#It's a love-hate relationship but they still mean a lot to me

[nalyra-dreaming]

I know a lot of people are disappointed that Lestat is likely not going to be in love with others like the anon just said about David and Akasha, but I personally prefer it that way. I wasn't too much of a "shipper" when I read the books, and I enjoyed Lestat's little flings. However, I don't think it would work, nor do I want that for the show.

Part of what makes the show and what makes Sam's Lestat and Jacob's Louis standout to me is their undeniable chemistry on and off screen. My biggest selling point on the show so far has been Lestat's fierce, unabashed love for Louis and Louis' tortured, but ever enduring love and longing for Lestat. It's poetic on almost a Shakespearean level. They are both destined and doomed (during this phase of the relationship). Their love is beautiful and ugly and imperfect, but the fact that they still love after everything is miraculous. It's intense and extreme and the way they still love and yearn for each other after all of the pain and will eventually stand the test of time is unlike any other version of love we see on television. It's like Sam said, they balance each other and that intensity is what keeps them hating each other and desperately in love with each other. Their love is what sells the story for me in a way I never was able to get from the books and I'm glad they appear to be going in that direction. I apologize for rambling!

All good.

And yes their love is magnetic. FATAL.

The back and forth of the books won't work for the show, it would take away from the other stories they want to do. Which does not mean that there won't be conflict still, but I do not think they will introduce too many of the side events.

As Rolin himself said: this is not the Vampire Diaries.

#Anonymous #ask nalyra #amc iwtv #iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire amc #iwtv amc #interview with the vampire #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #loustat

[shakingparadigm]

it makes me very sad that we never seem to get till's perspective on the story... his rs with mizi is so underexplored when it literally constitutes a core aspect of his character (and this in turn lead to some uncharitable interpretations by those who want ivans love to be requited and well, the fandom in general), we barely even know abt his dynamics with other characters besides Ivan (and even that isnt told through his eyes), his past is just visible through glimpses etc. there's just so. Little about him. And yet he's such an interesting and complex little guy, i really really hope now that king yaoi the third's arc has concluded, we finally get some till crumbs bc im starving. or maybe the authors just downright hate him lmao

I've thought about this for quite a while!

I agree! Unlike the rest of the cast, Till doesn't have his own content where he states his thoughts and emotions (like Mizi's monologue, the Hyuna and Luka comic, Ivan's confession comic, the Mizisua interview + all other interviews). In many pieces of official art, Till is either a supporting character or comic relief, rarely in the focus. Although we saw a bit of him in the contents leading up to (and the few arts after) ROUND 6, ultimately they were centered on Ivan.

We've yet to hear from Till himself, to understand his thoughts from his own words and not from the perspective of other characters. On the rare occasion the focus is on him, it's devoted to his adoration for Mizi.

His relationship with Mizi underexplored... I mean, it is, but I feel that was intentional. Despite all his attachment to Mizi, he never actually managed to get close to her (although he spent a majority of his childhood trying). The goodbye letters reveal Till's regret at this fact, and from other pieces of content we can see that he was always too shy and afraid to approach her. His love for Mizi seems shallow and underdeveloped because, well, that's kind of just how it is. He's in love with the image of her he admired from afar. It's puppy love to the highest degree, but you know how humans in ALNST are. They'd completely break themselves down for love.

Funnily, this all seems in character for Till. We don't get to hear his thoughts because he's too rebellious for an interview. His most significant presence in the comics are when they are Ivan-centered, we lack his perspective because the moment always matters more to Ivan than it does to Till. His relationship with Mizi is underdeveloped because he himself has an underdeveloped understanding of her.

Okay, I know I keep going on about "oh we never get to hear Till's side!", but I acknowledge the fact that with Till, they seem to be going with a more "show, not tell" angle. We can't gauge how his thought process works through monologue, but the little things he does can say a lot about him (Crying over his lost recorder, a gift from Mizi. Picking fights when flowers are treated cruelly. Encouraging a wilting flower to keep surviving). He's not one for long monologues anyway, Till follows his heart through passionate action. Still, I really hope to one day have a comic narrated by him, something to put us in his perspective.

And on the last note, don't even worry about the authors hating him! I find it so funny to hear that, actually. QMENG and VIVINOS adore Till. He's actually QMENG's favorite! They love him so much they inserted themselves into a meme fangirling over him.

That's them right there. For their baby boy. Anyways, hopefully we can learn more about Till now that he's the only survivor left in the competition to face Luka. Apparently, they've had ROUND 7 planned for a really long time now. Both excited and nervous to see how it goes!

#alnst #alien stage #alien stage till #alnst till #i might not have worded myself properly here #but yeah! #asks

[ohbo-ohno]

asking for any pricegaz thoughts if u have any 🙏

okay hold on give me a sec. i have thoughts to throw at the wall and hope they stick and make some amount of sense (scroll to the bottom for the fic ideas i have for them but will probably never write 👍)

((tw if you don't know my blog: discussion of toxic and abusive relationships below. i write dark fic))

so the power dynamic between price and gaz has the potential to be sssoooo hot to me, but it doesn't quite Click in the way i was expecting tbh? it took me a while to think of why but i think it's because gaz like... has too much of a spine

like okay: no matter how ooc it might be, in my head soap is disgustingly easy for ghost. would do anything he says, no matter how much he doesn't want to. but gaz feels like he's more likely to say no, to stand his ground and put up a fight

which totally makes the potential toxic dynamic between he and price way more interesting. price would have to use manipulation and more subtle methods to get gaz firmly in the palm of his hand, where ghost just has to shove soap hard enough in the direction he wants, yk?

and like. i love that. older man in power seeing this younger man and molding him slowly but surely into the exact shape he wants, doing it slowly and carefully enough to make sure he doesn't even realize what's happening (because the younger man would hate it). that bit where gaz questions what they're doing and price basically says "be okay with it or get out of my sight" despite gaz clearly being uncomfortable? ohhhhh there's something delicious there

here's the problem: if you've read anything i've ever written ever, you know it's mostly porn. i'm not very good at writing plot, and it's something i'm trying to work on in the depths of my google docs, but i know what my strengths are - sex scenes. in my ghoap fics, that's easy. ghost noncons soap, usually forcefully. but with the dynamic price and gaz need? a fic for them (in my mind) needs way more focus on plot and the way price is manipulating gaz

that being said, if i had the patience? and the confidence in my writing? these are the fics i'd write for pricegaz:

cult leader price x undercover cop gaz. price knows gaz is a cop as soon as he comes to their little town, but gaz thinks he's still undercover. i think i'd have price slowly coax gaz into his viewpoint, drawing him closer and closer to him (with the added bonus that he doesn't even have to be the one to cut gaz off from the outside world). i think eventually gaz would come to a Sharp Realization, and price would be forced to.... extremes to keep him. i think it would be very hannibal/will, with gaz trying to deny that he's fallen to price's level but eventually being forced to confront the fact that he doesn't really want to turn price in anymore

maybe something similar to ruyfylb - maybe truck driver price and his favorite lot lizard, gaz? a consensual exchange but gaz would definitely not be prostituting himself if he didn't have to, and he's not great at pretending to enjoy his time with price (which is what price really enjoys)

fisherman price x selkie gaz. idk the intricacies of this one, and you could totally make it nikgazprice, but i'd like to see jailer price who is resolute in his unwillingness to let gaz go while still trying to keep him happy. he's stern and strict but he does try to make gaz comfortable, yk? i think that dynamic would be interesting, but very slow since gaz isn't the fieriest of characters. i do not excel at slow lol

historical au - gaz has a distant relative who's just died and he inherits a title with no warning. when he travels to the country estate that's his new home, he meets the head servant john price. you could have price teaching gaz how to be duke (or whatever the title is) and keep that power dynamic, while also getting to lowkey have rich boy x mean older man smut. so like. win-win. ((just think of price bending gaz over and spanking him or railing him while having him recite his paperwork out loud to make sure he's reading....))

#dark fic #pricegaz #< sorry to infiltrate yall's tag but i need this sorted properly on my blog lolll #bo writes #< so i can see these concepts again sometime lmao

[writergracethepanda]

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥 Secret Shanghai Edition

the character everyone gets wrong

Marshall. He is canonically an excellent cook, s why are we convinced he'd set something on fire if left alone in the kitchen?

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

no comment

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME I have seen Alisa and Phoebe shipped (let aroace people live and bisexuals are still bisexual even in a seemingly hetero relationship) or those takes I've seen on TikTok of people shipping Rosalind and Benedikt and Celia and Marshall if I weren't on my computer I would put sooooo many barf emojis here

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

luckily nothing yet I believe

worst discord server and why

mine with my friends its sooo annoying how we have incredibly amazing and intelligent and sometimes incoherent conversations like guys we're the worst (sarcasm)

which ship fans are the most annoying?

like I said, anyone who ships the above things needs to stay 10 feet away from me at all times and undergo intense media literacy training

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

I think everyone's answer for this is Oliver. I'm so sorry we (especially me tbh) did you so dirty pre fhh I promise we've learnt our lesson!

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Oliver loves cats. incorrect. Cats are his entire life. there is a difference, and we need to recognize it.

worst part of canon

roma and Alisa's dad just disappeared before I could beat him up

worst part of fanon

we're too funny my stomach literally hurts from laughing too hard sometimes. Seriously though, the above ship takes that make my blood boil, as well as some complaints about how a lot of us talk about how we think certain characters are neurodivergent/disabled. While I think some of those are actually considered canon, I don't understand why people are so made that we (a relatively neurospicy bunch) are identifying the parts of characters we relate to and labeling them. We're doing you no harm and not interfering with your ability to enjoy the characters. Shouldn't it be a good thing that we're able to identify with the characters? Just mind your business. (also anyone who erases Rosalind's and Alisa's aroaceness that is indeed canon and I hope both sides of your pillow are too warm)

number of fandom-related words you've filtered

I don't think any

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I don't think anyone hates these guys, but why don't we ever talk about the couple from LVC? They were so sweet, and I'm kind of sad we didn't get any mention of them in FHH.

worst blorboficiation

I feel like a bad Tumblr user, but I don't know what this means. is this like uwu-ification?

that one thing you see in fics all the time

@typingwithmyhandstied 's GENIUS

that one thing you see in fanart all the time

Juliette always has the appropriate amount of knives thank you very much for that guys :)

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

I personally don't get into the Rosalind is a vampire thing, but I'm cheering you guys on from afar (im just not into vampires lol)

there should be more of this type of fic/art

idk I should probably work on my university au

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

the fact that not only did she feel comfortable falling asleep around Orion (see one of @no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist 's recent posts) but Rosalind was also muttering in French in that scene. Her dominant language. She was both out of it enough/comfortable enough with him that she dropped the I was raised in American fake accent and just started speaking normally in this essay I will- basically we need to talk more about the use of multilingualism in the ss books

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

past me would be horrified to know that I like Oliver now

part of canon you found tedious or boring

I think TVD can be a bit boring sometimes, but that makes sense, since it was Chloe's debut, and she's grown immensely since then

part of canon you think is overhyped

the seagreen trio is overrated (they are literally my favorite characters)

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

THE MULTILIGUALISM

ship you've unwillingly come around to

Olivercelia. Like I said, I was his strongest hater pre fhh. Now I see what she clearly sees in him.

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

discourse on ss Tumblr is mostly joking. my personal favorite is when @marsneedstherapy and I pretend to yell at each other in different languages

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"no one appreciates x enough" I do. I love them.

#enjoy this took me all afternoon #chloe gong #secret shanghai #foul lady fortune #foul heart huntsman #writergracethepanda #these violent delights #our violent ends

[itsafternoonpast5]

thinking about their friendship so hard

#camp camp #cc #David #jasper #fanart #DUDEEE nobody gets them like i do theyre so good #theyre so tragic.. they never truly got to know each other. the last time they ever seen each other they were angry with the other :( #but there’s so much regret that comes with it too. they never got to talk it out. be on good terms #they could see each other at any moment but they other doesn’t know #they call each other best friends yet we never really see them being best friends.. but maybe they get each other like no one else does #their personalities did a complete swap with each other - they understand how the other is thinking and feeling. #David hated the camp but after one good thing he loves it. viseversa with jasper #when they last saw each other they were clouded with their views and didn’t try to understand things from their lens #yet even if they didn’t - they still understood each other. if you get what I mean #theyre foils. but so is max and david and that’s what makes both relationships compelling for me. theyre so similar to each other #no wonder david is so attached to max. he sees himself in him and he sees jasper in him too #i know jaspers just a character to show how bad the camp is. but there’s so much depth to him too #he has a lot of missed potential.. i hope he’s in season 5 at least. id like to see him again #srry for the character analysis im insane #jaspvid

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

#akio and utena #m #long ramble in the tags sorry: #the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human #he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims #he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry. #and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios #(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think. #like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her #i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing #not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that. #and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did #but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her? #whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway #idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims #the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it? #how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions. #(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive #but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.) #when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her #but is there something genuine there too? i don't know. #again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me. #on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had #reflected back at him through her mean anything? #is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid. #either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over. #i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways) #but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly #wants you to analyze and think about. #which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.

[ljesaw]

it’s with depression that i fear i have to say, i think for a long time (too long really), zuko doesn’t reach out to his uncle during his retirement in ba sing se, not even for the much needed guidance he could use, because he considers it part of the exhaustive list of reparations the fire nation (and he himself) owes

#zuko: he deserves peace too that’s what this is all for #and you zuko? your peace? (he doesn’t know the meaning of the word in relation to himself) #i’m sure iroh reaches out often. lots of letters #but for one zuko’s swamped and pushing himself past his own limits with his responsibilities besides #and for two he’s just as guilty about his treatment of his uncle as his treatment of the gaang if not probably moreso really #it is of course horribly misguided and i expect iroh would eventually show up on his doorstep like you IDIOT boy of mine—! #but until then. zuko is in fact being a self sacrificing and self hating idiot #i also think this is largely true to his character because he has no idea how to uphold normal and healthy relationships #obvi particularly familial #and zuko always deals in extremes when it comes to everything he does #so rather than outright cruelty and insults….he swings in the opposite direction and overcompensates…. #by shutting iroh out completely #and justifying it as ‘he deserves peace and i do not’ #which is completely incorrect of course on all levels #but he’s still learning and his development arc doesn’t end at the finale of book 3 #ebb and flow. like water one might even say teehee #idk if this is canon to the comics i’m not super familiar with them except for a few plot points and quotes #it just breaks my heart that zuko still doesn’t understand that it is harmful to withhold himself from people who care about him #than it is to supposedly protect them from knowing him and being close to him #he makes me so emo hes so emo i love him so much

[resident-gay-bitch]

Let’s be honest here, if James and Sirius were girls (into eachother or not) they would be known as the “lesbians” around school.

As someone who went through highschool as a girl having a very close friendship with a girl (and let’s face it, yes I was desperately in love with her and no it didn’t end well, but that’s bedside the point because these rumours went around before I fell for her) we were Always asked if we were dating and when we denied it people didn’t believe us. And if people didn’t think we were dating they thought we wanted to date, and yeah it was primarily guys thinking that which I’m not even gonna get into because that’s a whole sexist fucking gross thing there, but still!

You can’t tell me, if you’re like gen z or in a generation where queerness is known through your highschool and like not the worse thing in the world, that you didn’t have a set of girl best friends that everyone thought were in a queer relationship.

I happened to be in like, almost all the “lesbian” rumoured relationships at my school because, after the first one, I shaved my head and became the school dyke and then any close female friend I had meant I had to be in love with them and if they seemed smiley around me back it was assumed we were dating.

But like, James and Sirius were That Close, and if they were girls, they Would be The Lesbians. If they were just best friends, everyone would assume they were lesbians. If they were secretly in love with eachother and never said anything until it was too late, everyone would assume they were lesbians. If they were dating and just didn’t tell anyone, everyone would assume they were lesbians. If they were dating and did come out and tell people, no one would be surprised.

I think there’s something special about that. And I know from personal experience being known as the lesbian couple of the school even when you’re not isn’t the greatest, but like as someone who’s experienced that and also experienced it in a more positive way (where people were just supportive and wanted us to date because they genuinely thought we’d be good together and we liked eachother) it’s just something that’s bound to happen.

Apparently you can’t have two girls that close to eachother that aren’t your typical “straight laced “normal” girls” and have them not be cast as the school lesbians.

James was a quidditch captain nerdy smartarse, and Sirius is an alternative black sheep with severe mummy issues. They’re gonna be the lesbians.

And I adore that.

#someone write me a fic about it #and make them kiss and be in love #ALSO no hate to ‘normal’ girls obviously. it’s just there were a lot of girls in my highschool with close female relationships similar to my #own and they were never cast as lesbians because they fit into the typical norm of girl that guys liked. you know they were very feminine #and would hem their dresses to be shorter and shave their legs and what not. I’m talking in the earlier years of highschool too. and they’d #just be very typically feminine and often be involved in boy drama and blah blah blah. where as me and my friends cast in this category were #often seen as weird. or at least I was. we weren’t seen as pretty in the way they were and often had hairy legs still or came to school #without makeup. we were kinda nerdy or had strange humour and less of a fashion sense. #mostly we were just a little bit different. especially me. and so yeah we got casted as the lesbians. especially me because I was typically #undesirable to those mysoginistic sexist teenage boys 👍👍👍 #wow I did not mean for this to turn into a little rant #it was just a midnight thought that kinda made me laugh that I could relate too. wow. go to sleep jay #jay talks #prongsfoot #James potter #sirius black #James x sirius #marauders #sapphic prongsfoot #lesbian prongsfoot #lesbian James #lesbian sirius

[birdy-bird27]

Me: pffft I’m so sick of tumblr this stupid website doesn’t seem to even listen I don’t know why I even stick around

*hears about it being reduced to a skeleton crew and May have a short lifespan ahead*

WAIT NO I WAS KIDDING I LOVE YOU TUMBLR

#legit tho #I have so many gripes with the place #but the thought about it being legit shit down in like a couple years becuase of lack of maintenance makes me feel a pit in my stomach #this is my only form of socialization most days #I know it isn’t going to be gone tomorrow or anything #but still it’s a sad thing and prosbly loose touch with lots of cool people #god it’s like I’m in a fucking toxic relationship with tumblr I hate you I love you #like I don’t feel safe on any other media to be this openly queer #I mean holy shit the aphobia is RAMPANT on other site #at least here I can block it out easily

[sensazioneultra]

fatphobia is always tiring like always always but when it comes from your own family it's like. extra exhausting. it hurts soo bad. you can't ever escape it

#like that one coworker who pokes fun at your relationship with food and it's obviously rooted in fatphobia? you'll just go home and he won't #be there it'll hurt for a bit but you'll live #but like beside super dangerous fatphobia (talking life or death shit like medical fatphobia) the one that does the most damage to me #is that coming from my own family.. it's just. you already put 43 conditions before the 'i love you' (that you don't ever say but anyway) #and then when i gained lots of weight that was... another one to add to the list #but maybe i'm not used to it yet idk it's been quite a few years atp but idk? #it just hasn't gotten easier to hear them call me ugly and fat (in a derogatory way) and make mean comments and shame me every other day #like! it hurts so bad! why do you think it's funny!!!!!!! #this doesn't include my mum bc (sadly) she understands what it's like to be shamed for being fat she wouldn't do it to me #not like in a purposefully mean way at least #tho she does do some insidious shit like always going 'there's this new EASY diet that TOTALLY works' or saying x health problem is probably #due to my weight etc #which like isn't good? doesn't help? still hurts me? but it's different bc i know it's not rooted in hating fat people/me being fat #it's more like her own shit she went thru that she doesn't want me to go thru too and like yeah it's fucked up but i get it more than #just outright saying i am disgusting for being fat lol #like mh both suck but at least you're not joking about the fact even if i didn't eat i would be fine cause i'm so fat haha #yeah. just. a lot. #there's no escaping it i think the only way would be to move the fuck out and that would also help with uh. the misgendering thinly veiled #homotransphobia abuse constantly having to put up w their fighting and sometimes fighting w them myself #and the ableism and and and and #basically this is lowkey hell like i've learned to live with it more or less but jesus it is extremely exhausting #i just want out i've wanted out for years but every day i get closer to losing it #there might be something potentially coming up but i have to wait til the end of the month to see if anything comes of it #we'll see.. i rly hope i can rent this place idc if it's small idc if it'll suck most of my paycheck and i'll have to ask for my mum's help #i just need to at least try and get away cause like. i get to august every year and my father is absolutely impossible to deal with #and i know my mum feels the same and i hate leaving her ajnd my brother too but like #at some point i have to think about myself cause god what use am i even to them when i'm a ghost of myself in this house #it's just shit for everyone plus if i really get to rent that place it's literally IN FRONT of my family's apartment i could still help out #but at least i wouldn't LIVE with them i wouldn't feel so fucking trapped #whatever. bad bad bad day physical pain wise too

[neon-angels-system]

only one 999 ending to go (true end (+ coffin end by technicality)). anyway.

#note: I am playing the DS version via emulator! #gave in to temptation and looked at one (1) thing on the wiki I thought wouldn't spoil me #...I got spoiled again #my guess about the coffin was completely wrong btw #I thought the third dead was in there. but no. they were dead. #trying to specify who I mean without spoiling it for others lol #anyway I still love Ace's design but Snake has just risen up in my favourites #Santa. I like Santa. good character. great design. one of my faves. enough said. #Clover. oh boy. her design's cute. there's a weird implication made by Ace at one point but I'm ignoring it #but there's not much to say about her? like yup. Snake & Clover's connection sure is strong #but Clover doesn't get much development outside of it. I like her but she's not making my faves list #Junepei himself? he's not a blank protagonist. I like that. however he's not that far off from being a blank protagonist #he has some good moment. his design is eh. that's all #June... I've been spoiled about her #she's nice & I love her design! her and Junepei's relationship fleshes both of them out a lot #I also find the constant interruption of the flow for June and Junepei's special romantic tension time really fucking annoying #they're cute! I get it! I get that it's plot relevant! I think that these scenes highlight Junepei's flaws! #but also shut upppp about her hair smelling good. I don't Care #they do have some good banter at points though #Seven has actually really surprised me - I thought I was going to hate him but he keeps becoming even more likeable #Lotus... I think we're supposed to think she's a terrible person. and she definitely has her moments #but although she is selfish and values her self-preservation above everything else #I think her motivations explain a lot of that #wrote these out of order then reordered them to fit the number order. was just feeling silly goofy #to finish off the cast for good measure... contestant 9 sucks in all of the ways. his design is bad. his actions are realistic #but that entire sequence feels like some kind of ableism to me. it just really rubbed me the wrong way

[silverselfshippingchaos]

good morning! i just put a.khos on the f/o list!

#had to happen eventually hehe! I've fallen head over heels for my biggest enemy and i love him sooooo much!! #ash rambles 💚 #i had a pretty eventful weekend #went out of town and on a shopping spree! twas very fun and i ate lots of yummy food and the such #i'm home now but so.. tired... cant bring myself to get out of bed just yet BAHAHAHA #i keep thinking about a.khos' arms around me keeping me close to him #i had a kinda creepy interaction with a man in public the other day and although i'm ok and safe #it was the first time that had happened to me and i'm still sorta shaken up #im ok!!! but i keep thinking about f/o comfort and the such just to help some more. i'm completely safe and doing so much better than I was #you see... theres this character... i don't love him. i think he's a horrible man. but he's so hot i start questioning things about myself #and my s/i for that source is a known flirt- so i wouldnt put it past them to have gotten it on a few times #but i've been thinking... what if theyre actually bitter exes? maybe that's why my d.mc s/i hates serious relationships so much.. #but that aside. this character wears this heavy coat and i keep thinking abt using it as a weighted blanket!! it looks really really cozy #sir you're an asshole but... give me your coat!!!!! (grabby hands) #oh also! me being home means i got to see a.qua plushie!!! i missed her! #but yeah. that's what's up. so much goddamn a.khos brainrot. #he's stolen my heart #and don't tell anyone i said this but... #i love it. i love it so much. no better feeling than me being his and he being mine #also i've been thinking about my xb1 fankid a lot as of late.. but if i start rambling about Nalia we'll be here all day LMAO #but yeah! hope everyone is doing well! i'm doing okay too #ALSO AJDHWJEHW SO MUCH S.KYRIM ROT!! I LOVE R.UNE BY THE WAY AJDJAJS I #I HAVE BEEN DOING SO SO MUCH S/I WRITING FOR THEM #ALL OF THE THIEVES GUILD ARE MY BEST FRIENDS BTW #also did i mention i got to visit one of the largest bookstores in the world? goodness i love books soooo much!!!!!!!! #but also... reading next to a.khos.. enjoying that comfortable silence.. #(swoons) what a man

[heirloommtomatoes]

me when i was a cis lesbian saying that people who are bisexual and nonbinary are probably the pinnacle of human existence 🤝 me now being bisexual and nonbinary

#it's so weird changing your labels tho. why is that #like i'm bi! and i think i always...KNEW that to a degree? #me identifying as lesbian was wrapped up in a lot of things. the situationship i was in at the time lmao. me not being in a relationship #w a man or anything really for the first time in a long time and getting to think myself in a diff way. #and i don't love talking about it bc optically it just sounds like. okay so boohoo. LOL #but it's interesting on a personal level to like... #now i'm a person who looks v cis woman right. #and is in a relationship w a cis man #so it's like. i'm straight? optically. #and it's? idk it's odd but it's not? like *I* know how i feel about my sexuality and gender #but i'm like. am i still 'queer enough'? #OR ANYTHING* LOOOL I MEAN ANYONE**** i just noticed that oops #think about* myself #but the thing for me is this. #being treated like a straight woman? yuck sucks hate it #and i love my partner's family i really do! and i love my family! but it's so odd sort of being treated like i'm straight now #by ppl who aren't queer and aren't my partner lol he gets it #but i'm glad i typed this out bc i was paranoid i was like oh gdddd am i having another crisis #but this feels right. i just hate being treated like a straight woman when i'm neither of those things #and my PARTNER knows that #and it's not like i even want ppl to do anything differently really tbh! but all this talk of like. oh like so now you get married #and have kids. and i'm like. yeah i see that for myself w this person. but the way ppl talk about it i'm like..... #yuck! like yes that sounds lovely sure i would love to spend my life with a raise a family with this person! #but not as a straight woman! lol! and idk how to articulate it i really truly don't! hmm. #ellie yodels

[mrfoox]

I'm going to struggle to sleep and get up tomorrow

Curse it all

#miranda talking shit #At one hand i liked the conversation i had with fabian and i think i got some answers to questions ive been wondering about but im also lik #Unpacking all this.... So much to unpacking and to be put in a folder in my head where does it all go... Still hate how #He hit me with the biggest ... Maybe in the universe and i can't deal with it. No I'd be relieved and accept an no fullstop but he had to #Add in the.... Idk actually lol i dont have a reference and i would like to know how it is crossing boundaries in our relationship #Whag the fuck man.... You really gave me the strongest 'i think youre into me and it worries me' and then nullify it with an 'idk how i #Feel sometimes id like to explore more' how am i supposed to... Handle that information... I had been going around telling myself #What he said to me 2019 is the way he still feels and me thinking he might think more is just me being paranoid but then yeah #What a clusterfuck. I mean to me it wont change anything in the broader picture no matter what i care for him ya know? But now thats... An #Whole other thing like. Should i try to act differently? Be more careful? Or would that be unfair bc then id do what he've been doing to me #I will quote him again 'miranda i think if both of us got an gf/bf at the same time this would solve itself' i joked and said he could find #Me one and I'll find one for him. But yeah i think that would ... Be a solution in an ideal world. Idk how to do anything man #At one hand i think he's overestimating how much he's on my mind but also its true. I spend a lot of my social time with him so obviously #I think about him? But i also have a reference on how i am... With people i have crushes on and who im in love with and how o think of thoe #Its just so scary to think about how i am his reference ... To... Well basically a ton of things... Im not a good reference unless you want #An abnormal reference. I guess im anxious I'll somehow ... Ruin him or something. This was a big conformation that i am his reference to #Women and close relationships with women and i am not made for that... Most feminine tjing about me is being sappy and giving compliments #And encouragement. Otherwise im basically like ... A dude. Guess it also scares me that he knows me. I know i know him but the fact its #Mutual is aw man... Being known is still a struggle. He wasmt completely wrong is his logic bc he knows me i think too much about people #And things. I understand im so anxious bc i care about him and im worried about losing him or pushinh him away but shit #Hes sleeping rn and is at peace with this probably. He doesn't dwell on it. He even said hes been thinking about this... Bc he began to #Think about what i could be thinking? So its not even his own thoughts but thoughts about whaf i could be thinking? ?? Whack and im likebro #Flattering that you go to that length but also... Literally what??? Cant tell if hes somehow projecting or if this is genuinely how he was #Thinking but damn. Boy does have some confidence at least? He's such an fool. I love him but holy shit he blows me away sometimes

[nako-doodles]

everyone dragging charlie puth and here i am standing in a corner myself becos i actually like his music, yikes

i mean critical consumption of media is you figuring out for yourself how much you can and want to separate the art from the artist you know? just bc i think what hes done is unacceptable to give him even an iota of my money or any positive attention doesnt mean it has to apply to you and your consumption of his content or your parasocial relationship w him

#i mean im still upset bb has ruined the years of fun and headbanging fantastic baby has given me #dr seuss wrote some of my favourite books but it doesnt stop me from acknowledging how r*cist and antis*mitic his drawings are #i still hate pic*sso's guts but i still love guernica. i love klimt's style but i dislike his sec*ssionist mis*gynist tendencies #monet was an absolute nightmare to the ppl around him but a lot of my color palette comes from his art #wagner wrote some of the most iconic pieces of music but hes still a piece of shit yknow? #the most we can do as consumers is to educate yourself and then think how much you want to support/appreciate/consume their art #where you draw the line and the impact of the art itself should be taken into account separately #but again this is such a nuanced topic. im not saying you shouldnt listen to his music be excited for his koollab w kookie #im just saying im upset i have to deal w and renegotiate my relationship w his media and him #ans

[bubblegumbeyotch]

.

#whyyyyy am i so annoyed and pessimistic all the timeeeee #like a friend invited me out and was talking about potential places to go #and i was like ugh all of these places sound like a hassle and i just wanna stay in my house #and not go anywhere or do anything #like idk when my attitude shifted like this bc i used to be super social #but it feels like nowadays i only want to be alone #or at most in the company of like maybe one or two people #everything just feels so overwhelming and like a lot of things are objectively going right in my life #for the first time in a long time #and i feel like an asshole because it’s like damn bitch this still won’t make you happy? #like i finally have a stable job and a loving relationship and i still find ways to make myself miserable #and i just feel like an ungrateful bitch #how do i stop being so fucking irritable? how do i stop being insufferable to be around? #like i feel rude bc im always leaving plans early and i always feel so out of it while im out with people #like i’m just a spectator and then people expect me to participate in whatever’s going on #and i have to work so hard just to act like a regular fucking person #who isn’t seething and grappling with some unknowable thing under the surface #and of course i realize i am not unique in this at all. everyone’s going through something #but i guess i just feel bad bc it’s affecting my relationships #like i feel so isolated from everyone and so reluctant to open up #and like how do i be like hey sorry man im not avoiding you bc i hate you i just feel unfit for human consumption right now #like what does that even mean? #anyway i don’t wanna go to work. im so tired #personal