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lushbarb · 1 year

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y/n & j | hurt.

6 months postpartum

- the day -

It was about 6 PM when he came home and I told him I needed to speak with him.

Are you okay?” He asked me.

“Yes” I tell him, knowing I’m not. My stomach is turning, my face is hot and I don’t know how to tell my husband that I know he is having an affair and I am about to leave him.

I don’t want to. At all. I love this man with everything in me. We have been through different stages of life together, watched each-other become parents, started our careers, and there’s not a day since we met that we’ve spent apart. He’s my world. My child’s father. My best friend and I can’t remember life without him. How can I leave him?

But also, how could he step out on me? On us? How could he look another woman in the eye knowing it’s not me and tell her things that only he should tell me and treat her a way he should only treat me. He made a commitment for the rest of his life to me, to us.

I can’t even think about looking at another man, let alone sleeping with one. The thought of hurting my husband makes me want to throw up.

My thoughts are interrupted by our son waking up so I bury my feelings and my thoughts because I have to be okay, I can’t let my kid see me not okay, isn’t that what being a mother is all about?

We sit on the couch and I ask my husband to join me.

My face is so hot and my stomach is doing backflips and I just want to cry looking at this man. I love him so much, how could he do this to me? But do I even want to know?

“Did you cheat on me?” I just flat out say it. What’s the point of wasting time? If I look at him any longer I’ll keep remembering how much I love him and then I’ll just give in, I know I will.

He looked shocked that I just asked like that, then he stared at me in my eyes for about 1 minute and immediately put his head down.

My heart sank. I let out a small sigh, looked down at my kid and there was the tears. I knew. He told me all I needed to know without saying a single wrong.

I had so much I wanted to say but did he deserve for me to say anything? 10 years of marriage so I felt that I deserved to speak and I needed an explanation but I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I didn’t want to think about my husband with another woman. Kissing, touching, being intimate with another woman that’s not me, his wife.

My eyes felt so low but I still looked up at him. He locked eyes with me and suddenly I saw a different person, I didn’t know him.

“I love you” he said to me, his voice choking up.

Why does it hurt me to see him hurting and upset? But I don’t know why, He hurt me. He betrayed me.

“I have so much to say and even though I don’t think I should be doing the talking, I also don’t want to hear you explain it to me because that will hurt me even more” I say. I wanted to ask you do you love me? Did our family mean anything to you? How could you ever look at someone the way you are only supposed to look at me and then come home to me? I wanted to ask that but I know you will tell me that you love me, our family means everything to you and that the affair was nothing to you and that it will never happen again but I know that it is not the truth because If it was you would never be able to do this to me” I tell him while crying. I didn’t want to cry but how could I not?

“I love you” he repeats while looking at me. “I’m sorry, I never wanted this for our son, we always said together forever and that he would see that.”

“His dad stepped out.” I bluntly say.

He wipes his face. There goes the tears. Now I’m getting angry, how are you crying when you broke our family apart?

I look at him and I can tell he is about to say something.

“You will always be the woman that was made for me. You gave me my son, a family and a new life. Some men dream about having the life I have, some men would kill for it and I took it for granted. I knew what I was doing and I didn’t stop it, I knew my family was at home and I continued it and I knew it would hurt you and a part of me didn’t care but also knew I would lose my family so I tried to hide it. “ he says.

Ouch. It hurts so bad to hear him say this but I also know it’s the truth.

“ Thank you for your honesty. I just don’t understand” I reply. We were fine one day. What did I do? What changed?

“Don-“ he tried to speak.

“What did I do to make you fall out of love with me? To make you not care about us? It’s not just me you should’ve thought about. We brought a child into this world and you should’ve thought about him, you didn’t think about him!” I cried.

“Stop blaming yourself.” He tried to move closer to me but I put a hand up to stop him.

“No. Don’t do that. You’re wrong.” I say.

He moves back to his original spot on the couch.

“Are you leaving?” He asks me. “Taking him with you?”

I look down at my son and my heart hurt. He doesn’t deserve this. He deserves for us to be a happy family and I can’t even look at my husband because I never wanted this, I don’t want our family to not be together every day but I can’t stay here, it won’t be the same.

“Yes” I tell him softly. “You know I don’t want you to feel like I am taking him from you.”

“You are, I don’t want to be without him or you.” He sits up.

“I have no choice. We talked about this before and we had a solution we both agreed on so it is not my fault you forgot about that when you decided you didn’t care to keep your family anymore.” I sharply tell him.

“Stay.” he tells me.

“No.”

“I love you.” He puts his head in his hands. “I love you.” He repeats with his head down.

“No.”

“You want to take my kid and figure it out but I don’t want to be without you.”

“Stop.” I say.

“You’re begging me to stay after you cheated on me. You’re selfish. You are still not thinking about me or our son. You were here but not here. You didn’t treat us like you loved us or wanted a family but here you are acting like you are going to miss us so bad and we aren’t even gone yet. It’s not easy for me to leave, it’s so fucking hard to look you in the eye, tell you we’re leaving and come to terms with it because I was present, I always thought about you and our kid. I don’t care for your apology because you haven’t said much about you cheating, just begging me to stay. Stop.” I say to him.

“How did you find out?” He asked me softly.

“I always knew.” I tell him. “I always knew because I was always alone, slept alone, woke up alone, watched our son grow alone, and ate dinner alone. I shouldn’t be alone if I have a husband so where is my husband? I knew right away. For the sake of our family, I always wanted to get it out of my head but the signs were all there.”

“I’m sorry for hurting you and I’m sorry I am the reason we are like this.” He tells me.

“Tell that to him.” I say to him as I stand up with our son and head to the bedroom.

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augustconversations · 1 year

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Annoying Bieber

“Annoying Bieber.” Originally written: Sometime in 2018 <3 Transferred from 825th.tumblr.com (deleted account) How can Y/n write about a love that she doesn’t believe exists in today’s world without sounding too pretentious; without sounding like she’s trying too hard to know what Romeo and Juliet went through? Why can’t she just know? Why hadn’t she fallen in love yet? At least, a little bit; a fraction of what Juliet felt for Romeo. A fraction is good, because being all the way in love like they were resulted in their deaths. They were too young to die. She’s too young to die.

But, of course, she doesn’t want anyone hanging over her. Or being jealous. Or wanting to know where she is at all times of the day. But she does want flowers. Marigolds wrapped in crisp newspaper, to be exact. And maybe sometimes hold hands? Only when it’s cold, though. And the borrowing of his sweatshirt that smelled like cologne. That could be nice.

“Romeo and Juliet. A classic.” A familiar stature molded her peripheral, his blond hair catching the light of the dimly lit library. Justin sat down in front of her and leaned his back against the fantasy section. His legs nearly wrapped themselves into hers. “I know all about those guys.”

“Oh, really?” she asked, but didn’t look up.

“Who doesn’t? The whole Montagues hating the Capulets. Romeo and Juliet being from either family and falling in love with each other. The families forbidding it. Them dying. It’s a classic.”

“A boring classic.”

“It’s alright, I guess. Why’re you reading it?”

“It’s for my English class. I have to write a paper about love.”

He sported a smirk that she missed. “Ooh, love, my favorite subject.”

“Oh, I know, Mr. I-can-have-any-girl-I-desire.”

“Well, not any girl…”

She looked up then, and caught the glimmer in his eyes. His smirk trampled into a boyish grin. He’s failed time and time again when asking her out. His charming words were enticing, and the romantic gestures were convincing, but they were no match for the wall she put around herself.

“Well,” she closed the book, “almost any girl.” She placed it inside her bookbag and got up, walking toward the entrance. He was hot on her tail.

“How come every time I come around you suddenly have to leave?”

“It’s your bad timing,” she said. “I’ve been at the library since five.”

Darkness waged over the campus, street lamps lighting their path. She tightened her sweater around her as the wind blew, rustling the bare trees.

“Since five? It’s almost ten."

"Ooh, look at you. You can tell time.”

“Oh, ha-ha. I’m just saying that you’ve really been in the library for five hours? I didn’t see any essay you were writing.”

“Well, right now I’m just studying romance.”

“You can’t study romance,” he spoke incredulously. “At least, not theirs.”

“Why not? They were in love.”

“They were psychopaths.”

“Well, wouldn’t you be a psychopath too if you were in love?”

“Maybe so,” he said, and grabbed the base of his chin. “But, what I’m saying is, how can you study romance? Like, dying. How can you write a paper on what it feels like to die if you never experienced it?”

“Well, that’s kind of far-fetched. No one can write about how it feels to die. Anyone can write about love – wing it, at least. Like when lonely people write romance novels.”

“But, it’s not real. It’s not authentic.”

“And what’s real nowadays, anyway?” She looked at him and he looked at her. “What do you know about love?”

“Enough.”

“Enough? You’ve been in love before?”

“Once.”

“Really? How was it?”

“I’ll be glad to share that with you over hot chocolate and scones.”

She rolled her eyes. “Justin, no.”

“Why not? Why don’t you wanna go on a date with me? An eligible bachelor?”

“First, you’re too eligible. How many girls did I see you with last semester?”

“Why? Were you jealous?” he grinned, closing in on her face. “Jealous girls are kind of hot.”

“And so is your breath,” she laughed, and pushed him sideways. “Get away."

They came up on the sidewalk where the intersection was. Not many cars passed, but those that did left a bitter wind in its wake. Y/n squinted her eyes. "Okay, I’ll guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

"You live three blocks down. I am not going to let you walk by yourself.”

“I think I can handle myself, Justin.”

“Something bad can happen to you.”

“I’ve been walking myself home the entire four years I’ve been in college. If something bad were to happen to me, don’t you think it would’ve already happened?”

“Awful occurrences don’t have a time stamp.”

“Justin—”

“I’m not leaving you.”

She sighed. “You are one persistent person.” They walked when the little man on the traffic screen turned green. “Why do you bother me, anyway? Am I some kind of challenge for you?”

“Remember when we first encountered each other? It was at the museum in George Town. You were looking at a sculpture and I came up beside you. I talked a little about the art, but I didn’t really care for it. It was all so boring to me. What made it exciting was the pretty girl in the Ugg boots.”

“Yup, I remember precisely. The whole ‘what’s your name, beautiful?’ line you pulled on me.”

“And you know what you said?”

“Not available.”

“To be honest, I was shocked,” he smiled. “I didn’t expect to be dissed. I thought you were gonna be like the other girls. Blush, and do that giggle. But, I was like, ’ooh, this girl is feisty, I got to get to know her’.”

“So, what’s your whole goal here? Bothering me like you do?”

“Well, to get you to go on a date with me. But, in the process we’ve kind of became friends.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “Friends? Who said we were friends?”

“It’s kind of one of those unspoken things. I just know that even though I get on your nerves, which I love doing, you don’t think I’m terrible.”

“You are incredibly annoying.”

He wrapped both his arms around her, and kissed her several times on her forehead. “Girl, you know you love me. Here, let me take this.”

She tightened her grip on her bookbag. “I got it, Justin.”

“Listen, you wanna learn about romance? Let me be romantic.”

She didn’t want to argue, so she gave it to him. He threw it over his shoulder and put his arm back around her. She shoved him away.

“You’re not my boyfriend.”

“I can be your boyfriend. Your prince charming. Your lover. Your best friend. Your first love,” he trailed off. She shoved him away again. “I can be anything you want me to be, baby!”

“Shush, you’re too loud. You’re going to wake the neighbors.”

“I don’t care! I want them to know I want to be your man!”

“Justin, please be quiet.” She pressed her hand over his mouth, and he kissed the pads of her fingers. "This is the annoying thing I was talking about.”

"I’m sorry. I just like you so much.” “You’re a problem.”

“I’m your problem.”

“Enough with the cheesiness, already. Actually, you know what? I’m starting to think that you’re not charming at all. You’re just cheesy.”

“I act this way because it makes you laugh, and I love seeing your smile. But, if you want me to be some Casanova, then I’ll be that.”

“No, please no.”

“I don’t understand why you won’t give me a chance. I can treat you so right. I’ll always be sweet and loving and kind. I’ll be attentive and buy you things. I’ll protect you and always will be there for you. You can be the jelly to my peanut butter; the pumpkin to my pie. And I’ll make out with you like there’s no tomorrow because you have some nice, full lips—”

“Justin"—they stopped in front of her town home. Her mother had Christmas lights wrapped around the railings of their small, concrete staircase—"You’re just not my type. Sorry.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You should.”

He squinted, and walked closer.

“See,” she said. “You don’t make me nervous, you don’t cause my heart to race—” He slid his hands across her waist. A sensation kissed her sides and made the tips of her fingers tingle. She bit down on her tongue and found the courage to push him away again. “And you definitely don’t cause butterflies in my stomach.”

“Really? Because you tensed.”

“I felt threatened.”

“You felt something, alright.”

She scoffed. “Just give me my bookbag.”

“I will, but you have to promise me we can hang out tomorrow.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“I don’t have classes tomorrow,” he challenged. “I can do this all night long.” “Why are you so stubborn?”

“I can ask you the same question.”

“Maybe I just really don’t want to go on a date with you. Not every single girl wants to jump on the Justin train. Besides, you’re a heart breaker.”

“Am not.”

“Are to. You made Karen cry.”

“It’s not my fault that she took my kindness as flirtation. Flirting is what I’m doing with you. You know, working my magic—”

She snorted. “What magic?”

“—with Karen, I made conversation like: 'hey, how are you?’, 'you look nice today’,” he continued as if she didn’t interrupt him, “not ’you can get your bookbag back once you promise to go on a date with me’.”

“Karen really liked you, you know?”

“I’ve apologized. But, honestly, I’m not obligated to show my affections to someone just because they have a crush.”

She got closer to him and snatched her bookbag away. “Exactly.”

He folded his arm around her back and held her tight against him. “But, you like me back.”

“I do not.”

“I can see it in your eyes.”

She laughed heartily. “You’re delusional.”

“I’m gonna get that date. I guarantee it.” Then he kissed her on the forehead and he let her go.

She opened the door to her home. “Never gonna happen.” The warm air floated past her head, tickling her ears. “Goodnight, Justin.”

“Goodnight, Princess. See you tomorrow.”

“And Justin?”

“Yeah?”

“Quit kissing me.” She rolled her eyes again and closed the door behind her. “So annoying.”

#justin bieber #justin bieber au #Jason McCann #jason mccann au #jason mccann imagines #justin bieber imagines #fake text au

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