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kromaticglass · 6 months

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I've been sitting on this for a while because I'm not usually one for writing out my thoughts on characters in media that I like but honestly I need to yell about just how much I love Wriothesley as a character and how his story is written.

Don't get me wrong, I love Scaramouche, and I love his story arc, but there's something about this absolutely horrific past that Wriothesley grew up in and despite everything that should have made him a bitter person, he's so selfless. Selfless to the point of completely overturning a system that had been working in it's own horrific manner for hundreds of years as a teenager/young adult in order to make it better and actively work on fixing people, not just let them fall between the cracks of a society that sent them away to be forgotten.

Putting this under a read more because I'm going to yell about this a lot.

When we're first learning about Wriothesley we're introduced to the fact that he was an orphan. This brings up questions to start with; how was he first orphaned? By the sounds of things he wasn't willingly given away to the foster family that he ended up living with, he was on the streets or at the very least was on his own for a time before he ended up there. The first thing that my mind goes to is that this means either his parents abandoned him or they died/were killed, which may also be the reason he seemingly was desensitized to death as a kid - I'll get to that point later, it's important.

Just how long he was on the streets before he was taken in by his foster family isn't mentioned, but I'd expect it was at least a year or so, just from some context clues we got from both his story quest and his character stories that you unlock with friendship. When in his foster home, things were supposedly a picture perfect family, a dollhouse where people looking in would only see the perfect picture but as soon as curtains closed it was something very different.

Households like that are traumatising, it's no wonder that Wriothesley's ability to trust in people is shot. The people who were supposed to care for him after promising a good life were nothing but a front and in his eyes he once more was on his own. For a child to decide to willingly orphan themselves a second time is so taxing on the mind, I could only imagine the stress he would've been under.

But what really gets me is the fact that he eventually came to the conclusion that in order to stop the cycle of picking up kids and selling them off to the highest bidder and killing the ones that didn't sell, Wriothesley didn't think about contacting gardes, didn't go to anyone else about it, he took matters into his own hands.

Not just that, but that he had to kill them.

It takes a lot for someone to work themselves up into killing another person. If you've never taken a life before, most people will hesitate, they'll be sick, or they'll completely shut down and remove themselves mentally from the situation, there's a very visceral reaction that happens in the human brain when you're pushed so far into stress responses that you'll take another life, and this was a teenager. This is why I feel like he would've been desensitized to death or at the very least gruesome scenes like this from a much younger age.

One can only wonder just what was going through his mind during the time he was away, taking the odd jobs to create that first prototype of his gauntlets that he used to shoot nails at his parents. It may not be as personal as taking a knife to someone, but using a nailgun is a bloody affair, the wounds needed to make that fatal are grievous if done by an inexperienced hand. And from what we're told in the character story, it sounds like his parents fought back, hard enough that it very nearly killed Wriothesley as well.

It makes me wonder just what he was thinking, or feeling in that moment, was it fear? Anger? A mix of many things? Or was he simply numb to it until he woke up in the hospital bed later? From what we hear in his tone during the story quest, he sounds apathetic about retelling the story, but that could be a result of trying to compartmentalize the renewed trauma that was rekindled thanks to the gem he touched.

And the trial, lets not forget that. On the day he wakes up from his injuries, he's served papers to face in court, and given a timeline for his recovery. The character story says the trial went with little fanfare and that he accepted the charges with little to no protest, it makes me think about just what could've gone through his head during the time he was recovering.

Wriothesley states that he knew he was guilty in the eyes of the law, and that his methods were extreme and he knows that. Because he survived his injuries when he expected to die from them, it makes me think that he knew he would be going to the Fortress of Meropide once he got to the trial. Given how much of a lawless land the Fortress was back then, I wonder if this was Wriothesley's own way of putting himself back into the hands of fate again, or maybe in some way, taking it back into his own hands.

Character Story 2 and his Vision story tells us more about his time in Meropide before taking it over, and how chaotic it sounded. He arrived in the Fortress and found his Vision in his pockets when being processed, and the first thing he's told is "hide it well". This was the only warning he got from anyone about how life in the Fortress was at that time, and he took that to heart in order to not lose anything precious to him.

Meropide was a place you could pay for someone to die in back then, among other things like drugs and probably far more things that Hoyoverse wouldn't mention for the sake of keeping things PG. It certainly doesn't seem like a place a teenager would be safe in and yet despite all odds, Wriothesley thrived and amassed a massive collection of credit coupons in order to make his name known.

It doesn't say much about what a feat that is, especially the line where it mentions that he amassed more coupons than anyone else in the Fortress combined. He figured out how the place ticked and made it sing to his own tempo instead of simply falling in line, that's such an impressive feat for anyone to do, let alone someone who would've had to fight tooth and nail to even get the respect needed for people to see him with as much power as he seemed to gain by the time he took over.

When he challenged the former administrator to a duel, the story mentions how Wriothesley was saved from having to get another person’s blood on his hands because he fled from the Fortress instead of showing up. And sure we could gloss over this as he was glad about not needing to fight him in the end, but this also implies that if the fight had've gone on instead of what happened, Wriothesley would've either beaten that man within an inch of his life or taken it. He would've taken another life for the sake of other people, once again.

This is something I've noticed is a theme with Wriothesley. He has either little regard for or at the very least places his own safety below others, so long as it's doing what he thinks is right or protects other people. During his story quest when he's being shot at, Wriothesley does little to protect himself aside from some minimal protection with his cryo vision against the bullets shot at him, but the moment that the gun is turned to the Traveler, he spent absolutely no time in very nearly killing Dougier (if the Traveler hadn't been there, I think there would've been a 75%-85% chance that he would've killed Dougier) and putting him in his place.

We see this again with the Archon quest where Wriothesley and Clorinde fight back the Primordial Sea. He spend his own safety and energy icing over the doors in order to save people in the Fortress from the Primordial Sea until Neuvillette could get there, at the risk of his own safety and very nearly getting trapped and dissolved by the waters.

That's not even taking into consideration the work he did on the Wingalet. We saw so little of it in the 4.2 Archon Quest, I was almost disappointed, but the fact that instead of staying idle about the prophecy, he spent so much time and energy making a ship like that and keeping it a secret from most parties until the time came all for the reason of saving as many Fontainians as possible just kills me.

Wriothesley has been through so much, and instead of that horrible backstory and all that trauma turning him into a bitter and hateful person, he instead uses it to give others a better life than he had just crushes me. He took over Meropide and reformed it into a place where not only does it help people now, but is such a nice place to be that inmates want to stay afterwards warms my heart. Like, for sure there's the fact that people staying down there reintegrating into society would be a challenge but I love the fact that there's even the choice to stay down there after the term is over instead of simply turning people lose and risking them returning back down after repeating crimes.

Anyway what I'm trying to get at here is that Wriothesley is such a well written character and I want Hoyoverse to give us more characters like this. I'm rambling way too much and I'm sure like 80% is incoherent bullshit but I needed to get my feelings off my chest about this lol.

If you made it this far thanks for putting up with my rambling LMAO.

#genshin impact #wriothesley #i have so many feelings about this man #got me wanting to dust off my old fanfic bones to write something #but i havent written a fic in over 8 years and thats such a long time to get back into it #and i feel like i could not do it justice #but ugh #i have feelings #and none of them are okay #long post #im so sorry for anyone who is not in the genshin fandom getting subjected to my bullshit #if you see typos no you dont

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riddleandpottersittinginatree · 2 years

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hey, i was just wondering if you could like explain why you ship harrymort? isn't it a little predatory - is that the point? I genuinely don't get the logic but i'm not here to judge

There’s a looot of things to cover here, so bear with me.

There’s two sides to the tomarrymort corner of the internet—tomarry, which is Harry paired with Tom Riddle, pre-Voldemort, and harrymort, which is Harry paired with Voldemort, post-Tom Riddle. The two sides have significant overlap and most shippers read both. They do have distinct dynamics, tropes, and appeals though, so I’m going to talk about them both separately.

I’ll start with Tomarry:

The first thing to stress here is that neither tomarry nor harrymort are crack ships. Tom and Harry have intense canonical dynamics that make it as big of a ship as it is. Firstly, Tom and Harry were written as foils. Both were orphaned as babies and raised by muggles who ostracized and abused them for their magic. Both were introduced to the wizarding world by Dumbledore and fell deeply in love with magic, forming a strong attachment to Hogwarts in particular, as neither boy ever had a home they felt safe in before then. Harry, however, was brought into the wizarding world with a motive—Dumbledore intended to use Harry as a weapon, and so fostering an unhealthy attachment served him. Harry was treated with kindness and compassion by Dumbledore, who offered guidance and wisdom as Harry adjusted to the wizarding world. Tom, on the other hand, was met by cruelty and bias from the moment Dumbledore met him in Wool’s Orphanage. Dumbledore continued to suspect, alienate, and mistreat Tom throughout his years at Hogwarts. Harry was sorted into Gryffindor (after hatstalling between it and Slytherin), where he was accepted and treated kindly by his housemates, formed close friendships very quickly, and was welcomed into a tightly-knit found family. Tom was sorted into Slytherin, where his lack of lineage made him an instant target; he was dropped into the wizarding world with no buoy or anchor, placed in a hostile environment, and forced to continue using cunning and intimidation to protect himself. This treatment due to his heritage allowed his hatred of muggles to continue festering, while the acceptance Harry received aided him in processing the abuse he suffered at the hands of muggles. Tom and Harry are written to show two endings of the same story: one boy who was met with kindness, respect, admiration, and love, and another who was met with suspicion, cruelty, derision, and abuse. This dynamic is extremely interesting to explore through writing, and a huge appeal of the ship.

Another point for Tom and Harry is rooted in how their personalities mesh and clash, and how that drives their dynamic as a ship. Both are extremely hard-headed, independent, willful, and combative. Tom navigates problems by manipulating or intimidating those around him to serve his goals, while Harry has never backed down from a fight in his fucking life, and prefers to face conflicts head on. Harry is intelligent and wary enough to evade Tom’s manipulation much of the time, which does nothing but frustrate Tom into trying harder. Harry constantly challenges Tom, something Tom isn’t at all used to and often finds more fascinating than anything else. They have an intense battle of wills with morals and value systems that are at odds, but there are also a lot of areas in which they overlap, and these are the things that continue drawing them to one another despite their power struggle.

As far as canon content for tomarry… ohhh boy. We have, of course, Chamber of Secrets, in which Harry forms a catastrophic level crush on Tom Riddle’s fucking diary. Then there’s Half-Blood Prince, in which Harry is reminded of his catastrophic crush in the form of watching teenage Tom Riddle’s memories through the pensieve. Both are quite frankly fucking ridiculous. The conflict between Harry’s attraction to Tom and his strong moral compass is another really fun dynamic to play with in writing.

Okay, those are the main bits for tomarry. Now let’s talk about harrymort.

This is where your question regarding power dynamics comes into play. Yes, a huge part of the harrymort pairing is their power imbalance, and for many people this is the biggest appeal of the ship. This is obviously a turn off for some people, and those people generally gravitate more toward tomarry, where the power struggle is on a bit more even ground. For those who love harrymort for its power imbalance, a big factor is still Harry’s character and how much fight he puts up. While the power imbalance is large, Harry is an extremely fun character in that he’s stubborn as all hell and essentially never stops challenging Voldemort. This results in two main tropes- Harry struggling against Voldemort until he’s essentially broken in, or Harry struggling against Voldemort until Voldemort is broken in. Generally, Harry is at least a little dark by the end of fics like this, and Voldemort is only slightly swayed toward rationality. But it’s enough for them to meet in the middle, which is a beautiful process to write and read.

One of the biggest tropes is obsession—for a wide variety of factors, all of which we’ll expand on, Voldemort is generally utterly and devotedly obsessed with Harry. For a character who has no attachments, considers himself superior to everyone alive, and cares for nothing but power and immortality, seeing his obsession and devotion to Harry unfold is wonderful. This isn’t a fanon trope, either—the entire series is about Voldemort’s obsession with Harry. Shifting that dynamic to a romantic/sexual nature isn’t a reach at all.

I want to talk about the horcrux next, because it’s a big one. This comes into play in tomarry fics, usually hand-in-hand with the time-travel trope, but the fun part in harrymort fics is that it takes place in canon timeline. Harry being Voldemort’s horcrux is obviously a very central theme in the series, and it lends a lot of fun plot elements to harrymort. One is their psychic connection. I mean, guys. They have a psychic connection. That’s… kinda gay. Another is the prophecy. Guys… they’re prophesized. That’s… really gay.

Voldemort’s narcissism comes into play in a huge way in the harrymort ship, as his fascination with Harry is often kickstarted or intensified by the realization that Harry is Voldemort’s horcrux. Voldemort considers himself the greatest being alive, perhaps ever, and as such has never found an equal in any other wizard. Harry having a literal piece of Voldemort inside of him appeals to his narcissism in a BIG way, and his obsession is often rooted in that Harry is the only person who can ever approach being his equal, as he is partly Voldemort himself. From another angle, the realization that Harry is his horcrux is generally followed by a great need to possess Harry, which is also a very loved trope. There are very few tangible things Voldemort ever places value on, and he covets his horcruxes. There’s nothing he treasures and protects more because they house his soul and ensure his immortality. Voldemort’s obsessive need to defeat Harry shifting to an obsessive need to possess and protect Harry is delicious. Really, it’s very fun.

All of the appeals of tomarry apply to harrymort, but put them on crack. Their foiled characters are hugely intensified, as now there’s not only the parallels of their past but their standings on opposite sides of a war, one worshiped as a dark wizard and the other worshiped as a light savior. The mesh and clash of their personalities is similar, but now with Voldemort’s insanity factored in. Their shared background with Dumbledore is often a big element, as Harry has been brainwashed into worshiping Dumbledore and Voldemort loathes no one in the universe more, as well as being aware of Dumbledore’s deceptiveness and skewed morals. The conflict between Harry being Dumbledore’s weapon and Voldemort’s pet is a super fun trope to play with.

Tomarrymort is a very popular ship with a very wide range of tropes, appeals, and genres. I tried to hit all of the biggest stuff. There are a lot of aspects of tomarrymort, particularly on the harrymort side, that people turn their nose down on. But tomarrymort fandom is made up of pro-shippers who see the darker aspects of their ship not as turn-offs or taboos, but complex and beautiful dynamics to explore in writing. Remember that fanfiction is fiction- and I hope that this helped. (:

#asks #harrymort #tomarry #tomarrymort

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spagyricqueen · 3 months

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To my readers <3

TL;DR: I am old. I write old. My heart is squishy. Thank you for reading.

Always and forever, I want to thank you for reading my fic. I thought it might be fun to discuss it a little while I'm in between chapters. The beginning of this semester at university has taken much of my attention with a rhetorical analysis for English class, writing assignments for philosophy, Geography homework, and a digital media class that has readings and projects due every week. So my plate is a little more full than last semester. heh

In order to relieve my frustration at not being able to throw all my effort and attention into this next arc in my story, I thought it could be fun to share some of my musings here.

So I'm an elder millennial. I started writing fanfiction when I was 12 years old, when the only way to find it was on FTP servers in the early days of the internet. I was precocious and managed to get the attention of an English teacher who thought I was older, due to the nature of my writing (don't get me wrong, it was still juvenile, but I guess she saw potential in me?). Suffice to say, she was surprised to learn my young age. But I gained a mentor who gave me a lot of pointers and did exercises with me to practice dialogue and descriptions. I kept up writing up until my 20s, when life happened and other things gained my interest.

I was surprised at myself when I was inspired to start writing again, starting with the Astarion origin story (which, I stress, would really need some reworking as it is far from perfect). I found the character very captivating and ripe for exploration and study. Yet, the landscape of fanfiction has changed a lot since I last attempted it. I had no idea what a 'drabble' was, and realize that most people are interested in short-form, easily digestible works. And here I am, devising an entire epic and canon continuation with the caveat being to treat it as if it could be a published novel or series. My writing style is, I suppose you could say, classical?

In searching for fanfiction to read about this character, I found many of them focused on very specific things (vampirism, trauma, sex, et al). I was disappointed that many of them were in second person and present tense, both styles that I was wholly unaccustomed to reading. We all have preferences, and I completely respect that. I wanted to read novel-style work, and was found wanting (though if you have recommendations, I would love to explore them). So, as one does, if you can't find it - write it yourself! And I did. The story I'm crafting is the one I wanted to read, and I'm grateful that there are others who do as well.

I'm not after big numbers, truth be told, and I'm quite overjoyed when I get a kudos here and there, and especially when I see 'unreviewed comment' pop up. It's an unexpected delight, every single time. :)

So, why did I make him blind? How cruel, right? Well, there's a few reasons for it. He is a vain character, though I imagine that had tamed somewhat towards the epilogue of the game. He has trust issues. He has issues with seeing value in himself. As a character study, I thought this unique aspect might be interesting to explore in a character like Astarion. I wanted him to learn the value of insight, patience, and overcoming challenges in a new way that is not often explored. I also wanted to bring some awareness to disability in general. I researched the hell out of the subject, trying to impart the wisdom I gained through the writing. For instance, the 'Blindfolded Masquerade'? Yeah, don't do that. That's not a good way to foster empathy, and is actually somewhat belittling of the character's condition. A point that, I feel, was made rather clear by Astarion's response to it.

Writing a blind character is a challenge. I have to try to remember how to write descriptions from the perspective of someone bereft of sight, and focus only on touch, sound, and scent (not always with success, mind you). A blind character in a D&D setting, too, has unique aspects that can be inserted - from the mystical to the mundane. They can still have a high Passive Perception, but limited to sound, touch, and scent. Astarion has a dexterity score of 17 - that hasn't changed. In a medieval high fantasy setting like Forgotten Realms, this can be utilized in interesting and nuanced ways.

I made him too soft, maybe? Well, perhaps. But characters grow and change depending on circumstances. Astarion can be soft, and still be funny. I have a squishy heart, personally. I like soft Astarion. Someone else recently mentioned how his 'mask' fell away during the Graveyard Scene, and you see the real person behind the acerbic wit and irreverence. I understand masking all too well. Recently, I was diagnosed with autism (and no one was surprised, really). Imagine going through most of your life thinking you're the weirdo no one wants to be around, and you constantly hide yourself by pretending to be someone else - for decades. Trauma can do this too, so addressing that aspect of his character is important to me. He is soft now because people change, especially in light of challenges, experiences, and when someone shows them kindness and empathy.

I have been enjoying how my version of this character has evolved, and for those of you reading my story, I thank you for sharing in this same delight.

In conclusion, I wanted to assure you that the next couple chapters are being crafted with care. There is a plan being devised, plans being thwarted, and perhaps an interesting cameo to look forward to. I deeply appreciate your continued interest. Your support means the world to me. Thank you for sharing in this adventure with our beloved (former) vampire spawn arcane trickster rogue, Astarion Ancunín.

#astarion #ao3 fanfic #astarion fanfic #baldur's gate 3 #forgotten realms #faerun #fanfiction #fanfic

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turtle-paced · 2 years

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Hi! Hope you are well. :) I'm not sure if this has been answered before, but do you think anyone in the ASOIAF world could have sussed out Jon's parentage?

Even without the insight we have into Ned's POV, did no one ever connect the dots of knowing Neds character (unlikely to cheat on Catelyn), the basic logic of what often comes of rape/elopement (sex leading to pregnancy), the wacky timeline of WHEN Ned could have fathered a child with Ashara/Wylla and then been able to go scoop up the baby on his way out of Dorne? What does the public think Lyanna's cause of death was? Did Ned make up some lie that Rhaegar stabbed her or something? Did Robert never ask?

I know it's likely that someone like Benjen, who had personal insight into Lyanna's life, may know that she is Jon's mother. And I understand why Catelyn may be blind to seeing alternate possibilities when the subject troubles her so much. But I find it hard to believe that no one ever thought it, or considered it, or said it out loud.

Thanks!

I actually think it's a very easy thing to believe and very convincing that this is an in-universe secret (from everyone but Benjen)!

Ned's covered by something Littlefinger tells us: it's rude to ask about the origins of someone's bastard. (Sansa VI, ASoS) This matches the conversation we saw in AGoT between Ned and Robert:

Ned's mouth tightened in anger. "Nor will I. Leave it be, Robert, for the love you say you bear me. I dishonored myself and I dishonored Catelyn, in the sight of gods and men."

Eddard II, AGoT

Robert can push the bounds of propriety because he's Ned's friend. Catelyn mustered up the courage to ask, after building a bit more of a relationship with Ned, and the question got slapped down hard. Other people? Ned can deal with any questions with a frosty look and privilege. It's not going to be seen as odd that Ned refuses to answer, and questioners aren't likely to get a response from listeners of "hey yeah, that is odd", they're going to get "shut up, shut up, that's so rude, don't you know that's Ned Stark?"

Ned's lack of cooperation means it's all the more difficult to put together any inconsistencies with timeline. This is a world without modern means of communication. Ned's not tagging his location on facebook so his friends and acquaintances can keep track of him. Nor is he posting pics of Jon to his insta. If everyone keeps their mouths shut, and it looks like thus far everyone has, it would be extremely difficult to confirm when exactly and where Ned picked up Jon.

Additionally, in a world without modern medicine, it's also very easy to say that Lyanna took sick and died. What sickness exactly? Ned's no maester, and can people please stop asking him about his sister dying in his arms? I don't think he'd have to fake anything about the emotional breakdown if pressed on this point.

Ultimately, in universe, it's going to be far easier for most people to believe Ned maybe didn't 100% keep to his marriage vows in the various emotional stresses of wartime, as opposed to the alternate theory that Ned committed treason against the very king he fought a war to see on the throne. A theory which requires honest Ned to lie to everyone - best friend, foster father, wife, children, bannerpeople - indefinitely.

#asoiaf #valyrianscrolls #ned stark #jon snow #cw: rape mention

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fullscoreshenanigans · 8 months

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I have a sad headcanon. The mothers aren't forced to stay after have brought the children to the gate. They can return to the house and let the children with the demons. Isabella make the choice to stay and watch everything until the end because she considers that she must stay until the end, that she can't abandon them at this moment after have took care of them for years. Also a part of her see that as a punishment. She is accomplice of this system, she chooses to live by sacrifing those children. And the most important is that she LOVES them. So she stays until the very end because she feels she deserves to suffer and that she must stay at their side until it's over.

Norman and Emma have seen Isabella spoke with the demons. It's because they are used to see her since it has been 12 years, almost 13, that she is doing that so their discussion seems to show that she is as much cruel than them.

And she seems to be indifferent and cold because 1) no way she show weakness to demons (and that's useless anyway) 2) she is horribly used to it so acting cold is more easy after all those years 3) closing her heart in those moments is the best way to doing that without breaking. 4) we see that she kept the toys of all the kids as precious memories. She could send it in another orphenages and forget about it but no. She kept all of those toys.

So i'm pretty sure that it deeply hurt her to see them die, but she watches it because she feel she deserve to suffer and must see everything because looking away would be even more betraying them.

(Really both the mother and the son are masochists :/)

is this even a headcanon it's canon as far as I'm concerned

There's the little room off to the side where theoretically a Mom can excuse herself to avoid having to witness the gupna ceremony. Maybe they claim they need to grab one last thing or sign some paperwork before the child can be driven off to their new foster home. "It won't take long. Wait in the truck, dear, I promise I'll be back in a minute."

Isabella's a queen at compartmentalizing though, so maybe she views staying until the very end, as she stresses to Emma and Norman in chapter 25/episode 8, as her bi-monthly penance for sustaining her life as long as she can.

I like to think after childbirth Isabella was granted the mercy of having some time to recuperate instead of immediately being thrust into being a Mom so it's less than twelve years (as general practice and because of her amazing potential becoming the youngest Mom in Grace Field's known history, you'd think a few months to avoid any potential health risks and finalizing her transition to plant #3 would be a worthwhile cost for headquarters), and because I'm a masochist, I like to headcanon that Ray, Norman, and Emma were the first children raised solely by her and not overlapping with the previous Mom of plant #3 (excluding the child who arrived between Norman and Emma who was unfortunately shipped out at some point before turning eleven), so I see her arriving at plant #3 sometime during November or December of 2033.

Still, that's roughly a decade of going through this with a minimum of sixty children, not counting any children Ray potentially caused to be shipped out early with his experimentation with the tracker deactivator. She might not have done it with the first few, maybe thinking it was potential evidence that could be used against her as an indication of weakness, but eventually it does amass to quite a collection.

(S1 Episode 6 | Chapter 17)

#naehja #The Promised Neverland #Yakusoku no Neverland #TPN #YnN #FSS Asks #FSS Chatter #Pre-Canon #TPN S1 #Introduction Arc #TPN 001 #TPN S1e01 #Escape Arc #TPN S1e06 #TPN 017 #TPN Isabella #YnN Isabella #Isabella 73584

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moonlightsmasquerade · 2 months

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[SUBMANDELAPHOBIA SWAP AU ESSAY]

Evelin Miller and Adam Murray in Submandelaphobia Swap are… messed up, to say the least. They are both two young adults who are very important to the whole plot going on, even though they don't want to be. And how one affects the other which in turn affects the plot, even though it's unintentional and they are apart most of the time, was entertaining to think about.

Let's "dive deeper" into it ;) -Part 1: The People- Let's start with Evie, the girl severely traumatized by recent events, but if you really think about it, saying that she was already traumatized before even joining the BPS is not going too far. Her earliest childhood memory is losing her parents, she grew up in foster care (which we all know half of the time is hell on earth for children) , and she also grew up in a flooded town where people go missing a lot and there are reports of water monsters.

And may I remind you that that's the stuff from even before she joined BPS, so yeah, I don't think it's a stretch to say that Eve was a traumatized child, because in the end trauma is described as an overwheling amount of stress that the brain is unable to process in a healthy way, and I'm sure all of this fear growing up made way for constant anxiety and stress.

As a result, Evelin is a timid, soft-spoken, and most of the time agreeable girl, because growing up she never had an adult figure that actually placed any real hope or belief in her, none of her foster parents expected her to achieve anything, so Evie has just developed the way of thinking that if she's not worth the validation, she can at least be worth the company, but the way she does this is by basically letting people walk over her almost, because she's too scared that by expressing her own opinions she will drive people away, and with her obviously suffering from abandonment syndrome, that's the last thing she wants.

Her abandonment issues also explain why she emotionally latches onto other people so quickly: they show her kindness and love when she hasn't even done anything, and they do that out of the goodness of their hearts, and they tell her that she doesn't need to "earn" their affection, that they will be there for her whenever she needs it, and that kind of support is what Evie desires the most and what she most dreads losing. With Adam, I'll get into his specific situation later, but keep in mind he also has childhood issues. He's an extroverted, shifting between optimistic and realistic, and overall friendly young man. Though he almost always wears black, he could be described as having a "sunny disposition", and has some friends, unlike Evie who rarely even cracks a smile and has seemingly no friends other than Sarah and Jonah.

What exactly drew them together is never really stated, and to be honest it's probably not even that important anyway, because the important detail is that they are polar opposites who managed to form a connection. Evie is mentally sensitive and prone to anxiety attacks and relapses of her depression, but Adam had a way with words, seemingly always knowing how to help lift Evie's spirits. No matter the situation he always seemed to be capable of handling it and help her, and that was how Evie grew comfortable enough to vent to Adam about pretty much everything that had been going on in her life.

But that ended up being something that Adam couldn't handle, it was just far too much for him, and he starts to think that maybe there's something deeper going on with his girlfriend, and his trust in her starts to decline, with the climax coming when he breaks things off with her, because he thinks it's for the best if they spend some time away from each other.

That's when things start going south, because Sarah steps in as Evie's closest friend and accuses Adam of wanting to further Evie's misery, even though there's no proof to her accusations, and that angers Adam because he feels Rah is invading his and Eve's privacy to then say he's a bad person, and he gets defensive, leading to his friendhsip with Sarah to deteriorate, because he knows he is not a bad person. Though it also ties with another event in his past, but I'll get into that later, it's gonna be worth it.

And now I will go into his childhood issues that I mentioned earlier. And just be aware that from here he will turn into the new protagonist of this essay because… because yes. Adam barely remembers his family being happy together, since his parents divorced and his dad left town when he was only four. Obviously the responsability for his upbringing fell on Lynn, but the factor of her being stuck on an abusive job contract, which a child is understandably unable to comprehend, sometimes made it feel more like he was raising himself. He still relied on her for a big portion of his childhood, until there was an unfortunate series of coincidences that lead him to feel unwanted and abandoned, and his child brain ended up learning something: he couldn't rely on his own mother anymore, even though he was just a kid.

Adam truly felt that his mother no longer cared about him, a warped perception that she only cared about money, so he stopped trying to form a bond with her, besides, she was always either too busy or too tired to even talk to him anyway, it wouldn't be that big of a loss for her, right? Though she obviously didn't mean to, and was unware of the fact, Lynn created a home for Adam that didn't feel like "home", to him it became just the house he lived in, with no significant memories attached to it.

The Murrays were miserable, with Adam refusing to try to understand his mother's point of view, and Lynn always arriving home tired but also not wanting to disturb her son as his problems might not be her business; a vicious cycle of miscommunication that was only broken when Adam moved away to a house of his own.

Adam has felt wronged by his mother for years, having never understood the reason why he wasn't loved, but it's his friendships with Dave and Jonah, which he has kept since he was 14, that taught him that there's nothing wrong with him, that he's not a bad person. That's why Sarah's accusation makes him so angry: she's making him feel terrible for no reason, because she has no business in what happens between him and Evelin, and Adam feels a sense of deja vu, making him remember how his mother didn't love him for no reason, she just didn't.

And knowing him, he *would* want to have closure with Evie about their break-up, because he's an understanding person, and all he asked was some time apart. Adam tries to be rational and supportive, because it was something that he wasn't given for most of his younger years, and now he wants to be able to give that to other people, the problem is that Sarah is jumping to conclusions and making everything difficult.

Thus it's no wonder that Evie resorted to calling Adam on the phone to try and arrange a meet-up to finally get some closure, because she was afraid Sarah would get angry if she went to his house, because she doesn't want to lose one of her friends. The unfortunate problem was that Adam was sick that week, so it ended up not being him who picked up the phone, and as we all know that led things to spiral downwards even faster.

And having mentioned that, let's talk about the third most important figure in Adam's life, who has been by his side much much longer than the other two. -Part 2: The Father-

We all knew there'd have to be a separate part to talk about Six and Adam's dynamic, there's no point in denying it.

Six has been in Adam's life since not long after his real father left, almost like he's a replacement for Jude, though a very twisted replacement at that. When he's hiding his mildly psychopathic cult fanatic personality from people, he's normally quiet and not exactly normal, which earns him a reputation in town for being "weird", but that never drove Adam away.

In some sense, Six is almost like the opposite of Lynn when it comes to their dynamic with Adam: while Lynn is often busy, being constantly tired and rarely starts conversation with her son; Six is available to speak even when he's working, never seems to be in a bad mood, and sometimes does ask about or talks about things that somewhat interest Adam, like myths for example.

It's no wonder that Adam as a kid got so easily attached to Six: he's like the parent he wishes his mother was. Adam has a hurt inner child, specifically an abandonment wound, due to his mother's unitentional emotional neglect of him, and people who suffer from that kind of mental wound tend to seek out and form emotional attachments quickly to try and fill the void left by their experiences. Of course Adam had friends at school, but to spend time with someone he overtime began to look up to as a father figure was far more special, because it granted him the validation he so desperately craved.

But as we all are aware, Six is not a good person and is actively exploiting this boy's emotional attachment to him for personal benefit, in this case to make the mission easier. It's actually not that surprising that of all people, Adam clung onto Six the most. Someone with a hurt inner child by abandonment tend to fail in forming healthy relationships, as they often attract emotionally unavailable or toxic people, and their fear of isolation makes them clingy to anyone they have a seemingly positive relationship with. It's an emotionally codependent friendship that Adam isn't aware he has formed, but Six is and takes advantage of it.

In a sense, Six is able to manipulate Adam even without doing anything, because in some way Adam is still mentally a child: he's naive and gullible, but above all he's stubborn. Surely Adam has heard of how kidnappers and abusers often use kindness to trick their victims, but he refuses to think that Six is a bad person and thinking of harming him, so he never considers the possibility that his friendship with the fisherman could put him in danger.

So, crazy cultist fisherman actively taking advantage of this mess of a child, we all know that, but what does Six think of Adam as a person?

"Let me tell you, old fuck, Adam is not as weak as you think!" "I know that. He's actually much stronger than he realizes." -Part 3: Strength?-

Six thinks Adam is "strong", but why that word exactly? There are a lot of other adjectives that he could use to describe the kid, like "special" or "valuable", but why does he say "strong" specifically? As far as we've seen to this point, Six has every motive to call Adam weak rather than strong, so why?

Well for that we need to ask a much different question:

What happened to Amanda? -- Amanda was declared missing in 2003, with the police only having found her school bag in the beach shores, but no one really knows what became of her. But unbeknownst to everyone else, Adam was actually there with her the night she went missing.

It's implied that they only met because Amanda was a friend of one of Jonah's many other friends, and that their relationship only started because of "freshman year pressure" to find a partner. While Adam might have wanted to give it a genuine try for the sake of experiencing something new, Amanda was only ever doing it to shut everyone up, and didn't take the "romantic" part of "romantic relationship" seriously, often not entertaining his conversations if she even bothered to show up to anything he had planned, because she was "too busy with school".

Adam felt with Amanda the same way he felt with his mother: pushed aside for reasons he didn't understand, so after months of a miserable barely glued together relationship, Adam demands at school that they have a serious conversation, though we don't know if it was actually just to talk or if it was to break up with her.

It didn't exactly go well, because Alt!Ruth recounts to Ruth, though not mentioning their names, that Amanda went ankle deep into the ocean as a provocation, before blaming Adam for her unhappiness, and how that was what made him snap.

We don't really know what "snap" means for this situation, but Alt!Ruth also makes a mention of the word "strenght" when recounting this, but again, what is it that makes them say that Adam is strong?

Well, consider the following:

*Both Evelin and Adam are destructive forces when anger is involved*

When they are relatively calm they are normal people, who empathize and are able to help others with their own lives, but when they loose themselves to anger, upon until now, we've only seen them *destroy* other people's lives, quite literally. And these two have many things in common, so is it possible that we can somewhat apply what happened in Evie's case to figure out the outcome of Adam and Amanda's argument?

Well, Evie looses her temper after Sarah's comment about her parents, which causes her to punch Rah but then out of guilt for what she just did, Evie dives deep into the ocean to let Sarah recover, and that leads her to find out that she's been a Deep One all this time, giving Preacher the chance to attack and kill Rah.

In Adam's case, his relationship with Amanda basically forced him to live through an accelerated repetition of the worst parts of his childhood, and when he tries to change the situation he gets blamed for it, so it's definitely possible that him "snapping" could have involved physical violence. But I think it was also something on the psychological level, because if Adam has a way with words that allows him to lift people up, he can just as well bring them down.

Maybe him "snapping" was him pointing out the reality that Amanda doesn't want to admit: that she was a terrible person to him, because no one wants to admit that they're in the wrong, but it's after she likely counter-arguments that he completely looses it and lunges forward to attack.

If Adam actually drowned Amanda or simply facilitated it happening, we don't know, but we do know that Adam nearly drowned himself. Amanda's school bag had a chain on it, which got stuck on Adam's ankle after whatever happened to her, and the weight of the bag started sinking him. (Let's ignore how that can be compared to a prisoner's leg iron.)

But how did Adam survive then? Even if he did manage to get the chain off of his ankle, it still would have taken him some time, as he was under the pressure of the water, just enough time for him to start asphyxiating. As weird as it may seem, the answer is actually the Deep Ones. If by this time they already saw Adam as someone useful, or maybe having been this whole incident that made them take an interest, then they could have made an exception and saved Adam from drowning.

Though take note that Adam doesn't know it was the fishes, and thinks it was Six who found him (who was most likely warned by Gabriel), because it was the fisherman who helped him start breathing again, since people who nearly drown need help to get the water off of their lungs, and such a near-death experience also causes blurry thinking and vision, so it would have been easy for Adam to get the immediate details wrong. It was after this that the Deep Ones most likely told Six what had happened, as I think Adam would still have been in a state of too much shock to tell him, and that would be why both the fishes and Six call Murray "strong" : it was the Deep Ones who said it first, and Six agreeing calls him that too.

Now, besides Six taking Adam more seriously in some way, rather than seeing him as just some random kid, there's two other things to take note that start happening after this incident: one, Adam starts calling Six 'dad', and two, Adam doesn't remember half of the incident.

You may be asking yourself "what do you mean Adam doesn't remember?", and to answer that we will have to go into the psychology of trauma. There's a term known as dissociative amnesia, which in informal terms is basically when the brain blocks out memories of certain experiences in order to protect the rest of the mind. It's why many people who have been through traumatic events are unable to recall most memories of the trauma itself.

And knowing you have provoqued your own partner's death and nearly died yourself must, without a doubt, be an extremely traumatic memory, so it's not hard to see why Adam's brain locked it up. All that he remembers is that he and Amanda had an argument on the beach, something happpened and now she has been missing for years.

The other point is that Adam might not remember half of what happened, but he knows he was in some kind of danger and that is what Six helped him with, and he must have felt especially safe on that moment, so his dependency on Six only increased, and that would be why Adam starts calling him 'dad'. Though it's just as a joke on Adam's part, trying to laugh off the danger he was in, to Six it's just another thing he can use to manipulate Murray with. Yet again, their dynamic is extremely toxic.

Okay, the Deep Ones and Six call Adam 'strong' because he killed his girlfriend, unleashing the destructive potential inside him, but if they are aware that he can't remember having done that, how will they use him?

This is where his connection with Evelin becomes so much more than just a failed romantic relationship. -Part 4: Bond or Bound?-

What the Deep Ones want from both Adam and Evelin envolves their memory: they want Evelin to remember that she's one of them, and they want Adam to remember that night where he killed Amanda, so that the two of them realize that these paths, a monster and a worshipper, are their "fates". It's a messed up way of thinking: if Evie is a monster basically created to kill, Adam murdered someone at some point and is already connected to the Deep Ones through Six, plus the fact that they were 'soulmates' for a time, then it all must mean that they are bound to unleash each other's destructive potential.

Evie is still the catalyst and Adam is the prophet, because him killing Amanda in some way foreshadowed Sarah's fate, but I think Adam is also a catalyst on his own.

Think about it and it's almost like everything is connected: if Adam had never gotten together with Amanda, he would probably end being just Evie's ex, without such a major connection to the events, but since everything did happen he's relevant to the Deep Ones, and so when Evelin causes Sarah's death, they let her return to shore because they know Adam will be there, since they've been observing him for years and know he takes walks by the beach at night with some frequency. While Evie is a catalyst for the take-over plan, Adam is a catalyst for the cult who worshipped the Deep Ones to return, and they intended to use him as a way to facilitate Evelin remembering and accepting who she is, whether it was through Adam's fear or remaining love, by having him realize that the stories and myths and legends that Six used to tell him were real, and by consequence have Evie realize that too.

That would be when Six and Adam's friendship would come into relevance, because it was supposed to be after all that, that Six could convince Adam about recreating the cult, to worship the Deep Ones in exchange of protection, and especially for Murray, to see Evelin again.

It was a carefully and well-crafted plan that could have worked, had it not been for Evie refusing to let go of her humanity, and Adam having been walking with Dave the night of Sarah's death, not to mention Dave getting Ruth involved as well. With the plan having gone out the window, you may think Six's forced revelation of everything to Adam was a rushed last resort, but consider this: what if the forced revelation was an option all along?

The first plan was obviously the most appealing, not to mention much faster, but you can't have a plan A without a backup plan B for convenience. The forced revelation *was* that plan B, less appealing but just in case plan A didn't work. So, plan A didn't work and now plan B is in action, but what does it entail?

Well, we don't really know the full extent of just how much Evie is aware of Gabriel's plans, but I think Adam would be more important in case she refused to believe they were real, instead of her simply not knowing. In plan B, Adam isn't just any victim, he's a hostage, because any little step that's out of line that Evie takes, she's risking Six and the other Deep Ones taking advantage of Adam's already fragile condition and doing him even more harm.

This 'fragile condition' was, of course, induced by Six kidnapping and revealing everything to him before threatening to kill him if he told anyone, though, secretly he was always meant to breach this and end up telling Evelin. In plan A, Adam and Six's friendship was supposed to play a role and remain intact, but one of the reasons plan B is less appealing is because that "friendship" would need to be broken, for lack of a better term. If plan A was all about worshipping out of actual devotion, plan B would be all about worshipping out of fear.

Adam's mental health starts going downhill in pretty much a day because he realizes his entire life was basically a lie: that the person he saw as a parent figure was just using him all this time, that the feeling of genuine care was and never would be reciprocated, that he only survived that night with Amanda because water monsters beyond his understanding wanted to use him to hurt a girl he loved as well. Maybe Adam Murray was never his own person, just someone molded over the years to be what cruel entities want him to be. His whole sense of self is falling apart and he feels he can't trust anyone else with this, because he doesn't want to drive them away, or worse, drive them mad.

Though, that didn't stop him from temporarily moving out of his house and moving in with Ruth. He just tells her that someone threatened him under pain of death, which isn't a lie, but his real intentions were to avoid Six as much as possible. All of the revelation resulted extremely traumatic for him so, understandably, he doesn't want to come across the fisherman again so soon. Will Alt!Ruth let that be easy for him? Of course not, but for now be assured that he's safe from her forcing him to remember having killed Amanda, as Six didn't since he thought what he already did was enough damage, but then again, it's a threatening possibility of what she might do if Evelin continues to refuse joining the other Deep Ones.

So now Adam's literal life is in Ruth and Evie's hands, but who knows, maybe Adam will gain enough courage to stand up for himself again, or maybe the Deep Ones will use his despair and anger, his 'strength', and make him hurt someone again. We'll just have to see what comes next.

Thanks if you read all of this, it def took me quite the while. This was all 'Ace Anon''s boyfriend a.k.a me! :D

WHOOOOAAAA Okay this is insanely good, well worth the wait, you have a really good knack for character analysis!!!!! this is so so so cool. I love all of it, but part 1 and part 4 are just especially good like i said the character analysis, especially swap evie and adam, and also their whole thing is just great and everything coming together, seeing how all of the events fall into place, ALSO!!! explaining like... the thought process of some of the characters and why the villians do what they do and aaaah i wish i had more words THIS IS COOL!!!! :DDDD

#had to give myself a quick refresh on the swap haha #submandela swap #but fr this is really really neat just imagine me going YEAAAAAAAAAA bc im not as good as analysis as you guys but i love it #cw drowning #cw death #just in case!!!!

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nightklok · 4 years

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YOU KNOW I'M GONNA SAY CHARLES/PICKLES FOR THAT SHIP MEME :D

Shipping Meme [Open]

AAA AND I LOVE YOU FOR THAT-

My ADHD is incredibly strong tonight so enjoy the rambling headcanons I have because I just love them too much ;^;-

General:

How long will they last? - Forever obviously, they’re in it for the long road ahead!

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I think it was a gradual thing for sure! Definitely met during the SnB era and Charles was the one who fell in love quickly though wasn’t much aware of it until later. Pickles had probably become a bit wearier of falling in love then so it took him a bit longer to admit he even had feelings for him. They probably didn’t even admit it until years later when they began to work for Dethklok-

How was their first kiss? - they probably didn’t have a first kiss until nearly a decade or two of meeting each other, they were really fucking awkward haha-But I think their first kiss together would be sweet; they probably had a really well needed heart-to-heart talk and just eventually, it happened.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Charles 100%-it’s nothing elaborate or extraordinary, just quiet and probably between them while they’re alone or planned with the boys.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Technically the rating would be a 2 as their first ‘ceremony’ would be those quick courthouse weddings. I mainly like the idea of them getting engaged and possibly married sometime after Doomstar and before they have to confront Salacia. Kind of in a ‘now or never’ kind of situation but they both would’ve gotten married regardless of the prophecy or not. Though once the prophecy is fulfilled, the boys will insist they have a proper big red wedding

Who is the best man/men? Pickles initially chose all of Dethklok to be his best men to avoid a battle to the death combat. Though, later on it became safer for him to officially choose one best man and that would be Nathan. For Charles, it was easier and he chose his best man to be Huey Lewis, no explanation further needed.

-Who did the most planning? Definitely not them-the boys, Dick, and Abigail would’ve insisted that they do the planning. Magnus and Murderface were the only ones to actually know about organizing a wedding surprisingly, actually asked for their input but kept it as vague as possible, and despite the ridiculously typical setbacks, managed to pull off a pretty elaborate wedding that they were both pretty pleased with.

-Who stressed the most? Charles definitely-since everyone wanted to keep it a ‘surprise’ and he knows pretty well that a surprise from them is going to either be really extravagant, out of this world wedding or a Hot Topic Parking Lot wedding. Luckily, they got the first.

-Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Rockso and Pickles’ family for sure. They didn’t even know they got married until it ended up on the Dethklok Minute and they were pissed but Pickles probably got his new family through Charles (if they’re alive and decent?) and by extension, Dethklok so to Pickles, his real family was at the wedding (no matter how many times they tried to argue that to him.) Seth probably sent him that blender as a wedding gift though

Sex:

Who is on top? - Top/bottom roles are non-existent to them; it’s really on whatever they’re up for at the moment.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Pickles obviously; if he feels like Charles is working a bit too much or they haven’t done it in a while (three days), he’ll definitely instigate. Considering how well he knows him and what gets him riled up, Charles never says no-

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - It can depend on how horny they both are or if they just want to take their time-probably lasts between under half an hour to an hour.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - It’s probably hard of them to be completely sure if they’ve been going at it repeatedly but really it’s all up to when one has had enough and the other will stop for the night. Or if the other doesn’t feel satisfied enough, they’ll easily come up with something quick to do. Overall, it’s just making sure that the other is satisfied at the end of the night!

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. (Pickles accounts for like 80% of this, hands down-)

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - none-Pickles is a Trans Male is a theory I take to the grave but I do headcanon he got bottom surgery. Even if he didn’t, they’re both too old (fuckin rip), and raising children is way too much responsibility/commitment for their lifestyle and there’s probably that lingering feeling that they might get called to fulfill their roles again so it would be borderline selfish to put kids into trauma/danger. (Charles spent years basically raising man-children he needs the retirement haha)

How many children will they adopt? - I don’t think they’ll adopt either, for reasons I stated above. I kinda like to think that when they retire or move away from Mordhaus to create their own home, they become that couple that opens their home to whatever troubled teens/kids/young adults need a place to stay, no questions asked. They might end up fostering a teen or two or take temporary custody if a situation calls for it. It just never turns to an official adoption and if the kids stay for a longer period of time, they end up making sure they get put in a good foster/adoptive family.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Probably Pickles though the situations where he had to watch over a baby/toddler while their older sibling went to school/work was very few and far between (the dude lived through the 80s with hairspray and everything, no smell can get to him now-)

Who is the stricter parent? - I think it depends on the situation. Pickles can be a bit stricter than Charles surprisingly because there is no way you’d be able to lie or try and go behind his back. If he sees that a particular kid reminds him of himself, he may just be a bit stricter than usual and it has to be Charles to remind him that the kids are in good hands now. Besides that, Charles is definitely strict but fair. He’s just as hard trying to go behind his back and can actually ground them (he’s not even their legal guardian, they just know he can’t be messed with.)

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Charles definitely-But usually he’s the last to find out about it haha-

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Charles (though mainly he remembers to tell Pickles as he’s the one who has the time to make it in the mornings)

Who is the more loved parent? - They both are for their own reasons! Charles is loved for helping them with advice, homework, whatever they need and being the stricter parent needed for the troubled kids’ lives and Pickles is loved for being the laidback parent who genuinely takes interest in their interests and helps encourage them to follow their dreams.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Neither; both are too busy in their own lives. Charles tried once for the hell of it. He realized it was the most difficult meeting he had ever sat through, even hosting meetings for Dethklok. Never again.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Pickles; he’s especially emotional about it if it’s the most troubled kids that invited them. Very proud of all the kids who remembered them enough to invite them to their graduations.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Pickles-but he might fuck up in the process and Charles would have to bail them both out of jail-

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - There are klokateers for it but Charles does sometimes like to surprise Pickles with some of his favorite food!

Who is the pickiest in their food choice? - Charles; Pickles’ food palette is non-existent so he’s willing to eat anything. Charles? Not so much.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Neither; thank god for living in Mordhaus- (And even after that, they just hire someone to do it for them-)

How often do they bake desserts? - Fairly often, it’s become a pretty quick date night for them! They like to make macaroons, pies, or whatever they have their heart set and just enjoy the next few hours of getting some quality alone time.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Meat all the way-

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Charles once again! Though Pickles does surprise with an anniversary dessert. It’s not really a surprise if they both know the other will cook them something but it’s the thought that counts!

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Pickles; while it’s fun having small dates inside, he definitely suggests going someplace else whenever they have the time.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - Toki

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Charles cleans his own room, Pickles gets a klokateer to do it though recently he’s been cleaning his own room? Wow, Charles is rubbing off on him.

Who is really against chores? - Pickles; they can just hire help like the rich jackoffs, who the fuck needs to do chores?

Who cleans up after the pets? - They don’t have pets but it’d probably be Pickles.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Pickles but thank God he’s never really asked to clean much-

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Charles

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Whatever klokateer cleans mordhaus and/or their house--

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Charles; he knows self-care very well and often makes sure his schedule has a few hours to himself so he can do just that! Definitely has fallen asleep in the bathtub more than once but Pickles luckily memorized his schedule haha

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - They both would! By the time they adopt a dog, they probably both would have time to do it together :)

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - They hate the idea of it; probably hire klokateers or whoever to do it for them-

What are their goals for the relationship? - They just want to be able to complete the other without overstepping boundaries. There are probably things that both are afraid of bringing up or reminding the other. It’s no longer become a game of walking on eggshells because they have known each other for so long and know what their intentions will be. They aren’t going to change the other unless the other genuinely wants to change. They will simply help fill in the gaps the other lacks so naturally like they fit in together.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Pickles, not that Charles lets him anyway-

Who plays the most pranks? - Pickles but even then the pranks are pretty rare or more of ways to get Charles out of the office (’Hey Charlie, Nathan is tryin’ to sneak a whale in his room again’ But then it turns out that Nathan really tried doing that so who knows if it was even a prank-)

#lampmeeting #Charles Offdensen #Pickles the Drummer #chickles #I'm surprised how long this came out slkjdf #but this got me focused so thank you so much for asking ;-;#I hope you enjoyed!!!

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amoralto · 5 years

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I've been reading your posts from the past year, and I have to ask: Why do you even do this blog? Why put so much time and energy into writing about Paul's relationship with somebody you don't like? I'm serious here. Every snippet you post about John, every comment you write about him, is critical. If you truly believe John deserves all the blame in the relationship, while Paul is the sainted victim, you have a right to your opinion. But I think the truth is much more complex.

My spontaneous and simplistic response to this ask is that I am very surprised, and that I honestly find it difficult to see how one could glean a clear and obvious (even glaring, as you imply) bias against John or in the dynamic of his particular relationship with Paul. Not in the last year’s posts - which appear predominantly to consist of scattered anecdotes and accounts from varied sources, and clips of John’s own measured and matured introspections - and certainly not in the several previous years’ - which host a cornucopia of John’s best and bad sides, often concurrently.

I am still rather shy about how far I raise my head above the parapet in this place, but I’ll try to be clear as I can on this apparent bias that you suggest, and the closest I have to a stance: I stand myself definitively and decidedly apart from any factioning that may occur in this fandom/community. Not above, just apart. I am not in the “Anti-John” camp. I am not in the “Saint-Paul” camp. I am not in the “Witch-Yoko” camp. I am not in the “Ungrateful-George” camp. I do not weigh anybody in the Beatles or around them in currencies of blame and what they do or don’t deserve. I do not reduce them down solely to their so-called worst tendencies, nor do I ignorantly glorify them by their so-called best.

And I would like to argue that I have not, in this blog, if I felt I could muster a better argument than just pointing out old posts to you, like the ones personally (pathologically) written (waffled) by myself, which have gone into kaleidoscopic (deathless) account about John and Paul alone and together, and how it’s less about victims and villains and easy delineations and more about the entanglement of preoccupations and issues and enabling/disabling behaviours of both parties, pushing and pulling, for both positive and detriment, from both sides. Because that may just come across as passive-aggressive, and I don’t wish to be, especially when I’m unsure where exactly anon is coming from.

You seem to be expressing a frustration with how people in this story are painted within parts of the fandom and without it, how John/Paul can tend to be deified and vaulted where another can tend to be John/Paul demonised and disregarded, which is one I am entirely in commiseration with. I’m frustrated with it too, immensely. But I have to express my surprise at being the brunt of this (and even anxious dismay, if only because I’m an emotional basketcase and wracked with imposter syndrome and doubt over my own competency of credibility).

I agree, truth is complex, as it is also often unwhole. The contents of this blog have, foremost, been about multiplicative perspective and dimension. It has been about complexity, and deconstruction, and reflexivity. Account and empathy. Critical and not condemnatory judgment. Just as human beings are multi-facted, the examination of them (and reexamination) has to be as well. Now, as the curator of materials and very occasional writer of “meta” or “discourse”, my own latent thoughts and interpretations and even speculation will seep into any lofty ideals of neutrality inevitably. I am aware of and understand this, viscerally, which is why I make (or like to think I have made) appreciable efforts into maintaining a balance while also expanding scope.

I source and archive and then have myself and others who browse the blog to try to derive corroboration and context and further speculation from there, but sourcing and archiving first also entails documenting any manner of opinions and accounts that I may not necessarily agree with or believe by people whom I may not necessarily find reliable in one or another particular context, but which I nonetheless determine is intriguing or important as a point of view, as a point in time, as a facet of the vast frame. Intrigue does not equate to endorsement. I provide contextual description on such posts, off and on, sure, which can at times be conjectural, but for the most part I refrain from opinion and if anything try to stress not jumping to conclusions.

And this is what still makes up the vast majority of the posts on this blog: quotes, anecdotes, interviews. Scattered, inconsistent, varied. And for all that I try to maintain an overall balance of perspective in the content, I can’t deny that my actual logistical posting habits are imbalanced, which is another thing which may have impressed negatively/wrongly upon anon - crucially, that I don’t unfortunately space the posts out evenly by “content perspective”, where a negative anecdote about somebody will be followed up immediately by a positive one. I just post things as and when I’ve looked them up, or finished working on them, or such. I may read a book and post a few quotes from it, successively, and then perhaps a clip I’ve just transcribed, and then a video a friend of mine requested that I found I had in my possession. I’m not operating on any ingrained biases, Amoralto’s Active Agenda For The Day, I’m just operating on what I have in my possession and capacity to post at a given time.

And perhaps this is a real fault on my part that I can take into hand, that I should try to be more evenhanded in my dissemination, but – basically, if a few consecutive posts that seem to be critical/negative of John or any other particular person at one given point in time is what has convinced you of some untoward bias of opinion I may hold, then I can only say that this is not the case at all.

You talk of the time and energy I put in - if I didn’t love John, and any of the Beatles for that matter, I would not be spending all this time into finding more facets for the frame, acquiring more vantage points, searching for nuance. I’ve even discussed in this blog before, more than once, about affinity and relatability, and about how I can relate to John’s emotional hedgings and compulsions (and the other Beatles for that matter, in other ways, for other reasons). I don’t like myself very much for all kinds of reasons, but it doesn’t make me project upon John for reflecting some of my more shameful tendencies back at myself, or further embolden his; if anything the relation only fosters better understanding of them because I can see more clearly how things can spiral and have repercussions that were not entirely meant at all, well or ill, and I can see why it would be entirely valid for John to feel this way in that circumstance, or do this with what little he’d perceived to receive, and on. And this applies for Paul and the others as well.

I’m not sure how to conclude this, so – this is my general case, anon. I think the least we can agree on is that I am a little more familiar with what I post than you are, and can thus speak with more about authority about them. I have tried going over my own posts with your eyes and have failed to see the same criticisms you do, and I can’t hope that you will see things from my perspective when you read this either. However, I do hope it will at least have broadened your perspective in some way, if it hasn’t changed your mind about me or the opinions I appear to prescribe.

(… And you know the phrase “paranoid troll logic” is meant in the most exasperatedly fond and not at all sneering way, right? I’ve tagged Paul as an “emotional disaster ocean” before too, I do not consider emotional disaster oceans remotely saintly. I allow myself to be glib and cavalier every once in a while, because the Beatles story can be so existentially absurd at times; I would hate for it to be interpreted as a deride.)

#ask

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silenceofthemongooses · 6 years

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hi! I hope I'm not bothering you but I can see ur attending CU. I'm planning on applying to either the school of art or engineering, but I'm leaning more towards art. I'm really at a loss when it comes to applying, home tests,and the general enviorment of the school.. and what to do after I graduate so I was just curious on what that's all like :0 sorry for making this so long .. thank u for ur time!

OMG THIS IS THE ASK I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR MY WHOLE LIFE I LOVE TALKING ABOUT COOPER

i’m putting it under a readmore bc it got crazy long??? i’m not even to the part where i yell about applications yet and it’s like ten paragraphs lmao

so.

first things first.

i applied to cooper in the first place because when i took the tour (best fucking college tour i took the whole time, by the way. all of the guides LOVE cooper and they love telling you about it, so if you get a chance, defo go on the tour bc theyre way more honest and you get a better feel for the school than on any other tour) one of the things that they emphasized was the student community., one told me that once when she walked into the EE lab and asked to borrow someone’s phone charger because hers had frayed so badly it wasn’t working. not only did someone give her a charger, but they fixed her charger until she could get a new one.

and when i got here, it’s totally fucking true. cooper is a community in every definition of the word. everyone is totally willing to help you in any way that they can, because that’s the kind of people that cooper admits and then fosters that behavior.

now. the reason they foster this behavior is because it’s a fucking hard school. the standard course load for a freshman engineer first semester is 18.5 credits, spread out over 7 classes plus a professional seminar. and yeah, some of those are only one or two credit classes, but they still have homework and class time. it is a rigorous schedule that only gets harder. professor alan wolf (physics, more on him later maybe? i have him next semester, we’ll see if the Rumors are true) said at an engineering faculty panel that he wants physics to be moved to first semester of freshman year (instead of second) because the transition from “an easy first semester” to a semester with physics and calc 2 was too difficult for a lot of students. everyone around me groaned when he said the first semester was easy.

and this is just the engineering school! the art school is hard as hell too. keep in mind that what i know about the art program is just synthesized from talking to art students and not at all from personal experience. but.

the first year of art is a foundation year. they assume you don’t know anything, and break you down to basics. the art ra in the dorms said her freshman year was incredibly hard for her both as an artist and as a person just because she was confronted with all these other talented people and having to face that she wasn’t The Artist in school anymore. i regularly leave the student lounge (menschel) at two in the morning only for art kids to walk in, holding all of their materials (although, not anymore, since someone got charcoal all over the tables in 3a lmao) and settling in for another all-nighter.

cooper is a culture of intense rigor and stress, and there is no overcoming that. but it’s also a culture of community and supporting each other. it’s a really specific kind of school that some people find just isn’t for them.

also, cooper is like, really small. like. very small. here are some of the things you will encounter because of cooper union’s limited budget and facilities, and which you basically have to accept:

no dining hall. there’s frankie’s cafe in the new academic building (also known as the engineering building, most commonly referred to as the nab) but otherwise there is absolutely no meal plan. frankie’s has like, sandwiches and muffins and bagels and (terrible) coffee, but it is in no way a full college dining hall.

no gym. i think at one point we were allowed to use nyu’s facilities? no longer. almost everyone i know belongs to a gym. i myself visit the planet fitness on union square maaaybe once a month when i guilt myself into it. blink is a popular option. if you’re willing to spare the cash equinox is also there. crunch is the one that everyone kind of makes fun of but like it’s super close so go for it if you want.

small supporting staff. this is both a blessing and a curse. i know everyone in the student affairs office by first name and usually they know me. i think at this point i’ve met everyone in the financial aid department. cool, because it means that they know me. bad, because it means i’ve had to talk to all of them to figure out what the hell is going on with my scholarships and how much money i actually know. this is not a school where there are online systems in place to fix any problems you have. you have to be your own advocate to the administration, and as much as they desperately want to help you, a lot of the time it comes down to just making sure your paperwork goes through. good news is you almost never have to make an appointment to talk to someone you just show up.

very little interaction between the schools. there are three schools. art, architecture, and engineering. engineering is by far the most populated, followed by art, then architecture. if i didn’t live with two artists, i would never talk to anyone in art or architecture. yes, the hss classes are multidisciplinary, but just statistically, engineers far outweigh the artists. there weren’t even any architects in my hss1 class. if you don’t make the effort to reach out beyond your school, it straight up doesn’t happen.

sometimes when you go to the basics plus to get some hangers because you ordered too many shirts online and now they’re just kind of shoved in your drawers and when the cashier asks if you have a student id and you pull out your cooper id she’s like “oh! is that local?” and you have to smile and say yes and when you walk out of the store you can see the foundation building down third with absolutely no problem

there’s more and i’ll think of them later but this is good for now

ANYWAYS i have a lot more thoughts on the culture of cooper??? but i think i’m going to leave it here because this is a decent overview of how i feel and what the most important parts are.

now.

for applying.

again, i applied to and am in the engineering school. everything i know about the art school is based on talking to art students

also, i am in no way affiliated with the actual admissions department and the following is just based on my experiences as someone who applied and talking to other people who applied

also at first i thought you were applying this cycle and i was like. honey. this is not enough time for either application

BUT THEN i put an ounce more thought into it and realized not everyone younger than me is a high school senior lmao

anyways!

both applications are really intensive. to get art out of the way (sorry art) it’s a series of prompts that you have to create a piece in response to. some artists i know got crazy super stressed about it, and pulled so many all nighters, and skipped a lot of homework to do it, and overall just did not enjoy it. one of my artist roommates, however, said that she actually really enjoyed the process? she just let herself create without worrying “is this what will get me in?” and felt that it was a really great experience.

either way, you’re going to have an interesting experience.

for the engineering writing prompts, it’s a goddamn marathon. there were nine, i think, when i applied? i applied to eleven schools and i had to write seventeen supplements. the ratio of supplement-to-school was way off and its all cooper’s fault lmao

there isn’t a word minimum, but there is a word maximum per essay, a fact i discovered as i was copy-pasting mine into the commonapp from my googledocs file. i think the max is 500 words? not positive tho don’t quote me

anyways they’re all fairly standard questions. like, nothing out of the blue like chicago’s or whatever. but keep in mind that this is honestly where you’re going to get admitted. a lot of people apply to cooper. and a lot of those people will have the same exact stats as you (btw, sat/act scores and gpa matter slightly more for engineers than for artists and architects) and the way to distinguish yourself is through your writing. cooper admits you as a person because they believe you’ll add to their community and then to the world, not because you got a perfect score on whatever.

so i, at least, let myself be a little freer in my cooper essays than in any other supplement. some of them i could answer right away (why cooper? why engineering?) and some of them i had to think about for a few days. the last one i wrote was the “tell us about something you read recently”. i wrote about staying up until three in the morning reading a novel and crying. i wrote it the next day because i realized that’s like, exactly who i am as a person.

the biggest tip i have for writing these essays in general (not just for cooper) is to watch food network star or something similar. the contestants get prompted on how to hook an audience (hey, you want to do that too!) in a short amount of time (word count) and tell a story that relates to both them and their food (a story that relates to you and and why you’re going to be a bombass cooper student) like, just watch a few, and then you’ll kind of have the flow of it down, and you can figure out how to work it into your own writing

just like, really show who you are. i know it can be tempting to put on this facade, and to a certain extent you should (do not, for example, tell them about the time you got so drunk you pissed your pants) but do your best to express yourself, in either application.

um anyways i am always down to talk about any aspect of The Cooper Union for the Advancement of Science and Art, so if you ever want any more info on anything, hit up my inbox!

my points of expertise include the dorms, classes, stanislav mintchev the greatest math professor in the history of the world, ray’s pizza, sitting in the engineering student council meetings and listening to all the Hot Goss, and more

i mighttttt end up putting up like “a week in my life” post at some point because i always think those are cool and maybe it would be neato

we’ll see

(if anyone want to see that…… or anything else……. lmk……..)

#ask #cooper union #literally anyone at anytime should talk to me about cooper #i love this damn school #hashtag problematic fave

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survivor-kuwait · 5 years

Text

Episode 4 - “I'm tryna figure out this vote like magnifying glass emoji." - Matt S

So naturally I’m panicking because I’m so sure I’m going to warzone, and the last thing I wanna do is be the swap vote out. I’m enjoying the Ma’an Tribe and just being able to talk to people, especially Kait and Owen. So far I only have individual conversations but maybe tribal will actually allow me to make alliances. I hate saying that cause I would never ask to go to tribal unless I really had to.

Challenge update. I think i have decent scores. Will they keep me from the bottom 5? Who knows but im trying my best. Im trying hard in the first game because i think thats the lowest score. Also FUCK multitask. That is very hard. I just want to be safe this round and figure shit out with Nehe, Stephen, and Trace. I have a little rant about Nehe coming up soon. 🤭 Oo I wanted to scream to Renee not to say anything till the votes were read. I knew she was gunna say something when it was a 3-3 tie and she unmuted. It was a big MOOD tho. I just hope she is able to stay safe. I do trust her a lot.

So we recently switched and I still don't know who is on my tribe lol. I am still with Kait which is great! I am with Owen, Stevie and Madison who I spoke to briefly, Matt who I just met, Chloe who I have always wanted to meet, and some new faces such as Timmy, Renee, and Jacob. I always love a tribe with a bit of everything.

Hello diary room how are you? I am making money moves. Connecting to my “tribe” members. Even Trace. The only bitch i don’t care to be friends w is Maynor bc he stinks of Renee’s brainwash. As we all know, Renee hates me and wants me out etc etc. I am doing what I can to protect myself if I end up going to tribal. All i can hope for is that, if renee is at tribal, maynor isn’t as I would have 4 who would have my back from my tribe. That’s 5 votes. If I can get Matt or Madison or someone else on the other tribe to come with, it’s Au Revoir René. I don’t think I’ll be immune as I only had about 3 hours to work on these 5 flashgames but who knows. I trust Adrian. I hate to say that but I do! I quite like Ian and want to trust him but it’ll take time. I believe Devon has my best interest at heart. Okay that’s all for today x

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Just played Axon and I hate this game soooooo much. I play Minecraft all day and spam click all the time but this game is gonna give me carpal tunnel I sware. My arm hurts so much. I guess it’s time to go to multitask

I have been trying to beat my scores in these flash games and i cant. I dont think they are good enough to keep me from the bottom 5. I’m really nervous to be in warzone with people i havent worked with before. Jshdiw i hope i couls find that idol tonight. Ill feel better if I have it in my hands. Nehe rant. So like he said he was down to work with me and have my back. And once again for some reason has happened again. He lied to me about voting for doodle (also willing to do Stevie) because he voted for Renee, my partner! His reasoning was cuz he told me that he was told thats were the majority was so even tho he told me he trust mr, he didnt believe me when insaid that it was going to be doodle when it switched. He still wantsbto work with me so thats good and i have leverage i culd use because he told me he wanted trace gone so i could throw him under the bus if i feel like i cant trust him. Idk if i should be upset about this cuz ppl liebin survivor but in this twist trust is way more important now than in a regular season.

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Immunity or tribal it doesn't matter the game presses on. The benefit of immunity is to just build relationships with people without the risk of going home or burning my idol(side note fuck all you bitches when you inevitably turn against me an make me burn my favorite piece of jewelry). Corey has really grown on me, talk game of thrones with me and I'm alliance putty in your hands! I was happy to see Maynor again, I feel there is something there that can be fostered, Cullan is a bit of an ignima to me still. I'll crack him though one way or another. Trace and I have begun chatting so I'm still up in the air on him and really most my tribe and people in this game. I honestly expected to be on the low end of scores for this challenge but I wasn't? Idk, double elimination means retrograde and please, please don't let it be Chloe vs Willow, I want them both to stick around and be valuable allies. If they can't keep the votes off them then as Walder Frey once said, " I'll find another."

This warzone where 2 people are leaving is just not cute. I was not happy when I saw that. I knew I was going to be here because I did each of the flash games like once or twice and called it a day so I knew I was going to be here and I accepted that. When I saw who else was there I thought "okay, I think I can probably find people to vote with and stay safe this time around" and then BAM it's a double elimination with the vote and it totally changes the strategy of the vote. Could be more difficult to navigate. All I know is that I need to step up my social game because I haven't chatted much with people and I need to start building relationships so if I end up here again I have people that have my back. I am just struggling with the idea of working with Nehe. Longevity I don't think I want to do. Short term, sure. But I don't think I want to deal with that for the whole game. Been there, done that and I am over it. I was talking to Adrian last night and my god that was an infuriating conversation. Adrian had no idea how the warzone was operating because he hadn't been there and I just wanted to say "sis, read an effing post you lazy ass and it will make sense" It's not that hard to understand, it is just different from normal. I just hate when people don't know things because they don't want to read a post. Going back to this double elimination tribal; it is really hard to choose two targets. Being on tribes that don't seem to matter because we get scored individually makes it almost a moot point to target people for poor challenge strength because it is a pretty individual game. I guess that would be incentive to get out strong challenge performers but all of those people won so again, not a good strategy. Also everyone has just encountered different people and no one is being put together with the same people as someone else so there are a bunch of different dynamics between players, more varied than normal because we aren't forced to interact with the same people for an extended period of time. These votes have just been a lot more nerve wracking than votes normally are and making it out alive feels like more of a feat than normal. I'd say I like the extra challenge to step up the strategy because it's different, but I honestly don't. I don't need this extra anxiety about votes, no thank you. I just hope I survive this!

New tribes yay... I miss maynor and it’s overwhelming to actually be forced to talk to more than one person lmao. But other than that it’s good and I’m safe and immune and so far everyone here seems cool... even if I can’t trust anyone because of those 3 votes I got last tribal!!!! Doodle and Stephen and maybe nehe better watch OUT

Now that the game has finally sped up a little bit, I'm excited because I feel like I can actually play the game more. I am also ECSTATIC that I am not at this double tribal thing, because that sounds stressful and I know that avoiding it completely was the best case scenario for my game right now. I really really like Corey. Him and I have hit it off and I can see us working together really well deep into the game. I'm glad that he is safe this round too because he is probably the person I am closest to on this tribe of people I am kind of afraid of. Ian came to me and started talking as well, but something just doesn't sit well with me about him. He blew everyone out of the water in the challenge, so that will have to be something I need to think about down the line when I decide who I want to vote out. Nehemiah talked to me a lot before he went into the war zone, trying to apologize to me about voting Renee. He made it seem like I was withholding information from him which could not be further from the truth. Classic erratic Nehe again making shit up and trying to pin it on me. I want his ass out and I want it out soon. I feel like I finally have some footing in this game. Timmy and I are tight, Corey and I are tight, and I made good relationships with Renee, Madison, and Owen in the last war zone. Hopefully if I do end up going to the war zone again I'll be able to have at least a few people to work with, because right now I don't feel very comfortable on my tribe if this game were normal and we voted each other out.

I am feeling FUCKEN PAN-tastic!! I was working last night so just read the post quickly and it said I was in the Warzone. I felt really sad and nervous but there was an error and I was actually immune. I was so happy that work didnt suck. It was a double too so Im super duper happy that I didnt end up going to tribal. I need to talk more to Ian because Me and him are talking most than others. Im also talking to Trace since he is Timmy’s partner and I want to work with him. Ive been talking to Corey for a bit. I need to make stronger connections while im safe so I can rely on them to want to work with me in the future warzones.

I am so happy to be safe this round! I'm kind of just glossing over the tribe swap because it's barely like we're on tribes since we're competing against them. Just hoping it's 2 from the other tribe gone so that way we still have 5 people to be safe. But also it'll probably be 1 and 1. Either way someone is coming back because retrograde is activated every round 2 people leave so that's going to be interesting. Them and Nehe can start a club...unless it's Nehe again lol. Honestly let it be Nehe again because it means he won't win in the end. Like who would vote for the person who was voted out twice, once has happened, but twice, idk if people would respect that. It would be he hasn't been playing a good game since it was easy to take him out. I'm just excited that I don't have to attend tribal and I can talk to people without the stress of making plans. Matt and I have been talking and he's pretty cool. He is definitely someone I can see myself working with since he's easy to talk to so far.

Well this twist is proving chaotic as it was intended. It appears we have a split but who the hell onows with this round. I do feel a little vulnerable with short repossess from some. I mean anyone could go home tonight.

i will write something longer when I'm home but I'm shook???? that I won the flash game thing. Matt is my fave and I hope my boring Scorpio person goes home thx

Do I trust that these people are gonna give me the correct information when its only 15 minutes before tribal? Not for a fucking MOMENT! But I haven't heard my name and people are like swimming between 2 names and I love both of them equally. Like this is sooooo hard. No me gusta.

I got meself an alliance AND I somehow still haven’t gone to tribal... why am I more stressed now than I was before??? I think the fact that the game is becoming super real is what’s making me really nervous, and as much as having a solid 3 with Owen and Kait makes me extremely happy, considering I trust them more than I’ve trusted an alliance in most games, there’s still so much game left to be played, and I remember in Solomon getting swapped away from my allies and it screwing me over.... I’m shaky!

Oop. Tribal is going to be soon. I wonder who the two that will be going. I just hope it isnt someone Ive been talking to. 2 people will be leaving so i think its going to trigger retrograde and one will be back.This warzone is really messing up strategy in this game.

I missed two round confessionals which suck but to quickly basically sum what y’all missed. I formed the voters pact that plan was throw challenges to get to the warzone but that in it self failed cause they didn’t all throw and then doodle was voted off the next round. I also kinda got lied to about the vote so like boo. This round in the warzone I kinda like this batch and it’s now how do we navigate the double vote out thing. I have a personal vendetta with Adrian cause I don’t trust him and Chloe is basically a non factor . So the plan since last night was always to go for those two it was just how do we go about it. I decided to make a group of 5 because it made it easier for them to willingly “choose” who they wanted to vote. And thankfully we lead them into voting chloe and Adrian. Now it’s just navigating who votes who and if the plan stays the plan. Fucking Devon is chaotic switching shit. He tried to switch the vote to willow to succumb to Thomas but who gives a fuck what Thomas is voting. I just care about the finale vote tally. I’m afraid definitely if it’s gonna be me for the fact that I don’t want to go back to the retrogade but it can easily be me. Like personally I feel like I’m always able to get people to groove in the direction I want but then I let them mingle and shit happens. I always make sure to have a hand in with everyone sonthey don’t want to turn on me but really the people I truly trust is stevie, Devon and maybe Stephen. Stephen is weirding me out shady vibes but we’ll see.

Immunity never tasted so good! I need Adrian to be safe. I need Madison and Jacob to be safe bc I think they’re at tribal? I would like Renee and Maynor gone but they’re both safe boo hoo. I am socializing w everyone. I love Trace, Adrian, Ian. I would like Cullan gone sooner rather than later as he is hard to socialize with but I like his partner, Willow. That being said, I think everyone likes Willow. Her leaving wouldn’t be the worst thing tonight but I do stan.

I have no sins I’m literally just sitting !!!! Kisses!!!!! Made an alliance with Matt and Kait. But you know how this is gonna turn out....? Kait and Matt are gonna get closer and at some point she will pick HIM over ME!!!! Heksjd this CYS flashback. But for now I like them. Glad that Timmy and madison are on my tribe even tho Timmy considered voting stevie.... speaking of Stevie zzzz boy rlly almost didn’t save himself Lol. But yeah I’m happy the game has shaken up and I’m excited to see what happens at this tribal. I need to really step my social game up tho so I have numbers when I’m down in that bottom ten

I’m tryna figure out this vote like magnifying glass emoji

It sucked thay Willow went. Hopefully she is able to come back because I feel like i had a good connection with her. Madison and Stephen survived so that was good. Right now Im hoping that i can be part of the live challenge. So I have hit M4 N4 O4 P4 and Q4. Im hoping R4 is the last one and i get something tonight at 11:30pm. I keep forgetting to do a reminder for idol guess so it keeps going back further n further.

so happy we voted out two girls, no offense but this warzone twist makes it impossible to backstab nehe and co. effectively. Its fine, hopefully itll be over soon and I can vote his ass out. No offense to the guy but he just very controlling.

Willow, nothing against you, but I really wanted you gone. I hated that you made it to FTC of another ORG without anything besides an idol play and I can say I am not fulfilled. Sadly, Chloe went to and it sucks because I always wanted to play with her but sadly it was short lived, for now. Hopefully Chloe wins her way back into the game!

Of fucking course it's Chloe and Willow in the retrograde. Bastards are voting off the people I know for sure would mess up and leak it to me if I needed to play my idol. I told Corey about how Cullan is short with me and he confirmed he is short to him as well, it must just be how Cullan is. That's fine and all but makes it hard to get a read on him. Corey and I continue to get along from my perspective, more good news, I did not fuck up while I was completely wasted last night and tell someone about my idol. I have a bad track record of getting drunk and laying all my cards on the table to people. I'm not only playing against everyone in the game but also drunk Ian, and that guy is a prick.

youtube

I did my next hit and it sunk the ship!! It’s my first time actually finding something in these idol searches. It may not have been an idol but a vote steal is a good item to have when you just need that one more vote. Im not going to tell anyone I have it. Its going to be a secret until it is used to take a big target/threat in this game.

so far in this game im just working on building my connections! i havent gotten a vote yet which is good but i want to try and not go to tribal as much anymore bc eventually i will become a target. i feel as though my best alliance is with madison obvi since we started together and are good friends. other than that im glad adrian stayed because she is someone i could see myself working with

Fuck this I’m tired and my fingers hurt and ugh

Im waiting to found the retrograde duel and hopefully willow is able to come back because I have some part of connection with her. That is all for today. Oop. Bulbasaur in detective Pikachu was the cutest!!

I got voted out bc I had a busy 2 days and I don't think my score for retrograde is very high goodbye

#survivorstarzone #episodes

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w1tchy13itch-blog · 7 years

Note

For your scholars! 64 through 71 and 74 through 80 please! I'm interested in learning more about your ocs! - Toad Mod

Yo! hehehehe I like this batch of questions too XD

I’ll answer the first half now, and the other half later after classes get out for me!

Lemme see what I can manage:

64: Where were your scholar’s parent(s) or guardian(s) born?

Lillie: Lillie’s dad was born in Yamagata prefecture in Japan, and her mother is a second generation Japanese American from central California.

Vivian&Darcy: Their biological parents (out of the three) were both born then the UK, and their parent’s partner was born in Melbourne, Australia.

Flora: Her mother is British and her bio-father (divorced and deceased) was Irish. Her stepmother is of Indian descent but was born and raised in Whales.

Abigail: Her biological parents were born in Mexico and Texas, but lived in northern Mexico. Her foster parents were born in New York but her foster mother is half Korean and her foster father is Jamaican American. (They moved to Texas, and then Arizona for the warmer climate and a desire to live in a quieter, more natural environment)

65: Is there anything about your scholar’s past that they don’t want anyone to know?

Lillie: Her deadname, basically.

Vivian&Darcy: Vivian hasn’t got any, but Darcy, like Lillie, would rather not have his deadname spread around. He’s far more comfortable in his new body though, than Lillie, but no matter how much you physically feel good, it sucks to have people disregard you and undermine you.

Flora: for the sake of Angus’s privacy and her own, she prefers no one knows she has a child. When she meets, by chance, Angus’s biological father a few years after she’d been attending Arlington and finds out he’s transferred to the same school via a scholarship, she is apprehensive about telling him, but manages to work out an agreement with him to share custody so long as he keeps quiet about the situation.

Abigail: If she could have her way, she wouldn’t let you know what she ate for breakfast. Mainly, she doesn’t want people to know her personal life, she wants them to appreciate her for the character she is on stage and her presence in the spotlight, but wishes for her past with her family and current relationship with Flora to be untouched and protected as much as possible.

66: Has your scholar ever kissed anyone?

Lillie: Nope, purely clean lips here. Familial kisses don’t count, and she’s never really been desired or sought by anyone before that was of the gender she prefers so it’s kind of rough on her. Hopefully Arlington will change that, because there’s a pair of lips named Tadashi Nakano that she is dying to taste.

Vivian: She had a girlfriend who is now just a close friend. (her friend got into the T.V. acting business and is currently the star of a teen mystery drama on a British kids show channel)

Darcy: He kissed a girl for a dare once, and had a boyfriend for 4 days that ended up being one of those “I thought I liked you but i guess i kind of didn’t, and this is awkward now” kind of people.

Bonus: Flora kissed her kid’s dad quite a lot that one specific time, and she and Abigail kiss around 8 times a day on average.

67: What is your scholar’s favorite holiday?

Lillie: Lillie likes Halloween the best. There weren’t many holidays her family celebrated, and Halloween was one of the few they did. She uses it as an excuse to cosplay because she can’t afford to go to real conventions.

Vivian&Darcy: They both love Valentines day and go all out romantic for their significant others or crushes.

Flora: Her and Angus’s birthday. Her parents travelled the world with her so she knows of too many holidays to count, let alone choose one. And so, she figures that her day of birth and her son’s are probably the best ones there are because they’re special days that only the two of them can fully appreciate

Abigail: Halloween and Christmas both. This chick is like ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ in human form.

68: What do they enjoy dressing up as on Halloween? If they don’t dress up or go trick-or-treating, then what do they do instead?

Lillie: She uses Halloween as an excuse to cosplay and has a roster of anime characters that she’d like to cosplay next. She chooses a character from a different anime each year. Recently she went as Rock Lee, and her older sister went as (a very unfit) Might Guy from Naruto.

Vivian&Darcy: ever since being born they’ve gone for halloween in things that come in pairs, from salt and pepper shakers at 2 years old to Sweeney Todd and Mrs Lovett this year (their plan for this year is to run a meat pie, and other baked goods, cafe from within their parents home.)

When not dressing up which is rare, they have been hired to host children’s parties in their local neighbourhood (also part of why they hold a themed cafe or barbeque each year).

Flora: She seldom had time for Halloween as a kid seeing as she was constantly travelling but her favourite country’s practice of Halloween is Britain because of how extravagant they can get, and now that she’s dating Abby she’s learning about the history and significance of ‘The Day of the Dead’. She usually just ends up dressing like a witch with the same costume each year but accessorised differently.

Abigail: La Dia de los Muertos, which isn’t really ‘Halloween’ as most western countries view it, was always her favourite time of the year. In an otherwise rather lacking childhood, most of her good memories came from the festival. Her foster parents upon adopting her researched and studied how to help her keep in touch with her cultural history and tradition, and helped her set up a shrine in their own house so she could still celebrate her Abuela and her older brother who died when she was 6.

69: It’s your crush’s birthday! What does your scholar get/do for them?

Lillie: Aside from generally stressing and not knowing what to do, she probably cooks him something and offers it to him with shaking hands, most likely looking away. Tadashi, being who he is, makes a joke to ask if it’s poisoned which earns him an irritated glare. Then he nearly cries at how good it tastes.

Vivian: She takes you out on a date. Where do you want to eat? What do you want to wear? You wanna see a movie? Late night walk in the park? You got it. She’s on it. Already bought tickets a week ago. Reserved a private table in a restaurant. Gets her parent’s driver to take you places.

Darcy: he’s similar to Vivian, but he does things more personalised like. He sneakily susses out what you want and like all year beforehand and does stuff like make a ghost profile on amazon or pintrest to see what things are in your wishlist etc. He’d probably also make a mixtape of songs that you and him like, or that are important to you (hard to do in his case, since he’s trying to woo Axel though). Also, he’s DTF (Down to fuck FUN!). Just saying.

Flora: Birthdays are BIG deals for her, so she, like Darcy, finds out things you like and want. She is more direct about it though and asks you to your face what you want, or what you would like. She also is good at cake decoration and likes making personalised designs for them. She can also sing ‘happy birthday’ in 4 languages, and on occasion has been able to get ahold of foreign gifts from places she’s visited overseas before.

Abigail: For the very first birthday she spends with you, She puts on a whole personalised performance for you! (non sexually, of course, this is the kind where your parents and kids can be invited too). She gets caterers to help with food, and she buys out a venue of whatever size she needs and you and your whole family and as many friends as you can fit are invited.

For later on in your relationship this only happens again during milestones like 5 years anniversary or something (it’s not a secret, I’m keeping her and Flora together forever). On off years, she just cuddles with you and spoils you with shopping sprees and they buy huge donut boxes or chocolate sample boxes and watch trashy/cheesy foreign romances.

70: How would your scholar react to seeing their crush crying?

Lillie: If somehow, by some, horrific, ungodly force, you managed to make Tadashi of all people cry, She would probably gently ask him if she can help at all. she knows he’s a little bristly, and doesn’t always appreciate her over-empathy, but she loves him a lot and wants to help him.

She gives him the option to turn her away if he needs time alone but wants him to know that she is available whenever he is ready to talk. If he is, by chance, ready, she sits by him and holds him closely, either listening to him talk, or listening to him cry. Kisses and head scratches are also inevitable.

Vivian: She is the person who runs up to you and holds you, asking you what’s wrong. I’m apprehensive to go further because I don’t know much about her crushes yet (Claire and Alistair) so i’ll have to wait and see. I feel like Vivi would probably react slightly differently depending on how her crush displays grief, but on a base level, she’s a hugger and sweet-talker to get you to calm down.

Darcy: It’s time to FIGHT. Who does he need to knock the fuck out? The first few times, his crush (Axel) is probably too busy holding him back to be crying anymore. After a few more times, Darcy is still raving mad, but he keep it in long enough to responsibly evaluate the situation. Still probably ready for low-key revenge, but he’s not as trigger happy with his fists anymore.

Flora: She calmly asks her to walk her through what happened. A future lawyer at heart, she can and will do whatever she can to make sure Abby is done right by via compensation or proper and called for retribution. However, she is fully aware of the fact that sometimes Abigail gets into trouble in the first place because of her own faults. Abby isn’t very good at making friends, but good at making enemies. Definitely not an innocent little angel. Her girlfriend is basically her #1 test client, because of how she is, socially and how much legal drama the celebrity life brings on top of that.

Abby: Abby isn’t good with emotions. She’s not even good with her own, let alone knowing how to help Flora when she’s down. It’s usually the other way around. When Flora is upset, which is very very rare, Abigail tends to leave her alone or to sit quietly by her, super anxious and not knowing what to do at all. Flora doesn’t resent this, because she knows Abby’s limitations and inabilities. She tends to prefer to cry it out until she’s done crying anyway, and typically feels better afterwards.

71: How would your scholar react to seeing their enemy crying?

Lillie: She laughs. Quietly, of course, and to herself, but she’s typically satisfied if things aren’t going well for an enemy. Of course, unless the situation is extreme or a special case. But there is one specific enemy in mind (an OC) whom she’d happily drop kick into the sun if she could, so seeing her cry would be fine by her.

Vivian: She ignores them and moves on. She doesn’t care enough to tempt them when they’re in a good mood, and she certainly doesn’t want to offer her kindness to someone who will probably use it against her later.

Darcy: Same as his sister, but he also probably then asks what happened, usually out of general curiosity.

Flora: She has very few enemies, and being a future lawyer, she is training herself to have less of a bias when it comes to justice (the exception is if you mess with Abigail). She’ll ask if she can help in anyway, or at the very least she’ll ask what’s wrong. Also, she has a deep maternal instinct in the first place, and wants to help out as many as she can manage.

Abby: Abby ignores them like the twins do, not only because of how bad she is around crying, but she might have been the reason some people have cried.

She has gotten into fist fights with people before for her general inability to chill out, and especially if it’s a person she dislikes. She was almost expelled once for grabbing Karolina by the tie and ripping her shirt collar, and has given Axel a wedgie on more than one occasion. Naturally she and Darcy hate each other because Darcy tends to get too protective over Axel. It’s a big, ugly, sad mess.

I’ll continue the other questions in a second post!

#se scholar #sweet elite oc #sweet elite #to be continued

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alliance-recruitment-agency-blog · 5 years

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ponyregrets · 7 years

Note

alt-POV of I'm Sure of All the Things We Got would be amaaaaazing!

Original fic here, alt-POV here!

"This is a really bad idea," says Miller.

Bellamy sighs, looking down at the glove compartment, as if it has answers for him. "It's not really an idea. That's kind of the point of an accidental pregnancies. If it was an idea, it wouldn't be accidental."

"I'm not talking about the baby. I get that. Of course you're taking the kid. But--you should be moving the fuck out of that apartment."

It's not a new conversation. Miller thought it was a bad idea when he and Clarke moved in together, and he's only thought it was a worse and worse idea the longer it goes. Which is, honestly, probably correct. The longer Bellamy lives with Clarke, the less he wants to ever live with anyone else, and at some point, he's going to have to examine that.

Miller's probably right. Now would be the time to do that. It is genuinely stupid to be planning to raise a child while he's living with Clarke, because Clarke doesn't know how to not get involved in things. If there's a baby in the apartment, Clarke is going to help with the baby. It's going to be their baby, whether they intend for it to be or not.

"Either you tell her you're into her," Miller says, not for the first time. "Or you move on. Raising a kid with her is the opposite of moving on."

"I'm going to tell her. Seriously, I am," he adds, before Miller can protest. "But it's not time yet."

"Uh huh. It's been, what, two years?"

Bellamy leans back, closing his eyes and thinking it over. He spent a long time not being in love with Clarke, as a deliberate, conscious choice. He put serious effort into not having a thing for her in college, when they didn't get along, and then once they started, he thought it was going to go somewhere. But then she took off for Italy, and he got a girlfriend while she was gone, and then she had a girlfriend by the time he and Roma broke up, and it was just--she was his best friend, and it felt like the timing would never be right for anything more. So he didn't have feelings for her. He just didn't. He kept telling himself that he didn't.

"About that, yeah," he agrees. That was when he gave up and admitted that he wasn't going to get over Clarke, that he couldn't just will the feelings away.

"And it's still not time?"

"Time is when not saying it sounds worse than saying it," he says. "I'm not there yet."

"I'm not saying she's going to shoot you down," Miller says, after a pause. "But if she does, you probably want her to do it before a kid gets involved."

"It's not a big deal," he says, and almost believes it. "Not--the kid is, yeah. But even if she doesn't want to date me, we're always going to be friends."

"Yeah. But--what if you're a happy family for a year, and then she meets someone, and she realizes she can't be anymore?"

"Then it'll suck and me and my baby are going to come and cry on your couch for at least a week. But I'll make sure I talk to her before that happens."

"You're going to have a baby. It's gonna be busy."

"Yeah, but it'll probably tank her sex life too."

Miller snorts. "That's the spirit. Now start paying attention so I drop you at the right gate."

Bellamy straightens, turns his attention to the signs directing them into the airport. Without the distraction of Clarke, his mind goes back to the actual infant who's going to be his in a matter of hours, and his stomach churns.

At least it's kind of novel, to have his feelings for Clarke not be the most stressful part of his life. For them to be a welcome distraction, instead of a constant disaster.

"I'm on Jet Blue," he says, and checks the sign. "Thanks for the ride. And the ass-kicking."

"For the record, I think there's like a seventy-five percent chance she'd just fucking marry you if you asked," Miller tells him, once he pulls into the gate.

Bellamy doesn't have a good response to that, so he just leans over to give Miller half a hug and a grin. "Dude, watch your language," he says. "I'm going to be a fucking dad soon."

"Are you sure you can handle her?" asks the foster father. He and his wife seem like a perfectly nice couple, and Bellamy is sure that if they wanted to adopt her, they'd take good care of her.

But he took one look at her and fell in love, and he can be good for her too. He can be the best for her.

"You wouldn't think it would be that difficult, for a baby," says the mother. "But she knows what she lost."

"Yeah," he agrees. "I helped out a lot when my baby sister was born, I remember how tough it was when me or my mom left for more than a few hours. She thought we were never coming back." He offers the woman a smile, since she looks worried. "I'm pretty good with babies."

"Is it just you?"

Grace fusses a little in his arms, and Bellamy rocks her and offers his finger to play with, which she seems to appreciate. He appreciates having an excuse to think for a second about his response.

"No, not just me. I've got a pretty great support group. And, uh--I live with my girlfriend." Clarke wouldn't mind the lie, in this case. She'd understand. "She's going to help out."

"Oh!" the woman seems pleased, and Bellamy would be annoyed, because between him and Clarke he is infinitely more prepared to deal with a baby, but she's probably just glad he has someone. "That's nice. Were the two of you thinking about children?"

"Not yet, but--we knew we wanted kids someday. I think we'll be good. Obviously the circumstances aren't what I imagined, but--I'm glad I can take her."

"I'm glad," says the father. "She's a good girl. It's good she has family to look out for her."

Bellamy's still only about forty-percent convinced she's in any way related to him, but he also doesn't actually care. Unless someone tries to sue him for custody, he doesn't think it matters. And he assumes if anyone was planning to sue him for custody, the social worker would have mentioned their existence.

"Yeah," he agrees, smiling at the firm grip of his daughter's fingers around his thumb. "We're going to take really good care of her."

Clarke is the one to pick them up from the airport, and all it takes is the first sight of her for Bellamy to realize exactly how right Miller was about this whole thing. It hasn't been awful, the last day. He got through the night without too much trouble, and through the flight with a little more, but he was aware, the entire time, of being alone. It's a feeling he remembers from being a kid, but in a different way. He had a constant awareness of being not a family the way people thought of families. People knew he should have a father and didn't, and when Octavia came along, they knew she didn't have a father either, and that her father probably wasn't his father, when they thought about it.

As a kid, he was defiant about it. Who cared that he didn't have two parents? He didn't need a father. Octavia didn't need a father.

But there's something so stupidly nice about how he knows he and Clarke must look. She's waiting for him and Grace at the airport, and it's like they're a family. He was on a trip with his daughter, and Clarke was meeting them at the airport. They were an easy, cohesive unit. Anyone who was watching stopped thinking there was anything extraordinary about him at all.

He's not alone, and the sheer relief of it is tempered by the knowledge of exactly how bad it's going to be, if she leaves.

"How was the flight?" she asks, once they reach her.

"Fucking terrible," he replies without thinking, and then realizes he's holding a baby. He didn't start swearing until he was nineteen, trying to be a good influence on his sister, even after she started swearing to wind him up. Maybe he can do better with Grace. "I mean--it was rough," he corrects. "She didn't like it, which was already bad, and this was my first time being on the parent side of the crying kid on the plane. But she calmed down eventually, so yeah. I don't feel like a total failure yet."

"That's good," she says, but she's watching the baby with a careful expression, like she thinks Grace is going to surge out of Bellamy's arms and attack her. "Because I'm definitely going to be one. One of us needs to have some idea what we're doing."

The last lingering threads of tension leak out of him. The reality of Grace could have been it for Clarke. He wouldn't have blamed her. It's easy to say that you'll be there for someone, and from Clarke, he'd believe it every time, but this is huge, even for her. Even for them. If she'd backed out, it would have broken his heart, but he would have understood.

He thinks about it in the back of his mind as he helps Clarke hold Grace for the first time, as he sets up the car seat and settles her in, as Clarke swears and then corrects herself trying to navigate out of the airport. It's been less than an hour and she already noticed his change in habit and picked up on it.

"I think I'm doing okay so far, right?" she asks, once they're on the freeway and chatting. There's an undercurrent of nervousness in her tone, and he wants to reach over and take her hand, offer her some comfort.

But he can do that without touching her. "You're doing great." He clears his throat. "I know I told you you didn't have to help with this, but it's been less than a week since I found out and I already don't know what I'd be doing without you."

"You'd be fine," she says, with easy conviction. No one believes in him like Clarke does, without any hesitation. Part of him thinks that should be a problem, because he should have to earn it. But then he remembers he already did, somehow. It hasn't always been like this; he worked to make her respect him, and now she does, without question, always. "But I'm sticking around anyway," she adds, smiling at the road.

"Cool. Don't ever let me talk you out of it," he adds, in a fit of courage. The certainty he feels right now, that she belongs in his family, that he gets to have her, it's not going to last. It's going to get clouded with guilt and doubt and insecurity. When it gets hard, he'll try to spare her.

"I won't," she says, and he knows that's true, too.

How did he ever survive, without someone like Clarke in his life?

"Get some sleep, Bellamy. We're going to need it," she adds, and he does. He wakes up when the car stops, but he doesn't open his eyes right away, lets himself take a second. He hears Clarke getting out of the car and opening the back door, speaking softly. "Hey, Grace," she says. "Yeah, we're going to let your dad sleep a little longer. But you can come check out the apartment. We've got a crib for you. I hope you like it. Dad said it was the best one, and he probably checked."

"Dad?" Bellamy asks. When he opens his eyes, Clarke looks caught, a flush on her neck.

"What? You aren't thinking she's going to call you Bellamy, are you? It's a lot of syllables."

"That's the first time I heard it," he says. "It's, uh--are you going to be Clarke?"

"I should be, right?" She's looking at Grace, her face all twisted with wonder.

He might not survive this.

"If you want," he says, because no feels too dangerous. "I was trying to figure out--I don't know. She makes sounds, but none of them are really talking yet."

"It's about a year for talking," she offers. "I googled it. But it might take longer, since--I don't know. She was probably learning to call Echo Mom, and no one Dad, so she has to get used to--us."

"Yeah. So--you can figure it out. Whatever you want, Clarke. Just let me know."

"I want you to help me bring all this stuff inside," she says. "Get up and contribute."

He smiles. "Yeah, yeah. I'm coming."

Bellamy has, occasionally, thought about having kids with Clarke. Not in great detail, it was just a thing he'd wonder about, in passing. He'd wonder if Clarke wanted kids, or if she wasn't interested. If that was the kind of thing that was important enough to him that it would cause problems, years down the line. It was the stupidest kind of fantasy, thinking about how the thing he wanted most could go wrong, if he got it.

He never thought about it in a concrete way, because he never thought about having a kid by surprise. Even if he'd gotten someone pregnant accidentally and they decided to keep it, he would have had seven or eight months to figure it out, depending on how early he heard.

Sometimes he hates Echo, and then he feels awful, because she didn't owe him anything, not really. The kid might not even be his, in a biological sense. Maybe she put him down on the birth certificate under the influence of whatever she took to get through labor. Maybe she didn't even remember. Maybe she didn't know she did it.

It doesn't matter. Whatever happened, he has a daughter now, and Clarke is something far too close to a mother for his own sanity. If he'd had a chance to think about it, he doesn't know what he would have expected, but it wouldn't have been this. But Clarke doesn't half-ass anything.

"Do I really need to be here for this?" he can't help asking.

"No," says Clarke. She's trying to figure out to position the privacy blanket thing over her chest, and Bellamy is trying really hard to not think about her breasts, because this isn't sex-related at all. They're basically parents, and this is what parents do. It should not be hot. Not even a little bit.

But he hasn't gotten laid in months, and the girl he's in love with it going to be topless in a minute.

"But I want you here," she goes on. "I'm going to do something wrong."

"Not that I have experience with this, but I think you just stick the baby on your boob and go with it. It seems pretty fool-proof."

"That's the plan," she says. "But I'm not sure it's going to work."

"How are you expecting me to help?"

"Moral support." Her shirt lands on the couch between them. "Also, this is a huge pain, and babies nurse a lot, so I think at some point we're just going to have to accept that you're going to see my nipples."

He counts five Mississippis in his head, for dramatic effect, and then says, "Okay. I've accepted it. Let me see your boobs."

Clarke doesn't laugh. She just levels him with a look, and then she disentangles herself from the privacy sheet. Bellamy's eyes snap to her face immediately, for his own sanity, but he can't actually avoid seeing her bare chest out of the corner of his eye. He wonders if she'd be offended if he bought her a nursing shirt. Ideally she'll get cold and buy one for herself.

"Baby?" she prompts, and he shakes himself.

"If this doesn't work, it's not a big deal," he tells her, passing Grace over. "I know formula gets a shitty reputation, but--"

"I know." She wets her lips, maneuvers the baby. "I'll get one of those shirts, if it--if she's not interested and I'm not actually producing milk it seems like a waste of money, but--"

"Can you stop being cool about this for like five seconds and acknowledge it's fu--really awkward?" he asks. His tone comes out curious, and Clarke laughs.

"It's really f-ing awkward."

"Okay, cool." He lets out a breath. "Awkward's over. You need help?"

"No, she's--" She laughs. "She's kind of doing it."

"Kind of?"

"I haven't really got a lot in yet, so it's kind of--"

"Yeah," he says. He shifts a little closer, curious, and then closer when her smile is instant and unstrained. "Better you than me."

"Shut up. You're totally locked out of the miracle of life."

"Totally." He lets his eyes flick down, just for a second, to get a full view of Clarke's chest. With Grace there, it's easy to not think too much about the non-reproductive appeal of breasts, but they're still undeniably nice. "We're not screwing this up too badly."

"Not yet," Clarke agrees. "Get Netflix going, okay?"

"Yeah," he says, and when he settles his arm on the couch behind her back, she leans into it.

It's really not so bad.

Bellamy doesn't get used to it. He actively, relentlessly, consciously does not get used to it. Because this isn't something he can do. Everyone else in the world can buy into their family dynamic; people who see them at the grocery store or the park or the playground can assume they're married, Octavia can call Clarke his wife, Clarke's mother can call Grace her granddaughter, and that's their business. Bellamy constantly reminds himself of who his family is, and of Clarke's role in it.

So when she says, "Are you going to be okay with the kid tonight? I was going to see if I could get some people to go out," it shouldn't feel like being punched in the chest. This is what he's supposed to be ready for. He's constantly thinking about it.

"I think we can handle ourselves for a night, yeah," he says. It's not the first time; he and Clarke both have lives and obligations, but there's something oddly formal about the way she's asking tonight. She wants to leave, she doesn't have to.

And that's fine. If she needs to get laid, she should. It's been a while, as far as he knows. And she didn't really know what she was signing up for.

Not that he did. But at least he had sex with someone and could have possibly fathered a child. Which is more than Clarke did. She just agreed to live with him, and all this stuff fell in her lap.

He makes it an hour into her night out before he can't resist texting her a video of Grace staring down her favorite stuffed giraffe. He feels like a dick, but--well, if he was out and the baby was acting super weird, he'd want Clarke to send him a video. It probably wouldn't kill his game more than any other part of his life. And she can always lie and say it's her best friend's baby.

It's not even a lie. That's the actual reality of the situation. As he fucking knows.

Me: I'm a dick

Miller: Yes, and?

Me: Clarke's out looking for a hookup, and I'm texting her videos of Grace

Miller: You're a dick for not texting me the videos

He gets a response from Clarke, prompt enough he isn't really worried that she was making out with someone, and replies to her before going to attach the video for Miller. By the time he gets back, Miller is typing again.

Miller: She's out with Monty btwI don't think she takes him looking for hookupsAlso I think there's a 90% chance she'd marry you now btwAt least

Me: Monty could be a wingmanBut that does help, thanksHere's a baby video for your trouble

It's not even five minutes later when Clarke texts, I'll be home in half an hour, and the magnitude of his relief is a little embarrassing.

His fingers hover over the keys, his desire to tell her not to worry about them at war with how much he wants her to be here.

Grace starts crying, and that makes up his mind. We'll be here, he sends, and goes to deal with the baby.

He doesn't mean to pass out, but the fastest way for him to calm Grace down is to take off his shirt, lie down with her on his bare chest, and sing softly, and it's really easy to fall asleep like that. Clarke makes fun of him about it, but it works, and it works better than anything else they've tried. He's pointed out any time she wants to try calming the baby down with her naked breasts, he supports her, and she laughs and tells him she's pretty sure the baby's more into her chest than his, globally speaking.

It's the kind of thing he shouldn't be used to, but he is.

He wakes up with Clarke sitting next to him, her fingers tangled gently in his hair. He holds the baby tighter with one arm and rubs his face with the other, scowls when he hits his glasses.

"You're so old," she tells him, and he opens his eyes to glare. She wasn't particularly dressed up to go out, so maybe Nate was right. Maybe she was just looking for a break, not a hookup.

"I'm a father, I sleep when I can." He pushes himself up, looks her over. "You could have stayed out later," he tells her. It's safe, now that she's home. Now that there's no danger she'll listen to him and do it. "We were fine."

She catches her lip in her teeth for a second, hesitating. "I'm a mother. I get tired."

It would be weird if he made a big deal of it, so he doesn't. She's just mirroring what he said. "Still." He clears his throat. "I know you don't get much time to hang out these days. I don't mind if you take it."

Clarke nudges her shoulder against his, smiling. "Remember how you don't want to do this alone and I'm supposed to remind you of that?" she teases.

"Why do you think I told you to remind me? If I'd do it on my own, I wouldn't need your help." She snorts a soft laugh, and he smiles too. "Seriously, did you have fun?"

He's hoping for more information about what she was doing, but she just reaches over to brush a wisp of hair off Grace's forehead. "Yeah. But I missed you guys."

His first response feels stupid, I missed you too, making too big a deal of it. She wasn't even gone for two hours. But it also feels like he can't just let it go. Not when he has this chance. "Honestly, I was sort of expecting you to not come home tonight," he admits.

"That was stupid," she says, so fast that he lets out a laugh despite the tension he can't shake. "I would have told you if I was out cruising for a hookup."

"You don't have to. I get that it's--weird."

It's the understatement of the century, but she doesn't call him on it. Unfortunately, she calls him on something worse. "So you thought I was out trying to get laid and texted me a video of our daughter?"

"I never said I wasn't an asshole," he points out, and her smile doesn't quite convince him. So--he fucked up. It's fine. It was only a matter of time.

But she straightens, looks at him with a serious expression he can't quite interpret. "I was out with Raven and Lincoln and Monty." It's not much of a revelation, but she drops her gaze all the same, focusing on Grace. "So they could tell me it's okay I'm in love with you. Which they did, so--I feel a lot better."

His heart actually stops, and for a second, his entire world is just--static. There's nothing.

When his brain kicks back in, all he can think is--no. It's not possible. His brain is corrupted by all the baby, so hers probably is too.

"You know you're, like--producing a lot of hormones right now, right?" he asks. "Your body is probably really confused about milk and reproduction and babies, so--"

Clarke is looking amused and fond and not even a little convinced, and Bellamy thinks he might throw up. Maybe in a positive way. He's never been so fucking nervous in his life. "It's not new, Bellamy," she says, gentle. "I just thought we weren't--I didn't think you wanted that, so I wasn't going to want it either."

It's so familiar. It's the same thing he's thought, more than once.

Oh fuck, this might actually be a thing. He might really get her.

"But," Clarke is saying, as his brain quietly implodes, "if this isn't going to happen, we should probably figure it out before this gets any more--complicated."

"Oh." It's all he can manage for a second, but she's obviously right. He was even thinking the same thing. He just apparently did not, on any level, really think Clarke might feel the same way, and he's actually unprepared to deal with it. "I'm, uh--I'm going to put the baby in the crib. And then I'm going to--" Clarke is watching him, amused and fond and just a little bit nervous, and Bellamy lets himself lean in and press his mouth against hers. Since he hasn't actually told her yet. Since she probably doesn't know. "We should figure it out," he says, and makes himself get up and go to the crib. He's shaking, and he doesn't even know why. It's just that nothing in his life has ever been too good to be true, and now his best friend is sitting on their couch, offering him everything he wants.

He counts to five once the baby is settled and then asks, "So, are you drunk? How drunk are you?"

"Not drunk. Not in any way impaired."

When he lets himself look at her, she's still watching him, and he wishes he weren't a fucking mess. "Sorry, I just--fuck, I can't do this if it's--if you're--"

Her expression softens. "Bell. Just sit down and breathe, okay?"

She makes it sound so easy. But it probably should be. This is Clarke. She's not going to be fucking with him. But there's a part of him that can't help thinking about how much this is. It's him being in love with her, and a baby, and of course Clarke loves him. Of course she does. He's never doubted that. But--

"You gotta be sure, Clarke." He makes himself admit, "I am. And I don't mind--I can wait, I've been waiting, but I can't--"

Clarke rolls her eyes. "You would have been a lot better off just saying something," she says, and before he can protest, she wraps her hand around the back of his neck and pulls him in, her kiss firmer and surer and longer than his, and apparently his insecurities can't survive her wanting to make out.

Which is great, because the last thing he wants to do is not make out with Clarke, and Clarke seems to feel exactly the same way. When he pushes her back, she goes easily, and when he slides his leg between hers, she arches up against him, and his life is so fucking good.

When he pulls back, she grins at him, gorgeous and laughing and his, his, finally his.

"I'm sure. People don't adopt babies with you if they're not sure," she adds, teasing.

He nips her bottom lip. "It's not adopting if she's mine."

"She's mine too," she says, decisive, and she is, somehow.

Somehow, Bellamy's life actually is this great.

"Do I get to brag or not?"

"I told you to just tell her," Miller says. "You don't get to brag that listening to me worked out. You just did what I said and it worked."

"That's why I was asking." Grace stirs in his arms, and Miller makes grabby hands. For someone who pretends to be all badass and aloof, he's a total softie for Grace. He's got a campaign going to be named her godfather, and once Bellamy figures out what exactly a godfather is and how to give Miller the title, it's totally going to work. "But you told me I should just move out too."

"I was telling you to just talk to her way before that. But sure, we can go with that. Let me hold the baby and you can brag about whatever you want."

Bellamy passes over Grace, and, once she's settled, says, "I'm going to marry Clarke."

"Yeah, that's news to no one except you. But congratulations. I'm glad raising a baby with the girl you're in love with didn't completely blow up in your face. I was pretty worried."

"Me too," says Bellamy. "But, yeah, you were right. All I had to do was--" He pauses, reconsider. "Wait for her to figure out she was into me and make a move herself."

"You did say it wasn't time yet," Miller grants. "Maybe you actually knew what you were talking about."

Yeah, definitely not. But Clarke's got my back."

"As always."

Bellamy grins up at the ceiling, stupid with happiness. "Yeah. As always."

#Anonymous

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ts-nightingaleislands · 4 years

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Episode #4- “if I have to do another tribal I'm gonna tonya Harding these bitches”- Austin

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I have not gotten a chance to see tribal's entirety, but something did stand out. Tawni essentially implied that OG Thrush would stick together and do what it takes and it told me that perhaps there are people on that tribe unwilling to work with Petrel. I understand that we have our OG tribe but I will say that people who arent open to working with others may not be good for the long run so I think Im gonna try and evaluate a few things and go from there as far as maximizing my benefits

The Dylan blindside went very well. I would have very much preferred to see Tawni leave, only because she's still the person I've talked to least. Unfortunately, Cheatham and Austin both wanted her to stay, which is why we voted Dylan, who was a much more aggressive player than Amy. I figure that it's early on, a swap could come any day now, so I've been preparing for one. I've already tried to get a Tawni vote prepared in the event we lose, which was actually very easy because she told me she wanted to get rid of Noah and that's all he needed to be good with it. (It also helps that he was independently considering voting Tawni before I told him that). Cheatham and Austin would likely prefer to vote Amy, which I would not prefer. Amy is much less likely to betray me than Tawni as far as I can tell, and the absolute worst case scenario regarding a swap would make Amy an easy scapegoat vote if we lose. Tawni would be much harder to vote out in that scenario. Premerge is all about making strong connections to carry me through the rest of the game, just laying my foundation now. Austin and Noah both trust me so much, and then Cheatham appears to be seen as a fourth wheel to our alliance. Austin and Noah (especially Noah) are huge players, so if you're going to take a shot at my alliance, it would make more sense to get one of them, and Cheatham has already been seen to get votes on him due to certain aspects of how he comes off (blatantly refusing to work with people afaik?). I'm not the big guy in my alliance, but I'm not the expendable guy either. Right where I'd want to be. Assuming I can actually form strong social connections with everyone, and let's be honest, that's 50/50. Oh no do I need to take control of the game strategically to have a shot at winning?? Well if I do, the bigmovez part of my brain will have to wait until we merged, because I have already established that the premerge is a time for fostering strong connections!

Well that went according to plan and Dylan went home! Now it’s once i get tawni out (who was also against me) , i’ll get my idol! That really all i care about tbh so i have some safety come swap. Noah and I are THROWING this comp just to send home tawni and get ourselves an IDOL

So I have to pretty much start a majority alliance later though right now I am more focused on the challenge. As of this moment, I like the idea sharing going around for the challenge. Baby Got Back may be questionable to some but we just want to have fun! Im ready to get this going and just have a fun challenge with hopefully another win!

Im nervous sorta in that last time I had to edit the music video and it was ao stressful knowing if we lost it would be my fault. It does sorta deem AnnMarie is running into trouble so I might have to do it again unfortunately and its like ahhh

Pleaseeeeee have a tribe swap soon . I love my tribe but if I have to do another tribal I'm gonna tonya Harding these bitches .

Last night felt like a mess. Rizo joins a chat with Kyle and Tim supposedly to get info from and the belief is they may want to target one of us, meanwhile Gwen makes a chat with me and Sara calling it Detectives where we end up voicing concerns and sure enough Rizo and Tim's history is brought up. The girls and AnnMarie get sketched out from Tim and by association Kyle, Steven meanwhile is gaining cool points like Santa Claus and yeah. Im pretty certain its only a matter of time before peoppe search stuff about me but man this tribe is becoming a secret ball of chaos

And Liam is an unproblematic cool kid too

Well. I cried myself to sleep. And I woke up crying. I want to give up so bad. Cause it’s like at this point I have zero chance of winning so what’s the point. I don’t know anyone on the other side. My one ally in the game sucks ass. Granted my entire tribe does. And it’s like I’m assuming at this point we aren’t swapping and y’all are gonna keep us here until merge except there will be no one from my tribe left to merge. I’m just so fucking tired of trying

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Wow, I can’t believe we won again. And in a landslide. It was a lot of fun making that video. And yes, that is a real snake. And no, I had never touched a snake before. And yes, it was weird. Okay, so here’s what went down over the past few days. Rizo told the CORGIS that Tim wanted to make an alliance with him and Kyle. I don’t know if that actually came to fruition yet, but after doing some digging, Chris found out that both Kyle and Rizo work for FedEx. Even though they live in different states, they may have bonded over this, or maybe they met at some point? No idea. Anyway, we are keeping our eyes out. This prompted Chris, Sara, and I to make a new sub-alliance called Detectives. We discussed the possibility of Rizo going rogue and we also discussed concerns about Tim. I did some research online and found Rizo’s Survivor audition video on Youtube. I think he may be a little more of a game player than we initially thought, but I mean, a lot of people in these ORGs apply for the actual shows. But it did make me and Sara question our Sunt alliance with him. I also did some digging on Tim and found out that he has played in a lot of ORGs and he has won, or done well, in a significant number of them. Reading reviews from his past competitors makes me even more nervous about him. They said that he was really great at game play and basically slayed the social game. He is way too much of a threat and we need him out of this game before he can manipulate people. And this makes sense with Tim’s Devils…I realized that he could have just told the whole tribe about the concerns with Noah, but he decided to just tell the girls. Now, sure, maybe this was out of the kindness of his heart, but based on the information that I found, I think that it was a strategic move to gain trust with us. Oh, and also, I accidentally almost blew up that alliance…we were talking about alliances and he said he was only in one alliance. However, I know that he has approached at least two other people with the possibilities of alliances, so I highly doubt that is true. Anyway, I mentioned it in the Detectives and Chris was like oh he has an alliance? But Sara and I saved it (I hope) by telling him that he was probably talking about the chat he made with the girls since the hosts technically had to call that an alliance. I think we’re good? I’m debating whether we tell Chris the name. Tim’s Devils is a total joke and none of the girls are actually loyal to it, but I don’t want the name coming back to Chris. He is still my #1 and I want him to be able to trust me. It was funny because when I was talking to Tim, he said we have a good alliance and I was like Tim’s Devils? And he asked how many alliances I was in. I was like ohhh I didn’t realize that was a real alliance because no one has talked in it. Then tried to cover it up with asking whether it is normal for people to make alliances before losing a challenge. Who knows if he bought it. I’m just going to keep playing up the N00B card for now. So everyone that I have talked to has said they are concerned about Tim. He is my target. So this could go two ways – either everyone really wants Tim out, or they really want me out and that’s the name they are giving me. I hope it’s the former, but either way it has been fun! If it is the latter, it was a great learning experience! It’s kind of hard to say what the next move is, since we don’t know if there will be a swap…and if there is a swap, who would be on my tribe. Ideally, we would have the majority in both tribes. I guess the most likely groups are 5v2 and 4v3. My only concern is that the other tribe might have the immunity idol. In that case, we wouldn’t be able to split votes in the 4v3 tribe. We could in the 5v2 tribe…I guess we will have to see when we switch tribes!

I just wanted to touch base cause I think theres a tribe swap. I also formed a pseudo alliance with kyle and rizo just in case we ever lose to make sure i have the numbers with the Tim's Devils alliance.

I'm in a bit of a peculiar position. Two people on my tribe, Noah and Austin, both appear to want to have me as their number one, both positioning themselves in such a way that it would be advantageous for me to side with them. If this is true, then I am probably in the best spot on this tribe, and I control the vote. Do I side with Noah and vote Tawni, who is much more likely to ditch me in a swap than Amy? Do I side with Austin and vote Amy, which would complete Austin's list and give us control of the idols? Do I vote Cheatham, because I've gone mad with power and it's theoretically possible? So many possibilities! However, the best one in my opinion is to vote Tawni out for two reasons: 1. She popped off at the challenge. Not like "oh no what a physical threat vote her out before she goes on an immunity run". But it's obvious that she put so much effort into the challenge, that even Petrel would recognize that. So if she's voted out, it's clear to everyone that the Thrush tribe may be a bit of a mess. And if we're so disjointed, in the event of a swap, we aren't a coalition worth toppling over. We're numbers they can use to fulfill their own objectives. 2. She never talks to me. Amy never talks to me, but she never talks to anyone. Tawni talks all the time to other people (or so I've heard). Voting her out reduces the number of options other people (Austin) have, forcing them to stick with me or jump into the unknown that is Petrel. I really hope this is the best move, and if I get 14th bc I'm swapfucked then >:( (i guess thats not as bad as a blindside tonight)

Wohooo “we won another challenge this is so great!” I must say I am impressed at how well my tribe is doing and it’s great I’m safe and practically made the merge. However how can I go to a merge and not know who to trust. I trust my corgi alliance and Kyle but Honeslty they haven’t been tested yet to see if they are loyal which is scary. Another calm round where I can’t go into the immunity pool or target someone in my tribe. I’m anticipating a tribe swap, I don’t really want one because if I get tribe swapped I’ll be upset but at this point I’m ready to get some gameplay going and hopefully Chris and myself or Gwen can get this game going.

Shit hit the fan I’ve got a great ally in Sara who filled me in on a lot about our tribe and the other tribe. We work really well together. Turns out there’s a 6 person alliance of Gwen Sara rizo Liam Chris and AnnMarie. Sara felt on the bottom, so she talked to me. She is in an alliance chat with me AnnMarie and Kyle. This alliance of six is supposedly falling apart though. This leaves Tim. He talked to me after my reward challenge win, and he seemed somewhat insecure about his place. He’s pretty much on the bottom. Me and Sara agree that he could be an easy target to keep our place in the game if we lose soon, or if there’s an unfavorable swap. Noah seems to be on the bottom of the other tribe, so that could help us in a swap as well. Tribal happens soon and I’m pretty nervous, not necessarily for what happened at tribal, but what might come after

This entire round has been a mood and I'm extra upsetty spaghetti that I wasn't around more to hassle people! Honestly, I'm just counting the days before I get caught for my shenanigans! I literally spilled the entire idea of the 6 person alliance (as well as other groups) to Steven this round because well, it's full of duos and I'm not any of their priority. Plus, I'm generally not an underdog in games, but I love working with the underdogs and I sorta see Steven as that. If he leaks all I told him, I'm probably screwed...but I think he trusts me because he was willing to pass info and strategize with me too. Lastly, Gwen and Chris are totally a duo and Tim is sketchy...that's all! :)

well, i lost my closest ally dylan so now im feeling pretty alone. i think i could be going this round but some people are telling me to vote tawni so im going to do that and hope it works. wish me luck!

Sooooo I just edited the entirety of the lip sync challenge and it was super fun to watch everyone dance and mess around with the lyrics. I wasn't in love with the song, but I gotta admit that the end result was really nice. Gwen helped out a ton by making a Google docs and organizing things. I'm super disappointed with the other tribe though. It had little effort, and Trent really tore into them. Trent also said that the horn girl had him cracking up. I'm the horn girl. I was very happy. I was told some very interesting stuff about Tim. I already had a pretty bad vibe from him, but I guess Gwen confirmed my inkling. I don't think I will be aligning myself with him during the game.

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4 votes Tawni, 2 votes Amy.

#announcement

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