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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 4 years

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The Truths Found On Petram Viridios IV (1/?)

What started out as an idea for a short one shot grew into a multichap that I'm almost done editing. I think 🤔 it'll be either 4 or 5 chapters long depending on how long each chapter will be after I'm done editing. Anyway, I hope you guys will enjoy.

In this fic you learn how easily things can change, but how it effects you isn't always a bad thing.

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Chapter 1: The Phenomenon

There was little difference to what was happening around you at the moment. There were no little green men, or yellow submarines, neither were there tangelos, or bags of golden rings, but there was a blue-haired man with plenty of dreams. Still, life was swell; summer was around the corner, and you were reading in the garage just to be near Zeta-7; he was working on his latest piece of tech, and you were distracted by his charming quirks and ticks. If you hadn't known any better, you'd say it was business as usual. Yet, it was because you had been acquainted with Rick that the previous blindspots of your world were made known to you; conscious of the rare events which were going to take place in another quadrant of space.

A phenomenon was going to occur; one which would not happen again for another 1000 years; the blooming of the Milleannos flower. Legends say that those who touch its pollen might live forever, and those who smell its perfume might be cured of all that ails them, but those claims were supposedly unsubstantiated. There was to be a gala to celebrate the occasion; all in attendance were respectable, distinguished guests and because of Rick, you were also invited, but there were rules; strict guidelines which were to be obeyed unless you wished to throw away your life. And although you weren't happy about them, you were willing to abide by them for Rick's sake. However, there were a few things you didn't understand. "Rick, why won't we be allowed to dance together?"

His hands paused their activity, and his body sagged a little; dreading the reminder not because he's informed you already, but because it pained him to remind himself that he couldn't spend a once in a lifetime occasion with you. "B-because according to the laws of Petram Viridios IV, you are assigned a um - a party companion which is determined according to the alignment of your spine, carbon dioxide levels, as well as daily water intake. And due to the variety of guests, everyone must stand at least six feet apart to avoid air poisoning. However, if given an a-air helmet in order to assist with breathing, then I believe that the last rule isn't as severe. It's - there is a-a lot to remember."

Currently, he was piecing together the circuits and connecting the wires which would power his reflective shield. It was going to be worn under his dress shirt and would be undetectable under their scanners; as a precaution of course. "Ricky, you know I barely drink water." You weren't a fan of water, but you enjoyed flavored beverages and if you did drink water, it was always carbonated first. "I mean, I can get past the distance thing, but what am I supposed to do if I'm assigned to someone I don't like, and have to spend hours being bored and jealous that you're next to gorgeous, realistic fembots from Westworld?"

Unlike you, Zeta-7 drank so much water, you wondered how he wasn't rushing to the bathroom every five minutes. The only other people who drank that much water were beauty gurus who wanted to keep their skin in tip-top shape; you could really try harder if you wanted to. Good naturedly, he answered. "Gosh, y-you don't have to worry about that. I know a fembot when I-I see one."

You raised a brow at this, but seeing as he meant it literally, you listened on. "No s-siree, I won't be assigned a party companion because I'm going t-t-to be assisting the king in protecting their sacred relic."

How Rick became designated to assist with such a task was beyond you, but there seemed to be a glimmer of slight pride in the fact that he'd be so lucky and privileged as to be near the legendary flower, as well as to the beings who revered it. He was determined to find out the truth behind its properties, and if his hypothesis proved true, then he had a plan. You enjoyed when he was diverted with schemes; not the kind which was evil in nature, but the ones which could end happily or inconclusively. Anyway, you two were discussing how to go about it all.

The discussion had gaps of pause where he'd need to concentrate on bits of wiring that needed to be soldered or bent. Without distraction, you were more aware that it was humid, especially with the garage door being fully open for proper ventilation; bits of your hair stuck to your face and to the back of your neck despite how you'd try to tie it. As annoying as it was, it did have its draw; every so often, you'd catch Rick staring and you'd feel a thrill for it could be a year or ten years, but his shy tendencies would never stop being endearing; why he felt the need to reign himself when you were cool with him checking you out was something you hoped he'd someday become more comfortable with, but for now you'd simply giggle and wink at him to let him know you knew. He did his best to focus on the task at hand, but it wasn't going as well as he had hoped for it happened more than once that you'd have to hand him a tool he was blindly reaching out for. "You wouldn't happen to know who my party companion is," you inquired, as you were tying your hair up for the umpteenth time. "do you? And if you do, can't you change them?"

Giving you that look which always preceded his speeches of why he couldn't do that random illegal thing, he explained with kindly patience. "I could change th-the records, and assign you to someone I know, but that wouldn't be legal."

"I know."

"However," he brightened as he paused his work to face you fully. "I do have a copy of the guest list. Give me a-a moment to pull it up on my computer. Hmm," he wondered more to himself then out loud. "that's odd."

"What is it?"

Drumming his fingertips on his workbench, he double-checked his calculations, then went over and wrote it all out on a chalkboard to be sure. Tapping the freshly used chalk tip to his chin in thought, leaving a little powder on his face, he nodded when it seemed satisfactory. "According to um - to my calculations, it's possible that it's either the Salamandrian chemist, V'gha Khadaka or the Chordatan Knight, Noathamas."

"Is there a correlation between the two?"

"Other than their similar water intake levels, they both enjoy their privacy. However, I'm a-a little stumped as to how it might be possible to be assigned to them both. None of your occupations are similar, neither is there a species similarity, but I'm sure I'll figure it out before the event."

Great, just great. That sort of information wasn't all that helpful, but you pressed a kiss to his cheek to ease the worry which he had been hiding. You wondered if it was too late to back out, but for the most part you were determined to be there for him, even if it meant odd company. "Alright. Um… is there something I should keep in mind before I go dress shopping?"

A quick glance at your current outfit made him smile. You were wearing an old band tee and jeans with so many patches, that they were more patch then jean. "I-I don't think so. Almost anything is fine. Though, y-you might want to avoid plant-based materials in favor of synthetics just in case."

"Okay, I think I can do that, but don't be surprised if I look like I just walked out of a 1980s prom. I'll have you know that being slightly flammable is a dream of mine."

He chuckled at that and patted your shoulder. "Hohoho, I'm sure it'll be fine. You - you always look pretty in whatever you wear."

"If you mean that I'll be so fine, that I'll light up the room with my razzle-dazzle, then you better watch out. You never know who'll be charmed without my knowing."

Now, there had been little to no weight to your phrasing just now, but he felt differently. Giving your shoulders a squeeze, there was a distant, far off look in his eyes that you could only recall from specific occasions. It was a mix of longing, sadness, and regret, but you couldn't pin it on what exactly. It was as though he were trying to convey by sight that there was something he ought to do, that he ought to say, but as quickly as it had appeared, it left and was replaced by acceptance. He pulled away and returned to his previous task while you used a spare computer to begin the search for the perfect dress. He said it'll be fine, and you certainly hoped so.

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Adjustments in gravity made you feel as though you could jump in and out of craters as though you were wearing moon shoes; that is until you stepped onto a ship or station, then you felt as though you had fifty pounds tied to each foot. You were grateful for the terrain stabilizers that Rick placed in your flats a few adventures ago, otherwise, you would've already been worn out.

You two arrived a few minutes apart by way of the designated ship which held a variety of guests. To explain, the ship itself was a marvel and a work of beauty as far as intergalactic travel was concerned; its mechanical parts were held together by a compound whose main ingredient was a type of scarlet amber. Piece by piece, it had been crafted by a mixture of living matter and tech so advanced, that it'd have taken 300 years of Earth-based studies to understand a fraction of how one of its panels could work; probably sooner for someone like Rick.

Your eyes trailed the conduits as you were led through hallways that seemed to spiral and spill into larger hallways with varying temperatures and design and you wondered how it was those conduits crossed over and branched off like veins, but you had no time to find out and didn't feel privileged enough to ask as you were led into a cabin. Multiple voices hushed, but resumed to their usual loudness once you had settled into what appeared to be a loveseat with the coloring and texture of a pumpkin; it was your assigned seating, but it was not as soft as you would have liked.

It wouldn't be till later that you'd find out that Rick had traveled in a cabin on level 4 while you had been on level 2. In your cabin was a being composed of pure energy, with a name not spelled in letters but in frequencies, who was one of the musicians. A few feet away, was V'gha Khaḍaka; he was tall, sure-looking, had smooth, striped skin which glistened, and a tail strong enough to break someone's spine in a blink; the good thing was that he hadn't been trained in combat, but was simply a scientist who enjoyed the pursuit of knowledge. And a few feet away from the Salamandrian chemist was the knight Noathamas; he stood at half your height, but his chest was puffed out in such a way that made him appear larger, while his round amber eyes and curly whiskers gave him a soft, cuddly appearance; you had been warned by Rick that his appearance did not reveal much about his character and to watch out for him.

It was uncommon but not unheard of to be assigned multiple party companies as you had been; you were matched up to both V'gha and Noathamas due to your odd chemical makeup. Who would've thought that drinking a La Croix before leaving home would confuse their scanners? Goodness, you were grateful that it was a quick trip, and when it was time to depart the ship, you were escorted by two guards before you were given a helmet; it was nearly invisible except for its indicator light which was shaped like a flower, and it blended in with your dress; a colorful sequin cocktail dress you found on eBay. Not far from you were both your companions, who gave off the impression that they were your entourage rather than dates for the night. You saw Rick from a distance, and you knew he was trying to play it cool, but his eyes were sparkling with affection, although he knew he was supposed to suppress it due to the strict traditions imposed by the royal family; he looked away as he was escorted by six guards, but part of you wished that he hadn't.

You took a deep breath to calm your giddiness; this wasn't the time to allow your emotions to carry you away and affect the mission which was to get through the evening. V'gha could pick up on your subtle changes in body language, and thanks to a universal translator in your helmet, you could understand him. "From what I understand," he commented with a surprisingly smooth, velvety voice. "he's the smartest man in the universe. Is that true?"

"Maybe," you replied nonchalantly, "but he's more than just a brain. I heard he's a great lover. Not really my type," you lied because Zeta-7 suggested that you keep the details of your relationship with him a secret; again for safety, but you thought boasting up his reputation wouldn't hurt. "though, to each his own."

"Do you know him personally?"

When questions like this were thrown at you, it made you wonder about the curious people who meant it to sound nice, but in actuality wanted to test the waters as to how much can they ask so soon. Glancing at your nails, you feigned disinterest. "I'm not sure if I'm allowed to give out that type of information."

"You two are the only humans here." he stated matter of factly. There were humanoid beings but he was right. "It doesn't take rocket science to figure that much out."

"How would you know," you retorted with an air of certainty. "you're not a rocket scientist."

"You're right, I'm not. However, I do dabble into it from time to time. I'm sure he does too. I can smell the exhaust from here."

Hmm, perhaps this event was going to be more interesting than you thought. You shared a look of understanding with the chemist, and thought that perhaps you wouldn't need to be so wary of him; his charisma gave him a charm you hadn't yet decided if it was welcomed or should be ignored; whether his earlier comment was out of egotism or curiosity. And before you could make a comeback, Noathamas commented. "Shall we find our assigned seating and continue from there?"

"Sounds fine. Why don't you two walk ahead," you suggested with a coolness you didn't know you had. "I'll be sure to follow."

When you were sure that they were far enough, you took out your miniature glass terrarium necklace, which held a shrunken sunflower that had an iridescent shimmer on its petals; the one Rick had given you after a memorable date; it was made to remind you of how he saw you and you were very glad it had gone undetected under the scanners you passed through. And in your mind's eye you could still see the glimmer and shine of his electric blue eyes as he had taken in your appearance this afternoon before you two departed Earth; oh how he had wanted to kiss you and hug you but had refrained from doing so in order to double-check if he had all his supplies. His compliments had been many as he drove into the inky blackness of space, but when he parked at the station which was at the midway point, and you two lined up to board the ship which took you to this strange world, his face became neutral; his job made him good at that. You kissed your lovely necklace, replaced it so that it laid underneath your dress collar, and your heart called out to him in the void which was Petram Viridios IV; hoping you wouldn't have to go the through the evening without seeing your beloved again before you made yourself appear neutral and made sure to stay at least six feet apart from everyone in your midst.

Tbc

#doofus rick #doofus rick x reader #Rick Sanchez x reader #j19ζ7 #j19z7 #rick j19z7 #Rick Sanchez #rick and morty fanfic #rick and morty fanfiction #rnm fanfic #rnm #my fanfiction #My fanfic #My writing #My works #fanfiction #rnm fanfiction

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sehunsmuabrows · 6 years

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Superstar//Byun Baekhyun

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: ???angst???

Word count: 2,222

Summary: You haven’t been back home since your career took off and a huge breakup. After traveling around the world, you return home to see that your ex boyfriend has achieved his dreams.

I guess this is part one, it was supposed to be a one shot but it got too complicated

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

You felt like hell trudging through the airport, hauling your heavy luggage with resentment. Your fifth cup of coffee only making you more on edge about the whole experience. Though you were partly glad knowing that this would be your last time traveling for a while. It had been years since you had been to your hometown, your parents made no effort to keep in contact with you as work got more demanding, other than to ask for money when they were tight on funds. So you decided that you didn’t need to go out of your way to spend time with them. The only reason you would have continued to visit home was no longer a part of the equation, so you dove into work without looking back.

You finally arrived at the front of the airport, waiting for your ride to arrive at the front of the terminal. Your work friend, Areum, had promised to pick you up from the airport and let you stay at her place, seeing as you hadn’t found a place in Seoul yet. You perked up when you saw her bright red buggie roll to the curb in front of you. “Hey there Ms. Y/N, how was your flight?” Areum piped after getting out of her car and rushing to help you with your bags, energetic as ever. You tried to shake any sign of irritation or fatigue from your mannerisms as you replied smiling brightly at her, “It was a little rough, but I get to fly business class and that’s always a treat”. You plopped into the front seat, groaning as if you had completely forgotten what it was like to sit in a chair.

The ride to Areum’s apartment was quiet, as it was far too early in the morning to engage in a deep conversation. And as chatty as Areum is, she was aware that you were far too tired to entertain her. You watched out of the window as you passed the distantly familiar buildings. Seeing the city left an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach as you remembered the memories you made. All of the feelings and memories you had supressed while traveling the world started to drip back into your mind. Baekhyun’s smiling face reappeared in your mind as you thought of everything you left behind. You couldn’t help but think of your ex whenever you thought of seoul, and now you were here, completely and totally surrounded by it. You ran out of time to brood over your past when the car stopped in front of the apartment, it seemed like your body was running ahead of your mind as you glided through Areum’s apartment. She finally showed you to the room that you would be staying in and left you to unpack. As soon as she shut the door behind her, you collapsed onto the soft bed, falling asleep upon impact.

The next month or so was good and uneventful, you begun to a class at a nearby university and the pay was good, so you had no complaints. It wasn’t hard to find a new gig, as you had become well known for your sociology lectures and notorious among students for being a bit rigid. Your friendship with Areum had gotten stronger, you had even stopped referring to her as a “work friend”, and moved to considering her a regular friend. She had begun to try to get you to go to activities with her instead of just watching movies in her apartment, even trying to set you up with her guy friends. One day, she burst into your room with more energy than she had ever shown before, and that was saying something. She began thrashing around on the ground smiling and yelling words that you couldn’t quite make out. You didn’t have very much of a reaction to this type of behavior from her anymore, seeing as she has a tendency to get over excited. The happiness tantrum lasted about 5 minutes before she finally calmed down and explained what her episode was about. “I just got us tickets to see exo tomorrow! Front row and everything, my cousin gave them to me because she has a surgery that day, it’s sad but another man’s misfortune is another man’s miracle” she blurted out, jumping around like a madman. Seeing that you were overwhelmed by her enthusiasm, Areum stopped jumping and tried to level herself to your even temperament as she showed you the tickets.

“First of all, you know that really isn’t my scene, screaming girls and loud bass isn’t really my ideal afternoon. Second of all, I have work.” You said, handing the tickets back to her. She huffed loudly, visibly frustrated by your refusal.

“I know you don’t really listen to music, but you have to get out there. It could help you with your lectures, it wouldn't hurt to loosen up just a little, don’t think I haven’t noticed how depressed you’ve been since you got here” She spit back, pushing the tickets back into your hand. “ Also, i checked your schedule and you don’t have any lectures or meetings that day, we’re going.” She said, leaving the room before you could say anything back. As usual, you were too exhausted to fight back and ended up following her plans. The rest of the night was spent planning outfits for the concert. Apparently, we needed to camp out at the venue several hours early so we decided to go for more comfortable clothing. Unfortunately you only owned business attire and pajamas, meaning you had to borrow Areum’s clothes. You ended up wearing baggy sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt with the word “CHEN” on it, which you assumed must be the name of someone in the group. The clothes were too big, as areum was significantly taller than you. Areum was wearing an identical sweatshirt with the name “SUHO”, which she was showing of proudly in the morning of the concert.

You arrived at the venue several hours in advance, quickly jumping in line behind a group of girls who seemed as if they had slept there. It took you almost an hour of awkward second glances from girls in the line to realize that many of them were in your class at the University nearby. You felt both embarrassed and confused when you heard one of the girls in front of you whisper to her friend “Dude look, my sociology professor is a Jongdae stan”. Areum was extremely entertained upon hearing the not-so-quiet exchange, explaining that Jongdae was the real name of the man whose stage name you had stamped on your shirt.

The hours passed by slowly, as the line got longer and longer, you got more and more anxious. You considered, that if there was this much excitement for a performance, then it must be worth it. By the time the venue started letting people in, your legs were aching, you were leaning onto Areum for support. However, in contrast to you, Areum didn’t seem to be tired at all, though she was on edge waiting for the ticket scanner to get to the two of you. Once you both passed through into the venue, she grabbed your arm and started to drag you to the merchandise line to get lightsticks and banners. You managed to make it to the station before a long line accumulated, just standing behind a couple other people. The girl directly in front of you was tall and muscular, blocking your view of the merchandise table completely. Areum was annoyed by this and asked her to move over to the side so she could browse. You could only see the back of her jersey, which read the single word that had haunted and tormented you for years, Byun Baekhyun. You were instantly stunned after reading the word, your mind raced so fast that you barely noticed the lightstick being stuck into your hand. You followed areum to your spot in front of the stage. You looked around, noticing for the first time that the same word was plastered everywhere in the arena. Girls wearing it proudly across their chests, waving it in the air like flag, and painted across their face. Your mind finally flooded with thoughts of him, the way he sung to you when you couldn't sleep, the way his face scrunched up when you tried to flirt with him, the way he bragged about you to his friends. Your love was strong and didn’t seem like anything could go wrong, until your career got more demanding and Baekhyun got closer to debut. You started spending less and less time with him, you started earning more money and he was only a trainee at an entertainment company, you started to get distant and he was feeling neglected. Which is why you couldn't even bring yourself to cry when you found your sister’s bra in his bedroom, and he had no explanation. You blamed yourself for the relationship crumbling, no matter what your friends or your own teaching curriculum told you about crumbling relationships, you always felt responsible. You never even found the strength to confront your sister about Baekhyun in person, it always ended up in a series of drunk emails.

Areum noticed your loss of focus and tried to see what was wrong, but the lights had already dimmed and the crowd was deafeningly loud, so you just shrugged her off, promising to explain after the concert. Music started to play loudly, your heart started to pound hard as you anticipated the group’s approach, you hoped that you were mistaken, and it was actually a different Byun Baekhyun, so that you wouldn’t have to watch your ex boyfriend live out his glorious dream from the front row. It wasn't like the score was even either, showing up to your ex girlfriends lecture about class conflict and inequalities would be alot less dramatic than this.

The music got louder, as did the screams, when 9 men emerged from the bottom of the stage, swiftly beginning their first song. All hope was gone when the first line was sung, you would recognize his voice anywhere. The silky sound of his voice invaded your ears swiftly, entrancing you just as it always had. Thankfully, the group was still far enough upstage to be a sizeable distance from you, with any luck, you could get out of the concert without him seeing you. You couldn't help but enjoy the performance, if you hadn't been so caught up with Baekhyun’s presence, you may have even payed attention to all of the members. They had made it through half of their set before they came up stage and sang a ballad. You realized that this could possibly mean trouble, so you stood a little behind Areum for protection. She quickly noticed your actions and shoved you back forward to your previous spot, telling you to not be scared. Of course she knew nothing of your previous relationship, and probably wouldn’t believe you if you tried to tell her, so you didn't blame her for thinking you were just being timid.

You cursed yourself for not wearing a hat earlier in the morning, as it would’ve been a convenient device to hide your face in this situation. A member with the name KAI stamped onto the back of his jersey was closest to you, he had squat down to touch fans’ hands and wave. He slowly made his way to you and Areum, his smile was dazzling as he looked at the both of you, until he looked at you a little closer, causing his smile to falter, his face to express a bit of shock while trying to maintain a smile. The realization set in that Baekhyun might have shown his members a picture of me by chance-- or Kai took one of my classes-- i desperately hoped for the latter. He quickly moved on from you and Areum, standing up and joining the other members in throwing plushies at each other across stage. It was then you resumed your focus on Baekhyun, he took Kai’s place and started greeting fans as he sung, he got closer and closer to you slowly. You tried to figure out a way to hide and make it seem normal to the other fans in the crowd. Once again, you tried to hide behind Areum,that strategy was just as successful as it was the first time, as you were launched to the front once again, you felt the presence that you dreaded the most. You looked up to see the very face that you tried to forget for 4 years staring back at you, unwavering and full of emotion. You saw many things in his eyes that night, too many things to decipher. The look in his eyes was all it took for you to push your way out of the crowd, desperately looking for a way out of the arena. Throughout the years without him, you tried to forget him and move on to someone new, you thought that if you saw him again then all the feelings would be gone, wondering if it was ever love at all. But you were wrong, it would never go away.

#baekhyun #exo #angst #au

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thevagabondlog · 7 years

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Ive been staring at this blank page for an hour now. I haven’t written a shred of anything in close to a year, but I feel like the current set of circumstances right now dictate it. Hermes guides me. I haven’t even written a draft by hand like I normally do, Im just letting this come out and it feels great.

The last two, maybe even three years of my strange trip on this planet have been such a surreal high paced blur. Ive come to realize that I do too much in too short a time, too many places visited, people met, things done in the dead of night and the overwhelming heat of the day. A few strings busted, a few hearts broken. Nothing out of the ordinary except the fact that my address is still changing every month and I’m still getting lost daily, both in reality and in my mind. Not that I’d change it for the world. I don’t even know who exactly reads this garbage but if you still are, know this is going to be a long one. Ive got a lot on my mind, time is on my side and there’s nowhere I need to be.

Everyday in the Caribbean is incredibly hot and sticky. Every night is mysterious and romantic.

Writing this is simultaneously difficult and surprisingly easy. Its difficult to explain whats been shredding through my head the last few months or however bloody long. Since I last attempted to write, if you can call it that, Ive since been through a serious and drama filled breakup with my long term girlfriend back home, been to seven countries including South Africa ( more on that later ), morphed back into the older Joshua Palmer and basically been running a permanent anarchic riot around the world. As I write now, its once again a hot day in the Bahamas and my head is still swirling with Ricardo Black Rum from the previous night. Special Edition, of course.

Church of the Open Sky.

April 5 - April 26, three weeks back in the motherland after more than a year and a half overseas. A lot of expectations held, almost none of them met. Im not quite sure why, but looking back now in June I realize i didn’t enjoy my stay there at all. Highlights include seeing my parents again (they wept) and one or two close friends who I’m not even sure are still friends at this stage. I came to realize I hate most of the people that fill up my tiny coastal hometown, largely due to the fact that they’re all hypocritical judgmental small minded people who have never been anywhere farther than the gas station in the next town. Keep in mind that these are the same people that said I’d never amount to anything and Id be back home after a month of failed traveling searching for a job running a yacht. Choke on your words. Anyhow, I also got told numerous times that I’d changed completely, becoming much more ‘arrogant’, ‘rude’, ‘insensitive’ etc to the people around me. I suppose in a way I was, but then everyone back in that place is easily offended and so narrow minded it makes me want to shoot myself. I suppose Im much happier over here, on my own and fending for myself, in foreign countries where I don’t know anyone, and all I know is where North-East is. The entire time I was back there, I couldn’t wait to come back to the West Indies. It feels good getting these thoughts down, they’ve been bouncing around my head for too long now.

I was dancing with some girl in a club a month or two ago and in-between reggaetron and soca she asked me a question no one has ever asked before: “Where do you consider home?” I really don’t know. Definitely not back in my hometown, I don’t plan on setting foot in that place for another twenty years at least. Its not on the boat either, nor on any of the islands. Id have to say home is wherever I feel alive the most. Which just so happens to be fifteen feet underwater looking up.

May 4 - Twentieth birthday in Georgetown, Exumas, Bahamas. Largely uneventful, frankly boring and unsatisfying. Mind you I was working at the time so of course the celebrations were minimal to non existent.

January 2017 - Current.

Adopted really strange sleeping patterns similar to a Russian insomniac writer fighting his bouts of suicidal depression with vodka and pharmaceuticals. I don’t know what this stems from other than my erratic lifestyle of mainly working onboard the entire day and still getting drunk at local bars into the early hours of every new day.

Right now its summer and every heat wave day is longer than the last.

I have lost interest in a lot of people who I once thought important. I do not know if this is selfish on my part or all just part of moving around constantly, or just one of those things you deal with as you get older. I have been told numerous times that I’m not going to make it past thirty, and for some reason or other I’m embracing the thought. Go out in a strange and mysterious accident of sorts somewhere out at sea, that place that once gave birth to me. Ill let you know.

For the past few weeks I have also had these increasingly frequent urges to just pack up, delete my Facebook and go completely off the grid, getting lost in strange and exotic foreign places. Lawrence of Arabia in Morocco. Not knowing the unknown is turning me on more and more everyday, as well as the idea of just giving the finger to all the people back home who are getting married young, stuck in nine-to-fives that they hate, and coming home to deal with the mortgage and car insurance people. I left the country the first time with no actual plan, one bag and sixty dollars in my pocket and I don’t regret a single moment. And I don't mean all those cliche travel pictures and utter bullshit you see on social media telling you to just ‘pack up and go’, I mean actually deserting myself. Exile on Main St. Highway Child. Midnight Rambler.

The lust for this has never been greater. I keep asking myself just what is holding me back?

My biggest fear is living a life just like everyone else, a life that no one remembers. Why should I listen to any authority or second guess myself? Time will tell and hopefully sooner or later. And if I’m not mistaken, and I surely hope not, I may have found someone to do it with. A woman unlike anyone else Ive met or ever known before. A woman who, somehow exceeds everything I think about her constantly and is basically the exact fibre of my dream girl since I was fifteen. Physically outrageous, a beautiful figure. Mentally, she keeps me on my toes only because I hope to somehow match her standards. Well travelled and with such an eerily alike mind to my own its more than possible we were once together in an earlier life. My best efforts of a description is a glorious hybrid of a gypsy, voodoo witch, mermaid, and the Goddess Aphrodite all in one. With a sprinkling of a rebellious 1960’s mindset which only turns me on further. Making love to her only broke my mind in two and made me question everything. She’s everything I ever wanted from every rock and roll song Ive listened to, and she’s in all of them. And believe it or not I only knew her for three days before she flew off again, once more traveling. While Im starting to feel a little stuck in this place. Most would say Im crazy, but I already knew that.

I do wonder what, and how exactly she’s had such an effect on me. It makes me look back at every other girl I’ve ever been with and realize that they do not even come close to her or the psycho-electric effect she has on me. And if you know me, you’d know I dont feel like this to anyone, ever. She’s touched me deep down, and the next few months or years or whatever only promise to be very exciting.

Im trying, and not succeeding very well, to look back at everything over the past few months and years, if you couldn’t tell by now. How many people did I meet for five minutes and never see again? Friends or lovers for one night and then gone the next day never to be seen? I look at what all my ‘friends’ are doing back home, studying in their first or second year. My best friend living with his fiancee and hating every second, constant fighting and the such but too scared to leave because he believes he loves her and well, believes he cant do any better. In love with the security and constant hard work I suppose. A friend through the grapevine told me recently that he has lost respect for me and hates the lifestyle I live. I wont lie and tell you I wasn’t hurt or taken aback. We’ve spent four years together, done much, and always confided in one another. Is he jealous of the knowledge that Im traveling the world, free and easy, able to go to the bar every night and dance with exotic girls while he is forced to come home after work to a nagging unloving bitch that makes his life hell? He would never admit that. Im not scared to tell it exactly how it is though. Another trait passed on to me from my father, whom I miss so.

If I had never made the decision to leave all those months ago would I be in the same position as my friend right now? Maybe. More than likely, I was in a long term relationship with someone I thought I loved, about to get sucked into that domesticated world before I jumped ship. Haven’t seen her since actually. Thanks for the memories girl, but you weren’t for me.

Life would be very different and it would bore me to death. I prefer dying in other ways in places where no one understands English.

Now my thoughts go back to my unbiological sister, we once were very close. Always looking after one another, often mistaken to be a couple but not. I thought I was in love with her too, but she’s changed so dramatically in the time I was away I hardly recognized her anymore during my homecoming visit. She lied to me many times in those three weeks, thinking I wouldn’t find out, and probably still thinking Im ignorant. Makes me wonder why we are like we are. She told me I changed a lot too and I’m no longer the Josh she knew, that I’ve grown cold and distant. Well look at yourself babe, can you really blame me? Its only further cemented my belief that you need to keep moving forward in such a way that they will never trap you or hold you down, until finally you find someone that you want to be trapped with. You know who you are.

“I thought you needed my lovin’, But it’s my heart that you stole. I thought you wanted my money, But you plundered my soul.”

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xofanfics · 7 years

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Guilty - Alternate Ending I

Genre: Angst, smut

Word Count: 1,809 words

Pairing: Reader x Baekhyun / Reader x Kai

Summary: *REQUESTED* You find yourself getting more and more frustrated with Kai as he keeps hanging out with his ex-girlfriend, Krystal, against your wishes. Your solution? Hang out with Baekhyun instead.

KAI

You rose from your seat to hug your friend. “It’s been a while,” you said.

“I know,” said Luhan. “I haven’t been to Seoul in almost a year.”

You both sat down at the table and started looking through the menu. Luhan was in town for a few days before going back to Beijing, so you decided to hang out for the day.

“How has China been?” you asked. “Is it good to be back?”

Luhan nodded, turning a page in his menu. “Yeah. I miss Seoul though…”

The waitress approached the table, taking your orders before disappearing into the back.

“How have you been?” Luhan asked. “How’s your job?”

“It’s been going well. I think that it’s a good field for me. It’s kind of fun.”

“Is it awkward working with Krystal?”

You shook your head. “It wasn’t...until the other day.”

Luhan raised his eyebrows. “Did something happen?”

You sighed. You didn’t want to tell him, but you knew that you needed to get it off of your chest, so you began.

“We were in the hotel for the night,” you explained. “I was tired, so I dozed off. I hear a knock on the door but I thought I was dreaming, so I ignored it. I heard the knock again, so I got up and answered it, thinking it was Manager Cha. It was Krystal. She said she wanted to talk, so we did…She basically said that I was the one who wanted the breakup.”

“So is that true?”

“Well, yeah, but I was risking my job by seeing her. And I’d just started so I wasn’t trying to risk it. So, yeah, I guess it was mostly my choice...but she agreed to it! Then she comes to me months later, telling me that she wishes that we didn’t break up and then she’s touching me, kissing me…”

Luhan’s eyes widened. “Did you…?”

You shook your head. “No. We didn’t have sex but she sucked me off…”

Luhan put his head in his hands. “Kai…”

“I know, I know,” you said with a sigh. “I know. I’m a piece of shit for letting that happen. Nothing else happened, though.” Even though you’d wished it and wanted it at the time, you hadn’t let things get that far. Thankfully, you stopped before lust could consume you and swallow you whole. You’d feel so much worse had you had sex with her. Cheating by having sex and actually being inside that person was the worst betrayal.

“What are you going to do?” he asked. “Are you planning on telling Y/N?”

Of course you wanted to tell her. But how would you even begin to tell her that you cheated on her with your ex-girlfriend? How would you even begin to tell her that you sat there while she got on her knees for you? How would you even begin to tell her that you sat there, letting her do it and not pushing her away?

How would she take it? How upset would she be, on a scale of one to ten? Would she be pissed and throw the nearest object at you? Would she break down and start crying? Or would she not say anything at all, unable to believe the words that just came out of your mouth?

You thought about what would happen. She’d either break up with you or she’d try to make it work with you. She’d lose any bit of trust in you that she had left. You didn’t know what to do. You obviously still had feelings for Krystal and you’d never addressed them because you tried to forget about it and just do your job. You’d suppressed your feelings and started dating Y/N. You’d suppressed your feelings for your ex and because of it, you ended up cheating on her.

“I’ll tell her,” you said. “I just don’t know how…”

“Maybe sit her down,” Luhan suggested. “Take her on a walk.”

You nodded. “I just need some more time to think.”

Time to think turned into four days. You were torn. It didn’t help that Y/N was being distant. You’d seen her twice since you met with Luhan, but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t happy, it wasn’t sad. It was nothing. No feelings, no emotions, just nothing.

She let you hold her, but she didn’t curl up next to you like she usually did. She hadn’t attempted to have sex with you. She hadn’t done any of the cute things she usually did with you. It was if she sensed that you’d done something wrong. Any time you asked her if she was okay, she said that she was fine. And then she smiled that fake smile. Something was bothering her but she wouldn’t tell you what or why. And it didn’t seem like she had any intentions of doing so any time soon.

You were on your lunch break and you also knew that she was out of class now. You’d decided what you were going to do. You’d call her and ask her to go to the park with you because there was something that you wanted to tell her. She’d probably think you were going to break up with her. You weren’t sure if that was what you were aiming for by having this conversation but you knew that you wanted to be honest with her and to have a fresh start, if it was possible.

You picked up your phone and clicked on her contact.

“Hello?” she answered. You heard people in the background, probably her friends. Was she busy? Would she reject your suggestion?

You suddenly felt yourself becoming shy. You really didn’t want to disappoint her. But you had no choice. You had to tell her. You had to tell her. You wanted to be honest with her. You wanted to stop feeling like shit every time you saw Krystal.

“You’re out of class now, right?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Why?”

“I was wondering if we could talk. Can I pick you up?”

“Yeah. Where should I meet you?”

Y/N started walking toward you. She was wearing jeans and her university sweatshirt. It was simple, but she looked cute. You watched as her hair blew in the wind. She gave you a faint smile as you walked toward her. You kissed her forehead as you opened the car door for her. You quickly shut the door before jogging over to your side.

You started the car and said, “Hey. How was class today?”

“It was good,” she said. “I think I did well on my exam…”

“That’s good.” You’d only said a few words, but it was awkward. There was a tension in the air that wouldn’t go away. It was as if you and Y/N were strangers. How did things get like this?

“So what did you want to talk about?” she asked.

“It’s something that’s been bothering me that I wanted to talk to you about. I want to go to the park. We can talk more there, okay?”

She nodded, but didn’t say anything else. She didn’t attempt to talk to you during the drive and you didn’t either. Talking would probably make things even more awkward. You drove through the light midday traffic to the park. You parked and the two of you got out of the car. You started walking along the path by the Han River.

“I know that there’s something bothering you,” you started. “I don’t know if it has to do with me or if it’s something personal you’re going through. I know that you were always uncomfortable with my relationship with Krystal since we’re still friends...and you were right to feel that way. I want to be honest with you right now.”

She raised her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“When we were in Japan, she showed up at my door in the hotel...and we talked. We had agreed to break up, yes, but she didn’t want to. She told me that I was the one who pushed for our breakup. I did it because it was against company policy to be involved with any of the models...”

You went on. “She told me all of that and said that she wishes we hadn’t broken up. We kissed…” You didn’t want to tell her that you’d kissed her first. But you supposed that it didn’t matter because what you were about to tell her was worse than anything. “And she went down on me, too.”

She didn’t say anything. It worried you. Silence was worse than her yelling at you or being upset in some way. You wanted her to say something, anything… She looked hurt, but you weren’t sure just how hurt she was.

“Do you still have feelings for her?” she asked. That was a question that you weren’t prepared to answer. You clearly still had feelings for Krystal but how could you tell her something like that at a time like this? She nodded instead of saying anything else.

“I’m sorry,” you said. “I know it was wrong of me to do that to you, but I’m apologizing for it now and I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me…”

“I don’t think this is going to work out,” she said. “I had a lot of time to think while you were away and I think that it would be best if we broke up…”

That was it. You’d broken her trust. She couldn’t trust you anymore. Not after you cheated on her. It was over. By messing around with Krystal, you’d ruined your whole relationship. Was it worth it? Was it worth getting off that one time? Was it worth kissing her? Maybe you should’ve left it at that—a kiss. A kiss wasn’t as bad. Was it?

Maybe she needed time. Maybe you both needed some time and space. Once you figured things out with Krystal and took some time to get over her, maybe you could reach out to Y/N. Maybe she’d be okay with being friends.

“I’ll give you space if you need it,” you told her. As she nodded you added, “If there’s somewhere you want to go, I can take you there.”

She shook her head. “I’m gonna walk around for awhile...”

You looked in her eyes. They were still distant. Distant, yet hurt. It was like she was here but she wasn’t.

“Okay,” you said. It was the only thing you could say.

“Goodbye, Kai.”

“Goodbye, Y/N…”

You wanted to stop her, take her hand in yours and apologize profusely. But, by now, she had had enough of your apologies. So you just watched her as she walked away, her retreating figure disappearing from your sight once and for all.

#byun baekhyun #baekhyun #baekhyun smut #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun angst #exo baekhyun #kim jongin #exo kai #kai smut #kai angst #kai fluff #exo imagine #exo reactions #exo scenarios #exo #exo fluff #exo smut #exo angst

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wordsbymareehasoomro · 6 years

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Pages 1-7

Before I could say goodbye, the train started rolling, I craned my neck to see him and I looked at him till he faded. I didn’t even say goodbye. He didn’t say it either, we departed like we were gonna meet the next day.

I knew he won’t show the pain. I knew he could smile and laugh even when he would be burning and exploding from the inside. That was the way God made him and that was how God gave this crinkly eyed monster to me. I was not supposed to change him but I do believe God should have sent a warning label along with him.

8th November 2007; when I first got to know Adrian, he was not the person you would want to be with. He was emotionally detached and carefree. Very charming. And awkward. Gentlemani-sh but would ignore you like you died. He was that guy who seemed mysterious because he was distant sometimes. I tried to dig into him all day long trying to make him say things that tell me about his life but somehow he would keep telling me that he has no plans of actual commitment. The highest level of compliment you would get from him would be ‘’cute’’ yes im not even kidding. Apparently hot was not a term he would use for you, in a million years. Like, I said a gentleman but forced into a fuckboy. I had a slight clue that there is a full-time gentleman hidden inside him and I literally burned my ego into ashes to know that full time gentleman out of this fuckboy.

Strange but yes, we met through his ex. He had a lot of exes apparently. Not new to me, I’ve had all kinds of species in my relationship history as well. Everyone had earlier mentioned this guy to me as a ‘’fuckboy’’ of course. I still don’t know how was I described to him but im sure in bad words. We both were bad in our own comforting ways. I saw a glimpse of him at a party, I had no second thoughts. Yes, I found him cute. Why? Because he almost fit my ‘’good looking characteristics in a guy’’ list and it was as follows

1. Hooded, crinkly eyes, deep as hell

2. Lips small but not too small. Big but not too big. Smaller than mine, big lips makes it feminine for me on a guy

3. Hairy but not too hairy, should have dark deep eyebrows

4. Should know how to make his hair. Not too boyish and not too uncle type. Just in the middle of it

5. Should make a great couple with me

6. Height bigger than me

7. No teeth problems otherwise disqualified

8. Shoe sense

‘’What are you looking at? He’s a Jewish and he is with every other girl in the world’’ my friend said to me in a sarcastic tone. I acted like I wasn’t looking at him ‘’I was looking at his ex, she’s pretty but desperately needs to get her teeth fixed’’ and we both laughed it off but deep inside, both of us knew I was gonna send him a friend request as soon as I go back home.

I was acquaintances with his ex so I search him up and he’s right there. ‘’Wow so now he has a dimple too? It was not even in my list!’’ That was a shocker. Quite strange but I had never been with a guy who had a cute little dimple and this one had it. Fucked me up. Added him instantly and he accepted ‘’instantly’’ because of course he was thinking of me as just another target and what was I thinking? Probably ‘’he’s a cute guy’’ just that. I didn’t wanna flirt with him, I didn’t wanna date him, I obviously at that point of time couldn’t think about marrying him because of the religious differences so what was I getting?

I don’t know.

I wish I was that sorted out in life. So now he adds me back and we kind of have this really serious conversation about things…which make me feel like he’s way too serious for me.

BUT YES, I would like to mention he started the conversation.

Adrian- Can you please introduce yourself?

Me- (being as awkward as I can be) How do you introduce? Hahahahahaha

Adrian- I’m a 21 year old living in Canada

Me- Okay can I introduce myself now? Im a 20 year old obsessed with batman and I wanna have a pet monkey so yes tell me more about yourself

Adrian- Damn and you ask me how do you introduce?

Me- Am I good at this shit? Duh Im good at everything

(And there, I said it)

No but on a serious note, nice abs (after looking at a photo of his abs on his profile of course)

Adrian- typing…

Me thinking okay now he thinks im desperate as fuck and a slutty hoe

Adrian- Thanks but I don’t like my abs im going to workout more in the future

Me (not knowing shit about gyming and abs and workouts)

– but whyyyyy?

Adrian- Just like that

And you’re obsessed with batman? I am batman

(Wait what? Don’t tell me he likes batman too? This is gonna be interesting)

Me – If you don’t mind I would like to confess that I AM BATMAN sorry

Adrian- You can be batwoman for sure

Me – Batman with tits so mind your own business, I can be whatever I want to be

Adrian- Wow that’s pretty interesting batman with tits wow..

Me- yes very interesting, thankyou

(By now, He would have known this girl is mentally unstable)

Adrian- It’s good to be yourself

(He was still acting very gentleman-ish I have to tell you)

Me- you love me already

Adrian- Can you stop day dreaming?

(Ouch…)

Me- I can stop, yes.

Adrian- So I came back to study here after the party where I saw you, I come back to your city after every 3 months for a month or two

Me- Oh, I see

(Now, honestly I was like lets get out of this conversation its pretty dry)

Adrian- This is such a fucked up place, after a while you have nothing to do here

And then I ignore the message. For three days. Yes three days. Because Im thinking this guy is pretty cute but too serious to talk to

And then in about a week, I am randomly going through my last conversations with people in the past few weeks, and I see his profile picture pop up and im thinking lets try again, maybe he’s not that serious, maybe he will send me memes, maybe he has a crazy side.

‘’Hey there’’ I send it to him

No reply.

A day passed away, No reply.

2 days pass away, no reply.

NEVER IN MY HISTORY OF HOOKUPS, IVE HAD A GUY WHO IGNORED MY MESSAGE FOR 2 DAYS.

My ego is burning.

3 days no reply.

My ego is about to burst into flames

And I get a reply finally, we exchange numbers

And then he wants to call me. Im thinking ‘’No, what if he’s a kidnapper, a rapist, a weird drunk fuckboy who wants to talk dirty to me, he wants to talk after 12am, he obviously wants to talk dirty im not talking to this random ass’’ I decline the offer. I make up an excuse and we don’t talk on call that night. The next night, he makes the offer again and I remember how he ignored me for 3 days when I didnt reply back for sometime and I don’t decline the offer. Why was I scared of not getting attention from this stranger who is too serious for me? I don’t know.

God knew better. God knew what he was upto. God knew why this stranger was creeping into my life like that.

He calls me. I’m so nervous. He sounds familiar. He sounds like someone I know but Im pretty sure I don’t know him. He begans talking like a gentleman and holy shit, in a minute or two this man starts making me laugh my ass off with his jokes. His horrible, lame yet funny as hell jokes and Im laughing, im laughing all night long. He’s telling me about himself, im telling him about myself, we both tell each other things that should take a longer time to be unveiled but we don’t take the long route, we spill it out. I tell him things that I would never tell a stranger, I tell him about family. He tells me about his family. We both talk about our little siblings. He gets serious for a while and then starts trolling me again and the laughter session continues. I stare at my wall clock, It’s 9 fucking am in the morning. No exaggeration. ‘’It’s 9 am’’ I said ‘’It’s 9 am’’ he grinned. And then we both laugh for no reason and we end the call in a few minutes. I don’t know about Adrian but I had a huge smile on my face before going to sleep, that night. And I had not smiled like that in a long.. long time and just so you know, im smiling even right now as im typing this because it reminds me of that exact moment I decided to sleep with him in my head, trying as hard as I can to insert him in my mind, thinking about the possibilities, I was crazy enough to fall for a guy after a call? ‘’No. No you cant’’ but no one knows me more than my dear heart ‘’Yes you can’’ it whispered to me.

The next day, I send a good morning text to him, You know the shit is about to blow up when you send a good morning to someone. He was my first thought in the morning.

We talk. All day almost. And the night? We call each other again like its routine. More secrets. More laughter. More knowing, less thinking about future.

I come to this conclusion in a few days that I don’t know shit about love but I like this guy. He is hard to read. I would call him an ‘’emotionless encyclopedia’’ who knew everything in the world but was emotionally detached to humans. I somehow felt there was a soft side to him but at that point of time, he was into his friends, both male and female he would skype with them all day long and I couldn’t figure him out properly.

But yes, I felt like it was clumsy between us. I couldn’t properly flirt with him because he wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t talk dirty because he didn’t dig the dirty. I couldn’t get the sort of attention I wanted from this guy and it was turning me off , and one day out of my desperation of trying to get attention from im, I asked him out in the most childish way you can ever expect. The girl asks out the boy in between a normal conversation. We are talking generally about hookups and im like ‘’Wanna hookup?’’ he doesn’t type for a while and then he says ‘’Hookup? Like a relationship?’’ I say ‘’Yes?’’ he says ‘’Okay’’ and it began.

It began like the most simplest thing in the world but it began to eat us like a monster, it began as a sunset so calm after a long day. firey yet calming, it’s simple, it’s constant, but it grows to be that rush of adrenaline when you beat the odds, you feel on top of the world. You are powerful, and each glimpse of him you get, leaves you gasping for more, he is a breath of freedom in a sea of trouble. He begans to be my strength and my luck and my happiness and he ends up being my weakness, my love and my reason to be alive.

Who knew?

We make it official like its some kind of a serious relationship and we both knew It wasn’t. we knew it was gonna end in a few months or weeks or days, I just wanted attention from the guy who was emotionless, he just wanted to pass his time with someone who was 24/7 available to be his muse. We both were fucked up.

In a few weeks, we infact I realized he was not my type. Not at all. I was mistaken. I was into the sense of humor. There was nothing else he could give me. He could not praise me for anything, he could not compliment me no matter how hard I tried to look pretty in front of him, never showed me that I meant something. We had long distance which obviously meant we never faced each other so it was harder. He once told me im not hot in any possible way and one day I ask him what is hot for you and he shows me a girl from his college and it humiliated me in the worst possible way when I receive a picture of that girl. I forget bullshit easily but this bullshit, I wish I could get rid of. He would sometimes prioritize his friends in front of me, he would tell me he’s sleeping but he would be talking to his friends, I used to feel like shit. I had never felt like that in my past relationships. I felt like I needed to be prettier, I felt ugly, I felt insecure, I felt like there was something more entertaining about his friends that I had to copy. We both would never agree upon the same ideas about life, we started having different views about things and the worst of all, after making me feel like shit, he would always be emotionless and laugh at me for being sad about it. He never used to get jealous even if I would go out with a million boys who looked good, he never used to question me and it started pissing me off to such an extent that I finally told him, ‘’I cant do this, you are emotionless’’

‘’But I was like this from the start’’ he says

‘’ I don’t know, All I know is I feel like shit when im talking to you. I feel like comparing myself to all these girls you talk to or you show me because I genuinely feel there is something wrong with me. I try to look good, I try to send you pictures of myself looking good but I cant beg for a compliment, I have never felt so degraded in my life, Adrian’’ I mumbled in my crying voice

‘’You tell me you’re sleeping and I see you online talking to a friend, I don’t care about the gender, its about the priorities and the lies, at least treat me like a girl friend when you’ve agreed upon a relationship’’ I continued

And then there was a long silence on that call. For the first time, this emotionless encyclopedia Adrian did not laugh about it. He apologized for it. And then we both agreed upon the fact that we are both too different and I told him I need to be fed with attention if im with someone and you’re a detached person, you don’t believe in feelings and all

‘’Listen’’ he said

‘’I fell In love once,

I gave everything to that relationship. I gave honestly, I gave loyalty, I trusted that girl and I trusted the fact that she is going to trust me back. I loved her like I wouldn’t love anyone in the world because she was the most innocent and the prettiest soul I had ever known but you know what she did? She trusted someone else who told her lies. She believed the lies and she called me a cheater. Imagine being called a cheater when you’re loyal to the one you lovel’’

I was silent. He was telling his side of the story for the first time. He was being serious for the first time. I didn’t say a word.

He continued ‘’ I tried to explain, but she didn’t. I was so heartbroken that I decided I would never have a serious relationship ever again. I would never fall in love with someone ever again, I would never trust a girl ever again, I used to take my frustration out in the gym, I ended up having muscles and packs and I would upload shirtless pictures of myself just to give myself some peace of mind, In anger and frustration, I showed her I could do what she blamed me for doing and I dated the same girl she blamed me for flirting with. Of course it didn’t work out because I never liked her in the first place but I wanted to destroy myself, I used to drink, I used to smoke, I fucked myself up completely until I moved on and ever since that, I have been in useless relationships with strange girls I don’t know completely but im cool with it because girls are not meant to be trusted. I do respect them, I don’t mess up with their respect and I don’t trust a girl when she tells me she is going to stay because these are all lies’’

I heard it all and now I knew 1/100 of Adrian’s life and I could never in a million years guess that this guy would be heartbroken by a girl.

We still ended the relationship over call because I had nothing to say, All I heard was this guy could never love anyone again and I felt defeated. I felt like ‘’What did she have that I don’t?’’

Yes I did stalk her after the call, and she was below average. Can you believe it that Im rating his ex’s looks after the sentimental story? I have to rate her because I expected the love of his life to be a gorgeous girl with the kind of hot looks he used of show me pictures of. One thing pretty clear was that this emotionless guy did not give a fuck about looks too much. He was not into choosing girls based on their appearance, He fell in love with someone so average. That kind of made me fall for him more even though I didn’t want to anymore because we broke up.

I had made my dear heart understand that stop trying to make him fall for you because he has done that already and he failed miserably. He doesn’t wanna try again clearly so lets just leave him alone.

But my dear heart didn’t understand shit

We don’t text for several days, It was our second month knowing each other and I get an apology.

‘’Im sorry for being like that’’ he says

‘’Im sorry for asking you for attention all the time’’ I replied

And it was kind of a patch up again.

And we are doing this lifeless relationship again, why?

God knew better and you will know later on, why I keep saying this again and again.

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