#People don’t explore the youngest sibling and only daughter with older brothers dynamic in a way I find relatable very often

[mistnomen]

Older brothers… (see sketches below cut)

I traced the golf poses btw. For full transparency.

#digital illustration #self portrait #in a way I suppose #People don’t explore the youngest sibling and only daughter with older brothers dynamic in a way I find relatable very often

[wisteria-lodge]

snake primary + snake secondary (bird model)

Hello! I recently discovered your blog and really love the thought you’ve put into the nuances of the SHC system. I’m super into these kinds of personality analysis systems (I’ve probably been through them all at this point) because I think it’s interesting to know how people tick - I also think self-awareness is important so that you know why you do what you do, essentially. I took the SHC quiz and it told me I was a Snake Primary with a Bird Model, and a Bird Secondary with a Snake Model. I agree that I’m probably a (somewhat petrified) Snake Primary with a strong Bird Model, but I’m not sure which is my true secondary and which is the model. Maybe you can help?

I can sure try :)

Some things about me: I’m an oldest daughter, and I’m almost 100% sure my dad is a Bird Snake and I *idolized* him as a child - I thought he had it all figured out. He was the Zeus to my Athena in my child’s eyes, and I think I got my Bird primary model very early from copying him.

I mean, I know what you mean in a “sole creator” sense, but there is no *way* Athena thought Zeus had it all figured out.

My two younger brothers are a Lion Snake and a Lion Badger, and my mother is possibly a Double Badger, though I’m not as sure about her - maybe she just thinks that she *should* be a Double Badger. I think all that is important to help illustrate that I didn’t really feel *at home* when I was with my family, though I loved them, since I was the only Snake. My parents also had a terrible relationship and are now divorced, so there’s that as well. I think the only time I have ever been truly morally outraged was the revelation that my dad had engaged in infidelity against my mom, and then again when he started dragging his feet over a promise the he had made my youngest brother. We didn’t speak for a long time after that incident, but I was really cut up over dropping him.

Oh yeah. That’s very Snake primary. Morally outraged because your People are getting hurt.

We eventually started to reconcile, and the only reason we did was because he called and said he was driving through my city one day, and even after all of that, I said yes to meeting up because I felt sad that I had dropped him. I think this family dynamic, plus some other childhood stuff, led to me sort of “checking out” and petrifying pretty early.

Just a theory - I think it’s possible that this hit your secondary more than it hit your primary. You seem pretty strong and confident in your Snake primary so far. Even the fact that you can identify it coming from such a non-Snake environment, and don’t feel guilty about it, is big.

I had a lot of trouble making friends in school.

I’m thinking this might be more of a secondary thing.

and generally ended up with like one friend who was the other weird girl, and who I always sort of kept at arm’s length emotionally. I moved schools several times as a kid and after the first best friend (who was the daughter of my mom’s best friend and was like a sister to me until she moved away), I really didn’t try too hard to make new “best” friends.

Hmm. See, this reads like a *default* friend to me, not a friend of choice. The other weird girl. The daughter of your mom’s friend. That’s an easy friend to have… and not one that you necessarily sought out. I’m not surprised that your primary didn’t latch onto her with that Snake intensity.

Even now, though I definitely have concentric circles of loyalty and a significant other who is my “top person”, I’m not sure I have that blind Snake I-would-literally-die-for-you loyalty toward anyone - I’d kill or hide a body for my top circles

That *is* Snake loyalty. Snakes aren’t going to die for someone else, are you kidding? That’s a sucker’s game. They value themselves too much.

I would give up a lot of my own comfort for my significant other. Maybe I’m just afraid to let myself feel that unquestioning loyalty, though I want to feel it, or maybe I’m really a Bird and just want to be a Snake because that would mean I could be un-broken eventually.

Let’s talk about your secondary, I want to hear about how you think you’re broken, because so far you seem fine. Congrats on the SO!

I don’t think I’m an Idealist though - I’m surrounded by them and I know I don’t care about “principles” the way they do. Then again, maybe I’m a Bird whose truth is that moral relativism is the truth lol. Anyway, I think for my primary, I’m probably a petrified Snake with a Bird model unless I’m totally wrong about myself.

I think you’re just a Snake who… is a Snake.

(you’ve got that Birdy influence though, from your dad, and they do like to complicate things.)

As for my secondary, I loved to read (everything - all kinds of fiction, especially sci-fi/fantasy/mystery and, like, Victorian sci-fi/horror adventures, nature books, medical texts, etc. Wikipedia was a revelation when it came out), and I was smart and good at taking tests and knowing the answers in school, so at a certain point I think I just defaulted to being “the smart one” and used that as armor to help keep people from getting too close.

yep yep yep, welcome to the ‘fun Bird model’ club, we have snacks

I do genuinely love to learn, and I’ve always been known among friends and family as the one who either knows the answer or will look it up. I love pop culture trivia and nature facts. I also love and am good at debate, but not really when real feelings are involved - I more love the “battle of wits” aspect, where I can match up against a person to see if my knowledge and ability to adapt my argument on the fly can stump them. 

I also would argue the unpopular point, or the point I didn’t agree with, just for sport. Fun Bird secondary model.

I developed terrible anxiety and probably some depression as well in high school.

Okay, now I’m seeing the problem.

and now that I’m older, I suspect that I may have ADHD, though I haven’t been officially assessed. I didn’t discover my executive function issues really until college, when suddenly being smart and being able to figure out the test answers through context clues and what I remembered from lectures and readings + whatever trivia I had gathered about the topic wasn’t enough anymore.

I suspect you’re right about being ADHD. Or at least being neruodivergent.

I am horrible at studying! I would plan out my study sessions and make these nice little cheat sheets (these were allowed on exams) and they didn’t work at all! I did very well in my literature minor though, because all the graded assignments were papers rather than open-answer tests, and I could get my thoughts out better and with more resources at my disposal if I forgot something and needed to go back to the book to check.

Oh ouch. Yeah, I’m not even relating this back to a secondary, because I’m reading this as a working memory thing? Like ugh tests are such a terrible way access knowledge. What is even the *point* of memorization anymore? You should have been able to have a college career that was completely writing papers, like I did.

I was at one point very jealous of my Lion Snake brother, who I felt could do “whatever he wanted” with minimal consequences, while I always felt constrained by being “good” and not rocking the boat too much with my family.

Yep. That’s being an oldest daughter.

I couldn’t understand why he didn’t seem to care about being considerate to everyone else in the household (especially my chronically overworked, can’t-say-no Badger mom lol).

It’s because he’s the youngest. Mine’s the same.

This attitude was definitely influenced by my anxiety issues at that time, since I had (and still have) a lot of trouble asking for anything - help, permission, whatever. I’d rather do things and explore on my own, without anyone watching, so I don’t have to ask and don’t have to explain.

Did you low-key raise your younger siblings? Because it sounds like you raised your siblings.

I feel better with a little bit of distance, and definitely wear masks in most situations. I’d say my masks are half conscious and half reactive - I do have some idea of how I’d like to be perceived, but it’s only kind of systematic.

That makes me think Snake or Badger secondary.

I have a few “characters” that I use as touchpoints when I’m going into a new situation, but once I’m there I mostly just act nice and funny and see what happens.

So far I’m going with Badger secondary (be nice and and assume it’ll be fine is very badger) with a fun Bird secondary model, that you can do an Actor Bird thing with. Although liking to “just see what happens” is pretty snake.

The characters are really just costumes I use to give off a certain first impression, although I do really like the costumes and find them fun. I love clothes, makeup, and perfume too, because I enjoy the idea of making multidimensional costumes for different settings. I actually enjoy the mask a lot of the time - I have tattoos that are purposefully in places that I can cover easily, because I enjoy the idea that there’s something under the professional mask that people only know about if I show them. I’m a bit socially awkward I think (I repeat myself and talk a lot), but most people tend to either like me or tolerate me, and I don’t get into a lot of interpersonal conflicts. 

Hm. Either Courtier Badger or Snake secondary, fun Bird secondary model. However. Especially after talking about your Actor Bird in such fun, positive, happy language… I am going to call you out for “socially awkward” and “people tolerate me.” Which tells me you don’t have as much faith in your social skill set, and it’s *maybe* a little burnt.

(Also, not to get too armchair psychologist tell-me-about-your-mother, but if your mom has a  “chronically overworked, can’t-say-no” Badger secondary… that’s going to affect how you see Badger secondaries.)

Right now I work in a very Badger/Bird workplace, and it’s really a terrible fit, even though I can squeak by enough to fool my superiors into thinking I’m doing a good job. 

oh we’ve got some imposter syndrome, that can also be a burnt secondary thing.

It’s all long-term planning and daily maintenance tasks, and I really don’t like it. I change most of my plans partway through, but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m really an improvisational secondary at heart, or if I’m truly a Bird that’s just bad at planning for all of the variables.

I’m going to say you’re not a Bird. Making cheat-sheets (which is a very Bird secondary strategy) also did not work, and you feel confined by, not comforted by plans. You’re not a Lion, you enjoy keeping your true self to yourself too much. You could be either a Badger or Snake. And if you really hate daily maintenance tasks… that could be coming from a few places, but it makes me lean Snake. 

I love being in situations where I can iterate on a plan, or make a new plan on the fly. I love escape rooms and am pretty good at them; I still get stumped and need hints sometimes, but when I *get* a puzzle, it sort of just clicks for me? I don’t think in a very linear way and am not a good chess player, but I also have never studied chess so perhaps I just am at a knowledge disadvantage in that game. 

This is also you using Bird to have fun, and we know you *love* using Bird to have fun.

One of my proudest moments

okay this is definitely going to be helpful

was when I was on a day trip with my significant other, and we needed to find a place to buy food quickly so we wouldn’t miss a specific ferry and then a specific bus - we were on an island, and near the ferry station the restaurants were all too expensive and we were worried they would take too long anyway. He was starting to get frazzled, but I was able to think on my feet, and we just grabbed a calming beer (lol) at a creepy neighborhood bar, then got on the ferry and bought microwave meals at a 7-Eleven by the bus station. It was awesome and I was very proud of myself for staying calm and looking around myself for options.

Well that is VERY Snake secondary.

I generally take a long time making decisions when it’s not a crisis situation, because I have to *weigh all the options*, but I often end up in analysis paralysis. Crunch time is where I really shine as a decision-maker.

Snake again. From what I’m seeing, your Bird is a fantastic toy, but actually kind of makes you miserable when you have to depend on it for the important stuff. (studying, your job, making important decisions)

All of this long post is to say, I’m not sure whether my Bird secondary is a fun model that got repurposed into an executive dysfunction compensation tool and anxiety/depression soother to supplement my Snake secondary

I think you hit the nail straight on the head right there. 

 or if Bird is my true secondary and Snake is a model that I learned from my dad and brother + characters I admire in media 

oh your favorite characters are Snake secondaries are they? That’s a big tell.

and that I use when I fail to plan adequately given my executive dysfunction. 

Executive dysfunction is a whole thing, but you don’t have to “”plan adequately”” for everything.

I find both fun and both useful, but I’m not sure which is innate and which is the model! 

My money is on snake secondary, Bird secondary model. 

#submission #sortinghatchats #wisteria sorts #sortme #double snake #snake primary #snake secondary #bird secondary model #family dynamics

[pianoandcookiedoughlover]

bitches say they’re gonna write up a list of things that would be cool to see in s6 of jamie johnson and then don’t follow up with that for like 2 years

it’s me. i’m bitches

as a preface this is just kind of a shitpost from start to end and they’re not really fully developed ideas but yeah, it’s something at least

jamie and dillon at northport

- see friendship strengthen, still with same dynamic that they’ve always had, very playful and with a lot of sarcasm

- jamie struggling with taking risks after injury - since you start learning to drive during these years in the uk, maybe fear of driving now?

- jamie defends dillon with homophobia that may arise, no wavering from that

- elliot has to fucking come back, dealing with a romance there, where dillon is really shy at first, doesn’t reveal his feelings for a little bit

- maybe foxborough make a comeback, tension with homophobia there? i don’t know if they seem like the homophobic type

- both finding their way as the youngest on the team - how do the older players handle it? are they pretty vengeful and jealous or are they impressed? maybe one of them has some kind of backstory that will intertwine with jamie or dillon’s, like a real-life mentor

- will we get a comeback of the guy who wanted to steal jamie for some team in china, i believe it was?

- maybe seeing some stuff from hawkstone with their new prodigy, highlighting that they never really cared, they only were worried about the money, which in turn makes jamie feel bad

- SIENNA MAKE A COMEBACK WITH A GIRLFRIENDDDDDDDDDD AND SEE ELLIOT AND DILLON TOGETHER

- okay, not likely, but like lowkey it makes sense to bring her back because duncan is going to be a more significant figure in this season, it would be nice to see him improve as a father and strike the balance between handling the club but also taking care of his daughter, who is going through a lot in her teen years, it would be nice to see them have nice moments at home together

- but like actually give her a valid storyline besides social media, what does she want to do when she gets older? i can see her almost doing something artistic, like designing outfits or something, but whatever we does, it would be nice to see her not feel so restricted by her father’s work and go along her own path outside the club

- sienna and dillon become friends again and people are like, “oh my god you have a gay best friend” and she becomes really vocal about that being literally the dumbest thing ever, the show can demonstrate this type of homophobia that’s kind of “in disguise,” not as in your face as dillon’s dad

- progressive queen and then realizes she can use her platform on social media to spread awareness, since that is what she enjoys doing

- but at the start of the season wanted to step away from it, reminded her too much of everything with her dad and wanted a break, she thought it was toxic but realizes she could do good with her voice

- jamie and jack reunite, even if it’s not playing against each other (i don’t think that would work), but meeting each other now when they’re both where they wanted to get to

- can we finally get that romance between them

zoe and kat at hawkstone

- talking about body image for women in sports

- it would be really cool to have transgender girl on the team, and some of the struggles she faces being an athlete while also being trans

- or talking about disabilities in sports, that would be really nice to see

- zoe falling in love with kat, but like no comment on sexuality, it just is what it is

- IF SHE BROUGHT KAT HOME AT THE END OF THE SEASON AFTER BEING SO HIDDEN ABOUT IT OH MY GOD AND SHE MET HER MOM

- like zoe’s very private because she’s worried that kat won’t like her if she talks about her mom, which is silly, but then seeing kat support her and learning how to be in a relationship with someone with a lot of responsibilities at home

- maybe her mom’s situation interferes with her place at hawkstone

- do they meet up with jack’s team again? would they even play against her (like are hawkstone and st. george’s even compatible?)

- exploring more of kat’s backstory, maybe why she’s so superstitious and what kind of an impact her grandmother had on her

- i believe she mentioned having a brother who plays (gave zoe his old boots) so it would be interesting to hear how having a sibling doing the same thing has affected kat, in a different way to the whole competition between dillon and liam

- watching kat lose some of her superstition in that she’s able to believe more in herself and her abilities and allow herself to make mistakes

- they’ll probably have a lot of pressure on them since hawkstone just started this new women’s team, maybe there could be a lot of competition with the boys’ team

- zoe is not going to do the whole, “being jealous of other girls” thing anymore, okay? she’s grown out of it

- honestly would like to see some dillon and zoe moments, wlw mlm solidarity

boggy our absolute hero

- boggy finding his passion outside of helping sports, unless that is his passion

- friendship between him and jamie struggling at first when he finds what he wants to do, but proving that you can stick together even with not exactly aligned interests

- schoolwork getting more intense with whatever tests they have to do at his age (i have no idea how the british education system works haha)

- check in with his therapy, see how that’s going, we actually see him get to go to one appointment, maybe, hopefully he’s built a good relationship with his therapist and we see the show promoting finding professional help if you need it

- maybe tries to get through a panic attack himself, with coping mechanisms he’s learned in therapy, i don’t know if the building pressure of school would be what induces it or not, but if his storyline is more about getting to see him outside of football, i doubt it would be because of anything related to the sport or stats or whatever

- anything about his family? like how they react to his diagnosis (unless he’s already told them what’s been happening), how close he is with them, if some of the pressure in school comes from at home, whether he has any siblings - we want to know more!!

- would he and nancy cross paths after he finds the thing he’s interested in, since it might be the same thing, or at least something similar, they realize they’re really good together and supportive of each other

- i can see them really pulling through, and it would be nice to see nancy being there for him with his panic attacks and learning how to be a supportive girlfriend to someone who does have problems with anxiety, panic attacks, etc

u14s at phoenix

- i want them to get a comparable opportunity as the gothia cup, something else though, so that they get the experience they missed out on with the whole duncan situation, the season will center around them working towards that thing, i don’t really have any suggestions since i don’t know football but i’m sure there’s something else for them out there

alba and ruby

- her and ruby get further apart, doing their own respective things, now that ruby isn’t playing football anymore, for some reason i feel like she’ll be into either art or psychology, but i can also see her trying to do some activism-esque stuff after her experience growing up in foster homes and now finally being adopted (!! i’m still so happy for them)

- now that she’s not playing at phoenix, we have no idea who ruby’s friends with, maybe she has some at school? i would like elliot to come back and the two of them to bond

- i can see ruby wanting to know more about her background but alba not being so much into that, which causes tension between the pair, ruby just feels like she doesn’t have a solid idea of who she is and wants to know where her roots are, whereas alba is in a good place at phoenix with a sense of being in a family there and doing what she loves

- alba’s anger management is poor, her and ruby bond over futsal or whatever after a period of time not talking after whatever issues come up between them

- the trio made up so it doesn’t seem like she has any issues with freddie or eric, but i want to see her grow more into the captain’s role and take on the responsibilities and stresses of getting the team to whatever opportunity they’re doing, maybe working more with duncan and him being more willing to help the team

eric

- i want to get a look into his home life, maybe how that affects him at school and just in general the emotional impact it has on him

- what happens to his family after the team get that comparable opportunity to gothia, compared to what ryan was doing? 

- we’ve just heard little snippets of his life and it sounds like a really complex story to explore which i think would be really cool, dealing with grief and the loss of a family member, and how it affects day to day life

freddie

- once they get this formal opportunity, freddie would be asked to be more serious on the team, kind of always the jokester and not fulfilling his full potential

- he doesn’t know where he fits in and who he wants to be, was there something in his past that made him feel like he had to feel that jokester role (like how wozza with adhd always wanted to crack the jokes and make a fool of himself so people were laughing with him)?

- it would be great to see him get a bit vulnerable and open up about some of his motivations, but eventually he finds the balance between putting in effort and not getting distracted and also being his normal fun-loving self

- please keep commentating because that was lots of fun, freddie

liam

- i want to see him bond with one of the three when they’re in a bad spot, happened to be there by accident and they’re going through something that maybe he can relate to, that’s why he is able to help, that way it isn’t a planned way to get people to forgive him, but rather, just natural, now that he’s growing up a bit

- does he even want to do football anymore? or was it always a pressure from dillon being so good, and he’s found other interests? or maybe he just doesn’t want to be as good as dillon, i feel like there’s a lot of emotional manipulation from the dynamic at home, and i can see him realizing that he never liked football for football, he just liked winning and making his dad “proud”

the johnson family

- is karen dating someone new? i would like to see her on her own and she absolutely doesn’t need anyone to help her, but i also feel like she deserves someone that truly would be there for her and support her, especially after everything that’s gone on with ian

- i also want to hear more about her own career endeavors, and how that intertwines with jamie now going pro - she’s always been there to support him but it’ll be interesting to see how family impacts professional players in general, and ones that are really young like jamie as well

- is mike staying at phoenix? literally what’s the point of his character, does he even want to be with the now u14s? or is he going to try and interfere too much in jamie’s career, which he wouldn’t want because he’s now pro? maybe i’m just still kind of annoyed at mike and have a very negative view of his intentions, so ignore this

- ian can just disappear forever, please, unless he comes back for one episode because that’s what ian does

- what about feeling guilty for literally running his own son down bitch, i thought we were going to get a whole arc with that but maybe the point is that ian is such a flawed character and sometimes people don’t change and -

- who would teach jamie to drive, karen? new boyfriend? depending on who it is, it might present different issues with jamie learning to drive if they do want to explore him being a little nervous after the accident

TL;DR

i just kind of want to see more of the characters in their own individual element, bring in school more (season 2-3 vibes) and get a more well rounded view of some of the characters we don’t know a lot about. i think they’ve left it in a place with a lot of interesting storylines to be explored, i just hope we don’t get another freddie-eric-aisha love triangle situation

...

i was going to say stan stormzy for clean skin but it took me way too long to figure out what her name was so that is no longer a valid statement

#jamie johnson #dillon simmonds #delliot #zoe moore #kat clayton #boggy bogson #s6 #football

[aryndette]

 ––– i believe that is odette frey, the princess of aryndale. they are twenty-four years old and are known to be very  opinionated  &  zealous, though they can also be very irresponsible  &  reclusive. they remind me of dancing alone in your favorite nightdress, the struggle to keep your eyes open during a boring conversation or lecture, and yearning for adventure, for something or someone beyond what you’ve always known.

tw: death mention

            the youngest daughter of the former king of aryndale ,  odette lucrezia frey was the apple of her parents’ eye .  to no one’s surprise ,  the girl grew up with a heart as beautiful as her face ,  and of course ,  she was more than spoiled by those around her .  odette was a wonderful girl throughout all of her childhood ,  and as she got older ,  the girl found herself bored of her princess lifestyle .  many were the times where she would pass her tasks onto others ,  or trick her tutors into letting her skip lessons for the day .  nevertheless ,  she remained kind ,  her heart incredibly big and warm to all .

           but that all changed with her father and oldest brother’s deaths .

           from that point on ,  odette became a different person .  losing two of the people she loved most showed her that there’s only so much power a princess can have ,  and that power cannot stop death .  the girl became reckless in her own ways ;  whatever riches her family could spare ,  if any ,  would be used to satisfy her own selfish needs ,  and  she would demand it such .  while the people of aryndale struggled to survive during the war ,  needing the duchy’s help to make it through ,  odette wouldn’t move a muscle ,  leaving such businesses to her siblings and basking in whatever abundance of wealthy remained .  her interest in princess duties faded completely ,  and while she wouldn’t dare mention it ,  the death of king sacha ii was a relief to her ,  if anything at all .

           while she knows of aryndale’s intentions of mending their relationship with the other kingdoms ,  odette couldn’t be any less interested in any of it .  she might present herself as a social butterfly ,  a proper princess with morals and values ,  make no mistake;  she is dying to get out .  in her eyes ,  the only thing that matters now is her own survival ...  until someone comes for her head .

plots

i would love for odette to have a friend ?  maybe it’s a weird friendship ,  maybe they don’t agree with her behavior ,  but they understand it .  maybe they’re just as terrible as she is ,  who knows !  i just want her to have someone she feels genuinely comfortable with ,  which isn’t very common anymore .

i would also love to explore the idea of a past fling ,  or some sort of on / off dynamic .  it would be strictly physical ,  it could be more ,  we’ll see !  maybe it happened before her father’s death ,  when she was still her better self .

someone she simply does not like .  i think it would be funny to see odette being a bitter brat for whatever reason .  likewise ,  i’m also open to her being  disliked by your muse .  i’m game for whatever !

honestly i’m here for all the plots ,  just hit me up !

#imperialrp.intro

[mediaeval-muse]

Book Review

After the Wedding. By Courtney Milan. 2018.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Worth Saga #2

Summary:  Adrian Hunter, the son of a duke's daughter and a black abolitionist, is determined to do whatever his family needs—even posing as a valet to gather information. But his mission spirals out of control when he’s accused of dastardly intentions and is forced to marry a woman he’s barely had time to flirt with.

Camilla Worth has always dreamed of getting married, but a marriage where a pistol substitutes for “I do” is not the relationship she hoped for. Her unwilling groom insists they need to seek an annulment, and she’s not cruel enough to ruin a man’s life just because she yearns for one person to care about her.

As Camilla and Adrian work to prove their marriage wasn’t consensual, they become first allies, then friends. But the closer they grow, the more Camilla’s heart aches. If they consummate the marriage, he’ll be stuck with her forever. The only way to show that she cares is to make sure he can walk away for good

***Full review under the cut.***

Trigger/Content Warnings: race-based micro aggression, implicit slut shaming, sexual content, strong language/swearing

Overview: I don’t think I need to say why I picked up another Courtney Milan book at this point, so let’s get on with the review.

Writing: As always, Milan’s prose gives the impression of simplicity and effortlessness. I think she has a good instinct for when to tell versus show, and I like the way she communicates what is happening clearly and thoughtfully. I also think her pacing in this book was pretty close to ideal - she wasn’t afraid to let emotionally heavy moments breathe, and more exciting “action” (if you could call them that) scenes didn’t take up more space than they had to.

Plot: The majority of this plot revolves around Adrian, our hero, trying to “get dirt” on a corrupt bishop while also balancing his duties to his family and seeking an annulment for his forced marriage to Camilla, our heroine. I’ll talk about the romance below, so for now, I’ll focus on the other aspects of the plot. The annulment plot was rather straightforward in that I think Milan clearly communicated what Adrian and Camilla needed to do. I liked that it wasn’t just “abstain from having sex,” but a whole tangle of things, like obtaining character witnesses, referring to themselves as married, the matter of their social standing, etc. As Milan writes in her author’s note, annulments actually weren’t that easy to obtain, and I’m glad this plot made it clear.

The “getting dirt” on the bishop plot was also understandable. Given that the bishop in question was the one who forcibly married the two, it makes sense how the original mission to uncover his corruption would be tangled up in the annulment plot. I didn’t find this storyline quite as compelling, but I understand why it’s there - more to serve as a frame than the actual “meat” of the story itself.

The family business/china business plot mostly seemed to serve as an external pressure on Adrian, and though it started out as just another source of stress, it became more interesting to me when Camilla got involved with both the the plate designs and the camaraderie of the workers. But though I found it personally uninteresting, I do appreciate why it was there - it gave Adrian an enterprise to focus on, and gives the impression that he isn’t just at his uncle’s beck and call. He’s an independent businessman in England who has an eye for art, which goes against a lot of stereotypes or assumption about Black people in 19th century England, I think.

Characters: Adrian, our hero, is youngest son of a white mother (the daughter of a duke) and a Black abolitionist (from America, I think?). He is confident and kind, inspiring others to be their best selves and displaying remarkable understanding when they make mistakes. Adrian also desires to be acknowledged by his maternal uncle, a rival bishop who shows affection in private but treats Adrian like a servant in public. He wants so desperately to be acknowledged that he lets his uncle take advantage of him, and a large part of Adrian’s arc involves him finally getting the courage to draw the line and put a stop to it. I found Adrain to be instantly likable and sweet, and I think his ability to tackle problems, juxtaposed with his hilarious inability to lie, was quite fun to watch.

Camilla, our heroine, is the daughter of a disgraced earl and has been shuffled around from home to home. As a result, she’s lost contact with her siblings, and has serious abandonment issues, but remarkably, she still has the courage to hope that someday, someone will love her enough to stick around. I like how her personal arc mirrored Adrian’s in a way: while Adrian longs to be accepted by his family, Camilla longs to be accepted by anyone. Part of both of their arcs involve valuing themselves, and with Camilla, it’s especially powerful because she has so little support to begin with (as opposed to Adrian, whose brother Grayson is always there to look out for him). Camilla’s internal thoughts had a bit of a tendency to be repetitive, but I do think Milan struck a good balance between voicing Camilla’s insecurities and acting admirably. In other words, Camilla didn’t come across as clingy or desperate to me, in part because she never sought to *make* Adrian stay with her.

I also very much liked the sibling dynamics in the story. Grayson, Adrian’s older brother, is supportive and always shows concern for Adrian’s happiness, and I liked the rapport between them. Camilla’s siblings are fun to read about; Theresa is a forceful personality who is always clashing with their elder sister Judith, but they love each other regardless. I was incredibly happy when they finally found each other, especially since Camilla’s absence was a major point of pain in the first book of this series.

The antagonists were serviceable in that they weren’t especially nuanced, but I felt that the lack of depth worked because the story wasn’t really about the conflict with them. Adrian’s uncle, for example, is perfectly civil; he’s never outright racist, but makes a lot of remarks that show he is ashamed of his Black family, and constantly puts off acknowledging Adrian because of how it would affect his social standing. I think this was a good move on Milan’s part because it didn’t opt to showcase “how bad things were back then” by using racism as a spectacle. Similarly, the corrupt bishop and his accomplice (Camilla’s former employer) were barely characters in the book, but their purpose was mainly to be the catalyst for Adrian and Camilla’s story. Their corrupt dealings revolved thematically around unjustly punishing “fallen women,” so there was an element of feminist justice as well as racial justice to the novel as a whole.

Other: Readers looking for a steamy, sexy romance might be a little disappointed in this book. Milan is not so much concerned with sensual, rapid seduction as she is with a gradual shift from acquaintances to allies to friends to lovers. Adrian and Camilla’s emotional bond is very much at the heart of this love story, and though they are physically attracted to one other, their sexual interest takes a backseat to mutual support. I did enjoy how each enriched the emotional lives of the other: Adrian gave Camilla the confidence to accept that she deserved to be loved, while Camilla’s fierce sense of hope inspired Adrian while also leading him to expect better of his uncle.

I also liked that Milan wrote a mixed race hero and a bisexual heroine without letting those aspects become the defining features of their characters. While we never really forget that Adrian is not white, he’s also not constantly enduring racist remarks or poor treatment. Instead, Milan shows us how Adrian operates in the world by code switching and adopting an air of confidence so that white people will treat him a certain way. But while those things are present, Milan takes great care to show that Adrian is first and foremost a kind person who perhaps gives people too many chances and trusts too easily, which sometimes gets him in trouble, but sometimes endears him to others. Some (probably white) readers might complain about historical accuracy, but honestly, Black people existed in 19th century England and had jobs other than “servant.” And also, who cares about “historical accuracy” in a historical romance - the point is escapism. Get over it.

Perhaps the only thing I can criticize in this regard is that the focus on both living as a Black person in England and the injustices shown towards women (both in society’s treatment of “fallen women” and in the ecclesiastical courts) are topics worth exploring in detail on their own. Because there was so much going on, I felt like neither topic got its due diligence, but maybe not every novel needs a thorough exploration of these themes. Maybe this is just personal preference.

Overall, this was a delightful read, and I liked it better than the first installment in the series. Milan continues to be my favorite romance author, and I look forward to her next book!

#book reviews

[bamby0304]

With Wolves- Ch.31

Series Masterlist

Bamby’s Masterlist

Summary: Known as The Omen, your reputation puts fear in some of the most dangerous and deadly Alphas. So when you’re caught and sent to the worst maximum security facility unknown to man, no one expected an unclaimed Omega to walk through the gates in shackles and an orange jumpsuit. Word circulates, and before long there’s a price on your head. Who will claim the untamed Omega?

A/N: Because this is the last chapter… I’ve made it extra long for you guys :) thank you @crispychrissy & @sculptorofbeginnings for looking this over for me, and all your help throughout the story xx

Warnings: Explicit language. A/B/O dynamics. Time jump. Smut. Kitchen indecencies. Lactation kink. Breeding kink. Heat. Rut. Thigh Riding. Praise kink. Dirty talk. Masturbation. Voyeurism. Threesome. Fingering. Oral (male receiving). Anal fingering. Unprotected sex. Double penetration. Anal. Squirting. Fluff.

Bamby

The roar of the Impala filled your ears, a welcome hum that lightly shook the cabin’s walls. You paused what you were doing, dropping the knife onto the chopping board before turning to move to the front door. Hurried feet stampeded through the house, beating you as two children rushed outside.

Babbling drew your attention down to your seven month old. The smile on your face grew as you bent down to pick her up into your arms before you followed the others, heading out onto the porch. Coming to a stop, you stood and waited as the sleek black car- Dean’s first love- rolled to a stop.

Both Winchesters filed out, with Castiel not too far behind. The three had been away for just over two weeks, busy on a job states away. It was good to see them together and whole.

Sam and Dean’s gaze landed on you in an instant, their instincts drawing them to you. But first, there were others they had to greet.

“Dad!”

“Yay!”

“Daddy!”

“Uncle Cas!”

Your four older children hurried over to the three men, throwing themselves at them. You continued to watch as your smile grew, taking in the sight of your children and Alphas embracing.

Years had passed since you found your freedom.

Almost exactly nine months after you settled into your cabin, you had your first pup. Kevin, named after the man who brought you to your Alphas, and who died saving your life. You’d never forget the Beta, and thanked him every day when you looked into the eyes of your first son.

When your daughter was born nine months later, it was a blessing. The pregnancy had been a rough one, and at one stage there had been doubt you’d both survive. Complications meant you had to induce your labour six weeks early, but Gabriella fought through it, showing just how tough she was. Green eyes and a full head of luscious hazelnut locks, she had both her dads wrapped around her pinky the second she was born.

The twins came 14 months after, a bounding pair of energy. Bobby and Benny, two rough and tough boys that spent their days wrestling in the mud. Despite having beds, they slept on the floor, which seemed completely normal with how wild they were. There was no doubt in your mind that they would grow up to be Alphas- though you, Sam and Dean would be sure to raise them so they would become respectful and not pigheaded.

The youngest of the group was Rue, born 11 months after the twins. A small girl with untameable brown hair and big hazel eyes, she was a handful, always so determined to go exploring. Luckily, she refused to go anywhere alone. Rue was all about her family, and stuck to her siblings, your Alphas, Uncle Cas, or you no matter what.

Beaming down at the kids, Sam picked up Gabby before he and Dean started towards you. At the back of the group was Cas, struggling to fend off your three sons as they tugged on his signature trench coat, each of them eagerly trying to get his attention.

Hopping up the stairs before his brother, Sam leaned in to press a kiss to your cheek. “Hey.”

“Hi.” You blushed, turning to catch his lips in a sweet kiss.

“Dad,” Gabby whined, wriggling out of her father’s grasp. “Come on! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

Chuckling against your lips, Sam pulled away and gave you a small smile before looking to Rue. You handed her over, watching with a fond look in your eyes as he headed inside, following his other daughter.

“What are they up to?” Dean asked as he stepped closer.

You shrugged. “The girls and Kev have been busy in the attic for a few days now. Won’t let me up there to see. But Benny and Bobby assured me there’s nothing dangerous up there.”

“If there was, they’d be helping,” Dean noted with a grin, leaning in to kiss you.

Unlike Sam’s kiss, Dean’s was a little more heated. He stepped forward, moving to rest his hands on your hips so he could pull you in until his chest was flush with yours. A warmth spread over your skin. It wasn’t odd to feel flushed and turned on by Dean, but there was something more to it in that moment.

Before you could explore the feeling, a sigh had the two of you turning.

Cas stood at the bottom of the porch steps with a frustrated look on his face. “Your children seem to be attached to me.”

“Don’t act like you don’t like it, Cas,” Dean chuckled as he moved to your friend’s side and peeled Benny off his back. “Come on, boys. Show me what you’ve been up to while we’ve been gone.”

“Yeah!” all three of your boys cheered as they followed Dean into the house.

“I’ll be in the kitchen,” you called out to them.

Cas cleared his throat, drawing your attention to him. “I should go and rest. Crowley made a comment that suggested he might have another job in a couple of days.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” You nodded, gesturing over your shoulder. “Your place is still there, clean and ready for you.”

He offered you a smile and short nod. “Thank you.”

As Cas walked off, heading around the cabin to the small granny flat you’d had installed out the back, you watched. It was nice having him around, having him close. While he had no claim on you or your family, he was still part of your pack. After everything you’d been through, it wouldn’t feel right to be away from Cas. He deserved to have somewhere to call home, and people to call pack.

***

You were back in the kitchen, chopping away at some vegetables for dinner. It was hard getting a bunch of borderline Neanderthals to eat anything that hadn’t either come from an animal or was an animal, but you tried your best. Dean didn’t exactly make it any easier, with his love for red meat.

Hands slid around your waist as Dean leaned in to scent you. A hum reverberated through his chest as his hands began to explore.

“Missed you.”

“I’m sure you did,” you grinned turning to look at him over your shoulder. “But I’ve got hungry children to feed, so you can miss me a little longer.”

Groaning, he pressed himself against you, rutting his hardening cock into your ass. “But I’m hungry.” His hands slid up to tug on your top until your bra was exposed.

Breath hitching in your throat, you froze as a tingling of pleasure came over you. Dean plucked and pulled on your nipples, looking over your shoulder to watch as a bead of milk formed. In the corner of your eye, you could see him licking his lips.

“Just a taste, baby,” he whispered as he moved around to wedge himself between you and the counter.

Helpless to his advances, you stood there and watched as he leaned down to suck at your nipple. When the familiar throb started in your breast, you stared at Dean with wonder and lust as he drank greedily.

Before you’d had babies, Dean had teased and hinted at wanting to taste you, but never had you thought he’d go through with it. The second you started lactating, he couldn’t help himself. You’d expected him to be grossed out, you’d expected to hate it yourself… but there was something erotic about it…

“Guys,” Sam walked into the kitchen, finding his brother latched onto your breast. “Kids could walk in at any moment.”

Pulling away from you, Dean wiped the corner of his mouth with the pad of his thumb as he gave a shrug. “We’ll just tell them the truth… Daddy was hungry.” He grinned wolfishly.

As his eyes turned back to you, taking in the sight of your breasts as they remained bare, you groaned. The lust you felt was only growing as a familiar warmth spread through you.

“Alphas…” You leaned into Dean while turning to give Sam a pleading look.

Sam watched you carefully, reading you. “Fuck. You’re going into heat.” His eyes flickered to Dean as he began to grind against you. “And you’re going into rut.”

“Already there, Sammy,” Dean grunted as he leaned in to nip at your throat. “I’ve been desperate to fuck her since last night. Just better at hiding it than you are.”

“Right,” Sam scoffed, clearly not agreeing.

If Dean had been in rut last night, Sam would have driven him home right away, and they would have come back covered in blood. The effects of the drugs you and Dean were given while locked away meant if you didn’t fuck while in heat or rut, your bloodlust took over. Sam hadn’t gone through what you and his brother had, but he was still affected. Your heats still called out to his Alpha, and nothing got him hotter than seeing you clawing at his brother while Dean fucked you senseless.

Continuing to nip and suck at your neck, Dean gradually began to move lower, heading for your breasts. Your head fell back as a needy moan spilled from your lips. The scent you’d smelled on Dean before was the beginning his rut, and had triggered your heat. You’d been away from your Alphas for far too long… you needed them.

“Sam,” you whimpered, turning your head to look at him.

He gave a short nod. “I’ll get the kids to go harass Cas. Dean, take her to the bedroom.”

Not needing to be told twice, Dean suddenly pulled back and lifted you over his shoulder. You gave a surprised shriek which just prompted him to slap your ass as he moved through the house.

“Kids, come on! I’m taking you to Uncle Cas!” Sam called. “Kev, grab Rue.”

As Dean kept walking through the house, he had to dodge your children as they ran down the hall. Cheering and laughing, they barely glanced at you and Dean as they hurried off to Sam.

Once in your bedroom, Dean unceremoniously tossed you on the bed before pouncing. His lips were on yours in an instant, claiming them in a bruising kiss that had you aching for more while your lungs begged for air. His hands made quick work of your clothes, tearing them away until you were completely bare to him.

“Gonna fuck you full, ‘Mega,” he groaned, moving down to nip at your neck again. “Want you round with pups again.”

You gasped, arching as he slid his thigh between your legs and pressed against your bare pussy. Instinct took over, making you grind against his jeans as his lips continued south to your breasts.

Fingers sliding into his hair, you pushed his head down, hurrying him. “You… you’re insatiable, Dean Winchester.”

“Can you blame him?” Sam asked as he walked into the room, shedding his clothes. You watched as he undressed, moving towards the bed. When his jeans and boxer briefs hit the floor, Sam fisted his cock and began to stroke it. “Where do you want me, ‘Mega?”

Dragging your eyes up from his weeping cock, you batted your eyelashes at him. “Only fair I get a taste, too.”

“Fuck,” he groaned as he climbed onto the bed to kneel by your head. “Then open up.”

Doing as you were told, you reached out to grasp Sam’s cock and lead it to your mouth as you opened wide for him. The first brush of him on your tongue had you both groaning with need and desire.

At first you teased, licking at the tip, pressing light kisses on the sensitive skin. Sam watched, lip curling in a snarl as he growled. He wanted more, but he secretly enjoyed your games too much to just push into your mouth. He wanted to savour it all for the next time he was away from you.

Looking up from where he was sucking on your breast, Dean groaned at the sight of you and his brother. Sliding his hand down, he wedged it between your thighs, where you were still grinding against him, and slipped two fingers into your aching pussy.

Gasping at the intrusion, you glanced down at Dean, flashing your eyes at him. Sam took the opportunity to push further into your mouth then. It was only by a few inches though, so as not to startle you.

“Good girl.” Sam stroked your hair as you took him deeper, feeling him hit the back of your throat with each slow thrust.

The brothers worked in tandem, one thrusting his cock in and out of your mouth, while the other worked his fingers in your pussy. They were like a single machine, moving at the same time, with the same pace and force. It still amazed you at how two Alphas could be so in sync with each other.

Pulling away from your breast, licking his lips, Dean looked up at his brother. “Who goes where?”

“I want her pussy,” Sam grunted, fisting your hair.

“I’m the one in rut,” Dean snarled.

Not wanting them to argue, knowing they wouldn’t be able to make a decision themselves, you pulled Sam from your mouth. “Want Sam in my pussy, Dean in my ass.” You cupped Dean’s face. “Wanna feel the stretch, baby.” Then you looked up at Sam. “And wanna feel you fuck me full… wanna feel you in my belly.”

“Fuck,” they groaned in unison.

You were suddenly alone on the bed as both brothers moved back. Laying there, on your back, you watched as Dean stripped and Sam moved to grab the lube. Your fingers wandered, sliding between your thighs to replace Dean’s.

“Dirty girl.” Sam grinned, watching as you worked two fingers into your pussy at a lazy pace. “You know you’re gonna need more than that if you’re trying to prepare yourself for me.”

“I’m not.” You bit your lip. “Why would I want to take away the sweet sting from your cock?”

“Fuck me,” he groaned. “Take this.”

Sam didn’t give Dean the chance to react before he was tossing the lube at him. Then he was dropping onto the bed, grabbing your thighs to pull you until you were straddling his hips. His fingers curled around your arm and tugged you down, crashing your lips onto is while Dean lined up behind you.

The first brush of Dean’s fingers on your ass hole had you pulling your lips from Sam’s to whimper lowly. Your forehead rested on Sam’s shoulder as he lined his cock up with your pussy, while Dean began to press a finger into you. It was always so overwhelming, feeling them surround you.

Pressing your hands into the bed on either side of Sam’s head, you clawed at the sheet. Your eyes squeezed shut as an almost animal like groan spilled from your lips. Sam was sliding into you at an agonising pace, while Dean was thrusting the single finger in and out of you.

After a few moments Dean added another finger right as Sam’s cock pressed against your cervix. It was too much, but in the best way possible, and you cried out as your first orgasm shook through you.

Grabbing his cock, Dean gathered your slick as he pulled his fingers from your ass. You moaned in the crook of Sam’s neck, desperate to feel both of them inside you, fucking you, filling you, knotting you.

“Dean!”

Sam chuckled in your ear and Dean snarled, pushing into you.

The sound that tore through your lips spurred the brothers on. Sam- who had stilled once inside you- began to move as Dean started to thrust. It was slow at first, the two of them trying not to hurt you. Weeks had passed since you’d last seen them, since you’d last been intimate, and the first time being together again was always a little painful.

But you loved the stretch and sting. You loved feeling them inside you, making your walls ache as you got accustomed to their size and length all over again. You were made for them, in every way, but feeling them like this reminded you that no one else would do. No one else but your Alphas would ever be enough for you.

Gradually, the brothers began to pick up the pace, fucking into you harder, faster, more eager and desperate. They’d missed you just as you’d missed them, and while the time away from each other might be painful, when you were together again it was all worth it.

“God,” Dean grunted behind you. “So fucking tight, ‘Mega. I’m not gonna last.”

Sam panted below you, watching as his cock disappeared into your pussy. “Me neither. Need to come.”

You nodded, dropping your head to Sam’s chest. “Need to feel it. We can take our time later.”

With your permission, the brothers began to move faster, chasing their release. Dean grabbed your shoulder and pulled you flush against his chest.

With this new angle, Sam hit that spot that made you see stars. His hands grasped your hips guiding you as he bucked up, slamming into your cervix with a force that made you wonder how he hadn’t fucked into your womb yet. Reaching between you, Sam rubbed at your clit, drawing you closer and closer to your end.

Dean’s hand came around to pluck at your breast, causing milk to leak from your nipple. Your head fell back onto Dean’s shoulder, giving him a better view. His lips sealed around his mark on your neck as he sucked at your skin, and watched the white droplets roll on his fingers.

The three of you came together. Sam held you down on his cock so he could bury his cock deep as he filled you with an obscene amount of his seed. Dean grunted in your ear, sinking his teeth into your neck as his knot lodged itself into your ass and his cum filled you. You screamed and spasmed around both brothers, gushing around Sam’s cock as you came once more.

Your skin was vibrating, your mind buzzing as pure, white energy flushed through you. It was warm and cool at the same time, caressing your insides and sparking your nerves. You twitched and moaned, barely aware of the brothers as they carefully shifted so you were all laying on your sides.

Lips pressed kisses to your shoulders, neck, cheek and nose. Fingers stroked you delicately. Sam and Dean were panting, high on their own endings, but coherent enough to call out to you. They whispered your name, trying to bring you back from the ecstasy that was taking claim of your body.

“Omega,” they both murmured against you.

That one word shook the haze away enough so that you could get a better grasp of reality. You still felt the rippling bliss surging through you, but it wasn’t keeping you from your Alphas and their touch anymore.

“I love both of you,” you breathed.

“We love you,” they whispered at the same time, lips remaining on your skin.

Humming and smiling, you leaned back into Dean and pulled Sam closer. They continued to kiss and stroke you, purring lightly. It was perfection… it was heaven.

The End.

Bamby

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