#a walrus is a real thing no matter how it ended up where it is

[foxmonkey]

Ohio is a hotbed of wild animal shenanigans, so no, I wouldn't be more surprised to see a walrus than a fairy on my doorstep.

#walruses #animals that aren't cats #my first thought would be .. a-ha .. weird-ass goings on at the zoo and I'd turn on the news #a walrus is a real thing no matter how it ended up where it is

[frau-kali]

On Self Awareness and Cognitive Dissonance

So @jaynovz made this really interesting and excellent post about Silver's crazy decision to go to Charlestown at the end of S2. I thought I'd toss out my two cents as to why he might have done it. And also discuss some related stuff. Buckle up, folks!

So first, let's begin with THE SCENE:

Silver: I've had my fill of adapting lately, doing your bidding, keeping the crew in line for you. Flint: I wasn't the only one who benefited from that. Silver: It certainly seemed that way.

Here Flint refers to Silver's position among the crew, which Flint sees as a benefit to both of them. As we see:

Flint: I need your help. They need your help. Silver: Oh please. Don't try to convince me to do it for the sake of their futures. Flint: For the sake of your own. Those men listen to you, they care about what you think, what you want them to think. Where else in the world is that true? Where else would you wake up in the morning and matter?

I could talk endlessly about this whole scene, particularly about Silver's incredibly amazing lie and how he acts during it and his bitterness toward Flint, but that's beyond the scope of this. Instead I wanna focus on self awareness.

With these few words, Flint basically drags Silver kicking and screaming to self awareness land. He is suddenly exposed to the fact that he actually means something here. And by his reaction, I think it's fair to assume this is one the few times, if not perhaps the first time, he's been in a position like this. Based on his past actions and his desire to remain anonymous (see refusing to show his face during the schedule thing, it’s safer to be anonymous), I think his previous modus operandi has been to position himself behind some powerful figure and work in the background to help them achieve their shared goals of getting lots of money. Said people were also probably not as smart as him so he could easily manipulate them as well. We see him do this with Flint a bunch, too, working in the background to help him. And that's what his position on the Walrus crew starts out as.

But then he becomes the centre of attention. They start to like him, which he didn't even necessarily expect when he started his gossip monger plan, he just wanted them to need him, despite his proclaiming that he’s a hard man not to like. But no, they get attached to him. And he, unbeknownst to himself, becomes attached right back.

Now, it's entirely possible that he's been in similar situations in the past just like this one, but because he is very good at repression and lying to himself, he was able to walk away without any real trouble. Maybe he realized afterwards that he actually liked those people but it didn't matter because he'd already left and he tells himself it’s for the best anyway. Silver is likely carrying around some heavy trauma related to emotional attachments to other people, given how he tells Muldoon that “we’ll take care of you” is the most terrifying part of everything that’s happened after losing his leg. And, considering everything else, that sure is saying something.

But here, he has hitched his wagon to James Flint, a man after his own heart. Flint is a lot like Silver, a brilliant liar and excellent manipulator, able to bend people to his will and look damn good while doing it.

Then he does it to Silver, too. And it's all while Silver is in the middle of pulling off his own master class in lying, some of his best work, by being outraged and angry that the gold he actually stole is gone and trying to extricate himself from Flint and the crew. Except Flint won't let him.

Flint's request for Silver's help doesn't, I don't think, extend merely to the lovely speech Silver gives to swing the vote in his favour, either. During the voyage to Charlestown, Silver continues working to convince the men of the dangers that lie ahead, presumably at Flint's behest. Scott does indicate to Billy that Silver is using his storytelling powers to “help the captain” when Silver is addressing the crew.

So Silver stays because he has come to value his position on the crew. However he doesn't yet realize how attached to them he's actually become. Jay is right, he could’ve easily deserted after the vote, run off to hide somewhere until Flint is gone, but he doesn’t. And he's still lying to himself about why. He thinks “yeah ok, Flint, you won this round. I'll stay and go on the voyage so as not to arouse suspicion from you and everyone else, and I’ll take the scouts along because I don’t trust them not to fuck this up, but I am leaving after that.” The real reason he stays is because he values his position, he actually likes that he matters, but he is still convinced he’s going to leave because he also wants the money. I think he probably would’ve left, too, but he’s trying not to think too hard about the newly exposed self awareness and continuously telling himself he doesn’t need this and he sure as fuck doesn’t actually care about these people, even as he stays. It’s like he’s torn between how he wants to be and how he actually is and he cannot bring himself to go no matter how much he wants to.

That’s also not even going into how, during the voyage, he is exposed to how much power he actually has over the men on the crew when he gives the scout a fucking look and said scout kills their co-conspirator because of it. And then that same scout tells Silver that all the men know he cares about their best interests and Silver is just fucking taken aback by the level of regard these people have for him. This is on display again when they all stand up in his defence after Vane’s men come to grab him.

When Vane’s men attack the ship, Silver could swim to shore with the remaining scout and if they kept their heads down, they'd probably be ok. They could likely swim far enough away to not get caught, especially at night. Silver surely knows this, too.

Instead, he cuts the forestay and saves the crew. And then he refuses to give up a list of names, once again saving the crew. He has, against all his own cognitive dissonance, become attached to them enough that he endures torture and risks death for them. Now, I don’t think that he ever thought that he would lose his leg, I don’t think that he made space in his mind for the possibility of being tortured either, he knew that one of the men had grabbed the keys during the scuffle when they took him away and he thought that he could stall long enough until they broke in and saved him because he’s good at talking his way out of trouble. I also have to say that it is such a nice moment when he says this to Vane’s man: “The question you should be asking yourself is, where are his keys and has he seen them since he took me away from my men?” They are his men now, his brothers, whereas before he always set himself apart from them.

And it's all because Flint made him see that he valued his position enough to stay and go on the journey to Charlestown in the first place. Silver even gives Flint credit for this in 305 - “Such a waste, it seems to me, knowing that it doesn't have to be this way. That the man who talked me into giving a shit about this crew, he could talk those people out there into anything. If he wanted to.”

Or that’s how I read it anyway. The way Silver’s attachment to the Walrus crew is developed over the course of season 2 and the final culmination of him refusing to betray them is one of my favourite things about his story and I have a lot of feelings about it. I could be wrong in my interpretation, of course, but thank you all for coming to my Ted Talk :)

#black sails #john silver #silverflint #black sails meta #i've never written meta before #i just have a lot of feelings about this #and about silver in general #so i wanted to share #i could just be coping with this headcanon to paper over something that doesn't make sense (silver refusing to leave) #but it makes sense to me #who knows tho #shrug emoji

[fuckingfinwions]

This fulfills the aphrodisiacs/altered mental states square on my season of kink card

Maedhros knew that he had not always been so single-mindedly focused on sex. He wasn’t completely limited even now; he could discuss news and politics for most of an hour with only redirecting his attention from his neglected cock a half dozen times. He wasn’t completely vicious either, and would not use someone for his pleasure against their will.

But if there was someone willing present, Maedhros could not hold a single other thought in his head. He would not remember that any reason existed to delay, and would strip himself and his lover regardless of decorum or law. More than once Fingon had walked in on Maedhros entangled with the clerk who was teaching him to write with his left hand, or a member of the guard, or one of Fingolfin’s advisors. The political consequences of such people being sexually indiscreet, or of them knowing Maedhros was so lustful, never seemed as important as a warm willing body. And although Maedhros knew what it was like to feel pressured and unable to refuse, it was hard to comprehend others fearing him, and all his careful rules were forgotten the first time someone gave him an appreciative look. 

So Maedhros understood why he was locked in, and could not begrudge Fingon it. He knew that if he had his freedom he would open the door and seduce the nearest willing person he could find, and with his beauty most were willing. And then word might get out that the eldest of the house of Feanor was unfit. His brothers would not stand for the insult, and whether they blamed Maedhros, or whatever unlucky elf he seduced, or Fingon and Fingolfin for not controlling him, the consequences would be dire.

Maedhros’s role in the war against Morgoth was to not ruin alliances by thinking with his cock, as he was too sex-crazed to fight or handle diplomatic matters. Maedhros wanted Morgoth to lose, to pay for all the pain he had caused the Noldor. So he would did not try to pick the lock, or sneak out the window, or slip past the servants who brought in meals.

At least Maedhros had a number of toys, to pass the time until his lover returned. None of them were as satisfying as a person, warm and alive and desiring Maedhros as much as he desired them, but they slaked his lust somewhat.

There will dildos of course. Two of them were modeled after Fingon’s own cock, so that Maedhros could be filled from both ends and imagine his lover somehow impossibly doing so. The others ranged wildly in size, shape, and  material, from the mithril spiral no thicker than Maedhros’s ring finger, to a mahogany dildo the size of his own cock, to an enormous one nearly the size of his arm made from a walrus tusk. Maedhros liked to warm the dildos in front of the fire before fucking himself, to better approximate the real thing.

There was an array of beautiful jewelry, both intended or lascivious use and not. Fingon enjoyed seeing Maedhros draped in necklaces and bracelets and not a stitch of fabric, and Maedhros enjoyed Fingon’s desire. Maedhros had tried a cock cage once and found it frustrating, so he commissioned a belt to adorn his waist instead. He had clamps designed for his nipples and his ears and his cockhead, all simple enough to operate with one hand but strong enough to bite his flesh wonderfully.

Despite all this, Maedhros had been very uncomfortable the first few weeks confined to Fingon’s bedroom. Put simply, his body was not strong enough to keep up with his desire. His cock was not a problem, rising again and again however many times he reached his peak. (Fingon had once spent a day seeing how many times Maedhros could come in a row, and given up counting after twenty.) But his arm could only go so long before it cramped. So they built a stand, so Maedhros could go on all fours and run his ass backwards into a dildo. There was also a leather sleeve, that Maedhros could tie to where his right wrist ended, and then fuck with abandon.

#season of kink #this is from literally over two years ago but here it is! #not archived yet

[ladyloveandjustice]

Spring 2021 anime overview: Quick Takes

Now for my Spring 2021 anime thoughts! I’ve decided from now on if a season’s like, 20- to-24 episodes I’m just going to wait ‘til it’s done to review it unless I feels super passionately, so though I watched To Your Eternity (it’s good!) and MHA (eh), I’ll comment on them next time. Also, for the record, I watched the first eight eps of Joran: Princess and Snow of Blood but I dropped it because it had clearly crossed the line from entertainingly dumb to boring dumb. 

I will probably give Supercub and some other stuff a shot later, this was a stacked season! May give updates on all that later, but this is what I have for now.

ODDTAXI

Quick Summary: A mild mannered middle-aged walrus taxi driver is drawn into a case involving a missing girl, yakuza, Youtube clout-chasers, manzai comedians and idols with big secrets.

It’s rare to walk away from media and be like “that is a singular experience I will definitely never see repeated again” but ODDTAXI is definitely one of those. A tense noir thriller murder mystery starring cartoon animals that spends an entire episode detailing the one (cat)man’s very fall into darkness triggered by addiction to gacha games and an online auction for a novelty eraser? Also there’s a porcupine Yakuza who speaks entirely in rap? Also there’s tons of meandering conversations about stuff like manzai comedy and the struggle to go viral on Twitter?

Admittedly, I had a hard time getting into the first episode, the dry meandering humor not being enough to hold my attention while I was sitting still, but once I watched this while I was working out at the end of the season, I found it an easy binge. A ton of characters with dark secrets or dangerous ambitions, each with their own part to play in a tableau of intersecting events- and it all actually comes together really well.(As for the female characters, it’s a pretty dude driven story, but they do get nuanced characterization and even some good heroic moments from one of them.)

 It’s a great example of a carefully planned narrative paying off, with all the twists appropriately seeded and foreshadowed to reward viewers who paid attention. Even when it ended on a perfect “OH SHIT” moment and denied me closure, I couldn’t help but respect it. If you that all sounds interesting to you, definitely check out the first couple episodes and see if you like it- you’re likely to have a memorable, satisfying experience!

Shadows House

Quick Summary: Emilyko is a ‘living doll’ who’s told she was created to act as the ‘face’ of her shadow master, Kate. The shadows and their ‘dolls’ all reside on the mansion and are required to pass a ‘debut’ to prove they’re a good pairing. If they don’t pass, they might be disposed of. And so the mystery of the Shadow mansion grows...

This slice of gothic intrigue was my favorite of the season, tied with ODDTAXI. With an interesting premise, slightly tense undertones and a strong focus on character building and relationships, it kept me hooked the whole way through. And for any squeamish fans put off by the hype about it, don’t worry, while there are some suspenseful elements, I wouldn’t qualify it as horror. I thought the relationship between Kate and Emilyko might end up being a completely sinister one, but it’s thankfully a lot more complex than that and it’s really interesting to follow how both their characters and relationship grow. The focus of the show is, unsurprisingly, on the “dolls” slowly discovering their autonomy and personhood as they struggle under the rigid system imposed on them by the mysterious elders of this weird Victorian mansion. Can they develop a more equitable relationship with their shadow “masters” (who are also shown to suffer under this system)? There’s a lot to dig into there, and the show has the characters develop through learning to understand and appreciate each other, which is pretty heartwarming. Our hero, Emilyko, is the typical plucky ball of sunshine (they even nickname her sunshine), but she’s also shown to be clever in her own off-the-wall way and she bounces off the far more subdued and cynical Kate well, not to mention the other ‘dolls’ she ends up befriending. 

What’s more, the show spends plenty of time to developing several other character pairings and combinations, and they all have their own interesting dynamic that makes you want to see more of them. Same-gender bonds are at the forefront of this show, and many of them are ripe for queer readings (I definitely appreciated the healthy helping of ladies carrying ladies), but even outside that it’s nice to see a show where a strong, complex bond between girls is at the forefront. My only real complaints about the show are the anime original ending is noticeably a bit rushed (though it’s not too bad, and leaves room for a season 2) and I wish the animation used the whole “shadow” theme more strikingly (like the opening and endings do)- instead the colors are a bit washed out which makes the shadows blend into the background sometimes. The “debut” arc also drags a bit in places, but it makes up for it by having a lot of good character integration.

I hope to check out the (full color)! manga soon and see more of this quirky, shadowy story. There’s some physical abuse depicted, sad things happening to characters and naturally the whole “oppressive familial system” thing, but otherwise not much I can think of to warn about. I give this one a big rec, especially If you’re a fan of gothic fairytales and stories of self discovery.  

Zombie Land Saga Revenge

Quickest summary: In this sequel season, everyone’s favorite zombie idol group must claw their way back into prominence after a disastrous show- the fate of the Saga prefecture LITERALLY depends on it!

This was a fun follow-up to the first season- if you liked the first zombie-girl romp, you’ll probably enjoy this one. In fact, there were a couple areas it improved on- namely, Kotaro failed, ate crow and embarrassed himself a lot more this season, which made him more likeable (as did the fact the girls gained a lot of independence from him). This season also shed more light on what the ‘goal’ of this zombie raising project is and what kind of shit Kotaro got involved with to make this happen, and it’s appropriately off-the-wall and ridiculous. We finally got some backstory for Yugiri too! I wish it had focused on more of her interiority, but she got to be a badass in it, and it was a treat to see this zombie idol show turn into a period piece for a couple episodes (also her song ruled).

 Tae also got a cute focus episode and there was a particular SMASHING performance early on! Also That revelation last season that had the potential to turn creepy hasn’t yet, and hopefully never will. The finale was heartwarming with big hints of more drama to come- I’m definitely down for more zombie hijinks!

Vivy: Flourite Eye’s Song

Quickest Summary: A songstress AI named DIVA (nicknamed Vivy) is approached by another AI named Matsumoto, who says he’s from the future and they must work together to prevent AI exterminating all of humankind 100 years from now.

This show is absolutely gorgeous visually with some really nice action scenes, but when it comes to the story my feelings basically amount to a shrug. It’s fine! I guess! Vivy starts out as an interesting layered character- and I guess still is by the end- with her stoic but stubborn determination bouncing off her fast-talking bossy partner Matsumoto well. She never listens to him, which is delightful. The way the show took place over the course of 100 years was an interesting conceit as well. However, it bought up a lot of themes and then sort of... dropped them. For instance, Vivy interprets her mission (PRIME DIRECTIVE if you will) as protecting humans at all costs, no matter how destructive said humans are or what their fate is supposed to be, and is perfectly willing to murder her fellow androids to do this, showing she inherently thinks of androids (herself and her own people!) as less worthy. Which is a little alarming! There’s a very dramatic point in the show where they bring this up as a potential conflict for her character but then it’s sort of...dropped. Pretty much.

Actually, despite the premise, the show doesn’t dip into the “AI rights” as much as you think it would with the main theme being more about Vivy’s search to find her own creativity and discover what it means to ‘pour your heart into something’. Vivy herself doesn’t actually care if she has rights or anything. Which is in some ways fine, because ‘AI as an oppressed class’ has been done to death, but IT’S ALSO KIND OF IN THE PREMISE, so that means that the show just shrugs really hard at a lot of the questions it brings up  basically just going “humans and AI should work together probably” and that’s it. There’s a lot that feels underexplored. The antagonists in the show also either have motivations that don’t really make sense or have boring hackneyed motivations. In the finale in particular, it feels like a lot of things happen “just because” and it falls a little flat.

I also have to warn that one of the arcs focus on a robot ‘pairing’ where the dude-coded robots actions toward his partner are straight up awful and rob her of her autonomy, but it’s played like a tragic love story. I suppose you could read it differently too, but it definitely made me go ‘ew’ the story seemed to want me to sympathize with this robo dude,

Overall, I wouldn’t anti-recommend this show, it’s an all right little sci-fic romp (and definitely SUPER pretty). My favorite element was definitely the episodes where Vivy develops an entirely new (an loveable) personality, because it played with the idea of of an AI getting “rebooted” really well and interplay between her two “selves” was done really well. But there are a lot of other parts of the show that just feel...a little underexplored and empty, making me have an ‘eh’ feeling on the show overall. It’s definitely an ambitious project, and while it didn’t quite stick the landing, there’s something to be said for a show that shoots for the stars and falls short over a show that just languishes in mediocrity.

Fruits Basket The Final

Quick summary: The final season of that dramatic drama about that weird family with a zodiac curse and the girl who loves them.

It’s very weird that after not cutting a lot out, they kinda sped through some material for, you know, the finale. I guess they thought they couldn’t stretch this final arc to 26 episodes? Or weren’t cleared for another double cour? However, though there were a couple places that felt awkward, despite being a bit condensed it mostly held together pretty well for a D R A M A T I C and ultimately heartwarming conclusion. I was really disappointed they kept the part where Ritsu cut their hair for the ‘happy ending’, I thought  their intro episode not showing them in men’s clothes meant the anime had decided their presentation didn’t need to be “fixed” but WELL I GUESS NOT. That was the only big upset for me though, otherwise the adaptation went about how I expected, sticking to the source material. Furuba has a lot of bumps, from weird age gap stuff to ...gender, but it also has a lot of important feels and great character arcs. It was a gateway shoujo for many and has its important place in animanga history, so I’m glad it finally got a shiny, full adaptation.

#anime overview #spring 2021 anime #shadows house #oddtaxi #zombie land saga #fruits basket #vivy: fluorite eye's song #zombie land saga revenge #fruits basket the final #anime #my reviews #long post

[sour-star-galaxy]

Ok ok so my brain kinda went off on this tangent of “hey, Taranza and Snatcher have been through similar circumstances, but had very different outcomes.” which eventually devolved into...

A Kirby AHIT crossover AU!!!!pleaseclap!!!

My friend helped me with some of the ideeas lmao. also this is gonna be a bit long, so a whole bunch of ideas and concepts are under the cut!

ok but anyway: Dark Taranza is Snatcher, Sectonia is Vanessa. 

Ok ok hear me out here, yknow how Snatcher used to be the prince? Well Taranza would be the prince in this, and his weird transformation of idk becoming a weird grumpy ghost man who’s a stickler for legality is his soul becoming Dark Taranza or whatever. Much different than kirby lore as DT and Taz arent the same person, but! it! works!

Kirby would be Hat Kid, Bandee would be Bow Kid. 

it just makes sense. 

Also instead of time pieces it would be little stars i guess? I’m thinking maybe either Kirby is trying to reform the Star Rod..? The spaceship would just be like some wierd star-shaped ship reminiscent of that thing he was in in the cartoon but just. bigger I guess.

OH ALSO, so yknow how getting yarns gives you new hats that give you different abilities? weeeell, you also know those like copy ability orbs? Well, Instead of yarn, Kirby collects shards of those to piece the orbas back together to get new copy abilities!

This might be a bit of a shocker as the rest of this is all game-related, but Tiff as Mustache Girl. 

Just. think about it. In the cartoon iirc she’s the one to always get angry when nobody does anything and just Lets Something Bad Happen. and that’s a lot like Mu! 

To go along with this, Mafia Boss is King Dedede! 

Kinda fits with how he used to be a tyrant, but also involved the cartoon a little bit because iirc, he kinda just. showed up and claimed he owned the place? and that was kinda what MB did????

(all the mafia goons are rlly mean waddle dees lol, not quite sure what this means for Bandee tho. actually, where did Bow Kid even come from? Is that ever said or am I missong out on lore? Maybe Bandee just saw how much of a tyrant DDD was and wanted to get away for a while and spend time with his new friend Kirby) 

Cooking Cat is Chef Kawasaki. 

i dont need to explain this

Magolor is DJ Grooves, Marx is The Conductor. 

Imagine DJ Grooves but if he was a lot more shady. Lying to Hat Kid about her chance at stardom. Every time he calls her “darling” is an act to try to her her to trust him so he could use her to bring him to the top. THAT wwould be magolor >:) a real bastard but he tries to be way too nice about it so you believe he really likes Kirby and not the fame he’s bringing him with his movies (he does grow to care by the end of the chapter though)

Yelling, swearing, wanting everything to be under his control and everyone to listen to his every word, ambition, recklessness that still follows a loose plan; minus the swearing I really think Conductor and Marx are alike lmao, if anything Con’s just much more grumpy but who cares. If The Conductor was much more enthusiastic, I think it’d make things more fun anyway. Marx’d be blowing things up out of sheer excitement and lust for destruction.

Alpine Skyline would take place on Ripple Star 

iirc, Alpine Skyline’s plot had a lot to do with a growing darkness making life dangerous for it’s inhabitants as it slowly took over. Sound familiar? haha dark matter go brrr. Ribbon would be there or something. I don’t remember any significant NPCs in AS. 

Badge Seller would be Susie. 

I have nothing good to explain this we had nobody else if you have other suggestions please help me.

Now for DLCs:

Nyakuza Metro would be. uh. Squeakuza Metro. Daroach would be Empress I guess. 

I know nothing about Clawroline so I cannot make her play that role 

I know almost nothing about Empress but. she runs a gang. and uhhh is fabulous

kinda funny that the cat becomes a mouse i guess idk

Seal The Deal would take place on the Halberd, Walrus Captain would be Meta Knight

I dont know anything about Walrus Captain sorry if this sucks

The seals would be various meta knights I guess? idk i feel like the meta knights are more competent than the seals but who am i to say i dont remember anything about STD

AHAHA WAIT NO THAT MEANS SEAL THE DEAL SDFGHJKAFGH im not deleting that i cannot i just was re-reading and it clicked in my mind

#i think this is my first ever text post #like ive been sort of making myself think that i HAD to have a drawing to go with every post #bc of this mentality of #“why would anyone actually care about what i have to say?” #and that's stupid lol #a hat in time #kirby #Kirby Series #kirby nintendo #Magolor #marx kirby #Taranza #queen sectonia #hat kid #snatcher #vanessa #dj grooves #the conductor #mafia boss #empress #walrus captain #king dedede #meta knight #tiff kirby #fumu #chef kawasaki #daroach #ribbon #susie haltmann #susie kirby

[morgana-ren]

Come Down to the Black Sea III

Summary: The sea seems to call to you, but it’s not the tumultuous clash of the waves you should fear. Something lurks deep beneath the black waters, something sinister with a piqued interest and ill intent.

Rating: Explicit 

Warnings: Siren!Shigaraki, graphic depictions of violence, heavy sexual innuendo, implied noncon, foul language, sexual tension you can cut with a knife, and just general sexual grossness. Joking daddy kink also, if you count that. 

PART I, PART II

Here you go! The third installment. Your seafaring friend finds your hot button and decides to plant some lovely ideas in your brain. Listening to them probably is not the smartest idea in regards to keeping your heart beating, but it certainly gets your thighs clenching. 

Taglist: @lemonzoey​, @babayaga67​

You know, it's really rough to explain to your superiors at work why you're so distracted when it happens to be because a mythical being is giving you the cold shoulder. 

You’re not entirely certain why it bothers you so much that your last encounter with him ended rather sour. He had made it perfectly plain from the get-go that his intent with you was far from pure. Murderous, in fact. He had almost drowned you on your first meeting and insulted you incessantly during your second. Not exactly a friendly track record. 

Regardless, he’s made a permanent home crawling beneath your human skin, like some itch you can’t scratch away. You can try to justify it however you’d like, but you can’t ignore the truth. In a word full of mundane existence, you’ve found an oddity and as much as you’d like to pretend you aren’t, you’re drawn to it. It’s part of why you returned to the beach despite the clear and present danger. You’d found a living, breathing mermaid. Even more impressive, you’d managed to piss him off.

Mermaid? Is that accurate? He’s so sensitive to being classified wrongly, but still never told you what he was. Considering the circumstances, maybe you should be a little bit more concerned about other things rather than offending him, but it still bothers you. 

Your ignorance isn’t due to lack of trying. You’ve done extensive research in the spare moments you have during the day, but nothing quite matches his description no matter how deeply you delve into the weirder parts of the internet, even going so far as to browse around on conspiracy sites on the darknet. Mermaid? Merman? Siren? Fish-guy? Some distantly related offspring to that Ripley’s Believe it or Not monkey fish? Relentless searching proved fruitless. Plenty of old sun-crazed fishermen claim to have seen merfolk in the waters or sirens on the rocks, but more often than not, it was a walrus or stage 4 sea madness. No one had a legitimate account of meeting with a real, intelligent creature of the deep. Nothing that came remotely close to him, anyway.

Despite being unable to focus at your job, getting home only doubles the anxiety. Restlessly sitting and twitching on the sofa, repeatedly trying and failing to read or watch some vapid TV show. You’re unable to keep your mind from returning to the ocean, to him no matter how hard you try. 

Over the course of time, you become acutely aware that staying home clearly isn't an option, but you're not really sure what to say to him if you see him again. Why do you even care? Aren't you supposed to be ignoring him? You can excuse your obsessive thoughts about him since most people would have the same reaction to seeing something supernatural not once, but twice in front of their very eyes, but a lot of people wouldn’t continuously return to see it especially if it was malevolent. 

You love that preemptively planning what to say to a sentient supernatural sea dweller is a part of your day. That's awesome. Can't look that one up on google. 

You’ll compromise with your compulsiveness instead. Go a little early and watch the sun set down over the horizon instead of watching the moon rise. Most parents won't allow their children near your rock because it’s slippery and dangerous, and frankly, you don't think he'll show up when others can see him. He’s deadly, but a mob of terrified parents and curious beach goers has few rivals. 

Maybe you can get your fill before he appears. It's better to keep away from him anyway. He wants you dead. 

He wants you dead, you remind yourself.

And so you do. Tread the sandy trail down to your favorite little hideyhole and plop down on the hard surface. You kick your feet absentmindedly on the rock beneath you, watching the small particles of sand splay and regather with every motion of your foot. The crash of the waves, still tumultuous and ornery, slap the side of your makeshift perch and splash you with speckles of water every few moments. You don't mind. You needed to shower anyway.

You can't help but feel a bit more lonely than normal, even surrounded by so many more people than you usually are. Flustered moms urge their children in from the shore to wipe them down with towels and flighty young twentysomethings hoot and holler, laughing loudly as they pile into their cars to find their next big spot for the night. The moon rises and the beach empties, leaving you alone again. The ocean settles, and even though it feels better, you feel alone.

You close your eyes, resting your head sideways on your knees with your arms buckled around your legs. You're close to the edge, precariously so. You just want to be close to the water. You should move back.

In. out. in. out. in. out. in. out.

The waves seem to move in line with the beating of your own heart, a tranquil feeling that dulls your restless thoughts and engulfs you in quiet solace. The hum of the ocean resonating deep within you with each breath you take of the briny air.

You're aware enough to recognize that the sound of the sea is luring you into a false sense of comfort. The darkness seeping over the horizon doesn't make it easier, and soon your slowly wandering mind is on the brink of unconsciousness. You're dangerously close to falling asleep, and given the circumstances, that probably isn't the best idea, especially since you're precariously close to the water. 

You can't help it, it's been one hell of a week. You haven’t slept. Haven’t relaxed. Haven’t felt at home in so long...

Listen, there's no guide online to look at that can help you through what to do when a malevolent fish-man hybrid has decided he wants to drown you. You can imagine it would say something along the lines of 'Stop going near the water then, dumbass' but that's like asking a religious person to stay away from church. It's the one place where you feel any semblance of peace, and you'll be damned if you're going to let the moonlight water marauder take that from you. 

Still, it makes things in your life exponentially more difficult when you can't explain to anyone what's on your mind. 

'Yeah, I met a mer...thing, and he's decided that he hates me and he wants to drown me, and that makes me sad. The one supernatural creature I get to meet and he doesn't like me. Bummer.'

They'd probably have you committed. That’s a bit much even for your eccentric proclivities. 

Your body occasionally jerks you awake, probably its way of saying 'You cannot sleep when there are enemies nearby', but it feels like it's been weeks since you've had a decent night's sleep. The endless procession of days marked by existential crisis with the tacked on bonus of being aware of the existence of a nefarious fairy tale creature makes everything feel awfully surreal. It feels as if you've been running on pure adrenaline and are about to crash. Hard.

If you were smart, you'd go home and try to bank on the feeling of sleepiness currently plaguing you, but you just can't bring yourself to move. Even barring the flaxen haired fish dude just chomping at the bit to drag you under, napping this close to the sea is a bad idea in general. Tides change rapidly and all it would take is a few minutes of you being unaware for the waves to snag you and haul you off to a watery grave. They'd probably never find you, just like the others who disappear here at night. 

But that's probably his doing, isn't it?

What does he do with the bodies exactly?

You really wish he wasn't trying to kill you, cause you have an endless list of questions you'd like to ask. What does he eat? Where does he live? Does he sleep at all?

Musing on all the things you'd like to know about him and his life leads you into fantasizing about being a talk show host interviewing him, and one thing leads to another and before you know it, you're conked out cold. You've managed to find an extremely awkward position to slump into, but even the horrid crick in your neck isn't enough to shake you from the dreamless slumber. Your body doesn't even have the energy needed to produce a dream, so instead, you just float through an endless void.

It could have been minutes, or even hours, really. You're not sure. The only thing strong enough to jar you awake is a sudden and intense feeling of dread that blooms in your stomach and gives you a form and sentience again. Your eyes snap open instinctively, and you're greeted with a pair of spiteful red eyes far too close to you for comfort.

"Jumping jesus-!" 

Surprised is a nice word for what you feel, an ugly screech emanating from your throat as you kick out your feet, knocking yourself over and almost falling in the water in the process. You hit your head nice and hard on a particularly jagged portion of the rocks, and by the time your vision undoubles, the danger is just barely settling in. 

Except danger is too busy cackling to be a threat.

You try to grapple with the panic in your chest and get a grasp on reality again after your literal rude awakening, but it's a bit rough when the sadistic jackass who perpetuated it in the first place won't stop laughing. Apparently he's too amused to take the opportunity to seize you, so you take the moment to scoot much further back and out of his reach, resisting the urge to plant your foot right on his stupid face.

Eventually he quiets down, but the grin never leaves his face. Much like everything about him, it's hostile somehow, mocking and disingenuous. 

"Humans really are so stupid."

"Joke is on you, tunabreath. You wasted the perfect opportunity to actually grab me." 

He shakes his head, tutting you. "I couldn’t resist. We like to play with our food too, sometimes. Scared ones taste better."

Is he implying he eats people? Okay, you know what? You don't wanna know. You doubt he'd be honest about it anyway, and would probably say whatever unnerves you the most. He seems a prick like that.

"I thought the entire point was to drown me and get it over with. You’re borderline obsessed with it."

He scoffs, little head fins twitching as he waves you off. "If I’m going to waste my time, don't make it so easy. It's less fun."

Okay cool, this is all a game to him; your life is a game to him. Nice. Fun. Great. 

Something on your face must have given away your ire, because he simpers at you and another raspy laugh bubbles in his chest. 

"It's not my fault you're stupid. You're the idiot sleeping next to the ocean when you know what's waiting for you when you get too close. It’s like you want me to devour you." 

"I thought after your little tantrum last night, you were gone for good. You really can throw a fantastic hissy fit."

That wipes the smile from his face.

“Little brat.” He taps a claw on the rock, narrowing his eyes at you. “Tough talk from someone afraid of getting a little wet.” He drags out the final word with a mocking tone, clicking his tongue against his fangs with the final syllable.

“For the last time, I’m not afraid of getting wet-” It takes it a second to sink in but wow this all sounds so wrong. Your face darkens and a familiar tingle worms itself in your gut. Are you really that lonely? “And don’t say it like that!”

His brows furrow and he studies you with a slightly quizzical expression. “Like what?” 

How do you explain to a dude who presumably has no cock and no human sexual experience about the sexual insinuations of human expressions? Wow. This is not a talk you thought you’d be having. The entire situation is weird, but this really sets the bar. 

“I know you’re probably not familiar with it, but that sounds... weird. It just sounds weird, okay?��� 

“I don’t understand.” His lips curl downward in annoyance, arching a pale brow in your direction. 

“Look, when a human and another human... do stuff, things happen to their bodies and-“ a twisted sense of shame curdles your stomach and you go to scratch the back of your head, avoiding his eyes. Your words trail off somewhere mid sentence. If you were looking, you could practically see the gears turning in his head, but a few seconds later, his face pops in realization. 

“I’m fully aware of your human mating habits.”

“Don’t say it like that either! Jesus, you’re so awkward.”

A slow smile spreads over his face and he leans closer to you, tail swishing in a steady rhythm beneath the water. “Why? You’re over the ‘age of consent’, as it’s put, right? A sexually mature human female? Does it make you uncomfortable when I say things like that? Or does it make you something else?” 

He trails his claws in a walking motion towards your out of reach leg, and embarrassment isn’t a strong enough word for the emotion that colors your face as you recoil from his wandering fingers. “Knock it off!”

“Has it been a while since someone touched you, little human?”

“None of your business! You’re such a creep! And what do you know about it anyway? Don’t you fuckin’ lay eggs or something?”

He ignores your pointed jab, licking at his chapped lips as he runs his piercing eyes over you a bit too invasively for your liking. “You wanna know, huh? I can show you.” He reaches towards you again and you wiggle back a few more inches, caught between his words and the friction igniting feelings you’re desperately trying to ignore between your thighs.

“I’m getting mixed signals here. Are you trying to drown me or fuck me?” 

“Who says I can’t do both?” He tilts his head, gaze lingering on your lips before drifting down to your chest without shame. His attention still feels utterly predatory, but for a different form of predator entirely. “Your death doesn’t have to be entirely painful, you know.” 

“S-stop it.” 

He’s giving you whiplash with his intense mood swings, but you can’t deny the less than appropriate places his words drag your mind to. Heat ignites inside you, warmth spreading through your navel as your cheeks burn deeper than they did before. You will it away, trying to shake loose the thoughts from your mind. No fucking way are you even considering this.

“Look, even if our bodies were compatible, which they aren’t, it’s not like you wanting to kill me is a turn on.” 

He gives you another lilting grin, flicking his tongue and hissing in a foreign laugh. “Are you sure? I know that some of your kind are into that sort of thing. Hard. Rough. Dangerous. And judging by your face-“ 

Another bout of blood colors your cheeks so intensely that you can literally feel it. Oh God, make it stop. 

“-You might be.” 

“Shut it, shark bait!” 

“And who’s to say we’re not compatible? I know plenty. Something about the beach is an aphrodisiac to you humans. Not to mention~” Another grin, but this one gives off the undeniable air of ‘I know something you don’t know.’ “You have no idea what I can do.”

You can’t help but look back at him as he says it and you can tell he means every word. The unnatural scarlet glow of his eyes seems far too welcoming, calling to you like some sort of beacon in the darkness. The soft gleam of his silvery hair in the moonlight far too inviting. You want to touch it, wonder what it would feel like entwined between your fingers, what it smells like and how those claws would feel like scratching against the sensitive skin of your ass as he holds you steady against his hips.

You bet those fangs aren’t just for show, and judging by his attitude, he’s probably not afraid to use them. You bet they’d feel all sorts of nice scraping and digging into your flesh, biting you and licking that thick tongue up and over your neck, maybe even a bit lower if you asked him nicely. He’s so lithe, so strong, he’d have no problem fucking you against the rock even with the water resistance. His slick skin rubbing against yours, webbed hands squeezing your waist, kneading your tits, pressing the rounds of your neck until you gave yourself over to him completely and the taste of him is the last thing you ever knew.

Okay, you admit it. You are really curious to see just what it is he can do. You’d probably be the first human in history to find out, the first girl to be fucked to literal death by a siren. Would it really be such a terrible way to die? Being dragged under metaphorically and physically and spending your last moments in pleasure wholly unknown to the moral realm?

He smiles softly, watching you toss it around in your mind as he cradles his head in his palm. He’s beautiful, and you loathe it. You hate that you’re even considering this, even toying with the thought as if it’s really an option. What the hell are you doing? This is complete madness!

“You aren’t serious, are you?” 

He gestures you forward seductively, nibbling gently on his scarred bottom lip, keeping your eyes squarely trained on his mouth. “Come a little closer and find out. I promise I bite. Extra hard if you beg.”

Another clench between your legs. Shake it loose, shake it loose! “Look, even if I believed for a split second you wanted to seduce me, you really think I’m going to literally die for the chance?”

“What else are you going to die for?” 

Oddly deep. Not a thought you wanted to ponder right now. Expertly deflect it with sarcasm and ignore the fact that he has a very good point.

“Of old age, in my bed, surrounded by loved ones and piles of money I didn’t get the chance to spend yet.” 

He scoffs, blowing air through his nose. “Sure.”

“Just what is that supposed to mean?” 

He shrugs, shucking aside your irritation. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.” 

“Prick.” 

He giggles, finding your crass human mouth oddly endearing. “Well, the offer stands. I told you I’m not going anywhere until you're under the water with me.” He pauses, considering you for a moment before grinning darkly. “I might just do it anyway, but it’s better if you’re willing. Not that I’ve ever been averse to a little struggle.”

“What?”

“It’s hard to say no when you can’t speak. I could easily bypass this little game of playing hard to get, but I want to see you squirm.” He eyes between your legs and you pray to the Gods that he thinks the dampness residing there is because of the watery environment. “I want to see you beg before the light goes out in those pretty eyes.”

“You’re a fucking perv!”

“I told you I’m going to watch you drown, you really put it past me to not take other forms of satisfaction from you while I’m at it?”

He presents a good point. You resent the fact that you don’t entirely feel repulsed by the thought. You should. You should be mortified and terrified and other words that end in ‘fied’. You should run and never come back. You know you should. 

You lean forward. 

“I’d like to see you try, fish boy.” 

A strangely genuine smile spreads across his lips and his face seems to light up at your words. It's still menacing, but oddly cute; like a child getting ready and excited to play their favorite game. 

"You really think you can win this, huh?" He muses, looking up at you through those pale lashes. "You sure are something, little girl." 

"What do I have to lose? If you win, you kill me, and whatever else, but I won't care, because I'll be dead. If I win, I get to see that arrogant smarminess wiped off your face when you don't get what you want. You'll have wasted all this time for nothing, and I guess that's a small consolation prize alongside my life."

“Time means nothing to me, but if it makes you feel better about the situation.”

From the way he says it, you don't deny it. It dawns on you that you really know nothing about his people. Do they age like you? Do they age at all? 

“How old are you?” 

"Older than you by far, I promise. What a rude question. How old are you?" 

“Old enough. But that doesn’t answer my question. Don’t deflect.”

"No manners, you humans." He ponders it for a minute. "You count the passing of time in revolutions around the sun, right? I'd bet I had been an adult for a very long time while you were still learning to walk on wobbly little legs." 

It's your turn to laugh now, and he doesn't seem amused. "You're an old man! Ew! You're an interspecies cradle robber!"

"I'm not old! We live exponentially longer than you! I'll still be in my prime when you're an elder!" His pallid face is dusted slightly red in frustration, and it's almost funnier than his reaction. 

"Whatever you say, grandpa! Do you have an undersea walker? Drink sea prune juice? Is that why your hair is silver? Cause you're old?"

Self consciously, he strokes the front of his long bangs between his fingers. "No! You're an immature little brat!" 

"Back in my day~" You barely dodge a swipe from one of his claws as he jumps as far forward as he can and swings at you. "Careful gramps, you don't wanna hurt yourself. You’ll break a hip or whatever it is you have."

He sneers at you and you bask in the minor victory.

You sit in silence; him with a scowl tightly pulled across his thin lips, and you with a smug little grin. So it’s not impossible to get under his scales. 

He’s a world class pouter, you’ll give him that. He doesn’t strike you as vain, but this is probably uncharted territory for him; actually talking to a human and subsequently being made fun of for his age. He’s probably not used to being mocked in any sense of the word, seeing as he’s a ‘non existent’ mythical creature. Maybe his kind are prideful, if a little childish. He claims to have existed for ages, but he still has the mannerisms you’d attribute to a male around your age. Maybe a tad immature and explosive himself. You guess some things don’t change with the species. Aggression, domination, and sex. And murder, in his case. 

Some things are universal, it seems. 

He’s making a show of ignoring you now, clicking his claws together in a subconscious attempt to threaten you. They are awfully sharp. You swear looking at them makes the gashes on your arm start to ache all over again. Occasionally the fins on the side of his head twitch in an almost catlike manner, turning toward whatever source of sound can be heard. It’s so strange to you, you can’t help but stare. He looks ethereal, even as impudent as he’s acting. With the backdrop of the ocean and the moon behind him, he looks like a painting that belongs in a gallery. You can’t stop yourself from leering at him.

You’re trying to ignore the fact that he definitely takes notice. 

He's angry at you, displeasure still slightly evident in his face, but a small smile crooks his lips. You've clearly offended him but your leering goes a little way towards soothing the hairs you've rubbed the wrong way. For whatever reason, knowing you find him attractive puffs his feathers- er, scales- with pride. Body language relaxes between the two of you and a few minutes of quiet follows. 

Yet, it's difficult to keep a pleasant silence when the company you keep is far from familiar. This isn't two friends relaxing on a beach; at least unless most friends are malevolent ocean dwelling creatures with an end goal of filling the other's lung with sea water. 

The lack of noise makes you antsy, almost like you're anticipating something but you're unsure of what. It feels false somehow, like you're trying to turn this isn't something it isn't; comfortable. No matter how his casual demeanor tries to lull you into a false sense of security, you have to remain vigilant. One little slip and he'll drag you into a watery grave- among other things if he was serious. 

“So… What do you eat?”

He slow blinks at you a few times before grinning, light glinting off his all-too-sharp fangs. “You mean besides you?”

There’s multiple implications to that, neither one of which you want to ponder for various reasons. Your panties are already uncomfortably damp.

“Yes. Besides us.”

Shrugging, he flicks at a small pebble on the rocks edge and plunks it into the water. "Same thing you would if you were one of us. There's plenty of fish down here, only difference is I can eat them raw." 

Your nose crumples and you stick your tongue out slightly, imagining him taking a bite out of a still-twitching fish. "Ew."

He rolls his eyes, brushing your obvious disgust aside. "If I recall, don't you humans have multiple dishes you eat raw?"

"Well, I mean, yeah, but it's different. We actually prepare it."

"Sounds like a whole lot of fuss over nothing. Your weak stomach just can't handle it and mine can, and you seem to find that to be some sort of bragging point. Also, don't you humans have a tendency to put things in your mouth that don't belong there?" 

“Didn’t I already tell you to shut up about that?” 

"I don't know, I'd say the occasional raw fish is a lot less dirty than a human male c-"

“Oh my god! I am so sorry I fucking asked!”

He cackles loudly and you realize that he's officially found your hot button. Even worse is he knows it. "I mean that's not to say we don't have our own filthy habits, but you guys are inspiring-"

"Dude! Make like a tunafish and can it! I don't want to hear any of this!"

"Oh? Is that so? Because around 10 minutes ago, you were half ready to rip your clothes off and jump in here and let me try you even if it meant your death."

"Momentary lapse in judgement. Don't get too excited, grandpa." 

He frowns again but seems less offended now that the initial moment had passed. "If you insist upon calling me a nickname pertaining to my age, I'd prefer daddy."

All humor drops from your face. How the fuck does he even know about that? 

As if he can read your mind, he responds. "A lot of you humans like to reproduce here. I've seen quite a bit and heard even more. Like I said, you’re absolutely filthy creatures.” 

“Ah. Yeah. That makes sense.”

“My offer stands. Come a little closer and I’ll show you just what I learned.”

“Creep.”

“That makes two of us, now doesn’t it?”

"I'm not the one bringing up sex every 3 seconds."

Hey, do you know how awkward it is to be having this conversation? With him? Right now? Do you know how utterly surreal this is?

“No, but you’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”

Your cheeks burn and you know it doesn't matter what you say. Your face is a dead giveaway. He knows it too, crossing his arm and arching a cocky brow at you. 

“And I’m the pervert, huh?”

You wrap your arms around your legs again in a subconscious show of defense. "Yes, you are. This is a natural response to embarrassing topics. Topics you keep coming back to." 

He shrugs again, his head fins twitching a few times. "I don't deny my nature. If I feel lustful, I act on it. Another reason you humans are inferior. You deny what comes naturally in the name of some form of... shame, is it? I have no bonds holding me back, while yours are pointless and dictated by some invisible and shallow form of ‘morality’ and ‘purity." 

He’s… technically right. Still.

"You realize you're saying this to the person you're trying to kill, right?" 

"I'm aware. Consider it a parting gift. You can feel what it's like to be untethered before I end you."

You roll your eyes so deeply that you’re almost certain you’ve detached the retina. “Oh, how very kind of you. So thoughtful.” 

"It’s not entirely altruistic, but it's better than I was originally planning. I was just going to rip you apart the second I pulled you in. Of course, that was before I got a good look at you. It'd be a shame to waste such a pretty thing without getting a taste first.”

It's a twisted compliment, but you appreciate it, at least as much as the circumstances allow. 

“Thanks…  I think?” 

"It's a good thing, I promise. I won't just touch anyone, you know. Most of your kind repulses me. I'm not an easy please." 

"Oh." Another awkward silence. "What makes me so special, anyways?"

His face blanks over, eyes hardening and mouth pursing in a tight line. He opens his lips a few times to speak, but seemingly stops himself. His expression flashes confusion, then rage, then apathy in quick succession. "I don't know. It won't matter for long anyways, soon you'll be dead and I can move on." 

“Not if I win.”

"You won't. I don't lose. Besides, I've already almost gotten you twice. It's only a matter of time before you slip up again, and I'll be there to catch you when you do."

"Put it like that and it almost sounds sweet." A smile tugs at your lips despite yourself. 

His face flushes and he looks away from you, expression contorting. “It’s not. Don’t twist my words.” 

“Spoilsport. Go eat a mackerel or something. You’re not yourself when you’re hungry. Or maybe you are. Either way, you’re cranky.”

"It's hard not to be cranky when there's a meal right in front of me and I can't indulge."

"Quit threatening to eat me. I get the point, it's just weird.”

His thick tongue flicks out and runs across those glimmering teeth and he just smiles. "Who said anything about eating?" 

“Give it a rest.”

He swipes a small amount of water at you with his thumb and forefinger. "Deny it all you'd like, you enjoy the attention." 

"Definitely. I love being the first human to be hit on by the world's first mermaid fuckboy."

A hybrid mix of a groan and a growl rumbles from his chest. "I'm not a fucking mermaid!" 

"Oh, sorry!" The sarcasm is palpable, and he scowls at you again. You love the fact he doesn't deny the secondary insult. "I meant merman." 

"Don't insult me. As if your petty, unimaginative fairytales could even come close." 

"You have a tail, you live underwater, and you're half human. Sounds pretty damn close to me." 

The look on his face is as if you just forced him to swallow something extraordinarily disgusting. "You have no idea what I'm capable of. And I'm not half human. You're half us."

Now that takes you off guard. 

“What did you say? What do you mean?”

"It doesn't matter." He pushes himself away from the rocks, his tail slightly flapping above the surface. "Besides, you were right. I am hungry. I should probably find something to eat for tonight, unless you’ve changed your mind." He doesn’t bother waiting for you to retort before skillfully diving down back beneath the waves.

You want to stop him, but he’s gone before you can think of a creative way to say ‘hell no’. The slight dash of silver hair makes out towards the horizon and before long, he's gone. As always, he leaves you feeling more frustrated than anything. 

You want to stay, to enjoy the ocean like you used to before he barged his way into your life, but it all just feels too strange now. He won't return tonight, you know that much. 

Heaving yourself off your asleep butt, you begin your bowlegged walk back to civilization, left with nothing but the ache of a cramp in your hips and a strangely heavy feeling in your gut.

#Shigaraki x Reader #Shigaraki Tomura #Come Down to the Black Sea #See warnings up top

[ladyvader23]

The School Play

For @slx99, who inspired me to write this little Dad Vader piece! I also have no idea if walrus’ exist in the Star Wars universe, but THEY DO NOW! 

I also take requests!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vader stared in horror at the announcement slip his children had brought home from preschool. 

Apparently, the children would be putting on a play--or, rather, a presentation, if the description was anything to go by. The school had the children research a topic, and the children would be putting on a dramatic retelling of what they’d learned. It actually sounded terribly boring, but he’d read in that parenting book the children’s pediatrician had given him that supporting their interests, including school activities, helped foster confidence in children. An important quality in the two most important children in the galaxy, even if his presence would terrify everyone else in the room. 

The problem wasn’t the boring play. It was what his son was signed up to be. 

A walrus. 

A walrus. 

Leia had a stormtrooper, which was normal enough. But Luke had a walrus? How in the galaxy had he even had the misfortune of getting such an unfortunate aquatic creature?! 

He looked up at Miss Laena, who’d handed him the announcement slip in the first place. “My son will not play a walrus in front of a crowd of people!” 

The school the children went to was full of senator’s children, as well as other important Imperial figures, such as Grand Moffs, generals, and the like. Vader doubted most of those important figures would actually be at the play; most likely, their partners or nannies would go. But it did not matter. Word would spread fast that the son of Darth Vader had played a walrus. 

“Luke is very excited about the play, my lord.” Miss Laena said carefully. “It’s all he’s been talking about for weeks, now. I even helped him make the costume.” 

His stomach dropped. “There’s a costume?” 

It just got worse and worse. 

“Yes, my lord. I might be able to pull together another one in time, but it will break his heart.” 

Vader gritted his teeth. If this was any other assignment, he’d tell the boy to deal with whatever he chose for him, but he also didn’t need him crying on stage in front of everyone because he was unhappy. 

He would need to convince him. 

“Summon my son. I will speak with him.” 

Miss Laena hurried to do so, and soon the tiny form of his son came running into his office, immediately climbing (uninvited) into his lap. Vader had no change to stop him before his little arms wrapped around his neck with a hug. 

Despite the dire situation, he couldn’t help but melt a little under the embrace. 

“Hi daddy!” Luke said, pulling away after a moment, settling in comfortably on his leg. “Am I in trouble?” 

Perhaps that was the reason for the immediate hug. He would need to discourage such behavior in the future. 

“No, my son.” He reached up and ruffled his hair. “I just wanted to know why you were assigned to be a walrus in this play.” 

Luke brightened. “Oh! I’m going to be a walrus, daddy!” 

“Yes, but why?” Perhaps he hadn’t understood the phrasing of his first question. He struggled to speak on a level the twins would understand, at times. 

“Because I like them.” 

Vader winced. That would make it harder to convince him to change topics. 

“But why?” 

Luke shrugged. “They look funny.” 

And that was precisely why he didn’t want him to play a walrus in the first place. “Why don’t I help you choose something diff--” he cut off as Luke’s expression immediately began to fall, his eyes watering. 

“No, daddy, I wanna be a walrus!” 

Damn. 

Already, just from his presence alone, Vader could tell it would be far more of a fight to force him to choose something else than to just do the walrus. 

“...I will need to have a word with the school. But fine.” 

Immediately the tears were gone, and Luke threw his arms around him again before climbing off and running to find his sister. Vader watched after him, wondering how his children had so thoroughly wrapped him around their fingers, before he pulled up his datapad to send a message to the school principal to order that no footage be allowed at the play. 

If Luke insisted, he could at least make sure the incident was nothing more than a strange, unconfirmed rumor. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night of the play, he’d debated on pretending his schedule was too full to attend. That way, perhaps no one would notice that the son of Darth Vader was dressed as a walrus. It wasn’t like he didn’t have plenty of things to do instead anyway, but every time he thought about not showing up, the imagined disappointment in his children’s faces when they returned home was enough to guilt him into keeping the time reserved for the play. 

That didn’t mean he didn’t show up at the last possible second before they closed the doors for the performance. 

Naturally, the moment he walked in, a hush fell over the crowd of nannies and parents. He made a face when he recognized a few important officials there who were also apparently trying to be good parents despite their schedules. Normally he could respect that, but today of all days, he wished they’d remained at work. 

The principal, a short, portly man, came rushing over not long after he’d found a corner to stand in. “I have issued a strict no recording policy as you wished, Lord Vader.” 

“Good.” Vader crossed his arms, looking over his head to the curtained stage. “Because if there is any recording of my children distributed, I will personally pay you a visit.” 

The man paled, gulped, and nodded. “Understood, my lord.” Then he turned and rushed off. 

Moments later, the lights dimmed, and an announcement was made over a microphone to remind everyone of the very fact that no recording was allowed. He half expected them to use him as an excuse, but they mentioned nothing of the rule being a direct order from him. 

Hm. He might have mentioned it just to make sure, but if he had to dispose of the principal, he would not lose sleep over it. His children barely knew the man and wouldn’t notice if he disappeared. Perhaps he’d do it anyway just for the fact that someone in his staff showed the boy a picture of the infernal animal in the first place. 

Once the announcement was made, the “play” began. Sure enough, it was less of a play and more of various small children of different species in costumes reciting facts about whatever they’d researched for the parents. This was followed up by polite clapping, which he did not participate in. They were not his children, after all. He did not care, and he thought most of them were terribly boring anyway. 

He was also certain that none of these children had actually done their own research. What a complete waste of time and resources. 

But then came Leia. Somehow, Miss Laena had managed to help her construct an almost perfect replica of a stormtrooper armor set, fit perfectly to her petite size. The only thing that he could tell was real was the helmet, which she carried in her arms as more of a prop than anything else. 

When she walked onto the stage...as he suspected she would, she immediately acted as though the entire room was there for her. She squared her shoulders, looking over the audience with as high and mighty of a look that an almost five year old could muster. 

“Stormtroopers are soldiers who help protect the Empire.” She spoke clearly into the microphone. It was...well, as natural as a four year old could get, and a pang went through his chest at the thought of her suddenly looking very much like a mini version of her mother. “They serve over the whole Empire. They can be foot soldiers, or fly TIE fighters, like my daddy does.” 

He wondered if that was something she was supposed to say, or if she said it just because she was proud of what he did for a living. Not that she knew the full extent of that, but...he offered a rare, unseen smile nonetheless. 

“This is a real stormtrooper helmet. My friend let me use it tonight.” Friend? What friend? “Stormtroopers are not like clone troopers. They’re normal people like you and me.” 

He refrained from snorting at that. In his opinion, Clone Troops were far superior, but the Emperor did not seem to care for that opinion. 

“There’s also lots of types of stormtroopers. You can tell what they are because of their uniform. In conclusion, stormtroopers are pretty cool and I like them. They keep us safe, and are friends to all.” 

That...didn’t really make sense. But she was four, and again, probably had her lines written by someone else. Still, when she finished and did a little curtsy, he clapped proudly for the first time the entire show, then watched as she practically skipped off stage. 

Then...it was Luke’s turn. 

It was an experience to have one child give a basic but Imperial pride-supporting speech, then directly afterwards have another child walk out wearing a walrus costume to talk about an animal he’d never even personally seen before. He was sure that anyone who knew Luke was his son probably had a lot of questions he’d never answer right about now. 

But there Luke was, walking out wearing a well made, but monstrosity of a costume. He wore a dark gray, long-sleeved tunic that reached his knees, except that the sleeves ended well past where he knew Luke’s hands to be, and the end was in the shape of walrus flippers. A tail flopped around with each step Luke took, and his head was almost completely engulfed by a walrus-face hood. The face opening was framed by two giant tusks, what he supposed were whiskers, and at the top of the hood, giant eyes that Vader could swear were staring into his soul. 

And underneath, Luke had obviously painted his face. Probably the same color as the tunic. 

Half of Vader wanted to have the ground open up and swallow him whole. The other half was admittedly impressed with the lengths his son had put his nanny up to in making this costume. He was also dead certain that if Luke looked back on this costume as an adult, he’d be embarrassed beyond all reason. 

“Walruses are water animals who live on water worlds like Mon Cala.” Luke began, just as confidently as Leia. It was also obvious he was very proud of the whole thing; he was bouncing a bit in excitement, causing the tail to flop around constantly. Nearby, Vader heard a few parents coo adoringly at the display. 

He wondered if it would be noticeable if he used the Force to hold his son in place. 

“They can dive deep in the water, but they like to stay near land. They are really, really fat. Also, both the girls and the boy walruses have tusks, like this!” He reached up and tugged on the tusks, earning chuckles from the crowd. 

Well. Both of his children definitely liked to use visual aids. It was interesting to know, at least. 

“They also live for a super long time. Forty years!” Luke lifted his flipper-hands up in excitement. “They also can live in the cold because they’re fat. They like to eat fish. And they make these really funny noises, like--” then Luke proceeded to demonstrate, and more laughter erupted around the room. 

As well as Luke was doing, Vader couldn’t help but curse whoever had even shown the cursed animal to his son. He would definitely be finding a replacement for the principal after he was through with him. 

What had he done to encourage such a fascination with the animal? He was from the desert, so this had to be something from his mother’s side of the family, he was sure of it. 

But Luke seemed pleased by the audience’s reaction. He himself would have to ensure this incident never left this room, but at least his son was happy. 

“So yeah, I like walruses. They’re funny looking, and that’s why I chose to tell you about them.” Then, with that said, Luke made a bow, and the audience erupted in far more clapping than had been heard the entire night. Luke straightened, grinned, then ran off stage, his tail and flippers flapping wildly behind him. 

Well. It was certainly the most interesting part of the night, he thought as he clapped for his son. And despite being a walrus, his son was perfect. Just...had some odd interests that he sincerely hoped he grew out of. 

When the show ended, Vader waited uncomfortably by the doors for his children. Plenty of parents and their costumed kids walked by, all giving him a wide berth. He ignored them all, scanning the crowd for his children. He could sense them coming, but for whatever reason, they kept stopping. 

Finally, he saw the small figures of Luke and Leia pushing their way through their crowd, beaming smiles on their faces when they saw him. 

“Daddy!” Leia crowed, and he quickly reached out to place his hands on their shoulders before they could try to hug him. He had grown used to their hugs in private, but they were still learning that it was not permitted in public. “Did you like my play?” 

“You did well.” He confirmed, patting her head, which caused her to make a face and pull away. 

“Don’t mess up my hair.” She muttered. 

Luke had pulled the hood down and his painted face looked up at him. “What about mine, daddy? Lots of people told me they liked it.” He paused, frowning. “Did you?” 

Vader paused, deciding how to phrase it. He did not like that he was parading around in a ridiculous walrus costume, but the whole point of him coming to this ridiculous excuse for a play was to support his children and build their confidence. He could not ruin it by telling his son that he hated the animal he was portraying. “You played your performance well, my son. I am proud of you both.” 

Yes. That seemed safe. And to his satisfaction, the twins beamed up at him. But the moment was ruined when Luke asked, “Can we go to Mon Cala to see the walruses?” 

“Yeah! Let’s go, daddy!” Leia added. 

He paused for a few breaths of the respirator. “Mon Cala...is not safe for humans.” 

Luke frowned. “But my friend said he went, and--” 

“Why don’t I take you to a zoo, instead?” Then maybe Luke would see a different, less embarrassing animal to portray next time. Or maybe he’d lose interest in animals completely. 

Luke considered for a moment, then nodded. “Okay daddy.” He paused. “Can I be a walrus for Trick Or Treat?” 

Again, he paused, trying to come up with an answer that would not hurt his son’s feelings. “Why don’t you wait until after we go to the zoo?” 

Luke also seemed to accept this answer, and Vader took his children's hands in his own, and led them from the theater. 

Vader made sure to give pointed glares at anyone who dared look their way.

#Dad vader #dad vader series #luke skywalker #leia organa #luke loves animals #vader is not pleased #he probably got an A on his performance though #do they even grade preschoolers? #i don't know how preschool works

[crusherthedoctor]

Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite? - Part 15: DR. EGGMAN

There are some villains I like. And there are some villains I don’t like. But why do I feel about them the way I do? That’s where this comes in.

This is a mini-series of mine, in which I go into slightly more detail about my thoughts on the villains in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, and why I think they either work well, or fall flat (or somewhere in-between). I’ll be giving my stance on their designs, their personalities, and what they had to show for themselves in the game(s) they featured in. Keep in mind that these are just my own personal thoughts. Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions! I don’t bite. :>

Anyhow, for today’s installment, it’s finally time for him. The bad doctor himself. Gather round ladies and gentleman, for the spotlight is on the arch-villain that shines above them all... Dr. Eggman.

The Gist: It's the dawn of the 90's. A little company called SEGA had an ephiphany. They wanted to make a video game juggernaut that could rival the quality and iconic appeal of the then-unmatched Super Mario Bros, and their current star, Alex Kidd, just wasn't doing it in the way that they hoped. They promptly set about starting anew, as a worldwide phenomenon wasn't going to make itself.

So a gentleman named Naoto Ohshima created a selection of design concepts for this brand new mascot. One of these concepts was President Roosevelt in his pajamas.

Seen here with his catgirl body pillow.

The response to this character was “This is good, but we think kids would prefer kicking the shit out of him”, and so he was given an antagonistic role instead. In the meantime, after juggling the rest of their ideas, they eventually settled on a rabbit hedgehog named Sonic for their main protagonist, knowing his Mickey Mouse-like aesthetic would help endear him to the audience, and the franchise as a whole would have an easier time gaining a DeviantART fanbase later on down the line.

Initially, the character of today's review was but a mere lackey among many, seemingly little more than one of numerous minions working for Sonic's originally intended main villain, the Nonspecific Goblin. He was also dressed as a bee for some reason.

Which is the least weirdest thing in this image.

At some point however, they all got together and decided that actually, the guy with the moustache was the only one worth shit, and so he was upgraded to the role of main villain himself. With a spiffy new attire of red and black, he was given the bold title of Dr. Eggman, because with a shape like that, what else are you gonna call him?

“Funny you should say that”, laughed SEGA of America, as they rebelled like an angsty teen and named him Dr. Ivo Robotnik instead. While this name does make equal sense for the character, as he is indeed a hard worker who also happens to like robots, the reason for this name's existence seems to have been mainly because they thought Eggman was too out there of a name for an egg-like man. Whatever the case, this would confuse a lot of fans for years, and remains a point of divisiveness to this day... Unless you're like me and your first game in the series was Advance 2, in which the manual clears it up right away, and you accept the idea of a character having two names and immediately carry on with your life.

He would have aimed it perfectly if it weren't for the Sonic Heroes Parrot distracting him.

And that was that, really. It didn't take long for them to come up with his characterization, which was that of a cackling fiend with an ego to end all egos. This guy was the Narcissist Alpha, more king than actual kings, no strings attached. Other villains would build statues of themselves, but only Robotnik would deface Ancient Egyptian monuments to improve them with his face. Other villains would think “Nah, refacing all four in Rushmore would look silly”, but only the Eggman, the Eggmyth, the Egglegend, would go “Well fuck you, I'm doing it anyway.” Then he'd do it anyway, and proceed to address to the entire world that he did in fact do it anyway.

It also didn't take long for them to develop his primary schtick. With the dynamic of Sonic VS Eggman, you had a classic rivalry between nature and technology. Interestingly enough however, this turned out to be executed more tactfully than your typical Amish-abiding examples in similar media. Never was technology itself regarded as a corruptive influence that you should never utilise no matter what. Rather, it was only as good or as evil as the person using it, with it just so happening that the villain loved machinery only slightly less than he loved himself, and it was countered by Sonic’s best friend being a techno wiz in his own right anyway. Anyhow, with his machinery, the doctor would make a name for himself among video game baddies by confronting his enemy as the boss of nearly every zone in each game, rather than hide away until the endgame.

And all without a driver's licence.

In his soon-to-be-30 years of activity, he has largely remained the same since his inception. Other characters have been introduced, other villains have came and went, but Eggman has remained THE villain of the franchise, and he's remained a vital part of the Sonic the Hedgehog universe... with a slight redesign along the way.

The only ad I don't want to skip.

The Design: Eggman's design may be more simplistic than the likes of Bowser and Ganondorf, and he may not look as openly threatening at first glance, but it's still a very iconic look no matter what look it is. His original appearance was devised so that kids could have an easy time drawing him, which only makes me feel worse about not being able to do it as a grown adult without it looking like a Sexy Legs Kirby.

Still, it's a classic for a reason. With his to-the-point colour scheme, contrasting heavily with Sonic's blue, and his capelet collar resembling walrus tusks, it was an instant winner and made everyone goo goo for g'joob.

The Emeralds he’s juggling are a metaphor for the divided fan community.

And when it was time to give the cast an update for Sonic's first real 3D adventure (or at least the first one that didn't get axed for being a magic eye seizure), Eggman got a respectable change of his own. He was taller, his getup was militaristic, and his body was more legitimately egg-shaped rather than basketball-shaped. He also gained a pair of goggles that he never uses, except in scenes where he puts them on and then never uses them.

“How do my chicken legs not collapse under the might of my gluttonous mass? Find out in an unrelated tie-in novel that you have to pay additional money for.”

There was also that one redesign from 2006, but...

Be it Classic or Modern, I've always loved his design. Before he even says a word or does anything, you know from his appearance that he's a bit of a clownish sort. But he also has a subtle creepy vibe going on, with the way his glasses often obscure his eyes, and how this only makes the pearly-white, unnecessarily wide grin on his face that much more empty and unsettling. This little bit of eeriness hiding among his cartoonish physique reflects the full extent of his character pretty accurately, as we’ll delve into soon enough.

If nothing else, it's more effective than him having no eyes at all.

GRRRRRRRR FUCK YOU BUNNIES THAT I CAN'T SEE

The Personality: If you've seen my villain reviews, then you'll have gathered that Sonic's rogues aren't known for having much in the way of personality. There are exceptions, but they are indeed the exceptions. More often than not though, whether it's an alien conquerer, an ancient monster, or Dan Green the Recolour, they can be summed up thusly: They're evil, they want to destroy the world, and the heroes stop them because they're evil and want to destroy the world. If they're feeling particularly daring, they might go for a second colour.

Luckily, as if to counter all these cardboard drawings, the central adversary of the franchise makes up for these voids of personality by actually having one. And what a personality it is.

The writers of SatAM looked at this and thought “No, this won't do, there's no character to work with here.”

He really is brimming with comedic charm. Every moment that he's present...

Every moment that he shows off...

Every moment that he basks in his own glory...

Every moment that he unveils a new wicked scheme...

Every moment that he puts his enemies to the test...

Every moment that he challenges the world...

Every moment that he laughs at the world...

Every moment that he lives, nay, every moment that he breathes...

Yes, the man has plenty of humor, and it's part of what makes him so enjoyable and memorable. However, if you think being a clown is all there is to him, then prepare to have your expectations subverted initial assumptions taken in a unexpected direction, because although he puts the goof in goofy, he ALSO puts the “oh...?” in “oh shit”.

For you see, Eggman is by all means the epitome of Laughably Evil, but do not, under any circumstance, take him at face value and write him off as a joke. He is anything but.

For starters, he can swing a planet.

There is a rule of thumb that I personally go by with Eggman’s characterization, one that I believe is an immediate make or break factor in regards to whether or not you understand what makes this villain work. Eggman - when you put all his secondary traits aside - is made up of two prominent halves. There’s the egocentric meme machine that bounces up and down like a kid with his N64 and laughs like Santa... and there’s the monster buried within that remains completely and utterly unrepentant for everything he’s responsible for. This is very important. Despite the character’s simplicity at his core, many writers have failed to grasp this, official writers included, and I for the life of me cannot understand why this is such a recurring problem. Eggman is funny, AND Eggman is evil. Both are equal. When you take away one or the other, you may have a funny character, or you may have an evil character, but you don’t have Eggman. Simple as.

Armchair intellectuals may argue that Eggman’s deeds aren’t that evil, since he tends to be merely callous rather than actively trying to hurt or kill people. Those people are probably the types on TV Tropes who weigh a villain’s evilness and effectiveness purely through the surface-level scale of their goals rather than what they actually do to achieve them. While it is true that Eggman tends to be more apathetic about the aftermath of his actions, that doesn’t - and shouldn’t - negate how dangerous he is. It shouldn’t negate what he’s capable of. It shouldn’t negate how far he’s willing to go. And it shouldn’t negate the consequences and casualties that can and do result from his many schemes.

Seriously, think about this for a second. If you confronted Eggman about his current plan to... I dunno, make a water park in Africa or some shit, and you informed him that there has been unexpected mass suffering as a result of this, how do you think he would truly feel about that? What do you think he would actually say to that?

Spoiler: No fucks.

If anything, that he “merely” doesn’t care either way as long as he gets what he wants is more uniquely horrific and deplorable than if he were a generic baddie who committed his evulz specifically for evulz’s own sake and nothing more. At least you’re inadvertently acknowledging that other people’s lives have value when you act one-dimensionally gleeful over ending them, but when your immediate response to the side-effect of a million potential deaths and environmental disasters is “Oh well, fuck ‘em, Eggmanland time baybeeee”, that’s a new level of cruelty.

Besides, even in the Genesis era, he was carpet bombing Angel Island...

“Good thing I have this shield. Sucks to be this forest!”

And he’s only gotten worse since then, indulging in such acts as going full suicide bomber with a missile, after his initial plot to destroy and rebuild Station Square through the means of Chaos and the Egg Carrier didn’t work out...

But don’t worry, he kept it lighthearted by making it look like a penis.

Making one of Sonic’s friends go insane with power against their will, forcing the Blue Blur to put them down personally...

It’s ironic, cause he’s metal. Or do I have to awkwardly explain the joke two more times before I’m a proper YouTuber?

Capturing thousands of innocent aliens, and forcefully converting them into mindless beasts...

I’m pretty sure I saw Alfred Molina conduct this experiment one time.

He even removed the heroes’ collective IQs so that he could shoehorn a cliffhanger on an already terrible game.

Thanks, cunt.

And honestly? When it comes to Sonic and chums at least, Eggman does let out a more openly sadistic side now and then. Need I mention that time when the doctor forced Sonic and two random buddies to make their way through a trap-infested island of his own creation? Not for the sake of nabbing Chaos Emeralds or anything of the sort mind you, he just wanted the blue motor mouth to suffer.

Images you can hear.

To make matters even worse, as befitting of his manchild tendencies, he’s ridiculously petty. How petty? Petty enough to abduct a little girl’s mother for no other reason than because Cheese completely trivialized his forces the girl was friends with Sonic and helped participate in the latest kicking of his own ass.

He only picked Vanilla because there was no Strawberry.

But at least his captives can admire the sheer variety that their captor has to offer. One of the greatest things about the doctor's style is that anything goes. With all due respect to Bowser, he tends to stick with his fiery castles (although he has been branching out recently), and plenty of other villains in gaming tend to be similarly stuck in their ways when it comes to tastes. Eggman, on the other hand, will create all sorts of fortresses and reside anywhere on the planet and beyond. It can be in the sky, in space, somewhere hot, somewhere cold, under the sea, in a circus... and every now and then, he might combine some of them together and thensome. So long as it's even vaguely mechanical in some way, his ground rules have already been ticked off.

Hang on a minute...

You know what else Eggman is? Relentless.

Persistence is a quality that most villains by their very nature share, lest they cease to be an effective antagonist. But once again, Rrrrrrrobotnik maxes out more than any other, and will often go to insane lengths to keep the current plan going, or if not that, then to spite Sonic.

Exhibit A: Sonic 3 & Knuckles, in which the grand finale consists of the madman throwing a gravity-shifting contraption your way, busting out a Kaiju-sized robo, escaping with the Master Emerald after his defeat, continuing to escape even after the Death Egg has been thoroughly destroyed, getting chased through the asteroid fields in space by Super Sonic, and only finally going down when the escape craft and the piloted mech controlling the escape craft are down. And all of this came after a grand adventure where, among other things, he destroyed an entire level just to kill you.

There are immortal omnipotents that put up less of a challenge.

“Looks like it’s time for Plan... *checks paper*... F.”

His relentlessness also reveals another side of the doctor that is simultaneously admirable and terrifying: He bows to no one. No one. Doesn’t matter who it is. Doesn’t matter how powerful they are. Doesn’t matter how much the odds are stacked against him. If another villain were to demand that he cower before them, the scientist would laugh and show through physical demonstration that this is not the way the egg rolls. Unless he’s absolutely unable to do so, he will give it his all every time, and even if he can’t, he’ll use his crafty mind to find some other way to get around the issue. You can beat him in battle, you can foil his plans, but you absolutely cannot break his resolve.

“Dad said it’s my turn to play with the Ruby. I know this, because I’m your dad.”

What about his relationship with those who actually serve him? Specifically, his own robots? Well for the most part, he treats them like absolute crap, what with verbally abusing them at every corner and being all too willing to go full Vader on them the moment they mess up. He IS capable of expressing fondness and giving praise to his more successful creations, like with Metal Sonic and Gamma, but even then, it’s a roundabout way of praising himself, since he’s the one who made them what they are. So basically, you’re only valuable to him if you make him look good.

Gaming in the Clinton Years in a nutshell.

And as for Sonic? Yeah, like with any legendary and long-lasting hero/villain dynamic, it’s obvious that Eggman has some degree of begrudging respect for his opponent. But if you think this respect would dissuade him from actually going through with his ambitions of rulership...

As the hedgehog’s apparent demise in Sonic Adventure 2 proves, as well as his defeat at the hands of Infinite and the subsequent six months of brutal conquest in Sonic Forces, Eggman is dead serious about his goals. If you think he’d get bored after conquering the world, he would simply expand his resources and have a crack at conquering the rest of the universe. When he says he hates that hedgehog, I’m inclined to believe that he means it, and although he may enjoy his “games” with Sonic to an extent, I also can’t see him wanting to remain stuck on square one forever.

If this were Sonic X, he’d just grieve.

By the way, the scene above? Undeniable proof that for all the doctor’s boasting, he’s not actually lying or exaggerating when he prides himself on his brilliance. Because when you get past his goofy exterior, when you look beyond the occasional, relatively minor mistake (*glares at IDW*), you’ll see that... yes. He IS brilliant. And not just in the science department either, although his countless robots and strongholds over the years are no doubt a testament to his credentials there. While he may prefer to go in big and bold, he can also be shrewd with his strategies when he wants to be.

Sonic’s aforementioned near-death experience, for example, was the result of Eggman turning the heroes’ own cunning plan on its head by being one step ahead of them. And in Sonic Unleashed, he lured his enemy into a trap, culminating with him cancelling out Super Sonic.

“...and pay the price for your Werehog gameplay...”

And after all those years of struggling, he finally got a giant monster under his complete control. “But he had help!”, you say? Yeah, from himself.

Did Flynn sleep through all this...?

Much like his inner nature as an evil bastard, Eggman's effectiveness is likewise commonly underestimated by writers. Yes, he occasionally makes mistakes. Yes, he occasionally overlooks details. Yes, he occasionally lacks foresight. But he is NOT stupid. A hero is only as good as their villain after all, and if Eggman is portrayed as a bumbling fool, then how can Sonic be a truly great hero? Eggman is humorous, sinister, and when the chips are down, competent.

...Did I mention that he's also a master Olympian?

The Execution: There's no surprises here. You knew from the moment you saw this review that my stance wasn't going to be anything less than 100% fanboy adoration. In that respect, this section almost feels redundant, because there's only so many ways I can say “Dr. Eggman is the fucking shit and I'm eternally grateful to Mr. Ohshima for bringing this absolute masterpiece into our world” without it getting repetitive. So to cap this review off, I'm going to very briefly compare his portrayals in other media, and explain why they tend to not be as good as the original SEGA Eggman.

“Cause they’re not balanced, right?” you ask. “Cause they veer too far in a particular direction? You're so predictable,” you add. To that I say:

1. Yeah, basically.

2. ...S-Shut up...

3. While the conclusion may be obvious, it's nonetheless important because as I mentioned previously, despite how straightforward this villain is, writers seem absolutely intent on not getting the point. There are loads of villains out there who share Eggman's talent of mixing hilarity and evil together with a bow of competence on top. Two of those villains are among the most famous supervillains of all time, in fact. You might have heard of them.

Joker can do it just fine. Green Goblin can do it just fine. And plenty of others can do it just fine. So why is it such an issue with Eggman? What is it about a round body and a long moustache that gets people to think “No, this guy is absolutely incapable of being comedic and threatening at the same time, no question, end of.” Is it because he’s a more cartoony franchise? Well, that can't be the case, because even Mario has a couple of beloved examples. Fawful, anyone? How about Dimentio? Cackletta? King Boo? K. Rool? Hell, you could even count Bowser himself depending on the portrayal.

Anyway, the point is, writers tend to miss the mark for one reason or another. With Sonic X for example, he wasn't too bad in the beginning, but as the show went on, he became exactly the toothless non-villain that many people misjudge him as. We all know that scene where he berates Black Narcissus for harming their captives (not for pragmatic reasons mind you, he genuinely took issue with the act on moral grounds, even though his own hands weren’t exactly clean either), but even before that point, he was doing such things as healing an injured Sonic without an ulterior motive, not taking any opportunity whatsoever to start conquering Sonic's world because he was pining for Sonic's attention, and being the Jiminy Cricket to Chris Thorndyke's Pinocchio. Why they thought the goddamn villain should be the moral conscience of this show remains an unanswered question, but at least it no longer influences how he's portrayed in the games.

Then you have the IDW comic, which is a similar tale of starting off decent and then careening wildly into the abyss, but for different reasons. Initially, he was built up to be in-line with his competent, foresight-packed self from Forces, with his inevitable return being met with dread, and a delightfully devilish scheme to match when he finally did so. But somewhere along the way, Ian Flynn thought that Eggman coming back from his amnesiac period and returning stronger than ever with a new minion and a deadly virus wasn't enough to up the stakes... so they decided to “up the stakes” by turning both the doctor and his new minion into massive imbeciles so as to justify their plot getting hijacked by the Deadly Six, a move so predictable yet infuriating that it got even me to turn against the Six. And the reason the Six got invited in-universe is because Starline decided he didn’t like being unique and devolved into Snively 2.0 behind Eggman’s back. All this from the alleged “best writer” for the series...

Yeah, same.

And then you have the Boom version, which shares basically the same issues as Sonic X but in a more mundane fashion. It's easier to dismiss because it's a comedy-centric show and his redesign makes it easier to separate him from mainline Eggman, and I'll gladly admit that he does have a lot of genuinely funny lines that redeem him a little bit. But yeah, too much of not being a true villain for my tastes.

Now this isn't to say that there haven't been portrayals in other media that are up there with the original. The versions that I consider better off than the ones above include...

- The OVA Eggman is pretty faithful all things considered, aside from his romantic feelings for Sara, which feels slightly off since the idea of Eggman loving anyone other than himself is incredibly unrealistic at best. But it doesn't actually soften or undermine his deviousness, so I'm willing to let it slide for an alternate take. Especially since he gave us the best Metal Sonic out there.

- AoStH is far from a perfect show, but there's a reason why even its detractors tend to treat its version of Robotnik like a national treasure. Admittedly most of that is because of the legendary Long John Baldry and the endless memes associated with this incarnation, but despite hailing from a comedy-focused show like Boom Eggman, this Robotnik still had a lot of legitimately dangerous moments, more than you'd think.

- And of course, Jim Carrey's Robotnik in the Sonic movie is just... *chef's kiss*

So obvious aesop though it may be, but you see what the more effective portrayals have in common, I assume?

Granted, this also isn't to say that SEGA Eggman himself has had a perfect track record. The decade's worth of upstagings and backstabbings by other villains should be enough of a counterpoint to that claim, and I've also made it clear now and then that I take issue with certain games regarding what they do with the doc, no matter how revered they may be by other fans. Sonic Adventure 2, for instance. I praised the fake emerald scene, and I do sincerely believe that he has a number of other badass moments in that game, but because Shadow was playing him like a fool the whole time, I can't help but have a bitter taste in my mouth when I look at the bigger picture.

So close to greatness, yet so far...

So in that case, which game do I think has Eggman's best showing overall? That's not in any way an easy question, but lack of dialogue aside, I'm gonna go with Sonic 3 & Knuckles again, as the classic journey through the sights of Angel Island plays out in a way that highlights just how determined, ruthless, and underhanded he is with carrying out his mission to revive the Death Egg by any means necessary. Other games do win out in other areas - SA1 for how bastardly he is, Forces for how cunning he is, Colours for his hilarious announcements, CD for using the scenery to show the effects of his actions, Mania for not letting the other villain walk all over him - but for the purest essence of the doctor at his cartoony yet competent best, I'd say S3&K is a reasonable bet.

And when it comes to all his many traits, which one do I find the most special one of all? Well again, far from easy to answer, but I think the coolest aspect about him is also one of the most overlooked. Robotnik, despite whatever superhuman qualities he may occasionally unveil, is for all intents and purposes a regular guy with a big brain. This might make him appear unimpressive when compared to your average Final Fantasy villain and the like, but if anything, it paints him in a more flattering light than expected, because he doesn't even need to be on their level to still be on the radar. It's easy to be a big bad threat when you're an ancient demon or an almighty god-like being, and you only have to wave a hand to cause armageddon. But when you're just Some Guy™ going up against superpowered opponents, meaning you have to earn your threat level the hard way, and you prove to be a challenge every step of the way regardless, because you're just THAT much of a genius... that's fucking awesome, no other way to put it.

And you know what else is awesome? You may not like Eggman, and you don’t have to like him, but like it or not, he is directly and indirectly responsible for a vast majority of the coolest and most loved moments and aspects of this franchise.

The opening to Unleashed? Eggman set up the scene.

Shadow running around and continuing to be part of the franchise? Eggman released him.

Blaze getting involved with Sonic’s world and continuing to be part of the franchise? Eggman’s half-responsible for that.

Metal Sonic? Eggman made him.

Egg Dragoon? Eggman.

Big Arm? Eggman.

Monkey Dude? Eggman.

That text is missing a blue checkmark.

This review is probably longer than the echidna family tree in Archie at this point, so I better finish it off. If it wasn't obvious from all the paragraphs I've belted out in this post, I'm very passionate about Eggman and the way he’s portrayed. Ever since I got into the Sonic franchise in 2003, I immediately took a liking to the doctor, and to this day, he remains not only my favourite Sonic villain, my favourite Sonic character, but also my favourite character period. Some may find it a weird or lame choice compared to other, “better” characters, but that's the way it is, and I ain't about to change it. I am very unlikely to ever stop enjoying the hell out of this villain, and even if he got irreversibly ruined in some way, I'd still continue to love what he was before that point.

Because yeah, he's not the deepest character ever, but... who cares? Is it not enough that we find something that appeals to us? When I got into Sonic, I was introduced to fantastic games, a likable cast, high quality soundtracks, beautiful worlds, numerous friends on this very site, and of course, the lovely treasure that is my partner. I may not have been with this franchise during the 90's, but it's given me just as much fun, nostalgia, and happiness as those who were. Despite the flawed titles, despite the fandom conundrums, I still love this series.

And I still love this absolute prick.

Crusher Gives Dr. Eggman a: TWO Thumbs Up!

#Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite? #Opinion #Sonic the Hedgehog #Dr. Ivo Robotnik

[sublimeheartwizard]

What Your Sunglasses Say About You

Sunglasses are a real character builder. Or at least they play a large roll in the character that you play to others. They’re front and center and they can literally change the shape of your face. So before you buy your next pair of shades, think about what you might be saying to the world.

With that said, here are some popular sunglass shapes along with what what they might be saying about your style.

Sunglasses are one of the world's most ubiquitous fashion accessory, but also play an important part in protecting our eyes from harmful UV rays. The earliest known use of glasses to protect eyes from the sun was the Inuit use of “sun goggles” to shield their eyes from the blinding glare of light reflected off the snow. These were made from carved driftwood, bone, walrus ivory, or caribou antler that formed a strip worn across the eye area, with thin slits that the wearer could see through. The goggles were cut so that they fit tightly to the face, and often soot or gunpowder was rubbed on the outside to absorb the light and further cut down on glare. The use of these goggles dates back to around 2,000 years ago, and as a bonus, even improved the wearers vision as the narrow slits helped focus eyesight.

unglasses protect your eyes from harmful ultraviolet (UV) rays, reduce eyestrain in bright conditions and protect you from flying debris and other hazards. Finding the right pair is key to your comfort, whether you’re driving to work or climbing a mountain.

All acetate sunglasses offered at REI block 100% of ultraviolet light. UV protection information should be printed on the hangtag or price sticker of any sunglasses you buy, no matter where you buy them. If it isn't, find a different pair.

Types of Sunglasses

Casual sunglasses: Best for everyday use and basic recreational activities, casual sunglasses do an excellent job of shading your eyes from the sun while you drive to work and walk through town. Casual sunglasses are typically not designed to handle the intensity of action sports.

Sport sunglasses: Designed for activities such as running, hiking and biking, sport sunglasses offer light weight and an excellent fit for fast-paced adventures. High-end frame and lens materials are more impact-resistant and flexible than casual sunglasses. Sport sunglasses also typically feature grippy nose pads and temple ends, a feature that helps keep the frames in place even when you're sweating. Some sport sunglasses include interchangeable lenses so you can make adjustments for different light conditions.

Glacier glasses: Glacier glasses are special sunglasses designed specifically to protect your eyes from the intense light at high altitudes and sunlight reflecting off snow. They often feature wrap-around extensions to block light from entering at the sides.

Sunglass Lens Features

Polarized lenses: Polarized lenses substantially reduce glare. Polarization is a great feature if you enjoy water sports or are especially sensitive to glare.

In some instances, polarized lenses react with the tints in windshields, creating blind spots and diminishing the visibility of LCD readouts. If this occurs, consider mirrored lenses as a glare-reducing alternative.

Photochromic lenses: Photochromic lenses automatically adjust to changing light intensities and conditions. These lenses actually get darker on bright days, and lighter when conditions get darker.

A couple of caveats: The photochromic process takes longer to work in cold conditions, and it doesn't work at all when driving a car because UVB rays do not penetrate your windshield.

Interchangeable lenses: Some sunglass styles come with interchangeable (removable) lenses of different colors. These multi-lens systems allow you to tailor your eye protection to your activities and conditions. Consider this option if you need reliable performance in a wide variety of situations.

The benefits of metal sunglasses

If you prefer to keep it lightweight and classic, you can’t go wrong with sunglasses with metal frames.

Metal frames are usually relatively thin, making them a great lightweight sunglasses option for everyday wear. Metal is also durable and resists corrosion. Metal frames also usually are outfitted with nose pads to help keep your sunglasses in place and prevent slippage (for a more comfortable fit).

Metal-frame sunglasses are typically made of aluminum, nickel, titanium or stainless steel, and come in a variety of styles, from iconic aviators to classic round frames.

When shopping for higher-end metal-frame sunglasses, consider aluminum and titanium. They’re both flexible, strong and corrosion resistant. Titanium sunglasses also are hypoallergenic, making titanium a great choice for those with skin sensitivities and allergies.

Metal sunglasses made from beryllium and stainless steel are also popular choices, due to their strength and resistance to corrosion. In fact, beryllium is especially appropriate for those who spend a lot of time in or around salt water and other abrasive environments.

Do you play sports or wear performance sunglasses? Look for metal sunglasses made with monel or flexon. Both are exceptionally malleable, and flexon will return to its original shape after twisting or bending.

Note that metal sunglasses may not work for lenses that require a strong prescription. Due to their thinner frame construction, metal frames may be unable to accommodat

WHAT IS TR90?

TR-90 Sunglasses has been manufactured using TR90, an incredible new material that you’re sure to love. So what is TR90?

TR90 was produced through Swiss technology as a thermoplastic material that is incredibly durable, flexible, and lightweight. Glasses made with TR90 are extremely comfortable because they have a flexible quality. Since they are flexible, they can bend under pressure and contour your face comfortably.

This flexibility also makes TR90 glasses resilient to damage. Because the material is pliable, they are far less likely to break or bend from impact. If you’re guilty of constantly dropping your glasses, fear not! TR90 frames can prevail!

Finally, and most remarkable of all, TR90 glasses are supremely lightweight! Even the boldest, biggest styles don’t feel bulky when made with TR90. The thermoplastic material has a barely-there feel that you truly have to wear to believe.

How Your Glasses Can Become Your Main Accessory

PC or CP sunglasses, although they are a necessity to some, don’t have to be a boring accessory to be stuck with. In 2020, we have seen a rise in popularity of amazing new glasses of all shapes and sizes. Don’t just stick with your old tired eyewear because you’re used to it; your glasses are the most noticeable accessory on your body, and they are the first thing people will see when they look at you. So, why not treat yourself to some cool, fresh glasses to revamp your look? Here is a short guide to help you along the way.

Before Choosing Glasses

It is so important to go for regular check-ups with your local eye doctor to see if anything needs changing in your prescription or if you have any eye health problems that need checking. You should go for an appointment at least every two years as not only could straining your eyes make your vision worse, it could be causing health problems like headaches and migraines too. If you have existing health problems with your eyes, you may have to visit slightly more regularly depending on the advice from your eye doctor.

Good Quality Frames

When looking for your next pair of glasses, it is so important to make sure you are getting some high-quality specs. Don’t be tricked by the price tag, as some extremely cheap glasses may not be very good quality and may break after a short time of having them. So, it is better to spend a little more to ensure you are getting the best quality you could possibly get. Sites like artofoptiks.com are experts in eyecare, and a great example of a supplier of high-quality glasses. There are so many on trend styles to choose from, so don’t limit yourself to basic frames.

On Trend Eyewear Styles

Transparent eyewear is definitely on the rise. Round shaped frames with transparent edging are such great alternatives if you just don’t like the idea of having a frame color to match your clothes with all the time. On the other hand, slightly tinted transparent frames are now becoming more and more popular, as they are like a slightly upgraded version of the clear version, with not so much color poking through, but just enough to give them a quirky edge.

Geometric glasses are another alternative option shape wise. If you’re bored of the classic round shape, maybe give these a try as they almost imitate the rounded shape but with a slight edge. You can get all manner of geometric shaped glasses including square, hexagonal and even octagonal.

Glasses a new fashion essential?

Judging from the plethora of eye-catching eyewear that’s been getting face time over the last few years — be it on the European ready-to-wear runways or in the adjoining office cubicle — it’s clear that glasses have gone from nerd necessity to chic accessory.

It’s a shift reflected in the current look-at-me trends — retro, vintage-inspired frames, chunky tortoise shells and geometric shapes that attract rather than deflect attention — and reinforced by the laundry list of fashion-focused brands with a presence in the eyewear arena. These include high-end European luxury labels like Prada, Giorgio Armani and Dolce & Gabbana as well as American contemporary brands Brooks Brothers, Tory Burch, Tiffany & Co. and Sperry Top-Sider, which aims to translate the brand’s footwear DNA into a line of licensed sunglass and ophthalmic frames due to hit the market next year.

While it might seem logical to blame the deteriorating eyesight of the aging baby boomer population or the ever-increasing computer- and smartphone-induced strain on our collective eyeballs, consumer behavior statistics don’t show a jump in the number of people who need prescriptions. What they do show, however, is an increase in the number of people who wear glasses without prescription lenses — presumably to look cool.

Dorothy Parker famously observed, “Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.” How did we go from that image to bespectacled bombshells? How did eyewear go from the disguise that turns Superman into his milquetoast alter-ego to an individual expression of signature style?

Some in the eyewear industry point to the traditional pop-culture petri dishes of Hollywood celebrity and fashion runways. “Maybe they’re seeing more celebrities” wearing glasses, said Larry Leight, co-founder and creative director of boutique brand Oliver Peoples. “And there are more … fashion magazines and runway shows where designers are accessorizing their shows with ophthalmic glasses — the kind that aren’t sunglasses — with either clear lenses or only slightly tinted colored lenses.”

Milena Cavicchioli, vice president of marketing for Luxottica Group — the Milan-based eyewear company that owns Ray-Ban, Oakley and Oliver Peoples, among others, and which also makes eyewear and sunglasses under license for some 20 fashion labels — points to the recent Hollywood award show season as evidence. “Think of Meryl Streep on Oscar night,” Cavicchioli said. “She was wearing beautiful frames. And she’s not the only one. Jennifer Garner and Demi Moore are two I often see in clippings. When people are looking at [celebrities like] them to see what the latest trends are, them wearing frames is a huge support and endorsement.”

She said there have also been other factors at work over the last half decade, including fashion designers’ approach to eyewear both in the frames that bear their names and in the styled looks that hit the runways during fashion week.

“The [optical] collections themselves are becoming more elaborate,” she said. “There are some [styles] that are like jewelry pieces, that make a big fashion statement — like Prada’s Baroque frame, for example. The collections are being treated in a more fashion-forward way.”

Fashion designers have realized just how powerful a brand extension eyewear can be, especially in comparison to some other offshoots. “It’s difficult for a brand to be visible with a fragrance because you’re the only one who knows what you’re wearing,” she explained. “But when you wear a pair of blue light glasses or optical frames, the brand itself gets exposure in the most prominent way because this is something you wear on your face. It’s not like a wallet that you put in your bag. I would say that it is as powerful as a [designer hand]bag as a brand statement, as brand exposure.”

Not just a powerful statement, but an economical one too, points out David Rose, vice president of design and manufacturing at Costa Mesa-based Salt Optics. “A few years back, before the economy took a hit, people would spend a lot more money on their bags and their shoes,” Rose said. “But now eyewear is an accessible way to have a quality accessory.” Rose also said that switching out the spectacles provides a quick and easy way to create a whole new vibe. “It’s like getting a haircut — going from [having] long hair to buzzing your head — it really changes your overall look.”

It’s not just the designers who’ve seen the value of cultivating the eyewear-as-fashion-accessory notion. Cavicchioli said that over the last five years Luxottica has increased its advertising in fashion magazines and worked to get its brands noticed by influencers and trendsetters. “We’re using the category to make a statement as well,” she said.

[im-the-punk-who]

Fanfic author tag game!

tagged by: @halewoods ! <3 and I’m actually remembering to do this one!

tagging: gosh....who hasnt done this?? @queer-crusader, @herself-nyc, @riotsofbloom, @lesbians4luke and ilke?? anyone else who wants to??

Where you post: AO3, I also usually cross-post drabbles here. I have an ff.net account but it’s uhhhhh cursed knowledge and you have to be level known-me-for-a-decade to have access to my old Newsies self-insert fics.

Most Popular One Shot (by kudos): Memories, Like Water, Can Be Tainted or Distilled; Sometimes Will Evaporate (473), by a LARGE margin but also, it’s been up for like 7 years at this point and it’s Stucky xD My more recent most-kudos is also one of my personal faves, Between Breath and Love, I Choose Him (139).

Most Popular Multi-Chapter (by kudos): LMAO it’s funny you think I actually finish things. Okay so this is Play, Boys (130) - my Umbrella Academy eternal WIP that I’ve mostly abandoned. Sad Face, because I actually really loved it - just completely lost inspiration.

Favorite story you’ve written so far: Oh god. UHHHHH I have a bunch? Honestly Memories, Like Water, Can Be Tainted or Distilled; Sometimes Will Evaporate is quite good and something I’m very proud of. a smell that is loathesome to some is sweet to others is stupid and cute and I love it and also it’s nsfw so like. Up My Alley. Into The Blinding Sun is also like....listen I just love stories where Thomas is in love and gets flustered by how much he likes James okay?? And then of course, my passion project, Doubting Thomas which once it’s finished and reuploaded will easily take the cake in terms of like, every metric to rate my fondness of fanfics I’ve written.

Fic you were nervous to post: So honestly? Sometimes A Family As uhhhh anyone knows I have a REAL complicated relationship with the silver-centric part of the fandom and for a long time it’s stopped me from publishing ANY of my writing that deals with him. This is the, I suppose tamest of them but I was still like, having a minor panic attack while posting it. xD

How do you choose your titles?: I usually like poems, or quotes that have to deal with the subject matter. (Or, made up titles that sound like a quote that would deal with the subject matter.) Also, song titles if the song inspired the fic (Doubting Thomas, Unsteady, etc.)

Do you outline?: Not really? For one shots I tend to just have the idea in my head and write it all down, then flesh out and edit. For Doubting Thomas, I had a basic idea of what I wanted to do and wrote key scenes first, then have been filling in as I go.

# Complete: What....counts......as...complete? XD So I have 23 “marked” complete on AO3. I have Of my five “wips” I’ve posted, only 2 are likely to be completed. Listen I’m an Aries. I’m an Aries. I’m sorry.

# In-Progress: ..........................................I have 18 WIPS with their own google doc, and 15 in my “Prompt drafts” doc where I put ideas that I’ve fleshed out but haven’t started editing yet. I’M AN ARIES OKAY. AN ARIES!!!!!!

Coming soon/not yet started: Gosh. Okay so the main ones are “Many Hands Make Light Work” and “Spice”, and also that AU I have based on the Arthurian Green Giant myth. Many Hands is a modern-AU PWP multi fic where Thomas is a good Dom and arranges for a, shall we say, stress outlet involving James and the employees of The Walrus, the gay bar they co-own. Spice is a Flinthams figging fic because that’s just who I am as a person. And then of course there’s my Madi-backstory fic that I’ve started the first two chapters of that I love.

Prompts?: PLEASE. I don’t always answer them, sometimes they get shoved into that Wips-gdoc but sometimes!! I do!!!! And I love getting them!

Upcoming work you’re most excited about: Easily Doubting Thomas. It’s by a MARGIN my longest fic I’ve ever written(currently sitting at 60k) and also a really personal story that I love a LOT and which involves a lot of detail around my post-canon headcanons and how I would have loved to see the show end/deal with, and also me getting to nerd out about history and how it intersects with Black Sails. 

#milo writes #tag memes #<33333!!!! #about the author #writing #THANK YOU FOR THE TAG ILUUU

[popsunner]

Moonlit Champion: Part One, Fire

@cubedleo ITS FINALLY HEREEE (lemme know if y’all want on a taglist ig??)

A/N: I have finally managed to bs a first chapter to the Spirit Sokka AU are y’all proud of me. AO3 link!! 

Summary: Death by fire was a horrible thing to watch, and Sokka realized then that the raging element would take him one day too.

Sokka had imagined what dying would feel like since the day his mother was killed.

He used to sit by the fire at night and stare into the flames, wondering what it would be like to be engulfed by them. To feel the heat slowly inch up his body, smell his own flesh burning, taste the smoke from his disintegrating skin.

It was… never very accurate when he was little. His father never let him see his mom’s body, and Katara never talked about it.

Like everything else, that changed after he met Aang.

The first time Sokka saw fire kill someone, he froze. He could hear Katara screaming behind him, telling him to hurry, Momo tugging at his arm.

Death by fire was a horrible thing to watch, and Sokka realized then that the raging element would take him one day too.

When Katara asked if he was okay, he lied and said yes.

Funny, how things come back to a person in times like this.

Sokka sees the world in slow motion, his limbs too heavy to move in time. The only thing moving in real time are Katara’s screams, and the flames.

Sokka wonders what his mother was thinking about before she died.

Because all he can think about are the three little kids he’s leaving behind, and that just might burn more than the fire.

Well, not really. The fire burns a lot.

Sokka doesn’t realize he’s screaming until Aang’s hands are cupping his face, saying something Sokka can’t understand. For a second, cool relief sweeps through his body like dipping his blistered and tired feet into a cold lake after a full day of walking, and his mouth clamps shut. Just as quickly as it comes, it’s gone again.

“Not enough,” Katara says, and she sounds angry. Sokka tries to turn so he can see her, tell her that it’s okay, that she’s doing great, but his body won’t comply.

“Dad? What does it feel like to die?”

Hakota raises an eyebrow, eyes rimmed red. “I don’t know. And hopefully neither of us will for a long time.”

“Do you think mom was scared?”

“Get some sleep Sokka, we’ll talk in the morning.”

His chest. That’s where the fire bender got him. He’d meant to shield himself, but his brain sort of stopped working when he saw the fire on its way towards Aang.

It wasn’t the first time he’d been a human shield, but it’s probably the last.  

“Sokka?” That’s Toph, definitely Toph.

This time, Sokka manages to turn and find her, he pretends he does it on his own, and that it isn’t Aang’s hands guiding him. “Oh, hey guys, we win?”

“Always do,” Aang says. Which is, obviously, a lie. They lose a lot.

Sokka smiles, and his face crinkles and cracks like walrus jerky left in the sun too long. “Word to the wise, if you wan’ a tan, don’t ask a fire bender.”

Katara snaps at him to stop joking around. Probably, at least. He doesn’t really hear her. There’s an ocean in his ears, he thinks it wants him to sleep.

It’s loud, everything is loud. Sokka wants to sleep.

He closes his eyes, and the sounds stop.

“Hello, my love.”

Sokka exhales, and the burning fades to nothing.

“Mom?”

***

“Katara! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Gran gran made dinner.”

Katara sniffs and wipes her sleeve across her face, turning away from her brother. “I’m not hungry.”

“Oh.” She can hear Sokka sitting down next to her, scratching the back of his head. “Well I’m not either.”

Scoffing, Katara reaches back blindly to shove him. “Liar, you’re always hungry.”

“That’s not true!”

“Yes it is. Go eat, Sokka.”

“Fine.” Sokka doesn’t get up. “After you tell me what’s wrong.”

Katara whips around to glare at him, hands clenched into fists. “Mom is gone, that’s what’s wrong. And now- and now dad left too!”

Sokka’s nose is red from the cold, but his eyes are red from crying when he thinks Katara can’t hear. She wants to punch him when he smiles. “You’ve still got me!”

“Until you leave.” Katara hugs her knees to her chest and huffs. “Everyone leaves.”

Sokka throws his arms around her haphazardly, almost knocking them both over. “Not me!”

Faking annoyance, Katara glares at the wide expanse of snow surrounding them. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

Katara’s hands shake with the water she’s pressing against her brother’s chest. He doesn’t move. “You promised.”

“Katar-”

“I need to focus!” Katara snaps, and Toph falls silent. Katara’s eyes sting and she prods deeper, further into the jagged burn that she’s trying not to think about while focusing all her strength on it at once. “Wake up, Sokka. You promised.”

Sokka doesn’t wake up.

Aang is staring at her desperately, his hands cupping Sokka’s face, sitting crisscrossed under his head. Katara realizes how young he looks. Like a scared twelve year old who doesn’t want to lose a member of the only family he has left.

When she looks at Toph, gray eyes wide and feet dug a few inches into the ground, searching for any sign of life, Katara sees the same thing. A scared child.

If she was brave enough to look at her reflection in the water under her hands, she thinks she’d see it in her own face too.

“Don’t make me lose you,” Katara whispers, and her voice breaks. The water falls from her control, and her brother doesn’t move.

Katara blinks and she’s home, and her mother is on the ground, and her mother is dead. She never told Sokka what she looked like that day, no matter how many times he asked.

She blinks again and she’s sitting in a puddle across the world from her home, and her brother is on the ground.

And her brother is dead.

***

Toph doesn’t remember how long they flew for. It’s hard to keep track of anything up in the sky even on a good day, and today wasn’t a good day.

Today was the farthest from a good day she’s ever had.

When they land, everyone disappears. Toph can still see them, still sense them. Aang is on a big rocky overhang with his back to the horizon, Katara is in a nearby cave with… with-

Toph props her feet up on a rock so she can’t see anymore.

“Hey, not that it matters to you-”

Toph inwardly groans. Whenever someone starts a sentence that way it usually ends with ‘you kind of stink’ or ‘your manners are terrible’ or even ‘your parents must be heartbroken’.

“-but I’m proud of you,” Sokka finishes.

Under her, the soft dirt turns to rock. “What?”

Sokka shrugs. “You grew up being told you couldn’t do anything, and look at you! You’re the best earth bender I’ve ever met, and probably will ever meet, and you did it all on your own. That’s pretty cool.”

“You’re a sap,” Toph says with a scoff, leaning over to punch Sokka in the arm. She smiles when he falls over.

They’re quiet for a while, and Sokka doesn’t sit up again. “I’m proud of you, Toph.”

Toph lays down next to him, and pretends she can see the sky. “Whatever. Thanks.”

A wave of hot air blows through her clothes and Toph doesn’t need to have her feet on the ground to know it’s Aang. She shakes her head. “We could all use some cheering up right now.”

Next to her, Momo chirps. Toph nods. “I know. Hard to do without him.”

Her eyes sting and she growls, clenching her teeth and daring the tears to fall.

They do.

Toph looks up and pretends she can see the sky.

“I’m proud of you too, Captain Boomerang.”

***

Aang runs.

There are still Fire Nation soldiers lining up to fight them, there are still burning buildings that need to be put out. There are still people watching, waiting for the Avatar to help them.

He drags his family to Appa and he runs.

The thing he’s running from -the person he’s running from- comes with them.

Aang doesn’t look back. At the town, or at Sokka.

When they land, he sits on Appa and stares at the fading sun until no one is around, and then he runs some more.

He’s hit with a wave of deja vu when he ends up on a cliff, his eyes scan the horizon like he’s waiting for something. Something that will never come again.

Air whips around him and he turns, falling to his knees with the sun at his back. He closes his eyes.

“Why don’t you ever stop to have fun with us?”

Sokka looks up from his maps, raising his eyebrow at Aang. The wind is wilder up on the cliff edge, and his hair threatens to fall from its ponytail. “What do you mean?”

Aang shrugs, counting off on his fingers. “Whenever we stop to go swimming or climbing or riding you always sit out, unless money or food or information is involved.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Sokka gestures to himself and winks at Aang, “I’m the fun guy!”

“Well… you give us fun ideas.”

“Exactly!”

“But you never do them with us.”

Sokka smiles at him softly and sets down the map. “Aang, what’s your job?”

“To restore peace to the four nations, defeat the Fire Lord, and master all four elements,” Aang says automatically, then adds, “But probably not in that order.”

“Yep!” Sokka nods over his shoulder, “What are Katara and Toph’s jobs?”

“To teach me water and earth bending?” Sokka grins at him like he won a prize, and Aang goes red. “So what’s your point?”

Sokka stands up and bonks the top of Aang’s head with a rolled up map. “Those are pretty high stress jobs for two twelve year olds and a fourteen year old.”

“I guess so?”

“So what’s my job?”

It takes Aang a second, but when he gets it he smacks his fist into his palm and nods. “To make sure we have fun!”

“To make sure you know you’re still kids.” Sokka shrugs, “And also plan all our attacks and travel. Plus keep you guys alive so you can actually do your jobs.”

“That’s a lot for a sixteen year old. You know you’re a kid too, right?”

That seems to surprise Sokka, and he frowns. “Well yeah, I guess. But sixteen is basically an adult.”

Aang stares at him, and then pulls a mock mature face. He jumps over Sokka’s head and sits down in the middle of his pile of maps, dangerously close to the cliff edge. “Come on! Let’s finish this together!”

“I thought I just explained to you why you don’t help with this stuff.”

“Hey, if you’re going to make sure we get to be kids, I’m going to make sure you get to be a kid-that’s-basically-an-adult.”

Sokka pinches his nose, and then sighs. “Okay, fine. If that’s what makes you happy.”

“It does, very much. Now! Teach me how to plan, and I’ll teach you how to surf a bear fish!”

“That sounds insanely dangerous.”

“We fought a whole fleet of soldiers six hours ago,” Aang deadpans.

“Okay, good point. But please don’t sit so close to the edge.”

A whole fleet then, and they couldn’t manage eight guards today.

Aang is never going to forget the look on Sokka’s face when he pushed him out of the way of that blast.

“You’re a kid too,” Aang grits out.

No one answers, and his stomach churns and bile burns his throat.

He slams his hands into the ground and screams, and a wave of fire engulfs the sound.

Aang stumbles back, staring at the burnt patch of ground in front of him. The dead grass he killed with his anger. The brother they killed with theirs.

“Why?” Aang whispers.

No one answers, and his stomach churns and the remnants of his fire burns his throat.

***

“Hello, my love.”

“Mom?”

The voice giggles, eerily familiar and warm. “No, silly. It’s me.”

“Yue?”

“You sound surprised, did you think I’d left you alone?”

The inky white around him ripples, Sokka had just meant to shrug. “You’ve been looking out for me?”

“How could I not?”

Sokka wants to hold her, wants to brush his thumb across her cheek and kiss her. He doesn’t even try. “I have to go back, Yue.”

“Why?”

“Are you really asking that?”

She giggles again, and Sokka thinks she sounds more confident than she ever did when he knew her. “Wouldn’t you like to see the people waiting for you? Wouldn’t you like to stay with me? Wouldn’t you like to see your mother?”

Ahead of him is a little house made of ice, and Sokka knows it’s his. “She’s in there?’

“We all are.”

“Mom?” Sokka whispers. He moves forward, then freezes.

“You promised.”

“Yue? Was that you?” Sokka spins in a circle, and the house stays in front of him the whole time. “Yue?”

“You promised.”

Sokka’s fingers move, and he jumps at the sudden control. “Katara.”

His surroundings ripple again, and he thinks he sees a flash of blue. He tries to take a step towards his house, but his feet aren’t there. Despite that, the igloo seems to move closer.

Katara.

That’s the face he pictures when he tries to imagine what he’ll see in that igloo. If he goes, he could finally see his mother's real face again.

“The burden I put on her was never fair,” he says to the igloo’s dark doorway. “Maybe… I could take it away.”

“Neither was the burden you put on yourself.”

Sokka wishes he could close his eyes. “Mom?”

“You could leave yours behind too.”

For a moment, Sokka considers it. Would it be so bad? Maybe if he was his sister, or Toph, or the Avatar, sure. But he’s just… Sokka.

His surroundings shake and he stumbles onto his feet, knocking pressure through his ankles. “I’m proud of you too, Captain Boomerang.”

If Sokka wanted, he could reach out and touch the igloo.

When they first met, Toph barely said anything to him. She dismissed him, didn’t give him the time of day. It pissed Katara off, it frustrated Aang, it didn’t bother Sokka. He’d been ignored his whole life. Not on purpose, but gran gran, most of the villagers, even his mom always gravitated towards Katara.

One more person was nothing.

Then one day she asked him if he thought he was weak because he didn’t have bending, and Sokka said no, and she huffed and punched his arm, and never ignored him again.

It feels like a lifetime since he’s seen her or the others.

One step. He has his feet now. All it would take is one step, and he’d be with his mom again.

“This is what I want,” Sokka tries to convince himself.

“Why?”

Aang's voice sends him to his knees, pain rips through his chest and he screams through his teeth, clutching the front of his shirt.

Tears prick at his eyes and he looks up, into the igloo, his home. One foot more and he’s inside, and the pain will go away.

If he does go, will he still be haunted by the look in Aang’s eyes when he realized Sokka sacrificed himself for him?

Doesn’t the kid have enough weight on his shoulders?

Don’t they all?

This time, when Sokka wishes he could close his eyes, he does. “Yue? I can’t… send me back, princess. Please.”

“My brave warrior, all you had to do was ask.”

When Sokka opens his eyes again, the igloo is gone, and the moon is all he can see.

***

They’re on the beach, and the sun went down an hour ago, and the remaining members of Team Avatar haven’t said a thing to each other since the battle. Sokka lays on the sand, and he looks so peaceful Aang can almost pretend he’s asleep.

He never thought he’d miss Sokka’s snoring.

“Are you sure about this?” Toph asks, breaking the silence, hands clenched at her sides.

Aang watches Katara set Sokka’s helmet on his head gently, her shoulders stiff. “We have to move on in the morning, you know that.”

Toph sniffs. “Yeah, I know.”

“Hey Toph?” Aang whispers, his voice still hoarse from fire bending on the cliff. “Can I hold your hand?”

Wind whipping through her hair, Toph looks like she’s going to say no, and then she reaches out and grabs Aang’s hand in both of hers, and presses her body against his side. “Sure, Twinkletoes.”

Katara stands and lifts her arms. Her stance is off, one of her feet too far behind her, her posture twisted and sagged.

“Do you want help?” Aang asks.

“It’s water tribe tradition for families to send off their loved ones.” Aang slumps, and then Katara’s voice switches into some resemblance of familiarity. “I’d love some help.”

Only using one hand so he doesn’t have to pull his other from Toph’s iron grip, Aang exhales slowly, and the two water benders convince the tides to lead Sokka out to sea.

It hits Aang that this is the last time he’s ever going to see his friend.

Something roars inside him. Roku, Kyoshi, any Avatar who’d ever lost a friend, who ever let their family die. It burns like fire and crashes through him like a landslide, swaying him like the wind and drowns him like the ocean that will be his friend’s grave.

Katara takes his hand, and the glowing he hadn’t even noticed fades from his tattoos.

“Don’t let anger be your last memory of him,” Katara pleads, her voice cracks twice.

Toph’s grip on his hand tightens. “This is it?”

Eyes fixed on Sokka’s limp form, bobbing up and down slowly, Aang takes a breath. “This is it.”

Everything goes white.

Is this grief? Aang wonders as the sand makes contact with his knees.

When he found out his people had all died, he was so caught up in so many other things that he only had time to feel the loss for a moment, and it sent him into the Avatar state. Now, with a full day to let the truth sink in before he has to let Sokka go, he can’t help but think that is what losing someone is really like.

“What’s going on?” Toph asks, and her voice is scared.

“There’s a light. Aang, what-”

Before she can finish, before Aang can process that he’s not the only one seeing this, a wave of calm washes over him, like the first time he tried water bending.

“Do not worry, just as you look out for the world, I have been looking out for you.”

“I know that voice,” Katara whispers, he still can’t see her. “Princess Yue.”

“Who?”

Just as soon as it came, the white is gone. Aang squints as his eyes adjust and focus on one thing.

The moon. More brilliant than he’s ever seen.

“Sokka!” Katara shouts, and she’s running, pulling her hand from Aang’s. She stumbles through the shallow water, sloshing forward instead of using her bending.

Aang tugs on Toph, “Come on. Let’s go see what she’s doing.”

He winces at his choice of words, but Toph doesn’t snark back like she usually does. Now is not the time.

Katara splashes around frantically, shoving water back and forth and soaking herself head to toe. “Where is he? The tide isn’t that strong, he should still be here!”

Toph closes her eyes, and after a few seconds, she shakes her head. “He’s not on the ground, as far as I can tell, at least.”

“Where is he?”

Aang feels dizzy. He puts a hand to his head, stumbling back. Toph holds him steady. “Twinkletoes?”

“Something’s happening.”

Katara stops looking for her brother, stepping back so she’s closer to Toph and Aang.

Aang isn’t sure what’s going on, he’s not even sure it’s bad.

His breath evens out.

The ocean explodes.

A boy bursts through the surface, silhouetted by the moon's light. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, or maybe it really is Sokka.

Katara takes a step forward, the water lapping against her hips. “Sokka?”

The boy’s hair is pure white, and even though he was just submerged in water, it doesn’t look wet at all.

“I think it’s a spirit,” Aang says.

“Who is?”

“Aang, it looks like Sokka.”

“Who does?”

“I know, but-”

“Can someone please explain to the blind girl what’s going on?” Toph shouts.

Katara shakes her head, “I’m going to get him. Even if it is a spirit, he looks unconscious.”

“Who does?”

Aang pulls Toph’s hands from his own, guiding her so she can latch on to Katara. “Let me go. Bridge to the spirits, remember?”

He needs to do something before he breaks.

Toph growls. “You guys suck. Sokka always tells me what’s happening.”

“Well he’s not here, is he?” Katara snaps, and then her eyes widen. “Toph, I’m sorry. I’ll- go, Aang. I’ll fill Toph in.”

Aang nods, reaches out to squeeze Katara’s hand, and dives into the ocean.

It doesn’t take him long to get to the boy, who’s still floating upright in the water despite being knocked out. When he finally gets a good look at the boy's face, Aang’s control of the water around him slips, dunking him underwater suddenly. He resurfaces, coughing and gasping.

It really is Sokka.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #sokka #spirit sokka #ace writes #my writing #uhhhh #yeah #oh yeah #temporary character death #but its okay yall we cant have a sokka fic without sokka #wow how many times does ace need to say yall in one post challenge

[shadowthrone-ammanas]

Guilt

Drabble request from @iscaredspider on Discord that ended up not being much of a drabble at all. They asked for Dadcher angst; Snatcher feeling guilty about trying to kill Hat Kid. It ended up being not super angsty and delving more into Hat Kid’s past than I intended it to but that’s okay. Thank you for the request!

Hat Kid had been gone nearing a full year now. A long time, meaning she was probably gone for good, her promises to come back and visit forgotten. That was fine though, Snatcher didn’t care. Why would he? He was glad she was gone, she’d been a pest, nothing but a thorn in his side. He didn’t miss her at all, not even a little.

He was only thinking about her because he’d pulled out the ‘How to Kill Kids’ book he’d always made sure to have open when she was around in a failed attempt to get a reaction out of her. Maybe she’d somehow known it was a fake title… or couldn’t read the language despite knowing how to speak it, she was an alien after all. He’d only brought it out because... because… why not? It was his book; he could pull it out whenever he pleased and it didn’t mean anything, certainly not that he missed Hat Kid or anything like that. In fact, he was going to…

“Snatcher!” That voice…

He looked up to see Hat Kid strolling up to his reading hollow, balancing on the vine leading to it. She was noticeably a bit taller now, her hair longer too but still tied into a neat ponytail and… still using the bow he’d made for her.

“I’m back,” she said with a wide smile and flourish of her arms as she stepped into the hollow. “Did you miss me?”

“No, course not,” he replied, forcing a sneer to hide how much his mouth wanted to smile for some reason. “Why would you even come back?”

“Because you’re my BFF silly.”

Again with the BFF thing. Why? He’d tried to kill her. And then he’d put her through the Death Wish contracts. Yes, she’d chosen to do them but… she should hate him. He was a bad person and she was a good person; good guys hating bad guys was how things worked for almost everyone else on the planet and presumably the universe because it was the most logical thing. Why was she so different?

“I would’ve come sooner,” she continued. “But uh…” the joy fell from her face, replaced with sorrow. “Stuff happened that delayed me. But that’s okay,” and suddenly she was all smiles again. “I’m here now. How have you been?”

Should Snatcher ask her what had delayed her and why thinking about it had brought that look to her face? He wanted to know purely for the sake of curiosity, not because he cared. If he asked though, she probably would assume he did so… he’d ask later, pretend it was an afterthought. “It’s been quiet around here with you gone.” Too quiet. “It’s been nice but now unfortunately you’re back.”

“Yeah, I’m sure, you’re real upset about that huh?” She giggled. “You can’t fool me, I know you missed me because even if you won’t admit even to yourself I know you care.”

“Kid, I tried to kill you more than once. What part of that says I care even a little?”

“A lot of those challenges weren’t you trying to kill me though, just challenge me. And if you were really trying to kill me with them, you wouldn’t have given me the option to not do them. And when you were trying to kill me for real it was because that’s what you do with all your contractors. If that wasn’t the standard you’d already set yourself, you probably wouldn’t have even done that, am I right?”

“Even if that was true,” and maybe looking back on it was, though Snatcher wasn’t going to tell her that, “that still doesn’t explain why you insist on bothering me so much. Most people hate people who tried to kill them, regardless of their reasons for doing it.”

“Well, I don’t.” Hat Kid shrugged. “Almost everyone I know has tried to kill me at least once or at the very least put me in a situation where I could easily die and didn’t care if I did. So, if I lived life by that standard, I’d hate everybody and that’s no fun.”

Welp, that just made it worse. Was Snatcher really just among a long list of people who’d tried to kill her? … Mustache Girl had, DJ Grooves had, without even counting the Death Wish contract, the Conductor had almost blown his train up with her on it, the Empress had and… that was almost everyone she interacted with in a major way from this planet. The only one who hadn’t put her in danger or outright tried to murder her was the Walrus Captain. Hat Kid was just a child, what was wrong with all them? Snatcher had at least had had an excuse… right? Sort of anyway? … Maybe.

“What about your parents?” he asked, pushing aside those thoughts.

Hat Kid moved forward to sit on the footstool and look up at him. “I don’t have any.”

“Meaning, you’re… an orphan?” Making the whole trying to kill her thing that much worse because who went around murdering orphans?

“Maybe, I guess. I don’t really know if they’re dead or just abandoned me to the school for whatever reason. I don’t care either because I have a spaceship.” She smiled proudly. “I get to visit other planets. It’s fun even if very few people actually like me. A lot of the people I meet always either want me dead because they want my Time Pieces or want to capture me so they can study me because I’m an alien. Sometimes they want to do both so they can dissect me.”

Every word out of her mouth even if they were spoken in a nonchalant tone just made Snatcher feel worse for her. Surely, she was exaggerating though. It couldn’t really be that bad, right? “You said something about a school, what about the teachers and principle?” Presumably the people who’d taught her how to fly a spaceship. Teaching such things to a child was questionable at best but… “Surely they take care of you, right? They’ve never tried to kill you or anything like that.” She had to have an authority figure in her life somewhere that cared for her.

“Uh… I really shouldn’t tell you about them, it’s against the rules. But you’re my BFF and the rule is specifically not to tell intelligent lifeforms this stuff but you’re dead so it’s technically not a violation of the rule.” Loopholes were great, weren’t they? “So… no they haven’t tried to kill me. But some of their tests are pretty dangerous because being a space pilot can be super dangerous so you gotta be prepared. I don’t know for sure if anyone’s died during them, though there are tons of rumors about it happening so it probably happens sometimes. And one guy I know got maimed during a test somehow and failed because of it. I don’t know the details because he got kicked out for it so I never saw him again. Heck, maybe he died and that’s a lie they told us.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. That’s a huge lawsuit waiting to happen.” The fact that no one had sued the school out of business yet was a miracle. “They’re going to get sued into the ground, just you wait.” Everyone would be better off when it finally happened too. Snatcher would do it himself just for fun if he could.

Hat Kid shrugged. “Hmm… I guess, I don’t know. But my point was, I’m not upset you tried to kill me because I’m used to it.” And that just made it worse. “So, you don’t feel bad either, okay?” She smiled up at him, way too cute and innocent.

All right fine, Snatcher felt bad about trying to kill her. After hearing more about her life than he wanted to know, how could he not? He had before too though, hadn’t he? But only a little bit. But this is why he hated children. It was far too easy to grow a soft spot for them and then have stupid emotions and gross feelings like this. They were worse than cats because cats at least had the decency to not have the same depth of emotion, intelligence, and understanding that children did. And now he had to apologize, didn’t he? Because he done a bad thing to someone he… – ugh – cared about, and felt bad about it. So…

“No, kiddo… ugh, I apologize, okay? I didn’t know you’re an orphan and I didn’t know any of that other stuff about how awful people tend to treat you. So, stop looking at me like that, it makes me uncomfortable.”

She blinked up at him. “Did you just…” A smile spread across her face, “apologize? Are you actually admitting you care? At least enough to apologize anyway.”

His instinct was to say ‘no’ but… he kind of had just admitted it, hadn’t he? And… the reason she was so excited about that prospect was… because based off what she just told him, not many people cared about her, right? So… “Fine, kiddo, fine, I… care about you a little, okay? A tiny bit, like this much.” He held up a hand to hold his thumb and finger apart about an inch or two. “I feel bad that I tried to kill you, I shouldn’t have, it was wrong.” Not that he didn’t do wrong things all the time and not feel bad about it but she was a special case because she just was. She’d wormed her way into his cold dead heart somehow and he couldn’t rid himself of that now matter how much he would prefer if he could.

“I knew it!” She jumped up and onto his chair to hug him, even nuzzling his mane. He sighed and tolerated it. It wasn’t that bad… but it didn’t mean he liked it. It made his regret worse though because she was so happy he cared about her after he’d… tried to kill her, more than once too. And in general, she shouldn’t be so happy somebody cared about her, regardless of who they were. That was something she should be used to, not people wanting her dead or not caring if they killed or injured her somehow.

Maybe later he’d offer to try to fix that whole orphan situation of hers. He had the credentials to draft up adoption papers after all. And finding someone who wanted her as a daughter shouldn’t be too hard, she was adorable and sweet after all – though he’d never tell her those things. Heck, if he weren’t against the idea of being a parent, he might’ve offered to take her in himself. No way was that going to happen though.

For this drabble event.

#My Writing #Ahit #A hat in time #Dadcher #snatcher & hat kid #Fluff #Light angst #Snatcher lies to himself a lot #Talk of Hat Kid's past

[thecoleopterawithana]

You may say I’m a Dreamer (but I’m not the only one)

Like Dreamers Do (1957): I, I saw a girl in my dreams / And so it seems / That I will love her  |  Oh you, you are that girl / In my dreams / And so it seems / That I will love you   |  And I waited for your kiss / Waited for the bliss / Like dreamers do  |  And I, I, I / Oh I'll be there, yeah / Waiting for you, you, you | You, you came just one dream ago / And now I know that I will love you / Oh I knew when you first said hello / That's how I know / That I will love you

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All My Loving (1963): I'll pretend that I'm kissing / The lips I am missing / And hope that my dreams will come true / And then while I'm away / I'll write home every day / And I'll send all my lovin' to you

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Things We’ve Said Today (1964): Someday when we're dreaming / Deep in love, not a lot to say / Then we will remember / The things we said today

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I’m Only Sleeping (1966): When I wake up early in the morning / Lift my head, I'm still yawning / When I'm in the middle of a dream / Stay in bed, float up stream (float up stream)

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Eleanor Rigby (1966): Ah look at all the lonely people / Ah look at all the lonely people | Eleanor Rigby / Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been / Lives in a dream

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Strawberry Fields Forever (1966): Always, no, sometimes think it's me / But you know I know when it's a dream / I think, er, no, I mean, er, yes / But it's all wrong / That is I think I disagree

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A Day In The Life (1967): Woke up, fell out of bed / Dragged a comb across my head / Found my way downstairs and drank a cup / And looking up I noticed I was late / Found my coat and grabbed my hat / Made the bus in seconds flat / Made my way upstairs and had a smoke / And somebody spoke and I went into a dream

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Child Of Nature (1968): On the road to Rishikesh / I was dreaming more or less / And the dream I had was true / Yes, the dream I had was true [...] Underneath the mountain ranges / Where the wind that never changes / Touch the windows of my soul / Touch the windows of my soul

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Oh My Love (1968): I feel the sorrow / Oh, I feel dreams / Everything is clear in my heart / I feel life / Oh, I feel love / Everything is clear in our world

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Good Night (1968): Now it's time to say good night / Good night, sleep tight / Now the sun turns out his light / Good night, sleep tight | Dream sweet dreams for me / Dream sweet dreams for you

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I’ve Got A Feeling (1969): (I've got a feeling) / Everybody had a good year / (A feeling deep inside) / Everybody had a hard time / (Oh yeah) / Everybody had a wet dream / (Oh yeah) / Everybody saw the sunshine

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You Never Give Me Your Money (1969): One sweet dream / Pick up the bags / and get in the limousine / Soon we'll be away from here / Step on the gas and wipe that tear away / One sweet dream came true today / Came true today / Came true today (yes, it did)

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The End (1969): Oh yeah, all right / Are you gonna be in my dreams / Tonight?

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God (1970): The dream is over / What can I say? / The dream is over / Yesterday / I was the Dreamweaver / But now I'm reborn / I was the Walrus / But now I'm John / And so dear friends / You'll just have to carry on / The dream is over

.

Imagine (1971): Imagine all the people / Living life in peace / You may say that I'm a dreamer / But I'm not the only one / I hope someday you'll join us / And the world will be as one

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Jealous Guy (1971): I was dreamin' of the past / And my heart was beating fast / I began to lose control / I began to lose control

.

Country Dreamer (1972): You and I, country dreamer / When there's nothing else to do / Me, oh my, country dreamer / Make a country dream come true

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Best Friend (1972): Well, I wake up in the morning, I'm still dreaming 'bout you / Tell you, pretty baby, I'm blue / Wake up in the evening, I'm still screaming out / Over you, over you

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Hands Of Love (1973): But when I saw you last night / I knew for the first time / That you were the one I'd been dreaming of

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Six O’ Clock (1973): It could be the comfort going to my head / That makes me wanna dream of you / But while you're sleeping softly in your bed / I wanna tell you, I'd like to tell you / I'd love to tell you too | I don't treat you like I'd like to treat you / Every diamond in the sky is in your eyes / But I don't treat you like I / No, I don't treat you like I / No, I don't treat you like I should

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#9 Dream (1974): So long ago was it in a dream / Was it just a dream? / I know, yes, I know, seemed so very real / It seemed so real to me [...] Dream, dream away, magic in the air / Was magic in the air? / I believe, yes, I believe, more I cannot say / What more can I say? / On a river of sound / Through the mirror go 'round, 'round / I thought I could feel / Feel, feel, feel / Music touching my soul / Something warm, sudden cold / The spirit dance was unfolding

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In My Dreams (1974): [unitelligeble] is a dirty [unitelligeble] / It eats you away at the seams / [unitelligeble] for the injured / In my dreams

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I’ll Give You A Ring (1974): You look a little lonely / Maybe I could meet you / Tell me where to reach you / And I'll give you a ring | I'll take you to the pictures / I'll miss the second feature / Lord, I can't believe my eyes / I must be dreaming

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Nineteen Hundred and Eighty Five (1975): Oh my mama said the time would come / When I would find myself in, love with you / I didn't think / I never dreamed / That I would be around, to see it all come true

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San Ferry Anne (1976): You’ve got a lot / And from what you’ve got / I’d say you’re doing well, dear | Dressed like a dream / And if things are what they seem / You’re looking swell, dear | Your little man / Brings you trinkets when he can / But he can’t stay, dear | That’s very well / But inside your shiny shell / You dance all day dear | So go, be gay / Let your feelings leap away / Into the laughter | San Ferry Anne / And the world keeps turning / Happy every after

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Real Life (1977): Was I just dreaming, was it only yesterday? / I used to hold you in my arms / And now the baby / And another on the way / Lalalala in a farm / Why must we be alone? / It's real life

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Beautiful Dream (1979): If I had a dream, baby it's the kind that will do / I gotta share it, share my dream with someone like you / The moon is shinning up above, and I got a heart full of love  |  What am I gonna do with it, baby? (3x) / If I can't share it with you  |  I can't toss it in the river / And I can't toss it in the sea / I can't write it in a paperback / So baby come and get it from me

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My Life (1979?): My life, take it, it's mine to give / Take it, let me live in you / My life, take it, it's yours / Do what you will, I dedicate it to you | What's the use in waking / If you're not there to share the dreams and nightmares?

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Summer’s Day Song (1979): Someone's sleeping / Through a bad dream / Tomorrow it will be over / For the world will soon be waking / To a summer's day

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Real Love (1979): All my little plans and schemes / Lost like some forgotten dreams / Seems that all I really was doing / Was waiting for you [...] It's real love

.

Watching The Wheels (1980): People say I'm lazy / Dreamin' my life away / Well, they give me all kinds of advice / Designed to enlighten me

.

Borrowed Time (1980): When I was younger / Living confusion and deep despair / When I was younger / Living illusion of freedom and power | When I was younger / Full of ideas and broken dreams (my friend) / When I was younger ah hah / Everything simple but not so clear

.

Twice In A Lifetime (1982): Who knows how to find love / Think before you give your answer / Who knows what a mystery may bring | Once in a life I'm a lucky man / If I can find the kind of love / That's gonna last for me | Twice in a lifetime / Is one of those unspoken dreams / We usually reserve for fantasy | Who knows how we find love / Stop before you give your answer / Who knows when a mystery begins | I know, I know / I know because it's happening to me / I know, I know

.

We Got Married (1984): Working hard for the dream, / Scoring goals for the other team, / Times were bad, we were glad / We got married. / Like the way you open up your hearts to each other, / When you find a meeting of the minds. / Just as well love was all we ever wanted, / It was all we ever had.

.

Lindiana (1984): Hold on Lindiana / Don't let go of your dream / With your head held high you would touch the sky / In your long forgotten scheme / Hold on Lindiana / Don't lose sight of your dream / It's important (to us) to us

.

However Absurd (1985): It's funny thing, half serious, / With our hands on our ears. / Living dreams with mouths ajar, / Wide awake, we go to sleep. / However absurd, however absurd / It may seem.

.

Don't Be Careless Love (1987): Shadows play and flicker on the bedroom wall / They turn into a bad dream overnight, / Something could be terribly wrong. / Don't be careless love (3x) | In my dream you're running nowhere / Every step you've taken turns to glue, / Walking down a spiral staircase / Failing through, failing through

.

The Lovers That Never Were (1987): For as long as the sun shines in somebody's eyes / I believe in you baby, so don't tell me lies / For as long as the trees throw down blossoms and leaves / I know there will be a parade of unpainted dreams

.

Motor Of Love (1988): I can't get over your love / No matter how hard life seems, / There's a light in my dreams / Thanks to you

.

I’ll Always Be Here (1991): [MARY DEE (as ghost)] I'll always be here, / I'll never leave you, / I'll always be in your mind. / Dreams of the future, / Ghosts that the past left behind.  | [WOMEN'S CHORUS (ghosts)] You're sleeping amongst us. / We're in your dream. / Who are you? / Why call us? / What does this mean?  | [FULL CHORUS (ghosts)] Disturbing our slumber, / You move so fast.  | [SHANTY and MARY DEE (as ghost)] Ghosts of the past.

.

Ghosts Of The Past Left Behind (1991): [MEN'S Chorus (ghosts)] You're sleeping / Amongst us / We're in your dream | [NURSE] You're dreaming. Try to rest, my child

.

Peace In The Neighborhood (1991): I was there, I really was / At the center of a love vibration / People sharing with their friend / Helping each other out / Peace in the neighbourhood / Helping each other out | Then I woke up from my dream / To see things as they really are / People struggling to survive / How can peace hope to stay alive?

.

House Of Wax (2007): Lightning hits the house of wax / Poets spill out on the street / To set alight the incomplete / Remainders of the future | Hidden in the yard. Hidden in the yard | Thunder drowns the trumpets blast / Poets scatter through the night / But they can only dream of flight / Away from their confusion

.

Lovers In A Dream (2008): Lovers in a dream / Warmer than the Sun

.

Only Our Hearts (2012): But only our hearts will know / If we're gonna spend it together / Only gone to the dreams that we share / Only our hearts know how much love is there.

.

Demons Dance (2013): I can't wait much longer 'til you tell me baby / There's some chance we'll get together maybe / Sooner or later I'll be in with half a chance / I can't wait 'til I hear you tell me that you want me. / 'Til then my dreams are gonna haunt me / Got my demons doing such a happy dance

.

Back In Brazil (2017?): Back in Brazil / There lives a girl / Dreams of the future / And a far far better world | [...] Back in Brazil / She feels afraid / Hope starts to crumble / And her dreams begin to fade

.

Confidante (2018): In your reflected glory eye / Could dream of shining far off lands / Would serpents turn to bits of string / And play like kittens in my hand

.

Hand In Hand (2018): We can make this dream come true / Only if we want it to / We can make this dream come true / Only when we understand / Everything in life is planned / Can we make this dream come true

.

In A Hurry (2019): How could she leave? She's gotta stay / Somebody has to sit and wait / Deep in a dream, she hears a voice / "It's not too late to celebrate"

-

‘Now, Kitty, let’s consider who it was that dreamed it all. This is a serious question, my dear, and you should not go on licking your paw like that—as if Dinah hadn’t washed you this morning! You see, Kitty, it must have been either me or the Red King. He was part of my dream, of course—but then I was part of his dream, too! Was it the Red King, Kitty? You were his wife, my dear, so you ought to know—Oh, Kitty, do help to settle it! I’m sure your paw can wait!’ But the provoking kitten only began on the other paw, and pretended it hadn’t heard the question.

Which do you think it was?

             ——

        A boat beneath a sunny sky,

        Lingering onward dreamily

        In an evening of July—

        Children three that nestle near,

        Eager eye and willing ear,

        Pleased a simple tale to hear—

        Long has paled that sunny sky:

        Echoes fade and memories die.

        Autumn frosts have slain July.

        Still she haunts me, phantomwise,

        Alice moving under skies

        Never seen by waking eyes.

        Children yet, the tale to hear,

        Eager eye and willing ear,

        Lovingly shall nestle near.

        In a Wonderland they lie,

        Dreaming as the days go by,

        Dreaming as the summers die:

        Ever drifting down the stream—

        Lingering in the golden gleam—

        Life, what is it but a dream?

               THE END

— In Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There (1871).

-

[Disclaimer: This is an exploration of the theme of John and Paul as Dreamers, as it appears in their songs. I don’t intend to claim that all/any songs are specifically about the other. Suggestions for additions are welcomed. My gratitude goes to @vairemelde for already giving one.]

-

Also,

I Just Believe In Me | John’s Disillusionment

Insomnia | John and Paul’s Sleeping Schedule 

The Surrealist | Lennon-McCartney and Magritte

#John Lennon #Paul McCartney #the beatles #Lewis Carroll #you may say i'm a dreamer #that's funny i had the same dream #the person i actually picked as my partner #johnny #macca #my stuff #The Epistolary #compilation

[likesomekindofcheese]

It’s a helluva town (Joe Mazzello x fem! Brazilian! Reader oneshot)

A/N: This was requested by @johndeaconlover​. Here, Joe Mazzello introduces his Brazilian girlfriend to the American metropolis of New York City.

Genres: fluff!

Word Count: 2075

Warnings:  lack of editing, other than some swearing and a hint of mentions of sex, none really.

“Start Spreading the neeeeeeeewwwwwwws, I’m leaving todaaayyyyy!”

 Liza Minelli’s croon was honeying its way out your eardrum and you knew if it weren’t for the claustrophobic plane, someone else’s would too.

“We are all a…”

Joe turned his head to yours with an eyebrow wiggle and a grin on the BAM.

You mouthed “a great big part of it!”

“New! York!”

“New! York! New! YOOOOOOOOOOOOORK!”

The plane was so close to landing. It was not a long plane ride from the place you met, but Sao Paolo and New York City were a long way away.

You tapped anxiously, peering out the window for any sight of the Statue of Liberty. But you were in the middle seat with Joe in the aisle. The desired window seat was taken by a businesswoman in a blue suit and an eye mask who needed the plane trip for a mask, so mouthing along to your NYC playlist had to do to kill time.

It was fair, your boyfriend, Joe, had indulged you in making and listening to a Brazil playlist when you both went over to Sao Paolo to meet your family. Now it was time you saw some of his countries in his favorite city. The city that defined the country of America, even! Every superhero movie, every nineties rom-com, every movie seemed to take place in that mythical, large empire of a town that was both the best and the worst place to be in the world.

As the plane began to tilt to land, the next song popped up from one of Joe’s guilty pleasure musicals.

“New York New Yoooork, a helluva town!”

People began unbuckling their seatbelts and your view from the window was blocked.

“New York, New York, a helluva town

The Bronx is up, but the Battery's down

The people ride in a hole in the groun'

New York, New York, it's a helluva town!”

“C’mon, Y/N! Got your stuff!?” Joe asked, his toes and feet were tapping away as if he had too much coffee.

“Got everything!” you assured him, pointing up to where your carryon was stored. 

You both raced down the airport, large and neverending. The lyrics to that song were still ringing in your ears and those same emotions with it.

Finally, you hopped on the elevator and made your way up, up, up. People were already everywhere. You even noticed a gay couple kissing boldly while riding the escalator down. Buildings and skyscrapers loomed over your head, far taller than your hand could reach, was New York such a place?

“Y/N, I keep forgetting all those words you taught me, what’s the word for sorry?”

“Desculpe, Joe! And it’s okay! It’s not your home tongue.”

“Desculpe! But you’re a wizard at English and it’s not fair my Portuguese is crap,” he said with his hand reaching for yours.

This was the thing with Joe. Despite everything that could have kept you apart, from a city, an ocean, and even a language, you loved each other and wanted to learn everything about the other, and nothing would change that.

Even if it meant a taxi nearly drove right at you, which it did. 

You hopped to the sidewalk with a scream. You had been so transfixed by the buildings you were nearly hit. 

“Are you alright, dear?”

“Yes, I am! Obrigaga!”

“Obrigada! Dammit, Obrigado!” Joe corrected, switching to what he was supposed to say as a man.

You giggled and assured him it was alright with a kiss on the cheek.

People, people were everywhere. Subways were packed. You clutched onto your purse and backpack nervously, you knew there were thieves that would take advantage of travelers. Joe kept his arm around you. It was a little too public, but you felt safe and that was all that mattered to him.

On the ride, you both agreed you would go to Times Square and get food before settling into the hotel. You had insisted. Times Square was the beating heart of this nightmarish fairy tale and you needed to see it was real. Then finally, here it was. Times Square had a hundred screens in front of you, ads for movies and Broadway shows. There were large department stores with entire music videos showing off their fabulous clothes in front of you. The bright red sign for Coca Cola would alter to become a moving ad for the latest Broadway show. People dressed up as Elmo or Micky Mouse but in rather filthy character costumes lined up all around the area. You clutched Joe’s warm hand and felt your mouth drop a little.

Joe is so happy; everything is perfect at this moment. He flat out takes you to a place empty of people and spins you around. You squeal in happiness, feeling the air rush through you and your hands clutching together. But though the colors and wind swished around you, there was still Joe, clear and in the center of it all.

You had paused, a little breathless. But the wind picked up and you were shivering.“It’s so cold here! How do you not freeze?” you ask, walking away from the little area.“Like this” Joe responds, placing two arms around you.

You nodded and smiled, then leaned over and pecked him chastely. The thought of one bold troublemaker yelling something about a couple kissing made your heart freeze a little.

By the time it was over, you were breathless and laughing very, very hard at all the other tourists with phones, just as excited. Both of you smiled and kissed in again once you had walked away. You both stopped at a small pizzeria. Joe kept insisting that the smaller, local places were the diamonds in the rough people forgot. The pizza itself was so warm it made your nose run a little and you had to use a napkin as a handkerchief. 

“Am I being rude?” you asked demurely, looking to see if any other diner would judge you.

“No, this is rude!” Joe said, he took two extra straws, placing them slightly up his nose.

“Look, I’m a Walrus!” he joked.

You giggled so much you had to catch yourself to breathe. Then you both finished the cheese pizza slices, peeling off the extra melted cheese from the plate and feeling a little sleepy with travel and grease.

As you both passed by the street where your hotel would be, you noticed all of the shops you had passed by. There were more cafes than you could count. Taxies were slowly going through the traffic like big, yellow turtles. But the clothes shops were the most fascinating.

There were shops you had seen in malls and then there were upscale New York shops. Joe had promised he wouldn’t take you to someplace that was unsafe or dirty (or if you did wander off, he would protect you)Those shops, which you could tell were always yellow or white inside their walls. They had tall crystal chandeliers inside, glittering and tinkering. Soft music played in bits when you passed them. You asked Joe to let you pause and admire them for a little bit

But the most spectacular of all were the clothes! Purses as smooth as cream dangled from a mannequins fragile arm. Blouses the color of the ocean bedecked white, blank bodies. But most of all were the dresses. Dresses for jobs, picnics, bars, nice parties, weddings, dinner, meeting celebrities, and other even more glamorous events than you could imagine. 

You paused especially in front of one window displaying the most beautiful gown you had ever seen. It was for the evening with one roman strap draped across the shoulder with diamonds attaching it. The waist was a little cinched and the skirt gently fell down in ripples that would reveal its true size if you twirled around, with layers puffing out around you. 

The best part was the color, it was a rich, royal purple.“It’s so beautiful.” You cooed with eyes wide. You walked over and tried to align your reflection with the display to see what you would look like wearing it.

“I think so too. I love the color.” Joe agreed, scanning over it.

Your head whipped around, snapped from the dream.

“What is your favorite color, Joe? I can’t believe all these months I never asked!” you cried.

Joe nodded with a little laugh and went “purple!”

“Me too!”

You began laughing and high fiving him.

“I never knew!”

You both headed to the hotel and checked in. Your feet ached. You both had ordered Chinese, ate it while watching trashy tv, and then crashed into the bed, falling deep asleep.

The next day, Joe promised a slew of adventures. Sightseeing, museums, dinner.

But that involved lines. And maps. And subways. And people.

Numerous people. More people than you ever thought possible. It was annoying to have crowds squished up next to you as you sat. It was annoying to get a front view of a stranger’s rear end as they held onto the handle on the ceiling as you sat. It was annoying to sit with a couple arguing and duck as a shoe flew past your head in an argument. And it was especially annoying that a whole family took over one cab and kept yelling “selfie!”

Yet Joe was there, nodding patiently and holding your hand. “That’s New York.”

First, there were Rainbow Bagels. They were so warm they brunt your fingers and almost too pretty to eat. Like every hyperactive child’s dream. But you scrapped butter on it and ate it, and Joe made jokes about finding the gold at the end and almost swallowed his whole bagel to find it.

Then there was the Museum of the Moving Image. There was a line. You both waited out in the cold, huddled together, watching the ’94 World Cup on your phone while sharing headphones. Joe kept swearing and cheering at the tiny Brazilians bringing victory much to the cynical amusement of the other people in line and those passing by.

Looking into the museum, he knew just as much as the guides. It was filled with large white walls, and Joe saw an exhibit for Jim Henson and almost ran there. He nearly had his face pressed against the glass where the Big Bird puppet was kept. He pointed and smiled at everything like a child at Disney.

And so did you.

As you passed, you realized that the cacophony had its own music. From the sound of a saxophone accepting coins in a hat to the honks of cars. Visually, it was cacophony too. But beautiful. You noticed a rainbow painting on a building with a punching fist on it and it seemed as grand as any Botticelli.

As you both sat in the subway, dead tired from all the activity, you listened to Rumors by Fleetwood Mac.

Joe poked his head around, turning right and left slowly. There were only a small family and a businessman who hopped off at the last spot.

Now the subway picked up again you were alone.

He looked at you with a wide grin and skipped on your phone to “The Chain.”

“Joe?” you squeaked nervously.

He began to hum along and do air guitars. Then you both were singing at the top of the lungs:

“You would never break the chaiiin!” You both wiggled and did little dances in your seat, sometimes shifting a bit in your seat to the beat. You smiled so wide. You loved this man so much.

But right when it skipped to “Oh Daddy”, Joe was so deep amid his jam session he did not account for the group of teenagers hopping on and staring through their long bangs and frowning braces.

You tapped his shoulder and he looked and then stopped immediately.

But when you got back, you changed into PJs and laughed between laying on the bed, holding each other and exchanging kisses.

“Well, what do you think?” he asked, he pulled you down onto his chest. One warm hand was wandering on your thigh, teasing promises for later.

“Expensive, crazy, tiring.”

“Baby, you’re not wrong” Joe agreed smugly.

“But…beautiful, exciting. Magical and just…American, I guess” you sigh. You lay a hand next to your head to gently touch his chest.

Then you give him a glance and smile, getting closer to a kiss, adding “just like you. But you’re better.”

“I’m glad,” he said, sealing it.

#joe mazzello #joe mazzelo x reader #joe mazzello x you #joe mazzello fluff #joe mazzello imagine #carriewrites #johndeaconlover #bohrap cast #bohrap cast fanfiction #joe mazzello fanfiction #joe mazzello oneshot

[miguel-manbemel]

Translating Sanders Sides

Some of you may know, but one of the things I’ve done consistently is writing the Castillian Spanish subtitles for most of the episodes of Sanders Sides by @thatsthat24​ and @thejoanglebook. In fact, I’ve written them for all of the episodes that had the option available, “My True Identity” and “Taking on Anxiety with Lilly Singh” are the only two episodes that for some reason don’t have the option activated. Here I’m gonna share how it has been so far my experience translating Sanders Sides.

There’s one frequent misconception about YouTube subtitles. Save for some exceptions, creators don’t usually have the knowledge of all languages in the world, so it’s usually volunteers who write the subtitles in their mother tongues or in languages they know enough of. In my case I started writing them because, even though there were already Spanish subtitles of the generic variant, they usually had, and sorry if the original writers are reading me, several flaws, like misuse of expressions, mistakes in words (I encountered the word “hiss” as “rugido”, when the correct word would have been “bufido” in the case of a cat hiss or “siseo” in the case of a snake hiss, certainly not “roaring” which is the real meaning of “rugido”) or, and this is the only thing I’m clearly against of, things that weren’t even in the original video, like jokes someone made up, fanon commentary, even compliments to Thomas or the characters. I get that we all like these characters and the creators, but that’s not the place to express our love for them, and this is something that Thomas himself has said every once in a while that he doesn’t want to see in the captions and subtitles for his videos.

As YouTube subtitles, once approved and live, are virtually impossible to edit or delete, except by the original creator, my idea was to start writing the Castillian Spanish subtitles for the video, as an alternate version of the translation. The first episode that I translated right after it was released, I remember it as if it was yesterday, even though it was almost three years ago, was “Moving On Part 1″, then I translated all the previous episodes, and after that every episode as soon as it was released.

Writing the translation of an episode takes a lot more time than what anyone could figure out. The YouTube subtitle tool is not the most comfy to work with, even though it does its job. When the subtitles in English are already available, it gives you the times synchronized already with the English subs and you just have to write the translation. That looks as if it saves time, but in Spanish, like many other romantic languages, words are on average much longer than in English, which means that you need more time to read them, so the original times usually have to be readjusted and that takes time. I usually just delete the times altogether and write them all from scratch, it gives me more work, but it saves time in the long term. Not much though, as, on average, it takes several hours for me to write subtitles. The last episode, “Putting Others First”, if we count only the hours I dedicated to write the subtitles, it took me around 20 hours, in several intervals along three days. I’m including in this the several proofreadings I make of the subtitles where I always find typos or mistakes that I need to correct, which makes me watch and rewatch the video like dozens of times. (I’m not perfect and probably I’ve overlooked some typos still, but who hasn’t?) Thank goodness it’s good content and enjoyable to watch again and again, otherwise, the labor would be tedious.

Then there is another problem. I usually translate the text just as it is portrayed on the video. That’s, after all what a translation is expected to be, and it usually is. But there is a problem that arises from time to time. Sometimes, the original doesn’t have a direct translation or, and this is something very common in works like Sanders Sides, full of puns and jokes, the translation kills the joke. In those cases, some translators opt for adding a note between brackets explaining the joke and why the translation doesn’t get it right. I personally don’t like this solution, because it distracts you from the action (you usually have to pause the video to read the note) and most important, because, as I said, it usually happens with puns, and you know what happens when you explain a pun, right? My personal option, and something that translators are indeed encouraged to do as far as I know, is to, when a pun cannot be literally translated for some reason, get the idea that the writer wanted to convey and, being faithful to that idea, create a pun that makes sense in the target language, in my case Spanish.

I’ll explain this with an example of the most difficult piece of dialogue for me to translate in all the episodes I’ve translated of Sanders Sides. It was nothing particularly philosophical or convoluted. It was a piece of dialogue from “Losing My Motivation”. It was when Thomas said “Oh, man, I do do that” and then Patton giggles and says “doodoo”. It looks pretty straightforward... except for the fact that the auxiliary “do” doesn’t have a translation in Spanish, it just doesn’t exist, so the translation of that joke didn’t make any sense and wasn’t funny at all. You literally didn’t understand why was Patton laughing. So I was forced to become creative and my idea was to rewind a bit and get Logan’s previous piece of dialogue, when he was talking about how if Thomas “sits around waiting for inspiration to strike, consistency is unattainable”. I had the idea of using the old expression “kissed by a muse” as a synonym for inspiration, and so I translated into Spanish as “if you sit around waiting for a muse to kiss you, consistency is unattainable”. Then, I made Thomas say, “Oh, man, I do wait for that kiss” and, then instead of the doodoo joke which didn’t make sense in Spanish, I used the similarity between the Spanish for muse, “musa” and the Spanish for walrus, “morsa”, and I made it look as if Patton misheard, and laughed because he thought Thomas was waiting for a walrus to kiss him. It’s not perfect, and I only do this as a last resort measure. I usually prefer sticking to the original as much as I can.

There’s only one other instance when I’ve become creative while translating. In the scenes featuring rapping or some songs. There’s one defining characteristic of rap: it has to rhyme. If it doesn’t it’s not a rap. So, to create a translation of a rap that didn’t rhyme was almost like a sacrilege to me. So, in the case of the Rap Battle from “Am I Original”, I wrote Spanish lyrics for that rap that respected as much of the original as I could while also respecting the rhymes and also the metrics. These are the lyrics I wrote in Spanish, followed by the literal translation (I presume you all know the original English lyrics by heart at this point)

Damas, reyes y nobleza no binaria Ved como derroto rápido a este paria Aplastaré a cualquier villano con ganas de ir a por mí La bruja dragón lo sabe bien: llegué, vi y vencí Aunque no sabía adivinar, Sabía que esto iba a pasar. Piensas fatal, rapeas mal Te crees lo más, y en un pispás Acabo con tu honor: no es difícil de lograr. Te voy a superar, Princi, pues tengo una mente simpar.

Mejores genios he logrado hundir, tú no podrás huír. Si presionas, subiré, y me tendrás sobre ti. Todo es cuestion de cápita. Vas a perder como ocurrió en Ática. Ya está, vete a casa, se acabó. Solo hay un bardo entre los dos, no eres tú, soy yo.

Ladies, Kings and non binary nobility Watch how I defeat this outcast I’ll crush any villain with the guts to go after me The Dragon Witch knows well: I arrived, I saw and I won (Veni, vidi, vici) Even though I can’t tell fortune, I knew this was gonna happen. You think awfully, you rap bad You think you’re the best and in no time I end your honor: It’s not difficult to manage. I’m gonna get over you, Princey, because I’ve got an outstanding mind

I have managed to sink down better geniouses, you won’t be able to run away If you push, I’ll rise up, and you’ll have me over you. It is all a matter of capita. You’re gonna lose as it happened on Attica. It’s done, go home, it’s over. There’s only a bard among us both, it’s not you, it’s me.

As you can see, it says almost the same as the original, only that not literally, and the rhymes are preserved, so it still is a rap.There is people who may disagree with this, but this is actually a technique that is used all the time when doing a translation. In fact, sticking literally and rigidly to the original words in a text is considered a flaw in a translation, because sometimes it makes you lose all the sense of the original.

That also happens with idioms. It is a huge mistake to translate them literally. There usually is an equivalent in the target language and that’s the idiom you must use. For instance, in Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts, there’s a moment where Virgil asks Remus if he has a strong suit and Remus answes “I do, my birthday suit”. Both expressions, “strong suit” and “birthday suit” don’t make sense if literally translated to Spanish. For the first one, we have “punto fuerte”, literally “strong point”, and for the second one we have the expression “en cueros”, literally “on leather”. If I had translated the dialogue literally it would have been “¿Tienes algún traje fuerte? Sí, mi traje de nacimiento.” That doesn’t make sense in Spanish. So I had to translate to Spanish as, ��¿Tienes algún punto fuerte? ¡Sí, ponerme en cueros!” (”Do you have any strong point? Yes, putting myself on leather!”) As you can see, it doesn’t make sense in English, but asure you it makes all the sense in Spanish and conveys the original words perfectly.

And I think this is more than enough of sharing my experiences translating Sanders Sides. I hope this has been enlightening in any way and that I didn’t make it too boring. I didn’t mean to pontificate about it. I’m only sharing my own experience. There are many other translators in other different languages who have their own experiences and they’re all equally valid, for starters because any language is different and therefore different rules and methods apply. As long as the translation is faithful to the original, not necesarily literally as I said, it will be a good translation, and that’s our goal after all when we translate something, to make a foreign work reachable to a broader international audience. I hope I have managed to do so and that I made @thatsthat24 ‘s work more reachable, as it deserves to be so. Until next time.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Pieces of the People We Love, Part 7. (The Borderlands Series)

Description: Not many people had the chance to see a vault or to mean anything in the world of Pandora. Will a hardly built relationship in the loneliness of the desert have the potential to change anything in the world of anarchy and chaos - or will the friends try to murder each other? 

Part Summary: Scooter tries to ask Janey for a little favor, but she's rather persistent about not doing anything he wants from her. But then you realized that if he's not going, you will have a Walrus-like pain in the ass.

Warnings: A lot of guns, violence, reader is a tough badass - not a vault hunter tho. They’re badass and don’t give a fuck. And Scooter is a dumb bitch, as always. All Psychos and Fanatics are various Vine references - oh, what luck that reader can understand them since she is friends with Bandits.

Word count: 1.8 K

Tagging: @notaliteraltoad​ @nemodoren​

Series master list:  H E R E

They let you have a good, long sleep on a bed which wasn't shaking, so nothing could wake you up. You were snoring in the bedroom while the others had a debate - even Rayray and Blindy decided to stay there with the others.

Why did you go to sleep? Because you didn't give the slightest fuck about what plan Scooter wants to come up with. Whatever he'll say he wants to do, or at least what Janey says, you'll have to do everything. So, please, if nobody needed you - they could go fuck themselves.

When you hazily woke up and stood up on your legs, you heard them talking about what they intended to do.

"Scooter." - Janey said quietly and looked at him. They were obviously going through some plans, Scooter told her his vision and Janey didn't... Agreed with that. Was it... Was it a ray of hope for you? You took a deep breath and listened to their small meeting. - "I can't do that for ya, pal. Ya, remember the last time? I made ya a rocket and yo ass blew up in space."

You took another small breath in. Janey was the person who constructed the rocket that killed him? Obviously, he told you why he died in the first place, but he never ever mentioned in Janey Springs in the first place. This shit was getting really interesting in your opinion. Slowly, you controlled your metal arm whole spying on them even further.

"Janey, this one's different. I know ya don't have best feelin' about any of this and I can't blame ya, but my family's in danger." - Scooter answered her as honestly as he could, tapping his finger on something. - "I'll take ya with us if it is what ya want. I need your help."

"How did ma help helped ya last time, hm?" - Janey scoffed ironically. You finally joined the room, searching for some coffee while listening to their conversation. - "That plan and schemes are great... But I just don't have a good feeling about any of what ya want. And it'll be really expansive."

Oh no, you moaned angrily. Janey was starting to her aboard with Scooter's idea. No. There were very few fuck ups that could meet you on the way and Janey actually agreeing with Scooter was one of them. As soon as she would say yes, it was the ending of your world. You looked like a deer in car's headlights, even Athena chuckled at the sight of you.

"I think it's really dumb and dangerous." - You mumbled when everyone looked at you.

"THAT HURT LIKE A BUTTCHEEK ON A STICK." - Rayray yelled looking at you. Why did he have to be so rude? You opened up your mouth, having a short blackout of the brain. Calling you lazy and scared? Did he know who he was talking to? That motherfucker.

"Fuck you too, dude. I'm not lazy or afraid or too old, as you're implying. I just think that all of this is just a bunch of bullshit. What sane person would actually want to do this? Hm?" - You asked Rayray back so angrily, that Blindy stood up in front of him to cover the boy up in case you would want to get physical. - “And don't you tell me that the adventure bullshit Walrus told you had excited you that much.”

"Adam." - Rayray muttered out quietly, looking away from you. Nobody except you, Rayray and Blindy knew what the hell was going on, but the conversation was just too catchy to ignore. You put your palm into the back pocket on your sweats and walked to the table, looking at the plans with a furrow. It was particularly hard to ignore Rayray's comment, but somehow, you managed to. 

You listened to their bickering for a few more minutes before a painfully obvious fact hit you. Scooter needed to persuade Janey, no matter the cost. You would give her your metal arm - because if she wouldn't accept the plan, you could go shoot your head off. If you hadn't done it, Walrus would. 

You stood there for another few minutes, lost in your thoughts - a hundred ways of you being killed by peter and his men just crossed your mind - they could burn you alive, throw a grenade at you, shoot you to pieces, they could do anything they wanted. And Peter, that sly bitch, knew how expansive New-U can be. You hadn't that kind of cash, that was the only thing you could be sure of.

“You sure that you can't do anything about this?” - You asked and rose your eyebrows, staring Janey down. You weren't present in the last ten minutes, so now everyone shut up again and looked at you. - “I mean, when I take the whole situation from a few different points of view, it makes sense. I guess it isn't that much of a bad plan?” - You shrugged your shoulders. Blindy was about to ask something, but your elbow harshly hit his side and his ribs. That made the man immediately shut up and look in front of him. 

“Weren't ya strictly against anything we plan to do?” - Janey asked back with a frown. Without any second thought, you nodded, trying to look as innocent as you could. 

“A sudden change of heart and mind, what should I say?” - You shrugged your shoulder and dramatically took a sip from the cup. - “It's a good plan. And I heard that there's no better technician on the whole Pandora. If anyone is capable of bringing this masterpiece to live, it's you.”

“Ya, I would say so. But just as ya said, it's also dumb and irresponsible, practically too dangerous to even think of...” - Janey started to tell you the arguments that were against building another rocket. You couldn't agree more, but your lips just pressed together into a distressed smile as you tried to keep your mouth shut.

“Just forget about what I've said. I was sleepy and as Scooterboy here had said, I'm also hotheaded and my thoughts change like the weather.” - You answered with pain. Everyone who stood around the table could say that you're lying and that you don't believe a single word that fell out of your mouth. - “I can help with smaller things including circuits and shit, I'm pretty handy with this shit.” 

“LOOK AT ALL THOSE CHICKEN.” - Rayray answered and you chuckled with a nod. That boy could speak for shit, but his artistic talents were almost undeniable.

“Of course you can decorate it and paint it. We have no-one who would do it better.” - You smiled and left the table. Janey followed you to the small room where you slept previously. 

“Did ya feel bad for what da bandit boi said?” - Janey asked silently, closing the doors. You looked like a lot of things, but you definitely didn't look like a person who would change their opinion that easily. She knew people like you - except the temper issues, you and Athena seemed to be extremely alike. - “It is a shitty idea, I couldn't agree more.” 

“No. I really think we should build it, Springs.” - You mumbled back and looked at Scooter through a small crack between the doorframe. - “Scooter thinks that he has to do this. And I need to do this as well, otherwise, I don't have to wake tomorrow.”

“Are ya two part of some dirty business?” - Janey sat down on the bed and looked you in the eyes. You looked back with confusion. - “I mean, sure, ya look like a tough gal I don't want to mess around with, but Scooter? No.”

“Listen, Janey. This is my only chance to live long enough to see tomorrow, alrite? I don't care what would I have to get for you. Just build him the damn rocket, send us to space, and for fuck's sake, let us get killed. I don't give a damn.” - You licked your lips and looked at her again, this time not leaving her for a long time. - “I've done some nasty things back at where I'm from. And this is the redemption I got.”

“I can build it, without a problem, man, but... Do ya realize that ye will be helpin' Scooter savin' the others after that?” - Janey got up from the bed. - “This isn't ya last stop.”   

“I know.” - You sighed and smiled at her as you watched her leaving. She didn't know you, she had absolutely no need to trust you or to listen to you, yet she did. And if you were aboard with idea, even if everyone practically pushed you to agree, and if you looked like a trustworthy and capable of protecting your and Scooter's ass, she knew that she could do it. She could build the damn rocket and lunch you to space. 

“I have one condition.” - She told everyone as soon as she left the damn room, putting her hands on her lips. - “Athena and I are comin' with ya. if anythin' happens, this time, Imma be there to repair it.” 

And with that, the big project had started - the big rocket building under the lead of Janey Springs herself. For an unknown reason, she had everything you needed to build that monstrosity - and when she hadn't got something, she called some mysterious dude and the parts were delivered on her doorstep. 

It was almost scary - you could see how much is Scooter happy and the look in Janey's eyes was unmistakable. And they were a great team as well. You were there to help them with the electrical circuits while Athena and the boys dragged around all of the stuff that Janey and Scooter needed. Once Rayray was done with the painting, you all received some upgraded clothes. 

Scooter had the Crimson raiders logo on his t-shirt, Athena on her shield, Blindy had one on the back of his jacket and you... Well...

“For real, Ray?” - You looked at him while thinking about murdering him on the spot. Ray shrugged his shoulders and stood next to you while watching the logo sprayed on the back of some sweatpants - directly on the spot where your ass was supposed to be. - “That's so fucking sexist that I can even find words of disappointment, you dumb schmuck.” - You mumbled quietly before shushing him from the room to change the clothes. 

Now, there was only the last thing to do - to take off and hope you won't blow up on the way to space.

#borderlands #borderlands 2 #scooter borderlands #borderlands 3 #after the tales from the borderlands #athena borderlands #janey springs borderlands #janey and athena #jathena #i ship this ship #it has sailed