#IF THERE IS GONNA BE A PORTALS FILM THERE BETTER BE ICONIC SCENES LIKE THIS

[mockingspider]

Crybaby and Angelita: *literally just burried their principles body*

Crybaby: Wanna go play tennis?

Angelita: Ooh, yeah!

#THEY'RE SO ICONIC #IF THERE IS GONNA BE A PORTALS FILM THERE BETTER BE ICONIC SCENES LIKE THIS #k-12 #k 12 melanie martinez

[fishoutofcamelot]

(for the ask thing) any book/tv show/movie/song recommendations?

BRO! I heckin got you man! Now, I’m gonna skip the song and book recommendation bit because that sorta thing isn’t really my scene. BUT! In terms of TV? My rec list is like a mile long. I’m gonna include a read-more line, actually. 

BBC Merlin: You know I had to put this on the list. But the fact that you’re on my blog means you’ve probably watched this one, so I won’t go into detail about it. Available on Netflix

Mob Psycho 100: Just a cute, sweet story about a bunch of psychic kids trying to kill each other. A story with this much fighting has no right to be so wholesome. Mob is just a good boy, he doesn’t deserve all this! Fair warning, its messages about identity, self love, and growth WILL make you feel Emotions. Available on various anime pirating websites

Red vs Blue: The found family game is SO strong in this one. By far the best found family plot/dynamic I have ever and will ever experience. The characters are all so solid, yknow? Like it took me three rewatches to understand the plot, but I didn’t even care because I loved the characters SO MUCH. It’s also really, really funny (although some of the jokes have aged a bit poorly tbh). Basically about a bunch of space marines who goof off and accidentally dismantle corrupt governments along the way. Available on Youtube

Supernatural: Is it cringey? Yeah. Does the fandom suck? Also yeah. Is Destiel overrated? BIG yeah. But it’s got monsters, magic, family, and a plot that doesn’t revolve around romance - and really, what more could you ask for? And sure, a lot of people don’t really like the later seasons, but idk I actually prefer them. Season 15 has me THRIVING. I mean come on - character vs author?! Fighting the guy who literally wrote you into existence because he doesn’t want to give your story a happy ending?! Say what you will about Supernatural, but it’s one of the most imaginative shows I’ve ever seen. Available on Netflix

Avatar the Last Airbender: You like stellar animation, intricate worldbuilding/magicbuilding, and a perspective on war that is surprisingly mature for a kids show? Check it out. This show is without a doubt one of the best animated series of all time. Go on. Watch it. It’ll change your life. Available on Netflix

The Umbrella Academy: Time-travelling assassins. Superheroes. Ghosts. Talking monkeys. Murder mysteries. Baller soundtracks. This show will never give you what you expect. I don’t even think I could properly describe it to you. Available on Netflix

Detective Conan: An anime. It’s about a teen detective - think Nancy Drew but bloodier - who witnesses a crime and is fed an experimental poison in order to keep him from telling anyone. But instead of killing him, the poison turns him into a 6-year-old. So now he’s got to solve crimes and take down a criminal organization while in the body of a child. Naturally, shenanigans ensue. Fair warning, the main character becomes a bit of a Mary Sue in later episodes, but the first 300 or so are pretty fun. A few episodes are available on Netflix, but not any of the good ones. You’ll need an anime pirating website for that

Knives Out: My favourite movie ever, of all time. It’s a murder mystery that both subverts and pays homage to its parent genre in all the right places. It’s funny, it’s intelligent, and has a spectacular ending! Although I do wish the fandom would stop being so horny for Ransom, I mean he’s literally racist...No clue where you can find this tbh, I saw it in theatres

Derry Girls: Now I’m not normally a big fan of realistic fiction/sitcom stuff. Despite how funny they are, I’ve not even watched The Office or Parks and Rec because that normal daily life stuff just doesn’t peak my interest. And yet, somehow this story about a group of Irish high schoolers just has me enthralled. Very funny, very well-written, give it a watch. Available on Netflix

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood: Another anime. Phenomenal animation? Check. Fascinating plot and characters? Check. Detailed magic system that gets my lore-obsessed heart fluttering? Big heckin check. So basically two kids try to use Fantasy Science to bring their mom back to life, only the experiment fails and has some pretty nasty consequences - one boy loses his arm and leg, while the other loses his entire body and has his soul bound to a suit of armour. Now they gotta go through government conspiracies, ethical dilemmas, and Daddy Issues to try and get their bodies back. Available on Netflix

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K: Yet another anime. I know, I know, I’m a nerd, get over it. This show doesn’t have a complex plot or even complex characters, tbh, but what it does have is some amazing humour. It’s extremely funny, and it’s also just a nice show to kick back and relax to. Basically this guy who’s so op that he could rewrite the laws of reality on a whim is stuck dealing with relationship drama in high school despite being very, very asexual and very, very tired. Mostly he just uses his powers to avoid people and eat junk food, which is honestly a mood. Available on Netflix

Scooby Doo! Mystery Incorporated: Honestly I’d recommend almost anything that’s Scooby Doo-related because that was my childhood obsession. I used to have like 20 of the movies on DVD before my mom gave them all away. To this day I still love Scooby Doo, and watch it whenever I get the chance. But if you ask any SD fan, they’ll probably tell you that Mystery Incorporated is the best, most intelligent, most creative installment in the franchise. And they’re right (although I do wish there was less relationship drama...) Available on Netflix

Evil Genius: This is a documentary series about the Collar Bomb Robbery. Now, despite what the above list might indicate, I actually watch a LOT of documentaries, and if I were here to recommend all of them then we would be here all day. Not really ‘funny’ like the other entries on this list, it’s actually rather tragic, but definitely a cerebral viewing experience. Available on Netflix

Screwball: Now this is a documentary that IS funny. It’s about drug scandals in baseball. But the dramatic scene re-enactments are done with child actors that are all wearing fake beards and pretending to be drug dealers. It’s not only a fascinating subject, but it’s got amazing editing and visuals that have me in awe. Available on Netflix

Behind the Curve: Yet another documentary. This one’s about the rise of the Flat Earth movement. You’ll spend most of the time on the verge of having a stroke because of how stupid it all is. Available on Netflix

The Movies That Made Us: Okay okay okay last documentary on the list I swear. This one’s exactly what it says on the tin. It’s a series talking about the behind-the-scenes production of iconic movies like Home Alone and Ghostbusters. I eagerly await the second season. Available on Netflix

Monster Factory: If you’re familiar with the McElroy brothers and their brand of humour, you’ll love this. Griffin and Justin team up to make the most disturbing avatars they can create using video game character creators. The origins of the Final Pam meme. If I had a shirt with a quote from Monster Factory on it, I’d die a happy man. Available on Youtube

Baman Piderman: The dumbest show I have ever watched, but it’s so adorable and stupid and I love it so much. It doesn’t really have a plot, but later episodes allude to the presence of one and I’m upset because there are so many mysteries/questions hinted at and we’ll never get answers because it’s been abandoned. PLEASE watch it. Available on Youtube

Stranger Things: Okay, season 2 was a bit of a let-down imo, but season 1 was ICONIC and the Scoops Troop subplot in season 3 deserved its own freakin spinoff. I’m not joking. I didn’t even like s3 all that much, but the only reason it’s my favourite is because the Scoops Troop plot was so great. People call this show ‘horror’ but I don’t think it’s scary enough for that, although it is admittedly kinda spooky. If you like 80s nostalgia and the horror aesthetic, then I’d give it a watch (Do it for Scoops Troop. Do it for Robin). Available on Netflix

Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart: Despite my overwhelming love for this film, I’ll be the first to admit it’s kinda mediocre. The plot is weird and the romance feels forced, but despite its flaws it manages to be one of my favourite movies. Mostly I just like it for the unique concept and beautiful ending. Also the music is off the par man. Probably because the writer/producer of the movie was the lead singer for a French band called Dionysus (what? I do my research). Available on Netflix

Wakfu: I haven’t seen past season 3, but so far it’s pretty good. You go in thinking it’s just a wholesome action/adventure show about a kid who can create portals - but then it just. Sucks you in. From its bopping theme song to its fantastic found family to the unique worldbuilding, you very quickly fall in love with it. It’s got a cool plot and also talking dragons, and it doesn’t get better than that. Available on Netflix

Mystery Skulls Animated: Technically not a TV show so much as it is a series of animated music videos with a plot, but I’ll be damned if this isn’t one of the greatest things of all time. It’s basically Scooby Doo but if Shaggy got possessed by a demon and killed Fred, causing Fred to become a ghost hellbent on revenge-killing Shaggy in return. And if Scooby was an ancient Japanese spirit that bit off Shaggy’s arm, forcing him to wear a metal prosthetic. Yeah, MSA is wild. It’s only got three videos out so far, with a fourth one coming out this October, but there’s already so much lore! Available on Youtube

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared: Ah yes, yet another cringey entry on this list. But you know what? Cringe culture is dead!!! And despite its fandom being...like that...DHMIS really is a cool show. Think if Sesame Street was like haunted or something. The episodes about creativity and telling time remain the most unsettling, imo. Definitely worth a watch. Available on Youtube

Inanimate Insanity: Oh boy. Am I seriously recommending you dip your little fingies into the object fandom? Yes. Yes I am. This show is so obscure it makes freakin Detective Conan look popular. At its core it’s a parody of Total Drama Island and Survivor but with anthropomorphized inanimate objects as characters (hence the name). Season 2 is actually really, really good and surprisingly competent. You just gotta get through season 1 first. Available on Youtube

The X-Files: Wow, a live action series on this list? Who woulda thought??? But seriously, this show is really fun. Memes and jokes aside, I love it. Scully and Mulder are fun characters with great chemistry (both platonic and romantic), the Lone Horsemen are hilarious, and every episode is a unique adventure into the most creative acid trips the human mind could conceive of. Phenomenal from start to finish (if you ignore the last season). I have no clue where you would watch this. Pirate it, probably

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Two idiots investigate cold cases and haunted locales while being utter dumbasses about it. You know the “hey demons it’s be ya boi” meme? That came from these guys. Available on Youtube

Kingdom: Ngl, I didn’t go into this expecting zombies. Or for it to take place during Korean feudalism, for that matter. But mediocre dubbing aside, this show has such a clever concept. It takes the zombie apocalypse genre and gives refreshing, unique twists to old tropes that they feel like something new. Seo-bi is my wife and she deserves all the love and appreciation in the world, and those are just Facts. Available on Netflix

My Hero Academia: Superhero high school anime. I personally am not a fan of later episodes/arcs, but the first three seasons are pretty dang good. Diverse, colourful ensemble cast that you easily grow to adore, interesting commentary on disability (although I’m not qualified to give any actual takes on that), and a school curriculum that makes me very, very concerned for the wellbeing of these children. Plus all the superpowers - aka ‘quirks’ - are super imaginative and, well, quirky! I just wish people would stop shipping the main character with his childhood bully...You’ll need to pirate this one too lmao

Danny Phantom: The highlight of this show is its ‘phandom’, because unlike someone (*cough* Butch Hartman), we’re not a bunch of cowards. It’s about a guy who messes around with his parents’ lab stuff and accidentally acquires the ability to die! Well, half-die. He can turn into a ghost and fight other ghosts. Although the show never explores the existential, traumatic fallout of being kinda-sorta-dead, the potential for something deep and emotional is there. Plus there is a LOT of accidental subtext for a Big LGBT+ Metaphor. So much so that the Trans Danny theory is basically canon. Uhhh not available on Netflix anymore so it’s time to whip out your pirate hat, matey

And there you have it! Like I said, I have a lot of TV recommendations. And I just KNOW I’m forgetting a ton, but this is already really long so we’ll have to cut off here. 

Thanks for the ask! <3

#ask #fish post

[doodleferp]

Monsino Map Decoding Update!!! (spoiler warning)

Link to previous freakout post: https://doodleferp.tumblr.com/post/623224885207040000/yall-im-up-tryna-decode-the-monsino-map-from-the

So what feels like a week ago, I decided to try and decode anything I might be able to find on the map of Monsino locations that was revealed to us in The Girl in the Woods. I wasn’t really getting anywhere trying to unblur the photos of the map I had already taken, so I decided to pull a MatPat and watch the scene where Carrie finds the map a quarter-frame at a time to uncover any additional Easter eggs.

What I found was something that blew my mind even further.

On the map, on Pennsylvania, I shit you not, there is an icon that is a dead-ringer for the Look-See.

Take a look:

That’s Look-See, all right. He’s there, he’s riGHT THERE. This ho knows a Look-See when she sees it, and that? THAT IS A FUCKING LOOK-SEE.

Additionally, I had some suspicions about another icon that I saw in one of my OG screenshots. It was very vague and I couldn’t make it out with my amateur Photoshopping, but I thought it looked like something with antlers. And GUESS WHAT IT WAS.

YEP. The FUCKING MORDEO. Right there in West Virginia (and uncomfortably close to home sweet Ohio). Monsino knows about not one, but TWO heavy-hitters of the Crypt Monster Universe (three, if I can figure out what the mind control icon is all about. Maybe the Kinderfänger? The monster from Tethers?). This only serves to confirm my suspicions and overall theory, so I’m gonna lay that out for ya right here:

The Monsino Corporation is trying to make monsters. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but that’s their ultimate agenda. They want to make more of these suckers, or at the very least, study them or wherever they come from.

Here’s my main reasoning: the Freaks in the film Taste. For those who haven’t seen the film, I’ll summarize it here: two step-siblings, Clover and Malcolm, have to fight their way through their neighborhood after a shipment of meat from Monsino Farms turns out to be royally messed-up and turns anyone who consumes it into a ravenous beast called a Freak, rather grotesque creatures whose sole thought is what they’re going to eat next to fill the hole in their hungry tummies -- be it fruit, veggies, or human beings. Mostly human beings. Something I liked about Taste is that it ended on a hopeful cliffhanger, which isn’t something I’ve seen too often from Crypt. Usually the shorts end with implications that the monster is still there or that the main character is just about to get chomped on by a monster or something, but Taste ends with Clover and Malcolm going out to kick some cannibal butt, their newfound sibling bond stronger than ever, and that makes me really happy.

But as much as I love these two, the Freaks are what I feel to be a big point of contention in the Monsino puzzle. What intrigues me about these monsters is how similar they are to one of the heavy-hitters previously mentioned -- the Mordeo. Here’s some key similarities, just to name a few:

The way they’re formed. Both monsters are created through eating meat. The Mordeo is created when someone consumes human flesh out of desperation to survive. While not as bleak as the Mordeo, the Freaks are created when humans consume the likewise tainted meat.

Their transformation. As they are created, both monsters undergo a graphic transformation in which they lose their humanity. The Mordeo’s transformation is quite instantaneous, with the victim turning almost immediately after they consume the forbidden meats. The Freaks’ physical transformations are slower, but like the Mordeo their personalities disappear almost immediately after they consume the meat.

Their ravenous hungers. Both monsters are slaves to their vicious appetites. They want that human flesh and they don’t care who they have to kill to get it, be it the crazy hermit they only saw once in the alleyways or their identical twin sibling who they’ve been with since birth.

Get the picture? It’s my assumption that in their goal to study monsters, Monsino attempted to create a Mordeo through scientific means rather than supernatural. But since human testing is frowned upon, they had to find another way to test their theories -- and what better way to see the effects firsthand than to distribute it to a neighborhood under the guise of giving out free samples of a brand-new product?

That brings me to my next point -- Somnidyne.

Making its first appearance in Dream Screechers, Somnidyne is a drug that “relieves fear, inhibits paranoia, and supports sympathetic nervous systems". In layman’s terms, it’s designed to help people with severe phobias or anxieties function in day-to-day life. Sounds tame enough, right? Wrong. Apparently, a nasty side-effect of Somnidyne that they don’t put on the bottle is that it makes people experience nightmares so intense, it’s almost impossible to distinguish them from reality. Hell, one guy even died from these things. That made enough people raise hell over this that Somnidyne was pulled from the market

In the film, we get to see what the drug actually does: instead of helping you conquer phobias, it makes you a potential victim to a hella monster called the Dream Screecher. Now, it’s not exactly clear how exactly you encounter this Dream Screecher, so here’s my guess on that: Monsino wanted to study the Dream Screecher, but it inhabits in an alternate level of our reality -- meaning we can’t see it and it can’t see us, which is why they created Somnidyne. We only ever see the Dream Screecher when the main cast is on the drug, so it most likely acts as a mini-portal to wherever the Dream Screecher lives. Monsino may have had a bit more leeway when it came to testing this on humans, but perhaps they didn’t feel like taking the human test subject route and decided to give it to a bunch of people and see what would happen.

Which brings me to my last points -- the map Carrie found in The Girl in the Woods, and the Torment Fragments.

Torment Fragments are weird purple crystals that originate from portals to the Plane of Torment, the realm that The Brute supposedly hails from. These things also seem to be able to create monsters, such as the case of The Mauler and Miss Annity. A.D. has a map of this Plane of Torment, as revealed in The Girl in the Woods. But the map that we really need to pay attention to is the second map, and it’s the one that really puts the nail in the “Evil Monsino” coffin.

A.D. has a map of what looks to be every Monsino business location in the United States. Monsino ain’t just limited to farming -- from what I’ve been able to decipher, they’ve got Monsino Therapeutics, Biotech, and a pharmaceuticals HQ in New York. It looks really fucking official, too, which makes me wonder what postion A.D. was in for him to get one of these.

What makes me go even more off-guard are all the P markings on the map. If you look down in the bottom left corner, what little we can see of the map’s key identifies the P’s as portals to the Plane of Torment. And all those blue mountain-lookin’ things? You can’t make it out as well, but look at the key again and the blue lines are identified as “torm”. I’ll bet my left ass that the full ID is “torment fragments”, because those lines ALWAYS seem to spawn around the portals.

And even more so -- what’s the deal with all these mini monster icons? We got a clown-looking thing in Texas, and the Mordeo and Look-See symbols as previously discussed. What does Monsino want with all these portals? I can understand them needing to ID the Mordeos, but what makes Look-See so important to them? Do they wanna disect these monsters? Do they want to replicate them? What is Monsino’s game, and how long until we see things unfold? I get that with the second wave of COVID coming up here in the US, things are gonna be slower in entertainment than usual, but I can’t take it.

Crypt TV, we need answers. And we hope that you’ll provide.

TL,DR: Monsino is secretly evil and wants to make monsters, which is why they ID’d the Look-See and the Mordeo on their company maps.

#monsino #monsino farms #crypttv channel #crypttv oc #crypt tv #crypt tv channel #the girl in the woods #the door in the woods #theories #theory #monsino crypt tv #crypt tv the girl in the woods #mordeo #the mordeo #crypttv mordeo #crypt tv mordeo #crypttv the look see #crypt tv the look see #the look-see #the look see #mordeo monster #monsino map #maps #decoding #text post #text posts #doodle speaks #i speak #crypt tv crypt monster universe #crypt monster universe

[tanadrin]

Actually managed to see Endgame tonight; thoroughly enjoyable, a solid entry in the franchise that met or exceeded all expectations. There is no post-credits scene, though, so don’t do like I did and sit through the credits on the off chance and nearly miss the last train home.

Individual thoughts that are not spoilers:

1 )Brie Larson’s haircut hoooooooly shit

2) I mean hoooooooooooooly shit

3) I have plenty of thoughts about like the characters and the way the plot was constructed and how it was all carried off

4) but can we just talk about Brie Larson’s hair for a minute please

Thoughts which might constitute spoilers:

5) Absolutely nothing about this movie was a surprise; it in fact hit all the expected notes in the expected order. That said, it did it well: Even with the opening scene, where you 100% know exactly what’s going to happen from the moment you see what’s going on, it still manages to hit pretty damn hard--doesn’t hurt that it’s basically one of the ur-Adult Fears come to life. Like Infinity War, it juggled a frankly huge cast, it built on ongoing narrative and character arcs well (and closed them!), and it worked very well both in its context in a larger franchise and as a standalone move--although it’s probably not narratively inseparable from IW for obvious reasons, I think those two together work as a fun, big, goofy, two-parter superhero movie.

6) As to the general plot: Thanos isn’t a stupid villain, and although his motivations are incoherent after five seconds of thought (”Hmm, killing half of all living things--wouldn’t that cut the economic and biological productivity of all inhabited planets by half or more, thus meaning in fact the survivors would be no better off after? Why would they be grateful to you?” At least in the comics this was a secondary motivation for another goal--being in love with Death--which mean it didn’t have to stand on its own as a premise), he goes about executing his plan competently. So of course he destroys the Infinity Stones right after he wins! And we get to watch the heroes impotently murder him in revenge, which does nothing to bring their friends back and only serves to highlight how traumatized they are by their loss. The movie doesn’t really explore much of the post-Snap world, but it doesn’t have time to, and what we see of it serves to reinforce what it’s really focused on in the beginning, which is the microcosm of the surviving Avengers’ grief. That works very well. I’m a little bummed they played Thor only for laughs, because “alcoholic loner too consumed by grief to lead his people” could also be full of pathos; but I think Thor was doomed to be some kind of comic relief after Taika Waititi’s makeover. It’s not a super objectionable choice (the movie badly needed its comic moments!), but I would like to see Thor be done justice as a dramatic character.

7) The time travel aspect was nonsense, but fun nonsense; I usually hate time travel plots with a passion, but this one was done very well. Specifically, it avoided you wondering whether it was creating alternate timelines where just as many people were doomed to suffer as in our prime reality, which always undercuts the whole concept; and because this was a capstone film on 11 years of a franchise, it provided the opportunity to revisit iconic moments and characters--but it avoided being a dumb clip show. It did that by making a nonsensical hash of causality, but Marvel movies in general make a nonsensical hash of physics, politics, history, biology, and astronomical scale, so w/e. Also Thanos being like “well, future me was a dumbass; clearly I should kill the entire universe this time” upped the stakes nicely in a very organic way. Although now there’s gonna be a little voice in the back of my head going like “This universe has been proven to have TIME TRAVEL which DOESN’T EVEN FUCK UP CAUSALITY, why do you not just recharter SHIELD to raid the future for super advanced technology.”

8) The post-snap world is gonna be a bureaucratic clusterfuck though. Half the population is five years younger than the other half. Will they avoid the mess with Peter Parker’s classmates by just assuming they were all dead too, or just ignore it?

9) Thor dual wielding! Holy shit!

10) That cast list at the end! Holy shit!

11) I like how they had to work really hard to keep Captain Marvel offscreen so she didn’t just meteor Thanos into the ground when he showed up

12) Can we get an undocumented Captain America next??

13) I like that the Infinity Stones are powerful, but costly to use; and that many of the deaths in the previous film weren’t fixable, so that there was a clear cost, and those stakes aren’t retroactively reduced to zero. It’s not really clear why Hulk couldn’t have brought back, say, Vision, given that he died just before the snap and by mundane means, but I’m glad (from a critical standpoint) they didn’t.

14) Pepper in an ironman suit FUCK YEAH

15) “I am inevitable!” “And I am Iron Man.” Great line--great sendoff for the character--and the reversal with Peter watching Tony die instead was friggin’ heartbreaking. They could have plausibly killed Cap, and I don’t think anybody would have been surprised if they’d killed Barton (I think they really wanted it to be ambiguous who would have to die to get the Soul Stone), but it was nice that some characters got their happy retirement.

16) Actually that whole giant fight scene was great. I’m a sucker for huge climactic battles, and the moment where you see Strange’s portal forming and you know the fight wasn’t all in vain, that they actually clawed back their redemption from the abyss, is really really satisfying; the Asgardians and Wakandans and everybody else showing up just looked really fucking cool, and the ensuing battle did not disappoint.

17) Peter’s nanosuit is also hilariously OP though

18) Tessa Thompson on a flying horse with a giant fucking spear HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT

19) Tony/Cap/Thor was a good character triad to build the movie on, given their respective relationships, but I think that shot of all the women together showed the directors were aware that most of the movie wasn’t working with an exactly diverse cast.

20) I like that “just explaining what the fuck is going on like a reasonable person” gets tried at least once during the time travel, and that it works--but Bruce and Tilda Swinton are probably the two most reasonable people in the Marvel universe. (My headcanon is that Tilda Swinton is actually playing herself in all her Marvel appearances.)

All in all, I really liked it. Nothing there for someone who doesn’t enjoy the Marvel movies, but I don’t think anybody who appreciates the underlying premises of big, dumb superhero movies will be disappointed.

#endgame #and spoilers pertaining thereto #you have been warned

[buzzdixonwriter]

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood [SPOILERICIOUS]

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood is now my favorite Quentin Tarantino movie even though I think a few of his others are better made films.[1] 

But, man, does it ever capture the era and the vibe.  In that sense it's like La Dolce Vita (and in another, like Singin' In The Rain).

I know this era, and I know Los Angeles of the time -- from the Summer of Love in ’67 through the year of unraveling in 1968 to the end of the era in ’69.

And while Hunter S. Thompson’s brilliant Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas marked the official death notice of the Swingin’ Sixties in 1971 (with a few die-hards like the Symbianese Liberation Army literally dying hard in 1974), the truth is 1969 was when it all came to an end.

Nixon won, thanks to his own now well documented treason behavior and to a few million white bigots voting for George Wallace instead of Hubert Humphrey, and (as Thompson himself noted two years later) “with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark -- that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.”

Now some of you are saying, “But wait -- how can little Buzzy boy -- a mere lad of 13 summers in 1967 and not yet fully 16 when he finally actually visited Los Angeles for the first time in 1970 – how can he know what Los Angeles was like in that era?”

Ah, for that, my friends, we can thank television.

. . .

For those of you too damn impatient to get into the meat of my review of Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, just skip this block and go to the next one.

I’m gonna pull a Tarantino here and seemingly meander in order to set up what comes next.

Even though I lived in the rural South (Appalachia mostly but with a few years in the Piedmont of North Carolina), we had this invention called television, and on this invention were these shows.

I’m not talking about Shindig! or Hullabaloo or even The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour (though the latter interestingly paralleled in real time the rise and fall of what we now call “The Sixties”).

I’m not even talking about that perennial American Bandstand which started in 1952 and ran a staggering 37 seasons, grinding to a halt only in 1989 at the tail end of the Reagan Era, a pop culture show that lasted long enough for the grandchildren of its initial audience to be watching it when they finally pulled the plug.

No, I’m talking about cheap-ass, under-the-radar syndication efforts like Where The Action Is (itself a spinoff of American Bandstand) and The Lloyd Thaxton Show a Bandstand imitation that relied more on whacky humor, proto-music videos, and local-to-LA pop culture icons.

We’d see these shows (briefly back-to-back during Where The Action Is’ short run) not as cheap entertainment for teens and tweens but rather as a glorious portal into that land of myth and magic:  Southern California.

In particular, Los Angeles.

(It’s not as if nobody ever did this before.  In all its variations from the mid-1950s through Walt’s death in 1966, Walt Disney’s Wonderful World Of Color seemed to make every 4thshow either about Disney Studios or Disneyland itself, thus by extension priming the national pump for interest in Southern California.)

Where The Action Is and The Lloyd Thaxton Show needed to squeeze the most out of their bare minimum budgets, and the cheapest way to fill screen time was to convince some local SoCal / LA attraction to let you shoot footage of young kids (with disposable incomes, one might add) having a good -- no, great time at said attraction while listening / dancing to top forty tunes lip-synched by an astonishing roster of talent.

Look, this was back when TV was big but before it became H*U*G*E.  Successful show biz folks made money but they didn’t make that much money, and popping down for an afternoon to lip-synch your latest release for Lloyd or Dick Clark was a sure way to guarantee a few thousand more sales across the country, a few more paid gigs in the hinterlands, so whyda hell not?

The Monkees tried covering the same territory on prime time, but as popular as that show was (and it stands up well to this day albeit more as an artifact of its time), it felt just too slick, too packaged, too ersatz compared to the scruffiness of Where The Action Is and The Lloyd Thaxton Show.[2]

Add to this almost weekly illustrated news and culture stories of SoCal / LA and the youth movement delivered to even the most remote rural homes via Life, Look, Time, Newsweek, and The Saturday Evening Post, and it was pretty much hard not to be aware of -- and influenced by -- Los Angeles culture in the 1960s.

And if like little Buzzy boy you were interested / intrigued / enthralled by that culture, there was a virtual tsunami of sights and sounds to wallow in, even if you lived 2,467 miles away.

On my first visit to Los Angeles in the summer of 1970, when I had just stepped off the airliner, when I was no further into the city than the gate of the airline terminal, I looked around, took a deep breath, and realized:  I’m home.

. . .

So here’s the plot of Once Upon A Time In Hollywood:  

Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio), a fading TV star, frets over his career.  

Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt), his stunt double buddy, tries to boost his spirits.  

Rick lives next door to Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie), a vivacious young actress married to a world famous director.  

Cliff the stunt man bumps into members of a crazy criminal cult.  

Weirdness ensues, but everything ends happily (except for three of the cultists).

A conventional movie would have put points 1, 2, & 3 in Act One, made point 4 part of Act Two but then stretched that act out with a big pointless chase and a few small fights, and finished with point 5 as Act Three.

20 pages / 80 pages / 20 pages

Not our lad Quentin.

A screenwriting guru once observed It's A Wonderful Life has a traditional 3 act structure only it's constructed so act 1 occupies 80% of the picture. Likewise Casino opens with virtually a 45 minute documentary on the casino business so they won't have to stop and explain things as they go along with the main story. 

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood is like that: Two hours to build up to a literal life-or-death moment in order to show that for all their sins and short comings, Rick and Cliff would not merely survive but be worthy of survival.

(Most "assemble the squad" movies have a similar structure only they disguise it by indulging in hijinks along the way viz The Dirty Dozen spending most of their movie just training.)

Points 1, 2, 3, and 4 above are Tarantino’s Act One, and based on the 161 minute running time, I’m guessing it occupies the first 130 pages of the script.

Point 5 is his Act Three, and I’d say 20 pages sounds about right there.

But what about Act Two?

That’s the beauty of this story.

Act Two is about ten minutes long and is told mostly with narration (provided by Kurt Russell, who may or may not be speaking in character as Randy, the stunt director).

The crisis point in Rick and Cliff’s story is not that they’ve intersected with the Manson family, it’s that Rick decides their friendship must end. 

Now, ostensibly this is because Rick’s new Italian wife, Francesca (Lorenza Izzo), wants to cut expenses and move out of his home in Benedict Canyon and into a condo in the San Fernando Valley, a move that we know from Rick’s earlier statements that he would find shameful and a mark of his slide in status , but the unspoken reason may be that the volatile Francesca learned of Cliff’s own troublesome past (see below) and wants nothing to do with him.

So Act One tells us who these two guys are, explains their relationship in part, hints at an elephant neither wants to acknowledge, and carries us to a point where they can no longer continue as once they had.

Act Two consists of the final decisions the two make as part of this friendship, not really wanting to break it off, Cliff clearly hurt by Rick’s abrupt dismissal, yet trying to have one last good time together before parting, ostensibly not forever but…yeah, forever.

Their respective decisions impair their ability to respond to the dangers posed by the trio of killers in Act Three.

. . .

Let’s talk about Rick Dalton for a moment.

Leonardo DiCaprio proves himself to be one of the gutsiest actors of all time, playing a whiny, petulant, rude, brusque, self-involved, over-anxious crybaby of a man…

…and getting us to admire him because despite his myriad character flaws, the sonuvabitch has two things going for him and the first is a fierce dedication to his craft.

A conventional movie would cut the scenes of Rick practicing his Lancer dialog all by himself.

Tarantino realizes the audience needs to experience that in full, because otherwise they won’t appreciate his frustration at blowing his lines during filming the next day.

And when he blows his lines, Rick erupts in a epic full-bore meltdown rage aimed at himself and himself alone.

And this points to the second thing Rick has going for him:  Rick knows when and how to accept help, and is thankful for it.

Without the lengthy scene of him practicing at home (and drinking too much in the process), audiences would dismiss Rick blowing his lines as par for the course.

We need to see Rick make a conscientious effort to prepare for his role, see him screwing up by getting hungover, see him blow his lines, then see him correctly shouldering the blame and taking positive steps to overcome his error and deliver an outstanding performance.

The help that Rick accepts in this scene comes from “Maribella Lancer” a.k.a. Trudi Fraiser (Julia Butters), a child method actress who refuses to break character between takes. (This is one of the most delightful scenes in the film and well worth the price of admission alone.)

Despite a rather awkward-bordering-irritating meeting, “Maribella” / Trudi feels empathy for Rick as he inadvertently confesses his own career anxiety by talking about a pulp Western he’s reading.

That he can accept this empathy from a child stands well in Rick’s favor.  It shows he actually listens to others and accepts their feedback and input.

And it pays off for both of them when Rick not only comes back from his lunch break meltdown all fired up and determined to give an outstanding performance (which he does), but also when we learn he suggested a bit of business for “Maribella” / Trudi that delights both her and the director (Sam Wannamaker, a real life actor and TV director of the era, played in this film by Nicholas Hammond).

And when “Maribella” / Trudi tells Rick that his acting was some of the best she’s ever seen, he’s genuinely moved to tears.

We may shake our heads at some of the stuff he does, but we like this guy.

. . .

Part of the headshaking is due to his relationship with Cliff, his stunt double / majordomo / best friend.

Rick often seems like an arrogant prick with Cliff, seemingly bossing him around, acting like Cliff is at his constant beck and call.

We’re about two thirds of the way into the film when we learn that without Rick to champion him, Cliff would pretty much be persona non grata in Hollywood.

Cliff is known throughout the town (and Hollywood ain’t that big, folks) as a wife killer.

While some (such as Rick) argue he was absolved of any criminal intent, there’s no doubt he deliberately and personally caused the death of his wife, he didn’t merely have an accident that left her dead.

He’s a wife killer.

Most of the people in town assume he got away with murder.

Francesca, despite being an Italian starlet, may have heard the stories from other Americans working in Italy and that is the real reason she laid her foot down re Rick selling his house and abandoning Cliff as his friend.

Hell, even nearly blind old George Spahn (Bruce Dern) holds him in contempt.

Cliff can’t get hired in town unless Rick asks for him to be employed as his stunt double.

Even then he runs into strong pushback, viz Randy the stunt director who is reluctant simply because he doesn’t like the vibe Cliff gives off, and is especially reluctant because his wife, fellow stunt coordinator Janet (Zoë Bell), nurtures an enormous hate-on for Cliff based on the presumption he did indeed murder his wife and get away with it.

Cliff blows his chance of working his way back into Hollywood’s good graces by getting in a fight on the set of The Green Hornet with Bruce Lee (Mike Moh) that caves in the side of Janet’s car.

But what’s crucial in that scene is Lee explaining his refusal to fight: “My hands are registered as lethal weapons. We get into a fight, I accidentally kill you. I go to jail.”

“Anybody accidentally kills anybody in a fight, they go to jail,” says Cliff.  “It’s called manslaughter.”

Sounds like Cliff may know what he’s talking about from personal experience.

When Lee learns Cliff is a wife killer, his reluctance to fight him disappears.

Nobody in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood disputes Cliff killed his wife, they dispute if he got away with murder or not.  In view of his comment on manslaughter to Bruce Lee, the coroner’s verdict may not have been murder or accident but justifiable homicide

We don't know what happened on the boat in the flashback scene with him and his wife (Rebecca Gayheart). 

If she attacked him with a weapon (the spear gun they carried onboard or a knife or a wrench or whatever) and he defended himself from her attack but unintentionally inflicted a lethal injury on her, then both a charge of manslaughter and verdicts of "not proven" or "justifiable self-defense" are possible.

We don't know, and that ambiguity is what makes Once Upon A Time In Hollywood such a morally and ethically complex film.

(When I next see the film, two things I'm keeping tabs on the contents of Rick's store room and when Cliff's various scars appear.)

. . .

And Sharon Tate, the third leg of this triad?

She is depicted in this movie by Margot Robbie as light and as airy and as harmless as dandelion pollen blown on the breeze.  She is a perfect wish fulfillment character, not merely because so many men desire her, but because she appears to live a blissfully stress free, rewarding, and happy life.

This is where real life collides with “reel life” and if you haven’t guessed by now, we’re up to our necks in spoiler territory.

You have been warned.

For audiences half my age, Charles Manson (Damon Herriman) is vaguely known in a Jack the Ripper-ish sort of way (i.e., a really, really bad guy who did some really, really terrible things but just what they don't fully know) while Tate is unjustly forgotten.

The glory of Once Upon A Time In Hollywood is that for however briefly, for however artificially, it lets Sharon Tate come alive again and enjoy the happy ending she deserved.

What is that happy ending?

To be honest, we don’t know.

At the end of the film she meets Rick, recognizes him from his TV shows, and the implication hangs in the air that she’ll introduce him to her husband, Roman Polanski (Rafał Zawierucha) who in real life at this stage of his career had not yet descended to drugging and raping 13 year old girls.

I hope in “reel life” that never happens, just as I would hope that Polanski’s criminal moral failing would never have materialized in the real world had Tate and her unborn child lived.

We just don’t know.

We assume Rick will meet Polanski, and from that meeting his career would shift to A-list motion pictures, and his dreams of success and security would come true.

We just don’t know.

Would Tate herself have gone on to bigger and better roles?

The odds are not in her favor.

As the writer David Gerrold said:  “Hollywood uses up young women as if they're disposable.  It is one of the worst things about the industry.”

Very few female actors of that era enjoyed a sustained shot at A-films, especially if they were regarded primarily as eye candy.

By the time of her murder in real life, Tate had a good role in a minor but good movie nobody saw (Eye Of The Devil), a good role in a major bad movie everybody saw (Valley Of The Dolls), and provided eye candy in three mediocre movies (including The Wrecking Crew, part of the gawdawful Dean Martin “Matt Helm” series[3]).

Her career might well have stalled out as so many other promising young starlets’ careers stalled out.

We’ll never know.

But even a stalled career would be preferable to what really happened to her.

. . .

A lot of people get second chances at the end: The four[4] at the Tate house, for sure, but also Rick (who finally gets to move into Polanski's circle) and Cliff (who has atoned for killing his wife either by accident or a well staged murder).

But y'know who else gets a second chance?

Charles Manson.

Cliff sees Manson at the Tate house but never learns his name. When he visits Spahn Ranch, he hears constant references to "Charlie" but never meets him since Manson has taken the family's children on an outing to Santa Barbara.

He recognizes Tex (Austin Butler) and Susan Atkins (Mikey Madison) and Patricia Krenwinkel (Madisen Beaty; many people mistake her character in this scene for Squeaky Frome, played by Dakota Fanning in an earlier scene) from his visit to the Spahn Ranch, but for all he knows they've come after him for revenge after he beat up Clem (James Landry Hébert) at the ranch. 

Since Cliff was out of the country for 6 months stunt doubling for Rick in Italy, the lapse in time is accounted for: They waited until he returned.

When the hit team doesn't come back and there's no news reports of a mass murder, Manson knows his plan failed and has an opportunity to flee the LA area, either by himself, with a small group of followers, or the entire Family.

If the police do trace Tex and the women back to Spahn Ranch and they do confront Manson on this, Manson can feign innocence.  If they bring up Cliff's visit and fistfight, Manson can say he knew the three were angry over the incident but he never knew they plotted revenge.

With the three would-be killers dead and Linda Kasabian (Maya Hawke) presumably fleeing LA to escape the Family there's no link between Manson and the attack on Rick's house.

Manson is in the clear.  The police consider the matter closed (movie star kills three drug crazed hippies; why look further?) and Manson gets a breather to ponder his next move.

Maybe he realizes how close a call it was.  Maybe he realizes he's got a nice little scam going with the Family.  Maybe he focuses on that and becomes a garden variety cult guru who, with viral marketing, becomes a prominent New Age personality.

Stranger things have happened...

. . .

To be honest, I approached Once Upon A Time In Hollywood with some trepidation when I heard the ending would not synch up with reality.

Tarantino most notably did this before with Inglorious Basterds, but most of his movies occur in the Red Apple universe, so named after a popular brand of tobacco that appears in those films (I can’t remember if Red Apple products appear in Jackie Brown and have not seen either Kill Bill movie).

The Red Apple universe almost-but-not-quite synchs up with ours.

The biggest and most obvious deviations from the norm is Inglorious Basterds, where Tarantino wipes out Hitler and the Nazi high command in a fiery climax later echoed in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, but Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction suggest a world far more immersed in its own pop culture than we are.

The Hateful 8 is another Red Apple universe film (again specifically referenced in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood) that strongly implies Abraham Lincoln survived the assassination attempt against him and negotiated a post-Civil War peace that saw the Confederate states reunited with the rest of the country much sooner than actually happened but in return saw them agree to full emancipation and equality under the law of all formerly enslaved people.  There's still a lot of racial tension in era of The Hateful 8 but there is also an explicit acknowledgment of equality under the law.

As such, race relations in Tarantino’s films Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, and Once Upon A Time In Hollywood do not synch up with the reality of our own era.

. . . 

On the one hand, there’s not as much carnage in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood as there is in most Tarantino movies.

On the other, there’s just as much only we don’t recognize it for violence because it’s presented in the form of  “play acting”.

It’s not real.

It’s all a movie (or a TV show).

Or so we think.

Even Manson’s own killers debate this point, one of them arguing that all American TV shows “except for I Love Lucy” glorify in murder and violence, so why not visit murder and violence on those promoting it?

Really, what separates the violence of bounty hunter Jake Cahill (a name that’s an amalgam of two John Wayne Westerns:  Big Jake and Cahill, US Marshal) from Rick Dalton playing Jake Cahill from Leonardo DiCaprio playing Rick Dalton playing Jake Cahill from the violence of Leonardo DiCaprio playing Rick Dalton at the “reel life” climax?

And what do we make of Brad Pitt playing Cliff Booth who doubles for Rick Dalton (as played by Leonardo DiCaprio) playing Jake Cahill, especially in the end when Cliff’s under the influence of LSD and isn’t sure if what he’s experiencing is real?

You tell me.

. . .

Tarantino’s flamethrower beats Chekov’s gun

By this I mean if you need a flamethrower in act three, you set it up and pay it off in an entirely different context in act one or two, but you also establish however obliquely that it’s not impossible for it to be present though uncommented on in act three. 

We see Rick Dalton use a flamethrower in a film; we see a flashback and hear him say he practiced long and hard to master the weapon. 

This fits in nicely with Rick’s character, both poking fun at him for not being the tough guy he portrays onscreen yet establish his willingness to learn a dangerous skill if it enhances his performance.

After all, he could always request Cliff, his stunt double, handle the flamethrower in that scene.

Dalton is also established as a person who collects memorabilia about himself, reinforced repeatedly though not always blatantly thru the film (viz Cliff bringing in a huge framed poster of one of Rick’s Italian movies just prior to the climax). 

So when Rick pops out with a fully functional flamethrower at the end, our suspension of disbelief goes, “Yeah, he’d still have that”.  (When I next see the film, I’m paying close attention to the contents of the storage room prior to Cliff fixing the antenna; if we don’t see the flamethrower stored there, Tarantino missed a bet.)

Part of the genius of this film extends to the trailer.  

There is a big honking clue to at least part of the climax when Rick is shown using the flamethrower and the images freeze frames while a title announcing it as Quentin Tarantino’s 9th film is superimposed.  That’s brilliant marketing as it preps audiences for what would otherwise be a deus ex machina before they've even seen the movie.

. . .

re the flamethrower and Cliff’s scars: This is a film that will endure multiple repeat viewings just to catch all the details. There's a shot of Cliff driving down the 134 Freeway that if you aren't a Los Angelino you won't recognize he's driving past Forest Lawn, thus prefiguring the ominous background of the film. 

When Pitt goes to see the elderly George Spahn at the infamous Spahn Ranch, he passes by two photos of Zorro and the Lone Ranger -- both with masks over their eyes -- as Squeaky tells him "He's blind."

The background is filled with posters and billboards and books and magazines and memorabilia, some real, some ersatz.

That being said, I do not think it will age well.

To the degree it skillfully recreates an era, that will be studied.  

But as time puts more and more distance to the actual events, the impact of the film will lessen.

Casablanca loses some impact when we aren’t aware of how vicious the real life Nazis were, but in the context of the story they’re big enough bastards for us to understand why it’s important to stand up to them.

After The Fox is a delightful comedic romp that is hilarious even if you don’t know anything about Italian neo-realism, but if you do know anything about Italian neo-realism It.  Gets.  Even.  FUNNIER!

But you really need to know what happened on August 9, 1969 at 10050 Cielo Drive to fully appreciate what Tarantino hath wrought.

Like 2001:  A Space Odyssey, future generations of viewers will appreciate the skill and artistry employed, but they just won’t get why it makes such an impact today on many viewers.

 Gordon Dickson wrote a classic sci-fi story back in 1962 called “Three Part Puzzle”.  Without spoiling it, it’s safe to say a big hunk of the story’s appeal lays in the efforts of aliens to comprehend why human children are delighted by the old fairy tale of The Three Billy-Goats Gruff.

To the aliens, the story contains a simple, straight forward message:  Wait until your strongest team member arrives before engaging an enemy.

What they don’t understand is the morality behind the story.

To the aliens, goats and trolls are all equal, there is no reason to take delight in the victory of one over another.

But to humans…ah, to humans there’s a far deeper, much more important message than a mere tactical stratagem.

This is the risk Once Upon A Time In Hollywood will face in the future, that audiences as yet unborn will come to see it as a big, goofy buddy action movie in which two friends (and the wife of one and the dog of another) take on a trio of killers, dispatching them in spectacular fashion.

The catharsis may be lost, and in losing that, so will be lost the heart and soul of the film.

Enjoy it now while you can.

  © Buzz Dixon

 [1]  I rank Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Django Unchained, and The Hateful 8 above it in terms of cinematic quality.

[2]  In real life, for reasons too involved to go into here, Charles Manson actually got a courtesy audition for The Monkees; he was never seriously considered for a role and if I remember correctly, the show had already been cast by that point but the formal announcement had not been made. Nonetheless, if the quantum physics hypothesis of alternate timelines is correct, somewhere there’s a universe where Charlie Manson is a beloved 1960s pop culture icon and people still talk about the infamous Peter Tork murder cult.

[3]  Do yourselves a favor and track down the original Matt Helm novels by Donald Hamilton.  They’re far superior to the crappy movies.

[4]  There were actually five victims that night but Steven Parent, who had been visiting the property's caretaker William Garretson at the property's guest house, was shot in his car as he prepared to drive away. Garretson, apparently under the influence of drugs and / or alcohol, first claimed to have slept through the horrendous attack and was a prime suspect until forensics cleared him.  (Years later he admitted to witnessing part of the attack and doing nothing for reasons he never made clear.)  Tarantino left Parent and Garretson's presence out of the film presumably because it would have been too much of a diversion to explain them if they weren't going to be victims.

#Quentin Tarantino #Leonardo DiCaprio #Brad Pitt #Manson #Manson Family #Los Angeles #Hollywood #1960s #Sharon Tate #Roman Polanski #TV Westerns #film making #morals #ethics #history #catharsis #Once Upon A Time In Hollywood #Red Apple

[laezelofkliir]

my endgame thoughts (MAJOR SPOILERS)

Alright so I saw Endgame last night and I have had time to process my feelings about it so be ready for my rant, and again this includes MAJOR ENDGAME SPOILERS

I first want to say that I did really like the movie. After all of the spoilers got loose and people who hadn’t even seen the movie were just slandering it nonstop, I was really scared that I was gonna hate the entire thing. That definitely wasn’t the case. I hate a few of the decisions the Russo brothers made but overall I thought the movie was really good. It’s not going to be my favorite marvel movie, nor do I think it’s the best one, but I think it did have an overall good ending to the Infinity Saga, even if some of the character’s endings weren’t what I liked.

C A R O L. Fuck the Russo brothers for teasing her so much just for her to be in five minutes of it. I will say though, when she was in it, she was the goddess we knew from her own movie and she KICKED ASS. I’m looking forward to seeing her lead the rest of the next chapter of the MCU. And I am really shocked that we actually got Carol in her iconic pixie cut, definitely didn’t think the MCU was gonna give that to us.

I am LIVID at the Russo brothers for saying “oh yeah we have a gay character in the film whoohoo!” AND IT WAS FUCKING JOE RUSSO’S STUPID FACE TALKING ABOUT GOING ON A DATE WITH A MAN. OOH I’m mad, because number one that is QUEERBAITING because we thought it meant Carol but no the Russos don’t want us to have nice things.

Thor. My god that was awful. I knew about his awful hair but I did not know about the beer belly and his weight gain. That pisses me off so goddamn much. It wasn’t necessary, it really fucking wasn’t. There are many other ways they could have depicted his depression without that. As a plus size person, I was disgusted because everyone in the theater was dying of laughter just at the sight of Thor almost anytime he came on screen. He was there just to be a lazy source of humor because people love fat jokes. Obviously, there really isn’t plus size representation in the MCU and I am perfectly fine with that because I mean these are superheroes and aliens and literal gods, it makes sense that they aren’t, and sure there was a fat joke every once in a while but even I find the occasional one funny. When it is pretty much the biggest source of comedy for the movie minus Scott, that crosses a line. It really felt like the only reason Thor was there was to supply constant fat jokes, and honestly that’s just lazy writing on the Russo brother’s parts not that I expected much more let’s be honest

Nat’s death … I mean if you’ve followed me for a while I don’t think it’s a secret that I don’t like Scar Jo and I don’t like MCU Nat because the writers have screwed her over time and time again and then on top of that, Scar Jo just doesn’t … do anything ?? Like I do not see the appeal to her acting if that’s what you want to call it. Hell, I could probably do a better Nat. Honestly I’m pretty happy that they killed her off because that means Nat won’t have to be portrayed poorly anymore and I won’t have to see Scar Jo’s face for the rest of the movies, with the exception of maybe the Black Widow movie if that happens but it’ll probably be a prequel so I am all good with that. I am sad that any version of Natasha dies but I just don’t want to see one of my favorite characters get treated so badly anymore.

Nebula. I was really happy with how big of a part she played in this film, she has always been a favorite of mine and her development has just been amazing. Karen Gillan really did so well in this film and I’m happy she was given the chance to show how important of a character she is.

Where was Okoye ??? Why put her on the poster, why have Danai on this huge press tour, why do any of that if I saw her A TOTAL OF TWO MINUTES?!?! They just baited us the whole time ugh....

I was not a fan of Professor Hulk. I don’t know it was but I just ... it just felt like something was off about him the whole time, and I really hope that it’s the end for Hulk just because I don’t know if I could take that again.

Scott is a gem. Scott is perfect, no one hurt him, no one change him, he stays forever. 

The time travel plot wasn’t bad, I thought, it’s basically what we expected even without the spoilers. The little changes when they went back in time to get the stones were great, especially Loki. Like the Tesseract just appeared next to him and he said YEET and left.

The final battle was EPIC especially the moment when all the portals open and everyone appears oh my god that was magical, though I wish we got to see more reunions like Steve should have RAN to hug Bucky :( but Sam saying “on your left” to let him know they fixed the snap was incredible. And the Steve fucking WIELDING MJOLNIR !!! AMAZING. And that scene when all of the super ladies were helping Carol get the gauntlet to the van I mean GODDAMN that was breathtaking. Literally everyone in the theater was cheering and shouting during it which made it so much better too. And Pepper as Rescue, wow I’m so happy I was given that.

I was really happy that we got to see Gamora again, I mean seeing her kick Chris Pratt in the balls was one of the highlights of the movie for me. I hope that maybe they’ll find a way to bring her back but I’m a little hesitant because then that might mean Scar Jo would come back

Tony. As much as his death hurt me and as much as I love him and wish he didn’t die, I really do think that his death was the right way for him to go. We all know Tony, he could pull himself away for a while but he always went back to the fight, and he died to protect the family he found and that is the most Iron Man thing he could’ve done. And the fact that his last words were “I am Iron Man” ?? I mean come on that is how this whole thing started and we’re gonna end with that ?! Oof that was the most beautifully heartbreaking part of the movie. I love you x3000 Tony.

And now we get to the part that I’m most angry about … Steve Rogers. One of the best characters of the MCU (in my opinion) and the Russo brothers gave him That. I was seething when I saw it play out on screen, even though I had known it would happen from spoilers. There is no way, absolutely NO WAY Steve would have gone back and just lived a mundane life while KNOWING that Bucky was out there being brainwashed and tortured and he knew HYDRA was invading S.H.I.E.L.D the whole time, the place that Peggy, the person he went back for, built up and dedicated so much of herself to … and him leaving Bucky after Bucky had just gotten back to him? Nope, that is not the Steve Rogers that we have grown to love and I would rather he had died protecting those he loved than THAT. Yes, I think he deserves to be happy and Peggy is one of many sources of happiness for him, but he has so many more in the timeline he left behind that I just don’t see him risking all of that for Peggy. I really think this was the easiest way for Marvel to establish that Steve is heterosexual and that there is Nothing There with Bucky because they are cowards. And another thing, it just completely goes against literally everything Agent Carter was about. I love Peggy, and I always loved her with Steve, but she moved on and he needed too as well WITH BUCKY OR SAM OR TONY OR REALLY ANYONE ELSE. Agent Carter was basically all about Peggy proving herself to be more than just Captain America’s girlfriend, and Steve going back to disrupt all of that is just so wrong on so many levels. The only good thing that came out of this ending for Steve was that he gave Sam the shield, and I hope in the Falcon and Winter Soldier show we get to see Sam fulfill that role. I love Bucky (if you couldn’t tell from my URL) and I loved him as Cap in the comics and I would love to see him as Cap in the MCU, but I really think Sam should take the mantle from Steve, at least for right now just because Bucky is really still healing from his memories of HYDRA and everything that happened with Civil War, and my baby just needs to rest at least a little bit

I do like that Thor is partnering with the Guardians, I really think they will be a great new family for him. And we were fed well when he crowned Valkyrie the king of Asgard, which is what she deserves. It does worry me that maybe we won’t see her again unless there is another movie with Thor in it, but it’s not really confirmed if Hemsworth is done with the franchise, so if this was it for her, I’m glad she got that ending.

So I’m still pretty heated about Steve and Thor and the fucking Joe Russo queerbaiting cameo, but overall it was a really good movie, and I think a good ending for most of the characters. It was a crazy ride but I am very much looking forward to Far From Home and everything that is to come, I think we have a great lineup of superheroes to fulfill the next phase of the MCU. And also, the America’s ass line was the best thing that happened in the movie.

#endgame spoilers #a4 spoilers #hannah talks #sorry that this is so long #but just had to get my thoughts out there

[daeneryses]

im gonna yell ab endgame under the cut it’s gonna be filled with spoilers so dont go there if u havent watched it

i, for one, really enjoyed it. i’ve seen people complaining that it was full on fanservice and they’re not wrong, but we are fans let’s let ourselves be served lmao

there were A MA ZING moments, visually it s STUNNING, the last battle is something that i don’t think will be topped anytime soon, seeing EVERYONE together literally had me bawling. the second cap got the message from falcon and the lil portals appeared everywhere i fucking LOST IT i was crying like a baby it was such an emotive, powerful, epic scene, i truly don’t see how any movie will top that. that scene is the epitome of superhero movies, it’s the peak of the mcu, imo.

now let’s address the elephant in the room shall we

did they make thor’s ptsd and depression a joke? i think yes and no, it certainly was the topic of some comedic moments, but the guy just lost all his family, his home, he feels guilty as hell for not killing thanos, he just snapped man idk what to tell u. they gave him moments where u could tell how broken he was, when he was explaining the reality gem he was on the verge of a mental breakdown. his talk with frigga was also very emotional and meant a lot for the character. and it’s not like they made him weak, he put up a really good fight against thanos, and at the end they gave him a new family so??? his arc is not complete, unllike steve and tony’s. i think in gotg3 OR/AND thor 4 he will find himself again.

also uhm i really liked thanos better on infinity war. i think that the journey of collecting the stones softened him in a way, and he was a more compassionate character in IW, he was a villain still, but a villain with a purpose that you could sort of comprehend i guess?? and this thanos whoah he’s just way more vicious and his plans are way more drastic. so i think the better villain is still in infinity war.

captain marvel was amazing i would lay down my LIFE for her but she doesn’t need me to. she truly is the most powerful avenger i love her BUT i appreciate that she wasn’t the one to take thanos down, that would have been kinda wack and unfair for the original 6. but let’s talk about how thanos deadass needed the power stone to defeat her and could take the trinity out with zero stones. we stan the strongest avenger.

i am not ready to talk about tony’s death i just cant. lets just say its a fitting and worthy ending to the character that has been carrying the mcu for the past 11 years. his character arc was complete, he deserved to finally rest in peace. i love him to death OKAY.

i do feel sad about nat’s death bc it will surely be overshadowed by tony’s, but she made the same sacrifice he did, and it was very painful actually because in this movie she was the one on charge while everyone else dipped out to live their lives post-snap. she’s the only one out of the original 6 who didn’t give up and kept the avengers and shield alive. she deserves respect and love okay. that scene where clint and her literally WONT let the other one go was really painful and emotional, and i just keep thinking that it was very convenient that the two characters who truly love and care ab each other were the ones who ended up at vormir. it was very tragic i cant discuss it yet.

this movie is the end of the mcu as we know it, the conclusion to an EPIC saga and it really delivers, there are moments in it that will become the most iconic in the story of super hero movies, and , dare i say, movies in general. it’s a movie made for the fans, they give us a lot of references to past films,and if you have followed this story throughout the years, it will punch you in the heart, it will fill you with happiness, it will make you laugh, it will take you on a journey of emotions to a very satisfying ending. that’s the most important part ab this movie imo, that you dont feel as if there are loose ends, it ends, and it closes character arcs, it gives each of the original 6 a time to shine, and it says goodbye to three of the most beloved characters of this decade. 

ALSO WHEN THAT FUCKING PURPLE GRAPE FINALLY DISSINTEGRATED WAS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE I REALLY THOUGHT THE LITTLE FUCKER WOULD NEVER PERISH.

#a4 spoilers

[muchymozzarella]

Ayyyyy I’m gonna rank all 19 Marvel Cinematic Universe Films from Best to Worst, and why I rank them the way I do

Here’s my rankings, half based on objective, cinematic criteria as someone who works in the industry, and half based on personal tastes / enjoyment / rewatchability 

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (most solid film, perfect flow, great action, political elements that elevate it as a film, and just one of the best films I’ve seen in the last ten years, solid from start to finish, with great humour. Endlessly rewatchable)

Iron Man (great story, iconic, gamechanging, perfectly acted, great villain in Obadiah Stane, relevant political elements that elevate it as a film. Endlessly rewatchable)

Captain America: Civil War (solid, great ensemble, great action and well-balanced character scenes, with painful and effective emotional moments that elevate it as a film with excellent handling of political ideologies and debates. Endlessly rewatchable)

Avengers: Infinity War (gamechanging, great flow, amazingly balanced for the ensemble, amazing villain, best ending, a cinematic experience unlike any other)

Black Panther (Multi-layered cultural, political elements that elevate it as a film, fantastic story and characters, amazing villain, effective emotional beats; would be higher on the list if not for middling cinematography and musical beats/themes that didn’t do its climactic scenes or vibrant visuals justice [no “oomph” in the most important triumphant scenes, somewhat disappointing when it was meant to be an emotional high])

Captain America: The First Avenger (oft overlooked, vibrant, great story, full of heart, lovable protagonist and supporting characters, Marvel’s best origin story, full of meaningful, emotional elements)

Avengers (Pure popcorn fun, did what it meant to perfectly, not the most meaningful of the Marvel films, but one of the most solid and enjoyable and well-made)

Thor: Ragnarok (Hilarious, vibrant, embraces its comic roots, with political and social elements so subtle they’re often buried under the comedy and visuals. Undercuts the serious moments too often, which kept it from being higher on the list. Perfect music + cinematographic climactic beats missing in Black Panther seen here in Thor’s bridge scene)

Spider-Man: Homecoming (Fun, unique, with a great main character, very contained and enjoyable, has one of Marvel’s best and most relatable and sensible villain, realistic, with incredibly human issues)

Iron Man 3 (Meaningful and multifaceted, full of heart, addressing issues not seen in previous Marvel popcorn fare, with fun and creative action sequences with hilarity balancing perfectly with poignant suffering. Very Shane Black]

Thor (Beautiful, Shakespearean, not quite as vibrant or fun as CA: TFA but still a great origin story with visually stunning and universe-expanding world building. I was obsessed with this before Avengers. It was my LOTR before The Hobbit got me into actual LOTR)

Guardians of the Galaxy (I just... really don’t like the Guardians films. They were hyped up and I disliked them even more because of the hype. They’re funny, vibrant, with great music and style, but the character motivations are questionable to outright unbelievable, Gamora changing sides never made sense storywise, I still don’t understand Nebula’s deal, Drax is only good in small doses, and Ronan the Accuser was a stylish joke of a generic villain. It’d be lower on my list if this wasn’t half objective; as it stands, it’s a well-done, quality film. Also, admittedly, has the most HEARTWRENCHING SCENE IN ALL OF THE MCU TO DATE HANDS DOWN WHICH MAKES ME CRY EVERY SINGLE TIME)

Ant-Man (Enjoyable, silly, hilarious, but fantastically rewatchable. Okay as far as Marvel films go, unique in tone at the time, generic villain)

Thor: The Dark World (I enjoyed this more than most, I think. Thor and his friends got a lot more to do, with their characters more fleshed out, Thor especially. Loki and Thor’s brotherhood became more nuanced. Natalie Portman didn’t like the production, however, and it shows. The villains were underutilized for how creative they could have been. Still gorgeous as a film and in world building+character+creature+armour design, with fun portal shenanigans near the end)

Avengers: Age of Ultron (Not nearly as bad as people make it out to be. Enjoyable, with fantastic interactions between characters. Overstuffed with executive interference and too many unbalanced plot points, though, with questionable decisions like the Bruce/Natasha romance and Clint’s secret family. Villain was well acted and had a great presence, but his plan was generic and insensible)

Doctor Strange (I enjoyed this more than AOU, but it made me angrier for all the wasted potential and the lack of Asians for the locale. White muggers in an Asian country??? I mean??? And don’t get me started on the Ancient One. Whitewashed piece of trash with great visuals and an underutilized Mads Mikkelsen villain, and Bendytoots’ American accent was... odd and nasal and took me out of it most times)

Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 (I didn’t like Guardians or its characters so this character driven piece was crap to me. Story wasn’t as solid as the first one, even if the visuals are still great and the villain a bit better. I like Mantis, though?)

Iron Man 2 (Weirdly rewatchable, but full of unbalanced elements with a misused Mickey Rourke but a memorable pathetic villain in Sam Rockwell’s Justin Hammer. Fun, but the least solid of the lot)

The Incredible Hulk (Who even remembers this one? Nobody. Because it’s not memorable)

#marvel cinematic universe #mcu #my ranking #mcu films #the life and times of muchy

[musicboxbunny]

Endgame *spoilers*

I’m so grateful for the existance of AO3 and other sites featuring fanfiction and fanworks in general, NOT BECAUSE I’M MAD AT ENDGAME, not by a long shot, but because while Endgame was the grand finale to the Avengers’ arc of the MCU, there are hundreds of other paths the story could’ve taken (not ever on the big screen, of course) that people online can work into beautiful, compelling stories (or just ridiculous ones for fanservice). Here’s my take on the film and a list of questions I have now that it’s over. Tagged as such but this post contains HELLA FUCKING SPOILERS.

I held it together better in this one than I did with Infinity War; I came very damn close to crying when the portals opened and the battle royale ensued. It was everything I wanted from the final battle sequence. Everything.

I did cry when Pepper said 'we're gonna be okay.' Letting Tony go, letting what he did finally be enough for the world, got me everywhere at once. Tony Stark has always been my favorite MCU character (Team Iron Man, Tony Stark Defense Squad, I'm here for it all). I do understand why he had to, and this is a super fitting end for his story, it just irks me that he was taken away from the happiness he'd finally built for himself and Pepper, taken away from his baby, and then died before ever seeing her again. He knew he was going to the second he signed up for the time-travel game, and though I'm sure the guilt over not being able to stop Thanos on Titan never left him, he didn't deserve to lose what he'd gained.

I really didn't like that Thor's depression-induced weight gain was played for laughs; it made me think of how the theater reacted to Giant Dwarf Peter Dinklage in the last movie, it was just uncomfortable.

Tony's canon appreciation of Cap's ass was very on point. Marvel tossed in a lot of 'fanservice' scenes, but they didn't feel tone deaf in this film; they were all things we could actually, unironically enjoy. Tony instructing Scott to give him a heart attack in 2012? Classic. Loki transforming into Cap before getting muzzled? Callback to Thor 2's best scene. Fabulous.

It was really an interesting choice to keep the Hulk big and green through the whole movie; interesting and expensive. My friend-who strongly disliked Hulk as a character every time he showed up-said this was her favorite portrayal of Hulk by far. It didn't do much for me, it wasn't the worst choice they could've made, but I do enjoy some good ol' non-green Dr. Banner.

I wish Peter Quill hadn't gotten more or less shit on all three times he showed up; Rhodey calling him an idiot during his iconic introduction and then knocking his ass out, past-Gamora kicking him in the balls (I get it, even though Nebula told her who he was it's probably weird asf for her), and then Thor press-ganging his way into the Milano. Like, come on, let my boy be for a few minutes!

I'm glad Gamora wasn't a perma-death (I couldn't imagine her staying dead) but she lost ALL her character development from Guardians 1 and 2 and from Infinity War as well. I figure the plot of Guardians 3 will revolve the return (?) of her memories (or something along those lines? They aren't exactly her memories anymore since she didn't experience them).

Nat's final scene with Clint was beautiful, I don't care what anyone else says, and I stand by it as a final catharsis of the Black Widow's storyline; she spent her entire life (every movie we saw) fighting to do good to counteract all the harm she ever caused in her life.

Like I said, I understand, narratively and also the real life reasons, why Tony had to die. I just wish he didn't. His death brings up the rear of the now-four permanent deaths following the finale movies; Loki, Vision, Natasha, and Tony. Steve isn't dead, but he's an old man and effectively we all know that scene by the lake will be the last time anyone sees him on screen (except flashbacks, of course, and midquel-type scenarios).

I also don't think we'll get any more Captain America films with Sam as the new Cap; I think the Iron Man and Captain America film series', like the Avengers series, are finished. I did just find out, to my surprise, that there will be a Falcon and Winter Soldier movie, confirmed along with Guardians 3, Black Panther 2, Black Widow, Dr. Strange 2, and the two TV spinoffs for Scarlet Witch and Loki. There's also internet talk of something starring Hawkeye, and though I think the Thor movie series is finished as well, he may very well be present in Guardians 3 (just please don't steal the entire film, Hemsworth).

QUESTIONS I HAVE Will Morgan Stark inherit the Iron Man (Girl? Woman??) title? Will she somehow take the persona to another level in the future?

Why could some characters just hold Infinity Stones in their hands like it was nothing? Bruce held the Time Stone (because he's the Hulk?) and Clint the Soul Stone (because he was part of the sacrifice ritual?)?

Loki 'yeeting' himself the fuck out of captivity with the Tessaract? Where the hell is he going??

How did they get Natalie Portman back for tiny cameo scenes? Was it even her or was there just a chunk of editing devoted to it?

Where did Valkyrie get another winged horse?

Another Peter Quill thought...could he have done the snap and survived it? I know Ego is dead, but he was able to hold the Power Stone for a good minute or two and even longer with help; how would the gauntlet have impacted things?

I've been wondering this since before Infinity War and it's been hotly debated all across the web, but of the previously-defeated villains, who would've stacked up best against Thanos? Could Ronan have taken him down if left unchecked? What about Dormamu from Dr. Strange? Ultron? What about the literal deities Surtur, Hela, and Odin? Could they have taken Thanos down at his full power? Could Ego, a literal celestial?

#endgame spoilers #avengers spoilers #marvel spoilers #iron man #captain america