#I should maybe go back to sleep though

[localplaguenurse]

I am just nosy, forgive me. Can you describe each one of your mutuals?

Buckle up people and prepare to get complimented >:3c

First and foremost, they’re all absolute sweethearts to me.

There are my irl friends, such as @wretchedshade, @granolabird, @siriuscitrus and @scales-of-stardust or beta as I usually refer to them. I share the same braincell with these people.

Wretchedshade has been my best friend since we were ten, we’ve been there for each other for 11 years. I initially got her into anime, and then she got me into jojo, and every once in a while we cry about Doukyuusei again. She’s a great artist and is really good at writing sad shit, which is why I write sad shit; to have the glory of finally making her cry. She kicked cancer’s teeth in a few months ago so it’s about goddamn time something good come her way and I WILL fight someone on that.

Granolabird is the dm for my dnd campaign, and like I said, absolute sweetheart, chaotic adhd haver (actually like most of my friend group is like this lmao we’re all queer and neurodivergent). Either way, we used to share thoughts on each other’s original stories, and we still do sometimes but it’s mostly just sending each other tiktoks/reels like “this you” or “this your oc.”

Siriuscitrus is usually pretty hyper, but also tries to be v considerate of everyone’s feelings. If you said that the McDonald’s employee put pickles on your burger when you said no, they’d probably be the one to tell them. They’re also scarily good at vibechecking people and told me I give “future he/they vibes” and like a week later I said “fuck you’re right oh my god.”

You’ve probably seen me and beta’s interactions on here or in the ao3 comments. We enjoy our like playful rivalry/enemyship. I like to torment tease her and she usually gets me back pretty good, it’s all in good fun. It’s also really funny to me whenever we meet up, I tell myself “you are friends with them for reasons other than fic so do not make it about fic” and then we’ll spend literally hours talking about and brainstorming fic ideas. It just Happens.

I’m also gonna add @memory-mortis into here because while we’ve not met irl I’ve introduced him to my friend group. Yet another sweetheart, love her art style a lot, and she was one of the first comments I got on ginkgo trees to motivate me to keep going. I was kinda worried about bringing him into my friendgroup because like if I’m not overthinking I am not thinking At All. I was super relieved and happy that she like IMMEDIATELY fit in with everyone so :D

For some of my other close but only on tumblr/ao3/outside my general friendgroup mutuals! (There are too many so I’m sorry if you’re not here it’s mostly people I interact with more regularly ;-;)

@crimson-ashes who I have occasionally with absolute love called my “askbox gremlin” because they live in my inbox. I need to stress this is affectionate because genuinely, I love opening tumblr and seeing I’ve got asks from them. They gotta stop posting Astarion though because I’m feeling So Tempted to play BG but I know my laptop would kill itself (joking).

@crystalflygeo and I know I’ve called everyone sweethearts but genuinely, she’s probably one of the sweetest people I’ve had the pleasure of talking to. She’s really wholesome (unlike her writing which is never gonna be a complaint in my book, good soup) and super supportive of other people.

@madamemachikonew who’s super polite and really kind. She’s also really creative/smart when it comes to referencing real world art and philosophy in her writing and integrating it into her own worldbuilding. I would have never thought to have done that, and it makes her writing very unique!

We don’t interact as much but @probably-doesnt-exist, @ethve, @euniveve and @ainescribe are such talented artists and super sweet, have literally made me screech and cackle with utter joy whenever they draw the characters from ginkgo trees. I rotate through which art becomes my phone’s lock/home screens.

This is long af but fuck it, I wanna brighten people’s days and I told myself to say “I love you” to my friends and family more, so consider this one big “I love you!” to y’all. It’s a pleasure talking to y’all!

#ask #I maybe should’ve gone back to bed and answered this later #but screw it #I should maybe go back to sleep though

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Oh yeah uh. No I didn't get the Chica design stuff done yesterday I got absorbed in the maths of horses on car parks. Uhhh sorry?

If things go well, I may start offering doodle requests for good reference pictures of Mazercise though so we have that to look forward to I guess lmao

#there's no good ones on image searches it's truly devastating :( #I really wanna draw horsies though #I'm. very tired right now though so imma eat and go sleeps as early as possible I think #might be able to be awake for more than uhh half of the time my meds are meant to be active? #also yes. i'm going back to sleep after taking my adhd meds. so sue me lmao #'theyre meant to keep you awake!' sounds like a skill issue. #lmao nah it's a new type of med so I'm on a really low dose and also I think it's ACTUALLY lasting the intended amount of time?? #wild... strange... crazy even... none of the others ones did that lmao #anyway yeah I'm gonna try that and see if it improves ability to create things #it should! I don't see why it wouldn't! I have SO MANY horsie drawings to make you've no idea #and a few cupcakes to finish up the chica design thing #and maybe more!! we shall see!!! #I'm gonna save everything for next Sunday and you're just gonna have the most PACKED Sewerhell Sunday ever lmao #pop rox talks #IF it works #it might not #so.... we shall see!!!

[deus-ex-mona]

noping out li k e

#in other news i just realised that i do not have any clean bgs for lxl’s lesson room from honeypre and i. just. lolllll #i have like a million screenshots of literally every other place in honeypre b u t lxl’s lesson room. that’s just. lmaoooooo #ueueueurhdhchjdsjs w h a t e v e r no one’s gonna care about every single screen transition in ny aizo anyway #(as though anyone would even read it lol) #anyway. um. the chlorpheniramine isn’t working and my nose is still running from my allergies #soooo ig i’ll try to get chapter 1 of ny aizo done while i’m still unable to sleep lol. i really need to buy more antihistamines………. #or maybe i should just splurge on a vacuum cleaner to succcccc up all the dust so that i won’t have to buy allergy meds again… #y ea h that sounds like a plan. go me im so smart omg #i should totally get ​the one that looks like a bazooka… but hopefully i won’t get too lazy to use it lol #hm. anyway. i should get back to ny aizo. lmao. #染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—

[skyllion-uwu]

obviously im biased but i think if your hearts really set on it or even just considering it you could enroll at your community colleges associates program for nursing ^_^ im not sure how competitive they are right now because im going for a bachelors and not an associates but i can say from my firsthand college admission experience is that once you get in you reallt have to rush to put down that deposit fee so you don’t lose your spot . though i don’t want to sugarcoat and say it’ll be easy because it’s not it’s really hard and i can only imagine condensing four years worth of material into a two year program can be even harder ( nursing school acts as a functional way to prepare you for the NCLEX btw . you get your actual experience on the floors when you have a job and during clinical rounds . ) if you want a little slither of a taste of notes these were my cardiovascular notes

though im also really bad at keeping things concise so this one is probably a me issue . i do understand how the heart beats now though

Yeah the thing that stops me in addition to "gets squirmy around injuries" is "it's hard". There's a lot of things I've wanted to do in life, like I've joked before that if I was in a cartoon I would be a journalist by now because in 10th grade my english teacher was begging me to join newspaper club, took a career class and interviewed a local newspaper journalist for it and felt at home in the building, have had multiple community college professors encourage me to continue on as a journalist at the nearby [big university in Washington State] campus, that sort of thing where it looks like the dominoes are lining up. Or ever since I was a kid I've wanted to be a librarian but that requires a Master's. Or be a clown or actor but that's such a narrow field AND the social anxiety outweighs it now. Or zoologist/marine biologist/some guy studying animals but again, bigger degree. OH I forgot about psychologist when I was younger too. But yeah it's like so much time needs to go into these (okay maybe not clown) to the point I'm like "why should I try when I keep changing my mind" so I stick with my basic entry level manual labor job and hope by some miracle i save enough money to be able to live off savings with my besties in a house together

#asks for sky #mahkari #sorrh that got heavy i should probably go back to sleep since the pain meds are working right now #i will keep your words in mind though. i wish there was like. a trial class i could take to learn basics #i think in the perfect world my dream job is professional student/jack of all trades :) #i get to learn as much as i want and then bedazzle people with my knowledge. maybe even apply it when the time calls for it #and theres no expectations for me to turn it into a career because hey! my job is to just learn! yup thats perfect for me

[hermanunworthy]

genuinely mybbrain fog is so fukcing realni dont egen knownwhatsbgoingnon anymore at all

get some sleep!!!!!! (i say as if im not also on my phone messing around and giggling over gay people)

#maybe i should go back to sleep though #.......hmmm i will try #siren says #answering asks

[dadbots]

August… time to get spooky.

#dadbots.txt #this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes. #I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh. #idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs. #best way to describe it LOL #been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just. #where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda. #just one of those moments yknow. #it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest - #- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing. #I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it. #I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month - #and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really. #don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often #and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow. #maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year. #not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat #though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all. #won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well. #and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really? #shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year. #I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now. #let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way. #hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽

[bonetrousledbones]

if i was a braver individual i would have given karma the permanent sans smile

#trousled dumb #atbb #karma #i dont wanna change it bc im Sick of redesigning that sob and im still not brave enough but. in another world…………….. #would it make him look maybe a lil crazy with his current design? maybe but rhat is Fine he will become a little crazy anyway #THOUGH that is another reason i dont wanna change it now i CANNOT make him the Insane Joker Guy trope i cant do that to him #he goes a little off the rails but not in a ‘i should kill ppl bc it is funny to me now’ way #but in a ‘i have been in total sensory deprivation for like a year and i only need to kill a guy to escape it’ way . yknow #ahem dont mind me i am a little horrendously sleep deprived and my meds are stopping me from going back to sleep lmao

[lakeinstillness]

on the topic of characters that are so system. brian and hoodie. rituals and habits. heres some assorted thoughts. hoodie will take walks in the rain because rain is safe and water is important in ways he cant describe. fewer people are around. if it starts pouring he'll take front just to run outside to stand in it. brian does it too but hoodie is a chronic phrase repeater. phrases will repeat in his head but sometimes he has to write them out or type them. specific words have specific meanings. sometimes only in certain moments. it carries markers with it some days to write on its skin when it needs to. and sometimes as a mark of protection he'll write on masky too. actually immediately editing this. hoodie is a he/it user. brian goes through bouts of repeating the ends or last word of his sentences. it comes and goes. along with other disorganized speech. listens to a lot of music on low and likes bobbing and rocking along. likes a variety of music but leans towards dramatic and loud. pop, punk, whatever bands like queen are doing. likes pets but cant own one because its too stressful because of their needs, noise, and his intrusive thoughts. very much happy to have friends who have pets kind of person. firm believer brian is a chihuahua lover however. look at me. look at me. he loves those little fellas. this is the hill I die on. tell me he wouldnt love a dog he can pick up with one hand and hold up right next to his face and say "well now youve disappointed the both of us" to tim just because tim wont leave the house to get fast food and brian doesnt feel like leaving either. cmon. join me on this hill and we can build an entire community of chihuahua lover brian truthers.

ok. back to brian and hoodie. theyve worked out a system and brian doesnt decode messages hoodie leaves encrypted on their shared computer if its in designated go wild spots. courtesy. theyre both house patrollers. locks and windows and closets and they cant sleep on a bed with a bedframe. also. listen. the psychotic person sleeping in a closet might be a stereotype but its not wrong. obligatory chronic pain post-mh people live au. ambulatory wheelchair users with crutches and walker on the side. brian decorates the hell out of them. tape and stickers and paint. you know he has one of those "abled people get run over" stickers on his wheelchair. or he would if they exist.

#hoodie pos front triggers are rain. the right kinds of phrases to repeat. noisecore music. #I gotta go back to sleeping in my closet like I used to itll make me neurotypical. #I have a lot of thoughts about them. and their rituals. is it projecting. the answer is that Im declining all press appearances. #I forgot the word for walker even though mine is next to me. I looked at it and didnt have a single word for it. #ok. Ill tag this one. #marble hornets #brian thomas #mh hoodie #maybe I should make a talk tag for these kinds of posts. I dont have one yet. #18922518.txt #is that clever enough. I think its funny. #the sticker has to exist even if I cant find any listings for it.

[eggmeralda]

kind of wish my way of coping with morbid things wasn't to expose myself to them until I become desensitised lol

#saw an iceberg for deaths caught on camera and was like. wow there is a LOT of information to look into and take in and none of it #is going to be nice. maybe i should leave and forget I've ever seen this #but no like obviously now i have no choice but to read in depth about every single death on there #bc i know if i ignore it i'll be thinking about it for longer #this was like with threads bc when i first heard a bit about it i was like. that sounds horrible. and i have a dissertation due in a few #weeks so like. i do Not need this on my mind right now #but that didn't do anything so in the end i had to watch it to get it out of my system #and then i guess it sort of worked bc?? now me and threads are besties #fav comfort film of all time. would recommend to everyone #okay not that. but genuinely i forget how bad i felt when i first read about it and now i think about scenes from it like 😐 #is that healthy. probably not. anyway #also at the start of this year i was obsessed with kaylea titford's death and then not long after that shafilea ahmed's as well #that era feels so far away even though it was only like 8 months ago #but like e.g. with the shafilea ahmed thing i'm at the stage now where if it comes into my head i can easily push it away #but i could not do that back in february i literally wouldn't be able to sleep until i'd found out every single bit of information #oh god it's nearly the 20th anniversary of that isn't it #but yeah anyway it's like once you show me something morbid. even just a glimpse of it. that's it there's no going back #i will Not Stop until i know everything there is to know about it. and then it'll be on my mind for weeks until i stop feeling anything #and then i'll forget about it #i remember as kids me and my sister would sometimes see An Image on the unfiltered 2000s internet #like that one pic of the chupacabra that's obviously not real but like as a kid it's terrifying #and my sister's response would've been to close it and never look at it or think about it again #and i remember my parents wouldn't allow me to talk about chupacabras in front of my sister #which waS SO HARD bc my response to it was to hyperfixate #and the image creeped me out so to get rid of it i would look at it like everyday until i didn't feel anything anymore #and then me and the chupacabra image were besties <3 and I'd make jokes about it #idk what the point of this post is I've basically just told the same story three times #and there will soon be a fourth. once i watch this video going through the deaths caught on camera iceberg #which i am not going to do now bc it's 00:35 and if i don't sleep now i never will #ramble

[vzajemnik]

anyone else soooo sleepytired today

#🗞️ #i wanna go back to sleep sooooo bad and technically i could but i dont wanna fuck up my sleeping it just got good last week #maybe i should enjoy sleeping though since when the semester stars. oh boy #well i dont even wanna go to bed. if i fall asleep on the couch father style mind ur business

[katya-goncharov]

I think my house might have had a power cut :/

#all the lights wrnt off and my wifi isn't working #and it's 3am so no-one else is awake #and it's too dark to read and the kettle won't be working so i can't even make a cup of tea #oh well... maybe it's a sign i should. you know. go to bed #even if i have to put on my pyjamas and brush my teeth by the light of my phone #though on the other hand i COULD just watch the owl service (which i have downloaded on my laptop) in the dark and it would be all spooky #and atmospheric and in a couple of hours it'll get light anyway and i could just do an all-nighter and get my sleep schedule back on #track... hmm.....

[deus-ex-mona]

there’s a non-non-zero chance of success though… _(:3 」∠)_

#long depressing rant in the tags incoming ig? take warning!! #maybe it’s bc it’s 3am and i’m tired or maybe it’s bc of the 8-9 hour old fried vermicelli that i just gave up on eating but my head hurts~~ #or maybe it could even be bc i spent like 3 hours unpacking my boxes (note: my fam moved last month) instead of chilling like i wanted to… #either way i saw some things while unpacking that i really should’ve left in the distant past and i’m feeling as empty as my stomach pre-米粉 #though i did uncover a dogtag i had engraved years ago with nothing but a ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) on it so that was pretty funny #but other than that… i remembered all the weird things i had given up on in the past via the things i unearthed… #like cooking! i unpacked this huge 1k+ page thick cookbook thing and remembered that i had a phase where i liked to cook #then i remembered that i had mistaken salt for sugar while making some meat dish with a ton of soy sauce and byebye cooking confidence :( #and to add to that i also read a past essay of mine about my culture and i remembered my grandma and i. yeah. #and i also saw stuff from my old hobbies that i had to give up on due to money/time constraints and i just. yeah. #and not to forget all the stuff from my former friends… i swear i always get ghosted the moment we affirm that we’re friends lol #am i a walking maxed social link or something? lol? yeah i have no irl friends. none. #i’ve gotten used to it though~ i don’t mind having no friends. it leaves me with more time for myself and my sleep~ #it’s just that… sometimes i get the urge to hop over the country border for some ~chewing gum~ shopping… but there’s no one to go with lol #or like when i see interesting-looking events going on at local attractions but there’s no one to check it out with… or something. #and that got me wondering… am i just wasting my life or something? it’s a new year right? so i should make some lifestyle changes too right? #…​and so i bought a hairdryer for the first time a few days back. yeah. that’s enough change for 1 year. lol #who needs friends when you can have a nice warm hairdryer? blast away good pal!!!!!!!!!!!! #anyways yeah. that’s my 3am rant of the day. sorry if you read this lol #sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂 #h e lp i forgot to disable rbs on this for a bit i hate 3am brain smmmm </3

[fitzfunnymoments]

I stayed up all night making this because my laptop hates videos for some reason. Anyway “Are You Satisfied” is the most Spottycore song ever change my mind <3

#little robots #my video #I originally finished this before I went to bed last night #but as soon as i came back to check on it before going to sleep my laptop deleted everything I put in it #so I ended up staying up redoing it </3 #I should do a full amv of this one day #maybe not though considering all the issues I had with just this lol

[mrburnsnuclearpussy]

I haven’t been actively lately because I only just got internet and phone access where I’m staying rn and I finally have my new sim card in so I can have WIFI HALLELUJAH (I’m only supposed to have 1 hour phone time a day but no one needs to know heheheh)

Anyway I just wanted to say that I nearly died and I will still die and stand for Carson because he is amazing and a good person and season 6 isn’t in character but even if it was what happened to Thomas CLEARLY wasn’t even Carson’s fault and if you say it was then you SUCK and you’re WRONG!!! 😌 CARSON IS MY LIFE AMD MY WORLD AND THATS JUST SOMETHING FHAR YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!

#I’m so happy to have wifi back and I made plans w someone and talked to my mum one to one like a real person and everything’s been insane o #obviously like I was in the icu and now mental ward and it’s been some of the darkest most traumatic time of my life but after talking to th #the right ppl I feel hopeful again and like an entirely difffeernet person from this morning #random tmi life update #hopefully I’ll be able to draw something decent and I can post some Downton animals soon ☺️ lol #force everyone here to care about tiger carson <3 #still obsessed with him #weird stuff going ik this is weird but I like just got my internet and tumblr back and I’m like WHEEEEEEwWWWwwW #maybe there can br hope lifean da future for me #also probably the fucking shitton socktail of meds I’m on rn has something t di with it lol #i think I’m getting some more in. a bit but I’m gonna go to the art room or something and try to draw more or whatever #coz it’s too early to sleep and I’m bouncing with energy! #crazy like I couldn’t even walk by myself a couple days ago and now I’m like chatting with everyone and hyper ^~^ #idk whether to say I feel good or bad at this point coz idk what either means anymore but #yeah like I need that seeet sweet therapy pls fix my BRAIN and the dr upped my meds so Horay that should help too #suicide mention #not rly but just being safe tagging #death mention #? #idk it. and be triggering though I know #like the topic I mean #anyway I stand by and live carson and if you blame him in any way for Thomas suicide I’ll personally kill you

[nexus-nebulae]

well i somehow was able to take a nap without meds and now i feel a lot better than earlier

#i usually cant sleep at ALL unless i take meds #i think i slept two hours? #maybe? #also it's 3am rn #and i can't tell if it's a better idea to stay awake so that later i might be able to Do Stuff once my mom wakes up #or if i should try and go back to sleep and try to sleep through the rest of the night #first i gotta eat something though bc FUCK i am hungry #i usually don't feel the sensation of Hungry but rn its fuckin overwhelming

[noxtivagus]

this question for one of my assignments is so funny ( under tags bcs.. idk it's just a screenshot but i get shy w sharing stuff like this from irl ><; )

#🌙.rambles #thinking if i ramble abt wtvr in that tumblr spam account i'm trying to fix #what if i make a priv twt #n then that ffxiv account i made back in september has been untouched 😭 #i'll make one for ffxiv here too >.> not a sideblog though a whole other account #n make a writing sideblog here.. i miss writing 🥺 maybe it'll inspire me who knows or i cld just share random notes #i'm rambling wait #^^ this question was for smth in philo idk Why okay but it's very funny to me #they know the stuff w twitter 💀 #i'm so sleepy but every time i think of going to sleep my mind just reminds me of all the things i haven't done yet #that letter or those replies to friends or school or games or wtvr !! #I'M RAMBLING IT'S 7 AM I HAVE TO WAKE UP IN 3 HOURS? #shld fix my tumblr soon too.. i ramble so much to myself i don't really reach out to idk friends to say random stuff ngl #i shld sleep i need it so i can at least do more maybe tmrrw #randomly thinking of music i have so much thoughts right now i should REALLY sleep but damn #the way i listen to music is so weird.. sometimes i genuinely just listen to a song n listen to it for hours #i listen to so much songs just on repeat like. singularly. that #all my top songs for months or all time r seriously just filled w songs that i listen to repeat the most #sometimes i'll actually listen to a playlist but idk i constantly make new ones tied to my mood #or i'll add a lot of random ones to queue. by a lot i mean a Lot #i swear i told myself i'll go to sleep in a bit bcs i rlly need it but as soon as i moved a lil i just #remembered.. stuff i have to do. oh my god this is .