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capitalisticveins · 11 months

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Darlin’ and Cutie (separate) HCs

For one of my favorite followers @ajfromabove ! Good job on your project! Hopefully these are good ^^

- Cutie is ridiculously tall, very noticeable height difference between them and Geordi.

- Tank does not snap off Kit-Kats or Hersheys, they eat both chocolate bars in 2 bites max.

- They also have a tendency to not separate the paper on Fruit Roll-ups when eating them. You can imagine where I’m going with this.

- Cutie had a magic 8-ball as a kid that they keep around in their drawer.

- While at the Pack Solstice, Sweetheart scared the shit out of Tank, and this triggered their Fight-or-Flight response, which caused Tank to try and punch Sweetheart. The only problem is that Sweetheart was intangible, meaning Tank just punched a big ass hole in the wall. The solstice was at David and Angel’s house, so SH and Tank had to make up an excuse to leave at the same time immediately before David found out (because Angel didn’t care).

- Tank has shifted and chased their tail for 2 hours straight on their way to a pack meeting before. David found them on his way out the meeting still chasing it.

- Cutie has, and let me make this clear, the MOST RELAXING room ever. Remember when I said Lasko had surround sound speakers that play raining sounds and like 8 pillows? Yeah Cutie has all of that tenfold. When Geordi moved in with them, they had to sell some of it to make room, but they kept each and everyone of their pillows and bought headphones that play relaxing music.

- Cutie knows how to get rid of normal headaches easily. Whether it’s tea, medicine, or a nap, the max time they have a headache is usually 3 hours due to their tactics.

- Tank hasn’t been to the dentist in 4 years, but their dental hygiene is also through the roof.

- Cutie cannot, for the life of them, climb over a fence or jump over one.

- Cutie always dresses up as the same thing for Halloween, I just don’t know what they dress up as.

- Tank dressed as a Vampire for Halloween once, but the fake teeth they got was less sharp than their actual teeth so they didn’t fit, and they were pissy the whole day because of it. (Yes Sam has teased them about it)

- Cutie is a giggly drunk, who is extra flattery towards Geordi (You know those scenarios where Character A is drunk and goes “don’t talk to me my boyfriend is better” to Character B, the boyfriend, and is all flattered and blush-y? That.)

- Tank doesn’t usually get drunk but they’re the kind who gets drunk and then you don’t see them again the rest of the night.

- Tank does pull-ups like there’s no tomorrow, their biceps are NOTHING to joke about.

- Cutie had a parrot once but it passed a year before they met Geordi.

- Tank isn’t good at cooking but Sam is teaching them how. David takes offense to this because he’s offered to teach them how and they declined instantly.

- Cutie has one of the best wardrobes in the cast. On par with Baaabe and Milo.

- Tank had made cupcakes once with Sweetheart’s help in their last Solstice before going to Washington. It was supposed to be for the whole pack but then they said they’re exclusively for David and Asher. The frosting had the same color palette as the gay pride flag (the blue and green one).

- Sweetheart had to make 4 batches of cookies after Tank proclaimed the cupcakes were only for Asher and David since they promised they were bringing something for the Solstice.

- Asher didn’t understand the reference behind the cupcake design but said they were pretty. David glared at Tank for the rest of the night and Tank burst out laughing whenever they made eye contact.

- Cutie and Sweetheart do know each other, or have at least heard each other’s names in passing.

- Cutie has a full morning routine that even Geordi is scared to break.

- Tank is terrified of pregnant spiders and calls them “Satan’s piñata’s”.

- Cutie fantasizes of living in a small cottage in the woods near a stream.

- Tank believes living in one of them is the fastest way to get killed and never found.

- Tank makes fun of people who bought blue checkmarks on twitter.

- Cutie loves all the Sims games individually (they only have Sims 4).

- Tank has played Minecraft with Angel ONCE. It ended with them fist fighting 3 zombies and a skeleton at once bc they refused to run away or get a weapon, and ended with them being killed by a creeper right after they won.

- Cutie has so much blackmail on so many politicians it’s crazy.

- Tank had a full group of friends in their old pack, which is why it took a while for them to warm up to the Shaw Pack.

- BOTH Cutie and Tank can pick up Geordi and Sam like they’re cats.

- Additionally, Tank has done the same thing to Milo, but only when he’s shifted.

- Tank would’ve used ChatGPT to do their essays back in high school if it existed. Instead they just never did their essays unless they felt like it.

- Cutie doesn’t get social cues.

- Cutie is, without a doubt, extroverted asf.

- Tank was a skater through middle school and high school, and got a concussion once.

- Tank absolutely HATES the nickname Precious. Even the word makes their skin crawl. Only instance they’ll willingly stick around when someone says it is if they’re watching Lord of the Rings.

- Whenever they order pizza, Cutie leaves the garlic for Geordi because they know how much he likes it.

- Tank sucks the frosting off of cupcakes before eating them.

- Cutie used to watch MLP like their life depended on it.

- Cutie owns heelys, that’s the closest they’ve gotten to skating.

- Tank has a BIG ass family, 7 of their family members live in Washington, the rest are kind of scattered around the US.

- Tank’s real name is something they consider “lame and stupid” so they just go by Tank, and usually glare at anyone who says their actual name (Arden is the main perpetrator).

- Sam didn’t know Tank’s actual name until he went to the winter solstice and Arden came out of nowhere saying hi, and then their name. Sam was confused about who Arden was talking about. Tank slapped their hand over her mouth and started harshly whispering something unintelligible to her.

- Tank wouldn’t say who the name belonged to, so he went to Milo, who explained that it’s Tank’s actual name, they just don’t like it.

- He teased them with it once but that resulted in him being stuck under a shifted Tank for 3 hours.

- Cutie is photogenic as FUCK.

- Honey and Cutie have been friends since high school. Honey was extremely rude towards Cutie but they stuck around because they read their mind and realized Honey likes Cutie being around. It’s an Asher/David situation.

- Cutie helped Honey and Guy meet in college

- Don’t let Tank play Kahoot. Just don’t.

#Havent written hcs in a bit #Redacted Audio #Redacted ASMR #Redacted Cutie #Redacted Geordi #Redacted Sam #Redacted Tank #Redacted Darlin #Redacted Milo #Redacted Sweetheart #Redacted David #Redacted Angel #Redacted Quinn #Redacted Asher #Redacted Honey

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askhell-llc · 1 year

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How’d you all deal with that whole Devil’s Toybox fiasco when it happened?

Must’ve been difficult to deal with before, during, and afterwards.

Stinky: And I want it on the record that I really had no involvement in that ordeal. I was an innocent bystander.

#art post (ask)#sam and max #jurgen #brady culture #hugh bliss #girl stinky #general skun-ka’pe #satan sam and max #[ooc: if you want me to do a more in-depth write-up on this…….hmu on my side blog😳]#[ooc: literally one of my passions so i’d love to elaborate on this for you. A Lot Of Thoughts]

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snowe-zolynn-rogers · 2 months

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I have angst for you. Remember how early on in SaMS, Moon mentioned being buddies with Satan and visiting Hell? What if the Devil started sending his kid to the Daycare because he was looking to reconnect with his old buddy Moon who suddenly cut contact? And what if Old Moon ghosted him before the amnesia, during the murder family arc when he officially stopped killing people, because he was trying to be better? 🦇

Poor Satan just wants to check on his buddy, poor dude got ghosted to the max.

#sun and moon show #sams #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #fnaf moon #snoweyanswers #🦇 anon #welcome back batsy!#moon ghosted him so hard he lost all his memories

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max-the-lagomorph · 4 months

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After Breaking Sam Out Of His Hell Loop Max Walks into Satan's Office With Sam Like A Boss

#sam and max #sam & max #freelance husbands #freelance police #max the lagomorph #satan #lucifer

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peach-and-bugs · 3 years

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Masterlist

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘∘₊✧──────✧₊∘∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

characters that I write for are organized in alphabetical order by fandom and by name. links will lead to my complete list of posted work for said character:

willing to write for characters: romantically (➵ ) platonically (✸) or nsfw (✧)

Character Alphabets (sfw ✸ & nsfw ✧)

Ask Box Headcanons and Blurbes

Agents of shield

Bobbi Morse ✸ ➵ ✧

Daisy Johnson/Quake ✸ ➵ ✧

Jemma Simmons ✸ ➵ ✧

Jiaying ✸ ➵ ✧

Leo Fitz ✸ ➵

Malinda May ✸ ➵ ✧

Phil Coulson ✸ ➵

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

Hilda Spellman ✸ ➵ ✧

Madam Satan/Lilith ✸ ➵ ✧

Sabrina Spellman ✸ ➵

Zelda Spellman ✸ ➵ ✧

Doctor Who

Amy Pond ✸ ➵ ✧

Bill Pots ✸ ➵

Clara/Clara Oswald/Oswin ✸ ➵ ✧

Eleven/Smith!Doctor ✸ ➵

Jack Harkness ✸ ➵

Missy/Gomez!Master ✸ ➵ ✧

River Song/Melody Pond ✸ ➵ ✧

Simm!Master ✸ ➵

Thirteen/Whittaker!Doctor ✸ ➵ ✧

Twelve/Capaldi!Doctor ✸ ➵

Five Nights at Freddy (movie)

romantic (➵) platonic (✸) nsfw (✧)

Mike Schmidt ➵ ✸

William Afton ➵ ✸

Vanessa Shelly/Afton ➵ ✸ ✧

Killing Eve

Eve Polastrí ✸ ➵ ✧

Villanelle ✸ ➵ ✧

The Legend Of Korra

Asami Sato ✸ ➵ ✧

Bolin ✸ ➵

Bumi ✸ ➵

Izumi ✸ ➵ ✧

Korra ✸ ➵ ✧

Kuvira ✸ ➵ ✧

Kya ✸ ➵ ✧

Kyoshi ✸ ➵ ✧

Lin Beifong ✸ ➵ ✧

Mako ✸ ➵

Opal ✸ ➵

Tenzin ✸ ➵

The Last Of Us (Games)

Abby Anderson ✸ ➵ ✧

Dina ✸ ➵ ✧

Ellie Williams ✸ ➵ ✧

Joel Miller ✸ ➵

Tommy Miller ✸ ➵

Marvel

Agatha Harkness ✸ ➵ ✧

Bucky Barns/Winter Soldier ✸ ➵

Bruce Banner ✸ ➵

Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel ✸ ➵ ✧

Darcy Lewis ✸ ➵ ✧

Drax ✸ ➵

Gamora ✸ ➵ ✧

Hela Odendottir ✸ ➵ ✧

Hope van Dyne/Wasp ✸ ➵ ✧

Jane Foster/Mighty Thor ✸ ➵ ✧

Kate Bishop ✸ ➵ ✧

Layla El-Faouly/Scarlet Scarab ✸ ➵ ✧

May Parker ✸ ➵ ✧

Mantis ✸ ➵ ✧

Maria hill ✸ ➵ ✧

Monica Ranbough ✸ ➵ ✧

Natasha Romanov/Black Widow ✸ ➵ ✧

Nebula ✸ ➵ ✧

Okoye ✸ ➵ ✧

Peggy Carter/Captain Carter ✸ ➵ ✧

Peter Parker/Spider-Man ✸ ➵

Sam Wilson/Falcon/Captain America ✸ ➵

Scott Lang/Ant-man ✸ ➵

Sharon Carter/Powerbroker ✸ ➵ ✧

Sylvie Laufeydottir ✸ ➵ ✧

Thor Odenson ✸ ➵

Valkyrie ✸ ➵ ✧

Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch ✸ ➵ ✧

Yelena Belova ✸ ➵ ✧

Parks and Recreation

Ann Perkins ✸ ➵ ✧

April Ludgate ✸ ➵ ✧

Donna Meagle ✸ ➵ ✧

Jennifer Barkley ✸ ➵ ✧

Leslie Knope ✸ ➵ ✧

Star Wars

Ahsoka ✸ ➵ ✧

Captain Phasma ✸ ➵ ✧

Finn/FN-2187 ✸ ➵

General Hux ✸ ➵

Han Solo ✸ ➵

Leia Organa ✸ ➵ ✧

Luke Skywalker ✸ ➵

Padmé Amidala ✸ ➵ ✧

Rey ✸ ➵ ✧

Rose ✸ ➵ ✧

Stranger things

Argyle ✸ ➵

Chrissy Cunningham✸ ➵

Dustin Henderson ✸ ➵

Eddie Munson ✸ ➵

El/Eleven/Jane ✸ ➵

Erica Sinclair ✸

Jim Hopper ✸ ➵

Johnathan Byers ✸ ➵

Joyce Byers ✸ ➵ ✧

Karen Wheeler ✸ ➵ ✧

Lucas Sinclair ✸ ➵

Max Mayfield ✸ ➵

Murray Bauman ✸ ➵

Nancy Wheeler ✸ ➵ ✧

Steve Harrington ✸ ➵

Will Byers ✸ ➵

misc.

Alma LeFay Peregrine (mrs peregrine's home of peculiar children)✸ ➵ ✧

Elizabeth Corday (ER) ✸ ➵ ✧

Laura DeMille/Madame Rouge (Doom Patrol) ✸ ➵ ✧

Lily Lebowski (Crossing Jordan) ✸ ➵ ✧

Marilyn Thornhill/Laurel Gates (Wednesday) ✸ ➵ ✧

Millie Rusk/MolotovGirl (Free Guy) ✸ ➵ ✧

Miranda Croft (The Flight Attendant)✸ ➵ ✧

Dr. Olivia Octaviouse (Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse)✸ ➵ ✧

Yellowjackets

Jackie Tayler (1996) ✸ ➵

Laura Lee (1996) ✸ ➵

Lottie Mattews (1996/2021) ✸ ➵ ✧

Misty Quigley (1996/2021) ✸ ➵ ✧

"Nat" Natalie Scatorccio (1996/2021) ✸ ➵ ✧

Shauna Sadecki (1996/2021) ✸ ➵ ✧

Taissa Turner (1996/2021) ✸ ➵ ✧

Travis Martinez (1996/2021) ✸ ➵

"Van" Vanessa Palmer (1996/2021) ✸ ➵ ✧

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lizardtheartist · 11 months

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So I came up with a concept of my own multiverse night at the inventory thing, featuring ghost max….

We have 10 players in total: Sam, Demon Sam, Swap Sam, Samantha, Werewolf Sam, Max, Saint Max, Swap Max, Maxine, and our beloved Ghost Max.

The Sams and the Maxs both play at their own tables, talking to their own groups, like that extremely awesome Ao3 Fic, credit to the writer for coming up with that idea/srs.

Info about these certain multiverse sams and maxs:

Sam: just your average canon Sam, he’s been through all the stuff that happened in the games/cartoon/comics, he’s the Sam ever. Just this time, with a dead Max and an alive Max companions.

Demon Sam: After becoming the new ruler of the underworld, he’s decided to take it easy in life, or unlife? He doesn’t have as many Satan-y responsibilities as he thought he would, so he just hangs out with his very adorable angel husband. He has a more stern demeanor but he means well, I think? Him and Saint Max are called the Freelance Holy Ones. (Despite how unholy the two can really be)

Swap Sam: Sam but instead of being a more levelheaded detective, he’s almost just like normal Max in every way possible, yes, even height wise. Swap Sam is everything you could ever want in a rabid dog, he even probably has rabies. He loves to run around and cause trouble, he gets mistaken for a puppy sometimes due to his height and chubby physique. Him and Swap Max are still called the Freelance Police.

Samantha: Samantha (Sam for short but that gets confusing fast.) is literally just Sam but he’s wearing more feminine clothes. Honestly you could look at em and just assume it’s Sam in his drag persona. Samantha acts a bit more feminine than Sam as well, but not too much to make it obnoxious. I like to think she has a very nice and smooth middle age woman voice? I’m not sure how to explain it. Her and Maxine are still the Freelance Police as expected.

Werewolf Sam: This Sam has been a werewolf ever since he was little, inherited from his parents, he had the ability to transform into a werewolf during a classic full moon, but recently, as he’s gotten older, the werewolf part has since become more prominent and now he’s more werewolf than normal dog. He doesn’t entirely mind this, even though he has violent tendencies more often, he’s still a very wholesome and sweet guy, Max calls him his big ol’ dangerous teddy bear. Max is his werewolf caretaker, after formerly being a werewolf hunter, he decided to give up the job in order to support his Sam.

Max: Everyone’s favorite little lagomorph, he’s the same ol’ max from the ending of 305. We all know him, we all love him.

Saint Max: Saint Max is everything holy and good in the world, which is what he likes to think he is. Saint Max often acts nice and chipper, always seeing the best of EVERYTHING ever but underneath that thinly veiled self, there’s a thirsty little bastard gremlin who can be a brat sometimes. People think that some of Demon Sam had rubbed off on Saint Max, but no, that’s how he’s always been.

Swap Max: Swap Max is basically just Max but with Sam’s personality, but I made this personality slightly more edgy like Noir Sam. Why? Cus I thought it’d be interesting. Swap Max is still a rabbity thing, but he’s much taller now, he’s also bulked up slightly but not much. He still has a comedic side like Sam but it comes out a little less, but one thing I do know, is that he uses long winded words and sentences just like any normal Sam would.

Maxine: Maxine is EXACTLY like Max, in almost every way, she’s just Max with a bow around her neck and some yass queen earrings. Her voice is slightly raspier and her mannerisms have a touch of feminine traits, but she’s still just Max in a cute lil bow.

Ghost Max: Ghost Max is just Max before 305, coming back down from space, he hangs out with Sam and Max as their “ghost buddy” because they still haven’t gotten it through their thick skulls that the ghost is just Max. Ghost Max can play with both the Sams and the Maxs, because no one actually sees him, they just see floating cards that he’s holding. He’s equipped with a red marker, he can write simple words and drawings on a notepad or something. It’s supposed to look like blood but he didn’t have any spare blood on hand. Ghost Max has the ability to cheat and switch cards around. If this poker night game was a real thing, the player would probably be Ghost Max himself.

A quick look at the cast themselves:

(All credit for the multiverse poker idea goes to SofiaTheRandomDemon on Ao3, if you see this Sofia, your shit is written so well on GOD) (also credit to @impostorwhipplesshow for the insane idea of ghost max joining in on the poker stuff)

#sam and max #lizard rambles ig #I’m so happy I’m finally able to show off the S&M aus ive made!!!!

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tragedytells-tales · 5 months

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Obey Me Incorrect quotes

Notes - quotes from poker nights + Sam and max, Feat. Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor + the rare Luke, Solomon, Simeon, and Barbatos appearance

Summary - A bunch of stupid incorrect quotes and sometimes they're out of character on purpose!

Warnings - Slight game spoilers, Chaotic and traumatized MC, Forth wall breaking

Tw - Gambling, Strong language, Guns, Violence ( nongraphic )

MC: Well of course you won with THOSE cards! Even Luci could'a won with those cards, and all he can do is talk about alcohol and how much of a poor single widowed mother he is!

Lucifer: Where in the three realms did you lot hide my demoneus now?

MC: shut the FUCK UP LUCI‼️ and people say I'M annoying??

( Telltales games : poker nights )

MC: Hey asmo, what do you think I should do?

Asmodeus: Tell her how you really feel before she runs off with Blaine!

MC: About the hand, chucklehead.

Asmodeus: Oh. Check.

( Telltales games : poker nights )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Demon student: I gotta ask, what's it like living on a different plain of existence?

MC: It's great! As long as you ignore the constant firefights, random explosions, human eating plants, the fact that everyone I know and love has killed me, attempted to kill me, assisted in almost getting me killed, worsened my trust issues, or that every demon could try to eat my soul at any time- The devildom really is a home away from home!

Everyone (aside from Solomon, Simeon, and Luke): *whistles*

( Telltales games : poker nights )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Mammon: This decks gone colder than my ex. Zombie not demon, they were actually kinda hot!

MC: Sometimes I regret being brought down here. this isn't one of em though, tell me more!

( Telltales games : poker nights )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC, talking about Michael: I've only become aware of your existence for 1 minute and I already unapologetically hate you AND everything that you stand for!

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: Hey! how much property damage do you think I can get away with in the span of, let's sayy, 2 minutes?

Belphegor: considering your last record, I'd say the entirety of RAD plus half of the forest.

Lucifer: yOU WHAT??

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC, watching the brothers fight: I believe I need to get in touch with my anger, Satan.

Satan: I can help with that!

( Sam & Max S1 E15 )

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Diavolo: I believe our persuasive charm could have him seeing things our way!

MC: Or not seeing anything at all.

( Sam & Max S1 E15 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Lucifer: And what in the 7 rings happened here?

Barbatos: I'll tell you what just happened here, they just drove a man insane.

Mammon and Asmo: all in a days work!

( Sam and Max S1 E15 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Solomon: STOP THEIVES!

MC: Y'know that never works, right?

Solomon: Oh, I know. But it's such a wonderful prelude to the impending mayhem!

( Sam and Max S1 E16 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Diavolo, squeezing MC: I will pet you, and love you, and subjugate you to my every will!

( Sam and Max S1 E16 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Diavolo: I think that poor human has been forever scared, Barbatos.

Barbatos: Then our work here is done, my liege.

( Sam and Max S1 E16 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Beelzebub: Not to be skeptical or anything, but what makes this little human a potential weapon of doom?

MC: :]

( Sam and Max S1 E17 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: Oh I think I understand, you want me to feel like any other person with freakishly destructive powers! You guys are so sweet!

( Sam and Max S1 E17 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: Well this is an unlikely turn of events.

Mammon: Foiled by some oversized rubber baby buggy bumper. ( He's talking about Belphie. )

( Sam and Max S1 E18 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Belphegor: Hey MC, what am I?

MC: Dumb question, you're a doof.

( Telltales games : poker nights )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Diavolo, playing UNO: Is that a good idea? Cause honestly, I don't really know what I'm doing!

( Telltales games : poker nights )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Solomon: I want one, but it's not for me. It's for my friend, Luke!

Luke: Don't go dragging me into your slighty malevolent and silly schemes, Solomon.

( Telltales games : poker nights )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Simeon: 25th anniversary huh?

Beel: yup.

Simeon: But didn't you guys get together in the same year as the exchange program?

Beel: yes, I guess so.

Simeon: then that was 26 years ago?

MC *from afar*: MATH NEEEEEEEEEERD!!

( Telltales games : poker nights )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Diavolo: I think this has taught us all a very important lesson. But I'll be damned if I can figure out what.

Luke: I'm unsure how much more damned you can get and I'm afraid to find out.

( Telltales games : poker nights )

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Asmodeus: Move freely he says. In these heels?!

( Sam and Max S1 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Satan: So that's why I always feel an overbearing presence just out of my field of vision, watching and judging my every move! *stares at the forth wall*

In-game MC, at his side: That's me dude.

( Sam and Max save the world )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Demon student, looking at Luke: How far would you go if I punt you?

MC: HOW DARE YOU EVEN SUGGEST SUCH A THING. He's my lil angel.

( Sam and Max devils playhouse )

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Simeon: Do you two know what happened?

Luke: I can't lie to Simeon!

MC: I can, kid! No, no we do not.

( Sam and Max the devils playhouse )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Lucifer: MC, where do you put all your school supplies?

MC: In my backpack of course!

Lucifer: But you're a sheep. Where do you put your backpack?

MC: Now that is none of your damn business, Luci.

( Sam and Max the devils playhouse )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Mammon: Magnatism? Don't tell me you're one of those kooks!

Satan: You don't believe in Magnatism?

Mammon: It's an interesting theory, but I'm not convinced.

Satan: This is almost as bad as Beel believing curry is a concept.

( Sam & Max beyond space and time )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Lucifer: What in Diavolos name is going on in here?!

MC: My tomfoolery is none of your concern.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Diavolo: MC, I believe I have developed feelings for you over the time we've known eachother.

MC: Huh, feelings of anger?? You wanna fight?

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Mammon: MC, I didn't study for this test?! What do I write?!

MC: That's our marriage certificate, Mammon.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: Belphi, wake up!

Belphegor: Huhh, what is it MC?

MC: You fucked up big time.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: I'm going to commit mass arson, and no one can stop me!

Lucifer: Why.

MC: ...Good question. Chaos.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: A blackout in a room full of violent creatures? Ah, don't be such a fussypants!

Mammon: A FUSSYPANTS??

( Sam & Max S1 E12 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Beelzebub: I'm Beel! And this is my huggable family!

Everyone in the room: Please don't hug us.

( Sam and Max this time it's virtual! )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Asmodeus: and here's the house of lamination! A colorful and full of life home that came to be under mysterious circumstances!

MC: By "colorful" He means decaying, filled with demonic forces, and smells like certain damnation with a hint of mildew. And by "mysterious" he means a psychologically scarring murder house turned horror movie that was dragged down here by Lucifer himself.

( Sam and Max this time it's virtual! )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Belphegor: I thought we needed one of those mermaid candies to breath down here.

MC: It's fiction, jarhead. We have ridiculous lung capacity.

( Sam & Max s1 E2 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

*During the angels event*

MC: Kindness? Charity? Understanding!? When will this hellish nightmare end?!

( Sam and Max )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Beelzebub: You aren't scared of me?

MC: Me? Scared of you? Why should I be, you're a big blubber of man.

( Life of Melody )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Diavolo: You're looking hale and hearty today Lucifer!

Lucifer: I had five years worth of coffee in five minutes Diavolo.

( Sam and Max hit the road )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Diavolo: MC, you have as much of a say in this as anyone else does.

MC: You mean like how I had a say in my technical kidnapping and all of my many near death experiences?

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC, walks into the room with a gigantic lint roller covered in dog fur: So I lint rolled the puppy.

Mammon: Okay.

* five minutes later *

Mammon: Wait MC did what?

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Belphegor: This is your first and final warning! Pull over or die!

( Sam and Max save the world )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC, looks at the dislike portion of the student ID: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Simeon: Can I drive?

MC: Jumping vehicular homicide, no!

( Sam & Max save the world )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: What do you have?

Solomon: A microwave!

MC: Somehow that's worse than you having a knife.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Satan: They say an idle mind is the devils playhouse

MC: How curiously insulting.

( Sam & Max the devils playhouse )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Satan: Are you sensing my desire to turn you into a QUIET LIL HANDBAG.

Luke: Satan.

Satan: Sorry.

( Sam and Max S1 E10 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Daivolo: Hey MC, can I-

MC: No.

(Sam and Max save the world )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: Question, when was panda express constructed?

Beelzebub: Uhhhh 1776??

MC: Ah yes, during the American revolution!

( sunny side skies )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Mammon: What're ya gonna do? Gimme the silent treatment?

MC: .....

Mammon: Nooo, stop, pleeeease!!!

MC: Never underestimate the power of passive aggression, mams.

( Sam & Max beyond space and time )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Belphegor: By the name of the moon I will kick thy ass!

( colors of my canvas )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Lucifer: MC, can I ask why you're parkouring over furniture and nearly breaking every vase in sight?

MC: Lilith keeps trying to touch me with her icy hands!

Lilith: they're not that cold MC! I promise!

MC: YOU'RE DEAD! THEY'RE FREEZING.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Mammon: Where is your "can-do" attitude?

MC: She left, long ago!

( heartstopper show s1 e1 )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Luke *with the most serious face he can muster*: MC, I don't want to be friends anymore!

MC: Yeah, okay, that's cool lil buddy-

Luke: MC? MC are you crying?

MC: No, no, it's okay, this is fine-

Luke: MC, you're sobbing.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Lucifer: Cerberus is ment to discouraged you from coming into the unground tomb.

MC, currently cuddling with a sleeping cerberus and peting his heads: And?

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: It's so sad frisk died of ligma

Belphegor: who's frisk?

MC: ligma balls

Belphegor: AHHH-

( Saying alot of things as Kris )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: Are there British people here in the devildom?

Diavolo: What?

Soloman: Of course not MC, British people aren't real.

Diavolo: What???

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Lilith: why are you the size of a shrimp?

Belphegor: Why are you nonexistent in a physical form?

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: If I gave Diavolo a lemon, he would disintegrate and I would become the ruler of the devildom, and that's the way the world turns.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Satan: -to make them think they've come here willing and have them be more submissive."

Solomon: *cough*andbreedable*cough*

Mammon: MC, you've been drugged- Solomon????????

Lucifer: I can't have a moment of peace.

( The Day Out by @/beels-burger-babe )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Diavolo: It's just sitting there, menacingly...

MC: It's literally just eating grass.

Diavolo: It's looking at me with cold, dead, eyes...

MC: It is entirely focused on the grass.

Diavolo: It's unnatural.... how can something be so, complacent?! So, unbothered?? So... So uncaring about what may happen should it let it's guard down for even a second?!

MC: That's because not everything runs on caffeine, procrastination, and daddy issues, Diavolo.

Diavolo: It's scary! 🥺

MC: It's a Capybara.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: Plural for platypus, go.

Platipy- Mammon , Daivolo , Luke , Beelzebub

Platypuses- Satan , Lucifer , Barbatos

*windows shut down* - Levi , Simeon

Platypuss(e)s - Asmo , Belphi , Solomon

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Mammon: You good?

MC: No.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Player: AYO!

MC: huh?!

Player * dragging MC *: let's go bud, we're off to therapy!

MC: WAIT-

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Asmo: Asdsgvdfdzkga!!@^$$"'

MC: ....Pardon?

Asmo: You don't know keysmash?

MC: This is an audible conversation.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Luke: Please let this be a normal day...

MC: With these several idiots? No way!

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: Hold on- how was I able to hear him from my room, which is by the kitchen down the hall from the stairs, from the attic?

Beelzebub: Big attic.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

* C R A S H *

Teen!MC: are you okay dude?

Teen!Demon: yeah I'm fine *scurrys away*

Beelzebub: they were flirting with you btw.

Teen!MC: what?

Beelzebub: Yeah, they were showing off their magic for a few minutes now. Kinda a shame you only noticed when they crashed.

Teen!MC: Damn, that's rough.

MC: All dirt is grime but not all grime is dirt.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Mammon: Huh?

MC: All poultry is meat but not all meat is poultry.

Beelzebub: Correct.

MC: All math is calculated but not everything that is calculated is math.

Satan: Alright now you're just going off the rails.

MC: All pails are buckets but not all buckets are pale.

Asmo: MC, dear, I think you're sleep deprived.

MC: You can read all books but not all books have been read.

Lucifer: context, Also it is 2 am. Why are you up?

MC: Osmosis is always diffusion. But diffusion is not always Osmosis.

Belphegor: Very true.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

* Loud explosion *

Mammon * from across the castle *: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT MC??

MC: that, was the sound- * peeks into the kitchen * OF THE KITCHEN BEING BURNED DOWN?!?!

Solomon: * cackling *

(Helluva boss )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Luke: I am not a child and I don't need to be treated like one!

MC: You're literally 10. I don't know who traumatized you or how but it is fine to be a 10 year old with 10 year old feelings.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Lucifer: All is forgiven-

Someone far away: BABY, C'MON GET DRESSED, YOU'RE MY DATE TO THE PEP RALLY TONIGHT!!

Solomon: Oh no.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Teen!MC: Fuck it, let's go to hell!

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: They be like "I'm good and fine!" Sir, you are mentally ill and have suppressed half of your lifetime, nothing about you is "fine".

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC & Barbatos: YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND BABY, RIGHT ROUND, LIKE A RECORD BABY, RIGHT ROUND ROUND ROUND

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: Have you no free will friend?!

Asmodeus: Excuse you, I'll have you know I did that morally injust thing on purpose.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Diavolo: I have a task for you-

MC: No.

Diavolo: wait what?

MC: No.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Lucifer: * crying over Liliths body, reeling from war, daddy issues sky high, extraordinarily traumatized *

Diavolo: I can fix him!

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Luke: Ah, shit.

Simeon: Sir?

* later *

Simeon: Goddammit.

Michael: Excuse me?

* even later *

Michael: Son of a bitch.

MC: I didn't even say anything.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC: So if I take off the ring I could potentially collapse all the realms, ending the worlds as we know it?

Solomon: yes.

MC: So the ring is the only thing stopping me being consumed by own magic and essentially killing me?

Solomon: yes.

MC: And the ring should be kept on at all times?

Solomon: Not really, but yes.

MC: You mean... the ring that's laying on the floor right next you?

Solomon: Pardon?

- - - - - - - - - - - -

MC after getting 6 hours of sleep over the span of three days because Belphegor doesn't stop whining: Can the DEMONIC BEINGS that go THUMP in the ATTIC, SHUT UP?!

Belphie: *stomping his feet* IF I HAVE TO SUFFER SO DO YOU

MC: WELL I DIDN'T LOCK YOU IN THERE, NOW DID MR ELDER BROTHER ISSUES?!

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Lucifer: You're an irritable sheep today, aren't you?

MC: Yeah, well, why don't try sitting in this smelly booth while I beat the hell outta helpless fish?

( Sam and Max hit the road )

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Asmodeus: He hasn't stopped balling, or spewing, or having violent fits of rage since we brought him home! I wonder what's vexing him so...

Bb Satan: * Screaming bloody murder *

( Sam and Max S1 E10 )

AN - I needed a break from writing a long chapter and refound this. I don't know what it is either.

#obey me shall we date #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me crack

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