#I'm very insecure about how i look

[chirpsythismorning]

☎️🎲 🤼‍♂️ ✈️🚪 ➡️ 🫀🎮⌛️

The Promise by When In Rome

previous ⏪ now playing ⏩ next back to playlist

#byler #stranger things #bizarre love triangle playlist #mike wheeler #mike's pov #this song has so much going on i don't even know where to start #'when you need a friend don't look to a stranger. you know in the end i'll always be there' #feels very reminiscent of mike's insecurity at the end of s3 about will finding another party aka new friends aka a new best friend #angela might not have been who mike thought she was but that insecurity that will moved on from the party (mike) is still present #mostly because mike still doesn't know about will's true life in lenora (probably too scared to find out will is happier outside of hawkins #and so he wants to make clear to will that he's always going to be there #'and when you're in doubt. and when you're in danger. take a look all around. and i'll be there' #pretty self explanatory. #'when your day is through. and so is your temper. you know what to do. i'm gonna always be there' #even if will breaks down (s3/s4) and tells mike everything that he's feeling and it backfires #mike is always going to try to make it right (minus s3 blatantly... for angsty endgame reasons...) #'i'm sorry but i'm just thinking of the right words to say. i know they don't sound the way i planned them to be' #mike may not be the best with words in the moment #but that doesn't mean what he's feeling and thinking is foreign to him #he's constantly battling his feelings and how to communicate them. like that's the whole problem in and of itself #sometimes (usually) when mike's put on the spot he lashes out and then he has to overcorrect it #but will is really the one that mike makes the effort right after wronging him to promise they will get through it together #he might not be able to fully realize (accept) the implications of that right now... #but what the promise is telling us is is that no matter what they go through #mike will always see will in his future at the end of all of this #the ending of s3 was the promise hidden in the subtext of their friendship and s4 continues that #'i promise you. i promise you i will' #'we will. we will.' #4x04 #gif

[fuckmeyer]

hot tip: EXCLUSIVE behind-the-scenes content available to those who livechat my fic to me

#you will learn more about me than you ever wanted to know #(apart from my crippling insecurities and traumas which are WHOLLY evident in text) #DID YOU KNOW?: just like Bella i also shot a man with a bow and arrow 🥰 except i'm currently serving 5 years no parole #jk jk #sadly the Buffalo Wild Wings date was very real #we met on Tinder. (you already know where this is going) #he drove AN HOUR AND A HALF to meet me for the first time #i specifically sent the text 'you really shouldn't drive all that way.' to no avail #i refuse several offers to get picked up for the date. a bitch don't compromise on safety #we get there. we talk about the weather. and the drive. and how much we like Buffalo Wild Wings #he talks about how humanities degrees are worthless. (i was attending a liberal arts school. for an English degree.) #rounded the night off by discussing his favorite social media: 4chan. #he proceeds to explain IN DEPTH his favorite memes and shitposts. this man is verbally illustrating greentexts #oh and BY THE WAY he's christian and looking for a tradwife #the date lasted 45 minutes. i have never hawked down 15 mango habenaro wings so fast. #at the end of the date he went for a kiss. instead i patted him on the shoulder. #i went to my car and waited until he drove away before i went home. #never talked to the guy again #yike #got free wings tho

[kyouka-supremacy]

—

#random rambles #Technically I'm done with this month's header since yesterday. #Practically I've been feeling so insecure about it I've been procrastinating looking for an icon or uploading it at all #Like it *was* natural to have a downgrade in themes I've said it myself a lot of times. After 24+ themes it's understandable I'd run out– #of inspiration (or even simply material) for the very cool stuff #That said. I did very much spend the whole entire day from when I woke up to when I (started studying at past 2am) went to sleep on it #That's what I get for working with the anime tbh. Bones artstyle is ugly there's little to be done about it #While making it I also came up with other two themes concepts. #One is probably going to replace September's plan and the other idk will probably slid to the next year #Idk looking at this year's planned themes lineup it all feels full of things I'm not skilled enough to make... #On top of everything this February's theme wasn't even what I had initially planned!! The one I had initially planned was a chapter 33 pane #Idk why I didn't follow up with it. Maybe I've just grown to think manga panels are too simple (terrible choice) (rip) #I think the thing that bugs me with both the initially picked image and the anime header I made yesterday– #is that there's no smooth transition with the blog. And I know it's not a big deal but pretty much all my themes do and it's bothering me.. #And it shouldn't. Like nearly everyone uses an header that is sharply separate from the blog and they make it work #Uhm.............. #Idk I should be studying besides. #I think I'll either go looking for an icon and see how the overall theme looks on the blog. Maybe I'll like it better then. #Or I'll just start over and see if I can use the ch 33 panel I had in mind and see if I'll like THAT better #It'd just be a shame if after all the time I've spent on it yesterday I'd just let it lie unused on my computer #There's also the fact that black and white of the manga doesn't feel very February-esque... (Don't ask) #Ugh. I hate looking for icons it's always the worst part 😭😭😭 #I was considering the last Beast Atsushi illustration (because ofc I was) but idk. Idk if I can make it work. #And part of me is also like “don't use beautiful Hoshikawa Beast Atsushi on an ugly theme” LOL #But I also suffer heavily from the lack of Beast in this year's lineup. #Okay rant over. Shutting up now #Edit: If this month's theme is ugly please be kind #Edit 2: Jk I've found like four icons. Maybe I'm just very dramatic

[moe-broey]

Something something about how Moe is both and neither due to its failure to perform or achieve "either" set of gendered expectations, regardless of its own personal feelings of gender identity (which is complex in and of itself), which results in it ultimately fitting in nowhere.

#moe tag #like moe's identity is exclusively masculine but its 'doing it wrong' on purpose. fag style. #and in this performance it still doesn't quite fit with the men. it's ultimately something else. #and ofc there is the failure to adhere to cis feminity/expectations. it's doing it wrong bc it was never capable of doing that correctly #even if it 'seemed' like it was. it wasn't. #i think this is why moe has become such a fascinating way for me to express and explore my own gender identity #where there are significant differences. moe is literally just more well-written LMFAOOOO #like what do you mean you're a feminine trans man. that you're exclusively a man when you look Like That. #moe just cuts to the chase by being genderqueer and therefore 'other' by default. #and the way that it is does very much feel like the way i experience my gender despite my own view of myself #even though i'm a man. i'll never be 'a man' in the same way the average joe is. hell i bet there are other transmen #who 'achieve' manhood in a way i cannot. which isn't really a judgement or an insecurity for me like more power to them #it's just me expressing objectively that no matter how easy it is for me to view myself the way i do #i'm always going to be subjected to the perception of others. some will get it. some won't. #and that's sort of what i mean about being 'othered' despite my own view of myself/ #despite moe's own view of itself. again it's just so much more easy and concise to explain w moe bc its identity #exists outside of the binary. while a huge core of mine is that it DOES exist in the binary. i'm just a faggot about it LMFAO

[mashasxart]

do u ever have A Thing you like about your own artwork that also nevertheless kind of embarrasses you or otherwise makes you look at your art as Less Than in some way

#idk i'm thinking about how sketchy and Unfinished my drawings kind of look or just Are ghfie #i like that! it's very fun to do! but sometimes it just makes me feel Some Kinda Way bc i don't really Do big ambitious drawings anymore #idk i feel like i can't emphasize Enough that i'm not feeling insecure exactly ._. #ig i just wonder sometimes if it looks unpolished or unrefined or something. if it makes me seem lazy #i only draw for fun these days but once i wanted to get into doing art as a career #would teen!me be disappointed?? idk

[coquelicoq]

my sister has me watching this french reality dating show and the subtitles always take a little while to kick in so at the beginning i'm just like mes amis...i do not know what you are yelling at each other...can u fight a little slower...pour moi...un petit ralentissement s'il vous plaît...un peu plus d'articulation...fâchez-vous si vous insistez, mais tranquillement...

#they're like i'm mad at you! therefore i am going to say one thousand words within one minute and only pronounce a third of the syllables. #that's fine. do what you need to do. but until the subtitles kick in can u maybe just stick to dirty looks or something 😩 #literally when francophones talk fast i can't even tell they're speaking french anymore lol #i'm like dang what is this mysterious language? sounds tight #my sister loves reality dating shows and i...do not. but the premise of this one was sufficiently different that i agreed to watch #the first episode. and even though i think the people are all ridiculous i was like okay let's see where this goes #not sure i'm gonna make it much further though. the drama has started in earnest #and the problem is that the show is for couples where one of them wants to get married and the other one doesn't #so they come on the show and like swap partners and then at the end of some amount of time the person who didn't want to get married #goes back to their original partner and either says okay i'm ready to marry you (& they get married) (assuming the partner still wants to) #or i still don't want to marry you (and they break up) #and what i want to happen is for all of them to break up. because i think anyone who goes on a reality show because they can't agree #about whether to get married should not be getting married or probably even dating each other. #HOWEVER. i don't like how sad everyone is in the meantime!!!! everybody's watching their partner flirt with other people and #some of them are feeling very insecure about it! that's hard to watch #i really am just not cut out for reality dating shows lol. but my good ol' sis just keeps trying #television #anyway i thought 'fâchez-vous plus tranquillement' and was like oh tee hee hee that's funney

[elenadoeslife]

your first love hits different

#another day another vent-in-the-tags post #i came across a picture of me and my fiest boyfriend of five years today. picture must've been 10 years old at this point #found many more pictures of him and us on my dad's old pc #i can just feel my body pull and heart ache when i look at him in the pictures #wondering what my life would've looked like if i hadn't broken things off between us #we tried to stay friends and a couple of months later we went for a drink. when daying goodbye he moved in to kiss me #i was hesitant and stepped away. he couldn't bare having me in his life while not being together so he cut off all contact #don't get me wrong in any of my thoughts- i love babe whole heartedly and he's the only man for me now and in my future #it's just that nagging feeling burried deep. the 'what if's. what if i felt more confident about my body back then? #what if i hadn't moved on so quickly? what if i had let him kiss me? #i tried texting him telling him i was approved for gbp surgery (i broke things off because i was very insecure about my body) #he congratulated me and sincerely wished me all the happiness in the world but also asked me not to contact him again after this #it's been 7-ish years but every now and then i wonder how he's doing and what he's up to #he doesn't really have social media apart from facebook (and that page is private) and i only stayed in touch with his former best friend #but i'm not gonna ask him because i know they haven't spoken in years either #i've had plenty more relationships after him but i rarely ever think about those guys #am i okay? is this normal? lol #i should get my head out of this rabbit hole asap #add: the picture is almost 15 years old lol. my math ain't mathing. we met in 2009. not that it's important #i think i just moved on too quickly and didn't allow myself time & space to grieve. that's why he keeps popping up in my thoughts now & then

[13eyond13]

.

#been thinking about genetics and nature vs nurture and all this sort of stuff a lot lately #and just contemplating why people are the way they are and how much is sort of hardwired vs learned etc. #anyway I'm definitely wayyyy more like my dad than my mom and i think i have actually learned to become sort of the ideal companion #for people like my mom #because my mom is the harder to please and stronger personality in the household who is way more obviously emotional and sensitive #and i empathized with her automatically in a sort of female solidarity way as the household is all boys otherwise #but anyway i know im just naturally like my dad in disposition and humour and looks and everything else but i also know i probably studied #how he handles my mom and her outbursts and insecurities and learned to react to it similarly to him as well #she's a very odd mix of one of the most empathetic kindest people you'll ever meet and also incredibly critical and sensitive to criticism #and she barely ever will tell you you did a good job at anything and will point out mostly only the bad stuff or flaws in whatever you do #yet also HATES that her own mom is exactly the same way and was traumatized by that growing up herself #i honestly 100% believe her mom (my grandma) is undiagnosed autistic and simply doesnt even realize how she comes off but it really #affected my mom growing up and now she is constantly on alert for anything that could possibly be a critique of her and will throw you #under the bus instead if you ever say something even remotely close to negative about her or arent extremely thoughtful about showing up #to the multiple events she hosts every single week #anyway the way my dad usually reacts is just being extremely quiet and steady and dry humoured in reaction to this and when she starts #critiquing him and bringing up all his past failures as a way of making herself feel better about her own bad self esteem he kind of just #takes it and doesnt take it personally because he knows shes doing it for low self esteem reasons #even though its not really fair to him and she would absolutely hate anybody doing the same to her #when i think of my dad's gentle quietness and humour and how much he hates being aggressive or critical i think of when we played a #board game called qwelf once and in the game he was made to act like a drill sergeant and scold and yell at all of us as we moved #our pieces around the board and the best he could do was to mutter stuff like 'get your buns in gear there soldier!' #it makes me lol to remember it my god he simply can't it's the most unnatural thing for him in the world #anyway i always wonder how much of my similarities to him are just genes and how much are learning from him #by watching and admiring and mimicking #because having nieces shows me that kids are absolutely little sponges who try to do everything they see you doing without even knowing #if it's a good thing to be mimicking or not and that can be a bit of a terrifying responsibility as the adult #i am glad i learned good coping mechanisms from dad and how to handle unfair criticism and lack of praise in stride as well but #something i had to teach myself as an adult was how to have healthy boundaries and be assertive when i feel like im being treated poorly #because my parents are both huge people pleasers who struggle with it themselves

[angeltism]

when 99% of the content of one of uur fragments is weird icky stuff

#➳ the fool speaks #yes tumblr i follow this character tag. because i am this character. can uu stop showing me ONLY 18+ material!!!! #i'll blog the x rea.der tag for this specific fragment (nat.asha h.sr) but like #there's gotta be sfw stuff to. some cute art? right? or is everybun just perverted and only likes me for their gross fantasies? #uhggh. i know i know i'll just. as i said. block the 18+ x read.er tag. or maybe the general tag for that fragment. but it's still #kinda distressing because nyeow i'm kinda scared to actually go see the tag. IS there fanart? one per 100 sm.ut fics? #what. uu gonna make me go kiss sam.po? how about uu just. draw. normal things. i'm nawt even against ship art i don't want it to sound that #way i just. in my mems. view sam.po as an annoying brother. and i find content of me and him to be distressing. i've blocked the tag but #just knowing that if i go to my tag it'll be like 99% things i don't like to see and 1% cute or nice or pretty normal art. #makes me feel ugh #anyways tag blocking time. also adding sa.mpota.sha to my do nawt look bc i've realized in this moment that it is genuinely ew 4 me so. jic #and nothing wrong w writing stuff like that i'm just SO ANNOYED that it seems like 99% of ANY CONTENT OF ME IS *THAT* #do ya'll even like me/her as a character... #ps. very insecure abt beings liking me for weird shit irl too bc of. things. so if it seems i care too much abt this. kindly fuck off!

[theghostofashton]

.

#that post about blaine being asian got me thinking and i just. #do not know how to explain to people how violent it is that blaine existing with his curly hair with his natural texture #was called a terrorist #not even getting into the atrocity that was 3x19 #like......i'm very sensitive about this as someone who spent years ironing my hair straight to fit in with all the white girls #bc my hair was same as his poofy and frizzy and curly i didn't know how to take care of it so it was a giant puffball #and the way people looked at me and called me unruly made me so self-conscious i felt like all i could do was straighten it #that's why i included that aspect in blood and fire bc straightening and 'taming' our hair is something so common for so many poc #it avoids unwanted questions and helps us blend in more #but it also makes you so insecure over the fact that your hair doesn't actually look like that that you have to change it #bc people have told you it's bad or makes you look bad #which aligns so closely with blaine's anxiety and fear over not being able to use hair gel #just........christ i don't see this talked about a lot and it's disgusting of the writers #and it still makes me feel gross lmfao

[lanotteviene]

(body image tw)

it is almost dizzying how ugly - in the sense of both aesthetically and also. in a general way, slightly repulsive and weird-looking - I've been feeling lately, and yet seeing 1 picture of disha patani, a woman i look nothing alike if not for our prominent features, has made me feel bizarrely soothed 

#i have had a few solid years of positive body image #despite feeling very insecure due to weight loss I never fully disliked how I looked - rather I didn't like it /much/ and felt a bit anxious #about my general weakness but. nothing major #now I'm definitely feeling antsier about it :) #body image #body image tw

[varricscrossbowbianca]

reading victora pedretti's recent interview about mental health and body image and her saying how awful the algorithm on insta and other social media platforms is and that she even researched the buccal fat removal trend and realized that everyone kind of starts to look the same

#victoria pedretti #also her saying that she has a complex relationship with her body #it really doesnt matter how pretty you are #everyone has struggles with their looks i guess? #damn #. ramblings #. honestly felt that #. i also have a complicated relationship with my body #. just yesterday when i took some pics of myself my nose seemed so huge from the side #. and i felt so bad about myself #. and i thought '' do other people see my nose like this too?'' #. and it made me sad that my nose isn't small and that in some angles (or when the camera is too close) it can look too big for my face #. its also strange because i like big noses on other people #i just feel like my face is too small for a prominent nose idk #. i have to add though that there's only been very few people who have commented badly on my nose with the intention of making me insecure #. and it does hurt #. i wish people would stop commenting like that on other people's bodies #. and i hope i can love myself and my body for what it is #. like there are days when i'm fine #. but some days are roughhhh

[tardis--dreams]

Doctors commenting on patients' attractiveness. Don't. Please. Jesus christ

#everytime i go to a doctor they unlock a new chest of weirdness i didn't even consider could be unlocked #my boy was very chatty and when he learned i studied linguistics started talking about forensic linguistics for about 5 mins #and then went on to ask me whether i was certain if i took my meds every day #which is fair enough #still a little condescending after 4 times of assuring him i do in fact take it every morning without anything else #anyway #after his little ultrasound we were sitting back at his desk and he just looks at me and goes #'how are you doing? are you alright?' to which i reply 'yes?' to which he replies 'you are so quiet and reserved' #to which i reply 'yeah that's just my personality' to which he replies 'are you an insecure person?' to which i reply 'maybe haha' #TO WHICH HE REPLIES #'you don't need to be. you study something great‚ you are good looking/attractive. no need to be shy' #BROTHER #No #I'm pretty sure it was meant to be a compliment but have you considered it is ✨️inappropriate✨️ #also just the comment on me being quiet #or insecure #like wtf do you want from me???

[earmuffstar]

i miss sanders sides

#i was watching putting others first again and getting emotional #janus' name reveal. roman sinking out. logans insecurity. patton and janus' partnership. #the way they work together and hate each other and how it reflects the way a person's internal monologue and inner conflict might look #with a healthy sprinkiling of philosophy and musical numbers #and its really nice to watch a series like this where the actor is an actual actor and singer #because all the different characters are so distinct. and you can analyze their microexpressions #i have to believe the team is facing the same motivation/pressure/whatever as the ds/mp people #because theyve both had a massive drop in new content. and i understand. but i am very sad about it. #its such a Good series and concept while also offering itself to be a good fandom space #in my opinion i appreciate the production quality but i'm really there for the characters and their arcs #not how good the camera shots are or the videogame cutscenes #i appreciate it but it is so much more secondary to just being able to progress the storyline yknow? #by this point its 2022 and the last 'official' episode came out 2019... im just sad. its like when a fanfic doesnt update for 6 years #sanders sides crit #i guess... its not really crit its just me going on a nostalgia trip and being very sad #sanders sides #<- for people who have it blacklisted im sorry if it shows up in the main tags

[yikez]

me : *constantly talks to him* *asks for advice* *shows him exams from other classes* *tries to get his attention* *tries to get him to compliment me* *vaguely tells him about my issues so he asks about it*

also me : surely he doesn't know i see him as a father figure 😋👍

#btw despite trying all this he doesn reciprocate #i mean kinda #i mean it's complicated #like i told him a guy in my class who is very right wing makes me uncomfortable because of the things he says #and when that guy called somone gay as an insult and called someone the r slur my teacher got realllyyyyy mad #cuz he knows I'm a lesbian and I've hinted at thinking i might be nd #and my friend who sits next to me is actually ND soooo that didn't fly well with my teacher and I'm so happy he said something #and he immediately looked at me after!!!! i was having a really bad day that day and it made it so much better #but like whenever i say something mean about myself #like not in a compliment fishing way but rather as a I'm insecure so it just comes out of my mouth way #he doesn't disagree #and i know as a teacher you generally shouldn't be the one person to therapize your student #but like a little don't say that about yourself would be great #also I'm like the best in his class but I'm a perfectionist because of that and i keep being 1 point away from full points #and like he just makes fun of me for it #i know he means it nicely and that's just his humor and why i like him in the first place #but I've never gotten a good job from him #maybe he's just not a complimenting type?? i wish he would say one single nice thing about me though #he DOES recommend me a bunch of stuff and we talk a lot and that's probably how he shows he cares #so I'm trying to get used to that instead of expecting words of affirmations #teacher crush community #tcc #father figure teachers

[stop-watches-and-sorcerers]

The PJO series casting announcements have gotten me thinking about adaptations & why people are so intense about being “book accurate.” Long post ahead.

Okay so first off obviously a lot of the people who are upset about Annabeth’s casting are just being racist (not everyone — if you simply imagined her differently in the books and are not being a dick about it this is not about you, though I do think that people saying things like ‘I’m sure she’s a great actress but I just can’t see her as Annabeth’ should maybe think a little harder about why that is). I don’t want to take away from that conversation, but it’s been getting me thinking about adaptations and the concept of “book accuracy” in general.

A lot of people are obviously really hellbent on having every aspect of an adaptation being exactly like the original. I was certainly like that when I was younger. Little 11 year old me was mad as hell that Daniel Radcliffe had blue eyes instead of green, and I certainly get why people care about physical features - you’ve envisioned this character a certain way for years and years and you want that character to come to life exactly how you imagined. But that’s just not realistic in an adaption. Everyone has different ideas of how characters look in their head, and besides, an adaption is not going to be a copy/paste of the original! There are always going to be aspects of an adaptation that don’t line up with how you imagined it.  

I think that part of wanting to have things exactly the same is just an inherent desire to see your own imagination come to life, but I honestly have started to think that part of this fear of any sort of change in an adaption comes from having so many disappointing, bad adaptions. I think that a lot of people have conflated bad writing that disrupts the story at its core with having any changes from the original whatsoever.

An adaptation will always have changes because of available actors, set & CGI limitations, and because some things just work better for a visual medium vs a written one. A good adaptation will change things in a way that keeps the characters and story intact, but it will still have changes. Often, it actually needs changes to be effective in the new medium (a good general example is animated to live action adaptations that attempt to keep the same physical expressions - animated facial expressions are generally more exaggerated on purpose, and trying to replicate that exactly in live action usually just ends up looking goofy).

I’ve been looking at the His Dark Materials series lately as a pretty good adaption. Without going into too much detail so as to avoid spoilers, there are certainly things that I still didn’t like (particularly some of the dialogue and worldbuilding in s1) but there are some major changes that I think really worked, like introducing Will in season 1 instead of at the beginning of 2 like in the books. Lyra and Will also look nothing like their character descriptions - Lyra has curly blond hair and her and Will are supposed to look enough alike to pass as siblings, but none of that is the same in the show and none of it matters. I have no trouble seeing them as Lyra and Will - they embody the characters perfectly imo, and I am saying that as someone who was originally pretty disappointed that Lyra did not look like how I imagined her and was concerned I wouldn’t be able to see her as the character. 

Anyways, this is a really long rambling post but I just think that people should try to be more open-minded about changes in an adaption, especially one that’s coming out over 15 years after it was originally released. Things are going to change and that’s good! That can be exciting if you let it be. I understand wanting an exact replica of what you had in your head, but that’s not really what an adaptation is for. I think that if people viewed adaptations not as an exact replica of the original, but as a new version of the same characters and stories, they might have a better time. Sometimes change is actually a good thing. 

#also you can still have whatever headcanon you want for how book characters look without being a dick to real actors!! #should go without saying but apparently it can't #pjo #adaptations #headcanons #op #might delete later i'm very insecure about posting stuff lol i don't think i've made an original post on here in like 2 years