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kafkaoftherubble · 2 months

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看到别的《不灭》粉针对“长生不死”的看法，在下小感

// Some thoughts on Immortality vis-à-vis To Your Eternity

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Why is there a (sometimes hidden) assumption that being immortal automatically means the following expectations:

being incredibly intelligent

hella knowledgeable

an expert generalist

"the one with the answer" in the entire group?

It's prevalent in pop culture which, I'm gonna guess, is a product of tons of fiction and myths that "say so."

But I think people take these assumptions for granted way too much and start to impose a universality that I don't think holds up to immortal characters who are human or possess human brains.

The qualifiers "human" and "possessing human brains" (or human cognition) are very important here. If this immortal is non-human, then this critique isn't aimed at them. Read on if you like, though.

The (human) brain is simply not an infinite memory space the way a computer database could theoretically be. Limitations are one of the most important factors that shape the course of a brain's evolution; hell, I once wrote a ramble regarding the difference between an AI's information processing vs. human cognition.

(Yes, it was outfitted with citations. Yes, it was completely unprompted and no one asked for it. At all. You may start to notice a pattern regarding me.)

Children generally get to learn and absorb as much information as they like with minimal cost until they're of a certain age, and then the pruning of neurons starts. The number of neurons we have is reduced because the brain now favors depth instead of breadth of knowledge. You cut off the things you don't actually need in your life to free new neurons for any domain that needs it.

This isn't just about memories. It's about things like your optical sense, your auditory sense, the whole shebang. Every part of your brain is constantly vying for free real estate to bolster its own domain; it's a relentless competition for neurons.

What does that mean?

It means even if you're immortal—so long as you're human or possess a human brain—you'll always be limited in your knowledge and skills. You can try to learn as many things as you want, but you're doing it at a cost, all the time.

Think about it. How well do you remember everything you've ever learned in school?

Do you remember the details of, say, the differing carbon pathways for C3 and C4 plants? Do you remember there are two kinds of mechanisms?

Do you remember how to calculate a region's longitude and latitude using their timezone via employing the Greenwich Meridian Line as a reference point, or a region of a known timezone?

Do you remember how to exchange inch to centimeter, or pound to kilogram, or Celsius to Fahrenheit, without using a converter?

How about recalling the detailed history of all four ancient civilizations and their ways of life: the Mesopotamian, the Egyptian, the Indus, and the Chinese?

So on, so forth. I don't know what everyone studied in their respective education system, but chances are, there is a lot of shit we have all "forgotten" even if we spent an inordinate amount of time committing them to memory back then. If you know the answer to any of these^ questions, then chances are you either just read/learn about them, or you regularly engage in this domain. Knowledge is never permanently stored in an individual's brain... because it can't. That's right; even skills and knowledge are not permanent in one's head. Impermanence, baby!

And that's my problem with the assumption of The All-Knowing Immortal.

While it's true that an immortal human has all the time in the world to study every knowledge humanity has accumulated as a whole, they can never have all knowledge at their fingertips, because at every acquisition of something new, they disregard what is judged to be unimportant and unnecessary by the brain to free up new neurons. There is always something the Immortal doesn't know—not because they have never heard of it, but because they have forgotten about it.

But surely immortality shapes someone such that they are different from a mortal being, right?

Correct! It does, and I think in at least two major ways:

(1) Expertise

Even a mortal being could gradually become an expert in one or—in the case of a polymath—various domains. Again, a mature brain favors depth instead of breadth. The more you practice, the more your neurons refine and develop, and the more skilled you become. That's how experts are created.

Since an Immortal has a lot more time (and with time comes resources and opportunities) to hone their skills in several domains, it stands that they will be incredibly expert in these domains over a long period.

The catch, though, is that they are only an expert in the domains they frequently engage in. It doesn't translate to being an expert in literally every other trade under the sun. It doesn't even mean they will become an instant expert after some light-reading about those trades because expertise ≠ genius. Some domains' knowledge may afford the Immortal an easier path to understanding related domains, but it still doesn't mean the Immortal is gonna be a pro and galaxy-brain at it without effort and cost.

(2) Experience

Experience is gained from how long one experiences life, so naturally, an Immortal is gonna have a lot of that. This is why I do agree that an Immortal should likely be one of the wisest in the group... but I don't think this rule should be universal to all immortal beings either.

What if an Immortal spent 40 years of their life in isolation, as a hermit, whose only occasional companion was a phantom-like observer who called them out anytime he felt like the Immortal was underwhelming?

The human brain's growth and learning depend on sociality. An isolated Immortal loses its most important source of learning, so of course, they would now be even less experienced than a poison-tasting woman who traveled around and recorded her adventures and knowledge in a book.

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That's right. This post has always been about Fushi... because To Your Eternity was in the title of this ramble. Ha! Read the signpost before you enter next time, you dorks! I gotcha good!

While some criticisms against Fushi's suboptimal intelligence and knowledge are warranted (and even those that aren't warranted are still interesting arguments to think about), I think people's expectation of what an Immortal being should be has gotten in the way of them seeing/appreciating Fushi as a "different kind of Immortal."

Fushi's default form is a 14-year-old boy who, for the longest time, has been living alone. That's a boy who's been deprived of social learning for a long enough time that it might have caused some brain damage (technical). That's not counting the fact that a 14-year-old brain simply isn't mature and is easily overtaken by impulses. I'm of the hypothesis that Fushi's beholden to the form they take; the proof is in how, whenever they change into one, they begin to exhibit their attributes.

Fushi's saddled with quite a lot of trauma—in fact, their trauma starts almost immediately and constantly after they are active beyond being a piece of rock or moss. What's the second word they learn after "Arigatou?" Wasn't it 痛い ("it hurts")? All of that stuff can indirectly hamper their social learning.

Fushi's base Nameless Boy form may also just be... well, not good at social learning. Or, Fushi themself isn't good at it. In other words, Fushi might just be... autistic. Bit of a headcanon there, though.

That's not all. While Fushi might have chosen to read a ton of books and whatnot, what do you think their interest will be? I don't think it's science, or politics, or philosophy, or looksmaxxing—the point is, they choose their own domains to engage in.

And even if they had read things like, I don't know, Trigonometry and Beauty or The Philosophy of Algebra or Sun Tzu's Art of War—my previous point about how knowledge can still be forgotten when those neurons fall into disuse still apply. And that's if Fushi was paying attention to what they were reading in the first place, because if you're not attentive, then good luck encoding things into your long-term memory effectively.

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So what does all of this amount to?

Well, it means one may think Fushi is a dull-witted Immortal,...

...or think Fushi is a different kind of Immortal.

An Immortal that isn't as common a depiction as most others we knew in pop culture, to boot. Stil, they exhibit the two things Immortals should possess in abundance compared to a mortal being.

Firstly, they display expertise in wielding their powers (they are actually a very competent fighter come the Modern Arc and the Future Arc when they want to be). They are skilled at cooking and are generally the best at remembering the quirks, characteristics, and inclinations of every person they know well enough.

Why? Because these are the domains they engage in all the time.

Secondly, they exhibit an abundance of experience accumulated through their long lives. But here's the twist that I adore To Your Eternity for:

While the experience of an Immortal is usually depicted as a net benefit that shapes that Immortal into becoming wise, Fushi's abundance of experience as an Immortal is sometimes detrimental to them.

I'm talking, of course, about trauma as one of the main components of their experience.

We've discussed previously that Fushi's growth might have been hampered by the sheer trauma they had undergone at the start of the story. But here's the thing: their experience since then didn't exactly improve all the time. The grueling trial that was The Assault on Renril? Their previous attempts at fighting back Nokkers with varying results? Being stuck in a molten iron Prison Gate oh wow it's like Gojo ohmygod cube? Kahaku? You can list them yourself.

Even as normal human beings with limited timespan, we often find our own less-than-savory experience—including trauma—debilitating or even unbearable. Now imagine being an Immortal who keeps collecting experiences like these. Imagine yourself saddled with the suffering you've already gone through and beholden to more trauma and suffering as part of your experience living forever.

These are your experiences.

Have they made you exceptionally wise?

Not really?

Aye, that's the point.

-----

If I have to give a TL;DR for this, I guess it's:

"Guys, I think we should give Fushi a wee bit of break, doncha think, lads?"

I know they are an Immortal. And people expect an Immortal various things in a story. But they are also a lot more than what common depictions of eternal beings are like.

Fushi is, to me, a very interesting exploration of being an immortal, and one I appreciate for

deconstructing the assumptions people make about Immortals in general

and deconstructing the "shouldn't an Immortal be wise because of their experience" understanding most of us might have.

Thank you for reading my ramble. Check your eyesight when you have the chance just in case reading all of this gave you a myopia. Don't say I didn't warn ya!

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I'm... gonna pretend this is my "Happy Fumetsu Tuesday/Wednesday" post of the week—which I haven't been doing for a while now. I might as well retroactively pretend this ramble was part of a tradition-that-is-never-really-observed-for-real, too.

#“小感”个屁！完全就是一篇论文！#啰嗦的睿得失 #every time I write a ramble I wonder who the hell will even read this all #maybe when Season 3 start I should just reblog them to the surface for new audience #fumetsu no anata e #to your eternity #tye #fushi #fnae #immortality

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andy-wm · 10 months

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Interesting question...what happens when/if Jikook finally reveal themselves as a couple/married? What will those obsessed people do? (The ones who are obsessed with proving they are a couple although they don't give a damn about them?) Are they capable of moving on to something else? Because then the mystery is gone and their reason for trying so damn hard to prove Jikook is a couple is gone - then what? What do people with that kind of mindset do after?

Don't you ever wonder?

Just to be clear, are you asking if i think about the obsessed jikookers who seem to be in it for their own gratification?

Short answer:

No, i dont really think about them.

I have had a few encounters with people who seem to think about nothing else. Although I try to avoid the sassaeng-level obsessed people, truthfully i can also be a little single minded... I'm ND and have trouble with moderation.

(I spent an inordinate amount of time during covid, watching grainy fancams from 2015, to fill a void in my life and a gap in my understanding of how their relationship developed)

But i know that being wholy consumed by any one thing is a little unhealthy, so for my own mental well-being I try to have some balance.

However, now i AM thinking about them now, so back to your question 😁

Will people who don't reallly care about jikook move on, if they don't have anything prove/fight for?

If they are the type to always go looking for something to brawl over, then i guess they will move on. And good riddance. Jikook doesn't need supporters who are only there to stir up drama.

I think there are also those agressive and obsessed jkkrs and tkkrs who would continue to throw poop at each other even if jikook livestreamed their wedding and had Tae as their best man. Those people may not really care about JM and JK in particular but they will NEVER GIVE UP on PRINCIPLE.

Jikook doesn't need supporters like that either, imo.

But what about those of us who do care about them and their happiness?

Will people who are obsessed with proving the relationship and who do genuinely care also move on?

These are the jkkrs who want to bask in the glow of true love, but also like to fight a good fight.

Will they lose interest if they don't have the obsessive need to prove the naysayers wrong?

My guess is no, because the joy of watching jikook together is euphoric in itself. Their obvious adoration and the care and dedication give us reasons too smile.

But they might miss the good ol' days of slapping back at tkkrs or high-fiving their jkkr friends when they cut down a toxic solo with a well timed caustic response. (That is kinda gratifying, let's be honest.) They might miss the detective work and in depth analysis of every bit of footage.

So maybe also yes. They might need a new adventure. I'm not saying they will stop caring about jikook, but i think they may seek out a new cause to fight for. As a side interest 😉.

Then again, if jikook DID come out, all hell would break loose. Jikook crusaders (said fondly) would have new banners to gather under because fires would be burning on every front. Many of us - even the quiet ones on the sidelines - would probably be fighting for them.

In fact if they did come out, i think (hope) those of us who have been interested but not entirely invested (and definitely not obsessed with proving anything) would rise up too.

Jikook don't really need us now, but they will need us if it ever happens. And i hope that we - the reservists let's call ourselves - will be prepared to fight. Just like JK was when Yoongi whacked that shuttlecock at JM.

As for me, I would stand shoulder to shoulder with all and any supporters to defend them. And I truly hope all armys, but especially the Jimin and Jungkook biased armys, would rally behind them under a rainbow flag. Because tkkrs arent the real enemy imo. They are just sad, angry people with no idea what true love looks like.

The real enemies are the bigots who hold power, and the institutionalised homophobia that threatens their safety, career and happiness.

And because that last paragraph was a bit of a downer, here are some things to warm your heart...

#park jimin #jikook #kookmin #국민 #jeon jungguk #true love #homophobia #bigotry #fight the good fight

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caelwynn · 2 months

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I'm still physically wiped out and my head's too fuzzy to do 'real' writing/revisions on my story, but I'm just coherent enough that I want to chitter-chatter about my fic.

So in the course of working on Choices, one of the things I've spent an inordinate amount of time on is figuring out the 'cohorts' for the valleyfolk. What I mean by 'cohorts' are the groups of people who are in a similar age-range to one another and then further subdivided into 'natives' (aka 'people who grew up together in the valley') and 'transplants.' After all, one of the things I'm trying to accomplish is interweaving three large expansion mods with the base game and coming up with a cohesive whole, and that means knowing who from the various mods have known each other basically forever.

Under the cut, I break down who's in what cohort. I may or may not later flesh out my thinking about why I plopped certain people into certain groups, mostly because when I started to do so with this list, the post grew disgustingly (more) bloated. If I do, I'll probably do a separate post for each cohort. After all, this is the site for rambling about this sort of random stuff, right? 😅 (Edit: that's exactly how I spent my afternoon. You can find my thoughts on each cohort here: Gen 1, Gen 2, Gen 3, Gen 4, Gen 5.)

If you squint just right, these could be considered spoilers for SVE/Ridgeside/East Scarp.

I divided the population of the valley into five different cohorts/generations. Ages are based on how old they are/would be during the course of Choices. They are also in order of eldest down to youngest. I have actual ages recorded for most of the characters, but it cluttered up this list waaay too much.

(OG) - Base Game, (SVE) - Stardew Valley Expanded, (R) - Ridgeside, (ES) - East Scarp

Gen 1 (Aged 60+) Natives

Maive (R)

Richard (R)

Gil (OG)

Evelyn (OG)

Linus (OG)

Willy (OG)

Lenny (R)

Gen 1 (Aged 60+) Transplants

George (OG)

Mr. Aguar (R)

Sonny (R)

Mrs. Olsen (Emily and Haley's mother) (OG-ish)

Lola (R)

Freddie (R)

Gen 2 (Ages 40-60) Natives

(56-60)

Lewis (OG)

Vivienne (ES)

Jessie (ES)

Mr. Olsen (Emily and Haley's father) (OG-ish)

Lily-Anne (ES)

Ezekiel (R)

Clement (ES)

(50-55)

Helen (R)

Marlon (OG)

Daisy (Adventurer's Guild Expanded)

Mark (ES) (Sterling's father, unnamed in mod)

Jess (ES) (Henry's father, unnamed in mod)

Pierre (OG)

Alecto (Stand Alone)

Robin (OG)

(46-50)

Marnie (OG)

Gunther (OG)

Susan (SVE)

Kimpoi (R)

(40-45)

Kent (OG)

Bert (R)

Olga (R)

Lorenzo (R)

Caroline (OG)

Gen 2 (Ages 40-60) Transplants

(56-60)

Rasmodius (OG)

Carmen (R)

(51-55)

Pam (OG)

Andy (SVE)

Jodi (OG)

Demetrius (OG)

(46-50)

Olivia (SVE)

Pika (R)

Malaya (R)

(40-45)

Naomi (R)

Gen 3 (Ages 25-39) Natives

(31-36)

Tristan (ES)

Clint (OG)

Shane (OG)

Henry (ES)

Sterling (ES)

Mona (OG/ES?)

Jacob [He turns 31 during the fic] (ES)

(25-30)

Mateo (ES)

Jasper (ES)

Kenneth (R)

Emily (OG)

Sandy (OG)

Anton (R)

Maria (R)

Paula (R)

Gloria (ES)

Zayne (R)

Kiarra (R)

Sophia (SVE)

Gen 3 (Ages 25-39) Transplants

(31-39)

Harvey (OG)

Shanice (R)

Callie

Mia (ES)

Elliott (OG)

Leah (OG)

Bryle (R)

(25-30)

Philip (R)

June (R)

Kataryna (ES)

Jeric (R)

Aideen (ES)

Rosa (ES)

Flor (R)

Irene (R)

Gen 4 (Ages 18-24) Natives

Penny (OG)

Sebastian (OG)

Alissa (R)

Abigail (OG)

Shiro (R)

Corine (R)

Sam (OG)

Ysabelle (R)

Alex (OG)

Haley (OG)

Lexi (ES)

Blair (R)

Gen 4 (Ages 18-24) Transplants

Victor (SVE)

Maddie (R)

Faye (R)

Juliet (ES)

Sean (R)

Gen 5 (Ages 5-17)

Maru (OG)

Oliver (ES)

Ariah (R)

Trinnie (R)

Keahi (R)

Eloise (ES)

Louie (R)

Vincent (OG)

Jas (OG)

Yuuma (R)

Lavril (ES)

Gen 5 (Haven't decided ages yet)

Leo (OG)

Morgan (SVE)

Bliss (R)

Pipo (R)

Undreya (R)

Yeah, I know there are characters missing (especially from East Scarp, as I have difficulty keeping track of all the individual NPC mods, and SVE), but there it is. I wonder if this is actually interesting to anyone other than me. Oh well. 😅

#stardew valley #sdv #stardew headcanon #stardew choices #stardew valley expanded #ridgeside village #east scarp

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pan-magi · 10 months

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My Magi LGBTQIA+ Headcanons

Ok, I've been working on this list since January. I still probably forgot some. I haven't worked out all my SnB ones yet and about half the Rens. It takes me an inordinate amount of time to sort them out. The only ones I'm really set on are the aspec ones because I'm biased (that's me, I'm AA and proud).

All that to say I may update this list or do a second part. Most likely won't be for a while since I'd want to to add a good chunk before I commit more to the wild.

Also, if you disagree, that's cool. My list though~ I love hearing other people's hcs but I am not up to arguing over mine. I know you guys are chill but to ensure we are on the same page :)

(It's a reasonably long list so all of it is under the read more)

Leila and Sahsa: You can't tell me the manga didn't start off with a lesbian love story with a little shit child playing mediator.

Judar: He very gay.

Aladdin: Genderfluid. I just like the idea of him having everyone constantly guessing as a child of chaos. They're also vying to take that title from Judar. I also can't place who the kid will be interested in but none of his friends are around the same age.

Titus: Trans gay guy.

Yunan: Doesn't really have much attachment to gender. He wouldn't really describe it as a lack of gender yet won't turn down using agender. Gender neutrois also works. Uses any pronouns.

Scheherazade: Cupiosexual. She yearns for being able to have sexual attraction but it just never has occurred for her. After a few decades she had accepted it about herself. The most common form of attraction she feels is alterous attraction (often explained as the space between romantic and platonic attraction).

Hakuryuu: He has messy chemistry with everyone. Bi disaster through and through.

Morgiana: Ace and questioning. She hasn't figured it all out yet but her friends are there to support her. (hi, yes, this is me projecting weeee)

Alibaba: Bisexual and clueless. So if you ask, he won't be able to answer but he also picked up on Sinbad's natural ability to flirt with anybody without trying too hard.

Hakuei: Lesbian

Koumei: Bisexual. I mentioned with the art I made on my own blog that I designed Koumei around the bi colors without realizing it. Nothing in my mind has changed to refute that so that's what I'm still going with. I do think it fits him.

Sphintus: Gay. I can see him being biromantic as well, but mostly into guys.

Sinbad: Pansexual and greyromantic. I won't go into it again more here. He's the best most clueless and suave person ever.

Jafar: Homoromantic demisexual. He likes guys but also without any strong connection to go off of he doesn't really register how people can be attractive.

Drakon: Omnisexual. There's attraction to guys, women, and enbies, all slightly different to each other. Preference for women.

Mystras: Also very gay.

Pisti: Aegoromantic. She gets invested in other people's (mainly her friends') love lives, and loves love stories, but whenever she tries getting into a relationship it never sits right for her. She won't mind an intimate relationship though knows it won't be romantic (after a bit of denial). After my brain came up with this I started projecting like hell and I don't give a fuck XD.

Mu: Mspec of some variety. I don't think he will be bothered by either bi or pan. Queer will work just as well. He will be down for anyone, you know? Going off queer history circles I've seen conversations and jokes that no one in Ancient Rome is monosexual. Mu feels like the person it will apply to the most. I'm going with it.

I joked to myself that the majority on Alma Toran are mspec or aspec. With longer lifespans for humans, a good handful are aspec because of the lack of incentive to have kids or families quickly. I would have posted about it last year during my Alma Toran posting in October and during ace week, but alas. I'm now posting it here lol.

Anyway, my Alma Toran hcs:

Solomon: Demisexual. Hasn't spent time thinking about it because he didn't expect to marry so young. It doesn't bother him though, not that he could explain his sexuality well.

Setta: Aroace. All ice mages are aroace because I said so. (except Judar, dude can have as many guys as he wants)

Isnan: Gay

Falan: Bi. Growing up she didn't have the chance to explore her sexuality. She won't deny it if asked though is perfectly happy in her relationship.

Ugo: Bi and aceflux.

Paimon: Also bi. She flirts too much with Ugo not to be (though I do know some lesbians and non-interested in men peeps who flirt with guys for shits and giggles without much feeling. Poison Ivy being the main lesbian I think of for this).

Arba: Non-sam aro. I tried to figure out her sexuality and I know it's not ace, but it's still too wrapped up in being aromantic. Non-sam is the closest I could figure.

Tess: Demiboy. The idea just burrowed into my head and hasn't left so I'm going with it. He is fine with he/they pronouns, yet the only people allowed to get away with calling him little boy are his parents.

That's all I got. For the moment, at least. If I try to figure everyone out I won't get around to finishing this till pride next year. If ever >>. As I said, I may update the list or post a second part.

Remember to stay chill peeps! & Happy Pride!

#magi #magi labyrinth of magic #magi: the labyrinth of magic #magi headcanons #lgbtq+ headcanons #queer headcanons #hahahaha I'm not listing all the characters #i've been wanting to get this up the last few days shit #disagreements idc you can hc whatever you want #be nice though! :) my anxiety is being unfair per usual #help me prove it wrong!#i finally finished this yayy #legit why is a list so hard to make #and yes i may have overexplained but whatevs

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stranger-rants · 1 year

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This is so random, and only loosely connected to issues I have with the ST Fandom when it comes to Billy, but in speaking about video game AUs, I am reminded of how people talked about abuse, abuse survivors, and systemic violence in the Dishonored fandom. This may be a little bit of an incoherent rant if you know nothing about this game or its universe.

A lot of discourse came out of the Dishonored Death of the Outsider game because of the moral dilemma protagonist Billie Lurke is put in. It’s one that the gamers themselves have to resolve on their own, but many people argued back and forth over what the “morally correct”option would be, and what’s interesting to me about it is that I think those arguments exposed how people think about systemic violence and the role of scapegoats in society.

She is tasked with hunting down and killing The Outsider, a chthonic “god” figure who is blamed for the in-universe political and economic turmoil, as well as the various plagues and supernatural fuckery that has ruined people’s lives. People reason that the choice to kill The Outsider is the best option, because The Outsider has lent their power to people before who have used it for harm. However, The Outsider is very much a scapegoat. Any time there is trouble in society, they blame The Outsider.

The Outsider could refuse to gift someone with his powers, and he would be blamed for any harm that came from that refusal. The Outsider could gift his powers to someone, and he would be blamed for how those powers were used. He tends to gift vulnerable people especially with abilities, but he becomes cynical over the thousands of years he’s witnessed people utilize these gifts not to better society but to perpetuate the harmful conditions they were born under.

The most interesting thing about Billie’s role in all of this is that The Outsider’s would-be death by her hand is presented as an ending of the cycle of violence. To take out The Outsider means healing all of society’s ills right? However. As she begins to piece together who The Outsider was, she discovers that The Outsider was a victim - is a victim. He was just a teenager who was taken off the streets, horrifically abused, and then sacrificed and suddenly she finds herself having more in common with him than anyone else.

You can totally kill The Outsider in this game. You can kill him ruthlessly with the same bitterness and rage towards him that so many characters in game feel towards him. But… why? Fucking why? The argument that came out of this game that this was the better option is based in this idea that if you simply sacrifice the scapegoat then everything will be okay. If you simply view ONE PERSON as The True Evil, you can deny any culpability in the harm done in your society or deny any responsibility in making it right.

The Outsider was a victim of that systemic violence, who was put in a damned if he does damned if he doesn’t position to play witness to thousands of years of violence. The amount of trauma done to him was unspeakably bad, and it was made worse by the fact that he was then blamed for everything wrong with society by merely existing. The OTHER option(s) made available to Billie involve dismantling the cult that did this to him, rectifying harm in her society, and stating out loud that NO ONE deserves to be treated like this.

(She can also mercy kill him, or return him to his mortal form so he can live and die naturally)

How is this not better? How is it not better to “end the cycle” by actually doing the hard work of dismantling the systems that abuse people instead of blaming individual survivors and victims of that system? How is it not better than killing the scapegoat who people have spent years foisting hate and blame onto in order to avoid any accountability for their own actions? How is killing someone out of that hate in any way cathartic when that person has already experienced an inordinate amount of suffering?

Make it make sense!

At least in the game, it’s acknowledged through these alternative routes that what happened to The Outsider was wrong. This is a game where the environment literally becomes more hostile the more harm you as the player do in universe. It just baffles me that there are people who still don’t see the connection between their actions and the world around them and in many ways people in the ST fandom treat Billy as a scapegoat and truly believe his death and the celebration of it will cure everything.

The “cycle of abuse” / “cycle of violence” involves everyone! It is a systemic, institutional problem that cannot be undone through the punishment of its survivors and/or death of its victims who you deem to be unworthy of being saved. Having that opinion alone makes you complicit in those cycles, when you could otherwise target systems of abuse and violence and create pathways to recovery.

#long post cw #text post

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someonetookmyawesomename · 1 year

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Hi! Sorry if I'm being a bother, but I just finished Son of a Witch and Out of Oz, and I noticed that Liir only refers to Candle as his 'wife' (the family tree in the beginning of the book says otherwise), but he's always very creative with his nicknames for Trism. You're kind of the expert on these things, and I was wondering if you noticed them too.

Oh this isn't any trouble at all! I'm actually happy to see a new person get interested in Liir/Trism!

Anyway, I DID notice that Liir's way of referring to Trism is much more colorful compared to Candle! Though NGL, I haven't read the books in a hot minute 'cause Uni is kicking my ass, so my recollection of details may be hazy, but I'm gonna tell you anyway HAHAHAHAHA

I think Liir refers to Candle as his "wife" because he feels devotion towards her. As the mother of his child, and the first person to care for him when he became an adult, she's played a very big role in his life. He calls her his wife because she's basically the only person he knew who's willing to put up with him and hasn't abandoned him.

Throughout his youth, Liir has struggled with his loneliness and despairs the fact that "Nobody will ever come looking for him". When Candle arrives, he's no longer alone and he finally has someone waiting for him whenever he goes somewhere.

On the other hand, Liir is much more creative and flowery with his thoughts about Trism, because he's completely and utterly besotted. Unlike his feelings for Candle, Liir's feelings for Trism are brought by attraction, not necessarily devotion.

I mean, if you read the books, Liir goes to great lengths to reminisce about Trism's looks. From his blonde hair to his apparently very nice ass (I still think it's hilarious Maguire added this detail), Liir spends an inordinate amount of time admiring Trism's appearance.

Not only that, bur Trism also plays a very impactful role in Liir's life. While Candle may have given Liir the domestic life he always wanted and spent roughly 2 decades with him, Trism is the one who is present during the turning points in Liir's life, not Candle. So it makes sense that Trism takes a lot of space in Liir's head.

Trism was the one who told Liir how to enter the military. He helped him complete his plans. Finally, when liir had to pick sides during the climax of his life, it was Trism who told him to "make his own choices for his own reasons". Basically confronting him head-on with his biggest flaws, his lack of initiative and self-identity.

Unlike Candle who is mainly a comfy person Liir can go home to, Trism is the one pushing him to take action throughout his life. They may not have spent that much time together, but every encounter they have sends their lives spiraling into a completely different direction. That's why I think Trism takes so much real-estate in Liir's mind.

Those are my thoughts anyway. Glad you decided to ask me! I'm flattered you think I'm an expert on this, but I'm really not TBH. I'm just a zoomer who's completely in love with the relationship between a neurotic witch boy and his sexy but really full of himself soldier BF.

I hope I gave a satisfactory answer, and feel free to give your own two cents! Don't worry about being a bother too! Talking about Liir/Trism is a stress-reliever for me!

#wicked #liir thropp #liir #son of a witch #trism #trism bon cavalish #liir/trism #out of oz #BTW just a random thought: I can't believe this is all just based on wizard of Oz fanfiction by Gregory Maguire

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davidfarland · 11 months

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David Farland’s Writing Tips: What to Focus on in Your Changing Career

Have you ever met a new writer who is so excited about writing novels, they put all of their energy into figuring out how to sell it?

Seriously, I met one young woman a few years ago who spent two years polishing a query letter for agents. She sent it out to over a hundred agents at once and got nearly every single agent to send eager requests asking for the whole manuscript. She sent the manuscript, and every single agent passed on it. Obviously, in that two years, she should have taken time to learn to polish the manuscript. So she wasted time and energy focusing on the wrong thing.

I can tell similar stories about writers who spend inordinate amounts of time learning how to self-publish, so that they master the skills needed to launch a book without ever learning how to write one.

Others spend inordinate amounts of time plotting or going to writing conventions.

May I suggest this formula for success:

In the pre-sales phase of your career, learn how to write. You may need to take some classes to help get you going, but most of your learning will come as you write.

This means learning to be productive even when you’re exhausted from holding a cranky baby all night. (Most new writers have to learn to deal with fatigue and sleep deprivation, since they are working all day at their jobs and caring for young ones, while writing too.) So learn how to snatch a few minutes of writing time, to keep focused on your projects, and juggle responsibilities.

You’ll know when you’ve managed it because you’ll be productive. You’ll find joy in writing and will produce stories and novels that are close to sellable quality.

Learn to finish your work. This means that you need to polish it a few times, perhaps, and up the quality, but don’t do that forever.

Reach a point where your writing group thinks it is “fantastic,” then stop gilding the lily. You’ll know you’re finished when the work elicits a powerful emotional response in your audience. Once you’re done, leave it be.

Learn to sell your work. This means more than just writing a successful query letter.

As a new writer, feel free to learn a bit about your markets, but when it comes time to really start selling, please consult with a pro.

That begs the question, “Who is a pro?” Is your editor a pro, or your agent? In a sense. They generally know how to sell books in their market, but they may your editor may be woefully ignorant of how to work in outside sales channels.

Let me explain: There are a lot of people out marketing books or courses who seem to know one way to sell books. For example, they might feature a class on how to sell on Amazon or how to use Facebook or Goodreads or YouTube. In short, they’ve mastered one advertising channel, one that you need to master, too.

But just because you’ve succeeded in selling books in one sales channel, doesn’t mean you know how to sell books in others. There are literally dozens of channels that I know of. Each can lead to a certain amount of success, but not all books can be sold the same way.

I know one author here in the US who made millions by selling her book in Poland. That doesn’t mean that you’ll have any luck with that. However, you might.

Fiction novels don’t necessarily sell the same way as nonfiction novels. Some fiction books make great movies while others don’t translate. New sales mediums open almost daily.

So keep your eyes open and consider alternate ways to sell your books.

Learn to sell your work again. When you have a maturing property, one that has sold well in one channel—say as a paperback book in the US market, you need to expand your sales efforts. You want to sell those rights in foreign countries perhaps twenty or thirty times over. Or you want to learn how to maximize income from electronic rights, and from audiobooks. You may need to learn how to work with producers to sell film rights, and so on.

Your books never die. You may need to learn how to repackage them with different covers and sell in markets that haven’t even been developed yet, but your books never die.

For more on David Farland's Writing tips, visit https://mystorydoctor.com/writing-blog/

And you can also click here to get your David Farland Daily Meditations.

#writing help #writing advice #writing tips and tricks

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nelithic · 1 year

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forget - me - not : has your muse ever forgotten something that is or was important to them ? are they afraid of forgetting things like that ?

▀▀ 　BOTANICAL HEADCANONS　₊　

as nel would want, let's get a clear answer out of the way first: nel has a near film reel level memory for most things, and in particular would never forget something important to her.

now, wilful suppression of memory, on the other hand . . .

　　　　　　　　( major fell xenologue spoilers under the cut )

" i saw through your ruse from the beginning. i simply chose not to confront you about it. you took his place for his sake and for mine. that was an act of kindness. we may not have been born as twins, but i have always thought of you as my other half. "

so. the uselessness of ascribing horoscope signs to a 1000+ yo non-human aside LOL, i still enjoy using personality indicators as a way to help myself scaffold a character and understand the skeleton of who they are. to that end, i spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about nel being canonically a pisces despite the way she is, and especially the way i play her, which — full disclosure — i'm not especially a fan of how bland nice female protag love interest she becomes after xenologue chapter 4, and i'm going to be overall leaning more on her personality prior to the love interest reveal as being more than just a defense mechanism against alear in particular — but that's neither here nor there in this post.

where i've roughly landed for now is that i think a lot of the pisces comes down to a certain sentimentality in the way she handles traumas and very difficult personal decisions. we learn at the end of the xenologue that nel knew for however many centuries or however long this was going on — that nil was long dead and rafal was not her brother. i posit that the way she went about all these years was in large part a wilful self-suppression of the truth for her own emotional protection.

continuing on as though nothing had changed, playing into the game of pretend that rafal ( and likely sombron, who i think had the right idea for his master plan but ultimately underestimated nel's ability to sense her own twin — it's worth keeping in mind that twins in fell!gradlon aren't both around for very long, and so sombron probably didn't have much precedent to go off of in terms of whether he could expect her to figure it out eventually ) sets up by stepping seamlessly into nil's place. these are the facets of nel choosing to close her eyes and "forget" nil's death.

i think the hint of it being willful suppression and not just her going into it fully embracing the truth of rafal being a fake comes in her next line in the same scene, where she talks about finally mourning nil only recently by leaving his flower on the grave at the beginning of the fell xenologue:

" i carried that flower for a long time. i suppose some part of me was unable to move on. "

not allowing herself to face his death, grieve for it, and continue past it. the fact that she admits to carrying this bottled up, unprocessed grief for god knows how long seems to suggest that she was all too willing to accept the pretend story that rafal offers by stepping right in to her twin's shoes and pushing the truth way down. of course, 1) it's not like ignoring the truth makes you truly forget it ever happened even if only somewhere in your subconscious, and 2) nel has a fantastic memory even when she doesn't want to, so it's not like she literally self-inflicted amnesia — hence, unresolved grief and holding onto the original nil's flower for a millennia or something.

it's also worth noting that she specifically interpreted rafal's decision to become nil as being "an act of kindness", which, however many layers of logical fallacy that may have been filtered through, is i think indicative of how much she was willing to latch onto an emotional anchor / source of comfort at the time. this interpretation of rafal's decision as originating from kind intentions is particularly illuminating for nel's psyche in a larger context: we get the sense of fell!gradlon society being anything but kind ( particularly in the sense of being willing to subordinate the self for another individual, given that fell!gradlon is all about lifting up one's individual ego to rise above the pack ). it also ties in heavily with the psychological impact of rafal being apparently a spitting image of the original nil, considering we know the original nil was ( likely highly uncommonly ) kind by nature.

as for why willful suppression as the response — not only is she desperate for her brother in the aftermath of his loss, but for nel, who had devoted the purpose of her young life up to that point to protecting him from everything that wanted to harm him ( which was everything in gradlon KJDKG ), she was likely also unwilling and unable to face the fact that she had failed. facing that truth meant she would have to face loss of purpose, and, moreoever, loss of the source of her strength: which, though a separate meta for another time, i believe is what nil always has been for her.

losing her north star meant she would likely sink beneath the waves of what gradlon society expected of her, so she naturally latched on to a fake brother if it meant she could continue pulling her same strength and purpose she's relied on this long from something.

in terms of whether rafal was just " nil " to her, or whether she did acknowledge either then or at some point later that he was just a replacement deep down, the answer is essentially yes to both. right after the above quoted line, she continues:

" despite that, you became very dear to me. your companionship saved me from loneliness and despair. i was happy to be a sister to you. "

trying to parse out when exactly she reconciled inside herself that rafal was not nil, for how long she continued fully investing in the playact, and when she recognized that she cared for him either or both as an individual separate from her brother and as her brother nil — is ultimately i think an effort with no answer, because the answer to all of them is kind of equally ' always ' and ' never ', and slides back and forth along a scale between the two binaries at any given point in time between the original nil's death and the end of the fell xenologue.

so tl;dr, the truth is: yes, she forgot nil's death and let rafal supplant him yes, she never forgot nil's death and knew rafal would never replace him yes, she loved him as nil yes, she loved him as someone-pretending-to-be-nil yes, she loved him as himself

#———— ⟢　𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝒂𝒕𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒔 】₊　lore.#fell xenologue spoilers #me: i don't want to do drafts that'll take too long #me: i'll compromise w a meta instead #me: ends up doing way more than what a post would've been #honkin played myself again #THANK U THO REN ueueue i saw this and was like ur a real one for sending this question

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liskantope · 1 year

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As one of what will likely be several minor afterthoughts to the Big Thread that's been going on with me, here's something else I want to say regarding the way people argue about what counts or doesn't count as love.

This may surprise some people, since I've been known to deride simplistic-sounding slogans as meaningless, annoying, or misleading, but I'm actually really fond of the slogan "love is love". If you knew me in real life, there's a chance you might have run across a photo of my real-life self at a rally carrying my own homemade sign saying "LOVE IS LOVE".

Now I guess what some people have been trying to suggest to me is that "love is love" was part of an effort to get homophobes to believe that when two people of the same sex said they were in love, they actually were feeling genuine love. I think I always interpreted it differently: as an abbreviation of "Love is love, and that's all that should matter in this issue." More generally in our language, we say "X is X" with an implied follow-up of "...and that's the only salient thing right now" (compare to the common saying "Rules are rules.") Or to put it another way, "I think same-sex relationships should be respected and celebrated in our society -- after all, love is love." It was never, to me, about a dispute as to what actually counted as love; otherwise I suppose it would be somewhere between a simple direct claim and a silly-sounding tautology.

That said, I'm aware of a longstanding characterization of gay people (I think particularly gay men) as operating on lust only, and I've occasionally run into more extreme types (always very religious) who insist that there is no real love outside of the parameters they believe in. During college I spent an inordinate amount of time in one of the main plazas which was frequented by extremist preachers spewing all kinds of garbage (at the time part of it was morbid fascination with how outrageous their purported beliefs were, although with maturity I've come to suspect that at least half of it was performance). Among all the horrible things they said, condemning me and all of my friends to hell and so on, the only time I recall feeling real, deep anger was when a preacher asserted that no two people can actually love each other without believing in his god. I don't know if I found the voice to argue with him, but I remember literally shaking. And I clearly reacted this way because I was feeling very much in love at the time with my then-girlfriend, and we were both staunch nonbelievers, and how dare he look down and insult us by saying our feelings weren't genuine. (Another time, I recall a preacher -- I don't remember if it was the same guy or someone else -- said how sorry he was for atheists because atheists are incapable of feeling true joy, which didn't make me angry in the same way but which struck me as even more bemusingly deluded than usual.)

The thing, though, is (and please don't jump on this, I'm no longer trying to use my memories as justification for some point like in the Big Thread, I'm just expanding on some interesting recollections) that the preacher saying those who didn't believe as he did couldn't feel love wasn't discussing this in the context of homosexuality or even "fornication" (one of their favorite words), although his type did often harp on such views. He was simply insisting that in the absence of God in the relationship, genuine feelings of love couldn't exist. It was just another way, as with the way they condemned homosexuality and pre/extramarital sex, that God was constantly being treated as a black box that simply changed the meaning and validity of everything while being (to someone like me) a complete abstraction that I could choose to embrace or not.

#romantic love #fundamentalist christianity #gay rights #premarital sex

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sweetsoundsofignorance · 2 years

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If I may: how about 11 (ha), 15, and 22 for the weird writer asks?

Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

lol, how could you not?

Yes, I do. If I can’t find a proper place for them in the story, then yes. I regularly cull my darlings. They go into the ether, I guess? I know there is a place on my OneDrive that I could access them if I needed to, which has happened in the past when OneDrive didn’t sync correctly, and I lost the most recent draft. So, I do have a failsafe, but it isn’t so I can revisit them and reminisce and mourn like Betty in kill your darlings. It’s for purely practical reasons. I will keep some cut scenes in a running document, though, that have the potential to be repurposed for another story or the same story.

Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

I journal in my books. You can tell how much I enjoyed a book by the excess annotations and highlighting. I think reading should be interactive, and that's one of the reasons I enjoy fic (though I haven't read much in a while). It’s why I prefer hard copies versus reading through an app. It’s also why I’m reticent to lend my books to anyone because if they lose it, then I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself I can’t revisit anymore. I’ve crawled up people’s asses when they don’t return my books.

Dog-earing is a cardinal sin; it compromises the integrity of the page. I know people who dog-ear into the text!

I do read in the bath, and yes, I understand the moisture can damage the book or you run the risk of dropping it in the water. I accept these are double standards, and I won’t stop. We can be friends if you dog-ear, but you will never borrow one of my books. I will take a hand.

How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

You’re really going to make me reveal my inability to operate a sticky note?!

It depends on the story. Right now, I am pretty much winging the kill your darlings prequel. It’s a linear storyline, which makes it easier, and I know exactly how I want it to go from tip to taint in my head. There is a running document in the folder as well as a running note in my phone where I dump ideas/random bits of dialogue, but it hasn’t coalesced into a legitimate outline yet. I mean, I wrote kill your darlings flying by the seat of my pants, too.

I don’t consider myself an organized writer. I often start writing a story without knowing exactly where it will go and bust out the first few chapters before finally grasping its trajectory. As I’m writing these initial chapters, I’ll daydream about it throughout the day because it’s fresh, and so I keep notes in my phone whenever I get an idea for a scene or a specific line/string of dialogue, etc. Eventually, those notes are transcribed into a rough outline, and then it kind of just goes from there.

The notes app on my phone is my savior, but I often get my best thoughts when I’m trying to fall asleep. I started keeping my phone across the room to improve sleep hygiene, but my dumb ass still lugs myself out of bed if I get a good idea because I know I will forget it.

The only story I’ve written where I think I spent an inordinate amount of time obsessing over the outline was the devil’s daughter, but even though I knew exactly what I wanted to happen, how to get there, the parallels I wanted to draw, and ultimately how it would end, the outline was still hectic, in my opinion. It still followed the process detailed above. I think that’s one of the reasons I would write it in bursts of about five or so chapters, and it’s also why even though I initially planned for nine chapters, it ended up being 26.

thank you for asking ❤️

#asks

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grantbachmann4 · 2 years

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radiosandrecordings · 3 years

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I found the start of a script I was working on in.. apparently June last year. It was supposed to be for a podfic because I wanted to do my own travelling-to-the-safehouse fic but apparently this is as far as I got. I think it’s pretty good though so may as well post it. Left in all the ah... More creative notes I was apparently giving myself for direction. [Tape clicks on]

[Sound of two sets of footsteps on stone, reverberating around a confined tunnel. Possibly water drip?]

JON [Firm, but soft. Like a memory foam mattress.] Martin? Are you still with me?

MARTIN [As if distracted, snapping back to himself] … What? Oh, yes, yes, still… Still here. Sorry it’s just- [He falters, struggling for the words] Hard. With- With everything. It’s all a bit… [A pause. He’s making vague hand gestures with one hand.] A bit much.

JON [Flatly] Oh. [Realising] Oh!- Do you- Do you want me to let go of your-

[Walking stops around here]

MARTIN (OVERLAPPING) [Firmly, almost panicked] No! Uh- No. No. This is… This is good.

JON [Trying not to sound pleased. Failing] Oh! Uh- Good. Good.

[Several beats of silence as the walking starts up again]

MARTIN … It’s grounding, really. Everything else is… A lot. Even breathing feels weird. I’m too… Hyper-aware. Of my own lungs. Not sure I breathed in there, not properly anyway. You just kind of dissolve into the background. Even yourself is too much company. Your whole body just kind of feels like a limb you’ve been sitting on too long, all the blood flowed out of it. So it’s… Nice. To have you. As a- As a focus point.

JON [Muttered] Something to be said about anchors, and all that.

MARTIN What was that?

JON Nothing, just a… Bit of a personal joke.

JON (CONT’D) Anyway. I think there’s light ahead, hopefully this should be the end of the tunnel. No idea where it’ll spit us out though.

MARTIN Guess we’ll see.

[Beat]

Just… Don’t let go?

JON [Unbearly fond. Get it together, gayboy] ‘Course not.

[Tape clicks off]

[Tape clicks on]

[They’re outside. There are outside noises. You know what those sound like, don’t you? I know you’ve been at home for 3 months but please. Please try and remember. Is there wind outside? Maybe a pigeon? It’s south bank there has to be pigeons. You remember pigeons, right? Also, river noises. Boat.]

MARTIN Are we at-

JON (OVERLAPPING) Southbank. Yes.

MARTIN Southbank? But the river, we’d have to have-

JON (OVERLAPPING) Yes, I’m… Not quite sure the same physics applies, when it comes to those tunnels. They’ve spent more time being moved around by a Leitner than not. I think they end where they want to end. Bloody miracle we’re not halfway to Twickenham. Or still in London at all for that matter.

MARTIN ...Right.

[He absolutely does not get it]

MARTIN (CONT’D) [He lets out a breath] Can we just- Can we just sit? For a minute?

JON [Quiet] Of course, of course…

[Movement as they make their way to a bench and sit]

[A seagull squawks overhead]

MARTIN The sunrise is nice…

JON [Clearly not looking at the sunrise] Yeah, it is…

MARTIN Do you have any idea what time it is?

JON I’d say… Just coming up on seven.

MARTIN What, Beholding goes to the trouble of telling you that and it can’t even pin it to the minute?

JON Martin, not to sound like the most stereotypical Englishman in the world, but we’re on South Bank. I just looked over at Big Ben.

MARTIN Oh- Er- Right.

[A sigh. He relaxes from all the wound up tension]

… God it really is just there isn’t it. Like, it’s one of those things that, if you didn’t grow up here, you don’t really get that it’s… Real, y’know? It’s like, you can see it every day and never quite get past the notion that it’s something that only exists as… Cheap, shitty fridge magnets and… And novelty t-shirts.

… Does that make sense? No, no sorry I’m rambling-

JON (CUTTING HIM OFF) [Quick, reassuring] No, no I get what you mean.

[A pause. He’s searching for something to fill the empty air, desperate not to leave a silence between them. It’s only tangentially on topic, but it will do]

… I grew up in Bournemouth. Did I ever tell you that?

MARTIN [Voice slightly shaky, but solidifying] Not in as many words, no. I think you mentioned it, on a… Tape. At some point. Not directly.

[He hesitates]

… Do you want to tell me about it?

JON [Hesitant. He may not have been Lonely, but he’s spent a fair amount of time trying to diminish himself] Only if you want me to.

MARTIN But do you want to tell me about it?

JON [Meekly] … Probably not the best story for now, actually. Not terribly interesting. And when it is, it’s just a bit… Miserable, really. Childhood orphaning never really leads upwards in the ways Dickens would have you believe.

MARTIN ...Some other time then?

JON [Stumbles slightly, as if shocked by the knowledge that there will be times that aren’t this. NOW YOU’VE THROWN HIM OFF HIS RHYTHM!] Y-yes. Some other time.

[Pause. 5 Seconds? Ambience. Sound of voices around has started to filter in.]

JON [Slow] I was just… I was thinking. About what- What Peter Lukas said, back in… [With vehemence] There. And how it was… Partially true, in a way. We may not know each that well but… I’d like to change that. If- If you do.

MARTIN [Soft] I would like that.

[Content hum]

… Tell me something non-miserable, then.

JON What?

MARTIN About yourself. Something that isn’t, I dunno, doom and gloom. What about, mmm, favourite colour?

JON [Amused, mock scolding] Are you five?

MARTIN Humour me!

JON Fine, fine… Actually, no.

MARTIN No?

JON No, you tell me what you think it is.

MARTIN [Under his breath] I tell you what I think…

[Contemplative] Okay. Okay. What is… What is Jonathan Sims’ favourite colour… You used to wear a lot of green around the office, dark jumpers and tweed jackets and stuff… But I’m half convinced you just thought it was a ‘professional’ colour, to match your fancy new job. I think it’s… I think it’s purple.

JON [Surprised] Purple? Why

MARTIN When… When you were in the hospital… Georgie stuck some photos up on the wall next to your bed. Old ones, polaroids, but in a kind of artsy way since they clearly weren’t from anywhere before the 2000′s. They were you in uni, and you had this ridiculous purple streak in your hair. So… Purple.

JON [Quietly mouthing the words along, not quite processing] Had a purple streak in Uni…

[Startled, just processed fully the implications] Wait, you met Georgie?

MARTIN Not in the hospital, a bit later in the Institute yeah, but… That’s another story for later. No, we never met in the hospital, I never quite felt…

[Grimace] Up to company, when I was there.

JON Right, of course. I remember that, though. Some time in my second year; I got a bit tired of people assuming I was a post-grad student and thought I’d try and dye my grey streaks purple. It fit in with the sort of… Aesthetic, I was cultivating at the time.

MARTIN [Absentmindedly, almost as if he doesn’t realise he’s saying it] I always liked your grey streaks.

JON [Shocked Pikachu but he’s got Dreamworks single raised eyebrow syndrome] Oh?

MARTIN [Oh shit, oh fuck, did I say that out loud] It’s just… Y’know. Nice. Not something you should want to hide.

[Quickly changing the subject] … You didn’t answer though. Am I right or wrong?

JON [Slow, amused. In a visual medium he’d be spreading his hands out] You got me.

MARTIN [Inordinately pleased] Really? Huh. Okay. Guess mine. And no Knowing!

JON Oh, gosh, uhm… Yellow?

MARTIN [Hah!] Green!

JON [Audibly :D because Martin laughed] Green? Why?

MARTIN [Hummed] Mm, I dunno. Just something about it.

[Volume of crowd has increased considerably now]

MARTIN [Slightly more nervous. The slight break in conversation gave him time to notice the people beginning to crowd around]

I apparently didn’t get to include it in the script, but it was going to be a reveal later that actually, Jon doesn’t have a favourite colour. He just agreed because he wanted to make Martin happy.

#My Post #My Writing #The Magnus Archives #Jonmartin

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bcbdrums · 3 years

Text

Sand, Snowmen, and Aloha Conversations

A belated entry into whitem's fanfic challenge, to write a Christmas story in the month of July. I took the concept a bit further... Enjoy!

Read on: AO3 FFn

-----------------

Sand, Snowmen, and Aloha Conversations

Drakken hefted his bag higher on his shoulder, but it still caught on the too-narrow door as he fairly stumbled out of the airport shuttle and followed Shego to escape the crowd on the discomfitingly warm December evening. The heat further turned his stomach which had already been unsettled from the flight, the shuttle ride, and questionable snacks. He didn't need to look up to see Shego's knowing smirk as the seemingly hours-long debate regarding temperature came back to his mind.

-----------------

Earlier...

"If you'd only put some clothes on..." Drakken grumbled, though it was halfhearted at that moment.

Seated on the floor against the wall of the San Francisco airport and waiting for their delayed flight to arrive, Drakken was sure they were quite the spectacle in addition to being the only blue and green people in the place. Shego was already dressed for their Hawaiian vacation in shorts, tank top, and a thin over-shirt. He himself was dressed for the drizzly San Francisco weather, and that coupled with the air conditioning made the airport very cold.

He had been taunting Shego for hours about her chosen attire, but she had firmly teased him right back that he would be too hot when they reached their final destination. In the present however, she was too cold, so as his back was leaned against the wall with the great window above him, Shego was between his legs with her back leaned against his chest, his arms wrapped around her folded knees and her hands beneath his. He had refused to give up his jacket to her.

"You'll see when we get there. Besides. You can't tell me this isn't nice?"

Drakken rolled his eyes as her fingers laced between his. It would be nicer if they weren't on an airport floor, and people weren't giving them looks.

At that moment, the clerk announced their flight had arrived and the impatient passengers began lining up to board. Shego leaned her head back against Drakken's cheek when he made to move, and he paused.

"You still have time to change," she said with a smirk.

"And end up more blue from the cold?"

"It's actually 'bluer.'"

"Oh har har."

-----------------

Present

Drakken rolled his eyes when he arrived at Shego's side, ready for the teasing to continue, but she was focused elsewhere. He looked first at her face, his brow rising at her pleased and yet peaceful expression. Then he turned and set his eyes on the resort for the first time, and his jaw fell open in shock.

The first sight his eyes beheld was red, and then the warm shine of strings of colored lights. While lacking the familiar pines, firs, and other cold-weather trees that gave him the feeling of winter, the palms and other tropical trees had been decorated with strings of white lights wrapped around their trunks and colored lights strung between them. There were also large bushes lining the walk and one prominent one that had been shaped into a tree, all utterly covered in large red leaves, which Drakken realized with a sense of awe were poinsettias.

His concern that Christmas in Hawaii would be miserable started to melt away, but then his gaze fell upon a billboard lit with floodlights that made his stomach turn even more. The sign professed what he had been telling Shego for weeks was impossible, to "Enjoy Christmas in Hawaii!" but beneath the text were what he could only think of as atrocities: a very tanned Santa Claus sporting flowered swim trunks beneath his open robe, seated in a beach chair with a fruity drink in hand, flip-flops on his feet and sunglasses on his face. Next him stood a trimmer-than-typical Mrs. Claus wearing grass skirt, coconuts, and numerous leis and a hibiscus in her hair.

"Come on," Shego said happily, oblivious to his horror and disgust at the sight in front of him. Drakken watched for a moment as she strolled ahead of him, bag comfortably over her shoulder and her pony-tailed hair swaying behind her as she strode toward the resort in her perfectly weather-appropriate attire. Too many emotions were swirling through Drakken for him to even form a coherent thought, and he merely followed behind her as sweat began to pool at the back of his neck from the heat and humidity.

When they arrived at the lobby, Drakken felt a wave of relief at seeing a massive traditional Christmas tree, but a new disaster met his eyes and he suddenly felt he might lose control of his stomach. True, poinsettias were liberally placed in every direction he could see, but the blow-up snowmen wearing Hawaiian t-shirts, leis, and sunglasses ruined any winter-y aesthetic they may have given.

Drakken heard Shego give a choked gasp, but his closer look at the Christmas tree caused him to forget whatever must have startled her. While the tree was brightly lit and had numerous colored baubles of different sizes, everything else about it was distinctly Hawaiian. Instead of strings of cranberries or popcorn, it had massive flower garlands in white and yellow. He could hardly see the green of the tree for the other various tropical flowers that had been affixed to the branches, veritably concealing that the tree was an evergreen. And worse still was the decoration that topped the tree: Santa, this time without his robe, wearing a brown grass skirt with his round belly on display for the world to see. He still had his red fur hat, but wore no robe or shirt and had only the ukulele in his arms to provide any hint of modesty.

"Check-in is over here," Shego said in a rush, grabbing Drakken's arm and pulling him so hard he had to clamp his jaw together as the upset in his tummy lurched up his esophagus.

He lowered his gaze and went through the motions as Shego handled the majority of their check-in, focusing on keeping his stomach calm as his emotions still swirled undefinable within him. All he knew for sure was that he was too hot, felt like throwing up, and was certain that Christmas was ruined.

The walk to their suite was just as mind-twisting, with more poinsettias mixed in with distinctly Hawaiian decor, including miniature decorated palm trees, some distinctly fashioned to be shaped like evergreens. Once inside the room, Shego dropped her bag on one of the chairs and Drakken watched her seem to relax. What had gotten her tense?

"I'm thinking room service tonight?" Shego said cheerfully as she pulled off her scrunchie and shook out her hair.

Drakken looked at the poinsettia plant on the table and the Christmas...palm in the corner. He stepped further into the room after Shego, letting his bag slide off his arm to the floor as he saw a new atrocity in the form of a decorative sculpture on the nightstand next to the bed: Santa again, in Hawaiian attire, seated in an outrigger canoe pulled by dolphins through crashing waves.

"Shego."

"Hn?" She turned and regarded him, pausing in the middle of re-tying her hair.

"I want to go home."

Shego's eyes narrowed and she frowned, looking almost hurt for a moment before her expression hardened.

"We're not talking about this again," Shego answered, turning away and grabbing the TV remote. "You probably stink under all those layers, so get out of those clothes and take a shower. I'm going to look at the surfing forecast."

Drakken watched as Shego sat on the foot of the bed and crossed her legs, swinging her foot back and forth as she leaned back on her hand and started flipping channels.

The conversation clearly over, Drakken grumbled as he went through the motions of yanking off his jacket and fumbling through his carry-on bag for his toiletries. He was about to protest that he didn't have enough of his luggage to shower, but at that moment a knock at the door heralded a courier with the rest of their things. And so it was about ten minutes later that found Drakken in the opulent shower under the most luxurious stream of water he'd ever experienced, and unable to enjoy it.

He had agreed to Christmas in Hawaii because, as Shego had pointed out, they had never taken a vacation just for the two of them, and they had almost spent an inordinate amount of time in freezing climates due to both his preferences and world-takeover schemes. His argument that they had a lair in the Caribbean was brushed off, since truthfully, she was never out enjoying that beach. And the rocky outcroppings mixed with rough sand weren't really anything that could be enjoyed, anyway.

Drakken hadn't worried too much initially about his favorite holiday being spent away from the snow, until Shego had started discussing all of the tropical traditions she wanted them to partake in. Luaus, surfing, and learning to hula were not among the things he wanted to do while celebrating Christmas. And this new revelation that the islanders seemed content to mock everything about the holiday made it all the worse.

The shower settled Drakken's stomach, but not his mind. He spent most of the time preparing what he felt was a logical argument for returning home, or perhaps going to a mountain retreat for vacation. Cocoa-moo in front of a cozy fire enticed him at least, and he was more than willing to compromise and give her a tropical vacation even if it wasn't his cup of tea...as long as it wasn't during Christmas.

When he emerged from the bathroom, clad in his pajamas, he opened his mouth ready to begin his speech, but Shego's behavior took him aback. She had startled at the sound of the door opening, and was hurriedly changing the channel on the TV. Drakken glanced at the screen to see a weather report playing in the split second before she turned the device off entirely, dropping the remote on the bed and raking her fingers back through her hair.

What was wrong with her?

"How's the shower?" she asked in a rush, nearly fumbling on the words.

"...It's nice. Shego—"

"Good, I'm going to take one and you look here at these."

Shego had rolled back and grabbed a small stack of magazines and brochures from the nightstand next to the bed, and stood up and thrust them in his hands. Drakken looked down to see that the magazines were clearly useless advertisements, but there was also a brochure about sights to see and events they could partake in, and a special one due to the holiday.

"I want to go surfing first thing in the morning, but we should work out a schedule for the rest of the day."

Drakken blinked in confusion between the periodicals in his hands and Shego, who still looked nervous as she moved to her suitcase to take out the things she would need for a shower. He sat down on the bed with a grimace and pushed aside the holiday brochure in favor of a laminated one that looked like it always sat on the room's nightstand and only occasionally had fingerprints wiped off of it. The first page explained the tradition of the Luau, and so he narrowed his eyes and began to read it.

The brochure was extremely detailed, and so intrigued was he by the tradition of cooking a pig underground, that he hadn't even realized Shego had vanished into the shower until he lifted his eyes to ask her a question. He listened for a few moments to the sound of running water through the walls, and then looked down again. In his peripheral vision he glimpsed the holiday brochure, which was embossed with a swim-trunks clad Santa, this time surfing in a canoe over rough waves as the dolphins pulled him toward the islands. Drakken felt a swirl in his stomach and didn't even open it to see what the "special event" on the beach was the next day.

He set all the magazines and brochures back on the nightstand as the weighty thought of Christmas being ruined settled over his mind again. But for Shego's sake...he would have to try. She was clearly set on staying.

He looked for the TV remote in hopes of watching something mindless for distraction, but it wasn't on the bed where he'd seen Shego drop it, nor was it on the TV stand.

A search that took too long and ended in frustration revealed it wasn't on any other surface in the room either, nor under the bed. Drakken was scowling in mystified annoyance when as a last resort he yanked open one of the dresser drawers and then stared blankly at the remote sitting on the wood inside the otherwise empty space.

"Why would she put it in there?" Drakken said to himself as he debated giving up on it at that point and just going to sleep. But he decided to try seeing what was on anyway.

He sat back against the pillows and turned the TV on and after a quick glance at the news station she'd left it on, he flipped the channel. What he saw then caused him to lurch forward, startled. For just a split second, he could have sworn he saw the familiar green, red, and white ending title card of Snowman Hank and heard the final chord of the guitar. But the image changed to a commercial for chocolates instantly with a new jingle to displace whatever else might have logged in his mind.

The bathroom door opened, and Drakken turned with the intent to question Shego about the hiding of the remote and the possible programming on TV that night. But his words failed him when he saw her.

She had donned a nightgown he had never seen before, deeply cut in the front in a V and asymmetrical from her hip down to mid-thigh on the other side. The fabric was iridescent, shining dark blue and teal as she walked, and it was also translucent, revealing she'd chosen to wear nothing else beneath. Her hair was fluffed behind her as she'd chosen not to wash it.

"I think we're due for a little...relaxation, before bed," she cooed with a smirk. Drakken continued to stare at her, from her face clear of all makeup and showing her natural beauty, to the natural beauty of the rest of her highlighted by the nightgown.

Before he knew it, he was blinking back again at the TV commercial as Shego had slid behind him on the bed, her body pressed against his back as she began to gently massage his temples.

"Oooh..." was the sound that came out of him, and he almost blindly turned the TV off and tossed the remote before reaching back to set his hands on Shego's knees and begin slowly rubbing his hands up and down the smooth skin.

Shego shifted to set her legs alongside both of his, giving him access to more of her as her hands also traveled down to his shoulders. Everything else forgotten with the warmth of his wife pressed against him, Drakken felt a rush as he turned around to hasten her intentions for the evening. She hummed in delight and slid down as his lips met hers powerfully and he knelt above her, the world forgotten.

"I think..." Shego said breathlessly, "we should continue this in bed."

Drakken chortled and made to get off of her, but as he turned his head he came face to face with the figurine of Santa Claus in the outrigger canoe, pulled by dolphins over the waves, the bearded man's painted eyes looking right back at his with mirth.

"Drakken? Drakken? Uh, getting into bed? Drakken?"

"I...I can't."

"What?" Shego said in annoyed confusion.

"I can't with...that thing looking at me."

Shego groaned. "Drakken..."

"And that...thing over there," he said and gestured to the decorated palm tree. "None of these things are Christmas."

"Dr. D...." Shego whined as Drakken sat up fully and moved to the other side of the bed.

"It's my favorite holiday, Shego. I don't mind enduring this...tropical exile, but can't we do it any other time of year?"

He cast a scowl at the tree in the corner once more before looking back to Shego, and he recoiled at the look on her face. She looked near to tears, but the anger in her eyes was fighting for dominance. He realized suddenly he might have gravely miscalculated, but Shego didn't give him a chance to reconsider his words.

She threw back the blankets on her side of the bed and crawled beneath the covers, turning out the light with so much force Drakken was surprised she didn't break the switch. He blinked at her form in the dark as she shifted around repeatedly to try to get comfortable, finally settling on her side.

"Tomorrow morning we're going surfing," was her only response through the dark, her voice muffled by the blankets.

Drakken watched the too-quick rise and fall of her shoulder as she breathed. After several moments of indecision, he finally sighed and crawled beneath the blankets himself. He would give her her tropical vacation... But forever after, Christmas would be done his way.

-----------------

A good night's sleep, thankfully, had helped with the start of a new day. Drakken still felt his favorite holiday was a loss for the year, but worse was the idea of an upset Shego for days or even longer. So he kept his mourning about Christmas to himself and instead greeted her that morning with his best smile as soon as he felt her shift in the beginnings of wakefulness.

Shego was surprised, blinking blearily up at him as he imposed above her, but her hands instinctively and sleepily gripped the fabric of at his shoulders.

"Merry Christmas Eve," Drakken said, before continuing the greeting with a kiss.

To his relief and joy, Shego responded, and from there they picked up where he'd forced them to leave off the night before.

Later, after the joint shower Shego insisted on—for time, was the excuse—and then a quick continental breakfast, they were back in their room with Shego hurrying him to dress for the surfing.

"Are you sure I won't need a wetsuit?" Drakken asked.

Shego's groaned reply told him he'd asked that question too many times since leaving the lair.

"The water is warm... And the waves aren't that choppy, even you should be able to handle them."

"Need I remind you that I have achieved many a death-defying stunt, a number of them at your side."

"And I'm not going to be babysitting you to make sure you don't drown or get eaten by sharks while you—"

Shego stopped short as Drakken held up his swim trunks in front of him with a smile.

"Where...did you get...those?" Shego asked slowly, her eyes wide and her expression incredulous.

"On ePier," Drakken said with a half-grin, admiring his one-of-a-kind Snowman Hank swim trunks.

"Wait...wait is that what you were freaking out over that one time?"

Drakken glanced away guiltily, and Shego continued.

"When you were going to spend half the funds for our new plan on something but I stopped you and you lost the bidding and had a tantrum?"

Drakken huffed as he changed into the swim attire. "Thanks to you I had to hack the website..."

"For...those?"

Drakken looked up to see her expression had changed from one of shock and annoyance to one of amusement.

"What?" he asked, his eyes narrowing.

"They're so...so..."

Drakken glanced down.

"Old fashioned," Shego finished with a choked sound, holding back laughter.

The swim trunks were shorter than the modern styles he'd seen in Shego's magazines, and the material was different as well. The design had Hank's face directly in the front, his red nose centered and handlebar mustache leading to where the shorts split in the middle for his legs. The rest of the design was a teal backdrop with falling snow. Truthfully, Drakken wished the beloved character hadn't been split in the design, but they were the only adult Snowman Hank swim trunks ever made.

"Probably for the best he never had the carrot nose."

"What?" Drakken said, looking up.

Shego blinked at him and then shook her head. "Never-mind... Don't forget sunscreen. We'll be more likely to burn when we're on the water."

Drakken checked that they had everything they would need in the large beach bag as Shego changed, distracted from his task by stealing several glances at her as she changed into a new suit—black and patterned over with teal tropical leaves and red and pink flowers, all of which set off her skin tone beautifully.

"Got everything?" Shego asked as she pushed her sunglasses onto her face.

"Mm-hm," Drakken said automatically, still staring as Shego slipped a wrap on over her suit and dropped a straw hat onto her head.

"Then let's go."

Drakken tried to focus on Shego's surfing instructions as they walked the halls, keeping his eyes on either her or the floor as to avoid seeing the abominable decor that was a sad mimic of his favorite holiday. Poinsettias were ruined for him forever, not that he had ever liked them much to begin with, and he was struggling not to now view Christmas trees and lights as mere commercial trappings as opposed to the joyful memory-inducing traditions he had grown up with and cherished all his life.

They exited the hotel and continued the short distance to the beach, where Drakken noted with mild interest a stage had been set up for a concert later, and there were a few tents and a massive blow-up snowman at least twenty-five feet high that he could only see the back of from that angle. Drakken tried not to cringe and hoped there wasn't too much more non-traditional holiday decor to distract him from trying to make Shego happy on her desired vacation.

They walked amid a crowd towards a surprising number of vendors' tents and where the surfboard rental was located. But when they arrived finally on the beach and could fully view everything, they both stopped short. Shego recoiled with a cringe of disgust, while Drakken's eyes widened and his face bloomed into a smile of unbridled joy.

The giant blow-up snowman was in fact...Snowman Hank. A quick glance around showed that many of the vendors were selling Snowman Hank merchandise, some of which was new that Drakken had never seen before, while another tent had a sign that clearly said "vintage." The banner above the stage read "Hank-a-palooza" and Drakken realized that a number of tourists were wearing Snowman Hank t-shirts, had Snowman Hank inflatables, and were carrying a variety of other merchandise. In the two nearest tents they saw small TVs playing the beloved movie.

"I..."

"Why...?"

Neither of the couple had a chance to further their thoughts, as a passing man suddenly noticed Drakken's swim trunks and approached him.

"Dude! Which tent did you get those at? The vintage shop said they haven't seen those in years!"

"I...bought them on ePier," Drakken answered haltingly.

"Aw man... I won a pair there once, but somehow after the bidding had closed someone else snuck in a higher one. Must have been last second."

Drakken swallowed and gave a nervous smile.

"Well, see you at the show tonight!"

"Wait," Shego interjected, and Drakken thought her voice sounded a bit hoarse, "what show tonight?"

"You mean you don't know?" the man answered incredulously. "It's Hank-a-palooza! Oh you're tourists, huh..."

Drakken nodded, looking past the man at a person in a Snowman Hank costume that must have been absurdly hot in the heat and humidity on the beach, standing next to a snow-cone stand and delivering the product to eager children.

"Yeah we do this every year, man! At first it was small, sort of a cult gathering thing according to everyone else around. But after the show stopped airing on Christmas Eve...it exploded! And it got even bigger once we got permission to air the show on local networks."

Drakken thought to the night before and Shego's hiding of the remote. He glanced at her, his brow raised in question. She hurriedly looked away and began fidgeting with her hair.

"Tonight the Rocky Mountain Boys are playing all the songs from the movie, and after the concert we'll have a midnight screening on the beach!"

Drakken felt a fresh bubble of joy rise up inside of him and he grabbed Shego's arm in glee as his feet began dancing in excitement.

"Like a drive-in?"

"Yeah, but just laid out on the beach man! Best of both worlds!"

"Ohhhh will they serve cocoa-moo and peanut butter stickies?"

"Dude," the man scoffed, "we can't watch Snowman Hank without his signature Christmas treats!"

"Ohhh goody! Shego! Christmas is saved after all!"

Shego pulled against Drakken's hold on her arm slightly, and though she wore sunglasses he could see the barely concealed grimace on her face. But her look couldn't burst his bubble of happiness as he considered that he'd still get to have one of his most important traditions, and in a bigger way than ever before. The only way it could be better is if they would be curled in front of a fireplace on a snowy evening.

"...Yeah," she finally said, drawing out the word. Drakken felt the first twinge of worry as she used her free hand to pry at his fingers on her arm. He released her then and stared at her hidden eyes in concern. "Right now we're going surfing, so," she turned a fake smile to the man who had joined them, "thank you so much!"

And with that, she grabbed Drakken's elbow and dragged him in the direction of the surf board rentals.

As they walked there were a number of comments and call-outs from passers-by about Drakken's vintage swim trunks, and he acknowledged them enthusiastically. But it seemed that Shego's grip became tighter each time. Drakken couldn't feel too concerned though at seeing more Snowman Hank decor and memorabilia than he'd ever dreamed. They passed tents with speakers playing his favorite songs, and it lifted him back into the holiday joy he had feared lost on the vacation. He felt hope for the first time that perhaps he could do both—give Shego the vacation she wanted, and still enjoy Christmas.

When they reached the surfboard rental stand, Shego finally let go of his arm.

"You didn't put on sunscreen yet, did you," she said with an edge, beginning to fumble in their bag.

"No... But, Shego! We can still enjoy Christmas!"

She turned toward him suddenly, lowering her sunglasses and revealing the fire in her eyes.

"We are not lying on the beach tonight and watching a singing snowman on a giant screen. I was trying to get away from all of that!"

Drakken recoiled, all of the warmth inside him fading to something chilled even as the sun continued to heat his skin.

"You...? You don't like Chri—"

"Come on, it's our turn," Shego cut him off and strode past him to the stand, her sunglasses hiding her eyes again.

-----------------

Throughout the day of surfing, hula lessons, and partaking of tropical meals including something disgusting called poi, Drakken found he missed the previous day when he had only been cringing over the island's defiling of his favorite holiday and mourning the loss of his favorite traditions for the year. Now it was worse, with the fear that Shego loathed his favorite holiday.

He had spent the day putting on a brave face, both to make Shego happy and also in hopes of bargaining for Snowman Hank that night. Some of the island activities had even been fun. He didn't know yet what she had planned for Christmas day, except the traditional exchange of gifts and a Luau for dinner in the evening. Since he had been going along with all of her whims, he didn't think the one night of watching his favorite movie was too much to ask for. He just needed the opportunity to bring it up. And perhaps find out why she didn't like Christmas, too.

The sun was already setting, it being winter, and the air was a little less humid. He suggested a walk along the beach, and Shego, who had been in good humor since their surfing that morning, readily agreed.

With clouds layered across the sky, the sun was well-hidden and shades of violet directly above morphed down into reds, pinks, and finally gold at the horizon. The light they walked in the slow-rolling surf was already fairly dim, and Drakken allowed himself to forget about his concerns as he simply enjoyed the feel of his wife's hand in his and her warmth at his side.

This feeling only grew when Shego drew near to him and set her head on his shoulder, her arm moving to wrap around his waist. He matched the gesture and was glad they had found a secluded area, hidden by trees and some volcanic rock as Shego stepped up on her toes to kiss him.

"Mmmh, sit with me," she said softly when their lips parted, and before Drakken knew it, she was drawing him down into the break of the waves on the sand. He didn't mind, as they had just finished another round of surfing until the light grew too dim, and he drew her close as she settled between his legs, knees drawn up to her chest in a position reminiscent of that at the airport the morning prior. He set his legs beside hers and wrapped his arms around her, and she nestled back against him.

Drakken took a deep breath.

"Shego?" he asked as a wave broke over their feet and dampened the bottom of their suits where they sat in the sand. "Why don't you like Christmas?"

Shego stiffened slightly in his embrace, but after a moment she relaxed. Her hair was draped back over Drakken's shoulder and it tickled his arm where the breeze blew it. She leaned back to glance up at him slightly, and then looked back out at the waves slowly rolling up the beach.

"It's not that I don't like it," she replied with a sigh. "It's more...I've had enough."

"Had enough?" Drakken pressed, unsure what she meant. They had never gone as overboard as he wanted to during villainy out of necessity. One year in fact he had even forgone almost everything for the sake of a world domination plan, so he wasn't sure how to interpret her words.

"Yeah. It's all too commercial. I'm not even sure why you enjoy..." Shego gestured idly as if to the array of decor he would have liked to put up, "all of it. And..." she said through a breath, "I'm not sure how to...how to do all those things, either."

Drakken furrowed his brow in thought. "Don't know how to do it?"

"You know how my family grew up. And then after the comet, everything was different... We didn't do these...big extravaganzas that you like. And I'm sorry Dr. D., but it all just feels fake anyway."

Drakken thought again, and as he was about to reply Shego drew another breath.

"The cheap little holiday things my family did were enough anyway. Christmas wasn't about all the lights and traditions, it was about...being with each other."

The last was nearly mumbled, and Drakken wondered what sad memories of the past she had drug up to be able to answer him honestly. He watched the slow roll of another wave across the sand as he held her closer, drawing a breath through his nose before giving his own response.

"That's a lot of why I enjoy the traditions."

"What?" Shego asked, looking up at him.

"Because they were things I used to...do with my family. With my mother. And...sometimes I think I remember putting strings of popcorn around a tree as my father held me up... But I might be imagining that."

Shego shifted a little to see him better, her eyes encouraging him to continue.

"I think it's...the memories everything carries," he concluded, meeting her eyes, his brow twisting upward as he hoped for her understanding. Shego met his gaze with wide eyes for a moment before she looked down with a grimace.

"You really wanna go to that thing tonight," she said with a scoff.

Drakken blinked, the hope falling to worry. "Please, Shego?"

He watched as her look gradually seemed to soften then, her eyes alive as they clearly raced over something she was processing. Finally, she turned to look up at him.

"Just this—"

"Oh, thank you Shego!" he said, giving her a squeeze and mushing her face against his jaw.

"Just this one thing, though," she finished, her voice a bit muffled.

Drakken nodded, her damp hair rubbing against his cheek. Things wouldn't be the same or the way his heart wanted, but at least he could still have Snowman Hank...and bigger and better than ever before.

-----------------

Shego leaned back on her sun lounger, watching Drakken. He was swaying in a line of other people, his arms around them and theirs around him as the final song of the concert was played from the stage and everyone sang along loudly with them. After that there would be a short break before the movie would begin, and Shego had taken the opportunity to get in line for hot chocolate and snacks before the rush, and so was already settled and waiting for the raucous event to end.

She glanced at Drakken occasionally in the minutes following the wild applause as he happily chatted with fellow fans of the cartoon snowman, but it wasn't too long before they all went back to their own groups, or joined the massive crowd now seeking refreshment. Shego was looking up at the lights strung between trees when she finally heard Drakken's feet running toward her.

"You're going to kick a bunch of sand up here!" she protested, sitting up quickly in the dark.

"Shego! If we don't hurry they'll run out of—"

Shego's holding up of the cups of hot chocolate stopped him, and she watched him study the beverages in her hands and then the plate of peanut butter stickies on the blanket next to her, along with some other treats she had procured that she would enjoy.

"Is that mango?" Drakken asked as he sat down in his own chair and settled in across from her.

"Yes," she said, handing him his cup.

"That's not really in the spirit of the season," Drakken protested mildly.

Shego gave him a look. "In case you forgot, I'm not really in the spirit of the season."

Drakken's face fell slightly, and Shego mentally kicked herself. She thought back over the day, and how he had gone along with everything she wanted to do without complaint.

It was true she didn't like cartoons. Especially ones with singing animals and anthropomorphized objects. It was an interest she simply couldn't share with Drakken. And she had been rather bothered herself by the non-traditional decor, both for the fact that she had been trying to escape commercial trappings, and also that everything she considered 'Christmas' had a strange different spin to it that made her feel even more out of place.

All she had wanted for the holiday was the beach, and him.

"Tomorrow night is your Luau," Drakken said, breaking through her thoughts. His voice was slightly unsteady. "I'm curious about this cooking a pig underground... But I don't want to try poi again."

Drakken grimaced at the thought apparently as he picked up a peanut butter sticky and took a bite. His face cleared then as he smiled, but Shego still saw hints of worry creasing his forehead. She thought again to everything he had done for her that day, to give her the Christmas she had wanted.

"But first, we have the morning," she said carefully, drawing his attention. "We can have room service bring us...whatever we want for breakfast, and I have some gifts to put under the tree for you. Even if it is the wrong kind of tree."

Shego watched as Drakken hesitated to respond, his eyes revealing his uncertainty over her gesture.

"It would be nice if it were a morning like this one was, too," she said, standing up suddenly to squeeze into his chair next to him.

Drakken's face flushed, and he only responded by looking at her curiously as he swallowed down the treat with a drink of hot chocolate.

Shego let her gaze fall for a moment. "Sorry...if I ruined your Christmas."

Drakken set his cup down and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to lay across his chest.

"You didn't," he said with a warm smile.

Shego could taste the chocolate on his lips when he kissed her, and the warmth that bloomed in her chest was not from the hot beverage they had partaken in. She wanted to take the moment further, but Drakken broke away suddenly and she watched his eyes lift and his face brighten with joy.

"It's starting!" he said with glee, giving her a squeeze. Every hint of disappointment or uncertainty was gone from his face as he looked at the large, colorful titles being projected across the giant screen strung up between palm trees. Shego couldn't help herself but to chuckle. She had chosen this man, after all.

"Oh, Shego, could you hand me my cocoa-moo?"

Shego reached down to the blanket and carefully passed him his beverage and then moved the plate of snacks to rest on his thigh where they could both reach them. She took a sip of her own drink before nestling down against his shoulder, the strains of the song that was becoming familiar finally registering in her ears.

"'It's not the turkey and the stuffing, nor the gifts around the tree,'" Drakken began quoting along with the opening theme. "'It's a warm and fuzzy feeling, that begins with you...?'"

He stopped and looked down to Shego, his brow raised. The dialogue of the movie had continued on—something about putting away petty problems—as he stared into her eyes with nothing but love. She felt the warmth in her chest again and returned his look as she leaned up to kiss him, her lips brushing his as she completed the spoken lyric.

"'And me.'"

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selkiewife · 3 years

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For the commentary track meme!

Theon continues to carry Ice to executions as ten name days turn into eleven and then twelve. It is a great honor to squire for the Lord of Winterfell and Theon wants to make him proud. The others think it is an undeserved honor for the dirty Ironborn hostage ward. But he will show them that an Ironborn is as honorable as any Stark. He will smile like Dagmer to show them he is unafraid.

Mikken, the blacksmith, has told him that the Ice is forged from Valyrian steel, but it still feels as heavy as ordinary steel to Theon. Heavier, in truth. And as he trails behind the cold imposing form of Lord Stark on execution days, he wonders:

Who will carry Ice for him to his execution?

Mayhaps Robb? If he’s old enough… He hopes it won’t be Snow.

Will he have to carry it himself? Carry the sword to his own execution? That seems exceptionally cruel though, and Lord Stark is not an unkind man. He has even praised his skill with the bow and given him the rare smile once or twice.

Mayhaps he can persuade Lord Stark to drown him in the black pool in the Godswood instead of beheading him? The pool is freshwater, not salt. But it still might allow him to enter the Drowned God’s halls. Lord Stark already uses that pool to clean Ice, Theon has often spied him doing so after an execution. If Lord Stark drowns him, there will be no blood for him to clean from his sword or his hands.

The Greenlanders think that drowning is barbaric but the Ironborn know better. Drowning is horrible at first, but after a time, the waters calm and carry you as if you were safe inside your mother’s womb. And then you see your loved ones, calling you to the Drowned God’s halls, calling you home.

He resolves to ask Lord Stark to execute him by drowning if his father rebels again. Yet the words never seem to rise to his lips. Nor do his other questions for Lord Stark.

Questions like, what is the best way to place your head onto the block?

He notices that some men face the block head on, with their chins flush against the wood, so that the sword strikes the center of the back of their necks. But some turn their head to the side, with their ear against the block, so that the sword meets the side of the neck first. Why? Which is better? Many times he tries to ask Lord Stark, but the words won’t come.

One night he notices the stool in his room is shaped similar to the blocks used at the executions. He drops to his knees and pulls the stool toward him with trembling hands. But which way should he place his head? He tries both ways. First with his chin resting against the top of the stool. Then with his cheek resting against it. He reckons it is more comfortable the second way. He could almost pretend that he was drifting off to sleep.

@team-mom-wannabe asked about Don’t Lose Your Head from this meme

Ahhhh! Thank you so so much for sending this in!

Okay so this section (and really this whole fic lol) was the perfect unholy marriage between my angst about Theon having to grow up fearing that he may be executed at any point, and my own obsessive thoughts about death- and weirdly enough, death by beheading. (The rest is under the cut since it got long)

And I feel like I should tag @julie-slamdrews in this because she can attest to my obsession about beheadings lol. Ever since I was a child, executions like burning at the stake or beheadings fascinated and horrified me- so much that I would become fixated on them in an unhealthy way. And I dealt with this by acting out executions with my neighbor. So we would play, “Burned at the Stake” or “Guillotine.”

But getting back to Theon, this whole section of him carrying the sword and wanting to do a good job and make Ned proud vs. having these intrusive, obsessive thoughts about his own future execution was born out of my deep frustration that a lot of people still say that Theon was “adopted” by Ned. And I’ve said this before and I know I’lll have to say it again. But adoption should never end in decapitation. Seriously, what adoption do you know that would end in the adoptive parents killing their adopted kid if the birth parents did something wrong. Like???????????

And now look, I am not saying that Theon did not develop familial feelings with the Starks and they with him in some cases (such as Robb.) That is called just being human and trying to find humanity in a fucked up situation. But it doesn’t negate that it was a horrible situation for him to be in. And fearing death- fearing that your parents will not care enough about you to keep you safe (by not rebelling) or that the people you are growing up with would put you to death... That is a fucked up situation that is going to do a number on anyone.

And I know people say, “Well, that was just how it was back then, in medieval inspired Westeros.” And yeah that’s true. And with this section, I am kind of leaning into that idea. The normalization of fucked up things. In fact, Theon has normalized his situation to the extent that he is wondering about how to bring his concerns about his possible execution up to Ned in the most casual way possible.

I also wanted to show that it is completely possible that Ned made Theon carry the sword to make him feel special and to give him a special job. Which is heartbreaking in its own way. But, again, even though his intentions might have been good, it is still fucked up and it definitely fucked Theon up, whether he meant to or not.

The section where Theon wants to be drowned instead of beheaded is there to show that Theon really does come from a completely different culture than the north but also that he is already beginning to romanticize the culture he has been taken from. And also, Theon is already sort of trying to combine both cultures by desiring to be drowned in the Godswood pool. And then, this section also just shows Theon’s chaotic nature- that he truly believes Ned might think it’s a “win, win” to drown Theon since it would save him the messy clean up lol. I also personally could never imagine Ned drowning anyone lmao.

But there is a part of Theon that feels like he can’t actually ask theses questions. Partly because of how distant and stern Ned is and partly because Theon doesn’t really want to face this possibility himself- which is why Theon eventually turns to denial in order to not have to deal with these fears.

The part where Theon is wondering what is the best way to place his head on the block: This part comes directly from watching the Tudors and experiencing my brain melt over the fact that there were two ways beheadings happened on that show THAT WERE NOT EVER EXPLAINED lol.

After watching that show, I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out why some people held their head forward and some leaned their heads to the side to be executed. I was never able to find a good explanation, but a friend of mine mentioned that if you lay your head down so that the axe meets the side of your neck first, that would likely be an easier slice. I did notice that people were beheaded almost exclusively with the neck to the side in the later episodes of the Tudors. So maybe this was suppose to give a nod to the fact that the executioners of Tudor England eventually realized that this was a cleaner execution. This idea is also supported by the fact that the French swordsman wanted Anne Boleyn to be distracted so that she turned her head the right way for the cleanest cut. However, I never really found out if the way you hold your head on the block really matters. Theon didn’t really either though, since he couldn’t bring himself to ask so... it worked out lol.

The thing about Theon “rehearsing” his death was inspired by Catherine Howard who asked for the block to be brought to her cell the night before her execution so that she may know how to place herself upon it. But I also thought that would be such an incredibly Theon thing to do- to rehearse for his death and make sure everything was just so- so that people would say, “the lad died well,” afterwards. 💔

Thank you so so much for this ask! It was fun to try to explain what the hell I was thinking while writing this fic lol.

#theon greyjoy #theon fic #asoiaf fic #asoiaf #my fic #ask answered #team-mom-wannabe #tw decapitation #tw death #tw obsessive thoughts of death

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