When I say enemies to lovers, enemies means they both fight back against each other. Actively opposing one another. Actively fighting back, actively competing, one upping each other, swiping resources from under each other's noses, sabotaging one another, hitting back just as hard as the one who struck first. Tit for tat. An eye for an eye.
I like the phrase enemies to lovers more than rivals to lovers because rivals doesn't feel as serious to me. To be someone's enemy is a deeper thing imo.
To me, enemies to lovers is the one I hate who hates me just as much becomes bearable somehow. Hate eventually turns to love (there's usually a stage that looks somewhat like friendship in there).
Me liking enemies to lovers is about the transition from hate to love and exploring the thin line and how they slip over the line. And I like when they retain some of that competitive fire in the established relationship but there are ways in which the edges have softened.
Abuser x abused ≠ Enemies to lovers
That's something else entirely and doesn't sound fun. That sounds awful to try and portray as an actual romantic dynamic and not a commentary against/cautionary tale. This would hurt me to read.
Annoyance x the annoyed ≠ Enemies to lovers
Asshole x the one the asshole keeps bothering ≠ Enemies to lovers
Would potentially piss me off depending on how much the asshole doesn't respect the autonomy of the one they're pestering
Bully x bullied ≠ Enemies to lovers.
Not in the slightest. That is something else. These are all something else. I don't think bully x victim can be wholesome at all unless there's a helluva lot of repentance. Silent Voice style where the bully is filled with self loathing over their actions and works to better themselves. Even then, the weight of the bully's actions are still a raw wound.
Random rant I wanted to get out because I have a WIP where I want to tackle the enemies to lovers dynamic, but in the way that I consider to be enemies to lovers. The comments I see saying enemies to lovers is abusive annoy me. I feel like an enemy is respected, in some sense. If only for the danger that they pose or acknowledgement of their power and prowess.
Optimus Prime is Megatron's enemy, humans and the other Autobots are mere bugs and annoyances to him. An enemy must be on equal footing.
No power dynamics!!
Still exploring and working out kinks, but in my story, they're both college students in space and our earthling protag Killian accidentally insults Halite, an alien from a warrior/battle culture. She is the one to strike first and consider them enemies but Killian fights back. Enemies soften into rivals, tentative acknowledgment of their similarities, you're somewhat bearable to be around, to I feel like you understand me. They both have battlelust in their veins.
Edit: I should add my distinction between enemies and rivals.
A rival wants to be better than you. Is constantly trying to get ahead.
An enemy wants to be the agent of your downfall.
I think, in this way, an enemy can either be more sinister or serious than a rival would. Rivalry is fuelled by superiority/inferiority complexes/wanting to be better, the best.
Enemy(ship? hood?) Being enemies is about the emotion hatred. Hatred fuelled perhaps by the threat they pose or by one's enemy as a person. You and your enemy are like oil and water, unable to be mixed because you are so different.
But then you find out you're both liquids. You can both be poured. Both of you can be used to cook. Friends? Lovers?
And hatred has a lot of similarities to love. To the point where it would be called adjacent, while love's opposite is indifference. Because someone indifferent feels absolutely nothing for you, while love and hate are intense, passionate emotions.
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Did a Tav based on my Skyrim girlie, the Breton ranger Scathach (named for the Scots warrior woman who trained Cuchulainn).
She's a little sawed-off shotgun of a woman who takes no shit, and she honestly inspires me to play better. All the characters love her and want a piece of her, and it's the farthest I've ever made it in Honor Mode (Isobel insisted on getting kidnapped and there were too many dumb ol' cursed vines.) Her preferred weapons are longbow and fuckoff massive hammer (in Skyrim, the Champion's Cudgel, which deals a different kind of damage each hit; she proposed to her husband after they killed the zombie general who drops it. They are big softies.)
She travels with her sexy Orc husband Ghorbash Iron-Hand, but we don't get to romance any orcs, so she had to settle for seeing him in her dreams. The nearest person who fits the bill is Lae'zel, who has less of Ghorbash's laid-back guard dog energy but all of his appreciation for a lady who can swing a big hammer.
Also, they share a very specific quote:
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