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thdorkmagnet · 5 months

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Forgiveness in Three Phases

So this came out of nowhere not gonna lie. Was actually trying to finish a Turtle Tots story but then @somerandomdudelmao Cass Apocalypse series ended and I ended up using that as the fire under my feet to write this. This isn't a fanfic of that series or anything, just a result of me needing to emotionally work out my feelings through writing, so I felt like I should mention the impact it had on me and this story. Regardless, you should read Cass Apocalypse series anyways because it's amazing and everything I ever wanted in a comic and I can't recommend it highly enough! Seriously read it if you haven't! You won't regret it!

As for this story, it's a little bit of an experiment I wanted to try out. This takes place post- ROTTMNT movie and is basically Leo having a talk with each of his brothers about his sacrifice. It seemed like a typical idea for the fandom to explore so I wanted to try something a little different to make it feel a little more unique.

This story is told non-chronologically. It jumps between three different points in time, the talk with Donnie, the talk with Mikey, and the take with Raph. There are points where it intersects but mostly it jumps freely between. I did my best to make it easy to follow but let me know if anyone struggles.

Anyways that's really it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle belongs to Andy Suriano, Ant Ward, and Nickelodeon. All rights go to them.

“Are you mad at me?”

“Yes,” Donnie replied instantly, leaning over the machine he was tinkering on, refusing to even look at Leo.

“No,” Mikey said before his gaze shifted. “Maybe a little.”

Raph sighed, looking so tired and small. “It's more complicated than that, Leo.”

“What you did was stupid, self-sacrificial, and incredibly selfish!” Donnie's teeth were grit together, fingers welding small strips of metal together, causing sparks of light to bounce off his goggles. “What gave you the right to throw your life away like that?! What made you think any of us would be okay with that?!”

“I'm more sad than mad, really,” Mikey confessed, stirring the broth he was making with shaky hands. His thoughts seemed to be a million miles away, detached from his current self. “I know it was a desperate situation and I know you were just trying to protect us but when that portal closed, I…” Mikey lost his voice, eyes flooding with tears. His gaze finally focused in on his brother. “Why did you have to leave us, Leo?”

“I mean I am mad. I'm furious, Leo! At you, at the Krang, at the whole awful situation we ended up in, all of it!” Raph growled, low and steady, the punching bag he had been mercilessly wailing on a moment before now a crumpled broken heap on the floor. His voice was barely a whisper as he finally added, “But more than that I'm mad at myself.”

“No!” Donnie shouted, cutting off any attempt for Leo to explain himself, slamming a fist so hard on his desk it made the walls rattle. He fully turned to face his brother, goggles still hiding his eyes. “No, I don't want to hear any of your excuses! I don't care that you're the leader! I don't care that you thought there was no other way! I don't care that it was the literal end of the world! I don't care! Nothing you say is ever going to justify me almost losing my twin!”

“It hurt us! It hurt us all so, so much!” Mikey shouted through his tears, dinner forgotten as he crumpled to his knees. “Raph and Donnie were just so broken. And sad. A-And I just couldn't… I can't-” Mikey threw himself at Leo, clinging to him with all he was worth. He held tight, sobbing and shaking and screaming incoherently as days and weeks of pent-up frustration and sadness bubbled freely to the surface. He held onto Leo so he couldn’t go away again.

Raph looked away, guilt washing over his face like a wave over sand. “I shoulda stopped you. I shoulda done somethin’.” Raph's shoulders slumped, like there was an unseen, oppressive weight pushing him down, threatening to crush him. “I'm the oldest, I'm supposed to keep you guys safe! Not you! It shoulda been me that got sent to the Prison Dimension. Instead, I let you make an impossible decision and it nearly killed you.”

Donnie finally tugged up his goggles, eyes glassy with falling tears, something small and vulnerable now filling the space between the two brothers. “I thought you died, Leo. For a minute I… I thought you were gone. I mourned you.” There was no anger in his tone anymore. He just sounded sad and broken and so, so tired. He turned back to his invention, whispering. “You made me mourn you, Nardo.”

It took a while before Mikey’s wails sounded like words again. “I can't lose you, Leo! I can't, I can't, I can't! I-I was s-so scared! And the magic hurt so bad! I just wanted to bring you home! Even if it brought Krang back! Even if it killed me! I needed you back!”

Raph plopped on the floor, the weight finally too much for him to stand. Leo sat down too, failing to find the words to say. “I'm sorry, Leo. For not being there for you. And I don't just mean with the Krang, even before that. I thought you just weren't taking anything seriously and showing off like always. I didn't realize how hard it all was for you. I shoulda understood.” He finally met his brother's eye with a tenderness that hadn't been there in so long. “Instead I kept fighting with you and pushing you and pressuring you, instead of just being there and supporting you the way I shoulda been. And maybe if I hadn't said all of that…” Raph let out a deep, soul-crushing sigh. “You wouldn't of sacrificed yourself the way you did.”

Leo crashed into Donnie’s back, burying his head into his torn shell, arms encircling his twin protectively.

He squeezed Mikey back, letting his own tears fall.

He reached out a hand, placing it over Raph’s own, finally meeting his big brother's eye.

“I'm sorry.”

“Your right, there is no excuse,” Leo admitted, words muffled as he buried himself a little further into the soft leather. “I never should’ve left you like that. I shouldn’t have hurt you or made you… think I was dead.” He choked back a sob, holding his twin just a little tighter. “I didn’t want to make that decision, I wanted to stay with you and Raph and Mikey and eat pizza and watch Jupitor Jim and argue about who’s the best at video games.” He couldn’t hold the sobs back anymore, crying into his twin’s shell, feeling the floodgates of his heart open, drowning him alive. But Donnie was here and there was safety in his presence, so he could keep on breathing. “I didn’t want to die and leave you alone.”

“I’m so sorry, Mikey,” Leo said gently, hands rubbing circles into his baby brother’s shell. “I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I scared you. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry.” He kept mumbling soothing words, listening as Mikey’s breathing started to even out and the tears turned into small sniffles and chirps. Still, Leo didn’t release his brother, he just held him close, pouring all the love, comfort, and affection he had to give into their embrace. He felt Mikey return it back tenfold, soaking through his shell and warming him from the inside out. “I’m here now. I’m here. And I’m never leaving you again. I promise. We’re safe Mikey. You’re safe. It’s all over. I’m home.”

Leo nearly chuckled when Raph gave him a confused look. “What? Why are you so surprised? I thought that’s what you wanted to hear? I mean if anyone here has a lot to apologize for it’s me, not you.” His playful tone turned serious again, giving his big bro an apologetic smile. “Look, I know I haven’t been the easiest person to get along with lately, so I don't really blame you for any of what happened, before or after the end of the world. And you shouldn’t either. Not for a single thing.”

Donnie suddenly swerved in his chair and pulled Leo tightly to his chest. Leo was so shocked he just sat there frozen for a moment. “I’m not mad at you because of what happened to me, Nardo. I’m mad because of what happened to you. Because you thought your life was worth less than ours and you let yourself get hurt because of it. You nearly died because of it. And because you care so little about yourself, I thought it would help you avoid repeating obvious mistakes to see our perspective as well.” Donnie let out a small breath, resting his chin on Leo’s head, hands gently brushing over his shell. “Though perhaps I went about it the wrong way. Emotions aren’t my strong suit.”

Leo let out a wet chuckle, pulling away so he could wipe away the stray tears. “Same here. And sorry again… for everything.”

After what felt like a lifetime, Mikey spoke, voice choked and raw but still surprisingly strong. “Okay, I-I think I feel a bit better now.” He broke the hug, staring up at his big brother with misty eyes. “I needed that, I think.”

“We both did,” Leo agreed, kissing him on the top of the head.

Raph didn’t seem convinced, looking down at their hands instead of his brother. “I still shoulda stopped you from going into the Prison Dimension. You got so hurt.”

“Hey, that was my choice to make,” Leo said firmly, giving his brother an intense stare until he met his eye again. “And I don’t regret it. Just like how I know you don’t regret-” The words almost didn’t come and he had to swallow hard to get them out. “-jumping in front of me to save my life. It’s what leaders do.” He squeezed Raph’s hand as tightly as he could. “It’s what brothers do.”

“Yes, well, just don’t forget we care about you, dummy. Or we’ll be having this conversation again.” There was affection in Donnie’s tone, carefully reaching up to adjust Leo’s mask. However, the smile vanished a second later, hand gripping the mask tails and pulling hard. “And if you ever pull a stupid stunt like that again, I'll have both your legs surgically removed!”

“And you mean it,” Mikey asked in a soft, anxious tone. “You won’t do that again. Promise?”

Raph let out a long, pained breath, the tension seeming to leave his body a little, the creases in his brow fading. “Yeah, I guess it is. Just… promise me next time you won’t do it alone. Brothers help each other, too, y’know.”

Leo nodded, smiling. “I promise.”

Donnie nodded back, accepting the answer, turning back to his invention but allowing Leo to linger.

Mikey beamed brightly, moving back to the stove to try and salvage the burnt broth.

Raph gave his brother a toothy grin, opening his arms up for a hug. Leo melted into it.

“Soooo, do you forgive me?”

Donnie hummed in thought. “While I am still notably mad at you, I suppose I can accept your apology. You are lucky you are insufferably endearing.”

“Yeah I do,” Mikey said with such honesty and conviction it made Leo tear up again.

“Of course I do, Leo,” Raph rumbled, holding his brother close to his chest. He nuzzled the top of his head. “I already did.”

Leo hesitated, fearful of what he had to say next.

“Do you still love me?”

He held his breath, terror more powerful than the Krang or the Prison Dimension pounding against his chest.

Three brothers stared back and smiled.

“Always.”

#my writing #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt fanfiction #save rottmnt #unpause rottmnt #non-linear storytelling #disaster twins #portal pals #magnetic duo

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camouflagedlove · 6 months

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the only thing I don't like about replaying the quarry is having to do the flashback bit like it was fine the first time but since you can't make too many crazy story altering decisions (because it's the past) it gets old and replaying it is like :/

it's kind of the same problem that the game Beyond Two Souls had like if it's a non-linear choice matters game your choices don't matter as much cause it'd change the future stuff that they've either already shown or that is the only plan

#the quarry #beyond two souls #gaming #non-linear storytelling #your choice matters games

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orphancookie69 · 1 year

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Netflix: Kaleidoscope

Heist movies are a dime a dozen, but what about a heist movie in 9 different segments that depending on where you jump into the story gives you a different perspective on the heist? I love some of the crazy ideas Netflix does. Let’s jump in...

This is a Drama Mini-Series by Netflix. You watch a heist 25 years in the making from various view points. 8 episodes, an hour long each. When you think about it-25 years in 8 hours is not that bad, but this otherwise would be a 2-3 hour heist movie.

The order Netflix will present it to you is:

Yellow-6 weeks before the heist

Green-7 years before the heist

Orange-3 weeks before the heist

Violet-24 years before the heist

Blue-5 days before the heist

Red-Morning after the heist

Pink-6 months before the heist

White-The Heist

The above will your reference table for the rest of the post. Now, I do think that this would be better watching in something other than this order. Apparently my partner said that people say to watch the heist last? If you were to ask me, this is the order I would suggest:

This would be your basic-start at the beginning and end at the end order-Chronological:

Violet-24 years before the heist

Green-7 years before the heist

Yellow-6 weeks before the heist

Orange-3 weeks before the heist

Blue-5 days before the heist

White-The Heist

Red-Morning after the heist

Pink-6 months before the heist

But, here is part of the fun of this mini series-just as I was looking at the list to make a chronological order, I thought of more Movie like order, one of those “I bet you are wondering how we ended up here, it’s a long story”:

Red-Morning after the heist

White-The Heist

Violet-24 years before the heist

Green-7 years before the heist

Yellow-6 weeks before the heist

Orange-3 weeks before the heist

Blue-5 days before the heist

Pink-6 months before the heist

While those are my suggestions, here are some other suggestions from Netflix:

Quentin Tarantino Film:

Blue-5 days before the heist

Green-7 years before the heist

Yellow-6 weeks before the heist

Orange-3 weeks before the heist

Violet-24 years before the heist

Pink-6 months before the heist

White-The Heist

Red-Morning after the heist

Classic Detective Story:

Orange-3 weeks before the heist

Green-7 years before the heist

Violet-24 years before the heist

Red-Morning after the heist

Yellow-6 weeks before the heist

Blue-5 days before the heist

White-The Heist

Pink-6 months before the heist

Colors of the Rainbow:

White-The Heist

Red-Morning after the heist

Orange-3 weeks before the heist

Yellow-6 weeks before the heist

Green-7 years before the heist

Blue-5 days before the heist

Violet-24 years before the heist

Pink-6 months before the heist

It is reminiscent to me of “Reader Beware You Choose The Scare”. The ability to choose and force engagement is very interesting. The title is also excellent, you look at this event through the lens of a Kaleidoscope which has lots of different colors, or views, that play into the event itself. Everything is connected in some form or fashion, even if you think you are controlling all the aspects-you are not. Always count on something going wrong, or something you did not expect to be a hurdle.

I am a little shocked at the length of each episode-an hour long each, give or take a bit. Normal length of time for a mini series but for something that I was under the impression I was supposed to want to rewatch possibly to get the “choose your own order experience”-I have to choose to invest another 8 hours into that. The question then becomes, is it worth not only 8 hours but 16? It is made well, but I don’t see myself rewatching it.

Let’s play with a scenario though-what if they were 30 minutes long? So 8 episodes is 4 hours. Would I invest 4, and doubly 8, hours into rewatching? Yes. It was made well enough for reinvestment, if the episodes were smaller. As a show it has a little bit of everything: romance, heist, revenge, family, twists and turns. After one round of watching, there are still some questions I have as a viewer. It was left kind of open ended, and its possible to see a “second season” of this.

The episodes are well done, the optionality is ingenious, and even better is everyone wanting to post their preferred list of watching! A well done thing selling and marketing itself? Yes. What is your list for watching?

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reeldealtv · 4 months

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Quentin Tarantino: Revolutionizing Film and Culture

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#inspirational #Cinema #Cinematic Techniques #Creator #Cult Movies #Director&039;s Style #Film Analysis #Film Directing #Film Industry #Hollywood Directors #Movie Characters #Movie Merchandise #Movie Soundtracks #Non-Linear Storytelling #Pop Culture #Quentin Tarantino #Tarantino Films

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zentendo · 7 months

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Upcoming Games - A Highland Song on Nintendo Switch

Embark on a soul-stirring journey through the breathtaking Scottish Highlands with “A Highland Song,” the latest narrative adventure from the studio behind the acclaimed “80 Days.” Immerse yourself in the captivating tale of Moira McKinnon as she ventures into the vast wilderness, encountering stories, secrets, and the enchanting melodies of Scottish folk music. Scheduled for release on December…

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#A Highland Song #Fourth Moon #Laurence Chapman #narrative adventure #Nintendo Switch game #non-linear storytelling #open platforming #Scottish folk music #Scottish Highlands #survival mechanics #TALISK #upcoming Nintendo Switch games.

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gunsatthaphan · 8 months

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#attaboy.

#only friends #only friends series #only friends the series #only friends ep8 #ofts #firstkhao #sanray #sand x ray #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #gmmtv #thai bl #bl drama #its hard for us ray protectors out there #it really is #big sigh #decied not to answer OF asks anymore since ppl kept coming for my opinions so im just gonna rant about it in the tags deal w/ it #so yeah this is all bullshit dskjghf #im so pissed at ray like who tf does he think he is??????#also I appreciate non-linear storytelling but the thing with mew is so fucked up to me #i have a headache #its so weird #which is probably intentional #but still #i had to skip all their scenes #also top bribing that police officer and now ray is off the hook????#fcking hell dude #i cant #i have discovered that april is the only sane character on this show #this is why i love her

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sheliesshattered · 2 years

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personally I think Mumbo should come back to Hermitcraft but just. not make videos. he should play on the server and build his vault and hang out with his friends and get into shenanigans, but ignore the whole aspect of making videos and posting them to youtube.

it’d be amazing. he’d just be this cryptid in the background of everyone else’s videos. wanna see what Mumbo is up to today? guess you’re going to have to watch literally every other Hermit’s point of view to piece it together from out of context scraps!

#Mumbo #MumboJumbo #Hermitcraft #Hermitblr #MCYT #I just think it would take the pressure to create off of him AND be a hilarious bit of non-linear storytelling #it'd probably also boost the views of other Hermits' videos #just put Mumbo in the thumbnail and BOOM views #HC s9 #The Great MumboJumbo Drought

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gorgynei · 1 year

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to me the kicker to arrival is that you gain the weapon/gift of the heptapod language at the same time that louise does. the entire movie you think that the scenes with hannah are visions of the past, because thats how time works and thats how movies work and thats how our brains work, but the moment that louise says "who is this child?" it COMPLETELY destroys your understanding of the narrative and restructures the way u think about time. and IMMEDIATELY afterwards costello tells louise (and us) that she's seeing the future. like. dude. awesome. the movie opens on hannahs death. every single part of the way this movie is set up is made to trick you into thinking that hannah died before the events of the movie. but no!! the movie is circular! the same way that the heptapods language and time is! the ending of the movie doesnt show anything about hannah getting sick because it doesnt need to, it was said at the beginning. basically im gonna blow up

#really REALLY really really really really good. really good. absolutely incredible non linear storytelling. man #ramblings #arrival

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thegirlinthecher · 5 months

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The storyline of MDZS is so chaotic and I'm all for it. MC born in another body? Well, let's introduce a whole buncha characters he knew in his previous life and so many chekov's guns. Now let's explain his past? No, let's be weird in the present with random tiny references to VERY IMPORTANT events in his THOUGHTS. Okay, the reader might finally be following this cutesy detective storyline? Let's go back some twenty years to explain a single line that this gay ass said to his gayer ass. The timeline of the past making sense? Let's have another flashback inside this fucking flashback!

#for real I had to read it 2 and a half times to really form the sequence of events in my head #and another 2 times to remember EVERYONE'S TITLES like my first time reading a xianxia novel and #I was just like why does everyone have so many names #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #I'm obviously kidding I know its called non linear storytelling not cHaOtiC please spare me

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chryblossomjjk · 8 months

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just found out that jungkook interacts with people who aren’t me

#cold cruel world out there tsk tsk #also lil life update friends !#working full time n going to school full time n also doing extracurricular activities is really not the move #i struggle w toxic productivity and it’s really really destroyed my mental and physical health #so ive busted my behind to save up enough money #to be able to support myself on a part time work schedule until i graduate woohoo !#hoping to have more time to indulge in hobbies #which includes being on here and writing and interacting #i miss you all dearly #ty for everything #like the fact that yall still send sweet things in my inbox when ive been p inactive for like this whole year is super nice and sweet and ye #im sorry i haven’t been responding #but i read them and they do make my day and i love you #and i hope to pick things up again soon #glimpse of us is going to be a banger i fear #ive sat on it for so long that ive perfected this storyline #from metaphors to small details to foreshadowing to non linear storytelling that all forms together in the ends yep #just need to write it which is the hard part 👉👈#but im excited #this the type of story to leave you in a funk for a few days lol and im so excited to share #hope you’re all doing well #and you are also prioritizing your health and well-being #you deserve time for yourself #not even deserve tbh #it’s legit a necessity like pls #you deserve it

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revasserium · 11 months

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*runs in* ISAWYOURAUPOSTNAJSJSJSJJS Omg hiii

I really like your blog! It's like yummy food for my tired brain, so I got really excited to see you're making aus!

Can I ask for roommate au with Jamil? I'm down bad for him;;;

for my 31 days of au challenge @bakedgrape

a story in reverse

jamil; 3,571 words; fluff and slightly suggestive themes though it's never actually nsfw; college roommates!au + implied fwb...; you can read the story top the bottom or bottom to top ;)

day 273.

on the last day of term, you say goodbye for the very first time — and it stings like an unsuspecting papercut found by a thoughtless dollop of hand sanitizer, sharp and bitter with the pang of betrayal.

“ah… i guess this is it, huh?” jamil’s voice is lighter than it usually is, and just as forced.

“you say that like we’re not coming back next year…” you say, though there’s a twist in your stomach that makes your throat seize at the thought, even if it is just a thought.

“s-sorry! i just meant —“ he clears his throat and tries again, “i meant that i’ll see you soon, hm?”

for a second, you don’t know what to say — you can feel a torrent of unsaid words pushing up against the back of your throat like an insistent tide, crashing against the shore of your tongue. but then, jamil is reaching out to tip your chin back, brushing his lips to yours.

“soon. i promise,” he whispers, his eyes softer than you’ve ever seen them, gray and bright as the breaking dawn.

“yeah — i’ll see you soon, jamil.”

you pull your lips into a smile and watch as he jogs towards the curb, kalim already waiting there for him with their family car (rich boys, ugh), a dark-suited man in shades dipping his head in your general direction before slipping into the driver’s seat. you wave as jamil and kalim both turn towards you, raising their hands.

“see you next year!” jamil calls even as you nod.

“yeah, see you!”

and then they’re pulling away from the curb, leaving you standing there amidst your three rather large, well-scuffed suitcases. you let out a long sigh, plopping down on the largest one, the shell painted red and gold, though the colors barely peak out now from beneath the countless travel stickers to places that you’ve never been to (but jamil had promised he’d take you to all of them, didn’t he?)

well. there’s always next year.

day 212.

“are you gonna dorm again next year?”

“hm? i’m not sure… kalim says that we should just get a place together, so that’s what i might do.”

“oh.”

you pause over your half-eaten tub of haagen-daz, licking your lips of the mint-chocolate flavor. jamil glances over, reaching out to dig his spoon into the melting icecream.

“don’t worry though, wherever you’re staying, i’m sure we’ll be able to find a place nearby,” jamil says, flashing you a smile and a wink even as you duck, your cheeks flooding with color.

“that’s not what i was thinking about!”

“no? hm… i could’ve sworn that’s what you were looking so upset over but… well, if i’m wrong…” you can hear the mock-seriousness in jamil’s voice as he shrugs and heaves a melodramatic sigh.

“you’re the worst…” but you can’t keep from grinning as he cocks a challenging eyebrow in your direction before pouncing on you, pinning you beneath him on the sofa, the springs squeaking beneath you as the nearly drop the nearly empty pint of icecream.

“j-jamil! the ac’s still out —“

“mm… but isn’t that why we got icecream?”

his lips chase fire over the plains of your skin and despite everything, you find yourself shivering.

“y-yeah but —“

but your words die on your lips as he sinks his teeth into the juncture of your shoulder and neck, tearing a gasp from your throat as your head tips back.

day 196.

he’s always running high after his dance competitions, and this time it’s not different. so when he comes home, his eyes limned in glitter and khol, you’re not surprised to feel yourself being hauled out of your chair and into his lap, his fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs as you purse your lips, card your fingers through his hair and hold his face steady with a teasing grin.

“i’m guessing that you guys won?”

“course we did,” he says, his breath still coming in short enough pants, his irises blown nearly black as he leans up to nip at your jawline, “we swept.”

“mm — i mean, you guys are pretty damn good.”

“how would you know? you never come to our competitions, even when i ask.”

you pull back with a dainty smack of your lips, pressing a finger to his frown.

“you guys could try to have competitions that aren’t either overseas or during exam weeks — then i might actually be able to go.”

jamil rolls his eyes, readjusting your in his lap even as he lets his head fall back against the sofa cushions.

“stupid exams…”

“just because some people are geniuses doesn’t mean we all are —“

your breath hitches as he narrows his eyes, a quicksilver glint flashing behind them as he hoists you up into a bridal carry and makes a beeline for the bedroom door.

“but since some other people finished their most stressful exam today… don’t you think they deserve to be… rewarded?”

a delicious shiver races down the length of your spine as you allow yourself to be plopped down on your too-narrow bed. jamil grins like the devil as he tugs off his sweat shirt and you can’t help the way your stomach clenches at the sight of him — so lithe and muscular, his skin smooth and perfectly sun-kissed. you’d never get tired of looking at his body, not in a million years, you think.

“i… i suppose one night off wouldn’t hurt…”

“mm, that’s what i like to hear.”

day 120.

“dance practice again tonight?”

“yeah. every monday, wednesday, and thursday —“

“— and sometimes fridays and sundays —“ you grin as you watch him shove a towel into his sports bag.

“here,” you say, holding out his water bottle, “i — uhm — you said you wanted to try liquid iv’s the other day so i put a packet in for you — i don’t know if you’d like the flavor but…”

jamil blinks as he pauses over his half-tied shoes.

“thanks.” he reaches out to take the bottle from you, giving it an experimental shake, “i — uh — i’m sure it’ll taste just fine. that was… really thoughtful of you.”

you hate the heat creeping up your cheeks as you turn back to your studies.

“it’s nothing. they had them at the farmer’s market i passed by this morning so…”

“uhm… will you be… up… when i get back?”

your head snaps up as you turn to look at him, eyes wide. fire courses through you, followed quickly by the sobering cool of uncertainty but still. you gulp and lick your suddenly very chapped lips.

“i — i don’t know… may… maybe?” you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, casting your eyes back at your half-written notes, your mind already spinning over the calculations of how long it’d take for you to finish them properly.

memories from the past few weeks flood through your mind and you can’t help the twisting coil of tension thrumming at the base of your belly.

“well… i’ll text you later when i’m on my way back then,” jamil says, double-knotting his sneakers and flashing a grin your way. he gives you a two-fingered salute before he’s off and out the door, leaving you very nearly squirming in your seat at the mere thought of ‘later’.

day 101.

the third time it happens, neither of you can blame the alcohol. there was no party this time, no crush of ill-dressed bodies, no too-loud music and too-cheap beer. this time, there was just you and him and a shared bowl of under-salted popcorn, the lights off, a rerun of some movie both of you have watched at some indefinite point in time.

you don’t quite remember who made the first move — maybe it was you, when you’d coiled your legs under you, pressing your knee to the outside of his thigh and leaving it there. maybe it was him, when he’d rested his arm along the back of the sofa and let his fingers tangle absently in your hair.

maybe it was the moment of breath between one scene and the next, when the screen had gone miraculously dark and left nothing but the imprint of light behind both your eyes and before either of you could blink it away, your lips had found each other.

there’s nothing to blame this time but yourselves and each other, no questions to ask but the ones you’d already answered — right here, right now, because it feels good, because it feels right.

you fall asleep tangled in each other’s limbs, half beneath the silken covers of jamil’s brand new sheets.

and when you both wake up this time, it’s to the warmth of each other’s arms, the steady of one another’s breaths. jamil doesn’t pull away and you don’t try to think of something casual to say. instead, you both just look at each other and jamil grins.

“so… breakfast?”

you laugh, letting your head thump back onto his uber-plush pillows.

“yeah. that sounds fantastic.”

day 75.

the second time it happens, you blame the alcohol. you blame the crush of ill-dressed bodies, the too-loud music and the too-cheap beer. who’s idea was it to host a house party in your dorm room of all places anyway? and why is jamil’s entire dance crew suddenly here? hooting and hollering and grinning knowingly in your direction, a few of them even tossing you obvious winks.

as if they knew.

do they know?

you curl into yourself, press your body against the cool of the wall and toss back your drink, grimacing at the taste. whatever jamil had put in the punch bowl originally, there’s no question that it’s since been spiked with maybe a dozen different alcohols. and the mixture is fowl as it burns through your chest into your stomach.

the room spins, and eventually, you find yourself being pressed up against the back of your bedroom door, the party still booming along outside.

“f-fuck —” you fist your fingers in jamil’s long hair and tug; he lets out a hiss as his head jerks back, but even in your alcohol-induced haze, you can see the desire burning bright within him.

“sorry — did i —?”

“no — just f-feels good —” you bury your face in his shoulder, your body going soft and languid in his arms even as he slots a leg between your thighs to keep you still against the too-thin door. your hips ruck down against him and he lets out a thick groan at the way you shake against him.

“yeah? g-good… i like that —” he tugs you back with him and the pair of you topple onto your bed, all desperate fingers and dirty hands, sloppy lips, taking what you can, each from the other as if your bodies were endless things. and like this, with his hand pinning your wrists above your head, his gasping breaths bursting by your ear, you think they just might be.

the next morning, you wake up to an empty bed and cold pancakes on the kitchen counter.

day 47.

“why don’t you just talk to her about it?” kalim asks.

jamil frowns, running through his cooldown stretches, his eyes focused on his own form in the mirror even as kalim glances over at him.

“because — what’s there to talk about? i mean — it was just… one of those things.”

kalim shrugs, turning back to the mirror as well.

“if you say so but… it seems like you wanna talk to her about it.”

“it’s fine.”

“till it happens again.”

“it’s not gonna happen again.”

kalim slates him a look; jamil scowls even harder.

“if it does —” kalim’s voice is light as they both pack up their stuff and click off the lights to the dance studio.

“i said its not gonna happen again,” jamil snipes, readjusting his bag on his shoulder and digging out his phone. your message thread is pulled up and he’s halfway through the sentence — on my way back — before he catches himself and shoves his phone back into his pocket.

kalim grins, looking a bit too smug as jamil clears his throat and tries to play it off as if nothing’s happened.

“if it does… you should make her breakfast the morning after.”

“w-why the hell would i do that?”

kalim laughs, “because! then she’ll know that you might want to spend more time with her — time when you’re not —”

“okay! okay — ugh… but like… what do i even make her for breakfast anyway?”

kalim looks much, much too pleased with himself as he peers into jamil’s face.

“how about pancakes?”

day 31.

the first time it happens, it’s barely more than a month into your co-habitation. it’d been a not-quite-accident kind of accident. it’d been one of those rare nights when jamil doesn’t have dance practice and you’d finished all your work early.

“wanna play a game?”

jamil’s smile had been viper-sweet and just as dangerous.

“only if drinks are involved.”

you roll your eyes but agree.

“never have i ever.”

jamil shrugs, “sure. we drink if we’ve done the thing, right?”

you nod, pouring a row of malibu shots. jamil grimaces.

“why malibu?”

“cause — it’s sweet and it’s cheap and it’s the only thing we had in the cabinet.”

“fair. alright — you go first.” jamil pulls a glass towards him, his eyes fixed on you. he watches as you swirl your own shot glass with a contemplative look on your face, and he wonders if you know how terribly tantalizing you look.

so… he might’ve caught himself staring a few times right after you’d gotten out of the shower, wrapped in nothing but a towel, your hair tracing water down the bare skin of your shoulders and back. and he might’ve lingered over your uncapped bottle of perfume, swallowing hard as he catches a whiff of the vaguely floral fragrance, the base warm and woody and dizzying.

“never have i ever… gone to three different countries in one month.” your smile, when he finally fixes his gaze on you again, is nothing short of wicked.

he narrows his eyes as he takes his shot, “that’s not fair — you know i have to travel for my dance crew’s international competitions.”

you roll your eyes, “yeah, and i’ve never been to half the places you’ve been so…”

“i’ll take you with me one day,” he says, the words out of his mouth before he can stop himself. you cock your head as you stare at him, and then you raise your already refilled shot glass.

“i’ll hold you to it then.”

jamil refills his own glass and downs the shot.

“never have i ever… been walked in on after taking a shower.”

“hey! and who’s fault is that?”

jamil smirks, shrugging nonchalantly as you take your shot, quick and vindictive.

“fine — never have i ever walked in on someone after they’d just taken a shower.”

jamil takes his own shot in stride, swallowing down the burn with a wide, satisfied smile.

so it goes on like this, the never-have-i-evers getting more and more ludicrous till you’re both drunk and laughing and more than a little hot beneath the collar.

“never… have i ever… hm…” you muses, your head lolling back as you cast your eyes up at the ceiling, as if an interesting thing not to have done might be written there.

“what’s something… super cliché?” jamil wonders aloud, letting his gaze flicker up as well.

you pause for a moment before dissolving into a pile of red-faced giggles.

“oh! never have i ever hooked up with a roommate! there — that’s a good one.” you smile wide and sure, looking proud of your own accomplishment in thinking up this thing that you’re certain he’s done.

jamil licks his lips and swallows, his eyes meeting your as he lets out a breath.

“i haven’t either.”

the air between the pair of you thickens as your eyes flash down towards your empty shot glass.

“oh.”

“but i guess it is kinda cliché, huh…” he says, setting down his glass and dragging a thumb along his bottom lip before popping into his mouth.

he hears rather than sees the way your breath hitches and he can’t help the pleased purr rumbling through him at the thought of being able to do this to you.

“y-yeah… i guess it is…” you lick your own lips, “makes you feel a little left out, doesn’t it?”

jamil hums in response, and it isn’t till you look up again that you realize he’s leaned over the graveyard of now-emptied shot glasses, his lips hovering inches from your own.

“but how about we change that, hm?”

day 15.

it only takes two weeks for one of you to walk in on the other in the bathroom, and all things considered, it was kind of a miracle that it hadn’t happened sooner. the bathroom door doesn’t really lock and jamil had been too preoccupied with scrolling through the music for their next showcase to see the tell-tale strip of light beneath the door that usually indicates that the bathroom is currently occupied.

when he pushes through, it’s to find you stepping out of the shower, the steam still rising from your skin in thick, white wisps, your hand reaching for the towel on the rack.

“wh —”

jamil stares, drop-jawed and dumbstruck as his eyes rake over your very, very naked body, the music still thumping from his large headphones as he blinks.

you scream.

he slams the door shut.

15 minutes later when you leave the bathroom, your cheeks flushed a deep shade of maroon, your hair still damp, but your body now covered in a long t-shirt and sweats, neither of you says a thing.

day 3.

three days in and you have to admit that it’s kind of nice, having a super rich trust fund boy as your roommate. if nothing else, all the furniture he’s brought along is gorgeous — from the thick persian rugs to the tasteful suede sofa, you very quickly find yourself living in a dorm that looks like it might have belonged in the pages of a crate & barrel magazine spread.

“but apparently, his cousin’s family is even better off —” one of your friends had informed you after you’d looked up jamil’s family online, very quickly finding the wiki page that links him to the al-asim family.

“oh yeah? what do they even do?” you squint at the wikipedia page detailing the al-asim family legacy.

“i think something to do with… water filtration?” your friend peers over your shoulder as you scroll through the page before clicking back to google. she tugs your phone out of your hand and quickly types something into the search bar before making a gagging noise and turning the phone results back towards you.

“holy shit.”

“holy is right,” your friend had said.

“with a net worth like that… what the hell are they doing in school?” you ask, your eyes wide as you look back up.

your friend shrugs, a wicked grin twisting her lips as she leans over the library table and whispers in your ear —

“but y’know if you can bag jamil you’ll be set for life!”

you flush and shove her away, “shut up! we’re just roommates!”

your friend tuts, “plenty of people end up hooking up with their roommates — it’s a literal cliché at this point.”

you roll your eyes, “well not for us, it won’t — and e-even if we do… there’s a long way between ‘hooking up’ and bagging someone for life.”

your friend giggles, batting her lashes floridly at you, “never say never!”

day 1.

“o-oh! hi — sorry, you must be…”

jamil frowns, turning around at the sound of your voice.

“jamil viper…” he says as his eyes land on you for the very first time, taking in the three large suitcases gathered around your legs, and the light blush dusting your cheeks from what he assumes is the exertion of having wrangled them down the too-long hallway.

“yes — right…” you purse your lips, tucking a strand of hair behind your ears.

“and you must be my new roommate, right?” jamil says, recovering from his momentary shock to offer you his hand.

pretty, is his first thought, smells like flowers, is his second.

you beam up at him, nodding.

“it’s lovely to finally meet you!”

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