itsraining-somewhereelse

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bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”

#mental health

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[ID: A blackout poem centered on a sketch of two hands reaching towards each other in the style of Michaelangelo's Creation of Adam. Soft rainbow colors burst from the place where the hands touch. Text reads, "Love: is it the wound or the strength? Until we face craving, fill it with heart, you can't get your answer. There is only your question. To walk away is the beginning." End ID]

Rediscovered a series of blackout poems I made about four years ago. In an effort to find myself after spending most of my life in a religiously abusive environment, I took a book of homophobic and misogynistic propoganda and turned it into queer art. Few things inspire softness in me like looking back on a self so desperate for kindness they physically turned the hate that raised them into something beautiful— into a place where they fit. Four years later, I am more comfortable in my queerness than that version of myself could ever have hoped. I made this as a sort of prayer to no one— a promise that walking away was better than staying— and I could not be more proud of the self that made that choice.

#excult #accessible

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👀👀 not gonna name names but SOME of u are sweet and kind and deserve the world and i am rooting for u

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and is your shame helpful? is it inspiring goodness and change? or is it keeping you frozen in time unable to move on and be everything you have expanded to be?

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Look, we joke a lot, but really, "you were born evil, wretched, worse than the scum of the earth, and it took killing a god to make you salvageable, so now you'd better be grateful to that god and thank him 10,000 times a day for it and fill your thoughts with him 24/7 and abide by the letter of his every word, lest you suffer unimaginable torture for all of eternity" is a truly horrendous thing to believe about yourself and other people

#accessible #ty for the id!!! #excult

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you know i don’t think we often talk about how difficult it actually is to suddenly realize that a belief you thought was good and moral and correct was actually really fucking toxic. how you have to look at something and go ‘oh shit, oh i fucked up. oh this is going to take probably years at minimum to deprogram from my brain because of all the little ways this shit pervaded the rest of my beliefs’

so. to all the people picking up all the pieces of a recently shattered world-view and trying to figure out what is safe to keep and what has to be thrown away and started over

to all the people having to relearn how to even listen to other people

to all the people putting in the work to do better while struggling with the guilt that comes from finding out you were the asshole

i’m proud of y’all.

it’s hard to admit being wrong and even harder to change in the aftermath. just keep doing the best you can and just know that the effort is appreciated. everyone can change. everyone can do better. keep fighting.

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kids who werent raised christian being like "lol baptising children is whack if they tried to do that to me i would start doing things to make it look like i was possessed" no you would not. you would bask in the pride and approval coming from the adults around you and you would quietly wait your turn because you were told from birth that sinning sends you to hell and baptism is The Promise that youre dedicating your life to jesus that youve had hyped up for years and watched other people be fawned over as they cry happy tears about it and you do NOT want to fuck up your One Big True Promise To Love Jesus Forever So You Don't Get Tortured For Eternity when you are literally 8 years old. im begging yall to remember its a thousand times easier to see the church's bullshit for what it is when you're not actively in the church. eight year old you is not thinking about trying to fight back against an oppressive religious group indoctrinating children because You Are The Children Being Indoctrinated. stop acting like you would've magically known better if it were you.

#god this type of thing pisses me off #I had to stop reading a book bc the mc went ‘im not buying into the mass indoctrination of my entire nation. I Know Better’ #And I went ‘how does she know better?’ And the book went ‘she just does idk’ #Truly not how this works #excult

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yes i posted this on my other blog but you know what it goes here too

#this fucks deeply #Accessible

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i was so fucking sad when i was 14 and now when i fold my laundry or see a pool of moonlight on the floor of my bedroom i know that miracles exist. i see love in everything. love sees everything in me too

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you have to stay alive. you're going to be such a beautiful middle aged freak. young freaks will see you in the street and know that things can be okay.

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it's really cool when my sister checks up on me only for her to shill her stupid religious cult in my face. it's really sad and I wouldn't call it outright malicious but rather brainwash-y. it's sad that she and mom try to get me back Into the religion by using sweet words and love bombing from the members of it. it's so scary I need to get out of here soon.

#Excult #Transphobia

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#inaccessible #nudity #to quote

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Now, researchers have put a nail in the coffin of porn addiction. Josh Grubbs, Samuel Perry and Joshua Wilt are some of the leading researchers on America’s struggles with porn, having published numerous studies examining the impact of porn use, belief in porn addiction, and the effect of porn on marriages. And Rory Reid is a UCLA researcher who was a leading proponent gathering information about the concept of hypersexual disorder for the DSM-5. These four researchers, all of whom have history of neutrality, if not outright support of the concepts of porn addiction, have conducted a meta-analysis of research on pornography and concluded that porn use does not predict problems with porn, but that religiosity does

#this was actually one of the first things I looked up when I got out of the cult: what does science say about p orn (censor for tumblr sry) #and it turns out that science says that it is fine!

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[id: a tweet from @/PinkRangerLB reading: “‘You're so resilient!’ Thanks! My options were that or dead” /end id]

#accessible #my ids

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#inaccessible

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hecuba — euripides (trans. anne carson), if they come for us — fatimah asghar, clementine von radics, a clash of kings — sansa ii, traumacore, a storm of swords — jaime ix, a dance with dragons — the prince of winterfell

#inaccessible #so. Guess who is living with their parents again #my room is like a time capsule from middle school. There were quotes from church all over my door. And art with my deadname.

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“jesus died for you” well i didn’t ask him to do that and my therapist says i am not responsible for other peoples actions

#I knowww that this is a joke and all but damn if it really isn’t like this getting out of an xtian cult #just starting to develop boundaries about church bs and unpacking it all