#I mean she could handle it better

[rosenroot]

Alicent and little Aemond

#alexa play i bet on losing dogs #my baby my baby #like i feel that book alicent fave child is helaena #but show alicent and aemond seems to be very dear #anyways shot out to her for being the only adult who cared for aemonds eye #I mean she could handle it better #or at least not asking for luke eye in return #but ok #asoiaf #asoiaf fanart #fanart #illustration #valyrianscrolls #a song of ice and fire #game of thrones #house of the dragon #alicent hightower #aemond targaryen

[cryptiduni]

“white mourning.”

#‘‘A white mourning. A modern death. Divorce or something similar. All you can do is put more distance between you & him. make him smaller.’’ #jean is a very easy character to hate if you know nothing about him. & you know what they say. easy target doesn’t make for a good practice #judit literally compares harry to intellectually disabled man yet you don’t see ppl hating her because she is outwardly nice. #she’s polite yes but she doesn’t care as much as jean cares for harry #he is not perfect. he is mean. but loyal. if he truly didn't care he wouldn't hab come back to martinaise & coulda just reported harry’s as #he put up with du bois’ bullshit for years and built a toxic (totally straight) relationship with him yet always comes back. #he says he will leave you in the village to die but please understand harry isn't exactly a great person. especially pre-bender hdb. #planned a make up joke & put on a wig for hdb even tho he wasn’t the who started the whole fiasco #you can hate him all you want for leaving harry before & during tribunal but how could he have foreseen all this bullshit would have happen #his second leaving is kinda bullshit writing but #jv is dealing with his own demons too. clinical depression. partner almost died. job is shit. case spiraling out control #i do not blame the DE staff either. sometimes shit just happens. not everything needs a grand explanation. #but it definitely coulda been handled better. but i understand. resources were sparse. #i relate to ​jv. as someone with temper issues & attention problems i have to remove myself from the scene or i'll say shit i'd regret late #my man is having the worst week of his life. leave him alone. #kim is great but have u heard of a man who thinks he's old when he is only 30 & luvs horses & his commie boyfriend that he's divorcin' soon #disco elysium #de fanart #jean vicquemare #disco elysium fanart #jean heron vicquemare #jean posting #illustration #de #artists on tumblr #my art #I WANTED TO DRAW THIS FOR MONTHSSS YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE. HE LITERALLY HAUNTED ME IN MY SLEEP!!! #i love him normal amount. very healthy. much feelings #my little maiu maiu

[lollytea]

The Blight family are so interesting IN THEORY. In execution they are....😬

#i dont mean that like. theyre flawed characters #i LOVE flawed characters. nothing i love more than seeing some messy toxic bitches do messy toxic bitch things #i love the exploration of unhealthy family dynamics #i love the trope of a rich shiny perfect family who are secretly fucked up and miserable #i love the kind of characters that environment creates #whether it be gaslighting gatekeeping girlbossing assholes #or people who are desperately trying to be good. or to break away from the role theyve been forced into #or people who are in a little more of a grey area. people who have a good side and a shitty side #its all fun and interesting #the problem with the blights is their characterization is just so....clunky. sloppy. not very good #alador amity and the twins all suffer from inconsistent writing #alador is a complex case to delve into. and you dont wanna listen to me dissecting him #so ill just say that he could have been handled better #ironically Odalia is the most consistently written character of them all #shes very surface level evil. shes not very interesting #I enjoy Odalia. I think she's funny in just how unapologetically shitty she is #and her VA gives such an entertaining performance #but she is like. Hollow. There is nothing going on with her other than abusive mom and capitalist #but by god at least she knows what shes about

[dirtytransmasc]

maybe it's because I'm in the "I'm so obsessed and hyperfocused on my little guys I will make any song seem like it's about them even if it couldn't be any father from actually relating to them at all" stage of my Theon and Asha hyperfixation but like...

I feel like 'I bet on losing dogs' by Mitski is about them.

it's about Asha and her relationship with Theon.

he's her baby brother. the baby brother who looked up at her smiled when she had gone in his room, intent on strangling him to stop his cries. he's her losing dog. the dog she keeps fighting for when no one else will. she never gives up on him, not truly, even when he is so clearly doomed, because she loves him, she won't give up on him.

and Theon is, in so many senses, a dog. he's been passed around from owner to owner, home to home, trained and beaten and domesticated, made to behave how his owner at the time sees fit. he's a good dog, a good beaten dog.

and now, in a way, he's Asha's dog. she doesn't want him to be her dog, she wants him to be her brother, and Theon's trying, he really is trying, she knows he's trying, but part of him will always be doomed to be a dog waiting to be hit, waiting for a command, waiting to be trained.

he's her losing dog, she knows it, knows he's doomed, deep down, there's little hope, he'll die a damned dog, but fuck it she doesn't care, he's her blood, her baby, he will be by her side no matter what. she'll always go back for him, she'll always fight for him, she'll always tell him to stay, she'll always give him a chance, she'll always try.

~~~~

#(this post is based on the show. I'm half way through season 6) #I don't even know if I'm saying anything coherently but I tried #they make me feel insane. feral. ill. all of the above. #I think- scratch that. I *know* asha is so much softer for theon than she lets on and I don't know how more people don't see that #like yes. she wasn't perfect when it came to handling theon #but like... she was doing the best she knew how to do with the way she was brought up #I mean. the ironborn have a very tough it out or die mentality. they don't do “mental health” (I mean... look at euron. does it look- #like they do mindfulness and processing trauma?) #she only knew how to tough love theon. that was it. she wanted him to get better but didn't know how to actually make it happen #but that doesn't change the fact that she loved him with her whole being. that she hated seeing him in the state he was. that she didn't- #want to make it all better like any big sister would. #because she did! she loved him! he was her baby and he was hurting and she didn't know how to fix it! #she's brash cause thats all she knows. she's tough on him cause what else could she do? she had to have been scared and worried about him. #I think part of her brashness was her trying to cover up just how worried and conflicted and confused she was when it came to his situation #so this post caters to what I think the soft innards of asha greyjoy would be like. she loves her baby brother very much. #I mean. the way she looks at him when she tells him the story of him smiling at her or when she kisses his forehead when he agrees to be- #*theon* again. for her. the love in her eyes is undeniable. #to asha and her losing dog- I mean brother #they're gonna be the death of me #asha greyjoy #theon greyjoy #yara greyjoy #got #game of thrones #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #the second row of images is from the scene where asha (she will never be yara to me. sorry got. asha is the superior name) is telling- #theon the story about him being a terrible baby and how he smiled at her.

[apoptoses]

it's day three of anne's eunuch book making me absolutely feral 🥺

#i can't stop wondering about if people had reacted better to the castrati smut #what kind of action we might have gotten in the VC books #because she wrote this before TVL #and you can see her laying the groundwork for concepts that would later be used in the VC #but the public absolutely could not handle the contents of this book and it kills me #it's such an incredible exploration of what it means to exist in a body that transcends sex and gender #and what intimacy is like for them #and idk idk just crying in the club over much more anne could have explored in the VC #had only publishers and the public in the 80s accepted her more graphic works 🥺 #anyways if you need me i'll be thinking about armand and daniel #in relation to tonio's experience with the cardinal #and tonio absolutely losing his mind over experiencing a man's body #and thinking about if armand lost his over touching up daniel in the same way

[maryse127]

Violently loving a piece of media despite its flaws is simultaneously the best and worst thing you can do because on the one hand I get to derive joy (and lasting emotional damage) from something other people hate on but on the other hand by loving it so much I am also extra upset about the wasted potential. Burdened with the "It would have been so fucking good if"

#final fantasy xv #there's a lot they could have handled better #but above all #i am so upset about Episode Aranea being cancelled #the whole time I was reading that section of Dawn of the Future was like #omg I want to play this why can i not play this #another downside is i get upset when i see people constantly shit on xv #like you dont have to like it (even tho you should) but at least dont constantly remind everyone you think it was bad #like when i was watching a speedrun of ffx and they asked chat about their favorite ff game and the runner said she loved how nobody said xv #you dont have to be mean like that #or even a ffxv speedrunner saying they hate the game #leave it alone

[cinnamon-notes]

i can't sleep :c

#and i think it's because i kinda have a lot on my plate rn #and lately i've gotten back into journaling- which is something im really proud of- cuz you know when i was with my ex i could never have my #own privacy so i had to give up journaling- which is something i had been doing nonstop since i was five and i could barely write #grammatically correct sentences- and im happy that im eventually journaling again- i really am- but this means that i do not know how to #handle my feelings unless i write- and today i was too depressed to write #cuz stuff happened at work as it usually does and im almost on my period and my PMS is killing me #then this man decided to tell me im incapable of loving and i will never find someone to love me back and that im a bad person and that im #uncaring and this hurt so much although i knew he was teasing- it still hurt! #then this other guy said im unreliable cuz i didn't show up for a task that was even optional and i had never 100% agreed on before #and i didn't show up because: depression + pms getting worse + had to figure out some bureaucratic shit that was pivotal and urgent #i talked to the moon this morning #that conversation we had (yeah i believe she replied) was the most meaningful thing of the day #so rn im just focusing on replaying it in my head because it was sweet and it was cathartic and i wanna do that tomorrow again #so im looking forward to it #while stupid voices in my head keep telling me that man is right and i AM a bad person who can't love and cant be loved #while stupid voices in my head tell me people are better off without me #ugh- i really cannot sleep- i have a lot of anxiety #and i hate that the most of it is caused by that stupid man i really hate that man #cinnamon darkness

[freebooter4ever]

The tech guys are hanging out in my office again and chatting about $10,000 week long vacations like this is normal.

#Journal shit #Ah yes the life i gave up to be a grunt 3D generalist working on the lowest of the low entertainment \o/ #A lot of my friends here get mad at my dad for not being supportive #And i myself get frustrated at him for being insulting about my general life failure #But like....he has a point #I dont think he needed to treat me like yesterdays trash over it but #He was right i probably should have taken a programming job #But poor dad he got saddled with a child who is stubborn and tragically not financially motivated like at all #I mean he is the exact same damn way i feel like my dad forgets that it was just me and him for four years there #I saw how he lived without certain influences and he did not give a crap about status or money or fancy things #It wasnt until the rich bitch came along and started making him like...update his furniture every few years because *style* #and making him buy new designer coats every year so he doesn't embarrass himself in front of the other volleyball parents #Im just saying prior to the introduction of Steves Wife to our family these things just didnt exist to us #It does greatly entertain me that Steves Wife is not allowed to come to the ohio farm because everybody agreed that she just... #Could Not Handle The Poor #Anyway thats my dads idea of a vacation going to visit grandma on the farm this summer #And two guesses he and grandma will just sit around reading and doing puzzles and watching tennis #Pretty much exactly what i did when i went on vacation to visit her #I want to ask my dad if you think i am a failure what do you think of yourself i am exactly fucking like you for better or worse #Well i mean except i also did a lot of drawing of hockey players and grandma would lean over my shoulder #Saying things like *he looks like a nice young man* #yes grandma and he also racks up the penalty minutes like you wouldnt believe

[reel-fear]

one day I'll go insane and release a 234 page essay on why I love Wheatley X GLaDOS so much and its underrated and Love as a construct [link] is the best fanfiction I've ever read as long as u stop reading After chapter 26 bc imo after that it gets a bit repetitive and jumps the shark a bit and if u see the tags u might understand KJNSDFGKJNFDSD

but the very basics of it, is it's that two very bad people with a ton of truama learning to become better via each other <3. Also its weirdly disliked by a lot of portal fans for being... Abusive,,, which is hilarious considering both Wheatley and GLaDOS are canonical abusers who may regret their actions by the end sure but are still on some level very abusive people to Chell. I think that's also one of the reasons I love Gladley just bc it doesn't feel like Chell has to get into a relationship with these two people that canonically I think she's absolutely had enough of dealing with.

#ramblez #portal 2 #gladley #wheatdos #they are t4t they are both bi they both dont identify as those things bc they have no idea what they mean #they are both awful people and they love each other so much they become better #they are both the victims of their own stupid actions and truama and got countless people killed- #they both hate humans/generally do not care for them #Im just saying the fandom sleeps on it hard. #and its the like the number one portal 2 ship for me forever nothing else even compares #GLaDOS was in love with Chell and she treated her awfully time to move on bitch #Chell doesnt owe either of them a second chance shes going off to lead her own life now good for her #Wheatley is the cringe fail malewife and GLaDOS girlbosses every day #Wheatley mansplains and manipulates and GLaDOS gaslights and gatekeeps- #I literally could write an essay on that fic btw its like literally my favorite fic ever #not joking at all its one of the best pieces of fiction Ive ever read #that fic got me through so much in life #its handling of abuse both in the past and in the present oh its so good but not heavyhanded but not so subtle its unaddressed #theres so many plot points in it I just want to disect and talk abt but I dont wanna spoil it here so AAAAA idk maybe for another post- #I also wanted to rant on how Wheatley is in fact an awful and really mean person and the fandom doesnt really address that a lot #but like I've said omg this post is getting long already for another time maybe-

[fideidefenswhore]

I was curious if you knew of any good summary of the Seymour faction in 1536. I liked AB Files but is there a good one by a historian?

Bound to Obey and Serve? by Lauren Johnson is an excellent, comprehensive one, the longer version of the same article in the Tyndale Journal is even better.

The only aspect I would say she missed was the Seymour connection in the jury that convicted George and Anne Boleyn. There was Henry Courtenay, who was named conspirator by Chapuys, and there was also Thomas Wentworth, who was Jane's (maternal) first cousin. This is an aspect I hope another historian (or she herself, although I know of no upcoming Tudor books from this historian) expands upon; Johnson touched on the irony as far as it extended to Francis Bryan's involvement in this faction, and later assistance in the destruction of another of its most prominent members ('fortunate to escape imprisonment [in the Exeter Conspiracy], [yet Bryan] did so at the expense of his family [and] sat on the jury that condemned his brother-in-law Carew'). What was not mentioned was that Wentworth, also, was on the jury that condemned Henry Pole and, again, Henry Courtenay (both noted by Johnson as prominent members of the factional party of 1536) years later, again, in connection to the Exeter Conspiracy.

#'she just had no idea what was going on' as francis bryan is sending her updates of condemnation and execution #and her cousin is on the jury.... like . #yeah. it's something her admirers are wholly unwilling to acknowledge #anon #to be more fair i think what is often conflated is 'she could not have foreseen smth unprecedented happening' #with 'she had no idea what was going on at the time it was happening' #but like. yeah. that's not the same thing. one does not necessarily negate the other #or they're not mutually exclusive; rather #another thing i would love to read is a comparative study: the boleyn downfall vs the exeter conspiracy #bcus the exeter conspiracy is how one would think this sort of thing would actually be handled? #both were bruited as vast conspiracies to kill the king #which should mean every servant; every person ever connected to every suspect would be interrogated #exhaustively. again and again to see if more could be found #this fits the timeline of the exeter conspiracy much better #the idea that there was such a large conspiracy against henry's life #and yet the investigation is somehow closed within LESS THAN TWENTY DAYS #was obviously preposterous on its face #this is why there was 'much murmuring' as per constantine #and 'sounds ill in the ears of the people' as per chapuys

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow #but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done #and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird #but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow #so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏 #i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood #was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone #ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and #hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy #i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better #god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely #focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony #so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno #lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done #to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself #sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough #lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime #so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha #back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies #oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad #tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire #tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh #unrelated

[greenvillainredemption]

Everyone complaining about the new swoc (snow white of color) but trick r treat did it first and nobody said a damn thing

#happy halloween #snow white #disney #jokes a better comparison would be nobody saying a damn thing about kristen stewarts brown hair and pale lips in her snow white #BUT I’m not here to make good comparisons I’m here to spread trick r treat propaganda #I mean some fairy tale girlies complained a little but it was never An Issue yknow ? #at least rachel checks two out of three boxes. but apparently the skin color is the most egregious change out of the three #and she’s not even that dark! not that that would matter to me but like an actress 3 foundation shades down is enough to cause outrage?? #these ppl could never handle the lunar chronicles. truly ahead of its time #do I think the movie will be good? no. but it’s not the actress that’s making it look bad #at least in the movie itself. ik she’s said some shit in interviews but I don’t care #I want the movie to speak for itself we’ll get there when we get there #my words

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

real

#this is so mind numbingly exhausting i don't understand how everyone else seems to just do it? #it was such a weird day #started out in a good mood but then boss scolded these two interns cause of a mistake #and like he wasn't shouting exactly but he raised his voice and said so many things like you are so careless im suffering so many losses bc #bc of you outsiders are going to think i don't have a good team and i don't have control over my team #and how we should always note things down because we're so distracted and not serious #and how before going home everyday we should report to him what work we did today #i understand that he's being reasonable (maybe? idk) but it sounded so eerily horribly like my dad i couldn't function properly for an hour #why are men so similar everywhere #why am i SO scared i could feel the disappointment radiating off him and he wasn't even mad at me and i felt like a failure #which is so embarrassing like girl stop you are a 20 year old adult woman you will not cry at your workplace because an angry man triggered #your dad issues #and upar se there was a new intern at work one year younger than me and oh my god he was so annoying #like i talked to him first bc i pitied him like what if he felt alone it was only his second day but boy literally could not stop talking😭 #like ok it's kinda cool that this senior di she trusted me enough to be like you teach him this project report this when ive only been #here for 3 weeks but bhai😭 he's so annoying 😭 i have newfound respect for the di how does she handle all 7-8 of us interns i would go #crazy and shout at everyone and tell them to leave me alone 😭 but she's so patient and kind and answers dumb questions 100 times #but she's leaving this office permanently from next month bc of her ca final :( i mean very good for her she deserves better more money #better work hours better office etc. but :(( she's leaving :(( #as you can see i have both dad issues and abandonment issues so fun lol

[daylighteclipsed]

The stuff with Will could’ve been handled a little better and I really don’t care about the stancy vs jancy nonsense, but aside from that I think vol 2 was good

#i cried like 4 times #season 4 altogether was way better than 3 #Ik ppl are upset about will and robin but nothing about how they were handled felt malicious #we were supposed to feel for them in those sad scenes #and it ended hopeful. i mean robin’s hitting it off with vickie and #well honestly idk about will and mike #but i feel like the fact that will’s the one who painted that painting for mike and sees mike as the heart could come up again #the fact that it’s will who feels that way not eleven #i mean. there’s still a whole other season. it’s not over til it’s over #both will and mike were sidelined this season so hopefully they’ll get some character attention in the next one #but really I’ve never cared for the romance in this show #it’s the friendship and family relationships that get me grinning and sobbing #I’m also so so glad max did not die. was eleven bringing her back somehow a little cheesy? yeah. but if max had died #after this whole season about her healing from her trauma and wanting to live again #i would’ve been crushed. would’ve soured the whole ending for me tbh #but she’s alive and I’m interested to see what they do with her in a coma #since eleven is trying to lead max out of that coma using her powers #ik ppl got real attached to eddie too but i thought his death was good and the private scene between dustin and mr munson was so much more #effective than if everyone had mourned/there’d been a funeral #it was so good i broke down crying #anyway. yeah i had a pretty great time watching this season

[mybrainproblems]

brain is just mii waiting room music as i consider where i've ended up in my supernatural fandom journey

#that is to say: a berenscrit dabbfan and glynn stan who considers s1-3 kripke and dabb era to be the best eras of spn #which means i'm sad bloodlines wasn't picked up as separate from spn and think it's a blessing in disguise that wayward wasn't greenlit #also i'm going to be watching an adaptation of a YA novel that i have zero interest in just bc glynn is the showrunner.... #i wasn't in the fandom when wayward wasn't picked up but everything i've heard really sounds like it could've been a firefly s2 situation #i feel like the issues with kaia's character are well-understood at this point but killing off missouri to make her a spirit guide(???) #for patience is uh. questionable. and depending on how it was handled could have fallen badly into the magical negro trope #the shitty thing is that we all know it wasn't picked up bc execs thought an all-female cast with middle aged women as leads #wasn't marketable to a larger audience and that part is bullshit but i think maybe it was best it didn't go forward as it was planned #like unless they were intending to have a very diverse writers room i cannot imagine what berens might have come up with #the creation and treatment of kaia as a character says a lot and i think the blame falls more on him than dabb or other writers bc she was #created with the intention of being on the show he would be showrunner for so i think he had more independence/less oversight #dabb is complicit tho and so are the rest of the writers tbh since it doesn't seem like anyone saw any huge issues with it #also: davy perez wrote a better confession in stuck in the middle with you vs 15x18 and does not get nearly enough respect for it 🙄 #tbh *none* of the other writers get enough respect like my god you're gonna stan berens and NOT ms meredith glynn???? #thee all-rounder and Understander of late seasons and top 5 writers on the show *ever*? #glynn could do 05x04 the end but bedlund could never do regarding dean #hashtag Takes that would get you cancelled in 2021 #spn

[running-in-the-dark]

.

#I have an appointment with my gynecologist in about.. 8 hours #it's making me so anxious that I can't sleep 🙃 #there's nothing that I hate more. it will be awful #and I'm thinking about telling her that I'm not cis bc maybe then she'll take me more seriously about wanting a hysterectomy #I mean I've had awful menstrual cramps for TWENTY YEARS now. and in the past 8 years it's gotten so much worse. #can't get a fucking endometriosis diagnosis because I was stupid and didn't go to a specialist for my laparoscopy. and now I can't fucking #make myself make an appointment with one because that experience was horrifying tbh #so I have no fucking idea what's wrong but something very clearly is bc I've been in pain all day every day since that laparoscopy #but no diagnosis = no medical reason for a hysterectomy :) #anyway I just don't want to have a body anymore. this thing is fucking useless and I hate it #but I feel like she probably won't know shit about trans stuff so that might just make everything worse. though I feel like she might #handle it better than my GP would? ahhh I just hate everything #someone come cut my uterus out of my body please. don't care if I bleed to death I just want the fucking thing gone 😭 #anyway I'm fine :) :) :) #personal #could have just put all that under a read more but I didn't even mean to write any of that so.