his waist. 

He lined himself at your entrance and eased his tip in slowly. Squirming, you craved him to fill you up to the brim. He leaned down to kiss you, letting your tongue lap with his. It’s your hands with the mind of their own when they flew automatically to hold his face whenever you wanted to deepen the kiss. Then, Jeno stretched himself all the way in and he caught your gasp with his lips. He groaned, feeling the mess he created merely minutes ago. 

His hips moved so easily with your wetness, but he went slow. Dragging out each pull and then, pushing himself back in roughly. “Jeno!” Your body jolted up the bed each time. His body fell over yours to hold you intimately, letting you bury your face into his neck. Your lips latched themselves onto his sensitive skin, painting a purple sunset. 

Jeno’s arms snaked underneath your thighs as he pressed them to your chest, folding you almost into a ball. Your mouth hung open as he fucked you harder, rougher, deeper yet keeping the tempo rhythmically slow. At this point, you could feel his hits in your gut. Your weak hands gripped loosely around his strong wrists that held your legs down. “You’re pussy is so tight and holy shit---, you keep getting more beautiful.”

A familiar burning sensation set in your chest as you saw how concentrated his face had become. You were so fucked out that you could barely speak, “you—” his hips mercilessly slammed into you powerfully, enacting a low moan every time he reached your sweet spot. “—keep surprising me.” His actions came to a halt and he stared deeply into your soul. 

You whined, wiggling your hips for any friction. He held them down into the mattress, knowing his grip was strong enough to leave a mark. “I told you, I was going to make love to you tonight.”

“I’ve already fallen for you.” You said breathlessly, tracing the side of his face and pecking his lips softly. 

“You don’t understand what you’re doing to me by saying those things.” He whispered and pushed his entire shaft to fill you to your brim. 

You yelped his name and gripped his shoulders, but he wasn’t done yet. “Show me how badly you wanted me the first time you saw me.” Jeno blinked at you in slight shock. 

As he continued to hold the deep gaze, he kept pushing his dick further and further into you. He was balls deep, almost impossible to keep going. He fucked you without the need to pull out, just burying his cock deeper into your wet pussy. You exclaimed, moaned, cussed at every push. Holding the stare was more than enough to lose yourself all over him again. 

Jeno was drunk with the image of your fucked out expression and every time the mixture of pleasure and pressure caused your eyebrows to crease and mouth to open release sensual sound. He had been trying his best not to come undone, to fixate another climax for you.

The feeling of you wrapping tighter and tighter around him drove him insane. “Give it to me, please.” Your muffled plead called for his release, but he could feel that you were close to your second.

Jeno sat up on his knees and pulled you into his arms where your thighs fell over his. You groaned at the empty feeling, though it was quickly replaced with a gratifying moan when he inserted himself again. Your arms dangled around his neck, foreheads touching intimately. 

The fucking eye contact again, how could you get enough of it? You giggled, amused at how different Jeno was when he eventually opened up. He wrapped his strong arms around your back and thrusted his hips up into you. The way this man made you squirm, scream, and shake were nothing you’ve experienced before. 

He smirked, placing a gentle kiss on your cheek when he went rampage on your pussy. “Not laughing now, are you?”

You whined in pleasure, brushing your fallen strands of hair out of his face. “Shut up before I make you.” 

“Then I’d rather keep going.” Kissing up his jawline, you lead your way to his pout. His kisses intoxicated you with his passion and madness, like the most intense part of a symphony, or when the bass drops after a long build up in a song. 

Jeno sped up, ramming up into your slick pussy over and over again. He even brought your hips down to match him, guiding you down as he went up. The headboard was knocked against the wall, your windows steamed up, cries of pleasure from the both of you created the ambiance, the smell of sex filled your lungs. Jeno reached between your bodies to furiously rub your clit to where it felt almost raw. It all sent you into the clouds, the familiar queasiness settled in your lower half.

Your eyes rolled back and your back arched, having to pull away from the desirous kiss with Jeno. “I’m cumming!” You announced before the tension unraveled, causing you to see absolute white. The second wave was much more uncontrollable, Jeno felt you squeezing radically around his dick as he tried to fuck you faster to prolong the feeling.

Your legs shook around his and your upper body went limp with pleasure. You reached the peak of the mountain and it came crumbling down underneath your toes. It was catastrophically enthralling, to the point where you physically felt something leave your body.

“Oh shit..” Jeno stopped his motions at the sight of you squirting over his lap. He pampered your torso with fluttering kisses, hoping to calm your spastic body. “...baby, are you okay?” He asked with a bit of concern of how lack of life you seemed. 

This man just gave you the best climax in your whole life and he asked if you were okay? Regaining your senses, you sighed a small yes to reassure him that he didn’t actually murder you. Hopping off, you pulled the condom that restricted him.

He hissed when you cupped his balls in your palm. “Cum, my sweet thing.” You purred and Jeno’s hand pumped his member aggressively. You leaned in to help, sucking the tip and flicking your tongue over his slit. 

His other hand gripped your neck, causing you to drip on your sheets. Jeno was panting and with every tug, it became louder. He seemed so desperate to release that it made you smile to be the reason behind it. “Can you lay down,” A grunt followed his question, “please.” He huffed.

“Because you asked nicely.” Smirking, your back hit the sheets and you opened your legs to give Jeno a view. He situated himself above your stomach, as he fucked his tight grip.

“I’m cumming---” He couldn’t look any more amazing. With a final moan, the white streaks streamed out in short sequences. It landed across your abdomen, over your nipple, and pooled around your belly button. 

Bringing himself back to reality, Jeno stepped back to marvel you, his masterpiece. The white streaks coated your purple skin and your chest rose fast to catch your reality. Gazing upon your naked body, he was utterly infatuated with all of you. He was so in love with the sight of you that not a single photo could capture the beauty that you were. 

Jeno pondered the thought of how merely a day changed a small part of him. You were life changing, addicting, an incomparable character that he felt like he’s known forever, and now, couldn’t live without. It was the taste of your juices on his lips, your sweet melodic music that was your voice, your daring smile that enticed him to never peel away from you. It was simply you. 

He leaned down to rub his knuckles against your cheek, planting a lovingly peck on your forehead. “I’ll go start the water for you.” 

+

Jeno anticipated the reaction of his mentor. He found himself at the same scene he was when he was first given the task. Taemin sat across from him, hunched forward to analyze his new set of photos on his laptop. Raw, unedited photos of you, your body, your details. 

The hum of the air conditioning droned on, driving him mad. Jeno needed one reaction, but Taemin had been silent and expressionless for the past ten minutes. Whenever he did move, it was to click through to the next picture. 

Suddenly, he shut it closed and stood right up. Jeno, panicked, did the same. Taemin stuck his hand out and Jeno hesitantly grabbed it, incredibly unsettled and unable to read the older man.

Taemin received it firmly, giving Jeno a good handshake. “Welcome abroad, Lee Jeno. I expect even more great things from you.” 

Jeno registered his delightful mood switch and he was fast to follow up, “my photos, --- you --- like them?” 

Taemin nodded generously, patting Jeno on his shoulder. Taemin reached up to tap his own eyelids. “What you can see, is very special, kid. You’re an artist and I’m here to recognize that for you. It seems to me, you can do more than take pictures of sidewalks.” 

Jeno smiled happily, his eyes disappearing from joy. He couldn’t wait to tell you about it. 

The rest of the week, leading up to Jeno’s appointment, had felt nothing short of blissful moments together. You and Jeno spent almost every waking minute together without the cost of your friends’ time. He walked you to your classes, some even being across the campus from his own. You accompanied him for meals, even sitting in his lectures to just be with him.

There were no words that established what you two had become to each other. Jeno wasn’t looking for that anyways, in fact, he somewhat liked the ambiguity. If only he could tell you how making love to you made him begin to actually fall for you.

You were never one to hold a serious relationship, but you found a small want for that festering in Jeno. It was hard to admit to yourself, but Jeno saw you for all that you were. He truly saw you, whether it had been through a lens or through his own eyes. He captured your rawness and you were able to find vulnerability around him. 

He ran to you, where you sat in the lobby waiting for him to finish his meeting. Peering up from your phone, you noticed the beaming smile on the boy’s face. You couldn’t hold back your own grin, seeing him apparent with so much joy. “I’m guessing good things?”

“I got it, (Y/N)!” He jumped into your arms and you laughed at the sudden affection. “He loved my photos.” 

“I didn’t doubt it for one second. You’re an artist, Jeno. You create masterpieces that make even someone like me, feel like art.” 

Jeno hugged you closer to his chest, giving you a tiny squeeze. Pulling away to face you, his eyes examined your outstanding grace. You knew what he was already going to say, but simply wanted to hear him say it. “That’s because you are art.”

#lee jeno #jeno scenarios #nct smut #jeno smut #nct dream scenarios #nct jeno #jeno #nct dream smut #nct 127 scenarios #wayv #wayv scenarios #nct dream reactions #nct 127 smut #nct #nct dream imagines #lee jeno scenarios #kpop #kpop smut #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #cznnet #nct u scenarios #nct u #nct 127 reactions #nct reactions #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct au #nct dream scenario #nct dream

[letsbenditlikebennett]

Batman and the Wolf in Shining Armor || Ariana & Sammy/Ace

TIMING: Tonight, middle of the night PARTIES: @inspirationdivine​ & @letsbenditlikebennett​ SUMMARY: After looking for Ace/Sammy out in the woods for the past few nights, Ariana finally comes across him again. Wholesome times ensue. CONTENT: Sibling death mentions, 

The past couple of nights, Ariana had made her way to their spot in the woods, hoping to catch Ace. It’d been a while since she left her last note and she knew it left him a bit worried. Turned out, it was with good reason though not even skipping late night runs through the wood had done her any good. She swallowed back the lump that felt like lead in her throat and slid down the tree to sit on the ground as she waited. If he didn’t show up tonight, she was going to have to check that tunnel out again and try to find where he was. She intended to help him and make sure his situation was safe, as she had that looming feeling present that it wasn’t, but things had just spiraled so out of control. She would follow through for him though. Ace was kind, sweet, and funny-- whatever he was going through that limited how much he could share with her wasn’t deserved. Too many good people seemed to be getting the shit end of the stick and she wasn’t going to let that happen to Ace, too. The crunching of leaves beneath shoes shook her from her thoughts as her head whipped around to see the source. A tired, but relieved smile spread across her face as she jumped up to greet Ace. She immediately enveloped him in a hug and said, “I’m so glad you’re here. Been trying to catch you the last few nights.”

Sammy hadn’t been wandering so much lately. It hadn’t been easy to get out with Lydia having one kind of guest or another. Never reveal your presence to a guest. Well, this one apparently didn’t even sleep. Fuck, he’d thought, but tonight, he’d made it out. Even though he’d seen the eye in the sky, the moon didn’t look too shabby. He’d curled his hands into his pockets, and run. No scratch left on his skin anymore, the rambling excuses about dried clay had barely satiated Lydia, but she hadn’t questioned it too closely. He wandered into the woods, his chest tight, desperate to see Ariana again after the notes she’d left him. But the young wolf caught him by surprised when she jumped up from the tree, and when she hugged him he swung his wiry arms right around hers, effortlessly picking up her up in a bear hug. “Yeah, god, I missed you Ari. You scared the hell out of me.”

Ariana clung to him longer than she normally would have, taking in his earthy scent that always vaguely reminded her of clay and burying her head into his chest. With everything else that happened, it was such a huge relief to see him here alive despite the fact she’d failed to check up on him sooner. As she pulled away, she weakly explained, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” She meant as much, though she wasn’t even sure how to explain what happened. It was terrible and there wasn’t really a way of making it sound less terrible, not that she thought Ace needed her to filter anything, it was just a lot to put on someone who clearly had their own problems. Not that he could talk about them which only furthered the sour feeling in her stomach so she tried to shake that away, though a trace of a grimace was left on her face. “A lot happened, but I’m mostly safe now. Or at least, there’s not anyone actively hunting for me anymore. Are you okay though? How have you been?”

“Woah, hey,” Sammy said, holding her even tighter as she pressed her face into his chest. He helped her tight, ad when she pulled away, he hated the feeling of letting her go. This werewolf had stolen a piece of his heart a long time ago. “Don’t apologise for that, Ari. Never.” He insisted firmly, squinting in the dark to her. “No one’s hunting you anymore? Ari, that’s fantastic! Agh, same as ever. New eye in the sky, same old Ace. It’s been a pretty quiet old time for me. Mainly I’ve been looking forward to all those prom photos you promised me.” 

Ariana let out a breath as she tried to keep herself from grimacing as he spoke. Ace meant well and really was just so sweet, there was literally no way he could have known that prom night had been the worst night of her life so far. If things hadn’t turned out so tragically wrong, she would have even found how eager he was to see photos from the evening endearing. Fuck. “Fantastic, right,” she started, voice not all that convincing as she pulled out her phone to show him some of the photos. She half wanted to just tell him what happened, but a bigger part of her just wanted to have a nice, light-hearted evening with the mysterious friend she’d made in the forest. She scrolled through a couple of the pictures, showing him as she went. Her purple hair had been done up in a bun and black headband that perfectly matched her long, black dress. She’d looked so… happy. Then she realized she went back too far when she came up on the ones of her and Celeste, quickly throwing the phone down and cringing as she heard the sound of her screen hitting the root of a tree. She hadn’t even realized her eyes were welling up as she shakily said, “Shit, I shouldn’t have--” Her gaze fell down to her unsteady hands, completely ignoring the fallen phone, and instantly felt bad for making him worry about her yet again.

It didn’t sound that fantastic when she said it like that. Sammy bit his doubt into his cheek, swinging himself around to peer over Ariana’s shoulder. “You’re right, that dress is amazing,” he commented idly, from what they’d talked about last time. But the more they flicked through a myriad of faces, the more stiff Ari became. The more uncomfortable. He flinched back, heart hammering, when she flung her phone to the ground. For a split second, he’d seen someone else’s rage. But this was Ari. She was… she was fine. “It’s okay. Ari, it’s okay.” His voice didn’t quite sound it. Sammy picked up the phone. The screen was cracked to hell, but the photo of Ariana next to that woman was still there, smiling up at him, like a dream team. It looked, well, normal. Not something that would make someone cry, unless… well, fuck, there were a lot of reasons someone would well up at the sight of an ugly photo. “Ariana, what’s up? What happened? You can tell me.”

All she had wanted was a nice normal night with Ace and here she was throwing her phone and crying over prom photos. Ariana should have known the photos would be a bad idea. There’d been a reason she hadn’t gone through them herself, but seeing the last photo she and Celeste would ever take together had brought on a new wave of grief that she hadn’t quite been ready to ride. Not now. Her breath was hitched in her throat and he seemed so concerned. He deserved an answer for the outburst that had clearly startled him. She tried to keep her breathing even and blink away the tears. “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to-- Prom was-- Something bad happened,” she gasped for another breath as if would calm the erratic thudding of her heart in her chest, “I’m not being hunted anymore because they already--” Her voice cracked and she hadn’t realized her fists had been clenched in her lap. She stretched out her shaking hands, trying to force some of the tension out of her body. Trying to find the strength to say the words she hadn’t even wanted to believe. She took a deep breath in and out, forcing herself to say the rest, “Th-they shot me with some sort of weird dart outside the hotel and took me away to some warehouse. The photo was Celeste, my sis-- She’s dead. She died saving me.”

“Ari?” Sammy swallowed, hating how awkward his body felt as he reached for her, faltered. His happy go lucky facade failing him as tears sprung in her eyes. “Something- wha-” THe words kept catching, and none of it was sinking in. They’d already what? They’d already what?? And yet part of him knew. He remembered his first hunt. Thirteen, and only half way through had his parents realised as he crumpled under the weight of a newly risen spawn that he’d been faking all those super powers all along. His family, they weren’t like that, they didn’t just hunt for the sake of it, but when they hunted. Fuck. His body trembled. Shit. There were supposed to clever words springing to his head. Something kind and comforting that would make her laugh in a sad way and then the moment would be over. “Shit. Ari, that’s so shitty.”

“It is,” Ariana managed to choke out as she wiped the tears away from her eyes. When was this going to get easier? Saying the words out loud felt like pouring salt into a still open wound every single time and she hated it. Then here was Ace, normally so positive even throughout whatever his sketchy predicament was, looking so sad for her. So at a loss for how to help because really, there was no helping it. All there was to do was to go through it and feel the loss every time it crept up on her. She took another deep breath in and out, steadying herself again. “I’m--,” she started, but realized he wouldn’t expect her to apologize for this, “I just wanted a normal night together so I didn’t start with that. Well, normal for us.” She added the last part, realizing their meetings weren’t what most would classify as normal, but she always looked forward to them. Always felt a small surge of excitement whenever they actually made it to their spot on the same night.

That’s so shitty. Real man of words there, Sammy. This, as Lydia would say, was why he wasn’t with her for his skill with words. Here was what he could do, though, which wasn’t fucking much at all, considering all his money was stolen from Lydia’s wallet and he could only get out a few nights a month. He could be there for her, right now. “Yeah, well, normal for us aint all that normal. Especially right now. I mean, you saw the eye in the sky, right?” He cracked a wry smile, and then curled his arms round her, ever so carefully. “C’mon. You don’t have to be okay right now.”

Maybe he wasn’t the best with words, but Ariana found herself letting out a chuckle as Ace spoke. Even if there were still tears in her eyes, something about Ace just being Ace was comforting. There wasn’t anything anyone could really do to make things better. She didn’t need better though. She just needed reasons to get up every morning, no matter how big or small they were. Well, Ace was more of a reason to stay out later than she should at night, but still, it helped. “You’re not wrong. Fuck that eyeball sun. All I’m saying is the moon would never.” Her smile and voice were still a little shaky. How gently Ace put his arms around her was welcomed and she leaned into him, feeling her heartbeat slow as she relaxed a bit. “I know I don’t have to be. I’m just so sick of being sad, you know?”

“The moon better not!” Sammy replied, with something that might have been a grin in any other situation, but right now was closer to a grimace. He just squeezed her tighter, cradling her in his arms as they stood in those woods. Trees creaked and at times he thought the shadows had eyes, but holding her tight, there wasn’t much here of which he was frightened. “Yeah, I know, what that’s like. That just doesn’t get rid of the sad. You just get to have feelings next to the sad too.”

There was no escaping the constant ache Ariana felt these days, but in this moment it wasn’t front and center. The feeling of his arms squeezing her even tighter sent something akin to a flutter through her chest. Even with the constant hint of sadness in the background, it was a nice moment. She could relish in the comforting sounds of the woods humming around them and how familiar Ace’s scent was becoming. Even if it was only for a few minutes, she felt okay. “Feelings next to the sad, that can work. Or it’s working,” she mumbled, head still tucked into his arms before looking back up at him, tears mostly faded away, “I am happy to see you and know we’re both okay. I know you’re not able to talk about things and I have kind of a hunch on why, but I do worry about you, too.”

“Yeah, just feel all of it.” Sammy said, tucking his chin over his heads. He held her until she looked up at him, and shit, the heartbreak in her eyes almost knocked him out all by themselves. I’ve got you, he wanted to say, but like hell he did. Only out a few nights a month, missing her half the time. “Yeah. Please don’t do anything with that hunch. I’m safe. Well,” he huffed a laugh, “As safe as any scrawny guy like me wandering these kindsa woods at night before I find my protective wolf in shining armour. Do you have like, shit, pack? Is that the right word? Or people as a whole supporting you?”

There was concern still etched in her features as he told Ariana to not do anything with her suspicions. It was a little bit late for that, but she had every intention to make sure he was not only safe, but free to live his life as he pleased. She gave his arm a squeeze and agreed anyway. It was probably safer if he didn’t know she planned to help him. “If you say so. Please tell me if you do need help though. I pack quite the punch, but I’ve got a lot of contacts, too.” She wasn’t about to lose someone else she cared about if she could do anything to help it. She lightened the mood a little bit with an arched brow and a smirk as she retorted, “You’re not that scrawny. I do like the wolf in shining armor part though.” She intended to live up to it. “Oh, yeah, I have a pack now and a pretty big found family. Lots of wolves, a few witches, a selkie, a zombie, a banshee, and hey, even won over a werewolf hunter because I’m that adorable.”

Sammy didn’t point out that he wouldn’t be able to point out that he literally couldn’t tell her either way, but he didn’t need help. He only liked sneaking out at night, he’d never… leave Lydia, or betray her. “Thanks, Ari.” He gave her another squeeze. Looking down at himself, he snickered. “Uh, yeah, I am. Skin and bones.” He grinned at her. “I like the wolf in shining armor too.” He leant them against a nearby tree, arm slung over the tree. “You know, half that list could be made up and I wouldn’t be able to tell. I’m real glad you’ve got people looking out for you like that, in the day time.”

Ariana had her doubts that he’d be able to tell her if he needed her help, it didn’t matter too much. She was going to look out for him whether he knew it or not. “Anytime,” she reassured. Ace was a bit skinny and she had to chuckle a bit at his own observation. “Okay, maybe a little scrawny, but you’re still a cute forest Batman.” She nudged his arm jokingly, still grinning a bit. “Now I’m disappointed that I didn’t say I have a pet dragon or something. But yeah, I’m definitely safe-- and hey, I’ll know if I’m ever going to die soon because of the banshee. So looks like you’re stuck with me for a while, Ace.” She followed his lead, leaning into him and the tree and found herself feeling content that they’d get to spend this evening together. She’d missed all their late night chats and she had every intention of making sure nothing got in the way of them. For now, she’d enjoy the present moment in their spot under a sparkling night sky.

#wickedswriting #sammy #ace #batman and the wolf in shining armor

[schoe1995]

Solo Traveling

I’ll first start off by saying and acknowledging that I do come from a well household. My mom runs her own dry cleaners and my dad works at a hospital for computer programming. Wasn’t like that always. In elementary school, I had classmates leave school to go on vacation. Super jealous that they went because I hated being in school 🤣🤣🤣 so the few times I could go on vacation was during like the major breaks or holidays. As I got older and family tensions increased, i began traveling with other people. Let’s just say after a series of not knowing other people’s personalities, cliques, and plus ones....I called it quits with group traveling. It’s a huge part of why my extroverted personality changed to more of an introvert/ extrovert. Since I have my own money, why not travel by myself.

I’ll talk about the cons of traveling solo first.

It can be very expensive: even if you do go with a group...be prepared to shell out a couple of dollars depending on where your going, staying, and activities

Have to be more aware of the surroundings: there has been a couple of times I’ve been exhausted because I was trying to be more aware of what’s going on. I have to watch my own back without relaying on somebody.

It can be scary: not going to lie...the day of trips I get really bad anxiety that I kinda want to throw up. Scratch that, I have thrown up. For example, when I went to D.C, I wasn’t worried about Lyft or Uber because my big bro was picking me up. However other airports....I have no idea where lyft or Uber would pick me up. Certain airports like O’Hare Chicago airport has two levels. One is for traditional friend/ family pick up. The other level is for rideshares. Ever since that mess I decided to look up airports ahead of time and look at maps for where to find the designated area. Helps a lot of stress out.

Benefits of solo traveling

Lollllll there wasn’t a whole lot of cons. Granted not everyone is going to have the same experience as me. So this is all from my personal experience.

Planning can be fun: When you travel alone, YOU are in charge of everything. I’m every pop culture orientated so I’m looking for the best spots for photos, food, shopping, etc. it’s the millennial (probably spelled it wrong) in me.

Moving at my own pace: so this was the best part for me. I’m a huge theme park junky! When I went to Orlando with my parents back in 2017 we did Disney World all in one day. Yes it can be possible to visit all 4 parks in one day😂 but that trip in general had the most arguments I had with my mom. She basically complained about all the walking we had to do. Also couldn’t watch fireworks. Everything was so rushed that back in 2019, I did a redo Disney World trip. Oh! I’ll definitely be doing a multi part blog for that. So when you travel by yourself you don’t have to deal with “I don’t want to do this!” “Why we going here?” Less arguments...PERIODT

Moving at your own time: this kinda goes with your own pace. I’m a huge HUGE be on time person. One of my sayings is “If your early, ya on time. If your on time, ya late. If your late...don’t bother showing up”. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves when people aren’t on time. Idk if it’s just Asians but Asian people AINT NEVER ON TIME FOR ANYTHING! So you have free reign with time.

Flexibility: This was one of the things I found super awesome when it came to solo trips. My schedule to travel had so much flexibility. And since I was working in retail, I could do what I want...per say. If my days weren’t approved I’d still go on this trip🤣 but I found traveling during the off season for holidays or non busy or non important seasons were a lot cheaper. That’s what I kinda wanted to make up for; not being able to travel when I was younger and leaving school to go 🤣 now that I can...✌️

No cliques: personality wise, I describe myself as a walking tv show. So picture every Disney show, Nickelodeon, and VH1 reality shows all in one person. I really don’t fit into a mold so I call it an outsider habit. I thought I’d get super lonely when traveling alone but oddly...I’m more comfortable with it. There is this no judgement zone when traveling alone. When I went to Universal Studio with my parents, it was “why do you want to buy this” or “how old are you?” First of all...you can never be too old of anything:) This might be a con for others, so it all depends🤷‍♂️ besides with technology I’m able to FaceTime, Live Stream, record things I want others to see. Ha! This is what this blog is for!

In no way shape or form am I throwing shade to group trips. I call those experiences that helped shape my travel knowledge. I’m always grateful for that. But the couple solo travel tips I’ll give is this.

Research! I can’t stress this enough. Knowing where you are going can save so much hassle. If your traveling internationally know where your country embassy is just in case. Second, the culture of the city or country. Being knowledgeable can help avoid any cultural ignorance, stereotypes.

Flights: alright flights can be very touchy subject. I usually find great deals with Southwest when they offer sales. Sometimes buying two - one way tickets is cheaper than round trip. They also offer two free checked bags, one carry one, and one personal items. If Southwest is a little out of your budget, don’t worry! Other airlines have great prices. I use Google Flights.

Train: if your destination is a couple hours away, I’d suggest taking Amtrak. Believe it or not Amtrak depending on what city you go too have awesome deals. If you follow them on Instagram they have beautiful photos of scenic railways. When I was younger I had a huge obsession with trains. I had every train from Thomas The Tank Engine. 😂 anyways, trains also have dining cars, and sleeping cars. Some have observation decks so you can do a 360* of the surroundings

Car: I put this last for transportation. Believe it or not, traveling by car may sound cost efficient but it’s really not. Just from my personal experience from driving to Branson Missouri, Tennessee, Chicago. There is gas you have to pay and hotels can charge a ridiculous amount for overnight parking x the amount of nights your staying. WHEW CHILEEEE THE MESS!

Hotels & location: This is the boujee side of me. I like to be comfortable after a day of riding rides or exploring. Just being able to act like this is my home for the time being. I usually use Bookings.com, Trivago.com, etc. to find the best one. Use filters if you need to find exactly what you need. When I travel to concerts, I try finding hotels close to the venue. That way I’m not paying extra for lyft, Uber, or taxis. BTW, don’t ever take taxis after concerts. Such a rip off...idk if there is a law that prevents them for jacking up their prices.

Air BnB’s: So I found this to be half and half. Sometimes it’s less expensive sometimes...not so much. Air BnB is pretty much either paying for a room or whole house for a certain amount of days. My big bro introduced me to it when we went to LA. I used it on my road trip to LA with a “friend” who is no longer a friend. But it was more of other situations I don’t really use. Honestly after seeing videos of how people were being racist to other guests, that was a major turn off to me. Second I had a friend who posted a conversation of a Air BnB host who tried to play her. Yes the app does have host ratings and reviews but there are so many fees and rules that it’s like, I might as well pay for the hotel. Again it’s totally up to you but staying at a random strangers house....Issa no dawg if I’m traveling by myself.

BUDGETING IS CRUCIAL!! Anytime I go anywhere I budget how much I’m spending. So with that being said, I get all information from attractions I want to go see, restaurants, ride share, everything. You don’t have to be so exact like me but it certainly helps me to know exactly how much I’m spending. Lol

Oh!!!! Sign up for reward programs at any restaurant you eat, shops you shop, or hotels! I do it all the time because for a lot of reward programs just by signing up you get a freebie. So why not take advantage of it.

So I wrote this blog up at like 5:30AM in the morning 🤣🤣🤣😭 I know I’m in for a struggle. But I decided to do this blog post because I was just going through my social media of all the travels I did. I really hope it does help you guys out a lot.

#travel #solo travel #travel blog #travel tips #blogger #blog #solo traveller

[namedconquer]

OF BEAUTY

DIARY ENTRY: 01/08/2017

Beauty is a social construct!

 It has been constructed to best serve white supremacist, patriarchal, capitalist systems, with an agenda to deliberately exclude anyone and anything that does not package perfectly for profit – depending on the market. These markets could be different contexts, a few years back it was about being supermodel thin, now we could say it is about being “stripper thick” We could even consider the different markers of beauty in cultures around the world, some value eyes, hips, many value skin tone…The complexity and cruelty of capitalism, with its siblings patriarchy and white supremacy, is that this construction is fluid – it flexes through time and place, morphing and moulding, changing shape, but always serving an evil agenda. Once you understand that beauty is constructed by those in power, you become aware of your own power to construct beauty in a way that best serves you. What I mean is not the clichéd affirmation of, “Beauty Comes from Within,” – because it doesn’t. There is nothing essential about beauty. I’m advocating for the everyday exercise of constructing a definition and standard of beauty that suits and serves you. Deciding that though your edges are not laid today, today’s definition of beauty becomes non-laid edges – and gotdamnit you’re beautiful! These deliberate decisions and definitions are an everyday, maybe even hourly exercise, because whilst you are constructing beauty for yourself, you must simultaneously deconstruct definitions that come against your standard. Theoretically, social constructions are not real, they are made up. They shouldn’t matter, but realistically, they have adverse effects on our being in this world. You get to work, edges not laid – gotdamnit you’re beautiful! And then, your white boss states that your afro is unkempt and unprofessional.  You’ve got to churn, do the mental and spiritual work of deconstructing and reconstructing, deconstructing and reconstructing. Whew! If you ask me, being beautiful is exhausting – it’s a task that relies very little on the physical and external appearance, but weighs heavy on the mind and spirit.

It is a task that I have tried in the past year to fulfil, and found some success in the fact that I do not have a deep hatred for my dark skin. I understand that the exclusion of darker skinned people (whatever their race) are white supremacist ideals used to fuel conquest, colonialism and capitalism.  I do not want to be complicit, even in the smallest way, of believing there’s something wrong with my skin, and feed into the rhetoric. That’s not to say self-hate doesn’t creep in now and then, between the churning of deconstructing and reconstructing, I may add a lightening filter to my Instagram selfie and then some days I just post. Beauty is an everyday exercise – an hourly exercise.

For me it has become an exercise of life and death. My body has deteriorated – I have lost so much weight. When I took a look at myself in the mirror after two weeks of hospital admission, I hated it. On top of that I had a bloody cold sore on my lips – I deemed myself ugly. Ugly infected with sickness is death. This fear of frailty goes way back, beyond the two-week hospital admission or the week admission last year. It goes back to a school photo of me in Grade 7 that surfaced whilst I was in Grade 8. In this photo, my dark skin looks pale – not light or ashy –but pale, without its glow. I’m smiling – I have a beautiful smile, but my face has lost its filling and firmness, and is struggling to sustain the smile. It seemed as though the smile would fall upon my protruding collar bone and that would be the end of me – shattered, a pile of tiny bones with barely any skin. My mother came across the photo once, hidden in a drawer under stacks of unnecessary things we put in drawers, and she said, “You shouldn’t show people this picture, otherwise they will know.” They will know what? That I was a sickly child, to put it lightly. From then I associated thinness with  sickness and death, and at the time the photo was taken, I had heard with my own ears the doctor telling my grandmother, “if this doesn’t work she might not make it”. Lo and Behold I did. I made it to Grade 8, where a fellow pupil came across one of my grade 7 photos and remarked, “you looked so much better when you were thinner”.  Sigh – beauty is a social construct.

Sometimes the constructions you form will be in alignment with white supremacist, patriarchal and capitalist standards – I am quite aware of my skinny privilege, I have a smug “never been a dress size over 8 in my life” pride I have to keep in check every so often. To an extent, I understand the reasoning behind why my fellow pupil leaned more towards thin than health. The world is very unjust to bodies above a certain size, and the assumption is that if you weigh above a certain number on the scale, you’re automatically unhealthy, unfit, undeserving of food or adequate seating and freedom of movement. These are all normalized assumptions - it’s not like we have written our BMIs on our foreheads (and even if we did we would still need to question the power behind that measure). In this context, the dilemma for me then becomes anxiety between the thing I see as death. and the big girl that will be socially excluded (and trust that social exclusion has as much intensity as death – do you exist if people deem you invisible?) Hence, another layer to what beauty is and must become, not only must you churn to construct and deconstruct – you must recognize where your definitions of beauty are in alignment with the socially constructed standards – find where that privilege intersects with someone’s oppression and then extend your constructions of beauty to include them. Think on how broaden definitions on beauty will help you grow, think on how inclusive definitions will help others grow.

What is it that is specifically growing? Some call it spirit / soul / self – the only thing I believe to be essential to a human being. Beauty is not from within, nor intelligence, nor any other attribute we’ve been shamed for falling short of, but the spirit / soul / self is – it’s an untainted and fragile part of our being.  It needs the body to hold it, it needs thoughts to frame it and it needs emotions to manifest itself, and that is why we must be deliberate about what we construct around us and the world to build it up. Everything but the spirit / soul / self is constructed, learnt, conditioned, socialized. In my very vulnerable state of feeling ugly, I have come to define self-love as the deliberate exercise of activating and amplifying the spirit – that essential part within me. When possible I believe all thoughts, actions, emotions, must serve the growth of the spirit / the soul / the self to fulfil not just your body and mind but any spiritual or physical space you occupy. If you do not take deliberate action in constructing structures and definitions that prop your spirit up, it will be suffocated by all the emissions of capitalism. In the same way that capitalism is eroding the beauty of our Earth, you will find your spirit sinking deep in the waters of a melting ice cap.  

Construct. Deconstruct. Churn!

Today, my beauty is health. It’s the fact that I haven’t had difficulty breathing, and that my cold sore is waning to the furthest corner of my lips. Understanding that today’s beauty is about recovery and patience, and less about my desirability in a world that often deliberately excludes me. Which reminds me of a Haitian saying, “Nou led, Nou la” translated “We’re ugly, but we are here.”  I’m alive – I’m here! I’m regaining my health and though my edges aint laid…gotdamnit I’m beautiful!

KUNDAI CONQUER

#ART #HIV #BLOG #DIARY #diaryentry

[mystylet-shirt]

Aint no man alive that could take my husbands place god blessed the broken road that led me strai shirt

Any negativity that comes Aint no man alive that could take my husbands place god blessed the broken road that led me strai shirt. your way is just an excuse to love yourself even more, right?" posed Lena Dunham alongside a photo of herself in the nude, sitting on a blanket in the grass. She then asked her three million followers to comment below the Huji Cam-filtered snap with a reason they love themselves, and she offered to go first. "I’m a sober accountable adult who still loves to get naked," she wrote. Aint no man alive that could take my husbands place god blessed the broken road that led me strai, hoodie, sweater, longsleeve and ladies t-shirt Last October, during an appearance on actor Dax Shepard’s podcast, Armchair Expert, the 32-year-old actress, writer, producer, and director revealed that she was six months sober after years of misusing anti-anxiety medication Klonopin Aint no man alive that could take my husbands place god blessed the broken road that led me strai shirt. Clocking in at over a year sober, Dunham's post is not only inspiring on the health front, since she bravely opened up about her benzodiazepine abuse to shed light on the opioid epidemic, but also empowering in the spirit of body confidence as well.Having #Aintnomanalivethatcouldtakemyhusbandsplacegodblessedthebrokenroadthatledmestraishirt Read the full article

[nyruratchet]

Notes 5 - It’s Been A While

This is not the life I though I’d have. I had so many plans. But life has been stolen. I’m sitting here my bed, in a tiny NYC room that I pay way too much for, with a roommate next door who takes me for granted, and bills staring me in the face every which way I turn.

I did everything I was supposed to. Every damned thing that was asked of me and I ended up HERE. I wanted to be a performer, but my parents didn’t support me going to California or Rutgers right out of High School to pursue my passion. This was very selfish on their part and I think I will carry resentment for that until the day I die. Because I will never ever know what could have been. But I own my part in that decision. I could have defied them, sure; been “cut-off” (from what I’m still trying to figure out...we still have no money). But instead, I did what they wanted and ended up nowhere and with nothing to show for my obedience...but I digress.

Sorry, it has been a minute since I last wrote. I had started dating someone and...actually thought again if I put all my effort into it, that finally there would be fruits of my labor. Again, life gave me a big fuck you. Why didn’t it work? I chased him far longer than I should have. I accepted far too little from him in return for what I was willing to give. Distance was an issue, but it could have been bearable had he been able to meet me halfway. He’s a good person. Just has lots of growing up to do. He will get there though; but without me. So, it didn’t fit and I cried SO much until I realized I didn't love him and I wasn’t ever going to. Aint that some shit; finally a guy “wants’” to date me and I’m the one who has to end it. I guess the first try is always destined to be a failure?

I posted recently about my role in friendships. YES, I know I have been MIA. But if you don’t understand why I’ve been physically non-present...I don’t know what to tell you. I try my damndest to respond to all texts; but sometimes my mind doesn’t allow it to happen.  This year has hit me SO much harder than I thought possible. Therefore, all my energy has been put into staying alive. Now, don’t be afraid of me saying that. I’m not looking to end my life. But when life keeps dragging you beneath the current and you keep rising enough to barely catch a tiny breath before being plunged into the fathoms below once more, you begin to wonder if you should just go with that flow and let it carry you away. Talk to someone? Been there, done that. Doesn’t help me. My problems are tangible. Money, Career, Love. Period. Scheduled venting sessions offer me no resolution. I entered myself into therapy in college. Went on for 4 years until it was no longer covered. Then when I got on employment a few years later in NYC, I resumed for another year hoping maybe someone else could help me figure out why I’m so miserable. 4 therapists/counselors later...nothing. So, I stopped paying the mere $30 copay there was (which was still a struggle because I was on food stamps as it is; still pursuing my dream to be on Broadway and become a recording artist) and went on with trying to at least solve one of my problems...money. So, I got a job instead of being a starving artist. 

Inflight crewmember with JB. FML. Why did I do this to myself? I did. I was in a bad place and things got a bit better but now I’m worse off. Mo money, mo problems?? HARDLY. Money would solve most of my problems right now. 

Rent. Utilities. Food (I make too much to be on food stamps no...so says the gov’t). Mental Health. Music...

Oh my music...So, I told you all I would explain more on why good artists struggle to get GOOD music out. Here goes my attempt:

1. Write music: doing this on your “off-time” from working for someone else’s business is exhausting. But if you love it and are driven, you can do it. I have many songs that I have written tired as shit after my redeyes. I’m actually a beast at catchy melodies, lyrics, and vocal harmonies.

2. Purchase equipment/software: Home studios or some type of set-up is pretty much a necessity. I need to have song fully imagined so the producer and technicians know the progression when recording and building the song. (Mic-$80, Logic X pro-$200, Studio Headphones: ~$100, Pop filter: ~$20, New computer: (varies, but given that I’ve had computers crash etc. I’ll tell the most recent price) $2500,  

3. Find a producer: So...unless you have magical fingers and can play instruments, the next step is finding a talented producer to do your backing track/orchestration. And good producers need to be PAID by the hour for a custom production. (~$25-50/hr) OR you can purchase exclusive rights to a already produced beat for a for ~$150...but even those can get pricey.

4. Book a studio: So, if you’re doing an original song you will definitely need multiple studio sessions. For one song I worked on, I spent about $700 dollars for 3 sessions only 3-4hrs long each. 

5. Proper mixing/mastering: there are online services that can do quick mastering. LANDR cost me $15/month. But when I’m doing original music, that needs professional mastering/mixing. What does that mean? More time for you or an audio engineer you trust to be in a studio. So, depending on who/where that is...lets say ~$25-75/hr (good mixing will take a few hours at least on the first sit down.

6. Song is done. What’s next? Promotion...see where this is going? Social media. You need photos/artwork which its own separate expense if you don’t do your own. And then if you aren't yourself a IG/Twitter/Snap influencer with 20K followers, you need to pay them to post your song so people give a shit to even listen let alone PURCHASE your art on iTunes/Amazon/Tidal/Soundcloud.  And influencers/promotion services charge HUNDREDS. So, when I beg and plead my friends to SHARE, LIKE and post I’m doing so because I need your help. I can’t ever afford good promotion. 

7. Release Music: You have to pay to release your music on streaming/music services ~$40. They then take a percentage of sales from each platform.

Now, your ONE song is out. Lets say a couple thousand people streamed the song for free on Spotify or Pandora. How much you think an artist gets?  Well, lets put it this way. I’ve done a few songs and have seen no money. I’m literally hemorrhaging money just to do something I love. But that forces me to do more of what I hate is being a flight attendant. Why don't I do something else? Oh honey, trust me...I’ve been working since I was 15. Dont you think I’m looking? I’ve been looking and brainstorming. Nothing is looking good. So, yes I know I’m the only one who can get myself out of a situation I don’t like. But it is beyond me right now. But I DO wake up each day hoping I find SOME way to make a change. But I do fear I will reach the point of hopelessness fairly soon; and the point is different than the braking point aforementioned.

So, I was doing all of this music creation on top of a depressing dating experience and roommate issues AND job related stress. I’m honestly not sure how I’m alive. I’m not suicidal but at one point I contemplated calling a hotline to see exactly what they are trained to do should I reach the braking point. I didn’t do it. I cried myself to sleep again; rolled out of bed the next day to go to work as so many adults do. I KNOW I’m not the only one struggling. But when your lot in life feels like a mistake and loneliness is staring you in the face every day you are “blessed” to open your eyes, you keep asking yourself (well, I keep asking Myself...) Why the FUCK am I here? No one (on the grand scheme of things) is paying attention my music and guys literally seemed repulsed when I express interest. I’m know I’m supposed to matter but, this world keeps telling me otherwise. So, yeah...sorry, it has been a while. But without music, I guarantee I’d be gone by now. Guess we’ll see how long this will last.

[guidetoenjoy-blog]

Flint Lives Matter: residents say Hillary Clinton coming for the entertainment

New Post has been published on https://entertainmentguideto.com/must-see/flint-lives-matter-residents-say-hillary-clinton-coming-for-the-entertainment/

Flint Lives Matter: residents say Hillary Clinton coming for the entertainment

While some praise the candidates visit for bringing attention to the city as its water crisis continues, others see a candidate plying a cause just to get votes

Hillary Clinton has made every effort to make Flint her own. The water crisis afflicting this predominantly black Michigan city ignored by Washington politicians for years has become another battlefield in a progressive war between Clinton and Bernie Sanders. Race, class and the environment matter again in an issues-based, neck-and-neck race for the Democratic presidential nomination.

Looking past Tuesdays primary in New Hampshire, where Sanders is tipped to win, and toward the March primary states where she will be counting on African American support, Clinton made a symbolic campaign stop here on Sunday.

I feel blessed to be here but I wish it were for a different reason, she said, as she took to the stage at the House of Prayer Missionary Baptist Church, flanked by purple-robed members of a choir and surrounded by a sea of nodding heads.

But I am here because for nearly two years mothers and fathers were voicing concerns about the waters color and its smell, about the rashes that it gave to those that were bathing in it. And for nearly two years Flint was told the water was safe.

Her words drew applause and shouts of amen. But though Clinton supporters turned up for Sundays service, simply identifying the problem was not enough for some.

Hillary Clinton poses for a photograph at the House of Prayer Missionary Baptist Church. Photograph: Paul Sancya/AP

Not everyone in a city where the words FLINT LIVES MATTER appear next to bullet holes in windows wants the lead in their childrens drinking water made into a photo-op, a kind of Hurricane Katrina for a more liberal nations eco-justice age.

Interviews with residents before, during and after Clintons visit revealed fear of a candidate helicoptering in on the campaign trail, attempts to salvage a modern economic and environmental crisis that is Flints own, and few answers for a city being abandoned by its residents.

Dont jump on a cause just to get votes, said Flint Lives Matter organiser Calandra Patrick, as Clintons jet arrived in town. It doesnt matter to me if she makes an appearance or not it doesnt matter to me one bit.

Arnette Rison III, a 47-year-old independent contractor, put Clintons visit in starker terms: If shes bringing 35,000 hydroelectric filters, Ill love her for it. But thats not what shes about to do.

At the church, though the topic was serious, the mood was jovial and warm. Clinton stood before a packed audience and spoke emphatically about the moral imperatives of the situation, saying: The children in Flint are just as precious as the children in any other part of America.

The introduction she received was light, the pastor joking that the baptismal water was from the Flint river but he had experienced no rashes, only a little ash. The audience response ranged from lovingly enthusiastic to fierce.

A little after the changeover I noticed the smell

Calandra Patrick (closest to water), with Maurice Ratcliff and Tameka Thompson. Photograph: Lucia Graves for the Guardian

It was the spring of 2014 and something wasnt right with the water. Officials had switched from Detroits water system to the Flint river to save money, and though Patricks tap water was still running clear, she knew something was amiss.

A little after the changeover I noticed the smell, Patrick said. Every time she turned on the shower, there it was again. So she did what anyone worried about being alone in her feelings would do: she posted about it on Facebook.

Its funny: when you just put stuff out there and start asking questions, other people are like, Yeah, I noticed it too!

Almost two years later, the 41-year-old Flint native turned to Facebook once again to help set up the Flint Lives Matter Tailgate, a bottled water giveaway at city hall on Saturdays for the needy, aimed at supplementing the work of fire stations and local churches.

We dont have a limit, said Kevin Palmer, another organizer. We ask people what they need and we give it to them.

But there remains an element of political protest of rebellion to the new cause clbre of progressive Democrats.

A man piling water into his car erupted into chants decrying Rick Snyder, the Republican Michigan governor on whom Sanders has called to resign: Hey hey! Ho ho! Governor Snyder has got to go! A woman sold Flint Lives Matter T-shirts. The events online invitation page drew a straight parallel to Hurricane Katrina: Both abandoned by the government and left to die from dirty water.

An unconscionable and infuriating situation

A typical water resource station. Photograph: Lucia Graves for the Guardian

Clinton may have come late to Flint, but she came strong.

After lead levels were determined to far exceed environmental regulations, people beyond Michigans borders knew the water could cause permanent brain damage in children.

On 11 January, Clinton called the Flint water crisis unconscionable; a few days later, she appeared on Rachel Maddows MSNBC show to call the situation infuriating. She was the first candidate to bring the subject up in presidential debates and she even suggested one of the four additional Democratic debates should be held in Flint, in order to shine a spotlight on whats happening there and in places like Flint around the country.

That will now happen, in March.

On Sunday, Clinton seemed at pains to emphasize her lasting commitment to the issue, saying: I will fight for you no matter how long it takes, and, This has to be a national priority, not just for today and for tomorrow.

It was perhaps a pre-buttal to the attacks she expects to receive for supposedly appearing to care so much about Flint when the optics for doing so are so good.

This is no time for politics as usual, she said. Flint should start making the repairs you need to restore safe water as soon as possible.

For 32-year-old Lorenzo Lee Avery Jr, though, it was a disingenuous visit: Honestly, she not coming to help, he said. Feels like she coming for the entertainment.

His mother, Patricia Torrey, was standing over his shoulder. She strongly disagreed: Its a beautiful thing! said Torrey, 54, adding that she was a Clinton supporter, all the more so heading into Michigans 8 March primary. Its nice to see shes committed enough to come here.

Casey Lester, 31, who lives in Flint but runs the restaurant Max & Ermas in Detroit, was unimpressed by Clintons commitment. His wife, Marcella Lester, a 28-year-old applications analyst at Henry Ford Health Systems, took the campaign bait.

Though like her husband, she typically votes Republican, and may well do so in this election, Marcella Lester said she was pleased by Clintons hastily scheduled trip.

I think its good to get the attention, she said, because we need as much as we can get.

Nothing lasts, not even marriage

Carolyn Harper: This aint going to last, she says of bottles at a water treatment site. Photograph: Lucia Graves for the Guardian

Most people you talk to around Flint just want to know how politicians like Clinton and Sanders intend to help them. Because they do need help.

Kevin Palmer, a Flint Lives Matter organizer and father of five, pulled up a sleeve to reveal a surprisingly pale and scaly inner elbow. He avoids the water as much as he can, but the rashes persist. Worse than the physical harm, he said, was the financial. Having bought his house for $190,000 in 2012, Palmer said it was now worth nothing.

His brother Eddie Palmer, who runs a car audio and stereo repair shop, has fallen on tough financial times, too, to say nothing of the rashes and boils. Audio Unlimited had lost 40% to 50% of its clientele in the two years since the water was switched, he said, and he doesnt have it nearly as bad as the restaurants, at which he wont even eat.

Every month, he said, people tell him theyre leaving moving to Ohio or Arizona or even California. While he had no intention of shipping out himself, Palmer said he couldnt blame them.

Carolyn Harper, 77, is planning to move to South Carolina to be closer to her son. In the meantime, she is stuck in Flint, depending on bottled water that is too heavy for her to carry home.

That aint going to last, she said, gesturing at bottles at a water treatment site near her house. Nothing lasts, not even marriage.

She has outlasted three husbands now, and just about all of her friends have skipped town. Her house, on West Pulaski, has a bullet hole below the front window, a reminder of when there was a dope house across the street. But now the biggest problem is the water that flows from her taps.

She poured a glass, to hold up to the light. It was a pale shade of yellow, and slightly frothy. Asked if she thought it smelled faintly of minerals, she laughed Harper cant smell a thing.

Calandra Patrick, the Flint Lives Matter organizer, sees the combination of crises in starker terms.

Its genocide and gentrification. The inner city of flint is predominantly black. I dont know where they get these 57% figures, but the inner city of Flint is 90% to 95% black. It is.

Rison, who has two daughters and a grandchild, just wants to leave. But he finds moving financially impossible. He hasnt even had his house appraised, because he knows it wont be worth anything.

Nobody wants to come to Flint, he said.

Except, apparently, Clinton.

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[apsbicepstraining]

6 New Year’s Social Media Clichs We’re Already Tired Of

While the holiday season accompanies us ovation, it also brings with it a whole slew of not-so-good things.

Storesare mobbed. Your bank accountisdrained. Remote own family members( like your casually racist Uncle Cal) start popping up out of the woodwork and, in addition, social media becomes almost unbearable.

During the vacation season, everyone wants to appear to be in good spirit and full of vacation encourage, so they attempt to inventory their social media feeds with festive thoughts you know, pictures of their tree, pictures of their newborn nephews, pictures of their Christmas goose … you get the idea.

However, instead of brightening the beings of their partisans, learning enough of these types of vacation clichs over social media actually can be a little, well, annoying.

Allow me to illustrate TAGEND

1. “Checking into the gym! ” after New Years

Sure, for the first week after New Years, people may modernize their Facebook statuses to show them checking in to their neighbourhood fitness centres — or post Instagrams of their morning juice( where they managed to fit a ruby-red Lululemon bag into the purview of their iPhone lens) — but how long will this devotion to fitness actually last?

My guess? Mid-to-late January, at best. So, while it might be frustrating to watch beings feign fervor over a cardio regimen that will probably not realize the likes of February, its important to look on the bright side at the least you wont have to deal with this BS for too much longer.

2. New Year, brand-new me

New Year, new you? Eh. I disbelieve it.

If theres some aspect about your personality or demeanor that you didnt rectify at any point during the months of 2015, I doubt the fact that a throw of the docket will unexpectedly be the impetus for you to change your ways.

Nevertheless, formerly the end of December rosters around, social media will be inundated with countless useds oaths studying to be a new me.” Its frequently not long before you come to the realization that none of these beings have changed one iota in the brand-new year.

3. Beings announcing their engagements

Oh, well, thank you( insert refer of some vague acquaintance you were genial with back in high school ). I revalue the immense quantity of reflection you displayed by announcing to all of Facebook that youre participated. Im not entirely sure how I wouldve maybe been able to carry on this holiday season, had I not gained this knowledge.

4. Redundant photographs of snow

To be rather frank, Im not a fan of pictures of snow especially on social media. Heres the cope, guys, all photographs of snow sort of…I dont know…look exactly the f* cking same. So after that first wintertime flurry, when I go to scroll through Twitter I don’t actually need to see7 five per cent of mytimeline alerting me that it did, in fact, snow.

5. Photos of sh* tpeoplebaked

By gazes of their social media sheets, everyone seems to become a world class baker around the holidays. Whether its Christmas cookies or Hanukkah latkes, numerous beings love to flaunt their own culinary innovations on Instagram under a neat, subtle 60 percentage Jefe filter for the rest of their network to gape at.

Heres my commentary on the whole situation: Unless youre cooking something that Giada De Laurentiis herself would deem worthy of a like on Instagram, please be prohibited from posting it to social media.

While were all very proud of you and the fact that you managed to place each pre-cut clump of cookie dough onto a tray and into the oven its simply a little bit played back this time of year.

6. Thankful year-end Facebook statuses about“how much youve changed”

Ok, I sincerelylove the ones who take it upon themselves to write long, elaborated statuses of thanks to their Facebook friends( the majority of members of whom theyve never matched) for helping them flourish so much better during the past year, therefore becoming the framework human they are today.

Just playing these types of rankings actually reach me want to rend my eyelashes out.

Look, theres good-for-nothing wrong with a bit of grateful frankly, I think thats what many of us, today, are missing however, theres a hour and a neighbourhood for everything…and quite frankly, Facebook, around New Years, aint it.

The post 6 New Year’s Social Media Clichs We’re Already Tired Of appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2sW3bwJ via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

[thalidomide127]

Beware- Long post because I can't differentiate trivial content from the important stuff

For my birthday, my friends plastered an “its a boy” banner across my door because inappropriate decorations are more comical then the suiting ones. Then, they hid eggs around the house with notes and gifts in them, such as, the exact amount of my Taco Bell order, a story about the time I used all the milk in the format of the 13 Reasons Why tapes (this probably doesn’t make sense, let me elaborate, she made the index card look like a tape and wrote, “Hey, its me. Toria. Toria Inthria and then dramatized a story of when I used all of the milk. I guess it still doesn’t make sense if you haven seen the show or maybe it just doesn’t make sense at all, but thats okay, now back to regular programming), a ring, meaningful notes, and recognition of my puns. After that, I had to do grown up things, go to my professors office hours, apartment hunt, sit in traffic. All is well though because it ended on a high note. Victoria walked in with a cake my mom had apparently ordered and had asked her to pick up on the low key. Victoria gave me bananas because she calls me hannah banana or sometimes just banana, and it’s relevant and it’s just her (last year she gave me a stuffed banana that I named pete, anyways) and told me happy birthday but I’m petty and didn’t make eye contact with her because (for more information, refer to older post). We had lots of laughs and Sydney literally stressed me out with yelling about how I was cutting the cake to the point to where I didn’t even want to cut it, but it is something she does when she’s really happy. Pretty sure it was because of the cake, she is such a foodie, she literally became excited/loud/goofy syd over this cake.  She just  likes to yell and sometimes it’s funny and sometimes, I want to hid until the task is over because I can’t  handle it. We got the cake cut and it was fine, and they hit me in the face with a piece, or really just syd did because she was on the crazy high from about to eat cookie cake. It was funny. Victoria left shortly after, shocker. Probs had to go see Joseph. Wooaaa. Hey now, is this a post about my birthday or me taking jabs at Joseph. Okay, redirecting the post, she left and the night dwindled down. My dad forgot my birthday but it was really okay with me. I don’t expect a lot from him or out of him. I just don’t want him to feel bad about forgetting it tbh. On a different note, my now most liked post on instagram is me holding my stomach in front of my “its a boy” banner and birthday decorations. Here is an excerpt from my post,  “For my birthday, my friends plastered an “its a boy” sign across my door. luckily for me, nothing get more likes than pregnancy announcements from girls who haven’t finished their education and can’t legally drink. But really, Im not pregnant, so don’t like this photo. It’s just Taco Bell.” The feedback from this photo made me so proud because it was strictly funny, and I hate that swimming suites selfies and body pics and filtered selfies in the “best possible lighting” are always so popular. When I posted this photo of me trying to stick my stomach out with a comical caption and people actually liked it, it showed people still have sense of humor and appreciated my photo, not because I was trying to be pretty or show of my body. I think I just went on a tangent about how popular post are alway vain but as you can see it is something very near and dear to my heart. This is me telling you to take an ugly picture and post because GirL/BOi, you aint got to try so hard, just do what you do, be who you are. In closing, my friends (and not-my-friend Victoria) did a bunch of little things that made me feel appreciated and loved. I care about them a lot and tbh they are the things I am most proud of. Or maybe, I am proud of myself for finding these amazing people. They were the best presents of all, because they liked me for who I was. They helped me embrace my flaws and realize my strengths, providing me certainty in my character just by being my friend. With such insight and growth, I celebrate the ending of my teenage years. That was sappy, I hate myself. Also, this was too long, but if you read it, I’m curious as to how bored you actually are?

#yeahboi tacobell birthdayyyyyyyy

[apsbicepstraining]

6 New Year’s Social Media Clichs We’re Already Tired Of

While the holiday season accompanies us ovation, it also brings with it a whole slew of not-so-good things.

Storesare mobbed. Your bank accountisdrained. Remote own family members( like your casually racist Uncle Cal) start popping up out of the woodwork and, in addition, social media becomes almost unbearable.

During the vacation season, everyone wants to appear to be in good spirit and full of vacation encourage, so they attempt to inventory their social media feeds with festive thoughts you know, pictures of their tree, pictures of their newborn nephews, pictures of their Christmas goose … you get the idea.

However, instead of brightening the beings of their partisans, learning enough of these types of vacation clichs over social media actually can be a little, well, annoying.

Allow me to illustrate TAGEND

1. “Checking into the gym! ” after New Years

Sure, for the first week after New Years, people may modernize their Facebook statuses to show them checking in to their neighbourhood fitness centres — or post Instagrams of their morning juice( where they managed to fit a ruby-red Lululemon bag into the purview of their iPhone lens) — but how long will this devotion to fitness actually last?

My guess? Mid-to-late January, at best. So, while it might be frustrating to watch beings feign fervor over a cardio regimen that will probably not realize the likes of February, its important to look on the bright side at the least you wont have to deal with this BS for too much longer.

2. New Year, brand-new me

New Year, new you? Eh. I disbelieve it.

If theres some aspect about your personality or demeanor that you didnt rectify at any point during the months of 2015, I doubt the fact that a throw of the docket will unexpectedly be the impetus for you to change your ways.

Nevertheless, formerly the end of December rosters around, social media will be inundated with countless useds oaths studying to be a new me.” Its frequently not long before you come to the realization that none of these beings have changed one iota in the brand-new year.

3. Beings announcing their engagements

Oh, well, thank you( insert refer of some vague acquaintance you were genial with back in high school ). I revalue the immense quantity of reflection you displayed by announcing to all of Facebook that youre participated. Im not entirely sure how I wouldve maybe been able to carry on this holiday season, had I not gained this knowledge.

4. Redundant photographs of snow

To be rather frank, Im not a fan of pictures of snow especially on social media. Heres the cope, guys, all photographs of snow sort of…I dont know…look exactly the f* cking same. So after that first wintertime flurry, when I go to scroll through Twitter I don’t actually need to see7 five per cent of mytimeline alerting me that it did, in fact, snow.

5. Photos of sh* tpeoplebaked

By gazes of their social media sheets, everyone seems to become a world class baker around the holidays. Whether its Christmas cookies or Hanukkah latkes, numerous beings love to flaunt their own culinary innovations on Instagram under a neat, subtle 60 percentage Jefe filter for the rest of their network to gape at.

Heres my commentary on the whole situation: Unless youre cooking something that Giada De Laurentiis herself would deem worthy of a like on Instagram, please be prohibited from posting it to social media.

While were all very proud of you and the fact that you managed to place each pre-cut clump of cookie dough onto a tray and into the oven its simply a little bit played back this time of year.

6. Thankful year-end Facebook statuses about“how much youve changed”

Ok, I sincerelylove the ones who take it upon themselves to write long, elaborated statuses of thanks to their Facebook friends( the majority of members of whom theyve never matched) for helping them flourish so much better during the past year, therefore becoming the framework human they are today.

Just playing these types of rankings actually reach me want to rend my eyelashes out.

Look, theres good-for-nothing wrong with a bit of grateful frankly, I think thats what many of us, today, are missing however, theres a hour and a neighbourhood for everything…and quite frankly, Facebook, around New Years, aint it.

The post 6 New Year’s Social Media Clichs We’re Already Tired Of appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2sW3bwJ via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

[apsbicepstraining]

6 New Year’s Social Media Clichs We’re Already Tired Of

While the holiday season accompanies us ovation, it also brings with it a whole slew of not-so-good things.

Storesare mobbed. Your bank accountisdrained. Remote own family members( like your casually racist Uncle Cal) start popping up out of the woodwork and, in addition, social media becomes almost unbearable.

During the vacation season, everyone wants to appear to be in good spirit and full of vacation encourage, so they attempt to inventory their social media feeds with festive thoughts you know, pictures of their tree, pictures of their newborn nephews, pictures of their Christmas goose … you get the idea.

However, instead of brightening the beings of their partisans, learning enough of these types of vacation clichs over social media actually can be a little, well, annoying.

Allow me to illustrate TAGEND

1. “Checking into the gym! ” after New Years

Sure, for the first week after New Years, people may modernize their Facebook statuses to show them checking in to their neighbourhood fitness centres — or post Instagrams of their morning juice( where they managed to fit a ruby-red Lululemon bag into the purview of their iPhone lens) — but how long will this devotion to fitness actually last?

My guess? Mid-to-late January, at best. So, while it might be frustrating to watch beings feign fervor over a cardio regimen that will probably not realize the likes of February, its important to look on the bright side at the least you wont have to deal with this BS for too much longer.

2. New Year, brand-new me

New Year, new you? Eh. I disbelieve it.

If theres some aspect about your personality or demeanor that you didnt rectify at any point during the months of 2015, I doubt the fact that a throw of the docket will unexpectedly be the impetus for you to change your ways.

Nevertheless, formerly the end of December rosters around, social media will be inundated with countless useds oaths studying to be a new me.” Its frequently not long before you come to the realization that none of these beings have changed one iota in the brand-new year.

3. Beings announcing their engagements

Oh, well, thank you( insert refer of some vague acquaintance you were genial with back in high school ). I revalue the immense quantity of reflection you displayed by announcing to all of Facebook that youre participated. Im not entirely sure how I wouldve maybe been able to carry on this holiday season, had I not gained this knowledge.

4. Redundant photographs of snow

To be rather frank, Im not a fan of pictures of snow especially on social media. Heres the cope, guys, all photographs of snow sort of…I dont know…look exactly the f* cking same. So after that first wintertime flurry, when I go to scroll through Twitter I don’t actually need to see7 five per cent of mytimeline alerting me that it did, in fact, snow.

5. Photos of sh* tpeoplebaked

By gazes of their social media sheets, everyone seems to become a world class baker around the holidays. Whether its Christmas cookies or Hanukkah latkes, numerous beings love to flaunt their own culinary innovations on Instagram under a neat, subtle 60 percentage Jefe filter for the rest of their network to gape at.

Heres my commentary on the whole situation: Unless youre cooking something that Giada De Laurentiis herself would deem worthy of a like on Instagram, please be prohibited from posting it to social media.

While were all very proud of you and the fact that you managed to place each pre-cut clump of cookie dough onto a tray and into the oven its simply a little bit played back this time of year.

6. Thankful year-end Facebook statuses about“how much youve changed”

Ok, I sincerelylove the ones who take it upon themselves to write long, elaborated statuses of thanks to their Facebook friends( the majority of members of whom theyve never matched) for helping them flourish so much better during the past year, therefore becoming the framework human they are today.

Just playing these types of rankings actually reach me want to rend my eyelashes out.

Look, theres good-for-nothing wrong with a bit of grateful frankly, I think thats what many of us, today, are missing however, theres a hour and a neighbourhood for everything…and quite frankly, Facebook, around New Years, aint it.

The post 6 New Year’s Social Media Clichs We’re Already Tired Of appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2sW3bwJ via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress