Look at my self indulgent dishelved sewer rat-looking fursona for Jinx boy (they look better on most days but y'know)
Cutting this off now cuz I'm fairly sure I'll be adding more to this in a reblog later
They/them for this creation of mine for epik and deep lore purposes that I will not write out rn because if I commit to the bit it would end up being 4am with me having to go to school by 6
All the context you get for now is that since the reference image is from the last episode, my guy(gn) here is after one severe beating from Knux(Ekko)(<-reason why the tails look so beaten and you can't see it but one is missing, see; angst reasons) an arm length explosion from their own bomb(realized way too late that the bomb actually blew up on Jinx's right hand side, way too late as in, half of coloring finished already. well in my AU it happened on Nine's left hand side!!!) and a bunch of Dark Gaia juices(Shimmer)(<-will think about the technicalities of thisnkater) injected into them as an effort to keep them from dying
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Thinking about Trigun again and how well it does portraying an abusive sibling relationship. Though if I was Vash I would never forgive Knives, but Vash’s whole thing is kinda how he forgives regardless of what an offending party has done to him [that is a problem and he should be in therapy so i will put him in brain therapy, there is where i take him to therapy in my brain and rotate him in my mind like he is my oc.]
But like as someone who grew up with an abusive older brother, who did not necessarily know what he was doing was abusive, but hurt me badly regardless. I have a lot of feelings about it.
so iunno ramblings from a childhood sibling abuse survivor about how fucked it is the way Nai treats his brother.
In Nai’s own mind he loves Vash, cares about him and wants to protect him, but he also in a way does not see Vash as an individual that is separate from himself. He has an internalized entitlement to Vash, to his time, his thoughts, his mind and body. He wants complete ownership and control of him, because in his mind this is the only way to keep him safe, but in doing so he would erase literally everything that makes Vash who he is.
[oh this got long, under a read more to keep dash clean]
TLDR: Nai says no one is allowed to hurt my brother, except for me i get to hurt him as much as i want but its for his own good so its ok [its not its really fucking not]
Nai is so utterly convinced he knows whats best for him, how best to look after him, that he crashed an entire armada of ships, ultimately dooming them both to a horrible 150 years on a planet that cannot support them. We could also go into Nai’s fear and how that drove him, but thats for another post I think.
Nai’s plans regarding Vash always end in failure for two reasons.
1. Nai is horrifically short sighted and narrow minded, almost hilariously so.
2. He does not know Vash as well as he thinks he does, and what he does know he disregards.
Nai crashes the SEEDS ships to protect Vash and make a paradise for plants. He does not actually know at this point HOW he’s going to do that, just that he wants too. He also didn’t know the planet he crashed them all on would be horrifically ill suited to his kind, or he did, and ultimately didn’t care. He did not think that Vash would leave him. He disregarded Vash’s emotions and when Vash reacts badly he berates him, taunts him with being his accomplice. Though we the viewer know that this is patently untrue. You cannot be an accomplice to murder if you lend someone a knife to cut a cord with and they go on to use it to stab someone[Vash did not hand Nai the codes, so much as Nai saw him enter them and memorized it and then used it for his own purposes.]
Guilt tripping in order to force someone to stay by your side is kind of textbook 101 for abuse. And then he does it again, and again, and again. It never works, but he keeps doing it! He keeps trying to break Vash down into little pieces he can put back together in the shape of what he thinks his brother should be.
Nai’s plans at July fail because once again he disregards Vash’s emotions and his connections with people as insignificant. They may be twins, but they are both individual, independent plants. Vash’s relationships quite literally ground him in reality and allow him to build a place for himself in the world.
Millions Knives does not have connections with people outside of Vash. He has what I’d call Business Deals. He is not grounded in reality, he doesn’t even want to keep his feet on the ground. He wants the access to the Higher Dimension that Vash can get him. He wants to tear it open, crawl inside it and never leave, even if it means a gaping bleeding wound in his brothers soul leaking out across the planet, turning him into a literal husk of himself.
This plan of course fails, because Vash is not beholden to Nai’s views on how the world should be, and his connections with people allow him to hang on even while being literally re-written from the inside out.
I think it’s telling, at the end of the final episode, how Millions Knives claims Vash killed Nai. Even with his plan blowing up literally in his face, he has to take on last low blow at Vash, one more guilt trip for the road. “you made me like this” standard fair for an abuser.
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