yeah yeah. another one
yeah yeah, i know there's like 3 fan translations of this novel going on already. however i've just gotten through the hassle of buying the e-book so im throwing my hat in the ring.
#0/
The past=. Beyond
kako w(ha) dot
kanata
prev: cover/contents/illustrations // next: 1-1
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He gripped the horizontal bar with his right hand. Lightly gaining momentum, he did a one handed back hip circle¹. Putting his left leg on the bar, he hoisted his body up all at once.
Otogiri Tobi stood on the horizontal bars and crossed his hands.
“Oi oi, Tobii…”
The backpack on his left shoulder laughed, appalled.
“Just saying, that was kinda weird, ok? You look like a weirdo.”
Pretending not to hear. Tobi looked around the small children’s park. Horizontal bars. A slide. Two trees were planted. Two benches. A water fountain. Outdoor lamps. A swing set for two.
Two boys were sitting on the swings. Both were younger than Tobi. Fifth grade, or sixth grade. The two of them both had a look on their faces like they wanted to say, “What’s with that middle schooler? Scary.”
“See?”
Ke… ke… ke. The backpack let out an unpleasant laugh.
Tobi clicked his tongue.
Shut up, Baku.
He only thought this. He didn’t say it out loud. Those elementary schoolers couldn’t hear Baku’s voice. Tobi was the only one in the world who could converse with this backpack.
Tobi jumped down from the bar.
“A good for nothin nimble body you’ve got. You’re like a monkey!”
Ignoring Baku’s teasing, this time he tried going up the slide. The boys on the swing were no longer looking at Tobi. They fiddled with their smartphones without swinging.
Tobi crouched on the slide. Back then, he’d probably been around this height.
The slide was made of metal. It was silver in color, and dents stood out clearly. The coating of yellow paint was peeling.
“Could it be here?” Baku whispered.
“I wonder.” Tobi answered quietly, rolling up the left sleeve of his uniform. The LCD screen of the watch he got from a second hand shop displayed 4:59 PM. Tobi was in the second year of middle school, and he wasn’t in any clubs, nor did he go to cram school. The facility’s curfew was at 5:30.
“Won’t you be late if you don’t get going soon?” Baku sneered.
Shut up.
Tobi thought as he jumped down from the slide.
Holding the backpack, Tobi’s shadow was excessively long.
The chime started ringing. It was Yuyake Koyake². An oft heard melody, a familiar sound.
Tobi gazed up at the twilight sky.
“...on his shoulders.”
“Huh? Whatchu say?”
Without answering Baku’s question, Tobi repeated his mutter.
“On his shoulders—”
That’s right.
On his shoulders.
His older brother had carried him on his shoulders, and come to this park. His brother had been quietly singing something.
“Hey, onii-chan, what song is that?”
As Tobi asked, his brother dodged the question by laughing.
“What song is it, I wonder.”
“Tell me~” Tobi pestered, tugging on his brother’s ears.
“Hey tell me, what song is it?”
“I made it up.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. A song I made up just now.”
He remembered. Clearly. He recalled it vividly.
The slide. Tobi had played on that slide countless times. His brother had sat on the bench watching over him. Bent forward with his legs crossed, he squinted. A smile appeared on his brother’s face.
They’d gone on the swings too. It was a swing set for two. His brother had swung on the swing too.
“...That’s right…”
Not to the park.
He’d ridden on his shoulders on the way home.
Tired from playing, Tobi’s brother had given him a ride home. On the road home where Yuyake Koyake rang out, his brother had hummed another song.
“Tobi.”
Baku called out to him.
“Oi, Tobi.”
Tobi walked out of the park without answering. In front of him was a two story house. Was it right, or left? That day, which way had his brother gone? No. he doesn’t know.
For the time being Tobi tried going right. It was a road so narrow cars could barely pass by. None of the buildings facing the street were new. There were ones that looked pretty old too.
There was a barbershop, with a red, blue, and white sign pole. The outer wall was dark green. The shop’s name was Hatsushima Hair and Beauty. He felt a bit like he’s seen it before, a bit like he hasn’t.
“How about it?” Baku asked.
Tobi shook his head without stopping.
He was looking for an apartment. He didn’t know the address, but it had to be around this area. White-ish in color, a two-story building with an outdoor staircase and hallway. Tobi had lived with his brother on the second story of that apartment.
What room number on the second floor had it been? If he recalled right, it had been a corner room. He remembered most of what the interior looked like. Black coated railings had been installed outside the window, and Tobi’s brother had sat him on the railings. The image of his brother smoking with his elbows leaned on the railings was burned into his mind.
Tobi came to a halt in the middle of a T junction, a manhole at his feet.
No matter which direction he looked, there was no view that stuck out in his memory.
It had been eight or nine years since then. Things could’ve changed during that time.
“How about it, Tobi?” Baku asked.
“Like I said—” Tobi tried to hold himself back with all his might.
“You are so annoying!”
It was no use. He couldn’t help yelling.
“...You don’t have to get so pissed. My bad, ok?”
Apologizing wasn’t like Baku either. Tobi sighed and turned on his heel. It was at that moment.
A blackened old concrete block wall caught his eye. Beyond the wall was a turn. A blackened dirty concrete block wall. A turn.
Strangely, it piqued his interest. Tobi tried to approach. Beyond the turn was a narrow alley, crammed on both sides with one and two story residential buildings. Potted plants lined the road, and the electric poles were terribly thin. The power cables hung overhead, as if to cover the alley. Tobi’s heart pounded as if it had leapt up.
“I passed through here……”
It was that day.
Tobi had run through this alley. He hadn’t been alone. His brother had been with him. His brother had led him by the hand. They’d been in a hurry. Had they been chased? That was it. Someone had been chasing him and his brother. They were running away. Why?
Why had they been chased? Did they not even have the time to consider such things? He wondered. He couldn’t remember. Had something happened? Had his brother explained it to him? Or perhaps, had his brother not understood either? At any rate they’d been running for their lives. That he was sure of.
There had been no signs of life. It had been dark. Probably not completely dark. The sun had been setting, or perhaps rising. One of the two.
The alley led to a somewhat wider road. Continuing to the right, there were shops with awnings installed; two shops on the right, one on the right. Tobi and his brother had probably run through this road.
It must have been quite painful. Tobi wasn’t running now, but his chest ached regardless.
Tobi must have whined countless times.
Onii-chan. I don’t think I can do it anymore. I can’t. It hurts. I can’t run anymore. Leave me behind.
His brother must have encouraged him.
Hang in there, Tobi. You can keep running. You can still run, Tobi.
That’s right.
I have to hang in there.
After all, he’s telling me to run. My brother is.
Passing through that road, he came to a street; this time lined with cobblestone, instead of asphalt. It was an old shopping street. Most of the shops had their shutters down. He didn’t remember this shuttered street. Had he taken a wrong turn?
That wasn’t it. It was the alley. They’d immediately entered the alley and passed through.
“It was here, wasn’t it, Tobi?” Baku presses.
Tobi didn’t respond. He thought it was here. No doubt about it. Really?
A lower class area. Was that what it was called? There were no conspicuous distinguishing features. To put it simply, it was an ordinary townscape. Had it really been here?
His brother had finally started carrying him. Tobi might have been crying then. That, or he’d fallen and couldn’t get up. That was it, he’d fallen here. His brother had picked him up and kept running.
“It’s alright, Tobi!”
His brother’s voice roused him.
He heard the sound of cars. In the distance, a red light turned on. “Shit!” his brother spat, seemingly about to turn back.
Most likely it hadn’t been one or two people chasing his brother and him. It was a lot.
“Stop,” a voice called out.
It was a man’s voice. It didn’t happen now. It was back then. But unconsciously, Tobi froze. To think he could remember it so clearly; It gave him the creeps.
Tobi had clung to his brother as he carried him, and probably closed his eyes. Surprised by the man’s threatening “Stop”, he’d opened his eyes.
The man stood there. He held something in both hands. He pointed the front end towards them. A loud noise rang out. A sound, like an explosion. It was a noise like striking a hard object. At the time, he hadn't known what that sound was. Thinking back on it now, hadn’t it been a gunshot?
The man had had a gun. He’d shot at him and his brother.
His brother had let out a cry and stumbled. At the time, Tobi couldn’t have imagined he’d been shot by a gun. But something had happened to his brother. If anything, even Tobi was sure of that.
But after that his brother had continued running while carrying Tobi. He was dragging one leg along. Clearly he’d been wounded. It seemed terribly painful.
How long had they been running away? It wasn’t several dozen seconds or a few minutes, was it? It’d been several dozen minutes, if not longer.
His brother had taken refuge in the alley between buildings. Before that, he’d let Tobi down. Or maybe, Tobi recalled, he’d asked to be let down. Anyhow, he was holding his brother’s hand. It was a terribly damp, rank, and dirty place. Overhead, several air conditioning outdoor units protruded like a roof, rumbling with noise.
His brother suddenly opened a door and shoved Tobi inside.
“Hide here.”
“But, onii-chan……”
“Stay here until I say it’s alright. Understand, Tobi? Promise me. Do not make a sound, under any circumstances.”
His brother was in the alley, and Tobi was indoors. His brother was about to close the door. Tobi was scared, and uneasy. If he did what his brother told him to, he’d become all alone. No way. He didn’t want to be alone. He wanted to be with his brother. He didn’t want to be separated.
But his brother was hurt. He seemed to be in pain. It must have been tough. He must’ve been at his limit; he couldn’t do it anymore. Tobi was dragging him down. He was being a burden.
He didn’t want to be apart and he didn't want to be alone, but he had to do as he was told. That was what he thought.
“Ok.”
As Tobi tried to nod, his brother brought his finger to his lips.
“Shhh.”
His brother’s face was partially—no, almost completely hidden from view. But somehow, at that moment, Tobi felt like his brother was smiling.
Tobi nodded again, this time silently.
His brother closed the door, and it was dark.
Tobi remembered that darkness.
It wasn't just dark. He felt like he could grasp the darkness in his hands. That darkness had weight to it. It wasn’t just too dark to see. The darkness blocked Tobi’s eyes, nose, and ears. If it covered his mouth as well, he wouldn’t be able to breathe. The darkness was even reaching inside him.
He felt like he was losing his mind, so he brought his ear close to the door, taking in the sounds from outside. The outdoor AC units were rumbling; hearing that sound brought a little relief. The darkness had not completely blocked Tobi’s ears.
Right away, he heard another sound. Was it footsteps? There was a violent noise.
After that, voices.
Someone was shouting. Was it his brother, or someone else?
Naturally, Tobi wanted to go outside. He gripped the doorknob in his hand, stopping himself moments before opening the door, time and time again.
Hide here. His brother had ordered.
Promise me. His brother had said, and Tobi had nodded.
He couldn’t break a promise to his brother. He couldn’t do such a thing.
But in the end, he was still scared.
He was unbearably scared, and he could do nothing but stifle his breathing in that suffocating darkness. Before he knew it, Tobi was crouching. He waited intently for his brother.
His brother was definitely coming back. Everything’s fine, it’s alright now, Tobi. he’d say. Tobi believed in his brother. He had no choice but to believe.
Beyond the darkness that covered him was most likely a staircase. The staircase continued, down, down. Till the depths of the earth.
From time to time, he felt as if there was something moving beyond the darkness. Each time, Tobi felt like he was going to scream. With all his might, he choked it down, and called for his brother in his heart.
Onii-chan.
Onii-chan.
Onii-chan.
Help me, onii-chan.
Come back, onii-chan.
Please come back quickly, onii-chan.
Please, I'm begging you, onii-chan.
Onii-chan.
Onii-chan.
Onii-chan.
I'm waiting right here. I promised to. I’ll do as you say, so please, onii-chan—
How many hours had he sat there trembling—sometimes dozing off, then waking up with a start—how long had he waited for his brother?
Three hours?
Was it four hours?
Ten hours?
More than that?
Half a day?
One day?
Could it have been two days?
Even longer?
“......”
Suddenly, the sound of the door opening came, and light poured in. It was dazzling. For a moment, his eyes stung. None of that mattered.
“Onii-chan!”
Tobi climbed up the stairs. The door was open. He got out. There was a stench, like a sewer. The alleyway was paved with concrete. The dirty, cracked concrete was stained red.
It was blood.
…was what he thought.
Whose blood is it? No way…
No way, is it my brother’s?
It couldn't be. Tobi was on the stairs leading to the pitch black underground. He was alone. Someone had opened the door. Who had opened it?
“Onii-chan”
That’s right. His brother. His brother had opened the door. That had to be it. His brother had returned. He’d come back for Tobi.
Tobi looked for his brother. He had to be here somewhere. If his brother had been the one to open the door, he must be right nearby.
“O—”
There. At the end of the alley, there stood a man. But that was—
Tobi shivered.
No.
That was not his brother.
The man faced towards Tobi. he was tall, and wore a hat. At the time Tobi hadn’t known what type of hat it was, but it was a top hat. The man wore a scarf, and a black long coat.
The problem was his face.
His eyes.
He only had one.
It wasn't that. It was nothing but eye.
A single eye.
That was the man’s face.
It wasn't like an eyeball. It was all eye. If he’d seen it correctly, the man’s face—the single eye—had blinked. That meant he had something like eyelids.
The one eyed man was carrying a bag or something on his shoulder. He didn't seem to be carrying anything else. At the very least, he wasn’t holding a gun. He wasn’t one of the guys chasing Tobi and his brother; he didn't seem to be part of that gang. At any rate, he had one eye.
In other words, he could be an even more dangerous, more terrifying, mysterious being. He only had one eye after all.
The one eyed man slowly removed the bag, and held it out towards Tobi. “Take it,” the action seemed to say.
Tobi quickly shook his head. The one eyed man was obviously strange, and he didn't remember ever seeing that bag. He couldn’t just accept such a thing offhandedly.
Eventually, the one eyed man bowed his head slightly. Then, he bent down and softly placed the bag on the ground.
The bag.
It was probably a bag.
It had a strap for you to carry on your shoulder. It was a large bag.
For the time being, Tobi stared at the bag.
When he came to, the one eyed man was gone. He was nowhere to be found; he’d disappeared. It was like he had never been there in the first place.
But there was proof.
The bag was left behind.
It was something the one eyed man had placed there.
“All because of him……”
Tobi suddenly wanted to cry.
It was all because of him, that one eyed man. Because he’d opened the door, Tobi had gone outside. Even though he’d promised to wait till his brother returned. Because of that one eyed man, Tobi had broken his promise to his brother.
Tobi had always been a crybaby. He often cried, for no good reason. Whenever Tobi started crying, his brother would hug him tightly. His brother never told him to stop crying.
“Cry, Tobi. Cry to your heart’s content.”
Remembering his brother’s words, his tears stopped for some reason.
Since then, Tobi hasn’t cried even once.
After much hesitation, Tobi picked up the bag left behind by the one eyed man. Picking it up, it felt quite light considering its size. Even back then at 5 years old, Tobi was able to sling it over his left shoulder like the one eyed man did.
Strangely, he no longer felt all alone.
The red stains continued out the alleyway.
“My brother’s hurt.”
Tobi was convinced.
The stains were his brother’s blood.
His brother might’ve tried to shake off his pursuers. He must've planned to return once he ensured their safety. But something had happened and he couldn’t come back.
In that case, Tobi would be the one to get to his brother.
“I have to look for him—”
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prev: cover/contents/illustrations // next: 1-1
1. back hip circle- this is a move where you kick your legs in front and circle backwards over the horizontal bar. it looks like this:
I imagine it'd be quite difficult to pull off one handed. nice skills, tobi.
2. Yuyake Koyake- in Japan this song is played as a signal that tells children it's time to go home.
miscellaneous- Tobi uses boku btw. his brother uses boku too. Baku uses ore.
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No.11
I really liked the colorful and cute chairs on the outskirts of the shopping street. I used to take a break here after buying sweets with my friends. I always subconsciously chose a green chair to sit on. As I sit here, I can hear people shopping at the nearby supermarket and the sounds of children playing. It was a place that made me think, "Who's sitting today...?"
No.12
There was a large square at the edge of town. Various events such as year-end countdowns and flea markets were held here. When I was in the lower grades of elementary school, I danced Mini Moni on the stage of a large truck during a countdown event. I didn't like the amazake that was handed out at that time, so I didn't drink it. And still no change I can't drink sweet sake. Even when there are no events, many children are playing in this place. An elementary school teacher once told me, "When you hear the sound of 'Yuyake Koyake' on the Panzamast disaster prevention radio, let's go home." In the past and now, children seemed to go home while the music was playing.
No.13
There is a park next to the square. There was a forest ahead, and once a month, an event for children called "Let's play" was held. When I was in elementary school, I always went to play with my younger brother, who was four years younger than me, after receiving flyers for school events. We played rope and ate marshmallows and bread baked over an open fire. I couldn't wait to eat raw bread and my stomach hurt. There are two elementary schools in the area, and children from different schools and grades gather. Even though we didn't know each other's names, we became friends while playing the same game. "Let's play" is still going on. I made precious memories here.
No.14
There was another big park next to the square, and it was very large without playground equipment. Many people call it by the nickname "Clover Park" instead of the official name (Matsuba Daini Neighborhood Park). I don't know where the name came from, but I have many memories of searching for clovers in this park. In spring, some people spread out leisure sheets and enjoy cherry blossom viewing under the cherry blossoms in full bloom. At the time of the summer festival, a tower was built in the center and many tents of stalls in the town were lined up around it. I was very moved to see so many people dancing Bon Odori. I also danced "Kashiwa Odori" and "Bahama Mama" at this place. As I was walking around taking pictures, I thought, "Everyone who lives in this town must have their own memories."
No.15
I looked down on the city from the footbridge near the park. My friend's house was connected to a large square, and I often went back and forth. The nearest station of private railway is around the building. I wanted to see a nostalgic scenery, so I decided to go by car with my mother.
No.16
The area around the station had changed so much that it lost all traces of the old days. It used to be a station, a shopping mall, and an apartment building, but now it is a modern shopping mall with izakayas, restaurants, and large bookstores under the elevated tracks. The regulating pond was named Aqua Terrace. Ten years have passed since my last visit, and it has become a well-maintained scenic spot. New private railway cars started operating, some looked familiar and some didn't. While watching the duck race leisurely, release the shutter so that the car you always ride is reflected. I parked my car and took a walk around the area with my mom. I made new memories and went home.
No.17
No.18
It was the first time I took a picture of the scenery from the window of the room. When I looked outside, I was always conscious of Mt. Tsukuba, which appears and disappears depending on the weather. Tsukuba is the mountain in Ibaraki Prefecture that appears in the lyrics of "Kashiwa Odori". Walking around the city, I honestly felt that Matsuba was my hometown. Home must be one. I thought so until now. But I have memories of other cities I've lived in, and I've come to think that maybe I can call them home. It doesn't have to be just one hometown. Not just where you were born, but where you grew up. By connecting memories and places, any piece of land becomes a home. When I thought so, I felt that the existence of my hometown was not something that tormented me, but something that was warm and important to me. The search for my hometown continues.
Ten years ago, I would have answered without hesitation, "Where is your hometown?" However, the more I moved, the more options I had. Chiba Prefecture, Saga Prefecture, Fukuoka Prefecture, Hyogo Prefecture, Kyoto Prefecture, Shiga Prefecture, etc. Looking at the scenery of memories and thinking about my hometown again, I came to think that there is no need to narrow down the answer to this question that I could not answer well until now. And when I finally found the answer within myself, I wanted to know the hometowns of various people other than myself. I think that each person has their own answer, such as the land they were born in, the land they grew up in, or the places they have visited several times.
From here, please tell us about your hometown and memories of your hometown. Please write the place you can call "hometown", the reason why you can call it "hometown", the country name, the prefecture or town, your favorite shops and places, memories, etc. in the post.
I will be moving for the 13th time at the end of this month. Even if it's not now, the day may come when you call your new hometown home. I think my hometown gives me the richness of the heart that makes me think so. It doesn't have to be just one hometown. By connecting various memories and places, any place becomes a home.
When I think so, I felt that the existence of my hometown is not something to suffer, but something warm and loving.
The town I'm walking through now is someone's hometown.
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