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onthejadedjournal · 12 days

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update

after i broke down school (the day of the deadline) because of how anxious i was about this whole ordeal - my best friend immediately tried to figure a way around the issue and told me he'll try to coax the teacher into listening to him which was so daring because that teacher is very true to her words and she had really high standards for all of us

it was so hard to talk that day. my head hung so low and i couldn't even hear the lessons because of how mentally distraught i was that day - i had to use my notebook to talk to him because if i talked, i know my sobs and hiccups will be heard and i hate attracting attention. he immediately noticed how distant i acted and it i quickly clicked back to the comic i made back then and. idk. I'm just surprised how accurate that was. i dunno. self projection works ig

either way. at the end of the day - my teacher acknowledged the concern and extended it up to sunday this week

i'm happy but i'm still really. not happy. happy because im given one more chance to work on it but unhappy because - i feel that this could've been worked out much better. or better yet. not a fucking animation

and. im also pissed. really pissed

the trailer wasn't mandatory.

i could've been. working on the story a week before if it werent for the fucking trailer

but. i cant even be too mad about it because at at least the trailer gave me insight on how i feel about animation?

well for one. im not taking the multimedia art course anymore in college. eye opening moment for me

and two - thanks to many people telling me this; you don't have to make it high effort just to please everyone. its okay to dumb it down because an artist's eyes isnt the same as a normal one. another eye opening moment to me

and i guess the trailer was only good for getting everyone to buy our movie tickets. idk

but. the trailer wasnt mandatory. i just learned that and i was really upset.

again. should i be mad or not? I don't know but it just happens. its a double edged sword

another thing that really made me angry was how everyone thinks this is going to be a walk in the park for me. its not. it's not. "she'll do okay because she can draw" "we're going to win some awards thanks to her" god i wish i never heard those i don't even know the first thing about animation im just really lucky to have nicole help me as she's a genuine aspiring animator.

either way im just so ready to forget all of this when im done. i don't want to share this project to friends because i'm more or less traumatized mentally and physically about this and I don't want to recall it again and i'm dead serious about it.

it also doesnt help that i keep getting called a slacker at home for not doing the animation. if only you understand what im feeling. did you not take the hint when i slept early twice? yeah. yeah maybe you should get it next time. just got told that while i was typing this . hahhah

i've lost my energy to be happy and even to selfship (but with one exception i guess) because the last 2 days i just find myself crying to sleep over how angry i am and it sucks because i cant catch up to what my friends are doing and I don't want to be the lump of coal that opposes their energy everytime i come to them which is why i'm just here to rot and complain about it. i know they're willing to be there to help me destress. i know they're worried about me. but i have to consider the external factors (which is. being accused of being a slacker when im in need of comfort from my friends). if i was the only person in the house then i would've done it in a heartbeat

i don't sound the same right now and it all culminates to this. it's almost a month and this is eating me alive consistently to no end. i get bursts of joy here and there but it doesn't outweigh how tired i am

but thankfully i'm given another chance to work on it so.

now im just praying i can make it. im praying

and leave this fucking school soon

#i got home from school for our graduation pictorials #supposed to finish at 2 #finished at 5 #so much time wasted again #sorry I don't have much good things to say

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nanbaka-82 · 3 years

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No one asked and no one will probably read but here’s songs that remind me of some of my most beloved hypmic boyos (Yes I wrote this at five am and I was being biased) Alert this is very long and shitty don’t read if ya don’t wanna get a brain rot and I advise you not to break your mind before 2nd drb.

Bonus up top:

All Stars + Kotonohoto:

- This Is The Moment - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

CLASSIC LOVE IT KEEP GETTING DRB VIBES

- I’m Ready - AJR

THIS IS LIKE DIVISION ALL STARS VS KOTONOHOTO

Yotsutsuji:

- Three Thirty - AJR

IM NOT SURE ABOUT THIS ONE AT ALL but since he’s a character that we never really got to understand and analyze, or maybe the fact that he was put falsely into his comatose state pains me.

“You start thinking about the clock ticks, you get nervous, you start stressing, so how am I supposed to fit this, in three minutes, and thirty seconds?”

“Listen to my aching heart. Quick before you skip the song. We are human after all. And we. Don’t. Stay. For. Long”

Naughty Dialogue/MCD +:

- Bang - AJR

JUST LOVE THE VIBE

“I’m way too young to lie here forever (IchiKuko) I’m way too old to try so whatever (SamaSasa) so come hang! We’ll go out with a bang!”

- Partners in crime - ft. Ash Costello

The vibe too! Idk I really like it!

- A Bud Like You - AJR

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH IT FITS THEM EVEN MORE HELL YES

Naughty Busters:

- Rope - Kulick

“I keep slipping on down but I can’t let go yet”

Pain

- Kids In The Dark - All Time Low

“They left us alone, the kids in the dark, to burn out forever or light up a spark, we come together, state of the art, we’ll never surrender, so let the the world sing”

More pain but cute

Mad Comic Dialogue:

- I’m Not Ok - Weathers

HHHHH THIS SONG IS ONE OF MY FAVES

“IM JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE FUCKED UP LIKE EVERYONE ELSE”

- Weak - AJR

“But I’m weak, and what’s wrong with that? Boy oh boy I love it when I fall for that” (fall for each other those Lil gay boiz)

- Broken -lovelytheband

“I like that you’re broken broken like me, maybe that makes me a fool?” (sasa)

“I like that you’re lonely lonely like me, I could be lonely with you” (sama)

“There’s something tragic, but almost pure, think I could love you, but I’m not sure” (sama)

“It’s something wholesome, it’s something sweet, tucked in your eyes that I’d love to meet” (sasa)”

- Rose Colored Boy - Paramore

Y e s

- Sober Up- AJR

“Hello hello, I’m not where I’m supposed to be, I hope that you’re missing me, cuz it makes me feel young”

*Cries in SamaSasa*

“Won’t you help me sober up? Growing up had made me numb, and I wanna feel something again. Won’t you help me sober up? All the big kids say I’m drunk and I wanna feel something again. Won’t you help me feel something again... how’s it go again?”

“And I wanna feel something again. I just wanna feel something again. (My favorite color is you)”

“Can I finally feel something again?”

*Cries in SamaSasa again*

Otome (I’m so in it for her):

Dollhouse - Melanie Martinez

Just. Her backstory. Shit.

Fling Posse:

- TMD (Talk Me Down) - R & R

This song just reminds me of the overall relationship between fling posse! I’d make an edit but I’m lazy and sad

- It’s On Us - AJR

(Honestly AJR is my emotional anchor and it’s obvious)

“It’s not your fault you don’t feel safe it’s not your fault so don’t take blame (no it’s on us)”

“We can try together, make it right together, we can fight together, it’s on us, though your trust is stolen, though your heart is broken, you are never broken, it’s on us”

“We know what we need to do we’ll be there it’s not on you”

Now da main course:

Samatoki Aohitsugi:

- Karma - AJR :

THAT PART WHERE ITS LIKE “Where the hell is the karma?” HNGGG

- Can I Get a Witness - Sonreal :

OKAY hear me out:

“I fell in love with you cuz you made me feel, I fell in love with you cuz you kept it real, but you changed up on me, you changed your flow, and now I’ve been hating on you every where I go”

BASICALLY YEAH AND THE REST OF THE SONG TOO

- Honest - Nico Collins

No comment...

- Middle Finger - BOHNES

Oh god I love this song

“But I refuse to let you make me feel like I can’t fly, not only will I soar again, I’ll own the fucking sky”

“Livin like a riot, setting off the sirens, fists are clenched I’m fighting, soul has been ignited, ain’t got time for dying, I’m too busy thriving, more than just surviving, heart is beating violent”

And just so much more, this song reminds of his spirit that no matter how many times it’s been broke down just won’t give up, and I love it

- Little Poor Me - Layto

“I tried hard you know I care, I care, I care, just a little poor me, just a little poor me”

The way he protected what he loved with all his heart, Sasara and Nemu, yet, he still lost them at the end.

Jyuto Iruma:

The Car - Nightly

Idk why it fits him—the feel of it I guess

Ramuda Amemura (maNy but I chose):

- Rabbit Hole - AViVA

Gives me the feel where he drags people down with him but wants to escape

- Hypnotized - AViVA

I DONT EVEN GOTTA FUCKIN SAY IT

“Can’t you see you’re hypnotized? Locked inside those eyes. Now don’t you go out at night, you’ll end up hypnotized”

“Look into my eyes find it so appealing look into my eyes send your body reeling, now you’re hypnotized, drag you down down down”

Gentaro Yumeno:

- The Way - Layto

Not so sure about this one—but

“New Speak, show and tell, this will be my hardest sell, wise men, always say, sadness raps in golden plate”

Reminds me of how he was bullied and unsocial in school, also how his care takers were elders and made him happy

- 100 Bad Days - AJR

“A 100 days made a hundred good stories, a 100 good stories make me interesting in parties”

NSJSBSJJSISS LISTEN IT F I T S

Dice Arisugawa:

- Disaster Party - MAGIC GIANT

FUCKIN-THIS SONG IS SO DICE STFU AND

“You’re a brave heart, but you’re broken, and an Angel, but you’re choking”

THIS REMINDS ME OF HOW DICE SILENTLY ACKNOWLEDGES GENTARO AND RAMUDA BUT DOESNT PUSH INTO THEIR BUSINESS! WHAT A GOOD BOY WE HAVE oh and

“Throw away all your money” hhhhh

- I’m Not Famous - AJR

Reminds me oh how he could have been literal royalty but decided to say fuck it

Hifumi Izanami:

- Echo - Crusher-P

We don’t talk about why I link this to fumi

- Oh oh and there’s this part in Parents - Yungblud, “Hi nice to meetcha! Got nothing to believe in! So tell me when my breathing, stops-“ idk it reminds me of his phobia and past

- Make you Mine - Public The Band

HHHH HES SOFT BBY OKAY

Doppo Kannonzaka:

- Isolate - SubUrban

“Segregated, situated, hanging on, sophisticated, liberated, nauseated, I just want my medication, individuality and blue lights give me headaches, I’m not changing for the better, I’m just changing clothes on weekends”

Need I say more?

- Come Hang Out - AJR

I personally love this one

“Come hang out cuz you’re outta your mind, you’re working so damn hard, you forgot what you like, come hang out, don’t you leave us behind. But, I’ll be there next time”

“Come hang out cuz you’re missing your life”

“Should I go for more clicks this year? Or should I follow the click in my ear?”

I feel like this song is from everyone who cares about him which is also me—

Jyushi Aimono/Hitoya Amaguni:

- Crybaby - Melanie Martinez

ABSOLUTELY NOT SHIPPING but the part where it’s like

“I look at you and I see myself”

Makes me cry because I remember how Hitoya lost his brother to bullying then you have Jyushi so he wants to help the little boy live his life and achieve his goals, unlike his brother, sadly

Sasara Nurude:

- My Play - AJR

Fucking. Just watch the official vid. That’s all. It’s about parent divorce and slaps.

“When I show you my play, will you pretend you didn’t know, if I make a mistake? It’s gonna get really really really really bad, before it’s okay. But maybe you’ll forget it all, while you’re watching my play”

- Rose Colored Boy - Paramore

OHH BOY I WROTE A WHOLE FIC ABOUT THIS ON WATTPAD

- Istanbul (Not Constantinople)

FUNNY FUNNY SONG CLOWN LIKE FUNNY FUNNY

Rei:

- Hushh - AViVA

Fucker got one.

“Hush Hush, keep your pretty mouth shut, hush hush, lose your inhibitions”

- This Ain’t A Scene It’s An Arms Race - Fallout boy

Like HeLL.

“Fitting you with Weapons in the form of words, and don’t really care which side wins, as long as the room keeps singing that’s just the business I’m in”

“I’m not a shoulder to cry on, I digress, I’m a leading man, and the lies I weave are so intricate, oh so intricate”

If you read this then congratulations why the fuck did you waste your time

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #badass temple #mcd #mad comic dialogue #buster bros #fling posse #matenro #matenrou #mad trigger crew #dotsuitare hompo #kotonohoto #naughty busters #party of words

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maternalcube · 5 years

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i did an art summary so now im doing a fic summary. i was tagged by @jamthedingus also!! ive never done one of these before!! lets go!!!

Rest (13106)

Keith & Lance's Island Adventure (20631)

Atlantis (10014 words)

The Way to a Man’s Heart (6858 words)

nobody's business (2096 words)

leave, and take (557 words)

dead girl walking (1661 words)

the course of fate (1039 words)

who ya gonna call (465 words)

come here often? (806 words)

til kingdom come (1950 words)

stars in the sky (pt 2) (5404 words)

a song of falling (630 words)

Eyes to the Sky (3683 words)

Feet on the Ground (4050 words)

Divergence (6669 words)

homecoming (1426 words)

Window of Opportunity (11144 words)

along that wilderness of glass (3801 words)

string theory (2327 words)

Katt Week (1062 words)

The Pining-Plant (3860 words)

at the end of many worlds (21684 words)

you're my home (19646 words)

Believe Me (3177 words)

Starchild (3568 words)

Summer Heat (2285 words)

third time's the charm (5349 words)

Blackbird (59546 words)

The Sixth Planet (9444 words)

all the infinite realities (1197 words)

Total Fics: 31! (plus one i posted anonymously lmao) Total Words: 229999! (except parts of string theory and the sixth planet were actually posted last year... but still, what a number)

more under the cut!

Ship/character breakdown: i didnt filter out my prompt collection or abandoned wips here so /shrug Ship breakdown:

klance - 6 sheith - 5 shance - 5 katt - 4 heith - 3 pallura - 2 and one each of plance, kallura, allurance, shatt, shkatt, kidge, kidgance, and shunk. and keiths parents lol. let it never be said i am not a multishipper.

and i know gen isnt a ship but it tied with klance at 6 (plus whatevers in the prompt collection) which was a surprise

Character breakdown: man if theres a way to get ao3 to show me ALL the stats, i dont know it. but.

keith - 25 (shocker) shiro - 23 lance - 21 pidge - 17 hunk - 16 allura - 12 matt - 12 and then coran and sam are at 4, and zarkon ats 3 and presumably many others are at 3 or less

Characters that had the main focus: well ~9 were from keiths pov, and ~5 each from shiro and lances povs. i think i also had ~5 from multiple points of view. its safe to say that keith has my heart tho lol

Specifics:

Best/worst title? Best title: i still like “at the end of many worlds.” i weirdly still like “Blackbird” too even if it has nothing to do with anything... Worst title: “Rest.” :/ also like all of the abandoned wips bc i didnt care. and “Keith & Lance's Island Adventure.″ some of my zine fic titles were also... bad. im bad at titles.

Best/worst first line?

Best: Keith & Lance's Island Adventure. ok the title is bad but this line? this really sets the tone for whole fic. you know what youre getting yourself into here.

When Pidge invited Keith to a fully-funded graduation party aboard the Holt family boat (“the smaller one, anyway,” she’d said), this is not exactly what he'd pictured: three of them standing on a wobbly dock, packed bags at their feet, sky cloudy and gray, while the Holt siblings stand on a little ledge off the back of the boat and deny entry.

Worst: ive got two for this lol

at the end of many worlds: even i have to read this a couple times to figure out what i was trying to say. at least you know youre in for pain...

Keith’s mother shows up to interrupt movie night often enough that, this time, Keith almost doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Almost, because she’s silhouetted by the movie, but she’s clutching her arm and panting for breath, and in the thin edge of light around her he sees a wet and vibrant red.

Divergence: because all your friends being dead is EXACTLY like losing at dodgeball. yeah, theres a reason i abandoned this one.

Hunk always hated playing dodgeball. Not because he was bad at it--though he was--but because he always ended up the last one standing, and therefore the only target for the entire other team. It was due to a tendency to hang unnoticed in the back, he knew, but that didn't change the sickening, empty feeling of looking around and realizing there's no one left but him, and there's no way he can win. Only wait for the inevitable.

This, Hunk decides, is a lot like that, only, like, a billion times worse.

Best/worst last line?

Best: The Pining-Plant. there are a few others that were cute too but this one is also good out of context so

And then the pod swishes open and he's scrambling to catch Pidge as she stumbles out. She clings to his arms to steady herself and his heart swells.

"Falling for me again, huh?" he asks, and she groans loudly.

"Let me go, I'm getting back in the pod," she says, and he laughs. He doesn't let go, and neither does she.

Worst: if im bad at titles, im worse at endings. most are bad. i suspect the ending to “Rest” is terrible but i cant bring myself to even open that shit again so: Believe Me. if weather were a recurring theme in this fic, itd be fine, but as is its just... a weird note to end the fic on lmao

Hunk rocks back on his heels. "We aren't counting this as our official first date, right?"

"I dunno," Keith says, and now he smiles at the rain instead of frowning. It shows no sign of easing up, but whatever—they're soaked anyway. "This seems pretty good to me."

“...All right.” If nothing else, it’ll make a good story. And, Hunk had to admit—he’s pretty happy with how it’s turned out, rain and all.

But next time, he's double-checking the forecast, just in case.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

more than i expected! considering ive been in grad school all year!! i wrote about the same amount wordcount-wise in 2017 which i spent only half in school so. idk how i managed it.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

the anonymous fic was a surprise but im not gonna talk about that lol. otherwise... nah, its all been my usual stuff.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

blackbird, probably. i like working on that one. summer heat was also fun, id sort of forgotten about it bc it was a zine fic but coming back to it, i really liked it. likewise with third time’s the charm. and i like t6p a lot even if i kinda hate drawing for it :’)

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

depends on your metric. window of opportunity has the most kudos, keith and lance’s island adventure has the most hits, and t6p has the most comments and subscriptions.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

AT THE END OF MANY WORLDS. oh man i killed myself over that fic. it was important to me. but i think the mcd scared everyone off :’)

Story that could have been better?

i realize “all of them” is kind of a cop out answer but like

Sexiest story?

i have written nothing sexy, ever, in my whole life

Saddest story?

i mean, ateomw. considering all the death. blackbird def has its moments too.

Most fun?

i feel like i answered this in the favorite story q lmao. you’re my home also gets a shoutout, that thing was,, super self-indulgent lmao. and id be lying if i said i didnt have fun with parts of ateomw, even if its mostly sad.

Story with single sweetest moment?

man i write a lot of fluff but so much of you’re my home is just tooth-rotting. heres part of the proposal scene lmao

"Lance!" Keith yelps, barely rescuing the ring from falling into the sand with them. Lance pushes himself up on his arms, silhouetted by the sun and glowing with it.

"Really?" he asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," Keith says, and maybe he should've prepared something to say, that's a thing people do, right? Hell, he's winging it. "I know we can't stay here on Earth forever, 'cause we're paladins, and there's still stuff out there we gotta do. And I know you probably want to stay because this is your home—but you're my home, and if we gotta go, at least you'll have me, good or bad." He grins crookedly. "Or rocket science. Whatever happens, I'll be there."

Hardest story to write?

well t6p gets a shoutout, but its not the writing thats the hard part for that. uhhh ive struggled with parts of blackbird. i remember k&l’s island adventure giving me a LOT of trouble, i think i posted late lol

Easiest/most fun story to write?

anything short uhhh for all the infinite realities, i kind of just sat down the other day (actually i was in bed but) and was like “im gonna write this” and then in the morning i just sat down and wrote it in one go. i dunno if id call it fun, but it was easy. t6p is super fun to write but, as mentioned, drawing it sucks.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

no... my perceptions probably have shifted but not due to anything i wrote in particular. i did talk myself into liking allurance with a prompt fill, though, but im not sure that was 2018...

Most overdue story?

all the infinite realities lmao. at the end of many worlds needed that happy ending. and another shoutout to t6p, because thats been going on over a year and im still nowhere.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

does posting my abandoned wips count? ive still got some of those hanging around... blackbird was a bit of a risk bc my last longfic was written while i was unemployed and out of school, so like i had the time for it, and now i kinda dont. still chugging tho. ateomw b/c of all the death but it turns out i really like writing whump woops. and writing any sort of kissing always feels like a risk bc i suck at it but im getting better lol... i hope...

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

write more! finish things! do more sheith! i really want to work on this sheith longfic i came up with the other day... but i want to get blackbird over with first.

Tagging: eh! do it if you want to!

#i need a fic tag #HOO BOY

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themariotheme · 3 years

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okay i am Not Having A Good Time Right Now not BAD but just... weird not as in “weird” like how i say when im actually depressed this is a different weird it’s just incomprehensible and i feel very annoying to everyone especially on my stupid twitter so i shall be spewing garbage here so

okay so right now i feel like the world is horrible and like i could never be happy in it but im not depressed abt it im just numb so im not upset about how capitalism means there are people dying and everything is bad but i need u to know that i AM upset about it actually isnt it weird ?? i need to make sure that it is understood that these things upset me but like, not right now. is that just me being defensive because ive always felt like i need to justify feeling my feelings like i KNOW other people have it worse i KNOW im a privileged upper middle class chinese girl who has Had Everything okay i KNOW i just

i dont know

am literally rotting and being useless all the time at home because im not in school im literally doing nothing im doing nothing all day im doing nothing im useless im just on this earth consuming and using up my parent’s money and contributing to climate change by having my air conditioning on even though i know individuals aren’t to blame for the climate crisis it’s companies and billionaires who suck Major Ass!!! u see how i have to justify but then also justify?? i am simply like this with Everything it’s so exhausting and i kind of want to cry now

like i Know individuals aren’t to blame for the climate crisis. artists arent selfish for making art how could i think i that???? i DONT think that i wouldnt look at someone who has their air conditioning on all day and think badly of them, i wouldnt look at artists and think “ugh what a selfish piece of shit, how could they look at the state of the world and choose to make silly art when they could be a doctor or journalist or politician or ANYTHING that would Help People” BUT WHY DOES THAT NOT APPLY TO ME ???? WHY DO I STILL HAVE TO FEEEL LOUSY ABOUT IT ?? I FEEL SO STUPID im literally just ?? arguing with myself in my head but it ends up leading nowhere i just cant not feel terrible and guilty about everything i do

whatever. i dont know

okay but right so for the past 2 weeks that i was gone from tumblr because staff are PUSSIES who SNIPED me for NO REASON and then didnt reply to my emails i was mostly on twitter because i m useless n Do Nothing At All with my time so im on twitter because im lonely and crave interpersonal connections so i tried to make friends which i did ! i think i have had some success at least in making friends online . i think i can say that maybe perhaps for sure (maybe). but yes i have made some friends on twitter i think evie and maya and noga r great and i love them this is not th point sigh

okay im just going to explain the Nonsense Teenage Drama that went down and i will be (maybe) just namedropping cause none of them r even names anyway it doesnt matter actually

but i just need to feel like ??? im not insane and overreacting to this entire thing which like some ppl have confirmed !! and yet (??)

okay tw for suicide ed self harm n bullying cause i ended up ranting abt those things :(

SO. this Person C got into some. drama with M and J. this is all friendship related i think personally C is in the wrong and M and J have the right to be mad at them for it. BUT C was also very obviously suicidal in the “i am crying out for help and attention right now” kind of way . maybe i am just sympathetic because i have been that before idk. but drama unleashed, M and J publicly got into it with C. right so everyone witnesses this. including Person D. THIS PERSON. has TIME AND TIME AGAIN shown themsevles to be terrible terrible u know what idc im just gonna copy and paste screenshots idc idc idc AAAAAA im so djfdskmg idk

like ??? THIS WASNT IDK I DONT KNOW . i dnt know i dont know i AM over this but i had a panic attack over this and i was in a depressive episdode this was 3 days of hell and it didnt even involve me ??? the most i was involved w was like being personally offended because her friends called me a bitch or whatever but like ?? there r some of her friends who r friends w my friends and it makes me feel like idk :( like why do mar n mia hate me lol am i so terrible for thinking she should go get help for her ed isntead of telling ppl to slit their wrists n off themselves online lol idk idk idk yeah okay

like i feel like im overreacting , and taking personal offense to being called a bitch because i did end up calling her out in a very long series of tweets lol and like ?? someone would screenshot my tweets n she’d tweet abt them n say im obsessed n her friends would like her tweet and those ppl would be friends w my friends :( idk i feel like im just being a fool and over reacting idk sigh this is old news by now i am actually in fact Truly over this /gen but yea my cramps r bad today fuck periods we shld just reabsorb uterine linings like rats do why cant we be more like rats

/rant

my tweets for context idk i know no one will read this all but i feel the need to make myself clear because god knows fucking why idk idk idk

https://twitter.com/urlowbeams/status/1364932184629338122?s=20

https://twitter.com/urlowbeams/status/1364928910916378634?s=20

https://twitter.com/urlowbeams/status/1364729355448983552?s=20

and scroll down from there i guess

man i was rlly going thru it huh

idk ALSO she like ?? said “if ur ugly u should die i cant breathe the same air as u” in response to someone’s selfies like ?? idk man idk idkdikddnfjfdnsjgdj im going to sleep night night im not losing my mind i swear /gen

#personal #long post #dont read it tbh ily but if u do ilyt

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noxiim · 7 years

Note

(1/3)Okayyyy so i mightve sent a few asks abt this before but this topic is really now bugging me cuz i have depression and im sensitive to like everything. Im starting to take this "not getting notes on my art" thing really personally and i know it sounds childish (and i laugh at myself for it) but i cant help but get upset when i spend so much time and effort and get like no feedback. And i know people say not to draw what u love and not for attention but honestly i dont even know what

and i dont even know if im drawing what ilike sometimes. Yeah i love bts but i dont know if i like what im drawing or ifim just doing it for notes???? And i have a lot of anxiety too and thats wherei feel like im taking this too personally. Cuz im starting to think that my artdoesnt get notes cuz its straight up not good which leads me to think ishouldnt even try to pursue a career in art anymore. But im not good atanything else so wtf am i gonna do if i dont succeed in art???? Like i said i laugh at myself for thinking like this and iprobably sound like a fuckin child but i cant help it???? Like i think my artis decent???? But maybe its not???? Idk like this was really hitting me todaycuz i feel like im wasting so much time and im probably gonna be one of thosepoor college students cuz i decided to focus on art more rather than taking ajob cuz i thought i could make money off of my art but yknow clearly its notgoing so well and im scared for my future U dont have to give advice to all of that i just needed tolet that all out

Aw dude don’t worry I get what you mean,I actually experienced something similar when I first started posting my art totumblr, and even recently when I first started posting bts fanart. It’sperfectly normal to want recognition (in this case in the form of notes) forsomething you worked so hard on!! I think one of the major issues with postingto such a big fandom such as bts though is that there’s so many peopleproducing content at any given time, that it’s incredibly easy to get drownedout. Especially since tumblr changed how search and track tagging worked, itmade it that much harder for people to get noticed for their content.

When I first switched to drawing for bts,I found it hard because I also focused a lot on my note count. For someone whowas originally well established in a previous fandom, the move to bts was quitea jarring experience. I had built my following on tf2 art, and used toconsistently get a couple hundred notes, but one of main reasons why I left wasbecause of the dwindling of note counts. When I first left, overwatch had justcome out and a lot of attention shifted towards that game away from tf2, andalthough I still love the game, the dramatic decrease in notes on my art fortf2 really made me sad and I ended up deciding to leave the fandom after 3years of drawing tf2 art. I hopped around a bit, before eventually getting intobts. Even then, my first few pieces (they’re not on my #bts fanart tag so mostpeople wouldn’t have ever seen them) either got no notes at all or only two orthree. It was easier for me to establish myself in a fandom such as tf2 back inthe day since it was such a small, tight knit community with limited contentcreators, but now with bts there are so many more people and it just seemedhopeless for a while and I lost motivation in my art. I stopped wanting todraw, since it felt like nobody cared. Art is the biggest hobby I have, solosing my confidence in my art was crushing.

Now you might be wondering how I got towhere I am today. I’ll be completely honest with you. For me, I highly doubt Iwould be anywhere near where I am if it weren’t for networks. I had neverjoined a network before, but decided to join armiesnet and jimin network one daywhen I saw that applications were open. I got accepted, and I joined theirrespective group chats too. I met lots of great people on those chats, and madea lot of new friends which was nice after having moved fandoms and lost touchwith many previous mutuals. I’m so glad I joined networks, because not only doyou have the chance to make mutuals who will support you and your art, thenetwork blog itself also reblogs all its members’ content which gives youexposure to members of the network through both the network tag and through thedashboard. It’s a perfect way to get started, rather than hoping that somebodywith a decent following will happen to stumble across your work in the tags oneday and reblog it.

That being said, unless you’re like somesort of godly human being I don’t think we can ever get over how note countsfeel as an artist. We need something to gauge people’s response to our art, andthat tends to default to note counts. I can assure you that the feeling of disappointmentwhen your post doesn’t get as many notes as you want/expected it to is a thingpretty much all artists on this site shares. People always say “you should drawfor yourself, not for other people” but that’s the equivalent of like say themona lisa being painted and then left to rot in Da Vinci’s closet or something.The whole point of art is sharing your ideas/love for something through yourdrawings with other people, and so it’s perfectly normal to want therecognition you deserve for working so hard and putting so much love into yourcraft. When it feels like you’re all alone, you have to remember not to giveup. Creating art in such a big fandom can be unforgiving, but just rememberthat your art is never the one at fault. It’s all about finding that littlegolden window of exposure, whether it be through one big blog or a couplesmaller blogs reblogging your work. Those kind few people will be what helpsyou grow, and you have to keep posting for that to happen. If you water a plantbut it doesn’t bloom the next day, abandoning it will get you nowhere. If youjust keep going, keep watering it, results will come. Keep reminding yourselfthat you’re doing well, and you can compare older art to your current art tosee the progress and keep you motivated. Don’t force yourself to draw if youaren’t feeling it – art is something that should make you happy. I used to drawbecause I felt the pressure to put out content, but that just resulted in mefalling into a negative spiral of art block, limited motivation and generalunhappiness with my art as a result. Remember that there’s no such thing as adeadline when it comes to posting art on tumblr – work at whatever pace suitsyou and if anybody tries to rush you, shut them down. You’re the artist, youget to choose what you do with your art, how you do it, and how long you spendon it.

If you truly have your sights set onbecoming an artist full time, then by all means go for it! I can’t give muchadvice in that area since I only plan on keeping art as a hobby, but justremember that art school is always optional. In the end, working as an artistis all about the portfolio, not where you graduated from. It’s more importantto work on your art than it is to get in to an amazing art school. Sure, artschools can be useful, but in the end they are simply tools, sort of like atutorial rather than something that will magically turn you into an amazing artistwith amazing job offers. At the end of the day, it’s all up to yourself to workhard and promote yourself. Since art is all about reaching different audienceswith your work, promoting yourself is essential, even if it’s just casualfanart on tumblr. Feedback can’t come without exposure, and exposure can’t comewithout self-promotion.

Lastly, remind yourself that there’s nosuch thing as ‘bad art’. That might sound like a stupid statement, but inreality art is a constantly changing thing. There is no pinnacle of perfection,no model artwork that represents the most perfect drawing out there. Everyonehas different styles, everyone has different approaches, and most importantly,everyone is still improving. I’m still learning and trying to improve my ownart, and there’s no shame in that. It’s easy to perceive someone else’s art asbetter than yours which would lead to some self-critical thoughts, but you haveto remember that the other artist is probably looking at their own art andpicking it apart, thinking “aw man there are so many mistakes here.” It’s fineto make mistakes, after all, that’s how we learn. Just because we see mistakesin our own art doesn’t mean that everyone else will too – nobody looks at artand their first thought is to list all of the mistakes present. As long as youare aware of what you are less confident in and actively work to improve it,you can quickly surpass even the people you look up to.

So yeah, sorry that this is hella longlol, but in all honestly I can understand what you’re going through. It’seasier said than done, but even though it might feel hard - don’t give up. Youmight feel like you’re not getting anywhere at the moment but I assure you thatif you just keep going, things will only get better. That’s the thing abouttumblr, if you keep posting art your audience can only grow. For now, I would definitelyrecommend joining some networks, and making some friends. It’s not uncommon forpeople to promo their own work in the network chat occasionally, as long as youdon’t spam haha

Anywho, I wish you the best of luck withyour art journey. If you need me you know where to find me 💕💕💕

#long post #sorry I kind of rambled #but anon if you want to talk to me don't be afraid to message me instead #I'm always here if you need to vent 💕#asks #Anonymous #art asks

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bringmemyqueen · 7 years

Note

haikyuu!! for 001 and soumako for 002 :>

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: Daichi ;;v;;

Least Favorite character: Probably Lev

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): IWADAI, aohina, matsuhana, and pretty much all the daichi ships

Character I find most attractive: i wanna say Daichi but fck its Kuroo

Character I would marry: DAICHI

Character I would be best friends with: hmm probably Kuroo or Mattsun or Yachi

a random thought: im desperate for more iwadai in my life

An unpopular opinion: idk if its unpopular but i never see anyone gushing over how good looking bokuto is??? ive seen people gush over art of his hair being down but thats it. like im so always in love with his eyes hes a beautiful birb and i love him a lot ;v;

my canon OTP: daiyui if it becomes canon

Non-canon OTP: surprise surprise IWADAI

most badass character: Daichi THAT SCENE WHERE HE SPITS OUT HIS TOOTH AND THE BRUISING ON THE SIDE OF HIS FACE LIKE DAMN IM IN LOVE

pairing I am not a fan of: kuro/tsukki, kuro/ken

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): hmm no one comes to mind. i think furudate does a great job with creating and developing characters

favourite friendship: tanaka and noya (i like them romantically too :>)

character I want to adopt or be adopted by: ID LIKE TO ADOPT AONE PLS

002 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when or if I started shipping it: oh man i dont remember when probably when it was still considered a crack ship?? i saw fanart of a redraw of that one scene where sousuke corners haru at the vending machine and in the fanart makoto appears and sousuke falls for makoto haha i think it was in 2015 that i started actively shipping them and drawing fanart of them

my thoughts: THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM. I think they complement each other well and while they may seem like opposites they have a lot in common with each other LIKE HOW THEYD PUT THEIR FRIEND’S FEELINGS BEFORE THEIR OWN, THEY CARE TOO MUCH AND RISK HURTING THEMSELVES, BOTH GOT SOME ABANDONMENT ISSUES. pls let them learn love and happiness in each other ;v;

What makes me happy about them: the fact that they’d get along so well with each other like i could see them being just really good friends. i mean come on look at the s2 ep14 this episode is a treasure //prayer emoji// makoto is such a fckin social butterfly and the way sousuke rubs his neck like a fckin shy boy is so cute and later the water gun fight interaction OML theyre such competitive teasing dorks. the thought of them spending time together and becoming close friends (then lovers wink wonk) makes me so happy because makoto is such an understanding bab and i feel has enough patience to get to know sousuke and once sousuke opens up to him he’d find that makoto is a one of kind kind of person and would protect their friendship at all cost (rip pining sousuke)

What makes me sad about them: the fact that there wasn’t enough canon interaction between them ;o;

things done in fanfic that annoys me: pair the spares like um pls dont treat my babies like leftovers thanks. i mean there’s nothing wrong with second love/rebound love but im just not into characters falling in love with another character while still immensely in love with the previous (unless its meant to be a poly ship). also HATE when sousuke is characterized as abusive. hes an angry boy (and has the right to be) but he isnt abusive or an overly aggressive asshole pls stop. I MUCH PREFER ACTUAL DORKY SOUSUKE THANKS

things I look for in fanfic: UM PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE WRITTEN FOR SOUMAKO. i always look for good characterization and interesting storylines (WHICH BTW ALL YOUR FICS HAVE. YOUR INTERPRETATION OF FREE CHARACTERS IS ALWAYS SO GOOD AND IS ONE OF MY FAVS). im also absolutely weakkkkk for soulmate aus and college aus so that should click bait me easy

My kinks: don’t think I have any for them. what counts as a kink anyways?? like does vanilla talk and dorky teasing count?? because i love tooth rotting fluff even while theyre sexing it up

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: hmmm if i had to choose then Haru for Makoto and Kisumi for Sousuke

My happily ever after for them: tokyo college friends to lovers to dorky happily married with two kids and a cat. sousuke heals his shoulder, makes an appearance at olympics twice before retiring and becoming a coach just like makoto (swimming coach husbands yes). makoto finds happiness with his dream job and while he sometimes misses competitive swimming he looks back with fondness not regret. soumako supporting each other every step of the way. growing old, moving back to iwatobi, and smiling adorably and lovingly at each other as they sit on the beach watching the sunset. ;;v;;

#brickerbeetle #ask meme #ask #long post #CRIES THANK YOU FOR THIS #IM AN EMOTIONAL BEAN NOW #this took way longer to finish than i thought it would haha

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surveysonfleek · 6 years

Text

518.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 28

2601. Do you think cell phones cause cancer? apparently everything causes cancer these days. i don’t know anyone personally who doesn’t have a cell phone, would that mean the chances of getting cancer at at its highest? Are cell phone users more likely to get into car accidents? while using the phone while driving, yes. Do cell phones really interfere with a plane's navigation equipment? apparently so. Are cell phones immune from computer viruses? i don’t think so? Can using a cell phone at a gas station spark a fire? apparently. geez, five questions within one question. cool.

2602. What makes a guy see a chick as less of a cute little girl and more of a woman? i guess if they look older? 2603. What is it about football that makes people want to watch it? the passion, the atmosphere and the game itself? i hate football though lmao. 2604. What is the best show on tv? tbh i think it’s the office. 2605. Are you more of a tape dispenser or a stereo speaker and why? i’m... not sure. 2606. What do you think is overrated? instagram models and most youtubers. What is underrated? people out there trying to make a difference in the world. 2607. Can spiders ump? huh? Did you interpret that as 'jump' or 'hump or 'bump' or other? jump. 2608. What's the matter with adults today? we’re too reliant on technology. 2609. Have you ever worked 'off the books'? no...? 2610. Have you ever worked 9-5? i have before. If not do you think you ever will? i don’t right now, but i’d love to have a normal working schedule like that. i hate working nights. 2611. Do men or woman make better bosses? it honestly just depends on the person. 2612. Do you believe that people should more up through a company or that the higher up positions should be filled by people hired from outseide the company? i think people should be offered to move up in their company since they’re more likely experienced with the ‘smaller’ things. 2613. Why is it that no one seems to care about their job? it’s just a grind, need to work to live, right? 2614. When I go into a store, why doesn't anyone know anything about what they are selling? that just means their training wasn’t in depth enough. 2615. Have you ever seen those people that get that blank, lost expression when they go into a store and kinda shuffle along like zombies? not really? Do you wonder how they got up, dressed themselves, and made it to the store in the first place? ... 2616. When did you/will you graduate college? i graduated in 2013. 2617. When will Eminem stop whining about his bad childhood and move on?? i haven’t heard him whine about that in a long time. 2618. I am drug free. Are you drug free? yes. 2619. I have piercings and am getting tattoos. Do you have either? i have my ears and nose pierced. no desire to get tatts. 2620. Can you REALLY say that your way is the right way? sometimes. Maybe there is a different way for everyone? sure. 2621. What do you think of the song 'Imagine'? it’s soothing and thought provoking. 2622. Can you think of any reason i might have written this, other than I am bored with too much time on my hands? no idea. 2623. What is the purpose of art? i guess to get our visual senses running. How about movies? Music? 2624. Do you think that anything has lost its value because it's become too 'commercial'? What? instagram. before it was just a way to share photos but now it’s a popularity contest. 2625. Have you ever been promoted? no actually lol. fired? not really, more like ‘let go’. they didn’t need me anymore coz their business was failing. 2626. What do you call your private area? Does it have a nickname? vag. and no. 2627. What parts of your body are shaved? armpits, legs and down there. 2628. What is a peachclam? female genitals? 2629. What is the american dream? being successful in america. Is it the same as your dream? no, i don’t like there. 2630. Do you need to be right all the time? no. 2631. There was a sculpture that was supposed to be displayed for a week in the Rockafeller Center in NYC of a falling woman - designed as a memorial to those who jumped or fell to their death from the World Trade Center. It was complained about as grotesque, innopropriate and describe as 'not art' What do you think? 9/11 is still a very sensitive topic, i believe it could be considered art but the negative way it’ll make people feel overpowers its artistic message. It was taken down early because it was seen as 'offensive'. What do you think about that? that totally fair enough. The artist, Fischl, said in a statement. ``It was a sincere expression of deepest sympathy for the vulnerability of the human condition. Both specifically towards the victims of Sept. 11 and towards humanity in general.'' Are people just too sensitive? Or maybe people are NOT sensitive ENOUGH to the idea that others may have different views from them (or from the majority)? i can see it from both ways. She these different, opposing or offensive views be allowed to be expressed freely and openly? Why or why not? i think it’s best if it were in an art gallery instead. more like-minded people would visit it and appreciate it how the artist wanted it to be portrated. 2632. What letter's sound do you like the best? i’ve... never thought about that. 2633. What is one movie charater you identify with and why? none really. 2634. Do you act the same when you are alone as you do when people are watching? not really. 2635. Why is everyone so obssessed with superheros? i don’t knowww. 2636. What cliches do you hear over-used the most? meh. 2637. Do you handle inconvieniences well? not really. i’ll most likely complain. 2638. Are you a fan of Jackie Chan? yeah, he’s funny, talented, charming and does his own stunts lol. 2639. Is a promise a big deal? to me, yes. i don’t take them lightly. 2640. What is your place in the universe? right here. 2641. Once some scientists dug up a woolly mamoth, frozen in ice. It was still completely whole, not rotted or fosilized. The scientists decided to have a dinner party. It was a very posh affair. they served roast woolly mamoth steaks, the rarest meat in all the world. So, if you were invited, would you have eaten it? no. 2642. What are 3 things you DON'T want to know? when im gna die, any ‘truths’ in my family that would make me think differently of them and sob stories in general. 2643. It seems to me that a lot of people don't value their lives, or life in general very highly. Why do you suppose that is? it’s just the way the world works i guess. not everyone wants to eat healthy, work out, strive to be the best person they can be etc. Are you like that? sometimes. 2644. Do you celebrate the harvest moon? no. 2645. Do you believe in out of body experiances? possibly. 2646. Why does so much depend upon a red wheel barrel glazed with rain water beside the white chickens? ok. 2647. Why do so many people get jobs that they dislike? because it’s all about earning money. 2648. Do you think that in THIS world, being creative is a handicap? no? Why or why not? being creative is a blessing and a way to express yourself. 2649. Do you ever get chills or shivers during movies? What movies? not really. 2650. Do you believe in the collective unconsiouss(that people are like onions..the outer layers are individualistic and the deeper you go the more similar we all are)? lol haven’t thought about it that deeply. 2651. Do you think that most people have the qualities you look for in friends/intimate relationships or do you feel alienated? the people i surround myself with are enough. i’m not really looking for new friends. 2652. Are you very critical: of others? yes. of yourself? yes. 2653. Is there such a thing as expecting too much? definitely. 2654. Would you rather take an hour lunch break or skip lunch and get out of work early? ski[ lunch and get off work early, always. 2655. Do you believe that happiness is equal to fakeness? shallowness? joy? something good that happens? an attitude you have inside no matter what happens? idk. 2656. Can you control your emotions? for the most part, yes. have you ever tried? yes. 2657. Imagine you are 34 weeks pregnant. You are healthy and you didn't have any major problems in your pregnancy. Would you consider flying from the UK to Germany, which takes one hour, without a bad feeling that something could go wrong or the baby decides to come out earlier? there would have to be a really good reason that i’m flying in the first place. i usually wouldn’t risk it. 2658. How long do you think it would take you to jog a mile? forever. i’m really unfit. 2659. Word assciation: twilight: wolf. garden: gnome. warm: sun. stars: sky. crash: bandicoot. mold: bathrooms. gold: leaf. green: leaf. lush: garden. 2660. Picture a triangle: Quick! What color is it? orange. Picture a square. Quick! What color is it? blue. Picture a circle. Quick! What color is it? yellow. Why do you think you saw these shapes as these colors? idk lol. 2661. What things are endless? nothing. 2662. Are you ever subtle? i can be. 2663. Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood...some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't conceive of your life without it? How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? How can you fully appreciate these moments, every moment, when it all seems limitless? ~Paul Bowles excerpt from The Sheltering Sky 2664. Do you never have an ordinary day? yes. 2665. Do you embrace every single thing you've never known? not everything. 2666. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a satanist? no lol. 2667. Can stress sometimes be good? if you work well under stress, then yeah. 2668. Write something random, just whatever flows out of your head without thinking. Forget punctuation just try to type as fast as you think: okay, this is getting boring. 2669. Are you a musical snob? yes. How about a film snob? no. 2670. When you were in school did you learn to think or repeat? think. 2671. Do you have everything you need to be happy? not yet. If not, what is missing? a direction. 2672. Would you take a very casualy dropped 'maybe I should just kill myself' as a warning ssign? yes, for sure. 2673. What does the word 'ironic' mean? Can you give an example of an ironic situation? no. 2674. What did you see today that was beautiful in an ordinary way? a plane flying through the sky. 2675. Have you ever been on the edge of the night? no? 2676. Do you feel oppressed in some way? no. 2677. Who do you think shot JFK? idk. Who do you think shot Martin Luthar King? idk. Why do you think they got shot? haters. 2679. Are you aware that although only about 14 percent of the american total population is black, that about 70 percent of the people in jail in america are black? Why do you think that is? a large part of it is racism, surely. a lot of the stuff in the media basically proves it. What conclusion can you draw based on this? whatever. 2678. Do you think that the culture you live in is completely open to all ideas and forms of expression? hell no. australia is one of the most narrow minded countries that’s very developed. tell me otherwise, please. 2680. What do you think of the character (muppet) on sesame street that has aids and should this kind of a theme be explored in children's television? it’s good. and yes, i feel like children should be educated on the different backgrounds and situations people in the world can be in. 2681. Are you dyslexic? no. 2682, Can you construct a bong out of: household objects? sure. an apple? sure. your cat? i dont have a cat. 2683. Starwars, star trek or star gate? none. 2684. Windows or mac? mac. 2685. Do you start conversations or wait for other people to start them? it depends who it is. 2686. How many phallac symbols can you think of? plenty. 2687. Would you but tickets to see the top ten american idols sing live? no. 2688. A bird may love a fish...but where would they live? on the shore. 2689. Are you a hologram or a misfit? none. 2690. How are you oriented sexually? straight. Do you agree with the people who say that everyone is bi-sexual even if they don't want to admit it? i think preferences are purely dependant on the person. you can’t label anyone but yourself. 2691. If you are the only human on the planet of the apes do you have sex with an ape? i don’t know. 2692. If you are making out with a sex someone and you reach down and find they have a fish tail instead of legs do you still fool around with them? no. 2693. Does superman wear kryptonite condoms? idk. 2694. Do you know exactly where you are? Do you know the meaning of it all? Do you know the distance to the sun? Do you know the echo that is love? *yawn* 2694. Do you believe you are: extraordinary? Blessed? Cursed? Won? lame lol. 2695. What are you doing this weekend? not sure yet. definitely going out on sunday night though. 2696. Do you believe that black people should get money to make up for their previous enslavement? the ones who have been freed, yes definitely. Do you believe that all oppressed people should get money to make up for their oppression? yes. 2697. What's a quagmire? that guy from family guy. 2698. Is philosophy a science or can everyone have their own philosophy? to each their own. 2699. Are you a big fish in a small pond? no. 2700. Would you like to read an entire novel written in stream of consciousness form? idk.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

0 notes

6angel6babie6 · 5 years

Text

stealing this

i am stealing this from

daddy

my best friend

tumblr user @bugmouths

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

Gemini Feed by Banks

Just the Same by Empress Of

What Are We Gonna Do Now by Indigo de Sousa

The Sun is Bad by Indigo De Sousa

700 Club by Nicole Dollanganger

A Sunday Kind of Love by Etta JAmes

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Harry Styles :/

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“You’re entrusted with equipment that costs a fortune” - Dear John

4: What do you think about most?

My friends and my sister

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Its two pictures of a writer that @bugmouths sent me

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Absolutely not

7: What’s your strangest talent?

Imitating voices

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider boys go to college to get more knowledge

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

No :(

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I don’t even know

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

SPIDERS

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Yeah a ds stylus, q-tips, coke

13: What’s your religion?

I don’t rlly know… catholic alligned??

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Smoking

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

La Dispute

17: What was the last lie you told?

I told my friends that i had plans with that i couldn’t hang out lol n

18: Do you believe in karma?

Yes

19: What does your URL mean?

That i used to be a popular slut who felt evil but now its not rlly true.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Weakness: my mental health and clinginess. Strengths: I’m caring

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

I have no many

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

absolutely not

23: How do you vent your anger?

I cry and isolate myself and drink

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

I have really cool old envelopes

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Facetiming

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate: chewing specifically sticky things. Love: trains

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if i had an childhood

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Absolutely to both

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right: a pillow Left: my wall

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

It smells fresh cause my window is open

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Arizona i fucking loathe it there

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

I’ve never seen east, so west.

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Harry styles

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

No idea

36: Define Art.

idk

37: Do you believe in luck?

yes

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Cold and windy

39: What time is it?

8:59

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Yes, and no i haven’t

41: What was the last book you read?

I don’t remember honestly…

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

yes

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Dani is my nickname hehe

44: What was the last film you saw?

It was…. Hm. I dont know. The Nun?

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I broke my leg :(

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

Probably a lot

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

p….an?

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Absolutely

50: Do you believe in magic?

yes

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Not frequently

52: What is your astrological sign?

Scorpio :)

53: Do you save money or spend it?

SPEND

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

Mac n cheese and pizza rolls

55: Love or lust?

Um both. But lust cause its easier.

56: In a relationship?

57: How many relationships have you had?

Like 4 real ones

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Yes

59: Where were you yesterday?

At my grandmas

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

My vibrator

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

62: What’s your favourite animal?

snakes!!!!

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

“Baby and angel energy” im also funny

64: Where is your best friend?

On ft with me at their house

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@bugmouths muah

66: What is your heritage?

Half mexican half irish

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

I was texting maria and dozing off, watching youtube

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Starts with a V

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Literally too often

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I think so

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog probably

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I would tell my sister and my friends b) tell everyone how i feel ab them lol c) no

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Sleeping lessons by the shins

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

lol

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Idk i’m really bad at relationships

77: How can I win your heart?

Literally give me attention

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

sometimes

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Um idk.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

Big ones for tall ppl

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

My name? idk

82: What is your favourite word?

I really dont know

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Too big

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

I love you

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Whatever is playing on the other end of this ft

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Mmm lately like white and yellow and pink

87: What is your current desktop picture?

It’s the factory nature pics, i haven’t changed it

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Me lol

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

I’m not even putting the question down bc i get nervous thinking abt it

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

cry

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

teleportation

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

… picking out baby names on my old best friends bed with her and my ex…

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Um my trauma lol.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

I want namjoon to give me the most gentle dick down imaginable

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

God im annoying. Minnesota

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Yes i hope he rots

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

nope

98: Ever been on a plane?

yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Are you mad at me

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julucid · 6 years

Text

Feb 18'18 / F8 / Room - Net - Clay

we were stuck, held captives in a room. i dont understand the situation, since there's no real danger, or maybe the thing just didnt show me any at this part of the dream. but we were scared. scared enough not to dare attempt anything. we never saw the outside since the windows were covered with heavy curtains, but it wasnt barred off or covered up with wood so it was basically just down to us not even wanting to touch the windows. i dont understand this dream since as obedient as we were of all these unspoken rules, we beat the shit out if the guy keeping us there. i want so badly to describe him but i cant picture anything human at this point. the last thing i remember about him was that he didnt do anything to harm us and he didnt seem physically threatening. i still cant see a person. idk what happened but we had a chance, and we managed to subdue him or maybe he was sleeping and i kinda feel like he was pretending to be helpless too. like hes just letting us try for the fuck of it to laugh at us. and we turn him into jelly. idk how. but if you reverse the process, he's back into his "harmful" form, which is a handful of beans----jellybelly candy lmao.

i shouldve written this down when i woke up earlier, this and the two other dreams (now fragments :c) but i woke up from a nightmare and i tried to deal with it like all the usual nightmares, try to forget it instantly. and i especially didnt want to touch this fucking recent one cause it had a similar theme as the last log, and its something to do with Glenn dying. and i still dont know how my dreams work whether or not they're just that, passing dreams, or fucking next level warnings, i dont even want to fucking figure that shit out. but its been mostly of him in his younger self too. idk if i should feel better for that.

the guy i heard him laughing but it wasnt clear, like it was just an echo in my head. and we already melted him down to liquid jelly, and i think we screwed up and missed a step or did it in a wrong time. and we were panicking cause we didnt know what else to do and sooner or later he would come back and idk its back to feeling vulnerable.

//// ////

im in a different room, i could see the outside now. theres dust all over the furniture and some of them smelled musty and looked like they were rotting, so i thought i was in an abandoned building. by the look its surroundings, i guessed a factory. i was with someone else i didnt know who it was at first, it all happened so fast. theres been so much that happened before this and i know we were just escaping, so i thought it was somehow connected to the first dream.

i looked outside the window with broken glass shards stuck to it and i saw young glenn, with a bunch of other kids. they look like they were in 2nd grade elementary. they were in a building were the walls werent there---maybe it was unfinished, or it was in the middle of getting torn down. they were in one of those rooms without a wall, and the only thing keeping them from falling was this metal thing. it looks like a bug screen except the squares "holes" were as big as the volleyball net square spaces. so they were all pressing their faces against it. idk what they were trying to achieve but the kids were pushing outwards by slamming their bodies against the metal screen. i didnt like the way they did it with no expressions on their faces, as if they meant to get hurt. and glenn didnt seem like he wanted to do the same thing--they surrounded him, keeping him trapped in the very middle, the first to fall. and they did fall. i saw the screen bend and bend until whatever it was keeping it nailed on to the building gave in.

i dont know how i was able to see this as if i had a telescope aimed at them, but once they fell, it zoomed back out and i couldnt see what was going on. but i did know that they didnt hit the ground. SOMEHOW, the metal screen caught them all hanging in the air. but what terrified me is that they all stopped moving, and i swore i saw their skin changed to a darker purple.

next thing i know ive already crawled out another broken window, my clothes were torn and there was a wet feeling on the side of my stomach. the guy that was with me was already ahead, idk how he got out before me when i was through the window first. we were in the second floor of the building and there was this wall we had to climb down. on the top of it were these barbed wires, but they had a weird look to them. they were white, not shiny silver, and for some reason we knew they werent sharp but mere elastic plastic. he went through first, going under 2 layers of barb wires. and thats when i noticed his face, its GLENN but he was his current age now. i didnt think about it too much and just followed. i thought climbing through the wires would take longer so i just took a hoodie that i didnt even know i had. put it it on top of the wires and let my body sit on it and just fall down. the wires bended like rubber like i knew it would. and i was on the floor. its a busy street. i saw a couple of people in the distance and i was crying now. i couldnt even talk i kept yelling help me help me as best as i could with my sharp breaths. they were laughing and was caught off guard and they hesitated and i never really saw them get up to move. but i knew that they wouldve figured it out too late. i saw the building that the younger glenn and the kids were still hanging lifelessly. they were so far. so so so far and my knees were already tired. i felt my breathing slow down and i thought my heart stopped beating as well. i didnt know i was still saying help me repeatedly and i forced myself to wake up.

//// ////

i dont remember falling back asleep cause i know i woke up hearing glenn laughing, probably playing fortnite but i know i wouldnt have dared to go back to sleep after that shit

im outside i didnt get the chance to look around and observe since i was busy. i think its a school function since everyone was wearing black uniforn and i wore a long pleated skirt with a button up shirt. theres an event going on, everyone else is outside and they're all crowded up where theres hardly any space to see where you're walking. i was in the very edge of that group, surrounded by a smaller seperate group of people. im sitting down and theres a small, low, square shaped table in front of me. the stool was pretty short too so everyone around me, towered over, blocking the sun light. i couldnt tell if i was selling, or just showcasing my stuff, but i had these clay art. i think they were also edible cause i remember thinking of them as cookies--but they looked like normal playdo consistency. they were neon colored and i remember them mostly being circle and rectangle shaped, size of playing cards, flat, but the designs were like tiny paintings. the first portion of the dream was pretty calm, i forgot what happened with the other dreams and i was even almost entirely happy. i saw familiar faces from school and people i havent talked to in a while, and we chatted like we were actually catching up with our irl lives through the dream.

after i while it was time to pack up. and i think i was either giving away the rest for free, or selling them for sale to finish up fast. but not even 5 minutes after i just finished saying that, theres already been a handful of people from the crowd who snatched them up and left without even awknowledging me. i got so mad that i ended up throwing a tantrum in ways that could only be possible in dreams, i was flipping cars that werent there and i think i even had a full tub of popcorn in my hand idk how tf it got there or why there were even any and i was just throwing the popcorn at peoples faces. i was cursing everyone forgot what i said by now lmaooo but i remember the feeling of my throat, punching out each and every one of those words. and i think it was along the lines of whats the point, like why did i even take the time to make those clayartcookies and then just left the rest on the table.

the end parts of the dream was me walking away crying-- couldnt even see shit in front of me so i found myself walking up the stairs (it was like a floor of a neighborhood streets and above is even more neighborhood streets?) and this one guy that was in the group saw everything and was trying to cheer me up. he kept on going on and on, and i dont know why he didnt give up. half of the dream was me listening to him try to re-motivate me or just to get a smile out of me. i got so guilty that he was putting up so much effort in the dream---it mustve only lasted a moment irl, but it felt like hours of him walking up the stairs with me. i just woke up cause that was the only i knew he would stop and be free lmao.

#dream log

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