#NOT ME INTERNALLY SCREAMING!!

[unsurebisexualcore]

watching percy pet that white gecko in ep2 with the biggest fricken grin on his face single-handedly cured my depression for the rest of the calendar year

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #I’m so late to finally watching this I know I’m painfully aware #but this scene made me so incredibly internally happy I proceeded to scream abt it to 3 different people #he’s such a little goof I can’t #my brain watching my hyperfixation w/ geckos and my hyperfixation w/ pjo meet #and u expect me to not physically explode into a million different pieces #and istg if it ends up not being a gecko and just some kind of lizard #im sorry okay it looks like a gecko #im not a botanist

[keery]

JOE KEERY 2023, Behind The Blinds Magazine

#joe keery #joekeeryedit #jkeeryedit #mancandykings #flawlessgentlemen #userspree #userallisyn #usersugar #usernaysa #userkam #userashe #userclara #* #😁 <- me internally screaming

[aroaceleovaldez]

Nico and Percy's dynamic through the series is eternally funny to me, because it's just. like.

Percy's having a constant mental struggle between his fatal flaw of loyalty with a promise he made to Bianca to protect Nico, versus his Big 3 kid desire to maim other Big 3 kids / Poseidon descendant urge to totally maim Nico specifically. He hates Nico so so much. He thinks Nico's annoying and weird at best, and creepy/sketchy when he's older. The only positive thoughts Percy has towards Nico are "He's Bianca's brother and Bianca was my friend and I owe her/He's Hazel's brother and Hazel is my friend and would kill me if I was mean to him," "He's a powerful asset and useful ally (if questionable)," and "He's kinda pathetic and I feel maybe a little bad about it." Percy has multiple occasions throughout the series where he strongly considers - and on one occasionally actually goes through with - throttling Nico.

Meanwhile, Nico is following around Percy like a lost puppy. He explicitly can never bring himself to even dislike anything about Percy no matter how hard he tries. He has a whole bit in BoO where he's mentally going "UGH he's so stupid BUT IT'S ENDEARING HOW DARE HE." He's totally smitten. He's making deals with his dad for Percy. He's making convoluted plans to help Percy stand a chance against Kronos. During the entirety of BoTL it's like he's playing tsundere - "I'm helping NOT PERCY SPECIFICALLY with this quest! Me helping Percy would be SILLY because I DEFINITELY HATE HIM." Then he proceeds to show up to Percy's birthday party to basically ask him on a weird date and spend the entire next book scrambling around trying to help him or protect him or impress him. And Percy could not give less of a shit.

Just. That dynamic is so funny to me. Percy is the founder of the Nico Protection Club in that he's the one they're all protecting Nico from and meanwhile Nico is throwing himself at Percy to the point where the literal god of gay love calls him out on it.

#pjo #percy jackson #nico di angelo #Percy shows up at CJ and squints at Nico like ''hm. why do i feel like i hate you? like i just wanna punch you in the face?'' #and Nico just immediately goes ''huh no idea anyways i have to go-'' and jumps into Tartarus #but not before he gives Hazel essentially a detailed explanation of ''this is Percy i cant say much but please dont let him die <3'' #and Nico's whole Tartarus trip was basically a whole ''im doing this so no one else has to'' #only for Percy and Annabeth to fall in like one book later and Nico proceeds to spend the next book internally screaming about it #and then Cupid calls him out on it and the next book #Nico's just like ''at this point im hoping i keel over within the next week just so i can force this dumb crush to chill the fuck out'' #Nico staring pointedly at Will: ''For my own sake i need to form another crush RIGHT NOW so i can finally get over Percy.'' #''this has been so bad for my health'' #Nico's crush on Percy is just too funny to me. horrible pick my guy. terrible job. love that for you. he could not be less interested. #Percy LITERALLY TRIES TO KILL NICO and ditch him in the underworld and Nico is somehow STILL like ''but i love him'' #Percy basically chokes him. beats up his dad. tells him ''go get smited by your dad for me.'' and ditches him. #and Nico's opinions/crush on him DO NOT CHANGE #though also Nico's reaction to Percy beating up his dad + skeletons is SO funny. his jaw is on the floor. he's flustered about it. #he just witnessed Percy be incredibly hot and proceeded to go ''yea i'll do anything for this man. collect reinforcements of 3 gods? sure'' #nico you absolute DISASTER with HORRIBLE TASTE. you can do better. raise your standards. #which tbh is funnier when you factor in sun and the star. Nico just wont stop crushing on guys who dislike him and everything he stands for

[gophergal]

Y'know, I think that bed might be too small

#gopher art #speeding bullet #sniperscout #tf2 scout #tf2 sniper #team fortress 2 #ok so i love the idea of scout being an oblivious bitch so much. read this as scout going “whats better than two guys being dudes?” #while sniper is desperately trying to will a “what are we” conversation. its funny as hell to me #sniper: trying to stay curled up to give scout space #scout: “nah dude just drape your arm over me. see how much more comfy that is?” #sniper: gay Australian internal screaming

[sunlit-mess]

it's not even half the percentage

#if i wasnt so held back- id have more than what i do rn and more unhinged at that #but hHHRGHH i have to be-- limited somehow (screaming internally bc its like being locked in a cage like LEMME OOOOOUT) #i am normal about things ( i am not ) #me and my hoarding problem against the world #messyr #doodle #artists on tumblr #neurodiverse stuff #neurodivergent

[zarla-s]

I found this fascinating post about Russian short names a long time ago and NOW I CAN FINALLY DO SOMETHING WITH IT basically Russian names can take different forms depending on how close you are to who you’re talking to. Heavy’s name is Mikhail (we don’t know his last name), and this is how Spy refers to him in the comics, while Heavy’s short name is Misha, which is used by his family. But the name forms can get even fluffier or more tender than that! I asked some Russian speakers on Twitter for options and they gave me a wide variety, so I just threw a bunch in here. |D Other options could be Mishutka, Mishula...

I’d imagine anything fluffier than Misha would be embarrassing for him, but Heavy appreciates the effort anyway. <3

(follow-up)

[patreon]

#team fortress 2 #heavy #medic #heavymedic #red oktoberfest #z art #z comic #heavy screaming internally #medic waiting all day to bust mishenka out #get to see blu heavy and medic as a change of pace #this kind of thing also reminds me a lot of scriabin #edgar calls him scriabushka sometimes to embarrass him #i noticed commenters on the russian translations of handplates pages gave the characters short names too #like sans -> sanya and papyrus -> papsa #and gaster -> gastika #i also saw pashki for papyrus which is adorable #perhaps doktor to doktika... don't quote me on that i'm speculating

[elvyn]

Fancy ✨

#fashionable solavellan save me #Not very “fantasy” outfits but I wanted to draw them in something more classic? i guess 🤔 #Anyway #I had fun #Have I already told that I like gold and yellow #especially in solavellan's art? #Probably a million times but yeah i love sollavellan with gold accents #Solavellan #dragon age #solas #lavellan #aideen lavellan #dragon age inquisition #da:i #(btw I think Solas is screaming internally)

[sualne]

the puberty jokes now have a whole new meaning!!

#one piece #koby one piece #my art #described in alt text #WAUUUGAAAHHHHHHH #ok so i know having a trans actor doesnt means he's trans but let me have this. i was litterally joking about how it would be so funny if #they had a trans actor play crocodile when/if they adapt alabasta and then i see... best boy koby.. trans gener actor!! screaming and jumpi #on the walls and all. this is my 'i want to happy stim so bad but im in public so im going to claps my hands so hard and tense all muscles #while screaming internally' pose. that i gave him. because happiness.

[an-eldritch-peredhel]

You are the daughter of an angelic faerie and an elven king. You have grown up inside the only magical safe-haven of an increasingly apocalyptic land outside. You have wanted for nothing, essentially leading the perfect life, suffering and death playing little role beyond the abstract. Your father will never die, and your mother will never leave, but for tradition you are still crown princess and are educated as such. You love to dance and to sing.

You meet some kind of monster inside your mother's borders, a monster not of her or your making. It stumbled across you, dancing in the forest, bloody and travel-worn and weary and wide-eyed as it stares. You are stronger than it, but you run rather than lunge for the kill. You feel pity, more than fear. And something about him makes the part of you that you inherited from your mother sing.

He tries to follow you, for a year and a day. You are stronger, and faster, and stealthier, and you let him see you sometimes anyways. You are not convinced that he is not a monster, but nor are you convinced that he is.

Spring blooms again to the tune of your song, and you let him get closer than before until you run.

But you hear him speak for the first time. He is a speaker, and perhaps to him you are the monster. You do not run, and you do not kill.

He calls you "Tinuviel"

He calls you nightingale- a little songbird, plain and brown, with a lovely voice. They are your mother's creation, but he does not know this.

He calls you daughter of twilight- perhaps for your skin and eyes and hair, but perhaps because that is when he has seen you most.

He calls you singer- creator of the very fabric of the universe, skilled enough to deserve the title.

You are the most beautiful creature the world will ever see, the daughter of an angel and a king. He does not call you beautiful, or angelic, or princess. He calls you a singer, plain and brown, dark and distant as the approaching night.

He is bloody and travel-worn and weary and wide-eyed as you dare to step closer.

He called you nightingale.

You don't know what to call him, but you hope to find out.

#my writing #my headcanons #headcanon #silm fic #lay of leithian #beren and luthien #luthien #luthien tinuviel #beren #eldritch peredhil #second person pov #sorry but the vibes demanded it #big kudos to that one post that went #'luthien probably stopped for beren bc he called her nightingale acknowledging her skill instead of her beauty' #bc that was a big inspiration here #luthien gets a lot of my love but THE RELATIONSHIP IS TWO SIDED #BEREN MAKES HER FEEL LIKE HERSELF AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR SLANDER #also incredible vibes that luthien canonically worries beren is an orc at first afaik #like maybe problematic but. an eldritch demigoddess going 'you look like you're on my parents kill list of monsters. oh well' speaks to me #not pictured is beren trying to pull himself together w/ internal screaming bc 1) that *should not have worked* #he is as smooth as sandpaper. he is a vegan hobo bogman who talks to animals and is traumatized and hasn't showered in months #2) the Creature that is Looking At Him with its head tilted and eyes pinning and stalking closer with fangs and talons out #should be doing much more for his survival instincts and much less for his libido than it is #beren is certifiably Doing His Best and i love him #banged this out in 10 minutes in a daze of blorbo squeezing lets see if people like it lol

[supertyphoon-kai]

NeuviFuri is hilarious they're the type of couple where the slightest show of the other's skin short-circuits their brains like a victorian man seeing a woman's ankle for the first time.

#neuvifuri #furina #neuvillette #genshin impact #neuvi thirst is pretty normal atp furina could be wearing a dress for once and he will be struggling to compose himself #also with the way the Iudex wears an incomprehensible amount of layers on a daily basis #you cannot tell me Furina is *not* internally screaming when she sees Neuvillette's exposed neck when he ties his hair in a high ponytail #or when he tugs his cravat free and undoes the first buttons of his shirt.

[titaniafey]

Nobody:

Gwen, when she sets foot on Earth - 8 and finds out she and Miles are endgame in that universe:

#the pining in this song goes HARD #the internalized self-loathing quadruples for my girl #make them endgame. PLEASE #gwen bawled when she met her future babies #like dropped down on all fours SOBBING PUNCHING THE FLOOR while screaming THIS COULD BE US or THAT SHOULD BE ME after seeing wedding pics #ghostflower #gwiles #gwen and miles #gwen x miles #miles and gwen #miles x gwen #milesgwen #gwen stacy #ghost spider #spider gwen

[kluelesskrystal]

#castlevania olrox #castlevania mizrak #castlevania nocturne #castlevania #olrox/mizrak #I’m internally screaming #But they’re gonna make it TRUST ME #Template from Pinterest

[scribefindegil]

Some thoughts on unreliable narrators as I procrastinate on writing several tricky scenes with unreliable narrators:

Every narrator is unreliable. Just like there's no such thing as 'objectivity' in journalism or academia, there's no such thing as a truly reliable narrator. The narrator's viewpoint is limited, they're shaped by their culture and personality and experiences, they overlook things and make assumptions. It's all a matter of degree. But usually we talk about "unreliable narrators" when the gap between what the narrator says and what the reader/author believes to be true is prominent enough to be narratively significant.

Where is the gap?

Unreliable narrators are not all duplicitous. In fact, many are telling the truth as they understand it. But some are not! This is by no way a comprehensive taxonomy of narrators, and even within a single story there are likely to be shifts and overlaps, but here are some Types I find helpful to consider:

Oblivious The reader doesn't get crucial information because the narrator simply was not paying attention. Maybe they were missing context. Maybe they were bored. Maybe they were distracted by a hot girl (Gideon I love you). Alternatively, the reader gets clearly false information (especially about how other characters are thinking or feeling) that the narrator wholeheartedly believes to be true (Breq I love you).

Repressed You the reader can tell that what the narrator's telling you they think/feel and what they actually think/feel are not the same, but the narrator themself has no idea. For narrators that lack self-awareness and don't understand why they do the things they do or for narrators that are really good at not looking at things that make them uncomfortable.

Liar (internal) The "Sure, you keep telling yourself that, buddy" version, where the narrator is on some level aware that they're lying to themself but doubles down on it anyway. Tends to involve a lot of rationalizing or misdirection. It's very common for a character to have a realization about something important partway through a story (that The System is corrupt, that they're in love with their best friend, that their actions are actually more self-serving than altruistic, etc) that makes them switch between Repressed (passive internal conflict) and Liar (active internal conflict). Or, you know, they might have a realization and not immediately start lying to themself about it, but where's the fun in that?

Liar (external) Usually shows up in first-person stories or in-universe writing, since it requires the narrator to be aware that they have an audience and be attempting to intentionally mislead them. In this case, there is a deliberate disconnect between what the narrator's understanding of events and the account of it they're giving for the purpose of spin or deception.

Coerced This is where the gap comes from an external factor, usually magic or sci-fi nonsense that messes with a character's mind and changes their perception of themself and/or reality, (eg they can't talk/think about a certain subject, they've had their memories altered, etc). It's a different flavor than the other sorts of unreliability and can overlap with any of the others depending of how aware the character is of what's been done to them.

How Obvious Is The Gap?

Another thing to consider is at what point, and to what extent, a reader becomes aware that a narrator is unreliable. Is it clear from the beginning? Is it played as a reveal? Is is a slow dawning realization? Is it something that you could overlook on a first readthrough that only becomes obvious once you put the pieces together? All of these can be effective, but it's good to know going in. If you want the narrator's unreliable nature to be a reveal (that is, there's a point where the reader realizes that they're lying and that recontextualizes the whole story), you're going to approach it differently than if you want your readers to be screaming about the dramatic irony from the beginning. If your point is that the reader shouldn't actually know how much of what the narrator's telling them is true, that's going to look very different than a story about a narrator who has an on-page realization about one of the big things they've been lying to themself about and has to navigate the consequences.

#writing #posts that are just me rubber-ducking at myself because i don't want to actually write the Hard Things #(one fic that's just All Repression All The Time with shades of Liar (internal) and one scene that's. um. #coerced dramatic-irony-horror slide from repression to liar while screaming)

[sophsun1]

In a year, probably not even that long, you won't even remember my name.

#userbbelcher #cinematv #britin #queer as folk #filmtvcentral #userthing #smallscreensource #userrlaura #userrobin #chewieblog #userstream #lgbtedit #mlmsource #otpsource #usermandie #usergay #1x21 #*screams internally* #this is one of my fave moments ever #also a visual representation of me clinging onto britin till the end of time tyvm

[rayandgay]

episode 2 -> episode 3

#between us #betweenusedit #between us the series #winteam #win x team #teamwin #team x win #bounprem #asianlgbtqdramas #bl drama #thai bl #thai drama #asiandramasource #this is win internally screaming: let me innn #my gifs

[the-crooked-library]

On Horror, Queerness, Mirrors, and Dracula

Your wish is my command (you may or may not regret this). 

Here’s the thing - I love horror, and I love patterns, and I think the best horror is always in some sense symmetrical.  It might not be obvious, but what’s the point of staring into an abyss if you can’t see your own face reflected back?  The symmetry itself comes in any number of different twists, whether it is familial, communal, erotic, or individual, and most of these apply to Bram Stoker’s Dracula. 

The centre of our novel rests on the Harkers.  So, starting with Jonathan - his experience in Transylvania is a twisted version of his life back home.  Dracula is reserved but eloquent, seemingly caring and occasionally affectionate, he reads train schedules and they spend hours upon hours in conversation; which is a dark mirror to Jonathan’s train schedule-loving, passionate but serious Mina.  It may even be said that the Count is re-enacting a caricature of traditional heteronormative domesticity - he maintains the household, waits on his guest himself, and blows him kisses from the stairs.  His possessiveness of Jonathan is the only way a vampire like Dracula is capable of understanding the bond Jonathan shares with Mina.  The Count states that he, too, feels love; but he is written by a closeted gay man in the late 19th century, so his imitation of married life is both a lie and a tragedy.  He is a shorthand for forbidden, wrong, and corrupting desires. 

At the same time, Mina herself also has a same-sex connection in the beginning of the story, and her relationship with Lucy mirrors the relationship between Jonathan and Dracula.  They cling to each other, in a sense; despite being excited about the prospect of their impending marriages, there is some trepidation associated with this new stage in life.  A common part of a dowry used to be a shroud, simply due to the frequency at which Victorian wives died in childbirth soon after the wedding; and even provided a survival, the transition to married life was still a loss of innocence.  As such, Lucy’s affection for Mina is the last expression of her girlhood, and she herself is the personification of Mina’s.  Lucy is, therefore, the direct antithesis of the Count; her death and subsequent rising change Mina the same way that Dracula does Jonathan, establishing a firm duality between the Harkers and their respective vampires. 

The other characters are reflections of each other, as well; the suitors defend while the brides terrify, Van Helsing wants to preserve life while Renfield wishes to consume it - and even further, the old Hungarian lady cares enough about  a stranger to give Jonathan a cross for protection, while Lucy’s own mother lets Dracula into the house herself, selfishly ignorant of her daughter’s needs and the doctor’s orders.  Another parallel is drawn again between Jonathan and Renfield, who represents directly what he could have been, had he not escaped from Dracula’s grasp; which makes Renfield’s vehement, last-ditch attempt to protect Mina perhaps all the more poignant.  In him, she sees the resilience of Jonathan’s humanity; while he gets to see exactly what she could become after her turning  - in Dracula himself.  These dualities are integral to the story’s thematic structure, and therefore inextricable from each character’s development. 

There is really too much to say about each individual dynamic to fit into one rant, but for the current purposes, I can forgo the details.  They all converge as it is on Jonathan and Mina, and thus, the central theme of this story is devotion.  If Jonathan had truly broken, like Renfield, Mina would have stayed by his side; and if she had fully turned, like Dracula, he would have adored whatever shred of her still remained.  In madness and in death, in happiness and sorrow, in sickness and in health - until the echoes start to sound like wedding vows. 

@stripedshirtgay​

@bluberimufim​

#dracula #dracula daily #jonmina #jonathan harker #mina harker #dracula meta #bram stoker #y'all asked for this #now scream with me bc i've been internally screaming about this for years #it's about the DEVOTION #lucy westenra is mina's innocence #dracula is jonathan's fear of inadequacy #renfield is his humanity #dracula is an evil version of mina i said what i said #that's Partially why jonathan wasn't weirded out enough #like yes yes eccentric old count #but he writes a diary in shorthand #and his fiancee loves train schedules #who's he to judge