#again idk. I’m exhausted.

[southislandwren]

I already know clarinet prof is gonna yell at me for not practicing but in my defense. I am overwhelmed with my actual schoolwork to the point of a two-week long severe mental health crisis. So clarinet is not exactly high on my list of priorities

#last week he was like it’s okay you only practiced twice… try to do it every day next week though #and now I’ve one-up’d him and practiced 0 (zero) times #idk. #call me ill the way I’m going to throw up from stress again #and I have roller derby tonight and I should be excited but I’m not I want to go home and sleep and do work but I can’t :( #and it’s going to be hard it won’t be fun skating yay it’s like. give me 10 burpees and a 2 min wall sit. not allowed to hit btw #again idk. I’m exhausted. #diary post #school post

[dovesick]

charms

#anthro art #furry art #bird anthro #my art #artists on tumblr #it may look like i just drew one of these masks #but it’s actually been 8 months lol #i wanted to draw one again :) #they have my patches on their jacket #2 of those are ones i make #i wanna put em on kofi after xmas #n yea idk #eyestrain #maybe idk #i’m exhausted & thinking of tags is hard

[hangmanssunnies]

Waiting for my brain to feel normal again.

#I know it’s only been two a weeks or so #but idk I thought I would be better by now #i’m so exhausted #anyways I do not recommend getting a concussion #or maybe I’ll never be normal again #I guess I mean I wasn’t normal in the first place #🙃 #shut up coley

[shima-draws]

Currently fighting against the Curse (the Curse is me being eepy)

#Shima speaks #IDK WHYYYY I was exhausted when I got home last night too #And I took like a 3 hour nap #Debating on whether or not I should nap again today… #Or just go to bed early #It sucks bc I wanna work on art stuff but I’m so. Fucking tired bro #AND I just showered so now I’m all clean and cozy in my pajamas…….so sleepy……..

[stars-and-birds]

would it be like. weird if i took a few days off tumblr

#i’ve been thinking about it and between school recently starting again and my general tiredness i might take another break #which like. i just was away for ten days in august. #but idk maybe just for a week #i just need a week of not logging on and seeing everything i’m doing wrong and now i’m terrible for doing this #even if the post is right i’m literally like two years old please this is exhausting. i wanna keep messaging mutuals tho #idk #vent #esme babbles

[gale-in-space]

It’s hard to be vocal about having bpd. One of the major fears us borderline folks have is the fear of abandonment, that our loved ones will eventually leave us no matter what we do. These fears are confirmed more often than not when we start to talk about our problems, or god-forbid a bpd meltdown strikes, because people suddenly get uncomfortable when we display our symptoms. It’s too much for them to deal with, so they leave.

#i’m uh #well #i think i drove someone away yesterday #and now i’m really upset when i thought i had gotten over it #this sucks so much man #bpd #borderline personality disorder #i’d really love to be able to shut all of this off #if i had my way i’d never talk about my issues on here again #or in general. i don’t want to exhaust people or scare people away #but at the same time. that’s not how that works #idk. anyway

[wyrm-with-a-why]

What I want at all times

#idk about yall but scary ladies and head pats are the shit yo #(megatron) #i’m so tired rn #but I had to get this out there #fighting my exhaustion again for some reason?? #digital art #wyrms art tag #my sona #wyrmsona

[wings-of-sapphire]

Dorothy: what should we name her

Noodle’s dad: dang these are good noodle

Dorothy: That’s it

Ahsishakjsjss

Oh but

Also

My Noodle/ Miss Honey theory

What if Noodle’s real name is Honey

Because she was named after the “N” on her signet ring

But her REAL NAME COULD STILL BE HONEY

#Ajdisjakkskaksk #(<— tired) #I started school again and I swear I’m so exhausted #But also #Hiiiiii mayo #Sorry I haven’t been answering your asks my ask box has been frozen for a while now #But I saw this one and have 5 free min before my Design class #I want to sleeeeeeeeeeeep #But I can’t sleep in public #Idk why #Anyways #I’m so tired #sapphire answers #mayodayo 🎨 #wonka #wonka movie #wonka 2023 #willy wonka #noodle

[bimiio]

<3

#ran into dat girl i lost my virginity 2 tonight >:3 #we hung out 4 da night n she was soooo flirty n when we were making out she kept pulling my hair n grabbing my throat😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 #she also was lowkey tryna fuck me in front of everyone at da club😭😭 #she ended up not taking me home cuz she was exhausted (can’t blame her it was 6am) but :( #she told me she was tired n wanted 2 go home while i was in her lap n then she was like ‘why’re you pouting?’ #n i was like ‘no shh it doesn’t matter i don’t wanna sound like i’m tryna sway you’ #but then i straight up just said ‘i wanna fuck :(‘ #n she laughed n apologized 4 bein too tired but it’s ok #idk maybe i’ll see her again #m1n3 #nsft #0ut

[gregmarriage]

really think i need to make more irl friends, but it feels so impossible. like most of the ppl my age seem to only hang out in bars, and it’s like sorry, i’m uncool and can’t drink, bc i’m on medication. and making friends via dating apps or something similar is abysmal. so, i’m kinda stuck imaooooo

#i’m aware not everyone hangs out in bars but might have reasons why they can’t hang out #elsewhere like in coffee shops or restaurants or parks or something #bc i certainly do #maybe there’s people who feel the exact way i do and can’t or don't want to leave the house bc of extenuating circumstances #like it’s difficult for me to leave the house #do i want to? yes but that doesn’t negate the difficulty #trying to make friends in general feels like pulling teeth #after a lifetime of autism and social anxiety i’m literally not fully convinced i even know how to communicate i just fell ass backwards #into stuff a lot of the time #trying to put myself out there in any way is literally so incredibly cringe to me #even if i do want to but again doesn’t negate the difficulty #but also again don’t know how to talk to people so even if by some miracle i make friends i might not get to keep them #idk it’s all just so frustrating #i envy the people who can make friends no problem and can talk to people and talking to said people doesn’t wear them out even if you really #like them bc social interaction is exhausting with anyone #but like it’s obviously worse when it’s new #bc small talk actually makes me want to stick forks in my eyes #i wish it were easy but it isn’t #idk i want my independence back and i want my freedom and i want irl friends again #and i want the world to stop feeling so closed off bc i know it isn’t #it’s just hard to see it that way from being bed bound most of the time #and that isn’t gonna change anytime soon #but i wanna open up the world again and i wanna go outside #and making irl friends is part of but i have absolutely no idea where to start #and the cycle continues #christ i almost wish i were back in college with the ‘girl gang’ #i mean i felt like a huge outsider to them but at least i kinda had people to hang out with #idk desperately need to open my life up again bc literally no one can live like this and i’ve already been manic once this year #and i’d like to not be in that bad of a place again if i can help it #but idk what to do currently so 🤷🏻‍♀️

[frecklystars]

Me cooking dinner for everyone (all my Ryan F/Os) Ken has to come by with another plate and I’m like “didn’t I just give you an entire burger” and Ken says yeah but he needs another because K took his food and then Luke says “yeah he ate my food too” and K is at the table in tears shoving spoonfuls of fresh veggies and meat in his mouth openly weeping “I’ve been eating nothing but instant protein-grub noodles and rice for my entire life Please just Let me Have This I Beg of You”

#i burn the eggs by accident he says no problem and still eats them saying they’re amazing #meanwhile ken is having trouble trying to eat the food that isn’t plastic #he’s like what do you mean I can’t just imagine taking a bite. oh god. this burger is huge. how do I fit my mouth around it #Six is absolutely housing an entire stack of pancakes all by himself in the corner of the room he’s not letting anyone have it #Colt is butting heads with him #no I don’t know Colt yet but he’s included. what food does he like? don’t know yet... MY COOKING #I can’t cook for shit but I’ll learn for my hungry boys <3 #that was painful to type I’ll never say that again Lmfao #i make apple pie just for driver bc I know he likes it #driver nuzzles me the entire time I’m baking he’s snuggly asf. he’s exhausted too #stayed up all night on a getaway job. knows I stayed up all night having nightmares and being unable to sleep again #he gets it. he doesn't force me to try to sleep he knows i can't. but he encourages me to lay down after cooking #and to rest my eyes for a bit. and then it turns into a huge snuggle pile #we've got [counting on fingers] one two three... ten... a dozen Gosling F/Os #one of my best friends says it's like a flock of baby geese following me around SLKDFJSLFSDF #so fucking cute #Luke is canonically snuggly. idk Jacob or Holland yet... I'd want them to cuddle too #all of them are trying to have contact w/ me in SOME way once we're snuggled in bed #Ken's gotta hold my hand and put his head on my tummy HE'S GOTTA. or he'll PERISH #Lars isn't one for touch very often unless if he's the right person. I am that Right Person #but he will still just hold my hand and let everyone else do the full body snuggling #K's sitting up just like Six is when he's resting. alert. protective #Six is relieved he doesn't have to tie his shoelace to the door or worry abt intruders. he can just fall the fuck ASLEEP #they've all got full tummies and maybe some of them chat with each other #while others are like SHH LET KERI SLEEP. but im like no no your voices are like angels to me pls keep talking #esp Luke and Sebastian their rasps will lull me easily #love notes

[good-night-space-kid]

I was just sooo brave and asked my roommate to either move to the common space or wrap things up after she was on an audio call with all of the lights on at 10:30 when prior to moving in she said she was fine with lights off no noise after 10pm. I really hope the rest of the summer isn’t like this because truly I will be so miserable and I don’t know if I can do that again 😭

#I hate sharing a room so much that I just know it’s going to kind of kill me this summer #especially if this continues #she said she liked to get 8 hours of sleep meaning we have to be asleep by 11 #but clearly this is just not how she actually wants to act you know #i just. I can’t do this shit again 😭 #my freshman roommate was constant on a call until midnight or later every night and it made me insane #all I ask is 9 hours to be quiet and sleep and I don’t think that’s crazy #maybe it is. idk #but I’m so fucking tired #and I’m still jet lagged and this internship is a lot more interaction than I’m used to so I’m just extra exhausted rn #I’m already kind of frustrated with what this internship is requiring because it’s not what I was told #like I’m doing 4 hours of outreach a day instead of the <2 I was told to expect #and I didn’t even want to do that much #ugh. I just really hate living with people but the cheapest living options would still cost more than I make each month 😭

[johndonneswife]

still thinking abt this pani puri we had three days ago

#ugh…it was so good #SO GOOD #hi i’m so exhausted #if you ever say yes to multiple engagements a day/multiple events over the course of a weekend #just know that’s the devil speaking for you. btw #i’m jk i have been having a lot of fun but i’m so tired i can hardly keep my eyes open while typing this #unrelated but i also had my dentist remove my permanent retainers #!!!!!!!!!! #like. two weeks ago. and my teeth have been breathing again and it’s been so nice #but i’m wearing my retainer in bed now #and idk i keep thinking i have something in my mouth im going to choke on? 😭 idk #also it hurts. i forgot how much these hurt. ahhhh #anyway i’m sleepy and if you follow me and i haven’t texted u back im sorry. im so overwhelmed lol #also the dress i bought for our walima #it’s so cute but it’s too big 🫠 #the top is literally falling off me and you cant even tighten the straps. UGH #so i might return it and try buying in a smaller size but i also found another dress i like better #so i ordered that too #and i ordered multiple pairs of shoes #i am ordering so much fucking shit i’m too indecisive to be having my own wedding #i also got a cute bolero but i couldn’t find the exact style i was looking for so i kind of gave up #but i think it’ll look cute heh #ugh idk anyway. i’m sleepy #i’m looking at this size chart now and i think i literally somehow ordered a dress that is 4 sizes too big like. idk what i was smoking but

[screaming--agony]

Dear Diary,

Shady behaviour automatically creates distance.

#dear diary #here we go again #shady #heart vs mind #overwhelmed #struggling #anxiety #weight of the world #idk anymore #i’m exhausted #wholeheartedly tired #what a joke #shady behaviour #at a loss for words #respect works both ways #trust issues #pull away #distance myself

[milo-is-rambling]

I wish I had friends near meeeeeee to distract me from my brainnnnnnnnnn

#need to talk to anyone irl who isn’t related to me or dating my mom or my therapist #anyone else near me please I’m losing my mind #nature isn’t healing me sleeping in a fully dark room all day isn’t healing me how do I magically fix this without having to put any work #into it oh I can’t oh u have to do the work okay how do I do that. therapy once a week. oh. okay. yup. #can I speedrun it? oh no? I can’t. oh damn. okay fine whatever. therapy once a week. AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY LISTEN AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS. bro #what the hell okay fine #well here I am !!!!! where is the fixing where is the feeling better I feel like all I do is stir up all these touch emotions from every #part of my life at once and then she sends me off to rot for week before I come back and talk again #I just feel like I’m losing it!!!!! and ik it’s extra bad bc birthday countdown is on in my brain and im stressed and i feel like a huge #fuck up that can never be fixed and like I will die having done nothing with my life except weigh other people down and so exhausting and my #brain won’t ever shut up like yes I get it years and years and years of built up shit that I never properly dealt with and still hold blame #for constantly and I feel like I will never be fixed like I CANT be fixed like this is a losing battle and I just am struggling today man #idk what I was saying I just took my morning weed hit to try and relax my back a little and now my brain is like scrambled eggs #which is good that means it’s working #I’m gonna try to take a nap maybe cause I only slept four hours and it was like choppy thru the night and then maybe I’ll go to the lake #later I’ve been feeling the need to be in a body of water recently

[deityofhearts]

ya know it’s honestly funny and weirdly comforting when my friends call me a fake gremlin or green tea bitch because like despite that they still love me and like having me around

#deity dialogue #idk like I’m the past I’ve struggled a lot with like ‘performative positivity’ where I wouldn’t ever let myself be anything other than peppy #24/7 even when it was exhausting and I wasn’t happy #and then irl I deal a lot with being treated like an idiot and infantalized and so I’ve in an attempt to make myself feel better #started to lean into it like sure make whatever assumptions you want about me I’ll find a way to benefit from you treating me like this #I’ll pretend to be an uwu sweet angel if that pleases you or whatever. #but like it’s also nice because like around my friends and loved ones I can have actual emotions other than happiness 24/7 #that being said I still talk like an elementary school teacher I cannot change this I’m sorry #that’s not fake I just talk Like That I know I use and excessive amount of exclamation points and question marks this won’t change lmao #I also like to think I’m somewhat peppy and social? sure my social skills suck ass and I’m terrified of everyone ever #but I also love to talk to people and hear from people I’m just kinda at a point where I struggle to even reach out first to most people any #more. it feels like if I try to maintain contact or reach out first that I’m overstepping and should be killed in sight lmao #so again sorry if y’all don’t hear from me much or at all it’s not anything y’all did I just struggle a lot and idk how to not T-T #I have to hope that someday it’ll get easier #rn the main thing helping is the reassurance and patience from ny beloved friends <3 I love my friends sm #the tags r all over the place sorry I’m half asleep