#I'd put it in the top 10 if i could bc its that good

[noblehcart]

because its my blog and i can post what I want and so here's ZARA'S TOP TEN LIST OF FAVORITE BOOKS below the cut and with a very brief discussion on why.

Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux This book was one of the first books that really truly catapulted me back into reading as a young adult (the first being A Winter's Tale) and I remember sitting up and crying at 2am in my bed as I finished this book just sobbing and if i'm honest ? Feeling so ashamed that I take my normal life for granted. I have never had such a reaction to a book before and honestly I don't think I ever will again in such a resounding way. For me this is not a love story its a story about humanity and our relationships with each other.

Phantom by Susan Kay This book comes second because I don't have the same emotional connection as I do to the original but hands down in reading a book cover to cover and returning to reread snippets I have read this book so MANY times my god. I always go back to this book when I'm bored or need to revisit a friend. This book is definitely flawed and its got its issues but its one of my all time favorites and I'm so glad to have like three copies (hardcover, pdf and kindle) so its always on hand. I love the depth and exploration for Erik and what shaped him and his life and the people around him and how they were affected by him. Like wow. Its just a book I will always have on my shelf forever till I die.

The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy Its just so good and I don't know why more people haven't read it. Its the beginning of the creation of superheroes and double identities and it has a FEMALE LEAD. The entire book is in the POV of the brilliant and beautiful Marguerite and honestly if I had known years back that it was from a female pov I'd have gotten into it much MUCH sooner. Its dynamic, the characters are so good and the villain is so deliciously good at being bad. I loved the movie, but the book just captured my heart because Margot is this wonderfully clever but soft heroine that just speaks to me.

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo WHAT can I even say about this duology other than the characters are flawless and by that i mean they are so flawed and relatable and complex. Its a wonderful book of found family and slow burns and enemies to lovers with fantastic representation. I absolutely couldn't make myself get into S&B but you can pry the crows from my cold dead hands because I adore them and go back to reread this series all the time!

The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova This is also a big reread for me, but mostly I go back and reread sections that interest me most but the entire book is just gold. Its just MINDBLOWING that we never know the main heroine's name which is just shocking, but we never needed it or would've noticed if it wasn't pointed out. Its this complex beautifully woven story with history, globetrotting, mystery, suspense and some thrilling aspects that I just love love about it. This is the book that sent me down the Dark Academia rabbit hole guys.

The Golem & Jinni by Helene Wecker This book honestly is on par with The Historian for me because the pacing is very much the same and it took me a bit to read it as did the The Historian, but man am I glad that I did because its complex, its such a human story told in such a supernatural fun way that's just thrilling in a slow build sort of way that ends beautifully and I can't wait to start on the second book soon! The character development and the world building just really draws you in and makes you forget your current time to be absorbed into theirs and its brilliant.

The Invisible Life of Addie Larue by V.E Schwab I'll be honest and say that this book almost didn't make the list because at first I didn't think the book was as good as the hype, but upon looking back and rereading snippets again and rereading the ending more thoroughly- my god, this book is definitely going to be a CLASSIC. Its beautifully written and one of the books I made myself slow and savor each word and sentence as it wove the magic over the years of addie's life. Its a VERY good book that I'd definitely recommend to anyone and everyone. Addie has grown on me in such a different way and I love love her.

Entwined by Heather Dixon THIS is one of my all time childhood/youth/teen favorites. Yes its YA and yes it might be a little boring to the adult reader, but its one of my absolute favorite retellings of the 12 Dancing Princesses. I still go back and reread it because its that good and has a special place for me. The villain and world building is so good and easy to follow along. Its fantastic and I'd go back and reread this book over and over again. Its great if you love magic, sisters, princesses, unexpected love, dancing and magical objects.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte This is on the list because I remember loving reading the story in highschool and feeling so connected to Jane and now as an adult I love her even more for her actions and choices. Its one of the first classic books I ever bonded over with my brother on and so that in itself is a miracle. Jane just has a special place in my heart for the romance, the mystery, the dynamics and the characters and their development is just absolutely wonderful with a fantastic ending. Can't really ask for more.

The Book of Esther I have done and read and watched nearly everything I can find on the book of Esther, which is kinda the oddball on this list because its a book in the Bible, but its still a book in my definition. Its just such a beautiful story of overcoming oppression, tragedy, fear, genocide and this beautiful painting of faith in terrifying times. The twists and turns and thrills and complexities that come with this story before and after if you know the history and its setting- Persia (-gestures to Kay's Phantom-) just absolutely has me fascinated. There's also the aspect that just maybe the 1001 Nights are inspired or based off the story of Esther just absolutely delights me with its fantastic similarities because I adore that story just as much as this one. I love Esther's bravery, courage, wisdom and discernment and she's absolutely one of my heroines IRL that I look to.

Honorable mentions:

I, Strahd by P. N. Elrod - The only reason this isn't in the top ten is because it reads sO MUCH like Kay's Phantom that if I had to chose one of these it'd be Phantom, but this book was so good and really helped get me back into reading during one of my many many slumps. It was a great blend of myth, royalty, supernatural and tragedy that I've reread it a few times already recommended it to a LOT of my friends.

Wintersong by S Jae-Jones- The only reason why THIS one didn't make the ten list is simply because I already have ten and because it would be between this and Jane Eyre and lbh Jane Eyre is almost the perfect book. It was a toss up of faerie girls and Miss Eyre won it because she really was my first classical book love.

Wildwood Dancing by Juliet Marillier THIS BOOK omg its another 12 Dancing Princesses retelling and its so beautifully and wonderfully crafted in its world building and the magic and the everything of it. ITS SO GOOD and tbh I'd definitely recommend this book more to the adult reader than I would Entwined, but- BUT it didn't make the list because I would personally pick up Entwined far more often and remember the characters far more than I did in this book. It is a very very good book and I also highly recommend you read it if you like retellings, vampires, fae complexities and a blending of fairytales.

ACOTAR by SJ Maas- I did really enjoy reading this series but it is definitely not one of my top faves because its really only the last two books (not the novella) that I actually devoured. Its a good series and I def recommend reading it because its almost worth the hype but my quibble here is that I could EASILY slip out of that world/the books never absorbed me like others have. Also I didn't care for the main heroine shhh don't come after me guys.

A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers So this book was a toss up between it and Esther and it was a TOUGH one because I do go back and reread this trilogy at least 2-3x a year, but I do reread and study and think a lot more about Esther so it lost out in that competition spot. But its an excellent series and the first two books just have my heart for the romance and the intrigue going on during this time period. Its a wonderful slow burn though I'll admit the third book is slightly out of pocket, but still so good that I had to make pinterest boards about this series.

Eye of the Red Tsar by Sam Eastland THIS book is so so SO GOOD if you're into reading about the Romanovs and Russia shortly after that. The entire series is so so good and I normally don't like mystery and thriller plots but this book does have a special place for me, but was beat out by the golemn & the jinni. Pekkala is fascinating and the people and cast he meets along the way just build up in such a delightful way.

The Holy Thief by William Ryan Again this only got beat out by The Historian by a margin because vampires, but The Holy Thief oh my god is very much on par with the Eye of the Red Tsar because its the same time period and magnetic energy. I was so invested in this book and its characterse and it might be due to my love of all things Romanov/Anastasia musical wise, but it was so good and I highly recommend it. I wept, I laughed, I sat on the edge of my seat it was a great read.

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran This is a recent read and like wow...it just really blew my mind and touched me in a way I don't usually get outside of my belief system and IDK but this book is everything and more than the hype and the only reason its not on the list is because it didn't quite beat out Esther for me but its such a good book.

Tagging you because I would love to see everyone's Top 5 or 10 favorites : @walkingshcdow, @myhiraeth, @kingmakercastle, @demonstigma, @historiavn, @swede, @lordofthestrix, @fasciinating, @reverdies, @ensnchekov, @malka-lisitsa, @paramounticebound , @delanuit, @starlsssankt, @aigonakru

#// ooc #forgot to mention but 'a gentleman in moscow' omggggggggggggggggg ONE OF MY FAVES #I'd put it in the top 10 if i could bc its that good

[obrother1976]

can u make like. ur top 10 books. freak books. anything. kisses your brain

sure!! these r not gonna be ranked bc god knows i could never choose between them & also im gonna be annoying and ramble a bit about every one

death in venice by thomas mann (classic. but its so rich w metaphors and symbolism. if you do read it, i'd recommend reading "the uses of myth in death in venice" by isadore traschen afterwards, bc it does a great job explaining all the freudian allegories and mythological symbolism and u'll literally be tearing ur hair out afterwards over how brilliant thomas mann was)

the carnivorous lamb by agustín gómez-arcos (idc that i've already talked about this a gajillion times on here. its literally the best book i've ever read. i'll forever be obsessed and i wish there was literally anything that could ever hit as hard as this did. if u read it, anon (if u havent already) dont go through the carnivorous lamb tag on here bc u need to experience this without any big prior knowledge. trust me)

erotism: death and sensuality by george bataille (ik im just listing the classics atp. but how could i ever leave that one out. this ones a lot and depending on how into bataille & philosophy in general u are it could be too much. but if u havent already read this one anon, just read the introduction. trust me ure gonna loose it from that alone)

gemini by michel tournier (this one... took me ages to get through it on my first read bc of the way its written, but it was so worth it. not even gonna say much about this one - its basically like if twins by bari wood was good lmao)

incest: from a "journal of love": the unexpurgated diary of anais nin, 1932-1934 (or every anais nin diary ever in general, but this one especially. there was just no one that got it quite like she did)

indecent theology: theological perversions in sex, gender and politics by marcella althaus-reid (sorry for literally recommending theory. im pretty sure u were asking for fiction lol, but this (& althaus-reid in general) is everything to me. if u've any interest whatsoever in theology u should check this one out)

the sluts by dennis cooper (slightly controversial opinion i think? not that the book itself is controversial, just that dennis cooper is very hit and miss at times. this book tho, definite hit. its so intense and convoluted and i loved every second of it. read this before death and sensuality and u're guaranteed to think of nothing else for at least a month)

querelle of brest by jean genet ("those knock-out body fluids: blood, sperm, tears!". kind of a classic since theres also the fassbinder movie but i prefer the book tbh. its been a while since i've read it but it'll forever be in my favourites)

crash by j.g. ballard (yeah ik we've all seen crash but i need more ppl to read the book. hold on actually i need to insert one of my favourite bits from it here:

Reaching through the fractured windshields and passenger windows around me, I marked my semen on the oily instrument panels and binnacles, touching these wound areas at their most deformed points.)

ada, or ardor: a family chronicle by vladimir nabokov (one of the most beautiful books i've ever read. probably not the most helpful recommendation bc im pretty sure its a classic but i cant not mention it.)

also some bonus recommendations of books that didnt make the list bc they're either not freak books or bc i havent read them yet:

christopher and his kind by christopher isherwood (not a freak book. not even remotely. but will forever have a special place in my heart.)

the sparrow by maria doria russell (read this one anon!!! this would be on the list, but im not fully finished w it yet so i cant officially put it in my top 10 yet)

exquisite corpse by poppy z. brite (havent read that one yet but its on my list!!)

autobiography of red by anne carson (not a freak book. beautifully written, a work of art really)

as meat loves salt by maria mccann (havent read that one yet. hoping its as good as everyone says)

skagboys by irvine welsh (one thing about me is that i'll always find a way to mention the trainspotting books)

#u guys r feeding my ego big time w these media asks. #i love doing lists ngl. just waiting patiently until the 'top 10 favourite academic papers?' ask drops lmao #also mwah <3 @ u anon. kissing u for that ask #oh also anon: if u havent already read carnivorous lamb and decide to check it out - u neeeed to listen to velvet voices by townes van zand #while reading it. theres no bigger reason behind that. its just that i listened to it on loop while reading #and that was literally a spiritual experience #ask

[flockofdoves]

help me choose living room furniture!!!

so i was mocking up my living room and it turns out i have less space for couches than i hoped and there are just not that many love seat options that match the sleeper sofa i want this is so fucking sad...

but i still wanna be able to have seats for more than a few people so im trying to figure out which of these is best. i'd love input:

two notes:

other room is the kitchen so its full i just didnt bother putting anything there but the kitchen table

i want a tv stand but am not planning on getting one yet so the dimensions on that could be flexible if needed. same thing with a lamp. and some of these include a short bookcase for boardgames but thats experimental and i may not end up getting one.

ok!! lets start

this first one is very similar to how my old roommate had things set up so i know it works and i like it on an 'ease of walking from upstairs or the front door to kitchen' level

but also i kind of hate it because there are no ceiling lights on the living room side and there are no windows beyond that window behind the blue couch and the sliding glass door in the kitchen so with the tv there it made the whole space feel even darker than it does right now

#1

this one below is maybe best as far as like. compromising between ease of walking around it, walking through it, and not blocking off light?

but while it doesnt matter that much i wish there was more room for side tables while still having it easy to walk through. there arent that many small sidetables available rn i like but maybe could add the teal and red decoupage one to this?

#2

ok actually maybe its possible to have an ok amount of room to navigate and have two side tables if you just remove the bookshelf (could also fit this with the leather top table and the hexagons or brass and glass tables if anyone thinks those look better)

#3

and then heres what full size couches look like when i try to put them with the tv against the wall. a little weird with how couches overlap with other stuff so idk if its worth it and would practically and comfortably amount to more seating

#4

#5

for the one above: second one is a little better for walking past and eventually could try to find one matching sidetable, but could be nice to have two like the first one (the hexagon tables fit about equally if those look better to people)

and then heres similar but with loveseats instead so it fits a bit better

#6

#7

and then for the rest of these: it seems kind of weird to have the tv like this because i'm a little worried about knocking into the tv if i ever walk to the kitchen in the dark but it seems like its easier to fit a lot more stuff this way while still not blocking light from the windows

#8

#9

#10

i already own that circle table and its pretty but also its too tall for a normal side table so i've been trying to sell it but maybe instead of a floor lamp i could just put a normal lamp on it if theres already a big square of space between the couches? or alternatively instead of the one hexagon table jutting out i could just not have the circle table and put the hexagon there instead

or just have the little teal and red table

#11

and then could also just have a love seat in this arrangement too i guess and then thered be even more room to walk by than if the tv was on the wall

#12

#13

idk if this swan one really goes with anything and its so expensive but its so pretty so heres a couple with it..

#14

#15

god idk theres even more combos that could be good that i gave up on trying to figure out bc ive like lost the plot and am driving myself crazy with this

but yeah!! i really would love any input

#none of the blue plaid couch options from my last post are here even tho i really like them #bc that person never responded with dimensions for like a week sadly.. #cpost #long post -

[what-if-nct]

hi hi hi today's reminder is a list of nct members i expect/want to see releasing solo albums (excluding taeyong bc he already has one out, dojaejung bc I have a strong feeling sm wants to push the unit as opposed to the solos, and markhyuck bc i will pay big money for them to take a nap):

1. ten: call me delusional but it is definitely happening by the end of 2024. he can sing, he can rap, he can dance, he speaks 618292 languages, he has the visuals, he has the brand recognition plus he's heavily associated with taem (hit the stage and superm) and i just Know they're gonna push him as the next taemin

2. taeil: at least a mini album before he has to enl*st or i will fucking riot

3. yuta: much like ten - can rap, can sing, can dance, beautiful specimen of a human man, super funny, plus he is one of the most popular members worldwide. it would make Big numbers, but it seems unlikely because he'd eat up nct japan. I'd still love to see it tho, i adore his voice

4. winwin: i just know even in a full solo album he'll end up with a collective 2 minutes of lines and I'm very curious how that would work

5. chenle: my baby. dream has a solid vocal line, so i wouldn't call it a hard carry , but he definitely is the backbone (watch their killing voice, he is the soul of their live singing) of their vocals. the harmonies, the ad libs, and he absolutely kills his own parts, and he's super versatile. this is one of the more unlikely ones on this list but I'd be very interested in listening to that

7. renjun: brilliant singer, i love his voice, he has such a pretty tone that deserves to shine more. also it would top the charts because each and every nct member would buy five of each version just to collect all the photocards. they could ask sm but they wanna do it right. want a fansign call? good luck, you're going up against 20 grown men who would kill for him no questions asked

8. xiaojun: he has never not been the star of a song he's on. take off, moonwalk, make a wish. he's the resonance era golden boy, just a well of potential. the boy is a Star

9. yangyang: universe era golden boy. he's quickly reached Mark/taeyong/Doyoung levels of fitting every single song, and has the unique advantage of sm knowing this and actually putting him on songs. again - sings, dances, raps, models, very funny boy. he has the Range

10. Kun: who's surprised here? honestly his voice is so severely underutilised, it hurts my heart, he has the absolute prettiest singing voice. give him the reins like taeyong and he'll produce an absolute masterpiece

bonus duos bc i thought of some while i was writing those:

1. any/all pairs out of xiaojun, renjun and yangyang: renyang bc besties and their voices would compliment each other, junjun because their unbreakable love cover is the third most watched youtube video in my history, xiaoyang bc again would compliment each other super well and it'd be a fun mixup in the wayv Duos

2. renjun and winwin: i just need to see the rest of them spontaneously combust

3. taeil and chenle: your honour in my heart they are Besties

4. Kun and Chenle: obviously

5. Johnny and Hendery: they would vibe. i know they barely know each other right now but i just believe they would Vibe. also you specifically would love it, and the world should revolve around your wants and needs

Hiiii! Ten definitely has a solo album around the corner. Like he's definitely been preparing for it like if not by year's end for sure in the beginning of next year. Like its just inevitable. I'd even just accept an ep from Taeil. Something cause once Sehun enlists it's only a matter of time for Taeil. Plus Taeil is injured so just one solo song will do. Till he returns.

I hope yuta does a rock album, like its just so him and needs to happen. If Yuta brings back screaming from kpops distant short visual kei past. Like a full rock album from Yuta would be everything. I also have songs I'd like for him to cover. Hatefuck - Motionless in white, Closer - Nine inch nails, Sinematic - Motionless in white, throne - bring me the horizon, I have a playlist I'll just send it to him.

Sweet baby Renjun, definitely needs a solo album soon, his voice is so pretty and needs to be highlighted. Chenle too!! Oooh and a Renjun and Chenle duet would be wonderful. Xiaojun, just put him in the studio and let him go it's what the world needs. I would love to see a Yangyang solo, I loved lowlow so much I need more Yangyang. I would like for him to also cover peach by yixing, it would just fit him. It's what Yixing would want. Of course Kun needs to have an album, it would be a beautiful album of ballads with just one unhinged song that no one expected.

Speaking of Yixing, I need Winwin to really go for it. I want multiple solo albums from Winwin and for his career to really prosper in China, make sm beg him to comeback but he's just too famous and busy. I used to be worried but I need Winwin to get only the best and succeed. But I really feel like SM is purposely holding him back cause they know the power he'd have.

Speaking of hear me out Renjun, Yangyang and Winwin, there's some untapped power there and I kinda need that. We have more than enough proof how good Kun, Taeil and Chenle are together, it's just destined. Yessss Hendery and Johnny would be best friends if they aren't already. And you are too kind but if I had one wish granted by sm it would be Hendery and Johnny duet that's it. Also Johnny, Jungwoo, Jaemin and Hendery there's something here. Not just cause they're all my biases. They're all the same level of weird and a little out of their minds. I don't even want a song. Just put them in a room alone with a camera I want to see what happens.

[moontint]

get to know me game (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ☆

tagged by the cutest! person! alive! : @loves0ft

tagging:♡ @evenofmyday ♡ chatoyervictoria ♡ junez ♡ yukicrossu ♡ @pssionfruits ♡ @guhara ♡@soulazul ♡ @un1over ♡

birthday: november 9

favourite colour: lavender and periwinkle

do you have pets?: no but my sister has a dog named nikko. we look after him sometimes, so that's the closest i have to a pet

how tall are you?: like 5'4?

how many pairs of shoes do you own?: that i regular wear, 3. i have a few more but i never wear them

favourite song: atm big flirt by lil hero and it's a wrap by mariah carey ft mary j blige, shooting star by xg

favourite movie: i dont watch movies. but lol i'd have to say white chicks or rush hour

who would be your ideal partner?: i feel like that closest would be, if you know who stephanie soo is, her cousin dan dan 🤭🥰 that type of personality i love. i could spend the rest of my life with someone like him

do you want children?: i keep going back and forth with it. idk. i feel like i need to be in a serious relationship and be married to have a final answer

have you gotten in trouble with the law?: lol does running a redlight count?

what colour socks are you wearing?: orange with lighting bolts

favourite type of music: pop, kpop, rap, old school reggaeton, the old mexican music every parents likes, like marco antonio solis, stuff like that. ig ive been listening to more bandas too.

how many pillows do you sleep with?: i use a body pillow as a pillow... i used to have pillows but idk what happened to them, and i keep putting off buying pillows

what position do you sleep in?:  my sides or fetal position. im trying to force myself to sleep on my back bc i heard that good for you, but i sleep better on my sides/fetal

what don’t you like when you’re sleeping: i takes me a while for me to sleep. or when i'm about to fall asleep my leg fucking jolts and im awake, so thats a recent thing thats been happening to me sometimes

what do you have for breakfast: i don't usually eat breakfast. but if i have something, its usually a match iced tea / iced chai tea latte from starbucks with something from their bakery

have you ever tried archery?: in school for gym class... i fucking sucked at it. but on wii sports... i'm the baddest bitch

favourite fruit: starfuits, cherries, strawberries, mangos, peaches, kiwis, mandarines 🤤

are you a good liar?: yes? no? idk ig i am

what’s your personality type?: idk, bc every time i take that damn quiz it always changes!!! like how can ive gotten intp, infp, enfp, istp, isfp like?!?!!?

innie or outie?: innie

left handed or right handed?: right

favourite food: sopes!!! or pupusas!!! fuckin loves those

favourite foreign food: i love thai food. everything ive tried is just sooo good. ughhhh!! Phở too!

am i clean or messy?: hehe i say im organized messy, but ppl say im clean. bc i am but the only thing that i have that is 'messy' is my bed, bc i never make it... and even that isnt messy, but my mexican parents say otherwise

most used phrase: 

how long does it take for you to get ready: depending. when i work at the school, about 30-40 minutes. but when i work at the clubhouse, about 10-15 minutes.

do you talk to yourself?: hehe yeah

do you sing to yourself?: only when i'm alone or in my car

are you a good singer?: i dont think so. id say average but i dont sing in front of anyone to know if i am

biggest fear?: idk, i feel like anything if i overthink it. heights?? but i like rollercoasters... but i'll get dizzy if i look over the second floor of a mall... going to the top of the willis tower made me dizzy. the deep ocean 😳

are you a gossip?: no, but ppl tell me gossip so i hear it regardless

do you like long or short hair?: both are nice

favourite school subject: english or social studies. art

extrovert or introvert: introvert

what makes you nervous: having ppl look at me. i hate making eye contact with ppl. but like if im ordering something i will look at the cashier, i'm not a dickhead. just hate looking at ppl or ppl looking at me in passing, especially when im driving

who was your first real crush?:  this guy named martin in first grade. i thought he was cute. lol but apparently we dated but i NEVER spoked to him or had a class with him. sooo... idk how we dated, but a classmate of ours told me in sixth grade that we did, and that threw me off, bc like i said, i never spoke to him. lol so i technically cheated on him like three times without knowing... sorry man

how many piercings?: seven atm. i wanna get my collar bones and maybe like one more ear piercing but idk what yet

how many tattoos?: none yet bc i still live with my parents and i feel like they will kick me out if i do

how fast can you run?: idk i dont have a reason to run. id say average??!??

what colour is your hair?: dark brown and blonde. im forcing myself to grow it out bc i fucked it up too much. wigs have been helping me fight the urge but i still wanna dye it!!!

what colour are your eyes?: dark brown

what makes you angry: those fucking bright led headlights!!!! i hate those things. that shit shouldnt be legal, its distracting, and i will bash your lights you dickhead

do you like your name?: i used to hate it bc i make me think of old white ladies but now im okay with it. i like my middle name or the nicknames my nephews used to call me when they were first starting to talk

do you want a boy or a girl as a child?: idc but i have i strong feeling that, if i do have kids, my first one will be a girl. idk why but i'm calling it

what are your strengths?: i'm a good listener, i have a good patience

what are your weaknesses?: i get annoyed easily

what is the colour of your bedspread?:  white

colour of your room: white

#if you dont wanna be tagged let me know! #sorry it took me sooo long to do! #i keep procrastinating #tagged

[slutnali]

Ask game not from an ask game, but could you ramble a bit on Jaida? I just kinda love her a lot and need someone as equally insane to talk about her.

ooohhhh Jaidaaaa !!!! im gonna have to put this under a read more bc its longgg and I could just go on about my beloved !!! also i wanna preface this by saying this is al over the place

I didn't watch s12 as it was airing [I hadn't watched s11 either, i stopped watching DR for a while] but I was still following all the ru girls from seasons I had watched, dr official accounts + dr meme accounts.. but anyway, as soon as the DR official IG page posted the 'swipe to see the s12 winner' and I swiped bc I am nosey even if by that point I had only known about the drama in the s12 cast.. but as soon as I saw Jaida it was love at first sight fr

I went to her IG and looked through all of her photos, she was so beautiful I had to watch drag race solely because of her.. I binge-watched s11 to get to s12 [dont ask me why, thats just my brain.. if I was gonna watch i had to be all caught up lmao] but I fell in love even more with her watching the season and all of her IG lives that'd been uploaded to youtube.

So ofc as someone who has been on tumblr for years and participated in the dr stan tumblr community from s8-as4?, I had to come back to my roots and created this sideblog.. I thought I'd find other ppl as obsessed with Jaida as I was but honestly.. at that time it was just me and a handful of others I quickly became mutuals with.. her tumblr tag wasn't as up to date/active so I would constantly be one of the few always reposting her stuff onto the tags.. pictures, videos from her performances, clips from lives, anything and everything bc people had to see how beautiful and funny she was. almost like i was determined for people to see what i saw in her eorngerif which might sound insane but anywayyyy

Getting back into reading dr fics was a bummer that she was mostly a background character but I get it from a shipping standpoint too.. it was all about crygi & jankie as those were the ships with the most content and traction. I would read fics because she was listed as a background character or halldoll was a bg ship even if I wasn't interested in crygi which was 9 times out of 10 the main story..

I could also get into a halldoll ramble but to not let this get longer than what it is, the few people that would write that ship are top tier, honestly. I do have a list of halldoll fic recs somewhere on this blog but those are the few people that in my opinion, capture jaida well and do her justice.

She's so gorgeous it's intimidating but she's one of the most silliest and charismatic bitches out there.. she's a sagittarius (one of the only good ones 😪) there are just so many things to love about her, and I think her personality shined more in as7 than it did in s12.. I mean that in a 'other fans finally realized that' type of way

also thanks for sending in this ask!

#answered

[cutemeat]

3, 7, and 10!

3. what are your top 3 favorite episodes?

I have many many manyyyy faves (and also got this question a bunch, which excites me so dont worry ab that) so im gonna do different themes for my top 3's...

my top 3 fave eps of eps that I've rewatched the most are: The Gang Gets Romantic, The Gang Group Dates, and The Gang Dances Their Asses Off (with Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life as an honorable mention lol)

7. what’s something that we haven’t seen in the show yet that you’d like to see?

i clearly wanna see some resolution or 'get together' scene ONSCREEN (cuz i have argued previously that they HAVE already banged offscreen in Dennis Gets Divorced) but I'd like to see, at the very least, going from writing Macdennis as subtext to making that the overt text. Which, in their defense, they've started doing since s12 ... but I just hope they execute the culmination of the storyline they started in s12/s13 in a way that.. does not suck ass. and i'm usually willing to give rcg a lot of leeway about this particular thing cuz like. theyre str8 they dont know any better LOL. but yeah i wanna see mac and dennis kiss, fuck, date, idc! something!

other things i'd like to see: i'd like to see charlie getting some cathartic 'snapping' arc where he goes back into the badroom and in the vents and the gang cant get him out cuz hes rlly emotional (like as a result of his dad dying or smth) and he basically just snaps, Phantom of the Opera style but he'd be like the Phantom of Paddy's... and maybe this is all while Dee's trying to host an event of whatever kind and so hes just lurking around the whole time trying to sabotage the event... maybe he kidnaps someone LOL thatd be ccool

i also would LOVE to see waitress becoming a more recurring character, esp to team up with Dee. I'd ideally like to see them move IN together n be a duo, but I'll take what I can get. I also just wanna see Dee going crazy. I kinda want Dennis and Dee to have a swap where DEE is the angry, spiteful one and Dennis is just sad and pathetic at his lowest yknow? LOL. Like I think they could easily do this as well, and it seemed to me like they experimented with that kind of dynamic in Gets New Wheels. and lastly, PUT DEE IN THE DUSTER!!!!

i'd like to see more of Mac's ACTUAL life... cuz he has been TALKING about doing all this shit the past couple seasons but we dont get to see what he's ACTUALLY getting up to. So sorta a Mac's Double Life ep but done much better LOL. I just want some character exploration with Mac cuz they seem to be struggling with what to do with Mac since he came out. And I know part of that also has to do with Rob wanting to have a gay man in the writers room but (so far, as far as I know) not being able to get any lol.

I'd also like to see some shit about whatever is going on with Frank that we found out he has a serious, terminal disease in s11... but ik a lot of ppl have said that before me, and for good reason its like.. wtf is going on there LOL

10. who’s your least favorite character?

shit... good question.... yknow i'll just use this as an opportunity to say i hate the way they wrote fat mac. it just felt like they squandered his potential. the way they executed the joke itself was just reeking of rcg's own body image issues which makes it just uncomfortable/not funny if you dont ALSO have rcg's body issues LOL. like i think if they'd done a slower progression over time where the characters just Look Their Age as they age would be a good subversion and probably not too difficult to maintain LMAO. and if Rob wanted Mac's part in that to be gaining some weight for a season/a couple seasons that could've been subversive in itself and done well. But I think bc they made it a seasonal gimmick it suffered for that. So I'm not really answering the question i Know but KJDFGNKDJ tbh i loooove the cast of characters we've become familiar with I think they're all great

#thank u sm!!! <3

[deep-hearts-core]

(tonight we're gonna party like it's) 1999

god damn i haven't done one of these in a while. its charlotte nilsson time baybee

Lithuania REAL SHAME about this staging. it's a nice song and aiste has a great voice clearly but she doesn't have the right kind of stage presence for this. the dancing around that she was doing didn't feel right for this genre, it was discordant and distracting. also the pink lighting didn't work. if i could go back in time and fix this i'd tell the lithuanian delegation to keep the camera close on her upper body at all times.

Belgium nice song nice voice well staged but she's too damn quiet. i can't really hear her. especially at the beginning. sad bc i have no other complaints about this one except for maybe "is that guy blowing into a horseshoe crab?".

Spain she's a good singer so it's a shame about that dress. also, the verses are kind of boring and i only really enjoy the chorus. also, i keep misremembering this song as having the tune of a bosnian song called "zena svijetom upravlja" or something like that that a friend of mine submitted to a tumblr fancontest forever ago. also also, did i mention that dress? distracting.

Croatia love the "ah-ah-ah-ah"s in the chorus. favorite thing about this song. (maybe because that's what's familiar because that's the thing that everyone puts in the fourth place compilation recap vids or whatever). she looks nice in that dress i guess but something feels kind of off with the staging. i can definitely tell that this followed immediately after dana international. there's something in the way she's moving that's making it clear she's trying to imitate dana in some way.

UK i love this one!! love a girl band, the main singer is really good, and those silver outfits are great. that "say it again, say yeah" is the most catchy/memorable line i've heard so far tonight that i hadn't already seen in a recap video. unfortunately one of the girls was a little pitchy in the high harmonies and that got on my nerves a little.

Slovenia i mean i don't love it but there's nothing to hate about it really. she sounds good. nice classic eurovision ballad.

Turkey this is every turkish entry ever, right? it's not bad really it's just not my speed. i spent most of my time watching this thinking about danish barbershop quartet the clementones and admiring the stage, because this year's stage is cool. more on that later.

Norway ngl kind of disappointed? the dance routine was good, i guess? idk it's not my kind of song and he wasn't great vocally. and that shirt wsa sort of. a choice. didn't work imo.

Denmark you can always count on denmark to do a good happy duet with a guitar. love this. if they hadn't fucked up that very last note this would have been absolutely perfect to me. <3

France like if that song "free fallin'" got eurovision'd.

Netherlands early dutch country is also every eurovision song that follows it for the next like 5-6 years, more at 10! nah but it's alright. and she's pretty, which helps. the song started before she started singing and i was like "?? this is gonna be so good?" and then i remembered it was the netherlands and my expectations instantly went medium. lol.

Poland great belt on this man. not like a literal belt but like his voice near the end when he's belting his high notes, that's good. good tone. song's ok i guess.

Iceland this song slams and i fucking love it in studio but the staging was... a little too over the top, tbh?

Cyprus her voice isn't a good fit. the slow start goes on for just a little too long and she's just kind of shrill.

Sweden it's good, i can see why it won, but her outfit is just so MUCH. i hope it was a candidate for barbara dex. the eyeshadow. the flesh colored fabric underneath the pretend crop top. no thank you charlotte.

Portugal not bad. rui bandeira is kind of a guy who looks like a girl who looks like a boy iykwim. idk it kinda sounds like all the other ones.

Ireland this song is too low for them and it does funny things to their tone quality. too much vibrato.

Austria she's cute, i like the guitar line, this is very radio-friendly and american in a way that allowed me to like... yes tune out but not tune all the way out and just kind of vibe.

Israel it is a sign of how brainpoisoned i have become that i saw a quartet of guys on the stage and thought, "ah yes, the guy in the different shirt is the lead, he has the tenor and the bass on either side of him, and the other guy is the bari". i'm in hell. good song though. i mean i guess. why is it happy birthday?

Malta their harmonies aren't really locking. given, i have a much higher bar for that these days due to the aforementioned brainpoison, but still, some of these chords are heinous. also the song is just sort of not good.

Germany song is alright except for the bridge which is unnecessarily cheesy. i mean, even for the thing that it is, which is a eurovision song.

Bosnia & Herz d... dino merlin? idk this one is weird, they're like conjugating french verbs or something and also this one was muted in the video archive i had and the dino merlin official youtube upload had terrible audio quality so i feel like i can't really judge it

Estonia the onstage aesthetic vibe of this is beautiful, and i like the song, too. it's a shame that it's not a good vocal fit for evelin. a clear precursor to randajad and good use of the stage too.

My top 23 1)Denmark 2)Estonia 3)Portugal 4)Iceland 5)Sweden 6)Austria 7)Belgium 8)Poland 9)Israel 10)Germany 11)UK 12)Slovenia 13)Spain 14)Croatia 15)Ireland 16)Turkey 17)Netherlands 18)Lithuania 19)Cyprus 20)France 21)Norway 22)Bosnia 23)Malta

shoutouts again to my friend rachel's prefsorter, because we can't always have gerbear

Miscellaneous commentary the little cgi tour of europe at the beginning was cute. but also very funny because of how squished together and contiguous everything was. lmao @ the host greeting the "distinguished guests" and everyone there in nice clothes. like wow the contest has changed in 20 years obsessed with these postcards btw. cartoon eve fully tits out. jesus represented as a hot guy in a suit. joseph and his brothers singing in barbershop harmony. the baby moses video game. priceless recaps are so short? i already have a hard time remembering how each song goes but like the recap snippets help absolutely not at all lol at the sun prop. it was a really excellent stage, honestly, a lot of contestants were able to use it really well, but after last year's debacle i just kept giggling whenever i saw the thing move. overall like...it's hard to judge the songs in this era, it's hard to rank them, because really i don't like most of them? like they just aren't really my style. i feel like for many of the 90s rankings the margins between songs are going to be very thin and i'm going to have trouble remembering a lot. i don't listen to a lot of 90s music so it's like... ok? sure? do i even know if this is good? no i don't!

#esc reviews

[maybe-drawing]

Inktober 2022: A reflection

This year I did Luna ‘s (who is an amazing artist!! Check them out on Twitter!!) Inktober. Spoiler, I did not do all the days as I got sick halfway through and then just stopped lol. However, it was remarkable good practice and I learned a lot! One might say you can see me improving 👀 It gets better, promise!

Here the full prompt list:

by https://twitter.com/LunaIsAnArtist 

1. Sprout

yes this is bdubs fanart, (I’ll do a separate post with the fandom one and tag them there) Also learned about gradient maps!

2. Ladder

I cannot for the life of me figure out how to render stone, and it really shows

3. Glory

I do not dislike this one, however Clip Studio Paint's weird artistic render line feature really stole the show here lol

4. Investigation

Played with gradient maps again. The color is sure something!

5. Rosemary

At this point, I was wondering if a completely lineless painting style was something I even like? And honestly it has its appeals, and I think ill keep playing with it, but I missed having lines.

6. Home

Them <3 @liebesamateur​

7. Boots

I love this little buddy!! Look at them!! Lovely!! Also this was when I decided to return to a more painterly lined look for my art again :D

8. Voice

This is one of my absolute favorites!!! The light hello???? also the tiny pumpkin on the hat :D

9. Fragment

Did a study of a lemon and went you know what would be fucked up

10. Ranunculus

this looks so much better than it has any right to!! Indie game vibes hello?!?

11. Moss

Bdubs fanart again, but look at him, he's just a little guy! Very much based on countless designs I’ve seen all over. (if you know the OG lemme know) Certified creature.

12. Worth

I don't like this one... The concept is there, but the execution is sloppy and kinda off-putting. The only thing I kinda like it the blood at the very top opening. 

13. Float

I love this very much not anatomically correct baby!!!

14. Poppies

I mean long arms!

15. Zodiac

I’m torn bc on one hand the background is stunning, I love the colors. On the other hand, this would have looked too much better lineless, and the lens sky reflection is just lazy and doesn't fit with the rest of the style.

16. Evolution

GHOST CRAB!! I downloaded some new brushes, and it was just sooo much fun. 

17. Meadow

I really like everything except the “flowers”. The clouds and background/foundation is solid, but the weird flower brush is too sharp and it just doesn't work. Also, the colors of the flowers are supposed to be in shade and idk man 

18. Examination

Now this one could make more sense, like perspective wise and the highlights are a bit wack. However, it's really cool and I like it a lot. The bluish tint for the glass, the goldish bronze, the background yes!!

19. Reflection

The poses for this kept just not working out. I couldn't get the angles, nothing made sense, so I made them silhouettes! And it works nicely. I like this one. I am kinda starting to overuse that background contrast thingy, but it's fiiiiiinnnne. Also, the curtain??? The red pops so well hello, its just bam, and it deserves to do that. 

20. Bullet

It's a bullet train! Get it? Anyway, I really like the burn effect for this one and I wanted to make it a spooky train. One thing I'd improve is how the likes are fading into the smoke, it doesn't look quite right.

22. Bones

This is kinda my burnout point and it shows. The line thickness is all over the place, I didn't work on this very much and just slapped some things on there and put it up. I'd love to draw a proper pile of bones someday, but this wasn't it.

23. Mutation

I do kinda like this one, and I don't have any major complaints. I just remember not really feeling doing Art™ at that time.

29. Wyvern

I sketched this the next day and was so normal about it. Idk if this is really a Wyvern, but it looks cool! I really like the frame and breaking it. It gives a nice break and depth!

#Freddy draws #inktober #inktober 2022 #lunatober 2022 #overall i really had fun #even with the stress of getting very sick and traveling for 2 days straight after recovery #and then walking through a river for 4 hours for class #absolute insane experience I tell you #crossed 3 states in under 24 hours #beware long post #tw blood #tw organs #tw body horror #tw eye horror #tw bones #tw skeleton #my art #original art

[eusuntgratie]

4, 10, 13, 17, 18, 25, 27, 36 sorry they're good and stuff.

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

hahahaha i know this isn't the intent of the question but y'all already know it's baby. got hit with that first baby in a buddie wip i'm reading and felt myself physically swoon.

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

um. i feel like there's definitely things i'm not thinking of but the your blue eyed boys series and its sequel series. god. i think about it all the time. i used to re-read the whole thing every year but i haven't in awhile. something about steve's complete and utter dedication to bucky, his tenacity in figuring out a way to help him despite having no fucking clue where to start just does something to me. the things they carried kind of collectively fucked up my entire friend group in high school. this is me trying haunts me. tiny houses. oof. there are definitely more not-fic examples but i can't think of them atm bc i barely read anything besides fic lately.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

maybe grief. i have a hard time putting the small quiet moments of loving someone into words. things that resonate with me personally are sometimes easier to write and sometimes harder, it just depends how i'm doing and what i'm writing.

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

okay i'm gonna talk about shadow even though i'm not really actively writing it right now bc i've been thinking about it for REASONS and bc its my beefiest wip. its one of the million fics spawned by a buddie playlist you made me (MWAH!) inspired by one particular song on there. a very specific scene of baby eddie at a college party with his sister meeting a very out and very queer and slightly older buck and just losing his whole ass mind came to me on my work commute.

so basically the fic started with this mental image of buck in a crop top and glitter - you can see him here lovingly drawn by @demonlandline 😍😍😍 like the image was SO clear in my head and still is and i still can't believe i get to look at him eep

but then its sort of spiralled out into this much larger story of eddie exploring his queerness and facing the ideas of who he was supposed to be and i think i'm probably gonna project a lot of my catholic bullshit and thoughts about my own queerness and all the other reasons i am obsess about eddie into the story. and i think it will be a beast to write, because there will be some fun scenes and i'm planning for a lot of smut but there will be a lot of heavy shit too. so it'll be awhile before i can focus on it but. i'm excited about it.

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

i was really really nervous to write Q, because I'd never really fleshed out an OC before but mostly because they're nonbinary and i'm cis and i just didn't want to fuck up.

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know?

sex?! hah. there's a reason i'm so comfortable writing smut. 🤷🏻‍♀️ parenting. healthy communication and healthy romantic relationships. i guess i could write more about gardening or sewing or taking care of an iguana or cooking or any of my other weird/random experiences/interests but i don't think i've really worked any of that into my writing yet. i definitely know way too much about higher education in the us but i have no interest at all in writing about that :)

okay i skipped two bc this is hella long and i'm afraid tumblr will eat it before i can post

weird writer asks | ask me

#weird writer asks #ask grace #grace writes #shadow #poe tag

[olivieraa]

I have such a weird relationship with anime.

There's a lot I wont tolerate with anime, especially its treatment of female characters (young girls and women), and so I've been extremely picky about what I watch for just about 10 years now.

2014 was the first time I properly buckled down and watched a good chunk of big animes (HxH, FMAB, Haikyuu, Soul Eater). And then 2015 was when I mixed up old animes with animes that were airing at the time. So I had between 1-3 anime eps a day.

Most of it was... soul-crushing. And I was absolutely exhausted. And I didn't know when I'd stop. When it would end.

It was painful.

Anime treated female characters so badly. The fans were disgusting. I was in arguments non-stop. I was screenshotting and posting scenes that were heinous and I could just feel myself losing this battle of trying to see if there was anything good, anything salvageable about this medium.

When I think back to how I started with anime, which was Inuyasha, straight after Inuyasha I was introduced to... harem. I don't know how, but harem was the first anime theme I stumbled into. I watched DNA2, Rosario + Vampire, Hand Maid May, etc. Eventually my first reverse-harem, Fruits Basket. This went on for a little bit before I found Death Note.

But by then, I was so used to half-naked female characters bending over or falling over and landing in provocative positions, I thought it was normal. Death Note never did that, but just bc it didn't sexualise its female characters, doesn't mean it treated them great either.

It took years before I realised that this wasn't normal. And then if women weren't sexualised, they were beaten. Or both. At the same time. And it was laughed at. Or memed. And I was the only one calling it out. Nobody gave a shit.

This is why I felt so drained. And alone.

I found animes that made me happy. When I look at them in a list all together, there's more than I thought. But to find them originally, was like "suffer through about 40 of the bad ones, find a good one, suffer through another 25, find a good one" over and over again.

I kept getting asks like "why are you putting yourself through this?" and honestly, I didn't know. I still dont know. In fact, I'm still doing something similar somewhere else. Like, I'm building up evidence. And its hard to stop.

And the thing is... I didn't go into these animes with the intention of getting into fights. I was always hopeful, everytime a new lineup of anime was announced, that they'd subvert my expectations. Osomatsu was actually the biggest shock for me. I thought it was going to be teen-boy humour to the max, be the Japanaese South Park. Couldn't have been more wrong about that, and its one of my top faves now.

Finding animes like that, that put me in a happy place, was my main intention. Always hoping animes that were the opposite would start to die out.

Coming back to anime, well, I'm just rewatching rn. Only one's I liked. I dont know where I'm going from there, but for now, I'm just staying in this happy place. Going from Osomatsu to Maou-sama, with a few other good one's in between like 91 Days and Acca - Its been peaceful. I found those animes during times of watching mostly bad ones and these being the little gems in between. So when you watch nothing but the gems, its... blissful. I'm having fun. I'm not ready to torture myself yet.

[tacomanarrows]

The Haunted House seriously does not miss with any of its tracks oh my god they're all so good. I can absolutely pick a favorite, Aliens easily, but I don't know if I could pick a least favorite. None of them are duds. Maybe Only So Many Days, but even then that's a stretch, I'd still give that one a solid 6.5 to 7/10 at the very least.

It doesn't top Humanistic for me (I mean, Humanistic is my all-time favorite album), even though Humanistic does have one or two songs I dislike more than anything on The Haunted House (namely L.V.B.D. and Seed), but it hits higher highs with songs like Fluorescein, The Remedy and Start Over. I think I'd put Armed To The Teeth over The Haunted House as well, but not by much. I'd say THH is about on par with Sublime Currency and Somnambulist, which is a very good thing. I'm not sure atm which ones I'd take over the others bc they're all super close in quality imo

#this turned into more of a ramble than I expected lmao #TacTalks #Abandoned Pools

[e2019]

anyone got any idea why i (USAmerican located in a major city) called 911 but no one ever came? is it possibly because i just dialed the number, pressed the call button, then didn't interact with my phone again in any way at all until after the call was over? no idea how/why the call end btw cuz i'm pretty sure i didn't do that, but also i was so out of it i almost thought i might have either dreamed/hallucinated calling 911 or perhaps dialed the wrong number, bc i also remember my vision was so fuckin blurry i had a really difficult time trying to unlock my phone, find the phonecall app, navigate to the number pad, and enter 911 (shaking so badly + couldnt hardly read so for all i knew it could just as easily have dialed like 877 or something like that).

also, fun fact is you can tell i must have been fucked all the way out of my mind because i would have called 999 instead if i had been at all able to think straight. like, to put into perspective just how dire these straits must have been, just know that in the past when people called 911 for me, the very first thing i did when i came back to (still unable to move or remember anything or think/speak clearly etc) was to berate them for not calling 999 instead.

anyways, that was my first time calling 911, so i'm not personally intimately familiar with the exact process. however other people have called 911 for me multiple times (always with an arrival time of like 5-10min give or take fwiw), and from what they recounted to me of the event(s), i know the first thing that happens after you dial/call 911 is you get an automated menu with… idr how many choices, but i know it's at least 2 (something like “press 1 for police” or “press 2 for ems” & now that i think of it, i'd bet there might also be something like “press 3 for fire department” too maybe, idk). anyways, the point i'm trying to make here is i wonder if maybe the call automatically gets dropped (almost as if it had never been placed to begin with) if you don't select any input(s) at that menu?

another possibility i just thought of rn is maybe 911 did come out to my general area, but they weren’t able to pinpoint my exact location? i notice that gps devices tend to struggle to pick up on any detailed data in this neighborhood that i recently moved to, like you often can't even see any houses or streets, nada. on top of that, i now live in a duplex which i can only imagine must be the world's most confusing construction of its kind because 9/10 delivery people are unable to find my side of the place. you'd think 911 would be equipped with more advanced technology, or at the very least that they'd put some real thorough effort into their search for an emergency, but idk maybe not.

man i even remember stumbling over to the front door, barely able to walk, to unlock the damn thing so that the police/ems wouldn't have to kick the door down or whatever in order to get in. i really did NOT wanna have to pay to fix or replace the door/locks/frame or whatever lol. literally this was incredibly urgent to me, even during what i genuinely believed may very well be my very last couple of seconds or minutes Alive here on this earth. uh huh, proud to say i am certifiably to remain a cheap bastard right up until my bitter end. that's 1 of maybe 2 total good qualities that i inherited from my father, so i'll take it!

Any ways, moving on to my next point of confusion, i'm sure we've all seen how in the movies sometimes if a character gets seriously injured or w/e, then uses up all of their remaining strength to call 911 before passing out without ever hanging up the phone or making any noise loud enough so as to be audible to the 911 operator, well it doesn't matter bc 911 is able to trace the location of the call, and they show up anyways just to check everything out at least. for ex: i recently watched the ep of sopranos (end of s5/start of s6, idr exactly?) where tony gets shot and then both he & 911 do exactly as i described above.

i asked my mom about all of this, and she just seemed to get a little mad at me and said "911 always comes no matter what. you must have been hallucinating. why didn't you call me instead. i would have been over there right away if you called me but didnt say anything." well my call log sure don't lie do it mother fucker!

well, to wrap this up, in hindsight i am actually really fuckin glad that nothing came of this. still now i'm gonna always wonder what if i really had been unable to recover without medical assistance that day? it just doesn't seem right to me that if you're so unwell that you're physically incapable of speaking or seeing or controlling your fine motor functions well enough & for long enough to get thru the 911 door boss, then it's too fuckin bad for you, your sorry ass is gonna get left to die like a dog convulsing & gasping on the floor in a pool of your own sweat, piss, shit, tears, mucosa, & whatever else i can't all remember. i mean come on, if you can tell 911 your location & describe your emergency, then it can't really be all THAT urgent, now can it?

and now i'm always gonna have that in the back of my mind, wondering what if something bad ever happens to me in the future, but i don't get so lucky again? all i know is what happened to me the other day would have been such a horrible death to die, and that's not even to mention the equally horrible state in which my body would have been found (common paranoia of mine btw, y'all don't even wanna know how many times i've found myself trying to decide whether it'd be more humiliating to die in the shower or on the toilet like elvis. i typically seem to prefer the shower/bath tub personally. how about y'all? weigh in in the comments below, and let's settle this once & for all! please god, before it's too late for me).

however & whenever i die, this experience has left me hoping that i will, at The very least, not be aware enough of anything whatever might be happening to me for any such panicked & ashamed thoughts the likes of which ran thru my head so uncontrollably that scarcely any of them were fully comprehensible at the time. i tried to imagine just how wild of a case study some doctors might write about my death, the kind of thing you read & say to yourself, "i can't believe anyone would be stupid enough to try that in the first place," or perhaps something along those lines.

but looking back on it, let's just say one thing i learned is that if the events of the other day serve as any indication at all, then what i'll regret more than anything when (and if) i'm old & laying down to die in my death bed when my life suddenly flashes before my eyes will be neither some cliche like "missed opportunities" nor any of the plethora of poor life choices that i've made (not to mention all those that i likely have yet to make). my biggest regret is bigger than any of that. that i now must live with the memory for the rest of my days (however many or few i may have left is anyone's guess, apparently) is a fate worse than death, despite the fact that i was the sole witness (and hardly a true "witness" at that, considering that i was at least halfway blind and more than halfway out of my fucking mind thru it all) to the event.

i'm deeply ashamed to admit this, but i keep no secrets here on my tumblr blog, so here it is: my biggest regret is shitting my pants and then calling 911 without first taking a shower. thank fucking god no one came to check on my call. i think i genuinely may have died that day had that happened, of embarrassment that is. if not, certainly would have been suicide at my next available opportunity. there's some shit (pun intended, of course, haha) in this life you just can't ever come back from.

#this post is such a mess but im tired of looking at it so w/e just gonna hit publish #started writing this the other day; havent felt right since the incident; slowly getting a little better each day #long post

[kitschke]

ok here's my reason to believe rankings:

1. I love Karen how could I not put them first. This was the first version I heard of this song so obviously I'm biased for that reason (and my love of the artist) but I do like the instrumentation and rhythm. it's corny but in a way that works for me. and lush harmony to boot

2. the best of the folky versions imo, bc of her distinctive voice. it adds such emotion to the song that really is missing from most other versions tbh

3. just listened to this one for the first time today and damn they went hard on that arrangement. such a bop, features every 60s pop instrument ever. also this obviously dates the song intensely but it works for me as a fan of very 60s sounding 60s songs. plus ofc Lee's sultry vocals are the cherry on top

4. kind of surprised myself with how high I ranked this one. ofc it's a classic but listening to them all in succession made me appreciate the arrangement of this more. even tho I'm not a Stewarthead I like the organ, and his raspy style brings out its tenderness ironically. it's a little long in the tooth, idk if the acapella section was necessary but it's also pleasant so I can't complain 🤷

5. just a good solid folk song, nothing in particular really catches my ear but I feel it deserves a top 5 spot for being the original and all. thanks tim 👍

6. sigh. I wanted to rank this higher and in fact initially had it above stewart and hardin, but on re-listen I just can't say the arrangement is as good as any of the top 5. I do love them as a group and their voices + harmonies are what got them this spot, but I think I would have liked it better had they stuck to a more simple folk setup. the plodding piano just feels like a children's song and sadly even the twangy guitar feels brings too much cheese (and I am usually a fan of the twang). i'd rather listen to puff tbh

7. this feels like they wanted the big 60s sound like peggy lees version but tried to make it as sentimental as possible. im fine with ol glen and a wistful melody (who doesn't weep to wichita lineman) but just kinda falls flat here to me. yeah yeah there's strings but. shrug. It still is the best to me out of the boring arrangements

8. tbh these next three are all equally forgettable to me so they're all kinda ranked the same in my mind. +1 for harmonies but the arrangement is kinda blah otherwise

9. this is like the youngbloods version but slightly more performative country. so minus 0.5

10. worst of the folk arrangements, sounds the same as tim hardin with the only addition being a fun lil drum on occasion. the drum is nice but that's all I remember. and no harmonies so -8

11. apparently there's audio link limits?? but I'm just not as into 80s soft rock style sorry gals. love ur outfits and poses tho. and I respect the attempt to revitalize this song that everyone in their parent's generation covered it's something I'd do

#long post #Spotify #Youtube

[roadkiii]

Entry 1.6.4-2 - The Oakenhall of Timberport

Welcome to my blog. I’m not tagging anything but entry #, so sorry if my unrelated mess somehow ends up in your search.

Just realized 1.6 came out in 2013 so we're now in a 10 year old edition, slowly catching up.

I'm wondering if maybe I should focus on more farming, just grind in my existing plains biomes especially since acacia/dark oak is being added in 1.7. Then I considered waiting until 1.7 to roam for horses, but if I run into a roofed forest then, I might lose access to a woodland mansion (not added until 1.11) so I truly can't wander much until biomes and caves are locked in.

This adds an interesting aspect to my gameplay, since usually in a Normal™ minecraft world I will typically wander too far from my base, die, have no idea where I was, and give up. Hence why my last major world project was hardcore. I hate being locked into hard mode but I acknowledge that I am not a good enough gamer to play on hard all day every day.

Tangent aside, I'm going to be stuck in 1.6 for a while I think. Which is disappointing, because I am Very excited for afk fish farming in 1.7 but can't upgrade.

If I'm going to be here for a while, I'm going to spend some time properly constructing buildings around the village. I've been doing little bits of terraforming and tearing down houses, I think my (kind of ugly) house) is one of the few buildings left standing. I'd like to relocate my house, maybe to the top of the mountain above Giratina, but I don't know.

I think this location would be good for a better hotel/inn setup than I currently have, I scaled down a "modern" build I saw on google for the previous villager housing and I don't think I'm a fan. Reconstruction time!

I do want to make sure I reuse these brick stairs for something in the new build though, bricks were (and kinda still are) a flex.

Also, because achievements reset again, I got "Getting Wood" for tearing down my own home. Incredible.

I think I could make a wheat farm underneath the housing, safely locked away from the villagers who will probably find a way to trample it.

[ONE WEEK OF GAMEPLAY LATER]

hey so uh. there were a few progress pics but tumblr ate my previous draft of this post. Say hello to Oakenhall. I played with fantasy name generator and kinda got stuck on a wood theme kick bc I want to use mostly wood for the village buildings and plant an illuminated (maybe more froglight mushroom themed later on) forest close to the walls.

It'll be expensive and time consuming, but I want to put logs columns where I would have placed corner stairs on the wall, if that makes sense.

like hiding where the wall corners meet.

Anyway, I wanted this blog to be a bit more journal-y so I'm going to start doing more weekly-ish posts where I play in small increments before work and *maybe* make more progress on days off, maybe. Then at the end of the week I'd just tour any unique changes rather than my current strategy of literally blogging while I play, which is kind of distracting.

Timberport Tuesdays. or smth.

ANYWAY. I want to make the most of this is a kind of taste of what the new entrys will be like.

This is the back of Oakenhall, I wanted to make some kind of back mural but with only a 3x5 area I just made it a little abstract rainbow.

This roof will take me forever I hate building roofs so much this is why I just squared off the old building

Also, can we talk about how time consuming wooden builds are?

Like between the walls and floor (don't get me started on accent logs) this takes so much wood. But also, I wanted to show somehow that this is plank floor so I used all the stairs I got from tearing down villager roofs as a kind of baseboard.

At the rate I'm going and how much wood I still need, I might have to take a break from building to enchant another axe (silk touch would be nice, even if its not on a pickaxe..)

I don't think I would ever make an automatic tree farm. If I'm going to build something from wood, I would much rather just cut down trees (getting saplings to hoard to turn into bone meal later) than have to create complex redstone contraptions to break the game and duplicate sand to mine the wood with TNT. Waaayyy too much work.

Between those two logs is the entrance, I have 8 doors and 8 beds on this floor. I still haven't crafted any paintings for the interior but I'm focusing on the 2nd floor walls rn so my wool is going to smth else

the 2nd story has 10 doors and 12 beds, I'm prepped for when they'll eventually need beds, and I may have some "accidental" villagers walking into lava so that I can get every profession here.

I do have quite the little collection of them now, I'm pretty sure they're ready to move into their new home. Could've swore I had a priest and a few more villagers but they could've wandered off or killed themselves climbing my incomplete demolitions. I did accidentally axe one.

Glad the golem is happy w/ the new place :)

I guess my next post will be next Tuesday if everything goes according to plan.

next (1.6.4-3)

#1.6.4 pt2

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #dp thoughts