#MY yoke is easy

[madewithonerib]

John Gills, English Baptist [1748] | Matthew 11:29-30

Take MY yoke upon you,…. [The phrase is Rabbinical]

The Jewish doctors often speak [a] of:

“the yoke of the Kingdom of heaven”, & of persons taking it upon them; and which they exhort to, and express in much such language as here [b];

“take upon you the yoke of the Holy Kingdom”  [every single day]

They distinguish this from the yoke of the law, & say: “a man must first take upon him the yoke of the Kingdom of Heaven, & after that take upon him the “yoke” of the commandment.''

Their sense I take to be this, that a man must first make a profession of his faith in the GOD of Israel, & then live conformably to HIS law:

Agreeably to this, CHRIST exhorts such persons who come to HIM for rest & happiness—to profess their faith in HIM, to embrace the doctrines of the Gospel, to submit to HIS ordinances, & to walk according to those laws, commands, & orders, which HE, as KING of saints, has made, & requires obedience to:

So those who come to HIM for life, & believe in HIM, as the SAVIOUR of their souls, though they are not to trust in, & depend on any duties performed by them;

yet we're not to sit still, or lay aside the performance of good works, or live a licentious course of life, but are always to be doing the will & work of their LORD.

And this HE calls “HIS yoke”, in distinction from the yoke of the law of Moses, & of traditions of elders.

And learn of ME, for I am meek, & lowly in heart: respect seems to be had to Zechariah 9:9— where such characters as these are given of the MESSIAH.

The meekness, humility, & lowliness of CHRIST appear in his assumption of human nature — in HIS subjection to HIS FATHER — in the whole of HIS deportment and conversation among men; in HIS submission to the ordinance of baptism; in the whole course of HIS obedience to GOD, & in HIS sufferings & death:

And HE is to be imitated herein, by all HIS followers, may learn many excellent things from HIS example, as well as from HIS doctrine; & particularly, whereas, though HE was so great a person, yet condescended to perform every duty with readiness & cheerfulness

    HIS Disciples should not think it below them     to conform to every ordinance of HIS, to every     branch of HIS will;

    for HE has set them an example, they should     tread in HIS steps, & walk even as HE walked.

There never was such an instance of humility, and lowliness of mind, as CHRIST; nor any example so worthy of our imitation as HIS.

The Jews have a saying [d],

   •  “for ever let a man ,    •  “be meek as Hillell”, & let him not be wrathful as    •  “Shammai“:''

which two men were presidents of their universities about the times of CHRIST. But our LORD says, “learn of ME“, not of “Hillell”, or any of your doctors, & you all shall find rest unto your souls;

referring to Jeremiah 6:16 and which shows the rest HE speaks of in preceding verse, to be not a corporal, but a spiritual one; & which is to be enjoyed “in”, tho not “for” the observance of CHRIST's commands;

whose “ways are ways of pleasantness, & all” whose “paths are peace.”

[a] T. Hieros. Beracot, fol. 4. 1. Bab. Beracot, fol. 61. 2.       Zohar in Lev. fol. 46. 4. Caphtor, fol. 44. 2. Tzeror       Hammor, fol. 2. 2. [b] Zohar in Num. fol. 51. 2.       Caphtor, fol. 48. 2.[[c] Misn. Beracot, c. 2. sect. 2.

Charles Ellicott [1749–1905] | Matthew 11:29-30

[29] Take MY yoke upon you—As the teaching of the         Pharisees was a yoke too grievous to be borne,         so the yoke of CHRIST is HIS teaching, HIS rule         of life, & so is explained by the “learn of ME” that         follows. [Comp. Ecclesiasticus 51:26]

I am meek & lowly in heart—The stress lies upon the last words. Others might be lowly with the lowliness which is ambition’s ladder, but pride & self-assertion were reigning in their hearts.

The CHRIST, in HIS infinite sympathy with men of all classes and conditions, could boldly incur the risk of seeming to boast of HIS humility, in order HE might win men to come & prove by experience that HE was able & willing to give them rest, to hear the tale of their sorrows, & to turn from none with scorn.

Ye shall find rest unto your souls—Here, as often elsewhere in our LORD’s teaching, we have a direct quotation from Jeremiah [Jeremiah 6:16].

   •  Jeremiah 6:16 [Berean] ¹⁶ This is what the LORD        says: “Stand at the crossroads and look. Ask for       the ancient paths: ‘Where is the good way?’ Then       walk in it & find rest for your souls. But they said,       ‘We will not walk in it!’

Joseph Benson [1749–1821] | Matthew 11:29-30

Take MY yoke upon you — Believe in & obey ME:

Hearken to ME as a teacher, rely on ME as a SAVIOUR, & be subject to ME as a governor. And learn of ME— Μαθετε απ’ εμου, be MY Disciples;

be taught by ME, namely, all things pertaining to your acceptance with GOD, your duty, and your happiness: for I am meek & lowly in heart—Meek toward all men, lowly toward GOD.

As an instructor, I will show MYSLEF to be most mild, gentle, & forbearing;

kind & condescending toward all MY Disciples, directing them with tenderness, patience, & lenity, in the way to pardon, life, & salvation, not imposing on them any un- necessary burdens:

And, as an example, recommending by MY practice both meekness & humility; meekness by bearing all kinds of injuries, & humility by condescending to do meanest good offices to the meanest of mankind.

Learn, then, of ME to be meek & humble, both in disposition and behaviour; and you all shall find rest to your souls—That composure, tranquillity, & satisfaction which nothing but humility & meek -ness, with an entire subjection to ME, can give.

The original words may be properly rendered, Ye shall find refreshment to your souls, such as you would in vain seek elsewhere;

refreshment, arising from clear manifestations of divine favour, consoling influences of HIS SPIRIT, lively hopes of HIS glory, & sensible communion with HIM.

For MY yoke is easy — Gr. χρηστος, gracious, sweet, benign, agreeable;

MY burden light: Or, pleasant, ελαφρον also signifies.

Such it is to those in whose hearts the love of GOD prevails over the love of the world & sin. To them, the commandments of GOD are not grievous, but delightful.

They love HIS law, & pleasure is in it all the day long.

#agreeable #sweet #gracious #MY yoke is easy #divine favour #refreshment #consoling #influences #Walk in the SPIRIT #lively hopes of HIS glory #communion #Joseph Benson #infinite sympathy

[grandsouldream]

Readings for 14 July

14/07/2022

#My yoke is easy #Book of Isaiah 26 #Book of Isaiah #Psalms 102(101) #Psalms #Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint Matthew 11 #Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint Matthew #Saint Teresa of Calcutta (1910-1997) #God #Lord #Jesus #Holy Spirit #love #hope #heaven #life #peace

[wiirocku]

Matthew 11:30 (NLT) - For My yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

#Matthew 11:30 #My yoke #easy #to bear #burden #I give you #light

[takonxmz]

Nie Huaisang hadn’t moved out of the house to find a hopeless crush and a new appreciation for breakfast cuisine. But then, does anybody?

OR

In which Nie Huaisang is thirsty, Jiang Cheng is a good neighbour, and Wei Wuxian is a gremlin.

Podfic of “over easy (I'm not playing hard to get)” by @dytabytes is up! Listen on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45876769

(you can also rt the podfic here)

#my art #tako podfics #can u tell that the egg is over easy .... #i might have given the yoke a little too much definition LOL oops #the bacon looks like it has abs #also as an asian this kind of meal would be eaten over rice mweheheheeh #sangcheng #my first sangcheng podfic!!!!!! although not the first one i was approved to podfic adjskfhadlskf this one was done first bc it was short! #colored ink #ink #mdzs podfic #nie huaisang #jiang cheng

[nolivingdudeami]

*

#ngl i almost started crying during the homily in mass today #because our deacon was quoting 'my yoke is easy my burden is light' #and it just really hit me in a way it never has before

[queenlucythevaliant]

Time to share another of my favorite Christian poems with you all. It’s a martyrdom poem by Varlam Shalamov, a victim of the Soviet gulags and also the writer of Kolyma Tales. A few favorite stanza are written out here; the entire poem is typed out below. It’s a little on the long end, but entirely worth it. 

“Avvakum in Pustozyorsk” by Varlam Shalamov

The walls of my church

  are the ribs of my heart;

it seems life and I

  are soon bound to part

 .

My cross now rises,

  traced with two fingers.

In Pustozyorsk it blazes;

  its blaze will linger.

 .

I’m glorified everywhere,

  vilified, branded;

I have already become

  the stuff of legend.  

 .

I was, people say,

  full of anger and spite;

I suffered, I died

  for the ancient rite.

 .

But this popular verdict

  is ugly nonsense;

I hear and reject

  the implied censure.

 .

The rite is nothing—

  neither wrong nor right;

a rite is a trifle

  in God’s sight.

 .

But they attacked our faith

  in the ways of the past,

in all we’d learned as children

  and taken to heart.

 .

In their holy garments,

  in their grand hats,

with a cold crucifix

  in their cold hands,

 .

in thrall to a terror

  clutching their souls,

they drag us to jails

  and herd us to scaffolds.

 .

We don’t mind about the doctrine

  books and their age;

we don’t debate virtues

  of fetters and chains.

 .

Our dispute is of freedom,

  and the right to breathe—

about the Lord’s will

  to bind as he please.

 .

The healers of souls

  chastised our bodies;

while they schemed and plotted,

  we ran to the forests.

 .

Despite their decrees,

   we hurled our words

out of the lion’s mouth

  and into the world.

 .

We called for just vengeance

  against their sins;

along with the Lord,

   we sang poems and hymns.

 .

The words of the Lord

  were claps of thunder.

The Church endures;

   it will never go under.

 .

And I, unyielding,

  reading the Psalter,

was brought to the gates

  of the Andronikov Monastery.

 .

I was young;

  I endured every pain:

hunger, beatings,

  interrogations.

 .

A winged angel

  shut the eyes of the guard,

brought me cabbage soup,

  and a hunk of bread.

 .

I crossed the threshold—

  and I walked free.

Embracing my Exile,

  I walked to the east.

 .

I held services

   by the Amur River,

where I barely survived

  the winds and blizzards.

 .

They branded my cheeks

  with brands of frost;

by a mountain stream

  they tore out my nostrils.

 .

But the path to the Lord

  goes from jail to jail;

the path to the Lord

  never changes.

 .

And all too few,

  since Jesus’s days,

have proved able to bear

  God’s all-seeing gaze.

 .

Nastasia, Nastasia,

  do not despair;

true joy often wears

  a garment of tears.

 .

Whatever temptations

  may beat in your heart,

whatever torments

  may rip you apart,

 .

walk on in peace,

  through a thousand troubles

and fear not the serpent

  that bites at your ankles—

 .

though not from Eden

  has this snake crawled;

it is an envoy of evil

  from Satan’s hand.

 .

Here, birdsong

  is unknown;

here one learns the patience

  and the wisdom of stone.

 .

I have seen no color

  except lingonberry

in fourteen years

  spent as a prisoner.

 .

But this is not madness,

  nor a waking nightmare;

it is my soul’s fortress,

  its will and freedom.

 .

And now they are leading me

  far away in fetters;

my yoke is easy

  and my burden grows lighter.

 .

My track is swept clean

  and dusted with silver;

I’m climbing to heaven

  on wings of fire.

 .

Through cold and hunger,

  through grief and fear

towards God, like a dove,

  I will rise from the pyre.

 .

O far-away Russia—

  I give you my vow

to return to the sky

  forgiving my foe.

 .

May I be reviled,

  and burned at the stake;

may my ashes be cast

  on the mountain wind.

 .

There is no fate sweeter,

  no better end,

than to knock, as ash,

  at the door of the human heart.

#this poem absolutely destroys me #there are so many threads running through it but more than anything I see such beautiful submission to God's will in it #the road to the Lord goes from jail to jail; the road to the Lord never changes #and so there's this exhortation to relish martyrdom and long for glory #like so many of the martyrs #and yet it's so uniquely personal and Soviet #that opening line: if they blow up our cathedrals and outlaw our meetings we will still carry the church in our chests #behind our ribs in our hearts #and then to say 'we don't care about the specific books or rites or liturgies we care about /freedom/ #but not freedom in the way that most people in this situation would mean it in the way that he would have every right to mean it #freedom for God to bind as he please #and somehow the part that makes my heart twist most with grief is 'i have seen no color but lingonberry in fourteen years' #YET still this is not a waking nightmare; it is my soul's fortress #my soul's barren colorless fortress #but God is there #and so my yoke is easy #ughhhh this poem #and that ending #the awareness that the greatest end a person can have is to have one's death be a tertimony #if you haven't read it read Kolyma Tales #it's some of the most beautiful prose I have ever read applied to one of the most awful subjects in history #and for goodness' sake read this poem #it will do your soul good #the unquenchable fire #literature makes us more human #leah learns calligraphy #i would cut off a toe for the chance to write about this poem in a formal context #but tumblr will have to do #martyr club this is for you #russia where are you flying to?

[theworldiswhispering]

The fact that spiritual warfare exists and the small choices we make for good or evil have great weight as well as the fact that we do not rely on ourselves for this good and that there is grace for our failings if we are in Christ and we do not need to be afraid of our own weaknesses because Christ is making all things new

#esp with ocd this is one of those difficult truths to actually live out but it is so important!! the infinite weight of sin has shifted #from our shoulders and His yoke is easy His burden is light #the weight exists but it is not ours to bear all we have to do is trust in Him and rely on Him for discernment and strength and wisdom #and grace and love and more #ghahaghgahh #the sermon today was about the narrow and wide path which could have easily sent me spiraling but how he explained it was actually #so freeing. so instead of copying the sermon verbatim in a post here is my live slug reaction

[yeslordmyking]

May, 20 (Evening) Devotion

“I drew them with cords of a man, with bands of love.”

Hosea 11:4

Our heavenly Father often draws us with the cords of love; but ah! how backward we are to run towards him! How slowly do we respond to his gentle impulses! He draws us to exercise a more simple faith in him; but we have not yet attained to Abraham’s confidence; we do not leave our worldly cares with God, but, like Martha, we cumber ourselves with much serving. Our meagre faith brings leanness into our souls; we do not open our mouths wide, though God has promised to fill them. Does he not this evening draw us to trust him? Can we not hear him say, “Come, my child, and trust me. The veil is rent; enter into my presence, and approach boldly to the throne of my grace. I am worthy of thy fullest confidence, cast thy cares on me. Shake thyself from the dust of thy cares, and put on thy beautiful garments of joy.” But, alas! though called with tones of love to the blessed exercise of this comforting grace, we will not come. At another time he draws us to closer communion with himself. We have been sitting on the doorstep of God’s house, and he bids us advance into the banqueting hall and sup with him, but we decline the honour. There are secret rooms not yet opened to us; Jesus invites us to enter them, but we hold back. Shame on our cold hearts! We are but poor lovers of our sweet Lord Jesus, not fit to be his servants, much less to be his brides, and yet he hath exalted us to be bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh, married to him by a glorious marriage-covenant. Herein is love! But it is love which takes no denial. If we obey not the gentle drawings of his love, he will send affliction to drive us into closer intimacy with himself. Have us nearer he will. What foolish children we are to refuse those bands of love, and so bring upon our backs that scourge of small cords, which Jesus knows how to use!

Daily Bible and Devotional for Women - http://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=daily.bible.for.woman

#God #Jesus #christianity #faith #trust in God #lean on God #depend on God #take your burdens to the Lord #God will carry you #His yoke is easy #not by my power #intimacy with God #relationship with God #give your burdens to God #God wants to help you #devotional #bible verse

[kirbyddd]

i was really made to be a servant wasnt i

#having a personhood and life of my own was just a dream..... #but i dont think I'll ever be strong enough to do scullery work again.... #where will i end up....... #give me the light and easy yoke

[peppercheeni]

Hello Pepper,

We're all unique snowflakes, but I think divorce & drugs & alcohol exists so we can try to calm down from all the anger & rage we feel when we can't get what we want, or the way we want to be treated or remembered.

Essentially if anger is as murder, Hell is basic entry level for everyone—so if GOD sent HIS SON to die on the cross in our place to avoid this Hell & lead us thru life by HIS HOLY SPIRIT; & HE says there is only 1-way forward & JESUS is the way/truth/life, that no one comes to the FATHER except thru JESUS. [John 14:6]

Why in the world would we ever avoid HIS easy yoke? Why wouldn't we ask HIM in to show us the way?

We clearly don't have life/truth/way to GOD, unless we accept JESUS, life/death begins forever after we're ejected from earth.

I wonder if we were to die in our sleep: Are we ready to be drop-kicked into eternity?

Hm, all this stuff about anger & rage sounds like projection -- I'm just over here having a good time! :)

#anon #okay which one of my family members found my blog lol #you know you can just text me right #tw: religion #feat. the lord's easy yoke

[natalieironside]

For the longest time I didn't understand the overdone meta-joke about comedians "always" mocking airline food. I didn't know there was airline food. I have Learned.

Back in October I took a little trip to Seattle to see my girlfriend, and I got to fly first class cuz the stars had briefly aligned and they had a bit of windfall. Never done that before. If I'm ever called upon to do it again, I'll have to spend some time preparing my mental and physical fortitude.

So at first everything is going swell, I'm living it up in my big-ass seat like some sort of child emperor, and then about half an hour into the whole song and dance a flight attendant comes by and tries to hand me a menu. Bemused, I sez, ". . . No, thanks?" and I could tell by the look on his face I had failed to keep the tremor of fear out of my voice.

He goes to the front of the cabin and opens up this, like, reliquary, and the entire airplane instantly reeks like rotten dog farts. This state of affairs will remain unchanged for the next 6 consecutive hours. The reliquary contains trays of what appears to be embalmed hospital food of some sort, and the trays are distributed out to those fools who asked for them, one of whom was sitting next to me. The smell of dog farts is overpowering, now accompanied by the cacophonous racket of Chewing.

I buried my face in my tits, shut my eyes, and tried to pay attention to my book on tape. I'd been working my way through Paradise Lost and there in my own little Pandemonium I decided this Satan dude makes some damn compelling arguments and y'know maybe if I'd chosen hard liberty over the easy yoke of pampered servitude maybe things woulda been different

[scientia-rex]

Also, a lot of people respond to my posts on how large-scale long-term weight loss is not possible for most people with anger because they perceive it as me telling them to love their bodies and specifically how their bodies look. I’m not doing that. I’m providing facts, not therapy. (I’m not trained to be a therapist and I’d be dangerously incompetent at it.)

Here’s the deal: you grew up in a world that values certain things. Whiteness, maleness, physical attractiveness. This world also had to construct what all of those things mean, because there’s no simple yes/no, and so it had to lean heavily on pretending that there WAS. Part of physical attractiveness was defined as thinness. You have been programmed with this since birth. I don’t expect you to throw off that yoke.

I do expect you to live with reality. Maybe your body will never be what you want it to be. Some of that will be about beauty, and some of it will be about ability. You may never be able to do things you want to do. People will treat you worse because of their biases around beauty and worth.

But there is still so much a body CAN do for you. So you’re not pretty. Can you sing? Dance? Go see your loved ones? Write? Can you enjoy experiences? The less you look at yourself and the more you look at the world—the more you accept your body as a tool and not a reflection on your worth as a human—the better off you’ll be. It’s not easy to shift towards body neutrality, but it’s worth the effort.

And when you run into dicks, remember that they are wrong. It’s hard. We want to be able to integrate everyone’s view into ours and find a happy medium. We’re a social species. Humans are born negotiators. But sometimes you have to draw a line and say “No.” This is one of those times.

Your body is a tool for what you want to do, not an ornament for the visual enjoyment of others.

#the attending dr. kristophine

[jewishconvertthings]

I can't remember if I've posted about this before, but tonight I was reminded by a class of a thing that I think may be helpful for some folks.

Because converting is *so* permanent and irreversible, and one should take it at least as seriously as entering a marriage (with the understanding that there is no divorce, only alienation), I think it's honestly a good idea to wait until you've had a major fight with your Judaism before you complete your conversion.

It's the same principle as wanting to wait until you've been sick with the flu together or had a major life setback or are lost at 2 a.m. on a road trip with your fiance before you actually get married. In that case, you want to know (1) what does this scenario bring out in them? (2) what does this scenario bring out in you? (3) how do those things interact with each other? and, most importantly: (4) how do you resolve it together?

With Judaism, it's easy to fall in love with Torah. It's easy to fall in love with an idealized version of your community. With the rituals and the liturgy and the music and the ruach.

It's harder to learn a point of halacha that hurts deeply and to be forced to reconcile what you know in your bones is right with the reality of the words of Torah and its interpretation by the rabbis. It's harder to meet your congregation in love and tochecha when they have fallen short of their vision and failed you in important ways. It's harder to force yourself to engage in mitzvot that you don't see the point in or that are boring or repetitious or do not spark joy.

And until you know how you will react when (not if) that happens, until you know how you will resolve it - or if you will even want to - you aren't ready to commit to something you can't just take off.

Sometimes it sucks to be a Jew. Sometimes Torah is more yoke than honey. Sometimes you're just not feeling it. And that's okay! That doesn't make you an imposter or a bad Jew; it makes you human. But you still need to address it, because that day will come.

I love being Jewish with all my heart, but there are parts of Torah that are like a knife in my soul. For me, the way I resolve it, is that those things in particular are the shards my neshama was sent to liberate the sparks from. We live in a broken, unredeemed world, and sometimes you should feel that, acutely. That is part of being a Jew, that you are sensitized to the world and its suffering. But it should still, in the end, lift you up. It should not break you, and you should not have to cut off major pieces of yourself to fit the role. Hitting that wall and feeling that pain before you immerse in the mikvah can really open your eyes to what kind of Jew you want to be - or if you actually want to carry this burden as well as taste its sweetness.

#jewish convert things #jumblr #converting to judaism #convert feels #convert advice

[wiirocku]

Matthew 11:30 (NKJV) - For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

#Matthew 11:30 #My yoke #easy #My burden #light #scripture

[dragonseeds]

love and light to everyone but if i see one more post that’s like “the point of asoiaf is that feudalism is BAD” i’m going to rip out my hair and start eating dirt and worms. like yes, it is bad. yes, monarchies are bad. yes so true it’s annoying when people ignore all of that and focus on who they think deserves the throne more. but that’s not the point—that is the premise? it’s the beginning of the exploration and deconstruction. functionally this system is rigid (specifically in terms of gender and class) and horrifically violent: so what it’s really like to live in it? to try to be a hero, a knight, to be a lady in a world where your body belongs to your family, your lord, your order? is it possible to be a good person in a hierarchal world like this, with such vast power imbalances woven throughout it and every relationship and interaction that you have informed by that? how do you navigate that imbalance in order to have meaningful relationships—can you every truly do it? and who decides what is good? how do you know if it’s truly right or it just felt right because it’s what you wanted to do? what about the people who have no name, no family, no order: what happens to them? don’t they matter? what if in a lifetime of looking the other way or actively causing others harm, you do a few things—maybe one thing—that’s objectively good: does it mean anything? does it matter, even if no one ever knows? what if the best thing you ever did broke every vow you made, every law that governs your society? how do you live with that dissonance?

what’s it like to be a ruler, to be a king or queen—is it possible to be a good one in such an unequal system? to wield power justly? who decides what is just? who decides who should rule? at which point does the amount of power someone can have cross the line into too much? is it when you stop trying to figure out how to use it correctly and worry only about how to keep it? if holding onto it costs you everything, your family and all your relationships, is it still worth it? what if having that much power available is necessary to the survival of your people, maybe even your world, but when it’s misused the carnage left behind is beyond articulation—is it still worth it? are the lives it saves worth the lives it took? how do you measure that? who carries the weight of that choice and how? how do you live with it? how do you go on living in a world that can be harsh and cruel and unfair, a world where your good intentions and your personhood seem to matter very little in the face of someone else’s greed or when compared to the yoke of your duty? and the questions never stop and the answers when and if they come are rarely easy, but the point is that you keep asking and keep trying because that’s what it means to be alive lol

#went into my for you tab but some of those things were not for me actually #the ‘[whatever] is BAD’ pov is a totally understandable reaction to ppl fighting over the iron throne i do get that #but it’s SO reductive and especially since hotd aired i see it everywhere #and it’s like that’s not the point?? the point is… what are aragorn’s tax policies. u know? #also. it’s very much possible to recognize the flaws of the system and still feel frustrated for say rhaenyra or rhaenys or cersei #also fr if u actually read this i hope it was in the voice of jonathan frakes #asoiaf #txt

[melancholymetropolis]

“So you were just going to leave?”

 His thick, raspy voice crawled from the doorway and into the partially packed office. “And not tell me a damn thing? Come on, princess. I know we have our problems, but this is a whole new low.”

Although his delivery was playful, I could feel the heat radiating off his massive form. I didn’t need to turn to face him to know that his fists were balled at his sides and his jaw was clenched. His footsteps barely made a sound on the polished floors as he moved from the doorway. Gradually closing the gap between us. He was testing the waters. The taller man knew we were both equally yoked when it came to temper; which was one of the many reasons I was leaving. 

Instead of replying, I simply continued to fill up the massive box before me. It was labeled “Miscellaneous”. But, some of the items meant more than oxygen to me. Like the picture of when Japan won their first gold medal after being second in the entire world for three years. Fushiguro Toji had practically plastered his body next to mine in the picture. An arm curled around my waist and a hand on my thigh. Instead of looking at the camera, he was looking down at me. A sly smile on his scared lips. They said a picture was worth a thousand words, but the look on his face alone was worth a million. Every time I looked back at the image, my heart would leap from my chest. Tendrils of hope wrapped around my brain and breaths of longing filled my lungs. The look was confirmation that everything I had felt was not a game, nor was a piece of fiction. I hadn’t made it up in my mind; it was real. 

The feeling was mutual. 

He had been in love with me, as I was in love with him. 

Had.

Was. 

Two words that spoke the language of the past. Not the current or future tense.

Those feelings seemed to change after one fateful phone call from another woman. Another Olympic athlete from Japan’s track team. Tall, lanky and full of spark. On any other day, I would have been a fan of hers. I had seen her race and she was the fastest person in the country. She made running a hundred meters look easy. Even with sweat coating every inch of her body, the athlete was gorgeous. Not only that, she just was so sweet and had the softest voice. It made the news spewing out her mouth hurt just a little bit less than it would’ve if Toji had told me. 

Not only were they dating for the past three months, but she was also pregnant. 

One of those facts would have felt like a bullet wound to the chest on my best day. To have them transcribed to be minutes behind the other, it felt like my lungs stopped working. The pressure that built in my throat burned hotter than the sun and the tears that rolled from my eyes were practically steaming. The phone dropped from my grasp and clattered to the floor. My back slid against the wall and I couldn’t escape the sobs from escaping my lips. 

Not only had he sent me mixed signals for the past month prior, but he was actively courting another woman at the same time. 

And got her pregnant. 

He never said a word about it. 

Never thought to share such information with his personal assistant. 

With his friend.

At least I thought we were friends before that. 

Part of me wished we were more. 

But that was killed by the news. 

“Y/N. . . ?” The anger in his voice wavered into something resembling worry. 

The placement of his hand on my shoulder had made my heart stop. I didn’t know I had been crying until I saw the tear droplets splatter on the picture of us in my hands. I felt my body begin to tremble underneath his touch and the anger that I thought I’d shoved down was resurfacing. It was bubbling from my chest and rising up my shoulders. It eased up my neck and made a beeline to my lips. I clenched my teeth, attempting to force the words back down my throat. My brain was screaming to be rational. To think my words through. To refrain from saying something I may regret. Yet, my heart had other plans. 

“Don’t touch me,” I said, tossing the picture in the trash bin next to my foot. “And leave me the hell alone.”

-----

a/n: I am back from the dead! Did you miss me? I got a surprise coming for you on Sunday!

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