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imagine-loki · 4 years

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The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Title : The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Chapter NO. 5 of 10?

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki’s Asgardian wife learns women write fanfiction about him on a trip to Midgard. She’s edgy for the duration and lets him have it when they get back.

Author: lokilover9

Rating: M

Thor agreed Brianna going to Asgard a good idea as Loki presumed and shielded her from Heimdall's sight as a precautionary measure. Before leaving, the brother's sat observing Little Warrior lead Tony and Pepper to the couch and hand him a usb stick.

"What's this?" He asked.

"A computer virus. My revenge plan was to disembowel Jarvis if you hadn't kept your promise."

Stark eyed Loki who shrugged a shoulder. "Don't look at me. I only learned of it this morning."

"It's my creation, pretty nasty and should be destroyed." Said Brianna.

"How nasty?"

"It bears the potential to wipe out most of New York's power grids."

Tony was momentarily speechless. "I'll do that and am overjoyed you two became friends."

"Me too and sorry for being so rude when you touched my stuff."

"It's alright." Said Pepper.

"No it wasn't. You deserve to know why. Loki mentioned the homeless people right?"

"Yes."

"Dory was the first one I met. Taught me handy street smarts and helped shop for my boy clothes. Ran away from home because her moms boyfriend was a jerk. I encouraged her to call one day and when she learned they split up, convinced her to go home. Really smart person. Dreams of becoming an Astronaut. Anyway, she had a big crush on Captain America and gave me her favorite hat as a gift. Then I met Muriel. A mean looking older lady who was actually super sweet and protected me something fierce. Beat this guy up one night for trying to steal my blanket while cursing him sideways. She loved Chinese food and taught me self defence techniques, like how to poke a hole in someone's brain by shoving a chopstick up their nose."

Everyone's ears and attention piqued as Tony wondered if Muriel was a distant cousin of Sasquatch's. "Hopefully not on live subjects."

"No, silly. On a plastic skull she molded a face onto with clay. I paid for the supplies. Helping police identify people used to be her job in Arizona. Great way to kill zombies though. Best to behead them like with vampires and guarantee they've bit the bullet." Brianna then pulled a gold bracelet with a four leaf clover charm from her pocket. "Muriel was Irish and gave me this for good luck. It's too big so I carry it in my pocket. Before meeting you guys, they were the first people who were super nice to me. I fretted their gifts ruined in the wash."

"I'm sorry." Said Pepper.

"It's okay. I was just a little freaked."

'And nearly built a cave for the abominable snowman.' Thought Stark. "We were more worried about you after the fact."

"I could tell by your happy dance when I woke."

"Hey, badass did one too. In the hall. You didn't see."

Brianna giggled. "Thanks to you both for everything and I'm sorry for lying."

"Meh, we understand."

"I meant about not having a favorite Avenger. It's you uncle Cootyoodles. That's why I sought your help first. The Black Widow was my next stop."

Tony pictured Nat teaching her how to yank teeth out with pliers and felt twice as relieved for keeping that promise. "Nat's eccentric and hates zombies. I'm way more fun." Brianna suddenly hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. "Awe, Little Warrior. Friends forever?"

"Damn straight!" Then she did the same to Pepper. "I forgot to explain why you're a badass role model. Working so hard to become CEO of a massive company like Stark Industries and executing all that embodies? You rock! I hope to grow up as astute, diligent and athoritative. Maybe I'll run a company one day."

"You already possess those traits and will exceed my achievements."

No one knew that better than Loki who cleared his throat. "Grandmother and Grandfather go to bed early, Min Lille."

"One more minute, please?"

"Alright."

She studied Stark, pondering the best way to implement her request. "You don't have to do this, but… Not all homeless people are bad or crazy like others seem to believe. Many hit hard times and the world is so expensive, they couldn't keep up. No one I met lived on the streets because they wanted to. There just aren't enough shelters or resources available. You're rich Tony and could help them. Will you try?"

As Loki had succeeded with Frigga, those beautiful pleading eyes won her case. "You really know how to pull a guys heart strings, kid. I promise."

Loki wasn't aware she'd intended to ask this, yet was so proud of her. "Min Lille?"

"I know." She politely replied.

"You have to go." Tony suddenly stood and darted for the hall. "Be back in a jiffy."

"Meet him by the elevator, or you'll never leave." Suggested Pepper.

He returned and handed Loki a loaded Iron Man backpack. "More things? Shall I conjure a crate for the bifrost?"

They'd already given her an overstuffed suitcase of clothes and toys and Stark held a gift bag in hand. "Be quiet, you. It's a peanut butter stash. Does Asgard have bananas?"

"Yes." 'Thank the Norn's.'

Tony knelt before Brianna. "I would've packed some tater tots, but you ate them all again."

She smirked. "My goof."

"Rascal. Try to ignore a wee, bitty smidgen, you aren't into girly stuff? We couldn't help ourselves with you off to Asgard."

Brianna pulled from the bag a pink baseball cap that said Warrior Princess in tiny diamond gems and proudly adorned it. "You sure know how to pull a girls heart strings."

"I put some Motown CD's in there too. Teach Dad to moonwalk." Loki sighed, pushed the elevator button and Tony playfully whispered. "From a distance. In case he trips over his own big feet." He hugged her again and summoned Jarvis.

"Yes, sir?"

"Our friend is leaving."

"Goodbye, Little Warrior." Said the AI.

"Bye. Sending you a virtual hug."

She joined Thor inside while Loki shook hands with Tony, his expression saying everything. "Any time. Now get the 'bleep' out of my Tower before I thieve your Daughter."

Brianna shouted as it closed. "There's presents on your bed! I'll miss you!"

Peppers was a black t shirt with gold letters that read Badass Role Model and Tony's was a monsterous box filled with tater tots.

"Don't do it, Butch. If you cry, I'm gonna cry." ***** Loki had purposely slowed the elevator allowing her time to give Thor a drawing.

"Mjolnir in a field of flowers? Thank you fair maiden."

"It's a scratch n' sniff."

"A what?"

Loki picked up Brianna. "You scratch the flowers, then sniff them. The effect is most appealing the stronger you inhale."

Thor took a whiff and wriggled his nose. "Quite the nostril tickler. What should they smell like?"

"Try harder." 'Doofus.'

He took another, looked cross eyed at Loki and began swaying. "...Brother..you…" Then down he went striking the floor with a thud the tip of his nose covered in sparkly dust.

"Sorry, uncle Thor."

Loki chuckled at her wince. "The spell is mild and shall soon wear off."

"Is he hurt?"

Loki let her down to hurle the hefty Thor over his shoulder. "Us God's are resilient. Your uncle once endured a skirmish with the Hulk." After escorting them through a portal and delivering Brother oaf to his bed, he lead Brianna through a second into some woods.

"That was awesome! Will you teach me how to do it?"

"Not in the near future. It's very complicated, darling and I'd hate to think you lost in another dimension." 'Or vanishing one day as an angry teen with a troublesome suitor I dream of throttling.'

"Okay." Brianna nervously scanned the area. "Now what? Carnivores hunt these woods."

"Northern Alberta is home to many. Never go outside without me and none will harm you."

"But wolves hunt in packs and grizzlies are bigger than you."

He booped her little nose. "I'll smell them before they smell us and neither possess deadly weapons in interdimensional pockets."

"Where our luggage is? I tried hiding bigger items in them and the darn things wouldn't come back. Hannah was furious, but I didn't care."

"What did you hide?"

"The back wheels of her Lamborghini, Gallardo. I overheard my Mother tell Claudia she got it from her rich boyfriend."

Loki recalled from spending time with Stark this wasn't a billionaire's vehicle, yet financially unattainable to the average Midgardian. "I see. Did she mention his occupation?"

"Plastic surgeon."

Brianna deserved that minor victory and although he wouldn't encourage it, one cannot preach vengeance a negative path when mapping their own. 'Perhaps he'll be useful to the sluts after I'm done.' "Ah. Care to see what I did while you slept last night?"

"You left me?" She confusedly asked.

He picked her up again. "It was necessary and I returned, yes? I won't abandon you, Og Min Lille."

"Never?"

"Never, darling. "Loki headed for a shack nearby nestled amidst some bushes. With its crooked roof, faded wood and door minus a hinge the structure looked ready to collapse.

"We're staying there?"

"Why not? I'll conjure an outdoor toilet." He teased. "Sheltered of course."

"Ewww."

"Come now. At night we'll have heated beds and during the day, roast squirrels on an open fire."

She scrunched her face in disgust. "Blech! I'd rather eat tree bark."

"You'll get an awful tummy ache."

They entered the dingy space and Brianna instantly focused on the filthy floor covered in forest debris. So intently, she didn't notice the sturdier frames of the structure only visible from within. "How will we keep the door closed and is that poop?"

Loki rolled his eyes at some turds in a corner. "The cabin is made of Brazilian Ebony."

"One of the strongest woods on earth." She commented.

He arched an intrugued brow. "Stained to appear aged, it's also bulletproof in light of human hunters. Consider the other materials deceiving movie props. The 'raccoon' poop is genuine." It vanished with a wave of his hand. "Now, did you mean that door?" It closed and he conjured a deadbolt onto the surface with a panel directly above. "Place your hand in the center?" Brianna did and it glowed green, spreading magic from the center throughout every surface like glowing, emerald fireflies. As they dimmed, Loki turned around. "Or this one?" The floor, suddenly cleared of debris had a sliding glass door in the center.

Brianna gasped in wonder, glancing between him and the mystery beneath. "Where does it go?"

"Did you think a sorcerer Prince would allow his Princess daughter to dwell in a shabby old shack?"

"Ancestry aside, I sincerely hoped not. Even an RV would've been better."

He chuckled at her frankness. "And you worried of uncle Thor bumping his head? The shacks purpose was added safety should a need arise and to keep our secret entrance hidden. "Once the outer door locks, only the interior alters. To outsiders, nothing changes." It opened and he carried her down a mutedly lit spiral staircase, each step progressively illuminating the space below.

At the bottom, she slid from his arm in awe. "Shut the front door! You 'definitely' have to teach me how to do this."

Min Lille was referencing conjuring. Another ability Loki thanked the Norns she didn't yet possess, having confessed so before requesting Tony and Pepper's gifts. "In time. Beyond that archway, another surprise awaits." Loki followed and suddenly pondered Brianna conjuring a future dwelling for herself and that troublesome suitor. 'Lessons commence when your forty.' ***** Thor woke to find two notes in his shirt pocket. One for himself the other, Astrid; 'Sleep well, Brother? We won't be returning to Asgard just yet. Please give this to my wife? I recommend waiting several days, discreet delivery and a hasty exit. A visit will follow and when interrogated, lie. Tell her Brianna came to you and don't mention her ice concoction. Unless you enjoy Father's company when several fries short of a happy meal. As I planned our escape without Tony's knowledge, do avoid his unnecessary panic and Pepper seeking our demise, by not telling our dear friend? Min Lille is safe.'

"That shyster." He grumbled. Jane returned in six days as would Astrid to a missing Loki. Waiting risked a molotov cocktail interrogation. His beloved and coronary inducing sister-in-law, banging down their locked bathroom door while the mighty Thor coward behind a shower curtain. Plus Maxi Waxis training schedule ended in two days. Bribery assured those lips zippered, but Heimdall would think his hastiness suspicious. He called to the trainee in the middle of the night, snuck into the palace and raced back to the observatory like the looney tunes road runner. "Spend it well nincompoo..eh he, Max. Asgard is lucky to have you."

Guilt ridden over her outburst and already missing Loki, Astrid returned in the morning to find the note.

Frigga was preparing to join her belly dancing instructor when she barged into the foyer and flung herself at the Allmother.

"Bwaaahahaa! I want a divorce!"

"Hells bells and bilgesnipe testicles. What has my shameless son done this time?"

"Frigga, your language." Scolded Odin.

She patted Astrid's back. "Oh shush. As if your cursing hasn't scarred the servants ears."

#Loki #others #submission #Submitted fic #The Slutty Webs one Weaves #lokilover9 #chapter 5

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the--blackdahlia · 5 years

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Armageddon Chapter 16 (Dean x Reader)

Title: Armageddon Chapter 16

Summary: Space. The Final Frontier. But for Dean Winchester, space was the last place he thought he would ever go. His family life isn’t perfect, his job isn’t ideal, but he has (Y/n), the woman he loves. Sam Winchester never thought his life would turn out the way it did. He is divorced, alone, and his brother most likely hates him. Working for NASA was not going to be easy. But, when a threat to the earth has him calling on his family for help, what can he do? can Sam and Dean push past his family issues to keep the Earth spinning another day? Based on the movie of the same name.

Pairings: Dean x Reader; Sam x Jessica

Warnings For this Chapter: Angst, lots of tears, major character death.

Song for this chapter: I Don't Want to Miss a Thing (Rock Mix) by Aerosmith

Check out more on my Patreon!

Mission Control

Bobby ran his hand across his face. Sam’s voice coming over the small communication radio sent an eerie shiver down his spine. He looked over at the Winchesters, his heart breaking. (Y/n) had been moved to a chair where she played with her engagement ring tears streaming down her face. Jessica held Ashton close as he played with his toy car. And John, was pacing back and forth, his face stone. Bobby could only imagine what was running through his mind with two sons up on this mission. One son injured and slated to stay behind, and the other son, now asking to speak to him. Bobby pulled the head set off and sighed. His footsteps felt heavy as he walked towards the family.

Bobby placed a gentle hand on John, “Sam’s asking to talk to you.”

At the mention of Sam’s name, Jessica’s head shot up. She looked at John hoping that after his conversation she could speak to Sam. Her heart hoping they could fix their relationship. John looked to Jessica and gave her a small smile before following bobby and sitting down before the console.

“Sam? It’s dad, I’m here son,” John’s voice broke a little.

“Hey dad.” Sam’s voice sounded so small. “I, uh, I made an executive decision. Dean’s coming home.” (Y/n) looked up, happiness filling her heart, but it was quickly replaced with a different kind of dread.

“Sam, you need to come home son, you can’t… Dean is not going to handle this well… you know that,” John took in a shaky breath. He looked over to Jessica who held a sleeping Ashton. “Sam… there is someone here who wants to talk to you…”

“Who?” Sam asked. John nodded at Jessica, letting her walk up. He took Ashton to let him keep sleeping.

“Sam,” her voice broke.

“J-Jessica?” Sam asked. “What are you doing there?”

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry I didn’t believe you… please don’t do this, come home… I can’t lose you… not like this, please… anything but this,” Jessica pleaded.

“Jess…” Sam gave off a broken sob. “It’s too late. There’s no one else. And I can’t let Dean do this. He’s done so much for me. He deserves to be happy. I-I lost that right to be happy.” He sniffled. “You and Ashton will be taken care of.”

“I AM YOUR WIFE SAM! You deserve to be happy too… I know what happened between us was bad, but you need to come back. We can fix us… get someone else please… what do I tell our son?” Jessica’s voice cracked. She knew they weren’t married officially. But one of the reasons she had broken up with her boyfriend was because she never really got over Sam. She missed him and when he showed up at her house, she just wanted to be with him again.

“They...they’ve already taken off.” Sam whispered. “They’re heading back now. I-I’m all alone up here. I never stopped loving you Jess. I never gave up your spot in my heart.”

“I love you too… I don’t think I ever stopped… I am so sorry I hurt you Sam. It’s all my fault… I’m sorry… I don’t deserve your love Sam… I’m… I’m going to put your dad back on…” Jessica sobbed as she moved out of the way to take Ashton, allowing John back on the com. She held her son tight as she cried. (Y/n) led her to the seat next to hers as they held each other.

“Dad?” Sam asked softly. “Please don’t think Dean asked me to do this. Please don’t hate him.”

“No son… no, I know he wouldn’t do this... He loves you too much.” John was sure Dean was kicking and screaming to try and get back to Sam. “I’m going to fix things with your brother Sam… don’t worry… I promise,” John sniffed as he placed his head in his hands.

“My will, the deed to the house, the title to my car, all of it, there’s a fireproof box under my bed.” Sam told John. “Everyone will be taken care of from this. E-everyone will be happy.” Sam was starting to break in and out. “I guess it’s time. I love you dad.”

“I wish I did better Sam… I failed you. I failed Dean… I love you son… I’m sorry,” John began to sob.

“You did the best you could.” Sam cried. “Dad, I…”

The audio connection cut out then, leaving them in silence. Jessica sobbed loudly, holding on to Ashton. John fell to the floor pounding it with his fists. (Y/n) held on to both Jess and Ashton it would take a day and a half before the small shuttle would reach the earth. All they had to do now was wait for the remaining team members to return.

****

“Dean, if you don’t calm down, we have to sedate you!” Cas told him as Jo started up the shuttle to get them away from the asteroid.

“DAMN IT! HE’S BY BROTHER… MY BABY BROTHER! I’M THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO STAY BEHIND NOT HIM! NOT LIKE THIS!” Dean thrashed in his seat. “Benny get me out of here please, I can’t let my nephew grow up without his dad, please.” Dean begged.

“AND I’M NOT GOING TO LET (Y/N) BECOME A WIDOW BEFORE YOU’RE EVEN MARRIED AND A SINGLE MOTHER!” Benny bellowed.”I am not going to do that to her. Now Sam’s made up his mind. You can sit there and accept it… or you let it eat you alive and you lose your wife and your unborn kid… choose!”

“Wait...unborn...she’s...I’m a dad?” Dean asked, his voice shaking.

“She didn’t want to tell you until after you came back safe,” Benny sighed. “Hell she doesn’t know I know… but I’m not and idiot, I have sisters and nieces and nephews.”

“Oh boy… (Y/n) is going to be pissed at you when we land,” Ash breathed as he closed his eyes. “Hey Ketch?”

“Yeah mate?” Ketch breathed.

“I owe a bookie 100 thousand dollars… can I hide out at your place for a few days?” Ash gave a nervous chuckle.

“YOU TWAT!” Ketch grumbled. “If that bookie comes after me, I am serving you to him on a silver platter, understood?”

“Guys,” Dean’s voice cut through them. “NOT NOW!” he growled. “NOT NOW. NOT THIS!”

“Dean,” Benny whispered. “Sam loves you… He wanted you and John to get along.” Benny looked over to Dean, whose face was stone.

Dean schoffed, “The old man is only going to blame me for this… Now I’ll really have to work for Crowley,” Dean grumbled.

“I don’t think John would think that brother,” Benny gave him a soft smile. “You know how he is, he’ll blame himself more than you.”

“Yeah I guess,” Dean muttered as he closed his eyes.

It wasn’t long before the shuttle had some turbulence from the shock wave that the explosion emitted. Jo, looked sadly to Cas and Gabriel as she piloted the shuttle back to earth.

***************

At the same time with Sam...

Sam kept talking even though he knew no one could hear him. His own voice was trying to calm him down, but he was starting to waver. He wanted to go home. He wanted to kiss Jess and hug Ashton. He wanted to be there for Dean’s wedding and the birth of his niece or nephew. But if he didn’t do this, Dean would’ve. Because no one else had the balls to volunteer.

Sam watched as the shuttle left him behind, heading back to Earth.

Closing his eyes, he pressed the button.

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @supernaturalwincestsblog @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @teller258316 @horrorpxnk

Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles Tags: @queenslandlover-93 @screechingartisancashbailiff @maaryisafangirl @deathofmissjackson @hellabrothers @fandom-princess-forevermore @x-waywardaf-x @webcraft4eveh @deansgirl-1968 @2dead2function @jjjjjjjoshdun @stella20131991@luciathewinchestergirl @sheris532 @bobasheebaby @bella-ca @akshi8278

Supernatural Tags: @bandobsession98 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @fangirlsencyclopaediaofweirdness @ilovetardis @missihart23 @cloudyskylines @sams-serialkiller-fetish @theas-bedtime-stories @huntingfreewill @ocholove @princessofthefandomrealm @getbackhonkycatt @flamencodiva

Armageddon Tags: @thefaithfulwriter

#Armageddon #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #supernatural #fanfiction #jensen ackles

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sxftrxchxe · 5 years

Text

harmony-rt

AN-this is actually the backstory i have in mind like 90 percent of the time sksksks. please enjoy <3

SONG: none

WARNINGS: hints of past abuse. pregnancy?

FANDOM: it 2017

WORDS: 3420

SUMMARY: its just a pregnancy fluff fic

yn-your name

ln-last name

ec-eye color

hc-hair color

hl-hair length

AGED UP TO AROUND TWENTY TWO

The young girl skipped down the road happily avoiding the cracks and humming while her parents walked behind, heads on shoulder and hand in hand. They were always like that, a perfect example of a stereotypical family that only exists in movies. But for yn ln that was her reality since she was born.

"So you aren't nervous? Like even in the slightest?" She shook her head and stumbled as she almost stood on a particularly small crack, her small pastel pink bag nearly falling off.

"Nope you and Daddy said I was going to the the princess of the playground. Isn't that why I'm wearing this ugly ice cream dress? Cos princesses wear horrible stuff?" Her mother laughed and smiled lovingly at her daughter. yn's small pink cat bag hit her back with every hop and skip creating a rhythm she was determined to keep. Her dad gasped and she looked up to see the cream and blue building of Derry's kindergarten in front of her.

Other kids were hugging their parents and running through the blue gate and happily greeting friends. One small boy clung to his mothers and cried begging her to stay. yn giggled at how stupid he was being as her mom fixed her hair and muttered something under her breath. After a slightly aggressive tug and a sigh, she turned around to smile at her favourite people in the world.

"Good luck Sweetie. We love you okay?" Her mom leaned down and pulled her in for a hug. She hugged her back and giggled as her dad pulled a face from behind.

"And at twelve me and your father will be waiting here at the gate okay?" She nodded and pulled away to hug her dad's leg. He laughed and pat her back as his eyes wandered to someone driving by in a car. Another sob from behind her caused her to turn back around and skip into the playground leaving her parents to walk back home with their arms around each other's shoulders and tears falling down their faces.

The boy who had previously clung to his mams leg was now sitting just inside the gate with a pout on his face and tears in his eyes. yn gave him a small wave before her focus turned to three girls playing hopscotch while one sat by and watched. She looked a bit bored and caught yn watching her. She waved at her happily and yn almost skipped over to play until a happy scream came from the other side of the playground. Boys were chasing after girls while they screamed and laughed. Others were clinging to a climbing frame and pulling faces at each other as kids slid up and down a slide nearby. yn nearly exploded with excitement as she saw two empty swings near to the slide for her to sit on and make friends. She gave the bored ginger a last wave before turning to run to the other side.

Unfortunately, she turned right into someone else and fell to the ground landing on her knee and crying out in pain. The boy by the gate gasped loudly and gagged as he noticed the small trickle of blood coming out of her knee. Her eyes began to fill with tears before someone hand was stuck in her view and she looked up.

"I'm sorry I thought I was late cos I can't tell time and I guess I didn't see you oops. Are you okay? Your leg is red and disgusting now." The voice came from the person who she ran into which turned out to be a scrawny young boy with big brown eyes and dark messy hair. He was wearing an oversized blue button up lazily thrown over a cream t shirt, the same color as yn's shoes. She took his hand and he pulled her up almost dropping her to the floor again when she sneezed.

"Sorry, I'm allergic to grass. My mom calls it hay fever but I don't. And I guess a little blood never hurt anyone." yn flashed the boy a toothy grin which he returned. The boy at the gate gagged again and yn heard the girls from hopscotch teasing him before the girl who was watching them told them to be quiet.

"What's your name?"

"Oh, I'm yn ln. What's yours?" He shook her hand he was already holding which confused yn so much she stopped smiling.

"I'm Richie. Richie Tozier." She smiled again and let go of his hand and wiped her own on her ice cream patterned dress just in case he had the cooties her dad told her about.

"Chee Toaster?" He laughed and shook his head causing his curls to bounce. She shook her head back and crossed her arms. He looked pleasantly surprised when she replied in her cute childish voice.

"No, I'm calling you Chee. Now, do you want to swing on the swings?" He nodded and the slightly aggressive way they met was forgotten as they linked arms and ran across the playground. The swing set was in the shade behind an oak tree beside the slide but no one was on the slide anymore. Still, they kept running until they landed by the swing set and quickly hopped on kicking their legs to go higher and higher. They easily making friends like most five-year-olds do.

SEVENTEEN YEARS LATER

yn Tozier found out she was pregnant at twenty two. Married, happy and long forgotten were the horrors of her past meaning she was overjoyed.

In fact her only problem was how to tell her husband in the most flamboyant way. After all the Toziers weren't known to do things normally. Richie proposed on their graduation day in front of the whole school whilst everyone sobbed after all.

So on March 7th 1998, her husbands twenty second birthday, she decided to execute her plan that was boiling in her head for months.

First she called up her long time best friend and practically sister Beverly Marsh and told her the news. After much squealing between the two, yn explained her plan and Beverly agreed saying they had to do it.

Three squealed phone calls and two where she sobbed with Bill and Eddie the plan was ready. All she had to do now was wait. Which in itself was hard since her bump was beginning to show. Richie asked why she was no longer wearing her favorite skirts or t shirts in favor for her oversized sweaters and tracksuit bottoms receiving panicked and random responses most of the time.

"Hey nn? Why aren't you wearing your skirts anymore? It's literally thirty two degrees out?"

"I'm allergic to the material."

"You're allergic...to the material?"

"Yup. But only for a few months ha ha oops okay bye I have to go to work."

Richie was getting suspicious. She was dodging many question instead giving him food and taking more private calls than any kindergarten teacher should ever take. One time he found her crying on the floor surrounded by tissues saying something like "am I just like her?" When Richie asked who she had quickly stood up and wiped her eyes saying she had to go to work even though it was eleven pm at night. yn was never the best at lying. So on the night before his birthday he sat her down on the couch and asked the question burning at the back of his head for weeks.

"Are you cheating on me?" When yn's eyes widened and she didn't answer instead staring back with saucer eyes and a mouth wide open Richie presumed his assumptions were correct. He sighed and stood up running his hands through his forever messy hair. Lori started to stutter trying to think of an excuse but none came to mind.

"You know what? It's fine, I'm fine. I knew this would happen since you're so much better than me anyway I just thought seventeen years would have meant something you know?"

"Rich it's no-"

"No! No! It's fine just let me finish I mean kindergarten wow has it actually been seventeen years? How haven't you changed?"

"Chee look at m-"

"No yn you look at m-"

"I'm Pregnant!" yn yelled standing up off their small couch and clamping her hand over her mouth like she just said the worst thing ever. Richie stopped and looked at the girl who had tried to wear one of her old skirts and t shirts to try and throw him off. If he squinted in the light he could just about make about the small bump growing on her stomach.

yn felt her eyes begin to tear up at Richie's shocked expression. Maybe she was wrong maybe he didn't want kids and just wanted the Hollywood life he was working on. Maybe he would leave her alone with their child to bring them up like her own mom. Maybe she was right about her assumptions that she was just like her.

However after twenty seconds of silence Richie scooped the girl up bridal style and spun her around the room screaming. yn began to giggle and cling on to his T-shirt so she wouldn't fall. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she did so glad her husband wasn't actually kissed and more just shocked.

He eventually put her down after a cute peck on the lips you usually wouldn't see from Richie who was ever the passionate. Once yn had two feet planted firmly to the ground he dashed to ring his closest friend Stan and tell him the news. yn didn't bother telling him she already told everyone instead happy she could take the skirt uncomfortable rubbing against her growing stomach that contained a child. Her child. Their child.

Seven Months Later

Beverly wiped the sweat off her brow with a wet towel her boyfriend Ben had brought along. Ben was tapping the uncomfortable hospital waiting room seats and glancing at the hall for the nurse every so often. Eddie sat on her other side muttering about the dangers of pregnancy whilst also sneaking hopeful glances down the bleached corridor. Bill was across from him leaning forward with his hands over his mouth and leg bouncing. If anyone he had been most excited and Beverly hoped they would be just as excited once the baby came. Stan was rubbing Bills back and checking his watch, having to leave in two hours. yn had already been in labor for six hours so he had a pretty good chance but there was still that twinge of worry telling him he'd miss everything. Mike was on Bills left staring straightforward and breathing heavily. No one had spoken a word in a half an hour, tired and impatient.

Suddenly there was a yell of excitement from down the hallways, causing them all to sit up. Richie busted out the room yn was in with a nurse yelling at him saying he had to wait a minute before he said anything. Beverly stood up, now aware of her eye filling with tears as he ran towards their group making other patients jolt awake.

"It's a girl! I gave birth to a girl! That was some work lemme tell you, my hand is so sore!" No one bothered to correct Richie instead yelling and pulling each other into celebratory hugs. He looked a mix of exhausted and the happiest Beverly had ever seen him as he threw his arms around a sobbing Bill.

"What's her name?" Eddie asked once the group calmed down just enough for them to hear each other clearly. Richie's eyes widened and he ran back to the room where the nurse was still yelling. Beverly would have face palmed at the fact he forgot to name his own daughter if it wasn't for the fact he had his own daughter. She was an aunt! Sort of not really but still!!!

Ben pulled her in for a hug and she was made aware of the many tears on both her boyfriends and best friends faces. She wiped at her own before smiling at her best friends and pushing her copper curls back. They pulled each other into a group hug until there was another whoop from down the hall that caused them all to pull apart and grip on each other's shoulders.

"Harmony-Rose middle name Georgia! And last name motherfucking Tozier! Get your asses down here!"

"Sir no we can't allow that right now-"

"Come On!"

"Sir you're wife needs rest-"

"Bring The Bitches Down! They Need To Meet The Newest Loser!"

The nurse gave an exasperated sigh before mumbling an okay. The door opened slowly as if saying they could come in. After more excited yells and tears that received both looks of admiration and eye rolls from the other patients they ran down the hall, Stan nearly running into a tray of needles and screaming in agony instead of pride.

Bill got in first before Beverly squeezed past Eddie. She nearly cried again once she saw her best friend sitting up in the hospital bed her hair messed up and eyes tired holding a small bundle of blankets. Richie was sitting in a chair beside her leaning onto the bed so he could both see his daughter and hold his wife's hand.

yn smiled tiredly at the six surrounding her bed before turning the bundle towards them so they could see their new shared child. The little girl blinked back at them with big ec eyes like her mom and slight black hair like her dad. Beverly felt Ben and Bill both squeeze her hand only one letting out a small sob as Harmony Rose was handed towards him.

"Here Billy your new niece and goddaughter. I hope you like her middle name it's for the both of us." Bill nodded and took the baby in his arms once the nurse showed him how to. He sat on the bed and waved down at his goddaughter with wet eyes slightly shaking as yn apologized to the other five boys about him being godfather. Richie said he considered them all top daddies before receiving a tired slap from his wife.

Beverly had handed the baby next learning she was the godmother and aunt of the now sleeping baby in her arms. yn rubbed her back as she rocked her slightly promising she would be the coolest aunt ever.

Ben was next explaining how he already bought tons of clothes for both gender and had them in the trunk of his car telling Beverly to remind them to get them before they left.

Then it was Eddie who happily took the girl and rocked her. He decided she was both the cleanest and dirtiest thing he ever held before getting a snicker from both mother and father and complaints for calling her thing from the others.

Mike begged to be next and sat down beside yn, talking to the other girl who's eyes were now opening again. He told her how he would have her both the most polite and ripped girl in her kindergarten receiving a quiet whoop from the group afraid to do their usual loud chanting in case she cried.

Stan was last and he cried again once the girl wrapped her hand around his finger and cooed which made the whole group gasp never having heard such an innocent noise before. Once he had wiped his eyes and apologized to Harmony Rose for the bad manners he went to hand her back to yn only to find both her and Richie asleep. Hands intertwined of course. They usually were. They both looked completely exhausted and so happy no one wanted to wake them up.

So instead with permission from the nurse Ben lay the girl in the cot provided by the hospital and Eddie rocked her to sleep saying he was good at that. Apparently he was because after only three minutes of rocking and whispered hushes Harmony-Rose was out cold.

The six remaining awake losers sat on the floor legs crossed and smiles on their faces. Heads were leaning in heads and hands were on hands. Beverly and Ben even had their linked crossed a slight promise to have their own kids when they were ready whenever that was. The nurse came back in to send them all out but took pity on the happy kids

"You know she's going to be moved to a room shared with three other new mothers tomorrow. I don't know how all seven of you will fit in at the same time." She spoke in a hushed voice taking blankets from the floor to send to the washing room. No one moved and Beverly spoke.

"Seven? Nah there's eight of us." She smiled at the yn who looked ten years older in front of her. Still she had the same smile on her face that she always had and her gown was covered in stickers showing Beverly she had matured, not changed. Richie even looked older, bags under his eyes that usually looked so young. Her eyes slid over to the cot containing her new goddaughter and she smiled wider. "Nine. There's nine of us."

"Nine. You all seem so close so it will be hard to split up to see yn and Harmony-Rose." Beverly finally noticed her friends all sleeping around her the only one mildly awake being Mike who was also blinking asleep. She shook her head before leaning onto Eddie muttering slightly in his sleep beside her.

"We'll figure something out. Always do."

5 years later....

yn held onto her daughters hand as she skipped down the road between her two parents humming. She had a small galaxy bag on her back that hit off her back with every jump reminding yn of herself. Unlike her however thick curls held back with only a small purple clip bounced around her face and tickled her nose. In fact aside from her piercing ec eyes and thumb biting the girl was one hundred percent Richies. From her hair to loud personality tendency to make a mess and annoy Eddie. Even the faces she pulled sometimes reminded yn of her husband.

"Here we are Rosie. Are you ready?" Harmony Rose let go of both of her parents hands and shrugged before turning to run in the gate. If yn didnt gently take her wrist and pull her back she would have left without a second glance. Richie smiled at his favorite people as yn scooped the girl into her arms and went over the rules.

"And no running into annoying boys okay? And if you do run away. Nothing good ever comes from it." Harmony Rose nodded wiggling to get out of her moms glance. Richie scoffed and threw his arm around his wife's waist.

"No if you run into a quiet girl run away. Don't ask her name it's a trap." yn elbowed Richie and gently let Harmony-Rose back down. She blinked back at her parents elbowing each other like kids before sighing and skipping through the gate. She waved back at her parents and took a quick scan of the area eyes lighting up at the sight of an empty swing set.

A young girl clung to her moms leg and cried as her mom tried to calmly get her off. A small group of girls skipped together one looking slightly more bored than the others. A group of boys and girls ran each other in a extreme version of tag. A young boy with blonde parted hair was sent to the ground as Harmony-Rose turned and ran into him. yn smiled as Harmony-Rose helped him up, a small smile on her face.

"Weird isn't it?" She asked once the initial weirdness wore off. Richie shrugged and pulled her closer not taking his eyes off his daughter running off to the swing with the boy in her hand.

"Nah I think it would be weirder if she didn't get a soppy love story." yn smiled and put her hand up to touch her husbands arm. She drew circles on it softly a feeling of peace washing over her.

"Let's hope her life is less chaotic and more soppy then." Richie nodded and the trees behind them rustled sending a gust of wind to blow yn's ice cream patterned dress around her legs. Her cream shoes on her feet seemed to remind her of something she couldn't quite place the hair clip holding her hl hc hair back also seeming rather reminiscent.

"So we're bringing him over for dinner?"'

"Oh yeah. And Mike just texted me saying him and Stan will drop by later so he's already meeting two of her uncles." yn's fingers curled up against the blue button up Richie decided to wear that day and she smiled.

"Perfect."

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ranty9000 · 7 years

Text

A chronicle of me watching the film "white chicks"

okay so It started with two black fbi agents disguised as racist Mexican stereotypes. They failed a bust regarding ice cream bent code for cocaine and busting actual Ice cream guys

Why do comedies with little to no white characters think they can be even more racist than the white people they accuse of doing so

It’s like “the nutshack” all over again.

Here’s the “chief getting mad at the cop hero’s incompetence” trope. He’s Gonna put them on assignment in Iraq cuz their fuck up. Another duo consisting of a white dude and an ambiguously light Brown guy make fun of them with bad ice cream incompetence.

The girlfriend the one of them (I don’t know which one because I barely know either of them or even their names and so far their both bland as unflavored oatmeal) is upset because he was two minutes late to getting home and thinks she’s cheating on him.

“What could I possibly do anything so fast in those two minutes?”

She gives him a stare implying that’s how fast he is in bed with her, and no sound of laughter passes my lips.

This overbearing girlfriend and beaten down boyfriend cliche isn’t done to death At all. Oh and this ones name is Marcus

More ice cream jokes from the antagonist duo, our “heroes” make a “joke” about holding each others balls when they pee (what? That’s not what you hold when you go pee) and which one wipes (wouldn’t it be the other guy while one is on the John? This joke is bad in premise and execution)

The antagonist duo is working on the “Socialite kidnapping” case where someone has threatened to kidnap the daughters of the head of a local college. The “hero’s” are volunteered to pick them to set up a trap

Why is this a comedy again?

Oh Marcus called other one who’s name they haven’t said yet “blackie-chan” (WHAT-)

Oh Marcus is lactose intolerant, that totally isn’t a checkovs gun

So the girls arrive and despite being in their early 20s they greet the agents by saying “we already gave to the United negro fund”. I’ve never heard a rich young white chick call a black man a “negro” in the 21st century. I get they’re trying to make them shallow and shit but that’s unrealistic- oh now they gave the dudes the bags after they said they were going to the girls to the car.

Girls like this aren’t THIS kind of racist!

They can’t be from silicone valley and have the values of a stereotypical Texan yokel! They don’t fit!

Oh good… they have a Pomeranian…..

I’m only 15 minutes in? Oh good Lord. I’ll keep to highlights now.

The dog is out the window now oh no

Oh no they didn’t die from being hit by a truck

They just narrowly survived a horrible accident let’s make it humerous

She’s going to a self proclaimed bitch fit

They keep the girls in a room by saying they wouldn’t want anyone to see their “scars” (a light scratch on ones nose and the others lip), but they cant get them to the area where the trap is

Marcus says he is going to hang himself before the chief gets to him, sadly he doesn’t follow through.

The one that isn’t Marcus is lying to the chief over the phone coz one more screw up and it’s off to Iraq. The one that isn’t Marcus grabs marcus’ balls to stop him from admitting the truth

No laughs here

Okay so the disguise team (i think? They don’t say is gonna make them look like the girls now

I’m glad it’s more than sticking paint on their face and melons in their shirt but the guy freaked out when he felt the fake tits being put on him for some reason

“He’s right, make em bigger” says the head guy as i slowly die inside.

Oh Wait no it IS painting them white okay

The make up is somewhat decent, but here is where the “real humor” starts. So put on your hazmat suits.

The antagonist duo has to watch over the “girls” disguised as hotel staff and they take advantage of this by “mistaking” the ambiguously light brown guy for Mexican. Are they just racist to mexicans?

Haha their boobs are so big and knocking over things ha ha ha

They use plastic surgery to excuse their masculine facial features as well as make excuses for fake crabiness, actually decent writing here.

This is fleeting as guys are already planning to tap dat ass

Is that the chick who played lindsay in arrested development?

Are we doing a “your mother” competition right now. This film is sucking the humor out of me.

Another groin shot and mexican bashing.

Oh no one is getting attracted to the black publicist.

Oh good toilet humor and fart humor thanks chekovs gun

Lactose intolerance doesn’t work like that my family has two that are

Terry crews why are you here no….

“That’s what I’m talking about, a skinny white girl with a black ass”

Terry please no

Terry please god no

TERRY PLEASE NO

Did they do a “king king/ gorilla” joke to Terry and think since it’s really a black dude it’s okay.

Oh no

“Making my way downtown, walking past, and I’m home bound BENNA BA BENNA BA BENNA”

OBLIGATORY N-WORD AND RAP JOKE I REPEAT IT’S A CODE 19 EVERYONE GET DOWN.

Oh good dressing up tiiime and sex jokes greeeeaaat.

What is happening right now

I have no words, i think the Movie is having a stroke?

Oh no wait i think it’s me?

The antagonist duo is talking about what which older celebrity they’d bang as they keep an eye before they come back

And now not marcus Is trying to get her purse back coz it has the badge and gun, she ran fast and got it cuz I guess chicks like that can’t run fast???

There’s a subplot involving the guys that wanna tap that a girl looking like a she’s on cocaine coz Nose powder that’s all you need to know.

I wanna die

They’re doin the auction girl for charity thing and TERRY IS BACK OH GOD WHY

Oh wait it’s marcus wife and not girlfriend? Wtf

Oh good a sleepover

The black guy as a white girl is giving one girl corn rows OH NOOOO TUMBLR ALEERRRT

Oh good sex humour with dildos

I’m dead inside, like there’s nothing left… and there’s still another HOUR?! Children I’m not gonna make it…..

Oh good back to the dudes and banging celebs that have yeast infections- OH GOOD THE KIDNAPPING FROM BALD LACKIES oh they’re just strippers acting like kidnappers

“It’s part of their act”

Sadly it’s statistically a common kink of women for some reason

Beach scene now

Haha he’s actually black and throws football’s hard

Terry is too oiled up I’m scared OH GOD THAT’S HIS BULGE

“Swartzinegro”, that is all

Romance subplot with the publicist or whoever she is again no one cares and nothing super horrible or unfunny

AND ANOTHER SUBPLOT WITH THE WIFE THAT’S THE NAGGY BLACK GIRL TROPE AGAIN THAT’S GREAT

TERRY CREWS BEING ROMANTIC TO MARCUS WITH SAXOPHONE

TERRY LIKES THE SONG! MAKINH MY WAY DOWNTOWN, WALKING FAST, FACES PAST AND I’M HOME BOUND BADA BA BADA BA VXAGBCSG

STOP SINGING I’M THE DAD OF THE SWAMP CASTLE NOW

Oh good he did

I’m going to cry silently while this foot fetish shit is going on

Oyster is metaphor for pussy

More bland romance with not Marcus with awkward humor that’s just awkward

Same for Terry and marcus

Oh no mean doggo. Doggo mad. Doggo bite. Doggo please kill

Terry please stop I’m eating a carrot I’m gonna vomit

Oh he’s a basketball player OF COURSE HE IS

AND MORE FART HUMOR THANK YOU FOR THAT I STILL HAD A SHRED OF SANITY LEFT

More bland romance with not Marcus.

Make it end

She called the dog “nigga” as it’s funny coz it’s a black chick

Antagonist duo being creeps and finding out they’re dudes.

Drinks named after sex.

Terry putting drugs that arent roofies in the drink and my psychotic break is now complete

She switched them and pulled a “princess bride” tho

Eye candy skank sexy dance off I’m going to die this suddenly turned into a those dance movies with the cheerleaders and is just to fill time and the smut quot

Lol all black dudes can break dance you guys and it’s totally not stunt doubles

It’s 1 am right now and terry is high and ready to rape

Girl is spilling her guts litteraly and figuratively

High dog fucker and high Terry crews, wait wasn’t that shot from “it’s always sunny” with the glow sticks

Terry and high guy fucked

Marcus wife Subplot is back oh no.

Koolaid joke hahaha kill me

Why are the wives of black couples in comedies always so mean? I feel like that’s a stereotype that no one has acknowledged and is it’s just as bad as other tropes

The antagonists thought the real sisters were the fake and they were stripped and they were punched and it’s funny and the cheif knows and fired them and marcus is rightly leaving cuz is friend is an ass but he’s apologizing so let’s do the stupid plan and the identity of the bad guys is shown but I don’t remember who they are supposed to be.

The “heroes” are bringing the antagonist duo in cuz they were fired too and the “who’d you rather fuck” thing ISN’T FUNNY

TOKEN FLAMBOYANT GAY GUY RUNNING FASHION SHOW WHO IS CONFIRMED GAY HAHAHAHAHAHA THAT WASN’T OLD EVEN BEFORE THE GAY REVOLUTION NOT AT ALL

FAUX MEANINGFUL MUSHY GIRL SHIT

THE WIFE OF MARCUS AND HER FRIEND WITH NO NAME ARE STILL HERE.

TERRY GO AWAY

SWITCHAROO HUMOR HAHA

IT’S THE SWAN DRESS BOIIIIII

PRATFALLS AHAHAHAHA

The two bad mean got red paint splattered on them and it’s seen as visionary while they are embarrassed.

Oh good china is in the mix of racial insensitivity

Oh boy theyre fighting the bad guys now and she said you hit like bitch

The wifes friend calls backup their names are keisha, nay-nay, and laquonda

Yes really

Oh the dad of the mean girls is the bad guy okay

Is terry dead

Terry only cared that marcus wasn’t white and he goes “negro please”. Did they use up their n-bombs?

The romance plot wraps up (“this some jerry springer shit”) and both duos get their job back cuz it’s a cop movie trope.

Why does Marcus want this chick again.

“And they all stayed friends the end”

It’s been a two hour movie and i lost all sanity but the late time is also a factor

Let this be a warning not to let history repeat itself

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