Part of me wishes I could be normal. I'm well out of my teens and have left behind my toxic ex/my Darling and am in a healthier relationship. I've been processing a lot of stuff through therapy that has really helped me get closer to my family and set boundaries, make time for friends that I really love having around and feel much more safe and secure in the things around me. And yet despite all this recovery I still can't help but desire yandere fulfillment. I can't help but still want to be noticed, followed, stalked just for being myself. I want to be someone's entire obsession and I can't help daydreaming about being wanted so much that they start killing my loved ones just to make me scared and dependent on them. As much as I try to be healthy and normal I just want to feel the intense love I've always wanted.,💘
I greatly admire your journey towards healing, and I am glad your life has improved from your past experiences as a result. I don’t think it is inherently unhealthy to want to receive obsessive love. People have “types” that are sometimes not good for them and desires that society finds taboo: that is relatively common. You describe wanting to be wanted intensely to the point of isolation. Seen completely for who you are- desired despite seeing your bad and hurt (with the stalking). Who doesn’t want to be wanted, understood, special?
I understand how it is frustrating to not be “normal” though and wish to experience a love that is safer. Often I wish I didn’t have yandere tendencies either, but it is a part of me, just as your desires are a part of you/your life experience, in a way.
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One of the things that annoys me the most about the MCU is how Disney's need to profit keeps kneecapping any potentially interesting theological developments in the story.
"The Norse gods are real!" Is a record scratching, astounding moment that throws reality up into a spin.
But Disney sells primarily to culturally monotheistic countries that get preeetty censor happy if you show to people of the "wrong" gender presentation kiss on screen, nevermind casually dismantling one of the cornerstones of modern theological dogma in large parts of the world. (But not universal. Remind yourself, forcefully, that monotheism isn't mainstream world wide. India and Japan, to name a few, are right fucking there, so really check yourself if you hear "polytheistic" and immediately thought of white wiccans being edgy tools on the internet.)
Literally every story is about super human, super powered creatures that fit the definition of godly or at least threaten to revise the cosmology of their in story universe...
And then they immediately roll it back, tone it down, make it BORING.
Thor and Loki aren't gods, lol, they're aliens! They can still die and it's meaningless when they do because it's not the death of a god, its just a dude that our primitive ancestors thought was divine because they didn't understand science!
Thanos is not the embodiment of ontologically self destructive divinity rebeling against his own role in the larger cogwork of the universe and desperately in love with the concept of Death because as an immortal god it is the one thing that will always be outside his grasp and understanding, and his tragedy isn't the other side of eldritch divinity, where the mundanity of life and it's ephemeral beauty are completely incomprehensible to him so all his efforts to court Death are doomed to failure from the start. Nah, fam. He's an ecofascist terrorist caricature with staggeringly tasteless implications in late 2010s, early 2020s, as the world is literally on fire and efforts to stop that from happening ARE being called ecofascist terrorism. Also he's like, a shitty dad and a caricature of the ultimate colonizer. But like, purple, so no white people get their feelings hurt.
Yeah.
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johnny would not have been a religious christian. LIKE he would believe in god but he would find no comfort in him at all imo
i rmr a panel saying that johnny believed that his fate was going to catch up to him. this isnt what a person who believes in a benevolent god would believe. the god who he envisions is cruel and allows evil to exist. he is angry at his god. and he believes that the sins that he has committed will catch up with him. his god will seek repentance from him through punishment. his god would not allow him to be happy to the end.
i think johnny would think of god more of as a bystander guilty of all atrocities and tragedies or like as a voyeur of human suffering. bc in his mind why else would his life be so riddled with tragedies (brother dying, him being shot, rinas illness, etc etc). it would also explain his self hatred bc he constantly believes that hes not good enough to turn himself around and fight against fate.
idk where i was going with this but yeah those are just my thoughts after reading a fic that characterized johnny has having absolute faith in his god who he thought would save him which i, the johnny joestar expert, thought was wrong but anw
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A Discussion Between A Pharaoh And His Ba
a/n: ba = eternal soul a.k.a cam accounts; ka = the current life/incarnation a.k.a the player; akh = a ka who has passed judgement and become one of the ancestors; the kingly ka = a soulspirit of Horus that each king bears and makes them half-divine.
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The season was coming to a close, and weariness sunk into my bones. The kind of tiredness you can't shake, that eats away at you. My hands refused to build anymore; the very thought of finishing one last room was beyond them. I'd grown very used to feeling like this. The old man had always struggled a little, but this felt … different. Perhaps the Pharaoh's magic had exacerbated things, I don't know. All I know is that the sunset was closing in, and perhaps, there was a different fate waiting for me.
Did I want to know the answers? Well, probably not, but when you have a curious mind, that isn't really something you consider. So, perhaps against my better judgement, I took counsel with my ba, my eternal soul, sitting in the room I would never finish, seeking some resolution.
He looked like me in many ways, except for the much larger wings instead of arms, and the clawed bird feet. He carried scrolls under his wings, and he didn't speak so much as have words emanate and vibrate through the air into my mind. He looked at me with pity, though I would never quite understand why.
You fear death, were his first words. But why fear death when you will simply respawn? You are essentially immortal. Death means nothing but a temporary inconvenience. So why does your heart falter?, my ba said.
He was right, of course. Was it even death anymore? It never really felt like death. Just a large chunk of pain that faded fairly quickly after respawn. There were no penalties for it. You never stayed dead. But I'd come to understand death very differently this season. Perhaps it was the Pharoah's powers, or the presence of the Kingly Ka burning bright in my soul, I don't know. Certainly having all the old Kings on speed dial was a strange experience. I had only become Pharaoh for the theming of the pyramid base. I never expected to get the power and legitimacy that came with it. Those old kings spoke of so many things, and kept saying they'd be waiting for me once it was time for me to go West.
Me? Join the Kingly Ka? Hah! No way. Not me. I'm just some guy, I'm no king. And yet… The idea that the Pharaoh would die, no, the fact that he would whether I liked it or not? Yeah, it scared me. Permanent death is scary! No one ever just… died and never came back. We always come back. Which death would be my last? Would this be the last world I ever played on? Would this be the last time I saw my friends?
The time for this ka is coming to a close. A new ka is soon to be born, my ba said.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.
This ka will be judged. This ka will become an akh. The ba will manifest a new ka. The old man's time is over. The fountain of youth is calling, my ba said.
"I'm going to become someone else? Is that what you're saying? I'm not sure I like that idea," I said.
The old man was already someone else. He served you well, but his time is up. There is nothing further he can do for you, my ba said.
"Wait, so I spend all this time building the Great Pyramid and this is how I'm rewarded? I just become someone else? Nah, no way. You have no power to do that to me," I said.
And yet, here I am. I am eternal. Death does not touch me. I will see all the lifetimes you lead whether you are aware of me or not, my ba said. Death beckons to the old man. It's okay. You can stop now. Your weary body can rest, my ba said.
I didn't reply as I took in the scope of his words. I did feel very tired and old, that's for sure. But the idea of just becoming someone else scared me. I didn't like to not be in control of that. I already knew who I was pretty well by now. I didn't want to have to do that all over again in a new body.
You can fight it if you want, but you'll have no choice in the end. The West beckons. It's time. Make your peace and come into the arms of the gods. All Pharaohs die, and you are not an exception, my ba said.
"But where will I go when I die? Into the void? Will I just be trapped there? I don't know if I want to be trapped in the void!" I said.
Your heart will be weighed against the feather of Ma'at, and that will decide your fate. Could be tricky, we both know the evils you've done in the name of greed. Your hands are stained with blood. Let's hope you have done enough good to balance out the bad, my ba said.
The Vex hissed angrily at my ba's accusations, but he was right. If I was brutally honest, getting other Hermits to fight a war for us and then selling them the weapons in which to do so, was definitely not up there with a good thing to have done. The Vex, too, were hardly nice. That's when I realised I might be in some kind of trouble, and in my panic, returned to my consciousess, not wishing to hear my ba's counsel on that particular point.
I shouldn't have asked. I should have just remained ignorant. Let things pan out however they wanted to pan out. But now that I know, I feel helpless. Ba, please, spare me from the Lake of Fire. Heart, speak true and do not betray me! Gods, spare me from the jaws of Ammit!
Oh, I really shouldn't have asked. I have had no sleep for a week, too scared to go to bed in case I never wake up. But the season's winding down fast, there's not much time left. The sun sits just above the western horizon. And yet, I am paralysed with fear. I will put my affairs in order while I still can, but… I didn't build a tomb in this pyramid for nothing. The guardian I left in there may become my executioner. The old man will rest here for all eternity. Who knows who I will become? Only my ba knows that, and I'm not sure I want to know this time.
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Website : https://www.trentdeestephens.com/
Trent Dee Stephens, PhD, is an author who intricately weaves scientific principles with religious concepts. His books and website content delve into the harmonious relationship between science and religion, offering readers a unique perspective on understanding these fields in unison. As an experienced biologist and a person of faith, Stephens provides enriching content that appeals to those curious about the intersection of science, religion, and philosophy.
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