#I went ‘this ending is uncomfortably intense lemme edit it’ & then made it more intense lmao

[itsraining-somewhereelse]

They said the people who left simply didn’t have enough faith,

Lost sheep, sure to be influenced by satan, sure to have sorrow struck deep in their bones, sure to return

I was told that if I stayed in the lines, (clearly painted in red over the messy world) that I would be saved. That if I had enough faith, paid their tithe, went to church, I would be fine. Repeated their words, covered my sinful body, hid away my bad thoughts, I would be accepted. Prayed harder, doubted my doubts, begged forgiveness, I would be loved.

They said the people who left were:

Wrong. 

Bad. 

Evil.

I did nothing wrong. 

I need you to understand, to repeat it, to look at me and know the truth in your bones.

I did nothing wrong. 

I did nothing wrong. 

I did nothing wrong.

I had enough faith, I stayed in the lines, I cried in prayer deep at night, I did nothing wrong. I covered my sinful body, I hid away my bad thoughts, I did nothing wrong. I was a lost sheep only by virtue of being cast out of the flock, banished from their heaven. I did nothing wrong. 

Witness it.

My pain, my hurt, my sorrow.

Witness me. 

They punished and reviled me. 

Witness me. 

They blamed me for my agony.

Witness me. 

They burned me for my imperfections. 

Witness me.

Yet they could not remove me from myself. 

I did nothing wrong.

Witness me.

WITNESS ME.

#excult #exmo #religious trauma #spilled ink #I went ‘this ending is uncomfortably intense lemme edit it’ & then made it more intense lmao #purity culture #exmormon #trauma #Ask to cw #rain speaks