#Sadly these dvds are currently sold out

[rachreads]

y’all remember that adult job i said i was getting? well, i got it so the bruhl shrine has received a massive upgrade. >:)

more pics and artist links below ;)))

The shelf itself is an IKEA Milsbow with four Mittled LED cabinet lights on the underside of every shelf to give it some light. I did have to drill a hole in the bottom self to feed some cords though, but other than that it was pretty simple to put together! :D

The framed The King's Man (2021) poster on the left was a freebie that I got for attending the opening night showing of the movie! I was the only person in the theater with my friend, so we nabbed about seven of 'em and handed them out to fellow Bruhl and Kingsman appreciators in our friend grounp.

The All the King's Men poster underneath isn't Bruhl related, but it was a gift from another friend who knows how much I like the Kingsman movie series. I also have a Kingsman shrine in my living room (and a Talking Heads shrine, and a Re-Animator shrine, and a Vladmir Nobokov shrine.... i am so completely normal).

Everything below reads left to right, I'll try to include links to artists where I can!

Comic books in the back are issues 2-4 of Thunderbolts presents Zemo: Born Better (which isn't canon to the MCU, and honestly is not my favorite, but the cover art looks cool lol) and the first collected volume of the original Thunderbolts run.

The black picture frames on the left are a sticker set from @injureddreams on their Etsy store and can be found here! The keychain in the golden frame on the right is also from their store, and is sadly sold out :(, but the store page is here.

Speaking of keychains, I have two on order from Noble Demons that are currently getting bounced around in my campus mail system that will go in those empty spots in the frame. Those two can be found here and here.

The funko pop on the left is the limited edition dancing Zemo from the Collector Corps subscription box (although you can find them resold on Amazon and the like for ~20 bucks), and the funko pop on the right is the regular Zemo pop from the FATWS line from 2021. These are also on sale for around ~10 bucks on Amazon.

The figpin in the very middle is the MCU Zemo pin from the FATWS line that was released in 2021.

The plush in the very middle was actually made by me :D. You can find the pattern on Etsy here, but if you're curious about the specific yarns used, you can check out my ravelry posts about it here.

And finally, the enamel pins in the golden frame on the right are from ChingonPinz on Etsy, but unfortunately are not sold anymore.

The DVD/Bluray collection on the left has German imports of Schule (2000) and Lessons of a Dream (2011), as well as American DVDs/Blurays of Deeply, The Edukators, Lila Lila, Inglourious Basterds, and The Cloverfield Paradox. Civil War bluray on the right is also a US release.

Special attention called to the Good Bye Lenin DVD on the left, which is the US Special Edition that has director's and actor's commentary tracks, including one with Daniel on it! Geez, if only someone were to rip those tracks and upload them to the internet. Maybe in a masterlist on a pinned post. Maybe at the top of their blog. That would be crazy hahahahahaha.

The magazine in the back is the European version of Issue 46 of The Rake, which contains the amazing and wonderful photoshoot that can be seen in this post here. (pinkie promise i did not spend $200 on that, I got it on eBay for like 20$)

The art board print in the middle is from rindelamater on Redbubble and can be found here.

The Good Bye Lenin Blu-Ray that is laying on the bottom of the shelf is an import from South Korea, and is actually the only region A blu-ray of GBL in existence since there has been no re-release in the US. I imported mine from eBay, although I think I have seen a few floating around on other sites.

Good Bye Lenin and Inglourious Basterds CD scores are pretty common, I don't think I need to explain those.

The plushie of Zeems on the right is from RedCapStore on etsy and can be found here. This was actually a gift from a friend and I hold it very dear to my heart. :)

The Laszlo Brainrot begins.

Angel of Darkness and Surrender, New York on the left are US mass market paperbacks. Super easy to find. :)

The framed art print in the very middle is my very favorite drawing from @pannypunkpanda's 365 day art challenge from last year! You can find this specific one on their RedBubble shop here.

The rest of the items on this shelf (including the custom Leuchtturm1917 Journal on the left *drool*) are from a PR box that was released for TNT's version of The Alienist: Angel of Darkness in 2020. In anticipation for the season, an online murder mystery party was held and journalists recieved a box of props that acted as clues for the mystery. There's an article covering the online event linked here for those curious. I managed to snag a box from a reseller on eBay for around 60 bucks, although that was the first and only time I have ever seen it available. :(

The box on the very bottom right is the mailing box that the murder mystery props from the shelf above all came in.

The board game on the left is a custom box and game that was only given out to the cast and crew of the first or second season of the Alienist iirc and is not easily available on the market. I, again, picked mine up from a reseller on eBay, but it's pretty hard to find.

The book in the middle is the tie-in edition of The Alienist by Caleb Carr, which is completely annotated and highlighted to shit by your's truly. :)

The picture frame on the right again has stickers from @pannypunkpanda's RedBubble shop linked here, and another sticker in the very middle from Elizabeth Ryan Shepard's RedBubble shop linked here.

And that's it! I may make another list with my holy grail items that I'm still on the lookout for but honestly I might just like to gatekeep those. It might make my chances of finding them better oops.

#rach speaks! #is this too much? i think that this may be too much. I cannot be sure. #daniel bruhl #daniel brühl #zemo #helmut zemo #good bye lenin #alex kerner #the alienist #laszlo kriezler #laszlo kreizler #the ~shrine~

[aonodreamland]

SHOUNEN HOLLYWOOD DVD CONTENTS

1. SHOUNEN HOLLYWOOD (2011)

Disk 1 -Honpen (Stage and Live) -Tokuten :

Senpai Idol Digest

Senshuuraku Digest

Off Shot Movie

Adult Hollywood PV [Atarashii Asa]

Ryuu Dialect Course

Disk 2 CD

Saikyou Saikou Orenji Girl

Atarashii Asa

Beautiful Trip 2011

2. SHOUNEN HOLLYWOOD~Bokura no Orenji ni Mata Aitai~ (2012)

Disk 1 -Honpen (Stage and Live) -Tokuten :

Photobook Shoot Off Shot

Stage Collection

Senshuuraku Digest

Ryuu Dialect Course part II

Disk 2 CD

Saikyou Saikou Orenji Girl

Kimi ga! Rival

God Bless You

Here’s my post about Nelke Idols all generations

#Shounen Hollywood #Nelke : Shounen Hollywood #Shohari #Nelke Idol #Nelke Idols #Sadly these dvds are currently sold out

[chibimyumi]

Hello Chibimyumi, I apologise in advance for the uncomfortable question I have about the musicals. I hope I'm mistaken, but for those musicals where Soma and Agni are included, is it truly the case that they are portrayed by actors in brownface? Is this a common occurrence, and what is public perception of this in Japan today?

Dear Anon,

You ask an incredibly good but complicated question. It is great to hear that you are aware of how cultural contexts can play into such matters. Now, since you asked, I’d ask you all to strap in; this is going to be quite a ride.

Short answer

If you mean whether the actors used darker make-up to portray a race with a darker skin tone, then yes. The actors are all ethnically Japanese without any Indian heritage to the best of everyone’s knowledge.

However, before we can discuss this “whether this is an issue”, the following is what I need all readers here to keep in mind at all times (i.e. don’t continue reading with White SJ in mind). Namely: In Japan and Japanese live theatre medium especially, ‘[colour] face’ has entirely different connotations than in the White West. To anyone mid-pounce of their attack in light of social justice, halt. Please hear me out. I am talking ONLY about Japan.

Brown Face in Japan?

Demographics

So, before we begin, I wish to instill in you all that Japan is very, very homogeneous in comparison to most other countries. Japan has LESS THAN 2% of ethnically non-Japanese people, and half of this >2% is ethnically Chinese or Korean. So yes, in Japan, ONLY 1% is racially and phenotypically different than the native Japanese.  Japanese people are the natives in Japan, so they consider their skin ‘neutral’; it is NOT coloured. Then there are the ‘white coloured’ people who are semi-neutral, and you have everyone else who have a ‘darker colour’.

Now with this framework in mind, let us jump to how this demographic makeup affects the theatre world. For clarity’s sake I shall discuss this in sections.

Section 1 - Poor, poor industry

Japanese theatre and especially 2.5D industries are really poor. As discussed in full detail in this post about the extreme harm of pirating JP theatre, the vast majority of theatre actors need to juggle 2 or 3 jobs to make a living because most theatre companies ONLY pay the performers for their stage time (no rehearsal pay, no food, no accommodation). One run of a show is usually no more than 5 or 6 weeks. If one show gets a run of 3 months, that is considered ridiculously long. So far, only the top three Japanese theatre companies can manage such long runs, being: Takarazuka, TOHO and Shiki.

Section 2 - ‘Broad utility value’ and chances

The super short runs means that on average, an actor only has an income for 5 or 6 weeks for one job, even though their work for one production takes much more time than that (formal rehearsal is usually one month, but there’s a lot of ‘homework’ and ‘overwork’ too). This again means that in order to make a living in the theatre industry, a performer needs to have ‘broad utility value’, that is to say: they need to be ‘castable’ into as many roles as possible, and therefore ‘neutral’.

The selling stories in Japan usually have an all-Japanese or all-white character list, as you all must have noticed. When there are non-white foreigners in such stories, they’re usually countable on the fingers of one hand. And sadly, when they are present they‘re often comic relief, antagonists, or ‘exotic accessories’.

The wider sentiment in Japan is that if you are ‘neutral coloured’ you can be painted into a different colour. But if you are ‘darker than neutral’, you can’t be painted lighter. “You cannot take the colour away”, so to say. That is the reason why in Japan, darker skinned minorities would have very little incentive to sign up for the theatre industry. Why bother get a job that pays so terrible and ONLY be allowed minor/bad roles if there happen to be darker skinned characters once in a blue moon? Why bother competing with ‘neutral’ skinned people who can replace you easily?

In a nutshell, the terribly racist reality is that darker skinned actors are not considered to have broad utility value because the entertainment industry and common populace decided so. With so few dark skinned characters and the wide acceptance that ‘neutral’ skinned people can be painted into any other colour, darker skinned people’s chances of getting by on theatre work is just very slim. The entertainment industry makes itself very unappealing to these people, and indeed resulted in a shortage of darker skinned performers.

This current shortage means that if a production wants to feature differently skinned characters without ‘brown facing’, they’d have trouble finding enough people who: 1. are ‘the correct colour’, 2. are willing to work for virtually no pay, and 3. also have the skills to perform in Japanese language (many of these people also really lack the practice to build up theatre skills because - as explained - they have very little outlook in this field). So again, “why bother going through the trouble if you can just paint these actors white and those actors brown? Same difference right? Here have some brown foundation and you’re good to go!”

Section 3 - The race is the costume

Well, is painting Japanese actors white or brown ‘same difference’? In practice... to Japan, ‘yes’. Japan does not have an issue with pretending to be a different race through make-up. This means that there is no concept of ‘brown face’ or ‘any other-colour-face’. Seeing Japanese actors painted white in modern theatre and cosplay is the standard. Countless modern theatre shows feature almost exclusively white characters, after all.

As a representative example, Kuromyu mostly has white characters. But so far it has had 4 mixed-race actors in 10 years! However, all of them are partially white, meaning they’re “““light neutral””” or even “““extra pretty”””.  

There is no such thing as ‘white face’ in Japan, and outside Japan, nobody (in their right mind) should compare ‘white face’ to ‘black face’. When the Europeans arrived in Japan, the Japanese were actively challenged to prove themselves as white as possible. Japan was spared from colonisation because they proved themselves “white civilised enough” for the Europeans. That is the Japanese-Western legacy: “pretending to be a colour is part of ‘modernisation’ and ‘globalisation’”. If painting a ‘neutral’ person white is okay, why wouldn’t painting someone ‘brown’ be? It sounds quite hypocritical to Japanese people because Japan has a different racial relationship than the White West has.

Unlike white-colonising countries, Japan does not have such a long and problematic history regarding brown/black races, hence there is also no collective guilt about having systematically oppressed and excluded dark skinned people. In the White West if you paint someone darker it’s because they don’t want to employ dark skinned people. In Japan however, it’s because there are hardly any darker skinned people to actually take the job. It’d be an altogether different problem for the theatre industry to just go: “we shall only stage all-Japanese-characters productions now!” ... that’s what they did in Imperial Japan during WWII, and that was NOT pretty.

Besides, Japan in being so homogeneous, we can imagine why awareness of ‘brown/black face’ was never deemed immediately ‘necessary’ in Japan. In combination with the legacy of ‘pretending to be a colour is fine’, the current status quo had taken shape.

Unlike American media or South Korean media, Japan predominantly creates solely for the purpose of domestic consumption. Hence the DVDs are often sold in Japan only without subtitles. Hence that many websites are Japan restricted. Japanese theatre no exception, it’s made by Japanese, for the Japanese, in Japan. As explained above, because there is no concept of problematic x-colour-face, then why bother avoiding it?

Section 4 - Orientalism though....

So, are Soma and Agni ‘brown face’ in Kuromyu? Not in the same way it would be in a Euro-American way, but that does not mean it’s ‘no problem at all’.

The main problem in Japan is not the ‘brown face’, but Orientalism. The common Japanese people would not bat a single eye at two Indian characters going on and on about curry, elephants and Hindu Gods. But unlike ‘colour-face’ not really being a problem in Japan because of different cultural heritage, the perpetuation of stereotypes cannot be excused.

When there are so few dark skinned characters in an otherwise all-white/ “neutral” cast, it surely is quite aggravating that the musical chose to reduce Indian people to... well, curry, elephants and Hindu Gods. Had the writers not reduced Indian culture to a stereotype however, then as long as the portrayal of dark-skinned people is respectful, ‘brown face’ really is not a problem in Japan, just like ‘white face’ is not.

Conclusion

In this post I have discussed the demographic makeup of Japan, the terrible circumstances of the theatre industry, and how this lead to a real lack of dark-skinned performers. The lack of dark-skinned actors, in turn, means that if a theatre/film industry doesn’t want to go ‘pure Japanese race pride!!!’, they’d have to ‘paint actors into a race’.

Japan narrowly having escaped white colonialism also means that the Japanese have a very different awareness about race and sensitivity. In being challenged to ‘perform the white race’ in the 19th century, Japan gained a legacy wherein ‘race is just performative’.

That Japan has a different cultural heritage and racial history can explain why x-‘colour-face’ is non-problematic in Japan. Applying white-social-justice to Japanese standards would cause entirely different problems simply because the Japanese demographic makeup and film/theatre industry simply cannot adopt this western standard without doing more harm than good. This Japanese heritage however, does NOT excuse offensive stereotyping of people however.

So in a nutshell: Soma and Agni are not ‘brown face’ in Japanese context because there is no such concept. However, there is a problem, and it lies in the Orientalist stereotyping of Indian culture.

#Kuroshitsuji #Black Butler #Kuromyu #Agni #Soma #soma asman kadar #Brown face #black face #white face #culture #cultural context #japanese society #japanese context

[rz-jocelyn]

[INFORMATION] Supporting Sato Ryuji and the 2.5D Industry

I don't usually like to touch on such matters because I do believe that fandom is a place where people should be able to have fun with no pressure (IRL is difficult enough as it is, sadly *pats*), but under such circumstances, I would like to play my part in raising an awareness of how the measures to combat COVID-19 in Japan have impacted the entertainment industry, of which Ryuji is included.

Due to the circumstances surrounding COVID-19, the entertainment industry has seen a slew of cancellations for both performances and events. In the 2.5D and stage play industry, numerous major productions have had to be cancelled or postponed, some without ever being staged despite the completion of rehearsals.

Ryuji too has faced the issue of production cancellations and postponements with '"Warau Salesman" THE STAGE' being cancelled and the ticket sales for the "Re:FOLLOWER" Stage being postponed. 

"Warau Salesman" THE STAGE' had also already begun rehearsals before the COVID-19 situation escalated and cancellation was announced.

This means that companies are likely to be facing major losses from ticket refunds as they would probably still have to pay for venue rentals and other production costs.

Much like the companies, the actors and voice actors too are struggling because of these postponements and cancellations. Last week, NHK conducted a survey looking at how actors and voice actors were impacted by the situation. 528 actors and voice actors responded, and the results that they collected?

75.7% said that they have not been paid for any work that they had been scheduled to perform

24.3% said that they had been paid for some or all their work

When asked about their current financial situation in the midst of the COVID-19 crisis:

52.3% said that they are spending down their savings

26.3% said that they actually needed to borrow money to survive and sustain themselves in their daily living

Source: HERE

This is because stage actors are often not paid for rehearsals, and are paid only when the production has sold tickets and has been successfully staged, and when the actors' character goods are sold. Therefore, actors would have gone into or completed rehearsals for a production, working for weeks or months without pay, before the production is postponed or cancelled.

For more information on this, please check out this post: HERE

So, for those who can afford to do so and would like to show some financial support, I've just compiled below links to some of Ryuji's merchandises, songs and productions.

Please find the links below the cut.

LINKS FOR SATO RYUJI’S GOODS, MUSIC AND PRODUCTIONS

Ryuji's goods/merchandise: HERE

Ryuji's music (official digital download): HERE

Physical CDs of Ryuji's music: HERE

Ryuji's productions (official streaming/download): HERE

Blu-ray/DVD of Ryuji's productions: HERE

NOTE:

Earnings from personal projects are more likely to go directly to Ryuji. These personal projects would include his band, The Brow Beat, and his photobooks.

The production company that produced '"Warau Salesman" THE STAGE' is Nelke Planning. Other productions that they've produced include: 

Rock Opera 'R&J'

Musical Touken Ranbu 

Live Spectacle NARUTO 

Gakuran Kageki Teiichi no Kuni

Nelke Idol Stages (Present◆5).

The "Re:FOLLOWER" Stage has also released merchandise and the Blu-ray/DVD of its TV drama is currently up for pre-order. More information about this can be found at the links below. 

"Re:FOLLOWER" Stage goods: HERE

"Re:FOLLOWER" TV drama Blu-ray/DVD: HERE

These lists are also works in progress, and so if there's something that anyone is interested in but cannot be found on these lists, please feel free to drop me a message here on Tumblr, on Twitter ( @EvansLils ) or CuriousCat (EvansLiLs)

For physical goods that require a proxy service, please refer to this link on the proxy services available for Japan here: HERE

Also, some of the online download/streaming platforms require VPN to access them. If anyone needs a recommendation on a VPN, please feel free to message me.

That being said, these are challenging circumstances for all of us, not just Ryuji and the entertainment industry in Japan, so for those who can't afford it, please don't feel pressured by this post and I hope that everyone will continue to do their best in hanging in there until we have overcome this *HUGE HUGGLES*

And, if you would still like to show your support, there are ways that we can do so without adding to our own financial challenges.

Do follow Ryuji on his Twitter, Instagram or Ameblo and leave encouraging comments for him (he does usually read fan comments, and has mentioned during his latest IG live that he spends his time now reading them more than ever). Even if these comments are not in Japanese, I fully believe that simple comments showing love and support in English and other languages would still convey everyone's feelings to him.

SATO RYUJI’S PERSONAL SNS ACCOUNTS

Ryuji's Twitter: HERE

Ryuji's Instagram: HERE

Ryuji's Ameblo: HERE

For anyone who has Apple Music or Spotify, aside from a show of support in terms of the number of times a song is streamed, a portion of the earnings from the streaming of songs goes to the artist/production.

Apple Music

Please refer to the iTunes links on this list: HERE

Spotify

The Brow Beat (Ryuji's band project): HERE

Sato Ryuji: HERE

Musical Touken Ranbu (feat. Kashuu Kiyomitsu): HERE

Ochanomizu Rock (feat. DYDARABOTCH): HERE

NOTE: For anyone who is interested in the difference in earnings, independent cellist Zoë Keating did a comparison between the royalties she earned from the two streaming services. She earned approximately USD 0.012 (1.30 yen) per stream on Apple Music and approximately USD 0.003 (0.33 yen) on Spotify.

Other than that, we can also spread the awareness of the impact that COVID-19 has had and is having on the actors and the industry. Contrary to the prevalent popular belief that all celebrities are financially able and well-off, for many of the stage actors we love, including Ryuji, they may be public figures, but like the rest of us, many of them are struggling to make ends meet during this difficult time.

I hope that everyone is keeping safe and healthy, and once again, may we all get through this together 💪💖

#Sato Ryuji #Warau Salesman THE STAGE #Re:FOLLOWER #The Brow Beat #Musical Touken Ranbu #Live Spectacle NARUTO #Toumyu #Narusute #Ochanomizu Rock #Rock Opera R&J #Romeo and Juliet #Gakuran Kageki Teiichi no Kuni

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. have you ever gotten soap in your mouth for cursing? do you think that’s right to do to kids who curse?: Nope. I didn’t say any curse words as a kid for one, but also I’m pretty sure my parents wouldn’t have done that if I did. They would have just talked to me about it and tell me not to say them. I personally don’t like the soap punishment, I think it’s dumb. I’ve heard of some parents who use hot sauce instead, which is just horrible. I understand if you don’t want your kid to curse, but you don’t have to torture them. Just talk with them and explain why it’s not nice to say and that kids shouldn’t speak that way or whatever. Don’t make too big a deal about it. Try not to curse around them either, that’s where they likely hear it and you can be an example for them. If talking doesn’t work then take something away like a toy or some computer time or whatever. I think it’s also important to reward kids when they’re behaving, even just acknowledging it. That can go a long way.

2. what age do you think is appropriate for kids to start watching horror movies with lots of gore?: Well, I personally don’t think kids should watch that at all. I’d say wait until they’re in high school. 

3. do you know what the word “polyamorous” means? and did you ever hear that song by breaking benjamin?: Yes I know what it means, no I haven’t heard that particular song by them.

4. how many bug bites do you currently have?:  Zero.

5. what’s one word you always have trouble spelling and can’t remember the correct spelling of?: Whenever a question like this comes up, “onomatopoeia” always comes to mind. That’s a word I never use except for these questions haha, but yeah I can never seem to remember the spelling, I have to Google it each time.

6. what’s one band that really sucks live?: I’ve never seen a bad live performance, but I’ve heard things about some bands that I haven’t seen, such as Maroon 5. I’ve heard they’re pretty bad. :X

7. do you go to warped tour? why or why not?:  I’ve never been.

8. do you have any wind chimes outside your house? how many?: Yes, a couple. 

9. do you know someone who actually had someone give them a bouquet of real roses and one fake one, and tell them they’ll love them until the last one dies?:  I’ve never heard of that lol but awww how corny and sweet.

10. which do you like better, firefox or internet explorer?: Firefox out of the two, but I use Chrome.

11. who is the most attractive person on your street?: I haven’t seen all my neighbors, but I don’t find the few I have seen attractive. 

12. do you have a flat stomach? would you ever wear a belly shirt to show it off?:  I have a flat stomach, but noooo you’ll never see me in a crop top. I’m waaaaay too self-conscious for that.

13. which do you prefer on yourself, long or short hair?: Long, which is what I have, but it takes more energy and maintenance than I can give right now and I should just cut it short again. :/ I just can’t bring myself to do it for some reason, though.

14. what about on your preferred sex? long or short?:  Short.

15. with eyebrow piercings, do you prefer the ring or the curved barbell?:  I don’t care for eyebrow piercings, personally.

16. have you ever pierced something yourself? why and what was it?: Nooooo. I would never. I’m terrified of needles and don’t do well at all when getting blood work done, and that’s by professionals. I could never attempt to pierce myself with no experience at all. I’d also be scared of doing something wrong or causing an infection.

17. would you date someone who was five years older than you?:  Maybe. I think that’s the oldest I would go.

18. i heard of a girl whose boyfriend cheated on her with a 13yearold (he’s 18) and got her pregnant, so she left him. what would you have done if you were in her situation?:  Omg. I’d have left him, too, but I also would have reported him.

19. how old was the youngest person you ever found attractive? and how old were you?:  Just a year younger than me.

20. isn’t it annoying when you’re trying to start conversation with someone and all they say is “yup” or “really now” or something like that?: Ugh, yes. If they’re clearly not into it or they’e distracted then forget it, what’s the point? I can’t keep a conversation going if the other person isn’t putting anything into it nor would I want to even try.

21. if you have aim, do you have any linked screen names? how many?: AIM died.

22. which of your favorite bands released a new album last?: Hmm. I’m blanking at the moment.

23. are you waiting for any bands to release new albums? which ones?:  Not in particular, but I’m always down for new music.

24. what’s your favorite store for buying cds and such at?:  I haven’t bought a CD since like 2011. I usually just went to like Walmart or Target. I also bought a few CDs from a place that sold old records/albums/cassettes, though. That’s also the place I sold all my CDs to.

25. what’s the point in buying dvds like “girls gone wild” and other porn if you can get tons more online for free?: I don’t know, ask someone who watches porn. 26. if you had to have one drug (illegal ones, like marijuana and cocaine and all of them) right now, what would it be?: Marijuana is legal here, but that’s the only drug I would do.

27. would you ever get a sleeve or a half sleeve on your arm (we’re talking about tattoos)?:  No. I only want one little one.

28. do you have a wireless mouse and/or keyboard?: I have a laptop, so it has a built-in trackpad and keyboard. 

29. do you think your biological parents love each other?: Yes.

30. do you have callouses on your feet?:  No.

31. did you see the commercial for that “foot grater” on tv that basically shaves the callouses off of your feet? isn’t that nasty to think about?: Gahhh, yes. 🤢 It was so gross.

31. what’s your favorite color combination (ex. pink and purple)?: I love pastel colors together.

32. ever been to watchmovies.net? what do you think of the quality of the movies there?:  Yeah, back in the day. I totally forgot about that. The quality wasn’t too, too bad on the ones I saw.

33. what’s one movie you’re dying to see but haven’t had the chance to see yet?: There’s a few movies that were supposed to come out this year that I wanted to see, but that’s obviously not going to happen. 34. would you rather live alone in a huge mansion or alone in a small studio apartment?: I don’t want to live alone at all, but if I had to choose I’d definitely choose the small studio apartment. I wouldn’t want to live in some huge house by myself. That would make me a lot more anxious and uncomfortable. I don’t even want a big house like that for my family and I, it’s just so unnecessary. We’d only need a house big enough for 4 adults and a doggo to live in. 

35. if you came across child porn on your computer, what would you do?:  Omg, that would mean I was hacked somehow. I’d be disgusted and horrified and try to get rid of it as quickly as possible. Are you supposed to report that kind of thing? I would think so, so that it could be taken down and hopefully catch whoever distributed it.

36. what’s the last computer game you played?: The Sims 4. It’s been a couple years, though. I get urges to play, but I’m too lazy.

37. what’s the name of the street you live on?: I’m definitely not sharing that.

38. would you ever dye your entire head blonde?:  No.

39. what’s the randomest thing you ever heard of someone collecting?:  *shrug* I have a rock collection, so who am I to judge. lol.

40. how often do you use “<3” or “:]”?: I don’t use :], I use :) Anyway, I don’t use emojis or smiley faces super often, but sometimes when I feel they’re fitting. I know some people who get a little carried with them.

41. isn’t it annoying how people walk around thinking hollister logo tshirts and ripped jeans are preppy, even though those things would never be allowed in a prepatory school because of the dress code?: >> *stares blankly in “I don’t care”* <<< Hahaha, for real. 

42. how do you feel about abortion?:

43. what’s one thing your grandmother does that you can’t stand?:  She doesn’t do anything that I can’t stand. My grandmothers were/are (my maternal grandmother sadly passed away 15 years ago) sweet, loving, and adorable. haha.

44. did you ever notice how it’s more tragic if a younger person dies than an older person, even if they both died of the same cause?:  Loss of my grandparents was heartbreaking for me, I had a really hard time with their loss. Them being older didn’t make it any easier. I think why people find it even more devastating when a child dies is because they were so young and hadn’t even had a chance, yet, like their life had just begun. There was so much still to experience. They should have had a lot more time. Even a young adult because it’s like their life is also kind of just beginning in a way, perhaps they just started or finished college, were about to start a new job, or were about to get married and start a family. They, too, have so much still to experience and should have had more time. But still, losing someone who is older is still just as sad. I think some people just can sometimes find a little comfort in the fact that they had lived a long life and got to experience a lot. 

45. when’s the last time you snuck around, and where did you go?: I don’t have to sneak around. Never have.

46. how often do you wash your hair?: Every couple days.

47. do you think the price for a movie ticket is too high these days?: Well, these days movie theaters aren’t even open. However, I don’t think it’s the movie ticket price that’s too high, it’s getting stuff at the concession stand that racks it up. The food and drinks are ridiculously overpriced. I just have to get some popcorn, though. I miss movie theater popcorn with salt and lots of butter.  48. have you ever been to a drive-in movie theater?:  Yeah, a few times as a kid. Actually, the last time I went was to see the Willy Wonka movie with Johnny Depp when it came out. I wish they still had drive in theaters where I live. I think they should make a big comeback, I mean that’s perfect for social distancing. We can stay in our own cars, closed off from others, but still enjoy movies on the big screen.

49. what’s your favorite musical?:  Sweeney Todd (the one with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter). 

50. what do you think of dr. seuss?: I was a fan as a kid, I loved his books. They’re classics. I actually have a Star-belly Sneetch stuffed animal, which is a character from his book, The Sneetches. 

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[x5red]

The lost Supergirl

To its detractors the 1984 Helen Slater Supergirl is an underwhelming, disjointed, and self-contradictory attempt to profit from the Superman franchise beyond the Man of Steel. To its supporters the 1984 Supergirl is a much misunderstood blending of super-heroics and fairy-tales, creating a magical story of adventure and courage. But no matter what your take on this movie, no one can deny that it failed to meet box office expectations and did not garner anything like the same reputation as Chris Reeve’s first two iconic Superman outings.

But with the passing of time comicbook fans seem to have slowly mellowed towards Slater’s Supergirl. Sure, it may never be considered a classic, but many fans now acknowledge that Helen Slater’s time in the red cape has a lot of charming qualities, qualities that are sadly lacking in many of DC’s modern offerings.

So, what caused this shift in attitudes?

Well, thanks to the internet, today’s fans have a greater awareness of the intentions of director Jeannot Szwarc, who (we now recognise) was pitching at a younger audience than the Superman movies -- hence the looser fairy-tale quality of the plot. But, more importantly, there’s also a growing awareness that many of the movie’s weaknesses were made far more glaring by the distributor’s brutal editing for US markets.

As more and more of the cutting room floor footage has been seen, so criticism has softened. Although still far from perfect, 2000′s extended 138 minute cut is generally recognised as a more balanced and coherent experience than 1984′s US theatrical version of just 105 minutes. But fans have speculated that yet more footage is still to be found. Rumours circulate on the far flung reaches of the internet concerning a possible 150 minute edit, smoothing over even more of the disjointed elements of the story.

In this article I want to first attempt a fact-packed recap of the editing history of the Supergirl movie, noting when and why its numerous cuts were created; then I want to briefly speculate on what might be in the still-missing 12 minutes (if indeed they exist), by pulling together the various rumours and looking at their evidence.

So, let’s begin...

From silver screen to small screen

Supergirl got its debut in London on Thursday 19th July 1984, as part of a Royal Charity Premiere screening attended by Princess Michael of Kent (whose husband is the current Queen’s first cousin, as I’m sure everyone knows(!)) This UK version was distributed by Columbia-EMI-Warner and ran at 124 minutes. Initial critical reaction was mixed, leaning more towards underwhelmed.

As US fans waited for the Maid of Might to fly onto their cinema screens, the movie began to open around the world. Ireland and Japan got Supergirl just days after the UK, then August saw Supergirl open in the Philippines, Australia, and Spain. In October it was the turn of France and Canada. Meanwhile Kara Zor-El fans in her (adopted) home country had no choice but to wait... and wait... and wait... The delay in the US release was caused by Warner Bros. dropping out of negotiations to promote and distribute the film in US theatres midway through production. As the movie was in post production, and overseas distribution deals were being struck, the Salkind family (the producers) scrambled to find an alternative distributor for their biggest market.

Finally, on Wednesday 21st November 1984, the Maid of Might launched onto US screens thanks to TriStar Pictures, but the switch in distributor had not been without major consequences. American Supergirl fans were treated to an experience that had been cut down to just 105 minutes, removing key exposition scenes from a movie that was already criticised for struggling with plot coherence. Supergirl grossed $5.7m on its opening weekend, and went on bring in $13.6m in the US market. On an estimated production budget of $35m, it was not considered a success.

At the same time as the US theatrical release, a 125 minute LaserDisc version appeared in Japan, marking the first time fans could watch the Girl of Steel in the comfort of their own Fortress of Solitude. The advertised 125 minute running time likely represents a rounding error rather than 1 minute of new material. Although not sold into US markets, some copies apparently did cross the Pacific. The LaserDisc version was likely a pan-and-scan copy (no documentation suggests widescreen), with Supergirl’s wide cinematic 2.35:1 image cropped drastically to fit television’s nearly square 4:3 ratio.

Pan-and-scan would also have been done to the initial VHS release into US markets by U.S.A. Home Video in 1985, which used the 105 minute cut that had appeared in US cinemas the year before. In 1987 a second pan-and-scan edit was created by TriStar for HBO‘s cable tv screenings, which was then used by the ABC Network when it broadcast a brutal 92 minute cut in February 1987. (It was common practice for ad-supported tv to heavily edit movies, making space for commercials without stretching the running time too far.) This super-slimline cut was later thrown together with other Superman movies into a tv syndication package by Viacom. The Internet Movie Database suggests that there was also a VHS cut that ran to just 89 minutes -- this may have been either the Avid Home Video release (1991) catalogued on the same site, or it may refer to an unknown overseas VHS release.

Lurking in the depths of the vaults

By the late 1990s the full 124 minute cut of Supergirl had still never been legitimately made available in the US. The rights to the Supergirl movie had subsequently been snapped up as part of a bundle of films by Canal + Distribution in France, and they allowed Anchor Bay Entertainment to release the two hour so-called International Cut on VHS. Many Supergirl fans now thought that they, at last(!), had copies of the most complete version of the film. But rumours quickly started to circulate that this was far from the case.

Not long after the International Cut’s release, speculation began that Canal + had found something interesting lurking amidst the dusty film cans they’d acquired as part of their rights acquisitions. A previously unknown 138 minute cut of Supergirl featuring a mono soundtrack had been unearthed, which quickly acquired the moniker of the Director’s Cut.

(Note: one citation-free internet comment suggests that the Director’s Cut was actually discovered at Pinewood Studios, in a box marked “do not use”. Although the early Superman / Supergirl movies were filmed at London’s Pinewood soundstages, it seems odd that a finished edit of the film, complete with soundtrack, would be discovered there.)

In mid-2000 Anchor Bay Entertainment released a two disc DVD set featuring both the 124 minute International Cut, and the new 138 minute Director’s Cut, both in widescreen format (2.35:1 letter-boxed to widescreen tv’s 16:9 ratio.)

So, thought fans, surely this is the definitive Helen Slater Supergirl... right..!?

Well, apparently, no..!

The rumours didn’t end with the Director’s Cut. Some evidence suggested that there were still scenes shot at Pinewood that didn’t make it into the 138 minute edit. Speculation was that somewhere in a rusting film can there might lie yet another 12 minutes of unseen footage, bringing the total running time of the film to a whopping 150 minutes -- that’s almost 50% more Supergirl than was seen by the original US theatrical audiences in November 1984.

So, what’s missing..?

First, let us rule out what we can say with certainty is not in any potential missing footage.

The original script for Supergirl, penned by David Odell, made heavy use of Christopher Reeve’s Superman. According to director, Jeannot Szwarc, the main plot device always revolved around the recovery of the Omegahedron, but in early drafts Superman was to encounter Supergirl in space, and the pair were to share a heartwarming scene in which he teaches his cousin how to fly, involving dancing together in mid-air. At a later point in the script Supergirl was to rescue Superman from a prison, where he languished as an old man having lost his immorality.

Regrettably, the producer’s hopes of securing Chris Reeve fell apart not long before shooting began. Without Reeve, Odell’s script (which, Szwarc claims, had already suffered numerous rewrites at the behest of the Salkinds and/or original distributors Warner Bros.) underwent yet another a major overhaul. As such, we can say with absolute certainty that none of the possible missing footage includes Christopher Reeve’s Superman.

So what might it contain?

A draft of the movie’s script, dated Monday 17th January 1983, is available online, and it seems to mention scenes that never appeared in any publicly available cut of the film, including the Director’s Cut. The draft’s date is just a few weeks away from the alleged filming dates: Monday 18th April 1983 to Thursday 11th August 1983. The script does follow the story line of the finished movie, although it is apparent that some action segments have been reworked and some of the dialogue is only vaguely similar to the filmed version.

A second source of information comes from an apparently test audience viewing in the US, with online accounts of this screening at sites like IMDB seeming to bear out the rumours that some of the elements in the draft script may have been filmed and included in this screening.

Speculation suggests that a number of clips featuring Selena are still lost. These include more material with Selena and the Omegahedron, and a clip during Selena’s takeover of Midvale in which the angry townspeople are cowered (except Lucy) by Selena when she uses an ice spell to kill a woman.

There’s also speculation that two short interactions with Linda at school are absent. The first involves Nigel quizzing Linda about her plans for the weekend (this happens immediately before the scene, 50 minutes in, with Linda sitting outside the school as other girls leave with their parents, when Lucy invites Linda to join her later in Midvale.) The second is a chat between Linda and Lucy about clothes and fitting in on Earth.

One interaction that always seemed a bit odd in the movie takes place immediately after the shower sequence (when Kara uses her heat vision to punish the two school bullies.) Entering their shared dorm room, Linda asks Lucy to comment on her new hairdo -- Lucy replies that it looks the same as before. In the script however (and in accounts of the advance screening) there is a segment with Supergirl using heat vision and a bathroom mirror to cut her blonde hair, but she forgets that she has reverted to Linda’s brunette wig when Lucy offers her critique. The second half of this interaction appears in the movie (albeit with different dialogue to the script), so fans have speculated that the laser haircut footage may exist too.

The January 1983 script also does a better job of tidying up the story’s loose ends. For example, rather than have Linda Lee just vanish without explanation, school principal (Fred?) Danvers uncovers Linda’s secret identity after she fights the energy monster, explaining why he won’t be frantically searching for her once Supergirl returns to Argo City. No accounts, rumoured or otherwise, suggest that these segments were filmed, however.

Conclusion

Even at 150 miniutes, Supergirl would still be a flawed movie. But then perhaps, as Jeannot Szwarc has noted, its intentions were never properly understood or promoted. The film isn’t trying to be the Christopher Reeve Superman, but rather a children’s fairy-tale in which the hero uses Kryptonian superpowers instead of magic. One internet commentator noted that Slater’s Supergirl is best enjoyed as a series of unconnected vignettes -- forget that the overall plot doesn’t make sense and just enjoy each scene on its own. I think there might be some truth in that analysis.

Despite its flaws, the 1984 Supergirl movie has amassed a loyal fanbase. The special effects are superb (even Richard Donner apparently admitted that the technique Szwarc used to make his Girl of Steel fly was superior to the zooming-lenses trick pioneered on Superman), the story is unapologetically lighthearted, and Helen Slater’s endearing portrayal as the Maid of Might is still considered by many to be the definitive live-action Supergirl.

Restoring the extra footage won’t overturn the movie’s shortcomings, but it will further soothe some of its inconsistencies, while sprinkling just a little more magic dust onto what its loyal fans already consider to be a charming and bewitching cinematic experience.

The movie’s heroine succeeds in her quest to find the Omegahedron and restore Argo City to its former glory -- we can but hope that one day her fans will find any missing footage, and restore her movie to its fullest length.

Timeline:

124 min (2h 04m) international theatrical release, July 1984.

105 min (1h 45m) US theatrical release, November 1984.

125 min (2h 05m) Japanese LaserDisc, late 1984.

105 min (1h 45m) initial US VHS release, 1985.

92 min (1h 32m) HBO / ABC television cut, 1987.

89 min (1h 29m) VHS release, unknown date (1991 perhaps?)

124 min (1h 04m) Anchor Bay VHS release, 1998.

138 min (2 hrs 18 mins) Director’s Cut DVD release, Summer 2000.

150 min (2 hrs 30 mins) speculated original cut, as yet undiscovered.

Sources:

imdb.com : Supergirl main page.

imdb.com : Supergirl alternative footage.

movie-censorship.com : Supergirl International vs Director’s Cut.

supermancinema.co.uk :  List of VHS and tv cuts.

maidofmight.net : Director Jeannot Szwarc interview.

Thanks to Corrine, aka supergirldiaries, for the initial inspiration.

#supergirl #dceu #comics #movies #dccomics #dc #precrisis #superhero #superheroine #superman #helen slater

[cryptofmadness]

Interview (excerpts): CRACKED magazine’s Dick Kulpa

Crypt of MADness interviews Dick Kulpa on his tenure at CRACKED magazine and more.

(Note: The following is excerpted from a much lengthier interview published in the print edition of Crypt of MADness magazine #5 (May 2018.) The full interview as printed is much longer and contains much more than published here.

(Interview conducted by Chet Reams for Crypt of MADness magazine

Reams: Tell us a bit about your background before taking over…

Kulpa: I could fill a book with all that. Suffice it to say, I worked in virtually every facet of publication: Editorial, art, production, printing, advertising, distribution, sales...even janitorial.

My original aspiration was to be a cartoonist, enjoying some degree of success in that as a "self-taught" illustrator in local and national levels. However, what could be termed as "real training" occurred during my 12-year (pre-CRACKED) tenure at the supermarket tabloid Weekly World News.

It was that tabloid editorial training which prepared me for CRACKED. After all, I had a big hand in the creation of a publication (Editor's note: the satirical/humorous print tabloid "Weekly World News.) that sold well over 200,000,000 copies during my time there.

Reams: How did you end up getting the CRACKED magazine brand from AMI?

Kulpa: I offered to buy it when it was folded. They accepted. That was "too easy,” I thought back then.

Reams: I read somewhere that there were plans for a CRACKED mag TV show/DVD around 2004.. .what happened to cause it to fall through?

Kulpa: It didn't have to fall through.

... Suffice it to say a semi-retired graphic artist with national aspirations (and no experience above a local level) declared my TV deal, which allowed the television people to market and profit from ancillary CRACKED merchandise for two years as “not good enough.” He blurted this out at the initial investor meeting held prior to my relocation to Rockford, Illinois.

... a national TV show would considerably enhance the CRACKED property, and I retain strong connections with key people who still see this as viable.

Also, past contributors would have seen residual payments for any work used.

Reams: What happened in Rockford, Illinois (where the last three issues were published) - with the investors there?

Kulpa: The amount “invested” in CRACKED was termed as “pocket change” by my main ombudsman there, and that money ran out by the third issue. The investors declined to recap it.

Oddly enough, that third issue bounced back in sales (which was usually the case during my tenure - I’d get three out then wait for money).

However...I don't fault the investors. As one advised me in a letter, they were "tickled pink" with my performance. However, they were unhappy with the performance of the company appointed to oversee the business end of it.

…

Reams: In Mark Arnold’s CRACKED book,(second volume, ) you are quoted as stating “in every case” the contracts you signed during “the CRACKED debacle” “..were breached…” Care to elaborate?

Kulpa: To my knowledge, nobody has ever challenged that statement.

We did not get all CRACKED documents as provided for in the original contract, as then-current distribution records were suddenly deleted from the seller’s company computers. I was advised of this minutes after that occurred by a major company insider (with a witness present.)

...

Reams: You also state “the CRACKED sale was never fully closed.” What exactly did you mean by that… were you not fully paid by the CRACKED dot com buyers, or more than that?

Kulpa: The principle attorney involved with the purchase (on the buyer's side) committed a "no-no", ethically. This prohibited me from fulfilling certain obligations. I did not receive the expected sum and was left holding the proverbial bag.

…

After that, my stored email evidence had suddenly disappeared back then (though I had saved THE one critically important email elsewhere) and at times it was exceedingly difficult to continue to “play dumb.” However, my prime goal was to unload what by then had become a debilitating albatross and return the investors’ money to them.

...

Reams: What would you do differently if you got CRACKED back today?

Kulpa: First off, I would not have lowered the bar. We had some great stuff in our first four AMI editions, but suddenly functioning on a zero editorial budget gave me little leverage in maintaining high standards on contributors. In short, I had to take what I could get…

2. Swing the axe. You cannot operate properly with loose lips — particularly whiners — who have no clue as to realities relative to your efforts. “Placating” doesn’t work. EXAMPLE: if a management staffer is delegated the task to make sure a price appears on the cover, that should be done. In one case, it wasn’t...and that cost an additional $10,000.

EXAMPLE 2: It takes sales to pay bills. One edition lost its scheduled racking because two knucklehead staffers charged with okaying the proofs buried them in an office desk drawer...costing CRACKED its proper rack placement. Most editions never left the trucks during distribution, and that edition subsequently bombed.

Given ongoing anomalous distribution issues, we just handed the bad guys a cracked CRACKED on a silver platter.

And freelancers wondered why it was tough to pay them.

3. Speaking editorially, my biggest mistake was in taking “me” out of “managing and creating editorial content” early on. I was too focused on distribution, dealings and ancillary issues. That, and I wound up as Weekly World News editor for a year, relinquishing basic editorial control of CRACKED. …

In terms of my own creative involvement, I pulled off some heavy stuff earlier in my career. That should have occurred here.

Reams: Why did you change CRACKED’s format?

Kulpa: I was appraised of CRACKED’s sales woes and presented a six-figure salary with a year to “turn things around.” At that time our in-house distribution people were “unenthused” (as seen in my first meeting with them.) I had to diminish the logo because my overseer wanted to change its name altogether, due to the drug connotation.

In publications, there is an established (but rarely used) concept of “throwing the current readership away” in order to expand, and Weekly World News did just that around 1984, dumping its 200,000 readership and growing it into over a million weekly sales. Egos had to be checked at the door. Sadly, they weren’t.

In closing: For a brief period in history, a major, iconic and classic entity was under the direct control of us “little guys”, and we so terribly muffed it. That’s why corporates will always control the action.

There are many people nostalgic for the CRACKED they grew up with, but the problem is, not enough.

And there’s a whole lot more to the CRACKED story...check out my Wordpress blog.

Reams: Looking back, would you say you made mistakes? You did say you believe your later lack of "managing and creating editorial content" was one, but were there others?

Kulpa: 2. My biggest mistake? As I debated whether to take the plunge - and sought direction, I failed to heed it when it came. One evening my girlfriend had me watch “Man of La Mancha,” and the scene featuring Don Quixote and his partner on a wooden horse - as entertainment for the aristocrat - struck me. “Look, that’s me and (Barry) Dutter” I exclaimed.

I should have listened to myself, because in essence, that’s what occurred.

…

On a practical front, I should not have delegated “important” functions to staff. As a result, a price was left off an edition cover, (costing $10,000 -CRACKED was shut down three weeks later by the previous owner), editions were sent to print a week late on several occasions, and freelancers “may” have gotten erroneous info.

Further, I regret not doing more editorially, as said before.

That, and bowing to staff pressure and trying to present new material. I should have gone to reprints for a time.

All that being said, I (and staff) functioned in unnatural and unprofessional conditions. We wanted CRACKED and instead, got “crazy.”

...

I should have never sounded off to a potential investor who finally emerged...as that killed the project. All in all, CRACKED Magazine boasts a proud legacy. Unknown to most were my efforts to maintain the magazine’s name, and at one point, stopping an AMI company official from selling its archives on eBay. A number of now-prominent artists got their springboard via my CRACKED, (because I saw things that MAD didn’t, perhaps?)

And the hope is that someday, someone will actually take the time to fully research this era. They will be in for some surprises. In my 1979 case, however, I knew who the culprit was.

In THIS case, it wasn’t me, but for some reason it’s convenient to maintain that fallacy.

…That being said, CRACKED (Editor's Note: CRACKED dot com, not the magazine) as been at the center of rather unusual financial activity for some time now, and I hope this gets thoroughly investigated.

Crypt of MADness magazine thanks Dick Kulpa for allowing us to interview him for Crypt of MADness issue #5!!

Excerpted from Crypt of MADness magazine #5, May 2018. There’s a lot more of this interview in the print zine - copies can be ordered from the Facebook page

#Interviews #articles #Crypt of MADness #August 2018 #Cracked #cracked magazine

[shirlleycoyle]

The Made-Up Language That Accidentally Became Real: The Story of Klingon

A version of this post originally appeared on Tedium, a twice-weekly newsletter that hunts for the end of the long tail.

Not too long ago, I drove by a radio station with an apostrophe in its call sign. Reading it aloud, it seemed the apostrophe affected an actual word, but my inner Star Trek fan immediately decided it simply must be a Klingon radio station.

Sadly, it was just a country station, but the experience prompted a silly thought: what if there were an actual Klingon radio station? Surely some dedicated Trekkers around the world may have done the same thing with the Klingon language that some enterprising (get it?) Star Trek fans did with folk music decades before.

The world is a bit bleak at the moment, so we decided to get a little nerdy this week and dive into an entirely new frontier. So grab a bowl of your favorite Klingon cuisine and a barrel of blood wine, because we’re exploring something a bit different: the Klingon language and its interesting impact on modern pop culture.

1985

The year in which The Klingon Dictionary saw its initial publication. The book includes grammar, vocabulary, and a vital pronunciation guide for the language. The book did not, however, provide any exercises or practice guides for actually learning the language. This likely decreased its efficacy for actually learning the language, but it was probably intended more as a guide for actors and a fun collectible for Trek fans than anything else. The book inspired at least one current Internet Archive user to create a HyperCard stack to help them learn the language in convenient electronic form. A second edition saw publication in 1992.

How a professional linguist transformed some gibberish into a constructed language

Like any story worth telling, the history of the Klingon language begins with improvisation. Some reports—including the DVD commentary for Star Trek: The Motion Picture Director’s Cut—maintain the genesis of the language rests with James Doohan (who played Montgomery “Scotty” Scott on the original show) and the film’s associate producer Jon Povill. The two had a meeting where they established a few basic words the aliens would utter throughout the movie. Doohan recorded the words for veteran Trek actor Mark Lenard, who portrayed a Klingon captain in the film. Lenard transcribed the words phonetically and practiced them to nail the delivery of his lines in the film. Doohan and Povill didn’t develop the language further. That honorable duty befell another man who wouldn’t enter the picture until Wrath of Khan’s editing phase.

Enter legendary linguist Marc Okrand, the creator of the Klingon language. Okrand began his career teaching linguistics courses in Santa Barbara, CA. Following his stint as a university teacher, he joined the Smithsonian Institute for a while researching California Native American languages that hadn’t been spoken for a long time. Following that, he began to work with The National Captioning Institute on developing closed captioning for educational purposes and the hearing impaired (look for a future issue of Tedium on the subject). In the midst of a fruitful career, Okrand stumbled almost accidentally into working on Star Trek through his captioning work.

Though it didn’t make its debut until the third Trek film, the genesis of the Klingon language in its current form actually lies with The Wrath of Kahn. In that film, there were two Vulcan characters speaking to each other in a corridor. The producers shot the scene with the actors speaking English but later decided to change it to the Vulcan language. The trouble was, a Vulcan language didn’t exist. Unbeknownst to anyone at the time, Marc Okrand would soon become the hero the film didn’t realize it needed.

Okrand believes luck played a significant role in gaining the opportunity in the first place. He was only in California for one week but had nothing to do for three days. He had two friends making Star Trek who wanted his opinion about expanding the alien languages within the film. It turned out to be a major headache for the film’s producers and they needed to resolve it within the week—the same week in which Okrand was visiting the state.

In 2018, Okrand told The Washington Post how he became involved in bringing alien languages to the franchise:

My real job, the one that really paid the bills, was closed captioning. The first program we did live was the Oscars, 1982. They flew me out to L.A., and I was having lunch with a friend who worked at Paramount. She and I go out to lunch, and the fact that I was a linguist came up—I have a PhD in linguistics. They wanted a linguist to come and make up gobbledygook that matches the lip movements. And I said, “I can do that!”

He only received a few hundred dollars for his work, but he delighted in his experience teaching Mr. Spock how to speak Vulcan. But following the success of the second film, something unexpected happened: Okrand received a call from Harve Bennett—the writer/producer of Star Trek III: The Search for Spock—asking him to create a full language for the Klingons to use in the film. As he told interviewer EC Henry in 2016, “every once in a while in life, you’re presented with a decision that’s really easy to make. That was one of those!”

The Search for Spock and most subsequent Star Trek programs featured Okrand’s language in some form, including the most recent Trek films up to Star Trek Into Darkness. He was still involved in Star Trek Beyond, too, creating several different languages for that film.

petaQ

The most common Klingon curse word. In the spirit of Nicolas Cage’s new Netflix show, we simply had to include this one. Usually written as P’Takh—Klingons sure do love their apostrophes—it’s always used as a noun in the show to insult other characters. It’s pronounced more like “pet-ock” with an extremely harsh guttural sound at the end. According to the Klingon Language Institute, the root of the word is “taQ” meaning “to be weird,” or indicating some kind of strangeness. But it’s more likely that it’s merely a common, interchangeable insult or as Enterprise suggests, it means “enemy.” A good runner up is probably “Qapla/Q’Plah”—the Klingon equivalent of “Have a Nice Day.” Imagine that on a bumper sticker or a T-shirt.

Examples of journals sold by the Klingon Language Institute; the institute also offers translations of well-known books in the language.

The language eventually grew much larger than the property for which it was developed

It may be difficult to believe, but per the Guinness Book of World Records, Klingon is the most widely spoken fictional language in the world. It even has an entire, well-known institute dedicated to learning Klingon.

The language itself is harsh, guttural, and bears some resemblance to a mix of Yiddish, some Native American languages, and German. Anytime Okrand approached sounding similar to any of real language, he adjusted the Klingon words to differentiate them from sounding like real-life language, resulting in some of the very unique words one hears in Klingon.

What differentiates Klingon from other constructed languages—like J.R.R. Tolkien’s Elvish languages or some of the constructed languages in Game of Thrones—is the piecemeal nature of the language’s construction. Okrand designed the language as needed, based on the needs of the episodes and films for which he was consulted. It didn’t see further realization or development until much later.

The Klingon Dictionary took the idea to another level entirely, even if it didn’t fully function as a learner’s guide to the language. The book’s success led to other publications like the audiobooks Conversational Klingon and Power Klingon. 1997 brought the long-anticipated follow-up to the dictionary, Klingon for the Galactic Traveler. There’s even an interactive CD-ROM Star Trek: Klingon, whose third disc features a Klingon language lab.

There haven’t been any additional Klingon language books or multimedia since, but a group of speakers formed The Klingon Language Institute in 1992 to further the learning and development of the language over time. The Pennsylvania-based institute isn’t a loose organization of Trek enthusiasts; it’s a full non-profit organization dedicated to legitimately teaching Klingon through lessons, translators, and other online resources. They even offer a Klingon Language Certification Program.

Before going fully electronic, KLI published a quarterly journal, poetry, and fiction in the language and at one time even offered a $500 scholarship. It’s founder, Lawrence M. Schoen, is an accomplished speaker who currently acts as the institute’s director. KLI’s members still meet up once a year to lecture, teach, learn and discuss the language—all while having a good time, of course. Per KLI, only a few people are fluent enough in Klingon to actually speak it conversationally.

Okrand maintains a positive attitude and relationship with speakers of the language, but as he told Henry back in 2016, he “doesn’t speak it very well” because of the way he made it up in the first place. The language was built to one line at a time to suit the story of the show. He’d coach actors to say the lines, get through the process, and move on. Then he forgot some of it, so writing the book required more effort on his part to not only flesh out the language but almost rebuild it from some of his previous work on Trek.

In several interviews, Okrand is clearly proud of his work, but would definitely do it a bit differently if given the opportunity. He would have thought more about the structure and design of the language rather than simply creating words on the fly and revising them later. Despite the movie-prop nature of its construction, Klingon managed to evolve.

Okrand is still involved in the language as it continues developing, and people still ask him about creating new words to grow the language. At this point, Klingon is a developing constructed language that’s cemented its place in society outside of Star Trek. Okrand realizes it’s much larger than he ever intended, telling a convention in 2016 about the future of the language:

“At some point, it’ll grow without me, and that’s fine.”

“When I wrote the dictionary, I thought people would put it on their coffee table and reference it for fun, but a few years later, I found out they were dissecting and analyzing it. And thanks to the Internet, people were meeting on message boards to talk in Klingon.”

— Marc Okrand, the creator of the Klingon language. In a 2013 interview with Mashable, he marveled at how far the language he built for the Star Trek movies took off in real-life. While Okrand still referenced the dictionary while working the films at that time, he still asserts many other people speak the language much better than he does.

The Klingon Dictionary, because of course. Image: Bookshop

Dedicated speakers and technology helped the Klingon language transcend pop culture

Klingon was still going strong as the internet developed into its present form. Per Okrand, the rise of forums and internet chat actually may have helped breathe further life into the language. It’s obvious that Trek fans love it, but what’s most interesting about the language is how common it is among non-Star Trek fans. For instance, linguists and language enthusiasts love studying it or teaching it to family, like the PhD candidate who taught his young son Klingon to better understand the language. The man, D’Armond Speers, became academically interested in the language after seeing a flyer for the KLI.

That isn’t to say there aren’t plenty of fans who enjoy using the language and taking it to the higher levels. Capitalizing on the new age of smartphones, Simon & Schuster released The Klingon dictionary and language suite (containing the dictionary, Conversational Klingon, and other digital tools) for iPhone around 2009. Running from $3.99 to $11.99, iPhone users could learn Klingon in digital style.

Nowadays, DuoLingo and Youtube offer several ways to learn Klingon, from visual lessons to interactive studying.

On the pop culture front, some students of the Klingon language decided to translate Hamlet into the language to astonishing success. There was an insane Pizza Hut commercial spoken (and written!) entirely in Klingon. And you know something is truly popular when Rhett & Link feature it on Good Mythical Morning. And if you’re looking to groove to some Klingon-inspired tunes, you can’t go wrong with Klingon Pop Warrior or Stovokor.

I never found a good example of a Klingon radio station (aside from a long defunct fake station called, appropriately, KPLA radio), but Klingon opera is alive and well in the modern day.

One of the frequently recurring aspects of Worf’s character in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine is his love of Klingon Opera. Have you ever wondered what if Klingon Opera’s were a thing? As it turns out, a legitimate opera entitled ‘U’ was written and performed in Klingon. The U stands for “Universal.”

It was essentially a song in the key of Kahless, telling the story of the Klingon leader. Composed by Eef van Breen with a libretto by Kees Ligtelijn and Marc Okrand, the opera debuted in the Netherlands in 2010 to an enthusiastic audience reaction. Floris Schönfeld handled the artistic direction. It played a few more dates in 2012, but hasn’t been seen since. Don’t despair, though, as there may be a new Klingon Opera in the works.

Outside such creative endeavors, there seems to be a resurgence of the language in popular shows like the eternally annoying The Big Bang Theory. With the sole exception of the Barenaked Ladies’ theme song, I simply don’t enjoy The Big Bang Theory. While Star Trek references—including several instances of conversationally using the Klingon language—litter the show, it’s just not my cup of tea (I prefer chilled Earl Gray). It is, however, notable for bringing Klingon Boggle and The Klingon Dictionary back into the collective pop culture mind. If there’s one thing I dislike more than watching The Big Bang Theory, it’s probably playing a game of Monopoly. Yes, I am aware the game was joked about in the show before it came out. Per Memory Alpha, this may have been intentional product placement on the part of Hasbro. Either way, the real-estate trading game traces its origins back to the early 1900s and has its own unique history, but this astonishing board game has the distinction of merging Klingon and a popular board game, effectively bringing the language further into public consciousness.

And I thought real-life Klingon operas were weird.

“Speaking Klingon is a great way to make new friends.”

— Michael Dorn, the actor who played Lieutenant Commander Worf in Star Trek: the Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, during an ad for Rosetta Stone: Klingon. Dorn goes on to discuss how fun the language can be, with plenty of enthusiastic participants demonstrating their language skills. Of course, this was simply an April Fool’s joke perpetrated by ThinkGeek in 2014, but it’s a great piece of Klingon language history nonetheless.

As time and technology evolve, it truly seems as if the Klingon language will continue to capture the hearts and minds of both Trek fans and non-Trek fans alike. One doesn’t need to be a fan to learn and enjoy the language. All you need is an interest and the resources to learn.

It overcame a legal battle over copyright of the language in 2016 and may even be useful for treating dyslexia. Not bad for a constructed language designed for aliens in a Star Trek movie.

Marc Okrand’s work in closed captioning is legendary, but he left an indelible mark on both linguistics and pop culture for a long time to come. You don’t have to be a sci-fi fan to appreciate Klingon.

So until next time, stay safe, be kind to each other, and don’t forget to always say Q’Plah!

The Made-Up Language That Accidentally Became Real: The Story of Klingon syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[unsettlingshortstories]

Hello, Moto

Nnedi Okorafor (2011)

“African women in general need to know that it’s OK for them to be the way they are – to see the way they are as a strength, and to be liberated from fear and from silence.”

—Wangari Maathai, Kenyan environmental activist and Nobel Laureate

This is a tale you will only hear once. Then it will be gone in a flash of green light. Maybe all will be well after that. Maybe the story has a happy ending. Maybe there is nothing but darkness when the story ends.

We were three women. Three friends. We had goals, hopes and dreams. We had careers. Two of us had boyfriends. We owned houses. We all had love. Then I made these… wigs. I gave them to my two friends. The three of us put them on. The wigs were supposed to make things better. But something went wrong. Like the nation we were trying to improve, we became backward. Instead of giving, we took.

Walk with me. This is the story of How the Smart Woman Tried to Right Her Great Wrong.

Dawn

With the wig finally off, Coco and Philo felt more distant to me. Thank God.

Even so, because it was sitting beside me, I could still see them. Clearly. In my head. Don’t ever mix juju with technology. There is witchcraft in science and a science to witchcraft. Both will conspire against you eventually. I realized that now. I had to work fast.

It was just after dawn. The sky was heating up. I’d sneaked out of the compound while my boyfriend still slept. Even the house girl who always woke up early was not up yet. I hid behind the hedge of colorful pink and yellow lilies in the front. I needed to be around vibrant natural life, I needed to smell its scent. The flowers’ shape reminded me of what my real hair would look like if the wig hadn’t burned it off.

I opened my laptop and set it in the dirt. I put my wig beside it. It was jet black, shiny, the “hairs” straight and long like a mermaid’s. The hair on my head was less than a millimeter long; shorter than a man’s and far more damaged. For a moment, as I looked at my wig, it flickered its electric blue. I could hear it whispering to me. It wanted me to put it back on. I ran my hand over my sore head. Then I quickly tore my eyes from the wig and plugged in the flash drive. As I waited, I brought out a small sack and reached in. I sprinkled cowry shells, alligator pepper and blue beads around the machine for protection. I wasn’t taking chances.

I sat down, placed my fingers on the keyboard, shut my eyes and prayed to the God I didn’t believe in. After all that had happened, who would believe in God? Philo had been in Jos when the riots happened. I knew it was her and her wig. A technology I had created. Neurotransmitters, mobile phones, incantation, and hypnosis- even I knew my creation was genius. But all it sparked in the North was death and mayhem. During the riots there, some men had even burned a woman and her baby to death. A woman andherbaby!

I didn’t want to think of what Philo gained after causing it all. She never said a word to me about it. However, soon after, she went on a three-day shopping spree in Paris. We could leave Nigeria, but never for more than a few days.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I meant well.” I opened my eyes and looked at my screen. The background was a plain blue. The screen was blank except for a single folder. I highlighted the folder and pressed “delete.”

I paused, my hands shaking and my heart pounding in my chest.

“If this doesn’t work, they will kill me,” I whispered. Then I considered what they’d do if I didn’t finish. So many others would die and Nigeria would be in further chaos, for sure. I continued typing. I was creating a computer virus. I would send it out in a few hours. When they’d both be busy. Then all hell would break loose…for me, just me. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.

My name is Rain and if I didn’t get this right, the corruption already rife in this country would be nothing compared to what was to come. And it would all be my fault.

The Market

I am beast. I am lovely. I am in control. I was born beautiful.

All this Philo thought as she walked through the fruit and vegetable section of the open-air market. Around her, women slaved away. They sat behind tables and in booths selling tomatoes, peppers, plantain, egusi seeds, greens, yams. All those things that they’d have to cook at home for their families after a long day. Philo didn’t live that life. She’d chosen better. She was above all of them.

Philo was tall and voluptuous, as she sashayed past women and men in her pricey high heels and brown designer dress that clung to her every inch. Her foundation make-up made her skin look like chocolate porcelain. Her eyelids sparkled with purple eye-shadow. Her lips glistened bright sensual pink. Perfect. Sexy. Hot. And her wig was awful. A washed-out black with auburn frosted tips, it looked as if it were made of colored straw and sat on her head like it knew it did not belong there.

“Here,” a woman said, running up to Philo and handing her a roll of naira. “Take. You will make better use of it than me.” The woman paused and frowned, obviously confused by her own actions and words.

“Thank you,” Philo said, with a chuckle. She grabbed the money with her long nailed painted fingers and stared into the woman’s eyes. Philo felt her wig heat up and then a dull ache in the back of her head. Then she felt it behind her eyes, which turned from deep brown to glowing green. Philo sighed as the laser shot from her eyes into the woman’s eyes. The woman slumped, looking sadly at her feet. It always felt so good to take from people, not just their money but their very essence. Philo quickly moved on leaving the tired sad-looking woman behind.

She passed a group of young men. They stared and she stared back, zapping and taking. Their ravenous looks grew blank. Philo smirked knowingly. She felt amazing. She strolled into a booth where a man sold hundreds of Nollywood movie DVDs. She glanced over the array of colorful dramatic covers where women and men scowled, wept, grinned, pointed, accused, laughed. “I’ll take this one,” she said, picking a DVD at random. She’d watch it. She’d enjoy it. She loved Nollywood. These days, she enjoyed everything. The world was hers. Soon it would be, at least.

She tucked the DVD into her purse and left the booth without paying. No one stopped her. As she stepped into the sunshine, she turned, absolutely loving herself. She knew everyone was looking at her, just as she knew she was sucking the life from them as they stared. Her wig’s heat increased and her brown eyes glinted a bright green as she smiled at any man who caught her eye. By the time she left this market, she’d be weighed down with naira given and life juices taken. Market by Market. It was like this every day.

Her cell phone went off. A male voice happily drawled, “Hellllo Moto,” then upbeat music began to play. Everything about Philo rattled as she stopped and lifted her purse- the jangling bangles on her arms, her jingling earrings, and her three gold chain necklaces. She was clicks and clacks, shines and sparkles.

“Oh where is it,” she said, digging in her purse, mindful of her long nails. “Where, where where.” She pushed aside her lipstick, her unnecessary wallet, tissues, compact case, a pack of gum, wads and rolls of naira. Her cell phone continued going off. She laughed. She already knew who it was. Rain, the weakest link in the chain. She could tell by the ring tone. However, she could also tell by more than that. In her mind’s eye, Philo could see Rain standing outside her compound, next to some flowers, holding her cell phone to her ear, waiting. Philo found her phone, flipped it open and held it to her ear. It clicked against her long gold earring.

“What?” she said, grinning with all her teeth. She heard nothing. “Rain, I know it’s you. Say someth…”

She felt it before she saw it. A coolness that contrasted horribly with the heat of her wig. She frowned as the phone made an odd beeping sound. She held it before her just as the phone glinted a deep green similar to the one her eyes flashed when she sucked psychic energy from those around her. Her phone buzzed, an electrical current zipping across it before disappearing. Green smoke began to dribble from it.

“Chey!” Philo exclaimed staring at it. If she were smart, she’d have dropped it. But Philo was never really that intelligent. Just greedy. Rain didn’t know that before but she knew that now. A text message appeared on the screen but Philo could make no sense of it. It was a series on nonsensical symbols, rubbish. She dropped the phone, pressing a hand to her wig. “That bitch,” she snarled, looking around with wide enraged eyes. “How dare she even try.” In the sunshine, her canines almost looked pointed.

Right then and there, Philo disappeared in a flash of green.

His House

Coco had just lit a cigarette. She leaned back on the plush white leather couch and crossed her legs. She held her glass of champagne up to the photo of her husband on the wall. He was out. He was always out. Working. For her. She laughed, scratching under her itchy wig with her long-nailed index finger. Scritch scritch. It was spiky, dark red and short and no one in his or her right mind would wear it. She got up and looked at her reflection in the glass that protected her husband’s photo. Her skinny jeans and t-shirt fit wonderfully snug. Her face was flawless. And her hair was power.

“Mwah,” she said, blowing herself a kiss.

She ambled into the living room where two fans were blasting. She stood very still between them, her wig’s “hairs” blowing about her face. It felt secure, despite the blowing air. She shut her eyes and inhaled deeply. Behind her eyelids, she could see. Then she began to draw it in from…

The busy street. People sitting in bustling bush taxies and perched atop hundreds of okada motorbikes. Market women walking alongside the road. The mish-mash of old and modern buildings of Lagos. Disabled beggars in the road. Boys playing soccer on a field.

When she opened her eyes, they glowed a deep green and the wig glinted an electric blue. The blowing fans made the heat from her wig more bearable. Her cell phone went off and she nearly jumped. “Hellllo, Moto,” it said as it played its dance music.

“Ah ah, what now?” she muttered. But she was smiling. The wig. It always left her feeling so good. Minus the heat, which left the actual wig feeling like a burning helmet. She ran to her cell phone on the couch. It was Rain. What did she want now? In her mind, the wig showed Rain standing outside her compound looking worried. The woman always looked so worried; she should have been at the top of the world.

Coco held the phone to her ear as she brought out some lipstick. “Hello?” she said, smearing on a fresh coat. She grinned, sure of what she’d hear. She frowned. “Hello? Rain, what is it? Speak up.”

But she heard nothing. She held the phone to her face when it suddenly became like a chunk of ice in her hand. “Iiieeey!” she exclaimed, throwing it on the couch. As she stared at it, appalled, the cell phone began to dribble green smoke. A text box opened on its screen. Coco squinted trying to read it. It looked like rubbish. But, like Philo, Coco understood what was happening.

“Oh,” Coco said, out of breath. “You want to play now, eh? Ok.” She threw her lipstick on the leather seat, the lid still off. It left a smear on the pillow. “Someone will die today, o. And it will not be me.”

She disappeared.

*

I have made my choice. That’s why I am still here, standing in these lilies. I run my hand over my shaved head. Waiting. The sun shines bright and happy in the sky, unaware of what’s about to happen to me. Unaware of what I have done and will soon suffer the consequences for. Unconcerned.

Philo appears. She is standing on the lilies, mere feet away from me.

“What is wrong with you?” she shouts. She looks beautiful and ghastly in her tight brown dress that probably cost more naira than a market woman makes in two years.

“I’m…” Fear pumps through my veins like adrenaline and blood.

“Why is your wig off, eh? You look horrible.” Her wig flashes as the digital virus tries to cripple it. Notice I say “tries”.

“I took it off,” I snap. “This is wrong, o! This is wrong! Wake up!”

Philo chuckles. “And what is wrong about it? We have everything we want.”

“Stealing from people is not what I made these for! I made them to help us give! To cure the deep seated culture of corruption by giving people hope and a sense of patriotism. Remember??”

She looks at me as if I am crazy. The wig has made her forget. Na wao. Tricky tricky things, these wigs.

“Put it back on,” she says, pointing a long nail at me.

“No,” I say. “It has made us cruel witches. Look at you!”

Coco appears behind me. She hisses like a snake. She is in no mood for words. Her wig flashes. The virus is not working. When you mix juju with technology, you give up control. You are at the will of something far beyond yourself. I am done for.

See how it all ends? Or does it begin? I am watching them approach me now. I tell you while my life hangs on its last thread. I am putting my wig on. It is so hot. I should have paid more attention to the cooling system when I made these. I hear the heartbeat of everyone around me now, including the irregular rhythm of Coco and Philo’s. But oh, the power. It rushes into me like ogogoro down the throat of a drunk.

See Philo bare her teeth. They are indeed sharp like those of a bloodsucker. The virus is working through her wig now. But something has gone very wrong. They are both smiling. For a year, we have been psychic vampires but now as they come at me, mouths open, teeth sharp, I see that they have become the blood-sucking kind.

I feel my own teeth sharpening too as I prepare to defend myself. This is new but I can’t think about that right now. I tear the wig off and throw it aside.

“Come then!” I shout. Then, I…

[askredrage]

Open up your EYE (Thoughts on MLP Movie)

Has the show gotten one of those characters that doesn't know what a sense of humor is and fights back with combat?  Or am I thinking of a lot of reformed characters from other media? Spoilers down below.  Haven't seen the movie?  Well the DVD/Blu-Ray aren't far behind.

Um...so that was the movie I had almost missed out on, huh?  Well it was.........something... Ok, so I'm afraid this "review" is going to be EXTREMELY difficult to judge because the night before I actually watched Disney/Pixar's Coco first (by the way, 10/10, would DVD/Blu-Ray again).  And sitting down to watch this movie second was probably a huge mistake as this movie left me with a rather sour taste in my mouth.  Perhaps if I waited to see Coco later, then I wouldn't feel this...negative.  I'm the kind of person that goes to the movies a ton so I'm pretty much judging this movie along with all the other movies I've gone to see in the past several years. So let's get an obvious good thing out of the way first; the movie's return to 2-D or 2.5-D animation.  Never in a long time since Princess and the Frog in 2009 have I been glad to see the return of hand-drawn styled animation.  It's actually quite interesting when you learn that the movie characters were actually made 3-D FIRST before becoming 2-D characters in a 3-D world.  Speaking of which, a major chunk of the pony characters don't feel like repeatedly used poses like in the TV show.  They've been given a similar design to the show but more expressive and created with greater, fluid movement in a few areas.  So of course Pinkie Pie would be the one to mostly get the spotlight in this area.  I think people were worried about the 3-D landscaping dampening the style, but I'll let it slide as they did create the landscapes beautifully.  Plus 3-D environments have worked for 2-D movies in the past.  Talk to a good chunk of Disney Renaissance movies like Beauty and the Beast's Ballroom. An interesting way to segue into this next part.  Whereas the Disney Movies were mostly the movie first and merchandise later, Hasbro's the company that will make a product first then get their animators to make an episode or movie around it.  Also I am aware that Hasbro has one hell of a leash on these animators.  They've probably had a ton of amazing ideas for a My Little Pony movie to appeal to all audiences instead of the targeted one.  But what I was given to view not fell into my low expectations...it went even LOWER!  Perhaps being exposed to Coco first had ruined my enjoyment for this as there was much needed room for improvement. See if I can sequence this a bit.  Let's start with the story.  Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship has created a massive party in an unusually-styled Canterlot that's looking a bit spacious than the busting city I'm usually seeing in the show.  Through some comedic introductions, a song and a series of show-related cameos we are given the things that the outside audience needs to know.  Things get shaken up when Tempest Shadow, an broken-horned unicorn visitor representing for the Storm King, arrives with an army to take over the entire kingdom in order to siphon the magic out of the four princesses.  Now it's up to Twilight and her five friends (not six, Starlight Glimmer got shoved out of the spotlight) to find aid outside Equestria and take back their home capital. Interestingly enough, the one hour and forty-four run time actually felt kind of long when normally I'm sitting for two to three hour-long movies...but then it quickly sped through the story in a poor pace to show off their new toys/playsets and have money left in their budgets.  I'm probably not the first to say this movie was poorly paced, am I?  From memory, I think the longest we've stuck with a setting outside Canterlot was probably the desert city of Klugetown.  You could probably argue that perhaps it was Hippogriffia/Seaquestria but events there kinda made me WANT to make it go faster.  Get to that part in a second. Songs?  As a 90's kid, you know that most of the songs are either set aside or forgotten (like the ones in this film) for the most important one:  The Villain Song.  And Tempest Shadow's Open Up Your Eyes (currently having its instrumental being spammed repeatedly during this typing) is indeed worthy of the title "Villain Song".  The setting, the lighting, the flashback made by a different team (according to the credits), I loved it all.  I'd say it reminds me of Unleash the Magic from Friendship Games but I rank this song much higher. Honorary note for Sia's Rainbow.  I'm being told by some reviews that the song felt a bit too somber for a finale but I don't know, this felt like a calm, perfect way to wrap up the movie with.  I haven't a clue what the problem with it was. Finally, how about the characters.  We've got your familiar TV show cast along with a ton of celebrity voices, including Sia as Songbird Serenade at the beginning and end of the movie who is literally modeled after one of her actual outfits.  I chuckled when I dug up her photo, I don't know how she manages to see through that hair.  Other noteworthy celebrities that got a good chunk of screen time were Kristin Chenoweth as Princess Skystar, Liev Schriber as the Storm King, Zoe Saldana as Captain Celaeno, Michael Peña as Grubber the Hedgehog and Taye Diggs as Capper the anthropomorphic cat.  Most have been given the appropriate amount of screen time while others (STORM KING, MAIN ANTAGONIST OF THE FREAKING MOVIE), were held off until the end.  Oh yeah, that one Parrot Pirate with the squawking and demolitions.  Loved that guy. Sadly, the weakest of the group was the Storm King himself and not just because he was saved for the climax.  Previous TV show antagonists have ranged from either self-motivated tyrants to strategic conquerors for their own kind.  This knucklehead is literally announced as "evil" from Grubber and there just wasn't much from him to label him as an awesome villain.  Even his own funny moments couldn't save him.  And this is coming from a guy who isn't very fond of Starlight Glimmer yet she's still WAY more interesting than this cloud yeti.  Oh well, maybe next time don't model your villain to be a lazy, wacky monkey. On the other side of the spectrum, however, is Emily Blunt as Tempest Shadow, the true antagonist of the movie, picking up all the work for the Storm King to restore her cracked horn.  Compared to "her boss" this character has her own goals and motivations, sort of like a bounty hunter or mercenary. Kudos there as those areas would reach up into the top three MLP:FIM villains on my list.  Sadly, as the movie is indeed called "Friendship is Magic", she's (OMG) reformed much like many of the other unicorns in this show (Anyone seeing a trend here?).  Regardless, when she was a villain, this was a skilled and probably self-trained fighter trying to regain her happiness through any means necessary, even serving a clown.  Even gave me a chuckle when she lost her cool in Canterlot in front of Grubber before realizing and calming down. The Mane Six and Spike are mixed in their performances and what they're given to do.  I'll have to rate them all from best to worst...you're not gonna love who's on the bottom. Pinkie Pie stuck out the most with previously mentioned animations and tons of interactions with the girls and the strangers they came across.  Side-note:  She is mean with a barge of cupcakes; had they been red-frosting, that fight scene might have been banned.  We even get a serious moment with her and Twilight where--getting ahead of myself.  Getting there soon, promise. Rainbow Dash, despite causing some extra trouble, gives the "awesome" the movie needs including getting the Parrot Pirates off their rears to face off against their former employers...that doesn't last long. Rarity's charm and generosity got Capper the cat to not only change Tempest's army's course but gather the other characters for a full on pledged climax fight. Fluttershy has hardly anything except the funniest moment in the entire film regarding opening up with a Storm King soldier.  Honestly want to know what became of those guys now. Spike, you trustworthy pal and weapon.  The TV show might have given you terrible episodes but who would have thought you'd become a necessary Pyro tool?  TF2 Workshop!  Make a mod!  NOW! Applejack...sold apple juice and roped a few people and rocks.  That's uh....that's about it. ....you all hate me now for this:  Twilight Sparkle ends up on the bottom heavily and deserves it all from actions, character writing and poor pace.  Our beloved Princess of Friendship is still the nerdy and orderly princess aimed at saving her home kingdom enough to act grumpy, annoyed and careless in her actions.  Said carelessness led to attempted robbery and created the biggest and most painful moment of the movie:  When Twilight angrily lashes out at Pinkie by saying she'd be better off without friends like them.  Not only was this stupidly painful, but it was the necessary tool for the whole "We're not friends anymore but then we get back together later" bit.  And said apology was being shoved in a climax to be ignored for comedic effect.  Now if perhaps both Twilight and Tempest were together during the end of the battle for apologies, that would not only be forgivable but an excellent moment for the movie.  But no...more like the Princess of Pace-dumping. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh....I know, I know, this is a movie targeted towards children, but so was Coco.  It would really help if some of that Disney magic could save the MLP Movie from its Hasbro chains.  I know if the team wasn't being held back, they could have gotten away with much, much more to save the film from me giving it a 4/10. Well, this is the West Coast Psycho, and in the words of Max G, "I hope ya hated it."

#review #opinion #my little pony #my little pony the movie #tempest shadow #west coast psycho #my little pony friendship is magic #mlp:fim #other

[supercoolgamesstuff-blog]

Google Stadia Reviewed – Against The Stream

New Post has been published on https://www.coolgamingzone.com/google-stadia-reviewed-against-the-stream/

Google Stadia Reviewed – Against The Stream

Introduction

By the mid-2000s, Blu-ray felt like the future of media. Blu-ray video looked incredible and offered cleaner picture and sound quality than previous media formats. “Surely,” we thought, “the technology that comes after Blu-ray will look even more impressive!” But then something strange happened; as streaming services like Netflix took off, more and more of us ditched physical media in favor of the cloud. Streaming didn’t offer the same level of fidelity as Blu-ray – or sometimes even DVD – but it was good enough. More importantly, it was convenient. The desire to watch anything anywhere outpaced our desire for image quality.

Now it’s 2019, streaming services have come a long way, and tech goliath Google thinks it has figured out how to Netflix the gaming industry. The tech is surprisingly functional, but its ability to upturn the industry will depend largely on its ability to implement its grand blueprint. Sadly, Stadia’s current design is missing several important pillars.

Gaming on Stadia

Gaming on Stadia

Stadia’s concept still sounds a bit like science fiction: Earlier this year, Google sold a vision of players using wi-fi-enable controllers to communicate with a hive of supercomputers in the cloud, which would allow users to stream the most advanced gaming software to decade-old laptops and mobile phones. Google’s system worked well at trade shows, but those were highly controlled environments. How does the service work now that we’ve been able to test it in the wild? Surprisingly well … if you have a stable internet connection.

On the whole, Stadia performs better than I expected. The high-speed internet at the Game Informer offices regularly gets download/upload speeds of 280 Mbps, so I rarely noticed even a hiccup while playing games at work. Mortal Kombat 11 on a stable Stadia connection booted up in seconds and feels about as responsive as its console counterparts. I had no problem dialing in combos and Fatalities even though my inputs had to travel through miles of infrastructure to bounce off Google servers.

Unfortunately, the experience quickly degrades as your internet speeds dial down. At a nearby coffee shop, where I recorded download speeds of 38 Mbps, I noticed a few frame skips every couple minutes. At home, where my speeds regularly drop to 20 Mbps, I experienced some visual artifacting and a regular picture stutter. With these slower internet speeds, I didn’t feel competitive in Destiny 2’s PvP modes, but I was able to complete a strike without a problem. Everyone’s tolerance for this kind of experience will vary, but my frustration over the occasional hiccup was mitigated by the revelation that I could play Destiny 2 in public on my phone (see the controller sidebar for more).

Stadia’s service only dropped out completely on me once due to a poor signal, but an instance of my game was saved and I had five minutes to hop back online and pick up where I’d left off. I wish Google would extend that grace period and allow users to create their own save states (a feature called State Share, which is still in the works), but I never lost any progress in a game, and my experience was stable enough across the board that I didn’t live in fear of being unable to access my games.

Google’s service isn’t a one-size-fits-all streaming solution, and you should carefully measure your internet speeds before committing to the platform. Many will find Stadia’s occasional stutters unbearable, while others will feel that it’s good enough. Personally, I can’t imagine trading any of my game consoles for a Stadia stream anytime soon.

  What about that controller?

An online-only streaming service seems like a bold new direction for the gaming industry, but Google isn’t interested in reinventing the controller. The Stadia controller smartly hews close to modern controller design. The pad itself has a nice weight and feels a lot like the PS4 controller thanks to its ergonomic shell and symmetrical analog sticks. The buttons produce a satisfying click and feel sturdy, and I got about seven hours of use from a single charge. Of course, Google has its equivalent of the start, options, and home buttons. However, Google added a screen capture and virtual assistant button to the mix, and this creates a jumble of buttons near the center of the controller. I constantly hit the screen-capture button when I meant to pause a game, which was frustrating.

At launch, the controller also doesn’t work wirelessly with any device other than the Chromecast. This means that in order to play on a laptop or phone you have to connect your device to a controller using a USB C cord, which I found cumbersome. In fact, I was actually a little embarrassed to pull out my tangle of gadgets to play games at Starbucks.

I also wasn’t able to connect the Stadia controller to wi-fi that featured a web browser login, meaning you probably won’t be able to use Google’s controllers wirelessly in locations like hotels that -require a secondary login screen. The Stadia controller might be a nice piece of physical hardware, but these tech issues need to get ironed out as soon as possible.

Under Construction

Under Construction  

Google’s streaming tech might be ready for prime time, but its service certainly isn’t. Many of the more exciting features either aren’t available for launch or won’t roll out until 2020. For starters, Google’s Pixel smartphones are the only phones that Stadia users will be able to use for streaming at launch. Achievements also won’t be viewable at this time, but Google says that Stadia is recording your progress, so once the feature is enabled, users will receive credit for everything they’ve done since then.

The Google Assistant is another exciting feature that is being kicked down the road. During the Stadia reveal event, Google said that with the tap of a button users could speak into their Stadia controller and pull up YouTube walkthroughs or other helpful advice for any game they played. This feature is absent at launch. Google says that the Google Assistant will be available soon, but even then, the Assistant will only be available from the Stadia home screen and only allow users to launch games or turn on their TV.

Stadia’s incomplete feature list is so long it’s a little embarrassing. What about Stream Connect, which is Google’s way of supporting multiplayer by allowing Stadia users to create local couch co-op experiences via split-screen? Coming later this year. What about Family Sharing, which lets you share games with other users in your family? Sometime soon. What about Crowd Play, which lets streamers play games with their viewers? Hopefully, sometime next year. What about streaming over cellular networks? I’ll let you take a guess. If Stadia had all these features, it might feel like the next big leap in gaming, but as it is, the platform is just a basic streaming platform that offers less than a home console. 

In the end, Stadia’s biggest problem is likely its lack of software. Stadia doesn’t have many dedicated experiences that will drive longtime gamers to the platform. The system’s launch lineup features some great games, such as Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, Rise of the Tomb Raider, and Red Dead Redemption 2, but those are all more than a year old and there isn’t a single triple-A exclusive on the horizon. This is a big problem for Google. If the company hopes to attract more people to the service, it needs to provide a reason to be on Stadia. In other words: It needs more games.

A look at Google’s data center that allows Stadia to run

Launch Lineup

Google Stadia Launch Lineup:

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey  

Attack on Titan: Final Battle 2

Destiny 2: The Collection (available in Stadia Pro)

Farming Simulator 2019

Final Fantasy XV

Football Manager 2020

Grid 2019

Gylt

Just Dance 2020

Kine

Metro Exodus  

Mortal Kombat 11

NBA 2K20

Rage 2

Rise of the Tomb Raider

Red Dead Redemption 2

Samurai Shodown (available in Stadia Pro)

Shadow of the Tomb Raider

Thumper

Tomb Raider 2013

Trials Rising

Wolfenstein: Youngblood

Reportedly Releasing Before The End Of 2019:

Borderlands 3

Darksiders Genesis

Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2

Ghost Recon: Breakpoint

The Bottom Line

The Bottom Line: 6 out of 10

Stadia seems tailored for a different crowd – the kind of game-curious individual who only pays attention to the occasional blockbuster release and isn’t willing to throw down a few hundred dollars on a dedicated piece of gaming hardware. Next year, when Google launches the free version of the Stadia service, the platform might find that audience. On the other hand, Stadia’s service isn’t currently valuable enough to justify the $129.99 early adopters price tag. Anyone devoted enough to follow industry trends probably cares enough about this hobby to spend the extra money on a console that provides a lag-free experience.

Still, I want something like Stadia to succeed. Purchasing a game and immediately booting it up without concern for downloads or updates is liberating, and when you have a stable internet connection, streaming games off the cloud feels like magic. Oddly enough, Stadia filled me with excitement for a game-streaming future, but it left me with less confidence that Stadia would be the platform to usher us forward.

Editorial Note: This review was conducted in a pre-release environment. We may revisit this review as we play more games after launch and as Google releases console updates.

Understanding Pricing

On day one, consumers can purchase the Stadia Premiere Edition for $129, which includes three free months of Stadia Pro, a Google Chromecast Ultra, and a Stadia Controller. Stadia Pro is Google’s subscription service, which costs $9.99 a month and gives players access to the highest quality streams (4K/60 fps/HDR/5.1 sound) as well as exclusive discounts on game purchases (TBA). Early next year, everyone will be able to stream games through Stadia at no cost, however, the streaming quality will be throttled to 1080p/60fps with stereo sound. No matter how you approach the service, games still need to be purchased à la carte.

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[atopfourthwall]

State of the Wall: 1-25-17

You know the drill! Check behind the cut to see updates on various series, a list of upcoming episodes, and more!

Schedule of Upcoming Episodes 1/30 – The Star Wars #4 2/6 – PATREON: Spectacular Spider-Man episode 1×10 – “Persona” 2/13 – Youngblood #9 2/20 – The A-Team #2 2/27 – PATREON: The Batman/Superman Movie: World’s Finest 3/6 – See You Next Mirror: Exiles Retrospective, Part 1 3/13 – See You Next Mirror: Exiles Retrospective, Part 2 3/20 – Reagan’s Raiders #1 3/27 – PATREON: Fist of the North Star, ch. 1

As always, the schedule is subject to change due to unforeseen circumstances, a lack of material to work with in the review, or any other factors that might come up.

Storyline Like last time, I do apologize about how slow-moving the storyline is going. Rest assured, it’s going to end this year before October, since I already have plans for the Halloween storyline this year that REQUIRES “The Sleepwalker” to be done with. Hopefully I can finish it even before the summer, but I make no promises.

T-Shirts In case you missed the announcement, I’m finally on SharkRobot.com with T-Shirts! Well, right now, it’s just T-shirt singular, since there is one new T-shirt available: a long-awaited I AM A MAN! Shirt!

If you’re wondering why I haven’t uploaded all my previous shirts to the site yet, well there’s a simple reason for that: I can’t… exactly. The thing is that part of Shark Robot’s system is that the more different colors there are for their shirts, the more expensive it is to print them. And let’s face it, a lot of my old shirts were very colorful. Now that’s not NECESSARILY a deal-breaker. What is, however, is the fact that Shark Robot also only keeps certain shirts permanently. In this case, it requires around 19 pre-orders before they allow a shirt to stay up permanently. And since I know all of you have limited income, that means I have to be very picky about what shirts I put up for sale.

As such, expect a new shirt except every few months (maybe 2-3 per year) will be made available. This shirt will be selected by Patreon contributors from a selection of 5 or so choices I’ll present (the shirt designs that don’t make it will likely carry over for each vote), then make that one shirt available for pre-order and (hopefully) it’ll become permanent. This should hopefully keep your wallets from getting overburdened too much and some shirt designs not getting a chance to become part of your wardrobe.

One of the great things about Shark Robot as opposed to previous t-shirt services I’ve used is that buying wholesale shirts from them is A LOT cheaper. It’s what’s kept me from bringing t-shirts to conventions for sale. However, with Shark Robot I can now bring t-shirts to conventions! However, this does raise up a question and I’ll need help from you guys with. See, yes, I can bring shirts… but you all come in various sizes and I have limited space to bring stuff with me, meaning I have to prioritize certain sizes over others. If I were to bring shirts to a convention, what size would you want that would encourage you to buy them? They would likely still be the $20 they’re listed for online.

History of Power Rangers Well, I’m proud to announce since they actually DO have release dates now for the rest of Super DinoCharge (and they’re relatively close by), that I can announce a release date for the History of Power Rangers episode for it! DinoCharge: April 27th Ninja Steel: N/A

As always, this date is subject to change depending on how busy I am with other projects… aaaand other projects are going to start really ramping up as we head into the summer. The revised versions of videos are of course continuing, and in case you haven’t seen, I released two videos for a revised version of Zeo! You can find those videos HERE and HERE! Expect a revised version of Turbo before the end of February. In Space… will be trickier, as you can see in a vlog I’ve put up on my youtube channel answering questions for newcomers to History of Power Rangers.

As a reminder, I do plan on seeing the upcoming reboot movie that’s coming out in March, but it will likely only result in a vlog unless I’m either inspired enough to review it (unlikely) or if a Patreon requests a review (provided it’s still past the one-year cutoff date).

Let’s Play Pokémon Omicron The next stream date for Pokémon Omicron is March 13th at 7 PM Central time! The stream link, as always, is Available HERE. The last stream was sadly cut short due to me being extremely tired. Hoping that won’t be the same here. As I’ve said before, I’m hoping to wrap up Pokémon Omicron this year (at the very least finishing the game in streams this year). I know there’s Post-game content, but the current plan is to end it after the Elite 4 are defeated.

As I’ve said in PO Unboxing videos, I want to start doing more gaming content for the channel, but I don’t want an unfinished Let’s Play hanging over my head with it, hence why I’m rushing to get more Omicron out. I’m sorry it still seems like I’m only releasing one or two per week, but fortunately the process has gotten a lot faster. And more fun, frankly, since I decided to have other people along for the ride. On that same note, thanks to everyone who has been sending in gaming material for future Let’s Plays! Hopefully we’ll have a chance to really sink our teeth into it sooner rather than later.

PO Unboxing Here is your regular reminders that PO Unboxing has no set schedule and to please think carefully about what you send – is it something I’ve already received? Is it something I’ve already reviewed? Has Linkara been saying in these videos for a while “Oh God, please slow down on sending stuff we still haven’t organized it?” Fortunately, I don’t think we’re at the point of CLOSING the PO Box (which, in case you didn’t know, the address for the box can be found on the Contact page via the top header), but it’s certainly getting close. January has thankfully slowed down the amount of stuff sent our way and I hope that continues for a while.

The Next DVD While the Movie and Compilation Disc from last year were awesome (and I thank you all for your continued support of them), I want to try to keep introducing a new DVD at least once per year with fresh content, and sadly we have been severely lacking for a proper NEW DVD of episodes for quite a while. As a reminder, old storyline segments cannot go on the DVDs due to using copyrighted music and not having the original files anymore for them, so the DVDs will ALWAYS contain new, never-before-seen content.

Speaking of, the current plan is to hopefully include the long-awaited Nostalgia Critic review of the AT4W Movie. That had been planned for the Movie’s DVD, but had to be scrapped due to Doug’s own busy schedule. Stuff can still happen, but it’s currently on the table for it. Otherwise, the plan is to have this one emulate the volume 2 DVD: -Two new Atop the Fourth Wall episodes -Three Longboxes -Two Riffs

That will of course change depending on how much space is available on the DVD. I do not currently know at this time whether it will be sold through Screenwave as had happened with the movie and Compilation Disc, since while it’s great to have them available on Amazon, it’s a bit harder for me to have a constant stock of the DVDs in for conventions. More info will become available as it is available.

I’m also announcing the name of the DVD – Vol. 3: Character Reboot, wherein the reviews and riffs will focus on books featuring a character with the same name as more familiar heroes, but obviously very different (and very public domain).

Patreon I’m still taking suggestions for things to help with the Patreon, but thankfully I HAVE found something that might work to increase it’s numbers: namely, Patreon-exclusive polls and information. Yes, it seems there was a serge in patrons after I announced the poll for Event Comics Month, which will be occurring in May. That’s why the next T-shirt vote will be on Patreon for patrons only. We’ll definitely be trying this more often, especially in April when I announce the first viewers’ choice – where I’ll present three comics I could be reviewing and let you guys vote on what you’d like it to be. For now, thanks for the support you’ve given and I’m hoping you will continue to support the show in the future!

Conventions Animinneapolis – Once again, for any of you Minnesota locals who want to meet me, I’ll be at Animinneapolis at the Hyatt Regency Minneapolis in, well, Minneapolis on May 26-28!

Anime Midwest – I’ll of course be at Anime Midwest again at the Hyatt Regency O’Hare in Rosemont, Illinois on July 7-9!

Expect a few more old favorites to pop up as we get closer to them, like ConBravo or Too Many Games, but at this time no formal invitation has been sent out, so I make no announcement, either. I’ll of course update the list if anything else comes up between now and the next State of the Wall.

That’s it for now! Questions? Comments? Responses to my own queries? Let me know in the comments (or replies/reblogs/etc. on Tumblr)!

[homelilys]

What to throw out when decluttering basement

I have written a thorough guide on minimalism through decluttering 101. As part of my research, most challenges people face is the many choices they have to make on what to throw out. Hence, in this post, I’m going to share with you the 9 things you can give away or throw away from your basement.

Why tidy the basement?

The basement should be the first place when it comes to tidying up your space. The reason is that a basement is a place where there are many items that were stored for a long time. Perhaps some old winter cloth during the last season. For me, I found out my son has an old ice skating shoes that were never used. You see, this is why the basement is a good starting point for your clean up effort.

9 things of what to throw out when decluttering basement

Below you will find my list of the first ten items that I had to throw out when I did my cluttering this May. I hope this will you a heads up on what can be given away without any heart pain. I am also sure that your list may be different from mine but it would give you some ideas:

Old Clothes

The first thing I did was to remove old clothes. As a family of 4, my sons are growing fast each day. Their last year’s cloth is no longer fit anymore. My office working clothes are also shown signs of wear and tear. They need to be replaced. Hence, instead of keeping them like a hoarder, I gave them all away. My choice is the Salvation Army. This organization makes giving away clothes very easy. I simply put my old clothes into a plastic bag and drop them into the Salvation Army’s box near me.

Old Shoes

Without further explanation, old shoes fall into the same box as the old clothes. As mentioned before, my boys enjoy ice skating and while I bought them ice skating shoes back in 2019, these shoes are no longer fit them this year. Instead of throwing them away, I put them on Facebook Marketplace and they were sold like a hot cake (in less than 5 days). Of course, the tips here is not to put an exorbitant price tag to them.

Old CD or DVD players

I belong to an old school as I still have CDs and DVDs from the Backstreet Boy, believe it or not. Although it brought lots of joys before, I realize I do not listen or watch these DVDs as often as when I was still in college. Hence, instead of letting them collecting dust in my basement, I simply offload them on FB Marketplace again. Like before, there are still people out there who love and collect these old Backstreet Boys’ DVDs. Thus, I felt really good at a more clean basement but also with the extra pocket money I get from this sale.

Old Toys

Oh lord, from nerf guns to lego blocks to hundreds of toy cars (some of them collectible), my boys have them all. As they have grown up now (teenagers), I do not see value in keeping them anymore although, I must admit that I still felt nostalgic when seeing those old toy cars they once played. For these toys, I simply donate them i.e. drop them to my local charity store near me (I live in Texas).

Old Books that you don’t read anymore

This is a challenge for me as I still hold on to lots of old memory when looking through a pile of my old books. Yet, at the end of the day, I decided to let it go as well. Here, I dropped them off at my local charity store as I believe they would benefit more from the income of this sale.

Learn the 9 clean up tips for your basement. Beautiful way to tidy any home.

Packing boxes

Yep, despite the fact that I moved to my current rambler house 3 years ago, I still have those packing boxes lying in my basement (oh well, they were nicely packed). These boxes take a considerable amount of space and hence, instead of being a lazy person who still takes no action, I made up my mind and simply throw them out through the usage of the recycling mechanism.

Old electronic devices

Yes, I have one old HP printer and a Dyson vacuum cleaner that are no longer in working conditions. They are collecting dust in my basement in their original boxes! I had to do something about it. For this reason, I simply thrash them out. There is no value to keeping them besides taking up space in my basement, really.

Broken holiday decoration

If you are one of those who likes collecting holiday decorating items for the home, then you would understand that it is not easy to part your collectibles. Having said that, what is the point of holding on to broken items? The answer is none. In fact, if you practice Feng Shui, you will also know that broken items bring bad energy to any home. Thus, it is advisable to simply put them into the bin and off they go! As a result, I save one whole shelf of these decorative items in my basement.

Unusable furniture

Sadly for my procrastination, I still hold on to my broken office desk. This is partly due to the fact that I rarely go to the basement to do work. Instead, I’m using my kitchen table as a shift home office. That office desk is beyond the repair and thus the only way to save the space and make my basement functional again as a home office, I had to let this unusable desk go. And today, I have a brand new home office desk and a smile on my face.

Last Comment

Like anything in life, the first step is the most challenging one. Here, let’s start with your basement. Then, use this list to get rid of items that are no longer usable. Some of them may also be no longer meaningful to you. You will appreciate the minimalism and space in your basement. Let’s start decluttering the basement today and check out what to throw from this post.

The post What to throw out when decluttering basement appeared first on Homelilys Decor.

Source: https://homelilys.com/minimalist/what-to-throw-basement/

[angelrecaldein-blog]

Angel Recalde Investing In Real Estate: What You Need To Know

Angel Recalde Most excellent service provider.  Every day people get into real estate investing thinking that they will make a lot of money, but sadly they go into blindly because they aren't familiar with how to do it right. If you are getting into this type of investing, and want to know the right way to invest, you should continue to the following article. Keep reading for great investing tips!

Before you jump into real-estate investment, educate yourself. This will help you build your foundation of knowledge. Read lots of real estate books, purchase DVD's and head to the local library to get a good solid education on this subject.

For those looking towards putting their money into real estate, try to remember that the location is top priority. Other factors, like the condition of the property, can be remedied. It's not smart to invest in depreciating areas. Know what you are doing and make sure to research the areas around where you live.

Keep an accountant on speed dial. You can be aware of tax laws and current taxation; however, there are many variables to keep in mind. A good accountant, that understands and keeps abreast of tax laws, can be an invaluable asset. Your success with investing can be made or broken by your approach to taxes.

If you purchase a property and need to make repairs, be wary of any contractors who ask for money in advance. You should not have to pay before the work is done, and if you do, you run the risk of getting ripped off. At the very least, never pay the full amount ahead of time.

Read blogs about real estate to learn the tricks of this trade. This will help you stay educated. You can also talk with others in the same field.

The rent you collect should cover just about all of the mortgage you pay. This allows you to feel confident about owning the property. You must not be in a position in which your own rent payment is dependent upon your renter's rent payment.

Angel Recalde Qualified tips provider.  You want to be educated concerning investing in real estate prior to making any purchases. If you don't use caution, you could lose money. Get the training you need so that you are prepared for the risky business of real estate investment.

Have multiple exit strategies for a property. A lot of things can affect the value of real estate, so you're best having a short term, mid-term, and long term strategy in place. That way you can take action based off of how the market is faring. Having no short term solution can cost you a ton of money if things go awry quickly.

You must know how to spend your time. It may be enjoyable to fix up interesting properties; however, you must consider the value of your time. Would you be better off finding an alternative property? Make sure that you always try to outsource. It is a good idea to keep some time free for the most important aspects of real estate investing.

Be a visionary in your real estate purchases. You can create instant equity where virtually none existed before with a little creativity and hard work. For example, a quick paint job can put a property in prime condition for selling, as can landscaping. A quick fixer-upper can mean a quick and profitable sale!

Sure you could diversify your portfolio with real estate around the county, but why not look farther afield? What about the next county, state or even abroad? Before you go searching elsewhere, take a look around your own neighborhood. This is definitely a place to get a good start.

Research the area before you invest in a property. Location is a key aspect of investing in real estate, and you also need to know about zoning laws. It is a good idea to talk with those around the property to see if the information you have is accurate.

Never give up! Real estate investing is not a simple thing to jump into. There's a lot to learn, and you should expect quite a few bumps and bruises along the way. But with patience and increased skills from playing the game, you'll become better and better at it.

Examine that country's economic forecast when looking to buy some real estate. Should unemployment hikes and low-level jobs be forthcoming, your values will drop. This does translate to a small return. However, a functioning city will bring you a good return on your investment.

Angel Recalde Expert tips provider.  When dealing with realtors, look for one who is experienced. This is an investment opportunity you are looking at and those with little time on the job may not find what you are seeking. This can really only happen through a well-connected realtor, which means they can't generally be just starting out. Hire a firm with experience if you have to.

It is important to not overpay for any investment property you purchase. One of the best way to avoid this is to look at other comparable properties in the area and see what they have actually sold for. Not paying more than the market value for the property will go a long way in keeping your real estate investment profitable.

Get familiar with the marketplace lingo. You will need to come off like you understand what to do. If you seem like a greenhorn, you are sure to be taken advantage of. Use the common lingo and what you've learned to your advantage. You will have a better position in your negotiations if you sound more professional.

Don't purchase an investment property based only on tax laws alone. Tax codes are constantly changing, so it is important that there is more value to your property as opposed to just the lower taxes. Invest in a property because you see it turning a good profit even years from now when the taxes may increase.

Now that you read the above article, you should have a good idea on what it takes to be a successful real estate investor. Not everyone is good at it, but that is because they don't have the right tools to be successful. Since you now have great tips like the ones here, there is no reason why you cannot be good at real estate investing.

#Angel Recalde Angel Recalde

[recentanimenews]

Anime NYC 2018, Day Two

Yesterday was light to nonexistent. The same for tomorrow. But today? We had ALL THE THINGS! Starting off with the joint Kodansha and Vertical panel, which was in a nice big panel room and there was no line. A good start!

Ben Applegate was there from Kodansha and Tomo Tran from Vertical. They talked about all the giveaways they had at the booth, with Summer Wars stickers, After the Rain music download cards, Devils’ Line stuff, Pop Team Epic “shitty merchandise” (nicely done), and some of the Monogatari art exhibit being available to look at. Vertical then announced a new artbook from VOFAN, the artist for the Monogatari Series novels. This is actually a collection of his non-commercial art, so it should be far more intriguing than just another collection of stuff you’ve seen before in a larger size. It’s coming in Fall 2019.

Kodansha ran through some of their titles currently being released, including the Sailor Moon Eternal Edition, and mentioned the Sailor Moon musical is coming to NYC and DC. They then got on to new titles, though one is a collected edition: Princess Jellyfish is getting a Complete Box Set! Given at one point they weren’t sure they’d even finish the series, this is terrific news. Tales of Berseria is a three-volume series from Ichijinsha’s Comic REX, and is a fantasy title based off of a video game – I think it has an anime as well.

Fate/Grand Order gets its first manga adaptation license with the mortalis stella series, a 2-volume manga that is also Ichijinsha, from their Comic Zero Sum. I believe this stars Mash. Lastly, Kodansha is doing a new Cardcaptor Sakura edition with all the bells and whistles – hardcover, some new covers, new translation – the whole nine yards. I was a bit surprised by this, given it wasn’t too long ago that Dark Horse had re-released the series, but I’ve heard this will be worth the repurchase.

There were also two new digital announcements, coming out the first and second week of December, respectively. Red Riding Hood’s Wolf Apprentice (Akazukin no Ookami Deshi) is a Betsushonen title with Little Red Riding Hood as a beast hunter, and it’s supposed to be amusing. And on a more ridiculous note, we have Crocodile Baron, a Weekly Morning title that is three volumes long. Kodansha emphasized that the synopsis was irrelevant because there was a crocodile in a top hat on the cover. They’re not wrong.

After this there was Q&A, but I had to leave right away to get to the debut panel for Denpa Books, run by Ed Chavez (ex-Vertical) and Jacob Gray (ex-Fakku). They had special guests at the panel, though they quickly had to leave, so weren’t the focus – Range Murata, character designer for Last Exile and others, whose futurelog artbook is out next month and has ALL the bells and whistles – seriously, I could not believe how tricked out this artbook is. Hiroyuki Asada is known here for Tegami Bachi, but is putting out a more experimental title via Denpa, PEZ.

Most of the titles talked about have been mentioned before in some way or another. I was most interested in Invitation from a Crab and Maiden Railways, both of which seem to come from Hakusensha’s Rakuen Le Paradis, as well as Dining with the Emiya Family, for Fate/Stay Night fans who know what the most important thing in the Fate franchise is – FOOD.

The new titles included Super Dimensional Love Gun, a Shintaro Kago title that Fakku had previously released, but this is a nicer edition. It contains the usual Shintaro Kago warnings – if you aren’t a fan of his, you’ll likely be grossed out. Heavenly Delusion (Tengoku Daimakyou) is a brand new seinen series running in Kodansha’s Afternoon, and Denpa managed to license it before the first volume was even out in Japan. They’re super excited for it – it’s post-apocalyptic slice of life, a popular genre lately. The creator may be better known for SoreMachi. The last Denpa title was Pleasure and Corruption (Tsumi to Kai), from Square Enix’s Young Gangan. Honestly, it feels more like a Fakku title than a Denpa title, but it’s being sold to those who liked the sort of dark sexuality of Flowers of Evil. Expect BDSM themes.

After eating lunch, I had a choice: I could go to Viz, or go to Vertical’s Katanagatari panel. I chose the latter (sorry, Viz, I always seem to miss you at these events). Vertical’s panel had the translator, Sam Bett, who walked through some of the things they’re doing with the title – the footnotes, which are half gag and half serious, as well as the hardcover omnibus editions. Given its author, you can imagine how much sword wordplay and how many sword puns there are. Most of the audience has already seen the anime, but Sam was quick to note that even given the novels are short (each is approximately 100 pages in English, meaning the omnibus is 300), there is a lot the anime had to adapt or leave out.

Even leaving aside that it was Nisioisin, translating it could be difficult – these are not “light” novels, and there’s lots of obscure or archaic Japanese terms that need adapting. He also explained why he used “mutant blades” rather than “deviant blades” – he felt the latter made them sound more evil than they really should be seen. It takes him longer to do Nisio’s translation than other titles, but not a LOT longer – about 20% longer, on average. He said even a Japanese reader might find themselves reaching for a dictionary to look up words with this one.

Despite not being at the Viz panel, I will be looking at their announcements anyway, at least the manga ones. My Hero Academia SMASH! is a 5-volume comedy series that ran in Shonen Jump +, and is, as you might have guessed, a wacky 4-koma take on the popular series. This license was obvious, but I am quite pleased nevertheless. Komi Can’t Communicate (Komi-san wa Komyushou Desu) was a very popular license announcement, being a Shonen Sunday title with a lot of buzz. Komi is the cool, aloof beauty according to the school, but in reality, she’s just bad at communication.

Beastars is a Weekly Shonen Champion title (nice to see Akita Shoten stuff out over here in a (mostly) post-Tokyopop world), and it’s an award winning manga about anthropomorphic high school students. It’s 11+ volumes, and looks dark but cool. Lastly, Haikasoru has a new sci-fi novel announcement with Automatic Eve, that seems to be a steampunk title.

I was lurking waiting for Yen Press, so I checked out the GKids panel. They’re a group that puts out a lot of the “anime movie” series we’ve seen recently, the most recent varieties being Mirai and Fireworks: Shall We See It from the Side or the Bottom?. They’re also now in charge of the Ghibli line, with nice handsome DVD/Blu-Ray releases of those titles. They are clearly cery excited about getting these releases into theaters, and the trailers for the movies looked exciting and fun – I particularly liked the Miyazaki documentary.

My last panel of the day was Yen Press, but they also announced the most titles – easily. The panel room filled up rapidly, being near standing room only 15 minutes before, but I think everyone who wanted to get in was able to. Announcing for Yen were Kurt Haessler and Tania Biswas, as well as Carl, Ivan, and Anna, who sadly remained last name-less. Unlike all the other panels I went to, Yen knew it had a pile to announce, so did not do a run-through of any recent releases – through they did have some poster giveaways, including Psycome, much to my surprise.

We began with the novel of Wolf Children: Ame and Yuki. Yen had previously released the manga, but they now have the novel adaptation of this popular movie. (Anna spoiled a death when describing the plot, which Kurt mercilessly mocked her for.) Whenever Our Eyes Meet is a yuri anthology a la Eclair, but this time the protagonists are all adult women, for those who are tired of the usual high school girls. Speaking of yuri, we also have Killing Me!, a one-volume title from Comic Cune about two high school girls who are a vampire and a vampire hunter. It looks very much like a “yuri for guys” series.

Also one volume is Little Miss P (Seiri-chan), an Enterbrain series about an anthropomorphic period. As in menstruation period. The audience was taken aback, but Yen clearly really enjoyed talking about this one, and think it will be great fun. Last Round Arthurs: Scum Arthur and Heretic Merlin is a brand new fantasy title – brand new in Japan too, so there’s not much info about it. The author did Akashic Records of Bastard Magical Instructor, the artist does Index. It seems to be about an Arthurian tournament, and is two volumes to date.

On a darker note, they have both the novel and the manga for Torture Princess (Isekai Goumon Hime), whose artist has also done Black Bullet. It’s a Media Factory title and is apparently quite violent, about a man who is reincarnated in an artificial body and the demon hunter who wants his help. The German subtitle is Fremd Torturchen, and the manga runs on Kadokawa’s Comic Walker site. We also get an Enterbrain light novel called The Dirty Way to Destroy the Goddess’ Hero (Megami no Yuusha wo Taosu Gesu na Houhou). No, not that kind of dirty. The demon lord just wants to eat tasty food, but heroes keep trying to kill them. So… they summon their own hero.

Back to manga with The Monster and the Beast (Bakemono to Kedamono), a BL title from Asuka Ciel, about a nice monster and a nasty older man, and their budding relationship. Yuri Life is another yuri title, this one taken from Pixiv artist Kurikurihime, and also features two women in their late twenties, not late teens. It’s very sliec-of-yuri life. For fans of Beasts of Abigaile, we have a title from the same creator. Kaiju Girl Caramelizer (Otome Monster Caramelize) runs in my old nemesis, Comic Alive (pauses to shake fist at sky), but looks good anyway, and is about a girl who has an affliction that when she gets upset, her body parts “monsterize”.

More light novels with Bottom-Tier Character Tomozaki (Jaku Chara Tomozaki-kun), a Shogakukan title (in other words, expect print-only for this one) about a loser gamer guy who thinks the world is awful, and a winning gamer girl who shows him the “cheats” to help him succeed at life. It gets points for not being a fantasy title, I’ll say that. The artist is also pretty fly. (I’m so sorry.) Back to manga for God Shining Moonlight Howling Moon (Mahou Shoujo Flaming Star), by the creators of Trinity Seven and High School of the Dead. Given that combo, you know there will be breasts a plenty. It also runs in Bessatsu Dragon Age, which sort of clinches that, and is about a Magical Girl called upon to save the Earth… but is she one of the good guys?

The last one is another light novel, The Hero Is Overpowered But Overly Cautious (Kono Yuusha ga Ore Tueee Kuse ni Shinchou Sugiru), a fairly recent Kadokawa series. A fantasy world is in desperate straits. They need a hero. They get a really strong one… but he’s far too wary, never wanting to attack unless he knows he can win. What makes this interesting is that the book is from the POV of the goddess who summoned him, and she has to find a way to make him do what needs to be done. It’s five volumes in Japan. After that came Q&A, but honestly, let’s just move along now.

And with that, I wrapped up my second and busiest day of Anime NYC. Again, I was pretty happy. The staff was nice and knowledgeable, the crowds were large but reasonable, and I got to see everything I wanted. Tomorrow I have no panels I want to see, so will take in Artist’s Alley, and may also scope out the AMV contest.

By: Sean Gaffney

#Anime #News #Manga Bookshelf

[andya-j]

This is a tale you will only hear once. Then it will be gone in a flash of green light. Maybe all will be well after that. Maybe the story has a happy ending. Maybe there is nothing but darkness when the story ends. We were three women. Three friends. We had goals, hopes and dreams. We had careers. Two of us had boyfriends. We owned houses. We all had love. Then I made these… wigs. I gave them to my two friends. The three of us put them on. The wigs were supposed to make things better. But something went wrong. Like the nation we were trying to improve, we became backward. Instead of giving, we took. Walk with me. This is the story of How the Smart Woman Tried to Right Her Great Wrong. Dawn With the wig finally off, Coco and Philo felt more distant to me. Thank God. Even so, because it was sitting beside me, I could still see them. Clearly. In my head. Don’t ever mix juju with technology. There is witchcraft in science and a science to witchcraft. Both will conspire against you eventually. I realized that now. I had to work fast. It was just after dawn. The sky was heating up. I’d sneaked out of the compound while my boyfriend still slept. Even the house girl who always woke up early was not up yet. I hid behind the hedge of colorful pink and yellow lilies in the front. I needed to be around vibrant natural life, I needed to smell its scent. The flowers’ shape reminded me of what my real hair would look like if the wig hadn’t burned it off. I opened my laptop and set it in the dirt. I put my wig beside it. It was jet black, shiny, the “hairs” straight and long like a mermaid’s. The hair on my head was less than a millimeter long; shorter than a man’s and far more damaged. For a moment, as I looked at my wig, it flickered its electric blue. I could hear it whispering to me. It wanted me to put it back on. I ran my hand over my sore head. Then I quickly tore my eyes from the wig and plugged in the flash drive. As I waited, I brought out a small sack and reached in. I sprinkled cowry shells, alligator pepper and blue beads around the machine for protection. I wasn’t taking chances. I sat down, placed my fingers on the keyboard, shut my eyes and prayed to the God I didn’t believe in. After all that had happened, who would believe in God? Philo had been in Jos when the riots happened. I knew it was her and her wig. A technology I had created. Neurotransmitters, mobile phones, incantation, and hypnosis- even I knew my creation was genius. But all it sparked in the North was death and mayhem. During the riots there, some men had even burned a woman and her baby to death. A woman andherbaby! I didn’t want to think of what Philo gained after causing it all. She never said a word to me about it. However, soon after, she went on a three-day shopping spree in Paris. We could leave Nigeria, but never for more than a few days. “Oh God, I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I meant well.” I opened my eyes and looked at my screen. The background was a plain blue. The screen was blank except for a single folder. I highlighted the folder and pressed “delete.” I paused, my hands shaking and my heart pounding in my chest. “If this doesn’t work, they will kill me,” I whispered. Then I considered what they’d do if I didn’t finish. So many others would die and Nigeria would be in further chaos, for sure. I continued typing. I was creating a computer virus. I would send it out in a few hours. When they’d both be busy. Then all hell would break loose…for me, just me. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. My name is Rain and if I didn’t get this right, the corruption already rife in this country would be nothing compared to what was to come. And it would all be my fault. The Market I am beast. I am lovely. I am in control. I was born beautiful. All this Philo thought as she walked through the fruit and vegetable section of the open-air market. Around her, women slaved away. They sat behind tables and in booths selling tomatoes, peppers, plantain, egusi seeds, greens, yams. All those things that they’d have to cook at home for their families after a long day. Philo didn’t live that life. She’d chosen better. She was above all of them. Philo was tall and voluptuous, as she sashayed past women and men in her pricey high heels and brown designer dress that clung to her every inch. Her foundation make-up made her skin look like chocolate porcelain. Her eyelids sparkled with purple eye-shadow. Her lips glistened bright sensual pink. Perfect. Sexy. Hot. And her wig was awful. A washed-out black with auburn frosted tips, it looked as if it were made of colored straw and sat on her head like it knew it did not belong there. “Here,” a woman said, running up to Philo and handing her a roll of naira. “Take. You will make better use of it than me.” The woman paused and frowned, obviously confused by her own actions and words. “Thank you,” Philo said, with a chuckle. She grabbed the money with her long nailed painted fingers and stared into the woman’s eyes. Philo felt her wig heat up and then a dull ache in the back of her head. Then she felt it behind her eyes, which turned from deep brown to glowing green. Philo sighed as the laser shot from her eyes into the woman’s eyes. The woman slumped, looking sadly at her feet. It always felt so good to take from people, not just their money but their very essence. Philo quickly moved on leaving the tired sad-looking woman behind. She passed a group of young men. They stared and she stared back, zapping and taking. Their ravenous looks grew blank. Philo smirked knowingly. She felt amazing. She strolled into a booth where a man sold hundreds of Nollywood movie DVDs. She glanced over the array of colorful dramatic covers where women and men scowled, wept, grinned, pointed, accused, laughed. “I’ll take this one,” she said, picking a DVD at random. She’d watch it. She’d enjoy it. She loved Nollywood. These days, she enjoyed everything. The world was hers. Soon it would be, at least. She tucked the DVD into her purse and left the booth without paying. No one stopped her. As she stepped into the sunshine, she turned, absolutely loving herself. She knew everyone was looking at her, just as she knew she was sucking the life from them as they stared. Her wig’s heat increased and her brown eyes glinted a bright green as she smiled at any man who caught her eye. By the time she left this market, she’d be weighed down with naira given and life juices taken. Market by Market. It was like this every day. Her cell phone went off. A male voice happily drawled, “Hellllo Moto,” then upbeat music began to play. Everything about Philo rattled as she stopped and lifted her purse- the jangling bangles on her arms, her jingling earrings, and her three gold chain necklaces. She was clicks and clacks, shines and sparkles. “Oh where is it,” she said, digging in her purse, mindful of her long nails. “Where, where where.” She pushed aside her lipstick, her unnecessary wallet, tissues, compact case, a pack of gum, wads and rolls of naira. Her cell phone continued going off. She laughed. She already knew who it was. Rain, the weakest link in the chain. She could tell by the ring tone. However, she could also tell by more than that. In her mind’s eye, Philo could see Rain standing outside her compound, next to some flowers, holding her cell phone to her ear, waiting. Philo found her phone, flipped it open and held it to her ear. It clicked against her long gold earring. “What?” she said, grinning with all her teeth. She heard nothing. “Rain, I know it’s you. Say someth…” She felt it before she saw it. A coolness that contrasted horribly with the heat of her wig. She frowned as the phone made an odd beeping sound. She held it before her just as the phone glinted a deep green similar to the one her eyes flashed when she sucked psychic energy from those around her. Her phone buzzed, an electrical current zipping across it before disappearing. Green smoke began to dribble from it. “Chey!” Philo exclaimed staring at it. If she were smart, she’d have dropped it. But Philo was never really that intelligent. Just greedy. Rain didn’t know that before but she knew that now. A text message appeared on the screen but Philo could make no sense of it. It was a series on nonsensical symbols, rubbish. She dropped the phone, pressing a hand to her wig. “That bitch,” she snarled, looking around with wide enraged eyes. “How dare she even try.” In the sunshine, her canines almost looked pointed. Right then and there, Philo disappeared in a flash of green. His House Coco had just lit a cigarette. She leaned back on the plush white leather couch and crossed her legs. She held her glass of champagne up to the photo of her husband on the wall. He was out. He was always out. Working. For her. She laughed, scratching under her itchy wig with her long-nailed index finger. Scritch scritch. It was spiky, dark red and short and no one in his or her right mind would wear it. She got up and looked at her reflection in the glass that protected her husband’s photo. Her skinny jeans and t-shirt fit wonderfully snug. Her face was flawless. And her hair was power. “Mwah,” she said, blowing herself a kiss. She ambled into the living room where two fans were blasting. She stood very still between them, her wig’s “hairs” blowing about her face. It felt secure, despite the blowing air. She shut her eyes and inhaled deeply. Behind her eyelids, she could see. Then she began to draw it in from… The busy street. People sitting in bustling bush taxies and perched atop hundreds of okada motorbikes. Market women walking alongside the road. The mish-mash of old and modern buildings of Lagos. Disabled beggars in the road. Boys playing soccer on a field. When she opened her eyes, they glowed a deep green and the wig glinted an electric blue. The blowing fans made the heat from her wig more bearable. Her cell phone went off and she nearly jumped. “Hellllo, Moto,” it said as it played its dance music. “Ah ah, what now?” she muttered. But she was smiling. The wig. It always left her feeling so good. Minus the heat, which left the actual wig feeling like a burning helmet. She ran to her cell phone on the couch. It was Rain. What did she want now? In her mind, the wig showed Rain standing outside her compound looking worried. The woman always looked so worried; she should have been at the top of the world. Coco held the phone to her ear as she brought out some lipstick. “Hello?” she said, smearing on a fresh coat. She grinned, sure of what she’d hear. She frowned. “Hello? Rain, what is it? Speak up.” But she heard nothing. She held the phone to her face when it suddenly became like a chunk of ice in her hand. “Iiieeey!” she exclaimed, throwing it on the couch. As she stared at it, appalled, the cell phone began to dribble green smoke. A text box opened on its screen. Coco squinted trying to read it. It looked like rubbish. But, like Philo, Coco understood what was happening. “Oh,” Coco said, out of breath. “You want to play now, eh? Ok.” She threw her lipstick on the leather seat, the lid still off. It left a smear on the pillow. “Someone will die today, o. And it will not be me.” She disappeared. * I have made my choice. That’s why I am still here, standing in these lilies. I run my hand over my shaved head. Waiting. The sun shines bright and happy in the sky, unaware of what’s about to happen to me. Unaware of what I have done and will soon suffer the consequences for. Unconcerned. Philo appears. She is standing on the lilies, mere feet away from me. “What is wrong with you?” she shouts. She looks beautiful and ghastly in her tight brown dress that probably cost more naira than a market woman makes in two years. “I’m…” Fear pumps through my veins like adrenaline and blood. “Why is your wig off, eh? You look horrible.” Her wig flashes as the digital virus tries to cripple it. Notice I say “tries”. “I took it off,” I snap. “This is wrong, o! This is wrong! Wake up!” Philo chuckles. “And what is wrong about it? We have everything we want.” “Stealing from people is not what I made these for! I made them to help us give! To cure the deep seated culture of corruption by giving people hope and a sense of patriotism. Remember??” She looks at me as if I am crazy. The wig has made her forget. Na wao. Tricky tricky things, these wigs. “Put it back on,” she says, pointing a long nail at me. “No,” I say. “It has made us cruel witches. Look at you!” Coco appears behind me. She hisses like a snake. She is in no mood for words. Her wig flashes. The virus is not working. When you mix juju with technology, you give up control. You are at the will of something far beyond yourself. I am done for. See how it all ends? Or does it begin? I am watching them approach me now. I tell you while my life hangs on its last thread. I am putting my wig on. It is so hot. I should have paid more attention to the cooling system when I made these. I hear the heartbeat of everyone around me now, including the irregular rhythm of Coco and Philo’s. But oh, the power. It rushes into me like ogogoro down the throat of a drunk. See Philo bare her teeth. They are indeed sharp like those of a bloodsucker. The virus is working through her wig now. But something has gone very wrong. They are both smiling. For a year, we have been psychic vampires but now as they come at me, mouths open, teeth sharp, I see that they have become the blood-sucking kind. I feel my own teeth sharpening too as I prepare to defend myself. This is new but I can’t think about that right now. I tear the wig off and throw it aside. “Come then!” I shout. Then, I… The End

This is a tale you will only hear once. Then it will be gone in a flash of green light. Maybe all will be well after that. Maybe the story has a happy ending. Maybe there is nothing but darkness when the story ends. We were three women. Three friends. We had goals, hopes and dreams. We had careers. Two of us had boyfriends. We owned houses. We all had love. Then I made these… wigs. I gave them to my two friends. The three of us put them on. The wigs were supposed to make things better. But something went wrong. Like the nation we were trying to improve, we became backward. Instead of giving, we took. Walk with me. This is the story of How the Smart Woman Tried to Right Her Great Wrong. Dawn With the wig finally off, Coco and Philo felt more distant to me. Thank God. Even so, because it was sitting beside me, I could still see them. Clearly. In my head. Don’t ever mix juju with technology. There is witchcraft in science and a science to witchcraft. Both will conspire against you eventually. I realized that now. I had to work fast. It was just after dawn. The sky was heating up. I’d sneaked out of the compound while my boyfriend still slept. Even the house girl who always woke up early was not up yet. I hid behind the hedge of colorful pink and yellow lilies in the front. I needed to be around vibrant natural life, I needed to smell its scent. The flowers’ shape reminded me of what my real hair would look like if the wig hadn’t burned it off. I opened my laptop and set it in the dirt. I put my wig beside it. It was jet black, shiny, the “hairs” straight and long like a mermaid’s. The hair on my head was less than a millimeter long; shorter than a man’s and far more damaged. For a moment, as I looked at my wig, it flickered its electric blue. I could hear it whispering to me. It wanted me to put it back on. I ran my hand over my sore head. Then I quickly tore my eyes from the wig and plugged in the flash drive. As I waited, I brought out a small sack and reached in. I sprinkled cowry shells, alligator pepper and blue beads around the machine for protection. I wasn’t taking chances. I sat down, placed my fingers on the keyboard, shut my eyes and prayed to the God I didn’t believe in. After all that had happened, who would believe in God? Philo had been in Jos when the riots happened. I knew it was her and her wig. A technology I had created. Neurotransmitters, mobile phones, incantation, and hypnosis- even I knew my creation was genius. But all it sparked in the North was death and mayhem. During the riots there, some men had even burned a woman and her baby to death. A woman andherbaby! I didn’t want to think of what Philo gained after causing it all. She never said a word to me about it. However, soon after, she went on a three-day shopping spree in Paris. We could leave Nigeria, but never for more than a few days. “Oh God, I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I meant well.” I opened my eyes and looked at my screen. The background was a plain blue. The screen was blank except for a single folder. I highlighted the folder and pressed “delete.” I paused, my hands shaking and my heart pounding in my chest. “If this doesn’t work, they will kill me,” I whispered. Then I considered what they’d do if I didn’t finish. So many others would die and Nigeria would be in further chaos, for sure. I continued typing. I was creating a computer virus. I would send it out in a few hours. When they’d both be busy. Then all hell would break loose…for me, just me. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. My name is Rain and if I didn’t get this right, the corruption already rife in this country would be nothing compared to what was to come. And it would all be my fault. The Market I am beast. I am lovely. I am in control. I was born beautiful. All this Philo thought as she walked through the fruit and vegetable section of the open-air market. Around her, women slaved away. They sat behind tables and in booths selling tomatoes, peppers, plantain, egusi seeds, greens, yams. All those things that they’d have to cook at home for their families after a long day. Philo didn’t live that life. She’d chosen better. She was above all of them. Philo was tall and voluptuous, as she sashayed past women and men in her pricey high heels and brown designer dress that clung to her every inch. Her foundation make-up made her skin look like chocolate porcelain. Her eyelids sparkled with purple eye-shadow. Her lips glistened bright sensual pink. Perfect. Sexy. Hot. And her wig was awful. A washed-out black with auburn frosted tips, it looked as if it were made of colored straw and sat on her head like it knew it did not belong there. “Here,” a woman said, running up to Philo and handing her a roll of naira. “Take. You will make better use of it than me.” The woman paused and frowned, obviously confused by her own actions and words. “Thank you,” Philo said, with a chuckle. She grabbed the money with her long nailed painted fingers and stared into the woman’s eyes. Philo felt her wig heat up and then a dull ache in the back of her head. Then she felt it behind her eyes, which turned from deep brown to glowing green. Philo sighed as the laser shot from her eyes into the woman’s eyes. The woman slumped, looking sadly at her feet. It always felt so good to take from people, not just their money but their very essence. Philo quickly moved on leaving the tired sad-looking woman behind. She passed a group of young men. They stared and she stared back, zapping and taking. Their ravenous looks grew blank. Philo smirked knowingly. She felt amazing. She strolled into a booth where a man sold hundreds of Nollywood movie DVDs. She glanced over the array of colorful dramatic covers where women and men scowled, wept, grinned, pointed, accused, laughed. “I’ll take this one,” she said, picking a DVD at random. She’d watch it. She’d enjoy it. She loved Nollywood. These days, she enjoyed everything. The world was hers. Soon it would be, at least. She tucked the DVD into her purse and left the booth without paying. No one stopped her. As she stepped into the sunshine, she turned, absolutely loving herself. She knew everyone was looking at her, just as she knew she was sucking the life from them as they stared. Her wig’s heat increased and her brown eyes glinted a bright green as she smiled at any man who caught her eye. By the time she left this market, she’d be weighed down with naira given and life juices taken. Market by Market. It was like this every day. Her cell phone went off. A male voice happily drawled, “Hellllo Moto,” then upbeat music began to play. Everything about Philo rattled as she stopped and lifted her purse- the jangling bangles on her arms, her jingling earrings, and her three gold chain necklaces. She was clicks and clacks, shines and sparkles. “Oh where is it,” she said, digging in her purse, mindful of her long nails. “Where, where where.” She pushed aside her lipstick, her unnecessary wallet, tissues, compact case, a pack of gum, wads and rolls of naira. Her cell phone continued going off. She laughed. She already knew who it was. Rain, the weakest link in the chain. She could tell by the ring tone. However, she could also tell by more than that. In her mind’s eye, Philo could see Rain standing outside her compound, next to some flowers, holding her cell phone to her ear, waiting. Philo found her phone, flipped it open and held it to her ear. It clicked against her long gold earring. “What?” she said, grinning with all her teeth. She heard nothing. “Rain, I know it’s you. Say someth…” She felt it before she saw it. A coolness that contrasted horribly with the heat of her wig. She frowned as the phone made an odd beeping sound. She held it before her just as the phone glinted a deep green similar to the one her eyes flashed when she sucked psychic energy from those around her. Her phone buzzed, an electrical current zipping across it before disappearing. Green smoke began to dribble from it. “Chey!” Philo exclaimed staring at it. If she were smart, she’d have dropped it. But Philo was never really that intelligent. Just greedy. Rain didn’t know that before but she knew that now. A text message appeared on the screen but Philo could make no sense of it. It was a series on nonsensical symbols, rubbish. She dropped the phone, pressing a hand to her wig. “That bitch,” she snarled, looking around with wide enraged eyes. “How dare she even try.” In the sunshine, her canines almost looked pointed. Right then and there, Philo disappeared in a flash of green. His House Coco had just lit a cigarette. She leaned back on the plush white leather couch and crossed her legs. She held her glass of champagne up to the photo of her husband on the wall. He was out. He was always out. Working. For her. She laughed, scratching under her itchy wig with her long-nailed index finger. Scritch scritch. It was spiky, dark red and short and no one in his or her right mind would wear it. She got up and looked at her reflection in the glass that protected her husband’s photo. Her skinny jeans and t-shirt fit wonderfully snug. Her face was flawless. And her hair was power. “Mwah,” she said, blowing herself a kiss. She ambled into the living room where two fans were blasting. She stood very still between them, her wig’s “hairs” blowing about her face. It felt secure, despite the blowing air. She shut her eyes and inhaled deeply. Behind her eyelids, she could see. Then she began to draw it in from… The busy street. People sitting in bustling bush taxies and perched atop hundreds of okada motorbikes. Market women walking alongside the road. The mish-mash of old and modern buildings of Lagos. Disabled beggars in the road. Boys playing soccer on a field. When she opened her eyes, they glowed a deep green and the wig glinted an electric blue. The blowing fans made the heat from her wig more bearable. Her cell phone went off and she nearly jumped. “Hellllo, Moto,” it said as it played its dance music. “Ah ah, what now?” she muttered. But she was smiling. The wig. It always left her feeling so good. Minus the heat, which left the actual wig feeling like a burning helmet. She ran to her cell phone on the couch. It was Rain. What did she want now? In her mind, the wig showed Rain standing outside her compound looking worried. The woman always looked so worried; she should have been at the top of the world. Coco held the phone to her ear as she brought out some lipstick. “Hello?” she said, smearing on a fresh coat. She grinned, sure of what she’d hear. She frowned. “Hello? Rain, what is it? Speak up.” But she heard nothing. She held the phone to her face when it suddenly became like a chunk of ice in her hand. “Iiieeey!” she exclaimed, throwing it on the couch. As she stared at it, appalled, the cell phone began to dribble green smoke. A text box opened on its screen. Coco squinted trying to read it. It looked like rubbish. But, like Philo, Coco understood what was happening. “Oh,” Coco said, out of breath. “You want to play now, eh? Ok.” She threw her lipstick on the leather seat, the lid still off. It left a smear on the pillow. “Someone will die today, o. And it will not be me.” She disappeared. * I have made my choice. That’s why I am still here, standing in these lilies. I run my hand over my shaved head. Waiting. The sun shines bright and happy in the sky, unaware of what’s about to happen to me. Unaware of what I have done and will soon suffer the consequences for. Unconcerned. Philo appears. She is standing on the lilies, mere feet away from me. “What is wrong with you?” she shouts. She looks beautiful and ghastly in her tight brown dress that probably cost more naira than a market woman makes in two years. “I’m…” Fear pumps through my veins like adrenaline and blood. “Why is your wig off, eh? You look horrible.” Her wig flashes as the digital virus tries to cripple it. Notice I say “tries”. “I took it off,” I snap. “This is wrong, o! This is wrong! Wake up!” Philo chuckles. “And what is wrong about it? We have everything we want.” “Stealing from people is not what I made these for! I made them to help us give! To cure the deep seated culture of corruption by giving people hope and a sense of patriotism. Remember??” She looks at me as if I am crazy. The wig has made her forget. Na wao. Tricky tricky things, these wigs. “Put it back on,” she says, pointing a long nail at me. “No,” I say. “It has made us cruel witches. Look at you!” Coco appears behind me. She hisses like a snake. She is in no mood for words. Her wig flashes. The virus is not working. When you mix juju with technology, you give up control. You are at the will of something far beyond yourself. I am done for. See how it all ends? Or does it begin? I am watching them approach me now. I tell you while my life hangs on its last thread. I am putting my wig on. It is so hot. I should have paid more attention to the cooling system when I made these. I hear the heartbeat of everyone around me now, including the irregular rhythm of Coco and Philo’s. But oh, the power. It rushes into me like ogogoro down the throat of a drunk. See Philo bare her teeth. They are indeed sharp like those of a bloodsucker. The virus is working through her wig now. But something has gone very wrong. They are both smiling. For a year, we have been psychic vampires but now as they come at me, mouths open, teeth sharp, I see that they have become the blood-sucking kind. I feel my own teeth sharpening too as I prepare to defend myself. This is new but I can’t think about that right now. I tear the wig off and throw it aside. “Come then!” I shout. Then, I… The End

From Horror photos & videos June 14, 2018 at 08:00PM

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