#I’ve been trying to be forgiving of myself! because I know the relief i feel in the aftermath of what i did isn’t because I’m happy for what

[aklaustaleteller]

On One Condition

Klaus feels bad for messing up Y/n's exam preparation schedule, so he asks her what it is that he can do to 'earn her forgiveness'. Yet somehow, he manages to put up a condition when she asks him to help her with an art project...

Warnings - none, really.

Word Count - 1.4k

So, I was rewriting an old fic when I decided to write a little backstory, i.e. this fic, and I hope you guys like it! I'll be posting part two within the next two days so yay!

Update: You can now read part two here!

She was something else, a feisty one who liked a good chase. And Klaus should've noted that from miles away. But he was too deep in now, and he wasn't going to back down until he had her.

He was waiting outside the school to catch Stefan, have a chat with him and warn him against trying to harm him because telling him off meant telling off the entire group, and Klaus found that lovely.

And he had just caught sight of Stefan when he saw her behind him, her hair bun not so tight as hair stands fell out and framed her face. She was walking with another girl who seemed to be trying profusely to convince Y/n of something -- probably a party if Klaus were to guess but he felt himself tuning in when she walked in a closer range to him.

"I really cannot do it, Vicki. Please try to understand that I'm myself giving exams right now," he heard her say, and then saw as she put her hand on her shoulders. There was softness in her voice that he'd never wished previously to be directed at him.

Bringing her in for a hug, Y/n explained herself again, as if she felt bad for denying whatever it was that Vicky wanted. "I would've helped you out had I not missed out on my preparation earlier. I’ve quite literally been studying the night before for each exam." She smiled, with what emotion Klaus couldn't quite see, but he found it beautiful, nonetheless.

"Why don't you ask Elena? I'm sure that way you'll bump into Jeremy a couple times as well," Y/n grinned, passing the squinting brunette a quick wink before turning back towards the exit with a sigh of relief.

Though it only took a couple steps for her to bump into Klaus, not so accidently. She'd seen him the moment she'd gotten out of the gates, and the fact that she had to pass him in order to reach her car only made her feel... more positive, let’s say.

She hadn't gone out of her way to slam into him, but he had. And the only other thing she has to blame is her spiteful walk that led the one library book she'd borrowed to topple out of her grip.

"Klaus, back off," she gritted, quickly picking up her book and moving once he did.

"It's not my fault, you know, that you bumped into me," Klaus said with a lure in his voice that suggested he just wanted to rile her up. "I'd apologize to me," he shrugged, a lopsided grin pulling up on his face when he noticed her turning.

"I'd tell you to go fuck yourself but that'd be a cruel and unusual punishment," she bit back, pressing her key to unlock the car.

"Please, save your breath. You'd probably need it to blow up your next date," Klaus teased, remembering the night Klaus had crashed her date and scared off the guy by doing nothing, really.

Sighing, Y/n gripped the steering wheel of her car and closed her eyes for a second. "Say something else and this book will become a lethal weapon," her voice was agitated as she warned him, and when he truly backed away with a proud grin on his face, she finally pulled back and drove home, daring to spare him a glance in her rear-view mirrors, an angry blush creeping up her neck when she caught his eyes.

Once she reached home, she didn't bother to lay out her clothes before jumping into her shower. Still, she buttoned up a loose striped cotton shirt and pulled her underwear up her legs. It didn't take her long to just decide on a pair of pyjama shorts.

After a good bowl of salad for lunch, she brought out her schoolwork to just do it on the porch considering the nice weather. But of course, that was a mistake because soon into her immersive study session, she was disturbed by loud clashing noises coming from the house across hers, Elena's house.

Taking a deep breath, she was just getting up when she caught sight of Damon and Stefan inside the house, speeding towards each other. It was purely for the dramatics, she was sure, considering the fact they wouldn't kill each other, they simply didn't have it in them.

She just felt sorry for Elena's dishes, maybe some of her furniture as well.

Twisting the knob she had just pushed the door in to go back inside the house when she heard a voice behind her. "Too noisy, aren't they?"

Klaus.

"You already messed up my preparation schedule once, Klaus. Do not dare to do it again," she said calmly, though her grip on the knob was probably tighter than normal.

With that, she decided to cross the line and enter her home. Then she turned around to face him, but he didn't seem to be in the mood to mess with her either.

"I came here to apologise, and perhaps, make up for the troubles I've caused you," he admitted, looking at her with such sincere eyes that she could've given in right then.

"And how do you plan on doing that? Plus, if this is a joke, I still have that book with me."

"You tell me what it is that will earn me your forgiveness," he said dramatically, making her look down to hide something from him, maybe a smile.

Opening the door wider, she looked at him and then hesitated a little. "Don't make me regret this," she said. "Come in, please."

Klaus was caught a bit off guard but managed to get inside, his eyes wandering right away to take in her house.

"I'm not sure how to word this really, so I'm just going to say it." Taking a breath, she sat on one of the dining table chairs and urged for him to do so too, getting a little flustered when he took the one right by her side and shifted so that he was turned towards her.

"What is it, love?"

"This might be a little ridiculous for you but it's very serious for me," she told him while maintaining eye contact to make sure he understood the situation.

Klaus simply nodded for her to go on, now leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

"I know you paint, quite impressively, might I add but that's not the point here," she quickly shut the topic before Klaus could tease her.

"The point is, I have this art project that I said yes to under pressure because my favourite teacher asked me to. But were you to see even my handwriting, you'd know I'm no good at it. The most I can draw is a stick figure and even that's wonky sometimes," she admitted bashfully.

"I used to have a friend who'd do it for me, but she left town last year and now... I don't really have anyone who would," she let out a breath at that, her eyes closed in anticipation of his answer.

"So, you wish for me to help you out with this said art project?"

Sitting stiffly, she nodded.

"Okay then. I'll do it... but what is it?"

"Oh great!" She cheered; happiness evident on her face. "It's supposed to be this super zoomed in image of either a grapefruit, or a pomegranate."

Klaus leaned back in his chair then, sighing as he considered it. "I will do it on one condition," he proposed.

"And that is?"

"You will stay with me in my studio when I'm painting it," he shrugged, as if it wasn't so much a big deal.

"But were you not doing this for my forgiveness?" She narrowed her eyes, but when he began to get off the chair, she struggled for some answer to come out of her mouth before he could leave.

"Okay, okay! I will!" She agreed immediately, sitting back down in defeat when he remained standing, a smile on his face.

"I'll go now." He said, walking backwards towards the door and he could see the uncertainty in her eyes. He could've teased her about it but decided against it.

"Come by my house tomorrow, around three or four… your wish," he said before turning to open the door.

He turned back to see her reaction and a smile crept up on his mouth when he saw her smiling back at him.

"I will," she told him while waving him goodbye, stopping just before he sped off with his dead heart beating a mile an hour. 

#the vampire diaries #TVD #tvd imagine #tvd imagines #the originals #to #the originals imagines #the originals imagine #klaus mikaelson #niklaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson imagine #niklaus mikaelson imagines #klaus mikaelson imagines #niklaus mikaelson imagine #klaus mikaelson x reader #niklaus mikaelson x reader #Joseph Morgan #tvd universe #tvdu fanfiction #klaus mikaleson imagine #klaus mikaelson one shot #klaus mikealson fanfiction #niklaus imagines #klaus michaelson #klaus m #klaus mikaelson x y/n #the vampire diares imagine #kol mikaelson #tvd klaus #rebekah mikaelson

[bless-my-demons]

Redamancy: Chapter Fourteen

Series Summary: What happens when your soulmate is a vampire that struggles to maintain a diet of trying not to kill you? Common sense says run for the hills, nothing is worth your life - but my heart is whispering why not, what’s there to lose?

Warnings: None… but the angst train has left the station

Notes: If you’re one of the sweet angels that left a comment on the taglist form, it makes my heart so happy - thank you! Please forgive me for the end of this chapter

Word Count: 1860

Series Masterlist

Reader

My entire summer was spent with the Cullens. Surprisingly enough, my mother didn’t protest it one bit, something about finally making friends. I was mostly monopolized by Jasper, but Alice had her fair share of stealing me away for girl’s nights with Esme and Rosalie.

Rosalie, talk about a tough nut to crack. I think at this point I’ve finally crested the mountain of hatred she feels towards her brothers’ “mortal liabilities” and I’m solidly in tolerable territory. She doesn’t outwardly mention her distaste anymore or avoid me like the plague, which I consider a definite win. I think Emmett is partially what wore her down besides Jasper’s lack of give a damn towards his sister’s opinions.

Befriending Alice has been as easy as breathing, she’s always there and might as well have Edward’s supernatural power of mind reading. I can tell her life has been lonely in the way she attaches herself to Bella and I, Rose isn’t the most social female and Esme is more of a mother figure than best friend. I’m grateful for her nonetheless, I’m not exactly flooded with friends myself - nor is whatever this thing is with Jasper an appropriate topic of conversation for anyone outside of this immediate circle.

Emmett has managed to become the older brother I wish I had and he takes that role incredibly serious for someone that’s always the comedic relief. Over the course of the last couple of months, I’ve figured out that he’s a big hugger, and a very good one at that. I’ve also noticed that he’s become my rock in a way - never backing down from a challenge, always hyping me up, and never passing judgement.

I still haven’t cracked the code for Edward. He’s quiet and shut off from the rest, not one for casual conversation or wasting time. And when he isn’t with Bella - well that’s wasting time in the worst way. Majority of our interactions are spent in comfortable silence, Jasper tells me it’s because I’m like a magnet in the way that my energy is calmer than most.

I like to think Jasper and I don’t make his family quite as nauseous as Edward and Bella do, but I know we have our moments… like his sisters insisting we sit apart for movie night because he most definitely cannot keep his hands to himself. The smug grin he had on his face along with his hands raised in surrender as his sisters berated him still makes me blush, damn him and his stupidly attractive smirk.

All summer long I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to realize that I’m human and he’s immortal, that I’m nothing in the grand scheme that is his life. It’s partially my fault for chickening out every time the topic of us rolls around, but my anxiety tends to get the better of me. God he is a patient man though, never pushing me and always in-tune to my feelings.

I’m absolutely head over heels for him but I can’t quite force those three little words of I love you past my lips. The confession simultaneously on the tip of my tongue and clogging up my throat.

Although he would disagree heavily, Jasper Hale is not a hard man to fall in love with. He struggles with his control from time to time, but when it comes to me - I can tell he’s different. He’s quiet in a way that’s patient and at-ease, instead of the closed-off way he was initially. His smile is softer around the edges, less forced than when he was trying for the sake of his adopted mother. His touch is instinct now, no longer robotic or unsure, but softer. He’s quicker to laugh, quicker to whisper sweet-nothings in my ear that make my cheeks hurt from smiling, quicker to reach for my hand when he needs an anchor.

I’ve never been more grateful for a split second of clumsiness on my first day at a new school.

• September 13th, 2005 • Forks HS •

Jasper

“A birthday party at your house?” Y/n asks, walking beside me before first period.

“Yes darlin’, I’m afraid my sister requires your attendance.” I continue to lead Y/n down the emptying hallway with a gentle hand on her back.

“I suppose I can spare you her wrath, but only if you pick me up tonight.” She glances up at me with a mischievous smile.

“Speak of the devil…” I mutter quietly while taking a deep breath, bracing myself for the quick footsteps approaching.

“I heard that!” Alice smacks the arm not around my girl. “I need your help.”

“Help with what?” Y/n asks quietly with a wrinkle in her beautiful brow, but I shake my head already knowing what my sister needs.

As Y/n and I stop at the bottom of the stairs, Edward and Isabella approach our small group as Alice vaults over the stair railing and skips forward in excitement, a neatly wrapped gift in her hands.

“Bella! Happy-”

“Shhh!” Bella stops her, the panic and embarrassment flooding from her almost drawing a laugh from me.

“-Birthday.” She finishes, quieter this time.

Bella flashes an exasperated look over Alice’s shoulder and I respond with a calming nod.

“Alice, didn’t I say no gifts?”

“You did, I didn’t.” My sister smarts back. “I’ve already seen you open it and guess what? You love it!”

Bella scoffs exasperated, but Alice interrupts her before she can object.

“You’re going to wear it tonight, our place.” At Bella’s hesitation she adds, “C’mon, please? It’ll be fun!”

Taking my que, I pull away her hesitation and replace it with a touch of acquiescence, gently in an effort to be inconspicuous.

“Okay, alright.” Powerless to my emotional regulation.

I notice a smile quirk the corner of Edward’s mouth, my brother exuding amusement - humored by our efforts to persuade his girlfriend.

A squeal of happiness leaks from my sister, “Great! I’ll see you at seven!” Spinning in our direction to make a quick getaway, we’re stopped by Bella.

“Jasper! No fair with the mood control thing.”

“Sorry Bella, Happy-“ but I let the sentiment die on my tongue at her exasperated look. “Never mind.”

Pushing my girl and gripping Alice by the elbow, I usher them away and towards class. I may be immortal, but a smart man knows when to let the women in his life win.

• September 13th, 2005 • Cullen Residence •

Reader

Waiting upstairs per Alice’s request to keep Bella company while she finished the final touches on decorations, roping my… Jasper into helping. Wondering over to where Edward and Bella are discussing a painting, I squint at who it contains.

“Is that, Carlisle?” Bella points out.

“Yeah, he lived with them for a few decades. He described them as refined, no respect for humans of course, but respect for the arts and the sciences at least.” He pauses, glancing between us before returning his eyes to the painting. “And the law, above all, the law.”

A shiver runs down my spine at the eerie way he explains the ancient vampires.

“Vampires have laws?” Bella’s tone takes on a rhetorical tone, but Edward answers nonetheless.

“Not very many. And only one that’s regularly enforced.”

“What is it?” The question comes from both of us this time.

“That we keep the existence of our kind a secret. We don’t make spectacles of ourselves. And we don’t kill conspicuously.” A sliver of panic runs through me as Jasper’s past flashes through my mind. “Unless of course you want to die.”

“You gotta stop talking about that. I can’t even think of someone hurting you.” Bella quietly and assertively tells him.

“Bella, the only thing that can hurt me is you.” As Edward turns to her, I gravitate towards the door to give them privacy. “I don’t have anything else to be afraid of.”

“That’s not true.”

“Victoria,” My mind immediately flashes back to the ballet studio, “She’ll come for me one day, Alice will see when she decides and we’ll be ready.”

Why had I not thought of that? Of course she’d come for us, the Cullens killed James because of us.

“I can protect you, if you change me.”

I try to contain my gasp, trying not to be obvious that I overheard her request. Her request to be changed.

“It’s time! It’s time, it's time, it's time!” Alice bounds into the room and I slip down the stairs before she can tug Bella away from Edward.

Jasper with eyebrows furrowed smooths a hand across my jaw to cradle my head as I step into his arms, sensing my clashing emotions. Alice interrupts him before he could ask why by bounding down the stairs and joining us.

I spin around to lean my back against Jasper as Edward leads Bella down to the living room, Carlisle and Esme are the first to greet them.

“Sorry about all this, we tried to reign Alice in.” Carlisle jokingly apologizes.

“Like that’s even possible.” Bringing Bella in for a hug with a sweet smile, “Happy birthday, Bella.”

Jasper’s hands find my hips and squeeze, I can tell he won’t let earlier go so easily, he cares too much for that.

Alice blindsides Bella with a flash of a camera, “Found it in your bag, mind?” She asks after snapping a picture of her and Edward together.

Emmett slides past us with a mischievous glint in his expression, causing Jasper to groan as his brother slides up next to Edward.

Nudging him, “Dating an older woman, hot.” Emmett teases.

Edward elbows him right back sharply to shut him up and I wince at the force.

“What?” He tries to play it off with innocence, but we all know he’s rather full of shit and I crack a smile at his antics.

Rosalie chooses then to rip the bandaid off and give Bella the first present of the evening, a small silver package. “A necklace. Alice picked it out.” Short and to the point, she steps away to rejoin Emmett causing Bella to smile.

Meeting our eyes across the room, she waves a greeting to Jasper that he returns silently.

Alice grabs a medium-sized present with a bow, “This one’s from Emmett.”

Bella shakes the suspiciously empty box and I try to cover my laugh at the look of confusion on her face.

“Already installed it in your truck.” He’s vibrating like an excited puppy, “Finally a decent sound system for that piece of crap-”

“Hey, don’t hate the truck.”

“Open Esme and Carlisle’s!” Alice thrusts the envelope into her hands.

“Just something to brighten your day.” Carlisle tells her as Esme steps forward.

“You’ve been looking kind of pale lately.” Esme hints with a smile.

Struggling to open the envelope, she finally tears through the paper.

But it isn’t the only thing that tears.

The droplet of blood that drips down her finger halts the breath in my lungs and the world feels as though it’s standing still. That is, until a thin arm wraps around my waist and my vision blurs.

Next

Teaser

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#bless-my-demons #redamancy series #jasper hale x reader #twilight #twilight fanfiction #jasper whitlock hale #jasper hale fanfiction #jasper hale #female reader insert #jasper hale x female!reader

[wilbursprincess]

ok but

revivebur after an argument..

i can picture him being so apologetic and just like grovelling at your feet begging for you to forgive him

eventually you take pity and forgive him but he insists on making it up to you completely (whether that be sfw or nsfw you decide :P)

also i just wanna say i love your work sm!! <33333

“Let Me Make It Up To You, Darling”

Revivebur x Female Reader

Warnings: Some arguing at the start, oral sex (F receiving), Softdom!Revivebur, fingering, bit of praise kink, uhhh that’s it I think?

Hi anon! And tysm :) I’m glad you love my work! I have a very soft spot for Revivebur, so this is perfect <3

Fic below cut!

“Babe, I’m sorry,” Wilbur pleads, practically on his knees. “How can I make it up to you?”

I shrug. “Maybe remember that I’m your girlfriend, and that I want to see you, and that I come before your country? Your work?”

He sighs. “It’s just been busy lately, I told you that it’ll clear up soon-“

“Like you told me last week?” I say blandly. “And the week before- and the week before that?”

Wilbur buries his face in his hands. “Fuck, I’m such an idiot.”

“You are,” I agree, making him crack a slight smile. “I don’t often hear you call yourself that.”

Nodding, Wilbur buries his face in my shoulder. “I’m an idiot, sweetheart. A fucking idiot.”

I kiss the top of his head, brushing the white streak in his hair. “You are. But I love this fucking idiot.”

“So you forgive me?”

“Depends on if you make me feel like I should.”

Wilbur’s eyes flick down between my legs.

The next thing I know, I’m laid out on our bed, panties around my ankles, his face between my thighs with my legs over his shoulders.

Wilbur leans in, licking me once all the way up my slit, and I can’t stop myself from crying out.

“Mmm, you’re all wet, baby” he laughs against me, resting his head against my inner thigh. “So sweet, too.”

I groan. “Don’t stop.”

To my delight, he gets right back to work, not giving me a second to catch my breath. He sucks my clit into his mouth in a way that makes me arch my back, pushing myself against his tongue.

“Feels so good,” I cry out, whimpering when he slips in his fingers. “Fuck.”

His tongue picks up the pace at my words, getting rougher and making me whine. Both his fingers pump in and out of me at faster pace, expertly combined with his licks at my core, turning my mind into slush.

Wilbur pulls away for a second, taking in a gasp of air. With a moan, I spread out my legs wider, trying to make him continue. He just laughs, leaning down and planting a kiss on my clit.

“Aww, you’re already so desperate and I’ve barely touched you,” he whispers, swirling his tongue around my core. “You taste so damn good, can’t wait to have you coming on my tongue.”

I groan, tugging at his hair. “Keep going. Please.”

“Only because you asked so nicely,” he replies. “Come on my tongue like a good girl for me?”

I moan at his words, and finally, he starts to work his tongue again. It doesn��t take long, just some flicks from his expert tongue, strokes from his long fingers, and I’m feeling myself on the edge of blissful relief, the tight knot in my stomach threatening to unwind.

“I’m so close,” I almost sob, grabbing fistfuls of the sheets. “I’m gonna-

I don’t even get the chance to finish my sentence as I reach my climax, moaning his name with my eyes screwed shut as he softly sucks at my clit. At my cry of overstimulation, he pulls his head back, and I crack open my heavy eyes to see him licking my arousal off his fingers.

“Aww, baby, you did so well,” he praises, softly rubbing my hips as I catch my breath. “But we’re far from done here. 4 weeks, wasn’t it? 4 weeks you felt ignored?”

Through my haze of pleasure, I manage to nod.

“Well, then you’re finishing at least 4 times. I said I’d make it up to you, right?”

#princesswrites #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot x you #wilbur soot #wilbur x reader #mcyt x you #wilbur x you #wilbur soot smut #wilbur soot x female reader #mcyt smut #wilbur mcyt #mcyt x reader #revivebur #revivebur smut #princessfics

[late-to-the-party-81]

Surprise, Surprise

AN: It took me a while @navybrat817 but I did something with this little thot you sent me back in June for my birthday. This serves as a follow- up to my kinktober fic Need you now.

Unbeta'd ramblings

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Relationship: Alpha! Nomad Steve x Omega! Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

CW: Angst, Attempted assault, Misogyny, Mild Violence, Fluff and Feels, implied sexy times.

Steve leant forward, his weight shifting on to his arms as his hands lay flat against the control panel. It was just a reflex. Getting closer to the view screen wouldn’t change what it was saying, wouldn’t change the fact that he didn’t know where you were.

“I’ve gotta find her, Tony.”

“Chill your boots, Capsicle. She’ll be somewhere.”

Steve ground his teeth, biting back an angry retort.

“I haven’t seen or heard from her in months. She’s overdue her heat. Her apartment is all packed and cleared out. If she’s hurt, or in danger, I’ll never forgive myself.”

A firm hand came down on Steve’s shoulder.

“We’ll find your girl, Stevie. I’m sure Stark and I can put aside our differences long enough.”

There was a derisive snort from Tony’s workstation but Steve chose to ignore it.

“Thanks, Buck. I appreciate it.”

“It’s the least I could do, you know, considering that helping me is what got you into this in the first place.”

Steve gave Bucky a small smile.

“It wasn’t your fault, Buck. Blame the Accords.”

“But they’re rescinded now,” added Tony. “So now we’re a happy family once again, let’s find Cap’s errant Omega, shall we. Then Cyborg and I can go back to ignoring each other.”

Steve sighed and shook his head.

Where could you be?

You made your way down the busy sidewalk, trying your best not to get jostled by everyone else who seemed to be going in the opposite direction. It was cold and dark out, and you had on your big winter coat, but just the act of going against the flow was getting you all hot and sweaty. You didn’t dare undo it though.

It had been 5 months since you’d last seen Steve, when your one word missive via text had brought him out of hiding for a brief few days during your heat. A few days in which you could forget that he was a wanted man on the run. A nomad. He’d just been Steve. Your mate. Your Alpha.

But it was getting hard now. His scent had almost completely faded from his shirt, the one you currently wore. You were desperate to have the vestiges of him on your skin, not only because you missed him, but for safety.

You may wear a mating scar on your neck, but you barely had any Alpha scent lingering on you, meaning that some Alphas, unmated ones, saw you as fair game. An abandoned mated Omega was just a single Omega in their eyes. You’d already suffered some harassment in the last few weeks, cat calls and the such like, but you needed to keep yourself safe.

You pressed on. It was only another couple of blocks until you got back to your shitty apartment. You missed your old one, but after Steve’s last visit, when clarity had hit you a few weeks later, you knew that for his and your safety you couldn’t stay there. You’d packed up only the most precious of your belongings and hit the road. 

Suddenly someone bumped into you with surprising force and you spun, your bags dropping to the ground, before you inelegantly joined them. You breathed a sigh of relief when you realised you’d landed on your backside. 

You were just reorientating yourself, a part of you frustrated by how everyone was just passing you by, when a shadow fell over you.

“Need a hand?”

You looked up, and saw two men standing over you. The one who’d spoken had his hand out.

You accepted, tentatively, and let out a small gasp as he easily hefted you to your feet. He smiled at you, but there was something off about it, the way it didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“You ought to be careful, omega. Being out here, in the dark, all on your lonesome.”

His friend thrust your belongings into your arms and you gripped them tightly so as not to spill them again. You were feeling uncomfortable and just wanted to get home.

“I’ll be okay. Thank you for stopping to help.” You made to step around them and carry on your way, but the pair shifted, caging you in against the side of the building behind you.

“Never a problem for a pretty omega.” His smile turned into a predatory grin and you tried to school your features and not let your discomfort show.

“Well, thank you again…” You took another step, but neither of them moved.

“We’re you going in such a hurry? Thought we could get to know each other better. Maybe you thank us properly.”

You steeled yourself for the inevitable confrontation and tried to nonchalantly catch the eye of a passer-by. Any passer-by.

“Look. I’m appreciative. But I’ve got to get home to my Alpha.” You tilted your head to show your mating scar, but the man just dropped his head slightly, and scented you. You couldn’t repress the full body shiver such an invasion of privacy the act elicited.

“The thing is, ‘mega, I see the scar, but you barely have any of your alpha scent on you. Makes me think you’ve been abandoned, sweet thing.”

You glared before trying to push your way between them.

“I don’t want any trouble.”

He grabbed your upper arm, jerking you to a halt.

“Then come with us nicely, and you won’t have any.”

“No. I’m not going with you. I owe you no other thanks than what I’ve given. And even if I didn’t have an alpha, which I do, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere with either of you.”

The grip on your arm tightened and you couldn’t stop the small cry of pain you let out.

“Ungrateful, omega bitch. Let’s see if you change your tune when you’ve got a knot in you.”

His friend took hold of your other arm and between them they started to haul you towards the mouth of an alley. You dropped your bags again so you’d have your hands free and dropped your weight to make it harder for them to move you. Also, it was now time to make a scene.

“Get off of me. Let me go, you creeps!” You shouted at the top of your lungs, squirming and twisting their grasp, but in the time you’d been interacting with them, the massive crowds that had been your bane earlier on had now disappeared. 

You turned your head and latched your teeth onto one of the hands holding you, feeling a burst of pride in your chest when you broke the skin and the man cried out. He dropped you as he let go, and you sank to the floor. Your joy was short-lived though when he back-handed you around the face, and you went dizzy from the force of it. Your vision was cloudy as they pulled you back up.

“Just think, sweetheart. We were willing to be nice. Could have made sure you enjoyed it, but now? Now it’s just for us.” He turned to his buddy. “When did omegas get so uppity? Was a time when as an alpha you just had to say jump and omegas would ask how high.”

Your panic was rising, along with the bile in your throat, but then you smelt it.

Smelt him. 

Your salvation. 

For a moment you thought your brain was playing tricks on you, but then your hindbrain started whining excitedly and you knew it was true.

“Let. Her. Go.”

A deep growl sounded from the street end of the alley, and your would-be assailants dropped you and turned at the sound. You caught yourself on your palms, scrapping them on the hard, filthy ground, but you didn’t care.

“Steve!” His blue eyes flicked over you, no doubt checking to see how much you’d been hurt, as he stalked forward towards the two men. 

“How dare you touch my mate. How dare you touch any omega like that.” His voice was unsettlingly calm and you saw the two men look towards each other, a silent conversation about fight or flight. They didn’t make their decision quickly enough though, because suddenly Steve was in front of them, knocking them out with one punch each, then walking past them, already forgotten, as he focused on you.

“Are you okay, baby?” His voice was full of trepidation as he scooped you up against his chest. You rubbed your face into the crook of his neck, covering your skin with his scent and allowing it to calm you.

“‘M okay, Steve. Just lost my stuff.”

You felt his chuckle rumble through your body.

“I’ll get you some more stuff, Omega. Let’s get you home.”

You allowed him to carry you, your fingers curled into the lapels of his brown suede jacket. You inhaled his scent deeply, and realised after a few minutes that you were purring. Steve pressed a kiss to the top of your head and you were sure you could hear him smile.

“Missed you too, sweetheart. Missed you too.”

You didn’t tell him where your apartment was, but you weren’t surprised that he knew. Of course he’d found out, otherwise he wouldn’t have been in this neighbourhood anyway. He let you back on your feet outside your door, and you were glad that you’d put your keys in your pocket and not your bag. You opened the door and walked through, flicking on the light and illuminating your meagre accommodation.

You could tell Steve wasn’t impressed. If the scent of his dissatisfaction wasn’t obvious enough, the way he went around the whole place, scoping out locks on all the windows would have let you know.

“Baby, why are you living here? Why did you leave your old apartment?”

You pulled your lower lip between your teeth. You couldn’t get away with not telling him, so sooner rather than later was obviously the best strategy. You walked up to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and hugging him. You still had your coat on, and with how much heat Steve pumped out, you were starting to sweat within a few seconds.

“I was scared, Steve. And I felt vulnerable. My mind was telling me that I had to go somewhere safe. Somewhere unknown. What if someone had followed you the last time you had visited. Then we…I wouldn’t be safe.”

“You’ve neer felt like that before, Omega. I’ve visited you for your heat there lots of times.”

Laughter bubbled up your throat, and you shook your head, a wry smile on your face.

“Yeah, but last time was sort of different.”

Steve looked down at you, confusion on his face, as you stepped away from him and unzipped your coat, pulling it off and tossing it aside. 

Your mate looked at you. 

Frozen still. 

Mouth agape. 

Then he dropped to his knees in front of you, wrapped his arm around your thickened waist and pressed his cheek to your swollen belly, which was barely covered by his worn black t-shirt. You let him have a moment, and just ran your fingers through his dirty blonde locks, humming gently and letting out a soothing scent.

When he pulled his face away and sat back on his heels he was looking up at you in awe. His eyes were red rimmed and you could see the tracks of a few silent tears on his pinked cheeks.

“You’re having my pup?”

You smiled at him and put out your hand to pull him up.

“Yes, silly. Although, I have a feeling it might be pups. Two.”

Steve stood, only to stagger a few feet to your worn sofa, before dropping down into it and pulling you with him to sit across his lap. One of his arms was around your back, supporting you, and the other lay across your stomach, long fingers splayed over your bump. He gave you a soft, lingering kiss, before pulling back and shaking his head, still in disbelief.

“You’re having my pups. Pups. You. Me.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at him, how shocked he was by it all.

“Well, that’s generally what happens when an Alpha and an Omega love each other very much and have a special cuddle…oww!”

You let out a cry as Steve playfully nipped at your neck, just above your mating scar, before running his tongue over it.

“Okay, just stop teasing me, baby. It’s a shock, alright? I knew it was a possibility, but I just didn’t think it would happen. Not yet.”

“Steve, it’s not like we were doing anything to prevent it.”

“I know, I know. It’s just…it’s just part of me thought it wouldn’t happen until we were properly together again.”

Your heart sunk in your chest, as he reminded you of the current state of your relationship.

Resting your head on his shoulder, you resumed toying with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“When do you have to go?”

“Well, I was thinking that we’d stay here tonight, then pack you up and move you to the compound tomorrow.”

You sat back up with a start.

“What? Compound? What do you mean?”

“Well, now I’m back, I have a big apartment at the Compound, and if you’re there with me, then we can get you the best medical care and…”

You scrabbled off his lap, chest suddenly tight.

“Back? You’re back? When? How? I’m…oh my god, I can’t breathe.”

You sank to the floor, leaning over and dragging air into your lungs. Steve knelt down beside you rubbing your back, letting his scent flow in an effort to soothe you.

“My turn to shock you, ey, Omega?”

You nodded, still unable to speak and feeling a prickling in your eyes.

“I don’t know how you missed it, but the Accords were rescinded. I mean I still gotta have a long ass meeting with some high up folk, but I’m no longer a wanted man. Tony and I have even made tentative steps to get our friendship back on track. Brought Bucky back with me too.”

You threw your arms around his neck and pressed your lips to his, uncaring at the tears rolling down your face.

“You’re back, you’re back. Oh god. And I’m having your pups and I can move out of this shitty apartment. Pinch me, I’m dreaming.”

Steve chuckled, and then for the second time in as many hours scooped you up into his arms.

“How about you show me where you sleep in this awful place, and I’ll bite your neck instead, Omega…”

His words were almost a growl as he rubbed his face up against yours, and you felt heat suffuse your body.”

“I’d like that very much, Alpha…”

Tag list: @christywantspizza @jobean12-blog @tuiccim @yarnforbrains @sidepartskinnyjeans @flordeamatista @krissy25 @bodeckersdiamonddoll @goldylions @ohsymphony @luxeavenger @wheezy-stucky @doasyoudesireandlive @seitmai @marvelstarker-mha98 @talia-rumlow

#alpha steve rogers #nomad!steve #alpha steve x omega reader #nomad steve x reader #alpha nomad steve #late writes #asks answered #jen's got mail #love my moots

[razorblade180]

9 Days of Lancaster Day4: Nightmare

After a long trek through the desert and day full of reunions, the time to rest finally came. Ruby did her best to unwind and frankly that included late night eating. She didn’t realize how badly she missed Remnant food until she tasted it. Charmed by the taste of a sandwich, she was caught completely off guard noticing Jaune quickly stand up from the couch. Poor girl nearly joked!

Ruby:J-cough Jaune!?

Jaune:Oh…it’s just you. *sits down* Sorry. Hearing you spooked me.

Ruby:Are you sleeping on the couch?

Jaune:No. I was…deep in thought.

Even from here, Ruby could see the tiredness on his face and under his eyes. Leaving her sandwich on the counter, she walked over to Jaune and sat by him.

Ruby:Can’t sleep? Looks like we’re in the same boat. Though I would’ve turned on a little light.

Jaune:Didn’t want to wake anyone. It’s fine. You can keep eating. I’ll head to bed soon.

Ruby:…I thought we were passed putting on brave faces. It’s not like anyone won’t understand, right? A lot has happened. Too much; especially for you.

Jaune:Don’t sell yourself short. Are you…okay?

Ruby:I feel better than I used to and I know I’m capable of feeling even greater with time. I’d like to think I’ve gotten over the biggest hump.

Jaune:That’s good to hear.

Ruby:What about you?

Jaune:I’m trying not to dwell on past mistakes. Frankly, the things I see when I close my eyes are more about the countless days that followed. All the nights when I was…alone.

Ruby:…This isn’t me kicking myself or trying to deflect, but I really am sorry my plan didn’t go smoothly. I know we can’t plan for everything and there is good that came out of it. Still, the Ever After caused harm too.

Jaune:I’m sorry again, about yelling at you I mean. I’m also sorry you didn’t feel like you could come to me for-

Ruby:That’s on me. Really, it is. I can’t help but think back to before all of this. At Beacon, I told you we couldn’t afford to make mistakes because we’re leaders now with people that count on us. Looking back on it, that’s pretty bad advice. At the very least it’s damming.

Jaune:You spoke earnestly and said what I needed to hear to try my best. I’m thankful for that. Neither of us could’ve had known just how much we’d cling to that idea. Life is messy.

Ruby:Life is scary. Jaune, do you…see them in your nightmares? Sometimes I do.

Jaune:Not in a long time. At some point nightmare was what tomorrow brought. Also…I was more afraid of you. Of how you might look at me for…

Ruby:…

Jaune:Ruby? How can you look at me? How can you forgive me? At the end of the day, it’s me who-

Ruby:I could never blame you.

Her voice was so gentle as her eyes watered at the sight of Jaune’s tormented gaze. Ruby slowly reached out to run the side of her face before pulling his down onto her lap. Her fingers played with his hair, the focus on the white strands.

Ruby:I will never blame you. It’s not your fault. I wasn’t there but I know in the end you did everything you could, both you and Weiss. We’ve been apologizing a lot, but I do want to say than you. *crying* Because I know deep down I wouldn’t have the strength to honor that plea, so let’s stop hurting ourselves with what we did or didn’t do. Jaune, thank you for easing Penny’s pain. I will fight tooth and nail to never leave you alone like that again for both our sakes. So please…get some rest. We need some rest.

Warm tears hit her legs. The two leaders couldn’t help but cry silently in the dark, Jaune’s hand reaching up to hold Ruby’s. Though sadness filled their soul, so did a sense of relief. They were still here for each other despite it all. It was a comfort both of them cherished deeply. Tears eventually stopped but neither of them moved from their spot all night. Instead they clung to that comfort, finally falling asleep in each other’s embrace.

#rwby #jaune arc #ruby rose #rwby lancaster #9daysoflancaster23

[notinthislife50]

Chapter 11

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

You came out of your bedroom,  flinging yourself on the sofa and sighing.

“You okay short stack?” Jensen asked chuckling.

“Just finding it hard to wind down after months of filming. I feel fidgety,” you explained resting your head on his shoulder.

“Enjoy it now, next week we start flying out for the cons,” he said.

“I know, but I just don’t know how to cope on my own,” you said absentmindedly.

Jensen sat up causing you to look at him in confusion.

“Hey I was comfortable," you complained

“You’re not on your own though," Jensen looked at you.

You caught on to what you said. “Jay I didn’t even realize what I said,” you began to explain.

Jensen looked at Jared and Jared cleared his throat. “How about I get us some food?” He asked.

“Indian please, " you and Jensen said together.

Jared laughed “You two are more alike than what you think, I’ll be back in thirty minutes.” he grabbed the keys and took off.

After Jared left you felt the tension in the room build.

“Jensen I wasn’t thinking,” you began hoping you hadn’t caused too much offense.

“Y/n let me talk," he interrupted you “Please,” he whispered the last part.

“I never want you to apologize for anything that has happened,” he began

“Jensen, but what about?” you started.

“Nothing," he said almost angrily causing you to move away from him.

“Y/n the past few years you never done anything wrong. You did what I asked of you. And I’m sorry I treated you the way I did,” Tears began to fall from his eyes. No matter what thoughts you had about Jensen the one thing you knew he would always take accountability.

“But what about now?" you asked, “I thought we were going to try and work on our friendship, but you’re been standoffish.”

“I don’t mean to be, I haven’t told you but I’m going to therapy and I’ve realized, you tried everything to be a good friend, but please understand, when my marriage was about to end,  I needed to know I did everything possible to save it, everything. Y/n I needed to have no regrets, no what ifs.”

“I understand Jensen" you promised “But it doesn’t mean that some of the things you did were very hurtful and unforgivable. You tried to take my job.”

“Believe me Y/n I will never forgive myself for that, I was desperate. Amy was constantly in my ear telling me I was betraying her. I am not excusing it but my mind was not my own."

You took a breath to stop your own tears from falling “Jensen,  of course, I understand you wanted to do all you could to make your marriage work, it‘s why I’m sitting here with you right now, but understand I’m not excusing your actions, you hurt me, your one of my best friends and you hurt me. So it will take time for me, but I’m willing to take the time because I love you.”

Jensen sighed you weren’t sure if it was out of relief or sadness. But he answered “That’s all I can ask for, I will give you the time you need and this is all about you. You control the pace. But I love you too and I am sorry "

Neither of you asked after. You put your head back on his shoulder you were unsure whether to cry or be happy but either way, it was a new start.

Jared came back with the food and the three of you ate like, chatting and laughing away. And you all couldn’t help but think that finally everything was the way it was meant or be

@deansgirl79 @suckitands33 @deans-baby-momma @dragony937 @linzerrr

@deans-spinster-witch @fraidoftedark

#jensen ackles supernatural #jensen supernatural #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles smut #jensen ackles imagine #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles x y/n #jensen ackles x female!reader #supernatural #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural x reader #supernatural x you #supernatural x y/n

[runwithwolvcs]

Right Where You Left Me

For Your Eyes Only

PAUL POV

The feeling of longing aches in my chest. God, I fucking miss Saskia. 

I imagine her. Standing in front of me, touching me, telling me to breathe. To work through the steps Sam had given me to control my emotions. I can’t be losing it like this when she's not here, it just means I really don’t have everything under control and the prospect of hurting her again. 

Another bout of anger courses through me. 

She was so easy to forgive and forget what happened. To let me get close to her again, and wrap her in my arms as if I was the safest place on earth for her.

I wasn’t even angry. I mean not really, I’ve seen her in Jacobs mind. Laughing, working on those stupid bikes, even confiding in him when it should have been me. I should have been there all along. I could have been if I had just locked eyes with her sooner. Sam and his fucking rules ruined that, but his fears became reality all because of a simple touch. Jacobs hand on my imprint.

She won’t make me angry, I don’t think it’s even possible. She's so smart, and kind. Always thinking before she speaks, unlike me. Her way with words is something I envy. It was so easy for her, or at least it sounded easy. I can’t even tell her how I feel most days. The big, bad wolf with emotional baggage he can’t control. Pathetic.

I should have told her I loved her months ago, when the thought first crossed my mind. She was the one, I knew it even before I phased.

Anger, jealousy, envy are all things I know I feel too much of, I know they can trigger an unwanted shift.

My biggest fear is feeling too much of anything around her now, and if that means denying her the one thing she’s been aching for, then so be it. Though I can’t bring myself to admit that to her.Her gentle touch feels like electricity coursing through my veins, even if it's just to comfort me. One simple rush of excitement could ruin everything.

“You okay, son?” My dad asks, jolting me from my inner turmoil.

I grumble in response, not in the mood to divulge into conversation with anyone but Saskia.

He doesn’t get the hint as he asks me another question, “When does Saskia get back?”

“Sunday.” I mutter. It's been just over twenty four hours since she had been gone and I was losing my composure, fast.

“Maybe give her a call.” My dad suggests and I push my chair away from the table to stand up. Seems like everyone thinks Saskia’s the solution to my problem, and maybe she is, but I refuse to burden her with my issues. She has enough going on as it is. We’re finally back to a good place between us, all the normalcy we had before I had phased returning. Like nothing had changed. If I lose it she may not forgive me this time, and disappointing Saskia is not something I can handle right now.

“I’ve got it under control.” I say slowly clenching my fist at the mental image of her frowning because I phased accidentally, again.

“Sure looks like it.” He gripes causing an involuntary growl to escape my throat as I leave the kitchen. Can’t he see I’m trying?!

As soon as I reach my room, I call her number. I don’t care if she doesn't pick up and I have to listen to her voice message. I just need to hear her voice.

“Hey, Paul” She answered after two rings, I could practically hear the smile on her face.

“Hey, babe,” I try to hide the strain in my voice.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, trying to speak louder than  the background noise. Saskia seems to alway know when somethings up, even when I think I’m shielding her from the problem.

I let out a small laugh, “Yeah, I was just calling to check on you..”

“Oh, well, everythings fine here,” she says, before breathily mentioning, “I miss you.”

I could feel the relief fill my senses knowing I wasn’t the only one feeling this way, sometimes it feels like the imprint only affects me. Leaning back against my bed frame, I tell her honestly,  “Miss you too.”

“Hey, listen, we’re just about to head to my aunts for dinner. But I promise to call you after, okay?” Saskia promised, sounding distracted by whatever she was surrounded by, “You can tell me all about the drama I’ve missed between Jake and Bella.”

I let out a genuine laugh, “Will do.”

“Talk to you later, Paul.” She said in a hushed tone before hanging up.

Just like that, I’m alone again. Wondering about where she was going, would something go wrong? There could be leeches there. Maybe I should go check it out, I could find her using her scent. That's weird though. She’ll be fine, I reassure myself.

My phone dings nearly fifteen minutes later, there's a photo message from Saskia. I immediately open it, worried that something is wrong. It's just a mirror photo of her with her shirt bunched up over her breasts. No bra. The arm she was using to hold the camera was covering her scars, whether she did it on purpose or not, I don't know. I don't want her to feel insecure about something I did to her. Her long legs are showcased by a short skirt. The message attached I read aloud to myself, “Something for you to use to pass the time. x o ;)”

“You’re killing me,” I mutter, a grin forming on my face as I take in every detail of the photo. I sent back, “brb printing a poster of you for my room.”

I know she hates the one I’ve currently got, she mentions it every single time. I only keep it up to keep her riled, nobody compares to Saskia in my mind. Nobody ever has. I’ve had a crush on her since the day I moved in next door. The way her mom and her had been dancing in the rain when my dad and I pulled up with the moving truck. The way she laughed as she slipped in the muddy grass and picked herself up like nothing had happened to continue twirling around with a pair of costume fairy wings on.  I was hooked.

“For your eyes only, L¯a wats a¯ kil,” was the next text she had sent. I read it back in confusion, not sure what she had actually called me. It was Quileute, that I knew, but I didn't grow up learning the language like Saskia had. As if she could sense my confusion, she sent a follow up text, “Grams says it means wolf.”

I can’t fight off the grin that forms. Saskia had purposefully asked how to say wolf in Quileute, meaning she was indirectly talking about the pack, maybe even just me, to her grandma. I knew her grandparents were elders and knew the histories well. Maybe they even know about the pack. I can't wait to see her again and hear about what she has learned from them.

#paul lahote #paul lahote fanfic #Twilight wolf pack #paul lahote imagines #paul lahote imagine #paul lahote smut #paul lahote x oc

[fastlikealambo]

link to chapter one.

link to chapter two.

link to chapter three.

link to chapter four.

Fall of 94′: Eddie Munson x Black Reader Chapter 5

summary:

it’s been nearly 8 years since the events of hawkins and out of the entire party, the only one to stay behind is the one and only eddie munson. with a five year old daughter in tow, his life is a simple one, still trying to escape the dark cloud over him that never went away.

but when all too familiar hellish events start happening again eddie must team up with his daughter’s favorite and mysterious new teacher to protect his little girl and the town he owes nothing to.

warnings: violence,  gore,  religious trauma, soft dom! eddie, discussions of mental health and ptsd, praise kink,  childhood trauma,  smut to end all smut,  hawkins indiana is a warning to me.  

minors dni, I check.

The passage of time was an incredible beast, Eddie couldn’t remember what he had for breakfast yesterday but recounting the story of Chrissy Cunningham was as easy as breathing to him. 

He hadn’t done it since the spring of 86, recounting each and every detail to a government agent and friend of the psychic girl with the shaved head that everyone had already known as El. They cleared his name but no matter what he did, his hands still shook at the mention of her name and turned his legs to jello whenever he had a passing thought over his senior year.

But this time around, there was someone holding his hands as he told the tale of 1986, two tired and feverish hands squeezed his in comfort, attentive as he spared no shortcuts, every and every detail spilling out of him.

“And that thing that almost killed us on the road, the bat, was it a part of the same creature that killed Chrissy?” You asked, wanting to make sure you had all the details right.

“ The same one that Rosie saw. ”

“So she saw the bat but nobody else did, I saw Chrissy but nobody else did, but we both saw the bat and it attacked. They’re all connected, in what way I don’t know yet.”

“ If Vecna is back, there’s nothing I can do to stop him. It took all of us the last time and I can’t ask the others to come running back here, not after everything they’ve been through. If anything happened to Rosie, I could never forgive myself. “

“ You can’t think like that.” 

“Why not? How do we know this isn’t happening  because of me? This is all my fault, I should have left with Rosie but instead I made her a target. ” Eddie folds in on himself, hands in his hair but you gently remove them placing them in your lap instead.

“I know I don’t know you very well but whatever’s happened in 86 wasn’t your fault and what’s happening now isn’t either. You’re a good man Eddie and you both are going to be okay.” You said, throwing your arms around him, wrapping you both in the blanket.

 For a while you just sit there and let him cry, your grip on him just as tight as his grip on you. Puffy eyes and nose red, he lets you go, his hand on your forehead.

“I think my breakdown broke your fever. How are you feeling?” 

“Better, exhausted. It’s been awhile since I’ve used my powers like that, my body wasn’t ready for the kickback.”

“ You know, you can tell me anything. I just told you I was a part of an operation run by children to take down an inter-dimensional monster, nothing you say will make me head for the hills.  Or you can tell me absolutely nothing, I’m not owed anything I don’t have consent for.”

You had a certain set of rules to follow.

Keep your head down.

Take the pills.

Be good at your job and come straight home, nothing else.

Relationships lead to questions, questions to lead to police, police lead back to Mama.

But nothing could prepare you for the kindness of a stranger and the yearning for the softness you had every single right to but never, ever, offered for yourself. 

Could you risk it for just the tiny bit of relief that comes with laying a burden down?

“I-

The words die on your lips as the words as Eddie’s overhead lights flicker on and off above you.

“What’s that, what’s happening?”

Eddie’s hand is back in yours as you both look at the ceiling, eyes wide.

“Someone is in The Upside Down.”

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x black!reader #eddie munson x yn #eddie munson #stranger things fanfiction

[rurpleplayssims]

“I know I’ve been unreasonable a lot lately” Ellen said, with obvious embarrassment and regret in both her tone and face. “Can you forgive me?”

Jasper met her gaze “Of course I can, because I love you. But that doesn’t give you the right to tell me to go fuck myself when I’m offering to help you. I know I will never truly understand what it feels like to carry a child like you are. Please tell me if you need a moment to yourself or want me to get you something. I will not think any less of you. I’m here for you, as you are for me. We’re a team, a partnership.”

“I’m sorry” Ellen said, smiling a little as relief washed over her. “I do love you, I... just...I feel so stressed and overwhelmed, with the baby coming, the wedding, your house being rebuilt, the work-.”

He squeezed her hand in his “There’s no rush sweetheart. Let’s focus on the little one coming as we can’t do anything to hold off that. Let’s live in the moment. Aren’t you excited to meet them?”

Ellen gulped before she answered in a quiet voice “I’m...so scared of the birth.”

He held her close “I will protect you, you won’t have any reason to fear. It’s a perfectly natural process. Trust your body. Trust yourself. Trust Zoey and myself.”

Ellen let lose a shaky breath, trying to not burst into tears “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok El” Jasper reassured her. “Whenever you feel stressed or scared, you tell me, ok?”

She nodded before she lent forward and kissed him. 

“Still can’t believe it took me so long to tell you how I felt” Luke said with a sheepish smile. “I’m so lucky.”

Becky grinned “We're as bad as each other babe.”

#CampbellQuayBaCC #Campbell Quay #CampbellQuay #The Sims 2 #TS2 #BaCC #Build a City Challenge #The Sims 2 BaCC #Founder:Campbell #Campbell Round 5 #Summer: Second Year #Althea Campbell #Jasper Morgan #Noah Morgan #Roselyn Young #Henry Webster #Jed Norman #Thomas Norman #Tyler Ellis #Ellen Ripley #Sylvie Morgan #Briony Ashford #Zoey Cooper #Phillip Morgan #Emily Young #Luke Lycan #Becky Kenneth #Helen Meadow #Dominic Hawlings #Tony Wilson

[swayinginthewind]

you know what I think? life moves on and we have to forgive ourselves and others so we can have some real peace in this insanely short time we have to inhabit the bodies we have on this rotting planet that is still very alive

like us

not like us

i’m reading sylvia plath again

last night I watched the snake pit

and bodies bodies bodies

i’ve been so up and down

in and out of my body

and I think it’s truly just time to let go. the best I can. of everything that happened (the things I fear and put off)

face and see things for what they are

a clear picture

where I will be holding myself

and every version of me there has ever been

together as one person

in a sequence of time

because deep down there’s someone i’ve always been, consistently through the hard times and peaceful moments, with hopes and desires that all just go back to actually wanting real peace

so now i’m going to find it

I want to float in a cloud

zero gravity

zero compression

I wonder if thats what it feels like to die

to be a spirit of consciousness

floating bodiless

I will try to be good to my body while i’m here in the meantime, and garden my mind

I want my spirit to feel relief when it’s over

#personal

[once-upon-an-imagine]

Hiii, first of I send you ✨good vibes✨, can I pleaseeee request a preview of Hanging by a moment?

thank you sooo much for the good vibes, love 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

since I have posted one preview here I will post a preview of another part of the chapter for Hanging By A Moment 😊 (it's a bit longer because I know it's been forever since I update it 😁)

“I was a prick-”

“A massive prick” you added with a small smirk and Percy felt just a little relieved.

“Yes, a massive prick” he agreed. “B-but you have to know that I didn’t mean it. Any of it” he continued. “You are one of the few people that have always made me feel comfortable and that I could be myself around. You’re not just my best friend but you are my family. You are part of my family! I mean, you fit in better than I do” he chuckled. “I know that I fucked up but… I promise that I will make it up to you” he begged. “Can you please forgive me?”

You smiled at Percy as another tear rolled down your cheek. You rolled your eyes and walked over to him, hugging him and you felt him sigh in relief. 

“Of course I forgive you, you idiot” you chuckled. 

"Really?" Percy asked, relieved.

"Yeah, I mean, families fight, right?" you said, casually. "So I've been told" you chuckled. “But… I love you, Perce!"

“I love you too” Percy said, kissing your head. 

“Wait, that’s it?” Charlie asked dumbfounded and the two of you turned to look at him, confused. 

“I’m sorry?” Percy asked, confused. 

“What do you mean?” you asked at the same time, just as confused. 

“I mean, you forgive him, just like that? After what he did to you?” 

“Um, yes?” you said looking between him and Percy. “I know Percy didn’t mean it-”

“He’s cheating on you, and you’re just fine with it?” Charlie asked, not believing that you could be this calm. You arched your eyebrow and looked at Percy.

“What?” Percy asked. “I’m not cheating on her-”

“Don’t try to deny it, okay? I heard you!”

“You heard me? What do you mean you heard me?” 

“Well, I… didn’t mean to but I used the twins’ extendable ears… things, and I just…” he sighed. “I knew there was something going on! And you were avoiding us so I just thought-”

“You spied on me?”

“Wait, the twins’ extendable ears work?” you asked, impressed.

“I didn’t mean to” Charlie told Percy. “I’m sorry, Perce but- look…” he sighed. “Remember when you were a kid, I think you were about five years old and you were convinced that there was a monster in your closet and you would sneak into Bill and my room and we would build a fort?”

“Yeah” Percy said, a little confused. 

“Well, I just… you kind of used to come to us whenever you were scared or you had a problem and… the truth is… I really miss talking to you. I really miss it” he continued. “And I know that I’m the one that moved away but… I don’t want you to forget that I’m here. And I’ll always be here, Perce. Because you’re my brother. And I love you. And there is nothing in this world, okay, absolutely nothing, that will ever change that” he continued. “A-and I understand that you might feel more comfortable with (Y/N) o-or Oliver but I just want you to know that, I guess, and I just… wanted to make sure you were okay” he sighed.   

“I… I love you too, Charlie” Percy smiled. “Are you… crying?” Percy asked, turning to you.

“No!” you said, quickly wiping away a few tears, and both he and Charlie raised their eyebrows at you. “Okay, fine! That was just beautiful” you said rolling your eyes and both Percy and Charlie laughed a little. “Perce, do you have any idea what I would give to have someone who cared about me at least half as much as your brothers care about you?” 

“Yeah, I know” he sighed. “Okay, alright, this is a mess” Percy said, covering his face with his hands and taking a deep breath. He then looked straight at Charlie and finally said it. “Look… I’m gay.”

“Well, I would think so, Perce since you are cheating on (Y/N) with Oliver-”

“No! There’s no cheating!” Percy said, frustrated. “I’m not cheating on (Y/N). I’m just with Oliver. I’ve been with Oliver since our last year at Hogwarts! I’ve never been with (Y/N), she’s just my best friend. I panicked because dad kept asking about her and told mum about her and everyone just started assuming she was my girlfriend but she’s not!”

“Hold on, so… you’re with Oliver?” Charlie asked, confused. 

“Yes” Percy said. 

“And… that’s what you have been trying to tell us all along?” 

“Um… yes” Percy told him. 

“Does anybody else know?” 

“Well, (Y/N) knows” Percy said, pointing at you and you smiled sweetly at Charlie. “And um… Fleur” he admitted. 

“You told Fleur?”

“She kind of walked in on me and Oliver kissing and she actually also thought that I was cheating on (Y/N) with him” he said. 

“Oh” Charlie said, running a hand through his hair. “Well… okay” he shrugged his shoulders.

“Uh… okay?” Percy asked, confused. “Is… is that it?” 

send me something

#hanging by a moment #harry potter #harry potter imgine #harry potter preview #charlie weasley #charlie weasley imagine #charlie weasley preview

[elsanna-shenanigans]

June Contest Submission #3: If I Could Turn Back Time

Words:  ca. 2,500 Setting: mAU Lemon: no Content:  MCD (but with a good ending), mentions of a car crash, grief Image: Link Song: If I Could Turn Back Time by Cher

If I Could Turn Back Time

Dear Elsa,

At the time, I didn’t know.

I didn’t know about fate, or foolishness, or baffling stupidity disguised as invincibility.

All I knew was that I would do… anything for you.

And yeah, yeah — you were the older sister. You were supposed to be looking out for me; not the other way around. I know.

But you did. You did look out for me. You protected me. And still, this didn’t stop me from feeling like I needed to protect you, too.

I suppose… I suppose the difference is that I failed.

*

“Fuck this,” Anna dropped her pen and shoved the piece of paper into her bag.

She wasn’t ready to address this head-on. She might never be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Elsa,

I’m trying this again.

It’s been a while, so maybe I can … Well. Maybe I can get through it this time and say what I need to say.

One year ago —

*

“Goddammit,” Anna whispered as tears blurred the few words she had managed to write.

She let her head fall onto her arms, draped across her desk as familiar sobs ripped their way through her chest. They knew the route all too well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Elsa,

I’m sorry—

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elsa.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey, Els.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Elsa,

Please forgive me.

*

“God, fuck!” Anna snarled at the paper. How could her feelings still be betraying her? They were keeping her from reaching this one meager goal that might bring her some emotional relief.

“No.” She glared at the page. “We’re doing this.”

*

Dear Elsa,

It’s my fault that you’re gone.

I’ve known this from the very start, the moment you left. The thing that’s taken me longer to accept is that it’s also your fault. I don’t blame you for it, but I no longer place all the blame on myself. That’s just not healthy.

It’s also not healthy to live in the past, mentally stuck on that day when my life changed forever — yet I can never seem to stop going over and over those events in my head. All day, every day.

Maybe if I’d done something different, you’d still be here. I can’t help but imagine…

But there’s no use. What’s done is done, and we can’t go back.

No, actually, I think I need to stop being vague. If I’m ever going to — and you know how much I’m shuddering as I write this — heal from this trauma, I need to spell it all out.

It was one year ago. June. We were going to our first Pride. We had both been out for a while, but we were keeping our relationship a secret because — well, obviously. But we were excited for the parade, even you! I know you probably would have rather stayed home and snuggled while reading a book or watching a show, but you also did want to go. I know you did.

And it’s too bad, because we never got there. We’d been arguing about who should drive. I wanted to, but you insisted… and eventually I gave in. So, you drove us. Halfway there, a tree fell into the road right in front of us. I guess it was weakened from the previous night’s thunderstorm. We were way too close; you didn’t have time to react. The car drove right into it, as it was still settling from the fall. When everything got quiet and I regained my senses, I looked over at you and… well, there was a branch that came through the windshield that — uh, you weren’t okay.

It was a freak accident.

And if I just would’ve driven us — if you had just let me drive — we would’ve beaten that tree by minutes. I drive so much faster than you ever fucking did. Or, even if we still ran into the tree, at least I would’ve been in the driver’s seat instead of you.

But I can’t change anything.

So, now you’re gone. I’ve confronted it. And I still don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do now.

Anna

*

Anna let out a sharp sigh as she signed her name and set her pen down.

She supposed it felt slightly relieving to write out what happened for the first time. But also, seeing those words on the page made it seem even more stupid than it already felt. How could something so simple and meaningless have taken Elsa away from her in an instant?

She would give anything in the world to turn back time and change the way things happened.

This was the only thought consuming her mind as she fell asleep on the desk, freckles smushing against the recently penned words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anna woke up with a start, wiping drool from her cheek and the bare wood of the vanity she’d fallen asleep on.

She blinked slowly, adjusting to the light. “What time is it?” she muttered to herself. She was turning around to find the clock on her nightstand when she heard a sound of movement down the hallway and froze.

Before she could decide what to do, a voice filled her ears that instantly dropped her jaw. “Anna? We should get going soon if we want a good spot…” The voice grew louder and trailed off when it reached the bedroom door. A soft knock. “Are your rainbows ready?”

Anna breathed for the first time in a minute and blinked away fast tears, wiping them with her hands. Her heart was racing. How could this — what happened?!

“Els—” her voice came out in a whisper. She cleared her throat. “Elsa?”

The door opened, revealing Elsa in all her glory: pale blonde hair falling over one shoulder, shirt with a rainbow across the chest, pale jeans jacket with various pride pins and buttons, black jeans with ripped holes all across the front of both legs. She had a sincere look on her very-alive face, full of concern as she noted Anna’s appearance. “Baby? You ok?”

“Um…” Anna swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared at Elsa. Just stared. At her sister, who she was in love with, who was dead. “I’m — yeah, I’m fine. Just lost track of time.” She tried to smile reassuringly.

She still wasn’t sure what the fuck had happened, how she woke up here with Elsa on the day of the accident. Maybe this was all a dream and soon Anna would wake back up, devastated. But, just in case this was some sort of weird miracle of a second chance… Anna was not going to waste it. She thought for a moment about what the best choice would be, but it didn’t take long to realize it.

Still, she hesitated.

Something told her that if she made this choice, there would be no going back to her original timeline, no matter what this might change. This moment was pivotal: the point of no return.

Elsa stepped closer, still extremely concerned. “Anna? Seriously, are you ok?”

Here goes nothing, she thought. “Actually,” Anna sighed. “I know we’ve both been looking forward to this, but… what if we stayed home? I don’t really feel like going out today.”

Anna looked down and the next thing she knew, Elsa’s arms were enveloping her for the first time in an entire year. She burst into tears. Elsa’s hold tightened, “Shh, of course. Hey, of course we can stay home. It’s okay,” she said, gently rocking Anna from side to side. She placed a hand against the back of Anna’s head, holding her in place. “Shh, it’s okay,” Elsa repeated softly.

Anna sobbed into her sister’s jean jacket — it smelled strongly of Elsa’s magnolia perfume — for a few more minutes before she thought she might be able to hold it together long enough to lean back and look at her. She finally sniffled and pulled slightly away, giving Elsa the signal to loosen her hold a little. “Yeah,” Anna said, breathlessly. “I think it is okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t long before Anna was walking into the living room, carrying an extra blanket and her water bottle. Elsa was already there, laying across the moss-green velvet couch. She looked like she had always belonged there, with her bright hair contrasting against the moody exposed-brick wall behind the couch. The plants scattering the room were vibrant, effortlessly matching the green upholstery, as if Anna hadn’t just spent an entire year neglecting them in her grief.

It was hard not to stare in amazement around this space she was supposed to recognize. It was hard not to be amazed by all of this life that had bounced back from death. Or, that had never died at all, it would seem.

There was natural light illuminating the space from one side, but it was aided by the string lights on the wall, a few strategic candles, and of course the smile that graced Elsa’s face when she saw Anna in the doorway. “Anna!” She smiled brightly. “Come here, I already made popcorn. We just have to pick what to watch.”

A warm buzzing sensation overcame Anna as she made her way to the couch and laid across it with Elsa. “Anything gay,” she replied, cuddling close into Elsa’s body.

“I knew you’d say that,” Elsa laughed, leaning forward to kiss the side of Anna’s head.

Anna leaned more firmly into her, closing her eyes to relish the feeling.

Suddenly, Anna was faced with the knowledge that she had been so shaken by the sudden situation, she hadn’t even gotten to kiss Elsa yet. Anna twisted herself around to face her on the couch.

Elsa seemed slightly surprised, either by her girlfriend’s sudden movement, or the intense look in her eyes. “Babe—? Oomph!”

Anna didn’t wait another moment before silencing Elsa’s lips with her own.

It was everything she’d been missing — she could feel every single day of Elsa’s absence in the shape of her lips and, simultaneously, they kissed like they hadn’t missed out a single day together. Anna supposed both statements were true for them in that moment. Only Elsa still didn’t know what Anna had just been through, even as she pulled Elsa closer and their lungs begged for air and Anna grasped at blonde roots with reverent fingers.

She needed more. She needed everything.

She needed to put off the conversation a little longer, and she knew exactly how she’d like to do that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An unknowable amount of time later, the two young women lay in their bed together, half covered with a lightweight bed sheet. Anna laid on her stomach, partly across Elsa, giving her access to absent-mindedly scratch her freckled back. As Elsa’s arm moved back and forth, slowly dragging gentle, trimmed nails across Anna’s back, Anna was busy planning what to say.

Eventually, she spoke in a soft voice, “Elsa, you trust me right?”

“Of course.” The backscratch continued without a hiccup.

“And if I said I was being serious, you’d believe whatever I said? Even if it sounds… wild?”

The nails paused for a moment. “That’s… concerning, but yes. Obviously, I’d believe anything from you.”

“Okay,” Anna murmured. “Okay… What about if I said I’ve lived this day before? And it went ….very differently?”

“What do you mean?” Elsa asked with concern.

“I mean,” Anna took one last deep breath. “I recently lived through a time when we left for the parade and we never made it there.”

The back scratch stopped.

“I don’t know how I came back — like here, today, now… but I lived for an entire year without you. We were in a car accident and you—,” Anna propped herself up partly with her arms to look Elsa in the face. “You didn’t make it, Els.”

The painful and confused look on Elsa’s face didn’t slow Anna down. She continued, “I lost you, and it was real. I was grieving, and I wasn’t very fucking good at it. I didn’t know how to live without you, for months and months, even earlier today! Today has been so… fucking weird. I fell asleep after I wrote a cathartic letter to you — dead you — and then I woke up here with you — alive you — backwards in time one year to the day everything changed.”

Elsa’s face had become almost expressionless after trying to express too many things at once. Mostly, she was shocked. “So… So, that’s why you didn’t want to go to Pride today?” She said slowly, putting together pieces in her head. “You needed us to avoid the accident that killed me the first time. And this is the first you’ve seen of me in an entire year?”

Anna nodded.

“And now… you just get to stay here? You fixed the thing that caused my death and now we both get to live happily ever after?”

“I told you everything I know,” Anna said. “I don’t know how I got back here, or why, but I have to assume I’m here to stay now.” She let herself lay back down onto Elsa, cuddling close. Her voice became slightly muffled, “It feels like I’ve been gifted this opportunity to get you back, and I’m more grateful than you could imagine… but I’m also terrified. I don’t know how I came back through time, so what if it yeets me right back and I lose you again? I don’t… I don’t think I could survive that another time,” she finished in a whisper.

Elsa rubbed reassuring circles on Anna’s back. “I’m not going to let that happen. Do you hear me?”

Anna made a pitiful, muffled noise.

“If we have to stay in this house forever in order to keep us both safe and together, we’ll figure it out. I’m not leaving you again, and I’m sure as hell not letting you go without a fight.” Elsa ran her fingers through Anna’s hair, causing her to finally look at her. Frightened green eyes met Elsa’s. “Do you understand, Anna? I will protect us.”

Anna closed her eyes, forcing her fear to retreat. Elsa was right. Nothing could tear them apart this time. She opened her eyes with a new determination and nodded her head. “I believe you.”

“Good,” Elsa said, pulling Anna closer. “Now, do you want more cuddles, or are you hungry? I guess it’s been a while since you’ve had my mean mac and cheese…”

Anna’s head perked up like a dog who’d just been asked if it wanted to go for a walk. “You would make me mac and cheese?”

Elsa couldn’t keep herself from smiling. “Of course.”

“Yes, please!” Anna said, while still holding tightly to Elsa’s torso. “You’ll have to do it with me attached, though. I am not letting go any time soon.”

#elsanna #june 2022 contest #prompt: point of no return #submission #cw: mcd

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

I saw the last ask about someone figuring out their sexuality, and I’m in the same boat. I’ve just been labeling myself bisexual because I find myself attracted to both men and women (in theory), but at the same time, I’m grossed out by men in real life. I forced myself to go out with men anyway because I come from a religious background and just wanted to ignore how I felt about women. No relationship ever went anywhere because I was always intentionally sabotaging them. However, recently I switched my dating apps to women exclusively, and I have felt so weirdly free. A sense of relief. Suddenly, dating is fun and exciting?? It’s made me wonder if maybe I’m not actually bi lol. Trying not to worry too much about it and go with the flow. I think we would all have it so much easier if we just let ourselves experience things and see what we like instead of agonizing over it. (Easier said than done.)

I’m sorry you have also been struggling with this. I can’t imagine how growing up in a religious environment has impacted you on this and that you felt the need to suppress your feelings.

But you have made some amazing steps and should feel so proud of yourself!! And if you are ready for it I hope you meet a lovely lady on those dating apps :)

Also forgive me if this isn’t my place to say, since I’m not bisexual , but I also believe you don’t have to date anyone anyway. Like you can be attracted to men and still just not want to date them and choose to only pursue the women you are attracted to. Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it, if acting on it is not something you want. I know there are plenty of bisexual women who despite their feelings for men choose on only pursue women - for whatever reason that maybe. It’s nothing I fully understand being a lesbian but from what I have seen and been told there are different dynamics when it comes to m/f dating and the way women and men are viewed and treated in society can impact that. If that’s a relationship dynamic you just don’t want to deal with, even if you are attracted to men, you absolutely don’t have to engage in it. Doesn’t invalid your bisexuality at all :) Doing things that make you happy is far more important then doing what you feel you have to.

Anyway! Ramble over ahah.

I’m happy for you and I hope you have a beautiful day ☺️💕 Thank you for popping in! And good luck on the apps and your dates 👀👀👀

#asks #anon #answered

[venus-is-trans]

Am I Allowed?

(Day 5, 11/21/2021)

Am I allowed to be happy? To be calm? To swallow my own saliva? Am I allowed to grieve after pulling the trigger? Allowed to ache after throwing the punch? Allowed to bleed after breaking the glass?

Am I allowed to go easy on myself? To forgive her? To see where she was coming from? Is that the same thing as excusing? I don’t think so, but maybe I’m wrong. Am I allowed to laugh? I haven’t since seeing you. I haven’t smiled since the night before the hurricane. I haven’t looked out the windows for the skyline, I’m too afraid to see your shadow in the clouds.

I deleted everything. All the apps. All the messages. All the distractions. I am left with a typewriter and a solemn melody. Panic attacks instead of breakfast. The desire to walk out of my job and just keep walking. To walk all the way to the middle of Lake Michigan and lay there, drown. Eat the skin off my fingernails. Choke on the fun you’re having. Fight the urge to be jealous of you knowing you’re having that fun and also not smiling. Also not laughing. Left with the knowledge that I stole your fun. Stole your house. Stole your birthday. I took it all away from you and didn’t even know. I didn’t mean to. That doesn’t make it right.

Am I allowed to say I hope you’re having fun? Does that sound bitchy even if I really mean it? You deserve to be having fun, to go easy on yourself, to laugh and cry and get drunk, to lean on your friends and yourself. Am I allowed to wish it were me you were leaning on instead? It would’ve been if it hadn’t been for my stupid mistake.

Am I allowed to call it a mistake? That’s what it was, but you said this wasn’t a mistake. It was calculated. Can mistakes not also start as careful planning? Can mistakes not also be thought out? The action was not the mistake, it was the traps I set for myself. It was the trauma I fell back on. It was the idea that you wouldn’t ever have to know, the fear of consequences; that was the mistake. I know I didn’t lie by accident. I know I thought it through. But I had the variables switched up, I was in the wrong quadrant, that’s how I fucked up the answer so bad. That’s a mistake, right?

Do you really know how sorry I am? Do you even care? You don’t have to care I guess, but I still want you to. I want you to be able to hold me accountable but keep me in mind. Remember that it wasn’t all me. It was, but is anyone really making decisions all on their own? Maybe they are, maybe you are, maybe I haven’t gained that courage yet. I’ve never made a decision that was fully for myself. Never. I’ve never gotten the chance, and this was no exception. I made the decision to try and avoid getting in trouble, but only thought I’d be in trouble because of what I’ve been taught, what I’ve been shown. That’s where it was coming from, what I was acting on.

Is it possible to say I was afraid without subconsciously casting blame? I was afraid, afraid of hurting you (funny). Afraid of losing you (funny). Afraid of dealing with your hurt (funny). Afraid of being stuck, being trapped, being shut off or kept in a cage (funny, funny, funny).

Am I allowed to talk about it? Am I allowed to tell people the truth and the context? Am I allowed to mention every fight, every tiff, every spat that happened first? Am I allowed to say I felt triggered, even if it’s true? Am I allowed to say you triggered me, even if it’s true? Am I allowed to still love you? Am I allowed to still hate myself? Or will that get me in trouble? Get me killed? Get me red-hot angry, bubbling in the face, steam blowing out of both ears angry?

Am I allowed to be angry? To be hurt? Am I allowed to say I hurt myself AND you hurt me? Am I allowed to cry when no one’s watching? Am I allowed to cry when someone is?

Am I allowed to tell my mom about it? Am I allowed to feel relief in her reply? Am I allowed to be a child, crying into her like when I used to stub my toe? Am I allowed to snicker when she says she’d hurt you if you hurt me? Am I snickering because I know who hurt who this time?

Am I allowed to both want to talk about you every second of the day and never think of you? Never be reminded? Am I allowed to wish I could forget? To hope you could forgive?

Am I allowed to be hungry? To whine about it? Or will it seem like you were all that got me to eat? You weren’t, but you sure did help.

Is that why you did it? So I would notice you when you weren’t around? I’ve gone much hungrier before. I’ve gone days without a meal, weeks without a breakfast, months without a dollar in my bank account. I know that isn’t why you made sure I was fed, you just wanted me to eat. Am I allowed to say I’ve lost my appetite?

I haven’t been able to cum. Haven’t even tried. Haven’t gotten horny except for last night after a puff of Super Rush sent me back to your bedroom and your sheets sliding between my fingers. Felt a rush of blood and then it vanished when your face was in the flashback. Turned to smoke, to vapor, to tears I kept in. Haven’t been able to look at porn, haven’t been able to even second-guess my decision to delete Grindr. I guess that’s good. I could be doing worse. Self-destructing past the point of no return. Sleeping with every man that looks at me, thrusting into any bed that lets me lay in it. I could fuck anybody I ever wanted to right now if I wanted, but I don’t. I don’t want to fuck anybody but you. Don’t want to sit with anybody but you. Don’t want to smell anyone else’s sweat, taste anyone else’s spit, feel anyone else’s blood coursing through me and building, building, building…

I miss the sex. It’s obvious I miss everything else, the colors in our conversation, the wind in your laugh, the dinner parties and shower nights, intimacy and trust. Of course I miss that. But wow, do I miss the sex. I’ve never had sex that left me feeling the way sex is supposed to feel. Except for with you. What if sex never feels the same? Never feels as good? What if I can never cum again without you? Ive already had that panic attack on your floor, worrying about how my body would change with the pills, and you let me cry and cry and shake into you and talked me through it, then fucked me out of it. You’ve touched me through the whole transition, and what happens if you don’t touch me anymore? I have to learn how to touch myself all over again? Learn what feels good, what doesn’t, by myself? I want that for myself, but it will be hard (funny).

[creaturebehavior]

something about how i don’t care very much about meagan anymore because we haven’t had a real conversation in far too many years

something about how it helps me understand how you may not always be interested in me

something about how i feel always interested in you

something about how i wish i had someone who felt that way about me. and then a whole mix of thoughts like that’s silly, i’m being irrational

mixed up weird thoughts always about that time on acid with Rose when I was completely open and vulnerable, and they couldn’t understand what i meant by what i had said….. The way i said it was very confusing i guess. but at the time it was like. oh. They can’t see me. they don’t understand me. They can’t feel me. It rocked my world. I thought we were on this wavelength…… I felt totally dejected the moment i realized they didn’t understand what i meant when i was in the middle of having a very moving epiphany about how i loved how familiar they had felt to me. like i realized we had known each other all this time, and loved so deeply…. that now they were the person i was most familiar with. The realization moved me to tears because I felt so safe with them, what a relief what a joy what a revelation I have found this beautiful love in my life! But as i teared up and leaned in and hugged them, they froze and pulled away and said they didn’t understand what i had meant. and every emotion left my body. i stopped crying immediately and i stopped feeling anything immediately. Of course they didn’t feel connected. That was the first time i really grasped that Rose was never going to fully let me in. And i couldn’t blame them i understood why. All i did was hurt them in my addiction.

and all these mixed emotions about those times. those years. i was crazy. and sick. and it’s hard to forgive myself even if i was unwell. hurt people hurt people. it sucks. it’s shitty. it’s shitty.

i feel so detached.

i don’t want to get close to meagan again. then i think twice like what’s wrong with me.

i don’t know how to have friends.

the one person i want to talk to i also dread hearing from because then it makes me wish we spoke more. it makes me not want to speak at all. then i think to myself how sick is that?

i am one of the most selfish people in the world. i don’t understand how to soften up.

i was a lot softer and kinder at one point in my life but that literally only got me hurt and i got taken advantage of. i was also still selfish during those times. and unwell

i want friends and immediately ii’m struck by the fact that i don’t know how to be a friend. i’ve never learned and i’m so scared to try again cuz i don’t wanna hurt anyone. at the same time, on a pretty much daily basis i think of possibly never speaking to my two friends again. that’s not right. those people love me and i literally sometimes don’t want us to know each other anymore.

i try to remember any time in my life where i’ve been a good friend and i can’t name one. i don’t know any friendship i’ve ever had where i was a good friend to that person.

i don’t understand how to relate to and connect with people. i’m so desperate to connect with people. and i do it wrong ever time i get an opportunity.

every year of my life i feel like i am spiraling out of control so of course i do not hang onto friends because it’s mortifying to be sick in front of people

yet i hurt people anyway because instead of remaining their friend through my illness i just end the friendship right there. talk to you never.

hurt them by staying or hurt them by leaving

[esoteric-mantra-stuff]

Hestia (a mini Icebound return)

CW: Patricide and Femicide, but only as a passing mention

Alright my potaxies, here's a short lil' thing I did because I felt kinda inspired. This is a continuation of Nemesis which in itself serves as a continuation of the bad ending of Unmaidenly Conduct. I'm glad everyone seems to like Lobo so much, so I feel he needs to do something positive for once to show he's healing. It takes the form of a short letter addressed to Lobo's siblings and I hope you like it too.

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Dear Dahlia and Valerio:

Dear Viola and Briar:

Sorry if this isn’t how you hoped to hear from me again. To be frank, I am not quite sure what I am doing writing this letter to you, but I felt you needed to know at least that I am safe and that our father is dead.

I killed him and buried him here in Liurnia of the Lakes.

I don’t know what emotion these news will elicit in you, you hardly knew about him and you never got the chance to see him in person. Relief at knowing your pursuer has now been put to rest? Anger at my choice to take justice into my own hands? I know you both will argue as you always do, but I hope you’ll be there for each other when you receive this letter.

Part of me still wishes you never get the chance to read this, that I’ll disappear from your life and you’ll forget about me, forget about father and the pain he caused our family, forget the loss of our mother and all the strife that came after. The both of you have accomplished so much, I’m truly proud of the people you’ve both become, that’s why I felt you would be better off not having someone like me, who could never be strong enough to let go of the past, holding you back. That’s why I never told you of my plan, because the truth is I’ve been thinking of doing this ever since we left the Lands Between so long ago. No matter how far away we got from that accursed place, I could always picture that terrible scene right behind me, I was afraid at every turn to look back but I couldn’t let things stay the way they were. I told myself it was righteous of me to take arms against a criminal, that all traitors deserve a fitting end to their tale, and that he wasn’t human he was some monster that needed to be slayed. Mother would understand, I told myself, that she would come to see that he’d fooled her into loving him, he wasn’t worthy of it and he couldn’t get away from his crimes.

I’m truly a fool, all of that rubbish wasn’t true at all, because father wasn’t a monster and I was just letting the hatred inside of me fester until all I could see was revenge. Father to his last breath still held love for all of us, he wished we could’ve been a family and he apologized for what he did. I don’t understand him at all, I don’t know why he did what he did or why he would care more about me, or why he would choose to apologize now that it’s too late, but I believe that he was telling the truth.

Truly I shouldn’t

I feel

I can’t go on like this anymore. I thought I was helping you by keeping things to myself even now a voice in my head screams at me that it’s my cross to bear alone and that reaching out will only cause you pain, but now thanks to a dear friend I made, I realize that I was wrong. You both were hurting as well, and by keeping to myself I’ve done nothing to help you shoulder the burden placed on the both of you, by putting this distance between us I’ve only succeeded in abandoning our family and the love I have for you.

I hope you can forgive your fool of a brother, I am trying to do so as well.

With love and regret, Lobo of Medía Aster the Quarter-Wolf

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Across the sea and beneath the stars, two Quarter-Wolves await the return of their brother, to embrace, scold, and comfort for he has spent way too long being alone.