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heritageposts · 1 year

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how do i start to read marxist leninist/leftist stuff ? i searched on the internet but it’s super confusing lol

the most important value for me as an ML is anti-imperialism, so i guess i'll always recommend that people start with works centred on that

some suggestions below (all books should be available either on marxist.org or as pdf/epub files on libgen)

American Holocaust by David E. Stannard

about the colonization of america. not explicitly marxist, but it's probably done more to radicalize me than any other piece of writing. this is the pile of corpses capitalism is built on:

Within no more than a handful of generations following their first en counters with Europeans, the vast majority of the Western Hemisphere's native peoples had been exterminated. The pace and magnitude of their obliteration varied from place to place and from time to time, but for years now historical demographers have been uncovering, in region upon region, post-Columbian depopulation rates of between 90 and 98 percent with such regularity that an overall decline of 95 percent has become a working rule of thumb. What this means is that, on average, for every twenty natives alive at the moment of European contact-when the lands of the Americas teemed with numerous tens of millions of people-only one stood in their place when the bloodbath was over. To put this in a contemporary context, the ratio of native survivorship in the Americas following European contact was less than half of what the human survivorship ratio would be in the United States today if every single white person and every single black person died. The destruction of the Indians of the Americas was, far and away, the most massive act of genocide in the history of the world. That is why, as one historian aptly has said, far from the heroic and romantic heraldry that customarily is used to symbolize the European settlement of the Americas, the emblem most congruent with reality would be a pyramid of skulls. - David E. Stannard

2. Imperialism: The Highest Stage of Capitalism by Vladimir Lenin

Imperialism is capitalism at that stage of development at which the dominance of monopolies and finance capital is established; in which the export of capital has acquired pronounced importance; in which the division of the world among the international trusts has begun, in which the division of all territories of the globe among the biggest capitalist powers has been completed. - Vladimir Lenin

3. The Wretched of The Earth by Franz Fanon

Let us look at ourselves, if we can bear to, and see what is becoming of us. First, we must face that unexpected revelation, the strip-tease of our humanism. There you can see it, quite naked, and it’s not a pretty sight. It was nothing but an ideology of lies, a perfect justification for pillage; its honeyed words, its affectation of sensibility were only alibis for our aggressions. A fine sight they are too, the believers in non-violence, saying that they are neither executioners nor victims. Very well then; if you’re not victims when the government which you’ve voted for, when the army in which your younger brothers are serving without hesitation or remorse have undertaken race murder, you are, without a shadow of doubt, executioners. And if you chose to be victims and to risk being put in prison for a day or two, you are simply choosing to pull your irons out of the fire. But you will not be able to pull them out; they’ll have to stay there till the end. Try to understand this at any rate: if violence began this very evening and if exploitation and oppression had never existed on the earth, perhaps the slogans of non-violence might end the quarrel. But if the whole regime, even your non-violent ideas, are conditioned by a thousand-year-old oppression, your passivity serves only to place you in the ranks of the oppressors. - prefrace by Jean-Paul Sartre

4. Discourse on Colonialism by Aimé Césaire

Yes, it would be worthwhile to study clinically, in detail, the steps taken by Hitler and Hitlerism and to reveal to the very distinguished, very humanistic, very Christian bourgeois of the twentieth century that without his being aware of it, he has a Hitler inside him, that Hitler inhabits him, that Hitler is his demon, that if he rails against him, he is being inconsistent and that, at bottom, what he cannot forgive Hitler for is not crime in itself, the crime against man, it is not the humiliation of man as such, it is the crime against the white man, the humiliation of the white man, and the fact that he applied to Europe colonialist procedures which until then had been reserved exclusively for the Arabs of Algeria, the coolies of India, and the blacks of Africa I have talked a good deal about Hitler. Because he deserves it: he makes it possible to see things on a large scale and to grasp the fact that capitalist society, at its present stage, is incapable of establishing a concept of the rights of all men, just as it has proved incapable of establishing a system of individual ethics. Whether one likes it or not, at the end of the blind alley that is Europe, I mean the Europe of Adenauer, Schuman, Bidault, and a few others, there is Hitler. At the end of capitalism, which is eager to outlive its day, there is Hitler. At the end of formal humanism and philosophicrenunciation, there is Hitler - Aimé Césaire

5. Blackshirts and Reds: Rational Fascism and the Overthrow of Communism by Michael Parenti

probably the most accessible introduction to communism that doesn't demonize countries that have undergone—or attempted to undergo—a transitation into socalism (like the ussr, cuba, etc.)

The very concept of "revolutionary violence" is somewhat falsely cast, since most of the violence comes from those who attempt to prevent reform, not from those struggling for reform. By focusing on the violent rebellions of the downtrodden, we overlook the much greater repressive force and violence utilized by the ruling oligarchs to maintain the status quo, including armed attacks against peaceful demonstrations, mass arrests, torture, destruction of opposition organizations, suppression of dissident publications, death squad assassinations, the extermination of whole villages, and the like. - Michael Parenti

#i'm too lazy to write an introduction for all of them #but i've included some quotes #get reading sickos #this is now on the tumblr university curriculum

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actually-safer-to-kiss · 8 months

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Kafkaesque

Summary: On the flight back home, Spencer and Reader exchange books to read, and Spencer is surprised by your selection.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: Funny, fluff-ish

Content warnings: Franz Kafka (i like him but whatever)

Word count: 1k

The team is on the jet heading back to Quantico after yet another successful case was solved. The tensions of a stressful arrest started to quell as only clusters of city light started to become their only view for the rest of the flight. Morgan has already passed out listening to music, taking up two seats for himself, while Hotch, Emily, Rossi, and J.J. stay occupied by playing poker. Their banter filled the cabin along with the sound of shuffling cards, and actual chips were exchanged instead of poker chips.

You and Spencer, on the other hand, decided this was the perfect time for reading. You had been discussing the idea of exchanging books to get each other’s opinion, since you two are the only consistent readers among your colleagues (and also because Spencer’s banned from playing poker for cheating (again)).

You only briefly got to start each other’s selection before landing, but now there was plenty of time to cross some of the short stories of Sherlock Holmes off your TBR. Considering you were reading in the same space, you expected this to be more of a challenge. Because Spencer is a fast reader. A notoriously fast reader. To the point where Hotch has prevented him from reading while questioning witnesses. The speed at which he combs through books knocks off their focus. You’ve seen it yourself, so much that it’s not as funny as it was when you started here.

Nevertheless, you explore the world of Sherlock Holmes. As you turned the pages, you marveled at the intricacies of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s storytelling. The deductive prowess of Holmes and the vivid depiction of Victorian London transport you to another time and place. Andrew Scott’s charismatic portrayal of Moriarty in the TV adaptation flickered through your mind, though you wisely kept that observation to yourself. Last time, Spencer gave a passionate lecture on the discrepancies between books and television adaptations, citing difference in attention spans, and you had no desire to open that can of worms again.

Amid the familiar hushed ambiance of the cabin, you felt a familiar sensation—the piercing gaze of someone fixated on you. It was a feeling you had grown accustomed to, whether it was the malevolent eyes of criminals from afar of the intense scrutiny across an interrogation table. You tore your attention away from the pages of your book to meet Spencer’s eyes. His expression was contemplative, yet he was less than a third through the book.

“Wanna trade already?” You asked, breaking the silence.

“No, no,” Spencer replied, his lips pursed as he continued to study you.

You raised a brow. “Any questions I could answer?”

“How did you come across him?” He held up your book, “The Complete Short Stories” by Franz Kafka.

“Oh,” you shrugged, “just those angsty high school years, you know?”

Spencer’s nose wrinkled at that. No, he, in fact, did not know what you meant. Because he wasn’t old enough to have angsty high school years. And if he did have any at all, they would have been during college—neither period of his life he cared to recall.

“You’ve seriously never picked up Franz Kafka?” You asked him. “You? Spencer Reid? The equivalent of a human encyclopedia?”

“Only some of his short stories were used for college lectures.”

“Okay.” You feigned a laugh. “So what’s the problem?”

“What was your childhood like, Y/N?”

Your face widened in shock before a sly smirk emerged. “Are you seriously profiling me because of my favorite author? That’s absurd!” The urge to playfully smack him surfaced, but the goodness of your heart made you resist (also because this isn’t your book you’re holding). “Kafka enthusiasts come in all forms, you know. Like everybody else.”

“He’s your favorite author?” Spencer chuckled, still very surprised.

You nodded. “And what about it?”

“You’re just so… happy all the time.”

You cocked your head to the side. A small laugh slipped out as you said, “Oh, I’m sorry, Dr. Reid. Should I have brought ‘The Adventures of Strawberry Shortcake’ to help maintain your image of me?”

“No! I mean…” Your shared laughter briefly interrupted his train of thought. “It’s just not what I expected from you.”

“Hm.” You settled back in your seat, opening the book to where your thumb rested between the pages. “Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do.” You’re ready to get back to reading, but you still look at Spencer.

His eyes sparkled, and the curiosity of something becoming more complex than intended makes his brain run for miles. “Perhaps I don’t.”

As the jet continued its steady course back to Quantico, you and Spencer settled into cozy companionship, growing more familiar with each trip. The ambiance remained peaceful, with the faint hum of the engines serving as soothing background noise for your literary exploration.

You find yourself engrossed in the world of Sherlock Holmes once more, relishing in the intricate puzzles and razor-sharp deductions. Andrew Scott continued to dance in your mind from time to time, a testament to the power of well-crafted adaptations (excluding season four. You never told Spencer there was a fourth season).

You were also increasingly aware of Spencer’s presence beside you. Instead of the prickling sensation of having eyes on you, his knee brushed lightly against yours, sending tingles through your body, along with zero doubt it was accidental, considering this guy hesitates to shake hands. He still took the time to look at you after some moments of reading, as if he were deducing what certain Kafka works in that book could mean to you exactly. He flipped through the pages—actually reading—like he would find the answers.

You heard him swallow. “So, uh, why is he a roach in this one?”

“Because that’s how he feels.” You knocked your knee against him this time. “Just keep reading, Spencer. We’ll discuss it after.”

You watched him bite his lips closed as he tried to suppress a smile.

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iwrotemrtambourineman · 5 months

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1910s dash sim

🦇 vampgrrl

theda bara needs to stop luring men to their ruin and needs to start luring me to my ruin

3 notes

#id risk it all for you babe i wouldnt even try to make you less evil #rip to that guy who killed himself but im built different

👮‍♀️ keyst0nek0p follow

guys i know that yall think buster is such a great new addition to Fatty’s troupe and cant stop talking about how hot he is, but we need to acknowledge how hes like totally a nepo baby. like joe keaton was doing table acts in medicine shows and thats literally how buster got his start…

🗿 thegreatstoneface

“buster keaton was a nepo baby” like his parents were flops and the only reason they had any success was because baby buster was getting thrown into the scenery 🙄

78 notes

#like if anything its a case of reverse nepotism #this is a joe keaton hate account btw

🎥 tworeeler follow

maybe there never was any rms titanic. like did you ever see it?

⚾️ shoeless-joe

So I know all you kids are joking around but no, you’re not allowed to make jokes about this. No.

🎥 tworeeler follow

girl dont you ship baseball players

29786 notes

🕶️ anonymous asked:

actually your alcoholic proclivities make you fit neither to live nor to live with stop ruining your life and put the bottle down you stupid wino

🦇vampgrrl answered: is this cause i reblogged those coup glasses?? get out of my inbox you flying squadron freak

2 notes

# there are literally people dying of trench foot like get a real cause… #alcohol mention //

🤠 littletramp

567 notes

#the model t is going to be so bad #i know so many engineer bros are sucking fords dick but mark my words #truly this is Halifax explosion/coughing baby to me and the model t is my Halifax explosion

🐈‍⬛ krazykatoftheday

1916-05-07

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🪆thedoll1919

“busters/charlies/harolds soo hot and funny” outta my way gayboy im going to go french mabel normand

24 notes

⚾️ shoeless-joe

do you think they ever explored each other’s bodies?

#i just wanted to make some theda bara jokes 😁👍

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sinnabum45 · 6 days

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⚠Trigger Warning! Graphic depictions of suicide attempt, suicide ideation, and spiraling thoughts⚠

[Image description: black and white with gray tones, digital drawing of a comic about characters from the Ace Attorney series. Page one: First three panels are of Miles Edgeworth sitting at his desk, which is covered with papers, tired with eye bags and feeling frustrated with himself. His left hand is on his face and it moves back down. He thinks to himself, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I even do something as simple as this?” A flashback to Phoenix Wright glaring at Edgeworth, then saying, “It’d been better if you never came back from the dead, Edgeworth!” Pearl Fey is standing next to him with a shocked and worried expression. Page one end. Page two: Miles is shocked and his desk is now covered with sleeping pills and an open pill bottle. An embodiment of Manfred von Karma appears behind Miles and reaches for Miles’s face. Manfred says, “How selfish can you be? Can’t even do me the favor of simply dying. ” The embodiment turns into Miles when he attempted suicide. Messy hair, bloodshot eyes, dried tears, dark circles under his eyes, and pills pouring from his mouth. He is squeezing the real Miles’s face and says, “Why don’t you try it again?” Page two end. Page three: Miles shuts his eyes and covers his ears with his fists while shouting, “No!! I don’t need you anymore!”. He opens his teary eyes when he hears Phoenix say, “Edgeworth.” Miles remembers Phoenix telling him, “Please call me anytime. I want to be there for you this time, okay?”. In the flashback, it is bright, Phoenix is facing forward, smiling with a worried expression, and holding his phone. The present Miles looks forward and calmed down a little. He’s still shaken up a bit. Page three end. Page four: Throughout the three panels, Miles is reaching for his smart phone on the desk, pulls away, then grabs his phone. Quotes from various characters: Phoenix, Gant, Manfred, and Franziska are scattered throughout the page. First panel, “I never wanted to see you again! To think that your motivation for prosecuting trials was so selfish…” by Phoenix. “I can feel it. You and me… we’re the same.” by Gant. Second panel, “You can let what happened kill the prosecutor inside you, or you can let it help you grow. I’ll be waiting for you in court…” by Phoenix. “Our battle… begins now… so you had better prepare yourself, Miles Edgeworth!” by Franziska. Third panel, “You have fallen so far. All these years I guided you, raised you as my own. You and your father are my curse!” by Manfred. “A von Karma is someone who is destined to be perfect! You are no longer worthy of being a von Karma! And neither am I!” by Franziska. Page four end. Page five: Miles is calling Phoenix. It rings throughout the page. The embodiment of Miles yells, “Stop! He will just hate you more than he already does!”. He is crying as he says, “ Then… I’ll truly be alone.” He has both hands raised to around his collarbone level and ink is smudged on his right hand. Miles reaches for his face and it startles his embodiment. The last panel is brighter. Miles, with closed eyes and somber expression, is holding his own face and reassuring himself by saying, “Don’t worry… I trust him.” Miles’s chair is squeaking as he rocks back and forth while leaning on his desk. Page five end. Page six: It is single light page with the phone ringing and getting picked up. Then Phoenix answers, “ Hello? Edgeworth?”. Comic end. End description]

Links to help Palestine and other resources! 🇵🇸

[Plain text: Links to help Palestine and other resources! (palestine flag). End plain text.]

Some extra thoughts below! These are just my personal interpretations of what I watched. I'll try to make sense of what I'm saying LOL 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

Again, trigger warning for suicide attempt+ ideation!

Something I noticed while skimming through Farewell, My Turnabout is the similarities between Miles and Adrian Andrews. They directly connected Franziska and Adrian at the end, but they kinda just "hinted" at Miles being similar to Adrian. The main thing that stood out to me is when Miles starts explaining how Adrian is putting up a façade by acting strong. The background fades to black (TWICE), which is something that mostly happens when it's something important, putting focus onto Miles while he talks about how Adrian "lost her will to live" after losing Inpax. Inpax was Adrian's "pillar of strength" and when Inpax comitted suicide, Adrian completely fell apart. She then started to act just like Inpax to cope with losing herself and her mentor. That sounds like the relationship between Miles (and Franziska) and Manfred.

Miles's and Franziska's whole life with Manfred was them depending on him to validate/approve of them. When Manfred left their lives, they started to fall apart trying to gain approval of a man who isn't there anymore. Franziska's confidence was chipped away throughout every case because she kept losing against Phoenix. Miles fell apart a lot quicker (cuz Franziska wasn't created until after--).

Throughout Rise from the Ashes, multiple characters point out how Miles was not doing well and it progressively gets worse. This honestly confused me because Phoenix did notice that Miles wasn't doing okay. He even told Miles that he needs to choose between killing the prosecutor within him or let it help him grow. This interaction is at the very end of the case. Idk if "killing the prosecutor within" was ever brought up before that, but that was interesting cuz I kept seeing people say that Miles wrote that in his note out of nowhere.

With everything that Miles went through in just 2 MONTHS- it makes sense to me if he was not okay. His whole life was uprooted again after 15 years, he was betrayed by almost everyone he trusted, his adoptive dad killed his biological dad and tried to blame it on him, he was brought out on a boat in the middle of the night and shot at, Gant+ Lana used his knife to stab a person's body and made him unknowingly transport it in his own car, Gant saying that he's just like him, etc. Like DAMN bro, what the heck 😭

Also, the thing that made me want to make this comic was when Phoenix told Miles that "everyone would be better off if he stayed dead". Imo, I think it's understandable why Phoenix is angry at Miles. He felt betrayed and couldn't face the fact that Miles isn't who he was when he was 9. There was a post talking about it in more detail, but I mostly agree with what they had to say about it. Phoenix put an unfair standard onto Miles and got hurt when Miles couldn't meet that expectation. He wanted to "save" Miles by solving the DL-6 case and then thought that Miles would go back to how he was when they were kids. When he realized that it doesn't work like that, at least not right away, he felt betrayed. I love that they wrote Phoenix, the protagonist, with these traits tbh. I think it's very interesting! I just wished that they added a scene where Phoenix apologized for saying that Miles should stay dead tho cuz that's never okay to say to anyone, let alone someone you care about and apparently "know better than anyone else" 👁👁

Another thing I noticed is how different the characters treat Adrian vs Miles with the topic of "death". For some reason they're very sympathetic and delicate with Adrian, but then tell Miles to die. Phoenix tells Miles that everyone would be better off if he stayed dead, but then calls Miles cold for telling Adrian that if she decides to "choose death", then it is of no concern to him. Which goes right into my next point.

Miles seemed like he really didn't want to bring up Adrian's suicide attempt and her mental illness. It seemed like they tried everything to get her to talk, but because Franziska told her not to testify, Adrian kept trying to stay quiet. Even the judge was trying to get her to testify by saying at this point, it's looking like she's guilty. In any other situation, what Miles said to her would be uncalled for, but this was literally life or death for Adrian. Also, with context, Miles said that regardless of what she decided to do after the trial, she needed to talk now. She was asking for someone to help her, but only she can accept that help. He could've definitely put it in a way better way tho like damn. I think he's projecting how he talks to himself onto Adrian tbh 👀 It's honestly just a really shitty situation for Adrian to be in cuz no matter the reason, she was forced to face her worst fear. If anyone is to blame for all this bs, it's definitely Matt Engarde and Juan Corrida imo-- 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ Her illness was something Adrian would have to face sooner or later, it just sucks that it had to be like this 😢 Another thing I noticed is when Adrian said that if the truth of her illness were to come out she couldn't finish her sentence. Then Miles finished it for her by asking if she would "choose death". That's a more obvious clue that maybe Miles's note was a suicide note, since it was used in the context of committing suicide.

This guy is always on my mind-- All of them are always on my mind tbh 😭 I just wanted to draw Miles struggling (just the usual on this account) SKMSDKLML I also wanted to show that healing isn't linear and there are a LOT of times where it's just hard. I also wanted to show that Phoenix (and literally everyone else OvO) does want to be there for him despite everything, Miles just has to be brave and accept his support. I just want them to be happy DAMN 😭😭

I feel like I have so much more to talk about, but I can't think of anything else rn. I hope all of this makes sense- I'd love to read your thoughts on this or if you have any questions! Just keep it respectful, please 🥺

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fandom-chic · 8 months

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Please Please Please: Chapter 8

Summary: Y/N is only a child when she and Tommy Shelby meet. The two quickly become best friends as they grow up in Small Heath. As the years go by, Y/N and Tommy realize there may be more to their friendship than they originally thought.

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Y/N

Previous chapter

A/N: This chapter is a bit heavy so WARNING for SA, violence and pregnancy loss.

Her eyes fluttered open as sun beams began to peak through the curtains. The rays touched her face like a warm caress, warming her up. She gazed at the ceiling above her before rolling over in the tiny twin bed to see her love, her fiancé, her Tommy.

His bare chest rose and fell as his head rested on their shared pillow. He looked peaceful. She knew those moments were becoming more far and few between for Tommy. She knew she should let him sleep in, let the sun wake him when it was his time, but she wanted him to herself. She wanted their morning together to last as long as possible. She let her body cascade over his front, her forehead resting against his. A low hum escaped from somewhere in the back of his throat as his arm lazily fell over her waist, pulling her closer.

“Good morning, love,” he grumbled, sleep still in his voice.

“Good morning,” she replied, her leg wrapping around his abdomen. There was a strain in her thigh as her leg settled on Tommy. She twitched slightly at the pinched nerve. She heard Tommy chuckle to himself.

“Not the most comfortable sleep,” he said, opening his eyes to gaze at her. She lets out a sigh and smiles to herself.

“As long as you’re beside me, I could happily sleep on a rock,” His grip on her waist tightened at her words.

“I promise,” he began to whisper, “Once you’re my wife, we will sleep in the most luxurious bed in Birmingham. You’ll never have to worry about a sore back again.” His words melted her heart and soul. She couldn’t help but place her hand on his cheek, letting the stubble tickle the pads of her fingers. His hand reached up to hers, cradling it. Y/N didn’t think this moment could make her feel anymore at peace until his lips graced hers. Even after hours of sleep, his lips were still soft and inviting against hers. She hummed into the kiss, letting a smile rise to her lips.

“This must be what heaven feels like,” she whispered into the kiss. She leaned in for more, but Tommy pulled away slightly.

“Heaven would be this, but I’m inside of you,” her cheeks flushed at his words. Even after all these months together, he still makes her feel flustered.

“You’re a real cheeky bastard, Thomas Shelby,” she purred. His grin was full of sparkles as he pulled her into him, a rush of electricity pulsing through their lips throughout their bodies. She was ready to give herself to him and maybe again, but instead he rolled out of the bed.

“Let me get my beautiful fiancé a cup of tea,” he said, pulling on a loose pair of pants. She rolled onto her side to face him, pulling the sheet above her breast like a strapless dress.

“Fiancé,” she breathed. The word felt like sugar on her tongue. “I’ll never get sick of that.” Tommy approaches the side of his bed, leaning down to Y/N.

“Neither will I,” he planted a kiss on her cheek before heading out the bedroom door. After the door shut, Y/N sat up in bed, finally able to stretch out slightly. She let the bed sheet fall to her hips as a yawn escaped her lips. Her arm rested lazily on top of her head as she leaned over to Tommy’s bedside table, turning the radio on. She turned the dial before the static turned into a man’s voice. She expected the usual reports: something was stolen, the weather is gray, and the politicians are corrupt. She was almost correct today. Almost.

“Following last month’s assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, Austria-Hungary has officially declared war on Serbia.” She was awake now.

“More news is to come, but reports have come out declaring that Germany has sided with Austria-Hungary. Now we wait to see how England moves forward.” Her mind phased over as the report turned into white noise in her mind. War. The continent was going to war. Over what? Some archduke she had never heard of? Fucking preposterous. That was when she felt Tommy enter the room. His hands bore two piping hot cups of tea, and his face a warm smile. Once his eyes fell upon her, the smile faded.

“What’s wrong?” he inquired. Y/N knew she couldn’t hide her worry from him. That was when the report began to play again. Tommy’s attention moved quickly, putting the cups on his side table before turning the volume up on the radio. His focus was entirely on the small device dictating their future to them. A deep sigh escapes him before he turns to Y/N.

“Austria-Hungary, Serbia and Germany are far from here. They will fight it out, and it will all be done in a few days,” he sar down beside her, his hand going to her back to lovingly rub it, coaxing the anxious look off her face, “Do not worry about that. There are bigger things to worry about.” She looked over at Tommy, her eyebrows furrowed.

“What could be bigger than war?” That was when a smirk dusted his lips.

“Choosing a venue for our wedding.” She couldn’t help the snort that escaped as a smile finally came back to her face.

“Oh shit, I completely forgot about that,” She leapt off the bed, throwing her clothes on herself. “We’re touring that church today in,” Her eyes shoot over to the clock to reveal the less than early time of 10:00 AM, “45 minutes! We’re going to be late.” She began jumping into her stockings as Tommy rose from the bed, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“Y/N,” she paused her actions, looking up at Tommy, “I think it’ll be ok.” A puzzled expression rose on her face.

“But we’re going to be late, Tom.” She motioned at the clock on the wall.

“I don’t think so, love,” His hands went to her cheeks as he moved her gaze to meet his, “Fuck some old, drafty church. Let’s get married somewhere that matters to us.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Where would that be?”

“Our lake.” As soon as he said those words, she knew he was right. It was the place where they spent every summer. It was the place she denied she loved him, even though deep down knew she always had. It was the place he almost told her so many times that she was the one. She let out a light sight before putting her hands on his.

“I can’t think of a more perfect place to begin the rest of my life with you.” Tommy leaned down, kissing her forehead.

“Let’s drink some tea, take it easy and head to the lake this afternoon, ok?” She nodded as his lips left her forehead. He picked up the cup of tea and handed it to his fiance, giving her a smile as he did so. It would all be ok, she thought as she brought her cup to her lips, taking a sip. The liquid burned the top of her mouth, but the presence of her lover made the pain miniscule. They would see their wedding venue today, and everything would be good. Better than good, perfect. It wasn’t long into their tea when Y/N heard a yell up the stairs.

“Oy, Tommy, we have an emergency!” Y/N could recognize Arthur’s voice anywhere. “The Shaws on the east side want to speak with you now.” Tommy let out a sigh and kissed Y/N’s cheek.

“It will be quick, I promise,” he whispered into her ear. She let her head fall into the crook of his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, darling. I can meet you there.” She felt his hand run through her tresses, calming her.

“It shouldn’t take too long, no more than an hour.” She nodded as Tommy rose and went out the bedroom door, but not before shooting her a small smile. Her heart would never stop fluttering at that look.

She was over at their lake within thirty minutes, no time at all. The first sight that caught her eye was the way the midday sun hit the water. It looked like a path leading to the heavens. She could imagine herself standing in front of it with her Tommy, professing their love for their family and promising themselves to each other forever. She tied her horse to a tree and walked over to where that spot would be. Y/N stood in the place she imagined she would be making her vows to Tommy. She held her hands out, imagining Tommy’s larger ones holding hers, probably giving them a squeeze when a happy tear fell down her cheek. She imagined them running back down the aisle and into the family car to be taken off who knows where.

She could also imagine taking their kids here and showing them where their parents promised forever to one another. Y/N let herself sit on the soft grass, letting the thoughts of family warm her. She couldn’t wait for the day Tommy held their first child and showed them all the love he could. Y/N knew whatever happened, Tommy would love that child with all his heart and soul. She let out a soft sigh as she let her thoughts pass through her. It wasn’t until the sun began to fall in the sky that she noticed Tommy was late. She took a peek at her watch and noticed hours had passed.

“The meeting must’ve run very long,” she thought, standing from the grass. That was when she heard a rustle. It was a small noise, almost like the sound of a shoe breaking a stick. But it was recognizable. Her head whipped to where the noise came from, but no one was there. Her shoulders unstiffened as she began to make her way back to her horse. That was when she hears another sound followed by the unmistakable timbre of a male voice. Her pace quicked to a jog as she went to her horse. That was when she noticed two men emerge from the woods. They were men she had never seen before. One was tall with a menacing look in his eye while the other was smaller and trailing behind his leader.

Y/N broke into a sprint, but the two men were quicker. She felt the smaller one grab her, holding her around her waist and pulling her arms around her back. She tried to let out a scream, but a rag was shoved in her mouth. That was when she heard a chuckle from the taller man.

“Well, well, we heard Tommy’s bird was beautiful, but that was truly an understatement.” She felt his hand trace along her jaw. He smelled like sweat. “I wonder what a sweet young girl like you is doing with a man like that.” His words were coated in a sickly sugary tone that made her spine shiver. She wanted to pull back, but that would mean leaning into the other man.

“She must be the priciest whore in Birmingham,” said the smaller one, pulling her arms even tighter behind her. A small squeak escaped her lips as the pain twinged in her shoulders.

“Maybe we should see if she’s worth her price.” His mouth was close to hers. His breath reeked of old fish. Y/N couldn’t help but flinch away. That was when she felt a fist make contact with her cheek.

“Don’t fucking move away from me, whore.” His words were venom. The tears were falling down her face. She knew there was nothing she could do to stop them. She could feel whimpers of fear escaping her mouth. She couldn’t stop them.

“What was that, love?” His voice was all condescension as he pulled the rag down from her mouth.

“W-why are you doing this?” She stuttered. This elicited a laugh from the taller man.

“Well, your Tommy has some debts that he owes the Shaws that he simply chooses not to pay back. And we do not work for free. It seems that we have to take our own payment.” Her eyes widened, and that was when her mind went blank. She would never remember whatever happened to her in that next hour. She didn’t want to remember. It wasn’t until she woke up in a hospital bed did she realize her nightmare was over.

Her eyes moved around the room, taking in her environment. That was when she saw him, Tommy. Her Tommy. The light of her life was dim, sitting on the edge of her bed. She shifted slightly, trying to readjust, but pain shot through her body. She let out a small whine as Tommy’s eyes shot to her.

“Nurse! She’s awake.” He screamed before coming to her side. His hands fell on both cheeks, “I thought I lost you.” The words came out as a hoarse whisper before he pulled her in. He tried his best to be gentle, but she couldn’t help the slight groan that escaped her lips as he brushed against her cuts and bruises.

“What happened?” She asked, knowing she didn’t want to know the answer. He pulled away, running a hand through her hair, tucking it behind her ear.

He let out a sigh, “The business with Shaw’s gang? That was all a ruse. The whole point was to get revenge on me for a business deal gone bad.” That was when his eyes wandered away from hers, looking at the space beyond her shoulders. “They knew what mattered the most to me and decided that was the way to get payback. We didn’t realize what was happening until it was almost too late.” His words stopped, and he paused before continuing, “I got there when he had a gun in his hand, pointed right at you. I killed him, Y/N. I killed both of them. They’re dead. They can’t hurt you again.” That was when the tears began spilling from her eyes again. They wouldn’t stop. She buried her head in Tommy’s shoulder, letting her tears soak his jacket. Tommy’s arm moved around her waist, pulling her in.

“There is one more thing, too,” She looked up at Tommy, wiping her hand across her eyes.

“What, Tommy?” He let out a deep breath before running a hand through his hair.

“You were pregnant, but,” His words were caught in his throat but became free, “the baby’s gone.” Her limbs went cold at that, numb to everything.

“Y-you mean… we were going to have a baby?” The words came out as a whisper. Tommy nodded. There was silence between the two of them before Y/N crawled into his lap. She didn’t want to be anywhere else but sobbing in his arms. Right now, it was what she needed. He knew that too, letting a hand run down her back trying anyway to soothe his love. The tears ran for hours before she tired herself out. She didn’t realize she was dozing until the world began to darken, and Y/N swore she heard words she knew had to be from a dream.

“If it weren’t for me, you would be safe.” It had to be a dream. Tommy would never say that. She thought this before the world went dark.

When she woke, she was alone. And she was alone for many days after that. It wasn’t until Polly came that she knew Tommy meant the words he said.

She came bearing a comforting smile and a bouquet. Y/N’s body was finally beginning to heal, but her mind was still shattered.

“Polly, where’s Tommy?” Y/N didn’t even attempt the pleasantries. This woman had seen her grow up. There was no need.

Polly sat herself in the chair beside Y/N’s bed, staring at her toes as she tried to find the proper words. When she did, she looked up at Y/N, ready to break her world in half.

“Shaw’s body was found in The Cut. The police knew it was Tommy, and they told him he had a choice: prison or join the war effort-”

“War effort? Since when has there been a war effort?” Polly let out a sigh.

“A lot has happened since you’ve been here, love.” Y/N ran a hand through her hair.

“What did he choose, Pol?” But she already knew the answer.

Next Chapter

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sacredcitycenter · 2 years

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“I have no memory for things I have learned, nor things I have read, nor things experienced or heard, neither for people nor events; I feel that I have experienced nothing, learned nothing, that I actually know less than the average schoolboy, and that what I do know is superficial, and that every second question is beyond me. I am incapable of thinking deliberately; my thoughts run into a wall. I can grasp the essence of things in isolation, but I am quite incapable of coherent, unbroken thinking. I can’t even tell a story properly; in fact, I can scarcely talk…”

- Franz Kafka

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daneverland · 2 years

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On Suffering, Failing, and Quitting

#web weave #bojack horseman #suffering #failing #quitting #long post

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elsaellaelys · 10 months

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In love

summary: Y/N realizes she fell in love with her new bestfriend.

pairing: JJ Maybank x fem!reader

768 words

a/n: I just liked so much writing, had to make another her. Let me know if you have some request, send me a chat! <3

--★--

It's not easy on Y/N's mind when she got this messy, JJ rent free in her mind, she just can't help it. His touch lingering just a little to much in the low of her back as he passes by makes she weak in the knees, blaming it on the hormones when she reaches to feel his arms as he helps she get in the boat, holping he doesn't notice, or the intrusive thoughts in her head that makes she understand Charlotte Flax in Mermaids. I mean, what she wouldn't give to be that can in his hand? Fitting just perfectly between those lips, having his hands wrapped around she like that, be the trail of beer down his chin, the wind blowing inside the loose sleeves of his shirt and through his chest.

Fucking pathetic.

Y/N is lost, no doubt.

This is not only a crush, she's in love. Deeply in thoughts about JJ. What is he doing? Where is he? Is he thinking about me? Inevitable to not wake up musing him, go to sleep meditating about it, heartbroken when he flirts with another girl.

After all it's not like he wants to date her.

Marry her.

Have her babies.

The HMS Pogue float calmly on the chill waves, John B., Kiara and JJ are swimming, Pope is laid down in the corner, Franz Kafka's book long forgotten on his lap as he takes a nap. Y/N is just laying in the sun, she moved to the OBX only six months ago, still can't swim very well so she rater not tire herself to much. The pogues don't understand how come Y/N comes to an island without knowing how to swim, a few weeks earlier she had to confess it, due the summer vacation, and JJ started taking her to the beach to teach her. That's it! Like a click comes to her mind. The memory of that first afternoon of swim class, begginin of July, school year had just ended, the sea kinda green and warm, JJ was teaching Y/N how to float. They were in the shallow, he backed away and laid back, chest appearing on the surface, to show her how to do it. She tried, his hands were on her back to help she lift her weight on the water, but the second they left, her body sinked inches, the gasp she let out letting water inside her mouth. He laughed shortly bringing her up, moving the hair off of her face.

"It's alright, just a little bit of water in your mouth" she lifted a finger in front of his face, turning around to blow salt water out of her nose. "Okay, breathed some too" he laughed.

She saw his eyes tight with the smile, bright blue orbs, laugh lines, hands pressed on her waist. It felt like the first time. Y/N didn't learned it that day, neither in the next one, late that week they had to find a quieter place after JJ pissed a guy trowing sunscreen on his surf board for making fun of Y/N's swim skills.

JJ never made she feel bad for not knowing how to swim, actually, he felt bad for not teaching right - but how could she learned when she was more interested on the teacher than on the lesson?

He swam to the boat pocking her side for attention.

"Hey pretty girl!" her heart twirled "Wanna swim with me? It's not fun without you."

Y/N agreed, would do anything with him. She slipped off to the water, his arm around her.

"I'm fine." she says "I can at east not sink, y'know?" But he didn't wanted to let go of her, the feeling of soft skin to good against his palm. He did, anyway.

"See?" the girl smiled.

"I see" he answered.

His blue eyes watched her sparkling ones, tanned skin, so shiny, tits looking so cute in the flowered bikini top, nice lips, so kissable. JJ felt the ground falling out from under him, even though he was in the water. How could he only notice it now, he wants to kiss she so badly, flirting is not enough, lingered touches, sweet nicknames, not enough. Remembered also how he feel so safe around her in such a small time together, how he wants to impress her just to see the proud lustful look on her face, how he felt when saw she wearing his shirt on the Chateau after getting her's wet - kinda horny, sure - but with a twist in his heart.

He sees. He knows now.

He's in love too.

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank smut #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank #jj maybank fic

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