#I'm doing pretty well mentally though so I'm excited to feel better and start working on projects and whatnot soon

[hunting4fluff]

Reflex Training

HEY! I'M BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER (maybe) I started college so it came out a little slower but it's also a little longer but who cares here we gooooooo (also I added a single Spanish word in here Idk why it just felt right in the moment)

Lee Reader

Ler Miguel

Miguel/Reader or Miguel + reader (/r or /p is up for reader interpretation) 1694 word count

You would never expect Miguel to be such a physical person.

It would make sense most in combat, when all you really can do is grapple and punch, - Weaponry for you, as many other spiderpeople, was out of the question - however when it came to Miguel, you assumed he would leave touch to fighting.

It wasn't a bad thing, by any metric. It was admittedly nice to get a hand on your shoulder, letting you know his reassurance was available or the occasional flat palmed rub on your upper back when you were noticeably overwhelmed.

Today, however, left a little bit more physical touch than what you were used to.

Miguel had been praising your abilities. Your constitution was 'fairly admirable' your intelligence was 'something to be proud of…' etc. etc. But he hadn't neglected to point out your weaknesses in order to improve. Calling in today was reflex training.

Miguel had prepared a list of possible reasons why your reflexes might be off, ranging from least probable to most probable.

"Spider sense deterioration. Unlikely, though. Older spiderfolks tend to struggle with that and at that point they've already retired."

"Got it." You nodded your head as you listen intently for a cause. Miguel was anything, if not thorough.

"Mental health issues such as chronic anxiety and depression. You had listed last week that you were experiencing little to no symptoms on our new check-in."

"Still accurate." You affirm, noting the slight huff of irritation in his voice. He hadn't originally been planning on conducting mental health surveys- he knew everyone in this society experienced traumatic events and therefore had symptoms surrounding it -but after he had "Spider Therapist", Lyla and Peter all come forth with the not-so-flexible-suggestion, he wasn't exactly going to argue on the matter.

Nonetheless, you had been doing pretty well these past couple weeks. Taking a couple self care days to relax and allow yourself to enjoy things.

"Attention span difficulties." Miguel listed next.

"Attention span has been fine recently." You shrugged. Miguel quirked a brow, giving a half-heartedly disbelieving look. You smiled back and Miguel continued on the list.

"Then last but not least, inconsistent training. Have you been slacking in the training room?"

You opened your mouth to refute but hesitated. The mental health days didn't really count, you didn't think. They were rare and barely ever affected your work. However, you had been focusing more on strength training recently…

Miguel looked you over in your hesitation, a small huff of a chuckle springing from his chest.

"I'll put down 'yes' then…" He shook his head, an amused smirk quirking the corner of his lips as he pulled up a screen and started to type the information in. You shot Miguel a glare, in which he returned your glance with another snicker.

"Tell you what, we can work on it together today, alright?" He offered. It took you by surprise- Miguel never worked personally with any of the other Spider-people. It felt… special. You shrugged your shoulders, attempting to seem more nonchalant than how you actually felt, and nodded your head.

"Sounds good, I guess." Was that too relaxed? Miguel sure seemed to think so.

"What? You're not excited to work one on one? And here I thought we had a good thing goin'." Miguel teased. You rolled your eyes and giggled, crossing your arms as you grinned at Miguel.

"No, no- it sounds very exciting-"

"Ah, now you're just trying to make me feel better!" Miguel waved his hand dismissively, laughing. He was in a pretty good mood today and it was certainly a welcome change.

"C'mon, let's just go do that training thing, alright?" You laughed with him, starting to walk towards the training room. He joined your pace by your second stride, shaking his head again.

"I make the rules around here, contestón."

His taller figure allowed him a further stride, forcing you to jog to keep up with him. Making it to the training room, he opened the door to one of the simulation rooms.

The room was about 380 square feet, panels on the floors and walls used to project images of villains and obstacles that you might need to avoid or utilize in a fight. Typically this room simulated an average living room, even going so far as to materialize furniture to set the scene. Often times, Miguel encouraged this room's use for fighting robbers and inexperienced villains for those starting off, which almost made you feel insulted that he would bring you in here.

The furniture of a living room formed, it's technology akin to Miguel's suit as you would have noticed. Miguel had explained the science behind it before in one of his sleep deprived rants, but you also had been too tired to listen.

You noted the lack of a target in the room, scanning around to find only you and Miguel standing in the scene.

"You're going to be sparring with me." Miguel answered the question budding at your lips, only to provoke a new question.

"But your claws… and you're way bigger than me…" You nervously protested. In all honesty, while his claws were pretty scary, that wasn't your biggest concern. Fighting Miguel meant having to hurt him, and that wasn't something you were willing to do.

"You've fought worse, I'm sure of it." He brushed off the notion, starting to position himself from the opposite side of the couch. "And if you're really worried about my 'claws', then I can avoid using them. I'm not trying to kill you."

You were still hesitant, but the second you moved to comply, Miguel leapt at you. You dodged out of the way, just in the nick of time to feel his pinkie finger brush against your upper arm. The way you pulled out of the way, led you into a somersault and by the time you steadied yourself, Miguel was darting at you again. He reached to grab you as you jumped to the ceiling, just barely grazing your hip and causing a strangled squeak to jump from your throat.

Miguel seemed to hesitate, processing why you make such a noise, giving you more than enough time to leap back at him and tackle him to the ground. You struggled to grapple him, grabbing his wrists before he pulled both yours and his arms apart, twisting his wrist just right as to pull it from your grip.

You were screwed.

He quickly darted his hand towards you, shifting his weight to pin you as his hand clutched- your side?

Before you could question his choice of hand placement, you saw that smug grin on his face and knew you were double screwed. His fingers slowly dragged up your side, causing you to twitch and try to arch away from the touch.

Flustered blush rose to your cheeks, heating up your face once you realized how detail oriented Miguel was.

"You know, I was thinking of adding a penalty to inadequate training sessions. You think this will work fine?"

Miguel's teasing only made it harder to try and at least seem unbothered. You felt a smile tugging at the corners of your lips as you yanked at Miguel's hands, your head rolling back as you whined in protest. Verbal protest could mean laughing. You weren't going to be so easy.

"Oh, am I getting the silent treatment? There's a good way to fix that." Miguel moved his fingers towards your ribs, shooting sparks through your skin. He tapped on each individual rib, slow and teasing. Every movement was methodical and well thought out. He was anything if not thorough.

Each light creeping touch built more and more giggles bubbling up in your chest, a full grin spreading across your face as you squirmed. It would be a lie to say this wasn't a little fun. Miguel was grinning down at you, shifting to grab your wrist and holding it above your head. A small giggle slipped out before the entire dam broke, and he wasn't even touching you yet. He wiggled his fingers teasingly above your armpit, relishing in every reaction you made.

"Miguel!" You yelped out, arching away from the impending fingers.

"What? You failed reflex training and now you're gonna learn to get better!" He laughed, a devilish glint lighting up in his eyes. Suddenly, five, firm claws grazed just below your underarm coaxing a scream laugh from you. You weren't expecting his claws, much less for them to tickle so bad. You cackled and writhed, hearing Miguel's laughter mix in with yours.

"YOU SAHAID YOU WOULDN'T-" You were cut off by your own laughter, shrieking as they quickly scritched down to your side and slowly dragged up back to your ribs.

"Wouldn't use my claws? For training I wouldn't. Like I said, I'm not trying to kill you." He chuckled, speeding up the slow scritches to quick scribbles.

It felt like tingly fireworks were shooting through your ribs, causing you to cackle and screech.

"YOU'RE KILLING MEHEHE ANY-" Before you could finish your sentence, a loud squeal followed by a gasp interrupted as you started to thrash.

He slowed his touch to light tracing up and down your sides after a few moments to allow you to catch your breath, giggles still hitching in your throat before you started to calm down a little bit.

Finally he stopped, releasing your wrists as you coiled in on yourself. You caught your beath and laid there for a few moments, residual giggles slipping out here and there. He reached over and brushed some hair out of your face, laughing before he pulled you closer with one arm.

"You good?" He asked, the smug smile never leaving. You nodded your head, still smiling as you leaned into him.

"You didn't end up killing me, so that's nice." You retorted, earning one more bark of laughter from Miguel.

"Hey- it's motivation. Anyways, let's get you some water. I think we worked out your abs more than your reflexes." He joked, standing up and holding a hand out for you to grab.

Reflex training might not be so bad after all.

#hunting4fluff #tickle fluff #atsv tickle #sfw tickling #miguel ohara

[billpottsismygf]

Right, okay, overall that episode was great. Really fun, really atmospheric. Effectively straddled the line between hilarity and terror in the spice girls scene. NPH exceeded all my expectations as the Toymaker; he was giving very Emcee in Cabaret vibes when he was doing the camp German thing, but then was able to reign it in and be in control and frightening when he switched into an English accent. He was defeated a little too easily for my liking, but that's far from the biggest problem with the episode.

Now. The bi-generation. I hate it. I don't necessarily hate that it happened - I quite like that Fourteen and Fifteen got to work together - but I hate that it wasn't resolved at the end. If this had been a two parter, the regeneration could have been a fun cliffhanger and led into a part two where there were some more games with the Toymaker - since his part could easily have been extended, as could John Logie Baird's - and where the bi-generation got resolved. As it is, however, now there are… two Doctors… Permanently? If it is going to be resolved in the future, though, why not just do it now?

My main issues:

It undermines Ncuti Gatwa as the Doctor. It feels weirdly like he's a secondary Doctor, rather than being The Doctor. Especially being the first black Doctor in the main running order, that's just a bit suspect. Although the final shot was of Fifteen heading off in the TARDIS, the focus of the end of the episode was so much on Fourteen instead of this exciting new era. This should be a fresh new start with Ncuti Gatwa at the helm, but instead he feels like an after thought. (He has given one hell of a performance so far, though, so I'm still incredibly excited to see his Doctor shine.)

It undermined what felt like a lovely bit of character growth, with David Tennant's Doctor being ready to leave this time.

I just don't believe that the Doctor would settle down like this? I get it, he's traumatised and needs to heal, but I still don't believe he would act like this! I usually think RTD is fantastic at character things, but that final scene was weird and wrong (I also don't believe Wilf would ever shoot moles). Even the idea that he's taking little trips doesn't make sense. The Doctor is incapable of not accidentally getting embroiled in a war or an invasion.

RTD has already done this! Why does he have an obsession with creating an additional David Tennant Doctor and then getting him to settle down into a human family life? And it worked better last time! At least then it was a Doctor that was part human and locked off in a parallel world.

Why are there two Doctors now??? This is just weird????

There are two TARDISes as well! Our favourite ship has been split in two… That's a sentient being!

The one thing that is slightly saving it for me is that Fifteen appears to still canonically come after the end of Fourteen's time as the Doctor, rather than Fourteen having the ability to continually regenerate into other Doctors. My only evidence for this is that Ncuti's Doctor says that he's mentally healthy now because David's Doctor did the work. So… Does Fifteen have the memories of Fourteen's time with Donna and family? Are they going to have to meet up and re-merge at some point? That would be better than the alternative, which would be for David Tennant to just perpetually be around as the Doctor. I love the man, and was even saying that I was surprisingly sad at how quickly our time with Fourteen would be over, but I don't want it extended like this. Not like this!

It's such a shame that what was otherwise a pretty good episode, if a little rushed, has been completely overshadowed by this bad and pointless decision.

Anyway, we got some hints about the future. The Toymaker has called on his legions, there's the One Who Waits, the tooth with the Master has been picked up by someone with red fingernails (again!). I'm still looking forward to what's to come; it just feels like this brand new adventure has been held back somewhat by clinging onto the, admittedly wonderful, David Tennant.

#doctor who #the giggle #doctor who spoilers #the toymaker #ncuti gatwa #david tennant #mine #dw60 #fifteen #fourteen #dwmine #reactions

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

(apologies for the long backstory, i swear theres a question in here) ive always struggled with poor mental health including severe anxiety and an eating disorder, which has translated into some strong mental blocks when it comes to sex and intimacy. i like sex and i consider myself someone with a pretty high libido but it is just so difficult for me to be comfortable with another person, especially when bodies are involved. when i was in my late teens/early twenties i would just try to push through those feelings which resulted in some really really bad experiences. i made the decision to back off from sex and relationships to avoid some of that dysfunction, but while it might have been a smart idea to take a break, its now been 6+ years and it feels time to try again. ive worked through a lot of things and am in an overall better mental state, but i also know that its still gonna be very hard for me! admittedly, the idea of being intimate/vulnerable with another person, or just the idea of someone looking at me for too long, still makes me want to seize up. so, which actually brings me to my question, do you have advice/tips on communicating with partners that sex and body stuff is still hard and I might need to take it easy? when i was younger, i had no idea how to communicate what i was dealing with, and i at least have the words now, but i feel just so out of practice and like i dont even know where to start. how do i explain that i run the risk of freezing or panicking or dissociating even with a good partner? im a little scared im just going to continue avoiding that conversation, and thus continue to avoid sex and dating even though it's something i genuinely want to do. any advice would be very very appreciated!

hey anon,

I have great news: you actually just did the dang thing. like, you explained the situation very well to me! you clearly know how to do it! if/when you reach a point when you've got someone you like and want to get sexually intimate with, you can literally just tell them the same things you told me. "hey, I've taken a long break from sex for my own reasons and I'm excited to get back into it with you but also a little nervous. here are some things I'm worried may happen during sex; can we talk about them and what we should do if the situation arises?"

you've already done 99% of the work right here babe you just need to like. actually say that to a potential sexual partner and you're good.

#sex edventures 2023

[kanguin]

On my way to work today, I spent some time reflecting on my experience with autism growing up after listening to a video talking about neurodivergence in general. And it really hit me just how frustrated I am with the limitations that are placed upon me with autism. While my stunted social capabilities is frustrating in its own right, the thing that makes me feel the most helpless and aimless is my flat affect and muted emotional spectrum. I used to think that I'm just not really very emotionally impacted by things that happen to me, but in reality I feel the feelings, but just, cannot express them in a way that I or others understand. And because some feelings like fear, anger, sadness, and joy, are self-feeding emotions that react to your own expression of them, the fact that I often don't express an emotion or am even aware it is affecting me until I assess the symptoms afterwards, means that my emotional reactions rarely "bloom" for lack of a better word. This also means that a lot of my emotional reactions to things that happen to me go completely unnoticed by myself and others around me, meaning my emotional needs often go by the wayside and get buried as more things happen. I should point out this does apply to all emotions; I've been questioned on my level of interest in the past when the idea of going to Disney World was discussed as a kid, despite the fact that heck yeah I was excited! But it came out as "Yeah I'd love to!" in a flat pleasant voice that reads to allistics as meager enthusiasm.

My emotions do get loud and pronounced sometimes, but I've found usually only when overwhelmed, or when the circumstances are JUST right for me to express Big Joy (genuine excitement). Hell I still to this day have trouble relating to people defined by big emotions. Anger is one I definitely struggle to relate to, because it's a lot easier to keep a cap on your anger when you don't always notice frustration at first, so things rarely have a chance to boil because the fire isn't fed. Even for things I really SHOULD get angry about, I get mildly indignant or frustrated, and I sometimes feel like voicing my frustrations then make me sound impotent and pathetic. Probably because I was bullied in a way where people tried getting a rise out of me to see my reaction, but yeah. People who explode with righteous fury scare the living daylights out of me, even though I know they're right. It's just so alien, to me. I honestly feel weak-willed sometimes, and get frustrated with the fact that I don't pursue my interests or dreams with any more than moderate passion. I'm pretty sure if I put my mind to it I could gather my finances, find the right, well paying job, and move out within a year, but because my mental disress at being confined to my mother's home simmers barely above lukewarm until it errupts so big that I can't think clearly, before going back to tepid… I just make no progress.

The fact that it took me so long to realize that I'm not cis, and then when I realized that, it took me so many years to accept that I wasn't just "neutral" but wanted to start HRT and wanted to be outwardly perceived as a girl, is all entirely due to how muted my experience of my emotions is. I've debated for a while on whether or not I experience dysphoria about my appearance, and I've come to the conclusion "yeah, I do and I have for a long time going back to early high school". It's kind of obvious in retrospect that not wanting to dress out around boys and starting to prefer to wear a swim shirt with the convenient excuse of being pale/fat, were forms of not wanting to be perceived by others for how my body was. It's so painfully obvious now that the disress that my voice dropping brought me was not just because it was sudden, but because it was dysphoric, not me. But it took so long to even realize that because my emotions are so muted that extreme discomfort is hard to tell apart from mild discomfort unless analyzed in retrospect.

The school psychologist for the early college entrance program I attended my junior year of high school once told me that the thing that sets me apart from my peers is that while most of them had strong dissatisfactions with their life as it was, I was just extraordinarily content with whatever life gave me. And for years, I believed that, becasue yeah, I generally just accept whatever happens to me without much fuss, I don't fight for anything, even if I want it. But hindsight has proven her so, so very wrong about that. And I don't really blame her, she was making the best of what I presented with her and the accounts I gave. I didn't have an official diagnosis of Autism or anything so there was nothing really signalling that my mild, placid demeanor was the combined effort of severely stunted emotional expression and complexity and the early signs of depression. So now I just have to look back, and wonder how differently I would have developed as a kid were my convictions just a little stronger, were my emotions just a little louder. It's not much use looking back and wondering, but it's hard not to when you feel that a defect in your brain has basically held you back from achieving what you want for most of your life.

I'm extremely thankful to the friends I have in my life today. I've learned so much about recognizing my own emotions and my emotional needs from people around me that care so deeply for me. I don't talk to my friends as much as I should, but the past week I've been putting in a concerted effort to talk more, about anything. Just more time with these people who mean so much to me but I give so little of myself to. And I haven't gotten to prioritizing all of the people I consider the most important to me just yet; I have about two or three friends I still want to make sure I set aside time and energy for, but I'll get there in time. My mental health hasn't been great for a long while, for a combined number of reasons, but I want so badly to have quality time with my favorite people, and I think it's finally spurring me into doing something about it. I can only hope that from here on I get better at recognizing the things I want, need, and feel on a daily basis, and not just write everything off as being mildly interested.

#kanguin original #autism #neurodivergent #autism spectrum disorder #trans

[marnz]

some thoughts about life right now;

i've been on a really intense project since late July and let me tell you, i am tired! i'm one of the few people at my job that specialize in this type of work--we are excited to train more--but for now i am just hanging out here preparing to trade one high pressure project for another for the foreseeable future. which ultimately is fine! even though it can be stressful, I would rather be doing this type of work, which is interesting and super fulfilling and matters a lot to me, than other types of work, which do not feel fulfilling and are actually pretty boring.

it's a little confusing to find myself here because last year i went on medical leave for mental health reasons and prior to that i was doing a very different kind of work, and when i came back in january they started me off with this new kind of work (which i do prefer) with basically no training from my supervisor. which is fine, i am comfortable learning on the fly and/or teaching myself, and i have both a lot of experience doing this and a lot of experience in Complex Projects, albeit in a different practice area. then i moved onto this project in late july. so like again very little training in this specific type of work but i assure you, nothing is as stressful as my last job was. and i do love this project! even though it's stressful! i've since learned that this is just going to be my specialty! which like...i am happy with the outcome but i feel like i sort of tripped and fell into it in the least expected way possible.

while thinking about it, i think i thought i'd only make it to this kind of work, this kind of project, by working hard--and i had a specific idea of what working hard looked like, what striving looked like. but i have been working hard for the last year or so, healing, learning, growing, recovering, all of it. and that is hard work. and by taking time to tend to myself, and grow and change and learn and heal, i became ready for this kind of stressful work. and that's not the narrative we have around this. culturally we have a narrative of self sacrifice and unpaid overtime and being really fucking type A and having unhealthy work/life balance, but as soon as I stepped away and said actually, i've had enough, i will not burn my life out for you, i started down a road that led me to doing the type of work i want to do in a healthier and more prepared way. and that's fucking awesome!

for now i am just trying to make it to the end of this project in mid october. which means coping skills, baby! wish i could write but i don't have capacity for it rn, and that's fine. so my priorities are: maintenance days (cleaning/chores). reading. knitting. baking. yoga. hiking. i want to make life as easy and cozy for myself as possible right now.

i haven't knit for several months and I'm thinking of trying my first sweater--this gorgeous sweater called Mountain Mist. however i've never done colorwork before so the pattern suggests doing the same colorwork in a swatch hat (here) to practice. i am SO HYPE!!! this pattern is also admittedly deeply my aesthetic. i showed it to my partner and he laughed bc it's so typically me lol. i also checked out the first book in Tana French's Dublin Murders series on audiobook to listen too while knitting. spooky season means murder mysteries. 🥰

also my work office is being remodeled so i will be working from home for the next 6ish months, and we're preparing to overhaul my little work corner in our house so it is better/more ergonomic/has more storage/is cuter. also i am going to get a standing desk for my poor knees 😵‍💫 recently worked from 8:30 to 9:30 and my knees hurt sooooo bad 😩

it's nice to know that a year ago i wouldn't have been able to handle this project or really know how to slow down and prioritize self care and after a ton of hard work on my mental health i'm now i'm like, well, it is a bit stressful but we got this. progress 😌💖

#currently #crimes new roman #gonna make lemon poppyseed bread next i think #doing laundry and cleaned out the pantry today. now going to order yarn. #also tmi but i got a new iud and i am In Pain lol so i am just going to take it super easy :)

[grahamobrien13]

Hotch/Reid request - they tell Jack and Haley about them and Hotch is super worried

Another one written on my phone. I'm gonna look tonight for my charger.

Warnings: none really. It's pretty fluffy.

Read on AO3

or

full story under cut

Aaron glanced down at his watch. It was getting closer and closer to 5:45 pm. Which was the time that he was supposed to be introducing his boyfriend to his ex-wife and son.

Aaron knew that Hayley and Jack both already knew and loved Spencer, but he was still terrified. He had come out to Hayley as bisexual pretty soon into their marriage, and she was very accepting of it. He'd never actually had a serious relationship with a man before, though, since he and Hayley had been high-school sweethearts. He didn't do much dating then and he certainly hadn't since they'd been together.

But then everything happened, and work became Aaron's main priority. Hayley really did love him, but she realized that for her son and for her own mental health, it would be better if they were apart. Aaron was still a big part of Jack's life, and it honestly worked well for them.

Aaron didn't tell Hayley when he and Spencer's relationship first started... Mostly because they were strictly coworkers/friends with benefits, but once things began getting more serious, Aaron informed her of the relationship. Though he didn't tell her who he was seeing...

Aaron stood in front of the bathroom mirror, getting himself ready for dinner at Hayley's house with Spencer. He was so nervous, what if Hayley didn't approve of the relationship. He was a lot older than Spencer... And not to mention Spencer's boss... But he and Spencer had had many lengthy conversations about all of this and had set man healthy boundaries. They didn't let their relationship get in the way of anything to do with work, and both of them saw their job as their top priority, so it didn't really get in the way of the relationship.

"Are you almost ready to go? It's getting close to that time." Spencer said, coming to stand in the doorway of the bathroom. He looked great. They had both decided to kind of dress up for the occasion, and their matching ties were a really nice touch.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go." Aaron said, turning towards the younger man and planting a soft kiss to his lips. Spencer kissed back for a second before grabbing Aaron's hand and pulling him out the door of Aaron's apartment and to the car.

♡

Hayley clipped Jack's tie on his shirt, Aaron had sent it over, saying it matched with his and his boyfriend's tie. Hayley thought it was cute that Aaron was including Jack on that. She was excited to meet Aaron's boyfriend. Aaron hadn't told her much about him. He hadn't even provided a name, but from the way Aaron just seemed so happy when he did mention the mystery man, Hayley knew it was true love.

"When's daddy comin'?" Jack asked, looking at his mom. Hayley glanced at the clock,

"He should be here with his friend in 15 minutes." She said.

"Can I go play?" He asked, Hayley gave him a nod, and he ran off to his playroom. Hayley went to check on the chicken in the oven and then started the green beans. She hummed to herself for a little while until the doorbell rang. She quickly made her way to the door and opened it.

♡

Aaron nervously tapped on the steering wheel the entire drive over to his old home. Spencer watched him,

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" He asked. Aaron stopped his tapping and glanced at Spencer,

"I mean, we can't keep it from her forever. And I want to be able to spend time with you and Jack together. I hate that it feels like we're sneaking around." Aaron said, Spencer hummed.

"What are you afraid is going to happen?" Spencer asked, Aaron chewed his lip for a moment before responding,

"What if she says something about our age difference... or about the fact that I'm your direct superior at work? Or what if she doesn't want you to be around Jack?" Aaron said, speaking faster than what was normal for him, Spencer noticed this.

"Well, we're both consenting adults. You may be 10 years older than me, but you weren't interested in me until I was in my late twenties, so I don't think she'll see a problem with it. We've both discussed our jobs and the way that this relationship works with our job, and we can explain our boundaries to her if need be. And I've been in Jack's life since he was born. I don't think that she's going to have an issue with that." Spencer said, hoping to calm Aaron with his logic. Aaron seemed to relax a little, and soon they were parking in the driveway. Spencer gave Aaron a quick squeeze on his hand before they both approached the door and rang the bell.

Hayley was there pretty quickly, opening the door. Her face turned to one of shock, and then quickly to one of happiness as she saw Spencer. She pulled him into a hug,

"Oh I'm so glad it's you!" She said, Spencer hugged her back and shot Aaron a smile. Hayley gave Aaron a hug, albeit a less enthusiastic hug than Soencer.

"See, Aaron. I told you there wasn't anything to worry about." Spencer said, just as Jack was running down the stairs and into his daddy's arms. Aaron smiled and looked at his family. He wouldn't have it any other way.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid #aaron hotchner #fanfic #hotchreid fluff #hotchreid oneshot #hotchreid fanfic #hotchreid #heid #aaron hotchner x spencer reid #oneshot #criminal minds oneshot #criminal minds fanfic

[misscrawfords]

The whole thing about minors absolving themselves from responsibility for seeing things on the internet they shouldn't see is like...so funny to me??

I remember getting into fandom when I was 12/13 or so and I remember the first ever HP fanfic I read (the P&P ones I was reading earlier were very tame) was a Snape/fem!Harry teacher/student fic that contained a very tame sex scene towards the end IIRC.

I clicked on it without having any preconceptions of shipping or ratings or warnings, I just thought that "what if Harry was a girl" was a cool concept. I loved the fic because it was interesting, exciting, and well-written. (I don't know if I'd think that now if I read it again but 12 year old me was into it.) It didn't mean I thought teachers and students should get it on IRL, it didn't mean I was attracted to Snape, it meant literally nothing except that I was into this story.

After staying very much in my lane and not reading anything NC-17 because it wasn't suitable for me (I was a rule abiding sort of girl), I started to get curious. I read some R rated stuff for Harry/Hermione and quite enjoyed the sex scenes as part of my teenage acquisition of knowledge about the world and relationships. After all, I wasn't getting it from anywhere else and there was nothing worse about getting it from The Paradigm of Uncertainty as from watching Friends or Buffy which my contemporaries were doing.

Sometimes I read stuff that I didn't like. I clicked on a fic once that was a NC-17 Giant Squid orgy fic. I was curious as to how that would even work. I guess I found out! The writing was pretty bad... Did this have any effect on my mental or emotional development? None, whatsoever. Sometimes things weren't tagged very well or at all, because there wasn't really tagging back on FF.net and I really did start reading something and realise I didn't want to continue. Excessive violence, rape, certain ships - they were not for me. And then I'd give a mental shudder and click the back button. Or I'd continue out of curiosity to see what all this was about and then go, "Okay, so I guess that's what it's about and some people must like this but I don't" and then click the back button.

I read quite a bit of R/NC-17 rated Snape/Hermione stuff when I was a teenager - novel length plot-heavy fics with one or two sex scenes in near the end. Looking back, I do wonder at that considering my main ship was the super vanilla Harry/Hermione. I think these fics tended to be written by older people and were therefore better written and really intriguingly plotted. I still think about one of them that was unfinished after about 50 chapters but was soooo good. I never thought about the ethics of me reading this. I never considered that the fact I was cool with 17 year old Hermione getting together with Snape meant I was cool with it happening IRL - I wasn't. I thought it was awful when there was a rumour about our French teacher and one of the students. My fanfic reading life and my real life had really no connection. There was nothing ethical or moral or problematic about what I was reading online. It was just part of growing up.

Now that I am a teacher, I steer clear of high school teacher/student fics. From an older perspective, I do feel like that would be weird and potentially damaging if my online identity were discovered. It isn't something I'm into now because I can't not take my real life perspective here into account in terms of understanding the power difference involved. But I don't have a problem with my younger self being into it and I wouldn't have a problem if I discovered one of my students was into reading it. It's not a moral thing.

I just do not understand a) why it's so bad if kids/teenagers occasionally read or see something upsetting or simply something they don't like online. (Yes, there is a difference between what goes down in fanfic and what can be seen visually on places like tiktok or hardcore pornography sites though. That wasn't an issue in my day so I do realise things have changed.) Seeing things you don't like or upset you a bit is part of life and you have to learn how to deal with it. The things that upset me most came from physical books adults gave me, thinking I might like it, and watching Jumanji at a completely age appropriate time during a sleepover. You never know when something is going to really affect you. And b) why it's so difficult to take responsibility for your own internet use. At 13 I knew perfectly well that if I clicked on a NC-17 story with content I probably wouldn't like... I probably wouldn't have a great time. If I did it anyway, that was on me. And the "back" button was always there. It's not rocket science.

#fandom

[astriiformes]

Still approaching this semester with only the most skittish of optimism because I am a panicky and mentally unhealthy creature who remains in the middle of an ongoing life crisis, but

Having been to at least one day of each of my classes I am actually feeling pretty okay? Excited even? In a way that hasn't really happened since last fall, since last spring even before Scribe got sick I was in the middle of a bad spiral of feeling doomed to fashion myself Icarus (terrified of aiming for achievement because I've failed so many times in the past), and obviously this fall the ongoing curse situation in our household had me in full existential despair mode and the worst depression I've experienced in years.

But this semester is actually starting off okay. I have friends at school now who have been excited to see me & hope to make even more; I am excited about getting to be in one of the school orchestras; I am making headway on pitching an individualized degree that I think may work out well for me; I am in the final editing phase of a blog post for my scicomm internship and have another one I should be able to get written up soon since I did a cool interview over break; I have classes I'm a lot more interested in than last semester.

Ornithology is going to be fun I think, and even though parts of the lab may be a challenge for me the tests are open-note and some days we are just going to go outside to look at birds.

It's my last semester of Norwegian which means some bigger and more intimidating tests but I like the language and my little cohort for that class and the professor knows me well at this point and knows I'm trying & care about his class even when I'm struggling, which means a lot.

I have to take Organic Chemistry but it's not my worst subject and the professor for it actually seems really nice and understanding, and someone from my chem class last semester even reached out to ask if I was taking it again and saved me a seat next to her in the lecture hall, so I've even got a person I could already talk to about studying together.

And my Women, Gender, and Science course in the history of science track is going to be wonderful I think; the professor is so excited and lit up when I talked about why I was interested in the course today (and told me to talk to her about my individualized major plans) and it made me happy to see the "gender" component isn't just a quick nod, there's even a reading by at least one trans scientist on the syllabus. I think I might talk to the professor about the option she gave us to swap out two shorter essays with one longer research paper and ask if I could do something about historical trans men in STEM like James Barry or Alan Hart, just to really get to do some extra with that.

I know that even a good semester for me is still a stressful one, but it's just so relieving to at least not be starting from a deficit like I have been for the last two, because I was really starting to feel like college was only going to get worse and worse the longer I stuck with it and instead things are. Better. Maybe even good.

[leftoverenvy]

Tastes Like Sugar (Chapter 25)

Summary: India Mae, or Indi, is a music major, struggling to pay bills, tuition, work, and make good grades.  Emily Prentiss is a BAU profiler, as well as a DC socialite thanks to her huge family fortune.  The two enter into a mutually beneficial arrangement: Emily will pay for Indi's school if Indi accompanies Emily to her social functions for a few months, posing as her girlfriend.  As weeks go by, the lines between their arrangement and their true feelings start to blur.  But money can't buy love, right?

Pairing: India Mae Banks x Emily Prentiss; OC x Emily Prentiss

Warnings: smut (18+); sugar baby relationships; age gap (16 years - but all over 18)

Word Count: 2.5k

Read on Wattpad | Ao3 | Previous Chapters

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @5raysofsunshine 🌮; @reidselle 🦭; @milfprotector 🐝💚; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @sadgirlml 🌻💌; @hotchs-bitch 🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness ; @madelineleong ; @scorpsik 🎨

Chapter 25 - The Woman in the Mirror

Emily's POV: I internally groaned as I picked up my ringing phone from the counter only to see Hotch's face.  I had just gotten home from a case.  Surely we weren't already being called back.  As I clicked to accept the call, I mentally dreaded seeing Indi's sad face when I had to tell her I was leaving again.  I didn't know if I could bear seeing her disappointed pout so quickly after arriving home. 

Hotch had horrible timing; Indi and I had plans this evening to go to a gala.  She seemed so excited to go with me, and, admittedly, I was excited to arrive with her on my arm, dressed to the nines.  My imagination had run wild all week wondering how she'd look all dressed up for me.  I imagined it'd be like how she looked at the symphony, but better.  Even if Indi and I didn't have an event tonight, we had just gotten home from a case.  I needed some time with her.  But no, Hotch's timing was rotten.

"Hotch," I answered curtly.

"Prentiss," he cut to the chase, "Where's the Wilkinson file?"

I furrowed my brow.  "Wilkinson, sir?"

"I know it's from a few years ago, but we had to leave the case because we were getting nowhere.  From Kansas, remember?"

"Oh!" I exclaimed in realization.  I grimaced slightly at the memory.  That case had been hard on all of us – any case left unsolved was.  "I have no idea, sir.  Is it not in the file storeroom?"

"No, because the case was never closed."  Odd – I thought we had a cold case filing cabinet.

"Why do you need it now?"

"I'm reviewing files for our next case and this one, though in South Dakota, is pretty similar to that case.  I want to rev-"  I stopped listening to Hotch when I saw Indi enter the kitchen.

I smiled softly as I moved the phone away from my mouth to whisper, "Hi angel."  She wrapped her arms around me and snuggled her face against my chest.  I melted into her embrace, kissing the top of her head.  While rubbing my free hand up and down her back, I waited for Hotch to finish prattling on about this case.  Frankly, now that I had India, I didn't care to think about work while I was home.  Before her, I returned to a quiet, empty house.  I had always been ready to think about the next case.  I lived to work.  But now, with Indi, I worked to live.  I worked to come home to her.

India tilted her head up and started kissing up my neck.  Her trailing, wet kisses flipped something in the pit of my stomach.  I felt my clit twinge when her tongue dragged along my jaw.  I bit my lip to keep myself in check; I was on the phone after all.  Her libido was so much higher than mine.  I wasn't sure if I just hadn't been interested in someone before meeting her, or if it was her age causing the discrepancy between our sex drives.  But I was enjoying this newly-heightened desire to have sex again.  It had been all but lost with JJ.  Before I could let my thoughts run too far away from me, Hotch interrupted my reverie.  "So any ideas?"

I leaned my head back to try to slow Indi down.  "I may have tucked it in the unclaimed desk in the corner of the bullpen."  Her hands slid under my shirt.  I tried to still them, but she seemed to be on a mission.  "Sometimes we all use that desk to store files we may need in a few months."  Her lips moved up to my ear, and I nearly lost it.  I never understood how her tongue could wrap around my ear lobe so sensually.  My breath hitched before I could continue in my answer.

"Why?"

"It's pretty close to the rest of our desks – way closer than the file room.  And we all have a drawer we can go back to.  Mine's bottom left." 

"And if it's not there?"  With Indi's hands up my shirt and her tongue on my neck, I was rapidly running out of patience talking about serial killers and dusty, old case files.

"Then I don't know."  Deciding that was a bit curt, I tacked on a deferential "Sir."

"Thanks, Prentiss.  Will I see you later tonight?"

"Yes," I affirmed.

"See you then."  He hung up before I could say goodbye.

With a finger under her chin, I tipped Indi's face up to kiss her properly.  She smiled into my kiss and pulled herself closer to me.  Her fingers twisted into the hair at the nape of my neck, tugging deliciously.  Her teeth gently grazed my bottom lip.  I pulled back to say, "Come on, princess.  Don't start something you can't finish."

"There's time…" she whispered against my skin.  She scratched her nails lightly up my back, drawing goosebumps on my arms.  I shivered and lost myself in her lips for a few more seconds.  Her tongue felt so good against mine.  She lapped at my mouth the same way she did my clit, and I was ready to spread her out on the counter.  She almost had me.

I pushed her back, breaking our kiss.  "Oohhh no," I chuckled.  "Come on.  You always take way longer than you think you will to get ready for these things."

Her mouth turned into that adorable pout, eyes falsely sad.  It was her classic face to get what she wanted.  And I was powerless against it.  I pulled her back into my arms and kissed her again.  I walked her back into the counter behind her, trapping her between the island and my own body.  I suckled on her jaw and inched towards her ear.  "You," I whispered between kisses, "Are far too persuasive for your own good."

I pulled back again, my thumb still rubbing against her hip.  She pouted again, much more genuinely this time.  "Don't stop," she whined.  She grabbed my wrist and tugged, trying to draw me forward.  "Come back."

I stepped forward to kiss her on the forehead chastely.  "We need to get ready.  We can't be late for this one, baby."

"What's so special about tonight?"

"Many politicians will be there tonight, including my boss's boss's boss.  And probably his boss too."

Her bottom lip stuck out enticingly, and I couldn't help but to trace it with my thumb.  "Who's going to know?"

"I'll know.  Now come, sweet girl."

She sighed dramatically but started making her way to her room.  I couldn't help but stare at the swing of her hips as she sauntered up the stairs.  Aching to feel her soft skin underneath my fingertips again, I silently berated myself the entire way up the stairs.  Why had I stopped us?

I followed her to the threshold of her room, not that she had been sleeping in there recently.  I was hoping I could steal one more kiss from her sweet lips.  She whipped around, catching me off guard.  "What do you think you're doing?"

"Kissing my girl," I smirked.

"Uh uh!  We're being responsible," she mocked.  "I just take sooooo long to get ready for these things.  I couldn't possibly waste another minute not getting ready."

"Ha ha!" I stated dryly.  I leaned in for my kiss, but she put her fingers up, stopping me in my tracks.  "Indi!" I complained.  I did not appreciate her turning the tables.  Though, admittedly, I deserved this teasing after forcing her to come up and get ready.

She giggled and my chest warmed at the sound.  "See you in a few hours!"  And she shut the door in my face.  My jaw dropped, and I scoffed in disbelief.

"Indi!" I called out, unsure what else to say.  I only heard her fading giggle as she moved into her bathroom to start getting ready.  I shook my head in disbelief that she could reel me in so quickly before I turned to go get ready myself.

______________________________

I was getting antsy about heading out.  I had been ready for about fifteen minutes, waiting on Indi to come out and wow me.  Anxious that we wouldn't make it on time, I knocked on her door.

"Indi?  We're going to be late…"

"I wonder whose fault that could be," she teased.  "Come in!" 

"Well it certainly isn't my fau-"  As soon as I pushed the door open, my breath caught in my throat and I froze in the doorway.  She was beyond my wildest dreams, her hair curled into loose curls falling gently down her back.  Though normally her curls were tight and wild, these were no less sexy.  I wanted to run my fingers through them and ruin them.

"Zip me up?" she asked, sensually turning back to look at me while lifting her hair so I could access her zipper. 

I crossed the room in a trance, hypnotized by her.  I gathered her hair in one of my hands, allowing her to drop her arms.  I dipped my head and pressed a soft kiss to the side of her neck, my other arm wrapping around her waist to pull her closer.  I inhaled subtly, her perfume overtaking my senses.  My eyes closed involuntarily, lost in the moment. 

I grabbed her hip and trailed my lips up to her earlobe and tugged on it slightly, the angle a bit awkward because of her earrings.

"Em," she gasped, her head falling back.  I licked up the shell of her ear, opening my eyes to look at her again.

"You look so beautiful, Indi.  I can't believe you're mine."  I trailed my fingers lightly up her arm and continued kissing down her neck, sucking slightly.  My fingers continued touching her skin, addicted to the feel of her. 

I pulled back and kissed the nape of her neck, ready to – begrudgingly – zip her dress.  I slowly slid her zipper up, already missing her back being exposed.  She twisted a bit, craning her neck so I'd start kissing her again.  But it shifted her dress, and her right leg was exposed from ankle to mid thigh.

I exhaled sharply, the slit in her dress captivating me.  I loved her thighs; I could spend every second of every day between them.  Before I knew what I was doing, my hand fell to the newly-exposed skin, caressing.  She fell back into me, letting me support more of her weight as I teased the sensitive skin of her inner thigh.

"You're so soft, baby," I whispered against the shell of her ear.  Goosebumps spread from her shoulder down her arm as I continued to whisper sweet nothings against her neck, interrupted only by my tongue tasting the skin behind her ear.

My fingers inched higher and higher up her thigh, waiting to learn whether she was wearing lace or satin for me tonight.  Instead, my fingers met coarse curls.  I gasped in surprise, then bit gently on her earlobe.  "Where are your panties?"

"I figured this might happen," she gasped.

I traced her slit lightly, teasing.  "And if it didn't?" I questioned.  I dipped my finger between her folds to see how wet she was for me, spreading it up to her clit.

"I-" she gasped when I started circling her clit softly.  "I thought then I'd be able to tease you about it later tonight."

"Is that right?" 

I nipped at her neck, eliciting a sharp hiss from her perfect mouth.  Before she could respond, I slid my fingers inside of her, causing her head to fall back onto my shoulder.  I felt my own core clench at the sight of the underside of her jaw.  I wished I could reach it at this angle; I wished I could suck on it.  She always made the sexiest sound when I licked up her jaw.  But tonight, I wanted her to watch me fuck her.  I wanted her to see the effect I had on her.  I wanted her to see that she belonged to me. 

I smoothed a hand up her stomach and chest, gliding my open palm up her neck to grab her chin.  I jerked her head back down, her eyes opened slowly to stare at me in the mirror.  With one hand holding her jaw in place, I pulled the fingers of my other hand out of her and started circling her clit again.  "Do you see you?" I mused in her ear.  "Do you see how sexy you are?"  She whimpered when I slowed my fingers.  "Watch how beautiful you are when I make you cum," I commanded.

I slammed my fingers back inside her, and she tried to throw her head back, but I kept a solid grip on her jaw.  "Eyes open, beautiful," I cooed.  I stared at her drooping, lustful eyes, framed by thick, false lashes as she stared at the hand between her legs, covered partially by her dress.

As if in a trance, unaware of her actions, she gathered part of her dress in her hand to get a better look at herself.  "See my fingers, baby?  You take me so well," I whispered in her ear.  She shivered at the feel of my breath on her neck.  "I wish we had time to let you see how well you take my cock." 

She moaned wantonly, resisting the hold I had on her jaw.  "Ah ah," I chided, "Look at you, angel.   Look how pretty you are."

"Please," she begged, presumably wanting it harder.  I picked up the pace just slightly.  "Emilyyyy," she moaned, needing more.

I sucked on her neck, scraping my teeth just slightly against her skin.  "Fuck," she panted.  She reached around to dig her fingers into the side of my thigh, hoping to anchor herself as the pleasure intensified.

"That's it, angel.  You've never looked more beautiful."  Her brows furrowed, concentrated on chasing her release.  "Cum for me, Indi." 

She whined, her head tugging on my grip, her eyes starting to close.  I released my hold, letting her bury her face in my neck.  I wrapped my now-free arm around her waist to support her weight as she let the pleasure wash over her.  "Emily," she muttered against my skin, her hot panting warming me pleasantly.  "Emily!" she repeated.  "Yes!!" she nearly shouted as she came.  

She caught her breath as I slowed my fingers, bringing her down.  When I felt her start to support more of her own weight, I slipped my fingers out of her.  Her eyes tracked me bringing my fingers up to my mouth to lick them clean, her breath catching in her throat once she realized what I was doing.

Indi turned, wrapping her arms around my neck to pull me into a deep kiss.  I kissed her until she had to pull back to catch her breath again.  We drank up the moment, forehead to forehead, breathing each other in.

She pulled back, a brilliant smile spreading across her face.  "What happened to leaving on time?"  I chuckled with her, leaning down to steal one more kiss.  I guess we'd be late after all.

_ _ _

Continue to next chapter

#🌬 fics #tastes like sugar #emily prentiss #emily prentiss x oc #emily prentiss fanfiction #emily prentiss smut #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds au #wlw writing

[thegc4life]

I don't normally ask questions, I'm pretty ashamed. I hope not bother, but I wanted to know if you're okay? :)

(Sorry if there is any mistake, english is not my native language)

What is with all this self-shame for questions?! NO SHAME! ONLY LOVE! Especially with such a sweet flipping question! I also would have never guessed english wasn't your first language, you are very good at it!

I am actually doing incredibly well! I am currently not working as a teacher. As with all of us, the last few years broke my kneecaps and threw me into the incinerator and the world forgot to turn it on so I continued existing.

And then I was reborn! Got a part time summer job at a zoo, got promoted pretty quick, and then got another one! I feel so mentally and spiritually rejuvenated here and it's been stellar. So stellar that I still continue to invest incredible overtime and physically exhaust myself. I'm getting better at that though! I think. We'll see. Anyway, I really like where I'm at. It's way more financially stable for me now too (which, honestly, is a little depressing. I feel like I do less work here but get paid far more. Sigh). Honestly, as bad as I feel for not updating anything recently I also know it's a good sign. Hawks-sensei started because I was so incredibly stressed, exhausted, and drowning in all the negative things around me that I had to keep writing. It was the only coping mechanism I had that was working and it helped me form some amazing connections that really bolstered me mentally. The feedback I got was so incredibly positive and powerful it really motivated me to keep going. And later on, when some lovely friends pointed out exactly how much I had written in a short frame of time I went "oh. I'm falling apart at the seams. Huh."

It's been quite a while now since I've felt like I NEED to write just to get my mind off things, or express myself in the only way I can because there was no way to do so in my personal life that wouldn't negatively impact me in some other way. Now I want to write because I'm just excited to share and explore the story more.

Way more details than you needed for a single question, I'm sure. I want to let you know that it made me smile when I read your question. To know you cared enough to reach out, that meant a lot. I truly hope you don't feel ashamed to ask questions in the future, the one you built the courage to ask here was incredibly kind and it made me very, very happy. Thank you.

On an equally important note (that you are not required to answer unless you want to but that I hope you think about and know that I am thinking of you and wish only the very best), how are you?

#too much sweetness #adorable bean response #heartwarming and uplifting questions #how are you? #All you beans #how are you growing #are you getting enough water #sunlight #room to grow

[jrvschizo29]

I hate having schizophrenia. It's made my life so difficult especially with love . I've been disrespected so much . I'm a good person and there's so much sigma with my mental Illness. I feel people even go out of their way and hate me . I have a great personality when I can and I've always thought good of myself and try with others as well . But people can be Aholes . Me and my bf of a year haven't been talking much lately and I'm getting sad . I am not sure how to handle that . Then he put up a post and Idk what to think of it . Having him on my social media stresses me out at times . We don't put we in a relationship we're not really into that . I'm actually starting to feel a little better just venting it out publicly yet anonymously as well . Next is to see if we can work things out and have a chat . I really care for him and I hope everything's good but I'll see what happens next after the talk . Other then that I'm trying to find a place . I have a voucher for housing and I want to at least get my apartment soon . I have to pay for the application fee and go from there . I pray all goes good and things pull through for me . Fingers crossed . Also I am inspired to lose some weight like 70 pounds . Thinking of signing up for the Kroc center which has a gym . That would be great to go 5x's a week and walk on the other two days 5 miles . I'm 224lbs right now . I'm pretty but I want to lift weights and get my body in shape and tight . If it don't work out with my bf then I'll just use that motivation and transform my body to feel a lot better . Also try more to take care of myself . I noticed when I do I feel a hell of alot better . I can workout ,journal my thoughts ,bullet journal to track my progress ,and eat healthy ,drink more water for my weight and quit smoking . I have the medicines for that so should be good . I just got to work on me and follow the plan I'm going to write out later in my notes . Now I'm excited .I was so sad but the good thing about my illness is I'm never stuck just in those negative feelings . I can pump myself up to feel a lot better after I write . Also I'm a INFJ so even though I have mental Illness which really is Schizoaffective so schizophrenia and bipolar ,I can bounce back some . I'm not alone is what I feel and I know I'm cared for by someone . I have two beautiful kids for starters and they care so much . I am appreciative of all those that care and respect me . I know I need to work more on my boundaries and I will work on that and go to therapy. Also do a couple programs as well for mental wellness . Maybe I'll meet some people who are like minded and also join a community. My big goal is to quit smoking and work on losing weight even though my issue is the meds have slowed down my metabolism so I have to cut out sweets and do my research on what to do with that problem. I feel like I got this !! 🙌♥️💪🚭

#schizophrenia #schizaffective #actually schizophrenic #actually bipolar #weightloss #relationships #vent blog #mental heath awareness

[taikk0]

ya boy has another announcement to make

So I'm sure some of you have noticed the lack of my usual art posts, and I kinda-sorta wanted to give you all heads up that yeah, my posts will be slow down a bit since I've been focusing more on animation and improving my work.

Especially now that my parents are actively telling me to open animation and art commissions so I can use my skills to start earning money, though I'm sure commissions won't open until a long while from now. Even then, I'm pretty sure that most of the commissions I will be taking during that time will be for the music industry since both my parents work in that specific field, plus I feel like working for the music industry will ensure chances of me even getting commissions in the first place, since I doubt that opening commissions online will ensure a steady stream of income.

Enough about the money talk though, I will be checking in from time to time to post random stuff like answering asks or sharing a random thing I thought about a second ago. So I won't really be gone entirely (and honestly, at this point, I don't think I physically can-)

I know this "change" is barely even deserving of an announcement, but I just wanted to clear things up in case I don't go around posting art for a while.

[other life stuff I wanted to talk about but aren't important enough for their own post under the cut because uhh yeah]

I have a feeling a handful of my followers think that I’ve been busy working on the animated music video that I mentioned not too long ago, but I honestly haven’t even been working on it.

I've officially been recruited a week ago (+3 days but that's not important) and work hasn't started yet. there's been a real lack of announcements as to what's going on and the direction the team is headed. I actually had a talk with my boyfriend about this (who is both on the moderation team and a part of one of the cover groups) about it and there have been some complications concerning management behind the scenes.

I'm a bit skeptical and worried about the project since I can tell the lack of experience that the higher-ups have with such an undertaking. But I can't blame them for having issues with stuff like this, I just hope that things get sorted out for the better. Not just for my sake as someone on board with the project, but also for the organizers who bit off more than they could chew.

Honestly as excited as I was, if production ends up being absolute hell all because of the organizers and their well-meaning ignorance. I don't think I'd really hesitate to resign. It's better to anchor the ship than to tread dangerous and unforeseen waters hoping it will go smoothly because of the crew's sheer willpower.

But, I give them a benefit of the doubt. I'm looking at the bright side and I hope to see the end of this with the fruits of our labor. But for now, the project is on hold.

(kinda hoped they announced it was on hold instead of me having to figure it out though-)

Outside of the career stuff, my school announced a self-care break for about two weeks. something about mental health stuff, I don't know I didn't really listen to most of the seminars they were really surface-level "don't kill yourself! stop being depressed!" stuff. But I do get a few days off so that's pretty rad.

HOWEVER.

I've been informed about technology not being allowed during the break?? and it's honestly, and pardon my language, BULLSHIT. literally, they've done this a year before and it was awful. as someone with a chronically understimulated brain with no friends and nothing fun to do around the house, having your only source of communication, entertainment, and the main tool to even work on art and animations being prohibited for 2 whole weeks is more of a practice in psychological torture. It isn't even self-care anymore and I'm so sick of these boomers thinking no technology = depression is no more

Idk, call me chronically online all you want I just think that it's stupid and I'm not even gonna try. besides, what are they gonna do?? give me an F- on my mental health grade or something?? No one should be allowed to tell anyone how and how not to spend their vacation days, especially when it's a vacation week you let them have, a vacation week FOR THEM.

bleghh it just made me a little bit angry is all, I won't let it get to me though. anyways yeah that's it, lowkey turned into a bit of vent/rant at the end but eh it's not like anyone will really read it all in full.

I'm done here buh-bye

#taikko talks 2 much

[iamthecomet]

It's hot here too, pool sounds fun! I spent most of Sunday at the lake floating around to cool off :)

I'm glad the library is chill and YAY GAY GRAPHIC NOVELS!!!

My day is meh. Tuesdays are my longest days class-wise. I have classes with very little break from 8am until 6pm, so they're really long days. I'm also just not really feeling super great today, dang chronic illness :( I'm looking forward to going back to my dorm, snuggling with my pupper, and maybe eating some dinner if I'm feeling up to it.

Other than class work, I've been hanging around on tumblr wayyy more than I have since like March (?) and I'm slowly trying to get back into talking to people on discord. The ghumblr server is a little much for me right now (way too many people, and I don't know most of them at this point), but the Sleep Token one is smaller still so I'm starting there.

I've started making some friends on campus this year too and have just generally been way happier than I've been in a very long time so that's been a nice change of pace (potentially the happiest I've ever been that I can remember). This time last year I was doing pretty bad mentally, so it's been kinda weird to go through the beginning of a college year in a good headspace.

It was so cold and rainy and miserable here that I didn't get to go into the pool at all in August. So, I'm really into the hot weather (for now, by tomorrow I'll be sick of it again).

I love floating around a lake though--honestly one of my favorite things. Tried to go kayaking/swimming yesterday but there was literally nowhere to park or unload the kayaks so we just...didn't do that. That's a super long day of classes. I'm sure it's exhausting. I hope it goes by quickly for you and you can get in bed and have a snack and have some pup cuddles. You deserve it. I hope tomorrow is a better day. I've been so happy to see you back on tumblr. I missed you while you were gone ♥. And I'm really happy to have you in my ask box again! The ghumblr can be overwhelming sometimes, and it has changed a LOT in the past few months so I totally get not starting there. It'll be there when and if you're ready. You have no idea how happy I am to hear that things are going well and you're in a good headspace and you're happier. That's so good. And new friends!? Even better. Honestly the hardest part of college is not the classwork, it's the people and dealing with your own bullshit in a way you've never had to before. So, I'm really glad that you are finding places where you fit, and that you are starting the year in such a good headspace!! You deserve to be happy and excited about where you are and what you're doing! ♥♥♥♥

#comet comments #fruits

[fayeelikefairie]

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.The start of brightst☆r,episode 6:♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ

𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴:

"Maybe hope does work.."

01:57 ━━━━●───── 02:55

ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻ ♡

Tw:Insecurities,not eating,mentions of harmful behavior,Mentions of cigarettes and smoking,mental health

"I know it'll take a bit to get,please excuse her,she's just excited," Luka grabbed a cheesecake that was pre-cut "cake?" Rei,Sora,and ami nodded. Sora raised an eyebrow "Akira,you gonna eat? Didn't see you have lunch." She said,taking her plate of cheesecake. "From what I've seen watching you,you really haven't been eating much,that's also pretty obvious you are look wise!" Luka said,Akira tensed up,trying to think. "Uh... I'm just not hungry.." she made up it was obviously a lie with the way she was eyeing Everyone's cheesecake slices.

"Mhm,she'd like one." Sora said,"thank you Luka and Miku.." Ami said softly,having calmed down,she took a bite of Cheesecake. It tasted better then anything the group has had "It's not healthy to not eat,Akii! It can get you sickkk!" Miku said,getting her some other snack "you look like you haven't eaten all dayyy!" She pouted "here,it's Lin and Rins stash but.. I'll let you have it!" She laughed,Akira nodded akwardly,her body still tense. She didn't expect that Sora was so observant,nor did she expect her to care. She took the plate with Cheesecake,sitting it infront of her "thank you Sora...thanks Luka.." she spoke. "Your welcome,Akira. Now eat it,...just atleast one bite please.." Sora said,Akira felt something inside her change,like the annoyance turned to suprise. She took a bite of it,smiling,it was so good,she was so hungry.. her stomach hurt so bad.

♫₊˚⋆｡♪₊°♬˚.⁺ Lins voice was heard,a robotic yawn "bet I'll get to the singers before you!" He told Rin with a smile,Rin rolled her eyes "yeah right,!" Then their running was heard. Rin sat down in her previously empty chair "haha,beat ya!!" She pointed at Lin,who had a blush of embarrassment "ugh... anyway,were so happy your finally here,sorry we were taking a nap!.." he said,fixing his magical boy looking clothing,who knew ruffled pants were a think. "That's an.. interesting fashion choice.." Akira said "it looks good though!" Lin nodded "thank you,thank you,I assume Lukas explained all you needed to know?" The group shook their head "not really..." Luka sighed "sorry for that,I had to make sure Miku stayed calm,you know how she is,Lin" Lin nodded with a laugh "yeah,don't worry about it,I'll explain all I can," Miku crossed her arms "what's what you said supposed to mean?" She had a childish frown on her face. Sora laughed,she enjoyed it so much here,Lin and Luka just shrugged "don't know,what is it supposed to mean?"

They teased. Akira felt herself smile,their dynamic felt like the tutor groups in a way."Whats the first question you have?" Lin looked at the girls agian, Ami raised her hand "no need to raise your hand,Just ask!.." Lin said,Ami blushed red,"uh.. what's the Untitled song about?" The blonde- er yellow haired vocaloid replied " That will be a song all of you create with your feelings. It'll happen were all hoping it does,we believe in all of you!" He smiled. "Ohhh okay.." Akira mumbled to herself, taking a bite of cheesecake not thinking. "What time is it?.. uh.. I have to be home at a certain time.." Rei said,her voice hearable to everyone,the cheesecake slice already gone. "It is.. 5:27!" The groups heart sank. "Already!?.. I didn't even.." Ami paniced,Sora spoke up "hey,hey,Ami calm the fuck down,we can call if we need to,it's not a big deal,don't freak okay," Ami nodded,taking a deep breath. "Do you have to go already?" Miku had a pout yet agian. "Will you come back soon? Well miss youuu a lott,I'll wish you all the best! Have sweet and candy filled magic dreamsss!"

Everyone couldn't help but smile at the childish mikus bye,and small Exaggerated wave. Sora felt herself growing found of miku already,Akira found her like a little sister,comforting,Rei liked her because she had some life,nothing like her. Ami felt like she would brighten the group up. They pop out and their back in the library,everyone grabbed their stuff. Everyone was talking,besides Akira who had already left. "I'm gonna talk to Akira tonight,she's acting weird." Sora said,hoping she could get Akira to open up. "Okay... if that doesn't work message me.. I just wanna know she's alright mentally,emotionally,and physically.." Ami sounded so nervous, "yeah,will do. You good Rei?" The blonde looked at Rei,Rei nodded "yep." She had a soft smile,.. "and... its 5:30,we can go now.. on monday,have a great friday!.." Ami got scared as she spoke,opening the library door,and they left.

Sora was still thinking about everyone and how they seemed not okay. Even she wasn't okay herself,..but she wanted to help them all she could she was determined to.

#project sekai #project sekai oc #brightst☆r #project sekai fanfic #project sekai fangroup #hastune miku colorful stage #oc x oc #canon x oc

[ussjellyfish]

The Star Trek asks look fun! How about #32. Your favorite season (of any show)?

Oh thanks for asking! I had to wait a few days until I had the laptop and some time.

I adore Season 4 of Star Trek Discovery. That particular season is my happy place for several reasons that I will wax poetic about now. (I've been looking forward to this ask for DAYS).

Captain Michael Burnham - Discovery has been her story, how she gets to the big chair and now she's here and this season is the pinnacle of Michael as a character and a leader so far and I adore her. The way she learns balance, and mixes her "I have to do this" impulses with learning how to delegate, how to balance her romantic relationship and the crew, how to balance her feelings and command. Michael in the chair means SO much to me, because this is where she belongs and she's earned it, but she's also still learning, still working to be better and she has so skills.

Space Politics - Talking about space politics is one of my favorite trek things, and season 4 has so much of it! They have very genuine complicated, sometimes messy conversations about how to find the best for anyone and there's such heart and this desire to make things better that it brings me hope. I love it.

Women in power, having all the important conversations - The Federation president is a woman, the Vulcan president is a woman, the president of Earth is a woman, the badass general is a woman...Huge parts of season 4 are women in leadership positions having conversations with other women in leadership positions, sometimes about the nature of power and leadership and gah...women talking about leadership with each other? Women saving the galaxy together? More, so much more of that, please.

President Laira Rillak - I adore her. I was ready to be a sad there was no former Emperor Philippa Georgiou, and I do miss her, but this dynamic is so fun. Civilian with authority over Michael, who challenges her authority...the dynamic of you could be absolutely incredible, and you are, but you're not experienced yet (which is true), and how they start antagonistic and how they grow this incredible, thoughtful, mutual respect and care for each other.

(also Laira is really pretty also vulnerable sometimes and uh...100% my type).

A ship! A ship! - I ship Michael/Laira. I ship them on the raft of a few and I am so happy with it. Their dynamic works SO WELL for the kind of things I want to write and read and it's very lonely, (though the company of the raft is the best). They are the romantic ship on Discovery I am most invested in that is so so tiny, and also so perfect for me that I want to wrap myself up in a blanket burrito.

They have moments I can rewatch, an ARC their relationship has an ARC. They end up being so comfortable with each other and I--I just want to run away with that.

I'm so excited for season 5.

Bonus - Tilly finding her own path - How she's happy and relaxed and such a good teacher. That being a teacher is valid. (more points for the depictions of women in leadership). She had so much anxiety and was so jumpy and end of season 4 Tilly is a badass. I love her.

Bonus - Hugh Culber and the time they spend on mental health. They talk about grief, it takes time to get over things, they support each other.

I also love Zora, Joann, Keyla, Saru, Paul, Adira, Reno!

Dammit, Reno getting the soul crushing scenes with Book.

Thank you for giving me an excuse to write this.

#season 4 star trek discovery #michael burnham #laira rillak #rillham #the raft is really my everything #star trek asks!! #thank you!!!

[dam-peace]

Life Update, Game Updates.

Hey guys,

As I mentioned in my  post yesterday, things have been pretty hard recently. I actually fractured my foot a couple weeks ago on my way to work, and am currently unable to walk. My job refused to give me sick pay, because my 'average weekly earnings were not high enough', which is funny considering I was a full-time worker.

All in all it was just their roundabout way of saying that I wasn't entitled to sick pay, because I haven't worked there long enough. Long story short, I just put in my 2 weeks for the job because I just didn't have the will to fight a losing battle. So, now I'm currently looking for a new job remote from home, so money's been tight, made that much worse by the increase in the cost of living. 

I was also supposed to get a mortgage to move into a better house and area, but looks like that may not be in the works right now. Something that I was extremely excited for, even postponed going back to University for. The career I chose to go into years ago is no longer what I want to peruse.

Worse, its becoming one of the main things that deteriorates my mental health further, not to mention my poor mother is extremely overworked, underpaid and suffering from her own physical ailments. ​And, I'm not exactly helping things either as the eldest, with me being bedbound and now out of a job. Though she doesn't hold it over my head, which only makes the guilt that much worse.

Mentally, physically, emotionally and financially I just feel drained. I'm trying to hold onto things that give me enjoyment, like making my games. As well as maintaining a positive attitude, because the last thing I want is for my depression to take hold of my life like it used to.  Whilst I look for a new job, I actually plan to take a break from doing asks on Tumblr and what not to start my patreon again.

This time better than ever, as I now know what I'll be doing and what to offer, after looking at what other creators are doing for ideas. I'll still try to answer any questions you guys may have and reply to any comments, it's just sometimes I get overstimulated and completely shut down at times. So if I'm taking a bit of time to do something, please just be patient with me, I really am trying. 

So for now I won't be updating the public demos for awhile, as I want to work on the alpha build for patreon, as well as other patreon content. When I do so, I then want to start looking for beta testers to take a bit off of my plate, because looking back through all the coding and story content is something that frustrates me beyond belief, and again is very overstimulating for me.

In addition to a 'Coding Advisor' of sorts with the beta testers or amongst the best testers, someone who can help me properly code in things that I can't seem to find the solution for myself. Because as I've mentioned before, I'm still new to coding and there are many things I'm still unable to do, e.g. coding in a 'dark mode' for readers. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to pay any of these people, but they would be credited in my work. 

So, yeah that's been my life, if you managed to actually read through everything above, good on you. I probably would've looked at all that lengthy text and clicked off, lol. But, despite all the depressing stuff above, I just want to take the time to thank each and every one of you for you love and support.

From the views, downloads and playthroughs to the kind comments, constructive criticism, game ratings, follows, likes, questions/asks, artwork, reposts and payments. As well as, adding my games to your collections, or by simply just showing a genuine interest. I thank you for every contribution you've every made in any way, because no matter how small it may seem to you. It really does mean a lot, and continues to push me forward, through some really hard times ♡

#ABO-if #VV-if