#THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE APOLOGISING FOR AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT.

[ahockeywrites]

the service

pairing: aurelia mcavoy x trent frederic word count: 2.5k warnings: swearing, it’s my fic, there’s always swearing authors note: hello and welcome to another series that I hope I can finish (lol). hope you all enjoy!

Trent pushed open the door to the garage, feeling as though he was somewhere that he shouldn’t be. Charlie had recommended this garage as it had the best reviews for Porsche maintenance and was where he took his car. But it didn’t seem right. All he had to do was see if ‘Peanut’ worked here and if he did, then he would know if he was in the right place.

A gruff looking man with white hair and a long beard sat behind the counter and now Trent felt as though he really shouldn’t be here.

“Charlie McAvoy said I should come here for my car’s service?” He weakly asked, really feeling as though he was in the complete wrong part of town.

“Freddy with a Porsche?” He man behind the desk asked, after flicking through a few pages of the large diary that sat in front of him.

Trent nodded, feeling slightly more relaxed that be was definitely in the right place and that Charlie hadn’t sent him on a wild goose chase around the city. That wouldn’t be the craziest thing to happen to him. 

When he was a rookie in Providence, the older players told him that they were having after game drinks at a bar. A bar that didn’t exist in Rhode Island. It was in California. Trent was pissed but ended up channeling his anger into a fight in the following game.

“Peanut will be with you in a moment, they’re just finishing up on a vintage 911,” the man explained.

Fuck, a vintage 911. How Trent wished he could own one of them but the upkeep on it would be more than he could handle. Especially when he had no clue about cars. But fuck, if he knew someone who knew their way around a car, his first purchase would be a vintage 911.

“Okay,” Trent replied, swinging his car keys around his finger as he wandered over to the notice board on the other side of the reception. The Bruins key ring hit against the plastic of his car key as he kept himself distracted waiting for Peanut.

“Freddy with a Porsche Cayenne?” A distinctly feminine voice with a strong Boston accent called out into the reception. Trent looked around, realised he was the only person in the room and then figured out that it was for him. 

“That’s me,” he replied, spinning around to be greeted with a short woman with an imposing stature. Her dark hair was tied up in a ponytail behind her and Trent had no inclination of who she was except for the name Peanut. That surely couldn’t have been her name. But it was the name that was stitched into her dark blue overalls. 

“I’m Aurelia but everyone here calls me Peanut. You met Gramps,” she pointed at the older man sat behind the counter, who offered Trent a wave. “It’s dad and I who are working today but occasionally you’ll get Adam who’s my brother working when he’s not at collage.”

Trent just nodded, that was more of an info dump that he expected from his mechanic but it really did feel like a family run business the way they treated him.

“Sorry for the run down,” Peanut apologised,  most people here are regulars and know all of us. But you’re new, so you get the speed rundown. So, your Cayenne, what we needing for it?”

The hockey player thought for a moment. Why did he actually come here again? Oh crap yeah.

“Just a yearly service,” Trent got out, slightly in awe of the pretty girl standing in front of him. She was beautiful, he hoped that Charlie hadn’t mentioned this garage to any of the other players as he wanted to call dibs on her. Well, if that was still a thing that people did.

“I can’t sweet talk you into an engine upgrade, car wrap or new rims?” Peanut giggled as she headed out to the front where Trent had parked his car.  

You could sweet talk me into anything, he thought but did say that. He just apologised and reaffirmed his need for a service and nothing else. 

Peanut shook her head in mock disgust. “Damn, I always try that with the cute ones and it never works,” she laughed once more as she squatted down to look at the brake discs and callipers for a quick first inspection. “Left hand side looks good, from first glance but let me check the right.” 

Peanut zipped around to the other side and did the same tyre and brake check confirming her initial thoughts that there probably wouldn’t be anything wrong with them. 

“Looks like you don’t need new tyres but I can’t confirm that until I properly check them,” Peanut smiled. “So I’ll just need your keys and it should be a few hours.”

“Sounds good, do you need my number?” Trent asked, not realising how it sounded.

“Well,” Peanut raised an eyebrow, “my personal phone is missing the number of an attractive Porsche driver.” 

A faint blush tinted the hockey player’s cheeks as it clicked in his head what he said and how it could be interpreted.

“Not like that,” he quickly backtracked, not wanting to make it seem as though he wasn’t interested but he was. He had placed himself in a sticky situation.

“Don’t worry,” Peanut explained. “Gramps will take your details before I drive it around the back. He’ll also explain how much it’ll cost. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to move my car out of the way.”

Peanut skipped back to the garage and opened the roller shutter doors. A white Porsche 911 Carrera from 1973 backed out of the opening and the same person who he was envious of earlier happened to be Peanut as she reversed out of the garage and into a spot on the side of the road.

She jumped out of the driver’s side door and invited Trent back inside to fill in all the paperwork that they needed before they could get started on servicing the car. 

“Right, I’ll leave you with Gramps to get all the boring stuff sorted and I’ll be in the back, see you later!” Peanut waved and stormed through the door at a speed that had Trent concerned for the door.

“Don’t worry about my granddaughter, she’s always had this sort of energy,” the man that Peanut called Gramps explained. “That will be 300 dollars for the service and if Peanut finds anything else, it’s labour hours plus parts. All good?”

Trent nodded again before handing his keys over to Gramps and calling an Uber to take him back.

“You’ll call me when it’s good to pick up, yeah?” Trent asked, just making sure that he knew what was going on.

“Sure thing,” Gramps replied. “Should be done sometime this afternoon, provided no hiccups.” Trent nodded in appreciation before making his way outside to jump in the Uber to head back to his place.

Trent sat in front of his monitor, playing a solo game. He didn’t want to risk being involved in an online game with some of his teammates when he got the call to pick up his car. He felt limited in what he could do as Tuesday afternoons were usually the days he went food shopping, as long as he was in the city and not on a road trip. It was a slight change to his routine.

The doorbell went and Trent paused. He wasn’t expecting anyone or any deliveries so it must have been one of the guys. But why would any of them be visiting him on a random Tuesday afternoon?

He stood up and walked across to look through the peephole. Charlie was stood outside his door, hands in his pockets looking awkward. Trent had no idea why the defenceman was at his apartment when he knew Trent’s car was at the shop.

Trent opened the door and Charlie barrelled his way into the Boston apartment. He walked straight over to the kitchen, grabbed a glass for himself, filled it with water and drank the whole thing in one go. Water dripped from Charlie’s mouth but he quickly used his sleeve to wipe it away.

“You okay?” Trent asked, very confused as to what had just happened.

“Please tell me why my cousin just called me to say that Fit Freddy’s car is ready and that I should bring him to the garage?” Charlie growled, slightly concerned at what Aurelia had said on the phone. “And why she really wants your number?”

“It might help if I knew who your cousin is?” Trent replied, trying to make sense of the situation. He was racking his head to see if he knew an Aurelia. 

“Aurelia McAvoy, short, dark hair, sounds like she was raised in a barn?” Charlie explained, hands flailing around as though he couldn’t keep control of them. “You know, the cousin I consider a younger sister?”

Trent still looked confused. He didn’t know any Aurelia McAvoy… wait…

“You mean the mechanic?” Trent questioned. “Your cousin is Peanut?”

“Yes!” Charlie exclaimed. “My cousin is Aurelia. You went to my grandfather’s garage and my cousin is the one who has fixed up your car and supposedly given you the friends and family discount that no one outside of the actual family gets?”

Trent could see steam coming out of his teammates ears as he tried to make sense of the situation and also diffuse it. Playing mediator wasn’t his usual role on the team but he needed to today.

“Charlie,” Trent started, “I don’t know why she said that but if my car is ready to pick up. Maybe we should go and grab that.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Charlie responded before grabbing his keys from his pocket. “Let’s head out, see if Gramps can explain what’s going on. Fucking hope he can.”

The drive to the suburbs was painful for both hockey players. Charlie was still fuming that Trent had been flirting with his cousin, he couldn’t have Aurelia dating one of his teammates. As much as he loved his teammates, he did not want any of them dating someone he considered a second sister. Aurelia could absolutely deal with one of the Bruins, but she deserved better in his head. 

Trent was slightly annoyed that Charlie thought he was flirting with his cousin. He didn’t intend to flirt with her and if he did, he was only responding to her flirting. Maybe she flirted with all the customers to try and get as many extras sorted as possible. That had to be it. She must also have been riling up Charlie. This could be one of the things they did growing up and Trent was now just a pawn in their game. 

The drive was quiet, just the sounds of a local radio station in the background. But Trent could see that Charlie’s ears were still red so he was still angry. 

Charlie turned the steering wheel and parked up outside the garage. He had tried to use the drive to calm down but it really didn’t help. It didn’t help when the recipient of his anger was in the enclosed space with him.

“Let’s get this shit over with,” he muttered under his breath before opening his door and then slamming it shut. Trent followed suit but didn’t use the same amount of force as his counterpart. 

Charlie stormed his way into the reception area of the garage and Trent was hot on his heels. He just wanted his car back, he didn’t want to get in the middle of a McAvoy family argument, but it seemed like he would.

Aurelia looked up from over the counter to see her cousin looking at her with angry looking eyes. Crap, she thought, have I gone too far with this one? It was no secret that she fancied Trent, but it was something she didn’t want to share with Charlie as his rule since he started playing hockey was that she couldn’t date any of his teammates or opponents. Which she understood at the start when they were all teenagers. 

But then he started playing in the big leagues. And he was playing against Mat Barzal, Nathan MacKinnon and Sidney Crosby. The latter was the first player that Aurelia had on her wall when she used to play hockey, before she moved onto racing cars. 

But Trent was Charlie’s teammate. One of Charlie’s friends. Charlie was the one who took Trent under his wing and showed him around the city. Trent was also the only teammate who Charlie had sent to her garage. Well, Patrice Bergeron had also been there, but he was no longer a teammate to her cousin.

“What can I do for you, dear Charles?” Aurelia asked as she stood up, spinning Trent’s car keys on her index finger, just to provoke her cousin slightly more. 

“Trent is here for his car,” Charlie pointed to the forward standing next to him. “Gramps can show him the car. You and I need a little chat.” Aurelia rolled her eyes but handed the keys across to Gramps who took Trent out to the back to explain the costs and how much he owed.

It was silent and the tension between Charlie and Aurelia was high.

“Peanut,” Charlie groaned as he ran a hand through his locks. “Please tell me you didn’t give him a friends and family discount?”

“What if I did?” She retaliated before popping a piece of chewing gum into her mouth. “He’s a friend of yours, so he’s a friend of mine. You didn’t get like this when I gave the discount to Bergy?”

“You gave the discount to Bergy?” Charlie questioned. “That’s the first I’ve heard of this.”

“Whoops,” Aurelia shrugged. “So what, I’ve had a crush on Freddy since he fought Tanev. Makes sense I’d give the guy I fancy a discount, right?”

“Fucks sake,” Charlie had to sit down to control himself. “You fancy Freddy? That’s breaking rule one.”

“No,” countered Aurelia. “Breaking rule one would be if I started dating him.” She blew a large bubble with the gum in her mouth. “Today is the first time I’ve met him. Did I flirt with him? Yes, I mean who wouldn’t. Would I date him? If you let me get to know him, yes.”

Charlie opened his mouth to speak but Aurelia raised his hand to shut him up.

“But do I trust your opinion and reasoning as to why you don’t want me dating your teammates? Yeah, I do.” 

Charlie understood where Aurelia was coming from. She wasn’t the young girl he remembered. She was 25 now. Ran the family business and had a successful racing career on the side. 

“Peanut,” Charlie started. “I just wanna protect you. I won’t give you Freddy’s number just yet.” To that she rolled her eyes. “But if a load of us are hanging out with our partners and you’re free, I’ll invite you. How does that sound?”

“Significantly better than keeping me in my own bubble,” she replied. “Can I go and get Freddy sorted now? And can you fuck off until family dinner.”

“You got it peanut, just don’t make too many mistakes.”

Aurelia saluted before tacking her cousin before he was ready and took him down to the ground.

“Pfft,” she exclaimed. “NHL defender my ass.”

#ahockeywrites #trent x aurelia #nhl imagine #hockey writing #nhl fic #hockey fic #hockey story #nhl fanfiction #nhl writing #trent frederic fic

[krispiecake]

currently thinking about how when i told my dad to tell my mother i would not be speaking to her until she apologised she just. straight up stopped even trying to contact me. like, not even a text. absolutely insane how much this woman refuses to admit that maybe she was wrong about how she handles some things. she cannot swallow her pride to even do this one really small basic show of respect. fucking mental.

#like…… i think she said ‘im sorry it came out rude’ right after it happened but. GIRL. #THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE APOLOGISING FOR AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT. #she knows full well that what she said was inappropriate invalidating triggering and insulting #AND that i have repeatedly asked her NOT to say it over the past few years. #and yet she just says ‘sorry it came out rude’???? like not ‘im sorry i said that’ not ‘i was wrong and insulting and disrespectful of ur #boundries that youve had in place for years now’ #and like she keeps doing this again and again and again with so many fucking things #she just has no respect for my mental health issues or who i am or like just me as a person #its near constant. shes always subtly calling me dramatic and ridiculous and telling me that im stupid and that its all my fault #but the moment i try to bring up anything like this to her just just yells #and goes ‘oh i get it im a horrible mum well i tried my best and i put in so much work’ ect ect ect #like i was sharing with her biosocial theory and how i think that bcause we have never different ways of regulating out emotions #it meant i was never taught to do it properly/in a way that works for me and that combined with my autism and my trauma likely led to my bpd #and when i tried to explain that it wasnt anyones fault its just that we’re different ppl and there was no way she couldve knows #she was like ‘ohhhh so its MY fault? hm? I’M the reason youre like this!?’ #and she looks down on me so fucking much for my ed and for sh and really just for any symptoms i show bc #why cant i deal with things properly like HER. #idk its so exhausting like i just want a proper apology from my own fucking mother but no. #shes doing the exact same thing that she berates and mocks and looks down on me for. #ugh i feel like screaming

[cinnamon-phrog]

A mutual reblogged a pr*ship post and their dni is now neutral. Unfallowed. Bolcked.

#see if i joke i don't CHOKE. on my tears. because this just keeps happening #i'm so scared to interact with mutuals for this exact reason #most i've made have either left me. became toxic over minor differences or become a degenerate. #which is sad because i really enjoyed this friend and all those friends before they or i cut ties #but this kind of shit is unforgivable to me. i've had bad experiences with a friend turning out to be a pr*shipper #everyone flocked to me to fix their traumas but i had talked to that person often. it hurt a lot. they harassed people who harassed them #i was only 15. and i was threatened but what the hell is a sheltered kid SUPPOSED to do back. i wasn't taught shit #people in their fucking 20's were trauma dumping to me in dms and sadly still go to me when they catch wind of this person- #'i need support' you need to get offline. please. just block and ignore. i'm tired. #i should not have had to be babysitting adults and older teens when i didn't know what half those words were at the time. #months ago i did something stupid when i was at my limit and mirrored the pettiness i saw. i was told i would drive someone to suicide. #over saying the person was a bit mean and bringing up some posts i thought they made #i did apologise when i got it wrong. but got threatened with the person possibly killing themselves in my inbox. #this person and the pr*ship person were famously at eachothers' throats #i do not stand by the pr*ship persons' actions. their opinions on the other person were honestly right though. the only thing i agree with. #once again i complain about proshits and gatekeeps. the two are almost as bad as eachother to me #or at least two awful sides that have affected me and my ability to make friends online. #so that's what this remined me of.

[crownedwille]

I have to say - Wilhelm going from disowning August, saying he will never forgive him or let him take over, to him actually being okay with that and basically giving it over to August was not the character growth and development I wanted to see

#yrtalk #if you like that part then please look away now and don't interact #i'm not even an august hater i can appreciate him as a complex complicated character that he is #but i still absolutely don't want him as k*ng and get away with releasing that video #he barely received a punishment for that and I want the public to know about it #being king is not the 'punishment' i want for him and someone who did what he did should never even get the chance to have that #the fact that they're presenting it that in the future august would be king who has violated the former crown prince's privacy and #is responsible for that 'scandal' destroying two people's lives #one of them being the fucking prince!! - it just irks me so much i hate it #and i can't be okay with wille being okay with it #i refuse #and i really don't need people trying to tell me why this was actually important and needed. idc i don't want it #i like where wille and august ended up in the end and that august actually apologised but i still don't think wille should forgive him #wilhelm #august #s3 #young royals

[softshuji]

Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.

#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting #married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they' #think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i #said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with #a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive #ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could #talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed #i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man #and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in #front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?” #not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love #or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than #they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw #im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation. #and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down” #and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the #kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off #somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it. #my obligations are to god and myself and that's it #and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already #and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone #else has and that's it. #im done. #and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse. #i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit #and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding. #is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these #decision's for me? #ruined my whole day.

[hailsatanacab]

Chapters: 6/? Fandom: Danny Phantom, Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Danny Fenton & Damian Wayne, Batfamily Members & Danny Fenton Characters: Danny Fenton, Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth Additional Tags: Good Sibling Damian Wayne, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Danny Fenton and Damian Wayne are Twins, Danny Fenton Needs A Hug, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Not Phantom Planet Compliant (Danny Phantom), Bad Parents Jack and Maddie Fenton, Gun Violence, Blood and Violence, Gunshot Wounds, Mugging, Medical Torture, Vivisection Summary:

“If you ever find yourself in danger, go to Bruce Wayne. He will help you.”

His mother had loved him, in her own way. If she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have helped him escape. If she hadn’t, she would have dragged him back to the League of Assassins, to Grandfather. If she hadn’t, he’d be dead.

She loved him, but she loved the League more.

Jack and Maddie Fenton loved him too, they did, but they loved their work more.

They loved their work more.

--

After his parents react poorly to his reveal, Danny escapes to the only person he thinks can help him - Bruce Wayne. He doesn't know what to expect when he gets there, but it has to be better than where he is, surely? He certainly doesn't expect to be reunited with his long lost twin brother Damian. It's funny how things work out that way.

Danny is 16 years old, not Phantom Planet compliant.

---

Chapter 6!! Chapter 6!! Chapter 6!!

#dp x dc #dpdc #danny phantom #batman #dp dc #guys i've eaten so many maoams today i feel sick #by today i mean in the last hour and by so many i mean four #which isn't a lot in either direction but also they're so sweet #tasty tho #love em #uh idk how people are going to like this chapter - nothing much happens in it #i fucking love dream sequences guys #and i will not apologise for that #you're all just gonna have to live with it #i am filling every fic i write with a nightmare and you can't do shit #nightmares for all! #anyway i'm gonna eat some more maoams #or should i eat fruitella instead?? #my brother got pick and mix guys and he very kindyl gave me some #you know what i loved and what is just never about any more??? #chewits #that funky little dinosaur dragon thing #loved chewits #what's your favourite maoam flavuor? #mine's cherry #ANYWAY GUYS I LOVE YOU LL PLEASE ENJOY THE FIC #can you tell i'm lonely i ramble so much in these tags lmao

[arsonist-chicken]

Do you ever like.. get a sudden surge of love and admiration and just general happiness because of a friend, so much so that it's almost overwhelming, and you are just so, so glad you met them and hope you'll never have to let them go and get to keep them in your life forever? Yeah ❤️💖🐗🧚‍♂️🦄

#i should go to sleep #but these are the moments i wonder again if i know what a crush feels like and if i can tell the difference between periodical very strong #but platonic affection for a friend and having a tiny crush on them #oh well. in the end does it matter? #but it would still be nice to be able to tell the difference. if nothing else then to know when i actually have a crush on someone i'm not #that close to like that friend or that fond of #fucking hell god please never let me have to let them go. i don't think i've ever met someone i'm that comfortable around and around whom #it's so easy to just be myself #or rarely. maybe with two other friends i don't feel the need to hold back myself from blurting stuff out and interrupting them and #apologising and asking them to continue or just like.. say whatever comes to mind or touch electric pasture fences to see if it still stings #(it does btw but in a sensorally really nice way 10/10 would recommend) #why do amazing people often live so damn far away? last time i met a bunch of people i really got to love was almost lifesaving and #definitely mental health saving. we used to talk every day and now i barely know what any of them are up to :( covid really fucked us over #with everyone just trying to survive and stay sane. we really lost touch and now it #*it's hard to get that back because we're strewn across europe and brasil and the us and everyone's an adult with responsibilities now #i miss them :( gotta try harder to rekindle that #anyway @the universe or whatever fuckers listening: if you put me in circumstances that make me lose touch with her like with them #i'll set the world on fire. she's become far too important to me to let that happen #okay as always i couldn't damn shut up in the tags alright bye bye good night whatever my cat's purring now instead of snoring #scientists of tumblr invent a teleportation machine now. i want to lie in a park and watch dogs and read side by side and remember how good #life can be #mine

[dirt-str1der]

Self shipping is always the morally correct thing to do

#Listen to my problems #sometimes self shipping includes the slow and painful process of getting killed over amd over by your f/o thats okay youll get him #eventually. orrr herrrrr (motivational speaker voice). #let me think hm theres been three guys ive loved enough to be this crazy over. self shipping is always correct #if youre not self shipping thats okay but if you want to you should you should draw yourself vivisecting him while hes squealin and giggling #you should write about the two of you biting eavh other until you hit bone you should literally kill him with a knife and them cry over the #body and then bring him back to life and do it again just so you can cry over the body again #you have to grip him by the shoulders and spit in his fave and use all the things he trusted you with against him and you have to make him #hate you you have to make him unable to forgive you then you have to make him forgive you then you have to apologise to him #and then. ohh and then you hit him with all that shit again but make sure you quick save before that because he might not forgive you again #you need to make him swallow pennies before getting into the mri machine and you need yo tell him that itll be okay smd you both know hes #going to explode but he does it anyway because he knows youre going to bring him back and he fucking loves it he wants to do it #oh he doesnt just love it hes addicted to it he wants it to happen and youll make it happen for him youll force it to happen even if hes #begging you not to do it again you can make him do anything you want. you can make him hate you if you want. if thats what he likes. you can #do it for him and you can do it for yourself and you can do it even if you both dont want it to happen you can make him get on his knees and #beg and then you can do it anyway and you can make him so angry that he hurts you right back and you can let him end it and after that you #can do it all over again if you really wanted to ... anyway you self ship to scratch an itch i self ship to scratch an itch everybody wants #different things out of the fiction they consume .. we should get more character reacts when you say youre pregnant but kiryu would be like #um. (blushes) wait is it mine ? <- and you can tell him anything and he’d have to believe it #god i need to go to bed ... wish i was playing yakuza rn ......

[antisocialgaycat]

.

#do you ever feel like you have to say sorry to someone #not cos youve done or said anything to them #or cos youve ignored them #or anything #but cos you feel like youve done something wrong #but ur not sure what #except you feel like you should know #so you feel like its ur fault #and that you have to apologise #and then you think about it for a while #and you realise that its cos u love them #and then you feel bad about that #even if its just platonically #and you feel like they shouldnt have to deal with that #even though you know that theyre one of your closest friends #so you think about it more #and more #and then start thinking about love in general #and then that leads to the general feeling of 'fuck im broken and can't love anyone' #which just goes with the territory of being #asexual #and then youre like but i do love people #and then you go have a little gay crisis abt that #and then you get a message from one of ur friends going 'lele are you alright cos you left all the group chats' #and you have to respond that 'lol im fine just tired yk' cos you dont want to seem like a burden #no one else feels like that? #must be just me then lols #rant #just a load of garbage #kind of screaming into the void here

[luxraydyne]

pop quiz what breed of childhood trauma borne neuroticism is it called when being condescended to on just the most neutral, limpid, nothing thoughts you express like you’re a little silly child, or “out of your depth”, or woefully misinformed, or just speaking on something you shouldn’t cause fuckin hell you’re doing it *wrong*, and with the most plainly obvious remark too, makes you want to chew on your own arm until you reach bone marrow

#i hate internet discourse i hate internet discourse i loathe online Big Fandom it makes me come out in hives #i'm not stupid. i'm NOT stupid. i know this. i'm not being mean and nasty and bitchy either. just saying shit wrong. #siiigh i don't want to just stop making shit and like speaking. about stuff. on the internet. but like also. why would you? #there are exceptions (who i hope would recognise themselves if not i apologise) but largely i am more miserable #and more self destructive more regularly since stepping out of anonymity and engaging with people online #except animal crossing. like everyone i've interacted with through acnh has been. really Nice tbh. which is nuts lol #the stories you hear are almost universally bad and yet everyone i've chatted with albeit briefly has been so nice #i get anxiety over whether or not some stranger i'm never gonna meet thinks i'm an imbecile or not like how stupid is that? it's ridiculous #my self esteem has somehow gone backwards??? #it don't fuckin matter! proving a relative nobody wrong and keeping her in her place don't matter! i mean it's daft but what's the point #and i know i need to internalise that i KNOW but damn it's hard #i want to just say fuck it and leave. become like a fandom esque zombie or whatever. but i also want autonomy over what i've produced now #unless i just delete all that too ig #but why should i!! #i go through this cycle every month it's like having an extra self-loathing hormone #if you're super attached to something w my username on it just download it for yourself you have my blessing give urself peace of mind lol #in principle i want to ghost and all of a sudden i'm am unperceivable and none of it's my damn problem any more lmao #but then i'm too bullish and prideful and egotistical so i'm like 'bbbut my seven tumblr followers who always like my silly text posts uwu' #i'm the dw in this scenario. the sign says 'just leave you're a nuisance' and i'm looking right at it like 'he he. no <3' #even if just doing what the signs says would definitely go some way to help with not wanting to just perish. or the arm chewing thing. #i just. simply. think. i would like to know. what it is i have done specifically #i know the answer is somewhere between nonexistent and nonsensical like it's not worth thinking about #what i've done is exist in a way that is arbitrarily deemed stupid/distasteful/ugly/deviant/noisy/irriating/etc it's irrelevant #and yet. there is a burning black void of needing to know in me. anon hate get into my dms tell me why you dislike me so #nothing is scarier. is the phraseology #like a game of wackamole with every utterance. is this one gonna get bapped with the hammer of 'you are so wrong'? why? does it matter? #who knows....it is a mystery...... #i matter so little! i have 50 followers! two (2) ppl read the fanfic and thought it was 'aight! i don't matter! i am such a tiny fish! #what is even the point just leave me be no one cares! #i *could* redirect this hysterical existential horror energy into my original work. i *should* do that

[howlinchickhowl]

if you cannot afford to run your business if your employees are being paid a fair wage then your business is not sustainable.

making less profit is not the same thing as making a loss. it is perfectly within your power as the company to keep prices what they are, pay your staff what they deserve and still maintain a VERY healthy profit margin. the problem is not the workers. the problem is not covid. the problem is that your corporation has bought into the myth that the only measure of success is growth, when it should be that the only measure of success should be did you provide a good and valuable service and would people choose to use amd pay for your service if they weren't in a chokehold with no other options.

MAKE LESS PROFIT. save the world.

#sigh #i am. angry today. #soecifically about the way the representatives of the rail unions are being spoken to during tv interviews #like they alone are the cause of inflation and if they would just shut up about it and take what they're given for the good of the country #everyone would much prefer it #i am particularly enraged by the mp who told mick lynch that he should apologise to veterans #for reasons i didnt quite understand #first off. as if this is america where the mere mention of someone being a veteran should cow everyone into submission #because they 'fought for us' #fought for who?? they didnt fucking fight for me i'll tell you that much right the fuck now #you choose to go to the army it's not out of some grand desire to serve your fellow man #i dont owe you fuck all for doing a job you volunteered for and got paid for #but also as though the need of a veteran to get somewhere on the train is somehow so much more vital than the need of any other person #seriously just fuck off with that bullshit #but finally. has anyone told the railway bosses to apologise to veterans? i dont know but i bet you cash money they havent #has anyone told them that THEY are causing inflation by raising prices when they DONT NEED TO just because they can #and simultaneously claiming they cant afford to pay railway staff because of decreased passenger numbers #and funds being tied up in modernisation works many of which are already complete and not needed #has anyone told them that THEY could do the responsible thing and just NOT MAKE AS MUCH PROFIT???? #i dont know if they have but they havent done it on tv that's for sure. #ok sorry i know this was pointless feel free to ignore me im just venting because i can't watch the news any more without wanting to scream

[vilelittlecritter]

I hate when I'm trying to enjoy something and then I turn around and there's a hoard of gatekeeping assholes going

"THAT PERSON ACTUALLY SAID SOMETHING SUPER CONTROVERSIAL 8 YEARS AGO AND IF YOU LIKE THEIR CONTENT YOU SHOULD GO STRAIGHT TO HELL BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES YOU AND YOUR INTERESTS ARE SHIT"

Like nice as if I wasn't already self conscious about letting myself just enjoy a piece of media which has helped me cope through my increasingly declining mental health because I'm scared of coming across as "cringe" or "weird" because I've forced myself into this mindset that I need to constantly be super mature which has led me to just straight up not be able to just enjoy doing things.

I'm tired, feel nauseous and angry and I just want to enjoy something and not feel like I shouldn't enjoy it at all.

#this is indeed about omori #like sure if omocat has done some horrible shit recently that's fair but if they did i can just enjoy the game but not support them #i play omori on gamepass so im not exactly paying them im paying Microsoft. i could be wrong about how that works but still #and even then as far as i know the worst they've done is some weird tweets from like 2011 which they got called out on at the time #and when they did they apologised and again as far as i know they haven't done anything like it since #you know i could be talking out my ass and i probably am but im just upset okay #i love omori and its been a coping mechanism for me while ive been dealing with my mental health and seeing it get bashed kinda hurts #of course im not saying if you dont like the game or omocat you should feel bad. absolutely not if tou have an opinion on omori thats fine #its just some people just go way to far with it and it makes me feel like i should feel bad about just enjoying a game #why the fuck am i writing this. nothing im saying is making sense and i just sound dumb ass fuck #you know what fuck this post if your reading it please fo do something better with your time im just having a dumb ass moment

[blackkat15]

Tfw your mum cares more about her cat than her own kid.

#kat says stuff #kind of a vent #her cat is on a feeding tube rn #we have to hold her down so we can feed her #i didn’t hold her properly bc I didn't know how and then she went on a rant about how lazy and selfish I am #i stood there mute bc no matter what I say she will not fucking listen or apologise #AT LEAST I FUCKING TRIED YOU BITCH!! #WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! #first she told me to kill myself on my own time and now she gets pissed when I can't hold her anorexic cat correctly #the “you should kys on your own time” was after my diabetes diagnosis

[lovecrazedpup]

when my friend is at work so i cant cry in call with him !

#ngl i genuinely cant find the energy to cry . im just making issues again man its so fucking stupid . i should just kill myself #he doesnt love me and he never will and hes fucking busy playing games with other people because im constantly crying and upset #and its like he doesnt care !!!!!! who do i even talk to anymore bc this is . awful #im trying so hard . i really am but fuck when everything is going through my mind its just #i just want to apologise forever but i dont know how to show that im actually sorry #like at least my ex was straight forward with how to apologise ?? it was just 'send me photos of your cuts and i know youre sorry' #but obviously i cant do that now LMAO #maybe its better if i just message out my thoughts and send them to him but its also like . its so obvious you dont want to talk to me #me : *nearly crying and about to try and explain why im going to kms* him : awful timing but i need to leave haha i will call you back ??? #like im sorry but dont even bother calling me back :) #ive been clean for 8 days . its so pathetic #i dont want to hurt myself but i literally have nothing else to help me #i dont want to be a burden im trying rlly hard to just stop how i feel and im trying to be a perfect girlfriend who is only happy #but i just cant . it is so hard when all im thinking abt is how he hates me and how i mean nothing and how im always going to be worthless #i unironically miss when it was him being upset and talking to me abt it because i wasnt the one being emotional and vulnerable #like i was just there to help and make him feel better lol #i think ill be better after i cut bc thats what happened last time so #whatever we ball #jamie.txt

[ezraphobicsoup]

can’t sleep and i’m entirely blaming tanya tavistock after being unfortunately reminded of her existence

It wasn’t fair for Tanya Tavistock to have been put in this position of having to decide whether or not to ruin all these passengers’ day, and it was other people who had put her here- dumb people, hateful people, people who had no love of life and should just put themselves out of their own misery in private and jump off Waterloo Bridge or something, rather than dragging a bunch of strangers into their cult of suicide, too. Wasn’t life hard enough, without having to worry about being deliberately run over by a lorry while walking the dog, or being deliberately incinerated en route to the airport? If you don’t like it on this planet, get off. Depart your wretched mortal coil. Leave life to the rest of us, who have our own problems, believe it or not, without being saddled with yours.

she’s actually insane

#i hate that i have this like partially memorised #but actually what the fuck was this you look at the reviews of the book and there’s just nothing about her #and i get it it’s speaking from the perspective of a character and therefore you say some fucked up things sometimes but this is #this is just fucking weird man #and also why does it change person mid way through?? #cause it’s all third person and then suddenly it’s we and us #bitch who is we who else things depressed people should just kill themselves?? who is agreeing with you?? #i think that’s my issue cause it makes it look like it’s from the author rather than TT herself #overall pretty weird story anyway #i’m like slightly losing my mind i don’t know why i can’t sleep i am fucking exhausted but also not at all apparently!! #i should really be over Tanya Tavistock cause that was like 6 months ago now but i’m still fucking perplexed #who the fuck is dragging strangers down into a cult of suicide bestie #this is such a rational rambling i literally don’t know what i’m saying but i am conscious of it #idk if this is silly hours or not it probably is but it doesn’t feel usual #somehow it’s been a week since last week which is just #uh if i actually post this i apologise i don’t quite no why this has happened #tw sui talk #<- just in case this spreads beyond like 3 people #only one of whom knowing what the fuck i’m talking about (hello!)

[pseudowho]

Stoic

When Gojo assumes Nanami Kento's lack of PDA for the reader shows a lack of desire for her, a tipsy Kento is quick to correct him.

Warnings: 18+ drabble, Kento goes on a smutty rant

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'A quick drink' after work had soon turned into two, three, four. Shoko took full advantage of the rooftop bar's balcony, smoking and idly chatting; Higuruma and Atsuya gossipped and quipped, snorting into their drinks; Satoru observed Kento and you keenly behind his dark lens; you stood, excusing yourself to the bathroom as Kento gave you a gentle smile.

"I'm sorry," Satoru interrupted loudly when you were gone, his pot boiling over, "I just-- I just don't get it, Nanami." All eyes were on Satoru and Kento now-- Kento, with one thin eyebrow raised in quiet disdain at Satoru, and Satoru, with his elbows planted forward on his knees in challenge.

A few moments of silence. Kento huffed, "Should I be apologising for someth--"

"--you've been together for years," Satoru interrupted, "and I'm just not convinced. She could be-- she could be a coat rack for all the affection you show her, you're supposed to not be able to keep your hands off her--"

"--you want me to grope my fiancée in public, am I correct--"

"--well maybe, anything to show that you love her--"

Kento laughed out loud, deep and humourless, continuing to chuckle into his glass, scoffing to himself; "Love her," he rumbled, swirling his whiskey, amber eyes flickering and carnal in the firelight.

Shoko had turned, smirking, to watch the scene. Atsuya leaned back, scowling, chewing on a toothpick with crossed arms. Hiromi leaned, glimmer-eyed, into the drama, one hand cupping his jaw and the other clasping his wineglass. He picked up the bottle, slowly beginning to pour another glass.

"I don't love her," Kento spat, downing his glass of whiskey in one smooth swallow, hissing and slamming the glass down on the table, "I worship her. I'm obsessed with her."

Satoru was silent, mulish, as Kento continued.

"I would walk through rains of bullets for her," he mused aloud, "I would cut off fingers with blunt knives--"

"Nanami, alright, I'm sorry--"

"Any second I'm not with her," Kento continued, his voice quieter, darker, the group leaning into him, "is a second wasted. I don't know what point there was in the years I spent without her-- probably just there to build me into even a semblance of the man she deserves--"

"--why are we doing this--"

"-- and when I'm not thinking about talking to her, watching her, being near her, holding her, or-- fuck, just having her look at me goes bone-deep...I spend at least eighty-percent of my time thinking about different ways to make her cum--"

Satoru was blushing now, his face in his hands, while the others leaned into Kento's mild breakdown with awe, "--fucking hell Nanami, I didn't mean--"

"I almost died last week, at work," Kento mused, as a laughing Hiromi slid the glass of wine down the table to Kento, which he caught seamlessly, "because I was too busy thinking about how her mouth had felt around my cock the night before, because I was pondering the many applications for my tie, because I was thinking about how incredible she felt underneath me--"

Atsuya and Shoko whispered together, Hiromi now giggling to himself unashamedly; "Oh he's really going for it--" "I know I know, shhh, let him finish--"

"--and I've been sat here with her all evening, resisting the urge to strip her, tie her wrists together and have her ride me until I go fucking blind, all because of social-fucking-propriety, just for some long streak of jizz like you to say I clearly don't love her--"

Satoru had shrunk in on himself now, his soul quietly leaving his body, mortified and put to rights as Kento tsked, swirling his wine before downing that, too. He accepted the bottle Hiromi slid towards him in approval.

"...it really just is rather rude and presumptuous of you, isn't it, Gojo?"

The group sat in stunned silence as you returned, sitting beside Kento and laying a hand on his crossed knees. You felt the bizarre tension; Hiromi unable to conceal a blush as he looked at you, Shoko giving you a knowing smile around her cigarette, Atsuya unable to make eye contact. You smiled uncertainly.

"...what did I miss?"

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Still waters run deep 💀💀💀

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